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palmett-hoes · 4 years

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since the first step in achieving your goals is to state them aloud, here's a list of aftg fics/ au s that i'd like to write some day

- pre-canon fic from aaron's perspective spanning the twins' first meeting till they're drafted by the foxes and graduate high school. i'm increasingly enamored with aaron as a character as well as with an outside perspective of andrew's actions and i think it would be very interesting to look at the foundation on which their fraught relationship is built and first developed

- even more pre-canon fic. andrew's early life in foster care. yes, we all know about the most... gruesome things that were done to him, but i believe that there is plenty more that has affected and shaped him, especially in relation to my interpretation of andrew as an autistic poc. this would not be a happy fic.

- anastasia au. neil as anya, andrew as dimitri. possibly a plot amalgamation from both the animated movie and the stage show, with changes as i see fit. (no, neil is not the prince of russia). what i find most compelling about this au is the story of neil and andrew as childhood friends and then the angst of having andrew, as an adult, teaching an amnesiac neil how to act like a noble while being convinced that neil is an imposter. good shit

- art school/dance club au. the foxes attend the palmetto school of art at prestigious edgar allen university. they're considered the school's charity cases, and they are NOT friends. andrew is a studio arts major with a concentration in sculpture who works in the campus coffee shop in the mornings and frequents night clubs that employ pretty boys in the evenings. neil is attending college completely on his father's dime, PROVIDED he study what his father wants, despite his desire to study dance and music. going crazy without an outlet, neil takes a secret job as a go-go dancer. look. this may slightly possibly be a result of me having planned to party hardy this summer, then having my plans ruined by the virus :c

- 1950s High School au. the 1950s aesthetics fucking rock even though the 1950s fucking sucked. kinda wanna tackle both. plus, andrew already has that james dean bad boy fast car appeal

- an exploration of mary and nathan's relationship and history. i get that neil's parents are both super taboo and both really really awful people, but i have questions and i want to answer them

- neil never returns from baltimore. in order to keep his deals, permanently, andrew kills riko and tetsugi, and gets over 20 years in prison. when he gets out, he just wants to be alone, but it seems there's a ghost haunting him. this was conceived for MAXIMUM angst, no getting around it. i got the idea from a badacts fic and it has haunted me ever since

- post-canon sexuality exploration fic. i have a real passion for quality sex education and healthy experimentation, and neil very clearly didn't get the chance for either. yet at the end of the books he finds himself in a very intense sexual relationship. i just really want to give him the opportunity to find out how desire works for him and what he likes, on his own terms. i read a lot of fics where neil's desires seem to be completely dependent on andrew's initiaton, and while i do believe that andrew is the only person neil is attracted to and will ever be attracted to, i also want to explore how his sexuality manifests on its own. the vibe i'm going for is, uh, HornySweet (tm), but also with a lot of genuine eductional material. i want this is to be something that offers real information to its readers that may have been inaccessible for a lot of people, on topics like like sexual hygiene, maturbation, and sex toys in a non-fetishy way. this will be very very E rated, but like,, in a very earnest and goofy way because sex and sexuality is neat and cool but it's also not all serious perfect fucking. it's just,, a topic that deserves to be DISCUSSED

- mobster au. andrew, having never met aaron, takes a job for the moriyamas to track down a runaway asset. Neil. upon completion, they make andrew the butcher's apprentice, and pull neil back into the fold as a commodity rather than a person. lots of violence, lots of shady underground dealings, lots of plotting, lots of secrets.

i'm gonna put some more under the cut, ones that i don't feel as strong a drive towards right now or that i haven't thought as much about. if you (yes, YOU) like any of these, or are interested in any of these, or wanna hear more about any of these, or are even inspired to write something yourself by any of these please, PLEASE, say something in the notes, or send me a message, or an ask or anything. ANYTHING. i am stuck inside, all the time, and i am so, so lonely. i answer from hoob-gooblin

- princess bride au. come ON. princess bride is one of the most romantic AND most snarky movies of all time, and andreil literally invented love and devotion sooooooo it's a perfect match. "yes or no" vs "as you wish" kings of consent and communication and unconventional love declarations. also,, he may not be how I imagine andrew, but a young cary elwes in dramatic black pirate getup is DEFINITELY a valid andrew

- hozier au. sometimes,, i listen to an album, and imagine a fic that encompases the whole thing. nothing speaks louder to me than hozier's discography. (also, yes, i am gay). maybe a little bit inside llewyn davis. neil wanders through a small town and takes up some small jobs, but sings his heart out through twisted metaphors once a week in a hole in the wall bar staffed by a very short, dead eyed veteran

- prince and the pauper au. on a stealth recon mission in enemy territory, andrew encounters a local lord who happens to have his face. in a moment of desperation to save himself from arrest, andrew knocks the lord out and assumes his identity. he returns to the castle just in time for prince moriyama to arrive with a shifty-eyed, red-headed handservant in tow. lord aaron of columbia, meanwhile, wakes up on a ship manned by crown traitor and fugitive kevin day, calling him by a name he's never heard before, and then he's in the hands of the guerilla rebel forces that have been attacking the kingdom. i watched barbie princess and the pauper as a child and that movie fucking slaps

- little mermaid/beauty and the beast/bride of the rose beast/ladyhawke au. in a last ditch attempt to escape his father, neil trades his voice and his tail for legs and washes ashore on a small kingdom with horrible secrets. because he cannot speak, read or write, prince aaron employs neil to serve the monster in the catacombs, the prince's twin brother. the twins are under a curse that turns them into terrifying monsters, andrew by day and aaron by night. aaron's affliction is a secret, as is andrew's humanity. this is such a hodgepodge idea lol. did neil also have to be a mermaid for this to work? no. is he? hell yeah

- new york private school/twin swap au. aaron wins a scholarship to a prestigious school that will guarantee him a future, but then he relapses. convinced he just needs a little more time to get clean, he makes a deal with his volatile new brother, andrew, to stand in for him at the school just until he can his shit together. neil and ichirou moriyama have been raised together their entire lives, always under the knowledge that ichirou will inherit the family empire with nathaniel as his right hand. they hate the idea, but they have no way to escape, and now neil is being harassed by ichirou's bitchass estranged brother at their stupid, fancy private school. LISTEN, we as a fandom do NOT take enough advantage of the twin swap possibilities presented to us. pathetic

- post-canon fic where ichirou, realizing that the life of a mob boss is a lonely one, decides that he needs... a friend. however, because of the nature of his work, he can't just make friends with anyone, so he decides to make friends with neil. without consulting neil first. cue a lot of very weird, very awkward coffee dates where neil is convinced he's about to be disposed of, and ichirou just wants to know about his cats. the thing i like about ichirou is he’s a complete blank slate. i can make him a good guy, a bad guy, an ally, the Big Bad

- Kill Bill au. mary survives a bullet to the head and wakes up from a coma over a year later. with nothing left to lose, she sets out to single-handedly dismantle the wesninski circle. good thing she used to be its top assassin

- single dad andrew au. except look, look, stay with me here, okay, aaron is his son, and he's adopted nicky and kevin. LISTEN. STAY WITH ME. JUST THINK ABOUT IT. tbh the idea comes from my interpretation of the andrew/neil/kevin dynamic as distincly parental, then extending that interpretation to andrew's protection over the rest of his family.

- fashion au. andrew is a fashion designer and photographer who frequently works with allison reynolds. one day she brings around a short, twitchy assistant who looks like she just plucked him out of an alley. somehow, he becomes andrew's muse. i watch a lot of fashion competition shows

- ghibli. either howl's moving castle (andrew as sophie, neil as howl) or spirited away (?). maybe both idk

- legally blonde au. legally blonde is so good guys

#aftg #fic #fic ideas #aftg fic #the foxes #neil josten #andrew minyard #andreil

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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

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[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 47

Last time: Winry interrupted Ed’s Sandwich Time, Pride told Al to take a nap, and Bradley got Operation Valkyrie’d. Onwards!

Narrator’s saying how Al was captured by the Goths on Promised Day Eve, and now he’s floating in the Whitespace. Probably not a good sign. A voice (Truth?) tells him to wake up- [Pride]: “It’s too soon for you to die. We aren’t done with you yet. There’s still so much work we have in store for you.” Well. This is going to be a cheerful episode, isn’t it? Episode 47 - “Emissary of Darkness” Way outside of Central there’s a ramshackle village, a bunch of people in rough clothes working the land. Wait why are you asking what the town is called Ed, are you lost? Central is like, clearly visible over the trees. Never mind then, guess this is where Beard’s been hanging out instead of Uncle’s stomping grounds. Sorry dude, but your lunch is getting interrupted by your estranged son and his- I mean, Greedling’s crew. So last time they saw each other it was over Mama Elric’s gravestone while Absentee Anime Father chided Ed for burning down the house. How’s this conversation going to OH SHIT [Beard]: “Edward, I didn’t thi-”

So Beard goes flying from, let’s be honest, a well-deserved punch. I mean we know that he’s on the side of the good guys now, but still. Absentee Anime Father has some explaining to do. Beard’s meeting his son’s new friends ([Lion/Gorilla]: “Ha, no.”), quickly identifies Greedling’s Goth nature and whoosh the Shiny Glasses are back. Eh, this is Beard we’re dealing with after all, guy can’t just give backstory without pulling up his Mysterious Shields. Later that night Beard’s finished storytime, Lion and Gorilla are sitting in shocked silence while Ed struggles with- oooh yeah. He’s spent a large chunk of his life searching for a Philosopher’s Stone to repair his and Al’s bodies, and now learning that he was raised by a “living stone”? Hell, conceived by it. Then Beard offers himself to restore his son’s bodies wat. Oh Leto thank you Ed, the young man’s yelling about how he’s not going to sacrifice innocent souls to fix something that’s their own fault. Beard’s proud to hear his son feels that way. Right, now that everyone’s caught up on the past, what’s going to happen in the future? Apparently there will be a solar eclipse tomorrow that Uncle’s going to “harness for his scheme”. What, is he going to overthrow the Fire Nation? Beard says he needs Ed’s help- [Ed]: “Help you?! Now look here, I’m gonna stop that bearded bastard, but I’m not doing it because you want me to help you! Our best chance at beating this guy is to team up, and that’s the only reason I’m even talking to you right now!” Yeesh. So Ed’s still harboring a lot of ill will towards Beard, storms off after that diatribe as the rest of Greedling’s crew heads off. Except Ed pauses oh yeah Granny asked him to pass on a message, Mama Elric’s final words: [Mama Elric]: “Sorry I couldn’t keep my promise… but I’m dying first.” Argh. And when Ed spins around to keep yelling at Beard, he sees the living Philosopher's Stone staring up at the night sky, crying. Out in the ramshackle village, Ed and the Chimeras are eating while the two men try talking him into giving Beard a chance, maybe ask why he took the Absentee Anime Father route. Ed’s still awfully bitter though, not helped by Greedling jumping into the conversation, pointing out the irony of Ed’s father being his early Quest Item. Ed says there’s more to it than that. Back at the campfire Beard’s thinking about the family picture, when Mama Elric was talking about how someday she’d grow old, that she’d be right there when he left for his Mysterious Mission. But we know how that all turned out. And it has to be said, he’s probably thinking about how he’s one of the most powerful beings in the setting. Maybe he could have healed her illness if he had stayed home? Yes at the cost of using his Philosopher’s Stone blood, but it’s still there. For now, Beard sits talking about how she stayed with him, how he wasn’t there beside- wait. [Beard]: “Tomorrow, ‘Trisha…” DEATH FLAGS WAVE WILDLY Like holy crap, the dude’s sitting by a campfire on his own the night before a big mission, looking at a photo of his dead wife and talking about how he wasn’t around. That’s… wow. Calling it now, Beard’s going to bite it. Taking all bets, I’ll bet Tephi a new book of her choice that Papa Elric will be gone inside of five episodes. The Dramatic String Music is starting up. Ed’s getting red cloth aw buddy why are you going back to your old red cloak? I liked the white outfit, you could have pulled off a good Gandalf.

See, Lion and Greedling agree with me, the Goth of Avarice even calls it flashy. But no, Ed’s all “this may be our final battle”, so he wants to do it in what he considers ‘style’. Fine, just promise no cars this time around. The Greedling Crew’s leaving? What about Beard, the Living Philosopher’s Stone you’re supposed to work with? Ed’s saying that the others can bail if they want ([Greedling]:”Hey now, I’m the boss!”). If they’re after restoring their bodies- [Gorilla]: “These bodies do have their perks. To be honest I really don’t mind staying like this.” [Greedling]: “Hahaha! Yeah, now that’s the spirit!” YES. THANK YOU. So anyway, the Chimeras are all “we’ve got nothing better to do, might as well help save the world” and Greedling’s… not telling Ed why he wants to go back to Central? Eh whatever, after his tiff with Bradley I don’t think he’s going to try and team up with the other Goths again. Wouldn’t put it past him to try and claim the title of Fuhrer in the chaos though. But even if he tries pulling that I think Ling would protest, and he’d have to deal with Roy Mustang (aka the guy who killed Lust) and Armstrong the Great. So yeah, I don’t see that happening. Lion pauses in the road, Ed looks around to see the holdup- Al! Did you get away from… oh no. No glowing red eyes? Walking out a dark, shadowy forest? Seen captured by the Goths and “worked on” by Pride? And yup Ed’s questioning how Al’s here when he was over with Sideburns in the East, and Greedling starts freaking out. Totally-Not-Possessed-Al ever so calmly says he needs to talk with Ed while the Creepy Strings start up, turns towards the forest- Ling yells at Ed to back up. Let me say that again, Ling yells at Ed to get away from the armor. Greed why are you trying to keep Ling from warning Ed? Crap shadows leaking from the armor and SHADOW SPIKES EVERYWHERE, Greedling and the Chimeras just barely dodge before they retract back to the armor, which slowly turns around to face the shocked Crew and then grows way too many eyes. We’ve seen Pride massacre Muggles in the tunnels, hold Riza hostage, chase after Uncle’s counterpart. Now we’ll see him actually fight. Mid-ep pictures of a grumpy Greed and a very unimpressed Grumman. Whaaaa? The Fuhrer’s remains haven’t turned up yet? Why wherever could they HE’S ALIVE DAMNIT. Oh hey General Grumman continues to be competent, he’s personally overseeing the search since he “won’t be able to comfortably sleep at night ‘til I see his corpse with my own eyes”. You go, trope-savvy General. But wait, what about leading the Eastern/Northern forces to Central? Uh. Hmmm. Well. Seems that General Grumman’s conniving extends to his “allies” as well. He just “has” to stay and oversee the search for the Fuhrer, meaning his troops are stuck with him. If Roy and Armstrong the Great make their move now, Bradley’s still-intact leadership (along with Uncle) will capture them. Then Grumman can step in to fill the power gap. [Grumman]: “They’ll take the fall as enemies of the state, while General Grumman will heroically come riding in on a white horse. I’ll let the youngsters dive head-first into danger and do all the dirty work. And then I’ll take my rightful place as leader of this country without any risk.” Holy shit. So Grumman is actually a conniving old schemer who plans to use the good guys to make his own power play. Not quite as bad as Raven, but damnit man I liked you. Thankfully Sideburns suspects Grumman’s motive and is withholding his trust. Back to Greedling’s Crew and Armored!Pride. Greedling confirms that it’s his “oldest brother” piloting the armor now, Pride shows off Al’s sigil. So now Ed has to fight his unconscious brother, and hold his punches so he doesn’t disrupt the sigil. This isn’t going to be easy. But at least he has backup- [Gorilla, hiding behind a tree with Lion]: “Our animal instincts are telling us to stay the hell away from that thing.” [Lion]: “It’d probably be smart for you to run too!” Well, this is the First Goth. It’s not really fair for me to expect them to fight it, even Toad and Boar kept to the sides against Envy. But Ed can still fight, and since he’s a Sacrifice then Pride can’t land any killing blows. Unfortunately Pride knows that, and that people can survive without all of their limbs… Pride’s just standing there as shadow blades strike all around the dodging Ed, who’s talking about keeping the Goth away from the slums. He Earthbends up a wall but Pride just smashes right through it and YIKES thank goodness Ling had his Ultimate Shield or he’d be dead, but Pride just latches on to his limbs and tells Ed to stand down or he’ll hurt Ling and the villagers. But Ed’s smiling? [Ed]: “I think it’s about time I start winning some of these fights for a change!” He transmutes the ground wait there are sparks heading straight toward the village OH! Well, it kinda sucks in the long-term that Ed shorted out their electric grid, but for the short term? No bright lights means… well it would mean no shadows if it wasn’t for the moon and stars. Or not? Apparently the moonlight is so weak that there aren’t any shadows near the forest anymore, all of Pride’s limbs vanish. Ed and Greedling exposit that they can’t see anything in the darkness, but Pride can’t cast without the strong light-source. What’s this about Pride’s shadow? Oh, so he’s controlling the armor by touching the armor’s shadow! Meaning that Pride’s just inside the tree-line, and Al’s armor is free from his influence. Quick, grab it! Oooh, but this means that our heroes are going to have to fight, maybe even kill an apparent child. Yeesh. Anyways, apparently the sky is “completely overcast” so that resolves the moon/star issue nicely. For now, Pride waits- Lion! Haha, looks like their noses are all better after Ed’s chemistry lesson. Holy Leto Lion is just unloading on Pride, the Goth chides him for attacking a child but Lion yells that he knows full well what Pride actually is, along with his animal instincts that are blaring “WRONG WRONG KILL IT BEFORE IT KILLS YOU”. Outside the trees Ed and Gorilla meet up, the chimera says they need to book it. But what about Al? He should be free from Pride’s control now, without shadows to manipulate it should be safe to grab the armor and run. But Gorilla urges caution. Moving along the trees they run into Greedling who’s wondering how they tracked him down LOOK OUT GLUTTONY! So just as Lion’s using his superhuman smell and sight to hunt down Pride, Gluttony’s been used for his enhanced sense of smell to track down Greedling. Who tells Gorilla to start fighting? Dude this is Gluttony, if anything you’re the best equipped to fight him seeing how Ling took the first edition down way back when. Except yeah Greedling doesn’t have the sight or smell to fight in the dark. Fight well, Gorilla! Holy Leto he’s actually fighting well, Gluttony’s getting tossed around- [Gorilla]: “Now for the final blow!” *WHAM* [Ed]: “Why, Mister Gorilla? Weren’t we sticking close to avoid attacking each other?” Ah. Never mind then. Greedling’s thinking over how Gluttony’s got the upper hand in the dark, and they’re all screwed when the lights come back on for Pride. Except ha! Like I said, Ling’s the best counter for Gluttony as he can sense the Goth and beat him once before. Let him CRAP Ling just lost an arm oh right Goth so he could regrow his limb (sorry, souls that got used up for that fix). Wait can Ling access the Ultimate Shield? Let’s come back to that, thankfully doesn’t need it right now as Ling’s fancy Xing martial arts are knocking Gluttony down. Greed even compliments him, impressive. But now Gluttony’s mad, and oh yeah he can do that whole pseudo Gate of Truth thing. Look out for the Eraser Gun! And now Ed’s the one who can’t see the danger, Ling and Gorilla can only talk ominously about “something bad coming”- Flash of someone running by? Beard finally catch up with the group and die heroically? Wait. Wait wait WAIT. Flashes of a speedy figure, metal blades that slice through Gluttony- EASTERN MUSIC STARTING UP OH LETO PLEASE TELL ME FUCK. YES. [Ling]: “I’m glad to see you’re ok. I was wondering when you’d find me, Lan-Fan.” The ninjas are back, baby! With a badass upgrade!

#wmtw #where my twin watches #full metal alchemist #full metal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #fmab 47 #ranubis

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hotforsarek · 5 years

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So, I got my hands on some old TOS paperbacks and am slowly making my way through them. I most recently read The Vulcan Academy Murders by Jean Lorrah and oh boy, I did not enjoy it. Since this book enjoys quite a bit of good will amongst the fandom I felt compelled to write a review to spell out exactly why I hated it so much. I originally posted this review on my goodreads, which you are more than welcome to follow or friend me on to track my progress/reviews on other Star Trek novels (as well as my regular reading, of course.) I thought I’d cross post it to my Star Trek blog, because... well... it’s my Star Trek blog. Anyway, feel free to let me know your thoughts, review is below the cut. :^)

Jean Lorrah’s Original Series novel The Vulcan Academy Murders promises a murder mystery, a family drama and a nuanced exploration of Vulcan society and culture, but fails to deliver on all fronts.

Kirk et al. land on Vulcan to seek out an experimental medical treatment for a wounded Ensign in critical condition. Spock’s mother Amanda also happens to be undergoing the same treatment and Kirk is quickly drawn into the complex web of Spock’s familial drama. Soon enough, patients start dying – the cause is written down to a catastrophic equipment failure, but Kirk suspects foul-play. With no official law-enforcement body on the virtually crimeless Vulcan, Kirk must take the investigation into his own hands and until the killer is caught, Amanda’s life is imperilled.

As other reviewers have said, the mystery itself is laughable. I was able to correctly guess the murderer and their motive within the first 20 pages. The remaining 250 pages are insulting not only to the reader but also to the characters, who are meant to represent Starfleet and The Vulcan Academy’s best and brightest and yet are too dense to figure out who the obvious culprit is. Kirk’s investigation is so inept, it’s almost embarrassing. “You work on the ‘how,’” he orders Spock and Sarek, “and I’ll work on the ‘who.’” This apparently absolves him of the need to collect forensic evidence, establish a timeline, chase up suspect’s alibis, or do any work at all really, except speculate wildly and make accusations based on nothing but his own personal grudges.

Given Kirk’s enthusiasm in playing parts in episodes such as A Piece of the Action, it seems a real missed opportunity to not have him lean in fully into the Private Eye role – I probably could have forgiven the weakly-constructed mystery had Lorrah thought to throw in a couple of pulpy Noir-isms. Philip Marlowe seems like the kind of figure that Kirk would admire – street smart, can hold his own in a fight, but still appreciates chess and poetry. And can’t you just imagine a Captain’s Log told in the style of a hardboiled detective monologue? Alas, despite the boast on the cover (Captain Kirk becomes an interplanetary homicide detective!) it feels all very half-hearted and in name only.

The family drama portion of the book has two components, the first being the relationship between Sarek and Spock after their 18 year-long estrangement. There are a few scenes where Sarek regretfully reflects on Spock’s upbringing and his many failings as a father. Throughout the book he endeavours in earnest to make amends and eventually comes to accept his son without judgement or pity, but pride. These scenes are genuinely very affecting and unfortunately far too few – Sarek and Spock’s reconciliation is eclipsed by the second family drama aspect of the book, the romance between the two original characters, Corrigan and T’Mir.

I’m surprised and a little concerned to read so many positive reactions to Corrigan and T’Mir’s relationship because to me it came off as utterly repulsive. One is a 73 year old human man, the other a Vulcan girl who has just reached “sexual maturity.” (Yuck) If that’s not bad enough, T’Mir is the daughter of Corrigan’s colleague and close friend, and he has apparently being lusting after her since her childhood! T’Mir says: “I have known since childhood why you turned down every opportunity for marriage: you were waiting for me to grow up.” It comes across less as May-December romance and far more as “creepy incestuous uncle.” I kept hoping that my initial prediction at the killer’s true identity was wrong, that perhaps T’Mir would turn out to be a femme fatale seducing this love-starved old man for some nefarious purpose but no! Truly stomach-turning stuff.

Corrigan and T’Mir’s relationship also serves as a window into the politics of Vulcan courtship and bonding, and more critically, the “Vulcan” understanding of gender and sexuality. I write “Vulcan” in quotations, because the views depicted are quite transparently the author’s own personal beliefs that read as bizarrely out of place in this futuristic alien society. Lorrah’s repeated comments about the inherent and immutable differences between men and women are exhausting, especially because they are almost always used to the effect of “Women, am I right guys?” Sarek comments archly to Spock: “The differences your mother and I rejoice in have much more to do with being male and female than with being Vulcan and human.” Women: they’re practically another species! Moreover, Lorrah’s worship of the perfect, inviolate sanctity of the heterosexual union is, frankly, nauseating. The bonding between Corrigan and T’Mir is described as a meeting between “the exquisite awareness of male and female, opposites drawn to one another deeply and strongly in the eternal plan of nature.” If I rolled my eyes any harder I’d be looking at my own grey matter.

I want to make it clear that I’m not particularly oversensitive towards this sort of thing. My tolerance for heterosexual bullshit is actually pretty high - but sentences like this happened every other page! I was constantly being battered with it. It almost felt like Lorrah was shoving her heterosexuality down my throat. (Ha!)

My personal objections to gender essentialism and heterosexism aside, it’s lazy, uninspired, and just plain bad writing. I outright reject the notion that extra-terrestrials some hundreds of years in the future would uncritically subscribe to notions of gender and sexuality that were outdated and regressive on Earth even at the time of this book’s publication. Within the context of Vulcan, it makes zero sense. Surely a culture in which “Infinite diversity in infinite combinations” is a central philosophy would be able to conceive of innumerable gender expressions and sexual orientations?

TL;DR: this book is yucky, don’t read it.

#star trek #star trek tos #the vulcan academy murders

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maiji · 6 years

Photo

Process and wip images for A House That Holds Long Limbs (Part 8)

Previous process and wip documentation: Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Parts 6 and 7

Read the pages here: Part 8 (full complete version will be linked from YYH North Bound master post)

I personally love exploring character dynamics and character interaction! It's definitely what I tend to focus on in comics and stories. Plus you get to draw lots of closeups of people's faces and have a lot of fun with expressions. And that's what Part 8 is full of.

IN THIS EDITION, after the usual script and thumbnails, I'll take a bit of time to talk about expressions and characterization (my thoughts on Raizen and Hokushin specifically, but also some general thoughts on how I approach writing characters and character interactions). More details of some of the panels from part 8 so you can see the faces better!

Script and thumbnails

(If you look closely at the top of pg 2, you can see the page behind was where I started drawing my random dream sequence hahahah)

It’s always kind of funny to look back at the script and see my rushed typing (or texting on my phone, since I’m often doing this on mobile...) - odd typos and dangling/incomplete thoughts like ”my blodd” (lol).

Part 8 was one of the first sequences conceived in the development of this story. As a result, the script and the thumbnails both line up very closely to the final, because I’d already been thinking about it for so long and playing the scene out repeatedly in my head. I had a very concrete sense of how I wanted to direct it, unlike many of the action sequences from previous parts. The main areas I struggled with were historical details (the karaginu was originally labelled “tarp” in the script as a placeholder until I decided what it would be), and the biggest pagination change was probably moving Raizen’s “Maybe you just didn’t take enough off lol!” to the previous page so that Hokushin’s (literal) punchline would be at the beginning of the next.

Expressions

I have a huuuuge soft spot for subtle expressions - the kind where just a bit of extra line or texture around the eyes or the mouth, plus the dialogue or context of the scene, adds nuance to an expression. Especially ones that otherwise can read as relatively neutral. Even a very simple expression that’s just dots for eyes and straight lines for the upper/lower lids and eyebrows can have a lot of variation in how you interpret them, simply based on context and slight adjustments. Here are some examples with Raizen, where his face is super basic:

A: pretending nothing is wrong, calmly answering question

B: pleased with self for being smart - clearly a happer expression than A

C: similar to A, chillaxing and answering question

D: no big smiling mouth so he looks more like he’s focused on intensely sniffing the air

E: same as B basically, but a bigger smile of “everything’s fine!” (when you read the text)

F: extra thickness for his upper lid gives the sense that he’s in the middle of his casual sexy/chivalrous how ya doin’ expression

G: ... which changes in this panel to be more a realization (“oh shit I’m on fire”)

Actually, Raizen and Hokushin are both pretty difficult face types for me, being more “mature” looking male faces with stronger features/jawlines and narrower eyes. Hokushin especially has been challenging because his design has really low eyebrows which result in a default glare. Togashi still manages to make him fairly expressive and not look like he's glowering all the time. With my more limited art skill and lack of confidence, I tend to soften his expressions by really laying on the top line of his eye (this sounds like I'm putting mascara on him or something lmao), and also adjusting the size of his pupils (within reason or it starts to look even less like how I draw him normally, which is a big problem since his shaved head is a defining aspect of his series character design so he already looks pretty different). Here are some comparisons of his face - bearing in mind I had to keep his eyes wide open because of the seals in the story:

A: crying/relief

B: this one here is supposed to be a bit miserable/self-loathing because he really didn’t think Raizen was going to look for him

C: shock, unexpected

D: thinking + “ugh plan B”

E: worried/apologetic and then “OOF/URK”

F and G: a progression to show the differences in rendering the eye. First is a bit angry because he’s realizing where all the blood for the seals came from, then he notices Raizen’s hands, and G is that example of softened expression (more lines on the top eye, larger pupil) to show how bad he feels about Raizen’s injury.

One last thought on expressions. They can easily lose their nuance when inking (the slightest shift to a line can change the expression completely), and especially for someone like me who has unsteady hands it can be a bit of a nightmare. The nice thing about ballpoints is that they can retain a bit of the pencil sketch quality, which helped me freak out less when inking the last page with Hokushin’s glare. Here’s a comparison of the progress:

Though this particular expression isn’t that subtle, you can still see some differences as the drawing gets built up. When the pencil lines are gone and the drawing gets rendered in bw only, a lot of shading is lost. The messy lines can be interpreted more flexibly by your brain since they’re less defined and you haven’t “committed”, so the final version looks and feels less expressive. (This is why a lot of artists prefer their sketches to the finished piece, myself included...) Characterization This will get very specific to this comic, obviously, but hopefully my approach (and biases haha) will come through. With something like a fancomic, there are obviously existing expectations around the characters, but the benefit of working with these guys is that they’re not as prominent in the story or the fandom, so I feel more comfortable playing around and filling in the gaps. (This is probably why I like minor characters so much.)

In the case of Raizen and Hokushin, we know these two have a close relationship and history only through assumption and insinuation. We never see them interacting directly in the series at all. Actually, we don't see Raizen interact with anyone except Yusuke in non-flashback sequences (aside from the kudakusushi. In the anime, more scenes were added with his estranged friends, mostly their fond memories of him beating them up lmao). But it's very clear that they're extremely important to each other. Hokushin obviously speaks of his king in an exceedingly respectful fashion. Meanwhile, Hokushin is actually the last name Raizen says before he dies - his second last line, to Yusuke, is "Take care of Hokushin and the others" - or in my Taiwanese edition, "I leave Hokushin and the others to you". (Lol “the others”. Also I need to draw a comic about this at some point.) Despite this zero actual interaction, it's still extremely easy to imagine it because their characters are so clearly defined. In fact, they're both such consistent archetypes with enough particular quirks that they practically write themselves. So it wasn't difficult to extrapolate and imagine much younger versions of them, and how they may have interacted if they had only just met, which is the foundation of North Bound. Archetypes and stereotypes walk a fine line together, but they do serve as really useful building blocks for sketching characters quickly. This is why I really enjoy symbolic systems like astrology (or some of the the modern incarnations - personality assessment frameworks) because of all the character sketching it helps you do really quickly. Astrology in particular because, without even caring about birth dates or charts or whether astrology is "real" or not, the basic idea of a sign and its bucket of traits and symbols is simply a great resource when you want fleshed out character archetypes to build off of. I talked a bit about this in my Lenormand post, but I think of zodiac signs as one of the many games humans have developed in our attempts to categorize our world into recognizable patterns, and since we've been at it for thousands of years, there's a wealth of reference material, scenarios, analyses not only of the individual archetypes, but for all sorts of combinations and relationships. Some of it very well-thought out, and some of it just lots of fun to read. For my purposes, applying this to North Bound, Raizen is basically a Leo. He's dramatic, positive, powerful, passionate, a straight-shooter. Not only does he embody its main traits, he's literally a king (or eventually one in this story, I guess). And he even has a mane, for crying out loud. Meanwhile, Hokushin is a solid depiction of a quintessential Virgo - hardworking, practical, analytical, stoic, kind - and literally the loyal servant that typifies the Virgo paradigm. The Leo/Virgo duo is a classic partnership, and at the point where we meet them in the series, the relationship we can see has stabilized to exactly that. At the same time, there's tons of potential for a hilarious dynamic as well, especially imagining how they got to that point. (If you wanna have a laugh, look up some analyses of Leo and Virgo relationships and you'll see what I mean.) His freakouts next to Raizen's "hahhaa everything's fine!" carry most of the humour (similar to how his freakout at Yusuke's vandalism of the rurimaru stones carried a ton of the humour in that episode lol). Obviously there are other things that further finetune their characters so that they're more than bland cookie cutter personalities (Raizen's deep thinking about the future of the Demon World, for example, and Hokushin's sense of humour and appreciation/enjoyment of fighting), but in broad brushstrokes, these archetypes work incredibly well, and make it so easy to come up with scenarios and write interaction to the point that I'm now ridiculously behind in actually turning them into comics ahhhhh...

#yu yu hakusho #raizen #hokushin #comics #fanart #process #wip #swearing #profanity #character analysis #character thoughts #expressions #art by Maiji/Mary Huang

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howwelldoyouknowyourmoon · 6 years

Text

Nansook Hong was interviewed by Rachael Kohn in 1999

A section of this interview was broadcast on Rachael’s ABC Australia radio show ‘The Spirit of Things’ on February 5, 2006.

Download the audio here: http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/spiritofthings/free-yourself-from-mind-control/3305644

Rachael Kohn: Here’s a clip from someone who knew the Moonies intimately. [In 1999], I interviewed Sun Myung Moon’s daughter-in-law, Nansook Hong, who became a child bride to Moon’s son. After 14 years as a member of the True Family, and virtually imprisoned in the headquarters of the Unification Church, north of New York City, Nansook Hong made a harrowing escape with her children. Nansook Hong: The first day I came into the compound from that moment from the time that I left, every aspect was controlled, where I lived, and where I went to school, the people that I associated with, but it was more a superficial relationship. I couldn’t tell anybody who I was. The one thing I learned very early, I learned that I couldn’t trust anybody in the compound. I always had to watch out every word that I uttered. I had to think what this was going to do to me later on. It was very much the medieval court, I guess lifestyle, everybody’s there for their political agenda, they’re all there stabbing each other’s back to get what they wanted. Rachael Kohn: So you were in a kind of constant state of fear, as to whether you were saying the right thing or paying obeisance in the right way? Indeed, how did you pay obeisance to the Divine Mother and Father? Nansook Hong: First of all I was basically their maid. I was there before they got up, I served their breakfast, I was there from the morning till they went to sleep. And the Reverend Moon has his meetings at his breakfast table, after that they watch some Korean soap opera, and I’m there serving them. Rachael Kohn: So you had to sit and watch the soap opera with Mrs Moon? Nansook Hong: Oh, and the Reverend Moon as well, yes. And when they went for trips, well I had to go. Whenever they felt like calling me, then I had to be there. Rachael Kohn: Well Nansook, you had children, indeed five children, and they provided a great deal of emotional support for you. Nansook Hong: Well I was first of all supposed to produce Reverend Moon’s grandchildren, and that was one of my missions, which I did. I had a certain belief of how I wanted to raise my children, that didn’t always follow Reverend and Mrs Moon’s ideas of how children should be raised. And there was conflict, but I couldn’t really go against what they were saying. And I had my way of asserting some of my ideas, but that was very difficult. Whenever they wanted to take the children to a different country, then they could, we couldn’t really say anything. The grandchildren were more like ornaments to them. When they went to Alaska, when they went to Korea or different countries, they took their little grandchildren to show the members that it kind of provided a good picture of being loving grandparents. Rachael Kohn: There was also a curious attitude that he showed towards your parents, who had done a great deal for him, financially. You describe his need to humiliate the people who did good things for them. Nansook Hong: That was the way for Reverend Moon to put people in place, especially people who are capable. A lot of people are there just taking money, and they’re very incompetent, and my father, he brought a lot of money and he gained a lot of respect, and I think Moon felt some threat, and he always had to put people in place by humiliating people in public, that was his tactic. He yelled, he called names, about my Dad, in front of everybody, and that’s what he did to me too, especially after my parents left, he, in front of my kids, Moon just yelled at me, called me names and it was basically a torture being there every Sunday, having to listen to what he had to say. Rachael Kohn: Nansook, how did you manage to overcome your fear, the fear of being punished, the watchful eyes everywhere, to finally make your break from the group? Nansook Hong: Whenever you talk about fear, you are too attached to fear, physical and also psychological. Psychologically I think the fear was there since I was born. I was told it was God’s rule and we absolutely had to obey it, and being a religious person, a person who has faith in God, you cannot conceive the idea that you will go against God. So I was in a psychological trap, and that was a very frightening thought. And also the physical fear, I constantly had to watch what my ex might do to me, there was always concern, especially a year before I left, I knew that one day I was going to end up being dead. When I finally realized that I had to leave for my safety – and also the big part was my children’s safety as well – I did plan very carefully, going to lawyers, at the same time going through a lot of soul-searching, whether I was going against God. And I had help, I had support, my family helped, my best friend helped, so I was one of the lucky ones. Rachael Kohn: But the Moons did not give up so easily. Nansook Hong: Well financially I really didn’t know how I was going to survive. I knew that Moon and the family and the church, they were going to fight to get the children back, and the major way of doing that is pressuring me financially. It was a long, legal battle, they used every tactic you can possibly think of. My ex declared bankruptcy to not to pay the money, and grandparents [Sun Myung Moon and Hak Ja Han] were telling lawyers not to pay a penny. Rachael Kohn: Nansook, it’s one thing to break away from a life that has been something of an elongated torture, but then to write about it takes another kind of courage. Why did you feel you wanted to write this book? Nansook Hong: When I realized that, I decided that I had to write a book about my life, as a perspective from inside, it was very centered on family, and not that many people have access to that. The idealism, the theory the church has that of loving family, loving parents, and children and brothers and sisters, and establishing the society and eventually the world for God, it makes very good sense, and they have a lot of truths in it. But Moon and his family, they do not practice what they preach, and not that many people have access to the reality. I felt some sense of obligation and it wasn’t just for the Unification Church members, there are a lot of cults, very destructive cults, out there, robbing people’s... I think, innocent idealism. It’s basically a cautionary tale for members, for future members, and also for the relatives or friends whose loved ones are in that kind of situation.

Rachael Kohn: Nansook Hong’s story of her life in the Moon compound is called In the Shadow of the Moons –��My life in the Reverend Sun Myung Moon’s family.

Nansook Hong fled from her husband and the Moon compound in August 1995.

On September 17, 1997, in a segment on CBS-TV’s “60 Minutes,” Mike Wallace spoke to Nansook Hong about her 14 year marriage to Hyo-jin Moon, the eldest son of the Rev. Sun Myung Moon. One of Moon’s estranged daughters, Un-jin Moon, broke her long public silence about the dysfunctional “True Family.” Un-jin backed up Nansook Hong’s account and called her “very honest.” Donna Orme Collins also contributed.

On September 21, 1997 Sun Myung Moon spoke at East Garden, but many members felt he failed to address their concerns from “60 Minutes.” The issue of another illegitimate son, Sam Park born in 1966, was a major one.

Despite the PR put out by the FFWPU, it is a fact that Hyo-jin Moon was jailed for failing to pay court ordered costs to Nansook, and he failed drug tests. It is also a fact that Sun Myung Moon and Hak Ja Han were guilty of marrying Nansook to their son, Hyo-jin, when she was under the legal age for marriage in New York state.

In December 1997, Nansook Hong was granted a divorce from Hyo-jin Moon, and custody of their five children.

▲ Nansook Hong: In The Shadow Of The Moons: My Life In The Reverend Sun Myung Moon’s Family (1998)

Hyo Jin Moon came to court in Concord in the company of no fewer than four high-priced attorneys to fight Nansook Hong

Nansook Hong’s video gets nearly a million hits – with FULL TRANSCRIPT of the ‘60 Minutes’ with Mike Wallace

Robert Parry reviews Nansook Hong’s 1998 book ‘In the Shadow of the Moons’

A review of Nansook Hong’s revealing book

Black Heung Jin (Cleophas Kundiona) by Nansook Hong

Nansook Hong – [C-Span] Book Discussion – ‘In The Shadow of the Moons’ with FULL TRANSCRIPT

Hyo-jin Moon jailed for 90 days for failing to pay Nansook Hong as ordered by the court

Nansook Hong is welcomed to the TIME room. October 1998

Second Generation gives a testimony on life with Hyo Jin Moon

Book in four parts, English:

Nansook Hong – In The Shadow Of The Moons, part 1

Nansook Hong – In The Shadow Of The Moons, part 2

Nansook Hong – In The Shadow Of The Moons, part 3

Nansook Hong – In The Shadow Of The Moons, part 4

Book in four parts, French:

« L’ombre de Moon » par Nansook Hong, partie 1

« L’ombre de Moon » par Nansook Hong, partie 2

« L’ombre de Moon » par Nansook Hong, partie 3

« L’ombre de Moon » par Nansook Hong, partie 4

Book in four parts, German:

Nansook Hong – Ich schaue nicht zurück, Tiel 1

Nansook Hong – Ich schaue nicht zurück, Tiel 2

Nansook Hong – Ich schaue nicht zurück, Tiel 3

Nansook Hong – Ich schaue nicht zurück, Tiel 4

Nansook Hong entrevistada en español

‘A la Sombra de los Moon’ por Nansook Hong en español

#Nan-sook Hong #Nansook Hong #FFWPU #Unification Church #Hyo Jin Moon #Hyo-jin Moon #Nan Sook Hong

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yeehawbisexualold · 7 years

Text

I, Emma Take Thee Killian

An EF AU very loosly based off the infamous “I, Ross take thee Rachel” scene, inspired by @sailorkillian and the anon who sent her this ask.

also tagging, @colinoslayme, @blowmiakisscolin, and @kmomof4

4.6k words ~ also on ao3

The Charming family has finally defeated the Evil Queen. After years of torment and suffering, they’ve vanquished her for good—banished her to a far off land, that she’ll be unable to return from. All it took was the help of Rumpelstiltskin. The man who had previously been unwilling to aid them against Regina had finally found something worth his interest or, to be precise, his son’s interest.

Emma met Neal when she was 17.

She had been preparing to take her horse out for a ride when she saw movement in her peripheral vision, a blur running through the forest. Grabbing a sword, she headed after whatever she had spotted to discover a young man hiding in the trees.

He told her his name was Neal and that he was hiding from his father. He didn’t ask her for help but she had been raised by, whom she is sure to be, the most compassionate rulers to ever live and she had learned to spot a soul in need. So she offered him food, promised to keep his secret, and began to spend time with him.

After weeks of meeting in the forest near her home, he told her more about himself. That his real name was Baelfire and his father The Dark One. That he spent hundreds of years in Neverland after his father essentially abandoned him through a portal. That he’d spent some time after that aging in a land without magic until, only near a fortnight before she found him, he’d returned to this realm.

She felt for him, having been abandoned by both of his parents. She couldn’t imagine the pain one must feel to grow up like that—alone, unloved, and lacking guidance. Her parents had always been the most loving and supportive a girl could ask for but she knew there was a time when that almost didn’t happen.

When she was 10 and Regina was in a particularly vindictive mood—wreaking her special form of havoc—her parents told her about the dark curse that she had intended to cast and how Emma was nearly separated from them at birth. Luckily for them, the curse failed and aside from some minor Regina induced hiccups, they had been together and happy ever since.

She was content with her life as the daughter of Snow White and Prince Charming. But aside from the perpetual threat of the Evil Queen looming over them, her days lacked excitement. Her parents rarely allowed her to travel along with them on diplomatic missions, for fear of Regina’s henchmen attacking. The only action she participated in was sparring with her trainers and her father and the occasional tracking, simply for fun, with her mother. Sneaking out of the castle was nothing new to Emma.

No, the thrill of that had long ago worn off. Sneaking out to meet a man though, and not just any man but the son of The Dark One, was exhilarating. She was young and naive; he was handsome and so very charming. Being with him was electrifying.

They spent a lot of time together, hiding amongst the trees. He would regale her with tales of different times and far off lands, of ogre wars and boys that never aged. Although he always tried to put a light spin on his past, she could feel the bitterness hidden behind his captivating words.

Looking back on it, it was the pain that really endeared her to him. And it was the pain that drove them apart.

Things went south when he began to suspect his father knew of his whereabouts. He asked Emma to help him procure an item from the castle that he could use in trade of a magic bean. He claimed to know a person from his childhood that would be willing to give up anything for a vial of squid ink.

He begged her to help him so they could run away together—find happiness in another land, far out of reach of his father.

It might have been tempting, the promise of adventure and freedom if it didn’t mean giving up her family. The thought of leaving behind her parents and kingdom—people who loved and supported her, people she had a duty to protect and serve—was unimaginable and the thought of betraying them even worse.

Neal didn’t understand her resistance, only associating parents with heartache and betrayal, he couldn’t understand the loyalty she felt. Because he couldn’t understand her reasoning, couldn’t understand her, their relationship ended in a blowout of epic proportions leaving her with a bruised heart and a distrustful mind.

Time moved on and she put the past and their romance behind her. She grew older and gained insight on their relationship that could only come with age. She realized how much older he had been than her and how wrong that had been at such a juvenile stage of her life. She came to see just how unfair, how irreverent he had been to ask what he did of her, knowing he was the first man she had ever been with and how easily susceptible she was to the lure of the unknown.

She moved on and she managed to keep him from her mind for years. Once her heart was sufficiently mended and her walls built high, she allowed herself zero thoughts of the man.

Until he reconciled with his father.

Everyone in the Enchanted Forrest heard the news of the harmony that had been reached between Rumpelstiltskin and his estranged son. Her mother and father, none the wiser to the liaison that occurred between Neal and herself, celebrated. Being sympathetic people and knowing it could have been them who lost a great deal of time with their child, they were happy for the father and son.

That was until Rumpelstiltskin called upon them, requesting a favor and offering to ensure the safety of their kingdom, a liberation they had been seeking since a time before she was conceived. He promised to aid them with one simple thing in return, that Emma marry his son.

Her parents repudiated the proposition, not wanting to force their daughter into what they imagined to be a loveless marriage. They were Snow White and Prince Charming, their true love the stuff of legends. Who were they to deny their daughter the freedom of obtaining a spectacular love of her own?

Emma was utterly grateful for her them in that moment, regarding them in the highest esteem for their selflessness and bravery. She loved them and admired them and she wanted to be like them. And that was why, knowing how long they’d fought and how weary they must have grown trying to keep their kingdom safe, never fully at peace, she accepted the offer.

The reptilian man had been giddy, promising to get the affair in order as soon as possible and then disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

That was what lead her to where she is today, walking down the aisle on her father’s arm, to a man she does not love, a man she no longer even particularly likes. But with the comfort of knowing that her kingdom is safe and no longer under the thumb of the threat of Regina.

Neal smiles at her softly, eyes glittering brightly in a way that used to fill her stomach with butterflies but now makes it churn with dread.

When her father kisses her hand and puts it in Neal’s she feels tears well in her eyes (and oh, they’re not the tears she expected on her wedding day) but she grits her teeth and wills them away, refusing to let the emotions overcome her for fear that she’ll never recover. Her lips quiver and she sets them firmly in what she hopes passes for a grin.

She feels her resolve settle in place as the officiant begins speaking and she’s sure she’ll get through this. She nods along to the words and smiles in the appropriate places and she’s almost there.

But then he slips through the doors at the end of the hall and walks calmly to the back of the seats. That mad, mad fool. She could just throttle him. How willfully ignorant he must be to walk into the wedding of the son of the man who will rip out his heart and gleefully crush it on sight.

She wants to kill him herself for the lack of regard he shows for his own life.

“I’m a survivor, love,” he’d once told her, a resplendent smile on his face. Well, buddy, you’re doing a piss-poor job of showing it.

She tries to put her focus back into the ceremony taking place, to keep the attention of the crowd off the asinine pirate that just arrived. She attempts to concentrate if not on Neal, then the officiant. She really does try.

But her mind has been spun into a whorl, rivaling the vortex of a portal upon water, and all she can think about his him. Unbidden, their past and what could have been their future flashes before her eyes.

The day they met, not even a year to the date, she was reading peacefully in the castle’s private library when suddenly a figure came tumbling, none too elegantly, through one of the arched, stained glass windows. She was alone and unarmed, in a tower far from any hearing ears.

As she prepared to run, he righted himself and—expecting an immediate threat, likely with the hook attached to his arm—surprised her by simply taking a step back, brushing his dark hair out of his vision, and muttering “Bloody, hell,” eyes wide and brows nearly in his hairline.

“Whatever you want,” she said haughtily, lifting her shoulders and tilting her chin up, “I’m sure could be achieved without breaking through the window.”

“Ah,” he’d sighed, scratching behind his ear in a way entirely too endearing for a pirate who had just forced his way into the walls of the royal family. “That might work if I were a man of your lands and better yet if I weren’t the captain of a notorious pirate ship.”

“Have you been accused of piratery by our kingdom before?”

He paused, narrowing his, unfortunately, (for her) startling blue eyes and rubbing his stubbled chin.

“No, actually.” “Well then, if you had only been more familiar with the laws of my kingdom,” she scolded with crossed arms and if he hadn’t come to the realization of who she was before, he had at that point “you would have known that we harbor no ill will towards pirates who have not… conducted their business in this land.”

He smirked slowly eyeing her up in down in a way entirely to indecent for anyone regarding the crown princess of Misthaven and drew her attention to the fact that the way her arms crossed put her chest on full display for his lascivious gaze. She pulled her arms down instead, putting her hands in a stern position on her hips.

“I see. I guess I’ll be on my way out the window and trying my luck through the front doors. That is if you’d be so kind as to let this indiscretion slide.”

She shouldn’t have, let it slide that is, but it was immensely refreshing to be spoken to with a lack of utmost respect. No one dared to address her without an abundance of reverence and it grew tiresome to be treated as an object held high up on a pedestal, out of reach of anyone below.

So she let him go on his way with the assumption that he would either get what he wanted or not but would most certainly leave, never to be seen again. How wrong she had been. And how grateful she was to have been wrong.

Her parents agreed to give him the squid ink he requested but not without something in return. She had thought her parents foolish to give him his half before securing theirs but they showed to her to never doubt their excellent judge of character. Apparently, there truly is honor among thieves, at least this particular thief, because he remained in their employ, given free reign of travel as long as he obtained something for them in return, after receiving the object of his desire.

Being in their employ lead to him being around her. Being around her lead to lead to him charming her. And charming her lead to him bedding her.

All of this done despite her attempts to keep him from doing just that. He had simply just been too much for her to keep at bay. Too handsome, too smart, too charismatic, too amusing, too passionate. The list goes on and on with too many too’s. The pirate captivated her with his sinfully good looks and piercing blue eyes, he enchanted her with his wit and spirit.

The first night he’d slipped into her room—as she laid beneath the covers staring up at her ceiling and imagining she was gazing upon the stars in the sky, from aboard the deck of The Jolly Roger—she’d been utterly helpless to do anything but draw him into her bed, strip him bare, and ride him into oblivion.

After that first, wild night of unbridled passion, they began an illicit love affair that started out as simple lust and mind-numbing pleasure but soon turned into feelings stronger than anything she’d ever felt before.

They spent as many nights as they could together. Some nights he would sneak through the window of her room and they’d roll around in her bed for hours on end. Other nights she would slip out of the castle to the Jolly where they spent more time on the deck than in his cabin, laying on the cool wood as he pointed out his favorite constellations and entertained her with the legends behind him.

He told her that the set of stars that aligned to create the Cygnus were his favorite. He said it was the most magnificent thing he’d ever seen, that was until he met her. On nights when he was in a deeply amorous mood, he would call her his swan, tell her that there must have been a marvelous constellation that disappeared from the sky on the night of her birth because she was made up of the most brilliant stars.

She planned on hiding it from her parents, knowing her father would threaten him bodily harm and that her mother would actually follow through on it. She was fine keeping it a secret, preferring a love that she could have in the dark of night than one to mourn. She thought she would never tell another soul until, after a particularly gratifying session of face riding on the deck of his ship, he’d turned to her with metaphorical and literal stars in his eyes and said the three little words that brought her walls crashing down to be left in ruins at her feet.

The oddest thing, odder than the princess and her steadfast resistance of any emotional ties dallying with the 300 year old, vengeance bound pirate, was that she believed him. She felt his love in the air around them and with the glow of his eyes and the press of his warm skin against hers.

She couldn’t recall ever feeling so blissfully happy, so content, anywhere with any other person. She vowed to tell her parents after that. Damn the consequences. If they wanted him, they’d have to go through her first because she wasn’t giving him up.

She waited for the perfect moment to tell them but before it arrived, Rumpelstiltskin did, and she made the promise to protect her kingdom at the sake of her own heart.

She knew of his history with the crocodile and the love he’d lost to the imp before. She knew how long he’d fought to avenge his Milah. But she was still surprised by the force of his anger, never having seen anything so strong until she found him in his cabin and told him what she agreed to do. It was equally startling and arousing the way his eyes flamed and his lips curled. She chuckled bitterly against the sour taste of bile rising in her throat when she realized he was the man Neal had spoke of so long ago, the man who was willing to trade a magic bean for squid’s ink, thinking if only she’d met hims sooner.

The argument they’d had was so intense she was amazed they didn’t sink the ship with the force of it. It started off with shouting and throwing things, lasting so long her throat was raw for days, but eventually turned into something much worse, him begging.

She couldn’t bare the pain and fear in his eyes. She couldn’t listen to the way he pleaded with her, that he couldn’t lose her, couldn’t stand for her to live a life of misery under the control of The Dark One and with the man who had betrayed and hurt her before. When he dropped to his knees before her, she lost her resolve and took him to bed.

The love they’d made that night was just that, love, pure and abundant. She laid with him afterward, tucked against his chest and breathing him in, filling her lungs with his scent and her heart with the feel of him. She watched him as he fell asleep quickly. It had always been easy for him to pass into the realm of dreams (something she envied) and that night he had been beyond exhausted, emotionally and physically. She stayed a little longer after his eyes fluttered shut and stayed closed, needing every moment she could take to imprint him and what she felt with him into her very soul.

She couldn’t allow herself to stay long though and careful not to wake him, she detached herself from his embrace to write him a note. She folded it, pressed a kiss against the paper, and then left, not letting herself look back at his sleeping form for fear that she wouldn’t be able to leave.

He’d followed her wishes, or so she thought, to let her go and not seek her out. Yet here he is, in the middle of the damn wedding, sitting casually at the back of the room.

How dare he? How dare he make it that much harder for her to vow her commitment to a man she didn’t want, a man so different from him?

Indignant, she turns her eyes back to the man speaking to the room and before she knows it, Neal is speaking “I, Baelfire take thee Emma to be my wedded wife” and slipping a lavish gold ring on her finger.

The officiant begins speaking to her and she knows what she has to say.

“I, Emma take thee Killian—” and dear god, no, that was not what she was supposed to say. She feels her stomach drop and her limbs turn cold because how had she possibly said the wrong thing? But she knows how, or at least some part of her does, because she said it.

Chaos erupts in the great hall, voices blending together, growing louder by the second. She spots her parents, sitting wide eyed and mouths open, looking aghast. Rumple appears suddenly before her, holding her by the arms and shaking her so forcefully she thinks for sure her head will snap off, demanding “Why did you speak that name? How do you know it?” He searches frantically about the room but doesn’t seem to spot Killian standing halfway down the aisle.

She feels dizzy and ill and thinks she could possibly pass out until Neal steps between her and his father, stopping him from harming her any further.

“I need to speak with Emma alone, papa,” he pleads softly and Rumple’s wild eyes begin to calm.

“The wedding is over. You may all leave,” the manic man announces before disappearing from the room.

Neal grabs her gently by the arm, steering her out of the room. She see’s her mother holding her father back from following. Once alone, he begins running his palms up and down her bare skin and she comprehends that she’s shaking.

“Stop, now,” he commands calmly. “The Emma I know wouldn’t be shaking like this.” “The Emma you know was a 17-year-old girl. You don’t know the Emma I am,” she snaps, hating to be ordered to do anything by anyone other than her parents, least of all this man. But, probably not in the way he hopes, it works. Her anger flares and her limbs settle.

“That’s true. Apparently, I know you even less than I thought because the version of you I know would sooner slit her wrists than take up with a pirate.”

His words don’t sound harsh, just resigned. He knew whom the name she spoke belonged to.

“That is entirely your fault. You left before I grew old enough for you to know a mature me and when you returned you didn’t bother to try and know me again. You simply had you father force me into marriage.” “Technically he didn’t force you,” he begins but stops in his tracks at her icy glare. “Alright. I knew you wouldn’t be able to turn down his offer. If I did learn one thing about you, it’s that you would do anything for your kingdom.”

“You forced my hand.”

“I did,” he concedes.

“How did you expect a marriage to work between us that was created this way?” “I don’t know, Emma… I didn’t think. I just knew that you were the only woman I ever loved and that I missed you. I regretted what happened between us the moment I left. I didn’t just return for my father, I returned for you. I didn’t even willingly tell my father about you. He sensed my dismay and used a truth potion to get it out of me. When he learned, he concocted the plan. He set it in motion.” “I was a child, Neal.” He winces. “You loved a child. And if what you say is true, that you still care about me, you wouldn’t have put me in this position before even trying to learn how I feel.”

He nods slowly and then glances helplessly around the room, running his hands over his head.

“I fucked up.”

“You did.”

“Do you love him?”

He doesn’t need to specify who he is asking about.

“I do.”

“And does he love you? Does he really love you?”

“He does.”

“If I really loved you like I said, I would let you be with him wouldn’t I?”

She doesn’t speak but he’s smart enough to obtain the answer on his own.

“I—I’m sorry, Emma.”

She softens, feeling something loosen in her chest that she hadn’t realized had been tight all these years because she understands that the apology isn’t just for the wedding.

“I’ll convince my father to let it go and not to harm him. Gods, it will be difficult but I’ll do it.”

She’s tempted to tell him that she doesn’t care how difficult it will be for him but she holds her tongue.

“Thank you,” she sighs and presses a fleeting kiss to his cheek before leaving in search of Killian, hearing Neal call for his father to magic him away.

She finds him leaning against the wall outside the room she and Neal had been talking in and he opens his mouth to say something, but she doesn’t find out what because before he can, she launches herself at him, latching her lips onto his.

He kisses her back greedily, nothing but wetness and battling tongues and clashing of teeth. His hands roam all over her, unable to pick one place to settle. After a while, the kiss slows and eventually he pulls back to gaze at her in wonderment.

“You recognized me,” he says pupils blown wide and a breathtaking grin on his face.

“Of course I did. It’s only been a few days.”

“No you don’t understand,” he explains running his hands up and down her arms and the sensation is so different from the way Neal had been doing it only moments before. “I’m wearing a protective charm that hides my appearance.”

“From everyone?” she asks, puzzled as to how she sees him as him.

“Yes, it changes the appearance to everyone… except those the wearer shares true love with.”

She comprehends now, his excitement and awe at her recognizing him.

“Oh,” she says simply.

He kisses her again, joyously. Then he moves his mouth all over her face, peppering it with kisses only interrupted by his repeated words of “I love you.”

She’s dizzy again, not for the first time today but the first time for a good reason. She stops the assault of his lips by grabbing his face between her hands. She looks him in the eyes and says, “I love you, too.”

“Well, clearly, love or you wouldn’t even know who I am right now. I’d just be some mad stranger attacking you with kisses.”

She’s overwhelmed with elation, having thought she would never experience his humor again and instead of commenting back she kisses him once more.

When they get their fill of each other—or at least enough to hold them off til they can speak with her parents—and break apart she remembers something she’d thought of when he first walked in on the wedding.

“Oh, thank the gods, you fool.” She smacks him on the chest with the hand not clutched in his own.

“What?”

“I’d thought you’d walked in with the risk of Rumpelstiltskin seeing you.”

“No, love, I hadn’t intended for anyone to see me,” he stops their walking and pulls his hand from hers to run it through her hair, reverently. “I just couldn’t bare to let you go without seeing for certain, with my own two eyes that you wouldn’t be mine.”

How could a pirate be so romantic?

“If you saw, would you have let me go?”

“No.”

“No?”

He shakes his head and gives her a rueful grin.

“A man unwilling to fight for what he wants deserves what he gets,” he intones.

“I’m what you want?”

“Aye.”

In the end, it takes a lot less convincing of her parents than she thought it would. They had just been so happy for their daughter to find true love they couldn’t be bothered much to care who with.

“Maybe you’ll grow on me,” her father mused, looking like that’s the last thing that would happen.

Their engagement is short (not as short and her one with Neal but that was hastened by Rumple) lasting only a couple months, and only that long so her mother can plan a wedding she deems appropriate.

By the time her father walks her down the aisle, again, her pirate has grown on him.

It’s the strangest feeling, doing a wedding a second time but with entirely different circumstances. The feeling of dread and nausea she felt before, is replaced with excitement and elation. When her father goes to hand her off, she practically jumps out of his arms, to Killian.

She can feel the wild grin splitting her cheeks and the moisture welling in her eyes, good tears this time, wonderful tears, but like before she tries to keep them at bay. When she meets Killian’s eyes, he’s looking at her as if she hung the moon in the sky and he gives her a wink.

She feels incredibly impatient. The officiant can’t talk fast enough for her. She just wants the ceremony to be over so she can be married to her damn pirate already, so she can take him back to his ship.

When Killian slips a simple gold ring on her right hand, it feels so right to look into her true loves eyes and be able to rightfully say, “I, Emma take thee Killian.”

#i'm terribly sorry if this is riddled with typos but here it is!!!#captain swan #cs ff #cs au #i love captain duckling #my fic #idk why this has the feel of a shitty romance novel to me but *shrugs*#god i love that episode #cs fanfiction

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thesummerstorms · 7 years

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To be honest, recently I’ve been worrying a little about the way I currently have the plotlines written for both Etain’s daughter Koa and Kad’s daughter Etta’s births. I am pro-choice (and if you aren’t, just go ahead and unfollow me now; I don’t care to hear from you) and both plotlines concern unplanned pregnancies.

While I 100% percent believe in supporting pregnant people in whatever choice is the right one for them, whether that means continuing or ending a pregnancy, both of the women are fictional, under my control, and are written into the context of a series that’s chalk full of misogyny and for a readership that likely experiences a high amount of anti-choice rhetoric, and I don’t want to reinforce that, even unintentionally.

Part of my problem is just the necessities of plot. The same conditions that lead Etain to very seriously consider having an abortion and that make it reasonable Jateka, Etta’s mother, might want to consider one (although I don’t spend much time on this) are also the reasons why I felt it was necessary to write the pregnancies as unplanned in the first place.

In Etain’s case, her problem isn’t that she doesn’t want another child with Darman. She wants one very badly, and they’ve both had that longing for years. Yet, at the same time, she’s too afraid and her situation too bad for me to see her consciously choosing to get pregnant.

On one level, an emotional level, she still hasn’t dealt fully with the trauma surrounding her first pregnancy and Kal Skirata’s removal of her agency. She still believes she deserved that and even if she could bring herself to face her emotions about it, she doesn’t want to “inflict” it on Darman. Yet that is a trauma, and it does lead to some embedded fear and stress, even if she doesn’t want to identify it.

Her family is also already potentially in a somewhat precarious situation as far as access to resources (estranged from Kal Skirata, they don’t have access to the trillion credit slush fund, stable work), security (both she and Darman have earned deathmarks from the Empire and are actively working with some of the early Rebel networks; Etain has also fought Inquisitors first hand and can’t stop them from coming after her two existing children), and support networks (unlike when Kad was little, they aren’t in a place with regular, daily access to other adult family members who they can fall back on when they’re having trouble dealing with physical or emotional traumas, and they already have one dependent child).

Yes, Etain’s planning when she got pregnant with Kad was extremely shoddy, or perhaps non-existent, but she was a naive nineteen year old at that point, as opposed to a twenty seven year old who’s been raising two children in a war zone for a little less than a decade. She was also severely punished for her impulsive decision to conceive Kad, both physically and emotionally, and she hasn’t forgotten that experience. A second pregnancy would inevitably end up more considered.

With all of this it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to me that Darman and Etain would end up choosing to conceive another child during the war. Etain, at the very least, is too terrified. Thus I chose to wrote Koa as the consequence of some sort of space!birth control failure rather than a planned child.

As for Jateka, I wanted to more or less have a situation where you could love someone but not be in love with them, and that you could raise a child well with someone who wasn’t your romantic partner. I wanted to have some aromantic representation. And I also strongly wanted to refute the idea that just because you’re accidently having a child with someone, the best thing for the child is to rush to marry them, whether or not it’s the best emotional thing for both parents.

So the setup I came up with is Jateka and Kad as being young and a little stupid, best friends who also have fun fucking despite the lack of a romantic bond, who end up in an accidental pregnancy because they were young and got a little careless. I wrote Jateka as wanting the baby as soon as she figured out she was pregnant, because even though she doesn’t want marriage, she finds she wants a child. Kad, a little overwhelmed and acting on Bad Advice ™ , proposes, and she turns him down, pointing out that they aren’t in love- but that doesn’t mean they can’t be good parents together. And Kad wants the baby too, even if it isn’t a traditional relationship, and it works out because they communicate and make it work. But it isn’t ever a situation where the two of them would have sat down and planned to have the baby, because then that last point is lost.

And yet.

Both Jateka and Etain choose to keep their unplanned pregnancies. Again, people in real life make this decision and it deserves as much support as any other decision. People who are pregnant deserve to make the right choice for themselves and their families.

But in most fictional setting when unplanned pregnancy is brought up, if abortion is ever even is considered as an option, it’s “proved” to be the wrong option, and everyone involved ends up relieved when the child is born and then it’s babies happily ever after. The narrative may or may not (likely will) condemn them for considering ending the pregnancy, but the choice that’s ultimately “right” or makes the characters “good” is choosing to give birth. Or else someone has an abortion and their partner is angry because they wanted the child, or someone has an abortion and then they regret it and find out they wanted the baby after all. As much as Jateka and Etain’s specific contexts make sense to me, it doesn’t remove them from the larger meta context.

Nor does it remove the fact that the series I’m writing into does not provide much of any text that could be seen as supporting abortion rights, or really reproductive rights at all. Etain is immediately torn to shreds by the narrative and the fandom for her first choice to conceive, and then systematically stripped of any agency in her own pregnancy, down to the right to name her own child. Notably, no one ever brings up abortion in this discussion either. Not that Etain wants that during this stage; it’s clear she doesn’t. But it’s never even considered as a possibility, even one she can dismiss as something she wants. The assumption is that she will bear the child and Kal will control both her fate and her son’s and that this is “correct”.

You also have the fact that almost immediately after conceiving Etain begins addressing Kad, then an unnamed zygote and sensing his future destiny and importance. While it’s interesting from the perspective of the Force, it’s… troubling in the context of reproductive rights, particularly writing as a North American who’s seeing the rise of so-called “heartbeat bills” and anti-choicers crying that “life begins at conception” and thus anyone who has an abortion is a “murderer”. The text itself never makes that connection… but it still exists, and still has the effect of privileging what is at that point cells with the potential to become a person with a destiny even as the narrative strips the mother of control of her own fate.

Even when I write Etain and Darman both as pro-choice and serious discussing abortion as a possibility, having open conversation about what’s best for them and their existing children, and have Darman offer support for whatever Etain chooses, this is still the context I am writing into.

And so I almost feel a little uncomfortable not writing a situation where someone chooses not to continue a pregnancy and it’s the right decision and no one pushes back against them and they don’t regret it.

I could choose to rewrite things so that Kad and Jateka choose, despite their lack of romantic connection, to have a child together. But that still doesn’t give positive representation.

I also could write Etain as having an abortion earlier during the war- because as much as she wants a child, the timing isn’t right, and she and Dar are sad about that but it’s the right choice- and then let them choose to have Koa later on afterwards. And I’ve considered doing that.

But it doesn’t address the strong contextual reasons a planned pregnancy would be so unlikely during the Galactic Civil War (by the time the war ends, Etain would be in her early forties, and unlikely to be in good physical position to have a baby, if she even still wanted one when her youngest son would be in his twenties) or why they might change their minds the second time when the situation only seems to get worse further into the war.

Ultimately, I’m not sure what to do with my unease, except to acknowledge its roots and write very carefully, to purposefully show as much open and supporting conversation as possible while still wondering if I can come up with a better solution that doesn’t rely on yet another character with magically failing space birth control.

But it still doesn’t sit quite right.

#koa skirata #etta tenau #jateka tenau #Etain Tur-Mukan #abortion cw #meta: republic commando #meta: star wars #meta: original characters #reproductive rights #long post #like seriously three pages in google doc below the cut #idk if anyone's actually interested #but it helped me consider some more by writing the post and crystallize that snippet about rc's inherent attitude #which has been bothering me for a while #so #read if you will?

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