#if i wanna talk i should start a conversation

[charliesinfern0]

i feel so stupid

#like? i feel so dumb #ugh #are things ever going to get better? #right now i dont feel like they will #i hope they will #i really dont feel like being pessimistic today #ugh i need to get out of my head but like it so hard to do #i dont feel like i can actually talk to anyone #i feel so outside from everybody on here and irl #i dont know #i dont want to put the onus of talking to me on anybody #if i wanna talk i should start a conversation #but i feel like ill just be talking AT somebody rather than with them #god i feel so stupid #because i always end up making it about me #but its not all about me!!! #and im trying to get AWAY from me!!! #ugh i hate this #i dont know i dont know #um... im excited for dinner bc my dad is making salmon #im im going to make rice with sauted veggies #and i think its going to rain in the evening #and.... when i get home im going to work on a bunch of projects #like citrus #and showing my mom my mysme presentation #and making more cds #and writing some mysme fanfiction #and my review/analysis on alien 9 #and im going to think more about 707..... #and i hope i have a good dream tonight

[spaciebabie]

honestly bro I think the funniest thing Abt being autistic is that I can't tell when people are trying ta be friends with me it just like doesn't click. ppl will all of the sudden start talking ta me and I'll be like, "hm why is this person talking ta me so much all of the sudden do they want something I mean I guess I'll go along with it"

#like I am privy ta the fact that this happens but I can't recognize it in the moment #spacie spoinks #I make friends on accident djdjdjjdjdn #I think that talking 2 me is much like headbutting against a brick wall like it'll break eventually but it's gonna take awhile #and also your head will suffer irreparable damage #I'm soooo fucking dense dude 😭😭 #also like. I can tell when ppl are nervous but I can't place why #so like when someone nervously comes up 2 me and starts fucking talking about the lore of garnarak or some shit #b/c they just wanna have a conversation #just like #this is really cool bro but I'm confused asta why you're telling me this #not malicious just genuine confusion #then like a month later I'll be like WAIT THEY WERE TRYING 2 BE MY FRIEND??? AND TALK TA.ME ON A SEMI REGULAR BASIS?? WHOOPSIE #well opportunity for a friend lost b/c I'm just so fucking dense 😭😭😭 #can you tell this has happened a lot djdjdndndnndn #anyways. I should get out of bed

[prestonmonterey]

i hope my friends never get the feeling that they need to have something important to say to be able to talk to me

#marble musings #its just like #an awful feeling #had someone i knew who kinda just like ignored my attempts to make conversation bc im like. not good at talking to people #and i was really sad bc i just wanted to like. enjoy her company #and ive been told by a couple people that they thought i was kinda intimidating??? #which is so funny to me bc im like SO scared to talk to people #anyway yeah you dont have to like #say something important or anything #if you dont want to #i mean im like actual shit at small talk but ill still try my best if you just say like 'hi' and wanna start a conversation #(ugh unless youre the kind of person who shuts down small talk questions i cannot deal with that. #there was someone i talked to who i was like asking questions to bc i wanted to like keep the conversation going bc i like. think thats wha #they wanted #but id say like 'hows school' or 'whats a fun fact about yourself' and theyd just give like one word answers which is alright but if you #wanna hold a proper conversation that doesnt really work #and when they answered the questions they didnt throw it back to me like 'how bout you' or something #theyd just. sit there #and i was like #damn ok should i like ask another question? #but i felt like they were trying to hint to me that they didnt wanna talk so i stopped talking #and they were fucking like 'awkwarrrd' #like DO YOU WANT ME TO TALK OR NOT) #ok sorry that was a really long tangent #i prommy im always happy to talk unless youre like a super rare exception (like 2 people ever) #in which case i will try to make it clear im not in the mood to talk or youre like making me uncomfortable or something #ok thats it #have a nice day #:)

[novorehere]

Ok. Somewhat serious post time?

As someone whose blog is Percieved Often as one of the first things that show up when you search ‘soft vore,’ (for some godforsaken reason) I feel a bit responsible for at least a small slice of this community’s image. I am genuinely interested in everyone’s opinions in this community, and I would really like to hear everyone’s thoughts.

My question is, what are your main “grievances” with the tumblr vore space, and what would you like to see changed for the better? They don’t have to be big, important things, mind you. Just things you’d like to see happen less or more often around here.

(Note: this is not a space to start drama!! I am not asking for vague callouts or personal beef with specific blogs. I’d like to have a friendly discussion about nuance in the vore community like civilized folks. I’ll have you know that I have a very high opinion of you all and I truly believe the community can sit at a proverbial round table and be decent enough to each other to have a nice conversation! Don’t prove me wrong please 😭)

#op #Also secondary question is there anything *I* could be doing better? #Also Also this post is absolutely not being made in response to any drama or Bad Event #I just know there is a demand for nuanced conversations and I wanna start some. good day #also also also my asks are closed rn for catch up so feel free to drop a comment or something. #THIS IS ALL /POS BTW #vore talk #soft vore #safe vore #extreme cuddling #as someone who has historically yeeted themselves far far away from community drama #(which I do not regret btw certain eras of vore tumblr were certifiably insane) #sometimes ​I feel I have shirked on having actually serious conversation instead of posting all memes all the time #ummmm girl anyway #i should be doing laundry rn

[socialjusticeace]

How tf did "decenter men" turn into "decenter ur mom"???????

istg every single stride to dismantle misogyny always turns into 'This is a woman's fault somehow' or 'stigmatize mental disorders more it'll stop men and get to the root of the problem this time i swear'

#im not like against it on principle obv live for yourself and make sure ur choices are making YOU happy first #but's an entirely different conversation from how centering men affects the lives & relationships of non-men but ok #there are literally women out there who center men so much they can't even center their mothers so what's the point of this conversation??? #what about the girls who love and adore their ''at home deadbeat fathers'' more than the mother who does everything for her and actively #tries to connect? does she need to decenter her fucking mom who occupies not a single corner of her heart lmaooo? #are we gonna go decenter ur dad(objectively makes more sense) now? no cuz we hate women #''Center yourself'' would've been an infinitely better co-opt but ok #it's like if u wanna talk about how moms mess u up then do that u don't need to derail other feminist conversations........... #& don't even get me started on the constant barrage of ''he's a narcissist- that's why he does *misogynist activity*'' #i should kill u

[chillllii]

when the audhd is fun until you become "i really really really have to give my input/side/idea and i dont give a fuck who's talking or what everyone was initially talking about" and before this site's illiteracy kicks in i'm certain we're all guilty of this to some extent

#well i'm not fucking talking to you am i #this is not directed at every reader but i think even if you think ''i'm not that bad #chilllli yelps #not everything autism/adhd/audhd does is cool we do annoying shit sometimes and that's just a fact that yall dont wanna hear #it's also ok to make mistakes and it's ok for your brain to have flaws #but also when you interrupt people to say smth that either no one cared to hear. no one was even saying. or fuck maybe someone already said #it. it's a little fucking annoying and when you do it over and over and over and over sometimes people get sick of your shit #you have flaws you are imperfect and your ego will be your social death if you do not learn to allow others to speak #fuck #if people start screaming at me btw cause i said smth that's true i'm blocking and deleting that shit #work on yourself #i also know yall are gonna be like ''oh well *I* never interrupt people and when i do i apologize you should at least do a small self evalua #just a small ''well do i listen to my friends very well? do i listen to the conversation i am a part of?" #also to yall who go into discord calls and lurk but sometimes talk think ''when i speak is it actually relevant to some extent? #or if you REALLY wanna talk about it it's ok just try to find a way to segway into what you wanna talk about cause that's how conversations #work. #i dont really expect this post to go anywhere tbh i'm just kinda frustrated cause i know a lotta neurodivert people who do this and idk how #say that interrupting people is annoying and disrespectful cause i know the brain chemical gets excited when it has smth it wants to talk- #about #i love you and i want you to tell me things. i also want to say things and when you talk over me to tell me things it comes off as you not #giving a fuck what i or others even are saying cause you're taking over the conversation with your shit that's irrelevant and no one has- #mentioned #idk i think i'm tired of seeing people be disrespected all the time but not knowing a polite way to tell them that they need to wait their- #turn to speak and when it's appropriate to change the subject

[jellyfishjunkie]

very sad 90% (not all) of my relationships (friendship and otherwise) is reliant on just me making the first moves, whether it be texting first or even starting and maintaining conversations when we r in person. it's kinda so depressing and exhausting.

#hush jelly #vent #idk is it too much to wanna feel wanted #and if i mention it change only happens for a short time #then it just goes back to the way it was #n people always say they just dont want to feel rejected #and its like.... #someone isnt always gna wanna talk to u/hnag out etc. #but why should that stop u from trying #idk??? like i know people dont always wanna talk!!!! i still reach out #i still send them silly posts #i still text to check up #or talk to try and start conversation #its not always gna work #and what #just cause i didnt feel like talking once #suddenly youll never intiate again #suddenly its just not worth the effort to reach out and recieve nothing ? #like do u even really care if u dont at least try? #i still check up on people i havent heard from in months #i know its hard sometimes to respond to people #but its always worth the effort for someone u care about #and is it really so much to ask that they extend you the same courtesy #i can think of only two people in my life who do this for me excluding family #thats depressing #and its exhausting for me #my own partner wont text me first #like girl.... #i knoe u wanna talk to me #you have said it before

[cassieberry]

#not directed at the original reblogs #but I can’t reply to Kylie’s post so #Yes it is weird to defend the morality of writing abuse as a kind and loving thing #to some random minor online when those are conversations you #should be having with other adults #you should probably be like “ay man I don’t think you’re old enough to be in these kinds of spaces’ #because who WANTS kids to go and start reading hella dark media #you should tell them that they’re too young for the contents of it and at least TRY #to say some shit about how they shouldn’t be doing that until they’re an adult #DONT talk to my lil bro like that again #im #not even hating on OP say what you wanna say but wtf is with the 25 year old 😭

[pezpenser205]

if i had a nickel for every time i got an anon criticizing me where i responded willing to believe them, being curious and wanting more resources or details so i can learn, but they go dead silent and never say anything else about it id have 2 nickels which isnt a lot but its really annoying and makes me sad that its happened twice.

#''x is bad'' #ok i wanna believe you but can you give me something to read or explain this to me bc just you saying things isnt something i wanna form- #a strong opinion around. #*silence* #ok! why!!!!! #i feel like if youre coming to someone with information especially an autistic someone then you should be ready to explain what you mean- #-and how you got to that conclusion. like someone saying ''x is a dogwhistle'' or ''x is bad'' doesnt tell me anything. i dont know any- #-more than i did when we first started talking. i just know that this person thinks these things and thats not enough. as an autistic- #-person whos been duped countless times into agreeing with stuff or saying and doing things in conversation that i didnt actually agree- #-with im not just gonna believe everyone. youre on anon and i dont know you. how am i supposed to know i can trust you. i cant. and i want- #-to. thats why im asking for information. i want to know things and i want to get things right but saying 'youre doing x wrong' without- #-telling me exactly why its wrong is a fucking nightmare man. i need to know in excruciating detail in order to change how i think. #its not that i dont ever want to change how i think i just cant trust people and want to know that the information im taking in is accurate #and i want to understand it fully. i cant just know one facet of something. #i dont just see the overarching idea. i see the smaller bits that make up those ideas. if you dont give me history or backstory to work with #i wont see the full idea. despite wanting to. #bleh. #im tired #op

[toastsnaffler]

told my coworker I just started elden ring and he was like fuck me playing souls games is more stressful than a full time job I had to quit ER when I started this job so I could just chill out when I got home instead.... 💀

#I didnt even start the conversation he just remembered im into rogues/souls and was making small talk.. sweet guy #i think ive won his respect by being a souls fan 🫡 #ive only played a couple hours so far (and lets be real. most of that was in character creator) but its really fun ive been thinking abt #it at work all day.... the fights are challenging but actually not as difficult as i thought considering how much ppl complain #like it feels very fair + the fight patterns are easier to pick up than most rogue bosses tbh. im a little clumsy bc i dont play many #3d games but ill get the hang of it.. #also looooove the visuals + music. goes without saying tbh #i wanna make fanart of the character im playing as already teehee #if i get home and eat and shower relatively quickly i can probably play another 2 hours lets goooo #feeling so much more normal today i love mondays my best friend mondays. my period did start at work tho which suuucked #me titrating this substrate w a white knuckle grip on the pipette trying not to crumple in half over the bench and weep #ibuprofen does nothing for me..... i need to get some more cocodamol even if it does make me kinda drowsy #i dunno how im gonna survive periods when im back titrating meds again bc i cant take any nsaids... well. cross that bridge ig #anywaaay. bus was on time so should be home before 6 today woohoo #.diaries

[flashhwing]

I was like “hey let’s just see maybe if I open origins this time it’ll work for no reason” so I did and see the thing is yesterday every time I hit resume it would spend less than 10 seconds on the loading screen before crashing and just now? just now it spent little over an entire minute. for a whole damn minute I really thought it was actually gonna work, finally, with no effort on my part

#in the city elf origin. you start inside then you go outside and that’s where the auto save hits and where it crashes #in the mage origin the auto save is right before you fight the rage demon. and then you talk to mouse and then it goes back to the circle #and I get two (2) lines out of jowan before it crashes #but there’s no place to save in that so I’ve played that fight. and the conversation. and the two (2) lines. so. many. times. trying to get #it right #so the city elf origin not even letting me play is. better actually #I also have a mahariel started but I didn’t really vibe with her so I haven’t even gotten to a crash point there #maybe I should play that more and see if I can get further. maybe even to the actual game #but idk. I’m not vibing #maybe I’ll play a dwarf #am not against humans btw I just a) like if hawke isn’t related to the hof. feels skywalker-y #b) don’t wanna play cousland. don’t wanna play noble lol #this has been a post #ash plays dragon age #or rather. ash does not play dragon age because ash can’t get dragon age to work on their laptop

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#the burdent of not being understood. its annoying and i dont like it. also its my fault #because if u say something serious in a light tone ppl dont kno wtf to do. prob bc they dont kno if ur delusional or not and like dont #wanna upset u. but then its like annoying bc they still walk away worried and im like ok neither of us r happy bc u dont get how serious #thjs is but i cant tell u how serious it is without making u worried. and y should i make u worry if u can't fuckinf do anything abt it? #so its just annoying. which is to say i went to a retirement lunch today and it was as awkward as i imagined #bc it was me and my boss and a couple professors and i dont do well in these group situations anything so i spent a lotta time spaced out #not hearing anyone bc the noise in the room was messy and my brain was peeling away from my body. but whatever i was there. and my boss #drove us both and on the way back she started the. im worried abt u talk. which i feel like she was too hesitant abt it. which like i get #bc its awkward to bring up but like i dont give a fuck so idk i feel like u gotta start those conversations like. this is how watching u #makes me feel. idk whatever. and i was honest but like it was a 5min car ride so i didnt have thr time to be like ok heres the deal. ya #kno? so now im all annoyed bc my brain is fucking unbearable when i feel like i havent made my thoughts clear. and now its like. do i bring #it back up? or just let it go? whats to be gained by talking abt it? all that i have to say is upsetting bc im very aware im being self #destructive. thats the point. i get boried and my brain only lets me do like 2 things so i use those things to make myself insane. bc at #least then i can observe the symptoms of the stress im exherting on myself. and i kno that not good bc idk how to stop and ppl r always #like u gotta relax. what will help u relax? and im like u dont fucking understand. i cant regulate thr amount i like things. if i like #something i like it so much it becomes stressful. and i like drawing but its not relaxing. its a thing i have to do and its stressful bc im #constantly thinking abt making things perfect and never meeting thst mark. my happiest memories arent even happy moments theyre just times #where my brain stopped for a second and i could just breathe for a minute. so like i cant relax. i dont like anything a normal amount so #the solution must be medication. but my brain has decided im not allowed to fix this problem until i move away so like 🙃 and like i was #giving little bits of this in the car but its like lady i kno its a problem. ive known its a problem for years. the self awareness doesnt #help. except that it keeps me from doing anything extremely bad bc for me if i at least kno where it comes from i can b like ah yes. this #is fucking stupid lol. but i dunno how me sharing all this helps bc im sure it only raises the worry. but like its fine. i mean its not but #like ya kno. and i was kinda explaining how upsetting it is for me to have my schedule changed without warning even if its for things other #ppl would see as good and i wasnt thst firm abt it so it was: but i can't just do nothing for u! and i was like ugh fuck it fine whatever. #and like do i bring that back up bc it is like a respect my boundaries thing but like i feel like if i were anyone else it would be good #to drag someone out of their comfort zone but im being dragged into situations i find profoundly isolating bc i cant seem to function in #groups. ugh its just fucking annoying bc i dont want her to feel bad. i appreciate the effort but like ugh its exhausting. whatever. it was #anyway. im just annoyed thst i should have explained things better. also im annoyed thst i constantly forget most things taste bland and #then im annoyed when i hsve to eat bland things. i think my nose doesnt work right bc i csnt smell much either #unrelated

[arcaneyouth]

*tapes a note to my forehead that says “STOP ENGAGING WITH PEOPLE ONLINE”*

#negative #i have GOT to stop starting fights with people why do i do this i need to punch a pillow next time holy shit #i have also got to stop trying to engage in serious conversations with strangers who don't know me #all of my problems online can be boiled down to 'stop trying to fight people online' and 'stop trying to help strangers with serious things' #so what is the truth? FUCKING. DON'T TALK TO RANDOM PEOPLE DUDE. play video game #if anybody reading this has ever been fistfought by me I'm Sorry I Genuinely Don't Know Why I Do That #i just wanna kill sooooo bad. well i should do that to people who aren't real

[milkweedman]

Having hap problems... i finished the socks this morning and decided to frog the old hap progress (which im glad i did) and re-evaluate what i was trying to do here. Since i dont currently have the brainpower to do the recreation of a traditional hap that i planned, i figure if nothing else i still want a warm, practical, and non-delicate shawl of some kind. But after a bit of ravelry scrolling im realizing that i don't think i have the yardage to do that :( i never measured all of it but if i kept consistent with the first skein, which i think i did, i have around 815 yards (745 meters) of light worsted yarn. And everything that ticks the boxes of 'uncomplicated' and 'looks warm' requires like double the yardage that i have.

#so essentially the problem is that i dont have enough yardage for a shawl and i probably never have #but i do want to make a shawl with it. so you can see the conundrum im running into #im considering dragging the rigid heddle loom back out and just weaving one bc i know i will have enough yardage then #but i dont wanna >:( if anything id rather weave it on a warp weighted loom (which i dont have) #i guess the other option is to knit a shawl using other yarn.... #see but then i wont have a hap and i want a hap and not a shawl ! #yeah my brains just going in circles today lads #i woke up at 5 in the morning checked my email and saw i seem to have gotten the job i applied for (yay) #and that i had to complete an online seminar. and it was early and i hadnt had my coffee so i just started it without checking to see #what it was about. which was 'how to recognize and prevent CSA'. they had a section at the beginning that was like #'if youre a victim of csa this is gonna be upsetting as shit ! so you should talk to your supervisor and ask to skip this' #like ah yes ill just start my first conversation with a new boss by saying 'hi im a csa victim !' thats exactly what i want to do for sure #so... anyway yeah it was a very unpleasant hour and ive been deeply out of it ever since. and still am but also annoyed about hap problems #knitting #csa tw #(for tags) #i guess if nothing else it says good things about my mental health that im not currently binge drinking and walking into freeway traffic #because thats absolutely how i would have reacted in the past and instead today i wrote in my journal a little #and talked to my fiance a little and then thought about textiles for. in retrospect. 10 straight hours #but it still would be nice to maybe not have had to deal with this at all #the last several therapist ive seen have all said that if i want to unfuck my brain i need an intense outpatient program and multiple #therapists working on me at once and well i havent done that because im not a millionaire. so i assume my brain is still fucked #and im just a lot better at pretending it isnt so as to not self destruct constantly #idk. :/

[kuiinncedes]

jglhdkhjf

#me and my brother last night was like talking about going out to eat for lunch today #kind of casually talking about it i guess and i was like u should wake up earlier ish bc i want to eat a little earlier #bc he usually gets up at like 12:30 #but then today he just said he gave up lmao and we're not going #which shouldn't be a big deal and it's not but i'm just ugh like #i've already been thinking about so much how i want to hang out iwth him a lot more than he ever does with me #at least that's what it seems like #and i feel like i was actually like looking forward to this or something but he was just like nah whatever and doesn't rly care #he was like 'u listened to the midnight cravings of an insane man and u shouldn't have' lmfao #and like i feel like i shouldn't care but i'm like almost kind of almost almost crying bc of it lmao #anyway i haven't eaten anything bc i thought we were gonna eat somewhere and i don't feel like eating anything at this point bc #i usually eat so much earlier than this but like i should eat something lmao #and every time we hang out too i feel like i want it to last longer and i Like it more than he does idk ugh it honestly feels that way with #other friends a lot of the time they're like fine leaving at the end but i'm like desperatley wanting to hang out for longer kinda #but i have found a friend who i think shares that sentiment a little at least judging by our conversations until 5am last yr XD #and she actually reaches out to me unlike anyone else :''') idk like am i just clingy/having high standards or something honestly gjndfjhbj #or like i just like being around others a lot more than i think :[ #my brother's starting at my college too and i feel like that could be a reason for us to spend more time together or something but #at least it seems like he wouldn't want to lmao anyway #ugh the fact that i'm like i wanna hang out with him when he's younger lol but he's always off at the gym or with his other friends #other friends what other friends lmfao #anyway i need to stop i've been thinking about this shit all summer and it's probably not good for meee lol #jeanne talks

[the-best-bagel]

Being fat sucks

#body negativity #tw body negativity #like yea theres all the practical medical aspects of it sucking #but i also just feel grotesque #and then feel bad about feeling grotesque #bc i know i look fine and i see other fat people and think they look fine #but then i see me and feel like shit #wonder what the hell im thinking wanting friends and romance looking like this #i feel silly when i wear sundresses and cute clothes bc it looks ridiculous #ive always been chubby and ik i always will be #i think the main difference in fat girls i find cute and the way i perceive myself is personality #i'm boring af and cant be anything more than pleasantly polite in conversation #any deeper than small talk and im just annoying LMAO #or it never gets deeper bc im an awkward son of a bitch #its getting harder to tell the diff between period miserable and baseline miserable i should see a doctor #wanna talk to ppl abt this but sisters just starting to be in a good place and idt roomiefriend wants that kind of relationship #fatphobia #almost forgot that tag oops