#i want to get so fucking busy i don't have time even for myself

[spicyclover]

You used me

Summary : It's bittersweet to think about the damage that you did.

Next part of "You betrayed me"

Hope you’ll enjoy it. Let me know in the comment section.

Thank you! :)

Lots of love, xxx Spicy Clover

When the door closed that night, I collapsed on the floor of my kitchen, on the cold tiles. In the weeks that followed, I spent them in a blur. I kept myself busy to stop thinking, to stop thinking about you. I lived on automatism. I'm a fucking robot, because of you. I get up in the morning without motivation and go to bed with the ball in my stomach to meet you in my dreams.

I’ve been going over and over our conversation. I’m a bet. A fucking, humiliating bet. I have never been more shame than that evening. Everyone knew and no one told me. They knew that I loved you so bad, and I let you treat me like that. I'm so naïve. I just want myself back. I just wanted to be enough. Don't you think I loved you too much to be used and discarded? Don't you think I loved you too much to think I deserve nothing? But don't tell me you're sorry. You should feel sorry for yourself. An eternal love bullshit you know you'll never mean.

Once the door was closed. My friends left with you. Because you bring them more than I could ever and it hurts like hell. To see these "friends" I know since my early childhood mock me for my naivety. Until this day, it is hard to believe. I know we weren't perfect but I've never felt this way for no one, In a short time you became the reason I get up in the morning and the reason I like to dream. And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone.

It's bittersweet to think about the damage that you did. You betrayed me.

For the first time since we broke up, I saw you in the street. You had your arm on a new girl. Showing her off like she's a new trophy. A happy and rested look on your face. I wish I dared to come running and punch that smile off your face, but I couldn’t move. You hang out in public with her, but never with me. I went home with tears in my eyes and no morale. It was the first time I managed to leave home after weeks of moping.

The more time passed, the more I felt my head getting out of the water. My body was less numb and I started breathing again, enjoying what I used to love. I adopted a little puppy at this time of my life, the kind we talked about in our long late-night discussion about our future together. You gave me your word. He's the world to me now. Milo, the dog.

The late afternoon often takes me to the beach. I let Milo run on the deserted beach and play with the waves. I take advantage of this moment of calm to observe the sunset. I breathe in and out deeply, letting my last thoughts of you go into the sea. I feel free. After three months of hell, I’m back to normal, like you never existed.

"Hi, bab..." That voice is yours. Why do you come back? Why do you haunt me like that? I turn around and there you are, in all your splendour. Your curls are more beautiful than ever, your face more beautiful than ever. I can't let you win. I walk away from the beach. Milo follows me. I feel your eyes following me soon it's your footsteps I hear. "Please, Y/n, I need to talk to you."

"I think you said enough. You should go back to your new girlfriend. I think she's getting lonely." I said without looking back. The waves fade and I feel your hand grab my arm.

#lando norris #lando norris x reader #f1 #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #lando norris imagine #lando norris sad

[otherworldlygate]

Once again it's Regal appreciation hour by which I mean day by which I mean year by which I mean lifetime.

I was very much prepared to not write any fanfiction this year, but I cannot divorce myself from how awesome my favorite Symphonia blorbos are and so I am writing yet another stupid fanfic. I feel feral about these characters in general but Raine gets quite a lot of attention (because she's wonderful, obviously) so I don't want to focus on her too much. Regal, on the other hand, has been underappreciated in the ToS fandom since the game's release day, so I must advocate for him.

I've been RPing as him for the last year or so, and together my RP partner and I have written about 320,000 words of a story. I'm having a blast, and a big part of that is because Regal is, despite the flaws in the storytelling of ToS as a whole surrounding him (and how all of the Tethe'alla characters kind of fall flat), a rather well-conceived and implemented character. Yeah, his clothes are dumb (I'm happy to retcon that outfit with zero regrets) and the game blows through his story at such a breakneck pace he doesn't get the space or the arc he deserves (he should have taken his shackles off as part of his 'sacrifice' to fight the angels), but he is a genuinely fascinating character who feels, just like many of the others do, as if he belongs very specifically in the world he was created for.

I know a lot of people like to write him as this sad sack of shit just absolutely lost in the grief sauce (see the part about how he didn't get the arc he deserved), but I think that's a mistake. See, the biggest bump in the road for Regal was his lack of understanding of what was happening and why. When you think about it, he was faced with having to kill Alicia seemingly out of nowhere. Like one day he's just minding his business and the next Alicia is gone and very quickly after that she's a monster trying to kill him AND HE HAS NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON. He has no answers. All he knows is that he killed her, and his autistic* brain latches onto that detail because it's all he has.

You have to think, too, about the fact that the game gives him nobody. His parents are dead. George, the only person even remotely close to Regal--someone he's known his *whole life*--betrayed him. (George didn't mean for things to go Like That and he's sorry he did it, but HE STILL DID IT.) Regal doesn't have friends and the extra material makes it clear that he was literally raised, specifically by his father, to be a workaholic. Do you think anyone came to see him in prison? He fought in a coliseum for his life for YEARS. He was on friendly terms with some of the other inmates but the guy had eight years to just sit there and get stuck in the loop of knowing he killed the one person he'd let himself get even remotely close to.

Which is something else people always downplay for some reason. The shit with Alicia isn't just "guy is sad because he killed his girlfriend." It's very much, "guy was born and bred to take on the family legacy" except in this case the family legacy is a company, an island, a noble bloodline, and also the absolutely insane idea that work and profit is all that matters. Everyone else is out to get you. Keep the workers dissatisfied but keep them hooked just enough that they'll never leave. Take no time for fun or friends or merriment. Everything in your life is a business transaction. Don't ever forget it. It's us vs. them. You're alone and you have to make this your entire life or it'll all fall to pieces and it will be your fault.

The drama cd in particular really honed in on that way of being raised and it makes his entire character make complete sense. At a relatively young age his father died and he ended up on top (though it's stated he had to work as a CEO before he was elected via a board to the position of President). Having no other guidelines other than what he was taught--and what George himself adhered to--Regal followed that path...until he ended up miserable, because, despite the way he was raised, he's a goddamn empath**.

After literal YEARS of occasionally running into Alicia and talking to her, he starts forming a connection to her--which is important because he's never allowed himself to do this before. And at one point he realizes he doesn't even know her name...which comes as a surprise to him...and brings with it shame. After this, he starts living for himself. He listens to his employees--something his father never did. He starts enacting rules to protect his employees, particularly from things that would hurt them in the field, because part of what was making him so miserable was wrestling with the empathy of their terrible working conditions on top of just hearing his father's manta repeating itself in his head all the time.

I cannot stress enough how important this is. Alicia, despite being a love interest and someone he was interested in seriously dating and perhaps someday marrying (the details of their relationship are never known but it's almost more tragic if they were just starting to be serious), WAS STILL HIS EMPLOYEE.

He was supposed to protect his employees. He was doing so much to ensure his employees would be safe. And then he killed Alicia.

Alicia, the one person he allowed himself to get close to.

Now, consider the fact that he was raised as a tool and not a beloved son; he was not allowed to have friends and not allowed to make merry. He was under his father's thumb until his father's untimely death--a death, by the way, that only surprised him with its suddenness; he did not grieve that man!! Regal, as a 25-year-old man, had ZERO coping mechanisms. All he had was the truth he was raised under and the fact that he went against that truth AND WAS NOW BEING PUNISHED FOR IT. How can someone like this think of anything except that they are the reason George was put in a position where he had to get rid of Alicia? That the only reason Alicia was experimented on and turned into a monster was because of her connection to Regal?

IT MAKES ME FEEL SO FERAL!!!

The events of the game open his eyes to the ACTUAL truth, to what actually happened AND WHY IT HAPPENED TO ALICIA. In the end he learns he had NOTHING TO DO WITH IT. If he had not befriended and started falling for Alicia, she still would have died--it's just, if she hadn't had a more direct connection to Regal, who knows where she might have met her end. Alone, forgotten? At least someone knew her as she was; at least someone can tell Presea the kind of person her sister was.

The ToS fandom has always loved joking about how Regal's just into punishment as a kink or whatever (and I'll never forgive the shitty non-canon-in-my-heart sequel for leaning so hard into that angle, fuck you fuck you fuck you) but let's be serious about it for a hot second. Yes, I think learning this information puts him on a better path, but you can't erase 8 years of self-loathing and fear instantly. Did you guys really think this man would just forget about the darkest years of his life and start frolicking in fields of flowers?

The trauma he's endured goes so much deeper than "I killed the person I loved," and boiling it down to that really does the character a disservice. The "born for a specific purpose, not allowed to exist outside of that purpose" bit is also given to Colette and Zelos, but while their role is being a sacrifice whose only use is dying or procreating to continue the line to have more sacrifices (absolutely also traumatizing btw), Regal's situation feels a lot more like indoctrinated religion and, very specifically (and no I am not kidding), religious trauma. Again, he endured that very controlled lifestyle complete with a mantra from birth into his early 20s, and the MOMENT he broke away from it too far, his life came crashing down around him in a very painful and traumatizing way.

Now, you might think the religious trauma parallel is unfounded, if not also the indoctrinated religion aspect of it, it could just as easily be a parallel for an abusive and controlling relationship, right down to the betrayal from someone who is supposed to have your best interests at heart the moment you step outside of that control to the feelings of shame and self-loathing and "you did this to yourself."

So whenever I see people joking about what a sad sack of shit he is or whatever, I'm just astounded, especially if it's coming from someone who loves literally any other character in the game. Like, you'll definitely have your blorbos, and I totally understand if Regal just ain't it for you, but I find it really disconcerting that someone might find (for example) Yuan's trauma deeply meaningful but see Regal's as stupid or silly.

I'm pretty sure I started this post to talk about how easy it is for me to RP as Regal because he's just such a great character to sink into and write about, particularly because I like to imagine that, starting in the post-game, he deeply regrets some of the choices he's made in his life, and, rather than lean into the things that have already transpired, he seeks to do what he can to better the world around him with the resources and power that he has.

It's like the ultimate fuck-you to the way his father raised him. He's not wasting the skills he's developed, but he's also not using them to hurt people or for personal or Lezareno profit.

I think most of us love writing about characters who have to work through their trauma, but there's an extra layer here that I particularly enjoy with Regal. With Raine I'm all about her inability to trust easily and her struggle to feel truly comfortable around other people, but with Regal I think it's maybe specifically related to the fact that he has had a lot handed to him that he didn't necessarily want, and his self-sacrificing nature lends itself to him feeling obligated to take it. I fully believe Regal would be happier and better off stepping away from Lezareno and from his family's toxic ass legacy*** (or at least not working it full-time as the acting President) but I can't ignore the fact that...these things are all he has and all he knows. So writing about him attempting to get back into the swing of things, maybe struggling to find time for himself, falling into workaholic patterns by mistake, learning to set boundaries between his private life and his job...all while not being fully satisfied and finding more fulfillment in charity work and other pursuits, just makes him feel like a very well-rounded character. Like...it's believable that he would continue to work a job he didn't particularly love specifically because not only does he not know anything else, but he knows with this position of power he can make a lot of things happen that would be impossible if he just twiddled his thumbs on the sidelines--like financial assistance going to Palmacosta, or his duties as a nobleman to try to get better laws passed in Tethe'alla, etc.

This was a pretty clumsily-written post and for that I am truly sorry. I've just been absolutely insane lately thinking about Regal and I had to get some of why I think he's such a wonderful character out into the world.

:)

*this is just my headcanon but a lot about Regal screams autism to me.

**this is canon as far as I'm concerned. I wrote him this way far before I ever heard the drama cd, and the drama cd just solidified it for me tenfold.

***there's a scene in the hotel with Lloyd I think where Regal says his family's legacy on Altamira started when Tethe'alla flipped over to being a flourishing world last, which means they were in a position of power great enough to build an empire on Altamira already at that time (800+ years ago). I don't want to get into how awful this probably was or how evil the family was because I think you can all imagine that for yourselves. Also, nobody ever mentions the fact that Regal is the last of his family line, but it's a very convenient built-in control tactic to guilt someone into doing as they're told or risk bringing shame to a family that's been going strong and unbroken for over 1,000 years.

#regal bryant #tales of symphonia meta #tales of symphonia

[honeyshiddendesire]

Pet Name Headcanon List

Monkey D Dragon x Female Reader - sweetheart

Warnings:  office quickie, vaginal penetration, married, reader interrupts Dragon for some much needed attention but he doesn’t complain, missionary, mentions of reader masturbating, slight hair pulling

@jovialfandomfreak sorry this took me a while whenever I thought of writing my ass would fall asleep lol Also it's my first time writing for him so let me know what you think :)

*banner*

Dragon heard a knock at the door and couldn't help but raise a brow at the soft voice that followed. “Dragon my love?” Your voice gently called to your husband, hearing him give a small hum. “Everything okay, sweetheart?” He asked back to your suddenly flustered form, your eyes shyly looking at him. 

“I-I was wondering if you wanted to take a break.” You told him and Dragon set down his papers with a light chuckle as he looked over at you fidgeting. “A break?” 

“Yeah… with me.” You smile at him hiding half of yourself behind the door in case he rejects. “Oh~ a break hmm.” Dragon faked being in thought as he slowly stood up and made his way around the desk to lean against it, his arms outstretched to have you go into them. Smiling as you closed his office door and quickly jumped in his arms making him catch you with a chuckle. 

Spinning you around until he could set you on his desk with a sigh, lips crashing into yours in a passionate kiss. Your arms wrapped around his muscular form till you were gripping at his long hair to pull a groan from the man. His hands ran along your body till he was undoing your belt as you were kicking off your shoes. 

“Missed you sweetheart.” Dragon whispered as he kissed along your jaw making you smile at his cute words. Dragon was a busy man and even during quickies he still made sure you knew how much you meant to him. “I missed you too baby.” You answer back as you help him wiggle you out of your jeans and thong. 

“I was touching myself earlier and I still need you so bad.” You moan out when his thick fingers rub over your soaked pussy, his groan raspy at the feel.

 “Touching yourself for me? Thought we talked about that sweetheart?” Dragon questioned as he tugged your head back to nip at your neck making you cry out in lust. “Ahh~ I-I know~ You~ nngh you were just so busy love.” Your explanation only makes him coo at you in understanding, grip on your hair softening. 

“I see. I'm sorry sweetheart let me make it up to you both.” Dragon chuckled as he continued to kiss and mark your neck to remind you just how much you meant to him. 

“Yes! Yes please.” You breathe out as you tug on his hair to bring him back to your lips. “Kiss me~” You whine making him smirk before listening either way. 

He makes quick work of his pants pulling his leaking cock out. One of your hands moving from his hair to grip the base of his cock, his palm going over your smaller one with a groan. Your legs spreading to make room for him to step closer, “Put it in please lemme feel you.” 

“Mmm~ I'm sorry I made you so needy sweetheart…can't say I don't love it though.”  His large hands grab under your thighs pulling you more to the edge causing you to lower down on your elbows. The tip of his cock grinding in-between your slick folds, both letting out a shared moan at the contact. Before you could beg him to hurry up again he was ramming his entire length inside of you at an agonizingly slow pace.  

Inch by amazing inch till your head tipped back with a breathy sigh, “Ugh~yes~!” You call out with a happy smile that only makes him lean down to laugh in your ear. “So so sorry for keeping you waiting sweetheart. How could you ever forgive me?” Dragon joked before pulling out to ram back in.

“Fuck! Just like that!” You moan as you fall all the way on your back in delight, “Keep doing that and I'll forgive you.”

“Oh is that right sweetheart. Then I shouldn't keep you waiting baby.” Dragon smirks as he stands tall to start fucking you harder. He couldn't get enough of the way your body rocked with each powerful thrust, his voice raspy with lust that mingled with your loud moans. 

“Yesyesyes! Fuck Dragon baby ~ ugh you feel so fuckin good!” You cry out clawing at the edge of the desk, mouth dropping open. Dragon only kissed his teeth taunting you as he smirked, “Wow you got a dirty mouth on you today sweetheart, must've been dying to have me inside this pussy of yours.” 

“Yes! Fuck yes! Needed you so bad!”  You moan out as you feel his cock thrust against that sweet spot that had you cry out like a whore.

“Looks like I'll need to take more breaks with you then huh sweetheart?”

#one piece #one piece smut #honeys works 🍯 #one piece headcanons #pet name headcannons #one piece x female reader #one piece smut headcannons #x female reader #send in a character pet name #monkey d dragon #monkey d dragon smut #monkey d dragon x Female Reader smut #monkey d dragon x Female Reader #one piece monkey d dragon #monkey d dragon one piece

[madhushala]

i don't know what i want atp

#i just need to divert my thoughts #the haha little girl who liked everything and didn't have a particular hobby is suffering #i know i can learn im you young i feel invincible im waisting my time and energy by not putting efforts #i want to go this professor to guide me but im so scared because people judge you #im so scared im waisting my potential #ive never been this mentally sound #i can't enjoy any media anymore because ive tried it all and it doesn't anchor me anymore #i need something bigger #something grant #practical experience #i want to become so fucking good at what my career that i become people's first choice #worst thing knowing is THAT I KNOW I HAVE THE POTENTIAL #i can do it the odds are always in my favor #and even if they aren't in this way ill turn them because ive gained enough confidence #i just don't know where to put it #and its driving me insane #i don't even want to be on this site anymore #i want to get so fucking busy i don't have time even for myself #i don't want time for anything else other than the two people i love and my chores #i need to go insane for academics #not like top scorer but like

[shima-draws]

Currently in my banging my head against the wall phase. Hope you all are well 🥰

#Doc told me to schedule another MRI on Tuesday. They said they sent the order over on Tuesday. #I call on Tuesday to schedule the appointment. They don't have the referral yet #I called yesterday to try and schedule. They STILL don't have the referral #I message my doc and make sure they actually sent it over to the right place. (They did.) #They say they'll fax it over again! Great! #I call AGAIN today. They STILL don't have the referral #Bro I just need to schedule this fucking MRI so I can find out what's WRONG with me #The girl on the phone was like 'Oh yeah we're real busy we get orders all the time it must not have hit the system yet' #BRO IT'S BEEN THREE DAYS. HOW HAS NOBODY SEEN IT. TEARING my hair out #I went to their website to try and schedule online. Guess what? THEIR GODDAMN SCHEDULING ASSISTANT IS DOWN FOR MAITENANCE #SCREAMS #Anyway yes so in my banging my head against the wall phase. I'm so tired #And still in pain! To nobody's surprise!! #They can't fix what's wrong with me if I can't even get in to get an MRI. Hello. PLEASE #This isn't really smth that can wait a couple weeks #I should've been in to see them like YESTERDAY. #My pain is so bad I had to stay at home today. And I go and ice my back every hour or so #Bc I can't sit down for more than 45 minutes without wanting to kill myself ;)))) #Shima speaks #I'M SORRY I'm just so. I've been over this for months. And now that I'm THIS close to getting answers #I can't. Seem to get these people to schedule an appointment for me #Grinds my teeth

[whysamwhy123]

HALLEJUAH!! I REMEMBERED HOW TO ACTUALLY FINISH WRITING SOMETHING FOR A CHANGE!!

Of course, it's not any of the fics I wanted to finish. I went back to what is essentially my bread-and-butter now and wrote a short-ish, random OrangeHook fluff. But considering how much writing's been a struggle as of late, I'm just glad that I successfully finished something. I was back in one of those stretches where I couldn't seem to write much of anything. And this fic isn't about their age difference or Hook being a cuddlebug, so...progress?

Unless I decide I completely hate it (which is always a possibility) expect something to drop on Valentine's Day, tis the season, after all.

#What is wrong with you Sam you should not be allowed to write #Small victories you know? #Will I ever get sick of OrangeHook?? Apparently not #Can't even remember the last time they interacted on screen but that ain't stopping my brain LOL #On a more serious note - I really do hope that I can get back into the swing of things and make some real progress #On the bigger fics I want to work on #I want to finish the messy angst OrangeHook fic at some point even if it's unlikely to appeal to anyone #Annnnnd deep down in my cold dead heart I still wanna make an honest attempt at that DG Dead Dove fic #Even though that would be even more unappealing + a huge undertaking because that bitch would be loooooooooong #Also I had a slightly less angsty OrangeHook idea recently about them having their first fight and I wanna write that too for some reason #And there's still a part of me that really wants to continue Business/Pleasure because I have soooo many ideas for that AU #But that would require me to get over my inability to write smut #And I don't know how to do that (would appreciate any advice on that if you've got some...) #But at the same time I don't wanna beat myself up for not being able to write much - if anything - most days #This is a hobby after all - it's supposed to be fun #There ain't no deadline and it's not like I'm letting anybody down #Just gotta do at my own place #And write whatever absolute trash I want to write 😈 #My tags are always so obsessive like SHUT THE FUCK UP SAM #But if you've actually read all these - hey. Thanks. Love ya 😘

[1roentgen]

.

#can't find my headphones going insane #need... music....loud... #back from that meditation retreat/course thingy btw #thank god it wasn't that bad #i think i've made peace with going girlmode essentially full time again #as they say. c'est la vie... i will never win but the idgaf war wages on #other than the whole compulsory aspect of it the mandatory white garb was not so bad : P #observing the 8 precepts for only a few days is basically nothing... v ez #a lot of the lecture/sermon content was pretty legit and imo applicable to my daily life although i had issues w/ some topics discussed #i don't fuck with thought crime/'sin' and I'm pretty resolute about this #i have ocd and if i believed every time i had a horrible thought i let myself think it was reflective of #my inner state and/or karma stats or whatever i'd probably actually shoot myself #ok the relevant #buddhist theory is actually pretty complex but i don't want to misrepresent anything and #i cannot explain. i actively interact as little as i can with this kinda thing. even if you make me to take a course lol in my head I'm #wily and u cant get me. this is my turf and i'm like a ferret #i do beleive i have said my personal philosophies are undoubtedly highly influenced by Buddhist thought #but i can't be all gung-ho about this 'ending suffering' forever business #as nice as that sounds #i don't want to be told the meaning of life like I'm not gonna perservere my entire lived existence to fulfill some grand objective pre- #determined by someone else no matter how well-regarded they are by however many people #I'm rather attached to the things that bring me comfort and joy and meaning...as shallow or illusory they may be #i don't like that i'd feel threatened into trying to escape samsara bc its 'uber rare' that i was born into the right species #in the right religion and right place and time to get chance to do that #like in that one poem #i would like to touch the world with bare hands even it burns you know what i mean? #stop trying to save me; stop telling me to let go of the world #i try to stand my ground you know but I'm aware this is really important to my parents right now #i know people get more religious as they grow older #maybe i just am not forced to reckon with mortality in the same way that they are and therefore am not at a stage in my life where i can

[ybcpatrick]

.

#shut up kell #i need to yammer. somewhere. #i have too much fucking happening to my brain rn #monday is the eleventh anniversary of nana dying. #i was eleven when she died. i've had to fucking miss her for as long as i got to know her. i don't know what to do with this #every single day after monday will be another day longer than the time i got to spend on earth at the same time as her #and i'm not well! and that isn't going to be something i can deal with this weekend bc i am going to be so busy #i've got barbie on friday. i'm going to a cottage for the weekend with my friends for meg's sister's birthday #which i wanted to say no to due to the timing. but of course i said yes bc i can't say no to meg literally fucking ever bc i'm tragic. #and i also know the blackout i'd go into for the first nine years after isn't smth she would want for me. so i don't do it anymore. #i'm going to have fun and i'm going to be fine but i would be lying if i said i wasn't regretting this fucking thing rn. i don't wanna do it #i don't want to do anything. i want to have time to prepare myself for this. i need to have space to get myself ready for this shift. #but i won't get that. and then it will be monday and then i will be in the true After. #i thought ten years would be the worst one. that was nothing compared to this. #and i'm sick to my stomach thinking about next year #and the year after it. and the year after that. and the years after those. #i shouldn't have to go through this. she should have been allowed to stay. i wasn't ready then and i'm even less ready now and i want her. #i want her back and i cannot fucking have her and i will have to live however many more years beyond this without her until i'm gone too. #and then i'll just have to hope and pray that i get to go wherever she went without me. #what a cruel existence. what a horrid thing to make me do. having to keep walking this earth as her ash dances on the surface of the sea. #i'm going to bed. i will not feel better tomorrow but i'm used to that. #i'm okay and i always am and i will make it through. somehow. kicking and screaming the whole way. #i'd trade all my tomorrows for just one fucking yesterday. yeah. fuck off.

[mishkakagehishka]

Man i forgot how frustrating having to watch my tone all the time is

#i can't even say ''no i just wanted to say i'll be busy so not to worry if i don't answer a phonecall'' #bc yknow i set myself a lot to do for today #and immediately get hit with ''what - are you now angry?'' like you KNOW i'm not angry i am literally #just looking out for YOU so YOU don't worry #but God forbid i insinuate i won't always have time to chat #sigh. literally the only reason why i'm not gonna fake being busy over Easter weekend is bc i wanna see the besties #even tho i dread going home so fucking much even just for three days

[selfinflictedgunshotwound]

thinkin about that one kpop tweet that was like "when jaehyun gets a gf i'm not gonna act fake like the rest of y'all and say "i want her 😍" i'm going to kill myself" because they are the most genuine person i've ever heard from on the topic tbh. ik for a fact ppl just act fake when shit like that happens esp when they were super big "i wanna fuck him" fans before that lmao

#or the 'omg they're so cute!!' ppl. being happy for the person i get but don't lie to yourself and everyone else lmao #i say that but maybe they are being genuine and i don't get it because i am never genuine in that situation #in fact the only time i was happy for someone i wanted to fuck who got a gf was hyuna and dawn bc they're perfect for e/o #but i won't lie when i was obsessed w him before the truth got leaked i was really upset about the possibility of them dating 🙄 #simply because i am a dipshit who needs everything to be mine and mine alone and if i express attraction in someone w a gf i get angry #at myself. this i think stems back to my best friend deciding to date my 2 year long crush because she was mad at me and he liked her #and she didn't even like him like that but she would go 'you should be happy for us if you like both of us! why are you so angry?' #even tho she was legit just doing it to MAKE ME ANGRY and then she dumped him a week later after i stopped being mad at her #and tried to be 'genuinely' happy for them #so idk. that was probably the worst thing she could've done to me because i don't think i'll ever get over it and it happened when we were #like. 10 #anyways my point is that i may be a delusional freak but at least i don't lie to myself and everyone else abt it 🤷‍♀️ #unless it was like almost a yr ago when i found out abt jrmas gf and i lied and said i was happy for him LMAO but i had to say that to move #on w/ my life and it didn't even end up working bc here i am writing more text posts about how i haven't moved on and i hate his gf for #existing. welllllll i'm a mean and volatile person and i overindulge myself in other people's business if i become obsessed so i was never #a good person but that's the long and short of it i guess. #i really wish i wasn't so stupid and didn't have to proclivity towards people who will never know who i am and never like me if they did #but i have genuinely only been this way and if u read my life like a book u would be disgusted and perturbed by what u saw #but tou would be drawing parallels about this back to the first fuckin chapter i can tell ya that much #idk ig i was right when i said that this would be the last time and that it's him or nobody for me because i just don't care anymore #i can't believe i've ever been stupid enough to think that i'd end up with someone just bc i was a fan of them #and yet she ended up with him as a fan so. just makes me see red but it's whatever LMAO #if u read all that i implore u to block me if you have any bad vibes bc this is just the kind of person i am and i'm sorry i weird u out #and if ya do. thank u for ur concern and i'm sorry i couldn't have been a kinder or more well adjusted person who was worth talking to... #in the end i guess i am just the obsessive weirdo that i have been since i was 6 #it all just comes down to me not thinking she deserves him. i think if he stayed w kim i would've been fine and gotten over him normally #but he just had to fuck a fan huh #anyways i'll be fine no worries i just need to do hard drugs and die probably

[iturmom]

what is it about losing a loved one that makes people think that they can just hold you verbally hostage and trauma dump on you??????

girl that is so fucking sad that you got abducted and drugged with heroin and meth and w/e tf but i really didn’t ask and i kinda have enough on my plate rn i don’t need your trauma

#but to be fair no one else has done it as bad as this lady and #she's one of those kinds of people that if she finds an opening to speak she will not stop fucking talking for 15 minutes #and she will talk about her abuser who abducted and drugged her and like idk man that sucks so much but like #i have my own abuser i have my own trauma and i really cannot handle you going on about this horrific trauma for 15 minutes #without even pausing for a breath when i DIDN'T. FUCKING. ASK. #i have heard about her abuser like 20 times i'm so fucking tired of it she does that shit to everyone #you cannot just mind your own fucking business when this lady is around she will stop you in what you're doing and hold you verbally hostage #like i'm sorry i have my own trauma too it eats me alive but you know what i don't do? #i don't fucking force people to listen to me trauma dump for 15 minutes what the fuck is wrong with people #i feel bad enough talking about my trauma for 30 seconds if i'm ASKED about it #i just don't fucking understand i don't get it fuck #and then she'll go on and on trying to give you advice about like adult shit but she's like 40 and has literally no fucking clue #how anything in the world works especially adulting shit #like i really just don't want to fucking talk about it i don't want to fucking talk to you i wAS TRYING TO WATCH A YOUTUBE VIDEO #TO DISTRACT MYSELF FROM MY LOSS. I WAS MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS #anyway

[badass-sunshine]

.

#what's up guys its been a while since i did one of these venting in the tags of a tumblr post #idk im just really tired #hitting exhaustion levels that i just feel like i don't have time to recover from #i was really excited about doing nanowrimo this year because i have so many ideas but im do tired and busy i dont have the time to write and #im really disappointed #*sigh* #i mean i know its not legally binding or anything but i thought this year i could make the fifty thousand words #but im a week in and havent even broken 5k #i also have too much that im doing just generally #i think im working like 50 hours a week? woof i hadnt added that all up in my head properly yet yeah no wonder im tired #plus my sleep schedule is not playing nice with my work schedule and its a problem #i have to leave the house by 7. i am struggling getting up by 6:30 every day #and then also i don't usually get to bed before 11 because im at work all day and then come home and unwind for a couple hours and then its #time to get ready for bed again so i procrastinate because i dont want to lose the time i have to myself which then fucks me over again for #the morning etc the cycle continues #anyway idk if any of this is coherent its getting late and ive had a long ass day #im tired #goodnight guys

[heyassbuttlmao]

trying to tell myself i've been at school for two weeks and it's normal not to have close friends yet because it's TRUE but also everyone else seems to have friends already and i don't get it

#my roommate literally moved here from another country and yet she already has friends #meanwhile i have lived in this city for two years but two of my friends moved away and the other one isn't replying to me #so i am back down to zero friends!! #this is technically not true the one is still my friend she is just busy. but that one is a Complicated relationship already #and since she is not messaging me really it like. does not help the fact that i feel lonely!!! like it doesn't hurt either but #i am friendly with some classmates so realistically it's a lot better than my first year at my last school #because then i was too terrified to even talk to anybody for like half the semester #but goddddd i don't get how people make friends so easily #i want meaningful human connection so badly #and i am a good friend!! like i don't like myself most of the time and don't really understand why people like me either #but i do think i am a good friend!! i care so fucking much about my friends that has to be worth something #but i just. don't know how to make those connections

[sugume]

THINK I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY w/Jujutsu Kaisen

( TW ) f!Reader, Breeding kink, unprotected sex, cream pie, cum inflation, hair pulling, sex toys, overstimulation, stepdad!Toji, daddy kink, overstimulation

Featuring: Gojo Satoru, Toji Fushiguro, Geto Suguru & Choso Kamo

authors note: repost bc tumblr took it down for no reason...

☾ GOJO SATORU

“Fuck Love, you’re sucking me so good.” Satoru groans, struggling to not crash the car. During dinner, you two kept passing each other such heated looks that even your friends commented on the tension. Earlier today, you got a notification from your health app that you were ovulating. Satoru jumped on you as soon you told him, he wanted to stay in all day and fuck, but your guys’ friends blew up his phone reminding him of the promises you both made to them. After dinner you couldn't keep your hands off each other, you were desperate for his cum and Satoru was desperate to breed you. “Don’t cum ‘Toru.” You warn before sticking his cock back in your mouth. “Can’t help it Love, mouth too fuckin’ good,” he says, sighing in relief when he pulls onto your street, clicking the button in his car that opens the garage. He barely has the chance to take the keys out of the ignition before you pull him out of the car. “Don’t have time to make it up to the bed, just fuck me right here.” You demand, leaning over the car and presenting Satoru with your ass. Satoru pulls your dress up and shoves his cock into your pussy. He reaches over your hip to stimulate your clit. “‘Toru, just cum in me, I don't care ‘bout gettin’ off.” You move your ass in perfect sync with his hips. “You sure Love–” “Breed me ‘Toru!” You moan, feeling his cum fill you up. You drop your head to the still-warm hood of the car, finally able to catch your breath now that his load was deep in your cunt. “C’mon Love, let's finish this in the bedroom.” 

☾ TOJI FUSHIGURO  

You peak over the corner of the hallway, winking at Toji who was busy talking to your mother. ‘Come fuck me.’ Your mouth once you catch his attention before running back up the stairs, careful not to make any noises. You told your mom that you weren't feeling well, that during the drive back from college you must’ve caught something. In all honestly, you just wanted a chance to freely fuck your stepdad without your mother coming in and out of your room. Specifically, you wanted to be bred by him, and the best way to keep his cum in you was to use several pillows and put them under your ass so his cum didn’t spill out, hence why you didn't want your mom to barge into your room. Thank God she's a germaphobe. You strip out the Pj set you threw on and lay yourself face down, ass up. Your stepdad’s favorite position. As expected, you hear your stepdad softly shut the door a few minutes later. “Desperate now, are we?” He grips your hips. “Always desperate for you Daddy.” you mumble into the bed. “Huh,” he slaps your ass before pulling you up by the hair. “Didn’t hear you slut.” “Said ‘m always desperate for you Daddy, even prepared myself with the dildo you bought me.” You whimper. “Such a good girl,” He pulls his hard cock out of his slacks, gives it a few tugs before stuffing your cunt to the brim. “Now take this dick slut.” He pushes your head down into your lilac duvet. You try and fail to be silent when his dick hits that special spot every time he goes deep enough. “You okay in there, y/n?” You hear your mother's muffled voice through the door. You clench down on your daddy's dick in surprise, causing him to fuck you faster. “Y/n?” “Y-yes mom, I'm fine, just go away p-please.” You gasp out, throwing your head back into the bed in ecstasy when you hear her mumble and walk away. “Daddy, 'm cumming! Cum with me!” You whisper-yell. “Gonna fill this pussy, get you so full of my seed you can never leave this house again.” He grunts, slamming into you at a bruising pace. “Yes, please Daddy, fill me up!” You orgasm and Toji follows suit, filling you with so much cum it spills out.  

☾ GETO SUGURU 

“I'm so full Sugu.” You mumble, dazed. You fight the urge to close your eyes and fall back into Suguru’s big, warm chest. “Wake up sweet girl. ‘M not done yet.” He mumbles into your sweaty neck. “B-but Sugu–” “Shush Lovebug, one more time.” Suguru looks over your shoulder to see where you two are connected. He plugged you up good, but after so many loads a trickle of his cum slowly travels down his almost empty balls. “O-one more.” You grab his chin and kiss him sweetly. He rubs your noses together before grabbing your hips and moving you down the shaft of his cock. He pays close attention to not pull you over the tip of his cock. You hold onto your stomach, feeling it protrude slightly more than normal, Sugu’s cock and cum inflating you. You feel like a cum filled, flesh light as Sugu moves you to his liking. It’s hard to believe he has more cum in him. “Fuck Lovebug, you feel so warm and tight.” He mummers, giving you a few more neck kisses. You lean closer into him. Right now, you want to live in his skin. “Love you Sugu, can’t wait ta have your baby.” “I Love you too, can’t wait to see you carryin’ my child.” He grips your hips tighter at the thought.  “‘bout to fuck another load into you sweet girl, you wan’ it?” “Yes please, more than anything.” You rest your head back into his shoulder. He shrugs at your head until your mouth is close enough to kiss. He slams your hips down and cums as you two make out and whisper sweet nothings. 

☾ CHOSO KAMO

“Again, Baby.” Choso holds the vibrator to your clit. You arch your back and forget the fact that you have nipple clamps on. You scream when the clamps move. Your entire body is sensitive, Choso came up with the idea to simulate you to the max when you said you wanted to have his baby, that you wanted him to breed to and fill you to the brim with his cum. You readily agreed to his idea because you knew that the more orgasms you had the better chance you had to get pregnant, something about the virginal walls relaxing when women orgasm. Now though, you’re regretting it. Choso’s been holding the vibrator on your clit for the last hour and every time you think you’ve gone numb to the sensation; he finds a way to make you cum harder than the last. “N-no Choso, ‘m done down, I've cum as I can, wan’ you to fuckmenow!” You slur your words, the pleasure making you lightheaded. “One more Babygirl.” He soothes you, rubbing your stomach and imagining what you’d look like full of his cum. Beautiful, you’d look beautiful. “At least fuck me while you give me another orgasm!” You argue, staring at him with glossed-over puppy eyes. Choso gives in and situates himself between your legs, still holding the vibrator over your clit. You sigh happily when he sets the vibrator down and thrust his cock in you. You thought you were completely numb down there but the feeling of Choso thrusting into your hole that’s been contracting nothing felt godly. Adding that with the vibrator that he put back on your clit, you come immediately. “Choso!” You scream clenching around him so tight he can’t help cumming. “Fuck! ‘M filling you up so good baby!” 

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