#i feel like if youre coming to someone with information especially an autistic someone then you should be ready to explain what you mean- | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

feybeasts · 10 months

Text

I really don’t know if this is like. For anyone. But as a 33 year old autistic, I’ve spent a lot of time having to deal with a wide variety of folks in various jobs, and it’s forced me out of my shell. I dunno if you’d call ‘em masking behaviors or just… guidelines, but I thought I’d share some stuff about how I try to go about dealing with socializing with folks, especially neurotypicals, in the hopes it might help folks like me who, growing up, didn’t have a rulebook for this stuff.

It’s by no means comprehensive, but maybe some of you can use it:

Open with kindness, folks are a mystery until you get to know them, but if you’re polite and assume the best unless proven otherwise, nine times out of ten, they’ll be the same way!

If someone is rude or disrespectful or unkind off the bat, it truly is a problem on their end, not yours. I know that’s one your parents might have thrown out without explaining, but genuinely, my experience has been that people aren’t good about compartmentalization, and they tend to let their bad mood spill out.

Similarly, it’s your right to disengage if someone makes you uncomfortable. You don’t owe someone your attention if they’re rude or too forward, and it’s not your obligation to correct their behavior. It’s okay to just move on!

Remember people aren’t mind readers- I know for folks like us, feelings can be Big and Present and Overwhelming, but from the outside, people might just assume you’re being sullen or grumpy. It’s helpful to explain yourself, what’s going on- don’t give ‘em your life’s story and try to lead with kindness, as above, but explaining where your head is at can help folks understand why things might be hard for you.

People REALLY like to try to fix stuff. If you tell someone who cares about you what’s going on and they try to throw a buncha stuff like “well have you tried this” or “maybe you should do this” at you, they’re generally not trying to tell you what to do like you’re wrong, they’re just not sure how to help and are doing what comes naturally- trying to fix the problem. It can help to open any venting with “hey, can I vent about this?” Since then the expectations are set.

People can only operate on the information they have, so it’s better to over-explain than not explain at all. Don’t throw out every single detail of what’s going on, just the basics, but “I’m feeling frustrated because of some unexpected news” or “Well, I’m kinda struggling with my relationship with a friend” can be enough for folks to understand things at the ground floor.

There are very few people in your life who are capable of taking on the weight of a friend’s problems on top of their own, and it takes time to learn who those people are. I know folks like us can make friends quickly and rush into trusting them implicitly, but people can sometimes take a while to show you who they are. And not every friendship is gonna be as deep as we’d like it to be. This is okay, of course, not everyone has to be best buds, but it can help a lot to take the time to wait for those people to show who they are.

Ask questions, listen to people, and know that it’s okay for there to be silence. It’s very easy to get excited about what’s stuck in your craw on a given day, but remember that from the outside, people might get worn out if every conversation is about what you’re fixated on. It’s a give and take, so try to consciously remind yourself to make sure to listen and give them room to speak too! It means a lot when you do that for people!

When you don’t know if someone is ignoring you or if they’re mad at you or what have you from a lack of information, remember that oftentimes it’s a product of ignorance, not malice. Again, you know how you feel about a situation, but they probably don’t. A conversation turning from what you were talking about, someone ceasing replying to you, not answering a question, etc is more often just unaware than they are actively being malicious.

Remember that it’s on other folks to tell you if there’s a problem between them and you, not on you to sleuth it out. If they aren’t properly communicating with you, that’s on them, not you- try not to beat yourself up if someone doesn’t talk to you about something before a molehill becomes a mountain, that’s a mistake all kinda folks make, and it’s something some people never learn.

Most of all, remember that for all the talk of social cues and neurotypical behavior, the truth is, everyone kinda… sucks at this social thing. All you really control is how you approach it, so if you do your best to come into a relationship of any kind with kindness and love for yourself and respect for others, most of the time you’ll come out ahead!

ADDENDUM: BIG one here- if you think you did something wrong, apologize! I don’t mean a big like- sobbing show of contrition, don’t grovel or write paragraphs, but if you speak over someone or say something that doesn’t land or make any little social mistake here or there (everyone does sometimes!) a simple little genuine “oh, my apologies!” Or “oop, my bad!” Not only makes them feel better, it can make you feel better too!

Hope some of these help folks!

3K notes · View notes

winndycakes · 29 days

Text

I did not wish to make this, I do not wish to bring bad light to others, so I am doing everything I can in this statement to keep it as vague as possible to grant others the same privacy I should have. But because my privacy was not respected I have no choice but to come forward with this.

If you know what I am talking about, then this is my side of things. If you don't know what I am talking about, then please move on.

(Also to note, I realize what day I am posting this on. This is absolutely NOT a joke.)

To preface this. My dad died suddenly Feb 26th. I cannot begin to detail what it feels like to lose him, after I've lost many others, to try and handle my emotions and grief while also handling the logistics of his belongings and estate, all this while having to write this on top of it. If I come across as intense, this is why.

I was in a discord server when it first opened. I dedicated a lot of time, energy, art and passion to it. I was even a mod at one point but stepped down due to my own reasons.

While there, we had an anonymous survey posted to gather information from the community about the server, what we could do to improve, what was liked and so on. Instead, some used it as a means to anonymously complain about members. I was a target of these complaints.

A quick note. This server was made within a community that has suffered MANY hardships due to anons. Keep this in mind.

One of the rules is that if you have a personal grievance with another member, to try to resolve it through DMs before coming to a mod or to even send in a ticket.

I must be clear; I was NEVER DMed by anyone how I made them uncomfortable. Not once. Nor were these complaints directly messaged to the mods. This was all through the survey (I will touch up more on this later).

I and other staff/mods that used to be on the team suggested we remove the anonymity. It's too risky for it to be abused, because as noted earlier, this community has suffered a lot through abuse from anons. This suggestion was ignored.

Now, I suppose I should say what the complaints were about. I was told I made others uncomfortable due to, and I am paraphrasing here; "talking over others, redirecting conversations back to myself and my ocs, and making too many jokes and insults about characters."

I will also say. I am autistic. What was mentioned are signs of someone with autism. My dad was autistic. I do not bring this up to deflect or excuse anything, merely to give further context.

I want to explain a bit of my process when I interact with others, in this case especially pertaining to an online space.

When I am talking with someone, anyone, I try to be as inclusive and welcoming as I can be. Saying hello, how they’re doing, that sort of thing. But a conversation is a two way street. If I don’t get a reply or any sort of means to keep the conversation going, I move on. That’s just… how talking goes. I can get very passionate in talking to folks, especially friends and things in line with my interests. It’s hard for me to notice if folks are uncomfortable in person, online it is impossible to tell. I need people to tell me directly if I am doing something uncomfortable and what it is, and if I can fix it.

My process for ocs is this: I see someone talking about their oc, they say something that reminds me of one of mine, then I share my oc. This is not to direct the conversation to me, but to share in it, it is in conjunction. I want to learn more of yours and I do that best by sharing mine. I cannot know if this isn't what you want if I am not told. And I wasn't.

I like to make jokes about characters, analyze them, critique them. I try to do this in a way that makes it clear this isn't an insult to those who like the character(s). But again, I need to be told directly by someone if I need to stop or tone it down. I would only be told sparingly by folks, and when I would, of course I'd stop, do my best to tone it down. But again, I was rarely told directly by people.

What is being described as my crimes are simply the experience of being autistic.

I cannot control it. I cannot stop it. I try to be as inclusive, warm and welcoming to all I come across. You do not HAVE to like me. But if you don't, just ignore me. You HAVE to learn to ignore people who you just… don't like. You have to learn to ignore pet peeves or to reasonably talk to the person. That's life.

So, when I received the above message, I was furious. I was at my dad’s apartment, cleaning out his stuff, and dealing with some harrowing emotions when I got this. I responded that getting this was extremely poor timing and yes, I was angry. But the one who sent this KNEW my dad died. They had seen me post about it, they acknowledged it, and still decided to message me. Who wouldn’t be angry?

Because of what I had been messaged, and the timing, I had decided to go to the owner of the server. I did not feel like it was appropriate for a mod, any mod, to message me about something that is a personal issue that folks should have messaged me themselves (and again, it is listed in the rules that things SHOULD be talked out privately between members before a mod gets involved), in a time that has been hell on earth for me.

I explained to the server owner what all happened with my feelings on the matter. I said that regardless, I would leave the server, because this was something that no one, absolutely no one, should experience. I requested for anything I contributed to the server to be removed, for I no longer felt comfortable for folks to use my art who could be the very same ones pettily using an anonymous survey to speak ill of me. So I sent my message, waited, and got a response.

I do not have anything against the server owner, but there are a few things that I must address with their response as well, because some are factually incorrect. There is full admittance to the complaints received through the anonymous survey, most recently at that. This goes counter to the rules stated that members should resolve private disputes amongst themselves first. (Again please note the screenshots of the rules.)

While perhaps not all of the mods knew of my dad’s passing, but enough DID that they should have known better. I posted briefly in the server in a slow thread so it could be better seen by people, including the mods. I had posted on tumblr as well. But the claim is no one saw it.

Again. This is just not true. Look to the above screenshots.

I do not have a screenshot of when I had sent the message initially in the server of my dad’s passing (I apologize for this), but the point being is that people knew. Another member messaged me in DMs to give their condolences. While I am and have been open about his passing, I also tried my best to not talk too much about it in the server as to bring down the mood, and I sought out the server and talked there as a source of comfort. Saying this was not clear to anyone, is false.

Now, I am sorry that I made people uncomfortable, it was never my intention to, and I will take fault in that. That isn’t what I mean to address in all this. The issue is; if people were uncomfortable, they needed to follow the rules and come to me DIRECTLY stating such, NOT give these complaints through an anonymous survey. And that I should NOT have been told during such an awful period. How can I take this at face value when I am not offered the same?

I wish to point out as well, why I kept bringing up the anonymous survey, and to bring back a note I made earlier.

There is a great deal of falsehood in using an anonymous survey to gather information, when this community has experienced a lot of hardship from anons. I have seen many people torn down and even chased out of this community and others because of people hiding behind anon. Creators, fans, and yes members, mods and even the server owner have all been victim to negativity from anons.

Now, I also must bring attention to this.

This is a screenshot I was sent of another mod posting, after I left. This is ABSOLUTELY NOT OKAY. This is why I feel the need to make this statement. Giving details like this is completely unnecessary, and with this said after I left is unacceptable.

I am sorry to be redundant, but I truly am sorry if I ever did make people uncomfortable. All I wanted to do was to make friends and share in the joy in creating art and characters with others. To share space in a community with something I truly found enjoyable. It’s why I’d get enthusiastic whenever OC’s were brought up and I’d share mine. I also wanted to share joy in the topic of the server, and yes some of that for me IS making jokes about characters or even giving critique.

I am not saying any of this to bad mouth or slander anyone. I say all of this to express my side of things. Someone who is grieving the loss of their dad, and so many others who came before him that are making me remember now because of his passing.

#winndy serious

102 notes · View notes

bottlecapsandotherthings · 3 months

Text

Aaaand Here Comes The Rant.

I am so done.

So sick and tired of seeing it everywhere, and experiencing it for myself.

Parents out there of autistic children, you need to hear this:

MY AUTISM IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM.

Do you know how sick I am of my own mother constantly complaining about how me being autistic is so hard for HER, how it makes HER life so inconvenient, how SHE is embarrassed to even go out in public with me, how many times she has said that SHE is embarrased that and wishes that I was not her child?!

I have trouble with doctor's appointments over the phone, because I get nervous when both answering questions and giving information.

I make too much eye contact with people and stare directly into their eyes.

I go semiverbal/nonverbal a lot, especially when I am really tired or stressed out, and I flinch and start having panic attacks when someone yells at me.

And there are a lot of other things, as well.... and what is the common thread that connects all of them?

IT IS NOT AN INCONVENIENCE.

At least, it should not be, to a good, loving parent who actually cares for their autistic child.

You know what I want?

A nice, loving parental figure.

They would hug me when I am anxious, be patient with me when I hesitate during phone calls, love the things that make me unique due to my autism, and they would NEVER yell at me.

It is not hard, nor is it inconvenient, to be a kind and loving parent.

I am so tired of hearing these self-centered mothers everywhere, always bitching about how they hate how their autistic son is "too" quiet and refuses to make eye contact.

Meanwhile, that boy is one of the sweetest kids out there, and loves drawing pictures for and giving flowers to people.

Because that is how those types of parents are.

They never see the real "us", they only see what is not considered "normal" by society, and they resent us for being born that way when it is not even our fault.

Also, I am proud to be autistic, thanks to the love and support of everyone I have met on Tumblr.... even though my parents hate me for it.

So, to every autistic child who has ever been told or made to feel like their autism is an "inconvenience" to others.

You are perfect just the way you are, always.

#autism #tw ableism #long post #i choked writing this....

43 notes · View notes

blueraspberrycoke · 6 months

Note

Best college research is in USA cost vs degree use which has a list of schools, this gives you the best loan for degree cost of the degree is the goal. Look at that and the subject then online at the best cross matches. Unless you want a social experience mostly then whatever vibes. Listen you know anti-trans bigotry like in your about has NO ethical point in feminism, it's just bigotry.

Thank you for the advice on college :)

I'm not a bigot. I'm not anti-trans. I don't think trans people are inherently evil. But I do not believe you can change your biological sex. I do not believe allowing trans women into women's sports, changing rooms, sexualities (lesbians being pressured to date trans women), etc. is good for women and girls. It's not just a belief I have, it's factually proven to be dangerous to put TW in women's prisons (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) and in bathrooms (1, 2, 3, 4, 5 [5 is written by a trans woman]).

I'm not saying I hate trans people or that I don't trust them or that teens/children who identify as transgender are "broken" or "wrong" like people have said I do. I think we have manipulated an entire generation of lesbians and homosexual boys (though not all trans-identified people are homosexual/bisexual) into believing they have to be the opposite sex. We've lied to dysphoric teens and told them they're going to die if they don't recieve gender-affirming care (see all the posts on the protecttranskids, transgenocide, transrights etc. hashtags).

This is also evident in that anytime you question someone who says trans people are experiencing a genocide, especially a younger person (like a teenager who gets all their information from Instagram and TikTok) they actually can't come up with a single example. Even when they bring up the so-called "anti-trans legislature" being passed in the United States, they can't name any specific bans, because that actually does not exist. What I linked for you is HB1276, which, if you read it, allows minors who underwent sexual reassignment surgery to sue their doctors up to 30 years after they turn 18 for malpractice if they regret surgery. Trans Legislation Tracker labels this an "anti-trans" bill.

They have reason to regret it, too. Lupron, the drug administered in FtM transition to dysphoric females, has painful and sometimes deadly side effects that gender-affirming medical clinics will not disclose with you in full. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Also, a disproportionate amount of FtM females are autistic, homosexual, and depressed. I care especially about these women because I'm eighteen, autistic, and a lesbian, so I really resonate with their pain and struggle. I'm not disgusted by transgender individuals and I'm not angry with them. I feel terrible for them. And I want to help.

What I think we have in the world now is an extreme lack of education. It's harming girls and women my age, when there are more affordable and better options. We've known for a long time doctors will push medicines that don't work/shouldn't be as expensive as they are in order to make money (I'm talking about things like selling insulin for $500 a vial. I'm not talking about things like vaccines.).

If you want to change your name and use other pronouns, cool, fine, whatever. I don't care what you do with your life, your money, and your time. But don't call yourself male or female when you're not. See my pinned post for why doing so harms women and men.

Transgenderism is motivated by misogyny. Go to any of the subreddits created for TW (r/Egg_irl, r/MtF, r/transgender [though that one contains trans men also]) and you'll see in every "How I knew I was trans" post that these people consider being female synonymous with being feminine, and it isn't. I'm not feminine. Does that make me a man? No. It just makes me a nonfeminine woman.

I'm not denying the existence of gender dysphoria. Many of my mutuals are desisted females who still struggle with it. But hormone therapy/SRS (sexual reassignment surgery) are very clearly not the answer. I hope this helps you understand my position better. I also hope I've not come across as condescending or patronizing in any way.

#mine #radblr #radfem #radical feminism #terfsafe #terf #actually autistic #transgender #trans #detrans #desist #detransition #feminism #wlw

41 notes · View notes

smytherines · 2 months

Text

Extremely specific neurodivergent curtwen headcanons that crack me like an egg:

ADHD Agent Mega is practically fan canon at this point, but I feel like we focus on him being bored & fidgeting more than other ADHD issues. Like I imagine so much of his macho guy bluster is 1. from being gay in a homophobic society, but also 2. From Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. I dunno, something about the way he gets so flustered and defensive when people criticize him (which happens constantly)?

I've been thinking about maybe Curt being dyslexic? Like maybe he doesn't read briefings because they're already difficult to focus on, but also they're literally difficult to read? He mixes up information no matter how hard he tries. He's learned to stop trying and pretend he's just too cool for that nerd shit, but whenever someone gives him a hard time for screwing up he takes it really really personally? He has big emotional outbursts, which is especially tough as a closeted gay man in the 1950s-1960s

I have a lot of headcanon about autistic Owen Carvour, but it's kinda weird because he's canonically the villain of SAF, and that tends to stray uncomfortably into "he was always a monster" OR "the fall made him into a monster." So with autistic Owen headcanon it veers too close to saying that being autistic made him a monster (yikes, no) or that becoming disabled (no way in hell he doesn't have chronic pain issues after all that) made him a monster (also yikes, no).

So for me, the way that I frame it is like... okay so Owen is literally masking in the show, but I think about what that says about him that one of the major details we know about him is that he is very good at pretending to be other people. I'm a heavily masked autist myself, so this really resonates with me. With autistic men there are some very specific stereotypes like math, bad at social interaction, etc. But I think Owen would have a profile more stereotypically attributed to women: being hyper aware of everything around him, using "movie talk" or just remembering interactions with others and having a script. I don't know how to explain it exactly, but it's like you enter a situation and you can more or less suss out what people are expecting from you in that situation, so you just flip through your mental rolodex of phrases and deliveries and ways to stand and hold your face that align with their expectations of you. You become adept at blending in.

I would fully believe that Owen reads every briefing multiple times and has charts and diagrams, and maybe before the fall part of why he does that is that he knows Curt is a talented agent but just struggles with that part of the job, and Owen feels protective of him. Like he gets that Curt is impulsive and feels the need to be a counterweight to that. It feels like Curt blocks out information and takes in stimuli, and Owen blocks out stimuli but takes in as much info as humanly possible.

Then there's all the villain shit obviously. This is extreme headcanon territory, but one part of being autistic is what they call the "autistic sense of justice." That absolutely does not mean that autistic people have some preternatural ability to be eternally on the right side of history, we all have our individual identities and experiences coloring what we consider "justice," but just on a personal level being autistic and becoming disabled radicalized me. It led to me becoming anti-capitalist & anti-imperialist. It drastically changed my perception of right and wrong because I had to interrogate my own understanding of power, the way the concept of "crime" is created (like you get jail time for shoplifting, but your boss doesn't get punished at all for stealing money out of your paycheck).

I've already done ridiculous long posts about the political stuff, but I do think that an autistic person, especially one who has gone through a massive trauma, might come through it with a new understanding that the US/UK governments are actually pretty awful, that ignorant brutes shouldn't be in charge of politics and information.

I dunno I probably have more but I've already dumped too much here

#spies are forever #owen carvour #agent curt mega #curtwen #ND curtwen #autistic owen #adhd agent mega

24 notes · View notes

alevolpe · 2 months

Note

So I just read your HCs, and I love how you characterized Ami as having autism. She was always my favorite character-- we even share a birthday-- and I'm glad that I'm not the only one who sees her as being on the autism spectrum.

I'm also not ashamed to admit that I teared up a little reading what happened to Luna. I love the relationship Ami and Luna have, both in the actual show and in your headcanon.

Thank you so much!!

I love that more people are open to the autistic Ami hc now. It was always a bit of a no brainer to me, but I understand why some people pushed the idea away.

That said I love her. I've mentioned before that even back a year ago Ami was prob my 4th or 5th fav, but getting to draw her and write her more and more (and a bit of Makoami magic lol) she has srly grown on me. She's still not my fav, Mako my beloved, but she has a serious soft spot in my heart, I go back to her a lot for comfort.

So I'm always so super happy when people tell me they like my characterization of Ami.💙

Her and Luna's relationship is something I srly wanna explore more.

I see Ami as an outcast, but not really cause her peers actively dislike her, but cause Ami has chosen to distance herself from them, deciding to focus on her studies and academics instead.

This lack of interaction with people her own age has made it difficult for her to relate with them, being actually much easier to interact with people older than her (since that level of informality is never broken and that's where Ami is at her most comfortable).

I see Luna as a middle-aged woman at least and for her, connecting with Ami was easy since the beginning, even if it took her a bit for Ami to warm up to the idea of this 'new reality'. Ami does not want to do this. She said it to Luna since the beginning, initially refusing to aid her and turning her back on Luna's offer to become a senshi.

Though Luna stuck around, not only cause this is her mission, but also because she saw a loneliness within Ami (despite Luna's mission being JUST to reawaken the senshi, she couldn't overcome her maternal instincts). Ami is initially perplexed by this, but slowly starts to warm up to Luna, enjoying her company, her talks, her advice, her compliments, affirmations..

I can see a conflict within Luna at this point, coming to care about this girl, but feeling extremely guilty about her behavior, being very easy to be read as, well, grooming, for a lack of a better term. Tho Luna genuinely cares.

I think multiple factors influenced Ami to finally try being a senshi a go. Seeing someone being attacked by monster (which had Ami initially just simply ran away from it, Ami's but a simple human, powers or not, she's scared), an odd sense of responsibility put on her (Ami being an extreme people pleaser, if an authority entaskes her with something, she feels a sense of duty and drive to make the person proud), but ultimately I think the major factor was Luna.

Luna is the primary reason Ami became a senshi (refresher to the join order of the girls in my AU: Ami awakens first with Luna, then Rei joins, then Usagi). It's not easy, in fact it puts a severe strain on her, both physically and mentally, but Ami pushes through, for Luna. Eventually made easier (and harder in some ways) by the avdent of Rei joining the team.

Loosing Luna is something that will keep resonating withAmi throughout the series. It's like loosing a second mother, especially since Saeko has been fairly absent through her life (though Saeko will be more present, suspecting something is up with her daughter and she will genuinely try to "mother", Saeko is a disaster, in many ways more than Ami herself).

She will start asking herself why she is even doing this anymore, since Luna's not here, who is she even fighting for anymore? It's a very selfish question, she's aware, but I think it's a form of coping from her part.

Despite asking such a question constantly, she never makes to leave, she would never, she knows she can't, cause she cares too much about her friends. She knows she's now fighting for them too, but this would be the first time such thought would be a conscious reflection in her mind, having had Luna be such a central staple on her mind for so long.

Unknowingly, Luna had eased her among loving peers. It was never all easy, they had fights and they will have more, but Ami finally belongs. It's a bitter sweet feeling for her.

Ami loves her team.

At this point, she cares so much about Usagi, being the first to show her how to "friend". Starting as just an odd aloof girl that joined her team, to seeing her as a girl who always strives to make others happy. Bringing cheerfulness into team since the very first day, something that Ami became so accustomed to, she would never realize how much she would miss it til having to go back to an empty apartment, color seeming to drain along the walls in the lack of her presence. A simple genuine smile, something that seems so simple, yet so rare, Ami cherishes it so dearly.

And Rei.. Rei's complicated, she likes to make herself as such. Ever since the beginning, Rei seemed cold, refusing Luna's offer like Ami had done prior. Though this time, Luna just seemed to run in a wall every time she went to the temple. Talks, explanations, pleads, bargains, nothing seemed to work.

"I can talk to her if you'd like"

She really didn't want to, but for Luna, she will. The talk went as well as you expected it, an incredibly frustrated Rei trying to deal with recent accusations of her temple attracting mysterious attacks on students. Despite that, Rei didn't try to physically ward off Ami like she did with Luna many times (Luna is still pretty scared of that broom).

"Did that dumb cat send you? Listen, I have a job to do here, so you either get to the point or you get out of my way."

...

"So?"

"My name is Ami, Ami Mizuno" offering her hand to Rei to shake.

...

*Sigh*, Rei unashamedly pinching her nose in frustration. "If I shake your hand will you tell that dumb cat to-"

"Luna"

"What?"

"Her name is Luna"

"Yes! I know her name! She's been harrassing me in my own house for the last 2 weeks! Alright, listen. I don't know what kind of program you guys are a part of and I have no interest to know, but let me put this into clear terms so that maybe an actual 'person' might understand this better than a stupid cat. NO! Now scram, I'm busy!"

.. "..." "ok" bowing and turning to leave.

That night, something akin to guilt seemed to boil within a restless Rei Hino. She knew it wasn't due to how she confronted the girl, she had all rights to be angry! Tho a seemingly related vision of the girl with blue hair, lying perfectly still in a pool of what seemed to be her own blood stuck with her.

Rei will tell herself that she joined the team to get Luna to stop harrassing her and that the team NEEDS her. Like, come on, how is such a team meant to go on without the grandiose Rei Hino leading them to victory?! Earth would have no shot. HA!

Rei would never admit part of the reason she did join, was Ami, seeing the girl get hurt, or possibly killed, haunted her. She blamed Luna for this. Ami should've never been a part of this. Ami's weaker, almost fragile combat figure seemed like a cruel joke to Rei. Seeing the girl even shivering from her powers (Ami's not immune to her own powers), the small girl curled up into a ball in a desperate attempt to keep herself warm in a relatively cool night. With a loud sigh and exaggerated movements, Mars made to cup Mercury's hands.

Ami, being obviously perplexed and put off by this, but almost too weak to pull back, finding comfort in her companion's warmth after having to endure numerous and stressful post-fight recory sessions with nothing but the comfort of helpless Luna offering her kind words of encouragement.

It would take a while for both Ami and Rei to fully come to terms to the idea that they were 'friends'. When the newly recruited Usagi asked, Ami had no answer ready, which is extremely unusual of her. 'Friends? Are me and Rei friends? We're companions, teammates, we never really hang out outside of missions or just studying silently at the temple', though Ami enjoyed her presence. Except when Rei was needlessly rude to Luna, Ami enjoyed being around her. It didn't feel quite as lonely, even if they never openly spoke about their lives, hobbies, families... 'I guess we're not friends'.

Ami hated being so logical at times, but she couldn't help it.

Throughout the season and into season 2, this relationship between the two grew stronger, especially due to the 'Usagi' phenomenon LOL. Making it so effortless to bridge the two into more intimate moments outside of uniform. A mission to check on an amusement park became a fond memory for Ami. A picture taken of the 3, looking so much like the pictures she'd see of her school piers sharing among each other of their 'hangouts'. Funny how that worked.

Rei and Ami's friendship would def have its highs and lows, mostly stemming from Luna and how differently each girl would see her. Ami being very capable of holding a grudge toward Rei's treatment of her. All of it reaching a terrible boiling point at the moment of Luna's death and discovering about Rei vision. Again, Ami was absolutely blinded by rage and grief. She loved Rei. Rei's no murderer, but she let her primal emotions take over and with the events of season 2 after that, the two never got a moment to grief or a moment to reconcile. Rei still holding a massive grudge toward Ami, refusing to even speak to her outside of sailor business, while Ami is eaten by grief and guilt.

Mako being her main source of comfort at this point (Usagi tries, but she also has her own demons to fight still). The previously mostly unknown, if nice, tall girl that joined her team late, seeming to take steps to take care of a broken Ami, offering support, food, and and a shoulder to cry on.

Luna's influence will be felt by the team and not forgotten. Ami especially will carry her momery forever.

Idek why I wrote ell this LOL. I feel inspired at times , srry 😅.

Thank you for the ask <3.

#ask me stuff #luna #ami mizuno #usagi tsukino #rei hino #Rei and Ami's friendship is a very unconventional one but not less strong than others #they are both awkward introversts bad at words and expressing emotions #but they care so much about each other #even if a hug between them is rare. Rei the cactusbdoesnt like higs and Ami is awkward at initiating contact cause she knows Rei #doesn't like being hugged #just shows hwonmany layers of they are oushing to the sidenin order to give priority to showing their purest form of love and compassion #they can at that moment #i luv them

20 notes · View notes

astrosouldivinity · 5 months

Text

Astrological placements in a natal chart that may indicate OCD or Anxiety

+ Autism/ADHD

Part 1: ⚠️ Disclaimer: I am not saying these placements have AuDHD/Anxiety/OCD. But they may be more prone to certain behaviors relating to the disorders. You can use astrology to observe your subconscious patterns. Essentially, you can use it for shadow work. But these may not apply to everyone so take what resonates and leave what does not

6H Stellium- OCD regarding their perfectionistic nature. They need things to be exact & orderly. Change in routine may be difficult especially if they have already established a routine that makes sense to them. This placement gives Neurodivergent vibes as well tbh. They need some type of structure/routine to feel secure.

Mercury Aspects: if negatively aspected these individuals may struggle with communicating their innermost thoughts. Their thoughts/communication often get muddled which can make it difficult to understand them.

Mercury Square Venus: relates to Mercury aspects but I wanted to go into detail with this specific placement. They may be awkward in social settings & have a hard time connecting with others overall. They could say the wrong thing or just make someone feel some type of way but it’s not on purpose.

Virgo Anything: OCD regarding their physical environment. I didn’t put any specific Virgo placements because I’ve observed that the placement truly doesn’t matter when it comes to these behaviors. Since they are an earth sign they are pretty grounded. However, they are ruled by Mercury & are a mutable earth sign which affects their stability levels. They need their environment to be perfect & make sense to them at a mental level. So they may be control freaks. They give off restless anxious energy similar to Gemini. They are sensitive & feel things in their gut due to Virgo being ruled by the abdomen. Digestive issues are a common symptom in autistic people.

Libra Sun/Moon/Mars/Mercury: They are likely to have a strong sense of justice which is common for people with Autism. But they are also an air sign too so I think it makes it more difficult for them to stay grounded in general. They pick up on many different frequencies which I think makes them very intuitive. They may have pattern recognition which is another Autistic trait. They like to weigh their options and see things from different pov’s before coming to a decision. But they can be indecisive & value their freedom a lot. It’s giving PDA (pathological demand avoidance).

Gemini Anything: I didn’t put any specific Gemini placements because I’ve observed that the placement truly doesn’t matter when it comes to these behaviors. Their brains tend to be scattered & they are usually all over the place. They have a restless/anxious energy to them. It’s hard for them to stay still for prolonged periods & they need lots of mental stimulation or they will get bored. They are good at retaining information & sometimes have a good memory. But they can be forgetful too. They may remember their special interest in detail but everything else is debatable.

~Part 2~

AstroSoulDivinity on TikTok

#astrology #zodiac signs #astroblr #shadow work #astro placements #spirituality #zodiac #astrology observations #autism #adhd #ocd #anxiety #healing journey #mental health matters #mental health awareness #zodiac placements #neurodivergent

35 notes · View notes

love-toxin · 1 year

Note

As someone who is on both the ADHD and autism spectrums, but wishes to remain anonymous....

Would the fruity four still... like me? Even if I'm weird and stim with my hands? Or if I say weird things and curse creatively? It's been a massive self esteem battle for me, because both of the people that I dated previously left me when I confided in them that I was on both the ADHD and autism spectrums....

first of all, im so sorry that happened my love! nobody deserves that, especially not such a sweet person <3 ty for sending me this ask not only bc you're giving me a reason to self-indulgently write about the fruity four with an autistic angel, but also bc!!! we're really alike!!! i love knowing there's somebody i can relate to out there 🥺🥺

I'll start off by saying; yes, of course! The fruity four are strong personalities and people, they have a bond with you that couldn't be broken by something like that, because it's part of what makes you you–and that's exactly what they love! The very thought of giving up on their true love because of a label is just bonkers, it makes no sense and they would be echoing that to you whenever you feel insecure about it. Also, let it be known that I'm totally on the train of headcanoning both Eddie and Robin as being on the spectrum. I like to think Eddie's stronger on the autistic side, whereas Robin is more adhd with her social skills being more pronouncedly autistic. So with this in mind, I think they'd already be very sensitive to whatever your personal experiences are on either spectrum! And they can relate to you inherently a lot better than most people, including both Nancy and Steve.

Not to say that those two are oblivious or apathetic, however, because they certainly are not! They just don't have the same experiences to empathize with you, so they've gotta put a little more work in to help themselves understand how you operate. Your boundaries are a relatively easy thing to start off with; they're something they've probably already gone over, just not as in-depth as they're used to. You might sit there shy and a little teary-eyed even, worrying yourself to death that they're going to laugh at you or make fun of the things that you say you need or that bother you, but Nancy and Steve will be so patient in listening and Robin and Eddie will encourage you to say everything that comes to mind. Your shared space is always a safe space, there's no fear of abandonment or rejection that you need to worry about here, and they'll do as much reassuring as it takes until you really feel comfortable and secure in knowing that. No moment of irritation or frustration or any meltdown will scare them away, no matter how big it gets. And they'll never think of you as childish for anything that you do or anything you get upset about.

Nancy's probably one of the easiest people to confide in about being on the spectrum, as a person who isn't perceivably on it herself. Even though she doesn't experience life in the same way you do, she's a fantastic listener and she treats your explanations and understanding your neurodivergency almost like a hobby in itself. When you mention some term or new behavior that you can't put a name to, she's off to the library to research anything and everything that has to do with autism and adhd–and soon she's the one coming to you not just with questions, but new information she picked up and surveys she wants to do to compare your personal experience to the studies she reads, to see if what's been published is accurate to the real-life experience. And you can damn well bet she's committing a bit of library graffiti in her chosen books if she comes across insensitive articles or tampered studies, or really anything that suggests that autism is some kind of disease or that it's a walking death sentence to any poor parent that finds their child is diagnosed with. She'll scratch out those horrid comments and outright false statements and write the corrections in the margins so long as she has the evidence, to the point that she pouts when she gets banned from borrowing any books for a month when she gets caught. "It was worth it," she insists, more concerned with getting the truth out there than being lectured by the crotchety old librarian–and you can bet she'll stand by her opinions even in public, even with strangers and ill-mannered people, because knowing you feel safe and wanted matters more to her than smiling and nodding along.

The only one that might be put off is Steve, but not in a bad way, and only at first. He's not as used to the way you and Eddie socialize, primarily because he's grown up and has gotten adjusted to the ways that neurotypical kids interact with each other. The way he carries himself and how he speaks to people is what he thinks is normal, so while he sees bluntness or awkward wording or seemingly oblivious social cues as abnormal, he doesn't think it's a bad thing at all. Clearly by the way he and Eddie exchanged conversation when they first met, he's more endeared by it than anything else, even though it takes him more time to understand it. He's used to picking between the lines of conversation to pick up cues and body language of whatever the other person isn't saying out loud, but luckily he's quick to realize that you don't necessarily speak the same way, and he just has to listen to you to know what you're trying to say. And once he learns about masking and sees you slowly become more comfortable with not doing it around him, he gets soooooo excited because he really feels like you're bonding, then, and that you trust him enough to stim or chatter on around him!

And with Eddie and Robin? They're so tuned in it's honestly hilarious. Eddie's constantly on the hunt for things he knows are part of your special interests–he finds little pieces of merch from bands or shows or movies you like, or things that are your favourite colour that he thinks you'll like. And he knows what your favourite animals are and what fabrics and textures you like, and pretty much anything and everything that has to do with your interests is noted down so he can use the information to his advantage. Robin's the same way, although you and her can talk for hours about the things you're passionate about, to the point that you both might forget to eat or sleep until exhaustion finally takes over, and you pass out in her bed or on the couch together.

Also, stimming? It's a normal thing in the household, and they will absolutely make sure that you feel like it's normal. Eddie tugs on his hair and plays with his watch, flaps his hands, claps, cracks his knuckles–and Robin has a few vocal stims like humming or making other little sounds through her teeth, aside from spinning her rings around and sometimes pacing around in circles with music or a movie on in the background. If you're restless and you move around a lot while they're cuddling with you, they get used to it quickly, and if you have days where you just absolutely do not want to be touched, they know that it's not personal and don't get offended if that goes on for awhile. It's the nice thing about having multiple partners, none of you really need to worry about feeling lonely or not having someone to confide in when someone isn't able to.

It's just a good time all around, really. They love you, you make them happy, and there's too much bad in this world for them to toss aside someone that really cares for them. Besides, how different are you from them, really? Each of them have things to deal with that frustrate them sometimes, or make them feel like they're a burden themselves. It's just a matter of accepting it, coping with it, and moving along, and letting the cycle repeat as many times as it needs to to let you enjoy life with the people you love.

#fruity four #fruity four x reader #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #eddie munson #steve harrington x reader #nancy wheeler x reader #eddie munson x reader #robin buckley x reader #st 4 #stranger things #ellie writes #anons

142 notes · View notes

nicosraf · 5 months

Note

Hello! Was lucifer written to have BPD ? If so, how were you able to portray it in a way that sheds light on it without misrepresenting? Did you get your information from scientific journals and books, or interview someone that has BPD, or suffer from it yourself? In general, when writing a character with heavy mental illness, how do you go about approaching it?

And if that wasn’t the intention, then maybe I’m reading too much into it haha! Your writing is very thought provoking. Thank you

Very much so yes. Lucifer has some pretty intense BPD akajdas

I hesitate to say it (a little) because I find mental health labels to be a bit weird to use outside of a human context and because the labels themselves are... new and fuzzy. (There's been a bit of discussion about BPD being a trauma disorder, rather than a spontaneous personality disorder, for example.) But when I wrote Lucifer to be mentally ill, I was informed by BPD, most particularly. (Ive seen people read him as autistic and plenty of other things too, and I happily accept those readings also.)

I'll also say that I always wanted Lucifer to be mentally ill for mostly selfish reasons. I'm mentally ill and I enjoy writing characters that are mentally ill. I justify it by thinking of the devil's association with mental illness, but really, I just usually write mental illness. And giving Lucifer BPD, in particular, was not really a conscious decision, at least not initially. He just... was and I liked what it added to his character a lot: I liked the idea of Lucifer having a favorite person, and how God fit into that, how Michael fit into that. I liked that Lucifer had a mental illness with strong stigma attached; it made sense for him thematically. And Lucifer's freak out at the end was very much a BPD split, and I thought it worked very very well (again) thematically and for his character.

I don't have BPD, but my best friend does, and we have a ton of overlapping symptoms so I have strong solidarity with those who have BPD and have written BPD characters a million times before. I wouldn't say I do research beyond just... knowing my BPD friends very well and using our shared symptoms as a way for me to inform how I approach certain things (such as delusions or self destruction).

On your qs about misrepresentation and approaching heavy mental illness... This is hard! I think the risk of misrepresentation never goes away, though I also think "representation" is just not a good word, especially for mental illness, which can vary so much for people. I think the better way to think about representing is to focus on writing a depiction that feels authentic, that feels like it could happen to one person with BPD rather than inventing an all-encompassing experience... And to do this, I think you have to be really empathetic, you have to really understand where these feelings come from and how some of the worst parts of it can be perpetuated and how scary it is for the person suffering.

Approaching heavy mental illness is also hard... I feel like I can talk a lot about the necessity for those with mental illness to perform sanity/normal-headedness. For ex, people with intrusive thoughts usually lie to others about their thoughts because they don't want to scare non mentally ill people.

But, you know what, I had a funny encounter recently with a friend who also has what we dub "scary mental illness" and after downplaying my symptoms, he told me his, and I realized that we suffered similarly and I didn't need to downplay my issues. I could talk about the scary stuff, and he wouldn't get scared.

So what I'm saying is that the "approach" depends on who you're approaching. Are you trying to approach those who want to learn and need to be guided delicately? Or are you trying to approach readers who might be mentally ill and are not afraid of discussing the scary parts? Basically, audience should inform your decisions here 100% i think....

A word of advice is always to let someone with the illness youre writing about read your work, if you're looking for authenticity. Talking to people is always great, and I think more people are way more open to talking about their mental issues than you think.

I hope Ive answered your questions!!! thank u! I hope I make sense.....

#mine #ask

24 notes · View notes

copperbadge · 1 year

Note

I hope these questions aren’t offensive, you can just delete this ask if they are… Did it help you, mentally speaking, to be officially diagnosed as ADHD? Like, is it easier to know for a fact you’re neurodivergent and not just,,, weird? I’m pretty sure I’m autistic, and only undiagnosed because I’m a girl and I test well (my brother is autistic and has the same tendencies and reactions I do, but he got dx’d at 5), but on the other hand, what if I’m wrong? And I’m also a broke college student, so I’m kinda waffling on whether or not to actually pursue a doctor’s opinion, but I thought I’d ask your advice first, since you’re both a complete stranger and have gone through something similar

Anon, you sent this in SEPTEMBER, my apologies, it got pushed down a bit in my askbox.

The thing is...okay I'll talk about the psychological impact in a minute, but I also feel like it's the least relevant aspect, for me. Whatever a diagnosis did for my sense of self, what it also did was give me a document that impacts everything else in my life.

With a diagnosis I have access to medication that materially improves my condition (which is less the case with autism than with ADHD, admittedly). I have access, should I want it, to accommodations for my disability; those are imperfectly applied, you often have to fight hard to actually get them implemented, but especially as a student you would be given access to things like longer time periods for tests, study aids like audio recordings of your required reading, extra tutoring, pre-registration access to classes, etc. based on need.

This bleeds over into the mental health aspect a little, but I am also more confident in my research on ADHD because I have a medical doctor's opinion that yes I do indeed have it (and evidence of that from the efficacy of the medication).

In terms of whether it helped me mentally/emotionally...research is ongoing, I suppose. It didn't emotionally devastate me the way it did my mother, when she was diagnosed late with learning disabilities, but she came from a different generation and didn't grow up with a sibling who was diagnosed young, so she had different issues than I do. There is some bitterness about my late diagnosis, but that's situational, and I'm old enough to know how to work through/past it. I suppose it gives me more confidence in asking for informal accommodations -- recently at a party I asked someone if we could move rooms because I couldn't process what they were saying over the two conversations happening behind me -- but I was already pretty good at that. I'm having to re-examine some basic beliefs I held about who I am, but that's not a bad thing, just unpleasant to be in the middle of.

So now to the heart of it: "What if I'm wrong?"

First, almost nobody who self-diagnoses is whole-cloth wrong when it comes to neurodivergence. They might have the wrong diagnosis, or might not fully understand what's going on, but when that "Oh, I'm different" light flicks on, it's usually for a reason.

Second, okay, what if you are wrong? It's okay if you're just weird. You won't be punished for being Neurotypical-But-Weird any more than society was already punishing you, so you risk nothing in getting tested in that sense. You don't lose any ground, and you gain some self-knowledge. Might not be the self-knowledge you wanted, but it's not going to kill you.

True, there is the cost to consider, but as a student you should be able to go to the campus health center and at least get more advice on how testing would work, the costs etc. Your school's disability office, if they have one, may also have resources in that regard. It IS important to get adequately tested -- a lot of people miss a diagnosis because their evaluator's idea of testing was "asking combative questions and dismissing the answers" -- but more knowledge is always better than less.

The only downside to testing is that if you do get an official diagnosis, that can follow you for life -- earlier discussions I've had about this have brought up the fact that it can impact job placement, whether you're allowed to adopt or care for children, and other issues surrounding the way we punish people with disabilities for being disabled. A diagnosis of Autism can impact you legally. But I also think it's worth it to know and to have documentation that says you need accommodation.

I mean. This hasn't been the most fun process in the world, but I do think it's been one of the most important things I've done in my life. If you felt strongly about your self-diagnosis I'd say don't bother with the official, just live your life as if you had one, but it sounds like you have a lot of self-doubt -- so I'd work, as and how you're able, to lay that doubt to rest one way or another.

#sam has adhd

150 notes · View notes

badbatchenthusiast · 15 days

Text

a little realisation i came to today, about living with and coming to terms with having a hidden disability, especially neurodiversity, trauma and/or mental illness:

for the last six months, i have struggled quite a lot. it’s a high-stress time in my life where everything i do counts towards major life decisions, and the main message i’m hearing from the people around me is that i need to give it my all, work as hard as possible, or i’ll regret the opportunities i’ve missed.

needless to say, i haven’t been sleeping particularly well. i’ll go to lessons and then work a 4 hour shift on two, maybe three hours sleep. i’ve been so anxious that knowing i believe i’ll be exhausted the next morning no matter how much i sleep, and the 9hrs i’m set to get by sleeping early won’t be enough still (because life is inherently overwhelming and overstimulating as an autistic person). this makes me stressed about how i’m not sleeping until it’s five in the morning and i can finally relax enough to doze. everything is being impacted; my attendance has been slipping, my tutor is involved. it’s felt like i’ve been getting worse and not better, like life is going to continue going downhill until things i used to find easy — falling asleep, organising my own schedule, keeping my studies balanced with work and a social life — are things i’m finding almost impossible and are taking great effort to maintain at a reasonable standard.

but here’s the thing.

i’m not getting worse.

it feels like i am, because new problems are arising that weren’t there before, but someone i owe a lot to pointed out today that a year or two ago, i would not have been able to express myself. they wouldn’t register as problem areas, i’d just push myself into collapse. i would’ve worked myself into a meltdown instead of walking to the support office and informing them i needed to go home, would’ve been in verbal shutdown or unresponsive or having a panic attack instead of being able to stim and breathe through the overwhelm. today i made a calculated decision, of leaving early instead of sticking out for the rest of the day and probably exhausting myself enough to not be in tomorrow or the day after. and that’s huge.

my autism isn’t ‘improving’ despite me having less of the massive meltdowns or shutdowns that got me diagnosed in the first place. i’m probably more visibly autistic than i’ve ever been. my anxiety hasn’t lessened despite no longer having regular panic attacks.

but i’m catching it earlier. i can identify what’s going on with me before it becomes a crisis, and i’m starting to have the skills to run interventions.

when people say progress isn’t linear, i think this is part of it. i’m not getting worse, i can just see the problem now and put a name to it. the analogy that came to mind was a building, which before i could only tell was fragile when it caved in, is now having the work put it to rebuild properly. but before you can have a nice foundation and solid walls there’ll be a lot of looking around, and realising the concrete is cracked to shit and nothing is reinforced and those spots you never paid attention to are in fact black mould which are eating at your walls. and these are realisations i was not having before because i didn’t know, i didn’t have the tools or the understanding to make sense of it.

my floors are no longer collapsing on me at random. it’s instead a constant series of little things, because i can tell when a pipes burst and deal with it before it floods everything and rots the floors. but this awareness brings with it the feeling that something is wrong all the time. that there are constant little fires to snuff — that things are getting worse, not better. that yes i know how to stop a broken pipe from leaking now but it doesn’t change the situation, which is that the entire system needs swapping out for less rusting parts. it’s easy to get lost in all of this and forget that actually, before, this would’ve been a build up to a crisis and now it’s something i can deal with before it snowballs.

learning to cope and accommodate myself after being told my entire life that i am going to be impressive, that i’m capable of being high achieving in anything i put my mind to, has been rough. i was never going to succeed at the life other people talked about for me; i’m simply not able to work that hard without hurting myself, and honestly i think few people are even without a disability. i don’t want to live life for other people, i want to build something im proud of, for me, designed to make me feel good and comfortable and succeed in a way that makes sense for my ambitions and needs. and both are important; success isn’t out of the picture, i just need to rethink it so it includes being happy and coping with what i find difficult. i won’t lie, it has been a process of mourning someone who never existed, who i never could’ve been. i still resent sometimes the fact that i can’t go back to masking so much no one notices my symptoms.

but i’m improving. steadily and tangibly. it takes work, and at some point it’ll definitely feel like leaving the unstable building in place was preferable to the deconstruction because recreating it all with a healthy and sturdy foundation seems impossible, but it just takes time. you replace one brick at a time.

it gets better, i promise, even if it’s hard to believe. any step forward is progress, no matter how small, until you look back and realise you’ve come an unimaginably long way forward.

#personal #being autistic #autistic student #autistic #actually autistic #actually neurodivergent #this has been a little personal epiphany i wanted to share #and put out there so i could come back to #progress isn’t linear #but i promise it is progress

10 notes · View notes

sunfoxfic · 1 year

Text

You know that thing where rad//fems are like "oh patriarchy says men better than women so I'm going to say women better than men" and then they just end up replicating the patriarchy? Or where Christian-raised atheists are like "actually I want to get rid of ALL religion" and they just end up replicating Christian supremacy because they refuse to protect minority religions?

I feel like a similar thing happens in a lot of neurodivergent communities, and specifically with ADHD/autistic-dominant neurodivergent communities, when they talk about communication styles.

"I hate the way neurotypical people communicate, they're so unclear and hard to understand and they never say things in a way other people can understand and it would be so much better if they just said what they meant."

Okay, read that over again, and replace "neurotypical" with "nonverbal autistic." Kinda fucked up, right? Sounds like something an ableist person would say?

The issue with That Type of neurotypical communication style is that it has very little compassion. It is rigid and only wants to communicate with itself - it does not want to be compassionate for anyone who does not communicate that same way.

The issue is not that neurotypical people "don't know how to say what they mean" or "try to play mind games," because if that were the issue, then neurotypical people wouldn't complain about the same thing when it comes from a neurodivergent person.

Communication is hard, man. Even if you remove the intricacies of tone and body language, words on paper rarely say exactly what the person is trying to tell; add back in the physicality of communicating face to face and it becomes so much harder. No neurotype is immune to omitting information, trying not to be rude in a way that may be perceived as more rude, or bungling word choice, just as no neurotype is immune to misinterpreting things, reading into meaningless signals, or not noticing important nuances in the delivery.

What's important, then, is to have compassion for the person who may not know how to best communicate to you. This is also going to solve other problems, too, because communication issues can stem from any number of factors: different neurotypes, yes, but also different socioeconomic standings, cultural backgrounds, level of education, gender and/or sex, etc. Communication is a hugely social thing, which makes it something people are socialized to do, and when you have vastly different socializations, you'll probably end up miscommunicating a lot.

And here's the thing: Not everyone who communicates in bad faith is neurotypical, and not everyone who is neurotypical communicates in bad faith. You may think someone is neurotypical because they don't communicate in a way you register as "neurodivergent," especially if your image of "neurodivergent communication" is synonymous with "the most commonly misunderstood traits in austistic/ADHD communication styles," which is not an accurate portrayal of what "neurodivergent communication" looks like.

#ugh #untagged #ig #tw ableism #this subject bothers me SO much

44 notes · View notes

yellowocaballero · 6 months

Note

howdy. i am such a big fan of your writing- you are my favorite fanfiction author. love all your TMA stuff, batman etc but especially i like your moon knight fanfictions. your jake is just hands down the fuckin best. what i appreciate about your work most is that each of your stories aren’t just throwing writing at the wall, just slice of life shit or whatever etc- they have a beginning, middle and end with themes and messages. some of youre stories like the crows funeral are like original fuckin novels. in fanfiction, usually it’s all just a blend of the same shit retold a thousand times but your actually doing original stories. plus they are all funny as hell. do you think you will ever write moon knight again or have you moved on? anyways i appreciate all your crazy good stories. they make you think about things differently. ALSO- another thing. you tell stories from the perspective of so many different experiences- black, trans, autistic, mentally ill etc etc all of your characters and their ethnicities and identities etc are written like you are intimately familiar with that life and all the experiences and details that come along with it. just really neat that you put so much thought into how someone’s various identities shape them.

Thank you!!!!

This is such a sincere and great compliment so thank you so much. I really do try and treat fanfic like....it's writing. Something having a beginning middle and end and having themes feels like an expectation lmfao. It's definitely my personal expectation for my own writing. People should always post whatever makes them happy and show any writing that they're proud of, but I'm only happy with my own writing when I can hold it to the same standard as any published work. I did actually specifically write Crow's Funeral as a way of practicing writing "a real novel", which is why it's so 'serial numbers filed off' lmfao - I don't think it succeeded in the way that I wanted it to, but it was great practice for my future endeavors writing things that felt like "a real novel". Hearing that my stuff makes people think about things differently makes me happy :)

And thank you about the diversity thing! I've had several people send me anons asking basically "are you X" and although I get why a lot of the time, I don't really like being asked that. Like, I got why people asked me if I was trans after reading the Artemis Fowl thing, but my pronouns are in my bio and it kind of felt like they were asking me what was in my pants. I don't like talking about my personal life on my blog too much and I think the only personal information I've directly shared is that I'm asexual (and I feel like I allege what Giant City I live in), which is kind of funny considering how personal my work can get sometimes lol.

And I will probably not be going back to Moon Knight! Sorry D: I also love Jake very much though haha he was such a fun character to write.

#i was gonna link some of what ive said b4 about writing diverse characters but i didnt feel like finding it #maybe i should put those shitty writing advice posts on the masterlist? hm #my asks

13 notes · View notes

theresistanceneverquits · 2 years

Text

So this last week was OCD Awareness Week and it got me thinking about how in TMNT 2012, Donnie was “confirmed” to have obsessive-compulsive disorder. (A writer who worked on the show confirmed it.) However, as someone with OCD I have never related to Donnie, and I’ve recently been rewatching the series with this knowledge in mind and still have not seen any good evidence of representation from him.

However, I feel like a character that actually displays themes of OCD well is Leo. I will say that my view of Leo’s OCD-coding is more based on his mentality, as opposed to actually showing signs of rituals or anything. This is me acknowledging that in-canon he does not exhibit Actual signs of OCD (neither does Donnie), but rather that his mentality better reflects OCD than Donnie’s does, to the point where I’ve related to Leo at times because of these themes.

There are also aspects that overlap with Leo possibly having ptsd and/or depression in the series, but I am making this analysis to educate you about how OCD works regardless, as I feel there is still something to be learned from headcanons and theories when it comes to analysis. I will also analyze how Donnie’s traits that can be skewed to represent OCD actually better fit a diagnosis of autism, using research provided to me by some friends who are autistic.

Onto the analysis! Starting with Donnie, there were a few traits I was able to identify that could work as OCD. He’s neat and organized, dislikes change, and hyperfixates on his work. He also had that chart to help him ask out April, which shows his need for preparation. However, his chart was in preparation for the sake of a goal, whereas for OCD the “preparation” is like preparing for a tragedy that will never exist. And the chart is being used to avoid social conflict as opposed to his own internal anxiety. These traits are not caused by a need to satisfy intrusive thoughts and compulsions, but are rather how he processes his environment better. Donnie would feel frustrated, off-kilter, and overwhelmed if his routines were messed with. Leo attaches more of a moral weight to the actions in his routines.

So that brings me to how Donnie shows signs of being autistic. He tends to explain things and volunteer information when the situation doesn’t call for it, and especially during dire situations. An interesting parallel is how in Rise of the TMNT, Donnie is canonically autistic; in the Rise Movie Donnie says, “Data collection calms me down.” In the season 2 finale of 2012, Donnie tells Leo that oversharing and being technical is “how I deal with stress!”

Donnie also stims, such as often sticking out his tongue when he works. He is also very particular about the layout of his stuff in his lab, and shows great distress when someone (Mikey) messes with his stuff. He doesn’t want to feel out of control of his environment in his own workspace. He also tends to take things literally, such as when Raph said “Could we pick a more cliche way to get eaten?” sarcastically, and Donnie proceed to list off actual cliches to Raph’s annoyance.

Finally, Donnie sometimes experiences sensory discomfort. When Mikey spilled “greasy popcorn” all over Donnie, Donnie was enraged, noting the fact that it was greasy in particular. Additionally, at a point where all the Turtles get sprayed with monster guts, Donnie’s initial reaction is to ask for hand sanitizer. While washing your hands and being clean is a common OCD trait, Donnie’s concern here is with because of the texture and germs associated.

Leo’s turn!

Okay so before we get to how 2012 Leo is OCD-coded, I want to point out that Leo actually definitely has OCPD in every version except for Rise and you can fight me on that. “Obsessive-compulsive personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive preoccupation with orderliness, perfectionism, and control (with no room for flexibility) that ultimately slows or interferes with completing a task;” Leo is consistently portrayed as being a controlling perfectionist. Additionally, “OCPD is a personality disorder, which means it involves personality traits that are stable, long-held, atypical, and problematic in some way. In the case of OCPD, people with this condition may find it hard to relate to others, and their devotion to perfectionism and rigid control can make it difficult to function.” This is Leo to a T. Others around him get annoyed with these traits in him, and these traits make up many of his definitive personality traits across the franchise. This side note aside, we may move on to OCD.

I am reiterating here that my purpose is to show how Leo’s themes as a character and in his story reflect those of obsessive-compulsive disorder and am seeking to analyze and educate based on that. I am not arguing that he canonically has OCD. That being said, his themes align best with the subtype of moral scrupulosity OCD, which has people obsess over the morality of their thoughts and actions and often seek outside help to distinguish the truth.

Some basics of Leo’s character that fit OCD themes: he has several episodes of panic, recurring nightmares about his worst fears, he’s controlling and a perfectionist, and thinks something bad will happen if he isn’t at his best and puts all that pressure on himself alone. People with OCD tend to believe that bad things happen because of certain things that they do or don’t do, regardless of how accurate that belief is (it is not an accurate belief). They also can seem oddly controlling to others as they try to gauge certain no-no actions from those around them. Additionally, in “Fungus Humongous,” Leo says, “I face my fear every day.” OCD is run by fear and paranoia, and we too face our fears every day. Fun fact: I like to watch “Parisitica” and “Fungus Humongous” when I’m feeling low because of how relatable I find Leo’s struggles in them.

FINALE SPOILERS: Finally, a symptom of OCD includes “Aggressive or horrific thoughts about losing control and harming yourself or others,” which I feel parallels in Mutant Apocalypse, when Leo attacks his family in a crazed state. He becomes just like the Shredder at this moment; a direct contradiction to his worst fear of losing them. He becomes double mutated because he chose to save his family over himself.

Examining now how Leo’s struggles line up with the morality theme, it’s like his brain is giving him ultimatums and black and white statements about ‘ok you have to be THIS or else THIS will happen.’ In a smaller scale, he would rather do training “right” than quickly, like in that scene where Leo’s doing his katas slower than his brothers and he makes a jab at them for their ‘poor’ form.’ Another interesting example comes with how he is consistently obsessed with finding and helping Karai throughout the series. He feels an intense sense of responsibility about it, even in situations when it really seems out of their hands, either because of wacky circumstances or because of her own actions. He says he's doing it for Splinter, but Splinter has already reassured him several times that he doesn't NEED to. His obsession conflicts with the interests of literally his entire family; it’s a situation that is linked with his morality. Leo is a very kind person who sees the best in people and wants to help them. Karai is his sister and his father’s daughter; he takes it as his personal responsibility to save her—a savior complex born from this obsession.

Now I wanna talk about Leo’s fears and where he turns to deal with them. OCD thrives off of people “Doubting and having difficulty tolerating uncertainty.” The next few sections includes major spoilers for the season 4 finale as well as talk of Main Character Death, so feel free to skip this section. Season 4’s space arc and events taking place after “Requiem” show intense examples of this for Leo. While a part of his actions here are likely due to ptsd and/or depression, it also parallels well with how OCD works.

Leo often goes to his father for advice. However, in the space arc when he’s separated from Splinter and in season 5 when Splinter is dead, Leo still has a need to seek advice and validation from his father. It is a response of grief, but it’s also his way of feeling like he’s getting guidance in a time when he doesn’t trust himself. This is similar to the reassurance-seeking compulsion, where someone with OCD goes to an outside source to entertain whatever thoughts the OCD has come up with, instead of just letting those thoughts go. Leo talking with Splinter practically every day via hologram in the space arc is his coping mechanism during that time, but even his brothers view it as excessive. It’s as if it’s the only thing tethering him during that time where he has little stability.

Additionally, ruminating is seen in the form of Leo constantly focusing on Splinter’s death, both in the space arc and post-“Requiem.” “OCD obsessions are repeated, persistent and unwanted thoughts, urges or images that are intrusive and cause distress or anxiety;” in “Trans-Dimensional Turtles” in the space arc, Leo is talking with the past version of Splinter and sees a vision of him being stabbed by the Shredder. This flashback is presented as something he is constantly thinking and worried about; very little else consumes his thoughts. The ptsd overlap once again occurs here, but I am pointing out that it is this sort of rumination that people with OCD experience often.

Finally, people with OCD “may try to ignore or stop [their] obsessions, but that only increases [their] distress and anxiety.” In the space arc, Leo is slowly being put through it, until he snaps near the end of the arc, going off on a suicide mission alone when he thinks they’ve been led astray by Fugitoid. No one in his family brought up their concerns for his mental well-being to him, and when not surrounded by his family he expressed his doubts and fears. But most of the time for those 6 months Leo spent in denial, singularly focused on their mission to save Earth and Master Splinter. It wasn’t until that vision was seemingly put in jeopardy that he finally snapped and acted reckless to the point of nearly dying. Leo simultaneously indulged in his obsessions while consciously ignoring their existence while in the presence of others, and that led to him being in great distress.

2012 Donnie is not at all a representation of obsessive-compulsive disorder past being the “smart character,” but he is a good representation of autism, whether intentional or not. Leonardo, while not explicitly being a character with OCD, does carry similar themes that make for a relatable OCD-coded character.

Here’s my contribution to OCD Awareness Week. You are now Aware.

Special Thanks:

@/sailor_the_robot on Insta for practically co-writing this with me. Much of this essay includes direct quotes from her.

@phoenixquill-art for her help as well with Donnie’s analysis!

@mej2235 for beta reading :3

Sources:

#tmnt #tmnt 2012 #ocd #autism #media analysis #leonardo hamato #tmnt leo #tmnt donatello #mental health #MCD mention #obsessive compulsive disorder #ocpd #ocd awareness week #Leo is the most ocd-coded character I’ve seen #also a joke that I’m not putting into the post #but under ‘causes of ocd’ it lists biology #so I went ‘it’s because he’s a turtle isn’t it’ /j

101 notes · View notes

theelvenhaven · 7 months

Text

Mental Health Help

I am going to start this off with- this is not an open invitation for you to come vent to me about this. Or an open invitation to trauma dump on me. I’m sure everyone who has been here since May knows that my life has gone to hell in a hand basket and recovery has been very rough on me. I just don’t have the mental capacity to help every single person. If I could I would- I’d hug you all, kiss your foreheads, rock you and hold you tight. There’d be warm blankets, and comfort food and a big cuddle session if I could handle it. Because I love and adore all of you with all of my heart and I am grateful for the community I have here.

With that being said:

I am active in the CoD community- specifically the cosplay- the adults (because I am an adult). Yes even the thirst traps- I’m an adult I’m gonna enjoy my adult privileges. I don’t care if you think it’s cringey. I am almost 30, autistic and I write fanfiction. I am the definition of cringey and I really do not care.

But if any of you are as well deeply apart of the community then I’m sure you know what has happened in the last 24-48 hours.

As a 3xs over suicide attempt survivor- hospitalized 2xs, I feel like I should post something here. For those in that same community and because I care about all of my followers. I love you all very much and your well being does matter to me in full.

Each and every single one of you has made being here on tumblr as a content creator a magical experience. Sometimes with shitty people along the way. But all of you sweethearts who have been here regardless of how much of a mess I am and how supportive and loving you guys are I am eternally grateful.

I think with what happened in the other community, that I spread some love and share some concern here too despite my absence.

I know I missed National Suicide Awareness Month last month. But it is better to be late than never say anything at all:

If you are feeling trapped- mentally, and your passivity starts to look like intent. I very much IMPLORE that you reach out for help. I have reached out to 988 more times than I can count and I am still here, alive and breathing because of their help. I even survived the dubious Club 27 because of them.

I know therapy is a luxury. I know getting professional help is a luxury especially if you live in America. (Speaking from experience.) I know in other places they might be backed up. I can’t say for certain because I don’t live there but I know it can be a problem.

So I am attaching a list of Suicide Hotlines. I personally do not recommend calling 988- the counselor didn’t talk to me about my problems which is how I ended up hospitalized. But I do recommend texting them or using the website.

If you witnessed this happen to this cosplayer, and need someone to talk too, most Suicide Hotlines are also Crisis lines. They help with a multitude of issues- Suicide, Panic Attacks, Witnessing Trauma and experiencing a Crisis from it.

For my LGBTQIA+ people who are young enough for it:

I’m adding an undercut for even more sensitive and triggering information.

For those of you who don’t know and might be new here- if you’ve bravely ventured this far - I am also a CSA/DV survivor. I have NEVER been shy about sharing that with you all. I believe in speaking out about it even if I do not go over the details. Currently I can’t even go over many details if I wanted too.

I have posted openly screenshots of my blog before. So I do not know if my abuser is watching or not. So I have been taking some risks with my PSA’s. Though I am trying to minimize them still.

As you all might be aware from the PSA my abuser is actively trying to pursue contact with me where he can.

I do believe in listening to victims, and taking their allegations into high consideration. Because there are people like me who will never face justice. Who will never see their abusers on the other side of a plexiglass jail wall. Or standing in court before a judge. Because we don’t have evidence- whether they got rid of it or they were careful.

I will NOT comment about whether or not the allegations were false against this cosplayer in particular because there is SO much conflicting information right now that I cannot make a factually accurate statement.

If you are an SA or CSA survivor I recommend contacting any of these:

If you’re in America and Canada then I recommend:

If you have evidence- screenshots and pictures and screen recordings, before you go posting them on the internet I highly recommend that you get into contact with your local authorities. Immediately.

I know a lot of the time- again- we are not believed, and personally I can’t imagine how traumatic it is to go through with approaching the authorities. Because there was no evidence for my CSA- except for ONE video I legitimately do not even know if it exists anymore or has been posted somewhere in some dark corner of the internet. That I do not want to go to jail for trying to find out. And the adults in my life did NOT make it a safe environment to tell them about what had happened to me in the first place.

If you have evidence- that CAN put your abuser away, please get with a friend, a grandparent, a parent, a family friend, a doctor or a counselor (if you have access) SOMEONE YOU TRUST- please do it if you can. I know it is a lot, I know it must be traumatic, I know it must not be easy, but if you have the support and can do it- then I encourage you to do so.

#mental heath support #tw mental health #tw suicide support #tw CSA #tw sa #mental health resources #mental health awareness #mental health help #mental health

10 notes · View notes