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lgbtlunaverse · 7 months

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POV switches in chapter 108

This is generally me trying to figure out which parts of the novel are from wei wuxian's limited perspective and which ones are omniscient, as they switch pretty frequently and without warning. And also specifcally because @darkfalcon-z asked in a reply to a post I made earlier today!

Obvious disclaimer that this meta looks pretty closely into specific wording, and that my source remains a translation. I haven't read the original text and so can't attest to my accuracy there.

So MDZS gets real messy with its narration. It obviously starts in omniscient with celebrating Wei Wuxian's death, but spends a lot of its time in limited, most exemplary shown by the enduring obliviousness wei wuxians has towards lan wangji's feelings never being explicitly undercut by the narration.

The novel... does NOT telepgraph when it switches povs. Moreover, wei wuxian does sometimes make confident statement about how other characters feel. Prime example being him talking about how jiang cheng would react to finding out about his core

This being, notably... NOT what Jiang Cheng's actual reaction is when he does find out. That's because wwx is working with incomplete information here, he didn't know Jiang Cheng was willing to lose his core for him to begin with.

Also, he afformentioned obliviousness to Lan Wangji leading to him, multiple times, attributing the wrong motivations to lan wangji's actions.

The novel doesn't outright say "wei wuxian assumed/ thought that jiang cheng would react like that" in the screenshot above, but it DOES clearly show, by leading with him thinking about why he thought he coudn't tell jiang cheng about the golden core transfer, that we're in his head at the moment. And so the following statements are also his thoughts, not omniscient narrations. The difference is very subtle. But it's there

So we're in chapter 108. right before Lan Xichen stabs Jin Guangyao, an we're clearly in omniscient.

Lan Xichen's feelings are stated plainly and there's not very much focus on Wei wuxian at all. It switches over briefly to him and lwj checking up on Wen Ning but his feelings are not overriding everything else.

Then the stab happens

We're still in omniscient here. "Lan xichen felt his heart go cold" a detail Wei Wuxian couldn't know, stated plainly as a matter of fact.

However.

I think this part

Is where we retreat from omniscient back into wei wuxian's pov. We're not told anything about either of these character's inner worlds, but do get some extra litte commentary that jgy was so slow that even Jin Ling could catch him with his eyes closed! That's not something either Lan Xichen or jgy would be thinking of right now. It is, however, a comment Wei Wuxian's inner monologue might think to make.

In the context of my earlier post, which this was inspired by. It also makes some assumptions. Namely, that Xichen is just going after jgy to catch him. It doesn't explicitly say so, because we're not in omniscient anymore but it's clear Wei Wuxian thinks so as he'll feel the need to warn him in a few seconds. This is interesting, as it directly contradicts a popular fan interpretation of this scene, that's become explicitly canonized in multipe adaptations, which is that Lan Xichen is intentionally going along with and is willing to die with him. I'm not saying this theory is correct based on its popularity alone, obviously. I was actually surprised to find out it was so vague when I read the novel considering its popularity!

By the next chapter we'll be unambiguously back into wei uxian's head, and after "Lan Xichen could no longer persuade himself to silence him again" which is in the paragraph before the one in the image above, we are no longer told any other character's feelings or inner thoughts except for Wei Wuxian's. Specifically, this:

So this describes wei wuxian realizing a "something" what something? well, this something.

Again, the difference is subtle. The statement of "He was fighting with his last breath to lead Lan Xichen towards Nie Mingjue, so they could die together!" might seem like another one of those "other charcters' feelings" statements. But we're not IN Jin Guangyao's head right now. This is describing actions, not thoughts. He's not trying to get away (a visible action wwx would be privy to) which must be because...see statement above.

And all of this is framed under the banner of Wei Wuxian saying he realized something, and that being that Jin Guangyao isn't trying to get away and Lan Xichen needs to get away from him because... see statement above. This line basically starts as a repitition of what Wei Wuxian said, repeating his assumption, and then clarifying what Wei Wuxian DOES think is happening. The whole paragraph between is just buildup for the payoff of what that "something" of the realization is. MXTX could have writtern "wei wuxian, however, realized something. Jin Guangyao wasn't trying to get away! Instead he was trying to lead Lan Xichen towards Nie Mingjue so they could die together" and them describe the scenario, it'd be functionally the same in the manner of what information was conveyed, but the little gap in setup and payoff increases suspense and makes the reveal more engaging. It's a good little writing trick!

That wording above does make it way more obvious that that statement? Is one of wei wuxian's. That's what HE thinks.

In the line where jgy pushes lan xichen away, we're still not privy to their feelings or thoughts at all.

But we do get this curious litle "yet,"

That means this is a subversion, something that goes against what was previously established. Namely, that jin guangyao would want lan xichen to get caught by nie mingjue. The actual reality of the situaton conrasts hat we were told earlier. it's a surprise. to who? Well, to all the other characters watching this go down. wwx among them. We get other little commentaries, like how the sight of jgy being choked by nmj is frightening, placing us even further away from his inner world and into the shoes of someone watching him in the temple.

The style being used here is similar to the one in the next chapter, when nie huasang's plan is unveiled. First you get bit of dialogue with clear implications from Wei Wuxian, and then we go into wei wxuxian's head. In a few lines it's explicitly established that he's questioning things, and we are following his line of thought. And then a whle account of nie huasang's plan is given. With no further affirmation that we're still in wei wuxian's head. That's based on context clues given prior. Is this recount of the plan correct? Most likely, yeah! But we're never expicitly told. We are still in wei wuxian's head.

This bit on Jin Guangyao is similar. From the removal of stating other character's feelings (a possible exception might be the statement that "Nie Mingjue is not afraid of spiritual weapons" but that is something observable to wwx who's been seeing nmj not give a shit for a good few minutes now. We get nothing he's not privy to) and a clear indication that we're inside his head now. What we get next is his reocunt of the events, and they're fairly factul as he simply tells us what he sees, but when he gets into the reasons for why things ar ehappening? Well, if we wanted to, we could doubt that.

#mdzs #mdzs meta #wei wuxian #god perspective in this novel is EXHAUSTING #every writing advice blog and course i've ever seen is like DON'T SWITCH POVS MID SCENE IT'S CONFUSING #and mxtx took that as a personal challenge #narrator so unreliable you don't even know who's narrating half the time #apologies for not including alt text! it's midnight here and the site i'm using to get these screenshots doesn't allow me to copy-paste!#i'll add id tomorrow morning

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meanderfall · 7 months

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on my hands and knees, BEGGING the fandom to stop saying Qui-Gon abandoned Obi-Wan on Melida/Daan.

Look, if you haven't read the book, THIS is how the confrontation actually plays out:

I feel like even without the added context of the entire book, it's pretty clear that Qui-Gon is giving him a CHOICE, one that Obi-Wan seems pretty well-informed about what it means and the consequences for him.

But like, fine. Without context, it might seem that Qui-Gon isn't being fair because all Obi-Wan wants to do is help these people. I have two arguments against though, 1) other options as to how to help these people are brought up during the narrative, ones more in-line with how the Jedi operate, and 2) Obi-Wan's predominant reason for wanting to stay is not because he wants to help.

This is one of the very first options we encounter as to how this issue could be resolved, or at least helped:

This is shortly after they first meet the Young and comes from Cerasi herself, one of the leaders of the group. Asking for more Jedi support or at least broadcasting the situation so that maybe other organizations within the galaxy can help. Which is well-within their means as Jedi to at least try and get more support, and doesn't go against their roles as diplomats and peace keepers. (Obi-Wan, of course, doesn't even bother trying this route, nor does he bring up this possibility with Qui-Gon so we could at least see it being debated and how viable it would be.)

And of course there IS a more hands-on approach that they could take:

Qui-Gon himself tries to come up with a more diplomatic and objective way to broker peace. And the mission was already completed by the way. They were only supposed to rescue Tahl and MAYBE broker peace, but rescuing the other Jedi was the priority. Yoda even tells him before this moment to leave the planet with Obi-Wan as soon as possible because the situation is just too volatile, and he almost lost one Jedi in an effort to help. Qui-Gon is only doing this because he knows how important this has become for Obi-Wan. (And if anyone tries to tell me Qui-Gon doesn't love Obi-Wan, imma start swinging)

It doesn't work, of course. Everyone living on this planet has been steeped in so much anger, hatred, and revenge, that no side, not even the Young are actually willing to talk and really reach for peace. For all that Cerasi and Nield say they want Jedi support, they don't. Not really. Qui-Gon gets stonewalled by them. Both of them mock Obi-Wan whenever he listens to Qui-Gon. What they actually want is for the Jedi to join their army and help them make the Elders listen to them. This is why Yoda wants them to get the hell outta dodge and Qui-Gon feels uneasy and like they can't actually help here. No one actually wants to listen to reason, and the Jedi are not supposed to be soldiers fighting in wars. It gets incredibly obvious in the next book, especially on Nield's end that he wants revenge (a young little warmonger, his parents would be so proud), but honestly? I think we can see it even in this book.

Hey, did you guys know there's a bunch of kids living away from this war. Like, thousands of them, actually. They literally do not have to fight. Nield could take his group of kids (taking the factory working and conscripted kids with him) and fuck off and let the Elders kill each other, and only this generation would be left. They could ask for resources and protection for their new settlement from the Jedi or galaxy instead of manpower to back up their cause and help fight in a war. If Nield ACTUALLY cared about stopping the war and wasn't out for revenge, this would probably be the best choice.

But this possibility never gets brought up, ever, because Nield hates the Elders and wants "justice", Obi-Wan is too inexperienced to realize this is an option, and no one tells Qui-Gon until it's already too late and the Young have declared war on the Elders if they don’t agree to a cease-fire.

All of these options are a more Jedi way of handling the situation in my opinion. Unbiased and working towards actual peace and the end of violence instead of perpetuating it.

And as much as I love Obi-Wan and I know his heart is in the right place, Obi-Wan doesn't care about that, about doing things the Jedi way. Obi-Wan is very clearly taking a specific side in this conflict. I'm not going to put up all the screenshots I took because there are already a lot in this post (and there are. so many more i could put up), but I have quite a few where it's explicit that Obi-Wan is not taking the side of the Young because it's the objectively correct thing to do, but because he likes them. He feels a sense of community with them. He wants to help them, not as a Jedi but as a friend. He is getting involved. Attached.

And, look, I'm not here to argue the morality of that choice. Choosing a different way of life isn't a failure or flaw. Helping your friends in whatever way you can is good. Wanting to stop war and reach for peace is right. There's probably a bunch of people who think Obi-Wan is making the right choice here, and while I might disagree, I can certainly see where they're coming from. I just feel like there's a huge misconception of what actually happened on this planet and what Qui-Gon’s ultimatum is actually about.

Obi-Wan has snuck out time and again to help the Young.

Obi-Wan has used their starfighter, their ONLY transport off the planet, to help the Young on a mission that could very well have shot down the ship. They could have ended up stranded on this planet and might have lead to Tahl's, the rescued Jedi's, death.

Obi-Wan has not been acting like a Jedi. Qui-Gon knows this. Obi-Wan knows this. And in that moment, Qui-Gon is telling him "helping and supporting the Young in such a personal and attached manner is not the way of the Jedi. Do you want to continue on this path?"

And Obi-Wan makes his choice.

(And if anyone tries to argue that Qui-Gon should have brought Obi-Wan with him anyway instead of letting him stay on a war-torn planet, I'm going to start screaming. Yeah, no shit. In the real world, that's probably how he should have reacted.

But this isn't the real world. It's a kid's book. Where kids are the main characters and they go into dangerous situations. So the children reading can see themselves in them and learn how to be brave. How to navigate difficult situations. To learn it's okay to choose a path and maybe realize at some point it isn't what you wanted at all.)

#meta #jedi apprentice #if i see one more rancid take on Qui-Gon apparently abandoning Obi-Wan im going to start biting #and don't even get me STARTED on the Young #goddamn cult. the emotional manipulation they pull on obi-wan is insane #FUCK nield all my homies hate nield #''almost threw hands with a 13 year old''#the WORST part is that if fandom didn't have such awful takes on this arc #it would be my favorite i think #i LOVE the moral complexities going on here #i LOVE the destruction of propaganda and how insidious it is #it so beautifully illustrates the whole ''you are not immune to propaganda'' meme #but instead of reading fun and insightful meta of this arc #and what it meant for the relationship between Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan #im dealing with this shit #smh #i was going to add id to these screenshots just in case but it's like. 5 am #this is the second night in the row i've stayed up this late to write this post #i'll do it tomorrow

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jelly-as-in-grape-concord · 9 months

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hey does anyone wanna see what little art i have for the gloam??? of course you do look at them:

the first image is a basic ref I have for them (though they might change a bit). the other three are just like basic concept art ig? the bedroom pic was the first art i did for the gloam back when it used to be for fanfic

here is an unfinished Laura ref and an old design of her's. my beloved. she is so Silly and Power Hungry. she eats tin cans off of the floor. this isnt an exaggeration. she is also one of my oldest OCs that i've had since i was like. 11. her design honestly hasn't changed so much until now

#i'll add ID in alt tomorrow #jelly as in rambling #the gloam #jellyart #original characters #art

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supercantaloupe · 2 years

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you should draw jud <3

don't hafta tell me twice!

#sasha answers #art and soul #oklahoma!#dorsalfin #tyy i love drawing him also thank u for ur patience w this cause everything i did last night was garbage <3 #sorry im too sleepy for an id tonight i need to stop drawing + posting late. remind me tomorrow and i'll add one #jud fry #patrick vaill #oklahoma revival #oklahoma 2019 #oklahoma london

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whales-are-gay · 2 years

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#'you're crying from a required reading about linguistic fieldwork?'#i'll add image id tomorrow i just wanted to post this #personal post

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kahvilahuhut · 2 years

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got tagged by @dxrlingdaydreams thank u very much!

Incorrect Quotes Tag Game

Rules: use this quote generator & list as many quotes as you like using characters from your WIPs, then tag as many people as quotes you listed.

this was very funny hehe i used the main characters' friend squad from their university times (almost all of them are interplanetary relations majors except for janet, who is a it major :3)

the spear one made me laugh bc dana literally has a spear which they made themselves lol

I'm tagging @artbyeloquent @howlingbreeze & @evethenovicewriter <3

#i'll add ids to the pics tomorrow bc it's 1am rn 🤧#⚙️

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circusthing · 1 year

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hi new art style + new oc blorbo

this is charlie daze i like to put him in embarrassing situations and watch him get nervous<3

he has a weird Being living inside his brain that Knows Everything and also enjoys making him uncomfortable

#ed.png #no ID #no spoons rn sorry i'll add it soon / maybe tomorrow

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manicpixiefelix · 3 months

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head, heart, hand. {Felix Catton/Reader/Oliver Quick}

Part 8.

Summary: The fallout of arguing with Oliver, not fighting with Farleigh, Felix hooks up with your not-girlfriend, and so you provide comfort to his sort-of-ex.

{ masterpost }

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: someone makes a move on the reader while they're very very drunk and the reader is far more sober, but it doesn't go past kissing, if that's something you're possibly concerned about.

A/N: 5424 words. welcome back. this one goes many different places in the span of one night. the farleigh of it all. the annabel of it all. im worried this one might feel OOC so id really like to hear if there's anywhere i could improve on my characterisation, what worked, what didn't?? as always unedited, and as we're nearing the end of the term (in the fic) we only have a few chapters left at oxford before we get to go to saltburn!! LOVE YOU ENJOY!!

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

"Didn't have to do that," Felix sighed from his desk, head bent low over his textbook. It's the first thing he'd said since Oliver left. You, still on his bed, picking through a textbook for a class you both share, found half-shoved under his bed, look up.

"Do what?"

"That thing with Michael What's-His-Name's file," it almost sounds like guilt in his voice, but he still isn't listening to you, "you could get in real trouble for having that."

In swift movements he stands, and you catch the sight of his scowl despite how he doesn't turn it upon you. Once again he's sitting on the floor, back to the foot of the bed, lighting up another cigarette, legs crossed in front of him.

"I'll put it back tomorrow." You're not used to Felix disapproving of you, it's a kind of discomfort you want to shake as quickly as you're able to. After a moment you add, "I know it's not really Ollie's fault, I shouldn't have -"

"I don't want to talk about Ollie right now." He's focused on balancing his ash tray on his knee, watching it with such intensity it's as if he's trying to define life's secrets from it.

"Should I go?" Murmured, almost like you're afraid of anyone hearing it, even Felix. It hangs, golden in the hazy heat of the afternoon.

"'m not the boss of you," Felix mumbles softly, head low, again his words coloured almost with guilt. You know he will never shake the quiet shame he sometimes is hit with when he remembers the way people often perceive the relationship you two share; too close, too loyal, too imbalanced.

But you've never cared; you will never treat him differently, never want for anything but his happiness, never beat the canine allegations. One day you hope you'll convince him that's okay.

So instead of leaving, you close the textbook and stretch yourself out across his bed, laying the on your belly with your head resting at the foot, by his. Your hand rests on his head, running your fingers through his hair.

Felix breathes out a lung full of smoke. He doesn't look at you. He leans into your touch and closes his eyes. The moment is a quiet one, tension thick and choking and full of things neither of you can talk about.

It's the strangest afternoon you share in a long while, one full of silence and the slow, mind numbing sound of pages being turned and the scratch of pen against paper.

"I'm gonna get ready to go out tonight," you say softly, finally breaking the silence when the courtyard outside is every shade of gold and orange in the sunset. Felix just hums in acknowledgement from his desk, "Fi?"

"Yeah," he huffs, dismissively, still looking at his notes. You've got the file in one hand, doing up the buttons of the shirt you'd forgone in the afternoon heat of his dorm room, but had to wear back to your own.

"You want me to text Oli?" You watch him grow tense at the name alone.

"Yeah, maybe, I don't know," he mumbles, almost forcibly nonchalant, despite the hard line of his shoulders that hadn't been there moments ago. Then, as if to clear the moment, he sits up straighter, turning to you in his desk chair with a look of determination in his eyes, "India still into me do you think?"

"I know India's still into you," you can't help but snort, like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Would you be totally cut up if I -" he doesn't even need to finish before you're rolling your eyes.

"She'd be thrilled," but your smile softens a little, even as you shake your head with exasperation, "she's all yours, Fi."

Perhaps it's the fondness with which you acquiesces to his arguably selfish request that makes him take in the full exchange that had just passed. Felix takes a moment, tension and expression dropping as he turns pensive for a moment, unable to look you in the eyes. After a beat, you turn to the door, fully intending on letting the moment pass, but you hear Felix stand.

He doesn't say anything as he approaches you, still wearing that rather grim, thoughtful expression, but he wraps you up in a hug. He holds you as close as he's able, and after a beat of surprise, you gently drop the file to wrap your arms around him in return.

I love you. I'm sorry. All the tension from the afternoon drains away in this hug, in him pressed against you, leaning into you, breathing deep and even and steady. Pressing your face against his shoulder, you give him a brief kiss against his warm, golden skin, and hope he can feel your smile too.

The hug breaks, but still he holds your face for a long moment. He's smiling again. I love you. Thank you. He kisses your cheek quickly.

"I'll catch you at the King's Arms, yeah?"

"'course, Fi," you assure him with a warm smile of your own.

Back in your own dorm, that single moment of warmth unfortunately can't overwrite the entire afternoon of sickly tension. Looking at Oliver's name in your contacts, you frown. You should text him, invite him, Felix told him he would -

"Yeah, maybe, I don't know."

You don't text Oliver.

Annabel also isn't at the King's Arms that night. Of course you know why, the answer sits across from you with his arm around your not-girlfriend, but part of you still kind of feels bad for if the sweet redhead ever finds out.

"What are you sulking about?" Farleigh's smug voice in your ear, Farleigh's arm around your shoulder, Farleigh's cigarettes you keep stealing, Farleigh who you've tucked yourself up against for the night.

"'m not," you try insisting, frowning at the lighter that's clearly out of fluid and refusing to relight your cigarette. He gives your shoulder a squeeze.

"You sure, Peter Pan? Where's your shadow?"

"You don't give a shit about Oliver," you snap a little too quickly, both frustrated by the situation you're trying to ignore, and the useless lighter, but Farleigh reads right through it and practically cackles. Still, he wraps his other arm around you and squeezes you against his side with glee, even as you try to protest.

"Ooh~" Farleigh teases, poking your side with a wide, fond smile, "trouble in pauper's paradise?"

"That's fucking mean," you rib him none too gently, but he actually snorts with laughter. The lighter still won't bloody well start.

"I feel like you're fucking edging me with that lighter, fuck," Benji, from Farleigh's other side, smacks your lighter out of your hands and holds out his perfectly working one.

"Thank you, Benny, that was pissing me off," Farleigh says with a satisfied smile, his laughter having died down. You, finally take a draught on your cigarette, grateful for the warmth, and the nicotine as it hits.

"Could kiss you, Benj," you finally let yourself smile, "someone remind me to get a new lighter," you add, leaning across Farleigh without hesitation to plant a kiss squarely on Benji's lips after he'd wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, teasingly at you at your comment.

"We'd fascinate psychologists," Farleigh chuckled, but his voice is warm and fond, and Benji turns back to his conversation with Alicia and Jake on his other side once the moment had passed.

"Probably," comes out distracted, however as your teasing mood drops and you look to your phone. Should I have called Oliver? But when you look up, across the table, you see warmth and fondness in the way Felix looks at India, enraptured by whatever story she's telling. With one arm around her shoulders, he lets her distractedly play with his other hand, leaning into her, all attention on her. Making her feel like the centre of the universe, the way only Felix knows how to do. India glows in a way you've never seen before, lighting up under his direct affection, beautiful and elated, maybe even a little bit flustered.

There's not even a hint of jealousy at the sight of them. All you know is how much you love your friends, and how happy and beautiful they look together in this moment. There is contentment, satisfaction, like a job well done... Farleigh might have a point about the psychologists.

Speaking of - Farleigh grabs your chin and tilts your face to look at him. Immediately you smack his hand away.

"Stop that! What is that? What are you doing?" You squawk at him immediately. Again, he grabs your chin, frowning, intent upon gazing intensely into your eyes. This time you let him.

"I'm figuring out what this is," he mutters like he's deep in thought. You let your gaze roam for a moment, hoping he gets whatever this is out of his system. You wiggle your chin in his grip, and it's enough to prompt more of an explanation, "if you're not sulking, then I don't know this -" rolling your eyes, you smack his hand away.

"Fuck man, I'm not sulking," you insist, remembering your cigarette and taking another puff, glad it hadn't gone out.

"You've been weird lately; angry - ranting," Farleigh made sure to stick to your cover story despite having seen through it the minute you'd tried out the other week, "you and Felix have had some weird vibes," he takes the cigarette from you, and you settle yourself against him further.

"Fi and I always have weird vibes," you pointed out with a little smirk, keeping your voice as low as he was, glad he didn't feel the need to publicise this discussion too broadly. Farleigh snorted, but shook his head.

"You, sure," Farleigh conceded, handing back the cigarette, "but," he leans in, leans into your with a knowing, dangerously sharp smile, his hand coming to rest on your thigh, "Felix has been weird about you," his voice slides along the word weird as his hand slides up your thigh, as if to prove a point, before sitting back. Giving you a moment to recover, Farleigh sits back up like nothing happened, letting go of your thigh and taking a drink. He gives you a squeeze, arm still around your shoulders, "or hadn't you noticed?" Back at regular conversation levels like it was the most normal thing in the world.

Across the circle of your friend group, Felix's gaze momentarily flicks to you as India's in the middle of some kind of enthusiastically rambling. Gaze briefly passing to Farleigh, he then looks back and raises an amused eyebrow in silent question. The smile you give him is instinctive and warm, a silent answer. He mirrors the smile for the briefest moment before his attention returns to India.

Of course you'd noticed the change.

"Of course I've noticed." Your gaze dips; you become fascinated with your drink for the moment, trying to brace yourself for whatever comment you knew Farleigh had coming.

"Surprised he hadn't put you on a leash."

You elbow him hard in the ribs. He retaliates by flicking you repeatedly in the forehead. Its a blurry mess of frustration and elbows after that, pulling hair and wet fingers in ears and trying to sink nails into each other's soft sides, all squabbling and cursing and insults not made for polite society.

"- you put your fingers near my mouth I'll bite them off!" You holler even when he's got his arm around your neck in a kind of choke hold, which is around the time the two of you are pulled away from each other.

The rest of the table is staring at you both, while you and Farleigh straighten yourselves up, a little flustered at the many incredulous stares you were getting.

"The fuck was that about?" Felix, of course, is the one to voice the question the others all had. You look to Farleigh, his expression mirroring yours; no malice, no frustration, like nothing had happened.

"Bit of horseplay," you shrugged easily, meeting Felix's eyes, tone bright and chipper. He looked unconvinced.

"Just two dudes being guys," Farleigh's tone was light and breezy as he settled back into the booth, and you alongside him, letting him once more sling an arm around your shoulders.

"Guys bein' pals," you agreed with a nod. Farleigh pats your head for emphasis. The group thankfully decides that they've had enough of the weird moment to go back to their own conversations. Felix was the last to focus back on the conversation he'd been having with India and Alicia, narrowing his eyes as he looked between you and Farleigh.

Before turning his attention entirely away, his gaze fixes on you. There, in the very slight tilt of his head, the look in his eyes, the way his jaw tightens, you see his concern for you. You lean your head back on Farleigh's shoulder and let yourself relax, let yourself give him a genuine, reassuring smile. It's enough.

Farleigh clears his throat.

"It was either that or tell him you said that," you explained under your breath, to which Farleigh nodded in understanding, hand running up and down your shoulder idly as he reached across the table for the communal fries, bringing the basket closer to you both.

"And you don't want to tell him because you know I'm right," Farleigh is back to smug, but at least this time you can join him in his amusement.

"No, but I'm humouring you because I'd like to talk about how good I'd look in a collar," picking up a chip, you eat it with a grin as Farleigh rolls his eyes. After a moment, however, he comes back with this contemplative look, still amused, but eyes narrowed and searching like they had been earlier. You eat another chip and tell him to put his eyeballs back in his head, "seriously, quit looking at me like that, Farleigh -"

"He has been weird-weird," Farleigh says like he's agreeing, though you tell him you have no idea what the fuck he means. Taking a deep breath like he was ramping up to something, Farleigh looks across the group to Felix, before looking back at you with a kind of put-upon smile, "I say this only as someone who's know you for like, more of my life than I'd like to admit -"

"I love you too, go on."

"- so I kind of think that it might not look that different to anyone else, like they don't know it's not your usual brand of weirdness," he wets his lips, giving you a look like he's not even sure if he's meant to be saying this, like he might be letting you in on a secret you're not supposed to know, "he's been really hot and cold with you."

Of course you'd noticed.

"I slept with Oliver."

Beside you, Farleigh appears to go through all five stages of grief at once.

"You make it very hard to be friends with you sometimes," he says, shaking his head. You, however, are focusing on how many chips you can eat in a rush rather than think too much about the topic at hand.

"That mean," you tell him flatly, mouth full of potatoes, "you're being mean again."

"You chose to sleep with Oliver, that is a choice you made; I'm gonna be mean about it, you've earned it, you know you have -"

"Remember," you gave him a shit-eating grin, "how the next time we went drinking after that costume party, you spent a full half hour in the beer garden ranting about how stupid you thought Ollie's costume was," you ate another chip while Farleigh narrowed his eyes at you with barely concealed contempt, but you powered on, "and it turned out that you thought the costume didn't do him justice, which then -" your grin grew wider, "became you ranting about how his eyes are too blue, and why does he dress like that when we can all see his arms, imagine if he wore a shirt that fit!" You gleefully recounted, even as Farleigh's mouth flattened into a thin line, like he's bitten on a lemon, but he couldn't look you in the eyes.

"Hey, that's not what I -"

"And then -!" You spoke over him, "you forgot where you were and tried to take an angry nap in the bushes."

"I don't -" a flustered Farleigh squirms for a moment in his seat, unable to look at you, "remember that, and," he turned a faux serious look upon you, "if you tell anyone I said that, I'll tell them you're lying."

"I'm just saying," you shrugged, "don't act like you don't know part of the reason why I slept with him."

"Fine," Farleigh rolled his eyes, allowing his flustered frustration to ease. After a moment of contemplation, of watching Felix, he hums quietly, thoughtfully, "that can't be it, right?"

"What can't be it?"

"If Felix was going to start being jealous it wouldn't be over Oliver."

"See, that's what I thought."

"So he is jealous?"

"I don't know," you say quietly, still not quite sure how to feel about it; Felix had taken the news fine when you'd told him, he hadn't seemed any different, but of course there'd been a change. Why now?

"That's really stupid of him," Farleigh finally says, dismissively.

"It is, isn't it?" As you try and laugh, your heart's not in it. You look at your phone again, another wave of that strange discomfort that you'd been feeling lately washing over you again. You can't stay.

Everyone's surprised by your early departure as you say your goodbyes. You cite the need to study hard tomorrow, giving hugs and kisses as you start the short journey back to your dorm. Felix murmurs that he loves you and a cheeky thanks in your ear and you know he's talking about India. You kiss his cheek, and then you head off.

Nothing had seemed off when you'd told Felix.

"You look like you're about to burst into song; what happened to you?"

"Something happened!"

"Am I meant to guess?"

"No, no- I mean, like how nothing happened between me and Ollie a few months ago; something happened!"

"Something happened between you and Ollie?"

"The something that didn't happen last time -"

"I don't remember last time, Y/N, you're being so cryptic, I love that you're excited but -"

"Yes, Ollie and I slept together. Finally!"

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"No, good 'oh', promise!"

"Didn't sound like a good 'oh', Fi; is everything alright?"

"Yeah, of course, sorry Y/N, I promise, I'm just... I don't remember you being this excited about a hook up... and I don't think I was excepting it to be Ollie, you know? Was he really that good?"

"Let me put it this way, it was the kind of good that none of our other friends would believe if I told them."

"Fancy that, Ollie knows what he's doing; good for you."

"Great for me."

It wasn't particularly vulgar or explicit, you'd had far more in depth conversations about your various hook ups, Felix had seemed as happy for you as he always did with these kinds of stories. But he'd started looking at Oliver different, you'd noticed it. That too is when he became the clingiest. Farleigh was right; on nights out with Oliver around, Felix threw out any pretence of subtlety or person space. Felix acted like your boyfriend.

But then, any other night, any other group situation, it was like any other day. Sometimes he'd barely even glance at you. Hot and cold.

You're so in your head on the walk home that you barely register someone sitting at your door until you all but trip over them.

Annabel.

She'd been crying.

"Fuck you." Is how she greets you.

"What are you doing here?" A twinge of pity, a twinge of guilt, to see her obviously distraught at your doorstep. She gets unsteadily to her feet, swearing at you again. Reaching out to steady her, she surprises you by lunging at you, grabbing you.

"You were there, weren't you? With the rest of them," Annabel's gripping your collar, makeup smeared with tears and eyes red-rimmed, "with him," lips still inches from yours, her gaze unfocused but searching, "I can fucking smell it on you- you- you and rich boy-" but she stops for a moment, expression falling to confusion, "Farleigh?"

"Annabel -" you ease her hands off of your collar, partly confused, but mostly pitying.

"Why do you smell like Farleigh?" She sounds almost like a lost child, refusing to let go of your hand as you pulled out your keys. God she looks so helpless, tears still welling in her eyes, vodka bottle mostly empty by her feet.

"Why are you so good at telling what Farleigh smells like?" You countered with, swinging the door open. At this, some of the righteous indignation fires up in her again, flouncing into your room.

"You all went to the same boarding school, you've all got these same habits, and same but different scents you cling to," she's scowling at your dresser as you picked up the vodka bottle and brought it into your room, shutting your door. You watch her for a long moment, see how she analyses everything you have there, perfumes, colognes, makeup, skin care, little bits of paper rubbish - she picks up a bottle and flicks off the lid, not caring where it landed amongst the rest of the things there. When she sprays it, she seems to almost relax amongst it's mist. Of course. It's Felix's favourite, Felix's scent as she'd so aptly described it, for when he'd spend the night.

"Of course you have his too," she says faintly, almost derisively.

Allowing your attention to finally drift from her, you start getting ready for bed, heading to your closet to hang up your jacket.

"You all need to mark your territory," she spits, out of your peripheries, you see her move away from your dresser and pick up her vodka again, "need everyone to know who you own, who we all belong to -"

"Anna, that's not -" you sighed, unsure of where any of this was going, but not liking it either way. As you search your drawers for pyjamas, you felt her gentle hands on your hips. Jumping at the sudden touch, when you spin she braces herself against the drawers with hands either side of you, while your hands become trapped, the last bit of resistance between her chest and yours.

"I smelled like you both for weeks," she murmurs, gaze roaming your body, almost hungry, landing back on your lips, "you remember that? I should- I should- should have been fucking sickened," she admits, voice a low whisper, the hunger turning needy, turning into almost a whimper, "the things I want you both to do to me make me sick to my stomach," her lips inch closer to yours, shared breath, heat in the air, "of course I know what the fuck you all choose to smell like, I can't get it out of my fucking head," you should lean away but there's something intoxicating about her rage, her desperation, her desire, "Our Annabel, that's what he'd called me, what you'd -" and she kisses you, vodka still wicked and bitter on her tongue, all but panting into your mouth as her hands find your hips again.

But it can't continue, you can't let this go on. As you lean back to free your arms, to hold her back, she takes advantage of the opportunity to slide her hands beneath your shirt, cold and nimble against your belly -

"Could've been my Felix -" she mumbles, as if in a trance, eyes hazy and full of both tears, like she was looking into a memory. The minute her fingers find your fly you grab her hands firmly. It takes you a moment to regain your composure, to remind yourself that she wasn't in her right state of mind, that she probably didn't even know what she was doing or saying -

My Felix flares bright and hot and possessive in your mind. My Felix.

"Ow," Annabel's noise of pain brings you back to reality, but thankfully it seems the shock to her system brought her back too. Looking down at your vice-like grip on her wrists, she looks back at you as you let her go, embarrassment in her eyes as she perhaps realises some of what she'd been doing.

"I'm not sleeping with you tonight, Anna," still, your voice is gentle. She huffs an embarrassed little laugh, starting to sniffle again. Again, you remind yourself that this poor girl just got her heart broken by your best friend, and decided to deal with that by drinking an entire bottle of vodka. You'd committed to showing her some compassion tonight.

"I know." The tension drops, and she just leans her head forward to rest her forehead on your shoulder. You can't help but hug her, feeling the heavy way she sighs as you're giving her a reassuring pat on the back. The two of you stay like that for a very long few minutes until you hear her start crying again.

"Do you wanna borrow some pyjamas?" You ask softly, and feel her nod.

The rest of the night is quiet after that, taking care of this distraught young woman who got her heart broken by your best friend. It reminds you of nights you'd spend with Venetia back at Saltburn.

Annabel sits on your bathroom counter patiently, ankles crossed, watching the way you focus as you wipe off her makeup with meticulous care. When you take off her necklace, you coil it delicately on top of the nice clothes she'd been wearing, now sitting on top of her shoes by your door. At first she tries to wave you off when you offer to brush out her hair -

"There's -" she hiccups; the full bottle of vodka has finally hit her, but still she tries to shake her head, "too much hairspray, it'll be a hassle -"

"I'll be gentle," you told her softly, assurance in your eyes and a warm smile on your lips, "if you'll let me." Annabel melts under that gaze, sitting in borrowed pyjamas, face clean, cross-legged on your bed in the lamp light. You treat her with the gentlest care, brushing out her hair while you can still hear her occasional sniffles; she sits as primly as she's able, only apologising once at the start for it's length. You assured her it's fine.

"You scare me sometimes," Annabel mutters into the quiet, voice watery. For a moment, you pause.

"Me?"

"Both- both of you. You and Felix," she sniffles again, "and Farleigh too now, I guess," you can tell she swallows thickly, voice catching in her throat. When she tries to dip her head, she can feel the way you're still holding gently, still working, and she apologises faintly. Carefully, quietly, giving her space to organise her tipsy, upset thoughts, you continue to brush out her hair.

"Never met anyone like you, you know? Didn't think people like you guys existed. You're always everything; the most without even trying," she takes a deep breath, but it's undercut by a faint sob that's almost a chuckle, "I kind of think you don't even know what I mean- you especially, you know?" You... don't.

You brush, only giving a faint apology, but all she does is fidget, the words spilling unrehearsed from her, things she's clearly been bottling for far too long -

"Felix is everything everyone wants, and you're everything everyone wants him to be," she says it so forlornly, "the sun and it's fucking warmth," then, almost disgusted as she spits it under her breath, "I think about how he's never going to fuck me the way he looks at you while he's shitfaced, how sick is that?"

With a few more strokes her hair is brushed out, and without even thinking you start to braid it. Annabel's dissolved into tears again, her face in her hands, but you're just careful not to tug on her hair too hard as her whole body shakes with them.

"He never gave a proper shit about me, did he?" Annabel sobs as you're tying off the braid. The minute it's done, she turns and throws herself into your arms, sobbing against your chest, "I'm just another fucking girl to him!"

"He still loves you as a friend, I'm sure; you know how Fi is-" you pet her shoulder carefully as she clutches your shirt for dear life.

"I don't wanna be his fucking friend! I gave him my fucking heart and now he's probably got his dick in that slag India, who said she was my friend!" Spitting her words with fury, with venom, she looks up, but only sees a look of pitying apology in your eyes; she's probably right. Lip curling, she throws herself back on your bed, hands covering her face once more, "he doesn't fucking care," she groaned, fury turning poisonous with resignation, "I know he doesn't care; if I thought he truly cared I would have fucked Oliver -"

"What?"

"- Felix is so fucking fickle, god, seems like he doesn't even care about Oliver anymore, I should have- should have -" she continues on, but breaks down crying again. Getting off the bed, you leave for the common room for half a moment, filling it with water.

"Drink this," you instruct, sitting next to Annabel on the edge of the bed. She scowls, but follows your orders easily, even if she can't properly look you in the eye. The water seemed to have at least helped, as her crying quiets down as you refill the glass in your bathroom sink.

"I feel like shit," she mumbles, watching you come back into the room and place the cup on her bedside.

"Well you look pretty," you tell her teasingly, trying to lighten the mood even a little as you gently pinched her cheek. She does not appear to find the humour in the moment. Still, you turn off your lamp and climb over her into the bed, "please don't throw up in my bed or on my floor."

"I know where your bathroom is."

The two of you kick off the neat duvet but pull the thin, luxurious sheet over you both.

"Thank you..." it sounds begrudging as she says it. You tell her it's no stress, sitting up for a moment in order to open your window a crack, let a breeze in overnight, but still hear her when she says, "you're a bad friend."

Still sitting, you take a deep breath, sighing as a silhouette in the moonlight.

Annabel is more astute than you possibly gave her credit for in this state; amongst all her felt injustices, she'd never once asked about how you felt about Felix fucking India, your well established not-girlfriend. Because somehow she knew, perhaps even that you gave your blessing. You'd never been a cruel person as long as you could help it, but you'd made peace with your priorities too long ago to start apologising for them now. So yes, you'd taken Annabel in for the night, but she knew in her heart that you were partially at fault for her despair in the first place. You both knew.

Enabling Felix was never really about making anyone else happy.

"I know."

Something about your admission seems to be enough for Annabel, however. When you lay back down beside her, she curls up against you, tucks herself all along your side, arm around you, head on your chest.

The next morning, Annabel moves silently around your dorm. When you wake up, all that's even left of her presence is the empty cup of water on your bedside. No kind of note, no text, she'd made sure she didn't even wake you before leaving.

Fucking Christ, what a bloody week did yesterday feel like, is all you can think as the mid-morning sun slashes through your barely parted curtains and paints your chest with light.

You consider sleeping in, consider that you'd definitely earned it after yesterday, but then your phone starts ringing. It's Felix. He sounds grim.

"Hey, can you get over here? We need you."

#felix catton x reader x oliver quick #saltburn x reader #saltburn imagine #felix catton x reader #felix catton imagine #oliver quick x reader #oliver quick imagine #felix catton x y/n #oliver quick x you #oliver quick x y/n #felix catton x you #felix catton x you x oliver quick #head heart hand fic #manic writer

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copperbadge · 4 months

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The third and final of the dishes that I cooked today, a few of these (reheated) will be the first of tomorrow's Festa Alla Cinque Cibi, the appetizer course. I make no claims to authentic Roman Jewish cooking in any of this, but these are perhaps the most hilariously well-sourced and yet non-authentic of the bunch: Burik Con Patata, from a recipe in Portico.

Traditionally these are boiled potato mixed with other savory ingredients, wrapped in a crepe-like pancake and pan fried. The recipe itself says that you can speed up the process by using egg roll wrappers instead of homemade crepes, and I love an egg roll, so I said, "That, I will do that." Also IDK if you guys are aware but there is a not-insignificant relationship between American Jews and American Chinese food around this time of year. :D

Anyway I figured if I was going full egg roll I'd make life easy and use instant mashed potatoes. I'm not sure what it says about me that I feel compelled to add that I did at least use like...the fancy instant mashed potatoes. In any case, I mixed them with sauteed mushrooms and caramelized onions, and it made a spectacular filling for a really delicious dish. Like, this might enter some kind of regular rotation for meals in cucina di copperbadge. Although I'm still working out the best wrapping technique. I'll get there.

Tomorrow I'll be frying an artichoke and slow-cooking a beef stracotto as the "salad" and "main" of my five-course feast. For the rest of today I'm going to put my feet up and watch AS Roma try to topple Juventus, cuddle some cats, do my daily Italian learning in Duolingo, and probably have a few more of these burik for dinner because sono molto molto delizioso.

[ID: Two images of burik con patata; I forgot to take any photos during the process. The first photo shows a number of small "packets" of fried egg roll wrapper, mottled with dark brown spots and crispy edges. The second shows one of the burik broken in half, showing the creamy interior of mashed potato, including some bits of onion and mushroom.]

#sam cooks #food #burik #yet another variation on the delicious dumpling #festa alla cinque cibi

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youssefguedira · 2 months

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so. y'all might remember the post i made a while back asking y'all your favourite tog cast movies because i love arbitrary data collection. this was in the long ago era before polls were a thing, and now with experience of running one silly bracket under my belt, i have decided to do the same thing, but in tournament form this time. and we're starting with the one i feel most qualified to chime in on, but i DO plan to run the others once this is done depending on how it goes. so with all that said, allow me to introduce:

tog fandom's top luca marinelli movie bracket

because there's a really awkward number involved here, a lot of movies (with higher seeds) won't come in until next round. we will run five in total, with polls running for a week. propaganda is encouraged, you can either add on to the post, send it to me in ask form, or put it in the tags. whichever you choose. judge the movies on whatever metric you choose but try to keep it consistent.

if you HAVEN'T SEEN both or either, i'll be including summaries so you get a general idea of the movie (taken from letterboxd, or in the case of one, written by me) and can vote based on which looks most interesting. or whatever

ROUND ONE HAS CONCLUDED!!

see below for our full list of winners:

L'ULTIMO TERRESTRE / THE LAST MAN ON EARTH (2011) vs MARIA DI NAZARET / MARY OF NAZARETH (2012) - L'ULTIMO TERRESTRE WINS!

LA SOLITUDINE DEI NUMERI PRIMI / THE SOLITUDE OF PRIME NUMBERS (2010) vs NINA (2012) - NUMERI PRIMI WINS!

UNA QUESTIONE PRIVATA / RAINBOW: A PRIVATE AFFAIR (2017) vs A DANGEROUS FORTUNE (2016) - UNA QUESTIONE PRIVATA WINS!

LASCIATI ANDARE / LET YOURSELF GO (2017) vs WAVES (2012) - WAVES WINS!

IL MONDO FINO IN FONDO / UP TO THE WORLD (2014) vs THE OLD GUARD (2020) - THE OLD GUARD WINS!

DIABOLIK (2021) vs SLAM: TUTTO PER UNA RAGAZZA (2016) - DIABOLIK WINS!

polls will be posted over the course of the next couple days (possibly starting tomorrow) and links added here. go forth and enjoy

and if you're curious:

overall seeding is based on average letterboxd rating for a couple reasons! partially because it gave me a numerical ranking and also because i couldn't find my og survey post. there are places where it definitely doesnt line up with what id consider tumblr's general opinion on these so itll be interesting to see the ranking at the end of this tournament (i will make one and compare the two because i love arbitrary data collection)

that's all for now!

#data collection is my passion #lm movie showdown #<- tag for me #ive just realised the bracket will be putting le otto montagne against tog next round. rip in advance to my beloved #but i already did screw around with the order of the lowest 3 movies (not popular enough to have a letterboxd rating so that was based on #vibes and also i dont think ultimately it will have much of an effect #unrated ones are: waves / nina / a dangerous fortune / il mondo / maria di nazaret

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h-c-u · 1 year

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No longer a secret pt 3

Summary: The one where InternetTM has ideas and the relationship officially goes public.

Pairing: Toto Wolff x fem!reader

W/C: 4k

Rating: PG, age gap

TWs: none

A/N: I didn't expect the characters to grow this much, but I guess we're in it, guys, gals and pals. Also, below you can find a link to a playlist I listen to while writing all of this softness. The songs on it don't apply to either of the characters, just put me in a good mood for fluff. Also-Also - I don't have a clear plan for a part 4, so it might be few days before I'll write it.

Taglist: @crimeshowjunkie, @omgsuperstarg

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | List of tags | Playlist for the series

You hated waking up early, especially alone in bed, but there had to be some cons of being with a man like Toto. Although it was more of a personal preference, than a true inconvenience. And during most mornings out of season, you had him all to yourself...

But today he was most likely either in some early meeting, or still in the gym, and you had your own meeting in about 30 minutes, so it was time to get up and get ready.

You've just finished making a quick breakfast and a second coffee for your guest when there was a knock at the door.

Mr. Zane, or Mark - as he insisted you should call him - was definitely worth whatever Toto was paying him because he was able to find a discrepancy in your contract that not only could void it after 30 days of you not being assigned a "full-length uninterrupted interview", based solely on the word uninterrupted, you could also sue the network based on precedence you wouldn't be able to repeat under any threats.

He already drafted a proper resignation letter mentioning all the legal things, and next to that, there was a letter from his firm stating that a failure to comply would result in legal action. You only wanted to add one condition to the things he prepared - you wanted to be the one to announce your departure from the network first; on your personal social media and without naming specific reasons.

He quickly edited the file to include that condition, and passed the tablet to you to sign, and just like that - everything was taken care of. And as a bonus, he checked a statement you quickly prepared, just to make sure the wording was ok, and after a few tweaks, you had it ready to post as soon as you got a reply from the HR department. And Mark assured you that they should confirm everything when the message will be marked as read since everything was effective immediately.

A twenty-minute meeting saved you a full month of additional work, and with that, you were officially free. And unemployed. You would just have to return all the network-issued gear and vacate the room they paid for as soon as possible, which shouldn't be an issue, since the majority of your things were already here. You also no longer could use your press pass and network ID, but that wasn't going to be a problem, since you had no desire to do so. Sure, it was a dick move to leave your colleagues in the middle of the season, especially when there was supposed to be coverage tomorrow on track. But your resignation was a great opportunity for someone to put to good use.

To your surprise, you got the notification that your Network acknowledges your resignation and accept the terms before Mark left the suite, and you had to make sure three times that it was indeed real because it still felt like a dream. After he finished the coffee, he congratulated you on your freedom, and just like that - he was gone, leaving you alone with your thoughts, and you immediately went into damage control mode, making call after call to your friends in the network, letting them know that you're no longer with the company; you didn’t want them to find out from a company-wide email, or worse - your social media. To those you couldn't reach, you wrote a message, and since all of you were basically in the same camp, there was no one who was bitter or angry; your friends fully supported your decision. Sure, there were a few less-than-appropriate comments, but all were in good faith.

Toto came back from the gym while you were still on the phone, and gave you a quick kiss on the top of your head in passing, because he didn't want to hug you when he was still sweaty, and before he disappeared in the bathroom, you mouthed "It's done, thank you...", and you could almost feel the pride radiating off of him, even though you basically didn't do anything. A question on the other side of the line made you turn around and focus on the reply.

When he came out of the shower with only a towel wrapped around his hips you couldn't help but stare a bit, and Toto just smiled when he caught you, came closer, and wrapped his arms around you, while you put your right hand on his shoulder blade, pulling him closer, so you could rest your cheek on his chest. His skin was so warm after the shower, that you could just melt into it, but you knew you couldn't stay like that long, because he had to get ready, and you had to continue the call session. Well, you technically didn't have to, but you wanted to explain whatever you could in person.

You eventually let go of him, still deep in a conversation with your friend from the weather department, who just asked about your plans for t future. You started telling her a rough idea of the project, and while Toto was getting dressed, you went to the kitchen to make him a coffee and take the breakfast out of the fridge, so he wouldn't miss it. You knew you didn't have to do that, but you enjoyed doing small things like that for him, and he did the same for you.

It looked like he would have a virtual meeting first because he took out his laptop, so you left him at the kitchen island and quietly closed the door to the bedroom, from where you continued your calls. You honestly thought that it would take less time, and after the sixth call, everything became so repetitive, that you honestly started to regret that you didn't make a group chat and let them know by a meme that you quit.

But you eventually finished, and it was almost 11. It's not like you had something else to do today since you were officially free, but that feeling of guilt for not doing anything specific was present in the back of your brain, so you sighed and came into the other room, trying to figure out if Toto was still in the meeting, and when you heard your own voice coming from his laptop, you realized that he definitely wasn't.

You lowered the barstool he was sitting on so you could take a look over his shoulder to see what he was watching, and the sudden movement down made him laugh. You hugged him from behind and rested your chin on his shoulder, because for once you could do that without abysmally tall high heels. He was watching your interview with Lewis from yesterday, and you came just in time to see him walking into a frame and putting his jacket over your shoulders.

- My hero... - you laughed, and you pressed a tender kiss to his cheek. You stayed like that until the video ended, and after it did, you reached under his arm and scrolled down to see the comments, and you immediately started shaking, trying to contain laughter.

- "Y/N is so strong because I simply would have fainted if he did that to me..." - you read out loud the latest one, and he took over scrolling, so you wouldn't have to strain your wrist. - Oh, Mr. Wolff, please catch me in your strong arms if I faint...? - you couldn't help yourself and he shook his head with disbelief.

- It will be hard for me to catch you if you're behind me... - he laughed, and pulled you in front of him, basically switching your positions, so you leaned on him and intertwined your fingers with his on your stomach.

- This one is funny... "Y/N is definitely in a secret relationship with Lewis Hamilton. In this essay I will...". - he read out loud, and you couldn't help but laugh. A quick look in the top right corner told you that you were still logged into your account on his computer, so you hit reply and commented "Where is the essay, OP...?", and he laughed even harder.

- I like this one "A single mom who works two jobs, and one o the jobs is definitely making sure his favorite son won't get sick", it's a reference to a song... - you added and you could feel him smiling, while you typed, but you hesitated before you hit send. - Are we ok with that...? - you made sure, even though it wasn't anything specific, just a slight suggestion. "Ok, but like are we sure-sure he's single?"

- Are you ok with that...? - he flipped the question, and instead of replying you just sent the comment, and you could feel him pulling you closer, so you basically sat on his lap now. - Do I want to know what that means? - he pointed at one of the comments that read "Where is that fan cam of Toto to "big boy" because I suddenly need it to survive.", and you laughed again.

- I don't think I've ever seen this specific one, but people take clips of other people, in this case, you, and put them together to different songs. I suspect in this case they refer to you looking very hot, Neshama Sheli. - he couldn't help but laugh.

- I don't think I'd like to see that... I would be much more interested in seeing fan cams of you, Schatzi. - you shook your head and wrinkled your nose, when he pressed a quick kiss to your temple, while you continued scrolling, and while there were a lot of comments about pet race, Toto's gesture was the second thing people talked about the most, and you both laughed from one more "I volunteer as a headset!", referring to the fact that there were times when he didn't treat his headsets the best.

Only after you saw a comment where someone said that they can't wait for your next interview with Lewis, you realized something.

- Shit, I forgot to post the official information about my resignation. - you immediately grabbed your phone and posted the prepared statement across all your social media.

- By the way, I requested a Mercedes pass for you till the end of the season, so you could still come and go to the tracks as you want. - he said when you finally closed his laptop and turned around so you were facing each other.

- Thank you. - this time you had to lean a bit to kiss him, and you would have lied if you said that you didn't enjoy it.

- Is there anything else I can do for you, love? - he asked, pressing his forehead to yours.

- Actually... - you took a deep breath - I want to get in front of the possible rumors, and I want to announce, well... us. - a giant smile bloomed on his face while he pulled you for another kiss.

- No more hiding...? - he asked more as a formality, but he also wanted to make sure that you were 100% ok with sharing that part of your life.

- No more hiding. - you confirmed, your voice surprisingly confident.

- Then what are you waiting for? - you couldn't help but laugh.

- It's a whole process... You know business and management, I know journalism, but more important - I know social media, and I know exactly how quickly the information and wild theories will spread in this community. – this whole endeavor would require some finesse, and you honestly debated if you shouldn’t leak your relationship to a few drama channels yourself to avoid ripping the Band-Aid yourself, but it would be much messier that way.

- I understand. What do you need me to do...? - he asked and leaned back on the stool a bit, so he could look at you better.

- Take a selfie with me... I was thinking about posting it with information that I will go live and answer questions for about 30 minutes to dispel any craziness that will definitely come up sooner or later. - you explained your plan. All of it still seemed so surreal...

- Sounds good. Is that all you need? - he asked again, closing his knees a bit, and squeezing you between them.

- I mean, I still need to get the rest of my stuff from the other hotel, but I'll do that later today. - you sighed. You had more things to do, but this one had a deadline

- I'll drive you. - he said as if it was the most obvious thing, and it wasn't even a question.

- Toto, you have a race to think of... And I am perfectly capable of doing that myself. - you tried to steer his mind away from taking care of you, but he didn't budge.

- I know... But consider this - I want to. - well, how could you argue with such sound logic? - Do you have any ideas for the photo?

- Not really, but I don't want it super staged, so I guess... just smile...? - he placed a quick kiss on the tip of your nose, and you turned around, sat on his lap, and turned the camera on the two of you, while he leaned a bit forward and rested his chin on your shoulder. You quickly took a few pictures in a row, while he placed another kiss on your cheek and you couldn't help but smile. And when you started lowering your phone, you felt the vibrations in his pocket, but it was to be expected. He chose to ignore them in favor of another few seconds this close to you. - Answer your phone, Meu Tudão... - and with a heavy sigh he did, while you stood up from his lap and started to choose the best of the photos. And the one when he kissed your cheek and you smiled was just perfect.

You quickly cropped it so the proportions would fit the layout of the website, and made the picture a bit brighter, but that was it. The description only read "30 min live AMA at noon, get ready". You turned the screen in Toto's direction, so he could take a look, and he gave you thumbs up and a huge smile, and that was enough for you to post it.

Not even a minute passed and the notifications started blowing up your phone to the point that you had to turn them off for this specific app in fear of it crashing every few seconds.

You still had at least 10 minutes till the live, so you got something to drink from the fridge, because you suspected that 30 minutes of talking might make you a bit parched. You also carefully chose the place you wanted to stream from. Definitely not in front of the window because of the light, and you didn't want to share the view, so you opted for a couch set on the wall perpendicularly to the floor-length windows. You also made sure that there weren't any personal items in the frame, just in case.

Toto was still on the phone, but as soon as you started your live, he moved to the bedroom, because the things he was talking about weren't exactly public.

- Hi everyone... Oh, wow... There are a lot of people here... Jeez... - you looked at a quickly growing count indicating how many people were currently watching you, and the number was significant; you knew that neither of you was exactly anonymous, but it still exceeded expectations. - Ok, I'm gonna give everyone one more minute to join in and then I'll start answering questions... - you explained and leaned back a bit, but still made sure that the angle was good. You slowed down the chat, just so you'd be able to read anything. - How am I...? I'm great! Nervous as hell, but I'm actually great. - you didn't want to be quiet for that minute, so you decided to answer a few general questions. - Where am I...? I'm currently at the Ritz-Carlton... - You saw that the number of viewers started to stabilize, so you knew it was time.

- Ok, time for some serious questions and serious answers. As usual, I won't engage with anything vulgar or inappropriate, so make sure to keep your questions clean. But first some general info, so we're on the same page... - you took a deep breath because it would be the first time you shared that information out of your own free will. - Yes, me and Toto Wolff are together. We've been together for just over a year now... - you couldn't help but smile when you saw the flood of reactions in the chat, and you tried to catch as many questions as you could. - Did anyone know? No, not until yesterday. We decided to keep it private because of my career. Is someone blackmailing me to share that information...? - you couldn't help but laugh. - No, no... I'm doing it out of my own free will, no blackmail involved. - you took a moment to get to another question. - Did my departure from the network was because of our relationship? No, it's not. I keep my work life separated from my private life and there was no influence either way. - another quick break to catch up and read the question. - Why did I quit my job? I didn't quit my job. It was a mutual departure because our priorities no longer lined up and continuing that partnership wouldn't be good for either me or them. - you stuck to the things Mark approved earlier today. - Why am I sharing this now? Since I no longer will be working around the track, there was no reason to keep it secret. - you noticed that Toto left the bedroom, the phone still in his hand, but he was no longer on a call. You didn't ask him to join you, and you were prepared to do the AMA alone, but he sat next to you and wrapped his arm around you, and the chat exploded again. - Say hi to everyone... There are over 20k people watching us now... - you almost instinctively leaned into him.

- Hello everyone! And wow! 20k just for us? That's impressive! - he leaned forward a bit, so the angle would be better.

- Do you want to answer a few questions, Ya Amar? - he smiled, and you could see on the screen that he wasn't looking at the camera, only at you, and that warmed your heart.

- Sure, why not... - he chuckled quietly.

- So how did we meet? - you relayed one of the questions that popped up in the chat with a smile because the mere memory of that afternoon was more than enough to put you in good mood.

- Well, believe it or not, it was nowhere near the track. She actually yelled at me, because I accidentally destroyed the flowerbed in front of a small B&B she was staying at, and that was enough for me to know then and there... - he smiled when you looked at him, and you couldn't help but blush a bit.

- And I did that fully knowing who he was because the older couple put so much work into maintaining that flowerbed and he just... run over it! - you built on top of his story.

- In my defense, I did that to avoid hitting a squirrel! - now both of you were laughing, and it took you a second to remember that you should be answering more questions.

- Where was our first date? - you read the question out loud, and you were preparing to answer it when Toto cut you off.

- Oh, that's easy... Deutsches Technikmuseum in Berlin, and it lasted what... 10, 11 hours? - he replied and pulled you closer.

- Yup, it's a very big museum, and we were there since it opened till it closed, and we still didn't see everything. And after that, we went to a park and just sat on the grass and talked. It was perfect. - you added. You didn't want to share more details like - a much too expensive, very poor-quality dinner you sneaked onto the roof of the brewery on the museum grounds... Or the cheap strawberry champagne with glitter, which you chose only because you thought he would never buy or drink it, and which later exploded in his hands before he even managed to open it, soaking both of you in a pink, sugary, sticky residue; fortunately, neither of you got hurt then.

- Indeed... It was perfect because it was with you... - he leaned a bit and pressed his forehead to your temple, and you looked at the chat again in search of another question.

- Do we live together? Come on guys, that's too personal. What did we do for our first anniversary...? We spent a whole week on a cabin cruiser in Greece, just the two of us... - you could feel his hand gently stroking your back. - Ok, we're over the 30min mark here, so one last question and we're done. Make it a good one, guys... Ok, ok... - you took a moment to actually choose the question. - What are our favorite things about each other...? For me, it's your smile. - you replied, more to him, than to the chat. - I know it's cheesy, but it represents so many things... It makes me feel safe and cared for, it tells me that there is nothing to worry about, and no matter what - everything will be all right. And even when I'm having the worst day of my life, when I see you smile, it all disappears, because you give me the strength to get through everything. - you said and he pulled you in for a quick kiss.

- For me, it's also easy... You make me want to be a better person in every area of my life. You push me to do things I wouldn't even consider before I met you by forcing me to look at things from different perspectives. You have this way of listening to my problems, that makes me realize exactly how to deal with them, doesn't matter if it's about work or about something private... And you make me want to be a better man for you, a partner you could be proud of. - this time you were the one who pulled him into a kiss, not caring how many people were watching you, although currently, they were watching more of the ceiling than the two of you.

- Ok guys... Thank you so much for watching, that's going to be it for today... - you centered the camera on you and Toto again. - Take care, everyone! - and with that, you ended the live.

- That went well. - he said, pulling you closer, and you leaned into his body.

- Actually, better than I expected. But I guess we'll see what the articles will say in a few hours.

- Do you think there will be articles...?

- Oh, there definitely will be articles... And I can guarantee that at least one of them will be titled something like "Austrian billionaire and his latest, much younger fling" or "A principal and his student". People on my side of the media are vultures... - you couldn't stop the sigh that came out of your chest, but even though you knew that people would take the one thing about your relationship and run with it till the end of Earth, you honestly didn't care. Not when Toto's arms were tightly wrapped around you. - Oh, and an honest heads up - you and your team will definitely be asked about me during media hour... - you closed your eyes, letting yourself relax a little.

- Do you care about how we will be perceived? - he asked with that pure childish honesty in his voice.

- 6 months ago, I honestly wouldn't be able to sleep because of it... But now...? - you smiled and looked up just so you could see his face. - Now I truly don't give a fuck. - he couldn't stop the light chuckle that made his chest vibrate under you. - And I pity people whose lives are so boring that the only entertainment they can come up with is making up lies about two people who clearly love each other... - you leaned back again, savoring this moment, because you could just feel that it will and soon. After all - it was still racing season, and even though positions for tomorrow were already assigned, Toto still had a lot to do before the race.

Part 4

A/N 2: Please don’t feel obligated/pressured to reblog, because I write mostly for myself. A comment would be appreciated though :) Love, G.

#my writing #Toto Wolff fanfiction #Toto Wolff x reader #🖤#📏#No Longer a Secret by G.

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