#i want someone to tell me how much they love my art and how it impacted on their lives and how they love what it was and how it was made

[daydreamalley]

A Ramble about Phase 19 of the Fifteen Manga Ft. Storm Bringer spoilers

Just absolutely cannot get over the 15 manga. I love the light novel so much, but this manga adaptation is so ridiculously amazing. Dazai and Chuuya’s proximity/touching has been amazing of course. I adore the way Hoshikawa draws Dazai and Chuuya as well (my baby boys, especially Chuuya). But these last two chapters with Rimbaud and Verlaine. Like, fuck. The whole “At least, one of them felt that way,” part just hits so much harder in the manga for me, with the art and page placement. And this whole most recent chapter. Like firstly, you don’t have to end every chapter with like Chuuya getting stabbed okay, help me out here.

Comparing the last page of phase 18 with Verlaine and the first page of phase 19 with Chuuya makes it so obvious that Rimbaud is seeing the similarities between them with just that parallel, which is confirmed later with Rimbaud quite literally seeing Verlaine standing behind Chuuya. 

Not to mention in phase 18 the “That’s right Paul, I remember you,” in conjunction with him seeing Verlaine in Chuuya.

Then that flashback with Verlaine carrying Chuuya and Chuuya’s just so small I could cry.

Like, I knew he was small, but he's just so young, I can't. People were experimenting on him. Like, how??

The way Rimbaud wants to ask Chuuya something and Chuuya crouches down to him. Which leads to Rimbaud putting a hand around Chuuya as he tells him to live. How close and personal they are when Rimbaud says all of this just make it feel so much more impactful for Chuuya. Kinda love too that Chuuya isn't just standing over Rimbaud. He's making it obvious he's open to listening.

Rimbaud says a lot of shitty things to Chuuya up to this point, even complaining that he has to kill a kid while only referring to Dazai, completely not acknowledging Chuuya as anything more than Arahabaki. But once he fully remembers what happened with Verlaine, I feel like that’s when Rimbaud remembers what he truly believed about Verlaine and his humanity and how that extends to Chuuya’s humanity. Because Rimbaud’s whole final speech is most definitely things he’d also thought of or told Verlaine before (as I think is confirmed in SB). I think those are Rimbaud’s true thoughts and beliefs on the matter, it just took that long for him to remember the full story and how he felt about it all. Rimbaud saw Verlaine’s struggles with humanity, and now he also remembers why Verlaine betrayed him. And so he tells Chuuya to live, just as Verlaine wanted him to back then, live without the burden of worrying about your humanity or where you came from, because “you are you.” It doesn’t matter if Chuuya (and Verlaine) “are but a pattern etched on the surface of raw power.” In Rimbaud’s mind, and honestly where we eventually end up at the end of SB, is that it really doesn’t matter what your origins are, whether someone is an artificial personality (aka pattern) etched onto raw power, because really everything is some version of a pattern upon the world. And in a word with abilities, a lot of people are a pattern connected to a power. Just as in SB Chuuya decides that even though Adam isn’t human and he knows it, it doesn’t take away from Adam’s actions, his sacrifices, or his dreams. Same goes for Chuuya and Verlaine. Their origins don't affect how human they truly are. Their humanity is significant no matter what. It just took a bit more convincing for Chuuya to get there, a little more than what Rimbaud could offer on his (almost) deathbed.

Anyway, Chuuya holding Rimbaud’s hand as he dies just does things to me. Like, the book described that “Both Chuuya and Dazai quietly listened as if there was something in what Randou (Rimbaud) was saying that they couldn’t allow themselves to miss… Some things, however, would not return to normal: the body of a man who no longer felt the cold, and the hearts of two boys who stood rooted to the spot, staring at him. A gust of wind peered through their souls as it passed them by.”

This page just so well depicts that last line. It truly feels these boys have heard something so monumental, that they won’t ever forget. Standing in the aftermath of their first fight together, hearing these words about humanity that both mean so much to both of them. Dazai’s expressions really convey this to me in the manga, and convey it just so beautifully. And Chuuya being so close to Rimbaud when he speak those words just makes it feel like those words truly are so monumental for him. And also this means that Chuuya fought to kill a man, that to be entirely fair and clear was trying to kill him first, and then held to his hand as he dies, and there’s just something about this added detail that’s so significant to me in portraying the weight of it on Chuuya. Chuuya's connection to Rimbaud is a complicated but important one. But really these words are important for both boys, because let’s not forget that Dazai also struggles with his humanity. Even if he doesn’t have a physical reason to doubt his humanity, like Chuuya, there are many other reasons that he does doubt it. So hearing that all people and all of humanity are really just patterns within the physical world, human or not that’s true of everyone and everything, and that’s important for Dazai to hear too. I think both boys think back to Rimbaud’s final speech quite a bit, if I’m being honest or did for a while.

I am NOT getting over the detail that someone (Chuuya??) put Rimbaud’s scarf on his grave. I just… it does something to me and I love that detail so much. And cutting back to that “You are you” line while Chuuya’s talking to the grave is just so perfect in my opinion, and again just shows the significance of it so, so well. It’s like, he's talking to Rimbaud, complaining about his actions really, and then it cuts to that “you are you” and it just shows almost the contrast I guess between Chuuya feeling unrest at not finding stuff about his past that Rimbaud could’ve given him, but maybe wouldn’t have anyway, and Rimbaud’s statement that those things don’t matter because Chuuya is who he is beyond all that. Also the little dandelion blowing into the wind, to me also signifying a wish being spread.

Anyway, entirely unnecessary to end the chapter with a big knife in Chuuya’s back, thanks. Especially after Chuuya mentions how he’s still exhausted from everything. Like let’s just, stop, please.

He's just a boy, leave him alone for the sake of all things good.

#Let's all appreciate Hoshikawa and how much they seem to truly understand the characters and how beautifully they depict it all #Can't get over Dazai's expressions in this chapter #Or generally the skk physical interaction #Or how scrungly they are #Or just Chuuya like ever but the art style is so good #They make me wanna gnaw on drywall #my ramblings #don't know if I said anything of value hence tis only a ramble #bsd #skk #bungo stray dogs #bsd chuuya #bsd dazai #bungou stray dogs #bsd fifteen #bsd analysis #sorta #dazai chuuya age fifteen #fifteen manga #fifteen manga spoilers #fifteen no longer looks like a word #bsd stormbringer spoilers #bsd fifteen manga phase 19 #bsd rimbaud #bsd randou

[blueskittlesart]

i am trying so so so hard to wait and watch nimona with my friends but i keep seeing gifs and. idk if i can willingly let myself cry that hard in front of other people

#nimona is like. like words can’t describe how formative that comic was to me. #i found it in my local fucking library when i was like. maybe 12 years old. and it is the thing that made me start writing seriously. #it made me realize that my art could tell stories. that i could say what i wanted to say using the thing i loved doing so much #it was one of the first queer stories i ever read and loved. #dear god i am going to cry so hard. from the opening of the movie i know i am going to be in tears #nate stevenson words cannot describe what your art has done for me. i am so so so excited to see this movie #anyways 😁 when i finally release my own comics i hope they are able to do for someone else what nimona did for me fr #personal

[mel-loly]

-“Oh, school has to be something serious, especially this year/something like that!”

The things I did when I was at school (especially in computer class):

TW: cigarette

I have a lot of memories, and this is certainly one of the most important/best/funniest in my life. I'm really going to miss everything... and I'm already crying lol..

#yes. I did that- and my friends loved that stuff <33 #*sigh* I'm really going to miss it.. I'm not ready to be someone older... (I really hate the future) #and I'm not posting anything yet because I'm waiting for christmas day to me come back. that's why I'm not answering anyone #when I get back. I'll kind of try to have more content and answer you guys. but for now I want some time... #I want my year to end in a different way. #like- full of memories. the ones that made me laugh the most. these are the ones I really want to remember.. #I don't want to leave aside everything I've experienced this year. and in all these last years actually. #I want to remember them. I want to make them become stories so I can tell other people how much I had fun.. #and I hope that even I will enter a new life. I can also have other stories to tell and have fun! #with other people. and maybe. with my friends too.. #so- yeah. I'm mel. and hope if you read this. say something.. to let me know that you care or something... #i'm mel and this is my blog✌️ #my art blog #my memes #? #my memories #my memories of school #my memories at school

[icewindandboringhorror]

examining a seemingly normal image only to slowly realize the clear signs of AI generated art.... i know what you are... you cannot hide your true nature from me... go back where you came from... out of my sight with haste, wretched and vile husk

#BEGONE!!! *wizard beam blast leaving a black smoking crater in the middle of the tumblr dashboard* #I think another downside to everyone doing everything on phone apps on shitty tiny screens nowadays is the inability to really see details #of an image and thus its easier to share BLATANTLY fake things like.. even 'good' ai art has pretty obvious tells at this point #but especially MOST of it is not even 'good' and will have details that are clearly off or lines that dont make sense/uneven (like the imag #of a house interior and in the corner there's a cabinet and it has handles as if it has doors that open but there #are no actual doors visible. or both handles are slightly different shapes. So much stuff that looks 'normal' at first glance #but then you can clearly tell it's just added details with no intention or thought behind it. a pattern that starts and then just abruptly #doesn't go anywhere. etc. etc. ) #the same thing with how YEARS ago when I followed more fashion type blogs on tumblr and 'colored hair' was a cool ''''New Thing''' instead #of being the norm now basically. and people would share photos of like ombre hair designs and stuff that were CLEARLY photoshop like #you could LITERally see the coloring outside of the lines. blurs of color that extend past the hair line to the rest of the image #or etc. But people would just share them regardless and comment like 'omg i wish I could do this to my hair!' or 'hair goallzzzz!! i #wonder what salon they went to !!' which would make me want to scream and correct them everytime ( i did not lol) #hhhhhhggh... literally view the image on anything close to a full sized screen and You Will SEe #I don't know why it's such a pet peeve of mine. I think just as always I'm obsessed with the reality and truth of things. most of the thing #that annoy me most about people are situations in which people are misinterpreting/misunderstanding how something works or having a misconc #eption about somehting thats easily provable as false or etc. etc. Even if it's harmless for some random woman on facebook to believe that #this AI generated image of a cat shaped coffee machine is actually a real product she could buy somewhere ... I still urgently #wish I could be like 'IT IS ALL AN ILLUSION. YOU SEE???? ITS NOT REALL!!!!! AAAAA' hjhjnj #Like those AI shoes that went around for a while with 1000000s of comments like 'omg LOVE these where can i get them!?' and it's like YOU #CANT!!! YOU CANT GET THEM!!! THEY DONT EXIST!!! THE EYELETS DONT EVEN LINE UP THE SHOES DONT EVEN #MATCH THE PATTERNS ARE GIBBERISH!! HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THEY ARE NOT REAL!??!!' *sobbing in the rain like in some drama movie* #Sorry I'm a pedantic hater who loves truth and accuracy of interpretation and collecting information lol #I think moreso the lacking of context? Like for example I find the enneagram interesting but I nearly ALWAYS preface any talking about it #with ''and I know this is not scientifically accurate it's just an interesting system humans invented to classify ourselve and our traits #and I find it sociologically fascinating the same way I find religion fascinating'. If someone presented personality typing information wit #out that sort of context or was purporting that enneagram types are like 100% solid scientific truth and people should be classified by the #unquestionaingly in daily life or something then.. yeah fuck that. If these images had like disclaimers BIG in the image description somewh #re like 'this is not a real thing it's just an AI generated image I made up' then fine. I still largely disagree with the ethics behind AI #art but at least it's informed. It's the fact that people just post images w/o context or beleive a falsehood about it.. then its aAAAAAA

[quinn-pop]

Mayta Knight day 4 - Loss

this is one of those comics you can easily tell was unscripted but 1. the loss of one’s self is probably one of my favorite themes ever and 2. i infect everything i draw with fluff (apparently)

bonus:

#text in notes !! #as you can probably tell i did some very bad editing on this one #I REALLY hated how some of the panels turned out so #this is the only way it’s somewhat presentable okay #pen art struggles #you can just pretend it doesn’t look like mk’s poking kirby in the eye… #anyway yea this is my maskless mk headcanon #the paw pads are very much just because i like drawing them #and i love when people give him scars and all but im not good at drawing those and keeping them consistent n whatnot #and then ill have to commit to deciding whether he’s fluffy or not and im not ready… #kirby #kirbyposting #meta knight #metadad #mayta knight #my art #seriously someone tell me how that works #oh. Yeah. and ignore 5 finger mk. please. Please i dont want to redraw this LMAO

[effervescent-fool]

Biggest thank you in the world to those that have sent me DMs about my art. Thank you to everyone who has sent me love and support for my work. Thank you to everyone who has given me the motivation to continue doing art. I'm not always the best at responding to these things but the support I have received from here means the world to me ❤️

#i am a godawful conversationalist but you guys are the nicest people on earth #and to know that my art was enough to make someone want to reach out specifically so they can tell me how much they loved it is to know that #i have truly made it as an artist #james.txt

[enigmaticdoctorscully]

🔮Crystal Bruno🔮& his pissed off sisters

Searching for a Miracle still has me in a choke-hold

@sokkas-first-fangirl

#my art #encanto #pepa madrigal #bruno madrigal #julieta madrigal #atlantis au art 2 for sokkas-first-fangirl #encanto art #madrigal triplets #in which marina still doesnt really know how to draw men but is trying #also im SUPER pleased with how pepas hair turned out #i have another save without the green glow on pepa and julieta if anyone wants to see it dm me and ill send it lol #if someone wants to tell me why i spent a whole day just doing the linework for julis little braids when you cannot SEE it #idk why i love formatting the text on these like that so much #pepa bruno julieta #i know theyre CLOTHED but its not as sexy sue me #im here to simp for julieta #just started wrting about pepas hair turning out so well and noticed i already did that #very on brand for me #im making headway on this sexy motorcycle au drawing yall im lOSING MY MIND

[frecklystars]

I’m so fucking desperate to feel that love again!! that safety!! I don’t want to associate TF characters with the person who betrayed me anymore!! I want to associate them with all of that love I felt for years and I have no idea how to get back to that feeling. my god I’ll do anything. I don’t care how long it takes, I’m so scared and I just want it back. I cannot tell you how exhausting it is to have anxiety gripping onto your brain 24/7, to be constantly on the verge of a panic attack, to feel unsafe and on edge because your personal information was searched for relentlessly by someone on the internet. I cried so much at work today because the phone was ringing and the caller ID showed my ex-friend’s state, and I was so scared it was her. It was most likely spam, like always, but I didn’t pick up the phone. I shouldn’t have to feel scared like that. 

I couldn’t get any work done, I didn’t finish one single thing. I had five hours to complete my tasks and I got absolutely nothing done because I kept crying and having anxiety attacks every 20 minutes. I had to lock the door and put up the “be back in 5 minutes” sign and go into the storage closet and crouch on the floor to try to catch my breath because I couldn’t calm down and I was scared of a customer or a manager seeing me like that. I’m a fucking mess!!! I was so tempted to just walk out into traffic, just get it over with, I’m so sick of feeling so bad. I’m not okay! fighting off the suicidal urges is so hard when I don’t have F/Os, and the last thing I need right now is this firm belief that my F/Os actually want harm done to me. I need them more than ever and I’ve been conditioned to feel scared of them. I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared I’ll never recover, I’ve never felt this way before and it’s been nonstop for almost a whole year. I don’t want to be stuck like this. what if I never get them back?? I see gifsets of Starscream and I’m like “god I love him so much” but then I end up crying because I don’t think he loves me, I think he would stab me if my ex-friend ordered it. i think he’d rip me apart just to make her happy. I never used to doubt his love for me, now it’s like I don’t remember that safe feeling at all. i’d do anything to get him back. i hate feeling like this i can’t fucking function like a person anymore. I hate feeling unsafe in my own workplace I hate feeling unsafe in my room I hate flinching every time my phone goes off even though I know she can’t contact me anymore

#and im still so fucking baffled!! like!!! dude i have ptsd from her bullshit!!! how stupid does that sound!!! #COMPLEX ptsd like what the FUCK #with all the times she said she wanted to cut me off i wish she would have just done it #and so many ppl have told me she just! cut them off! and i wish she cut me off!!! #i wish she had left me alone so i wouldnt have had to go through any of this!!! #im so sick of feeling like my own comfort characters are going to betray me too!!! #m so sick of . not being able to go onto people's TF art blogs #because i know her S/I is gonna be floating around there #i hate that ive had to block some of my favorite artists that she always commissions #i hate that she gets to enjoy transformers she gets to enjoy the thing she ruined for me #and most of all i hate that she treated it like she didnt even care it was happening #her final message ot me telling me to just. stop being triggered. i fucking hte her #i hate her so much. i wish she'd leave me alonei wish she'd get out of my life #i hate feeling so scared and so worthless i hate that i think starscream doesnt love me anymore #hes my starlight and im his starflower and now its like. all of that is so stupid #i am so stupid for thinking he would care about someone like me #he'd rather be with someone manipulative he'd rather kill me than kiss me #i just want to go back to how things were ijust want my f/os back #delete later #vent

[cosmic--static]

//

#(not so)happy first time since my grandpas passing in july that I've realized how much i miss him #i was talking to an older man at the art store today about his art and he told me that he and his wife were civil war reenactors #and i thought it was so cool and i had a thought of 'oh man i should tell grandpa about this' #and just got stuck on. I cant #and it was a moment of oh man. theres a lot of wild things my color theory professor talks about that i would have LOVED to tell my grandpa #because he always questioned and wanted to know why someone did something #god it got annoying sometimes but im literally never going to find someone that im going to have that type of conversation with again #something something passage of time #it sucks. im never going to have someone to play chess with like i did with him again #no more music #OH MAN THERE WAS SOMEONE PLAYING A HARMONICA AT THE MARKET TODAY AND I ALMOST LOST IT #i have homework to do but augh crying #cosmo talks

[mossywizard]

kisses whoever bought this right on the lips

unless its a family member, then depending on who it is... either a hug or attack

tothesolarium    threadless  com

#i love this piece very much #and someone wanted it as a bag #my heart and soul #its so weird that people do wanna like live with my art #it makes me really happy #i cant tell ya how grateful i am for all the people who like i what i make #it really just #yall great thats for vibing with my soul lol

[caffeinatedopossum]

I feel like I'll never be a good artist because of my aphantasia

#its like it goes both ways... i love art but its so difficult because i cant make it spontaneously but making art helps me visualize #the things that i want to see #its the only way for me to see my alters or my inner world #and its the only way i can remember my friends faces even a little (i also have very poor facial recognition) #its my only way to imagine... my only way to daydream #my only way to see things differently #to see myself differently #and it hurts that its so limited #im scared to complain because im afraid people will tell me im just not cut out for art #or that i clearly dont really have it because i can draw #but i dont think they know just how much effort i put into everything. just how much it means to me #i feel like a terrible person and a terrible artist because i have to rely on reference images and tracing so heavily #i feel like everyone will hate me if they knew how much i rely on other peoples art to improve... #i dont want to do anything wrong i just want to maks thinge #i just want to make things #Its the reason i stopped showing people my art and the reason i dont think ill ever be able to profit off my art #even though its my greatest skill (still not saying much clearly) #im scared ill show someone something im proud of and theyll accuse me #id rather just keep it to myself... #do you know how hard it is to be proud of something or love something that youre ashamed to show anyone else? #idk this probably sounds incredibly stupud #im sorry if any of you actually read this

[paeonie-s]

insomniacs after school makes me physically ill oh my god

#nakami studying the anatomy and conditions of the heart .. him choosing the stem track bc he wants to become a nurse #or beyond in order to better understand what magari is going through #their late night podcasts .. one degree removed from direct connection making them all the more open w each other #magari unable to leave her house for who knows how long bc of a Potential complication .. feeling crushed under her families love and care #and only hoping to enjoy whatever life she has left hanging out with her friends and travelling with nakami and having herself immortalized #in the ink and paper of every photo ever taken of her by someone she loves #most wholesome series in existence yet death flags are everywhere with every potential ending having so much to say about love and grief and #their coexistence. the art the way each and every smile is drawn w sm emotion and understanding. shits crazy #THE ASTROPHOTOGRAPHY .. LITERALLY A PERFECT SYMBOL AND ELEMENT GOD the vastness of the universe and our place in it #nakami says every photo i take is a photo of you bc you are the reason this world opened itself up to me #magari says i am stuck in a room in a single country on a single planet in a single galaxy out of an infinitely expanding universe #with all my focus on a single organ within my body and the fear it incites and you still make me grateful for every second i can still hear #your voice. shit is insane and so funny and romantic and heartfelt and it tells you again and again that it will likely end in loss and #grief and a silent death and the world continuing to spin like nothing happens #but it drags you into every panel and every line and every scene it creates for a moment that streches out into infinity #its open and expressive and informative of its inclusion of health conditions and disabilities but it still takes the time to state that you #need to love without pity and without an expectation that things will always be alright #just value the time you have together. its so fucking good im gonna explode #insomniacs after school #🌸.txt

[c1nn4-bunny]

[through coughs of blood] HEHURHEUDUE YOU GUYS DONT EVEN KNOW THE NICE STUFF IM WRITING ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW !!!!! [hacks up a lung] !!!!!!! JIST YOU WAIT [collapses]

#c1nn4bunny.txt #im in pain lol dont mind my dramatic ass #back pain that makes u feel like ur dying fr fr tho #ANYWAY. I HAVE ALL THE IMAGES I'M USING AS REF IN SEPARATE CHANNELS FOR EVERYONE ON MY LIST. AND THE CHANNEL DESCRIPTIONS #ARE ALL ME COMPLIMENTINGNYOU ALL AND SAYING HOW MUCH U MEAN TO ME !!!! #YEAS I WILL BE TELLING YOU THIS MYSELF BUT LIKE. JUST VAGUELY KNOW THAT IM HITTING YOU WITH A #SLEDGHAMMER WITH 'LOVE AND AFFECTION' WRITTEN ON THE SIDE OF IT AND HEART STICKERS AND GLITTER ALSO IT'S PINK #nervy because one of them is someone i dont actually. talk to. often. but like. their art has meant a LOT to me since. early high school. #in terms of like fuelling my addiction (/j) and weirdly helping my gender dysphoria?? like huh wow that's me now actually. #and ive just been watching them grow as an artist and im so proud of them and [screams] GOD I WANT TO TALK TO THEM SO BAD BUT LIKE. YKNOW??? #and then there's you fuckers (mutuals)(affectionate) that ive somehow managed to pull into being my friends. #dont think for a second you're exempt from the affection barrage. you're the first victims. you will be smothered. (endearing) :)

[inkskinned]

no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

#spilled ink #writeblr #this is a real story lol #looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt #compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY #edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family

[poltergeist-coffee]

*staring up at my ceiling at 2 am* i need to post my drawings more

#💬 one new message #i want to draw so much that i get random anons coming to tell me what texture candy they think my art would be #that’s a very specific sentence but like … i like hearing how people perceive my art #someone once described my art that it would taste like cotton candy and it’s all i think about #my art is cotton candy… ur so right… i love that… thank you #if u have ever said anythign nice to me about my art know that i think about it constantly #i keep them all in a little folder to make me feel better when i am sad about art #i lvoe tumblr i love seeing tags on my art #i want to hear poeple ramble and talk it’s nice i love it :)) #the day i kill my shyness i’ll post so much fucking art just you wait #to bypass the shyness just give me drawing requests and i’ll give it to you right away #typos will be so much in this post i’m not checking to fix anythign i’m goign to bed

[daincrediblegg]

no you know what I'm going to scream about the stuff I talked about in the tags of this post publicly

I'm tired of the well-meaning "don't feel bad if your work only gets 20 notes your genius is what counts and do it for you!" bullshit. I've had a good handful of friends who have straight up DEACTIVATED in recent months because their work was not getting reblogged AT ALL. No, it wasn't from lack of not being well-liked, no it wasn't from lack of trying to make sure it was getting out there to the people they knew would engage with it. It was because no matter how much they were praised privately for their work, when push came to shove, absolutely NOBODY reblogged it and gave it the audience that it was due, and I'm tired of people shoving the "unsung genius" narrative as an excuse for it. Nothing excuses that. And the boop event really proved that.

because I know given the opportunity, indiscriminately pressing a button (sometimes 10 thousand times, as I did) is not beyond this website's capability. y'all loved doing that. and look at what it wrought. nothing but love and affection and happiness. just from a couple of quick clicks of a little paw button. sure. nobody knew who you booped but the other person (which is how likes used to work on this website, btw). there was an element of anonymity to it. but that is kind of the core of this website that no other social media platform still has: the ability to be anonymous. and hyper-curating a blog on here like you might on twitter or instagram to project an image is simply not viable. and hey. you wanna know a secret: literally nobody cares what you post or whether it goes with the "theme" of your blog or not. yeah. I know. CRAZY concept in this day and age. but literally. I myself have reblogged things that have had nothing to do with whatever I am currently fixated by and you know what happened to my follower count? not a damn thing. in fact, I actively try to reblog things specifically BECAUSE it's my friends who made them (even though I'm not always good at KEEPING UP WITH HOW MUCH THEY POST @prismatica-the-strange will NEVER GO UNRECOGNIZED by me).

And you know what fucking sucks? I have to deal with this too. surprise right? you ever wonder why I reblog fics or art I post like 20 times the day that I post them? do you ever wonder why I ask about tag lists and beg for asks all the time? IT'S BECAUSE EVEN I GET LIKE. 5 LIKES ON THE THINGS I POST. AND THE REST OF THE REBLOGS ARE MINE SO I CAN MAKE SURE THAT PEOPLE WHO WANT TO SEE WHAT I MAKE GET TO SEE IT. and I say that knowing that I'm certainly not an unpopular blog, or an unpopular writer. I know that people love the stories that I create. Hell, half of the people that I've talked to about lady terror have told me that they consider her to be canon (AND EVEN SOME!! THOUGHT SHE WAS!!! WITHOUT EVEN HAVING WATCHED THE SHOW! WHICH IS STILL SO SO WILD TO ME!!!) But especially in the last 4 years (which really dates this phenomenon), my posts, no matter how well received they've been amongst people I've talked to about them directly, I still go into the notes and at least half (often more than half) are MY reblogs to make sure people saw what I posted. and it happens every single time, and I can't tell you how much it crushes me considering that it used to be that I would be able to post it only once, and people would reblog it sometimes even HUNDREDS of times.

It's not about popularity. it never has been. it's not about anxiety. or shifting website cultures. even if you lurk, the simple fact is, that if you want people to keep making what you love. you have to reblog. your theme won't suffer because you reblogged a fanfiction that you really admire. your posting won't be ruined because you reblogged some fanart from someone in a different fandom. really. I promise. and if people do unfollow you for that? who needs em. followers come and go but you should NEVER have to cater to them. on this website it has ALWAYS been the other way around. lean into it. make it yours. put stuff you ACTUALLY WANT to be seen and that you love and appreciate on your blog. no matter how old it is, how new it is, no matter how niche or off-theme it is.

so please. if you really want to show your appreciation for someone's work? you reblog. it's really as easy as that. check the tags. add some when you reblog if you like. but please for the love of god reblog. it's as easy as booping and even more rewarding for the people who you reblog from. if you want to let someone know that their work is genius and appreciate it? show it. reblog. then DM them if you're too nervous to say what you want to say but not in a public forum. but for christ's sake. REBLOG.

#fanfiction #fanart #reblogging #boop