#idek want to think about how long it's been since someone inboxed me

[luvsturniolo]

hey girl i love ur stuff, do u think u could do a Matt imagine where the triplets are filming a baking video or smthn with the reader. There's a lot of speculation of whether Matt and reader are dating (idm if they're together yet or not) and reader minorly burns their hand or smthn and Matt makes a b-line to reader to comfort them? thanks ily<3

— ★ !! speculation

pairing : matt sturniolo x fem!reader

synopsis : desc is explained in the req !!

a/n : girl i'm SO sorry that this took forever. my inbox is literally so confusing & it stresses me out so bad to look at ; i need to organize it asap ! anyway im sorry this took so long, ur req got burried under a ton of others

anyway , i hope u like this bc u deserve it after waiting so long 😭 also, i'm trying a slighty different format for my posts (its so subtle idek if u guys will notice but i love it so wtv 🤞🤞)

wc : 1.8k

for the past few months, you and matt have been acting a bit differently on camera. normally, the two of you make an effort to stay decently apart so none of the his fans will notice that you're dating.

you've been friends with the triplets since middle school and you show up in their videos all the time. but last summer, matt finally asked you to be his girlfriend. you guys agreed to keep your relationship off the internet and since then, you two have been trying your absolute best to avoid eachother while on camera.

but it's harder than it sounds to keep a distance from the one you love. all you want to do it hold his hand, rest your head on his shoudler, or hug him. but you can't. and it drives you fucking crazy.

this morning, nick texted you and asked if you wanted to come over to film a baking video with them. seeing as you had nothing better to do, you happily agreed.

nick explained that you would be the one blindfolded. he and his brothers would be normal — able to speak, see, and hear freely. you were a bit nervous at first, knowing how horrible you are at baking. but you still agreed to film the video because you know their fans have been begging for you to participate in one of their cooking videos for years.

you're currently in the kitchen with matt as he sets out all the ingredients that will be used. across the room, nick is setting up the camera so you guys can film in a few minutes. chris is in his bedroom, searching for the bandana he set out for you.

"got it!" chris shouts excitedly as he rushes into the kitchen, waving the hot pink bandana around in the air.

you laugh at the sight of its bright colors before asking, "why the hell did you casually had that laying around your room?"

"don't worry about it." he responds, trying to be mysterious and dramatic.

he hands the bandana to you and you place it over your eyes. you wrap it around your head and end up fumbling with the ends of it, unable to tie it blindly. you sigh with annoyance but continue to struggle, too determined to ask for help.

suddenly you feel someone place their hands on top of yours. you immediately recognize them to be matt's. his fingertips are cold but his palms are warm, causing chills to wash over your skin like an ocean wave.

"you don't need to be so independent all the time," he tells you softly. "it's okay to ask for help every once in a while."

you feel his hands leave yours — meaning the bandana is tied. you turn around and blindly reach your hands up to find his face. you feel your hands graze his jaw and you smile, feeling the stubble of his beard brush against your skin.

you tip your head up and reach to kiss him. however, seeing as you can't see, you end up missing his mouth and kissing the corner of his lips. you feel his mouth pull upward with a smile before he moves his head to the side so you can kiss him correctly.

"i need to make this worth it." he says against your mouth. he pulls away to speak, but you lean forward to chase his lips. "i won't be able to kiss you until after the video is finished."

"then quit wasting your time talking and kiss me." you say. you feel his chest shake with an airy chuckle before he places his hands on your hips and pulls you closer against him, reconnecting your mouths to kiss you again.

"guys, what the fuck?" you hear nick's voice call out from across the kitchen. "you've been making out for the past three minutes."

"yeah," chris's voice agrees. it sounds like he's standing in the doorway. "we were trying to be nice and let you have your moment, but you just won't stop kissing."

matt lets go of your hips with a sigh. "whatever, let's get this over with."

"woah, kid!" chris exclaims dramatically. you can hear his voice move and his footsteps get louder as he makes his way over to where you and matt are standing in front of the counter. "don't sound too excited."

as unbelievable as this sounds, matt doesn't actually hate filming. he actually loves making videos for his channel. if he didn't, he would not be doing it as a job. what he hates is being away from you.

he's the literal definition of clingy. and you're like the exhausted mom who has to put up with his tantrums whenever you're torn apart.

"okay, the camera is set up." nick announces. "i'm gonna start recording, so get your coupley-ness over with so we can film."

it's kind of crazy how casual it's become for everyone to work around yours and matt's secret relationship. his brothers respect your guys' decision to stay private and they help you guys hide it from the media. it genuinely means a lot to you to know how supportive chrtis and nick are — even though they like to make jokes and tease matt for his clinginess.

"hey guys!" nick says to the camera. “today, y/n is going to be blind baking some santa-shaped cookies since it’s almost christmas!”

you can hear nick walk over to where everyone else is standing. he continues to talk to the camera when you feel matt’s knuckles brush against the small of your back — where the camera can’t see.

you smile, enjoying the physical touch. but you know how risky it is for him to do things like that. if you start blushing or acting weird on camera, the fans will easily put the pieces together and realize what it means. so you shift a little, causing matt’s hand to fall off your back and back to his side.

"okay," you hear nick's voice say. you jump at how close he is now.

"oh my fuck, nick!" you shout, turning to glare at him — hoping you're looking in the right direction. "you scared the absolute shit out of me!"

"i'm not nick." chris says.

you turn in the opposite direction and tilt your head dramatically, waiting for nick to apologize for scaring you. but instead of an apology, you hear matt say "i'm not nick either. sorry."

you huff out a scoff and turn to the last remaining direction where nick could be. this time you were finally glaring at the correct triplet.

you hear matt laugh from beside you and your stomach twists into a knot.

since you can't see, the rest of your senses have been heightened — meaning you're hyperaware of the sound of your boyfriend's laugh. everything in you is tempted to kiss and hold him and tell him how much you love him.

but. you. cant.

"as i was saying," nick continues, "matt set out all the ingredients before we started recording. so, everything is on the counter in front of you, y/n."

you nod in response, happily beginning your task. the first portion of the video is calm and kind of relaxing. you listen to the triplets' commands as you grab and pour random things into random bowls. honestly, you've lost track of what step you're on. it feels like you're just going through the movements of baking cookies rather than actually cooking a meal.

chris and nick have no problem with holding your hands or wrists to point you in the right direction. but matt? he hasn't touched you at all. he still talks to you and helps out when it's needed, but you both know better than to touch.

due to matt's intense clinginess, it's safest to stay apart. if not, nick will end up cutting out a large portion of the video where matt has to be pried off of you (it's happened before).

"now, you need to put the cookie tray in the oven." nick tells you. from the sound of his voice, you can tell that he's reading instructions off the back of the cookie box. you hear him set the box on the counter before he continues. "while you do that, i'll put the dirty dishes in the sink; chris will clean the counters so you can decorate the cookies when they're done; and matt can make sure you don't catch the house on fire."

"alright." you agree with the plan. you reach forward to grab the tray of cookies. you pat thepalm of your hands on the countertop, trying to find the metal board. but you can't find it. "what the fuck?" you mutter, knowing it was just right here.

"right here," matt's voice murmers against the shell of your ear. he reaches over you, his chest pressed against your back. you hear the cookies slide agianst the counter before you feel the cool material of the tray touch your hands.

you clear your throat awkwardly, trying not to think about him too much. "thanks."

"mhm," he hums. as he stands up straight, the warmth of his chest leaves your back and you're left feeling cold and empty without his presence.

you mimick his actions by standing up straight. you then carry the tray in your hands as you walk around the island to where you know the stove is. you're about to set the tray down to open the oven, but you hear someone come up behind you. matt tells you to just hold still and he'll open it for you.

you do as he says and wait for him to open the oven door. when you hear it unlatch, you reach down to slide the tray onto the rack.

apparently, you miscalculated the distance between you and the oven. because just as you were going to set the tray down, you felt a sharp pain in the knuckles of your pinky finger.

"fuck!" you shout in pained breath before dropping the tray to the ground.

"what happened? are you okay? are you hurt?" matt rushes out a string of questions, immediately taking your hand into his. he twists and turns it, examining the injury.

"yeah, i'm fine." you tell him. "i shouldn't have dropped the tray like that, it was kinda dramatic."

you hear him sigh, "what did i tell you? it's okay to ask for help."

"i didn't think i needed it." you tell him, dropping your voice to a whisper as you tell him your next concern. "plus, you might wanna get away from me. we're still filming."

"fuck the video, y/n." he says, pulling you into a hug. he holds you against him, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of your head. "you mean way more to me than a bit of speculation."

tags : @kasqnxx @lvrsparadise @prettysturniolo @strniolo @urmyslxt @cupidsturniolo @opheliaofficial07 @thetriplets3 @sturn1olo-ffics @uhnanix @deadxrx @kitaysworld @slaysturniolo @wilmalovegood @ladylokilaufeyson5 @sturniolopepsi @strnilolo @knowingnothingnoel @its-jennarose @lea0518

#luvsturniolo!! #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #chris sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #matt sturniolo x reader #chris sturniolo x reader #baking #secret dating #privte not secret #youtuber #youtube #sturniolo #matthew sturniolo #lover boy

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

re parent regret article.... recently got my mom to admit she and my dad are deeply unhappy and the only reason they got married and had kids (in their early 20s, and it has dictated every moment of their lives since) is because it was what was expected of them and they felt like it was just the thing to do ... its very upsetting to think of how unhappy and unfulfilled my parents are but at the same time its kind of freeing because I understand a lot of their actions better now and their inability to raise us and give me the care I needed. this year I am older than my parents were when they had my oldest sibling and I kind of feel like im older than them now because theyve never fully grown past that point at least not as individuals. ya I suppose everyone has their paths in life and it all fits together and works and means something but it is very sad to realize your childhood was painful because your parents were really just not suited to be parents and couldn't have done any better. im trying to not be weighed down by their lack of self actualization and to be an example for them by manifesting my life in the way I want despite them being upset by it, and to encourage them to become real people now that theyre 60.. umm ya sorry your inbox has become my therapy sessions recently it just feels so much better to confess these things anonymously and write it all out to someone instead of trying to explain to someone face to face and have it deal with their responses. plus i think u understand a lot of my issues although objectively our lives are quite different! anyway yeah hope you have a nice day!!!! xoxo 2012 :3

ilu <3 i relate to much of this i will detail my thoughts below , im glad my inbox can be of use to u i believ The Confessional is a very necessary function in society it can be so transcendent to get something off your chest w/o having to affect your personal life in any way ^^ and i did have a super nice day ty i hope u did too..<3 :readmore:

it is really crazy to think about the pressure ppl face to start families , seems to be less prevalent now but yeah even 20-30 yrs ago it was just, What You Do.. for my parents, they were in love, and i think they rly did want kids, they were together for 5 years before doing it they planned it out, i DO believe they were soulmates. but then once the reality set in idrk there was just this disconnect. my dad was the more nurturing parent, and he had kids from a prior marriage so he knew wat he was in for, i think he missed my brothers a lot so he had perspective. i assume anyway. but he was also major alcoholic which i thought was normal for so long (in england it is i spose). that took up a lot of his time. i know so little about him or his inner workings its quite torturous to me lol.

and my mom is still alive but i know so little about her too, other than stuff i learned thru drunken outbursts. when i try to ask her anything remotely personal or emotional now she stonewalls me so hard :/ she's always just been closed. her childhood was Horrific tho like both her parents were still minors when she was born, her mom is a WW2 orphan and her dad was a delinquent forced to enlist in the navy instead of being sent to juvie. all the stuff she HAS revealed to me abt her life is absolutely bats**t. its awful like i genuinely can not feel a single morsel of bitterness towards my mom knowing wat she's been thru.

that being said i WAS extremely angry at her for a big portion of my life its been a journey to unravel. but at this point i feel so much forgiveness idek how i got here or when. but i love her unconditionally! i also feel that my moms self actualization was rly stunted, not even by having kids but by my dads death, and being left with these kids she has to care for alone, oh god if i try to imagine how she felt it turns my insides to stone. like it really fractured her soul and made existing problems spiral out of control. although that being said she is doing WAY better now in comparison to the past, im rly proud of her. when we talk i try to always encourage her like u say..

really the best medicine is being able to zoom out and view the big picture of Life, not just your life but how all our lives fit together, when you zoom out you can spot the patterns find the order in the chaos. for ages n ages i cldnt understand the reason everything in my life was hell while all these other ppl i knew seemed to have it so normal. Nowadays i can understand how it lead me here, the trajectory and timing of everything, it brought me a lot of EXPerience i can use to help others..Even just by having this blog where i can talk about vulnerable topics , ppl tell me it helps them, i begin to see a new sense of value in my endured sufferings. if i feel like im healing someone that heals me ..

thanx for the msg :] ermm i hope my response dont come off as traumadumping or something LOL i write this all with a matter-of-fact tone in mind. just explaining some stuff for anyone who may need it. hope u have a good night 2012-chan keep shining bright for your family.. <3pmd9

[dutchiris]

hoo boy is this late bc I didn’t realize I was tagged by @patricksilverrose until just now while I was looking for something :^) v sorry

Rules: Answer the questions & tag 20 blogs you want to get to know better!

Nicknames: Ru, Rubyroo, Glitter Tits

Star Sign: Scorpio 🦂

Height: 5′

Time right now: ~2pm

Last thing I Googled: ...“squinty chicken eye meme”

Favorite music artist: King810, Marilyn Manson, Nirvana, Rammstein, Ghost, Glass Animals, Fink, Arctic Monkeys, Alaska Thunderfuck, Adore DeLano, a LOT more, but I can’t remember them all rn

Song stuck in my head: Me and Maxine King810, Do I Wanna Know? Arctic Monkeys, Stun Alaska Thunderfuck ft. Gia Gunn, Same Parts Tatianna

Last movie I watched: I re-watched the Angry Birds movie with my brother

Last TV show I watched: Steven Universe? I really just watch movies on Netflix tbh

What am I wearing right now: Graphic t-shirt, sweatpants, flip flops. Very bum-ish, but I have a cute bra on, so I think it evens out 🤔

When I created this blog: Umm.... 4-5 years ago? My freshman year in high school.

The kind of stuff I post: Aesthetic stuff, Manson, memes. Anything I find entertaining really.

Why I chose my url: I’ve used Dutchiris as a username since I was like 6 bc I thought it was a really cool name for a flower

Gender: Female

Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw

Pokémon team: IT NEVER WORKED ON MY DAMN PHONE \(èoé)/🔪 but if it did, i’d be team Mystic

Favorite Color: Blue, black, red

Average hours of sleep: ....4-ish? :’^)

Lucky number: 23,98,17,8,5

Favorite characters: Barb from Stranger Things, Wolverine, (don’t judge me) Soseki from Harvest Moon

Dream Job: Teacher, maybe a cosmetologist. I’ve been thinking about potentially starting a business later on in life if I ever get the money.

Number of blankets I sleep with: 2 comforters, 3 throw-type blankets, and a heated blanket

Dream fictional character that you would want to be: That’s a tough question... Maybe Storm from X-Men. She’s a very strong character and i’ve always thought she was pretty cool.

One interesting fact about you: Eh... i’m not really interesting, I don’t think. I used to drag race, did pretty well, I have Celiac, and i’m an Omneist.

I tag: The wonderful cutie pie @overzealouspacifist @a-l-e-x-e-o-n @desiringdestruction @mysterious-lights-overhead @meevs @capnkittykat143 @latenightpeculiar @anotherfukinemo @lame-and-unattractive

and then some non-followers, bc most of my followers aren’t active anymore and y’all are pretty cool

@90377 @instinted @torracat @buntglas @the-nut-prince @odd-eye @serotina @bbysnks @punk-polygems @sassy-gay-justice @the-broken-enigma @thisisntmeimnotmechanical 2

#lil bit about me i guess #this is so wild #it's been literal years since i've been tagged #idek want to think about how long it's been since someone inboxed me

[earlgreytea68]

On the Anthropological Fandom Impulse

When I first got into fandom, I feel like I did it in the way that you hear about it: I watched a thing (for me it was always watching), and I loved it so much that I wanted *more,* and then I sought out fic, and then I waited to feel like I had something I needed to say about it. This is what people will traditionally tell you fandom is. 

But, Idk, as I’ve gotten older, I have shifted this. Fandom has become more of a habit, a general way in which I interact with creativity, rather than a specific reaction to *someone else’s* creative work. Which isn’t how fandom is traditionally defined but is how I do it, and I guess I’m writing this out to see how odd this is, and where this impulse comes from within me? 

Because it’s been a while -- a very long time -- since I consumed a piece of media that I loved so much I wanted to seek out the fic. I have tried. I have consumed all of the things that are big fannishly now. None of them really caught my creative spark. 

The first thing to catch my creative spark after Sherlock was in fact Inception. Not because I’d seen the movie (which I had seen, and barely remembered). But because the Inception *fandom* seemed kind of amazing. I read a fic, and then another fic, and then more fics, and then I was performing what I now call my Fandom Anthropology. I dug through historical layers, uncovering old rec lists, ending up on old LJ kinkmemes, letting them link me to other things, finding fanvids, going through meta, until I had assembled a picture of what I thought the fandom was doing, what the fanon conventions were, which pieces of canon were the most important. It was like settling into an entirely different mental location and mapping it out like a tourist. 

Since the Inception rabbit hole, I have always consistently come to a fic-reading rabbit hole not from the canon but from the fandom itself. I subscribe to authors on AO3, and whenever they update with a fic, I tend to click on it curiously. I am such that I can tell right away if I’m going to be caught by a ship or not. I’m actually fairly predictable in what I like, tbh. I’m sure you can pick up on my preferred OTP dynamic. :-) 

I read all recs sent to me, but not all of them necessarily hit me at the right time. And then suddenly something will catch me and I’ll just spend a little while devouring everything I can in that universe. I did that with Social Network RPF (which I revisited this summer and it remains delightful) and Sports Night (which was a show I’d been fannish about in the early 2000s before being fannish was the more organized thing it is today) and Marcone/Dresden from the Dresden Files (I read some Dresden Files many years ago, but left off before Marcone even entered the narrative) and for a little while I read a bunch of Raven Cycle fic (despite never having read a word of these books). There was a small attempt to explore BTS fandom but I found it a little impenetrable (I couldn’t get a handle on the characters); I also tried to read some One Direction stuff but mostly got distracted that no Harry Styles was like how he was in my head (Idek, I barely listen to One Direction, I have no idea where my very clear picture of Harry Styles came from, but I kind of think he’s a delight, he’s just my fave). 

But, anyway, the point of all of this is: I read fanfic these days not because of inherent interest in the canon but because writers I like are writing in it. And if I like the characters they write well enough, then suddenly I’ve opened up a ton more fic that I can read. As far as I can tell, I am treating fic as original writing. I come to it with little knowledge of the characters. All I know about it is its *genre.* And fic is definitely its own genre. I know the basic shape of everything that’s going to happen in every fic I click on, so I’m entirely reading because something about the characters have caught me. Not because of canon, but because of *fanon.* Because, Idk, so often it’s the fan artists who are really creating this marvelous complexity, and I feel like I’m just cutting out the middle man. And, once I’ve been caught by a dynamic, lucky me, it’s super-easy to find a million other ways to explore those characters. And the canon of them is entirely secondary to me in the first exploration, and then eventually becomes part of my excavation of what’s going on. 

Is this a weird way to do fandom? I feel like it might be. But also I don’t think it’s necessarily the *wrong* way. It might even have always been my preferred way, but before the age of AO3 and Tumblr, it was actually harder to jump between fandoms. I know you *could* do it on LJ, but I remember when I switched from DW to Sherlock, having to be like, “Hey, were are the Sherlock people on here? Where do I find them?” Whereas now it’s just all simpler to run productive searches that get you what you’re looking for. Or just asking on Twitter, “Hey, who knows anything about this fandom and wants to point me to the best fics?” 

This has been, for me, a far more reliable way to discover things I love than to sit around waiting for a canon to find me. I would never have randomly rewatched Sports Night last spring had a Sports Night fic not crossed my inbox. I would not be listening to nonstop Fall Out Boy had a random bandom fic not crossed my inbox. Fandom is the thing I use to introduce me to mainstream culture; not the other way around. 

And, tbh, I am kind of enjoying doing it this way. I guess the main thing I fear about it is that I probably miss canon the first time around, because it turns out I find myself letting the *fandom* seduce me in. So, like, I know Fall Out Boy songs, and even had friends in bandom, and paid, like, zero attention to anything fannish, until I started reading bandom fic, and then I had to perform Fandom Anthropology, and uncover old LJ posts and new Tumblr primers and long lyrical analyses (that are WAY better than any analysis of any FOB lyric on Genius, those analyses are...weird, Idk). 

So, Idk, in ten years I’ll probably finally get the huge appeal of the big fandoms today. There’s a possibility I’m bad right now, at this point in my creative life, at, like, being part of the *active* fandom formation part of things. Which I don’t say in a way to imply that I’m annoyed with myself, because I’m not. I am doing lots of original writing because that’s apparently what I’m in the mood for and life is too short to fight with the things you want to write about, and6 being part of an active fandom is a very different energy than just kind of passively enjoying a fandom. If that makes sense? And I think you just go through cycles. My most creative fic periods coincided with a lot of soul-searching transitioning in my life as I staggered into my career. I feel like I’ve finally got a bit of a handle on who I am? And that feels a little bit like it’s unlocked an original writing impulse within me that honestly had been dormant for many, many years. 

Which is all to say: Being creative is an all-over-the-place experience. If you roll with it, you never know where you’re going to end up. And the key, I think, is to learn to just go with it without judging yourself too harshly for it. There’s no wrong way to do creativity. I don’t think there’s a wrong way to do fandom, either (apart from being a bully, of course).  The universe is infinitely expanding. 

#long post #personal

[space-kitten-606]

What kind of person would fit each character

So this was/is a request I got this morning. But why am I making an extra post instead of answering the ask???? 

Simple. 

Because I deleted it right after reading it. On purpose. Those who have been following me for a while may see why. Or not. Idek anymore. Point is, it was not following my rules. And honestly I’m so tired to say this by now I feel kind of like a broken record, and I barely get any requests in the first place, so I feel so bad for the writers/artists who actually have people flooding their inbox with stuff they said they won’t write/draw. *deep sigh*

There is good news for you though, anon. For some reason this thing wouldn’t leave me alone for the entire day, so I kind of did it. I won’t count this as HC (since that’s not really what I did here) but I consider this my personal opinion. I also apologize to anyone who was rejected by me in the past. I can totally see how this is unfair, and if you’re going to hold a grudge against me now or whatever, it’s okay, I get it. I don’t like myself particularly either so I feel you. This is the first and (hopefully) last time I will be doing this. That being said, rules are rules but this is also my blog and I do what I want. Make of this what you want.

/rant over/

A/N: As stated above this is my personal opinion. Generally speaking I don’t think the members won’t really care if you’ll 100% fulfill each of these aspects, since they fall in love with the person they meet in the chatroom and with the things you’ve been doing for them and how you’ve been helping them, which is so much more important than what the ideal person would be like. 

Zen:

The actor definitely needs a partner who has a lot of self-esteem. With his career you’ll both be in the spotlight a lot, and media will talk about you, wether he decides to keep you out of his job or not. This keeps getting more important as he becomes more famous. Everyone is talking about him, so everyone will also be talking about you. In good and also very bad ways. Jealousy everywhere. Besides, due to his flirty attitude, he may still make women swoon right and left. I don’t think this will be an easy thing for him to stop doing as this seems to be very characteristic of him. You must be confident and trusting in the fact that, despite how he’s talking to the others, you’re still the only person he really looks at. You may also be seperated a lot, since he will have to be traveling for his job once in a while. And even though he makes MC manager at the end of his route (if I’m not wrong. If I’m mixing something up here I’m sorry. Don’t @ me.) it would be smarter to get a manager who actually got a lot more experience with showbiz in the long run. Anyway there’s no way you’ll always be able to accompany him, even if he’d honestly prefer that. It would also be very benifitial if you share his love for theater and music, for obvious reasons, it’s not a requirement though. On a more personal scale he’d need someone who has a love for things that are out of the norm and who encourages others to use their potential. Zen can also get very jealous, especiallly if he’s not around you. People mustn’t get too flirty or touchy with you. And last but not least, pets are generally okay but cats would obviously be a problem for health reasons. He may try for you, but it’s really no long term solution.

Yoosung:

The little puppy boy needs someone very kind and patient. He’s carrying a lot of baggage around, especially after everything that happened with Rika. You should also be able to go along with his family, as he learns that maybe it’s really better for everyone if a family keeps working together and cares for one another, despite different views on things or even people. His ideal partner should have a love for animals as it will be an important part in his life, due to his career. So if his s/o can’t bring up empathy for animals (or in general) it may be a definite deal breaker. He enjoys cooking, so he’d love a partner he can learn new recipies with. If you’re hot headed a relationship may be pretty rocky, since Yoosung is in need of a calm and peaceful environment. He’d try to avoid conflict at almost any costs, so more often than not you’d be the one to get out of your comfortzone to adress eventual problems. If his s/o doesn’t want kids he will be disappointed and probably be hurt for a while, but he’d never hold it against them. Kudos, if his partner enjoys playing video games. Though he is able to beat is obsession, he still won’t hesitate to spend some free time on them to unwind. So why not play with his s/o?

Jaehee:

Though she’s not opposed to joke around once in a while, she needs more of a mature partner by her side. She doesn’t like to get too crazy though, her humor might feel too serious for some, but she’s just not very fond of being straight out childish. After some funny times she wants to calm down and talk about more serious and real things. It’s very important for the former assistant to fulfill her dream and she’d like her s/o to be an integral part of it. If her partner has different dreams they want to pursue she’ll tirelessly support them, unless it crushes her own dream. Other than setting up her café she’d like to do all the things she wasn’t able to do, when she was still working for C&R. This mostly being travelling and learning about other cultures, I can see her enjoying it a lot, even more with someone who shares her excitement. A thing one must be able to deal with is her fangirling. She’ll always be very passionate about movies and theatre, especially the pieces Zen takes part in, so it would be good if her partner shares her excitement. It would make her very happy if they take part in it. Jaehee wants someone by her side who can be responsible and can make decisions accordingly. Once in a while she may be taking things just a little too seriously, but she always has good intentions. She makes her decisions carefully to find the best solution for everyone involved. Her opinions can be rather strict and alienating at times because of that, but should those bring up an argument she’s more than willing to have a calm and serious discussion to find the ideal compromise. She expects no less from the person by her side. 

Jumin:

First and foremost the heir needs someone to ground him. He’s only just learning to understand his emotions, and after bottling them up for so many years, this is an humongous task. It will take a lot of calm understanding and patience, to make sure he won’t get overwhelmed by what he feels and go back to his mindset of feelings and emotions being overall impractical. His s/o should also have some basic knowledge on how to dress and what behaviour to show in meetings, dinners with business partners, fancy parties and the like. While he’ll definitely hire staff to help with these things, they must be able to learn, understand and adapt. They must be willing and able to accompany him to events and gatherings of all sorts, as in many places it is considered rude to avoid them. Also he’s able to meet new potential business partners or strike lucrative deals at those occasions; something he’d prefer to do with his s/o by his side, to have their direct input and judgement of the overall situation. Which brings me to my next point of him preferring his partner to have some basic/or even better advanced knowledge on businesses. He’d want to discuss new investments and risky deals with his partner, which obviously only works if they now what they are talking about. Also, he wishes for them to play an important role in running his company, be it only a supportive one. It’s also for the best if his partner agrees with his opinion on the overall importance of a strong bond within a family and goes along well with Chairman Han and Elizabeth 3rd, as both are very important parts of his life. In his free time Jumin likes to go out, having dinner at a high tier restaurant or going to a jazz concert, for example. But he also sees some quality time in staying at the penthouse and enjoying a fine wine, while talking about everything and nothing. If his s/o is someone who prefers going out clubbing, he’ll pass on that, since it’s really not his definition of a good time and he also feels very out of place at these events, so they’d have to go without him. Like with Zen they should be able to stay back at home without him at times, since there will be business travels they won’t be able to attend once every few months. 

Saeyoung:

He’d most definitely need someone who can keep up with his wit and his pranks. Besides being able to take a joke they must also be sensitive enough to notice when it’s time to stop. He’ll respect where they draw the line so he full on expects them to respect his, too. While he wouldn’t mind if his partner shares his problems with depression, ptsd and the likes it may not necessarily be for the best if they actually get into a relationship as in some cases, they might unintentionally trigger each other or encourage self destructive behaviour. There will be episodes in which he prefers to be on his own and not socialize too much and these also will have to be respected, though he will be vocal about this most of the time. He’d like his s/o to be as open to him as possible, especially after what he went through his entire life up  to that point. A partner who keeps too many secrets will make him paranoid. Not about them being a threat, but about the honesty of their feelings. With time he’ll become more and more expressive with his own and thus wants to know what’s going on inside his s/o as well. Public affection all the way. If his partner doesn’t like it he will tone it down, but it won’t be easy for him. He wants to feel happy and free and denying his affection in any way would hurt him deeply, unless it was made clear his s/o needs some time to adjust/on  their own. Again, he respects their wishes and needs just as much as they respect his own. While he likes his s/o to be curious to try out things and learn about anything and everything, he’s not too keen of too many questions about his past. The key here is also patience. Saeyoung does appreciate making plans and thinking of possible outcomes but generally he prefers a spontaneous lifestyle. To him, not everything has to be planned to the tiniest detail, so his partner should be prepared for sudden weekend trips or weird activities he decided to try right now. Literally. They don’t have to say yes to everything, but if they refuse to take part more often than not it might distance him from them, as he wants to live his life to the fullest since he doesn’t have to worry about the agency and other issues anymore.

 Alright. I’m done. Tbh this was going to be so much longer and I was originally planning to do V and Saeran as well, because I thought to myself, if I was gonna do it I’ll go all out, but guess what. My PC crashed and I had to rewrite more than half of  this, so I’ll leave it at that. It’s almost 2 am as I write this but at least I can relax now without having this screaming at me from the back of my head. I sincerely hope you enjoyed.

Disclaimer: I will not be writing a follow up with the missing characters on this. As I already stated above, this was an absolute exception and also I’m quite literally done with this. I’m sorry. 

#mystic messenger zen #mystic messenger yoosung kim #mystic messenger jaehee kang #mystic messenger jumin han #mystic messenger 707 #my writing

[uurameshii]

SHIPPING INFO | ABOUT MUN. REPOST DON’T REBLOG

✧ WHAT’S YOUR OTP FOR YOUR MUSE ? I’m Yusuke x Kurama trash tbh. I’m not going to lie, lmao. They’ve been one of my OTPs for a really long time, but I also adore Yusuke x Keiko because holy shit, that girl has the fucking patience of a saint putting up with Yusuke’s shit, lmao. BUT CAN I JUST SAY~ I wasn’t a huge crossover ship person when I first started out, but now I ship Yusuke with muses I never imagined I would and I love it. <3

✧ WHAT ARE YOU WILLING TO RP WHEN IT COMES TO SHIPPING ? TBH I’m still working that out as I go! I’m fine with shipping Yusuke with anyone as long as there’s chemistry there. I’m cool with fluff, angst, action, violence and maybe (and this is a huge maybe) smut? It depends because I’m still on the fence about it, but if I do decide to, it will only take place in Yusuke’s main verse when he’s 21 and I will only write smut with those I feel comfortable with. Toxic ships are okay too, to a certain extent but I will not change my muse and his opinions/reactions/actions to make him fit into a ship with anyone.

✧ HOW LARGE DOES THE AGE GAP HAVE TO BE TO MAKE IT UNCOMFORTABLE ?

Honestly, for the sake of my comfort, I will not ship with muns under the age of 18. As for character age gaps, it depends? In Yusuke’s main verse, his age can range from 19-21, so I’m willing to ship Yusuke with any humans that are in the same general age range as him, and as for demons, I know this can get a little muddy since demons tend to be hundreds of years old and all that good stuff~ As long as they don’t appear to be ridiculously older than Yusuke?? Like. I’m not going to ship Yusuke with a demon that looks like they’re in their mid forties/fifties? lmfao. In Yusuke’s Spirit Detective verses where his age may range between 14-18, I will ship him with other muses within the same general age range as him but I will not be RPing any smut within those verses.

✧ ARE YOU SELECTIVE WHEN SHIPPING ?: YES. I’ve become very fucking selective, lmao. Don’t get me wrong, I can be a shipping hoe at times, but I’m also someone that wants and appreciates progression and chemistry. If I plan to ship something, I’ll discuss it with the mun first and see how things develop first. Usually, I feel it’s a matter of letting the muses interact to see if they have chemistry. If they have chemistry, awesome. If not, I’m sorry but I can’t and won’t fake the funk. It’s nothing personal. If our muses don’t click romantically, I’m 100% open to other bonds/relationships like friends, rivals, enemies, or even sibling type bonds. Seriously. I love all BROTPs and enemies just as much as I love my ships, so give me all the things.  

✧ HOW FAR DO STEAMY MOMENTS HAVE TO GO BEFORE THEY’RE CONSIDERED NSFW?  Lmfao the moment there’s touching and clothes are coming off, I think that’s where I’ll throw in a read more. Sometimes I’ll tag dirty/funny memes as nsfw just for other people’s comfort but for the most part that’s about as nsfw as you’ll see on here? With the exception of my thread with my favorite sin cryptid.

✧ WHO ARE OTHER MUSES YOU SHIP YOUR MUSE WITH ? Weeeeeeell~ Right now, Yusuke is currently being shipped with @jardinfleursduciel‘s Kurama, @spiritxkissed‘s Keiko, @slayersheart‘s Sango, @moonliighttears Usagi, @bubblegumscales Juri, @thievingbat‘s Kuronue, @jokeranonymous, and @timidplum .  Depending on the verse, he’s also got an OT3 going with Joker and Plum, and an OT3 with @jardinfleursduciel‘s Kurama and @thievingbat‘s Kuronue. There are some other relationships in the works though! So keep an eye out. 👀

✧ DOES ONE HAVE TO ASK TO SHIP WITH YOU ? Yeah! It would be appreciated, lol. If you feel like your muse and mine have potential to become a ship, pop in and let me know. Now, as I said before, it’s all about chemistry and seeing how the muses interact.

✧ HOW OFTEN DO YOU LIKE TO SHIP ?: Listennnnn~ I love my ships mmkay? I really do. I’m the type to fuck you up with those ship feels by reblogging a song/image that’s relevant to a thread or slide into your inbox to give you all the love. XD BUT HEY, like I said, I’m not all about romantic ships. I can’t stress this enough. Yusuke needs more friends as well as enemies. ;D

✧ ARE YOU SHIP OBSESSED OR SHIP MORE-OR-LESS ? I don’t know if I’d say ship obsessed but I’m very invested in my ships! :3 I try to keep it under control so I’m not constantly spamming the dash with shippy things, but if I’m in a mood for angst and/or fluff, chances are you will know. XD

✧ ARE YOU MULTISHIP ?  Yup, yup! I’m multiship and every relationship, be it a two-person or OT3 ship is set in a different verse/AU. :3 

✧ WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE SHIP(S) IN YOUR CURRENT FANDOM ? I always have been and forever will be Yusuke x Kurama and Yusuke x Keiko trash, but I’m curious to see what other ships this fandom will make me fall in love with because at this point IDEK what to expect?? I love it. <3

✧ FINALLY, HOW DOES ONE SHIP WITH YOU ?: You can either leave out a plate of arroz con habichuelas with a side of tostones, a riceball or a bag of popcorn. Maybe some mashed potatoes too. I swear I’m not telling you to bribe me with food, lmfao. 

Nah, I kid. ;D Just pop into the inbox and talk to me! I won’t bite. 

Tagging: Anyone who wants to do the thing tbh!~

#☆ ɢᴇᴛ ᴏᴜᴛ ᴏғ ᴍʏ ʜᴇᴀᴅ ʏᴏᴜ ᴏʟᴅ ʙɪᴛᴄʜ! | ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴs ☆ #[ bringing this back bc I updated it! <3 ] #[ fuck I feel like ship trash ] #[ whoops ]

[nakamuto]

mutuals appreciation! write heart-felt messages to some of your favorite mutuals (or even ones you haven't talked to yet!) and tag them, BUT don't tell them which message is theirs, let them guess! after you're done, send this to 1 mutual you want to get a message from! 💌

this ask has been sitting in my inbox for 2 days bcbwqbbw i’ll try to not make it awkward hahaha,,, TuTTT (omg i got this twice im sorry ive been procrastinating)

@taeiloves @doyoukki @haecha​  @1aeyong @dovounq @softlyqentle @neocity 

under the cut:

a. you’re always so kind and nice,,, like you’re just so nice and patient with everyone? how did i even go from being mutuals > mutuals + anon > your friend honestly ;u; anyways I like you a lot as a friend and i appreciate all your endless effort in creating quality content for the community like idek how you do it everyday,,, i hope you dont stress yourself out too often TnT my long lost neighbour i hope you’ll be able to hear me scream from my window one day

b. you really have golden hands,,, everything you make is incredibly beautiful,, like LITERALLY masterpieces.. it’s also amazing how we’re in the same fandoms (like only 2 but yEAH) ;u;;; i feel very comfortable talking to you and every time you’re online i know that im getting quality content on my dash again :’DD please sleep early i know i say that sleep is an irrelevant concept but wELL,,, YOU’RE A CHILD AND U GOTTA !! you’re working hard, good luck

c. why would I leave you out of this,, even if you’re not super active here for now.. my one true soulmate..one that tolerates my bullshit and rambles well,,, i cherish you a lot because it’s so hard to have someone of the same wavelength as you and our thinking are so similar and we click incredibly well???? ,,, well talk about the countless jinx moments hahaha i think you’re an absolutely amazing person always trying to better yourself and i think i can learn a lot from you,,, i will pray for you everyday and i love you so much x 10000000 (u know i dont like to use ilu too excessively but for you I WILL),,,,

d. there’s something mysterious about you,,in a good way,, i always get that vibe im not sure why but whenever i see you appearing in my notifs im all :’’’’DDDDD

e. we’re literally one and the same,, like how is it even possible ;u;;; im still amazed at the fact that we’re so alike..from our biases and music tastes and even our age and also our thoughts/feelings on some people/issue. Talking to you is like talking to myself :’) im glad we got to talk quite a bit these days,, also have i told you that ive admired you since my svt days,,, ive seen quite a fair bit of your quality™ creations and i hope they’ll make a comeback soon,,, bless up buddy!!!!!

f. you’re a very sincere person,, i haven’t known you for very long but i like your gentle and sweet personality it calms me down somehow. thank you for talking to me first tbh im a bit on the introverted side and im lame so :::))) so now you know that you’ve signed up for more lame convos hahahah,,, everything about you is cute tbh the way you caption your gifs and your icon (its my fav pic of ur bias owbcbwcb) im happy to have known you now i have someone to ramble about your bias with hehe maybe one day i’ll be like yuta too

g.  hi queen!!!!!!!! you’re really sweet and kind,, and you’re good at what you’re doing,, and you’re really smart too TuT like,,,how can someone sc*ence. still cant believe we almost became uni mates (if u still remember) I respect you a lot for your dedication and i think you’re someone who knows how to get along with many different people,,there’s a phrase in chinese to describe this it’s called “很会做人” which is usually used to describe someone as very tactful and i think that’s very fitting for you,,,which is like,,, really cool. please continue to bless us with more quality stuff im always looking forward!!! 

#i hope everyone gets tagged #bc tumblr sucks #idk if its obvious #i think most are #hahahaha #replied #anonymous

[sopewriters]

Get to Know the Admins~

Hey Guys!! 

We’re so ecstatic to have reached yet another milestone in such a short time. How long has it been? seven months? Time flies by when you’re having such a great time. 

And most importantly, we’d like to thank all of you dedicated and sweet people for reading our fics, leaving a like and even reblogging them. Your efforts never fail to put a smile on our face :) 

Although we love seeing you guys in our notifications, we’d also love seeing you in our inbox, anonymous or not, so to help you all out, we made this ‘get to know the admins’ post so that you can see we’re just as awkward and funny as the rest of you :) 

So let’s get to it~

1. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR CLOSET DOORS OPEN OR CLOSED?

M: Closed, I get super paranoid about these things.

S: Same, tbh. 

2. DO YOU TAKE THE SHAMPOOS AND CONDITIONER BOTTLES FROM HOTELS?

S: um, *laughs nervously* sometimes I guess lol 

M: Lmao, criminal activity or wut? Tho I’ve done it a lot when i was younger, tbh. 

3. DO YOU SLEEP WITH YOUR SHEETS TUCKED IN OR OUT?

M: Tucked out. It’s too stuffy otherwise.

S: How does one sleep with it tucked in? I’m all for tucked out 

4. HAVE YOU STOLEN A STREET SIGN BEFORE?

S: Lol no?

M: Same, but it sounds interesting enough. Wanna go try it out? xD

5. DO YOU LIKE TO USE POST-IT NOTES?

M: Yes, I am super obsessed with them. My desk is sort of decorated with sticky notes right now, actually.

S: I like them, they’re nice and organized but I cannot, for the life of me, get them to stick properly Istg 

6. DO YOU CUT OUT COUPONS BUT THEN NEVER USE THEM?

S: I don’t usually shop so I don’t even have coupons lol 

M: Sometimes yes.

7. WOULD YOU RATHER BE ATTACKED BY A BIG BEAR OR A SWARM OF BEES?

M: A bear, because I could still run away.

S: SAME, I hate bees

8. DO YOU HAVE FRECKLES?

S: Unfortunately not 

M: Nope.

9. DO YOU ALWAYS SMILE FOR PICTURES?

M: What is a smile, but a fleeting lie? Jk, I don’t

S: I always smile, whether it be for photos or just in general. Although Midnight does have a way of ruining my life :)

M: Rude. I’m a nice person, I promise.

10. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE?

S: I don’t really know. I guess when people who you take care of and are generous to, treat you like shit?

M: Somehow, I feel like that’s me TT. I have quite a few pet peeves, actually, but to name one: you know when people crowd into your personal space? Yeah, it’s the worst :’(

S: And I know for a fact that you’re referring to me there but that’s okay because I love you~~

M: Why.

11. DO YOU EVER COUNT YOUR STEPS WHEN YOU WALK?

M: No, not really, unless I’m climbing the stairs and want to reach the top as soon as possible (I’ve had to climb like 4000 stairs before, ok)

S: Sometimes but not really, I lose track of things rather easily.

12. HAVE YOU PEED IN THE WOODS?

S: Not that I remember

M: Lol, nope.

13. HAVE YOU EVER POOPED IN THE WOODS?

M: Lol, nope.

S: Nope~

14. DO YOU EVER DANCE EVEN IF THERES NO MUSIC PLAYING?

S: *remembers the night before*  Yes and my parents think I might be possessed?

M: This morning lmao. I don’t really like to do that in front of other people, so it’s confined to my room.Usually occurs when I feel super, weirdly happy.

15. DO YOU CHEW YOUR PENS AND PENCILS?

M: Nope, I mean that sounds unhygienic af. But, I know someone who does so...*meaningful glare*

S: *Cries* Unfortunately it is a habit that has persisted since childhood and I’m too lazy to do anything about it. 

16. HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE YOU SLEPT WITH THIS WEEK?

S: Fictionally: 10+    In reality: None 

M: ...None?

17. WHAT SIZE IS YOUR BED?

M: Queen-sized.

S: Same, but I promise, we don’t sleep in the same bed... or do we? ;)

M: Yuck. 

18. WHAT IS YOUR SONG OF THE WEEK?

S: Don’t Recall - K. A. R. D.

M: Seo In Guk’s ‘Bebe’ has fucked my life up ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

19. IS IT OK FOR GUYS TO WEAR PINK?

M: Why the hell not. Go for it kids.

S: Uhm, of course, why not?

20. DO YOU STILL WATCH CARTOONS?

S: ....Sometimes but in my defense, kids these days have like super chic shit 

M: Maybe, maybe not....okay I do. Occasionally, but it’s ‘coz I have like a 2 year old living with me.

21. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE MOVIE?

M: ‘The Great Wall’ because ma boi Lu Han is fucked over...jk, it’s actually a pretty good movie.

S: Those dumb ass movies with predictable plot and shit

22. WHERE WOULD YOU BURY HIDDEN TREASURE IF YOU HAD SOME?

S: In my backyard but make like a really complicated map for it just to fuck with people lol. 

M: In my bank account. I wouldn’t bury it, but investment dudes.

23. WHAT DO YOU DRINK WITH DINNER?

M: Water. Obviously. Hopefully.

S: Same or like maybe sometimes soft drinks~

24. WHAT DO YOU DIP A CHICKEN NUGGET IN?

S: Barbeque shiz or like Ranch 

M: I’m like vegetarian, so grass? JK, I wouldn’t eat it in the first place, I promise I don’t actually eat grass.

25. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

M: I usually like spicy stuff. Pani Puri’s good too, if you know what I’m talking about.

S: Literally anything with good cooked chicken. You can never go wrong with chicken. Unless you don’t know how to cook. In which case, you’re fucked. 

26. WHAT MOVIES COULD YOU WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN AND STILL LOVE?

S: Harry potter, Lord of the rings and all the good ol’ classics 

M: Harry Potter’s one of those types, yes. But I also like to revert occasionally to my childhood--Robin Hood was good. aND sECRETLY, gREATLY HITS ME IN THE FEELS EVERY TIME HELP

27. LAST PERSON KISSED YOU?

M: I think...my mom? Or my brother? Idek.

S: My father, after I wished him happy birthday today!

28. WOULD YOU EVER STRIP OR POSE NUDE IN A MAGAZINE?

S: Hmmm.... Maybe? Probably not tbh

M: Hahahahahahahaha. Nah, bro.

29. BEST THING TO EAT FOR BREAKFAST?

M: I usually enjoy omelettes, sunny side up. Hash browns rock too.

S: I always have toast and cheese omelettes but I love pancakes and waffles with maple syrup

30. WHAT IS YOUR USUAL BEDTIME?

S: I don’t have one since I don’t really sleep so...

M: 10...gdi. Also, I don’t support your sleep schedule, I hope you know that.

31. ARE YOU LAZY?

M: Why would you say such a thing? Of course I am.

S: Depends. With studies and work: yes. Fanfiction: You can wake me up at 3 am and if I’m inspired, I will not hesitate to write a 10k fanfic.

32. WHEN YOU WERE A KID, WHAT DID YOU DRESS UP AS FOR HALLOWEEN?

S: I never really dressed up but if I did, I’d probably be a vampire 

M: I dressed up as Gabriella from High School Musical, once. But the most memorable one was the time I dressed up like Aurora. Man, those were good days.

33. WHAT IS YOUR CHINESE ASTROLOGICAL SIGN?

M: Rabbit, lmao.

S: Same! 

34. HOW MANY LANGUAGES CAN YOU SPEAK?

S: English, Hindi, French, Slight Korean and Japanese (Very very little)

M: English, Telugu, and Spanish. I tried learning Danish via Edmodo, but I only know how to say ‘a bear eats bread’ or something. I understand a bunch of other languages, but can’t speak them (A++ for well-roundedness)

35. ARE YOU STUBBORN?

M: Maybe, maybe not. Who knows?

S:I know and you’re not -.- But I am~  

36. EVER WATCH SOAP OPERAS?

S: YES YES YES!! Currently on the 49th episode of Our Gab Soon and still watching. Will it ever end? We will probably never know. 

M: My life revolves around soap operas...so like idek.

37. ARE YOU AFRAID OF HEIGHTS?

M: No, not really. Rollercoasters are the bomb yes

S: Extremely. How people can enjoy being thrown down a height in a metal contraption is beyond me. 

38. DO YOU SING IN THE CAR?

S: Yes! Very much and it bothers Midnight a lot on the bus. 

M:Tell me about it -_- But it’s okay, I’ve gotten used to it. I usually sing in the car if there’s no one there besides my parents, but not anywhere else.

39. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?

M: I used to, until I realized my neighbors could hear me.

S: Yes, rather loudly considering my grandma downstairs can hear me. 

40. DO YOU DANCE IN THE CAR?

S: Not much really. I’m not a dancer. 

M:You mean wiggle around? SURE I DO~

41. IS CHRISTMAS STRESSFUL?

M: Always. Do I look like I’m made of money?? But it’s fun too, so it’s all worth it :)

S: Not really. I love Christmas and it’s the joy of giving that makes me super happy the entire month. That and the fact that I’m done with my exams by then!

42. OCCUPATIONS YOU WANTED TO BE WHEN YOU WERE A KID?

S: Botanist. I was a huge fan of plants. Now, not so much. 

M: Funny you ask. I wanted to do a LOT of things: teacher, journalist, author, lawyer, marine biologist...the list goes on and on.

43. DO YOU BELIEVE IN GHOSTS?

M: I don’t want to think about it ;_;

S: Yes and I’m both fascinated and terrified. 

44. EVER HAVE A DEJA-VU FEELING?

S: All the damn time. It’s really weird. 

M: Yeah, same. My entire family thinks I’m weird now, but what can I say?

45. WHAT DO YOU WEAR TO BED?

M: Pajamas, usually. I don’t really pay attention, as long as I’ve got baggy pants and a loose T-shirt, it’s all good.

S: Shirts and shorts mostly~

46. IS THERE A PROFESSION YOU PICTURE YOUR FUTURE SPOUSE DOING?

S: Kpop idol? JK, probably something related to the science, idk man, I don’t really have any preference

M: I sort of do? Like, I’ve always had a preference for someone who’s either a lawyer or a chef, because I can’t cook for shit. I need someone for that so...

47. EVER BEEN IN LOVE?

M: I think I’m not ready for that yet lmao. But no, I don’t think I’ve ever been in love :))

S:HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO ME ;-; AFTER ALL THE LOVE I GIVE YOU!?!?!?Jk, but yes, I think I’ve been in love and currently am :) 

M: <3

48. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR?

S: Black and Red!  

M:greengreengreENYAS--

49. DO YOU CRY AND THROW A FIT UNTIL YOU GET YOUR OWN WAY?

M: Nah, that’s Sangria’s thing

S: -.- I didn’t ask for this discrimination

50. DJ OR BAND AT A WEDDING?

S: Band all the way!! 

M: Same, I don’t have any good experiences with DJs.

51. WHICH ARE BETTER: BLACK OR GREEN OLIVES?

M: Black olives duh??? But I don’t mind green olives either.

S:Same, tbh 

52. DO YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED?

S: YES! YES! YEEESS!!!!

M: Maybe, but there’s a long time for me to figure that out lmao.

#get to know the admins #admins #admin sangria #admin midnight #dumb shit for all ya'll

[bpd-black]

hey guys, so this is gonna be a long ass post, but here’s the tldr version: i love you and i hope you continue to learn about yourselves, and advocate for your mental wellbeing cause y'all are literally so beautiful and important and an integral part of our universe, the world literally wouldn’t be the same without you ✊🏾💕

SO, i just wanted to let y'all know that if you’ve ever messaged me (and this is for my black followers, btw, the rest of y'all … i don’t know why tf you’re here, but none of this is for you so ✌🏾bye, you can leave lol) please please know that i almost always read whatever’s in my inbox right away, and that i do care about your questions and what you have to say, even when i don’t answer right away or at all. you guys reaching out to me is NEVER bothersome. NEVER dumb. NEVER ridiculous. and tbh, it’s always flattering to think anyone would come to me w/ mental health concerns, considering that this blog literally started as a place for me to just vent out into the void & that i used to block anyone that followed me, lol.

(i jus didn’t want people to follow my blog ??? idk, i just felt like i had no other outlet to scream, and i was in a really bad place back then, idek, it made sense at the time. anyway, NOW this blog is a place for me to store information, affirmations and links to resources that i find informative or helpful. and i actually really love getting feedback (cough and validation cough) from you guys 💖 so pls, just know that you mean a lot to me.)

THE THING IS, though: i’m still not a professional. and when it comes to something as serious as mental health (especially in the black community) i just feel like i still have too much learning to do and too much healing to do before i’m qualified to offer any real advice. rn, all i have to say to most of y'all is ‘damn, thas unfortunate, me too’ and i really don’t want to give anyone a half assed answer like that, lol. it might take me a while to research what you wanna know, so yeah. bls be patient with me.

also i kinda wanted to introduce myself, since i don’t think i’ve ever posted an intro on this blog lol:

in summary, i’m a twenty one year old black girl, gay as hell, still living at home, still unemployed, still on leave from college, and still struggling just to shower and get out of bed every day :)) which sucks and i hate my life rn and i battle with like, intense self hatred cause a lot of my family is very disappointed in me and, quite frankly, i’m very disappointed with myself.

moving on, lol, more about my mental state: i’ve only ever been professionally diagnosed with depression and gad, though i personally believe i experience too many bpd symptoms to rule out the possibility that i am, in fact, borderline, and so i consider myself as such.

(( a small rant about that real quick: imo, and tbh, labels are just terms that researchers make up to help organize studies, keep track of patterns, and come up with plans and solutions to help large groups of people. so, basically, i am a strong advocate of NOT beating yourself up too much when it comes to finding the ‘right’ label for you and NOT attacking someone else that you don’t think ‘fits’ the description for a disorder or illness according to your research. like, yeah, fake ass neurotypicals are annoying as hell and they can all choke but ! the only person who really knows what’s going on in someone’s brain is that person themselves. and NO ONE owes you a dissertation on their mental struggles just to ‘prove’ they’re in pain. so, imo !!! it’s just a lot more important to recognize and identify what SYMPTOMS you struggle with, and the severity of said symptoms, and worry about umbrella terms later !! cause that insight will make it easier to look for help and advice and !! mental illness and personality disorders are all on a spectrum. so yeah. go easy on yourselves 💕 anyway, i struggled a lot with that concept, and for far too long, SO just wanted to get that out of the way before i continue (hope that made any sense) but i digress!!! ))

i also struggle with both intrusive and suicidal thoughts, a few minor self destructive habits, and i’m currently taking medication for my depression and anxiety. and tbh, though i still have some pretty terrible days, i will say the meds have helped a LOT. and i’m so glad, cause i’m the first in my family to openly take medication for a mental illness (stigma stigma god fucking stigma) and i was so so scared the meds would just make it worse, but they didn’t, so yeah :)

also, and this is a bit personal (but i’m willing to be a bit vulnerable with you guys, if it’ll help anyone at all) but, i planned on killing myself last year. it didn’t happen (evidently lol) but i ended up staying at the hospital for a week and then participating in a two week partial program after that. i’m currently looking for a new partial program or support group that i can join, and i’m trying to get a job and get back to school.

also, i have been seeing a therapist since my senior year of high school (which !!is a bit of a wild tale tbh, but long story short, my parents literally refused to believe mental illness was a real thing for the longest time. and it wasn’t until i told them i literally wouldn’t graduate high school if i didn’t get some help that they believed me.) my first two therapists were awful racist white women (still fuckin hate them btw) but my third therapist was a really cool white woman who actually introduced me to my current therapist who is this really amazing black woman and so far, i feel like she’s been the best fit for me. but i’ve very recently had to put my therapy sessions on pause cause i’m poor as hell and couldn’t pay for them anymore, so yeah. and, tbh, that’s really been stressing me the fuck out as of late, but what i’m trying to do is make the most of whatever other resources are available to me (helplines, textlines, self care strategies, forums, blogs, google, etc.) and i still have a social worker so idk, i should be okay 👌🏾

anyway, that was a lot of oversharing but, now you all know where i am atm ;) and i only share this with you guys cause a lot of asks i receive are about feeling like shit for not knowing what pd you have, or about being too poor to afford good health care, or not knowing how to convince your conservative ass black parents that you’re dying and need help and like !!! all of those topics are so so important to me on a very personal level !!! and i wanna help y'all so bad. but tbqh, i’m still trying to figure this shit out myself 😕 so, what i’m hoping is, just by letting you know more about my experience and being as honest as i can about it, at least one of you readin this might feel a little less lonely dealing with your pain. idk.

anyway, second to last thing: fr tho, i hope y'all know that it is both a rare, and amazing trait to be as insightful as so many of you are. even just trying to figure out ‘god, what is wrong with me’ and taking the time to do the research, is self care. it’s defiance. it’s acknowledging that a better life is possible, and it’s straight up refusing to settle for the pain you’re in now, for a life less fulfilling than what you know you deserve. i feel like the generations before us didn’t do that enough (with good reason, tbh, even today it’s still hard to know who we can trust) but it’s high time black people start healing our minds and our hearts. so power to you ✊🏾

and yeah. that’s all i wanted to say this morning. i’ve been wanting to say all that for a while, but wasn’t sure where the hell to start. i just hope that was all coherent and made sense, lol. don’t ever hesitate to message me guys. i may be an emotional wreck that takes too long to reply, but i do love you. lol.

and please please please continue to research things on your own as well, like. keep up with the latest studies, the TED talks, the blavity articles, the mental health blogs etc. etc. learn as much as you can about how to take the best care of you, even if my executively dysfunctional ass can’t help right away lol.

also !! (last thing, i promise) a quick update about this blog: i edited it a bit, namely my tagging system, to make it a bit more useful. i won’t go through all my tags here (maybe i’ll add an about page and a tag page later) but, for example, there’s my new affirmations tag (full of helpful reminders that i like to think about everyday) my positivity tag (just, yk, positive shit that makes think positive thoughts) and my black tag (whatever content i feel like pertains to just my fellow black + mentally ill peeps, cause lbr a lot of our struggles only happen at the intersection of both identities) 💕

i also have a music tag for music recommendations!! cause i like to believe music is very healing all on its own ;)

AAAAND that’s it lol 😘 stay safe out there guys !! this world is wild but, tbh, we know better than anyone what it means to make the very most out of our lives no matter what. happy black history month 🖤

#bpdblack.txt #ask #about me #blackness is ethereal #recovery #medication #self dx #hospitalization #bpd

[janiedean]

What do you think of the whole Dylan Roof being sentenced to death situation and Incblackbird getting hate for being against it?

haha I got two questions in one ;)

okay so premise: I have zero sympathy for the guy. I have in general zero sympathy for mass murderers even more so if they’re beyond rehabilitation (not that mass murderers are in general, so). as far as I’m concerned they should put him in jail, throw away the key and let him enjoy a very long life behind bars since the idiot is younger than I am and he definitely would have a long life expectance - too bad.

that said: I am also in any way, shape or form against death penalty. I don’t think it’s anything that should go on in a civil country, I entirely disagree on its value as *anything* since risking it doesn’t prevent anyone from committing crimes and I think that the chance someone innocent might die for it isn’t worth the chance of killing actual culprits. also I think the old testament is old fucking news, enlightenment has been a thing for ages and killing someone in retribution for whatever it is they did just feeds into a mindset that has to die. we can’t think that if someone kills someone then you kill them in return and you evened the slate - like it’s the same concept as ‘you stole some bread so I cut your hand’. like. it’s the 21st century. death penalty is sickening and unacceptable under any fucking pov and before someone asks me no, if someone I loved was murdered I would not want the murdered killed, I’d want them punished properly. as in: life sentences are a thing. (and before you tell me that it costs to keep someone in prison for all their life, don’t worry it also costs to kill them. I remember some newspaper article a while ago saying that in california they were considering doing away with the death penalty because it cost too much rather than for ethical reasons. haha.)

so: the dude should have been thrown in jail for life as far as I’m concerned but not put to death and not because he doesn’t **deserve** it but because killing people out of retribution doesn’t make you any better than them, because it’s just flat-out morally wrong and there’s a hell of a lot of different ways you can go about punishing someone. never mind that the US system works so well that… okay, story: once I signed an amnesty petition for a guy who spent twenty years in trials for a death sentence when evidence against him was either inconclusive or tampered with and they basically asked for signatures to send the state governor to give him a last appeal. the state governor also did not sign it and the guy died. since then I get links to similar petitions in my inbox and like every month or so I get something of the kind and it’s 90% black people convicted during the eighties in either questionable circumstances or without 100% foulproof evidence who get killed anyway. even if it’s not even sure they did it. like I’d be against it even if I was guaranteed that no innocents get axed but innocents have been axed in that way since ages (SACCO AND VANZETTI *COUGH*) and given that then there’s ppl like that former texas governor asshole who actually build their campaign on how many people were put to death under their administration and therefore don’t lift fingers to save the ones who might actually be innocent excuse me but lol I’m not ever agreeing with anything that comes out of it. and before anyone tells me that I’m empathizing with him rather than the families’ victims: no. I don’t give two fucks about this guy and I don’t think he deserves to walk out free or to not be punished, but you don’t kill people legally period. to me it’s just abhorrent as a general concept.

also: people on the tag going like OMG I’M SO HAPPY THAT HIS BRAIN IS GONNA FIZZLE are fucking sociopaths. like excuse me but if the concept of seeing someone die on an electric chair makes you burst in joy and cheer, I don’t wanna be near you ever. like it’s some of the most disgusting shit you could come up with - like idek if these people know what actually it implies that one person’s brain *fizzles* (I’ve seen enough movies/documentaries to have an idea) but it’s nothing exciting. and there’s nothing to be happy about because anyone who gets killed like that is a failure of a) the society that produced them/their family/their background if they’re guilty and b) a complete travesty if they’re not. like the bare idea that you’d rejoice at the prospect of seeing someone die in that way (at least if they shoot at you it’s over in a moment) is just… completely abhorrent to me? (also I personally have Issues TM with executions, like I can’t watch executions in general without feeling sick or crying my eyes out even if I don’t give a damn about who’s getting executed or whether they did anything wrong to end up there or not, so. again: it’s not even empathy. once I watched a movie where a fairly disgusting person who kidnapped/abused children was condemned to death and I hated the guy’s guts and I still cried when he got hanged because I can’t fucking literally watch people die slowly/executed. so.) wow idk my first thought would be ‘how do we avoid anything like that happening again’, not ‘HAHAHAHA THEY’RE GETTING THEIR DUE I HOPE THEY SUFFER’. like. wow. outstanding human being there. stay away from me thanks.

re incblackbird getting hate: I’m entirely not surprised that on a supposedly **progressive positions** website like tumblr aspires to be people are actually in favor of the death penalty even if like any left wing party deserving of that name is technically against it but like if people don’t get that not wanting death penalty in general doesn’t automatically mean approving of someone’s crimes then idek what to say but jfc people need to go to the nearest amnesty international building and do some volunteer work or something and stop being fucking sociopaths because seriously one thing is not being sad that the guy’s gonna die which I can more or less understand in theory but actually rejoicing in the fact doesn’t make you really much of a better human being than someone who, uh, most probably rejoiced in actually killing people. /two cents

#extra wank for ts #first person who tries to tell me I'm sympathizing with the guy can go fuck off #Anonymous #ask post #death tw #death penalty tw