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amerrierworld · 4 years

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Curtain (vi)

Carol (2015) fan fiction

Pt: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

Word Count: 1,969

Wednesday. 3pm

There were 16 students today, Therese noted, and it thrilled her. She'd attempted to find a spot to put some of the kids' artwork on display, but alas, Tucker would probably have her head for it.

As everyone got settled in, most kids familiar with each other and the room now, Therese saw a small blonde girl lingering in the doorway. She was wearing overalls and a soft pink shirt underneath and eyeing the room nervously.

"Hi there," she said politely. "Are you here for art club?"

She nodded timidly, and Therese scanned the list quickly to find her.

"What's your name, sweetie?"

"Rindy."

"Oh, that's a nice name, I like it," Therese said as she ticked off the name; Rindy Aird. The only Rindy she'd encountered in the whole school so far.

The toddler's face scrunched. "People say it's weird."

"Well, I like weird names. My name's weird too."

Rindy's eyes lit up. "Really?"

"Sure thing. Here, let's get you a seat. Do you like drawing?"

She got everyone settled in rather quickly with the promise of fruit gummies at the end of the day. She assigned each easel a number and got everyone set up with shared cups of paint that were distributed for every two or three kids (watered down, sadly, because she couldn't afford more), and she got them started on painting self-portraits.

Every student was also covered in an oversized dollar-store t-shirt to protect clothes from paint and Therese herself had a worn down paint shirt that hung down to the middle of her thighs.

The small girl with crazy blonde curls was struggling, trying desperately not to get paint on the shirt. Therese wandered around the easels and when she reached Rindy, the girl was scrunching her face in a frown.

"What's the matter, Rindy? How's your painting going?"

"Don't like it," she murmured. There were only a few stripes of purple and blue on the paper and she held the paintbrush by the furthest end, her small hand not strong enough to control the brushstrokes.

"Here, try holding the brush like this; it gives a better grip that way," Therese demonstrated, angling the brush and gripping closer to the top.

"But I'll get paint on my hands!"

"That's okay, you're allowed to get paint on your hands. We can alway wash it off."

"But paint on my clothes," Rindy said, not taking back the brush from Therese as she offered it. Therese noted that her paint shirt didn't have a single splatter on it at all.

"But you haven't got any on your clothes?"

"I don't wanna paint!" Rindy said abruptly, startling Therese. The first grader was close to tears and Therese quickly set the paint aside and moved her to a desk.

"Alright, no worries, Rindy. We can draw with crayons instead, would you like that?"

"Yes," she said, voice small. Therese offered a pink paper; saying how it matched Rindy's shirt and she eagerly began drawing. Therese followed her lead, sitting next to her and drawing with small coloured crayons on a blue piece of paper. She was huddled in a kid-sized chair next to Rindy, making her posture awkward but she didn't move.

When the clock came close to 5, Therese got the kids to start washing up; giving them a two minute warning so that they'd all have time for gummies, and the class ran off to collect paint cups, brushes and paper.

Rindy helped put the crayons back in order with Therese, and suddenly said,

"My daddy doesn't like it when I get things messy," as she tried to colour code the crayons, until Therese insisted it didn't matter.

"Is that why you didn't want to paint?"

She nodded. "If I get clothes dirty, I did a bad thing."

Therese nodded while knowing full well how hard it was for kids to not get clothes dirty; with play and games it was bound to happen. Did Rindy even play?

"Well, we can always draw with crayons. We've got plenty, and you can use whichever ones you want," Therese said, snapping the lid shut. Rindy's face lit up again and she showed Therese her drawing.

"Is this your family?"

"Yah, but just my mom, cause it's just me and Mommy right now," Rindy said, a pudgy finger pointing at a taller doodle of a blonde woman next to a tiny stick-figure girl of Rindy herself.

"Oh, it's really nice, Rindy, are you gonna show your mom? I'm sure she'll love it."

Rindy grinned and giggled, hugging Therese's arm next to her, "thank you Miss B!"

She had the kids line up, and soon enough parents came by to pick them up, cooing and complimenting their various art projects they took home. Mrs. Morgan stopped by and made smalltalk with a few of the moms and the group began to thin out, leaving only a few kids and their parents.

Therese went back into the room just to examine all possessions had been picked up and she only needed to put things back to normal when Rindy came into the room, practically in hysterics with her backpack swinging behind her.

"Miss B! Miss B! My drawing, I forgot it!"

"No worries, Rindy. Look, it's right there." She picked up the drawing left on Rindy's desk and crouched down to hand it to the toddler.

"Oh, thank you Miss B!" The girl threw her small arms around Therese's neck, nearly throwing her off-balance.

"It's a beautiful picture, Rindy. Make sure you don't lose it!"

Pointed clicks of heeled footsteps caught Therese's attention and she looked up to see Director Ross, out of all people, standing in the doorway of the room, staring at the teacher clutching the toddler in her arms. Therese's breath caught as grey eyes met her own.

Paling, Therese let go and stood up quickly, her hands wringing. Was she related to Rindy? Surely not. But she said her mother had come to pick her up.. did Therese really miss that important factor?

"Mommy look!" Rindy squealed, confirming Therese's suspicions. "It's you and me!"

She waved the art above her head, rustling the paper excitedly. Director Ross took and examined it, smiling.

"It's wonderful, Nerinda. Did you say thank you to your teacher for finding it?"

"I did!"

"Alright. Aunt Abby is just outside, why don't you go show her?"

Rindy flew out of the room with the paper clutched in tiny fists, greeted just out of sight in the hallway by another familiar voice- Miss Gerhard exclaiming "oh hi there kiddo!"

The silence was deafening. Therese felt inadequate, the same way she had slumped in Gen's impeccable shadows during closing night. Here she stood, paint splattered on her hands, still wearing the painting shirt over her top and trousers.

Director Ross on the other hand was wearing a dark brown pencil skirt, and a fitted red blouse that hugged every curve. Her heels made her much taller than Therese remembered- she always wore flats or low heels at rehearsal.

"Hello," she squeaked, feeling bared and exposed. Ross' eyes were unreadable as they stood across from each other.

"So, it was you- this... new art teacher."

"Uhm, yeah, that's me," Therese mumbled, shifting on her feet. Ross came closer, her perfume taking over Therese's senses.

"I saw your name in the directory, but thought it couldn't possibly be the same girl as Abby's dear photographer from months ago."

She remembers me. Dear God. "Yeah, that's me," Therese said again, stupidly. "I-I mean, yes. I studied art as well as photography, but being a photographer isn't the most... fulfilling job. In terms of money."

"Ah, I see. A struggling artist, then?"

"You could say that."

"Well, I must thank you. Rindy seemed overjoyed just now, she couldn't stop talking about you in the mere minutes when Abby and I arrived."

"Really? Oh, goodness."

"Well, up until she realized her picture was missing."

"Of course, she was very enthusiastic about making it. " Therese replied numbly. "I had no idea you were her mother." The last bit was blurted out and Therese nearly kicked herself for sounding so invasive. Carol only smiled lightly in understanding.

"Ross is my maiden name. Aird is my husband's, and so it's Rindy's as well. I should be down as Carol Aird in the directory, just for the sake of continuity at this school," she ran a hand through her locks, and Therese blinked. Carol.

"Your husband?"

"Ah, well, ex-husband I should say. We got divorced just last year."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Carol said, her eyes sweeping across the classroom and settling back on Therese's form, clad in the painting shirt that was far too oversized for her. "Your uniform, I take it?"

Therese blushed and hurriedly unbuttoned it, "Well, sort of," she stammered. "So I don't get paint everywhere."

"I see," Carol responded coolly, eyes roving up and down Therese's form, now clad in a nice, professional outfit without a single splatter of paint. "Seems to have worked."

Therese felt like she was about to faint at the implication that Carol just checked her out, but she kept her cool.

"I'm, uh, looking forward to see Rindy again in this club. She's got a lot of charisma for drawing; that could probably become a talent if she keeps trying."

Carol looked away with a quick shade of guilt passing over her expression. "Ah, well, that. I hadn't intended to keep Rindy in this -your- club at first. I needed her to stay somewhere until Abby and I finished up a last meeting today."

"Oh, right, of course, silly me," Therese shook her head and smiled at Carol, a little defeated. "She's always welcome, of course."

With that, the brunette turned and headed to the desk to pack up the last of her supples.

"It's not that I wouldn't want her here," Carol blurted out. Therese turned to look at her, the only thing giving away Carol's own nerves being the higher tone in her voice. "It's a bit complicated. I'd rather have her home with me- I mean, I didn't mean-,"

"Of course," Therese said again. "It's no problem, Carol, really. It's only a small art club, it's not NYU."

Carol nodded, irritated at herself that she had been on her way to getting through to the brunette and she messed it up herself.

"But-," Therese piped up. "If you'd like for her to come back, but don't want to miss any time with her, I'm sure you could come help out in the program. If you don't mind getting a bit messy. With paint, that is," she added hastily.

"Really?"

"Sure. Clubs have parent volunteers all the time. You could help me set up," Therese was rambling at this point. "Rindy could paint, and I'd have a better control of the kids that come in here with someone else to help. That is, if you'd like to. There's no issue if you chose not to- only if you didn't want to miss out on things with Rindy, but if Rindy really liked it here-"

A cool hand touched Therese's upper arm, halting her rant. "I'd love to, Therese, really. It sounds wonderful. I haven't been in a classroom setting for years."

"Right, okay," Therese squeaked. "I can talk to registration about it, if you'd like."

"Well, then. That's that," Carol smiled. She gave Therese a teasing wink and left the classroom, breezing out with newly regained confidence.

Still got it, she thought, as she picked up a chattery Rindy and slung an arm around Abby's middle, heading out to the parking lot. Back in the classroom, Therese continued cleaning up, setting the easels back in place and putting desks in order with a huge grin on her face, humming happily.

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tb5-heavenward · 4 years

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You just know I'm going to ask about Covenant now, right?

well since you two are two of the only people who know about covenant (and i’m sorry bud, your editorial sensibilities are going to have to put up with my stylistic lower caps) and since I’ve finally watched that shitshow of a most recent episode, I am totally down to talk about covenant.

but first let’s talk a little bit about TAG

TAG is terrible.

Visually the show is gorgeous. It has improved by leaps and bounds and it was charming when it started and it is awesome now. WETA are absolutely the bedrock of what makes this show worth watching, and I love the visuals more and more as they continue to push those boundaries. The cinnamontography, etc.

The Thunderbirds are amazing. They are beautiful, intricate, wonderfully clever machines. Their pilots ain’t half bad either. If you know and truly love the show and think about them all as well and deeply as they deserve, I think it’s impossible to honestly pick a favourite. International Rescue is a fantastic premise. The Tracys and their associates are all strong, compelling characters who have been iterated into an updated retro-future and made universally deeper and more interesting.

The bread and butter conceit of the show is awesome, the tension and conflict and creativity around solving complex problems that they manage to demonstrate in the course of a twenty-two minute episode sometimes just boggles the mind. When IR gets put up against the forces of nature and straight bad luck and pure, audacious dumbassery, we have gotten some of the best moments this show has to offer.

And those first season episodes were ugly as shit and everybody sounded the same and there were maybe three spare models between the entire NPC cast, but my GOD did S1 ever have heart. The soul of the show belongs to S1 and no one will change my mind about that. Try it. EOS was incredible. Skyhook was the definition of a balanced ensemble episode. Fireflash. Tunnels of Time. Relic. Recharge. Extraction. S2 came back swinging out of the gate with Ghost Ship. Up from the Depths was an absolute masterclass and actually changed the stakes in the show for the first time. Bolt from the Blue. Power Play. Hyperspeed. We all know which episodes were fucking good as hell. S3 comes out and the visuals have improved yet further. They have firmly found their feet as animators and as actors and as characters. We are finally actually starting to learn about these boys and their father, the most glaringly obvious hole in the show at large. Night and Day. Life Signs. And then SOS 1/2 and a complete and total paradigm shift. There is a sense of mortality to TAG now and it is an edge of realism that SHOULD be able to elevate it beyond what it’s been so far.

And yet.

TAG is fucking terrible.

Five years on, I am entitled to say, TAG is absolutely the goddamn worst sometimes, holy fucking shit. And what makes that terribleness terrible in and of itself—is that it’s because this show fails to recognize its most fundamental strengths. It fails to know what its audience will really connect to. And it’s because the writers’ room must be the goddamn wild west at this point, with the sort of nonsense these fucks are throwing at the wall and hoping to see it stick. It’s because whoever is in charge of the overall narrative arc of these seventy-odd episodes has not done what’s necessary to ensure TAG’s cohesion as a unified work.

(y’all hang onto your butts, i’m gonna do another brick wall metaphor.)

So what we have, five years on and seventy-odd episodes later, is a heap of bricks that WANT to be a wall, and we’re led to the impression that they’re SUPPOSED to be a wall, but they haven’t been put together by any single person. They have been put together by a rotating cast of a few dozen people who orient the bricks they’re given in slightly different ways sometimes, or who lay them at odd angles or who brought their own bricks from home for some reason. David Tennant is there. He must have cost at least half the budget for all of S2. All in all, he’s just another brick in the wall.

We know by this point that there is some asshole vaguely in charge of the idea of the wall. You can kind of tell that he’s at least heard of walls and he would definitely like to build one, but he isn’t exactly making it happen. There is an edifice here. It is wall-like, in some regions. At the end of the day though, most people who come across it also step over it, no problem. Or they chisel out the bricks that look to be worth saving and kick the rest of the wall over. That’s just fandom. That’s what fandom does.

Now, it is necessary at any point when talking about children’s media to talk about another series that ran three seasons over sixty-one episodes, and covered a level of geopolitical conflict over the course of a single year from the perspective of five incredibly gifted young people, all of whom were complex and flawed and sympathetic, and who knew they were responsible with putting the world to right with their own hands and set about doing that in the face of incredible odds, against villains who were no less than ruthlessly sociopathic.

ATLA sets a high bar. TAG was never going to be ATLA.

But fuck, I wish it had tried.

I wish the people who had set out to remake this story had sat down together and said, “Over the course of the next three seasons, we will tell the story of what International Rescue is. We will explain how it came to be. We will have strong themes that persist through the show and repeat themselves for emphasis: One Problem At A Time, You Can’t Save Everyone, Someone Has To Try. We will explain who these boys are and how they came to be this way. We will make it deeply and obviously clear what they do, how they do it, and why. We will give them limits. We will let them fail. We will give them flaws, we will let them clash with each other. We will let them grow and change. We will give them one deep, powerful loss that is the bedrock of what they became. We will put a powerful force in the world that loathes and opposes them at all costs. We will give them a tiny fragment of hope to chase and chase and chase and let them catch it only at the moment when they’v’e finally learned that they can let it go.”

I wish there had been rules. I wish there hadn’t been a new villain crammed into every season, in a show where the villains are objectively the weakest part. To add four villains to a show that barely has room for one and then to expect to make them ALL have a sympathetic edge somehow—it’s absolute fucking idiocy. I don’t care that The Hood is Kayo’s Uncle and Smiled In a Picture One Time. I don’t care that The Mechanic Is Apparently Being Mind Controlled Though No Indication Of That Was Given At Any Point in His History Until We Were Told So Explicitly. I don’t fucking CARE that Havoc Gets Yelled At By Her Boss Who Is Mean. I don’t give a shit that Fuse Is Apparently Too Stupid To Have Recognized The Moral Component Of Any Of His Criminal Acts Up Until He Inflicts Them On The Tracys.

You know which villains are objectively incredible in this show? Langstrom Fischler. Professor Harold. Francois Lemaire. Ned Fucking Tedford, who is a villain on the grounds that he is an obstacle, a problem to be solved, a concept of a person so hapless that they have multiple times strayed in the most incredible kind of peril. The strongest villains in this show are the ones who are just PEOPLE. People who are being careless. Or who are being greedy. Or who are being self-aggrandizing. People who exhibit traits equal and opposite to what our boys in blue exemplify.

I don’t know. We’re coming to the end of S3, we’re nearing their grand, incredible climax, this promised moment of potential reunion—and I wish I cared. I really wish I could. But there’s so much clutter. There’s so much their pulling DIRECTLY out of their asses in the home stretch. There are so many loose threads, there are so many concepts that were introduced and then never explored, or which were introduced in the end game and then never reinforced. There is so much information that we should have had from the start, so many mysteries that went unsolved and uncared about because they were unmentioned. There is not enough room for them to resolve anything in a meanignful way. There it so much that it seems like THEY didn’t know, and they SHOULD HAVE. They had time. Five fucking years, they had so much time to figure this out. And yet.

anyway.

So, covenant. Covenant basically a codeword for what I would’ve done differently, the last time I got mad about this whole endemic problem with the writing in this show, round about two years ago now.

Covenant is just a good word, really, and while it means something as a title, that relevance has kind of degraded a bit. It was going to be a rewrite of the end of Season 2, and sort of a retrofitting of Season 2 as a whole. It was going to explore the ideas that they put down and then never picked up, it was going to seriously address a lot of the core conflicts in the show and set things in motion to resolve those problems. I have it started. I have a good couple thousand words of the beginning, but it’s a good enough beginning that it could potentially begin something else, and so I won’t publish it here, in case I end up using it somewhere else. As is, it’s a priveleged-eyes-only sort of work, it’s only really been passed around my inner circle. If anyone is interested in hearing more about that, hit me up and I’ll elabourate. But for now, it is quarter past eleven, and I have ranted for long enough.

#TAG meta #negative #i mean if it's not apparent from the way I lead above the cut #admittedly I am being a clickbaity little shit #haters to the left tho please #to view media uncritically is to be a dumbass #don't @ me #scribeofred

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hanhan156 · 5 years

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A new fic to my Stadium Tour series

Tumblr has been a pain in the ass for me recently. First, my sideblog’s posts’ tags are not shown in the feed and secondly, my last fic’s link disappeared suddenly from the tag feed. I have no clue why - maybe the god’s of Tumblr didn’t like when Paul was laughing at Reesh’s goofy outfit.

Anyways, I keep my fingers crossed and post this fic straight here. Enjoy. ~

ps. Once again, it's just my headcanons, no means to offend anybody. I'm just playing around the characters. This time, there's a bit of angst, but in the end I promise, it's gonna be fine.

Tales from the Stadium Tour pt. 2: Night terrors

Only two months to the start of their biggest tour ever, and everyone is understandably being exhausted as hell. Nobody hasn't said or done anything to it before their lead guitarist cracks and threatens to quit the whole band.

Luckily, Paul is there for him.

Being a world-famous band, some days tended to be the best ever, while some were being the absolute worst. Today, evidently, the latter - at least for their lead guitarist.

“So ein Misthaufen!!! Fuck this lousy band and fuck this even lousier tour!!!” Richard yelled, after another string from his guitar broke in the middle of the song. He usually treated his precious instrument like a woman he adored, but at this stage of upset, he almost threw it to the brick wall. “I said in the first place that this stadium tour was the dumbest idea we’ve ever had. It’s gonna be just a fucking farce the whole thing, I tell you!”

The guitarist rushed demonstratively towards the door turning to his fellow band members the last time before exiting the room. “I’m gonna leave this whole Scheisse, so have a nice tour without me!!!”

Schneider, confused and annoyed from the strange situation, stood up behind his drum kit. He had to interrupt this somehow. “C’mon Reesh, we’ve had way worse moments before. What the hell are you talking about quitting now? Should we cancel all the sold-out stadium shows then, huh? Don’t be ridiculous. It’s been just a bad day, it’s unnecessary to act like that!” He didn’t think they really had played so poorly – hell’s, back in the days, they’d even performed to full festival audiences, completely wasted, and with all of their instruments being out of tune.

“Hire a fucking substitute, it’s your problem now. I don’t care anymore! So verpiss dich!!” Richard snorted and showed the rudest hand sign known in the western culture to his band members before slamming the door and disappearing from their practice.

Stiff atmosphere landed the room. The question marks inside the other band members’ heads were almost visible. What on earth was that? Flake stared at his keyboard without saying anything. He really hated drama and usually when that occurred, he wanted to discuss and settle things with diplomacy rather than with yelling and swearing. He had to admit that he was sometimes a bit frightened about the melodramatic attitude their lead guitarist had. Flake knew that Richard was emotionally unstable - mostly, because of his neglecting family and other difficulties he had encountered through his life, so it was definitely understandable - but still, he was never prepared for the drama. He would have wanted to help the poor man, but didn’t really know, how.

In the other corner, Ollie was playing some random bass riff without an amplifier. He tried to keep himself busy and hide his disorientation as well. Schneider was bit in a shock and was handling it with never-ending gabbing.

“What the fuck was that, why he had to be so mean? He should definitely learn some manners, he can’t say things like that or show us the middle finger, like he would be the boss. We are all adults, for god’s sake…” He inhaled and continued, a notable concern in his voice: “Where did that thing about quitting come from? Right now, just two months before Gelsenkirchen? I don’t understand, why is he being such an asshole…”

“That’s enough,” Till interrupted their drummer’s rambling and cleared his throat, continuing: “Yes, he was being an ass towards us, but we shouldn’t judge him still. As you said Schneider, we are all adults, so let’s act like ones, even though Reesh didn’t. We all have our bad moments, and bad days, but we’ll still stick together, right?”

Paul was sitting legs crossed in the middle of the stage, listening to the discussion - or it seemed more like an argument now. To be honest, he wouldn’t have wanted to participate anyhow to this, but he didn’t want anyone to be upset though. Richard had once said that their band’s relationship was like a marriage, so despite all the uncomfortable things happening, he still felt responsible of their band members - especially Richard, who he cared deeply.

“I agree with you that he’s been like a bear shot in the ass lately, but still, we shouldn’t hate him. There must be an explanation to all of this,” Paul said and turned towards their singer, desperation in his voice: “Till, what should we do now?”

The singer just shrugged his shoulders.

Schneider, still annoyed, carried on his ranting: “So what could help then, huh? Should we let the diva continue being an ass towards us? What if he was serious about quitting, what are we gonna do then? Cancel all the shows, get real jobs? Guys, I’m definitely not accepting this. Not at all. We shouldn’t always go his way.”

There was a brief silence in the tight atmosphere before Till gestured Paul outside the rehearsal room. “Can I have a word with you, privately?”

The puzzled guitarist nodded and followed.

“Have you noticed anything…unusual in Reesh’s behavior recently?” Till asked when they were just the two of them.

Paul was thinking for a while what to answer. “Yes. When I think about it, he’s been even more annoying than usually,” he tried to ease the tight atmosphere, but Till still looked dead serious, so he clarified, “or I mean that he really gets annoyed even about the smallest things nowadays. Sometimes, I don’t dare to say anything to him because everything seems to upset him more. He also looks exhausted and doesn’t have the energy he usually has. He seems like…he’s not being himself anymore.”

“Exactly,” Till answered. He was happy to hear that Paul had noticed the same things as him.

“Do you have any idea, what might it be? You’ve known each other quite a long time so has he been like that before?”

“Couple of times, yes. You know that he’s being sometimes unnecessarily dramatic, but I think this time, he has a reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you have to admit that we - especially I - sounded like a vulture’s diarrhea ass today. You know how perfectionist Reesh is, so it made him even more distressed, and now he must think that our band is a total bullshit in general.”

“I agree that we weren’t at our best, but of course we’ve had bad days before and always managed still. I just don’t understand what made him to crack like that now.”

Till stared at the wall, avoiding Paul’s eyes, when he said: “I think he is mostly annoyed to himself rather than to us. He is clearly in a huge stress about this tour, about the news songs, about every single damn detail you can imagine. I can see that he’s not being his lively self, as you mentioned before. He tries to control everything too much and now, just two months before the tour should start, he has realized that it’s impossible to handle everything with a way he’d want to.”

Paul didn’t know what to think. In his opinion the stadium tour had been a good idea, something new and exciting for them. They’d had so much fun while creating their crazy-ass performance and the good old creative vibes had been around them. It felt amazing to play together once again, and like a cherry on top, it had lit that inner fire Paul had missed for a long time. He was also thrilled to perform the new songs - despite they didn’t have any clue yet, would the audience even like them, he was happy to play something new beside the old classics to which he was a bit fed up with. To be honest, he was even relieved that they had deleted Feuer Frei from their set list - even though it was a popular song, musically Paul thought it was one of their worst.

But, of course, when speaking of this kind of massive tour, everything doesn’t always go as expected. Paul didn’t mind it so much and he liked the idea that there was always room for some improvisation and surprises. The most important thing was that they and their audience enjoyed themselves. Besides, you’d always learn from failures and you could laugh at them later. He didn’t really understand, why Richard had to be so concerned about everything.

One thing his fellow guitarist had said before worried him the most. “Do you think he was serious with this ‘I quit’ bullshit?”

Till looked uneasy as well. “I don’t know. He is pretty unpredictable to be honest.”

“Then, what should we do? You know him the best, so should you go to talk to him?”

“Not me.”

“Why?”

“Because he doesn’t listen to me. It might make him to feel even worse. If he sees me, he probably just wants to smack me in the face.”

“So, what’s the solution then? Should we just let him be?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s not once or twice he has ended up doing something stupid in bad mood.”

After a brief silent moment, Till looked Paul, almost like a begging dog. “Can you go to talk to him? I think you are the only chance we have now.”

The guitarist gave a laugh. “Me? What the hell, I’m not a professional psychologist. Besides, you know him way better than me.”

“It doesn’t matter, who knows him the best. Have you happened to notice the way he looks at you, listens to everything you say? He clearly adores you, so I think you should do it. If it doesn’t work, then we’ll figure out something else.”

Oh mein Gott. “But what am I supposed to say? I…I’m not good at this kind of stuff. What if I make him to feel even worse?”

“Just improvise,” Till said, and patted Paul’s shoulder, trying to make him to relax. Instead, the other man gulped notable loud. A huge pile of responsibility was on his shoulders now.

What the hell did I just promise.

Finding their angsty little teenager ended up to be pretty easy; Paul just had to follow the thick fog hovering in the corridor. Seriously, he should cut down that smoking.

In no time, Richard was hearing a knock on his door. Verdammt.

“For fuck’s sake, lass mich Ruh!”

“Sorry to interrupt, but can I come in?”

Hearing Paul’s voice cooled Richard down a tiny bit. At first, he’d been completely sure that it was Till who came to interrupt his own peace. Now he was so surprised that he couldn’t even reply anything to the other guitarist’s question. The other part of him wanted to welcome him in, hug him as tight as he could and weep all of his sorrows to the other man, while the other part just wanted to pout alone and act like nothing was wrong.

When Paul didn’t hear anything, he decided to take a risk and come in even without a permission. At least, there wasn’t that childish swearing anymore.

“You know very well that we all agreed earlier that we are not smoking inside,” he said, trying not to sound too judgemental. He knew that Richard was an eternal rebel, but still, he should at least try to obey the rules they had set together.

Even though Paul didn’t mean it, Richard took the other man’s comment as an insult. “Oh, I didn’t know that my stepfather has taken a form of Paul suddenly.” Even a thought of that horrible family member made Richard to shiver a bit.

Paul sighed. “You know very well that I didn’t mean to sound like him, just that some of the tour staff told us that they might get a terrible headache from cigarette smoke. We don’t want anyone to get sick at this point. You are not a teenager anymore, so you should start to respect others’ opinions as well.”

Just to annoy Paul more, his fellow band member lighted up another cigarette even though the first one wasn’t finished yet. Richard didn’t even bother to give a glance to the other man, like he would have been just thin air to him.

“Hallooo Mister, I’m talking to you now!” Paul shouted, waving his hands at the same time in front of the cocky man.

But still, Richard just continued smoking, without saying anything.

Paul tried to think what to do. Sensible talking clearly didn’t work now so he had to make up another kind of tactic.

Okay, you asked for this, you damn teenage diva.

Without any prior warning, Paul sat on Richard’s lap, dumped the precious cigarette to one of the many beer cans on the floor, and turned the other man’s head, forcing him to look straight into his eyes.

“Do I finally have your attention, Herr Kruspe?” Paul asked, in a provoked tone. If this wouldn’t work, he would suggest to the guys that maybe they should hire a new lead guitarist after all.

But, to Paul’s surprise, despite his earlier arrogant acting, Richard’s face didn’t look as aggressive as he had sounded. Instead, his eyes were actually glossy. The sight sent a wave of empathy inside Paul and now he was really concerned instead being annoyed. Okay, this must be something serious now.

“Reesh, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Richard answered, turning his eyes from the other man’s inquisitive, yet sympathetic, gaze. I am not a fucking baby, so don’t you dare to pity me like that.

But resiliently, Paul continued: “It’s clearly ‘nothing’ when you are almost crying.”

Richard didn’t like it when Paul had to see him in this weak state. “You shouldn’t have come here. I bet that Till sent you.”

“It doesn’t matter who send me and why. I am seriously worried about you. In fact, we all are.”

Richard didn’t say anything, he just stared at the table in front of them even though it was difficult when the other man was sitting on his lap, being so freaking close to him. But to be honest, in any other situation, the other man’s proximity would have actually felt really pleasant. Right now though, he was so distressed that it was difficult to concentrate on anything.

“Reesh, honestly, we all are under a huge stress because of the upcoming concerts and stuff, but how you are acting and threatening to leave us, are far from normal. Please, tell me, what is concerning you,” Paul begged.

There was once again a silent moment. For a while Paul thought that this was a lost case - maybe Richard didn’t want to tell him anything and would rather to stay alone. This was probably a stupid idea in the end. Damn you Till and your “just improvise”.

But, just before Paul thought about leaving from the other man’s lap, Richard broke the eerie silence with a huge sigh. “Y-you are correct, I am actually in a huge stress.”

Now Paul’s attention arose again. Maybe this isn’t a lost case after all. “Do you want to clarify what do you mean with ‘a huge stress’? You know very well that I’m not a telepath, so I can’t enter your thoughts if you are not telling me, what’s going on.”

“I’m just so fucking scared of…all of this,” the other man managed to say, with a trembling voice. He desperately tried to fight back tears - it was too embarrassing to cry when somebody was witnessing. Richard was so used to keep his tough mask and now when it was falling off, he felt suddenly so helpless.

“Scared of what exactly?”

“Of everything…about this new tour and…stuff.”

Without getting a very clarifying answer, Paul tried to keep on asking. “We all can see that you are not being yourself. Can I ask you, have you even slept or eaten properly? Cigarettes and coffee are not considered as food.”

There was no point to lie or hide anymore, so whatever Paul was asking, Richard had to answer. Shit. “Well, a couple of hours now and then.”

“How much did you sleep last night for example?”

“Well, actually I…umm…didn’t sleep. And when I think about it, maybe I didn’t eat anything either. I really cannot remember…My head is being a bit fuzzy because there’s so much going on.”

“Holy hell, did you know that at our age we should care about our health even more! That’s not gonna end up really well, if you continue that kind of lifestyle. We are not young anymore, our motor doesn’t run with only drugs and alcohol!”

“Seriously, why do you have to sound like some fucking nurse now.” Of course, Richard knew very well that what he was doing wasn’t really healthy, but he couldn’t help it.

“It doesn’t matter how I sound, the most important thing is you now. But could you tell me, why haven’t you slept? Is there something bothering you?”

Richard nodded and shivered a bit. Fuck it, maybe I just have to tell him. “I can’t sleep because…because…I’ve had so horrible nightmares lately that I’m actually…afraid of falling asleep…it’s easier to stay up as long as I can.”

“Do you want to tell me what kind of nightmares?” Paul knew that he really started to sound like a psychologist, but he was so concerned, that he didn’t care about it right now.

They’d been sitting on the couch for a while and Richard had been trying to avoid Paul’s physical and mental proximity as best as he could. But, as he started to open up, he had a sudden urge to seek for attention from his friend. To Paul’s complete - yet, pleasant - surprise, without a warning, Richard grabbed him tightly and started to pour out, sobbing desperately at the same time: “I’ve…had of course nightmares before, but…not as vivid as these…i…it’s so fucking disturbing…”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of now, I’m with you,” Paul tried to calm his friend down, stroking his hair gently. “What is happening in your nightmares?”

Richard cleared his throat and started to mumble to Paul’s shoulder: “It begins…pretty normally. We are having a gig, everything goes well, and we are having fun, even though…I’m a bit dizzy when I see the huge audience. Seriously, it seems like there are millions of people there. Just staring at us. And I feel a nasty twitch in my stomach when I think about how they are…judging us, especially me.”

“You know that in our concerts, most of the people are probably so wasted that they don’t even remember anything. They don’t care how you sound or look, they are just having a party of their lives,” Paul said, trying to ease the other man’s horror.

But Richard didn’t hear what Paul was saying, he just kept continuing: “Then, we are doing the boat thing…I always thought it was a bad idea. You know what happened to Flake earlier.”

“And you know that Till has said you thousand times that you don’t have to do it, if you are afraid.”

“But…I don’t want to be…a coward.”

“You’re definitely far from being a coward.”

I wish I would believe that also. Richard gulped and continued to describe his terrible dream: “Everything is pretty ok and I see you are doing fine while you are boating through the audience - in fact, you seem to enjoy yourselves with Schneider, shaking hands with the people and stuff…I’m jealous to you when you manage to remain so calm.

When it’s finally my turn to step in, I feel like I have to throw up. When I look at all the people, they resemble an enormous pack of greedy wolves, ready to tear me alive. It’s fucking terrifying...

Then, I manage to go with the boat for a while, and when I’m finally convinced that it’s gonna be alright, suddenly something happens…I fall down and hit my head. I nearly pass out, and try to shout for help, but…nobody’s listening. Instead, the audience - looking like fucking werewolves with their huge red eyes - is tearing me apart, kicking and hitting me in the face so hard it’s impossible to breathe. I’m coughing blood and spitting out pieces of my teeth. At the same time, those animals are shouting…pretty nasty stuff to me.”

Paul noticed that as the story carried on, his breathing was getting shallow and his hands, still caressing his friend’s hair, were shaking. Yet, he tried to remain as calm as possible because he wanted Richard to tell him all, despite how horrible it would be. “What kind of…insults?”

“They are calling me…” In this part, it was difficult for Paul to get what Richard was saying, because his voice was trembling so much. Still, he tried his best to listen. “…a numb, a complete failure and that I have just failed through my life. That all I have achieved so far is a fucking farce… that nobody cares about me and…I would be better off dead. Some of those freaking werewolves even have the judging voice of my stepfather. He always thought that I’m nothing, I’m just a total loser. After all of these years his words…still haunt me.”

“Reesh, that’s so horrible…I’m so sorry to hear.” Paul wasn’t sure, what kind of words were the most suitable in this kind of situation. For Richard though, he wasn’t hoping to hear the right words, he was just so relieved that somebody was listening to him - and he was even more relieved when the person listening to him was Paul.

Richard parted from their embrace, now looking straight into the other man’s eyes. His grey eyes were filled with pure horror and self judgement. “But the worst part is just coming up.”

“Do you…do you want to tell it to me?”

Richard squeezed his friend’s shoulders so tight it hurt, but it didn’t matter.

“Reesh, please tell me. Everything is ok now, I’m here for you…”

So, the horrifying story continued. “In the end, the audience disappears and I’m relieved when I see all of you approaching me. I raise my hands, begging for your help, but you… just continue doing the same terrible things as the audience…Till points and laughs at me…that laugh is still echoing in my head…Rest of you behind him start to mock me. I also hear somebody of you saying that thank god you are finally getting rid of me, because you all hate me so much.

And in the end, the rest of the guys, expect for you, leave the scene. You stare at me, looking so curious - like a scientist glaring at his guinea pig - and so unusually…cold. I’m drained and exhausted, still hoping that at least you would help me. But, in the end…you come close to me and whisper to my ear…” Richard’s voice suddenly broke and he couldn’t breathe properly anymore.

Paul’s whole body was on goosebumps, but still, he wanted Richard to continue: “What…is it I whisper to you?”

The other man answered with his eyes closed: “You whisper to me that…’you fucking piece of shit…du bist ein Scheitern’…”

“…A failure? Why would I ever call you that? That’s… so fucking horrible…I’m so sorry…I would never call you with that horrendous word…”

“And you keep repeating it over and over until I’m begging you to stop, but you just continue…”

“Holy motherfucking hell, you should know that I would never, ever say anything like that to you…”

“And in the end, you spit on me and disappear, laughing with a voice so cruel that it…still hurts me to even think about it…I’d want to cry, but I can’t. I just lay on the dirty ground, alone, torn in the pieces mentally and physically.”

Paul was completely shocked, squeezing the other man tightly. “Holy shit…why am I acting like that in your dreams… I certainly hope that you are not really thinking that I would ever do something like that to you. Not in this lifetime. Not me, Till, Flake, Ollie or Schneider. We all love and support you and we’ll stick together, whatever happens. The audience can be shit sometimes, but we’ll always be there for you. For each other.”

Richard was crying to Paul’s shoulder, this time without even bothering to hide his awful feelings. Even though it was horrible to say out loud all these things which had bothered him for so long, it felt like a catharsis to finally speak about those horrors.

Richard parted from Paul’s embrace to blow his nose. “Es tut mir wirklich leid…how embarrassing, an adult man weeping like this.”

“Hey, there’s definitely no need to apologize.”

“Yes, there is. I was an ass towards all of you today. I really don’t know why I said all those cruel things…I’m just somehow so shocked and horrified about everything…”

“Well, all the guys were quite confused about the scene you created, but they will definitely understand and accept your apology. These are hard times for all of us, you are not alone.”

Richard wasn’t really convinced, so he continued: “Why am I so weak, why do I have to show my emotions like this…you all seem to be so happy about this new tour so why am I acting like this…”

“We all are afraid, of course. I’m as well and sometimes, it’s difficult for me to sleep, even though you know pretty well how good I’m at napping.”

Richard gave a dry laugh through his tears. “Yes, I definitely remember that lousy night after a gig in Mexico City, in that even lousier motel bunk we had to share. You were snoring so loud, and it was so freaking hot next to you, that I couldn’t sleep a second.”

Paul grinned. It was a good sign that Richard was joking, so he could be distracted from all the terrible things they had just discussed about. “To be honest, I don’t even remember anything from that night.” They both made a sound so weird that it was difficult to tell whether they were laughing or crying. It warmed up Paul’s heart to see his friend smiling, at least a tiny bit.

“But yeah, coming back to our Stadium Tour, it’s gonna be a huge thing for us. A challenge and an enormous step forward. I’m excited and yes, so afraid at the same time, but also, I am willing to just jump into the crazy rollercoaster - to see where it will lead us. And I’m completely sure that in the end, we will succeed and be even a bigger band we already are.”

“But how are you able to manage with all the fears and concerns? You seem so calm while I feel like I’m breaking into pieces even though the tour hasn’t even started yet.”

“I think the biggest reason I manage is that I know that I’m not alone. Whatever happens, we’ll stick together. We can, and we actually are bound, to ask for help - you should remember that as well. We don’t have to act like we are stronger than we are - we are, in the end, just a bunch of normal guys. Not some superheroes.”

Richard sighed. “I wish I could be like that as well. This freaking perfectionism is killing me.”

Paul understood what Richard meant. His friend was definitely that kind of a person, who’d be concerned if 1 person out of 100 didn’t like him, and he’d remember that single negative feedback for the rest of his life, even though there were actually 99 people worshipping him.

“Reesh, let me tell you something.”

There was a puzzled gaze in the other man’s eyes when Paul turned him to look at him again. “I just want you to know that you are an amazing person and a talented musician. Honestly, you are fucking amazing at anything you do. And if there happens to be someone who doesn’t like you, it’s his problem.”

Richard was blinking his eyes, confused from all of this. Still, after all these years, he wasn’t used to compliments. It felt a bit similar when passionate fans came to him, praising him from head to toe. “Now you must be just flattering me.”

Paul looked at him with a serious gaze. “Everything I said before is true, it’s not just some lame flattering. You deserve so much more positive things. I said it because I lo…” He cleared his throat and continued, feeling a rush of warmth on his cheeks at the same time: “I…umm, adore you very much.”

“Thank…you.” Richard was completely dumbfounded by the sweet words.

The two men were still embracing each other. Richard felt like his legs were getting a bit numb from Paul’s weight, but it didn’t matter. His whole body had calmed down, and he actually felt like he could finally fall asleep now, being safe with his friend.

His dreamy state was interrupted though when the other man asked: “Just one last thing. Were you serious with this ‘I quit’ stuff?”

Richard smiled. “Maybe I admit that I overreacted a bit. Of course, I’m not quitting, because I don’t want to get rid of any of you. Especially from you, Paul. I enjoy irritating you way too much.”

Hearing that felt like a heavy load finally dropped from Paul’s shoulders. “That’s wonderful to hear.” Then he came closer and whispered to Richard’s ear: “And you are definitely not getting rid of me, never in this lifetime.”

They both chuckled and Richard went back to his sweet, dreamy state. His eyelids weighed like led and slowly, he was dragged into the miraculous world of his unconscious mind.

Suddenly, Paul said, like from the distance, even though he was still close: “We all should relax.”

“…but I thought we have a tight schedule,” the other, drowsy man, mumbled.

“Yes, but it doesn’t help if we forcefully continue, exhausted and drained. We’d be too tired when the actual tour starts. We should take a tiny break.”

There was complete silence and Paul could only hear Richard’s calm, rhythmic breathing. “Are you sleeping under me?” he asked, pressing a couple of light kisses on the other man’s forehead.

“…maybe…does it matter?”

Paul gave a laugh. “Not at all, just that it might be a bit uncomfortable position.” He finally stood up and immediately, Richard positioned himself to the sofa more comfortable so he could take a nap. Paul handed him a blanket and sat next to him, caressing him still.

“I actually got an idea what we could do.”

“…huh?” was all that Richard was able to answer from the edge of consciousness.

“I’ll tell you later. Now, just get some sleep, mein Liebling.”

“Wonderful to hear that he’s now resting,” Till said while they were walking towards the little kebab kiosk nearby the rehearsal place. Even though Till tried to maintain a healthy lifestyle, Paul’s idea of getting some junk food and watching a crappy movie from Ollie’s endless B film -collection, was a very good one indeed. It was no use to do anything meaningful anymore today and they all really needed something else to think about than the tour. It had been a long time since they did something else together than music related stuff.

There was still one question bothering the singer. “But I’m curious, how did you manage to calm him down when he was so upset earlier?”

“Well, I had my own ways,” Paul said, grinning himself.

“You two clearly have something special going on.”

With a dreamy look in his eyes, them fixed to the red sky, Paul whispered so quietly that Till could barely hear it: “…vielleicht…”

#rammstein #rammsteinfandom #richard kruspe #paul landers #till lindemann #flake lorenz #christoph schneider #oliver riedel #paulchard #my fics

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keelywolfe · 5 years

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FIC: Biting Off More Than You Can Chew; part 6

Summary: An interlude in the morning after, from Edge's POV.

Tags: heatfic, dubious consent, NSFW, frenemies to lovers, mates, first time, more if I think of them

PLEASE READ THE TAGS: This is a Heat story, so there are going to be issues of consent. I don’t do partner rape, nope, but hey, I want to be straight with y’all. I like heatfics personally, but I understand how they can be troubling for some people. So there it is.

Read Chapter 1

Read Chapter 2

Read Chapter 3

Read Chapter 4

Read Chapter 5

Read Chapter 6 on AO3

Read it here!

~~*~~

Edge ignored the state of his home as he made his way quietly downstairs, careful to skip over the third step that creaked with enough volume to wake even an exhausted person sleeping in one of the upstairs bedrooms.

It took every bit of his already abused self-control to resist, but it was a necessary evil. If he began cleaning up the piles of crusted dishes and filthy clothes, he wouldn’t be able to stop until everything was back to its normal pristine state and for now, there were more important tasks to focus on.

First, he adjusted the thermostat to a more comfortable temperature for Monsters who didn’t feel as if the very marrow in the bones had turned to molten lava. Standing in his stocking feet and thin pajamas, even he was a little chilled. Someone else might find it unbearable even with layers of blankets.

The kitchen itself was mostly untouched; of their carefully scrounged and repaired equipment, the only mess was a few dirty pans on the stove. Edge put them in the sink to soak and pulled out a flat griddle, letting it warm as he methodically mixed the batter.

Their canister of flour was still mostly full, sugar less so. There was plenty enough butter left for frying and he cracked the two remaining eggs into the bowl, mixing it well. Pancakes were an easy and filling meal, and the last time they were in Underswap, Blue forced a small bag of vegetables on him. The tomatoes were a little overripe and soft, but he planned to slice and fry them anyway to add at least a little more nutrition to the meal. It was what they had, and it would have to be enough.

Over the years, Edge had become an expert at making do. He could make reasonably tasty flour and water biscuits, topped with a thin gravy made from little more than bacon grease. Red willingly ate any hardtack so long as there was mustard to smear on top of it and perhaps a sprinkle of pepper. His brother still liked to eat cold soup or beans directly from the can. Making do, as they always had.

These days groceries weren’t in quite so short supply. Years of culling the gang activity and shoring up the Guard had stabilized the supply lines and usually they managed well enough. He was Captain of the Guard and no one would have questioned if he was first in line for his allotment when the monthly provisions arrived in Snowdin.

Nor did they question that Edge always chose to go last. Snowdin’s citizens only gathered their own allotment under the watchful eye of the Guard and scurried back to their homes although these days they don't hurry quite so much. Over the years, Edge had begun to note that occasionally there were unexpected extras left when it came to his turn; an extra bottle of mustard, a bag of flour, perhaps even a ration of meat.

None of the residence of Snowdin thanked him for his service but words were a pitiful gratitude when there were other ways to demonstrate it.

The first pancake rounds on his griddle were bubbling on top, the edges browned, and he flipped each one expertly, laying tomatoes along the sides to fry in the butter. Pancakes were one of the first things he’d ever learned to cook, the first recipe he’d ever seen.

Books were difficult to come by in Underfell, particularly when searching for a specific genre. Edge hadn’t been looking for a cooking book when he found one. Sans…Red…had taught him to read from an early age, giving him lessons to work on while he was on his own during the day and his appetite for reading had grown along with his height. As a child he’d spent hours in the dump, hiding from other Monsters and searching for any reading material that he could find.

The recipe book had been in surprisingly decent condition, only one corner soaked in water where the pages still tended to stick. The pictures had captivated Edge from the beginning. Foods that he’d never dreamed existed shone lovingly from the pages, vibrant photographs of dishes that glistened in a kaleidoscope of sauces. Right then, still crouched ankle-deep in filthy water, Edge swore he would learn to make these delights.

It was a promise he’d kept to himself, to some extent. His successes varied, generally based on access to supplies and how well he was able to substitute. These days he didn’t even need to look at the recipe book, he’d long since memorized it. His own notes were written carefully in the margins referencing substitution attempts with failures crossed out in a single sharp, black line. Adjustments that he’d attempted, his successes and failures all written out in penmanship that had gradually shifted from a childish scrawl to bold lines.

He was perfectly capable of cooking with what he had and even what he didn’t, despite what the other universes seemed to think.

Edge didn’t think about the one currently sleeping in his bed. Not the soft exhaustion visible in the darkened shadows beneath his sockets, nor the delicate, tempting lines of his bones, with outline of Edge’s teeth still set into his collarbone, caked over with dark, rusty marrow. All of that was currently buried beneath blankets that were fragrant with the spicy-sweetness of their combined magic and the peculiar, lingering musk of heat. Hidden within the safety of his bedroom.

Instead, he thought about the others and about Blue in particular, his appalled expression the first time he’d seen Edge’s pantry.

Ever since that day Blue had been scheming up ways to share their extra supplies with him, working around his objections. Red found it amusing, but then, he would.

The others all thought his refusals were about misguided pride and Edge had never disabused them of the notion. There was no explanation that would allow them to understand his reluctance wasn’t about conceit at all, but debt, and not in the form of G. They could never afford to be indebted to the others for more than they were able to repay, and Edge knew the price they would ultimately demand.

Eventually, someone would ask them to leave their home. Leave Underfell and stay in one of universes that they considered ‘safe’, as though any such place existed. None of them truly understood, although Edge suspected Papyrus might if he tried to explain.

The one currently asleep in his bed likely wouldn’t.

Nothing less than his presence and Red’s kept the gangs out of Snowdin, nothing else could keep these battered, suspicious people safe. He could no more withdraw his protection from them than he could part with his own soul. Underfell was his home, every dust-encrusted corner of it and he would defend it with all the HoPe he possessed.

The time would come where they would ask, and it would, Edge knew it would. Someday he would come to Underswap or Undertale, battered from a fight or with fresh LV glowing in his soul. That was when they would ask, no, demand that he and his brother leave Underfell. Edge always planned refuse, no matter how many care packages Blue forced into his hands.

He couldn’t think right now about what he might answer if the one sleeping upstairs asked him, not now. Now he was making breakfast.

Pancakes were amongst the simplest of the recipes and a staple in their household. These ones were perfect, golden circles, slowly piling up on plates, and softly browned tomatoes at their side speckled with salt and pepper. A decent, filling meal.

He heard a door open, but it wasn’t the bedroom. The clunking as a row of deadbolts was unlocked told him it was the front door. Through the kitchen door came the sound of Red kicking snow off his shoes in an effort not to incur Edge's wrath. Uselessly, but then, his brother would know that as well.

His wariness as he opened the kitchen door was wise; Edge could feel the prickle of ready magic in the air. He ignored it, focused on his cooking. His own magic was recovering but he didn’t reach for it, kept it focused on healing the soreness in his bones.

“hey, boss,” Red crept close enough for Edge to see him out of the corner of his eye socket. He tucked his hands into his pockets, rocking back on his heels as he offered a cheeky smile. His attempt to look shamefaced lacked any believable sincerity. Hardly a surprise. “looks like you survived.”

“I did,” Edge said, evenly. He poured out two more perfect rounds of batter, the griddle spitting and hissing at the addition. “You need to leave.”

His brother was caught off-guard by that, that false smile shifting into a true frown, “huh? why?”

“Because I am angry enough to hurt you,” Edge told him. It was an effort to keep his voice level, and even so, there was a faint, audible tremor in it, “and you’re guilty enough to let me.”

Red licked his teeth, his eye lights darting around the kitchen. “he told you, huh?”

“He didn’t need to. We both know that there is only one reason he would have come to see me, don't we? Let’s not pretend otherwise.”

“it needed to be done.” The iron in those words was familiar from childhood, years of Edge believing that his brother knew best, and it was only as a teenager that he’d come to realize there were times when that was not true.

“He should have had a choice!” Edge snarled. He exhaled slowly, staring at the pancakes until the sharp crimson haze over his vision eased. “Does he even realize the extent of what you’ve done?”

“did you tell him?” Red countered. Edge said nothing, didn’t bother pointed out that he’d hardly been in a frame of mind for discussion last night and this morning, ah, well, that had its own excuses. His brother was not about to turn this back on him, and he seemed to realize it. Instead, he only shrugged. “you ran out of time, little brother, so i chose for you.”

“I already made my choice, Sans, as you are well aware. I was choosing to go through it alone.” He turned around, leaning against the counter next to the stove. “You simply decided you didn’t like my choice and made your own. Well, congratulations,” Edge clapped slowly, mockingly, echoing in their small kitchen. “You didn’t just take away my decision, you broke my trust. I have always had you. If nothing else, I could trust you. You took that away from me and I'm not sure how to forgive you.”

That hit its mark. Red flinched and for once, there was no slick humor or sardonic amusement to layer over his true emotions. It left him with nothing but raw, stricken vulnerability and Edge had to turn away from it.

He took the moment to flick on the coffee machine, the rich aroma rising, masking the lingering smell on Edge’s bones. He couldn’t fathom what his own heat scent had been like but the only smell clinging to him right now belonged to someone else. Almost cloyingly sweet, enticing, and it tickled at a certain urge. One that Edge ignored; he was no longer captive of his bodily desires.

“yeah?" Red managed finally, his voice cracked, rough and thick, "maybe i don't fucking care if you do or not. you're alive.” He licked his teeth, rubbing a hand over his head with a clatter of finger bones. “think i’ll stay at the inn another few days. bet the bed is still warm.”

“i think that would be wise,” Edge said, softly. His attention was back on the griddle, away from his brother.

“besides, you still fucking stink…why are you making so much food if you’re kicking my ass out?” Red asked abruptly. He stilled, his eye lights widening as he drew his own conclusions. “he’s still here?”

“He is,” Edge agreed. There was no point in hiding it. He added another golden pancake to each stack.

Red’s eye lights shrank to pin pricks, “boss-“

“It’s too late. I tried to let him leave.”

“fuck,” he breathed. Good. Let him regret his actions, not that the punishment suited. He wasn’t the one who would have to deal with the fallout. Red never was, it was always Edge cleaning up his messes, only now, the mess was close enough to home that Red would feel the effects of it.

“You knew there was a chance,” he told him, almost gently. “And you forced me to take it. You need to leave now.”

His brother turned away. No apology for what he’d done but then, Edge hadn’t expected one.

“boss?”

“Yes, Sans,” Edge allowed the sharpness of his impatience loose. His brother needed to leave.

“keep a hand on him when you tell him, or you’ll be talking to air. i know his kind, he’ll run.”

“Of course. I’m very familiar with his kind, myself. Brother, you need to leave now.”

There was a quiet pop of teleportation and Edge grit his teeth. The spatula in his hand snapped in half with a sharp crack, the hard plastic giving away beneath his grip. The agitated LV in his soul throbbed for a moment longer, hotly, demanding an outlet before it dulled sullenly, easing.

Edge threw the remains of the spatula into the trash. The pancakes were done, anyway. He took a moment to delve back into their meager stores and found a small bottle of honey, carefully drizzling it over one stack of pancakes with a heavy hand. Then he set both on a tray along with filled coffee cups and carried it upstairs.

In the wreck of his bed, the figure that was curled into the blankets stirred, sniffing audibly. Rus sat up with a groan and the agitated roil in Edge’s soul eased at the sight of him. He yawned and stretched, and though the look in his eye lights was wary, his smile was genuine and sleepy. The blanket slipped down enough to expose the healing bite mark. Tempting.

“please say one of those is for me?” Rus mumbled, reaching out with greedy hands.

“It is.” He settled the tray on the bed, nudging the honey-drizzled plate in Rus’s direction. Instead, he chose the coffee, swallowing half in one gulp. The pancakes didn’t wait long, Rus forked up a honey-sopped mouthful with his other hand and his groan was tantalizingly close to pornographic.

The satisfaction that came with watching him eat was disconcerting and expected.

Edge waited until the pancakes were mostly finished but before Rus could begin his faltering, elaborate dance of excuses and farewells. Then he said, with all the gentleness he could muster, “We need to talk.”

From the frozen, stiff expression that immediately fell across Rus’s face, it was going to be a long morning.

-tbc-

#spicyhoney #papcest #keelywolfe #underfell #underswap #underswap papyrus #underfell papyrus #biting off more than you can chew

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mandelene · 5 years

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(1/2) So, i got my grade back for one of my rhetoric essays, and i appealed to my teacher and honestly, I KNOW im taking this personally, and i KNOW i shouldnt, but im getting really annoyed. its bc im taking it personally. her feedback is true, and i DO need to hear that, in my mom's less kind words "you write like its a fanfic", but she really should say "you write like you speak". Any advice to keep your personal style while writing formally without sounding casual?

Hi, anon! Thank you so much for asking these questions because I feel like so many writers go through this struggle. As someone who writes fanfic/fiction for fun but is also a journalism student who is finishing up her thesis and about to move onto grad school, I can definitely relate to this as well. First, I think it’s important for one to acknowledge that writers wear lots of different hats. If I posted my thesis on here, you guys would never guess I was the one who wrote it, haha. I have my fiction voice, my academic voice, my non-fiction voice, and a creative non-fiction voice. They’re all connected by some elements, but they’re also distinct from each other. Sure, my thesis probably isn’t as fun to read as one of my stories, but it’s still me because I wrote about a topic that mattered deeply to me and that I genuinely wanted to dive deeper into.

Unfortunately, with academic writing, you’re always going to feel slightly as though you have a stick up your ass, lol. That’s just part of the craft. Like with fiction, there are certain standards and norms that academic writing follows, and no one will take your research paper/arguments seriously if you don’t demonstrate an understanding of the form. Always keep your audience in mind – writing for your friends and peers is a lot different from writing for scholars. It’s likely you won’t be allowed to be as creative when it comes to academic writing, and sometimes, you’re going to have to write about stuff you absolutely hate, but if your research is strong and you formulate and communicate ideas well, then your essay will stand out and won’t be boring because you’ll show you have a true grasp of the topic. My professors always stress how important “flow” is in a paper. It’s what separates the dry, boring stuff from the interesting stuff. I have to read a lot of academic journals for my classes, and I can tell who’s a good writer and who isn’t by their flow, clarity, and ability to be concise. Those skills are incredibly important in academic writing. Think “so what?” Why should anyone want to read your essay? Your reader should feel like they’ve learned something meaningful from your argument and understand why it’s meaningful, too.

As for taking criticism, this one’s tough. At first, it’s going to hurt, but even though it hurts, you have to teach yourself to take a step back, listen, and say thank you, even if you don’t totally agree – especially when you don’t totally agree. Hear the other person out. Force yourself to see things from their point of view. Your brain and heart are going to try to resist at first, but it gets easier with time. If it makes you feel any better, my thesis mentor criticizes me constantly, lol. He’s not afraid to tell me, “I really didn’t like this,” or “this part didn’t make any sense” because he knows I won’t take it personally. In fact, he recently told me the quality of my thesis “took a nosedive,” haha (which is totally true, btw). Someone saying they dislike something about your paper is not a personal attack, and they are not trying to insult your intelligence or suggest you’re a bad writer by any means. In fact, I’m flattered when my mentor is honest with me because it shows he trusts me to be able to take the hit in stride. I’m a firm believer that what separates the great writers from the decent writers is the ability to take criticism. No one is going to want to work with a writer who gets defensive and spiteful. Writers who detach themselves from their writing when taking feedback are the ones who will grow. Listen attentively, don’t try to explain your view or give any disclaimers. Just nod, thank them, and be open to edits.

Being respectful, thoughtful, and showing appreciation will demonstrate maturity and get you very far, I promise. We live in a society right now that is fueled by emotion. Everyone takes everything personally, gets heated easily, and wants to block out those whom they disagree with, but that’s the death of dialogue and free speech. There is real value in being able to approach things with a level head. Taking a step back is a skill that will help not just with your writing, but also with future jobs and decision-making. It’s also a skill that not everyone has. Self-awareness, taking feedback, self-control – these are all parts of emotional intelligence, which is honestly sometimes more important than how much you know.

Thank you again for the asks, and I hope things work out! Best of luck and stay wonderful. Have a great spring break as well! :)

#taking criticism #feedback #academic writing #fiction

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idolizenews · 6 years

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SCHEDULE 09/29.

Each schedule post provides a snapshot into the way the company is marketing your group as a whole, the expectations they have for your involvement in the industry, and so forth. They’ll range from fun things like CF deals to run of the mill events like fan parties, concerts, or rest time. We’ll be varying things across the board and using this as a way to tease upcoming plot lines for groups. Schedules illuminate the often difficult realities of being an idol, and because of that we award +5 exp / + 5 sp to those who complete a 350+ 4/4 thread or a 500 word solo. Solos must be completed during the three week run of the schedule, but threads may be finished after the end of the prompt provided they were started well in excess of the end point (e.g. finishing up a reply or two after is fine, but posting the starter right before the next prompt goes up is not). These needn’t be taken extremely literally when threading and are open to tangential preparation threads and other flexibility.

OLYMPUS – Olympus is proving themselves to be the flagship of Midas groups once more as they embark on a new project. Midas has been teasing the concept of group-centric Company produced web-series for awhile now and are now launching their first: Olympus Next Door. Rumor has it: Fans have only just learned the show has started filming and they’re already rabid over it. It promises to be both cringeworthy and immensely successful amongst fans, proving that Midas will do anything to make a buck.

JINX - The ladies of Jinx will be gracing the cover and a large spread for Ceci this month, including an interview portion dedicated to their transitioning image, rollercoaster career, and explosive debut. It’s a rehashing of the usual fare, but sure to remind everyone how attractive they are ahead of their next comeback. Rumor has it: Midas is investing a lot into keeping the girls on board as their reimagined concept took off with their latest releases. The upcoming November comeback is likely to reflect further movement in that area hopefully finalizing a return their prior impressive popularity.

FANTASY – With an upcoming Nightmare comeback of course preparation is serious business. The girls will also be the new faces for Lens Nine, doing a circle lens colored contact modeling shoot and promotional material titled Lens Nine x Fantasy : Fantasia. Each girl will be modeling a particular color with a whimsical name to suit. Rumor has it: The upcoming Nightmare comeback bodes well for the unit concept and promises it will be sticking around at least for awhile, leaving fans curious about how Daydream will promote now that they’re lacking a member. Rumors are beginning to buzz that an additional member may be added.

PROMO/PROLOGUE & GLIMMER & XLNC & TITANIUM & NITRO Every year Gangnam hosts a culture festival in one of it’s more residential areas, with a modest number of stages provided for up and coming groups. Given the more modest scope of the affair, the attending groups are generally newer or less established, and have been listed above in order of billing, with the yet-undebuted Produce groups opening and Nitro as the featured act/headliner. Produce groups will be performing their unit stages from the final episode set alongside the Pick Me! song. Glimmer will perform their debut song and a cover of Heaven’s I Swear . XLNC will perform their 2 most recent title tracks. Titanium will perform their debut song and a cover of Olympus’ Growl. Nitro will perform their last three title songs, with a dance break remix transition. Rumor has it: Of course this is an excellent opportunity for rookies to get their name out there, and Gen-N fans are feeling bittersweet about the whole thing, as this is likely to be the last of these mid-range festivals that Nitro plays at, with the group gradually outgrowing the opportunity. It’s always a hotbed for intermingling rookies backstage, too, so managers ought to be keeping a careful eye out.

IMPERIAL –The boys are preparing for heading out on an Asia tour for the next month or two, bounding off the positive reception for their fan meeting. They’ll be working on choreography and staging prep as well as pitching concepts for special stages to the company. Rumor has it: They’re solidifying their hold in the overseas (notably in the SEA market) to prepare for an upcoming comeback in the second half of the year. This concert capitalizes on their existing momentum and will have them in and out of the country - and as a result in plenty of airport fashion and concert gif media play articles.

WINK – The girls will be performing the ceremonial first pitch and doing a brief performance before a number of baseball games as the season kicks off, once for the LG Twins and once for the Doosan Bears. The appearance of the girls in cute, baseball inspired attire is sure to draw attention and positive reception. Rumor has it: Behind the scenes, the girls are being put through their paces to prepare for an upcoming image shift, with coaching for interviews and increased dance practices required of them for the time being. Rumors of a more sultry vibe for the comeback are all but confirmed if one glances at the concept directors hired on recently at the company. HEAVEN – With an uncharacteristic push forward for the girls of late, they’ll be taking it a little bit easier this week, with a simple fan meeting mini-concert (expected to run an hour and a half) featuring a hi-touch event for those who qualify, maximum 100 participants. Rumor has it: This is an attempt by 99 Entertainment to demonstrate the grounded and kind nature of the girls, reaching out to fans in an intimate venue and on a personal level, likely to continue in juxtaposition of the shaky reputations of some of their other group efforts.

POIZN – Mexicana Chicken has taken on the boys as their new brand endorsers. They’ll be filming a commercial and doing a photoshoot to provide material for their various promotional items, such as boxes, flyers, posters, menu pictures, and so on. Rumor has it: While not the most glamorous of things, landing a chicken endorsement is a major step, and one that further cements the idea that POIZN is hanging on fairly well despite past scandals, which is a good indicator for their future.

HONEY – With the girls in a bit of downtime between comebacks, MSG has decided to capitalize on the time in their schedule to launch Honey TV, a one-a-week Vlive series to connect the girl’s with their audience. Material will cover photoshoots, snippets of dorm life, comeback and album prep, and so on. The first episode set will follow the girls on a fun trip to Everland together, as they go on a safari ride, buy matching headbands, ride rides, and more. Rumor has it: The MSG board saw the success of KJH in reaching out to fans via Vlive and has decided to follow suit, jumping onto the trend, while also allowing a bit of an easier time for themselves and the idols by filming schedules they’re already embarking on for the company: photoshoots, filming, etc, rather than following the KJH practice of separating out, allowing MSG to pump out a stream of shorter episodes consistently without having to find time to film a full “variety show” to air for 45 minutes weekly.

CHERRY BOMB! – Gourmet Road is hosting the girls for an upcoming episode. They’ll be prowling around a night market and having a blast trying food, interacting with passerby, and talking together. They’ll be showing off their close relationship and their mukbang talents. Rumor has it: Increased attentions payed to their newer groups indicates that MSG is ramping up efforts to get them established as the company moves forward, putting a lot of pressure on upcoming comebacks.

ATLAS – The boys of Atlas have been cast in the show Birth of A Family, a variety that involves a group of idols (in this case) raising two puppies in order to bring further attention to the serious situation of animal abandonment in the country of South Korea. They’ll be taking on the dogs for a period of roughly a month and a half, and filming will happen semi-regularly. Rumor has it: This is the boy’s first variety show aired on television, with KJH preferring in the past to keep their variety work in house, on V-live and self produced. It’s a big step in potential visibility and risk for the boys, since editing will be out of the company’s control.

JAWBREAKER – The girls are deep into the preparatory period for their upcoming comeback. KJH has the girls tight under lock and key right now to be sure nothing is given away, which means promotions outside the company have been limited for the moment, and the girls have gone quiet on social media. KJH has big plans for the upcoming song, hoping to cement the girl’s image as Jawbreaker with this sophomore effort. Rumor has it: Planning for the KJH family concert is well underway at this point, with Jawbreaker’s former discography now regained. The company is gauging reactions to individual members with this comeback to begin pushing the girls further.

GALAXY – The boys are heading out on to Happy Together 3, taking part in the classic talk variety that canvasses various fictional settings, participating in various corners, such as being asked to take part in a don’t laugh challenge or to bring a cherished object to explain. Hopefully this will bring some further attention and affection to the boyish, charming group. Rumor has it: Increased attentions payed to their newer groups indicates that MSG is ramping up efforts to get them established as the company moves forward, putting a lot of pressure on upcoming comebacks.

#id.schedule

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grace52373 · 6 years

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Rumbelle Growing Up and Growing Together!

I am borrowing part of a title from a Roswell fanfic that I loved and read several times, because it demonstrates what this meta is going to be about.

I am not labeling this anti-rumple or anti-belle because it isn’t but issues they both have and things they have done will be discussed and criticized with the writers drawing the majority of the criticism so if this isn’t your cup of tea, don’t read it or worse, read it and call me anti belle or anti rumple.

Adam and Eddie tend to be tell and not show writers which gets them into a ton of trouble and makes it hard for writing true redemption stories because we fans have to infer and guess things we shouldn’t have to which leads to arguments and disagreements.

Adam and Eddie wanted Rumple to be their backdoor or go to villain when they need one which would have been fine if the Rumbelle ship didn’t take off. Because it did, this was the time for the writers to sit down and right a decent redemption story not with Belle as moral compass but as a support and a character in her own right. As we all laminate, they didn’t do that and did serious damage to Belle’s character and motivations as well as Rumples and their relationship.

Rumple is the dark one, a villain but has something of a line he won’t cross and often does wrong things for the right reasons. He fits the Beast character well because he has a great evil inside of him but it is the wise Belle that sees through that and encouraged the best of Rumple. Somehow around season 2, Belle ceased being a support and became a moral compass and at times an enabler. I love Rumple but let’s face it, he screwed up a lot. He lied, he manipulated, and he showed no decency except to Belle until season 4.

Belle claimed she knew what she was getting into but she went from being the wise woman to an emotionally manipulative one aka moral compass. Beauty was never intended to be a moral compass to the beast, she was meant to be an inspiration. A woman who took the time to get to know the beast and did not judge him harshly. Belle started out that way but ended up stuck in a never ending cycle with her being the moral one and walking out when Rumple didn’t do what she wanted. this hurt her and her character. In a way, Belle was right in saying she lost herself in helping Rumple but he never asked her to. Adam and Eddie turned her into Jimmy Cricket and didn’t bother to flesh out her own character thus making her the one-dimensional put upon wife of Rumple which wasn’t fair to either of them.

There is so much they could have done with Belle. Meghan Ory talked about a storyline of Belle and Ruby being friends and solving mysteries surrounding SB. Instead both characters were fridged as were all of Belle’s relationships outside of Rumple except for one used to hurt Rumple but I will get into that later on. My main problem is, we have little backstory on Belle that shows superficial explanations as to who this woman was and did a disservice to Emilie and her character. That is on the writers along with the fights between the fans who feel like they are watching strangers and those fans who would leap to heights of outrageous canon judgment! If they had taken time with Belle and Rumple’s stories separately along with them as a couple, we wouldn’t have this fight.

Now that that is out of the way here is my views on how both Rumple and Belle grew these past two seasons. There isn’t much to go on, so I am going to try to stick to canon in how they have both grown.

Rumple, once a savior, cut off from that and raised by an uncaring, abusive father until he is abandoned to the spinsters who I feel have had a huge impact on Rumple. I think it is the spinsters that not only gave him their trade but also gave him some semblance of stability and taught the importance of family. Rumple always wanted a family and looking at his background, it makes sense. Unfortunately, he marries Milah, a selfish, self-centered woman who upon hearing her husband left the battle, abused him ruthlessly and abandoned her own son for a pirate who promised a life of adventure at sea! Rumple maimed himself (boy did that take courage) in order to give his child what he didn’t have, a father and he paid a terrible price for it. Rumple was never a coward but years of hearing it from his wife and neighbors made him internalize that word and stifled him from being brave or seeing himself and what he does as brave. This causes him trouble for many years. That I have to say whether purposefully or by accident, A & E got right about a man like Rumple. Years of mental cruelty does make it so a person internalizes it and believes they are so and it takes years to overcome! Rumple eventually becomes the DO in order to save his son. Was it the right choice? No but it was for selfless reasons. Rumple took this burden and saved his son and many children thus becoming a hero but also chained himself to a terrible evil that demanded a price for everything. this evil preyed on his mind and his fears and took control. Rumple’s strength of character, his love for his son and eventually Belle helped him to overcome it until Bae’s death and his imprisonment. After that, Rumple trusted no one and went on a downward spiral that almost destroyed his soul and took his life. This choice, and taking the curse back again even though Emma’s plan would have failed and not informing Belle right away are mistakes he made that would have been better if he was just honest about himself. He was always self-fulfilling his own prophecy that he is a difficult man to love. At times even understanding him, you wanted to shake him especially when he trapped Belle aboard the ship. Yes he wanted to protect her but he didn’t go about it the right way. I know in many cases Belle also made mistakes and both their mistakes contributed to the near destruction of their love and marriage but I will get to that later. Rumple’s faults aren’t being a coward but giving into his fears and the masks he wears along with his tendency to lash out when someone threatens him and his loved ones.

By season 6 and 7 we see a more mature Rumple. he is seeing his own value and he is seeing that he is not a monster and is defending himself. he is making his own choices without guidance and is making better choices. he has grown out of that cycle of lies and masking things and has become honest, brutally so! he still has that dangerous edge from the curse but they no longer control him, he controls them! Rumple finally grew up and despite the pain and hard lessons learned, he has become a better man.

Rumple it is easier to relate to and understand because we see his pov and his past. In Belle’s case we don’t see the same which is why Rumple is more understood by the audience than Belle is.

Now onto Belle. What do we know about her? She hates being controlled! She tries to be brave and she wants to control her own life. She loves her mother and misses her and feels guilt over her death and has had no closure and neither have we! She is looking for true love, the real thing. She is intelligent and not superficial. She is obsessed with being a hero because of her mother and the guilt she feels over her mother’s death(her mom would still be alive if she hadn’t saved that ogre and went back for a book) even if it is undeserved. She craves adventure and wants to see the world. Now between you and me, I think it is a freakin miracle Rumple fell for her! why do you ask? Because, and don’t get your panties in an uproar, she is similar to Milah and Cora. Now before you start throwing things, let me explain. All three women wanted better for themselves. Milah and Belle craved adventure and a way to be more than just wives and mothers, all three are impulsive, Milah and Belle moreso than Cora, and all three are strong-willed. All three are attracted to the dark.

Now that I have your attention let me say that despite being similar, Rumple saw the BIG DIFFERENCE between Milah and Cora and Belle and it is simple. Belle is a selfless, loving person who when in love will be a loyal and a strong wife, partner, and mother! Belle would never throw someone over for power and she would never abandon her family (She gave Gideon up to protect him and even though we know she was wrong, it was a selfless act), and she values others before herself. Something Cora and Milah would never do! Belle, even though I don’t agree with it, gave up her true love and exiled him to protect others. She constantly puts others before herself which can be a flaw at times but not a terrible one. Belle has the biggest heart of anyone on the show. She is forgiveness and light and strong in order to overcome what she has overcome. She is strong enough and brave enough to admit she was wrong and she changed and for the better. In the end, she sacrificed herself for Rumple and gifted him with the life and family he has always dreamt of. She was also an excellent mother to Gideon and helped raised a son as intelligent and as loving as she is one who was also ready to sacrifice for his parents.

Like Rumple, Belle has faults. She is insecure and impulsive. She puts others before herself to the detriment of herself. She forgives, except for Rumple, far too easily. She never resents or at least hides her resentment of her being used to others, and she wants to be one of the heroes so much because she wants to be worthy of her mother’s sacrifice that she overlooks her own heroism and her own self and loved ones.

Belle always stood up for herself and that never changed but once Rumple broke her trust, she refused to listen to him and impulsively banished him with no food, no cane, and only the clothes on his back. That was not heroic, it was cruel! Belle using the dagger to do it despite apologizing for using it before and swearing to never use it again no matter what the reason, is wrong! Rumple is controlled by that dagger, stop him from killing worthless Hook, yes, banishing him without hearing him out and leaving him with nothing was harsh. Belle was angry and she lashed out because she believed the gauntlet shows a person’s weakness which may or may not be their true love and she forgot that not everyone’s weakness is their love. In Rumple’s case and should be in all cases, love is strength. The gauntlet chose the dagger because it is Rumple’s greatest weakness because it turns him into a robot at anyone’s command, not because he loves it. Yes he says he loves power but he loves the security of power, not the power itself. Rumple contributed to that fear of Belle’s that he will always choose power over her by his not explaining himself or the writers not explaining it well!

Belle fancies herself a fixer. She likes being in control and fixing people. That is a flaw. Rumple has the same flaw in wanting to be in control. Belle’s background as a princess or lady without control over her own life and Rumple’s life as a peasant, makes it so they desperately need to be in control to the point it becomes detrimental.

Take Belle’s whatever relationship with Will. It was a rebound no matter what their shippers say and it also was not healthy for either of them. Belle picked Will because she needed to fix someone and Will was a drinker and a thief. Will was also honest and forthright about who he was and funny too boot and after years of dealing with Rumple’s masks and refusal to open up, Will was a breath of fresh air and someone she could fix. She got him to drink less, hold hands in public, send her flowers, and make her laugh. Will was lonely and wandering through life until Belle took him in hand. They became friends and rushed into a relationship neither was ready for. Both were in love with other people and using each other to get over the loneliness and prove that they were worth more than power (both had spouses who were dark magic practitioners that they both thought at one time, chose power over them which wasn’t true). Yes they laughed and hugged and kissed but it was all superficial and as we saw on their few dates, Will was chafing under this relationship and Belle was going through the motions. Rumple knew Belle’s heart was missing and I think his alerting Will to that and his witnessing Rumple’s love for Belle made him realize that what he and Belle had wasn’t real, not love, not even friendship. They knew nothing about each other. Because of his ignorance, Belle’s heart would still be in Regina’s clutches. Look at Will’s face in that scene, it says it all. In the end, Belle returned to Rumple although actually, she never truly left. Will never touched her heart and she did feel remorse for what she did but it was too late and when Rumple returned, her fears and anger and yes guilt kept her from Rumple except when she went to scold him and seeing him dying and eventually curse free, kept her by his side.

Another issue is that Belle did commit adultery same as Rumple with Evil Regina in season 6. No it wasn’t emotional adultery or physical adultery except for a few kisses, but it was adultery because Rumple, Belle, and Will were still married. Calling what Rumple did adultery but excusing Belle’s is hypocritical. They either both committed adultery or didn’t.

Belles’ fears and insecurities and her need to fix people is why she lost herself, not Rumple because he NEVER ASKED HER TO FIX HIM! He wanted her to love him as he was. Belle’s need to be a hero also caused problems as well. Belle wanted to know everything about Rumple but when he did open up to her, if she didn’t like what she heard or it didn’t fit into her worldview, she walked off in a huff. Rumple being an abandoned child took this as a sign that he can’t be honest with her even if he wants to. I am not saying Belle didn’t have the right to walk off or get mad or even say this is what I can tolerate, this isn’t but she didn’t communicate that to Rumple so he fell into a pattern of lying to protect Belle aka lying to protect himself and Belle fell into a pattern of unknowingly enabling him and making it impossible for him to trust enough to open up. After a year of captivity and torture from the witch, Belle’s first instinct is to stop Rumple from getting his vengeance. She didn’t ask him how he was, didn’t comfort him over Bae, ask him what happened, it was please don’t kill Zelena, your better than that and she had the dagger at the time. Rumple sees that not only do the heroes think he is an out of control monster that needs to be leashed, but his love is more concerned that Zelena lives than what she did to him and his son. That is when Belle broke Rumple’s trust and they fell into the bad habits of emotional manipulation (not consciously on Belle’s part) and lying (on Rumple’s part).

Than we get to Belle finding out Rumple took back the curse and lied to her and we see Rumple standing up for himself and being as honest as he could be than. It is in later part of season 6 and 7 that he realizes he doesn’t need magic or the dagger. Belle is used to a Rumple who apologizes and makes promises, not to a brutally honest Rumple who told her she is attracted to darkness and the beast part of him and it is true, Belle just doesn’t want to admit it because heroes don’t love beasts. He also tells her, rather misguidedly that he loves the dagger and wants both because he is still holding onto his fears. Than we have the Gaston debacle.

Via flashback, we know Belle took pity on a young ogre, and rightly but in saving the ogre, she ends up inadvertently hurting her kingdom and being forced into a marriage with Gaston whom Belle knows has evil intentions. She also knows he is superficial and wants only glory. Now I think Belle was right to defend the ogre but she is young and insecure and daddy dearest knows exactly which buttons to push to manipulate her into marriage with a true beast! Moe uses her wanting to be a hero and save her land to get her engaged to Gaston and Belle, despite her wanting to be in control of her own fate, capitulates to the detriment of her own and her people’s well being! Rumple did her a favor asking for her as his price. He gave her an out. She could go with Rumple and still be a hero to her people without having a horrible marriage. Belle has a great need to be a hero. Belle was scared at first but as she got to know her future husband, she grew to love him. She was lucky Rumple didn’t live up to his reputation or her need to be a hero would have gotten her killed and at times, almost did.

In Hades, it seems Belle is on a mission to prove to Rumple that good magic will save her son and people can change. sadly she forgot the lessons of the past with Gaston and almost got her husband killed. She arrogantly presumes she can help Gaston, that his unfinished business is about her only to realize she was wrong. Rumple made it worse by not trying it Belle’s way and doing it the DO way. Belle stops her husband and once again uses his dagger to force his capitulation and that act almost gets him killed. Instead, Belle’s heroism saves the day and Gaston pays the ultimate price. Rumple learned his lesson that day and truly tried to do it Belle’s way but Belle, letting her guilt and her fear that Rumple is right about her, goes to the woman who killed Neal and abused Rumple and impulsively puts herself under a sleeping curse. She also assumes Rumple wouldn’t wake her, she was wrong there but she gives him an out in a show of understanding. We also see her black and white view that if a hero does something wrong, it is alright or if they need magic it is alright but if a villain uses it, it is always wrong.

Unfortunately, despite Rumple doing everything to wake her, Belle’s fears do not allow a tlk and when it almost happens in her dreams, she lashes on to a rather shady vision of their son to talk her out of it. Belle awakens and walks out on Rumple without even a hint of thanks and self-righteously makes her way to SB and plays nice with the heroes who don’t give a shit about her or her child. She even knows Hook is hoping to spite Rumple with her staying with him and stays with him anyway and there begins yelling, berating, and arguing anytime they come into contact with a sanity break when she listens to Rumple’s tape for their son and gives him the sonogram after selfishly keeping him from the child, She claims to want him to change and work for them but gives him no chances towards it. Belle during this time is being manipulated by the BF, who is using her fears to control her. Belle is at her most vulnerable during this time period but refuses to talk with Rumple except to yell at him. Rumple reacts by going on the defensive, kissing the EQ and manipulating her and trying to prevent Belle from kidnapping their son. He almost, in a desperate scene, tries to cut his son’s fate but doesn’t. In that moment, Rumple showed his growth but Belle was still stuck in anger and fear to the point, she blames Rumple for aging the child and foolishly giving up her child. Only to later on in a hypocritical moment decide to cut her son’s fate herself because he is after Emma. Belle’s obsession with heroes leads her to name her son after one and put this big expectation on a one hour old infant. It also infers that if he is not a hero, she may walk away from her son or give up. Thankfully she didn’t.

This is where people started comparing Belle to Milah. The constant berating, the walking out when he screws up, her refusal to believe she is wrong and even after getting a curse free Rumple, her abandoning him and eventually her son. I emphatically disagree with this but I know that Belle triggered some of the people in the fandom and I respect that so I will agree to disagree and ask you to do the same. Belle may make mistakes but they are not selfish ones. Even the seemingly selfish ones of her taking the baby away where Rumple couldn’t find him were done to protect Gideon but it was wrong and impulsively done without thought or consideration. Her assertion that Rumple was a beast that her baby was to be protected from was a manipulation by the BF but if Belle was listening to her heart, she would have not fallen for it. I can understand why she didn’t because after getting her heartbroken and her many disappointments in life, she refused to trust herself and it almost destroyed her family.

Belle has faults too and has some fault in her marriage falling apart but thankfully overcame her faults and fought for her love and family.

Season 6 b was the start of the Rumbelle reunion and illustrated this part of the Beauty and Beast song: “Finding you can change, learning you were wrong!” They both helped each other overcome their fears and insecurities and grew together. Belle realized she was a hero already and realized, good/bad/flawed, she loved her son and she would do what it took to save him. She bent and overcame her rigid morality to see that there are shades of gray and she was right to trust in Rumple’s love. Rumple stepped up and fought for his son and his wife and protected them. Belle and Gideon recognized it and accepted that his methods might be unorthodox but it is done out of love. Once Belle stopped being Rumple’s moral compass, it freed him to make his own choices and low and behold, he made good ones. She also gave him the freedom to be honest with her and did not walk away but listened. Belle also freed herself by taking the responsibility of being Rumple conscious off herself and was free to be herself and allowed Rumple to be the strong one. It gave them both the freedom of a good partnership and brought them back together stronger than ever.

In season 7, we saw a loving couple who were in sync much like Snow and Charming and happily raising their son. I saw Rumple give Belle her fondest dream and I saw Belle sacrifice to give Rumple his freedom from the curse. I saw two happy people grow old together, have adventures, and make a happy home. Belle wasn’t just a housewife, she and Rumple built that place together to retire in after years of raising their son and seeing the world. I saw two people so in love, they were inseparable. Age mattered not, only love. I saw two people look at each other and not see the flaws and faults but just beauty as the show was aptly named. I was sad Belle died but in the end tweedle dumb and dumber gave her a beautiful send-off. Belle lived her happy ending the way she wanted to and Rumple lived his the way he wanted to, together, happy, and in love. In the end, they grew up and grew together and the distance between what they are and what they became is astounding. I was happy to be on the roller coaster with them!

#rumbelle #anti-scarlet beauty

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elizabethrobertajones · 7 years

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4x03

Too tired to gif anything lengthy (or work out how to do these ones nicely and in 1 part) but when Mary and Samuel go to the farm to investigate, they have this little exchange:

MARY And I'm here because?

SAMUEL Family business, Mary... family.

SAMUEL What? You'd rather be waving pom-poms at a bunch of dumb jocks?

(The giffed smile is after he says that last line)

Anyway it just makes me really sad that this is the offered glimpse of Mary's life specifically between her and Samuel and what we have to go off on how this works between the two of them aside from him laughing at John and calling him naive etc. This has John parenting Dean all over it, with the family business line as always harking back to the line indelibly connected to Dean's speech in 1x02 because of how many episode openings it was pasted over, and I feel like it's Dean especially, rather than Sam who DID openly want to rebel and live a normal life (and would relate a lot to this as well, of course) because it feels more like pre-knowing them stuff, the kind of thing that John telling Dean to take care of the car or he wouldn't have given it to him in 1x20 for example feels like. The snide comments that police how they should feel about it and how Mary responds by snarking at him about going to do the job and putting on a smile and going to flirt information out of a boy at the farm. We don't see comments like this really between John and Dean aside from the car one because in every respect in season 1 John has bought Dean's loyalty fully already and since the very start that has been obvious - if little tells in 1x01 didn't give it away, Dean's behaviour in 1x02 standing up for the family business to Sam did.

I also have spent some time somewhere or other paralleling Mary & John to Dean & Lisa (I think the first post in this post-season 12 watch actually, where I wrote like 100 miles about Mary...) in the sense that she clawed her way to suburbia and went into a sort of denial - visually represented in 12x22 if you want to imagine she was doing the same thing the entire time she was playing housewife for real (and because she never learned to cook I find it particularly telling and distressing that it reads to me like she was in denial/depression about it rather than throwing herself wholeheartedly into learning an entire new life and genuinely trying to fit in with housewife culture of doing all the cooking etc... She still sneaked out to hunt and I still kinda feel like that was lashing out or rebellion against her own life, dissatisfaction being caught between two worlds, even self-sabotage to make John wonder if she was cheating, or just to indulge her secret other life or... you know, SOMETHING reckless and stupid when she had a baby at home to care for... Mary is NOT a stable person and I love her because she's a hot mess :P). (The Dean & Lisa vs Mary & John parallel isn't perfect but I'm talking specifically about mindsets and the djinn dream comparison Dean had to being with Lisa, and the deep deep place Mary went to in her head that reeks to me of similar minds.)

To me overall the Dean and Mary comparison is much stronger to me so though this makes a lot of sense as a Sam parallel (or, well, when it's parents etc we just talk about inherited traits with a semi-mystical power to channel personality directly to us whether we knew our ancestors personally or not...) I do read this exact more strongly as the sort of control John exerted over Dean potentially, which SUCCESSFULLY worked to make him grow to adulthood disdaining normal life and feeling like they didn't fit in and were outsiders and freaks who were not a part of regular life. I think Mary is young and headstrong and still in that stage where like Sam she can rebel and choose another life but in this specific moment we're having demonstrated the hunting life vs normal life that in season 1 we saw better explained by Dean calling himself a freak (or in season 2 Jo calling herself a freak with a knife collection when she tried to go to college, while Sam had the knife collection but was HAPPILY fitting in and in denial, we know Mary DIDN'T fit in and DID sneak off to go hunting, like Jo did). Samuel emphasises the exact annoying Strong Female Character trait of "i'm not like the other girls" but he's forcing it on Mary, which makes her want to BE like the other girls, even if like Jo or Dean she would struggle to fit in and keep it far more than Sam did with Jess or Amelia, where he could cut it off completely. Mary KNOWS she isn't "like the other girls" because Samuel made her that way, and so she goes to do the job with a forced smile on her face and to spite Samuel.

I wonder how things would have gone with her and John if Dean had never shown up and Azazel had never caught wind of her, and she had been able to carve her own path with nothing more than Samuel's influence on her life. How much was she screwed up by being raised a hunter to make her act as she did and how much was the deal a part of it? Azazel promised her suburbia and peace, the same terms of what Dean got with Lisa, and he managed to stick to it until other things intervened, although as 12x10 suggests and like Dean investigating the possible hunt, immediately after being poisoned, in the abandoned hotel, neither of them would ignore when their help was needed even if they were supposedly civilian now. Sam manages to cut himself off completely and in 8x01 he says he looked in the newspapers and saw potential cases and knew it wasn't his problem because he wasn't capable of hunting right then/wanted and had honestly more than earned his peace (given the circumstances of Dean and Cas's disappearance, and, as Sam was doing, ignoring the issue of Kevin).

I'm not saying Sam is less heroic but I think this specific sort of "You can never be like everyone else so do the job" brainwashing from Samuel and presumably John given what we know of how he raised them (Sam himself complains about that a lot in 1x01 but from the safe place of having rejected it at that specific point, again, having completely cut himself off and thinking he'd made a choice for his entire adult life), creates the complex where they HAVE to save people, and Sam got himself out before it got all the way into him; I think Mary is shown here at the crux of it and ironically maybe if she hadn't made the deal, she would have got out but having MADE the deal even with Azazel's promise of her suburbia paradise and nothing Supernatural ever bothering her again (as long as she didn't bother him in the nursery >.>) had a tie to keep her in the life, even as an unresolved *itch* of having that hanging over WHY she got such a peace that never let her truly settle or cut herself off in the way Sam could.

... Also it's making me think of Dean in the high school episode coming up later in the season, deliberately acting out and self-sabotaging his own life there right when he seemed to be getting popular or cool, or getting anything NICE out of the experience, and the contrast they made with Sonny's where away from John's influence he was allowed to flourish and do things like join the wrestling team. (Sam played football and did extra curricular stuff like theatre, or, you know, his homework, and John and Dean both also complicate it by having varying reasons for trying to preserve some normality for Sam on top of being raised as a hunter - John because who knows what he learned about Sam early on in his investigation and Dean just because he wanted to protect Sam wholeheartedly.) If Samuel was poisoning Mary all this time to hate the idea of being a cheerleader, it sounds a lot to me like, since they have this apparently more stable life she probably went to one school all her life, and could have been offered cheerleader but she's been encouraged to keep away from socialising and doing fun things and Samuel doesn't support her doing anything that cuts into her hunting time and emotional investment. If she likes cheerleading she might start craving a normal life, you know? At least in this respect John always being on the road got to yank Sam and Dean away from ever starting to feel too normal and comfortable anywhere until it WAS their normal, while Mary probably took a LOT of emotional punishment for being the weird kid at school who'd probably break someone's nose for teasing her about it but through all the things her father stopped her from doing, presumably had few friends and never got to do anything fun so was always feeling excluded. It's possible she was even homeschooled/had left school early and so that hypothetical from Samuel is about a life she's left entirely behind.

Anyway seeing the pain in her plastering on this smile to her father after a comment like this... it's the most Dean she looks the whole flashbacks we see Amy portraying her and she looks a LOT like Dean in a LOT of scenes because wtf this show's casting :P

#4x03 #mary f winchester #or Mary Campbell aka what Toni said she stripped her down to #daddy's little hunter that he wanted her to be all along #sorry for the massive paragraphs I didn't type this on tumblr and i'm too tired to make it coherent and short :P #lizbob gifs #my stuff #spn rewatches #weird rewatching #parallels #queue

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jade4813 · 7 years

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I would love to hear your thoughts on the S3 finale of the Flash.

I wanted to wait until I was at a computer so I wasn’t trying to formulate and type my thoughts on my phone, so I appreciate your patience.

So, here’s the thing. It wasn’t perfect. Like season 3 as a whole, it had some flaws. There are definitely some things that I think they need to improve next year. That said...I enjoyed it. I thought season 3 as a whole was loads better than season 2, and that goes for the finale as well.

In a sense, it is the least “dramatic” cliffhanger we’ve had, but particularly when you consider it alongside the first two season cliffhangers, I think it’s really good. Of course, Barry isn’t going anywhere. He COULD to be sure - the show could go on with Wally as Flash. But he won’t. For one thing, we know Grant isn’t going anywhere. We haven’t heard he’s leaving the show. Remember Once Upon a Time announced right before the finale aired that JM was leaving the show. If Grant was leaving for good, there’d be no reason to hold off on revealing it.

He’s not even gonna be gone past maybe the first five minutes of the first episode. Sure, they could bring him back at the halfway mark or so, but he is the star of the show - and Flash has demonstrated over the past three years that they take that Very Seriously. Of course, being the star of the show, much will naturally be about Barry, but they take it to mean EVERYTHING is about him in one way or another, really, and nobody should expect that is going to change too drastically in the next season. He’ll come back and it’ll be pretty early on in the premiere.

Now, there are things that left me with a certain level of dissatisfaction. Yes, I would have loved Iris to get more POV throughout the season and for the arc about her death to be more about HER. However, that wasn’t going to be retroactively changed in the finale - nor could it be. So some of my issues with Season 3 remain, but there really is no way they could have been fixed in the final episode, so they are what they are and we can only hope they are improved upon next season. I also am annoyed that they never gave Killer Frost’s motivations for her actions beyond “well, I TOTALLY have some, guys. Believe me. And they’re SUPER good reasons, too.” Well, that tells me that - once again - they wanted Caitlin in a certain role and didn’t bother bringing themselves to the point of actually considering why SHE would put herself in it. (Tip: You can’t just say that a character has justified motivation behind her actions; you should actually bother to think about what that might be and maybe, I dunno, let the audience in on the secret at some point. Otherwise it’s clear you’re just SAYING they have reasons for their actions but you haven’t bothered to think of any.)

It also is irritating as hell that they could never quite resolve themselves on what they wanted Killer Frost to BE. Either it’s a force outside of Caitlin’s control or it isn’t. Either she’s evil and wholly distinct from Caitlin like a parasite feeding on a host or she’s still Caitlin, and everything she did is something Caitlin really wanted to say and do deep down. Either she was an invasion or a choice. The waffling they did on that to come down in a vague sort of nebulous “nowhere” is an irritating copout. Pick your narrative. Then have the balls to stick to it, WHATEVER that narrative is.

I don’t really care about HRs death. Maybe if he hadn’t died or left every single year of the show so far, it would have more impact? As it is...I saw someone say that the show went from the most impactful death to the least, and I would probably agree. There were times I liked HR; there were moments he made me laugh. And I never really realized (as others did) how much Harry’s whispervoice grated until it came out in full force and in comparison. But TC’s characters have died/left every. single. year and he keeps coming back, so am I going to be sobbing in my beer over it? Not really.

The grief at the top of the show ripped out my heart - JLM’s collapse, Barry rocking Iris’s body, Iris’s tears...I was glad that she tried to stop HR, and I do think that they set up an interesting contrast (unintentionally maybe) between Iris and Caitlin. That could lead to something interesting next season if they choose to take advantage of it. I’m not holding my breath that they’ll give that much consideration to Caitlin’s story to do so.

And I loved Iris getting through to Savitar. I liked Barry realizing that anger and grief and vengeance aren’t always the answer. In a sense, he’s always acted emotionally in the past two finales. The first, he was driven by grief and rage to go back and try to save his mom, only to change his mind and come back to the present and oops there’s a black hole now. The second, he was driven by grief and rage to create Flashpoint. It was nice that this season, he made a conscious decision: The rage and grief are in him, so he could choose to act on it. Or he could choose to be a hero and try to find another way.

The other way may not have gone according to plan, but I do like that he was brave enough to try it. And, really, it won’t always work...but heroes have to choose what kind of people they are going to be. One of the themes of the season was Barry not losing himself, and in the end he didn’t.

I also really loved the cliffhanger. Again, we know - more than perhaps the last two seasons - how the premiere is going to go. HOWEVER. I like the parallel. The first two finales utilized the speedforce as well, but, again, both times, Barry was acting in grief and rage. This time, he entered it with resolve and maturity and as a demonstration of his willingness to learn from his mistakes and accept the consequences of them. And hasn’t that been something people have been YELLING for him to do for two years now? So it’s not a HAPPY ending, but as a demonstration of how far Barry came this year? It’s a pretty damn good one.

Also? Candice killed it.

I am looking forward to next year. I hope when Barry gets out, they’ll allow him to have that lightness back to his spirit. There are things that they need to improve...but I’ll be honest. People refer to Season 1 as the halcyon days of yore sometimes, but...come on. It was hardly perfect. Even as regards Iris as a character or how they treated Westallen. We spent a good chunk of it yelling for everyone to stop patronizing Iris and treat her like an adult who could be let in on the secret and make her own decisions. Her journalism story was perhaps better than it was this season as a whole, but it was still treated like an afterthought more than it should have been.

There are problems that the show needs to fix, but they are problems that the show has ALWAYS had. I do not expect them to be 100% fixed, but I live in eternal hope that they will be better than they have been in the next year.

And, really, in a lot of ways...Season 3 is still a MASSIVE improvement on Season 2. Even when it comes to Iris. Because while it is true we SHOULD have gotten her POV more and we SHOULD have gotten a journalism arc and the story of her death SHOULD have been about her more than it was...it’s also true that the story about Francine SHOULD have been more about her than it was (it was about her for like two and a half minutes before it became immediately hijacked to be about Joe finding out he had a son) and we SHOULD have seen more of how that story impacted her and we SHOULD have gotten her POV for more of what happened in season 2 throughout and...really...even if she’d had more of a POV in season 2 (and that’s arguable at BEST)...does it really matter if you’re never on screen to express it? I mean, Iris can be sitting in a corner saying to the wall, “I feel really conflicted about my mom’s return,” but if the show is only going to show Barry and Joe talking about it for five nanoseconds does it really matter? (“How’s Iris doing?” “She’s okay but she’s conflicted. Hey, is that a cheese danish? I love these. I used to go to this little bakery...”)

Ultimately...it wasn’t perfect. There are things that the show has to fix. There are things they’ve needed to fix from the beginning. Some of those things...they’ve gotten better at in some ways but still haven’t fixed the main issue. Some of those things (like Barry being the undisputed center of everyone else’s stories)...well, to be honest, I’ve accepted that are just not part of the fabric of how they view or approach the show, so I don’t really expect to ever change.

But I liked the season 3 finale. I think it leaves Iris and Barry and Joe and Wally all at REALLY good and interesting places for season 4. I think we’ll get to see Iris and Wally working together at the beginning as heroes and hopefully we will get that promised focus on journalism. I think there are interesting places they could go with Cisco and Frostlin. And, ultimately, I think that IF THEY EMBRACE IT, they’ve set themselves up for a more optimistic and CERTAINLY less angsty and dark season 4. At the moment, there is no reason for Barry to come out of that speed force like a self-hating sad sack. So hopefully the tone of S4 will be happier, too.

So I’m happy with it! I’m looking forward to S4 and the payoff of both the wedding and the twins and/or Bart.

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heartwarminghockey · 7 years

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Meet Jay Elder

That’s right, it’s the second installment of my “Meet the Characters of My Upcoming Garbage Party Writing Project” series. Camp Nanowrimo is literally right around around the corner, and I am so unprepared, y’all. Guess I’m a pantser this year, armed only with 15,000 headcanons and a very loose outline. No worries, right?

Anyway, today I am introducing the secondary main of garbage party 2.0, using the same format as last time. See you once again under the courtesy cut!

So I don’t have a fancy picture for Jay, unfortunately, but just imagine that there is a beautiful portrait here of a hesitant dark-haired well-built man. He’s looking at you like he wants to say something, but you’re pretty sure he won’t.

Jay’s the Love Interest, as you probably assumed. He’s the old flame that never really went out. No spoilers, but they’re still in love. He was a big part of Miles’s life, and when they reconnect after Miles’s Big Breakdown, he’s a big part of Miles’s recovery.

So! Onto the questionnaire.

AN INTERVIEW WITH THE LOVE INTEREST:

1. Full Name: James Ronald Elder III

2. Age: 30 at the start of the novel

3. Gender and Sexuality: Demisexual gay cismale

4. Pronouns: He/him/his

5. Ethnicity: Straight-up white, Welsh ancestry

6. Birthplace and Birthday: Jay was born April 24 (Taurus) in Selma, LA - one week after Miles, and shared birthday parties were just another facet of their early years.

7. Family Ties: James Ronald II “JR” (father), Lynn (mother - deceased), Samantha “Sam” (stepmother), Martha Jean (sister - 12 years older), Curtis Jones “Jonesy” (brother-in-law), Linford “Lin” (nephew), Veronica “Ronnie” (niece)

8. Career/Job: Owner and General Manager of Elder Paint & Supply, a hardware/home improvement store in Selma, which has been in the family since the first James Ronald Elder

9. Guilty Pleasures: A lot, actually. Sometimes Jay takes bubble baths to relax. He puts on his favorite jazz albums and just soaks in the warm water. He has a lot of old injuries from his time in the US Army, and this is the only time he gets to tend to them. He also loves chocolate and sets aside his Saturday nights for TV and chocolate pie, because he keeps a pretty strict regimen most of the time. Jay loves anything cozy, so there are so many knitted blankets in his house. He’s trying to learn to knit because he’s heard it helps with nerves, but his fingers are so big that he’s having trouble.

10. What They Would Be Famous For: Sensational gardening. Nothing would make him happier. Or workout videos, but that’s less fun.

11. What They Would Get Arrested For: In his teen years, this could have been anything - “criminal mischief” - because he was a bit of a troublemaker then, when his mother was dying slowly and his father was turning to alcohol and the pretty bartender to cope. But now? He would be more likely to be “arrested” during a safety/crime demonstration at the local elementary school.

12. OC You Ship Them With: The love of my life and his, Miles Ignacio Larue

13. OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Lin, out of sheer frustration when Jay refuses to make a move, or Miles, because Miles has a temper and Jay lives to test it

14. Contents of Their Pockets: Wallet full of cash because he doesn’t like keeping up with debit card transactions, multitool, keys, phone (yes, Lin keeps track of all his upgrades), actual hard candy/mints like an old man

15. Typical Dress: Dark colors and neutrals only, his favorite being navy blue. Tends to stick to buttonfront shirts and dark slacks for work. Sweaters in the winter. Catch him at home in old t-shirts, cutoff shorts, sweatpants. Jay doesn’t follow fashion. It makes him nervous. He has no idea what looks good on him.

16. Talents: Carpentry, automotive work. He has a notoriously lovely singing voice but he’s very shy about it. He’ll only sing if he thinks he’s alone, but he’ll hum if he’s very comfortable with you.

17. Why Someone Might Love Them: He’s very reliable, you can always count on him to be where he says he’ll be, on time, and follow through on all of his promises. You can literally wake him up in the middle of the night because you’re stuck on the side of the road, and he’ll be there in fifteen with his toolbox. He has a deep, soothing voice and a calming presence. He’ll never judge you for indulging yourself. Also, he’s had a little bit of therapy in his time, so he’s good to talk to, very good at helping you sort out your problems, and will NEVER betray your trust. Also, he’ll always do what you want to do - like, he keeps gaming consoles just for when Lin comes over and loves to play with him, but would never do it by himself.

18. Why Someone Might Hate Them: He’s stubborn as hell, slow to make decisions, hard to read, won’t speak up for himself, a little prideful, and I mean - not necessarily the most spontaneous or riveting company. Keep in mind that most of these things could be followed up with “unless he’s with Miles.”

19. How They Change: Jay’s journey is just as much about acceptance as Miles’s. At the start of the novel, he has more or less given up on love, and that’s okay with him. He initially resists the way Miles makes him feel, until he accepts that he actually can have everything he’s ever wanted - because he had kind of got to thinking that after everything he’d done, and all the way he felt broken and damaged, it was never going to happen for him.

20. Why You Love Them: I love Jay because he’s quite tender and broken, and he’s simple in his wants and desires, he’s anxious and nervous and awkward. He’s gone through some pretty major life events with the death of his mother and a pretty brutal break-up shortly after, and everything that happened overseas...He doesn’t realize it, but he’s very strong, a survivor, and he just has a lot of love to give...He thinks of himself as this dark soul, but all he needs is someone who takes the time to understand and lift him up.

OKAY! THAT’S OVER! HERE’S SOME OTHER STUFF!

Loves jazz trio, anything with piano, especially if it’s in French. It relaxes him. This is how he bonds with Maurice, Miles’s dad, after he gets back from the Army. He used to love nineties rock bands, but he can’t really take it anymore. It’s just one of the things that changed. His Army buddies call him “Pops” now.

Loves gardening. One of his favorite weekend activities - you can find him puttering about with a spade and a watering can and some pruning shears.

Has a little black cat - Maxine. She’s been with him about three years now. Cat person all the way.

Keeps a daily journal at the recommendation of his old therapist. It helps ground him, keep him organized. He’s self-conscious about his handwriting, but no one sees it except him.

Hates pictures of himself and genuinely belives he’s never taken a good one. He’s very self-conscious about his body as well.

Keeps up with all his old Army training - jogs in the morning, up the hill to Martha Jean’s mailbox, three miles roundtrip, and does his sit-ups and push-ups. It’s a good time to think about things, plus it keeps him healthy. He can account for his bad knees.

Wiggles his ears when he’s thinking, or when he’s curious or pleased.

Has a speech impediment - a stutter that developed after his return from overseas. It acts up more when he’s nervous. Miles was so patient with him that summer after his service was over, and over the next eight years, he’s learned to control it by speaking more slowly, but he uses a lot of filler words - uh, um - especially when he’s getting started trying to say something. Jay takes patience that a lot of people don’t have. It’s another thing he’s self-conscious about.

Goes through eggs and milk like nobody’s business. Loves chicken and fish. Loves food in general.

Quite cold-natured. His feet are always freezing.

ONE LAST SECTION, I PROMISE

Some Jay quotes:

Jay “chronicologically” Elder

Jay “Smiles Larue” Elder (Miles loves hates that)

Jay “act like you got some raising” Elder

And a few songs from Jay:

“Make You Feel My Love” by literally anyone, although he’s partial to the Adele version

“L-O-V-E” by Nat King Cole (he loves this song - the brass - he loves to watch Miles dance to it)

“All of Me” by John Legend (truly a masterpiece)

“Luckiest” by Ben Folds (it has piano, and it makes him think of Miles)

And that concludes Jay’s introduction post! I can’t believe Camp starts in like three days, holy cow. I’ll probably do one more post for all the other characters (Lin! Dean, Miles’s ex! Parents and step-parents! Martha Jean! Zuzu, Miles and Dean’s roommate in CA!) but I’m not sure when. Stick around if you want to see how much all this changes when I actually start writing, lol.

#jay elder #garbage party 2.0 #original character #writing #camp nanowrimo

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douglassmiith · 4 years

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Is Redesigning Your Mobile App A Bad Idea?

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Suzanne Scacca is a former WordPress implementer, trainer and agency manager who now works as a freelance copywriter. She specializes in crafting marketing agency, web … More about Suzanne Scacca …

The Scrabble GO, Instacart and YouTube mobile apps have recently undergone disruptive redesigns. Were they worth it in the end? Judging by their users’ reactions, the answer to that is “No”. But that doesn’t mean that redesigns or design tweaks are a bad idea after launch. Let’s take a look at the mistakes made and the lessons we can extract from them.

I’m all for updating and upgrading mobile apps. I think if you’re not constantly looking at ways to improve the user experience, it’s just too easy to fall behind.

That said, a redesign should be done for the right reasons.

If it’s an existing app that’s already popular with users, any changes made to the design or content should be done in very small, incremental, strategic chunks through A/B testing.

If your app is experiencing serious issues with user acquisition or retention, then a redesign is probably necessary. Just be careful. You could end up making things even worse than they were before.

Let’s take a look at some recent redesign fails and review the lessons we can all learn from them.

Lesson #1: Never Mess With A Classic Interface (Scrabble GO)

Scrabble is one of the most profitable board games of all time, so it’s no surprise that EA decided to turn it into a mobile app. And it was well-received.

However, that all changed in early 2020 when the app was sold to Scopely and it was redesigned as an ugly, confusing and overwhelming mess of its former self.

Let me introduce you to Scrabble GO as it stands today.

The splash screen introducing gamers into the app looks nice. Considering how classically simply and beautiful the board game is, this is a good sign. Until this happens:

The Scrabble GO home screen is distraction overload. (Source: Scrabble GO) (Large preview)

I don’t even know where to start with this, but I’m going to try:

The colors are way over-the-top and there are too many.

Since “Start New Game” is the primary action users want to take, it should be the only button in that color, but “Level 5” and “Level 6” distract from it.

The interface is so cluttered that it’s hard to focus on any particular part of it.

There’s no sense of control or priority within the design.

The navigation has gated pages! And I’m not sure what that icon on the left is supposed to be… gems and rewards? Why then is there a gem counter in the top banner?

Beyond the UI of the homescreen, the UI and UX within the game board have been altered, too.

Take, for instance, this plea from @lageerdes on Twitter:

Twitter user @lageerdes asks Scrabble GO why the old functionality is gone. (Source: Twitter) (Large preview)

It took Scrabble GO over a week to tell @lageerdes something that could’ve easily been spelled out in a game FAQ or Settings page. These aren’t the only classic features that the new app has either complicated or done away with.

Now, Scopely took note of the negative comments from users and promised to revamp the app accordingly (which was promising). But rather than revert back to the old and much-loved design, it just added a new mode:

Scrabble GO added new ‘Mode Settings’ to appease users. (Source: Scrabble GO) (Large preview)

You’d think that the mode switcher would be more prominently displayed — like in the menu bar. Instead, it’s buried under the “Profile Settings” tab and there’s no indication anywhere in the app that the classic mode even exists.

Sadly, classic mode isn’t much of an improvement (classic is on the right):

The new Scrabble GO home screen versus the newly designed classic mode home screen. (Source: Scrabble GO) (Large preview)

The colors are toned down, some of the elements in the top-half have been cut out or minimized, but it doesn’t address any of the users’ issues with the app or game play.

Worse, many users are reporting the app crashes on them, as this complaint from Twitter user @monicamhere demonstrates:

Twitter user @monicamhere complains to Scrabble GO about the app crashing. (Source: Twitter) (Large preview)

I suspect this is happening because the developers jammed a second overloaded mode into the app rather than simply refine the existing one based on user feedback.

So, what’s the lesson here?

For starters, don’t mess with a classic. The old mobile app closely resembled the physical board game and it was a huge part of its appeal. When you throw out an old design for something (seemingly) more trendy, you run the risk of alienating once-loyal users.

Also, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Previously, the app was very easy to use and came with all the features and functionality users were familiar with from the board game. Now, they’re left with a non-intuitive and distracting mess.

If your users are telling you to ditch the redesign, listen to them. Who are you building this app for? Yourself or the users who are going to play with it and put money into your pocket?

Listen to what your users have to say. It’s valuable feedback that could make a world of difference in the user experience.

Lesson #2: Never Mislead Users At Checkout (Instacart)

This is an interesting case because the people who objected to this particular Instacart UI update weren’t its primary users.

Here’s why the change was an issue:

Users go onto the Instacart website or mobile app and do their grocery shopping from the local store of their choice. It’s a pretty neat concept:

Instacart users can do virtual shopping with grocery stores like Wegmans. (Source: Instacart) (Large preview)

Users quickly search for items and add them to their virtual shopping cart. In many cases, they have the option to either do curbside pickup or have the groceries delivered to their front doorstep. Either way, a dedicated “shopper” picks out the items and bags them up.

When the user is done shopping, they get a chance to review their cart and make final changes before checking out.

On the checkout page, users get to pick when they want their order fulfilled. Beneath this section, they find a high-level summary of their charges:

Instacart checkout sums up the total costs of a user’s order. (Source: Instacart) (Large preview)

At first glance, this all appears pretty-straightforward.

The cost of their cart is $174.40, which they already knew.

There’s a service fee of $9.99.

Sales tax is $4.11.

And the total is $197.22.

But before all that is a section called “Delivery Tip”. This is where Instacart’s shoppers take issue.

They argued that this is a dark pattern. And it is. Let me explain:

The first thing that’s wrong is that the Delivery Tip isn’t included with the rest of the line items. If it’s part of the calculation, it should be present down there and not separated out in its own section.

The second thing that’s wrong is that the tip is automatically set at 5% or $2.00. This was the shoppers’ biggest grievance at the time. They believed that because the “(5.0%)” in the delivery tip line wasn’t there in 2018, users might’ve seen the amount and thought “That seems reasonable enough” and left it at that. Whereas if you spell out the percentage, users may be inclined to leave more money.

For users who take the time to read through their charges and realize that they can leave a larger tip, this is what the tip update page looks like for small orders:

Instacart enables users to change the way they tip the delivery person. (Source: Instacart) (Large preview)

It’s oddly organized as the pre-selected amount sits at the very bottom of the page. And then there’s a random $6 tip included as if the app creators didn’t want to calculate what 20% would be.

That’s not how the tip is presented to users with larger orders though:

Instacart enables users to customize the tip they leave the delivery person, from 5% to 20% or they can customize the amount. (Source: Instacart) (Large preview)

It’s a strange choice to present users with a different tip page layout. It’s also strange that this one includes an open field to input a custom tip (under “Other amount”) when it’s not available on smaller orders.

If Instacart wants to avoid angering its shoppers and users, there needs to be more transparency about what’s going on and they need to fix the checkout page.

Dark patterns have no place in app design and especially not at checkout.

If you’re building an app that provide users with delivery, pickup or personal shopper services (which is becoming increasingly more common), I’d recommend designing your checkout page like Grubhub’s:

The Grubhub checkout page recaps the user’s order and provides tip amounts in percentages. (Source: Grubhub) (Large preview)

Users not only get a chance to see their items at the time of checkout, but the tip line is not deceptively designed or hidden. It sticks right there to the bottom of the page.

What’s more, tips are displayed as percentage amounts instead of random dollars. For U.S. consumers that are used to tipping 20% for good service, this is a much better way to ensure they leave a worthwhile tip for service workers rather than assume the dollar amount is okay.

And if they want to leave more or less, they can use the “Custom” option to input their own value.

Lesson #3: Never Waver In Your Decision To Roll Back (YouTube)

When the majority of your users speak up and say, “I really don’t like this new feature/update/design”, commit to whatever choice you make.

If you agree that the new feature sucks, then roll it back. And keep it that way.

If you don’t agree, then tweak it or just give it time until users get back on your side.

Just don’t flip-flop.

Here’s what happened when YouTube switched things up on its users… and then switched them again:

In 2019, YouTube tested hiding its comments section beneath this icon:

The Verge and XDA Developers report on a new placement of YouTube comments in 2019. (Source: Verge) (Large preview)

Before this test, comments appeared at the very bottom of the app, beneath the “Up next” video recommendations. With this update, however, they were moved behind this new button. Users would only see comments if they clicked it.

The response to the redesign clearly wasn’t positive as YouTube rolled back the update.

In 2020, YouTube decided to play around with the comments section again. Unlike the 2019 update, though, YouTube’s committed to this one (so far).

Here’s where the comments appear now:

The YouTube comments redesign puts the comments above the ‘Up next’ section. (Source: YouTube) (Large preview)

They’re sandwiched between the “Subscribe” bar and the “Up next” section.

If YouTube users go looking for the comments section in the old spot, they’re going to find this message now:

A notice appears when YouTube users go looking for comments in the old location. (Source: YouTube) (Large preview)

This is a nice touch. Think about how many times you’ve had to redesign something in an app or on a website, but had no way of letting regular users know about it. Not only does this tell them there’s been a change, but “Go To Comments” takes them there.

With this tooltip, YouTube doesn’t assume that users will zero in on the new section right away. It shows them where it is:

YouTube users see tooltip that shows them where the new comments section is. (Source: YouTube) (Large preview)

I actually think this is a good redesign. YouTube might be a place for some users to mindlessly watch video after video, but it’s a social media platform as well. By hiding the comments section under a button or tucking them into the bottom of the page, does that really encourage socialization? Of course not.

That said, users aren’t responding well to this change either, as Digital Information World reports. From what I can tell, the backlash is due to Google/YouTube disrupting the familiarity users have with the app’s layout. There’s really nothing here that suggests friction or disruption in their experience. It’s not even like the new section gets in the way or impedes users from binge-watching videos.

This is a tricky one because I don’t believe that YouTube should roll this update back.

There must be something in YouTube’s data that’s telling it that the bottom of the app is a bad place for comments, which is why it’s taking another stab at a redesign. It might be low engagement rates or people expressing annoyance at having to scroll so much to find them.

As such, I think this is a case for a mobile app developer not to listen to its users. And, in order to restore their trust and satisfaction, YouTube will need to hold firm to its decision this time.

Is A Mobile App Redesign The Best Idea For You?

Honestly, it’s impossible to please everyone. However, your goal should be to please, at the very least, most of your users.

So, if you’re planning to redesign your app, I’d suggest taking the safe approach and A/B testing it first to see what kind of feedback you get.

That way, you’ll only push out data-backed updates that improve the overall user experience. And you won’t have to deal with rolling back the app or the negative press you get from media outlets, social media comments, or app store reviews.

Further Reading on SmashingMag:

(ra, yk, il)

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Via http://www.scpie.org/is-redesigning-your-mobile-app-a-bad-idea/

source https://scpie.weebly.com/blog/is-redesigning-your-mobile-app-a-bad-idea

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riichardwilson · 4 years