#i thought a lot of different ways to kill the poppy bro

[muffin-snakes-art]

Have a shocked Kirb from Failboat's new video :O

As always, I had a blast working with Fail and receiving his mock up drawings! They really do help visualize what needs to be made

#i thought a lot of different ways to kill the poppy bro #the way Fail told me to kill him for the clip felt like i was given an assassination job #kirby #failboat #hal laboratory #nintendo #fanart #after effects #clip studio paint

[dulltoned]

here to share some thoughts on if Branch had been the one to get taken, rather than Floyd

wondering on how the others would’ve rallied together after finding out Branch had been taken- like, did Velvet use the same ruse; sending a note to ones of the brothers? and how would’ve Poppy joined the brothers in their search for Branch? would JD and the others have stumbled into the Pop village or would they have met on the way to Mount Rageous?

also the fact that Velvet and Veener would’ve most likely had to deal with the most sarcastic of trolls- like he never shuts up and doesn’t miss an opportunity to stab them with his words, even if his talent gets drained as a consequence-

thinking of Branch sitting alone at some point, pondering, thinking about everything’s that happened, perhaps thinking about his brothers, and certainly about Poppy too- if he’ll ever see her again, if he’ll make it out of this alive, and there’s also this lingering thought that, even if he doesn’t make it, he’ll get to see grandma again at the very least

once the bros, Poppy snd the others arrive and have the face off with the twins, just imaging the sheer relief and happiness Branch feels upon seeing Poppy, and also the pure shock when his gaze lands on his brothers- just a whole bunch of emotions coming up at once; anger, relief, happiness, sorrow, grief, fear, just very overwhelming stuff

and the brothers just going ballistic cause that’s their baby brother in there, getting his life drained out of him, and he looks way more different than when they last saw him 20 years ago

following the perfect family harmony, once Branch is freed, similar to Floyd in the movie, Branch is supposedly gone, and I’d like to think Poppy is the one that catches him (thanks to that one artist on twitter) and she just tries to get him to wake up, that she’s here she came for him, all the while his brothers, and maybe even Viva, gather around, wrapping themselves around the fallen trolls

perhaps it’s a moment in which the brothers apologize for leaving him, for not coming back, for not protecting him like they should’ve, for missing his milestones, not being there when grandma got eaten, not seeing him grow up, see him find the love of his life, and all the other stuff

then the sheer relief and mirth when Branch returns to them, nearly crushing him in a giant family hug (maybe his hair could have white streaks similar to Floyd, maybe more towards the tips, just as a callback to his frosted tips)

anyways I need someone to put me down, they’re taking over my brain

also so sorry if I’m flooding you, I can definitely tone it down if it is too much! just the first time I find someone that share similar interests and it’s quite nice to see trolls gain some much attention again and finding people along my lane lol

anywho, have a good day/night!

I also can't stop thinking about what it would've been like if it had been Branch that was captured. I haven't put much thought into the events leading up to the finale but I would like to plant the image in your head of Branch captured and terrified, wondering what was going to happen to him. He wouldn't be sure whether or not anyone would come for him. Everyone leaves in the end anyway, right?

He'd give Velvet and Veneer hell but as a guy who was absolutely petrified of creatures infinitely larger than him hunting him down and killing him for nearly twenty years? A lot of that fight and fire would be a cover for a lot of more chilling emotions.

#{ isolationist } #| World Tour | #{ V&V } #| Branch Rambles | #| Branch Answers | #Might come back to this one later #We'll see

[blade-that-was-broken]

So in this apocalypse au, how does barb/ thrash plan work since last I checked the whole plot revolves around the six strings. However all of the tribes and most of the sub-genres believe the pop trolls are all but extinct? Also since the rock trolls don’t know about the pop and putt trolls, I take it that poppy never got barb invite to invasion. So maybe in this scenario, cooper and poppy found out about the strings and tribes through other means and cooper wanting to know about others like him decide to leave their home and somewhere along the way they meet branch and his group. Although another scenario could be branch group while trying to find help/ stop barb ended up accidentally finding the lost tribe.

Also would branch grandma be alive cause I can imagine her being so happy to see her grandsons then with the exception of brach grab them by the ears and say where have you’ve been!

Oh boy, so I actually have a lot planned out but not much written in terms of story wise. I'm not sure how much people want to know explained vs. what is in the story itself so I am going to put this under a break so that anyone who does not want spoilers or know what is happening - does not have to know.

So be warned! SPOILERS AHEAD

DO NOT READ IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SPOILERS

Once again! Spoilers!!

Last Chance !!!!!

I'm warning you!!

Thrash starts his Invasion LONG before Barb ever gets the idea. She's probably a child, maybe even a baby, when he starts. Although this concept started as just canon divergence, it has turned a bit more into an actual alternate universe, with slightly different rules on how things work, including, to some extent, the strings. Or just expanding on it.

The invasion does revolve around the strings. Thrash is under the belief that Pop Trolls are his biggest adversary and therefore, waits to go after them until he has gotten through the others. He does not know that Pop trolls numbers have dwindled due to the years of Bergens feeding on them. So he attacks the other tribes and takes their strings, using numbers and force to rule them. He takes out leaders or makes them scatter.

This is more of an actual invasion and war than in canon, which was more of kidnapping. The first tribe goes down due to surprise, while another scatters. There is a small alliance to fight back but after a while, the last string (aside from Pop's) has been taken.

In this au, the strings have some power individually as well as together. I'm not sure what individual abilities they have yet (will be open to thoughts cause this is something I should expand on) but when Thrash has five of the six strings, he can zombify his victims. It is just not as steady and intense as if he had all six.

So when Thrash gets the five of the six strings, he turns to find Pop and attacks them when they are fleeing the Troll Tree. It is a MAD HOUSE.

In the end, Thrash doesn't really get a hold of any pop trolls due to the Bergens, mostly, and the Troll Tree literally ends up exploding. So according to the world, it appeared that Thrash had killed all of them. Thrash knows he didn't do this, but he lets the world think he did because it makes them fear him more.

In reality, the pop trolls flee like they did in canon. The Putt Putt trolls do exist, although not in the same way that they do in canon, as Viva is not leading them. Peppy does escape with much of the other trolls, and none of them quite understand the whole Rock attack thing. However, this added layer of attack did make them far more careful and paranoid so although they are very happy and doing the best with what they have, it's not quite like it was in canon.

And as for Rosiepuff... uhm... at this point, lets just say Branch does not escape that trauma in this au. It might be worse actually /winces/

This au, at least so far, doesn't really have much in the way of the actual pop trolls and Poppy-centric. It is mostly about the other troll tribes and Viva. And the Bros of course. The Pop trolls have escaped the war and dystopian-rule ish for now so as of currently, the story does not really focus on them.

I'm not sure how much people want to know. Granted, I don't know when I will write this - or if I'll be able to finish it - but I do have a ton of ideas/plans and could explain so much. This au is more dystopian/apocalyptic and war-torn than canon ever even could have alluded to.

#wrath and ruin au #okay so this might be the name for the apocalypse au #one of the novels I'm reading is called the realms of wrath and ruin and I'm all like that would be funny #cause I named a different writing work smoke and starlight #which was part of the title of the first book LOL

[theputterer]

Good Things In 2022

“It’s that time of year again! Time to remember all the good things that happened in 2022. I’ve done this since 2017, and highly recommend doing this as a fun way to reflect (and to have something for future reference when you are feeling Down.)

feels like I literally just did this for 2021, and yet.

just under the wire...

PERSONAL

I MOVED ACROSS THE WORLD!!!!! I am now living in Dublin, Ireland. it was a move I'd been aiming to do for years, and once I received my citizenship and Irish passport, I decided to give it a shot. I've been here for nine months and am having a wonderful time.

I did more traveling this year than I think I ever have in a single calendar year.

In Ireland, I've visited several counties and lots of Dublin, including: Malahide, Howth, Dún Laoghaire, Dublin Mountains, Glasnevin Cemetery, Little Museum of Dublin, GPO Museum, National Gallery of Ireland, National Museum(s) of Ireland, EPIC Museum.

I finally went to Paris for a few days in June! Visited: Musée d'Orsay, Eiffel Tower, Sacré-Coeur, Notre Dame (closed to visitors due to renovation/restoration work but wandered around the outside and had a fabulous lunch). Bonus points for the Paris Métro, which fuckin rules.

I finally went to Italy for a long weekend in October! Got to see my folks that weekend as well. Spent time in Venice and Florence. Ate a lot of good food and gelato.

My beloved Seattle Mariners broke a 21 year drought and made it to the PLAYOFFS!!!!!!

I have been puttering away on a ROGUE ONE-FRINGE fusion/AU, ENDLESS FORMS MOST BEAUTIFUL. it has been super slow going but I am trying and I WILL finish it.

Similarly, sorta, I took a writing class! I shared a snippet of my original writing which was well-received. I got some lovely comments from my teacher which is currently sustaining me.

Anything bolded below is something I particularly enjoyed and recommend. 

MOVIES

2022 movies I saw and liked:

TURNING RED

THE BATMAN

THE NORTHMAN

EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE

TOP GUN: MAVERICK

3000 YEARS OF LONGING

NOPE

SEE HOW THEY RUN

TICKET TO PARADISE

THE WOMAN KING

ENOLA HOLMES 2

BLACK PANTHER: WAKANDA FOREVER

GLASS ONION

BONES AND ALL

THE MENU

AMBULANCE

THE UNBEARABLE WEIGHT OF MASSIVE TALENT

2021 movies I saw for the first time and liked:

ETERNALS

THE TRAGEDY OF MACBETH

FREE GUY

SPENCER

THE MATRIX RESURRECTIONS

UNCHARTED

TV

EUPHORIA (saw season 1, did not watch season 2. lol.)

MOON KNIGHT

FRINGE

STRANGER THINGS, SEASON 4

MS MARVEL

THE SANDMAN

THE CROWN (the first few seasons and then I stopped : / )

1899

DARK (BRO........ BRO........ BEST TV SHOW OF THIS CENTURY?????)

Special acknowledgment: ANDOR. what a trip and a half to see my beloved son on screen once more. I shared some thoughts here.

BOOKS

Did not read nearly as many as I should have! (I did read some other books but they are not on this last as I did not like them).

"Strangers to Ourselves" by Rachel Aviv

"Greywaren" by Maggie Stiefvater

"Babel" by RF Kuang

"She Who Became The Sun" by Shelley Parker-Chan

"Wild Game: My Mother, Her Lover, and Me" by Adrienne Brodeur

"The Hours" by Michael Cunningham

"The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo" by Taylor Jenkins Reid

"The Burning God" by RF Kuang (incredible series but BOY will it fuck you up!!!!!!)

"The Dragon Republic" by RF Kuang

"The Poppy War" by RF Kuang

"Winter Recipes From the Collective" by Louise Gluck

"You Feel It Just Below the Ribs" by Jeffrey Cranor

"Oscar Wilde: A Life" by Matthew Sturgis

OTHER GOOD THINGS

*some of these things are Good as in well-written or well-made, but maybe not Good in topic.

Saw a couple plays at the Abbey Theatre: "Translations" by Brian Friel and "Joyce's Women" by Edna O'Brien. Quite different, both devastating.

Morocco's run at the FIFA Men's World Cup.

Joplin Sibtain, who played Brasso on ANDOR, shared a reel on Instagram of the SPOILERS riot scene on Ferrix with "Killing in the Name" dubbed over it. Incredible.

Martin Scorsese watches DERRY GIRLS.

Local Man Sees Cheese For Sale At Incredibly Low Price, Makes Executive Decision, Purchases 40 Pounds of Cheese

Is Twitter dying? Probably. Here's a thread where everyone shared their favorite tweets.

This angry little dog.

Mother losing it over her baby's laughter.

Dave Sims' calling Cal Raleigh's home run that sent the Mariners to the playoffs for the first time in 21 years.

Janan Ganesh over at the Financial Times with an incredible and scathing assessment of why Liz Truss and the Tories have never gotten Brexit "right". (Hint: they think the UK is on par with the US.)

Twitter user attempts to summarize RIVERDALE in a thread.

This TikTok of two preteen girls discovering landlines that made me LOL and also made me feel DECREPIT.

Shauna Bowers for The Irish Times with a dispatch from Electric Picnic that featured bangers of lines, including: The most sacred Electric Picnic institution of all remains untouched: the inflatable chapel, where all true love stories begin. “That’s probably the only way I’d be able to get you to marry me,” a woman says to her boyfriend. He says nothing.

Ichiro Girl returns to T-Mobile Park and throws out the first pitch to, of course, ICHIRO.

A story about how dogs are the best.

Pianist named Alex Pian covers "Time" by Hans Zimmer in Lviv, Ukraine, as air raid sirens sound. Really powerful.

Emma Baccellieri for Sports Illustrated explores a topic we've all wanted to know more about: what baseball relief pitchers are thinking when they run in from the bullpen during a bench clearing.

This video of STAR WARS characters singing a classic.... just watch it.

MORE

CONTACT is one of my favorite movies and Rachel Handler for Vulture wrote an oral history for the film's 25th anniversary.

Stephania Taladrid for The New Yorker, on the ground at an abortion clinic in Houston when Roe was overturned. Required reading.

Linda Villarosa for The New York Times, "The Long Shadow of Eugenics in America". also required reading.

Joshua Rothman for The New Yorker, "Anatomy of Error". A neurosurgeon reckons with surgeries that go wrong. Fascinating!

Rachel Pearson for The New Yorker, "Waiting at a Texas Hospital for the Children Who Never Arrive". Dispatches from a trauma center in the aftermath of the Uvalde shooting. Required reading.

Similarly, Albert Burneko for The Defector, "What It's Like Here". On being a parent in America.

Palate cleanser: Cincinnati Reds allow no hits against Pittsburgh Pirates... and still lose. lol.

Evgenia Peretz for Vanity Fair with an absolutely wild ride of a read about a Grey's Anatomy writer who.... made up an entire life.

Rachel Aviv (who never misses, incidentally) for The New Yorker, "How an Ivy League School Turned Against a Student". What makes a "good" victim?

this thread about creepy shit kids say???

PIZZA FOR DOGS.

sending you all warmth and affection and hoping you have a safe, healthy, and wonderful 2023.

tagging anyone who wants to do this (and tag me so I see it!) as well as those who've done this in the past: @vaderkat @fortysevenswrites @leaiorganas @magalis @illuminahsti @i-am-slain @antifandor @alittlemomentum @cassianserso @callioope

#personal #good things #2022

[istumpysk]

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

ASOS: Jon VI (Chapter 48)

When he crested a rise and saw the brown rutted kingsroad before him wending its way north through hill and plain, he patted the mare's neck and said, "Now all we need do is follow the road, girl. Soon the Wall." His leg had gone as stiff as wood by then, and fever had made him so light-headed that twice he found himself riding in the wrong direction.

Carrying on with the foil treatment, a lot of this reads like Jaime Lannister and his hand.

+.+.+

Ygritte was much in his thoughts as well. He remembered the smell of her hair, the warmth of her body . . . and the look on her face as she slit the old man's throat. 

Love this. He doesn't just remember her doing it, he remembers the exact look on her face.

+.+.+

You were wrong to love her, a voice whispered. You were wrong to leave her, a different voice insisted. 

Stop.

+.+.+

Jon dismounted at the adjoining stable, half-stumbling from the mare's back as he shouted two boys awake. "I need a fresh mount, with saddle and bridle," he told them, in a tone that brooked no argument. 

[...]

He pulled himself onto the black gelding they'd given him, gritting his teeth at the pain in his leg, and rode hard for the north.

Credit to @agentrouka-blog for pointing out the amusing symbolism of Jon upgrading to a black gelding from a mare on his way back to Castle Black.

+.+.+

Mormont had moved to the King's Tower after the fire, but Jon saw no lights there either. 

Is that where Jon stays when he's made Lord Commander? I'll giggle.

+.+.+

Warmth poured out the open door like the hot breath of summer. Within, one-armed Donal Noye was working his bellows at the fire. He looked up at the noise. "Jon Snow?"

"None else." Despite fever, exhaustion, his leg, the Magnar, the old man, Ygritte, Mance, despite it all, Jon smiled. It was good to be back, good to see Noye with his big belly and pinned-up sleeve, his jaw bristling with black stubble.

He's happy.

+.+.+

"Jon . . . it grieves me to say, but Lord Commander Mormont was murdered at Craster's Keep, at the hands of his Sworn Brothers."

"Bro . . . our own men?" 

You might want to keep this in mind. Like, at all times.

+.+.+

"Does this mean Marsh is Lord Commander, then?" The Old Pomegranate was amiable, and a diligent First Steward, but he was woefully ill-suited to face a wildling host.

"For the nonce, until we can hold a choosing," said Maester Aemon. "Clydas, bring me the flask."

A choosing.

A vote! There will be a vote!

+.+.+

"Jon was using the word in its older sense, I think," Maester Aemon said, "not as a family name but as a title. It derives from the Old Tongue."

"It means lord," Jon agreed. "Styr is the Magnar of some place called Thenn, in the far north of the Frostfangs. He has a hundred of his own men, and a score of raiders who know the Gift almost as well as we do. 

Yeah? A bunch of wildlings that know the Gift as well as anyone? Sounds useful.

+.+.+

"Who is Ygritte?" Donal Noye asked pointedly.

"A woman of the freefolk." How could he explain Ygritte to them? She's warm and smart and funny and she can kiss a man or slit his throat. 

When have we ever witnessed Ygritte being warm, smart, or funny? I'm not even being a hater.

It's the flower from the glass gardens all over again. This woman does not exist.

+.+.+

"She's with Styr, but she's not . . . she's young, only a girl, in truth, wild, but she . . ." She killed an old man for building a fire. His tongue felt thick and clumsy. 

Desperately trying to rationalize it. She's much older than him.

+.+.+

The milk of the poppy was clouding his wits. 

Clouding or clearing up?

+.+.+

"I broke my vows with her. I never meant to, but . . ." It was wrong. Wrong to love her, wrong to leave her . . . "I wasn't strong enough. The Halfhand commanded me, ride with them, watch, I must not balk, I . . ." His head felt as if it were packed with wet wool.

Stop.

+.+.+

The pain was so huge he felt small and weak and helpless inside it, a child whimpering in the dark. Ygritte, he thought, when the stench of burning flesh was in his nose and his own shriek echoing in her ears. Ygritte, I had to. 

Small, weak, and helpless.

A child whimpering in the dark.

+.+.+

Maester Aemon sniffed Jon's wound again. Then he put the bloody cloth back in the basin and said, "Donal, the hot knife, if you please. I shall need you to hold him still."

I will not scream, Jon told himself when he saw the blade glowing red hot. But he broke that vow as well. Donal Noye held him down, while Clydas helped guide the maester's hand. Jon did not move, except to pound his fist against the table, again and again and again. 

[...]

For half a heartbeat the agony started to ebb. But then the iron touched him once again, and he fainted.

We love a good Jon/Jaime parallel!

Nothing helped when the time came to pare away the rotten flesh. Jaime did scream then, and pounded his table with his good fist, over and over and over again. He screamed again when Qyburn poured boiling wine over what remained of his stump. Despite all his vows and all his fears, he lost consciousness for a time. - Jaime IV, ASOS

+.+.+

When his eyelids fluttered open, he was wrapped in thick wool and floating. He could not seem to move, but that did not matter. For a time he dreamed that Ygritte was with him, tending him with gentle hands. Finally he closed his eyes and slept.

Once again, this woman is not real.

+.+.+

"Sam?"

Grenn looked away. "He killed one of the Others, Jon. I saw it. He stabbed him with that dragonglass knife you made him, and we started calling him Sam the Slayer. He hated that."

Sam the Slayer. Jon could hardly imagine a less likely warrior than Sam Tarly. "What happened to him?"

I'm starting to think unlikely warrior, Sam the Slayer, isn't finished.

+.+.+

You were his brother, he almost said. How could you leave him amongst wildlings and murderers?

Are you still talking about Sam, Jon?

+.+.+

And Winterfell . . . Jon, be strong . . . Winterfell is no more . . ."

"No more?" Jon stared at Aemon's white eyes and wrinkled face. "My brothers are at Winterfell. Bran and Rickon . . ."

The maester touched his brow. "I am so very sorry, Jon. Your brothers died at the command of Theon Greyjoy, after he took Winterfell in his father's name. When your father's bannermen threatened to retake it, he put the castle to the torch."

"Your brothers were avenged," Grenn said. "Bolton's son killed all the ironmen, and it's said he's flaying Theon Greyjoy inch by inch for what he did."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe this is the first hint that Theon Greyjoy is still alive.

Darn.

+.+.+

"At Queenscrown I saw a direwolf, a grey direwolf . . . grey . . . it knew me." If Bran was dead, could some part of him live on in his wolf, as Orell lived within his eagle?

Pretty sure Bran successfully tested this theory when he flew from what was once the largest tower at Winterfell, and slammed into the ground.

Fine, you know what, we'll try another experiment.

+.+.+

When the dreams took him, he found himself back home once more, splashing in the hot pools beneath a huge white weirwood that had his father's face. Ygritte was with him, laughing at him, shedding her skins till she was naked as her name day, trying to kiss him, but he couldn't, not with his father watching.

Are you sure that's why you're refusing?

+.+.+

He was the blood of Winterfell, a man of the Night's Watch. I will not father a bastard, he told her. I will not. I will not. 

+.+.+

"You know nothing, Jon Snow," she whispered, her skin dissolving in the hot water, the flesh beneath sloughing off her bones until only skull and skeleton remained, and the pool bubbled thick and red.

Sweet dreams, Jon.

Final thoughts:

@agentrouka-blog mentioned this will be the last time Jon claims to have loved Ygritte. If that's accurate, that came to an end rather quickly. :)

Ygritte Death Countdown

9 down, 1 to go. Feed me.

-> return to menu <-

#operation stumpy re-read #asos #jon vi

[kingandfireheart]

TCOGB thoughts

These are all unfiltered brain dump thoughts after spending some time processing what I read

I was terrified the next three books were going to heartmate trials and I am so glad that that isn't the case

Usually, I get bored with established couples after the first few scenes by I absolutely adore PoppyCas, their dynamic evolves a lot and doesn't feel tiresome (like Feysand in ACOFAS)

Smut was smutty but it was meaningful and advanced the plot so I am happy

the smell of Lilacs means more than just the blood memories and I need to know why JLA chose Lilacs for PoppyCas and also for the weird faceless creatures

MISS WILLA wow I want more of her in every book always

also JLA is sneaky with her teasers! changing things up and moving around names!

Kieran is just part of the PoppyCas relationship and I’m okay with that - joining or no joining, he LOVES them both, them all cleaning up after the attack, the HUG, it was all lovely

Kieran touching Poppy’s cheek and hair just ended me, like it was so casual and so caring and a huge difference from "I don't think you would consider us friends" in AKOFAF (may write a Poppy Kieran post)

Also Kieran being like "fuck okay let's ascend her" like DUDE that is bro energy

Also all of the wolven and Poppy with their little brain conversations - that will come in handy!

Poppy telling their crew to call her Poppy but calling her mother in law to call her Penellaphe was savage

Delano and Perry FOREVER (seriously we had less than 5 lines of this ship but I ship it )

am I shipping Netta and Emil based off of like two lines? HELL YEAH

I kinda love Valyn even though he’s a little extreme at times, just being like "you're family" "we're lucky to have you" really got to me

Honestly would do anything for any of the 5 Contou family members, Kihra, Zaddy Jasper, Netta, Kieran, the new baby

Actually on second thought, can Jasper and Kihra just adopt me?

I'm glad Tawny is alive but I don't want a Kieran Tawny Ship,

Also RIP Ian you tried to flirt with Netta and provided a vague hint that's the only reason I liked you

Also RIP Lyra we stan you and your sex positive attitude and you did not deserve to die

Casteel being surprised when poppy said ily killed me and Kieran being surprised when they made him advisor also killed me

Casteel just stole my fucking heart time and time again between his love confession, getting poppy to come back to herself, supporting her every which way, literally threatening his father, like ily king (also considering a longer post about this)

I KNEW the cave cat was important and I need to know more, like what color are his EYE? (update, they are "vibrant green eyes. Intelligent eyes. Knowing ones." thank you @moonlitdreamer for that! )

I also knew Casteel was going to get captured again but I did not expect Malik to be involved dear gods I am upset

I was expecting the devastation of Malik being found and not knowing them, but this was next level - he was fully lucid

I really started to like Eloana but she fucked up big time and I hope she realizes that and she atones

Poppy is still upset about not being a changeling but if her dad can shape shift maybe she can too?

Is Isbeth really Poppy's mom? I'm not 1000% on this but am stalking the facebook group to see if JLA confirms (update: JLA confirmed)

I am Ready for Nyktos and Nektas and Sera and Jadis in ASITE

#tcogb spoilers #tcogb #blood and ash series #the crown of gilded bones #mtp #kris reads

[godofsexdrugsandrocknroll]

Jaune’s Father: “If nothing else, be kind. Kindness costs you nothing, sport”

Weiss: *From underneath many blankets, peeking from behind a comforter* I’m truly sorry, Arc. I had meant to assist you in your dust theory paper, but I’m not feeling terribly well.

Jaune: *Scratches head* Hey, no worries Sn- Weiss. Do you need anything? A hot compress?

Weiss: *Is glad she has a comforter for a shield as she blushes in embarrassment* How! *Coughs, in a normal tone of voice* Excuse me. How did you...

Jaune: I have seven sisters, Weiss.

Weiss: *Nods meekly, still embarrassed* A hot compress would be lovely. I feel awful.

----------------- 

Yang: *Blinks* Is that vomit boy?

Blake: *Reading* You could try calling him by his name.

Yang: You could try acknowledging his existence. *Blake glares, feeling a little guilty*

Cardin: *Walking by* He needed a warm compress.

Yang: What for?

Cardin: *Feeling kinda humbled, a bit envious* Nothin’ serious.

----------------- 

Jaune: *Taking box* Thanks Coco, you’re a lot less scary than Poppy said you were.

Coco: *Lowers her shades* Oh, did snookums slander my good name?

Jaune: *Feels his neck get hot* U-uh, no! Just that you were kinda protective of, um, *lifts box, almost drops it and gives Coco a heart attack* this. Sorry. But really, thanks, it’s really nice of you.

Coco: *Clutching her heart, waves him off* Just tell that leggy blonde she owes me some serious cuddling.

-----------------

Professor Peach: It’s not often I get students actually interested in my hobby.

Jaune: Well, we are all teenagers.

Professor Peach: *Laughs* True enough. Hmm. *Side eyes Jaune* Well, the same can’t be said for you, young man. *Sees Jaune about to protest* I think what you meant to say is you’re all aspiring Huntsmen and Huntresses. Sometimes the future is so bright and shiny to your classmates that they forgot the everyday. It’s quite nice to see that isn’t the case with each of you.

Jaune: *Opens and closes his mouth, shuffles awkwardly*

Professor Peach: *Smiles softly* You have nothing to be embarrassed of, Jaune Arc. Here *carefully hands his request over* exactly as you requested. Have a wonderful day, child.

Jaune: *Nods quickly and walks off*

Professor Peach: And days like today, Rosalie, are why you do this job. *Happily hums as she gets back to work*

-----------------

Jaune: Okay, look, I’m just asking which--

Beryl: *Sighs dramatically* And I’m telling you, kitten *Ignores Jaune’s protests* that they’re all mondo good.

Julie: Like, Bea-Bea’s right. That one *pointing with a fuchsia nail* is just the sweetest thing in the world, will just have you feeling warm and happy inside after.

Cissy: Plus it has just...mmm. Ouch! *Is swatted by Beryl, playfully* You bitch. Anyways, that one right there is just cute and total *squeals* overload. Can’t go wrong with it, it’s a classic.

Beryl: Then that one is probably the safest bet, because who doesn’t love a puppy?

Jaune: A puppy? *Beryl nods* Well, uh, thanks. And I promise I’ll get them back to you by tomorrow. I’ll also see if Ren’s interested, but, uh, maybe keep your semblances ready?

Cissy: *Raises hand* Uh, I haven’t activated mine yet. I’ve just got Nemesis.

Beryl: *Slings arm around Cissy’s shoulders* Don’t worry, kitten, between My House and Julie’s Spit-Spot, plus our weapons we can handle Valkyrie if she gets in a mood.

Jaune: *Deadpan* She was benchpressing one of the academy’s washing machines the other day. No aura.

Julie: We’re good at running away.

Beryl: *Scandalized* Julie!

Julie: Cute boy or not, no way am I getting my face rocked by that monster.

Jaune: *Shrugs, collecting stuff to leave* Um, I don’t know if it’ll work but maybe fill your bags with syrup. Might work as a distraction if Mt. Nora erupts.

Beryl: *Flatly* Really?

Cissy: *Flips platinum blonde hair* I saw her drinking it right out of the bottle once before Lie stopped her.

Beryl: *Sees Jaune’s gone, giggles* Somehow I think kitten got the better end of the deal. *Speculative* Shame he’s super taken.

Julie: Uh, what? Isn’t-

Beryl: Oh you sweet summer child, never change *Ruffles Julie’s hair*

Julie: Ack! Stop!

-----------------

Jaune: Thanks headmaster! This is all really great!

Ozpin: *Working at desk* No need to thank me, mister Arc.

Jaune: Uh, yeah I do. You didn’t have to allow me to do this, but you did and it’s really neat of you.

Ozpin: *Smiles* Well then, you’re welcome. Enjoy.

-----------------

Ruby: You definitely came to the right girl!

Jaune: *Looking at his haul* I’ll say. You’re sure you’re okay with helping? I kinda saw the looks you were giving Crescent Rose back at the forge. *Teasingly* You sure you don’t want some alone time with your baby?

Ruby: *Blushes the color of her cloak* S-shut up! She’ll be fine without me, I was just thinking of trying out some custom dust ammo is all! *Very seriously* I don’t have a problem! You have a problem!

Jaune: Riii-iiight. *Ruby puffs cheeks out, teasingly* Like you don’t have a cookie problem?

Ruby: *Points dramatically, very loud* THAT... *Slumps and sighs* please don’t tell Yang I have a nightly plate of chocolate chip.

Jaune: *Laughs* No problem, Ruby. You know me. How can I turn my back on the girl who actually talked her team into not killing me when I told them I cheated my way into Beacon?

Ruby: Yeah, yeah. So get those babies ready, vomit boy and watch Ruby - I am totally a pro at this and all things wonderful - Rose do her magic!

Jaune: Will do, crater face!

-----------------

Jaune: *Grins* Thanks Cardin. You know, when you’re not being all racist and pushing people around you’re actually a really nice guy.

Sky: Ooooh. What a compliment. The kindness just gently caresses your face like a butterfly’s wings, huh Cardin?

Cardin: *Scowling* Shut it, Sky. I’m still trying so that’s totally fair.

Jaune: I, uh, didn’t mean it--

Cardin: *Rubbing neck* I know dude, no worries. Got a date with my girl coming up and it’s our anniversary, so it’s just a little extra. And don’t worry about paying me back, this is like the very least I can do for you after everything. *Jaune’s about to protest* Nope. I know we’re cool, but I was a huge douchebag. I mean it.

Jaune: Well thanks. It means a lot. *Leaves*

Russel: *Reading motorcycle magazine* You don’t have a girl, bro.

Cardin: *Frowns* I know.

Dove: You know you don’t have to help him out like that. You’re only hurting yourself.

Cardin: *Wipes face with hands, flops on his bed and stares at the ceiling* Yeah, well, too bad for Cardin fucking Winchester. If Jaune’s happy, I’m happy. I wasn’t joking when I said he deserves better than me. *Rolls on side to stare at wall.*

RDL: *All staring at their leader, all of them sad*

-----------------

Jaune: *Cheerfully* I’m back!

Weiss: *Very grumpily glaring at Jaune from beneath her covers, only her eyes visible, her voice is acidic* It’s quite fine, Arc. It’s only been two and a half hours. I know you have better things to do, so don’t bother acting like you were looking forward to coming back to deal with me.

Jaune: *Winces* Yeah, sorry. I was getting the hot towel when I kinda realized that you’ve probably been dealing with this all by yourself. *Weiss growls* It’s just, I remembered how you said you and your Dad don’t really talk and your little brother’s a, a snot, I think you called him? *Weiss feels embarrassed, but says nothing while staring at Jaune* Just hold on.

*Weiss does but when he comes back in the room her eyes go wide in shock*

Jaune: I-I just have a lot of sisters. Four older, three younger and they all have different things they like when they’re on their period. Saphron’s just happy if I’ll bring her things and Coral just wants me to leave her alone. Peri always wants cuddles and movies and *blushes as he realizes how much he’s talking* I just thought instead of whatever you usually do, you might want something more? Just to try something new?

Weiss: *Stares at several hot compresses, an expensive looking box of chocolates, a small boquet of blue Glory of the Snow’s, a stack of films, several unhealthy but delicious looking snacks and a stuffed polar bear with a top hat*

Weiss: *Wide eyed, completely taken aback* W-what?

Jaune: I-I-I don’t mean to assume anything, but I’m guessing you didn’t really have anyone who tried to make your period any better?

Weiss: I have a butler, Klein, who would always check in on me but never, well I never thought to ask for more. *Very softly as she stares at the rolling entourage of goodies* It never occurred.

Jaune: Okay, well, um, how about I bring this in?

*Jaune does, Weiss watching as he sets the flowers near her bed with wide eyes and gratefully accepting the compress, bringing it under her comforter and sighing in relief*

Jaune: We’ll have to set it up on your scroll, but I did bring movies to just so you have something fun to do today. There’s a family film with an apparently super cute actor, another that’s a cute animated movie that’s a staple of everybody’s childhood except mine apparently, *Weiss snorts, watching the covers* and one about a puppy finding his way home--

Weiss: *Eyes glued to the case, speaks immediately* That one.

Jaune: You sure, I checked the fam--

Weiss: *Eyes not leaving the box* I’m certain. *Flushes* Please?

Jaune: Sure. Just let me set this up.

*Jaune also hands over the chocolates, which Weiss stares at curiously and much to her delight, brings over the bags of snacks and she clutches the bag of cheesy poofs to her, very much wanting to try them for the first time*

Jaune: Okay, that should do it. So you’ve got your Cheez-E-Poofs, I grabbed a few sodas, juices that I thought you might like *quickly* but I also got water! Um, here. *Hands Weiss the stuffed animal, which she stares at and brings close to her face, loving how cute it is and how soft it is* Oh, Ruby helped me dip some strawberry’s in chocolate if you wanna try them later. There’s normal ones too.

Weiss: *Touched and doesn’t know what to say* I-it’s all so...umm, thank you. You really didn’t have to.

Jaune: *Scratches the back of his head, looks away* No problem, Weiss. I’m used to stuff like this, so...I’ll go. *Looking very embarassed* You’ve probably had enough of me talking you to death, so I’m just gonna go across the hall--

Weiss: *From behind her bear* Stay. *Jaune stares at her, blinking in surprise* You were going to offer, but you...back home the most I ever got were the occasional visits from Klein. But having someone to be there sounds very nice and I’d like if you would. Very much. I certainly won’t eat all of this anyways, so...please?

Jaune: *Nodding rapidly* Sure. Right. Yeah, I just didn’t wanna assume or impose or *watches Weiss’ eyes light up at the cheesy snack she just tried* I’ll sit.

*Jaune sits next to Weiss’ bed and they watch the film, eat snacks and after the movie, Weiss tries the strawberries as the second film starts. When she wakes up after falling asleep, she discovers the mess she’d made of the comforter is cleaned, Jaune had gathered up her snacks and placed them in a box. Her flowers now have a vase and the bear she had placed on his shoulder is on her pillow*

Weiss: *Smiles and hugs bear tightly*

~~A week later~~

Weiss: *Exasperated* Where is he?

Yang: *Balancing a pencil on her nose on her bed, ignoring her homework* Who?

Weiss: *Notices Berry B. Cold on Yang’s stomach and shoots forward like a bullet, snatching him and hugging him to her abdomen* You know who you bum, Jaune!

Yang: *Grinning like the cat who ate the canary* Oh-ho, finally acknowledging him by his first name after all this time, Weiss Cream?

Weiss: *Blushing* Quiet you.

Ruby: Leave her alone, Yang. But, uh, I don’t really know where he is.

Weiss: Nonsense. I may have missed the chance to help him with his paper but at the very least I can at least explain some of the theory to him, give him better than what Beacon’s textbooks offer.

Yang: Oh yeah, sure, sounds fun.

Weiss: *Bristling* E-even if it’s a boring subject, it is useful. *Hugs bear tighter* And he needs all the help he can get and--

Blake: *Walking in* If you’re talking about Jaune, he’s way too busy Weiss.

Weiss: I beg your pardon?

Yang: Yeah, you didn’t know?

Weiss: *Irritated* No Yang, it’s why I asked you in the first place.

Yang: *Flatly* Oh. I thought you were joking. No, I mean it, don’t look at me like that! Seriously, vomit boy’s been busy the last couple days.

Weiss: *Confused* But why?

Yang: *Staring* Seriously? I mean, he got that whole thing together for you.

Weiss: M-me!? Is that...but he said he was used to it! I-I knew he was talking about his sisters, but he said Ruby helped! H-he...

Ruby: Yup, I did, but I didn’t know Jaune was making them so you could have a nice, comfy that-time-of-the-month. I thought he just wanted a strawberry snack! That he’d finally been enlightened. *Sighs*

Yang: And that whole spread wasn’t just free, he went around and traded a lot of favors to get it together.

Weiss: *Gaping* H-he...what? He traded favors, just... *Uncertain, squeezing her bear while looking distressed* You didn’t know? He hasn’t done that with any of you?

Ruby: Nope!

Blake: Gods no.

Yang: Dad’s sweet like that for me when it’s bad-bad, but if Jaune offered I’d definitely turn him down. *Gives Weiss a look*

Ruby: Yeah, and all I need is my Non-Descript Winter Holiday lights and my guns ‘n ammo mags plus my scroll and I’m happy. *Shrugs* I get really crabby so I prefer being alone.

RWY: *Staring at Blake*

Blake: My ex did it for me once. Never again.

Weiss: S-so he did all that, just for me? Because I was miserable?

Yang: *Sighs, flops back on her bed* I don’t know why you’re so surprised. Ask his team. Jaune’s actually a pretty nice guy. He aimed Neptune in your direction back at the dance even though anybody with eyes knew he was kinda bummed the whole night. After you started talking with him after and started sharing, I think he just wanted you to have, y’know, some normal stuff that we all enjoy because our Dad’s aren’t asshats.

Ruby: Yang!

Blake: *Sees Weiss looking at her, looking upset* He’s been Coco’s personal shopper for the last week, he’s been dodging Nora since Ren agreed to a date with each of those girls from Team SNLT because she is pissed, he’s been doing odd jobs for Ozpin all week, he’s been doing a lot of work outside for Peach and I think he’s also been in the laundry rooms a lot. That stuff wasn’t just free. Plus he’s had to do all his usual leader stuff and his homework.

Weiss: *Gapes, hugs her bear and her eyes drift to her box of treats and she purses her lips* B-but...that’s so much, just so I...

Yang: Um, he likes you Weiss. Even if he stepped aside for Neptune, he’s not gonna just poof whatever he feels for you away just because he doesn’t have a chance. Then he sees you feeling like shit, knows just how bad it is because of all his sisters and gets it in his head that you deserve the princess treatment. *Stretches* He offered for Pyrrha once but she just went really red, yelled ‘NO!’ and apparently pushed him through a wall.

Weiss: *Sits on bed with her knees pulled up, hugging her bear while hiding a wobbling lip as she realizes and RBY just sighs*

~~Four days later~~

Yang: *Grins* Called it.

Blake: Yes, because it was such a mystery that this was gonna happen after Weiss had it spelled out for her that Jaune still has it bad for her even if he was trying to get over her. I’ll admit I still don’t understand the way Weiss thinks or why Jaune would put himself through all of that just because Weiss was having a bad period when it was clear at the time she wasn’t even thinking of him that way, but c’mon Yang.

Yang: *Hand out*

Blake: *Rolls her eyes, puts Lien in her hand* Child.

*Meanwhile Weiss stands on her tiptoes, arms around Jaune’s neck and enjoys kissing her boyfriend*

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Two things: One, I headcanon Cardin as gay and occasionally having a thing for Jaune if it isn’t entirely obvious. Two, I don’t want my Tumblr to be nothing but crack/lewd. I’d also like some occasional romance/wholesome content. This isn’t the best, but hopefully it’s not quite as bad as I think it is towards the end.

#rwby #jaune arc #weiss schnee #white knight #jaune x weiss #rwby oc #d'awww #team rwby #this is what happens when you let a drunk type

[angelhummel]

what are your thoughts on I can’t dance?! At first I wasn’t sure but by the end I was bopping my head to it lol it’s so different from what he’s put out but I’m digging it

Oh my god I posted some stuff about it before looking at my asks bc I didn't think anyone would be asking about that xD

But I LOVED IT!! I thought it was lots of fun and just a great song and definitely inspired by the kinds of music that I already love so yay

I think it's so unexpected in a good way and shows off Darren's range. Not his voice necessarily but just how well he can embody any style of music he wants and make it fit and make it his own and create something so fun and catchy like this. He's such a talented performer and I love when he gets to show off his abilities in new ways

Honestly I don't care whatever "character" he's playing for these songs. They're all part of him and he's 2 for 2 so far so I can't wait to see what else is in store!

Side note but I saw someone say they thought it was cringe at first and I ?? I really think "cringe" is just what The Kids call anything that isn't already pure 2021 mainstream lol. Me listening to any poppy song from the 80s like "hmm kinda cringe bro ngl" like just like what you like lmao cringe isn't real

Like when it comes to a performance, if you understand the assignment and you're somehow genuine but a little cheeky at the same time then it can't possibly be cringe lmao it's just camp. Darren knows what he's doing, and what he's doing is making fun and versatile music for all sorts of people to enjoy and we should be happy for that

Ahh that was kind of a tangent lol but it's how I feel. People act like they can't like something until they know if they're supposed to like it ironically or unironically so they slap a cringe label on it just to cover their bases lest they appear genuinely interested in something that isn't widely accepted as cool (:

But anyway back to the actual song. My final verdict is I love it lol. If his mission is to create the most earworm-y songs guaranteed to get stuck in your head on repeat until the next one comes out, then he's killing it. And I love him for it 💞💞

#glee cast #darren criss #i can't dance #asks #answered #my thoughts

[typewritersandtentacles]

KINGSMAN THOUGHTS/RANT *SPOILERS*

Beneath the cut are all my thoughts and rants. I’ll start with what I like and then go to what I didn’t. Spoilers ahead.

First off--OMIGOD. Like this was amazing. So fucking amazing. I can’t even process everything right now. That’s mostly why I’m writing this, so I can just word vomit my thoughts.

The fight scenes were absolutely stunning. They weren’t The Church Scene, but they were still really great and I fully enjoyed them.

The soundtrack was PERFECTION. ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.

Elton John IS FABULOUS. I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH. GOD BLESS ELTON JOHN.

WE SEE MERLIN CRY OMIGOD. Just, the character development we saw in Merlin was amazing and I have so many questions.

Eggsy was fucking adorable and I can’t with him.

HARRY HAD AMNESIA. OMIGOD. IT WAS LIKE FUCKING FIC. HE WAS PRECIOUS ANGEL BABY AND MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COST. HARRY’S BACK STORY OMIGOD. I CAN’T EVEN. I will write a fic about this because it’s just a fucking GOLDMINE.

Harry not having depth perception is just amazing, thank you.

Harry and Eggsy moments. And all the times Eggsy was fucking sad over Harry. And just... THERE WAS SO MUCH GAY BETWEEN THEM. FUCK. I SHIP IT HARDER NOW.

PUPPIES!

ALL THE PUPPIES!

EGGSY AND ROXY BEING BROS.

HARRY! MY SWEET ANGEL! He’s totes gay. Too many hints were dropped. That man NEEDS A BOYFRIEND.

I loved Poppy. She was great. A+++ villaining.

Fuck the president. Definitely supposed to be Trump.

Ugh, this movie did a hurting on me.

There were so many good things. Like the development between Harry and Eggsy was great, and I loved seeing them grow. BUT.

Despite this, it had some SERIOUS ISSUES.

First--immediately throwing us into the plot was jarring. I wish they would have gone a slightly different route? I get that they were trying to “Bond” it up, but it wasn’t done right. Still, epic fight scene and I love seeing Eggsy use his car skills.

Second--WTF. I SWEAR TO FUCKING GOD IF ROXY IS DEAD I WILL BRING HELL DOWN UPON VAUGHN. LIKE WTF. OUR ONE STRONG FEMALE AND HE KILLS HER??? FUCK YOU!

Third--All the plot holes. Where’s Eggsy’s mom? Daisy/sister? Ryan? Like we see his mum at the end, but where was she? WHAT HAPPENED AFTER V-DAY? WITH DEAN? I need some fucking closure. Is Ryan dead? The only friend from the first movie is Jamal (p.s. Jamal is gay with Liam. Fight me on it.)

Fourth--They killed JB. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you Vaughn. I almost walked out of the damn theater at that. UNNECESSARY YOU MONSTER.

Fifth-- Speaking of dogs, WHAT HAPPENED TO THE OTHER DOGGOS? Like Eggsy gets a dog for Harry and then it vanishes? Tilde gets a new pug and it’s in like two scenes and then gone? WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?

Sixth--The Statesmen. I wish there’d been more. Tequila was in what? In it for 10 minutes? They kept boasting him, but then he’s barely in it. We get glimpses of Ginger, but she’s barely fleshed out.

Which leads me to Whiskey. THAT WAS WEAK. SO FUCKING WEAK. Like wtf. Unnecessary twist. Unless they wanted to lay the foundation for his backstory sooner, it was bogus. Throwing in that scene with Ginger was fucking pointless and a total pos move by Vaughn, using a dead woman to propel the male agenda.

AND MERLIN. HOLY SHIT. Like, what happened to Hamish? His name is never revealed. Was that all BS? The photos of him in the green screen socks? WHAT WAS THAT? HOW CAN HE BE DEAD? I was in tears. I call bullshit. I HATE VAUGHN SO MUCH.

There were definitely a lot of plot holes in this, more so than the last movie. I feel like this plot was more chopped together and it kind of annoys me.

And I know I’m going to catch heat for this, but the Tilde/Eggsy relationship just didn’t fly by me. And it isn’t because I’m a Hartwin shipper. That aside, like they just didn’t work. They didn’t have enough to go off of in the first movie. And then in this one it felt too forced. Like basically Eggsy just transplanted her into his life, even though he’s still mourning. And it’s WEIRD. Like she’s a princess, but she’s slumming it? After being kidnapped, there’s no way she’d be allowed to do that without an army of security.

And I’m sorry, but the way she reacted to the honey pot mission annoyed me. I get it, it be hard and blah blah blah. But SHE KNEW WHO SHE WAS WITH. SHE KNEW THE POSSIBILITIES. AND ITS FOR THE FUCKING WORLD. Then she tries to manipulate a marriage proposal out of him.

I honestly think she’s just a ploy to move the story for Eggsy. I think she’ll be killed off in the next movie to give Eggsy a reason to rejoin Kingsman or some BS and I think it’s fucking stupid. Leave Eggsy single. He’s supposed to be the Bond character, remember? Have sleep with the girl and then move on.

I totally cool with anyone that ships it, but it’s just not a relationship I can get behind. If I had to pair Eggsy with a girl, I would have preferred Roxy. They had chemistry.

As for the movie in a whole? I really enjoyed it, but it falls weak compared to the first. I would have been happy with just having the first.

I refuse to accept both Roxy and Merlin’s death. And Percival’s. I will most likely disregard most of the movie for my fic. So don’t be surprised if I pretend shit didn’t happen. I also really don’t like what they did with Whiskey so yeah, I’m not writing him like that.

And I won’t be doing any Tilde/Eggsy. EVER. It’s not my jam.

All in all, it was another fun ride and I’m happy to see Harry back.

BUT FUCK YOU VAUGHN.

#kingsman #kingsman 2 #kingsman golden circle #spoilers #kingsman spoilers #hartwin

[childishzombiejellyfish]

Okay I'm going to opine and react today, but under a cut

spoilers!

I am someone who puts way too much of themself into films. I basically imprint on the ones I love to a very large degree (special interest, here we go, I imagine this was what Jake Peralta felt when watching the last 2 Die Hards), and it's probably why my initial reaction of The Golden Circle was one of disappointed crying (my emotional control, especially at 3 in the morning, is poor okay). I wouldn't argue it's a dumpster fire. It's far worse than the first one, and personally I didn't get much from the fight-scenes, although some of them were pretty (okay, except for Eggsy and Harry working together, that was nice), maybe because I was expecting the same as I did during the church-scene or the Gazelle show-down.

So here's what I liked:

all the Harry/Eggsy interactions. It's funny how a movie that got so many emotional beats wrong, the Harry/Eggsy stuff was so spot on.

In a similar vein Merlin/Harry and Merlin/Eggsy was all great. Personally feel it would've been a great moment if Harry had kissed him at the end there. After the angsty speech about never allowing himself to have someone and knowing that Merlin cried when he “died,” there was a lot of emotion going on when they said goodbye.

Breakfast scene!

Roxy was wonderful, I was so into that bro moment at the beginning. She's fine.

The introduction of Tilde/Eggsy was pretty good. I will personally never ship them, and I think the movie kind of... made a mistake? In terms of comparing his relationship with Tilde with the one he had with Harry, if it didn't want us to infer anything from that (which we know Matthew Vaughn didn't), because it spends a lot more time exploring Harry/Eggsy than Tilde/Eggsy. But the set-up for them was sweet, the dinner with her parents was hilarious, and she bought another JB (not that the first one isn't fiiiine), which was cute.

I really liked the way Julianne Moore played Poppy. I have some issues with Poppy that have nothing to do with the character herself, so much as what the writing did, but it'll come further down. Suffice to say, I really liked her, she brought a very different evil villain energy to the table than Valentine.        

Elton John!!! Was a+++

Harry and Elton flirting.

Harry and Eggsy fighting together and being in sync!!!!

Harry and his butterflies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And here's what I didn't like

Roxy dying was lazy, cheap, and a waste of a character. She was introduced in the first one as someone for “women to look up to” (and I hate the tokenisation aspect, but she was legitimately a great character and a fan favourite), so the obvious thing to do would have been to explore that more in the second one, also give her more emotional depth, since we know nothing about her outside of Kingsman. Instead she was introduced as a reminder of who she was and then killed off right at the beginning without getting to do anything useful. If Goldman and Vaughn wanted to pat themselves on the back for her as a character, maybe they shouldn't have written her off the first chance they got

The writing of women in general in this movie reached uncomfortable levels. I would say Ginger isn't quite as unfairly treated, simply because the entirety of statesmen is one-dimensional, so her having nothing to do and being kind of a Roxy.2 (her dream is to join the statesmen table... dudes...) could easily be blamed on the shoddy character-work in general. Compare that to Tilde, who started off promisingly and then just... was a damsel in distress after getting pissed off with Eggsy and getting no chance to have that discussion with him before suddenly “hey, married!” (a disservice to the development of both characters, but esp hers), or Charlie's girlfriend (I forgot the fucking name) who... yeah. That seduction scene. I feel like it was a deliberate stab against people who thought the “ass-shot” was gratuitous, like “you haven't seen gratuitous,” and it was painful to watch and her character was kind of... bland and then dead. Then there was Poppy. At first glance she's great, she's maniacal, she's brilliant, she's brutal. But then you kind of realise halfway through that a. she's not really... doing anything? She's just sitting around and waiting for things to happen around her, whilst the dudes who work for her do all the proactive stuff. And THEN came the presidential plot, which they should've cut the fuck out, where it turns out he's not going to do as she says, which means that for half the movie Poppy is essentially sitting around, waiting to be beat either by the president or by kingsman. I don't know where this idea came from? It was just so dumb. The last woman is of course Whiskey's wife who is introduced at the end as a painful memory, because, surprise, she's dead and the reason he's turned bad. Yawn, continue. Michelle doesn't get any screentime beyond the one shot at the wedding. Daisy isn't seen at all (and she's called Daisy, I was at the church-shoot and saw her trailer, she was in the scene originally, just like Merlin).

Statesmen bored me. The idea of introducing a bunch of new characters right after the old characters were introduced and then killed off was not a great idea. I'm sure there's something that can be done with them in the third movie. But for now, they were just there, eating up screentime when it was obvious who the movie, and consequently the audience, cared about. It wouldn't have been easier to keep Roxy as a third member of “the team” and make it about them trying to take down Poppy, instead of trying to introduce all these character who did nothing?

I don't think Charlie should have been brought back. Not sure if that one's unpopular or not, I just don't think his character was interesting enough to warrant an upgrade to Gazelle-level villain.

The emotional arcs were cut short, constantly. The worst contenders are the death of Roxy and how it actually carries no emotional weight and the jarring cut to Eggsy getting married when Tilde is still pissed off with him and the movie, again, paid so much more attention to Eggsy's and Harry's arc, making his love in her a bit unbelievable. I feel like Harry's arc was too, to an extent, although this one might just be me being biased. I just don't think the film acknowledged how depressing his confession was, because after that it kind of coasted on and ended it with him just being happy for Eggsy, like we're not supposed to be sitting there yelling “but who do you have Harry????” It also came off as incredibly one-sided crush on Eggsy, but I'm guessing that was another unintentional no homo. And of course, after the Merlin thing he wasn't in the last scene, although I know they filmed a version with him at the church. Speaking of.

Killing off Merlin. I'm up and down. On the one hand, I guess I can see the emotional weight of it, but on the other, you just made your movie such a downer that I couldn't enjoy anything after that point. Another case of being quite jarring from emotional scene to fun action scene to “happy end.” I'd forgotten he was at the filming of the church and after my friend reminded me I felt much better, but knowing now that they cut him out, I'm not going to be able to enjoy any aspect of the end of that movie, except for the concept of Eggsy and Harry fighting together. Poppy was doomed from the halfway point, Charlie was kind of a shrug, Elton John was great, but not enough to save it for me, and the wedding was tacked on like a reminder that “oh, yeah, Eggsy and Tilde, that was a thing.”

Whiskey's storyline was kinda. Okay? He was a traitor, but the reasoning was so obvious and seen-before and eye-rollery and without any kind of “surprise” moment, so it was kind of... okay?

As a whole the movie was kinda messy. Not necessarily the Bigger Bolder Badder that was promised or whatever, but just messier. I’ve decided to take the parts I loved and leave out all the rest as per glorious fandom tradition

#me #personal #kingsman #the golden circle #all the spoilers

[weekendwarriorblog]

WHAT TO WATCH THIS WEEKEND November 30, 2018  - The Possession of Hannah Grace

Finally! A long-needed reprieve from the slew of fall releases with a weekend where there’s only one new wide release … and it’s the textbook definition of a “dumper,” too. At least all the Thanksgiving releases did better than I predicted, particularly Creed II, and they should continue to dominate over the next couple weeks until a bunch of new wide releases open on December 14.

THE POSSESSION OF HANNAH GRACE (Sony/Screen Gems)

I’m not even sure what to say about this horror movie, originally called “Cadaver,” except that it was directed by Dutch filmmaker Diederik Van Rooijen (no, I don’t know that name either) and that it’s been on the shelf for quite some time. Presumably, it’s a leftover from the Clint Culpepper Screen Gems that was famous for making low-budget horror films that would be bounced around the release calendar, sometimes for years. This one is about the found corpse of a young girl who may have been killed via exorcism.

This was originally supposed to open in the summer of 2017, but like so many other Screen Gems films, it was continually pushed back, so now it follows the studio’s summer horror release Slender Man, which probably should have done better than its $30.6 million domestic gross. The  it wound up on the less-than-desirable weekend after Thanksgiving, a known dumping ground.

Regardless, various horror hits have proven that having bankable stars isn’t completely necessary, and one thing that Possession has going for it is exactly that, having the word “possession” in its title, because it’s something that still holds a lot of interest for horror fans. Having the word “exorcism” in the title helped Scott Derickson’s debut The Exorcism of Emily Rose and The Last Exorcism, though not the latter’s unfortunate sequel. Chances are that few over the age of 20 will have any interest in the movie even with stronger horror films like Halloween and Overlord mostly vacating theaters.

Like Slender Man, this movie doesn’t really have any bankable stars, with Shay Mitchell from Pretty Little Liars being the film’s biggest name, followed by Grey Damon, Mirror Master from The Flash.

On top of that, Screen Gems is only opening Possession in less than 2,000 theaters, another pointer that it shows little faith in the movie, as does the fact it won’t be screened in advance for critics (another Screen Gems practice of olde). I’m sure that the critics forced to pay to see the movie on Thursday night to review will just be THRILLED to write raves about a movie that few will know or care about. Frankly, I’ll be shocked if The Possession of Hannah Grace gets anywhere near the top 5 this weekend, and a 7th place opening with between $5 and 6 million would be about as good as it should get.

This week’s Top 10 should look something like this…

1. Ralph Breaks the Internet  (Disney) - $24.5 million -56% 2. Creed II  (MGM) - $18.5 million -48% 3. The Grinch  (Universal) - $14 million -54% 4. Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald  (Warner Bros.) - $12.7 million -57% 5. Bohemian Rhapsody  (20thCentury Fox) - $7 million -50% 6. Instant Family (Paramount) - $6.5 million -48% 7. The Possession of Hannah Grace  (Sony/Screen Gems) - $5.3 million N/A 8. Widows  (20thCentury Fox) – $4.4 million -47% 9. Robin Hood (Lionsgate) - $3.9 million -58% 10. Green Book  (Universal) - $3.3 million* -40%

*UPDATE: Universal didn’t expand this into more theaters as I expected, so I’ve lowered my number accordingly. Maybe the studio will expand it further next week.

LIMITED RELEASES

While there’s only one new wide release, there’s plenty of limiteds, and two of the most high-profile ones are from Netflix, one that’s also streaming Friday, the other streaming in December.  For those who want to go out this weekend, there’s also a musical-comedy to put horror fans into the holiday spirit that’s been running the genre fest circuit…

Those who have been waiting for this year’s big holiday musical zombie comedy are in luck, because John McPhail’s ANNA AND THE APOCALYPSE (Orion Pictures) comes out Friday after playing almost every genre festival going back to Fantastic Fest 2017. Taking place in the town of Little Haven, it stars Ella Hunt as Anna, a young woman planning for her high school holiday musical whose world is turned upside-down by the zombie apocalypse, but that’s not going to stop her and her friends from breaking out into song. I saw this film a few months back, and I was mixed on it, partially because it’s such an obvious homage to Shaun of the Dead but also has very modern poppy songs that really weren’t my cup-of-tea. I know a lot of people who love the movie, though, and if you want a fun time, I think the film is quickly becoming a cult classic among those who have seen and dug it.

MOWGLI: LEGEND OF THE JUNGLE is Andy Serkis’ second feature as a director, and as you may have guessed, it’s based on the same Rudyard Kipling novel “The Jungle Book” that inspired the Disney movies, using the performance capture CG technology Serkis perfected in the “Planet of the Apes” movies.  Featuring performances and voices by Cate Blanchett (voicing the python Kaa), Christian Bale (as Bagheera), Benedict Cumberbatch (Shere Khan) and Serkis himself as Balloo, this is a much darker take on the material, probably not for very small kids, but I liked it more than the Jon Favreau Disney movie, maybe because it handles things more seriously. I also thought newcomer Rohand Chand was a much more palatable Mowgli.  The film does decently when it’s just Mowgli and talking animals, but gets even better when humans are introduced into the story. Netflix will give Mowgli a limited theatrical release before streaming on the network starting Dec. 7.

The latest GKIDS animated contender to the Disney animated Oscar domination is MIRAI (GKIDS), the new film from filmmaker Mamoru Hosoda (Summer Wars, Wolf Children) along with Japan’s Studio Chizu. It’s about a four-year-old boy named Kun, whose parents give him a baby sister named Mirai (or “future”), who he immediately is jealous of due to the attention she gets. I watched the dubbed version of the movie (not my favorite thing since dubbed Japanese films always seem somewhat dumbed down for Western audiences), featuring the voices of John Cho, Rebecca Hall and Daniel Dae Kim, and it’s a fairly sweet movie with some great life lessons for younger children. It doesn’t have as many fantasy aspects as other Japanese Anime films but it does have Kun interacting with different versions of those around him, including his dog.

Receiving a one-week qualifying release on Friday is Germany’s Oscar entry is NEVER LOOK AWAY  (Sony Classics), the new film from Oscar-winning filmmaker Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (The Lives of Others). This is another historical drama, loosely based on the life of visual artist Gerhard Richter with Tom Schilling (Woman in Gold) playing a young artist who has watched East Berlin go from Nazi occupation, watching his older sister be sentenced to death due to her mental illness by a ruthless Nazi doctor (Sebastian Koch), to falling in love with a young woman (Paula Beer) who happens to be that doctor’s daughter and escaping to West Berlin during the country’s contemporary art movement. I found the movie to be overly long and a little confusing, because I wasn’t sure what the movie was supposed to be about until about 30 minutes into it.  Either way, it will open for its full theatrical release in February.

Another Oscar entry out Friday is the one from Italy, which is Alice Rohrwacher’s HAPPY AS LAZARRO, exec. produced by Martin Scorsese and getting a limited theatrical release in New York and L.A. (mainly for Oscar qualification) at the same time as streaming on Netflix. It’s a fable set within the countryside estate of Inviolata, a community of hard-working tobacco farmers who are being used by the area’s greedy Marquise. Much of the film is seen through the eyes of a teenaged simpleton named Lazzaro (Adriano Tardiolo), who observes more than he speaks, creating an introspective film that jumps forward in time… and that’s about all I can say about what’s a pretty major plot twist.

Another acclaimed doc getting a limited theatrical release is Dava Whisenant’s BATHTUBS OVER BROADWAY (Focus Features), which follows comedy writer Steve Young who discovered a number of vintage record albums that ended up being “internal use only” cast recordings for Broadway musicals made for some of America’s biggest companies like General Electric, Ford and more. The winner of this year’s Albert Maysles Award for Best New Documentary Director, the film features interviews with David Letterman (White wrote for Letterman’s show and Letterman is also the film’s exec. producer), Chita Rivera, Martin Short and more, and it will get a limited release Friday.

In THE MERCY  (Screen Media), directed by James Marsh (The Theory of Everything, Man on Wire), Colin Firth plays Donald Crowhurst, an amateur sailor who participates in a 1968 round-the-world sailing race.  Although he isn’t as experienced as other racers, Crowhurst’s design sense convinces him that he can be the fastest in the round-the-world race, much to the concern of his wife (played by Rachel Weisz). Crowhurst’s journey in his boat the Teignmouth Electron was the stuff of legend as he relayed stories back to the press in England, but as they say on the internet, you would not BELIEVE how his story ended…. And I won’t give it away. As a sailing aficionado myself (having received my sailing license a few short years ago), I was pretty excited for this movie when I heard about it a few years ago -- I even asked Firth about this when I interviewed him for the last Bridget Jones movie -- but it ended up being a dull and ultimately dour affair that didn’t even keep this sailing fan invested.

Opening on Wednesday at the Metrograph is Gary Hustwit’s doc Rams (Film First) about design innovator Dieter Rams, best known for his work at Braun and Vitsoe. No surprise that the theater owned by a designer and doc filmmaker in Alex Olch would show this, and Hustwit will be there in person after the 6pm screening Friday and 4:30pm screening Sunday to discuss. Also, it features an original score by Brian Eno!

A rare limited release from Warner Bros’ is Til Schweiger’s Head Full of Honey, an English remake of his own 2014 German hit of the same name. It stars Nick Nolte as Amadeus, a man who is slowly succumbing to dementia, much to the consternation of his son (Matt Dillon) and his wife (Emily Mortimer). In order to help her grandfather get back some of his memories, Amadeus’ 10-year-old granddaughter Tilda (Nolte’s actual daughter, Sophia Lane Nolte) takes her grandfather to Venice before he can be thrown into a home.

Opening in select theaters and On Demand is the John Pogue-directed crime-thriller Blood Brother  (Lionsgate) starring R’n’B star Trey Songz (aka Tremaine Neverson) as a cop forced to risk his life to stop an ex-con from getting revenge on the childhood friends who let him take the fall for a crime they committed. It also has a cameo by WWE superstar R-Truth!

For one “night” only, people can see the director’s cut of Lars von Trier’s controversial serial killer thriller The House That Jack Built  (IFC Films), starring Matt Dillon, which played (and disgusted many) at Cannes over the summer. I haven’t seen it yet but already got my ticket, hoping that I won’t be as nauseated as I was in the clit-snipping scene in Anti-Christ. Von Trier’s latest also stars and the “American cut” (or whatever it’s called) will be released theatrically on Dec. 14. If you’re in New York, it’s showing almost all day at the IFC Center but with many screenings already sold out.

Henry Barrial’s drama DriverX (Sundance Selects) stars Patrick Fabian (The Last Exorcism) as a  middle-class L.A. father whose record store closes, so to keep his family afloat, he takes a job driving for a ride-share service called “DriverX,” forcing him to learn to deal with his young passengers. It opens at the IFC Center in New York and presumably in L.A. and On Demand.

Just in time for the holidays, the family-friendly animated Elliot: The Littlest Reinder  (Screen Media) will open in select cities Friday and then be available for one-night only in other areas on Saturday night. It’s the story of a miniature horse named Elliot who travels to the North Pole to compete for a spot on Santa’s sleigh team. It features the voices of Josh Hutcherson, John Cleese, Martin Short, Samantha Bee and more.

Opening Friday at the Cinema Village isNo Shade (Artmattan Films), Clare Anyiam-Osigwe’s British romantic drama starring Adele Oni as freelance photographer Jade, who has been in love with her best friend Danny for 10 years, but what’s keeping them from going further is the shade of her skin.

Other films out this weekend include the Bollywood offering 2.0, Shankar’s follow-up to 2010’s Robot; Fabio Grassadonia and Antonio Piazza’s Sicilian Ghost Story (Strand) opening at the Quad; the Korean crime-thriller Unstoppable  (Well GO USA) from Kim Min-Ho; and filmmaker Robert Townsend returns with his new doc Making the Five Heartbeats (about his 1991 passion project), which gets an Oscar-qualifying run at L.A.’s Laemmle Noho 7 this Friday and in New York on Dec. 7

STREAMING

Netflix will also be streaming Italy’s Oscar entry HAPPY AS LAZARRO on the streaming network starting Friday in case you can’t get to one of the cities/theaters playing it. (See above for more.) Also, the holiday movies start coming at you hot and heavy with the sequel A Christmas Prince: The Royal Wedding, starring Rose McIver and Ben Lamb, which follows last year’s holiday rom-com. Angela’s Christmas is an animated family movie set in 1910 Ireland featuring the voices of Ruth Negga (Preacher) and Lucy O’Connell, based on Frank McCourt’s book. (I’m not sure if this is the same short that premiered in 2017 or an extension, sorry!) From France comes Romain Gavra’s  crime-comedy THE WORLD IS YOURS about a small-time mobster who accepts a job in Spain that involves drugs, the Illuminati and his overbearing mother. The description describes the movie as “Cynical” which means that it was made for me! Lastly, there’s Sebastian Hoffman’s Spanish film Tiempo Compartido (translated as “Time Share”), described as “Cerebral” (maybe not so much for me?). It involves two family men trying to save their families from a tropical paradise convinced that an American time share company wants to take their loved ones away.

REPERTORY

METROGRAPH (NYC):

A couple more days of the Midnight Cowboy  restoration, plus the Darius Khondji retrospective continues for a few more days – I highly recommend seeing David Fincher’s Se7en on the big screen if you haven’t already. This weekend’s Playtime Family Matinee is one of my personal faves, Terry Gilliam’s The Adventures of Baron Munchausen, screening on Saturday and Sunday at 11AM – bring the kids!  A bit last-minute, but Metrograph has added a Spike Lee X6 mini-retrospective, since he was already slated to intro a screening of BlacKkKlansman. They’ve added 1990′s Mo’ Better Blues, his 2006 reunion with Denzel for Inside Man, 2000′s Bamboozled, and one of my personal faves, Summer of Sam from 1999.  (Not really repertory, but the Metrograph is also launching a series this weekend called Double Exposure: Portraits and Parallels Across the Diaspora, as in African and African-American filmmakers. I’m afraid I don’t know too much more than what you can read on the site.)

NEW BEVERLY (L.A.):

Exciting news for L.A. repertory buffs… The New Bev is back!! The festivities will kick-off Saturday with screenings of Tim Burton’s Batman Returns, a double feature of Butch and Sundance: The Early Days and Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and a 25th Anniversary screening of Richard Linklater’s Dazed and Confused! Unfortunately, these are all sold out online but there may be tickets available at the door. I look forward to the programming ahead for this beloved theater. 

FILM FORUM (NYC):

Rita Hayworth 100 continues through Thursday with screenings of Blood and Sand, Cover Girland The Lady from Shanghai on Wednesday, andPal Joey, Separate Tables and Gilda on Thursday. This weekend’s Film Forum Jr. selection is Elliot Silverstein’s 1965 film Cat Ballou, starring Jane Fonda, Lee Marvin and Nat King Cole. Beginning on Friday, they have a 4k restoration of Edgar G. Ulmer’s 1945 film Detour  (Janus Films), starring Tom Neal and Anne Savage. On Friday, Film Forum is also launching a new 4k restoration of Alex Cox’s 1991 Mexican feature Highway Patrolman (Kino Lorber), and I’m always interested in seeing more from the director of Repo Man and Sid and Nancy. 

EGYPTIAN THEATRE (LA):

This weekend, the American Cinematerque’s theater has an Argentina: New Cinema 2018 series, so no repertory for now.

AERO  (LA):

On the other hand, the Cinemateque’s other theater is showing a bunch of Buster Keaton movies as part of The Great Buster series  (named after the recent Peter Bogdonavich doc), which will include Sherlock Jr. (1924) and Steamboat Willie Jr.  (1928) on Friday as a double feature, The General (1926) on Saturday with the 1921 short The High Sign, Seven Chances  (1925) on Sunday with a digital restoration of the short Cops!, followed by a screening of that aforementioned doc Sunday evening. Should be a fun weekend for Buster Keaton fans.

QUAD CINEMA (NYC):

Ack! Totally spaced on the fact that the Quad was doing a giallo series, which began over the weekend with Perversion Stories: A Fistful of Giallo Restorationspremiering DCPs of many rarey-seen if even screened in the States films like The Case of the Scorpion’s Tale (1971), Torso (1993), The Suspicious Death of a Minor (1975) and more. I’m really bummed that I forgot to mention this in last week’s column (that’s what happens when you begin a series on a Sunday, Quad) and that I wasn’t able to get to any of these, but it runs through Thursday so if you’re reading this on Weds. morning (hopefully), you still have time to catch a few of them.

IFC CENTER (NYC)

Late Night Favorites shows James Cameron’s Aliens (1986), Weekend Classics continues its Coen Brothers retrospective with O Brother, Where Art Thou? (2000) in 35mm on Friday through Sunday, while the Shaw Brothers Spectaculars series offers The Super Inframan

(1975), which looks pretty cool.

LANDMARK THEATRES NUART  (LA):

This weekend, the theater gets the restoration of Luchino Viscoti’s Senso (1968) which had been playing at New York’s Film Forum. Matt Donato*’s favorite film of all time, Dude Bro Party Massacre III,  will play at midnight on Friday. (*Look him up on social media!)

FILM SOCIETY OF LINCOLN CENTER (NYC):

German filmmaker Christian Petzold will be in town for a sneak preview of his new film Transiton Friday night, but it will kick off Christian Pentzold: The State We Are In, a two-week retrospective of the underrated German filmmaker who has delivered such modern-day classics as Barbara and Phoenix (one of my favorite movies of 2014), 2008’s Jerichow and many more, some of which have barely been seen in the United States, including his 1998 television film The Sex Thief, and 2000’s The State I Am In. Click on the title above for the full line-up, but Pentzold will do QnAs after Transit and a couple others this coming weekend.

BAM CINEMATEK (NYC):

On Monday, BAM kicked off its Making Waves: New Romanian Cinema series, so no repertory for now.

MOMA (NYC):

The Museum of Modern Art is in the midst of it’s The Contenders 2018 series, but it also continues its Silent Comedy International series with screenings of Transatlantic Teamwork on Thursday and Sunday, Clowning Around (the World) on Thursday, another screening of Daffy in Deutschland on Friday and other repeats over the weekend. Modern Matinees: Douglas Fairbanks Jr.continues with State Secret (1950) on Thursday, Stella Dallas (1925) on Friday then A Woman of Affairs (1928) next Wednesday. Since I haven’t seen any of this, I have nothing further to add.

MUSEUM OF THE MOVING IMAGE (NYC):

The 50thAnniversary restoration of Gordon Quinn and Gerald Temaner’s Inquiring Nuns continues as well as Glenn Close: Ten Great Performances by Glenn Close with Dangerous Liaisonson Friday evening, a “Sensory Friendly Screening” of Disney’s 101 Dalmations on Saturday (as well as another matinee of this on Sunday, Reversal of Fortune and Cookie’s Fortune on Saturday afternoon/evening, as well as Albert Nobbs and Close’s latest The Wife on Sunday.

That’s it for this week. Next week, no new movies in wide release... but I’ll still have a column for those interested in other stuff.

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