#i will be lost and not knowing what to do after im done but it's worth it ..... | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kabutoden · 2 months

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if aradia's death was just in-character for a long roleplay, what's the deal with tavros and terezi's disabilities? did vriska have anything to do with them?

She Did Do Those Things. vriska no!!!!!!

#im insane that vriska is a roleplayer #its so funny to me i love roleplaying jokes #for those not in the know: 'i was just acting in character' is a common phrase used by people Behaving Badly #vriskas like OOOOOOHHH you want me to break the carefully crafted and lovingly acted personality of marquise spinneret mindfang? you monste #listen!!! im playing as my spidersona!!!!! its what she would do shes a spider you want me to not act like a spider???#vriska. you threw the boy off a cliff screaming and cackling to yourself FLY PUPA FLY #thats not '''''''in character''''' marquise spinneret wouldnt have fucking done that you bitch!!! you just got bored and started #causing problems!!!!#her glasses details had to be shifted around because vriska saying to terezi 'its harder for me. i lost 7 eyes you only lost 2' is so fucki #oh my god vriska no. NO. VRISKA #but yeah she did still do those things. i wasnt sure how to handle this but i decided to go this way. a vriska is a vriska #vriska #homestuck #bugstuck #vriska serket #One time I got a death threat in the middle of an in-person roleplaying game. That underclassman just looked at me with hatred in their eye #a panic attack #then later after THAT they began openly weeping.

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insert-neologism · 1 month

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bad astrology by flower face

#yellowjackets #jackieshauna #ITS DONE OMG ITS FINISHED #what do I do now. with my life (ranking)#also ive decided i am gonna do literary analysis. on all of em #literally i have NO idea if anyone cares. well. i do bc I care and tbh that's enough to me #<- guys look im living so healthy #anyways this was a blast #hope somebody has at least discovered flower face trhu me bc its one of my fav artists #mitos incredible life #mine art tag #also im sorry the like long scenes 3 and 4 arent on beat :/ i love that song but it has so long instrumental stuff and idk what to do there #ALSO!! i had it all planned out like at least half in my docs (like always)#and then in the middle i was like 'omg what if I only show jackie-after-the-argument and shauna-after-jackies-dead'#(excluding the argument and the flashbacks (they used to hear us thru the floor))#which was. restricting. very much #also meaning was changed (originally wanted jackie to have the line 'idc if ure not made for me' but the only scene i could think of was th #ure hungry for and that was the next scene already so.)#anyways this was originally gonna be lottienat before i started with The Shark In Your Water #bc I thiught it fit them SO well. (still do) but now I like have to get away from the jackieshauna thought and then ill do the lottienat #probably #omg also I want everyone (who has read this far. whoever would do that) to know i was running on like 25 screen #recordings and 3 jackieshauna scene packs form yt #that's why. I dknt have that many clips alright im not using like 10 scenes over n over on purpose #gotta go but im gonna make a wrap post thingy once im back slay #no actually I get like average 7 notes (<- that's a lie Idk bc I didnt count) but im proud of myself this is amazing #ive wanted to do smth similiar alr #but it was some album by alec benjamin and a different thing for every song (like a poem‚ a painting or a play)#but I lost motivation this is the first thing that i actually pulled though all the way I think #jackieshauna: The Shark In Your Water

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mochasucculent · 8 months

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Yea idk how I haven't shared them here yet but here's some doodles of Tabitha and "Apathy" (she ain't got a name yet), the two protags of my ghost story!

Grieving after the sudden loss of her grandmother, Apathy accidentally becomes bound to the spirit of Tabitha, a young girl who was murdered in the 1870s. Stuck together in unfamiliar circumstances, the two must discover how to send Tabitha on to the afterlife, and if they even can.

UPDATEEEEEEEEE Apathy's name is Naomi :)

#i draw tabitha all cheery usually but she has a very very rough time at the start #very vengeful and confused and inconsolable and angry #as one would be if they were murdered #the first drawing was a couple months ago but the last drawing was from maybe like a year and a half ago?#so they look a lil different #i change their designs slightly every time i draw them lol #but yea i imagine this as an animated series!#its a love letter to the PNW (my home baybey) as well as like. my attempt to utilize the vehicle of horror for character exploration #if u know i love midnight mass and haunting of hill house then the mike flanagan jumps out immediately lmao #tabitha bennett #naomi evans #ghost girl story #i dont have a name for any of my stories either #i thought maybe of calling it 'mortis operandi'#but idk what their usual way of doing things would be to make the modus operandi part of the title make sense lol #also the tagline would be something like 'life after death for those who have lost someone and those who were lost'#so then i thought of calling it something like 'those who were lost' but ghosts are kinda a rarity in this universe so #it feels like that shouldnt be the focus of the title #idk im REALLY bad with titles #i think the character writing for these lil dudes that currently only exists in my brain is some of the best ive done tho #grabs u by the shoulders: talk to me about the irony that tabitha teaches apathy how to feel alive again despite being the one who's dead #my art #ocs

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wormboyfriendcentralstation · 26 days

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what the tags to my posts have taught me is that the wurthering heights stans are eating devouring enjoying while im locked in Moby Dick Jail with the ahab starbuck emotionally draining yuri that lives only in my mind-

#me staring at the direction that they decided to take starbuck's character #LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO MY BOY #also sometimes i get annoyed about the way that pip and ahab's interactions were adapted #like if anyone could have dragged ahab's ass back from the edge. ranked. 1. pip and 2. MAYBE starbuck had a small chance but like #not really #pip and starbuck are like....... two examples of how ahab's damage couldve been averted #pip and ahab are SUCH an important relationship that got kinda lost #bc it shows that ahab COULDVE walked back his ego for human connection. he and pip wind up kinda getting each other in a weird way #pip in moby dick is like. if apollo was the ocean pip would be cassandra. do you understand.#pip and ahab know how each other tick in the book.#they were like each other's One Chances bc ahab couldve left his ego and done the one damn thing which would've REALLY saved #the one goddamn person who he's come to genuinely care about #and pip gave ahab the chance to have someone sort of get how actually scared ahab is of the ocean and how that fear was the biggest #damn insult a dude like that could have. bc if you read the book and how ahab was treated directly after losing his leg.#it wasnt JUST moby dick it was the way his ship treated him. you understand why he's Like That.#the ocean AND the whaling crew fucked them both over.#uhhh meanwhile starbuck Thought that he could walk ahab's ego back from the edge!#but in reality the way that starbuck was ahab's One Chance at not killing everyone on that ship is if starbuck had shot his ass in the cabi #limbus company #IM GLAD THE WURTHERING HEIGHTS FANS ARE HAVING FUN THOUGH IM GL

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extra-somethin-somethin · 1 month

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hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification

#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ...#im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!!#keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots #in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say #and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that #anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared #she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend #now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko #whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble #you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i #and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd #i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke #who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan #to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair #yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair #so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼#the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be #she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that #dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me #the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way #idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it #character analysis #yukimura keiko #yu yu hakusho

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frogboyandzombieface · 2 years

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GUYS. i want to know - when season 4 comes out , how are u gonna watch it ? example - binging the hell out of it or taking ur time and watching an episode or two each day or sumn ? watching it the moment it comes out or waiting until the hype dies down a bit ? rb with what ur gonna do when it comes out

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the-meme-monarch · 1 year

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Can you explain Strange Someone Frisk’s motivations a bit more? I don’t really understand how they could go from being a nice supportive kid to tampering with things in DR

well frisk Does appear to be nice and nonviolent even without the SOUL’s control (sans saying “even when you ran away you did it with a smile” and seemingly feeling guilty for taking more than one piece of candy (the bowl tipping over and the narration saying “you felt like the scum of the earth”(unless that’s just chara trying to guilt them/you)) and we know from deltarune that while the SOUL controls what frisk and kris do, where they walk and what they say, it doesn’t control how they say things, like kris saying things sarcastically/confusedly/as a joke when it’s a choice they don’t particularly agree with (like the “perish” being said enthusiastically, or saying they’d go to the festival w ralsei or noelle and not sounding like the Actually Want To).

and similarly to kris ithink ss frisk feels. lost. without the soul. in the context of the au, frisk doesn’t remember anything before falling into mt ebott. idk it’d they even remember their life before that day. idk if they even had one. they maybe convinced themself that they were literally made for their role, and didn’t exist before then. maybe them causing problems through the secret bosses is them trying to get the SOUL’s attention, bc the SOUL’s influence is all they know, and they know the SOUL is here now.

they’re messed up in a similar fashion as jevil and spamton (and presumably the other secret bosses we have yet to meet) but where as they were Told by frisk about their roles as characters in a story, and jevil’s method of coping being that he’s “free”, and spamton’s is by trying to escape, frisk was made aware by their firsthand experience, and has turned to telling the secret bosses. and well, while i don’t know Why frisk would let this knowledge upon them when they’d been previously kindhearted, maybe it has to do w like. their life being entirely upended by the game ending and being shunted out of that universe as a result. maybe they feel cheated. maybe they feel that doing good isn’t worth it. maybe they feel like they can’t do good without the SOUL telling them to do so. maybe they don’t even realize or think that what they’re doing is causing harm, maybe they think that telling them What’s Really Up is a good thing. they did actually help spamton, for a time.

think that makes flowey’s plea for the player not to reset, to leave the game alone let frisk have their happy ending, kinda. ironic. not that resetting Would Have done them any favors either.

also if i was made fully aware that my life was little more than a means to tell a story i think I’d snap a little bit too. my life is a game maybe I am tired of being nice, maybe I do just want to go apeshit. maybe I’ll cause some problems on purpose

#also this reminded me. on the comic w ss frisk and flowey talking and frisk thinking they don’t deserve a happy ending anymore #frisk forgives him but not themself bc of their differing circumstances #frisk feels like now that they’re doing Bad Things after having don’t Good Things that weren’t their own choices that they just. arent good #they KNOW what it’s like to do good. they HAVE done good. now they arent #frisk hasn’t been told how trauma can effect poeple and that healing isn’t linear. sad ! /ref #flowey was able to undo the harm he did at a moments notice when he would save and reset. he can’t anymore and hes doing better now. he’s a #he’s acknowledged his wrongdoings and worked to fix them post game #i couldn’t really get into that bc i lost the canvas in A Cropping Accident #sorry I’m beginning to feel incoherent idk if any of what im saying or have said makes any sense #i have a commission to work on and i have been here typing for like half an hour!!! goodbye now #the monarch’s court

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bangelism · 7 months

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AHH MY 36 DAYS OF HELL AND NEVER ENDING STRESS AND SUFFERING HAVE BEGUN

#at the end of this i am going to be feral hell angel #someone’s gonna have to chain me up s #this is it baby the past 6 years of my life have been waiting for these 36 days #all or nothing #and if it doesn’t work out…if i mess this up NOW…that’s it i’m done #i don’t even know what i’m doing after this but if i don’t have an 85+ atar i’m not doing anything #cause i will have lost all sense of meaning and purpose #not to be dramatic #but i’m dead serious #i have given up EVERYTHING for this #help im scared

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lordsardine · 1 month

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#well you see at the cafe for writing group. i didnt work on my MG novel like i should have #i re-read all of the adult novel and made edits. all 45k words worth #then i felt bad for not working on the MG novel when i got home at 11 and thought 'oh the edits dont look like much let me know them out!'#now at 1:30 AM. the 'short edits' turned into re-writing the entire chapter -__- but we're done #miscellaneous #the adult novel i had major writer's block on and then turned and wrote like a maniac the 57k fanfic in a single fucking month #and then after said fanfic my writing motivation crashed and burned and for a while i felt lost with it #but im finally back into a groove with my original work #it felt good to re-read the adult novel and be like 'damn what i do have is good'#and it felt good to get these edits done for the MG novel #idk uh what the lesson is here but writing a 57k fanfic in the span of a single month was not the most Fantastic thing for my mental health #but you know it's done and out there and on the third page overall for this pairing so at least i did something right with it #Anyway. need to wind down now

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yuukimiyas · 4 months

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ଘ(੭ˊ꒳ˋ)੭✧ happy new years my loves!! i am so so SO beyond grateful to have had the pleasure of growing my lil city & was able to meet all of you!! whether we interact only briefly or on the daily just know i appreciate & adore every single one of you more than words can possibly describe ໒꒰ྀིㅅ´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა i wouldn’t be half the person i am if it weren’t for you guys <33 & im so proud to say that i have made some amazing forever friends (*ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈)⁾⁾⁾ ik this yr wasn’t easy & it def had its struggles but everyday you continued to show up & be your v best self & i am so proud of you <33 i just know you’re going to continue to do even MORE amazing things!! ໒꒰ྀི∩˃ ᵕ ˂∩꒱ྀི১ 2024 is our yr!! <33 i am kissin your noses so gently as the ball drops!! mwah!!

#ᕱ⑅ᕱ.* journals!#okay i’m ab to get a lil soft ૮꒰ྀི ∩៸៸៸∩ ‎꒱ྀིა im feelin WEEPY!!!#but i remember tellin my bestie that i wanted to rlly get back into tumblr again & im so glad i did bc i got to meet all of YOU!!#i’ve done a lot of healing in these past yrs + made rlly stupid mistakes + tried everyday to better from them & it was HARD & i learned SM #after growing & coming to terms w my past & moving toward my future i’ve happy to say i am the happiest i’ve ever been <3 #& no matter what i was feeling if it was a particularly hard brain day you guys never stopped treating me like i was human <3 #& for that i truly thank you ໒꒰ྀི ´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა i lost a lot but im determined to get it back & then some!! bc im not my mistakes!!#i’m what i’ve learned from them!! & i am only continuing to be my best self every single day!!#i just hope you guys know you mean the world to me ໒꒰ྀི ∩´﹏`∩ ꒱ྀིა & idk what i’d do w/out my fave neighbors & city pals!! <33 #i can’t wait to make so many more memories w you all in the new yr!! ᜊ꒰ ᜊ ´ ˘꒱ ੭♡ cheers to us bbys!! i just know its gonna be amazing!! <3 #smoochin you all on midnight tonight + tmrw & every midnight after that <33 i love you all endlessly ૮꒰ྀི∩´ ᵕ `∩꒱ྀིა

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apathyfairy · 5 months

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some days you really just want to scream why is this so hard!!!!!! why is life so hard for me!!!!!!!!!!!!

#maybe it's bc i just started my period or maybe it's bc im on the verge of my next breakdown but im struggling!!!!!!!!!!#yesterday i realized it's been exactly 2 years since i moved into this living situation im still stuck in and it just hit me #as i was trying to fall asleep that like ok i just lost 2 more years of my life!! i accomplished absolutely nothing and #just ran in fucking circles going nowhere and literally have done Nothing #and not to make excuses but im only now realizing how badly covid fucked me like not covid covid but covid time #as in like jobs and having any sort of future like that was Exactly the time after i graduated that i needed to be doing shit and i couldnt #and yeah i know there are sooooo many people in similar situations bc of covid but god i just feel like such a failure which i am #but i just feel so helpless like i honestly do not know how to move forward #or what i even want out of life anymore if anything at all and yes ok so period plus 2 year anniversary plus my birthday next week so im #extremely on the edge rn #and anyway last night i was crying bc of the 2 year thing then u know how when u sometimes start crying about one thing #u start crying about just everything wrong in your life so yeah i did that and then suddenly it was about still living here #and still living in this state and still living with mentally abusive relatives and how much of a failure i am at my age and how my birthda #will make me feel like shit and how much i miss my dogs and how much i worry about my cat and how i cant ever lose her ever no matter what #like i simply will not go through another pet death i just wont. and then all roads lead to my biggest mistake and regret so my ex then #all that and how i literally cant change any of those things at all and how much i feel like a prisoner and i cant escape and anyway.#im just not doing well lately lmao

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pepprs · 1 year

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#to translate this post: someone liked this post i made (on the upper left) on AUGUST 28 having a moment of self awareness that i was running #away from my whole life and not moving or learni ng to drive or anything. it is now march 8. it has been almost 7 months. and i have made #basically zero progress. and there is nothing stopping me but me. i could read the drivers manual and whatever whenever i want. but i am not #doing anything. and i don’t know how to get myself to start.#purrs #i know it’s a cop out excuse but i truly do think it’s covid. i think being in lockdown for a year and a half made me just let go of any #sense of progress. made me scared to take steps forward. and i mean i did bc i lived on campus for a while after that but it’s like.. EVERY #part of my life is stagnant rn it seems. and it’s not just me it’s my siblings too. we’re all getting older but none of us is trying to move #out or gain our independence in any way and my brother isn’t even looking for jobs even though he needs one. we’re all just getting older #but we’ve lost (or maybe had knocked out of us by covid and our mom being so strict) any sense of moving ipward and spreading our wings.#forgotten we have wings at all. and ive done important things like going on a house tour or traveling with my besties (<3). but i have only #made it to page 8 of the drivers manual and i truly do not want to read the rest of it. i have only been on one house tour and im longing to #move out but how much am i really because i can’t bring myself to schedule another tour and start searching for a new home in earnest.#i just come home every day UTTERLY exhausted and spend all my free time trying to process or rest. and im not making room for myself to use #my wings. and it’s truly terrible. why are we all okay with living like this. my younger self would be HORRIFIED if she saw how much i had a #atrophied since graduating and moving back home. my brighton self would be HORRIFIED. i told myself i wouldn’t and then it’s exactly what i #did. and ik im being harsh and ive spread my wings in some important ways during this time but… these are so obvious. such low hanging #fruit in some ways. bc any 16 year old can take this test and pass it so why can’t i at 24? why won’t i let myself? dont i want a nice cozy #home i make my own where i can eat what i want and sleep when i want and have control over sounds? then why am i not running for it?#delete later #i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth i am wasting my youth 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 my one precious life 😃😃😃😃😃😃😃😃#also LMFAOOOOO the next tag on that aug 28 post was that i need to get a new campus id card… guess who hasn’t done that either ♥️

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samwisefamgee · 10 months

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the 20 dollar pair of throwaways I got for my sister's wedding were perfect for the like 7 hours I got them for but are really not perfect for like anything else ever

#i mean the WERE 20 dollars thats how it works but ya know #ive had to use them while walking around to do errands and not gonna lie wish i hadnt tossed the old busted pair #they were pretty far past done for but these things have given me. SO many blisters and i kinda just gotta keep goin #woulda taken the duct tape pair. shoulda just kept the duct tape pair #i seriously need to get some actual nice walking shoes but that would necessitate having more than 50 dollars at one point ever #and im outta weed lmao i had to bust out the emergency stash from the junk drawer #you know cause i get to where im sleeping and the ouch oof ache of my badshoes leaves me wanting a poofer choofer #its a cycle but ive been in worse cycles #if my mental health were also at an especially low point during all this i dont even KNOW what id be doing lol #i walkked. over 17 miles the other day in a haze of self harm after more bullshit happened and lost my wallet during the walk.#not a fun 6 miles of backtracking. drank outta someones hose once and the river twice to stave the clearly onsetting dehydration. didnt die!#found the wallet. drank maybe more water than i ever have in one moment when i passed the library and absorbed their entire drinking font #anyway my legs/knees were ruined and i almost sent myself to the hospital again cause i cant make bad decisions normal i get weird about it #but hey if a very specific set of circumstances fall into place maybe i wont be broke and just generally all around unwell goin forward #heres hoping it does before student loan payments roll round again lol

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first-enchanter-surana · 1 year

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Shouldn't have gone to work yesterday. I feel like s h i t

#ive taken three separate covid tests and theyve all come back negative #so either they're false-negative or this is a side-effect of having had covid in august #like are my colds just worse now #bc my lungs feel really having and ive lost all sense of taste #which is of course a symptom of covid which is why im so sceptical of the tests #i mean i could theoretically go and have a Proper Test done #but that involves having to leave the house and take the train to the next big city bc they dont do tests like that anymore in my tiny home #and then id have to go from the train station to the shopping mall which is about a 20 min walk #i guess i could get a bus but the wait doesn't seem worth it #also id have to wear a mask on public transport which makes my throat dry which makes me cough more #and walking is just. tiring.#overall i feel discouraged #also im scared that i wont get my sense of taste back #like after my covid in august i didnt have taste for... 2 weeks? a month?#it came back comparatively quickly is what im trying to say #and that was bad enough #my coworker told me after she had covid her sense of taste didn't come back for a year #and like yeah the first time it came back quickly for me but that doesn't mean its guaranteed that itll come back at all this time #and like i love food and cooking and baking so much and im just scared ill never get to enjoy that part of my life again #(like i just had some apple and orange slices and i feel a little better know so still it feels like if i cant taste food whats the point)

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cats-thoughts · 1 year

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AJJ - Bad Things

#pretending like the lazy background actually has meaning part 5000 when will they stop? never.#I just. hate backgrounds #so this is actually inspired off of the arg Froglord wanted to make #there was a group of 4 of us and I. as like the only one with writing experience as far as i know. was tasked by the froglord -#- to basically write the story of the arg. like come up with the concepts in stuff #and i had a great time! came up with Lost Co (cause that's the 4 of us' group name) and a basic storyline and even a character #and then i am told 'Ok so now we are going to kill All Of Them' and 'its your fault for getting attached to the character'#(not by FL. FL wanted to kill off everyone which I HEAVILY DISAGREED WITH but other person in the group was just kinda rude?)#and I go HEY Killing all of the protags for shock value is Never a good idea No Body Likes That.#No Body Likes A Story Where The Good Guys Lose And Theres Nothing They Could Have Done About It #(okay well maybe SOME people do but personally it always felt so pessimistic and discouraging and quite frankly Lazy.)#and you know. no one was listening to me. they go Ok We Are Going To Kill Everyone and Your Character Is First #Because theyre likable and prepared which will make it twice as gut wrenching ^.^#and I go You Know What. Fine.#AND I BACKED OUT OF THE PROJECT #I mean I just stopped messaging the group chat #never said 'im out' or anything just. stopped taking initiative and messaging #and wouldn't you know it. NOTHING HAPPENED AFTER I LEFT #no one messaged anything tried to plan anything nothing #I dont LIKE to take pride in spiteful shit like that but. Come On. Its a lil ironic.#look man you dont listen to the writer see how far you get #anyways Ive let Lost Co sit and broil in my mind for a while now and i still rlly like the idea #so this is what that is Semi based off of #okay that story makes me sound kind of like an ass. and I was. kinda an ass. but like its not That dramatic I'm serious i literally just #stopped saying 'ok here are concepts for the story here's a few ways we can pull it off what do u guys think any ideas/addons?'#and no one ever messaged the chat again #yeah after my last message- which was that my dad thought it sounded like a bunch of kids took too much lsd cause FL said the forest they #were trapped in was like 3 acres on the outside but 5 on the inside which is. A very very tiny patch of trees to get lost in-#the last message was a kinda uncomfortable mini vent of a friend faking 'the final ouch' as my teacher called it #I love my little guy Lost Co iPod from Kansas ^.^

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x-letsbreaksomerules-x · 1 year

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i think tonight i will draw my inquisitor covered in blood or something. put him through the horrors again

#you see i have a lot of feelings and opinions on how many people we kill in Inquisition #Cygnus also has many feelings about it and is constantly weighed down by the amount of people he has to kill. self defense or not #honestly i keep putting that guy through worse and worse shit #he lost his entire sense of self in the span of a month #he constantly plagued by the fears and worries about how his story will be told after he's dead #how his image might be twisted or used and he's as powerless to stop it as he was from the beginning #and then also he has to kill. all the time. for what he has to convince himself is the greater good #even though he doesn't believe in the Maker. and he saw what the Chantry did to Ameridan. and what it keeps doing to everyone else #Also Trespasser is a whole ordeal you can imagine how he felt learning history and context he didn't have before #and then learning his friend and companion is also trying to destroy shit. the shit he JUST fixed #even funnier is i v much gave him a humorous/sarcastic personality so he's just doing his best to make everyone like him #is it working? who knows.#his one strength is like being a people person and taking care of others and so he's decent at leading but like #doesn't mean he wants to do it he kind of hates it all the time always and wants to go home #ok ok im done talking im sorry i have him on my mind rn #man. i need to finish his actual character sheet

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