#i wish he would care tho

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"

#tw suicide #i wish i was joking #i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me?? #said something to the emergency room psych #she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended #she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds' #i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i #could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence #is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts? #this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he #could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs #i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the #boy. i have confided in her before she's great) #she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m #to see the psych and escalate care #but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly #it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan #i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access #i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't #there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that #makes sense #ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD #personal #puddleglum hours

[dapotatoauthor]

I'm reading about APH Canada's bio in the hetawiki and I just realized how disconnected Matthew and Francis' relationship in fanon vs canon. Idk if it's updated (the wiki) but it literally just states that their relationship wasn't really dwelled into in the manga. The only 'in-depth' description of their relationship is that Canada got his hair from France. HOWEVER, Matthew and Arthur's relationship was a little more in depth than Francis and Matthew's relationship. It states in the hetawiki that, "When England fell gravely ill after losing to America and losing much of his support from other European countries, Canada was shown to be his caretaker, and England was extremely grateful for his presence and loyalty." PLEASE I AM SOBBING IM STARTING TO LIKE ARTHUR MORE

#Just a rant #because i've seen a lot of FACE fam fanart/fanfiction that Matthew and Francis are more close than Matthew is with Arthur #Obviously I don't really mind this because it's hetalia come on #I thought it was a little interesting to think about that England is PROBABLY a better care taker than I thought lmao #Wish he remembered him more tho #still kinda apparent that Arthur still likes Alfred more ig AHHAHA #aph #hws #aph america #aph england #aph canada #aph france #hws america #hws canada #hws england #hws france #now that I think about it it's kinda sad and angst worthy #imagine being loyal to this one person who you see as a caretaker or a parent then him not remembering you #and instead mistakes you for someone who looks like you but left him to be on his own 💀 #I would be angry too ngl AHHAHAHA

[3vocatio]

u ask and u shall receive <3 i ask of everyone to pamper him !! ↓

#obey me! #obey me swd #omswd #obey me shall we date #obey me solomon #i like how theres a consistent theme with 'oh i could theoretically get rid of this but i dont want to rn' with sol #my heart aches for him tho like in s3 he saw how barbatos would take care of dia & sime would take care of luke #and he went 'aw..i wish someone would take care of me like that..' go be in love with mc already u silly goose /lh #but thats also very suspicious..bc of what he said in l46- [eternal inner monologue continues]

[texanmarcusdavenport]

I dislike when people say that Douglas was/would've been a better father than Donald. They both sucked.

#i 100% guarantee that if douglas raised the rats the fandom would hate him as much as they hate donald. #but no. he's the 'good' one. even tho he's the reason theyre in this mess in the first place. even tho he tried to sell/kill them. #even after everything w/ marcus. #he's just the fun uncle guys.we like him bc he's irresponsible.but even post-redemption arc he's still complicit in all of donald's actions #im not saying donald is a good dad but i wish people didnt insist that douglas is somehow 'better' #but hey. at the end of the day. it's a disney show. i dont care that much lol #lab rats #douglas davenport #donald davenport

[callixton]

maybe i just need to start fainting dramatically in front of my friends to earn their sympathy

#i am not doing this. but mostly bc i fight tooth and nail not to faint in public #i don’t know i just want people to see why i’m struggling so much i don’t know #this is a joke obv but i do wish i could be taken care of a little #my ex would do it but she’s also not doing the best and i often dont have the energy to help her too #and not that he requires that of me. but if i’m around him of course i want to be a support too #i just don’t have any more support to give #and they don’t have the time to do much anyway #it was nice to hang out tonight tho #and i’m going to miss everyone so much over the summer too. tbh. that’s gonna be rough too #esp bc i don’t get to see them next semester. and then some of my friends will be graduated. and so i just won’t see them at school ever #- again on top of the graduating seniors #so many of whom are my closest friends rn :( #so it just sucks that this is the semester when i am struggling the most physically bc i’m missing out on being around them fully #ted talks

[dumbbookreader]

Achilles to Pyrrhus in the afterworld or something

#yeah so i finished reading the song of achilles and it was fine #pretty well written i would say #don’t particularly care for making thetis the homophobic mom but i guess when you change her backstory #that happens #i suppose i appreciate the complexity of maternal figure in the story bc i did see her pov #and that she did allow achilles and patroclus to be together in death #tho if achilles had died already then why not honor his wish sooner… whatever #just didn’t like that particular alteration #also patroclus was kinda passive even tho originally he was a warrior so. eh #greek mythology is a little unserious at times #kinda wonder how much of the book can be attributed to patroclus being unreliable #idk seems like the hades game version of the story is better but we move #we move #books #reading #the song of achilles #tsoa #tsoa spoilers #meme #book memes

[thyandrawrites]

began writing the hawks pattern down and it's already 4 pages long lmao. tho tbf 2 pages are just the list of materials and terminology... ya boy sure isn't the fastest to type down

#and I have yet to add pictures #I hate adding pictures to things #so time consuming #wish me luck #I hope this thing sells #I would love for others to make a tiny birb too #lowkey thrilled to see how he'd look like when worked by another hand #in other news I have figured out the wings #but I have to wait until tomorrow to grab the yarn for them #the red I had at home is way too bright #doesn't go well with the less saturated colors I used for the doll #ugh #so that means I gained a day for pattern writing I guess #will anyone actually care about this? I wonder #can't believe I'm entering the third week of making this project #he's the amigurumi that's taken me the longest to finish so far #tho that might be just because I'm the designer this time #thyandra.txt

[estbela]

Me: i dont really ship robul :/ it's kinda meh to me. Bulgaria is also not that interesting of a character for me

Also me whenever they show up: OH MY GOD ITS THEM!!!! My guys!!! My sillies!!!!

#Hetalia #I guess #I think ro/bul(im writing it like that cause i dont wanna bother shippers with my rant) is cute and like it really would be my thing usuall #Im not sure why I DON'T really ship it ill be honest #I think i used to back when I first entered the fandom?? Yeah i def used to. #But now I still ship it but like a little. Honestly I dig serbro way more. But i still cheer up whenever i see stuff with ro/bul tho #Maybe its cause most art and fics ive seen with romania feature ro/bul #So maybe im just tired of it idk???? #Maybe its cause I dont care that much about Bulgaria atm?? hes just there to me. Hes rlly funny tho maybe Ill like him one day #I also wish their history was more explored atleast. #Aph #Hws #Romania #Bulgaria #This rant is like a mess if you've bothered to reaf the tags sorry

[sacha-da-1]

So you know that time that the Doctor got eaten by that reaper in Father’s Day and he only lived bc Pete Tyler made the time line go back to how it was supposed to be?

This might be nonsense, but I just gotta say, the Doctor would not survive that somehow if it hadn’t been reversed, he’d just be dead

The Master on the other hand….

#i always see that as the time the doctor actually died for some reason #eaten by a fucking time creature #this just came to mind for some reason at three am #and my head was initially like this is FACT #master would SOMEHOW live but even the doctor would not #but maybe he would bc he’s the doctor #i mean he did #but ya gotta reverse time for that #this is gonna keep getting more ridiculous if i go on #i should go to sleep #so the master’s spirit would exit his body and then he’d somehow possess the reaper #and then he’d just be spooky ass flying creature that can eat people for awhile #even tho the reapers seem almost mystical(?) in nature and beyond something like possession #i don’t care the master defies reality by stubbornness alone #then maybe he’d go back to a more humanoid form after causing some terror #this was fine until reaper!master i feel #ignore my nonsense if you wish #doctor who #doctor who father’s day #the master #okay maybe the doctor actually died in turn left too #i haven’t seen it in awhile #but that one seemed more reversible somehow

[yumichikah]

Distressed peacock noises at everyone.

#//He is being a grumpy pants because I didn't write today even tho I thought I would #//Instead been cleaning and taking care of responsibilities like groceries and kitty brushing #//Silly peacock boi thinks he's the center of my world 24/7 #//...I mean he sometimes is BUT STILL. Lol #//Wishing that all of you are doing great! Please remember to use sunscreen and hydrate!

[no-one-hears-me]

I don't have a vocabulary extensive enough to describe how much I want this man

#sorry for going crazy it's just bc I saw some of his chest hair #he's not super hairy he just has a little bit and apparently I'm really attracted to that??? #usually I say I like men with hairless chests but I think his is hot for some reason #maybe it's just bc he's hot #he's so cute tho I can't handle it #I really wanna know if our friend would be cool with it tho... he doesn't know that we've been talking #like he has no clue about ANYTHING soooooo. idk if it would upset him if he found out? #and like. I'm not willing to risk one of my closest friendships over a man #but realistically I don't think he would care THAT much. I think he just wouldn't like it #idk tho. that's why I don't really want him to know but I also don't wanna keep any secrets from him #I'd rather wish that he finds out before anything really progresses. so if he is upset then we can assure him that there's nothing going on #and if he doesn't care then we can keep going 👀 #okay goodnight love you guys #Sera

[stdread]

the only way saint learns to be gentle and merciful is the will of someone else. he becomes infatuated and completely devoted, even during the time he's still terrified of his own feelings, and if this person (or people) is gentle and merciful, he will learn to be (eventually...). however, it's more an act of service to this person/people than it is saint being genuine. any gentleness or mercy they show to someone other than the object(s) of their devotion is completely void of any genuity; and if this object(s) of devotion is taken from them, all gentleness and mercy fly out of the window, never to be seen from them again.

#rambles. #like not to bring c.astlev.ania into this again w their vc being a.lucard's va but #saint = d.racula in this way #esp in bg3 it's several people (i.e. the party... or at least some of them depending on how things go / the decisions made) #bc i don't just mean this romantically #they don't know how to not completely devote themselves to someone and i don't think they ever will #they either want to kill you. couldn't care less about you or what happens to you. or they would kill For you #or in some cases they would Cease killing for you if that's what you so wish #and unfortunately his devotion knows no bounds #he will forever be conflicted about killing the z'aevendyr family even after everything they've done #after everything they put saint through after making them kill their 'brother' (tho the blame isn't entirely on them for that) #(bc it was his own choice to go through with it and he did it happily. for the rest of the family) #going absolutely bonkers at 5 am my head is so full

[lecliss]

Oh wow I had no idea the website I'm using actually color codes which episodes are filler or not. Looks like I don't need to find that article then.

#all filler binge watch here i come 👀👀👀 #i did kinda get the urge to start watching the bort dub tho. but i still need to watch road to sakura and then The Last first #anyway RtN was awesome and i love iruka THATS NART'S DAD 2!!!! but i kinda dont have anything else to say about it after the end lmao #i guess if anything i just wish sasori had a line or two. i really wanted to hear jyb's sasori voice again 🥺 #very funny that hidan had like. one scream laugh and that was it. of course thats all the dialogue he would get lmao #im assuming the LT akatsuki are kinda morally gray in terms of the mercenary work they do instead of just outright villains #considering kakuzu and hidan AND SASORI???? were still among them #i doubt sasori's personality changed much and clearly neither did hidan or kakuzu's. but being the LT at all means they must have #i mean. deidara was very fine with the work he was doing to help and tbh seemed more work oriented too #but maybe thats what happens when hes not bickering and arguing and hating uchihas so mucj #cuz he was fine working with. and i assume taking orders from itachi??? #so i guess they do have differences that keep them in a smiliar line of work while remaining the same person at their core #but not like. AS fucked up???? #very interesting to think about who they are in the LT. ALSO IM NOT OVER WHAT CHARASUKE MIGHT THINK OF MERCENARY ITACHI!!! #like. is he secretly worried about itachi's line of work???? did itachi have a falling out wit #*with their parents and left home to eventually become a mercenary??? is charasuke mad at him??? #IS THE FUCKBOY PERSONALITY A COVER UP FOR HIS PROBLEMS WITH HIS POTENTIALLY STRESSFUL HOME LIFE DUE TO ITACHI'S LIFE???? #I HAVE NEVER CARED ABOUT THEIR RELATIONSHIP MORE THAN I POSSIBKY COULD IN THIS MOMENT RIGHY NOE #FINALLY A VERSION OF THEM I CAN GIVE A SHIT ABIUT AND NOT JUST RELENTLESSLY HATE ITACHI FOR!!!!! #AND WE GOT FUCKING NOTHING FOR IT!!!!!!! FUCK #personal

[this-doesnt-endd]

I feel like my crown just shifted up oh my god

#i have a cleaning thursday before work so like i can tell someone #but also why did i do that i schedualed it super early like im already regreting it #considering itll be the day after valentines which means my shift ends at 9/9:30 #and ill have to be there at my dentist by 7:30am #its whatever i just need to finish my dental work at the office then get my wisdom tooh pulled and ill be done w my teeth health wise #and then its onto the allergy shots which reminds me i have to reschedual my appt w my ent hoepfully its not anything too crazy far out #but i wanna talk w him and be like hey these shits are expensive what are my options or do u wanna be a homie and update my diagnosis #so they can get covered by my insurance cause i think if i can breath at like even 80% capacity my life would immensly change #and i was reading abt how like major chronic allergies lead to inflamation and my drs were concered abt that n i know i need to lose weight #but not being able to breath thru my nose hinders that to a degree #but like severe allergies are horrible for inflamation and like fucks up ur body and its like no wonder i feel horrible all the time #and itll prolly massively improve my sleep which also helps you #and i gotta go see my thyroid dr whos on the opposite end of town and wont answer the fucking phone to schedule and appt #cause i have to do that to renew my prescription and frankly i wish my primary dr could take care of that or get a new thyroid dr in general #but shes on maternity leave so ill have to wait for that #my dentist is also on maternity leave so ill have to see a diff one #i also ghosted my cardiologist but he literally called and was like ur fine the tests we ran showed ur in good health #but u should be more in shape and i didnt want another lecure abt being fat so i didnt go but i prolly should tho my results #prolly arent relavent anymore #and ive attemped ive done my bike workout a bit but its also been winter and i cannot bring myself to do anything besides rot in bed #most of the time and if i am going out its like to the movies or events where i just stand around and talk to people very low effort #i also have to email that lady abt my cetificate i still havent gotten abd the haircut place who charved me twice and write that damn review #that ive forgotten so many times

[wikipediadogdotnet]

my phone isabout to die but i need to complain abt how people draw martin tma RIGH NTOW

#LISTEN LISTEN TO ME. HE IS NOT WHITE & BLOND/GINGER HE DOES NOT HAVE CIRCLE GLASSES OR WEAR WOOL VESTS DO YOUUNDERSTAND. #no one gets me & my polish/filipino martin hc it is so sad #i do love that he is usually drawn tall & fat but he does not look like a BABY AUGH #plesaaase give that man some eyebags and stubble and acne scars esp in s5 i am on my hsnds and knees crying #makes me annoyed how people see a guy who is sweet and a lil clumsy and turn him into the image of british innocence . do u know what imean #he isn’t a child he isn’t a doormat he’s a whole grown man and it’s awesome #and jon . it bores me the way ppl give him gaunt or chiseled features n a sharp jawline like . he is the definition of average . #n the fancy clothes ? please he is so painfully uncharismatic at work he wouldnt even have a cool tie. he’d have piercings tho that is true #andthe way people make him ambiguously brown .. i wish people took more care to accurately draw ethnic features #or at least figure out what ones they’re trying to represent #face shape variation is really really cool if u pay attention to it !! #also my personal propaganda is jon is hoh in the right ear & wore a (gray) hearing aid and had super generic glasses pre-coma BTW #i should draw season lineups for them i love them so much #i just have to figure out how long jon’s hair is😢that’s something i have 0 thoughts on😭 #WAIT ALSO. u know how people draw martin’s hair turning white during the Lonely segment. i don’t get why they don’t just give him vitiligo #it makes perfect sense to me and it would be so swag awesome but i’ve never seen anyone draw it but me .. falls over #🦐 posts