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lorephobic · 5 months

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literally nobody asked for it, but here's my list of saltburn essays that i've slowly been drafting over the course of the last week which WILL be required reading for anybody trying to engage with me about this movie. my very personal saltburn 101 syllabus just dropped

A Wolf in Deer's Clothing: Saltburn's Attempt at Innocence

an examination of party costumes and our character's last attempts to masquerade as something they're not: felix—an angel, all-forgiving and all-knowing, something to be worshiped; and oliver—a prey animal, prey to class-divide, prey to saltburn, prey to felix.

thoughts about oliver specifically are loosely organized in my #bambi tag

A Midsummer Night's Mare: Farleigh Start as the Ultimate Victim of Saltburn

a farleigh character study, about the ways he was mistreated and manipulated at saltburn, about fighting to stay alive and the scars left behind by knowing when to give in

alternatively titled "QuickStart", may be adapted into a conclusive essay specifically focusing on oliver and farleigh's relationship

The Eye of the Beholder: On Saltburn's Voyeurism & Violence [working title]

how wealth and class pushes the catton's toward the volatile reality of being able to look, but not touch. on desire and the lack thereof, and portraying yourself as an object to be desired

may end up as two separate essays on wealth and aestheticism but i'm pushing toward a conclusive essay about the intersection of the two, which i feel is at the heart of saltburn

alternatively titled "Poor Man's Pudding: A Melvillian Approach to Saltburn's Class", again, may be adapted into it's own essay

Gender-Fluid: A Study in Sexuality and Saltburn's Desire to be Dry

a deep dive into the bodily fluids of saltburn and how oliver upsets the standard of men who are just so lovely and dry. on the creative choice to lean into the messy wetness of sex and desire and the audience's instinct toward repulsion

a celebration of the grotesque and an examination of why we would label it as such

least developed of the four, heavily inspired by @charnelpit's lovely post about the fluids in saltburn

if anybody is actually interested in any of these, i can work toward something closer to a finished piece instead of just bullet points and quotes in a google doc, but mostly this is so i can share my very brief takes on a multitude of themes in saltburn that have been haunting me

edit for people seeing this in the future: all posts about my essays are being organized into my #saltburn 101 tag if you’re interested in following these through to development!

#saltburn #saltburn posting #really desperately need someone to pay me to write saltburn essays all day #or else these will never be more than a smattering of bullet points #and these are only the most developed of the millions of the thoughts that i've had rolling around in my brain this last week #idk if lengthy meta-essays are interesting to literally anyone other than me #but if any of these speak to u and u have thoughts abt them #of course u are welcome to send them my way #i think all of these were born out of either seeing bad fandom takes (ie. everything ive seen about farleigh and oliver)#or rly good fandom takes that haven't been talked about enough like the fluids thing #anyway #oh also if u want any interview clips that back up any of these ideas i have a list thats like a million miles long #and would be happy to dig for any specific things im talking about here #bambi #also also im sorry i kno the colon in academic essay titles is so overused i just love a subtitle sm #i love love love a clever little essay title. titling my essays was literally my favorite part of the essay process in college #saltburn 101

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dorkicon · 9 months

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bitching abt my job again

tags contain frank mentions of transphobia and homophobia

#this happened like. i dont know. a month ago or something but i still keep playing it in my mind #for those unawares: theres been a fucking community outrage over the pride display at the library i work at #and have been working/volunteering at for 5 years #only it never went up. it never went up. bc the mayor came in as a quote unquote private citizen and demanded it taken down #despite the fact that patrons are required to fill out complaint sheets and even then it isnt ensured a display will be taken down #so obviously its a misuse of power that hes spinning into him being a concerned citizen #and i made a whole post bitching abt it and im doing so again (hi) bc i didnt like how our director responded to it #and yeah. so there was a board meeting after that right. well i set up for them as i usually do and let me tell you. that was the first #--time more than like 6 people came to spectate. it was insane.#and i guarantee that this months meeting wont have half as many people that fucking crammed themselves in there to complain abt gay ppl #bc of course they dont give a shit about the library #they just care about how scary the queers are #and yeah it was a shit show. i learned we have a far right organization in our town #and i was sat right in front of her husband the whole time #(standing actually. i was standing between him and my moms chair and he was sighing and grumbling the whole time bc he couldnt muster the #--balls to ask the 5 foot 2 fag in front of him to please move lol. small victories right)#when i say her i mean the leader of the freaks. idk. chairman? anyway she had a whole speech about how like queers are bad and cutting #the penises off little babies or whatever and she pulled up this passage from a book that was part of the display #its some book by the youtuber rowan ellis-- here and queer i think was the title. it was cataloged in our ya section and contained passages #talking about like having safe sex and what dildoes are and all that kind of shit. just really clinical descriptions imo. im not familiar w #--the youtuber really but im assuming they wrote it as informational bc shocker: teens be having sex. unsafe sex. especially queer teens #sourse: i was one of tgose #and...think for a moment. remember when you were a teen. youd rather fucking DIE than listen to your parents give you the sex talk #and chances are if youre gay your parents arent even going to know WHAT gay sex is (hugging without shirts on) so youre going to look #--elsewhere #bc if youre a hormonal fucking teen youre going to figure it out one way or another! especially if youre from (cough) a podunk shitwater #--town like mine that ran on abstinence by way of sex education #i think teens deserve to have access to that sort of information through trusted means. and i do mean het teens too #but no these fucking morons put on airs like everyones waiting till marriage--no! not my becky sue! as if they werent fucking around in #--holy shit i reached taglimit. i didnt ecen know there was one. hold on

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fereldanwench · 7 months

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ughhhfdjghdfg i was in that totally over-stimulated mood to do ALL THE THINGS and now I'm crashing and I'm just tired and annoyed at everything

#if i see one more youtube video that references cyberpunk endings as 'good' and 'bad' I'm gonna #idfk im too tired to think of something funny lmao #but i really reject the mindset that any ending in cp77 is universally good or universally bad #it all depends on your v and their priorities and relationships imo #i know youtube titles have to be baity but i see that discussion everywhere #'what's the best ending?'#whatever makes the most sense for your v idk i can't determine that for you there is no one true objectively good ending #ANYWAY #t: wench.txt

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britneyshakespeare · 4 months

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i had a very strange dream last night where i was looking through my facebook memories and a year ago today i had apparently posted a long, intended-as-a-joke post about how it's a shame we don't hang people from the gallows in the public square anymore. i was like wow oh god i don't remember writing this at all. this seems unlike myself; i think this is so unfunny and hurtful. how will this change how people see me? well it's a good thing i never posted that after all then.

#like i was being an ironic edgelord which is extremely strange. bc most of the time im not even a little edgy #edgy humor has to strike a very precise balance for me to enjoy it and i dont really bend that way myself #im more silly/absurd in my disposition.#i suppose it would've been absurd if i REALLY DID BELIEVE we should start hanging people in public squares again #but also it's not absurd bc that very much has happened on a large scale in human history. so. y'know #it's absurd to our sensibilities now but it is so not out of the realm of possibility for someone to agree w the practice #tales from diana #i dont know why but im pretty sure i titled the rant at the top of it 'femineconomics'#like it had something to do w feminism and/or femininity?#idk i cant remember the fake rant very well but it went on some WEIRD tangents in an attempt at humor #this is why i am NOT an edgelord btw bc as you can tell even if i were more bent to it i'd be bad at it

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floralovebot · 2 months

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you know what actually i do think garth and jackson should have a brother like relationship with each other

something something atlantean brother curse something something they choose to be brothers something something found family something something love conquers all blahblahblah

#i just think its so shitty that dc gave jackson the aqualad title and then didnt do anything with that #like its a bad decision in the first place but if youre going to do it at least make it good?#at least have them talk to each other and bond outside of aquafam mission duties #like im sorry but you Cannot convince me that garth wouldnt care about jackson #or wouldnt at least try to be in his life after literally giving him his name #anyway dont get me wrong i do love the atlantean brother curse its tragic and also very funny to me #but i do think they could do something really sweet and meaningful with two people Choosing to be brothers #thats ideally how i wanted the garth koryak situation to go but yknow. whatever !!!#but depending on how its written it could be even more powerful with garth and jackson #idk man just let them be a proper family #jacksons in such a weird spot where he's clearly In the family but he's also not #and its like #cringe

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guinevereslancelot · 7 months

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abt to apply for a real adult grown up job idk if i can handle it tho even if i get it 😅🙏

#i want a job i can sit down at so bad tho #manual labor job is gonna kill me #but idk if im reallyyyy qualified for this one and it might be stressful #but i hope i can do it #the description doesn't sound suuuper hard #but it's an administrative assistant in a county legal office #which sounds like something im in no way qualified for #but i have GOT to get out of my current job #bc it's really hard on my health #also this pays a bit more which is nice #but putting agricultural worker on my resume probs wont help me get it #i think im gonna say some made up job title like plant technician 😂#anyway. trying to make a resume is so hard 😬#my dad is gonna help me this time tho

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set-phasers-to-whump · 1 year

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the motherland don't love you, the fatherland don't love you, so why love anything?

prompt: drowning their sorrows

whumpee: kind of all 3 of napoleon solo, illya kuryakin, gaby teller

fandom: the man from uncle

hey!! this fic is a bit different from my usual stuff, it's much more about the angst and kind of the character study type aspect, so it's not whump in a traditional sense. nonetheless i really enjoyed writing it and i hope you like reading it!! (title from ya hey by vampire weekend)

“Listen,” Napoleon says, after his sixth or seventh glass of Scotch. “Fuck the Central Intelligence Agency.”

Gaby raises an eyebrow at him, takes a sip from her glass, and waits for him to say something else.

Napoleon, however, seems to have lost his train of thought. “Fuck the CIA,” he repeats. “Nothing but a bunch of extortionists.”

“Yeah,” Gaby agrees, with the tone of one who doesn’t know exactly what it is they’re agreeing with but who is staunchly in support of it nonetheless. “Fuck the CIA,” she echoes, giggling at the English curse.

Napoleon smiles, then grows serious, evidently having remembered his earlier thoughts. He sets his glass down with a thump.

“No, really. I mean, God knows I’m no saint, but…look at us.” He gestures in a vague circle that encompasses himself, Gaby, and Illya, all painted with bruises and cuts of varying severity, marks of a severely botched mission and the reason for their present collective inebriation.

Napoleon then gestures to himself, prods at his fresh black eye with a bit more force than is wise. “Ow.”

“We do not work for the CIA,” Illya points out, speaking slowly to avoid jumbling his words. “Only you.”

Napoleon scowls at him. “Not the point, Peril. My point is…my point is, how often have we looked like this because of an UNCLE mission?”

Illya shrugs, scrunching up his face like he’s actually trying to count.

Gaby answers for him. “Not very often. Not this bad.”

Napoleon points at her. “Exactly. UNCLE has better intel - well, maybe not this time, but you know - and they actually sort of care about us. Like, Waverly probably wouldn’t threaten me with prison if I was a little cheeky with him. Probably.”

Gaby and Illya both nod.

“And,” Napoleon starts, more to indicate that he wants to keep talking and less to introduce a well thought-out sentence, “and. Okay. I mean, I’ve never been in the KGB and I didn’t grow up in East Berlin, so I can’t really speak for you guys, but my boss here?”

He stops, considers his use of prepositions, realizes they’re not actually in the States at the moment, and rephrases. “Back in the US, I mean. Sanders, my boss, terrible man, really, talking a big game about the country being on top of the world like he’s the one who put it there. Anyway. He threatens me with prison pretty much weekly.”

Gaby looks at him intently. “Can he actually send you to prison?”

Napoleon shrugs, does his best to be nonchalant. “Probably. It wouldn’t be too hard to convince whoever it is that needs convincing. I mean, sure, I’m useful as an agent, but at the end of the day I’m nothing but a dirty thief who should worship the ground the CIA…well, I guess the CIA as like, a thing, can’t walk, but you know…I should worship the ground the CIA walks on because they kept me out of prison. Not that working for them is anything like freedom.”

“I understand,” Gaby says, leaning slightly against Napoleon’s shoulder, partly as a gesture of comfort and solidarity and partly because everything has gone a little spinny. She waits until the feeling subsides, then speaks up again.

“In Berlin, they trap us. East Germany is supposed to be a good place, that’s what they tell you, but then they build this wall through the city. And what are we supposed to do? We can’t go over it, they will kill us. It’s like they don’t understand that it’s the same city on both sides. There’s no freedom like that. I don’t even miss it.”

She falls silent, finishes her drink, pours another, contemplates it for a moment.

“I do miss it, I guess. Is it possible to not miss your home?”

Her eyes have gone a bit glassy. Unconsciously, she rubs at the fresh red scratch on her cheek.

“It isn’t like East Germany ever cared about me. Or anyone, really. Do you know how many people they arrest every day? For nothing. They questioned me about my birth father once. Two years ago they arrested my neighbor for…how is it in English? Sed… something. They said he was against the state. He was only a painter.”

“Sedition,” Napoleon chimes in, shaking his head.

Gaby nods. “That’s it. Sedition.” She pronounces the word carefully, committing it to memory. “And even then I - I do miss it. Even after everything. There is nothing left for me there, no one. Still, sometimes I think about how I can never go back, and I think it should feel like…like freedom, but it doesn’t.”

She leans more heavily into Napoleon and shuts her eyes. She will not cry over this. Over a place that does not care for her in the slightest. Over a place that she is indifferent to and misses in the same breath.

A soft silence. Gaby scrubs at her eyes. Illya shifts slightly in his chair, keenly aware of the fact that it would seem to be his turn.

He finishes the last of his drink - he doesn’t know what it is, something Napoleon made that had tasted good earlier but is now horribly bitter. He doesn’t know how many of these terrible drinks he’s had. He should have kept count. He shouldn’t be so drunk. But he is, and so his tongue is loosened. He takes a deep breath and tries not to wince when his bruised ribs protest.

“My father was not a good man,” he says, and then stops. Napoleon and Gaby both look at him, attentive. He looks away, continues after a beat.

“He was arrested. Sent to Gulag. He stole money from the Party. I thought, they will kill him. But he is still alive. No one can see him. They will maybe tell me when he dies, I don’t know.”

He pauses, considers, formulates the English words. “He is a criminal. Or else they would have freed him. He is in prison for almost twenty years. Oleg Grigorievich, he says to me sometimes… Solo,” he says suddenly, looking at his partner.

Napoleon looks back at him with startling intensity. “Yeah?”

“You said that Sanders, he threatens you with prison, yes?” Illya asks, and then barrels on atop of Napoleon’s affirmative answer.

“Oleg Grigorievich also does this. He tells me I will end up in Siberia like my father if I do not perform well. I love my country, I will die for my country, but…I do not love him.”

Gaby nods seriously. “Fuck Oleg Gri…gorievich,” she proclaims, pausing in the middle of the patronymic to hiccup. Napoleon snorts, and she elbows him. He winces.

“Your elbows are sharp. And I already have a bruise,” he complains.

“Sorry,” Gaby apologizes, mostly sincerely.

Illya looks at them. He is beginning to think he should not have begun speaking, because now he is not sure that he can stop.

“I am good at my work. KGB needs me. I am happy to work for my country. But…”

“Go on,” Napoleon encourages, leaning forward.

“We won’t tell anyone,” Gaby adds. “Nobody tells anyone anything.”

“Except each other.”

“Obviously.”

“I was just making sure!”

“But,” Illya continues, and Napoleon and Gaby turn their attention back to him. “You are nice to me.”

He doesn’t say anything else. His face feels hot and his throat feels tight. For a very long moment all three of them just look at each other.

And then, as if by design (though neither one of them had spoken to the other), both Gaby and Napoleon get up and grab hold of Illya’s hands.

“What are you doing?” Illya asks, scarcely moving despite their straining.

“Come sit with us,” Gaby says.

“Please?” Napoleon adds. “So we can all be miserable together.”

“We are already together,” Illya points out.

“Come on, please?” Gaby asks.

Illya heaves another sigh that has him wincing. “Okay.”

He lets them pull him to his feet. For a second he gets horribly dizzy and he has to close his eyes. When he opens them again, he’s leaning against Napoleon and Gaby has her hands on his back.

“I’m fine,” he says. “Just dizzy.”

“So’m I,” Gaby agrees. “Come on, let’s sit.”

The three of them stumble back to the couch and sink down onto it rather ungracefully. Napoleon ends up in the middle, with Illya curled into the corner beside him and Gaby lying her head on his leg.

“I’m glad you ruined my car,” Gaby suddenly says, not moving her head from its pillow.

“What?” Napoleon asks. “We destroyed it. Beautiful car, too.”

Gaby shrugs as best as she can given her current position. “If you didn’t ruin my car, we would not be here now.”

She does have a point, Napoleon figures. “I’m glad we’re here,” he adds. “Working for the CIA is mostly terrible. Working with you is fun. You’re…” He trails off, unsure of or unwilling to fully voice any further words.

Illya shifts a little closer to them, carefully. “At home I am part of machine. I do not mind this, but with you I am something else. Not a machine.”

“Just a person,” Gaby says. “More free.”

It’s different for her, she knows. Her career as a spy has been with Waverly alone. The only person controlling her is someone she trusts and likes.

And yet Napoleon agrees. “Yeah,” he says, slowly. “I mean, Sanders is still in charge of me, but so is Waverly, and with UNCLE I’m not a prisoner of the US government, or at least I don’t feel like one. Maybe one of these days I won’t be, I don’t know. I’d work for UNCLE, with you guys, even if it was my choice, is what I mean, I suppose.”

“I am maybe not so free at home,” Illya chimes in, leaning slightly onto Napoleon. “This is how it is, I don’t mind. It is important that there is an order, things like this. But we…we care about each other, yes?”

It takes Gaby and Napoleon a second to realize that they’re being asked a question here.

“Of course,” says Napoleon.

“Obviously,” Gaby agrees.

“Okay. We care about each other. And maybe so does Waverly. This is different. I am…I have…I can be something else here. And that is good too.”

“Well put,” says Napoleon. “Now, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m feeling a little bit too drunk and a lot bit like I’d like to go to sleep.”

“Me too,” Gaby chimes in.

“Yes,” agrees Illya.

“And I’m not moving.”

“Me either.”

“I will stay.”

Napoleon nods slowly, closing his eyes when this makes him too dizzy. “Glad we’re agreed.”

They rearrange themselves as best as they can, which involves a lot of shuffling around, grabbing of arms for support, and general wincing. Eventually, they manage to configure themselves in a reasonably comfortable manner, all stacked and tangled together.

“Goodnight,” Gaby mumbles, voice muffled by the fabric of Napoleon’s shirt.

“Night,” Napoleon echoes, already half asleep with his face pressed into a cushion.

“Goodnight,” Illya concludes, head propped up at a slightly uncomfortable angle against the armrest.

In the morning, there will be pounding headaches, empty glasses and bottles to clean up, and various injuries to check in on. But for now, there is only silence and comfort. There is only them.

thanks for reading! this was a whole different kind of beast to write but i really loved getting to explore their characters like this, i have so many thoughts about them that don't often get to come through in my usual 'beat them up' fics. i hope you enjoyed this!!

#bad things happen bingo #drowning their sorrows #the man from uncle #illya kuryakin #napoleon solo #gaby teller #drunk #angst #emotional whump #i say things #my writing #i have been wanting to use that lyric as a title for a fic like this for ages im so thrilled it's finally getting out there lol #also i have never written so much drunk conversation before. hope it felt natural-ish.#also also had to make up a patronymic for oleg. felt weird to only call him by his first name but that's all we get in canon ough #back to the title real quick tho #idk i just am obsessed with that lyric and how it relates to them and this idea of like your country not giving a shit about you #and what do you do with that? maybe you say fuck it i love my country even if it doesn't love me back or maybe you say i don't care but #maybe really you still do. or maybe you don't care about it at all. but then what does that mean for you in terms of home?#(it means it's people.)#yeah. sorry. many thoughts.#woah editing tags for the first time. forgot that was a thing you could do on desktop.#ok bye for now love uuuuu

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todayisafridaynight · 11 months

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OH about the finale at the shrine, this completely slipped my notice when we were talking about it, but Ichi says he's "reporting" Jo's verdict to both Arakawa and Masato. It's just not translated that way.

Not too big of a difference (well, it is to me, but I'm insane), but if it was highlighting anything, I'd guess it's probably Masato's change of heart. It would've been fair for Ichi to assume Masato wouldn't care and only "report" to Arakawa, but in the context of Ichi doing his damnedest to show Masato they all love him, it works in terms of, "Maybe I made him reconsider, and maybe now he would care."

Also... I'm looking at it in a "measured" way, since the chapter trophies are always just standard "Nth Chapter Cleared" messages that the localization team just spices up for us, but there's something I find really poignant about the Chapter 13 trophy being worded as "Fate of Our Fathers." The pluralization of both the noun and pronoun. Realizations that come too late.

Of course, Masato definitely didn't "know" and had no real reason to suspect it, but the Arakawas have this bizarre subconscious almost-psychic link. So even if he doesn't really think so, there's this sense that Ichi "might as well" be Arakawa's "real" son because they're so much more alike. And maaaybe he felt that way about Jo and himself at one point, because (as we've discussed) there has to be a reason Jo was Masato's "favorite."

[Follow up to this ask]

#snap chats #yeah i have no real notes sorry LMAO LIKE THIS IS GOOD ON ITS OWN YK. every base is covered #LIKE nothing i could say could really enhance anything or add much. god im so bad at words i should drop dead right now #i can reaffirm that masato definitely sees ichi as arakawass 'real' son if his whole 'you remind me of dad' bit is anything to go off of #thats a weird line/sentiment now aint it #masato didnt consider him and ichi as family and ergo he's angry at how similar ichi and arakawa are #i guess that's more of a deep-dive into that hypothetical masato essay ill probably never get to- why masato hates arakawa like he does #about 'fate of /our/ /fathers/' tho thats def an interesting point no matter how you slice it #'our fathers' could refer to arakawa and sawashiro and ichi and masato respectively #i.e. masumi- ichi's bio father and sawashiro- masato's bio father- and what happens to them by the end of the game yk #there's an alt way to see if as both arakawa and sawashiro as both ichi and masato's fathers #though im gonna chewing my cheek on that one. sure we've compared sawashiro to an abusive stepparent #idk... i think it's just cause ichi shows up well into his teens that it doesnt register in my brain that sawashiro could be a father figur #but thats MY personal dumb ass rambling im just here to vaguely try to interpret the title in multiple ways to cover everything #moving on tho... the use of 'our' prevents 'fathers' referring to only one of them . so. Aforementioned Possibilities have been listed #making it sound like i have anything else to say I DONT I ALREADY SAID EVERYTHING dummy. putting myself in the dunce corner #on that note. hopefully it finally got through to masato how much people loved him before he got ganked #i mean for sure it did but yk. still mad about y7 ending im gonna kill someone In Minecraft #'i have nothing else to say' LIAR YOU ARE A LIAR !!!!! THE FUCK ARE THESE TAGS STUPID ASS #anyway im going back to my google doc. im almost done with another cringe fic. sorry #BYE

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h3rmitsunited · 1 year

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I was going back through my old school stuff from like 1st grade and there was this like journal where we had to write like a couple sentences each day to practice writing and stuff and i had this one day where part of what I wrote was "I hate myself today because I had to change my card to yellow" (the cards were like discipline things so you started with green and if you weren't being good you had to stand up and go to the front of the class to change your card) and I don't remember what it was for but I'm sure I was just like maybe talking or something like that.

But like damn. Even just thinking about the times I had to change my cards in those classes makes me want to cry. I remember always being so upset anytime the teachers weren't happy with me and then I think about me now and how I'm always expecting people to think the worst of me or be hiding that they don't like me or always expecting the other shoe to drop even if they've been telling me I'm doing a good job because I'm bad and I need them to just tell me why and what exactly they're holding back

And I've got a review coming up at work soon with my bosses since it's almost my 6 year anniversary of working there and all I can think is oh good now they can stop telling me how great I am and how happy they are to have me there and just tell me everything I'm doing wrong because I know the compliments aren't right and they have to have been holding back what all my issues are.

And I think something in my upbringing may have kind of fucked my head up... just a little bit

#peeerrhaps i should start looking at therapists again to work on some isssssuuuueeesss....#the last one was not that helpful but she was the first person i looked at and tried and she did well enough #just didnt really get deep into anything under the surface #i literally cant take compliments. like idk if its like a youre supposed to be humble so dont let it go to your head thats turned into #dont internalize any praise ever but if anyone ever complains about you then its real and you should internalize it times a thousand #or maybe its just a i kinda hate myself and dont feel like i deserve good things or anything ever #i think some of it is im ashamed about my stupid inability to get to work on time. like if i force it and work myself up #maybe i can be on time like a few days in a row #but the momentum drops so fucking fast and then im back to well im here before we open even if i was supposed to be here 20 minutes ago #but also like i get there before stuff is going on and like its not that late and i havent mentioned the issue because #i feel like if i did theyd say oh well then just get here at the later time youve been arriving close to its fine #but then stupid brain will go okay so this is the new time which means that im going to shift to arriving even later #so i just have to keep relying on the shame and guilt and panic to get me there in the mornings #which is not fun #i just hope the review goes well other than my bad time management #i feel like it will... hopefully. theyve talked about possibly 'promoting me' which would be me doing the same stuff ive been doing #basically but then id just have the title (and pay 🤞) to go along with that #i dont want to get my hopes up but we'll see what happens #im going to like try super hard to get to work on time until the review though and like after but still #come on clarissa do a good job

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hella1975 · 2 years

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my sunshiney friend who I’m convinced has never judged anyone in her life and doesn’t have a malicious bone in her body: hey did something happen to your spotify I can’t find you anywhere :(

me knowing full well I blocked her in the heat of menstrual-infused paranoia convinced she was going to somehow scan through all of my playlists and collect enough clues to find my online presence and expose me: oh that’s weird

#like I just brushed it off with the shittest lie ever lmfao #bc she asked for my spotify AGESSS ago and then randomly a few weeks ago #JUST BROUGHT UP ONE OF MY PLAYLISTS?#and I was faced with the terrifying realisation that this girl checks my spotify regularly #and i was like. god damn. if u were really weird and stalkery you could very easily find my tumblr blog from my spotify #like even just from the titles (not anymore bc i changed them all in the exact same paranoia session that had me blocking her lmfao)#and ive finally accepted (bc ive noticed it for years but kinda ignored it) that i get SUPER paranoid before my period hits #like every month it's a whole thing and it SUCKS #and im pretty sure i posted about this when i did it but that night i was just CONVINCED that my spotify was going to expose me #and i blocked every single person from my real life on it skhgskjdghjk #AND THEN SHE MESSAGED ME TODAY SAYING THIS I WAS LIKE SHIT FUCK I FORGOT I DID THAT #like no regrets it helps me sleep at night BUT STILL SDGHSKDGH #im terrified that one day she'll ask again and i'll use the same 'idk why spotify isn't working :/' excuse #and she'll try and fix it WITH ME THERE in a way that LETS HER SEE MY SPOTIFY or worse THE FACT IVE BLOCKED HER #like if she finds out i actually made the conscious effort to block her there really is no normal explanation for that #and actually her assuming the worst would probably be better than the truth bc the truth is so much stranger lmfao #she's literally so lovely too i feel so bad but not bad enough to unblock her #sorry bestie ilysm it's not you it is very much me and this bitch hella1975 #music tings

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elffees · 1 year

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im watching a Saints Row (2022) lets play. going into it i was a little nervous because of how controversial it seems to be amongst fans, but honestly? its not bad so far! i like the main group and the concept of them leaving already established gangs to create their own is interesting. the world looks PHENOMENAL like everything is so decorated and detailed, their apartment is gorgeous just... WOW

honestly, i think if they had just advertised this as the start of its own series, and not a Saints Row reboot, a lot more people wouldve shown this game a lot more love.

#saints row 2022 #saints row #babbles #like the game really isnt that bad! from what ive seen so far its pretty enjoyable #the bond between the core four is cute and im in love with The Idols' aesthetic #HOWEVER... i will admit it felt a little weird when the main character officially called their group The Saints #cause like... we already have Saints.. ya know? idk how to describe it #i think 'reboots' are more effective in concept when theyre entire generations over #saints row 4 came out in 2013 and while yes thats a long time ago #the generation that played it is likely still the same generation that played 2022 #meanwhile for example take a look at Final F*ntasy 7 #the original came out in 1997 and the remake came out all the way in 2020. thats a massive difference #and the generational divides are more clear cut. ergo its success #soooo... yeah anyway #if this game had been advertised as just a different series not under the SR title #i think it wouldnt have gotten as much pre-release hate as it got

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the-kipsabian · 2 years

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oh so we dont get kip (once again, what a fucking waste) but we get a really clusterfuck of a card for forbidden door?

yeeeeah no im not buying this one :')

#wrestling musing #if youre inti this good for you!#really the only ones i'd bothered watching out of this five hours is the iwgp title match and ospreay/cassidy #thats insanely bad oof #or maybe im just negative but idk this just isnt what i was looking for #not that i knew in the first place what i wanted from this but. yeah #either way im not buying it yay #now i can only hope kip will return to join the united empire lol

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i-guess-i-like-sonic-now · 9 months

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its just a giant sawblade but like blue..?

#in my 'make fun of youtubers without watching the video' era #if the video is actually more interesting than that let me know but like #even if most of this was research or whatever and they planned it to be like classic sonic's jumpball or the cartoons #i mean he's #kind of still just a blue saw blade in the source material too so the idea itself is just kind of not that interesting #maybe instead of using paint they like... idk chemically colored the material nile blue-style #and tbf that would be pretty interesting #and i mean ''i built a giant blue sawblade using chemicals'' is a slightly less attention-grabbing title than 'i built a life-size sonic'#skimmed through the video and turns out he thinks sonic is 'man sized'? how tall did he think he was?#and makes the 'kiss human ew' joke #called people who document information about sonic 'strange broken people'#ohhh hes a 'classic good modern bad' type guy ok #he also put fat and foot f/tish art jsut like IN the video as a joke???#yeah im not gonna watch the whole thing this guy gives me a headache #and the more i learn about him / time i spend watching him the less bad abt making fun of him i feel #this could just boil down to 'ummm casual fan spotted???' but like he makes fun of people for documenting canon info so i dont really care

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zwei-rhunen · 10 months

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two adventures

d1. >in hullbreaker isle as monk

>me staring at the mobs/my hotbar bc it lit up and i’m now trying to line up the mobs for a sick Howling Fist move

> look up aaaand the tank is dead

me: aaaa?? aoeaoeaoe! before th-

>aaaand the other dps is dead

>”oh shit maybe i can still salvage this and run in circles until the tank -” and dead

> me softly @ the screen watching the poor surviving newbie healer get swarmed: “:O run, RUNN-” and dead. LMFAO

2. > in roulette as AST, not a healer main but I’m trying my best /crying cat face with thumbs-up/

>honestly i feel fairly confident!

> ya know.

>as long as i dont get something like-

> mfw get Aurum Vale

>ah fuckkkkk.jpg

we wipe twice (once at the trash mobs, once at the first boss bc morbol bullshit) before i give up on trying to dps in the beginning lmfao

i was able to get into the rhythm of dealing out cards, over-healing everyone and applying Gravity onto crowds after we got past that first boss tho so i think i came out pretty good despite the rough beginning T-T

#mmmm i like playing AST in specific conditions but i think its bc im not really a healer main material. not ready to juggle everyone #on my screen like a healer does. yet. LOL #zwei writes #bt healer and tank i think i like tank? literally the only thing i dont like abt tank is that ur the defacto leader and everyone follows u #which is bad for me bc i do NOT know 75% of these dungeon maps lmao #if im tank and u know where we're going then by all means run ahead of me. im actually the minority that prefers you do that actually LMAO #just give mobs to me so you dont die that's all i ask for #i pull i tank. u pull i tank. i really like that blurb that other player had bc thats just idk. that makes sense??#like who cares who pulls as long as it ends up next to the tank lol???#its called teamwork! lets get 'er done and kill the mobs :D!!!#like you're the tank. not the puller. its in the job title so idk why ppl get mad abt it lmao #who cares how the mobs get to the tank as long as THEY GET to the tank ykwim #and like on the other side of the coin. if anyone tries pulling and dies otw to the tank then we are all free to point and laugh at them lol #but if they do it successfully without dying then thats great lets keep it movin #why feel frustrated at making ur job easier like i dont get it #unless the tank is super new or for some reason isnt able to handle many mobs at a time bc of the mechanics or whatever #but usually i hear abt this during trash mob pulls where i believe it wouldnt matter (unless healer is new too ofc) and its like...#bro just accept the help its okay lol ur still the leader dw #no one is challenging u or tryna out-star u. we all just want to get thru the dungeon or whatever its all good #like if the wannabe tank succeeds. tank shut up! and if the wannabe fails. the wannabe better shut up and not complain if they die since.#yknow. u put urself in that situation in the first place lmao why u complaining abt dying tryna do part of the tank thing #just look at the extra mobs that u didnt pull as a GIFT! yay! more to add to the party for tankin'! awesome #zwei pug fun

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mysicklove · 7 months

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𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐀 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐎𝐅 𝐌𝐄

DAY 10: SOMINOPHILIA

With: Levi Ackerman

Word Count: 3.2k

Warnings: gn! reader, sub! levi, nightmares + insomnia mentioned, oral (m! receiving), handjob in dreams, implied age gap, set in around season 2 timeline? im kinda forgetting which season erwin was in... kissing..lots of kissing, reader being puppy coded and levi is sick in love

A/N: sorry this is late!!!! i hope this also isnt too confusing considering it switches back and forth between his dream and irl. idk. also title is named after a song by The Mamas and The Papas that i LOVEEEE

Levi Ackerman finds himself plagued with nightmares. It was always like that though, since he could remember at least. Three to four nights a week he awakes in the middle of night dripping with sweat with his heart nearly beating out of his chest. He has grown used to the lack of sleep by now, it barely bugs him anymore.

That is, until he found someone to share his bed with.

You were his light, as dramatic and sappy as it sounds, and something he will never admit out loud. But it was true, finally in this dim world he finds himself in, you came crashing in, brighter than the sun. He had fallen for you in record time, and you, drawn to his stoic and feisty aura, came tumbling down after him.

It's been a year now since you've gotten together, and Levi swears the nightmares are getting less frequent.

Well, at least in the nights where you lay beside him. The nights where you hold him, and he has easier access to your heartbeat. The steady rhythm of your chest rising and falling. Alive.

He doesn't go into too much depth about the nightmares, but you know the general scene of them, usually relating back to his comrades deaths. He has mentioned that the recent ones involve you, and it makes your heart crumble for your beloved each time his voice cracks through the explanation. You don’t press too much on the matter – the nights he wakes up in a cold sweat, you are there to ease him back to sleep, reassuring that you and he are safe. He almost gets a full night of sleep with you around.

But alas, you aren’t all sunshine and rainbows, and neither is he. Nope, you happen to be one of the most erotic people have ever met (though, he hasn’t met many). A sick brat is what he calls you, or sometimes a disgusting pervert, if he’s feeling extra grumpy. The nicknames fly past your head, as you pepper his face with kisses. It was all in good spirit, is what you remind yourself at least.

“Soooo, Hange recommended–”

“No.”

You pout at the man, pulling away from his chest to glare at him. “You didnt even let me finish my sentence.”

His cold face doesnt let up, even if his eyes hold a playful light to them. “I am smart enough to recognize that anything having to do with Hange is a bad idea.”

You playfully hit his chest, and the man raises his eyebrows at you. A smile pulls at your lips, and Levi cant help but stare whimsically at you. It was unfair, really. “Fine, get on with it, brat.”

“How would you feel if I woke you up with a blow job?” His reaction is immediate, first shock, and then as a couple seconds go by he seems to be much more inclined to agree, but then finally settles on an scowl.

“Why were you talking to Hange about these things?”

You cock your head to the side, tapping on your chin. “Well, I mentioned that your nightmares have started again, and they told me that oral sex helps stop them. Something neurologically with your dick and brain? I don't know.”

He stares at you for a couple of seconds, bewildered at your explanation. But, he realizes quickly what is up, and he immediately pinches the bridge of his nose with a long sigh. “They are fucking with you, idiot. Just trying to get me laid. Hange has always been like that.”

Your face falls at the words, and Levi swears you managed to master the kicked puppy look. He grabs your hands and pulls you back onto his chest, rolling his eyes when you hum into his skin. The warmth brought him comfort, and he finds himself more at peace. “I mean…It won't help with the nightmares, but who would turn down waking up to a blowjob?” Levi mumbles into your hair, while rubbing his hands up and down your arms.

You twist to look up at him, the familiar grin back on your face. “Yeah?”

He scoffs at you, an embaressed blush coating his cheeks. “Just dont wake me up early, alright. Just gonna piss me off.”

He swears he can see you wagging a tail. “Of course, Captain!”

Two weeks have gone by, and Levi has not woken up to your face anywhere near his dick. He has awoke to kisses along his cheeks, and neck, but that wasnt new, you were always disgustingly affectionate in your half awake state. He holds a content (half) smile for about ten seconds as he shuts the door of your room, only for it to drop when he sees Hange.

He wasnt the one to complain though, maybe you were just teasing him. You always did like to press his buttons. He wasn't going to give you the satisfaction of knowing he wants it. So, the dark haired man continues on, nightmares and all, through the weeks.

By the time a month came passing by, he knows that you forgot all about your stupid little promise – your stupid naive words that only worked to piss him off. He glared at you from across the halls for a whole week – never daring to actually show you real signs that he was upset. But after you accidentally caught him frowning at you from across the training grounds, he was immediately dragged back your shared rooms, and fucked lovingly, as you apolgized for everything you could think of that would piss the man off.

You didnt mention the blowjob, but Levi was content with the disheveled hair, and the hickeys and bite marks littering his body, so he forgives you.

He forgets about the blowjob after two months. You were more horny than usual, so the two of you were at it multiple times a week. He would end up too exhausted to hold any real dreams, including his nightmares.

Levi was okay with it.

9 am. Levi, for the first time ever, was oversleeping. Of course when you woke up at 8 am, on your day off from training, and found your lover by your side, you couldnt help but be shocked. He was usually gone by 5 am to get to training.

But you heard him woke up multiple times in the middle of the night. The nightmares were back. His shaky hands wrapped around you, and he panted into your neck, trembling like you've never seen before. You don't know what triggered it, but Levi seemed to have a really bad night.

He deserves to sleep in. So, at fifteen past 8, you scamper to Erwins office and beg the commander for Levi to have a day off. He always did have a soft spot for you. For one, you brought happiness to humanities strongest, and also because his friend silently threatened him death if he was to mistreat you. Erwin agreed without much hesitation.

You crawl into bed next to your lover, and begin to trace his content face. At least the nightmares were gone for the night.

Then, the realization hits you. This was the perfect time for you to finally do as promised.

You waited months because you wanted Levi to forget about your words. Of course, you assumed he forgot them after a couple of days, paying no attention to your promise, but you waited it out just in case.

And now, the both of you dont have any plans today. A once in a lifetime experience, it has got to be.

So with one more glance at your lover, you kiss his cheek, hold back a small giggle, and slowly remove the blanket from his lap. Then, you slide yourself down on the bed, and carefully manevuer yourself in between his legs. He doesnt sleep with much attire, growing hot in the night. Plus with the addition of the cold sweat he often finds himself in, he learns that going next to bare was easier.

You pull down his boxers, and are immediately exposed to a dark patch of hair. It's trimmed properly, but he prefers to have a little hair down their over being completely shaven. Something on the lines of protecting his dick from germs or whatnot. You dont listen to the details, only thinking about how hot it is.

The boxers make it past his thighs, and you glance back up at the man. He doesn't even seem to flinch when the cool air comes into contact with his skin. He snoozes peacefully into the pillow, his dark hair covering his eyes.

His dick lays limp against his leg, and you pick it up slowly, careful to not wake him up. You run your fingers over it a couple of times, and then, holding the back of it with your fingers to support it, you run your tongue from bottom to top of the length.

Levi doesn't move. You take that as a sigh to continue.

Another stripe of the tongue, and then two more, and nothing happens. You grow bolder by the moment. You place his still soft cock into your mouth, and this time you do hear a reaction. Its a quiet sigh, but it was something. His eyes still remain shut.

Slowly, you begin to suckle on the tip, finding it easier to fit it in your mouth while soft. Your tongue roams the shaft, and you press sloppy, wet kisses to his veins. Blood rushes to his cock unconsciously, and Levi still has not stirred, even with his cock now hard. You chuckle with amusement, but dont stop your movements, now dragging your hands along his thighs to appreciate his body.

Levi was having a good dream. It wasnt like the past couple of nightmares, no, this one seemed to have a light hue. It was just the two of you, laying with your backs against grass. A open field, far away from everyone, and not a threat in sight. Titans were gone.

A peaceful world for the two of you. A world Levi craved.

His hands trace your face, and he stares at you, admiring every crease and divot of your skin. You slide your way over toward him, leaning forward to kiss him. “I love you.”

He hums, eyes falling shut, as he wraps his arms around your body. “Yeah, yeah. Love ya too, brat.”

You giggle at him, and suddenly the smile on your face shifts. It turns soft, the tips of your mouth curling up in an almost feline way, while you eyes become hooded. He watches you lean forward and press your lips to his. The man doesnt stop you, gently kissing you back while your tongue slips into his mouth. Levi gulps when your hands trace down to his pants, and he quickly looks around the meadow, afraid to discover an unwelcomed guest. Of course there was nobody, it was a dream, not a nightmare. Your hand slips into his pants, and Levi’s back arches in the grass.

He twitches in his sleep and you smile fondly at the man. The tip of his cock rest against your cheek, as you admire him for a second too long, only to be rewarded with jolt of his hips from the source unknown, sending it slapping across your face. You hold back a laugh, and then grab at it again, mumbling out a, “Even a brat in your sleep, huh Captain?”

You lean forward and wrap your lips around him again.

“D-Don't stop!” Levi groans out, hands clutching at your shirt while he squeezes his eyes shut. It doesn't stop the sun from getting past his eyelids, so he moves closer to you to hopefully block it out. You press your lips to his neck, nibbling at the space just beneath his ears.

“Would never,” You purr, and the man glances at your hand. His pants are pulled down completely now, and your pace was rutheless in its up and down motions. It sends him shivering, and covering his face with the back of his arm. He breathes through clenched teeth, and tries his best not to let out a whimper. The man hears your giggle, and before he could stop himself, the whine slips out.

The first noise of the morning was a low whimper. Not much, but definitely there, and unbelievably cute. You grip at his hips and try to take him deeper, but his hips thrusts back into your mouth with another paired whine. Your eyes widen, and you gag out at the unexpected movement, having to pull away to catch your breath. His dark hair whips back and forth, and he continues to make low mewling noises. “Huh, and you call me the pervert. What are you dreaming about, pretty?”

Levi moans into your mouth, wrapping his arms around your neck. His hips buck up into your hands, and you playfully bite his lip, earning a dramatic grunt in complaint. He grips your hair and pulls you back to his lips before you try and let out another teasing remark. Precum leaks onto your hand, and he swears that it provides more of the makeshift lube then usual. Your hand feels better than normal, strangely damp, and so warm. Did handjobs always feel this good?

He can feel his high approaching and his breaths come out quicker. “Gonna..cum. Fuck!”

You detach yourself from his lips. “No, no, no! Not yet!” You tease, voice light and almost giggly. It wasn't the first time you denied him of his release, but it was rare. You always di did pamper him.

The man scowls at you, borderline on the cusp of baring his teeth. “Why?” He demands, short and simple, but shows exactly how peeved he is. Levi is more than surprised to feel that you didn't squeeze his cock in warning. No, still the warm, tight feeling, that does not make any sense to him.

“Can you do something for me first?”

A demand from you? Unheard of. “Get on with it, I-Im close”

Your hand movements become louder and louder, and it shouldn't sound like that. It's so lewd, and the squelching noise are never that loud.

You press you lips to his ear, and a shiver runs down his spine at your breath, which is strangely cooler than usual. “Wake up, Captain.”

His eyes snap open immediately and he pants into the dark room. Levi hears it first, before he feels it. A loud slurping sort of noise, and the man feels his cock trapped between something warm, wet.

A throat. Not a hand.

He is quick to manevour himself to hold his weight on his elbows, and glances down at you, breaths coming out shallow and quick. You smile when you catch his eye, and for a second you pull away from him. You pepper his length down with kisses. “Well, well, good morning, sleepy head,” You mumble, letting another swipe of your tongue graze his thick blue vein. Then, with little hesitation, you dive back onto his cock, taking it as far as you can into your mouth.

“What are you–Fuck!” His legs instinctually bend outward, and his back arches. His head was still foggy in his half sleepen state. Was that all a dream? Was this real? He grips onto your hair, and does his best not to force you deeper onto his cock.

Levi could feel his orgasm approaching and rapidly, same as the dream. But this time it was real, and by god did it feel that way. His hips buck into your mouth and he lets out loud moans, tucking his face into the pillow to try and muffle them.

He tries to ask for permission again to cum again, hoping that this time real you wouldnt lead him on. It comes out more as a command, but you just roll your eyes with a smile, the giggle in the back of your throat sending him spiral.

“Cumming. Oh god. Thank you, thank you, thank you!” He chants, and your eyes widen in shock, but you don't pull away from his cock. He was never the one to be polite in bed, the little brat was always barking commands and half hearted complaints. He must be really enjoying this treat if he was to thank you.

You dont have time to dwell on it much, because he forces your head lower onto his cock and cums into your mouth. You wince at the taste, but bear no mind to it as you watch your lover unravel. His back still continues to arch (which you will never get over) while his eyes are shut. The noises he lets out are soft, more of a mewl and a groan, but adorable nonetheless. His whole body trembles and his legs lay out wide, shaking under the force of the orgasm.

You pull away when he is done, and wipe your lips with the back of your hand. “Taste perfect as usual. Always so good on your diet!”

He rolls his eye at you, but it doesn't hold much bite considering that the man seemed to be basking in the post orgasm glow. “You are gross. I know that shit tastes bad.”

“Nope! Anything that the Captian makes is amazing”

He throws a pillow at your face, and you pout at him, a dramatic whine slipping past your lips. “Don't call me that, I am not even your Captain anymore, brat. And stop pouting!” He demands, pulling up his boxers before letting out a big stretch.

“Why are you so mean to me?” You complain, crawling forward to lay on his chest. “After I gave you head too!”

The frown does not drop from his face, but he does trace his fingers along your face. A silent token of affection that you purr into. “Took ya long enough. Thought you forgot about it.”

You fake hurt, taking in a dramatic breath. “Of course not! I would never lie to you.” The words are light, and holds a smile in them. “And hey, dont you think you are a little spoiled? Complaining that you got a blowjob too late.”

Levi doesnt even seem to react, his facial expression remaining neutral, and his words flat. “No ‘m not. Said thank you and everything.”

To this, you do nod, practically vibrating with affection to give. It was too hard to really be upset with him. “Super polite of you! I was so impressed!”

This does make him roll his eyes. “You really think low of me, huh?”

You poke at his cheek with a smile plastered on your face. “Aww cmon dont be dramatic again. You know I dont. Oh! Also, did it help with the nightmares?” You tease, knowing exactly what type of dream he really was having. “You sounded very….Scared in your dream.”

He seems to flush red, but alas, Levi was never the one to be on the losing foot. “....Yes. Seems like you are going to have to do this for me everyday. To stop the nightmares.”

You burst out laughing, and fail to see the small grin that creeps up the dark haired man's face.

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