#i understand folks want to share their things with me to bond over it and to share the highs n lows and all

[starwarmth]

i feel like other countries often make fun of americans for claiming heritage because it doesn’t “count” but they don’t understand the natural, day-to-day displacement. your ancestors come from somewhere and the minute you want to connect because you’re everything and nothing, so you decide you want to be everything rather than nothing, everyone has cruel things to say to you and how your family’s history doesn’t matter. that it’s your citizenship that matters, even though your history and your neighbor’s history are completely different. me and my neighbor can bond over our shared citizenship, and we do. but we can’t bond over a shared history, because his people come from india and wales and turkey and korea, and the neighbor next to him has ancestors from bulgaria and nigeria and your people are both irish and ashkenazi. maybe you don’t know them, because they assimilated, or were stolen, or left their past behind. but you are them, and you want to know them, because you came from somewhere, from someone, and you want to feel a connection.

you want a family.

a lot of the american experience is displacement, i feel, unless you’re native american, and you’re STILL displaced because this is your land, the land of your people, and it was taken from you.

and folks could say “okay then go to the place of your ancestors” but you’re not like your ancestors anymore, because they left. you’re american now, you grew up in america, with a set of values, dialect, jokes, understandings, that all are related to the specific region in which you were raised. but that doesn’t mean that you appeared out of the blue, with nothing and no one attached to you. you still have vestiges, and you want to know them.

because, being american, there’s the choice of being either everything or nothing. and everyone wants you to be nothing, because how can you be everything. it’s very easy, in some strange way, to be everything. because someone fell in love with another and had a child and to them that child was everything. and it feels wrong to say that you’re nothing, because then those people who had a past, who raised you and loved you, who made you everything—then they were nothing. and they weren’t nothing.

#musings

[shallowseeker]

You've shared some things about seeing Jack as a baby as being ableism and I was wondering where you stand on this issue?

I'm assuming this is about the poll I shared. I think where I land right now on this particular issue: I assume the most charitable view I can. Escapism is the point for a lot of folks, so I try not to begrudge them that.

Some other, more rambling thoughts:

1. Jack had a longer anticipation phase: Unlike Amara and Emma, who are also supernatural born-adult cosmic entities, there was a longer anticipatory phase with Kelly, where we were excited about her pregnancy and anticipating her baby.

We journeyed with Kelly through being anguished over her decision-making and bonded with Cas over buying diapers etc etc. We also got to know Kelly (and Kelly's parents) way more than Emma or Amara's human parents. I think this attenuates some of the fandom preferences. NOTE: (Amara refers to herself as a child when she came to earth, saying of Crowley, "He tried to control me when I was a child." So I think the prodromal phase to her primordial emergence isn't as cut-and-dry as we'd like either.) But the thing with all of them is their growth is clearly presented as abnormal and outside the scope of a typical "human" experience. They are all characterized by their powers and their massive, massive intake of information. They all overshadow human sensibilities with their vastness, and over power them by leaps and bounds.

Simply put, they're much much much higher on the food chain, and that causes intense anxiety in their human relationships, something AU Michael keys into for Jack in The Spear:

via @spnscripthunt

Jack was afraid Michael was right. That he'd grow into thinking of his familial loyalties the same way we humans think about hamburgers or clothes.

I'm also thinking of this quote:

"As exquisite as the natural world is, however, there exists a violent underbelly that, for some reason, mostly goes unnoticed...In point of fact, the survival of any one species depends entirely on how successfully it's able to willfully kill--and usually eat--its neighboring species. Even human vegans and vegetarians survive by the demise of plants. Moreover, if you're wearing clothes as you read this, you're wearing death." -Randall R Scott from Entanglement is Not Spooky

In physics, the word information is closely related to microstates and probabilities. In some limited circumstances information is functionally similar to entropy. However, information is no substitute for knowledge and experience. I think the cosmic entities have way, way more information than humans, but not always more wisdom, so the power imbalances aren't super cut-and-dry. (This is why I write Jack-Harper like this.)

In fact, I think humans can naively latch onto the "perceived" playfulness and strangeness of the cosmic entities as a means to ease the anxiety of the inherent, extreme power imbalance. (Example: sexual inexperience is not a meaningful indicator of "innocence" when the same character is also an experienced war mongerer and cannibal. For a human to assume that is silly. Naive.)

///

2. The Jack infant pushback analysis is helpful for me: I've found the ableism analysis really helpful for delving into Jack's own perspective of who he is, how he relates to and moves through the world, and how he is perceived by others.

Simply put, I like it.

I'm a weirdo, (I test around 21-23 on the autism quotient, around your average chess champion), but that's a long way from having enough autistic traits to say what is or isn't ableism on this issue.

Even if that's not your primary mode of viewing Jack, I found it helpful for viewing Jack, not as a fanon wish fulfillment (though wanting happiness for character is, as I said above, completely understandable) but instead as a complex character all on his own.

And for that, I love how it tickles my brain. I'll start tagging it #complex jack and #culture hero jack if that helps!

///

3. Is baby Jack my favorite thing? No. But I've decided to focus on just...writing more actual Jack meta instead.

I want to emphasize the complexities of his role as WAR SON and the idea of his effervescence as at least partly defensive performance (a la analogous to performing!Dean). He's a pretty sassy mofo; Kelly Kline is too.

I think a lot of his interiority being similar to Mary is fascinating. (They are both child soldiers.)

I also like how the TFW dads’ views on Jack are often analogous to how they view themselves.

So you'll find I write a lot of that kinda stuff instead.

///

4. Culture hero Jack: I think if I had to characterize where I'm at with Jack as a character, I get the most mileage out of the Born-Sexy-Yesterday trope (Like Vision from the MCU) and Culture Hero myths (which often features babies born as adult males who are at war with their murderous God!grandfathers).

It's not to say that's better or more right. I just dig it. You'll find that I write and share what I find personally compelling.

There are a lot of opinions that I find well-argued that...simply don't do anything for me right now. Sometimes it's a vibe I'm just not feeling, sometimes it's a topic I exhausted in my youth and am just extremely played out on.

For now, I just focus on the ones that do it for me. :-)

Sorry that got rambling.

I hope that answers your question and makes you feel open to me sharing some of this stuff without feeling like maybe I'm bashing you if you enjoy that content? Anyway... :-)

#ask #jack stuff #complex jack #amara #emma winchesters #fandom wank #for blocking purpose only #this isn't wank at all #i eat what i like #there are plenty of analyses i think are great but don't share cause they just don't do much for me anymore #and i don't overthink that! #culture hero jack

[louisrarepairfest]

LOUIS RARE PAIR FEST (2022)

- Masterpost -

17 amazing Louis Tomlinson rare pair fics written by 17 amazing writers! Thank you all so much for joining the fest and sharing your fics with us!

With This Wing, I Thee Wed by LadyAJ_13 / @ladyaj-13 [Louis/Niall | Teen&Up | 4k]

“Nando’s?” Niall crosses his arms and pouts, a little line appearing between his eyebrows. “I want Nandos. I like Nandos.” “And I like my dignity,” Louis mutters.

enough to make a girl blush by @disgruntledkittenface [Louis/Niall | Explicit | 22k]

“When I saw you on the sidewalk that day, I couldn't believe it. It was like getting another chance or something.”

“Another chance?”

“Yeah, I think I liked you from the minute I met you in Ms. Conrad’s kindergarten class. It just took me a while to realize that’s what it was. A crush.”

Louis blinks. “You had a crush on me? The whole time we knew each other?”

“The whole time,” Niall says, not looking embarrassed or upset at all. “I don’t want to mess anything up for you, but I really like you and I really like spending time with you, and I just… hope that’s okay.”

When Louis moves from her small hometown to the city, she runs into her childhood friend Niall. Despite her surprise at learning that Niall presented as an alpha, she’s immediately drawn to her. As their relationship progresses and Louis settles into life in the city, she learns that love, sex and identity aren’t always as simple as she’d been taught growing up.

And she wouldn’t have it any other way.

Next Door  by @allwaswell16 [Louis/Rob Pattinson | Not Rated | 2k]

When a stray cat starts coming round Louis' garden and bothering his dog, Louis and his best friend set out to capture it.

Or a famous/famous fic where Louis and Oli embarass themselves in front of Batman.

over my shoulder  by @nouies [Louis/Sebastian Stan | Explicit | 10k]

The media thinks omega singer Louis Tomlinson is dating alpha actor Sebastian Stan because they bump into each other all the time.

Everything changes when they accidentally bond.

Not Sure How To Say This Right by @wabadabadaba [Louis/Florence Pugh | Mature | 7k]

An hour ago, Louis was working, her feelings for Florence in the back of her mind like they always were. An hour ago Florence was untouchable, just another girl Louis liked but couldn’t have. An hour ago, Florence was her best friend who was dating a man who made her miserable and didn’t understand her worth. An hour ago, Louis didn’t stand a chance.

Or, Louis had resigned herself to be Florence's best friend and watch from the sidelines as Florence gave her all to someone who didn't appreciate her. That was until she came home to Florence in her kitchen with a new hair cut, brownies and newly single.

Cigarettes and Chances by @faithinwalls369 [Louis/Liam Gallagher | General | 7k]

Event Photographer Louis Tomlinson isn't the luckiest of folk. On a whim, he decides to enter a competition via local radio, for a chance to have backstage access to Liam Gallagher's latest album release tour. Louis was already planning on snapping some shots but what he didn't bargain on was winning the competition.

The Concept Of Controlled Love by Kikiberoski16 / @larrysballetslippers [Louis/OMC | Explicit | 10k]

“I hope you don’t have a class or something. It won’t happen again.” He stood straight and put out his hand for Louis to shake. “I’m Andrew.”

It sounded so sweet and polite that Louis had no choice but to accept he was already in love. “I’m Louis, nice to meet you. I… I’m waiting for someone, but he can wait.” Louis shook Andrew’s hand and a blush covered his face.

“Umm, I think you meant to meet me?” Andrew squinted his eyes, but Louis’ mind went blank. “I’m Picture Nerd.”

Or, Louis and Andrew make a deal to help each other pass the term, but things turn out differently than expected.

Worth the Risk by Lhhome / @lhhomefics [Louis/Lando Norris | Explicit | 5k]

“Hmm.. I guess. I just want someone I can take the risks for H. Is that too much to ask for?” Louis sighs and flops backwards.“It isn’t too much to ask for and it sucks that there are things we have to worry about, that there is even a risk to be taken but well, maybe that's what love is, something that’s going to be worth the risk.” Harry says with a half shrug.

The one where Lando Norris just wants to flirt with the cute guy he saw from across the room and Louis finally finds someone who is worth the risk.

here with me by haveufoundwhaturlookingfor / @sup3rbloom [Louis/Nick Grimshaw | Teen&Up | 6k]

Louis has been secretly dating Nick, and things were going so smoothly, but then Nick finds out that he's pregnant and they have no choice but to tell everyone about their relationship.

Me And You Is All I've Ever Known by restless_rebels / @restless-rebels [Louis/Zayn | Teen&Up | 24k]

Zayn managed to break the hold Louis had on his chin and looked away. “I’m not throwing it away. I’m making room for you to do the things you want, and making sure I’m not stuck here, waiting. I’m protecting both of us.” Zayn explained, tossing the shoulder strap from the bag on his shoulder, and grabbed his phone and charger from the bedside table. “I’m gonna go get a hotel room. Have a safe flight Lou.”

Zayn started walking away, making sure his eyes didn’t linger on anything in the apartment. He didn’t hear any footsteps behind him, meaning Louis wasn’t following him. He chose to take that as a good sign, Louis was accepting what Zayn wanted.

“I love you! And I always will! I’m going to come back and prove that!” Louis shouted down the hall as Zayn opened the front door.

The Seduction Of Draco Malfoy by Stillwriting / @adam-my-adam [Louis/Draco Malfoy | Explicit | 7k]

The handsome, prickly stranger had melted into a wrecked, sexy, pleading dream…and Louis had done it to him.

Or: Louis needs a distraction after his tour. Draco still struggles with his past, Potter, and his dreaded mark. At the suggestion of his late-wife Astoria, he makes a trip to muggle London to try and put his old life completely behind him. He’s doubtful…but then he encounters Louis Tomlinson.

Demons Hide by sitandadmire / @louistomlionson [Louis/Four(Tobias Eaton) | Not Rated | 777 words]

"When are you getting that tongue piercing we talked about?"

Louis chuckles. "As soon as you manage to keep me pinned down long enough, love."

Running From The Sun  by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment [Louis/Niall | Mature | 11k]

Louis growls and lunges at the slayer without warning. Niall easily deflects her, though, then grabs the collar of Louis’ leather coat with her unnaturally strong grip and throws her back into the wall where she came from. If Louis had been human, she might have been knocked out. It’s a good thing that she isn't. “Is that all you got?” the slayer asks, raising an amused eyebrow. “Oh, we’re only just starting, love,” Louis replies.

It's All Come and Go  by @haztobegood [Louis/Orville Peck | Explicit | 2k]

“Truck stops are like the original Grindr.” - Orville Peck, Coachella 2022

something runnin' around my head  by andfollowthesun / @halien [Louis/Niall | General | 7k]

When Harry had invited them to Anne and Robin’s party for their tenth anniversary, Niall had asked him whether they should bring anything, and Harry had shrugged in his usual way and said, “It’s mostly going to be my parent’s friends. You can bring something if you like,” which was as unhelpful as it was infuriating. Louis likes to think that Anne and Robin like them though; the three of them have been flatmates for the better part of two years, and friends before that. It would be bad form to show up to an anniversary empty-handed.

When you love someone, you make room by louloubaby92 / @louloubabys1992 [Louis/Jamie Campbell Bower | Explicit | 20k]

‘’Liking the view?’’

‘’Like your eyes actually,’’ Jamie says which…surprises him. He tilts his head, back and realizes how tall Jamie is up close. Their height difference is almost staggering.

‘’First thing I noticed across the room,’’ Jamie informs him.

‘’My eyes?’’

‘’They’re really pretty,’’ Louis is surprised again when Jamie turns shy, eyes cutting away, like him calling Louis’ eyes pretty is something of a secret. ‘’Surely you must have been told that by a lot of admirers,’’

-Jamie Campell Bower is a big deal, of that Louis is sure. He's a walking charmer with a jawline to die for. So, it's a bit of a surprise when Jamie looks his way, let alone approaches him to chat him up. Now that, Louis finds very, very interesting.

flame colored paradise by cinnamons / @sunbellylou [Louis/Mads Mikkelsen | Explicit | 3k]

A side smirk widened Mads’ lips. He looked like a sight straight from heaven in his dark three-piece suit, hair in perfect place, a relaxed look on his face, as if he hasn’t had a hard-on for the last half an hour. Louis loved how Mads was always perfectly composed, never a single strand of hair out of place. He could have his whole cock buried in Louis, with the boy falling to pieces in front of him, but not a single drop of sweat would dampen his face.

#louisrarepairfest #trackinghome #tracksintheam #1dficvillage #1dsource #1drarepairfics

[capricxs]

well well well, i’m tossing myself into the ring once again to find some folks to write with! i’m looking for more writing partners for discord only, who love to hc/plot, and get the uptmost brainrot for our plot and muses.

below i’ll list some plots i really want and you can read more info about 1x1 rules here. i play any gender, open to any ship dynamic.

give this a like or message me directly if you’d like to plot!

plots i’d love

****(tom/shiv/greg-esque mlm wlw plot) muse a and muse b have been married for years. part of the business elite, they barely have enough time for one another, and when they do, it’s less than savory. that’s why muse c and d have been keeping the spouses the proper company they deserve (or do they. survey’s still out) basically, i want my wlw and mlm dynamics but maybe it’s just one big polycule idk sounds messy sounds fun. [zero preference for muse]

****(spyxfamly-inspired plot) muse a, a spy and and muse b, an assassin, adopt a daughter and have to pretend to be married and be a family for the advancement of a mission, but neither of them know who the other truly is. [zero preference in character]

(modern royalty plot) muse a never planned to be a royal, they had an older brother that secured the position of heir, but after the death of their brother & their parents, muse a has been jumped to front of the line. while beloved by the public for their big heart and philanthropic activities, muse a knows nothing about diplomacy and ruling an entire country. enter muse b into the scene, who is muse a’s body guard, diplomacy coach, or utp, who know has to follow muse a on this journey. [i am interested in muse a with a masc character]

(con artist throuple) muse a and muse b have been working together for as long as they can remember, conning their way through every major city and just barely managing to get away with it each time. enter muse c, the hot bombshell they meet in las vegas, and turns out they have the same mark that they do. as time goes on, they find that muse c might be making them a mark, too. [open to playing any character, with a preference to muse c with a fem character, also open to turn this into a 1x1x1]

(sci-fi crime) the life is ideal when you’re at the top. muse a is a crime boss who seems to run most of the show in futuristic las vegas. but there’s a new cat in town, someone who is meant to work a lot with the boss, and they meet one another for the first time, then being introduced to their spouse. things seem off at first, but after a few drinks, they explain their spouse, muse b, is an android, acquired so they wouldn’t be forced to marry someone else. while there’s tension between muse a and this new face in town, they can’t help but be intrigued by muse b roped into it, and how disinterested they are in everything. [interested in muse b with a fem character]

(sci fi alien) muse a, one of the few aliens on earth, crash landed and is now using their abilities to fight crime. while they’ve been on the planet for some time, they’ve gotten themselves a close friend, muse b, who they visit regularly. while they’re not involved in crime fighting in the same way, they frequently bond together over their shared views of the city, and their different backgrounds of different planets, including helping muse a understand strange humans and this strange planet they inhabit. [interested in muse a with a masc character

(vigilante crime) muse a, rich vigilante has hired muse b as their eyes, ears, and engineer, in their vigilante work. the only problem is, muse b has to pose as muse a’s personal assistant publicly. considering they’re far smarter than muse a, but just so happen to not have a penny to their name, they have to grumble and sulk behind them to every gala in between their stints fighting crime. [open to playing either character]

#1x1 #1x1 rp #discord rp #discord 1x1 #rpt

[winderlylandchime]

I’ve seen you every once in a while mention your partner and I was wondering if you could (would want to?) tell us a bit about them/you guys? Obviously by still being as much private as you’d like to be. Swear this is not meant in a creepy way but more in a ‘awww’ type of way because they sound like a very lovely person through the little moments you’ve shared. But also if you don’t want to, that is completely understandable :)

Oh dear sweet anon! Thank you for this question. I am happy to share a bit about me and my spouse and our relationship. I’m very proud of them and who we are as a couple. It hasn’t always been easy and we have been in couple’s therapy at difficult points in our relationship. But for now I’m just going to gush. Sappy shit under the cut.

My spouse and I met in graduate school. They’re older than me but a year (kinda) behind me in school. We bonded over a shared love of music and values around social justice. Plus they are a hottie and the funniest person I know. As a result, we are both in the same field - I work primarily in the applied part of the field and they teach. Since the pandemic, they teach from home so I get to hear them lecture whenever I’m not in an appointment during their class. Um, hi, they are so talented and also the best professor.

We have been together for 16 years (17 next January). We were engaged after a year and a half together but (if you’re doing math) that was in 2008 and we had plans to move to CA but then Prop 8 passed so we had to wait until it was overturned (as well as DOMA - I don’t know if many people know this but things like health benefits got taxed at the federal level as part of income so when we were still struggling financially and domestic partners, we couldn’t shared insurance because it would have bumped us into another tax bracket). So we have been married 9 years (we didn’t immediately rush to get married as our eldest nieces had just been born and we wanted our siblings to be able to come to the wedding). Anyway! That’s the time line.

We love many of the same things. We watch most of the same TV shows and movies and we do so together. There is A LOT of pausing so we can Seriously Discuss what is happening on the screen. Together, we love Brooklyn Nine Nine, Schitt’s Creek, Drag Race (and going to live drag shows!), Good Omens, Our Flag Means Death, Heartstopper. And pretty much all the fandoms you see me scream about on here.

Queer As Folk. When I met my spouse, I hadn’t fully identified my sexual orientation. I came out as lesbian and then queer as part of being with them. When I met them, they had a chubby one-eyed cat named Kinney. Their walls were decorated with cut outs of Gale Harold from magazines. They had watched most of QAF as it aired (you know the scene in the bar where they’re watching Gay as Blazes? that was their experience watching QAF). So immediately, they sat me down and had me watch the show. They gave me a kitten for our first Christmas together and I named him Emmett. I did a rewatch in 2018 (?) and remembered that fanfiction exists and the rest is history. Unlike many couples, my spouse fully knows I read and write fanfiction. They have read some of my fanfiction and enjoy it. They think I’m talented and that I should write book (?). They buy me candy to eat when I’m writing, they let me close up for hours on end to write.

During the pandemic, we spent every day together in our apartment and we did so for longer than most folks. I have mentioned that they have a chronic pain condition and it appears to be autoimmune in nature and I have a heart condition so we’ve been especially careful (we haven’t totally avoided getting COVID which goes to show how transmittable it is). During lockdown, they also pursued top surgery and came to the non-binary identity (we’re in our 40s, identities are understood now that we didn’t have words or options). I think we became even closer during this time. I can honestly say, my spouse is my very best friend and also the cutest non-binary-bunny.

All the sappy stuff I can’t stand in fic? Tons of I love you’s, tons of (non-canon) nicknames? Ugh I make myself a little sick with how much we do all that. (Btw that is an individual fic preference)

It’s not to say we don’t have problems and we don’t argue. Of course we do. But overall they’re the best and I’m super lucky and we have worked hard to get here. Everyone who wants a partner in life should be so damn lucky.

#dear sweet anon #ask winderlylandchime #sorry this is so disorganized and rambly

[bengiyo]

180 Degree Longitude Passes Through Us Ep 8 (Finale) Stray Thoughts

We left on a very dramatic note. Here's hoping that this is a show I can recommend to the folks who waited.

Ah, Wang is gone. I can see how this will inspire flashbacks to Siam's last night.

Confirmation that Mol loved Siam. I feel like I'm always going to struggle with her. She should be scared for her son, but I don't think Inthawut is to blame for most of her troubles.

Interesting that the few times we see Mol and In share the frame is when it's about fearing for Wang's death, particularly as it mirrors Siam's.

Holy shit the scorn on her face when she said In disgusts her was palpable. I physically recoiled.

It's interesting how this show doesn't often rely on A/B shots, but they come up the most with Mol, because she's so often in opposition to others.

Mam is playing Mol's frantic behaviors perfectly. She and Pond are playing this breakdown together perfectly. I just want to be clear here that none of my frustrations with Mol should be taken as negative criticism of Mam Kathaleeya. She is absolutely incredible, and is delivering one of the most memorable performances I've had from Thailand in a while.

The way Wang looks back at his mom is so incredible. This is the moment I think Wang grows up a little bit and recognizes that you start taking care of your parents a little bit.

Ah, I see In is back in his self-imposed cage. Welcome back, architectural bars.

Seeing Wang talk about understanding his dad on the night he died scares me a bit, because my family often says I remind them of an ancestor who succumbed to his own demons and died.

Ah, but the way Wang always intentionally sidesteps these bars gets me every time.

Wang. Poor Wang. He's so right that sitting around and waiting still leads to death. I have sat back like In, making excuses for why I won't open myself up to others and it's all just fear and shame. It hurts to stay lonely for so long.

Omg Wang crosses the window line. We can't turn back now. In is definitely going to strike and push Wang away. There's not enough bravery in him, I don't think.

These two are also now in opposition, and the editing has to reflect that.

When In raised his crutch to strike Wang, I think I have to accept that there is definitely no triumphant end to this story. He can't face Wang's reality. He can't accept his passion. He can only demand he smother it. This hurts, because I've been here in other ways, too.

I will always appreciate Wang for saying the quiet part aloud. In has done a disservice to the people he loves by pushing them away and refusing to face them.

It's so sad seeing someone say I love you and also goodbye simulataneously.

It's the next morning and everyone is back to the doublespeak. I hate it here.

Oh no. This is the first time Wang has intentionally moved to place the bars between him and In. It's over. He's leaving In to his cage.

Oh gay boys and their moms. It's a very specific bond.

Yes, Wang, you've got time on your side.

Mm, I do like giving the globe to In. Wang has resolved his matters around his dad and no longer needs to carry it. In, however, has not.

Oh, Inthawut, please give him this hug.

I need a translated version of this song to implode over later.

This is a melancholy ending, but I don't hate it.

I do appreciate the final messages to the viewer.

Final Verdict: 9, Recommend for Queer Cinema Fans. I know a lot of folks are going to be disappointed in this ending, but I can appreciate that the characterizations held true for the entire duration. It is a melancholy message to receive from this show, but I can accept queer cinema asking us to consider our place in things even as they don't work out the way we hoped. I will continue to think about this show for many years, and I will hopefully post more thoughts in the future.

For now, I will say that it is probably good to ache after this show. This show doesn't kill any gays during the runtime, but it does ask us what do with the pain and grief many of us have carried.

#180 degree longitude passes through us #thai drama #lgbt tv #Ben watches

[kdrama-mama]

I am SO FUCKING DISAPPOINTED with a white Jewish friend of mine. We bonded on Twitter over politics more than 10 yrs ago. We’ve discussed so many topics over the years, and I really thought we had the same values.

She’s literally sharing IDF propaganda and it’s KILLING me. I’ve been doing my best to retweet plenty of educational content from other Jews on the Palestinian struggle and why Zionism is bad. I’m not Jewish, but part of my family was, I lost family in the Holocaust, so I understand the generational trauma the Jews face and why a mass killing of Jews would be so traumatic, and am certainly sensitive to that, but a fucking genocide is not the answer. So I’ve been trying to tread lightly but at the same time, how the fuck can you believe a government that has been proven to be lying over and over and over again?!

One thing I noticed right away is that she was one of only like two white Jewish folks in my feed who were supporting Israel from the start of this. Literally not a single Jew of color of my Twitter friends (who are part of our mutual longtime circle) and follows (which I have many, as I’ve been on Twitter a long time). My friend is always “listen to black women” except she’s been awfully dismissive of the black Jewish voices.

But today, TODAY she shared a video that is straight up IDF propaganda. It is 3 purported black Israeli Jews (all with NY accents) talking about “don’t forget about us! Protecting Israel protects us too!” She isn’t listening to anyone, is obsessing over the rape that are alleged to have happened, thinks it’s a gotcha to be like, “Why are LGBTQ groups supporting Palestine? They want y’all dead!”

I swear the obsession with the rapes feels like the way white women in the South were told and believed propaganda that black men were all hyper sexual beasts who could rape them at any time (my husband’s grandmother was afraid to be in a room with a black man!). “How can you support Palestine if you’re a rape victim? Hamas raped so many Jewish women!” It’s like post 9/11 Islamophobia meets racism in the US South. It’s wild that she’s neither LGBTQ nor a rape victim, and that does not sit well with me at all considering I’m both. I’m very close to doing a thread directly tagging her to educate her and then blocking her if she doesn’t receive it well. I just can’t be friends with people who think that what happened in Gaza in okay under any circumstances.

[starfieldcanvas]

do you have any experience with or advice for coping with terminally ill loved ones who are now on the edge of the end? you’ve always been very wise and thoughtful with your answers to things, and I’m feeling a little lost right now.

I've had four grandparents die, but all when I was either twelve years old or fairly distant from them in one way or another, and I'm not sure that's the kind of experience you're looking for - I was more supporting my grieving parents than grieving myself.

the most relevant experience is probably when @fleetingeternities died, because she was young - younger than me by a few years - and, although there wasn't a specific time estimate, i knew she had a disease that would eventually kill her (rather than the kind of neurological and physical decline associated with senescence.)

honestly, I don't feel like I handled it well at all...her brother emailed me to let me know she had died, because I was on a list of internet friends to contact in the event of her death, and he asked if i had any stories or memories i wanted to share for her memorial service. and i knew she'd had a decent relationship with him but she'd had such a complicated and contentious relationship with the rest of her family - namely, they repeatedly tried to stop her from talking to strangers on the internet about her situation and illness - that i didn't feel like telling them anything about how we had bonded over avengers soulmate AUs. so i just. didn't reply. i was just quietly sad.

that's after her death, though. before her death... well, she was already sick when i met her, although i didn't know HOW sick right away. i think i dealt with it basically by repeatedly reminding myself that not everything is my problem to fix, and that what she needed was for me to be her friend and to not make everything about my own distress, even indirectly.

i will now collect what i have learned from her death, deaths in my family, and deaths in my community into what i think might be helpful to you.

1) dumping out

you might have encountered this concept before, but in case you or any of my followers haven't, it's an important one for anyone dealing with a secondhand trauma: dumping out.

Think of any crisis as a target with rings around it. The person experiencing the trauma directly - in your case, your terminally ill loved one - is at the center. If they have a caretaker, such as a spouse or an adult child doing the bulk of the care work, that person is in the second circle. Dependent children would go in that circle as well. Very close friends and any immediate family members who no longer live in the home probably come next. And so on from there, with the outer rings less affected by the crisis than the inner rings.

We all have to talk about crisis in order to process it, but it's important to "dump outward" when you wordvomit your struggles onto someone. The caretaker is likely under a lot of emotional strain, but if they try to process their grief and worry by talking it out with the terminally ill person, that's "dumping in". Instead they should "dump out" to someone less immediately impacted by the situation. And so on into the outer rings.

It sounds pretty obvious when I say it like that, but there can be kind of a wounded-animal instinct to keep the grief in, regardless of dump direction; there can be a fear that talking it over with someone less affected will spread the sorrow rather than ease it; there can be a natural assumption that the most affected will understand the best. So sometimes people dump in instead of out, and sometimes they resist dumping at all. Or they dump so far out that they have no sense of shared sorrow - if you're very close to the crisis but only talk to people 100% unimpacted (like me) that might not satisfy your needs much as you'd like.

I guess it's just a reminder to make yourself available for some "dumping out" from the people one or two rings in, and make sure you have folks to "dump out" to yourself, that you can categorize as less impacted or at least only similarly impacted as yourself.

That might help with being more systematic in your coping: thinking of yourself as ferrying emotional burden (and possibly caretaking burden as well) away from the center of the crisis and out towards the fringes.

2) ritualize your grief

Enact your own rituals. If other people suggest rituals, do your best to participate. There's a reason humans have been inventing mourning rituals since before we were even homo saliens sapiens, and it's not base superstition. It's that rituals help us process. They trigger our sadness in a way that helps us connect to each other and collaboratively process that sadness.

So, assuming you can still talk to your loved one, have an intentional interaction where you ask them a question about their life you never knew the answer to; tell them something about yourself you never said, and ritualize it somehow - associate it with an object or piece of media. Do it together with fellow loved ones. Doodle together on the same paper or listen to their favorite song together or interact with literally any other thing together that will be a sappy Important Last Memory Attempt.

If they're past that now and you haven't already done something you feel falls into this category, then do something ritualized with other affected loved ones. I know when my mom's mom was passing, my mom and my aunt sang a hymn together at her bedside, a practice which would work nearly as well with a secular song. You can google "deathbed vigil" for great practical advice if you're going to be physically present and providing support during the person's last hours.

But even if you're halfway across the country, you can still do some sort of ritualized memorial-like thing in your loved one's name, and it's important! It helps! It's not magical or religious, it's very very real.

3) hugs are good

Hug people. Hug fellow grievers, hug unaffected folks offering you support, hug pillows and stuffed animals. Nice long hugs, aggressively hard hugs, leaning on each other side-hugs. Get that oxytocin flowing. Touch. Touch touch touch touch. Including people you don't normally touch. Not to the point of true discomfort for anyone involved (that would be the opposite of helpful) but do your best to crank it up a notch.

What I remember is a tendency to sort of - hunch up. Tense up. Hold very still. And when I hugged people it was permission to unclench and let a little feeling out.

4) crying is good

Don't stop yourself from crying. Encourage other grieving people to cry. It's obviously fine if you don't feel like crying, but if there are tears anywhere near the surface, don't hold back. It's good for you.

There is, I think, a tendency among both religious and secular groups to try to make death into a happy thing. "He's with the Lord now" or "She had an amazing life and now she's returning to be one with the universe" all Do not stand at my grave and weep style. If that's how things are going in your vicinity, then make sure you clear some space to be actually sad! Do stand at that grave and do weep! It's sad when you lose someone, regardless of how great their life was or whether you believe you'll see them again in the hereafter.

5) make hot meals happen

If you're not in the home of the dying person, then make casseroles for that household. Or if you can't make casseroles then some other heat-uppable thing that can be dumped on a plate or bowl and function as a meal on its own, like lasagna or pot pie or chili or stew. And if you're not in the immediate area, then use a delivery service.

You can contact them to coordinate, but don't make them ask. (If the ill person is part of a religious community or other community organization, there may already be a meal schedule you can join!)

If you're in the household of the dying person, anticipate that cooking is going to be hard immediately before and after the death. Consider pointing friends and family to a website like MealTrain or CareCalendar to ensure your household gets hot meals regularly while they are weighed down by deep grief, providing hospice care, and possibly hosting out-of-town relatives coming in for the funeral.

----

and that's that, Dove's incomplete guide to death!

I'm sorry you're going through this, and sorry for your loved one. Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help.

#💜 #asked and answered #love #death #dove.txt

[many-but-one]

How do I make friends in college? (I feel like this is such a dumb question, and it comes naturally to everyone, but I'm facing some issues) at the beginning of the year I got acquainted with 2-3 classmates and we became friends (at least I thought we were) one of them confronted me and said something to the meaning of hey I don't think we can be friends anymore, you're not a bad person or anything, we're just not compatible. Since then I (understandably) started hanging out with her less, and as a result drifted away from the others.

(As a reminder, I'm not asking to fix our relationship, just for some advice on how to make/maintain new ones (either now or when I start a new term))

Thank you in advance :)

Hey anon! I am sorry it took me so long to get to this ask. I was actually quite surprised to receive such an ask, as most people ask questions relating to CDDs specifically. I was trying to figure out how to best answer this.

Firstly, making friends does not necessarily come naturally to everyone! I know a lot of folks who struggle very deeply maintaining deep friendships. Us included. We are very good at making friends who are more superficial or acquaintances, as I am the main host and am decently extraverted and friendly, but deep and meaningful relationships are extremely difficult and those are the ones we yearn for so deeply. It sounds like you probably do too.

Unfortunately, a lot of people get cagey about deep and meaningful relationships, as it often means you have to be vulnerable in some way which is ICKY in my opinion! 😂

But of course to reach the level of "deep and meaningful" you also have to actually MAKE the friends first, which is what you asked in the first place. You said college, so I'll give examples of how I made friends in college (and later, the workplace):

(I want to note I was really bad at making friends in college because the host(s) were different people--Jules and James--and they are MASSIVELY introverted, but toward the end of college and into the "now" time, I have become much better at finding and making friends, so I'll give what tips I know)

Join clubs. Even if you can't go every single week, just hop in and be like "Ay!" I know it can be kind of mortifying to join something late, but I really do recommend joining clubs that you have an interest in. LGBTQ+ clubs if you have any, book clubs, poetry guilds, art clubs, science clubs, leadership clubs, etc. Whatever seems interesting to you. If you don't vibe with the vibe there, then just hit the bricks. You don't have to stay in a place that makes you uncomfortable. I do, however, suggest at least attempting to ride out the initial uncomfortableness until you get more comfortable. It's normal to be uncomfortable in a room of people you don't know. Unless they are being gross or hateful, I suggest trying to stay as long as you feel comfortable, as learning who these people are and sharing about yourself will be what helps you make new friends.

Talk to people in class. I know this is hard sometimes! If you have a group project, try suggesting all of you going out to coffee together to work on it. Or just the campus library and see if people want to bring snacks or drinks. Making schoolwork less drudgery and bonding over things like shared food tastes are pretty bomb ways to make friends.

Food. Humans bond over food. If you meet people you vibe well with, ask if they all wanna go to a nearby restaurant/coffee shop/etc together. Or even just the school cafeteria.

When meeting new people, have a bit of a script. Ask questions about them. Unless they are massively guarded, most people enjoy talking about things they enjoy. (Food, TV shows they're watching, comics or books they're reading, etc.) Even if you are bored out of your mind about whatever they enjoy, be an engaged listener. I once listened to a college friend go on about the Marvel universe for like three hours. I know a decent amount about it. I don't care about it. However, I asked further questions, I encouraged them to talk more even when they were like "oh my god I've been ranting for two hours I'm so sorry" because showing you like listening means that they will see you as someone safe to talk to about their interests. Which will make them more likely to want to be your friend. Likewise, you need to be willing to open up about yourself, even a little bit.

My very last tip which is probably the most uncomfortable one is: You are going to need to be willing to put yourself out there. Which. Sucks. It's mortifying, I know. It's vulnerable. It's icky. You will likely not be able to make friends if you don't walk up to people and talk to them. If you don't join a club or talk to people in class or ask questions about people, they aren't going to know you or want to know you. To make proper friends, good friends, deep and meaningful friendships, you are going to have to submit yourself to the mortifying ordeal of being Known. Sorry about it.😂

Hope this was helpful? If you have further questions, of course, I'm wiling to answer!

#dorian🌹 #college #school #school tips #friends #making friends #college tips #if you have questions about making friends as someone with DID I would be interested in sharing about that as well #however the asker did not mention DID so I didn't want to go on that tangeant #decided to make this more basic for all the 'normal folk ' too LOL

[myddrinmob]

Coeden Onnen

We are shown shadow. It is a warm shadow, almost blood hot. It occupies a space at once vast and very, very small. Philosophers don’t give it much thought in this age, believing the important shadows live in a being's liver or heart. They are not precisely wrong. But for our purposes, they are not precisely right. This warm, red-shot shadow is the space behind a boy’s eyelids. In the daylight hours this space is filled with light, coloured and full of life, but we have entered this space as night covers the world. Behind his eyelids, in these hours, there is nothing. Behind his eyelids there is only darkness. As it should be. He is in the deepest dell of sleep, past the province of dreams and nightmares, beyond the easy intrusions of the waking world. Nothing should ever be in this dark except the sleepers own slumbering mind. Nothing should be. Merlin…

Well, chapter one is out! There's not much that's changed as yet, it being so early on: the original episode has a sweet, nostalgic cringe aspect to it that I wanted to keep - even the cringe. Mainly I've made the dragon weirder, Uther more competant - and therefore more threatening - and given us a slightly longer glimpse of Hunith and Will, so we already care about them come 'The Moment of Truth'.

The two biggest changes, in my opinion, are both to do with Mary Collins.

Throughout the canon series, Merlin gets a 'thing' about other magic users. Sometimes it seems like he can tell that they've got magic by some kind of vibe-radar - often he'll bond or flirt with them sooner than with non-magic folk. And, of course, he kills them more than anyone else.

So, lean into his vibe-radar - he clocks Mary in the crowd, feels an odd kinship with the dragon, decides to hold vigil at the execution. Next, actually sit down for a second with the fact that we see Merlin's very first kill in the very first episode - only a few days into his time in Camelot. Killing Mary wasn't necessaruly the wrong decision - he didn't have much time to think of other ways of stopping her - but it the first instance of this weird thing the show has, where Merlin will sooner defend the murderous Pendragon regime than come to an understanding with the justifiable violence other sorcerers feel towards them.

You can do some cool Watsonian meta with that - and people have - but I wanted to look at it in a more Doyalist manner. And from a Doyalist viewpoint, that's an incredibly bland, superheroes-defend-the-status-quo take on it that I don't really care for beyond the purview of some incredibly angsty magic-reveal fics.

Her voice climbs to untouched pitches, from soothing to sharp, and she moves to take something from her sleeve. She nods at him, familiar. Merlin feels as if he should know her. Her song reaches its crescendo, and she pauses in the final note’s echo. “A son for a son.” She says expectantly, as if he will understand. You took my son! And I promise you, before these celebrations are over, you will share my tears- Oh gods -

Like, Merlin should feel some kind of fucked up about this entire thing! It's fucked up! He should be thinking about his own mum, and how if he does something wrong he could be in Thomas' shoes, and now he's working for the son of the guy that killed Mary's son...

“You saved my boy’s life. A debt must be repaid,” he says, and Merlin fights not to flinch, thinking of a shadow on a balcony, of a mother with her son.

Let me leave you with our version of 'Where's Wally': can you spot an errant priestess in this chapter?

#bbc merlin #Merlin #Uther Pendragon #the dragon's call #season one

[roxannarambles]

I heard people are saying that Hunter menapulated Luz into not telling everyone he's a grimwalker by implying he knows about Philip and what Luz did. I don't really see it that way. I saw it more as him saying: " you really want me to be honest about this traumatic thing when you haven't been honest either about your shit" and like both as an unspoken agreement agree to not talk about it because they both personally know it's well traumatic. Plus I love Luz, but she has a way of dealing with other people's problems before dealing with hers. I really just wan Luz to deal with her problems before( if ever) we broach helping with Hunter's. The lunter shipper in me is squealing over them having this thing. This kinda secret experience that only they know about. Trauma bond I guess.

Oh, heck no. If people thought Hunter was manipulating Luz, they were wildly misreading that scene. I agree with you, he was simply bringing up her stuff to make the point that she wasn't being totally honest with her friends either, and she knows what it feels like to have such an awful secret. And yeah, they then left it as an unspoken agreement to keep each other's secrets. If folks don't realize this, they need to go and rewatch 'Hollow Mind.' Sounds like just some rando with a chip on their shoulder about Hunter.

You're quite right, Luz likes to focus on other people's problems before her own. I can understand the impulse; it can be a lot easier to understand a problem and see potential solutions when it's for somebody else-- solving your own problems is a lot harder. Plus, helping others feels great and can be a very effective distraction to forget about your own pain. But of course that's avoidance, and you're gonna need to cope with your own feelings and problems sooner or later.

I think Luz and Hunter are in a unique position where they can help each other a lot. Of course, they're going to need more than just each other; they should have other stable, healthy relationships too, and not to mention some good old solid therapy. But they do share a lot, and there's a lot they can learn from one another, and they can support each other. I think they will develop a strong bond and help each other to heal. And then, they will get to share some good, happy experiences together, too, once this horrible doomsday situation is over with and behind them.

#asks #goldenlight

[scarletlettergay]

A lot of folks seem to ship because they're convinced their biases are in a real 100% relationship etc. And then call folks homophobic for not agreeing. That's a little weird and maybe fetishy to me especially when it's cishet non-Asians playing telephone across multiple cultural codes they don't understand.

I can actually relate better if folks were honest about their vicarious, wish-fulfilment fantasies of youth, splendour and sex instead of owlishly sublimating it and preaching 'truth'. It's like there's romantic 'tastes' and our own orientation and preferences guide what is the ideal ship fantasy.

I ship Taejin because it has the coolest and most interesting vibe to me. It's what I would love to have. Two tangent thinkers who are very very different, independent but have amazing chemistry. Taehyung is all languid, decadent, pretty, romantic, coffee-rich, quaint and wildly multicoloured; Jin is all geeky, handsome, peach-glowy, wholesome, shrewd, gently iridiscent. It feels magical. Like some sort of Irish coffee cream brew.

A lot of Taejinnies like to ship Jikook but I don't exactly get the appeal and don't think them quite as sus. Some of their actions seem incongruous. It's a very flirty, fresh thing they have, golden-peachy, a little sassy, a little Gen Z /y2K. Kind of like JK's Left and Right. They're boba milk tea.

Jimin's personal notes are way spicier. Maybe why I like VMin too, it makes me think of a great Coorg cinnamon coffee thing.

Taekook : Now unpopular opinion, they have solid visual chemistry. It's not technically impossible. But they're like coffee and tea, two great flavours but that are immiscible. To use their potential MBTI typings as shorthand, as an ENFP and an ISTP, they share literally no life orientations in common. They bond over being ambitious, but what they're ambitious for is very different. That's fine as a friendship, even as a very close friendship, but I don't personally think it very shippable beyond the cute-boys-looking-good level. To my chagrin, very few others want to actively be with someone who literally challenges them, like a constant Rubik's cube. As Ne-dom that means me, with my I can adapt to anything enthusiasm, not convincing my set-in-stone INTJ crush who is a-Ok with their cotton-candy ISFJ partner (sigh).

I have no clue how to end this mental middle-of-the-night rambling (not crazy, just have ADHD and borderline synesthesia). But peace between all the ships and I'll be so satisfied to see all of them living their best lives, whatever form that takes for them, alone or together.

Freedom :)

#bts #Taehyung #Jin #Jimin #Jungkook #BTS shipping discourse #taejin

[capricxs]

well well well, i’m tossing myself into the ring once again to find some folks to write with! i’m looking for more writing partners for discord only, who love to hc/plot, gush over our characters, and in some cases, build verses with deep and rich lore that we can expand upon. 

below i’ll list some plots i really want, fcs i really want to use, and you can read more info about 1x1 rules here. i play any gender, open to any ship dynamic.

give this a like or message me directly if you’d like to plot!

plots i’d love

(modern royalty plot) muse a never planned to be a royal, they had an older brother that secured the position of heir, but after the death of their brother & their parents, muse a has been jumped to front of the line. while beloved by the public for their big heart and philanthropic activities, muse a knows nothing about diplomacy and ruling an entire country. enter muse b into the scene, who is muse a’s body guard, diplomacy coach, or utp, who know has to follow muse a on this journey. [i am interested in muse a with a masc character]

(rom-com plot) muse a had planned the perfect wedding, unfortunately, getting dumped at the altar was not exactly in the cards for them. after having such a humiliating, and drastic situation, they find many people in their life are also getting married. as a come-back tour, muse a decides to accept each invitation, only to find that they will keep running in muse b at each of these. a sweet slow burn about facing your grief and owning your own pain. [open to playing either character]

(con artist throuple) muse a and muse b have been working together for as long as they can remember, conning their way through every major city and just barely managing to get away with it each time. enter muse c, the hot bombshell they meet in las vegas, and turns out they have the same mark that they do. as time goes on, they find that muse c might be making them a mark, too. [open to playing any character, with a preference to muse c with a fem character, also open to turn this into a 1x1x1]

(late twenty-something mumu) a group of friends in nyc or la are coming to terms with the fact that they’re approaching 30. a verse of exes, lovers, friendships, career drama, and general nonsense.

(sci-fi crime) the life is ideal when you’re at the top. muse a is a crime boss who seems to run most of the show in futuristic las vegas. but there’s a new cat in town, someone who is meant to work a lot with the boss, and they meet one another for the first time, then being introduced to their spouse. things seem off at first, but after a few drinks, they explain their spouse, muse b, is an android, acquired so they wouldn’t be forced to marry someone else. while there’s tension between muse a and this new face in town, they can’t help but be intrigued by muse b roped into it, and how disinterested they are in everything. [interested in muse b with a fem character]

(sci fi alien) muse a, one of the few aliens on earth, crash landed and is now using their abilities to fight crime. while they’ve been on the planet for some time, they’ve gotten themselves a close friend, muse b, who they visit regularly. while they’re not involved in crime fighting in the same way, they frequently bond together over their shared views of the city, and their different backgrounds of different planets, including helping muse a understand strange humans and this strange planet they inhabit. [interested in muse a with a masc character]

(vigilante crime) muse a, rich vigilante has hired muse b as their eyes, ears, and engineer, in their vigilante work. the only problem is, muse b has to pose as muse a’s personal assistant publicly. considering they’re far smarter than muse a, but just so happen to not have a penny to their name, they have to grumble and sulk behind them to every gala in between their stints fighting crime. [open to playing either character]

(older muses dating/celeb) original post here. gimme a plot where muse a is recently divorced and they’ve started dating again. they meet muse b, who is also recently divorced, and they click effortlessly. maybe they meet casually at a bar or both are trying online dating and are completely clueless! the problem is that muse a wants to fall in love and get married again while muse b wants nothing to do with any of that—and yet they can’t stay away from muse a. their relationship is messy, complicated, consists of sneaking around and being carefree—something both of them missed in their early 20s and in their first marriages. exes could be involved, drama with their families/kids, and so much angst and fluff!!! (would be very fun to set this in a backdrop of affluent/celebrity types where they dodge the public in addition to the above) [open to playing either character]

(scifi android vigilante) the perfect, obedient government android has been built, muse a has been made to perform and obey, keeping the streets safe. muse b has been hired to provide maintenance on muse a, and quickly comes to find out that their code is far more complex than originally thought. muse a puts a lot of value in their time with muse b, and wants to keep them safe and happy, even if trouble seems to always find them. [preference to muse a with a masc character]

(chef mumu) a verse of those who work at, or work around, a very high-end restaurant in a major city. chef drama and all that luxury stuff.

(pr agency mumu) an agency of pr agents have to clean up the messes of some of the biggest celebrities. enough said. everything is a disaster and there’s drama for days.

faces i’d love to use

oscar isaac

brianna marquez

sisi stringer

logan lerman

matilda de angelis

barry keoughan

lewis tan

diane guerrero

rachel sennott

taylor lashae

will poulter

alba baptista

chris evans

simona tobasco

there’s certainly more this is just all i got right now

these are also faces i’d love to write against!

#1x1 #1x1 rp #discord 1x1 #discord rp #1x1 discord

[wheresurboytonighthelookslikeenj]

so it almost seems like the standard for diversity now in like popular western media seems to be like. there's one of this ethnicity and one of that ethnicity, which is technically what diversity means i guess, but it also means you have this nice lil group of different characters who all check off different boxes or smth

and like even media with good rep does this

so usually you get:

main character white folks who take up all the screen time

one or two of each minority ethnicity they want to put in

now i understand that a lot of settings are extremely white, and also that this is something that can happen; however, i grew up in a city with an immense immigrant population so i'm super used to having the majority of my class being filipino like me, so when i see main ''squads'' in fiction, especially when they're kids and/or the cast is larger, where it's just one of each, it kinda makes less sense?

because unless you're living in a small community that's very predominantly one ethnicity, there's going to be others of your culture around, and you tend to gravitate towards those people because what do you know? you have things in common.

actually within my main friend groups there are two where it's a 50/50 split and then one where it's 25/75 where the white person is the 25

so while ofc i think that those plots where kids of a certain ethnicity showing other kids of other ethnicities their culture are good, i think it's equally as important for non-white people especially kids to be represented as bonding over shared backgrounds, yknow? i can relate to all the iterations of showing your white friend your culture, but i'd also like to see more laughing about cultural references and making fun of how the white kids don't know what you're referencing, more complaining over issues of those who share your ethnicity---between the shared prejudices among those of the same culture and the shared discrimination faced---

more: youve heard of getting your white friend to eat your cultural food get ready for: getting your friend of the same culture as you to eat your cultural food because they've apparently also never tried it vfdghj

it's also more just. having people to relate to???

idk man. i could probably say more on the subject but i'm just a teen and i haven't had that many friends anyways and i also have bias because again very immigrant-heavy community (so much that white people were actually more of a minority in my elementary and middle school) but even if my experiences aren't universal i can assure you that they aren't an outlier

anyways tl;dr: there are too many predominantly white friend groups with one or two of each non-white ethnicity in media and not enough friend groups with multiple people of the same non-white ethnicity goddammit

#thoughts tonight #ajhg i dont even have anything against the media that does this it's just so. not my experience #shit i want represented: my filipino friend talking to my parents in tagalog when i don't even know tagalog myself #i think that specific scene could either be hilarious or devastating depending on how you go about it #the potential #i just wanted to make a post about the hypothetical of marcy also being filipino so she and chip could bond😭 #the fics i could write

[whereareroo]

IT WAS FUN

WF THOUGHTS (7/30/23).

I’m pleased to report that I had a wonderful time at the party to celebrate the 50th anniversary of my graduation from 8th grade. It was fun.

When I went to a high school reunion many years ago, it was a total flop. My high school was very big. There were too many people at the reunion. Everybody roamed around searching for somebody that they really knew. It was an awkward atmosphere for everyone. Pretty quickly, everybody seemed to realize that the whole thing was a mistake. The whole experience left me very skeptical about reunions.

Last night was an amazingly pleasant, and totally comfortable, experience. Partially due to the fact that it was only planned a few weeks ago, only 22 classmates were able to attend. That was fine with me. I knew every person, and I was able to spend time with every single person.

All of the attendees were very nice and very interesting. I’m proud to be a member of the club. There was absolutely no awkwardness. I don’t understand how or why, particularly given the fact that we hadn’t seen each other for 50 years, but we still share a very strong bond. Everyone sincerely wanted to talk with everyone else. Everyone was sincerely interested in everyone else. I was pleasantly surprised by the overall dynamic.

Folks came from all over the country for this event. Here’s a partial list: California; Nevada; Colorado; Florida; Kentucky; New Jersey; NYC; Washington D.C; another person from South Carolina; and upstate New York. Only a few people still call Long Island home.

I suppose it’s possible that the fellowship flowed so naturally because this particular group of attendees arrived with a good attitude. Everybody really wanted to be there. The dynamic might have been different if the group included more people and/or folks with less enthusiasm. I’m not going to waste time analyzing the possibilities. It was a very enjoyable night.

We spent most of the night sharing stories. One thing stands out in my mind. Nobody had anything bad to say about anyone else, or the school, or the Church. Isn’t that amazing? All of the memories were positive. Either we all have selective amnesia, or we were blessed with exceptionally good childhoods.

It’s a very diverse group. Some received advanced degrees, and some only graduated from high school. Some married, and some didn’t. Some had no kids, and one (God bless her) has 10 kids. Some are retired, and some still work. Some are healthy, and some have health issues. Some still go to Church, and some don’t. Sadly, at least four classmates are deceased.

Two of the musically inclined ladies had a surprise for us. In 7th and 8th grade, they played guitar and led us in song. They went to high school together, but that’s the last time they played music together. The bar had an outside area that was empty. The girls broke out a guitar and we all went out there to sing. We sang stuff from: John Denver; Peter, Paul & Mary; Simon and Garfunkel; and The Beach Boys. It was a hoot!

So what’s the lesson here? It’s what I wrote about yesterday. “Nothing ventured, nothing gained.” I’m glad that I took a chance on the reunion. It would have been a shame to miss the experience. Don’t miss opportunities for fun. Life is short.

[illisidifan]

Need to talk about this

Ok. So, my fellow queer folk. I love all of you, I really do. And you can live your lives however you like. But I do feel the need to point out that this is just buying into bullshit societal ideas about what relationships are/can be. "Queerplatonic" is just friendship. It's just being best friends. It's just being bonded to someone through friendship. And being bonded to someone through friendship can be VERY intense, VERY deep, VERY meaningful and the people who dismissed you and your very deep friendships because it wasn't romantic are just wrong.

Use whatever words you want. But be aware that when you over-intellectualize like this, you are just playing into the "normative" societal bullshit. I feel this particularly as an older milennial having watched so many of my peers and younger constantly working to find as many labels for themselves as possible, to more precisely and accurately describe themselves. And to me, that is a completely understandable HUMAN response, to categorize, to MAKE SENSE of things that are really complex and fluid. But it's also limiting. And it's used against you. Our consumerist capitalist culture WANTS to atomize, wants you to label yourselves, wants you to get further and further separated into distinct advertisable bubbles. Because the more that happens, the more disconnected you are from your fellow man, the more you only identify with people who share your adjectives, the easier you are to MARKET to, the easier it is to make you miserable and then promise that buying things will alleviate that misery.

I understand the desire to be part of a group. Being outside, feeling like you are alienated from the predominate culture is really scary and upsetting. It's understandable to want to create new boxes to stuff ourselves into in order to feel a part of something again. And if that brings you comfort, by all means, live your life, ignore me. Do as thou wilt and all that.

But you don't HAVE to. You don't HAVE to label yourself. You don't HAVE to have identities or adjectives or categories. You can look straight at the people demanding to know what you are and just say "I'm a person, I'm a human being, if that's not enough maybe you need to examine why that is for yourself."

I feel like older generations, in particular generation x, understood this better and maybe it's because they lived through 70s feminism and the gay rights movement. Lived through the strong dyke women and leather daddies telling the larger society "No, FUCK you, we don't NEED to be anything that you understand. We exist so you should respect us and that's the end of it." It's antagonistic, it's uncomfortable, it spits in the face of politeness and whiteness and "respectable society" and that's the fucking POINT, y'all.

I guess what I'm saying is... don't label yourself to make it easier for others to consume you, to DIGEST you. Don't sand down the sharp jagged edges of who you are so you more easily fit into someone's picture of the world. Let your existence challenge them, let your presence as a human they can't relate to or understand stretch their fucking brain a bit. We can all stand together saying "You don't get to tell us who we are and we reject, TRULY reject, your ideas about gender and sexuality and friendship. We exist, this is how we are, and we're not going to give you new special words to use to make you feel safer around us because the fact that you don't feel safe around us IS the problem, not the fact that we exist."

Visible minorities don't get to claim their identity. They are whatever society says they are. People are uncomfortable around them and make assumptions about them based on things they literally cannot hide. It's not the responsibility of the minority to make themselves more palletable, more fitting to the predominate culture. It's the job of society to learn to stretch and accommodate them as human beings solely because they are HUMAN BEINGS. End of story, no coda, no PS.

YOU DO NOT HAVE TO FIND WORDS TO MAKE YOURSELF ACCEPTABLE TO ANYONE.