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vampireqrow-moved · 3 years

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um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

#if u have follow up questions ill probably answer them 2morrow #if u ask something just be nice its my birthday 🙄🙄#anyways time to tag this lol !#pansexuality #biphobia #transphobia #q slur #long post #my post #ask to tag maybe??

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mechecolomar-archive · 4 years

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genuinely curious: do you think that the depictions of homophobic abuse and violence towards lgbt characters in tlou2 outweighs the portrayal of their other experiences and happy moments of love/self expression? is it bad representation if the lgbt characters go through strife and pain as well as being happy and allowed to express themselves? i feel like there are valid criticisms to be made, but views on lgbt rep tend to be pretty polarized, either "it's great" or "it's bad" with no nuance

I think a big issue I have with the characters and representation specifically in The Last of Us 2 is that in the game the characters feel like they were created solely to serve a point in the plot, the game’s tone is progressively bleak (and the violence is gratuitous), and the inclusion of bigotry also felt unnecessary.

As a disclaimer, I’m not saying tlou2, Naughtydog, or even Neil Druckmann is simply homophobic because the gay character gets in fights and all that, but for me personally I felt that the treatment of lgbt characters in the game made me uncomfortable and wasn't satisfying. I’m glad they weren't outright stereotypes, but I’d like it if there was a bit kinder treatment of these characters. It just really feels like nd heard they didn’t do diversity well in the first game and just threw in a bunch of poc and lgbt characters without really thinking... I don’t think what happens is homophobic, but it feels very thoughtless.

The characters in tlou2 are not well done, I’m not sure what happened between The Last of Us and tlou2, but they do not feel the same at all. Every character in the game feels very weak and the player themselves cant name 10 facts about each one, even characters like Abby or Dina (I’m excluding Ellie and Joel because they already existed). This applies the most to Jessie imo, but I’ll only discuss Ellie, Dina, and Lev since they are the lgbt characters in the game. in tlou2 Ellie is just the vengeful character and as Neil put it, “the villain.” tlou2 could have been a wonderful opportunity to add more to her story, but here she’s basically just the traumatized girl who likes girls and is playing the guitar to remember Joel. Dina is basically the player’s partner who is randomly benched halfway through and from a narrative point she is something that Ellie can lose, you learn she has some ability with tinkering, she is Jewish, bi, has a sister... and not much else. Finally Lev feels like the main justification to sympathize with Abby, without Abby he is introduced literally being hunted because he is trans. Every character in the game is like this, but with these three very prominent characters, it’s disappointing.

Next, for tlou2 the violence seems to be double what happened in tlou, being much more detailed and forcing you to look at what is happening (Ellie getting her face smashed in and Abby threatening to kill Dina and its good because she is pregnant). Tlou was able to thread the needle concerning this successfully; having Ellie being kidnapped, hunted, and almost being sexually assaulted to immediately having the famous scene where Joel and Ellie pet giraffes. Tlou also (to my knowledge) did not have those shock value moments 2 constantly has, and when there is violence its rarely explicitly shown. Now in tlou2 this is almost the opposite, instead of going back and forth between intense and calm scenes, the sequel seems to steadily go downhill in tone. I know that these specific characters arent being hurt BECAUSE they’re lgbt, but its still not good to see.

The happiest moments are the beginning with Dina and Ellie, but while they're having fun and making out together what’s happening? Joel is currently getting his face caved in by Abby. Halfway through the game after Ellie and Dina are beaten, it seems to go back up in tone, but ooc tommy forces Ellie to turn back to revenge and the whole thing comes crashing back down. “I’m afraid of ending up alone” Ellie chooses to leave Dina and Ellie’s life is now hell going all the way back to Abby. After all this Ellie comes back to their house but her family is no longer there. Ellie is alone. I have a huge issue with the ending and it’s that you are explicitly shown that everything there is sad. Nd doesn't make “letting go” of Joel a relief, and they don’t show any implication of Ellie reuniting with Dina. Our lesbian protagonist is now living her worst fear, even though she did the “right” thing and spared Abby. Lev’s ending is clearly better because he’s affiliated with Abby, but it doesn’t change that throughout the story he’s repeatedly hurt and has a similar fall to Ellie after Abby thinks she finds the fireflies, he is never explicitly shown recovering from being made a literal slave and almost crucified.

My last issue is that the bigotry is entirely uncalled for, especially in a world that is as already violent as they’ve made tlou2. One of the most striking moments to me in tlou2 is Dina saying, “What’s this” referring to lgbt flags, indicating she has no concept of pride for being bisexual. Ellie also has no clue and they joke about the erotica and thats the end of that. Later Ellie is called a slur. The man who does it isnt exactly punished and Ellie is forced to make up with him later. That scene and the scene at the end somehow included Ellie, but clearly were about Joel. The last flashback is used as a tragic “Ellie could have forgiven Joel but he was killed :(” scene, there’s very little focus about her sexuality positively. Ellie and Dina are also never openly gay, the one time they are (in a room full of maybe 50 people) Ellie is called a d*ke. Ellie’s previous gf is scrapped except for subtle concept art and notes and she only has one conversation in the beginning mentioning a her.

Then on the opposite side of characters, Lev’s entire story outside of and before Abby is being hunted simply because he is trans. He’s deadnamed multiple times and even Abby cluelessly says it (??). There’s endless reasons why he could have been hunted (hell, just simply wanting to leave the cult because theyre so violent), but nd went with this... for some reason. Him being trans is also never discussed in a positive way other than Abby’s weird attempt to make him feel better by giving him a toy (”Hey, I know your group you grew up with and family literally wants you dead, but uh, would a toy help?”). Lev THEN goes BACK to the people who wants him dead, and we’re shown that his mother has viciously attacked him and he accidentally kills her due to this. Him being trans is never mentioned again... I don’t think we have to exactly hide homophobia in fiction, but I personally do not play a game to get called a slur, I can find that irl. Also if these things were to be included, they could have at least shown comfort after, but they don’t. The scenes are simply more shocking violence and are never mentioned again, simply skipped over. Nd used these characters being lgbt as an excuse for them to be discriminated against for it instead of anything positive.

Their advertising of Ellie kissing a girl in 2018 and in 2020 having her be called a slur instantly after what was shown to us is just SO jarring... Nd and their stans like to say, “Well if you don’t like The Last of Us 2, you’re just homophobic.” but that’s honestly so ridiculous. There simply can’t be more instances of oppression than acceptance and think you're doing something good?? Revealing Lev’s deadname gives people an opportunity to be transphobic, having Ellie be called a slur and lash out at Joel after gives people a reason to be angry at her there. You simply can’t include these things if it can do the opposite thing that you want. The point of including minorities in fiction should be so people can related and identify with these characters, not as some virtual reminder that people will hate you specifically for these reasons. It should not be too much to ask for a character you are like to be treated well and nd not listening to fans critique the game is sad,

I suppose I appreciate the attempt at inclusion, but it feels like a failed one that I preferred would not have happened, or at least had been strongly corrected. It would have been different if maybe Ellie had reunited with Dina apologizing, Abby telling Lev she supports him, Joel saying he loves Ellie, or even Dina and Ellie talking about being gay in some way thats anything other than making out and calling each other “babe”, but idk... that didn’t happen. Dina and Ellie are clearly supposed to be the main rep, but I feel like they really missed things they could have mentioned. This rep really reminds me of Life is Strange, but I can’t decide if dying or ending up alone and depressed at the end is worse. I’m probably missing more things but yeah... It would be cool if my lesbian protagonist did not have to be traumatized for an overdone, useless story.

#ask #anon #Anonymous #tlou2 critical #long post #i didnt specifically answer ur questions just because they sound kinda... biased i guess #thats probably not the correct word but ya kno #i could be misinterpreting that but thats the vibe #like its a political question fjdsfkjds #i have more thoughts abt the game overall in my tag but yeah #i feel like left behind was better lgbt rep (and even then i still dont like riley dying)#personal

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itslmdee · 5 years

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Fic: Female Presenting N8pples

A coffee shop, December 2018

"Female presenting nipples?" Josh laughed, leaning back in the booth with his coffee in one hand. "It sounds like a really weird conference. Or modern art piece. Or a one hit wonder pop band."

Rachel nodded. "It's ridiculous."

"Look I only do Instagram and barely that these days. You'll have to explain this Tumblr thing a bit more. They're banning porn?"

"Yes but it's the way they're going about it. It was a big thing for some subcultures. A safer place than porn sites for many queer people to explore sexuality. And the way they've singled out women. Why should a woman's body be deemed inherently sexual in a way a man's body isn't?"

Josh frowned. "I can go shirtless on the beach but you can't. Is that sexism too?"

"I'd argue yes. But Tumblr isn't a public space. It could have raised the minimum age you need to be to join the site. It could have put in place better ways to filter out adult content. There were other ways to go about making the site safer for young teens than this sledgehammer."

"Teens need protecting," Josh repeated and smirked. "I was reading Playboy at their age. Teens are curious. Anyway, I'm on your side about nudity not being sexual ever since that woman tried to censor the half-scale replica of Michelangelo's statue of David at the local art gallery. So, this female presenting nipple thing; I don't get it. Instagram's the same but I don't look for that kind of thing - not there anyway - so I've never much thought about it."

Rachel took a sip of her cappuccino before she replied. "Most people don't get it. It's not just women's nipples are bad. Anything that looks like a female nipple. Male nipples in some cases. Mountains."

"Mountains?"

"The algorithm is already flagging all sorts of false positives. And while genitals are banned, naked buttocks aren't or at least aren't getting flagged. Artwork isn't supposed to be, so your David statue should be okay, but it's still getting flagged often. And nipples are okay if it's a post about breastfeeding or a mastectomy. I find it creepy, hey your body is offensive unless you're doing your womanly duty to feed a child or you've suffered a terrible illness."

Josh finished his coffee. "What about transitioning? I think I heard Twitter had a thing about that once, a trans woman posting regular updates during their transition and seeing when the ban kicked in?"

"I guess we'll see." Rachel sighed. "I like some of the social commentary on Tumblr, the cute animal pics, the music discussions. I don't even go there for porn but I know some artists are leaving and it's having a knock on effect. The ban isn't supposed to be for text posts but one of my posts about an LGBT hotline offering advice on sex and relationships got flagged because I had it tagged 'gay and lesbian sexuality'. LGBT blogs with no porn on them are getting deleted en masse, while actual porn blogs are still showing up. It's a mess."

"That's social media," Josh said. "Or capitalism. When all social media is privately owned they can censor whatever they want. You'd need a non-profit committed to freedom of speech with a clear understanding of where the definition of hate speech and abusive content lies. One that doesn't think a nipple that's maybe attached to a female body is evil. Seems unlikely right now."

Rachel finished her drink. "You're right. Can we walk back past the library?"

"Sure." Josh got to his feet. "It's a nice day. Maybe I should take off my shirt and show everyone my nipples."

Rachel laughed. "In this weather? You were still wearing jumpers in June."

"In my defence it was a very cold start to June!"

They left the cafe, continuing to gently tease each other, the subject of censorship soon forgotten.

Notes and further reading

The incident with the statue wasn't a direct reference to a real event but I did google for similar examples and found this which is exactly what I referred to, though taking place in Russia https://news.artnet.com/art-world/russians-dress-michelangelo-david-328717

The Tumblr ban came into effect in December 2018. It has been heavily criticised by many.

https://www.themarysue.com/tumblr-will-ban-all-adult-content/ looks at the ban "this sort of adult content is frequently generated by women, marginalized people, and all sorts of creatives struggling in our vicious “gig economy.” They’re going to be hurt the most by the ban." and includes a tweet from someone talking about transitioning " where i post pictures of my bare chest every day while i'm on hrt and wait for the exact point they become illegal"

Tristan Greene at https://thenextweb.com/opinion/2018/12/14/tumblrs-female-presenting-nipples-language-isnt-semantics-its-oppression/ highlights the hypocrisy "if you’re a woman – or any human with “female-presenting nipples” – and you pose for a nude fine-art photograph, and someone wants to share it on Tumblr: forget it. No girls allowed. This is beyond stupid. There is no relationship whatsoever between images of women without a top on, and images that are criminal by their very existence."

This woman's story https://www.quora.com/What-message-is-Tumblr-sending-by-banning-female-presenting-nipples-from-user-content-Why-is-it-so-controversial/answer/Gabriel-Bell-18 shows the ban contributes to sexualising of any woman's body by singling female bodies out as sexual and she writes "By classifying “female-presenting nipples” as explicit material, Tumblr has taken a stance that any chest or breast that differs from a male default is worthy of shame and unavoidably sexual. The idea that breasts are shameful and unavoidably sexual is exactly what fucked me up for so much of my life."

The title is given here with an 8 replacing the i; there are many workarounds for writing words that might get flagged including replacing vowels with other symbols and deliberate mis-spellings, hence the rise of the internet slang term pr0n.

#sexism and misogyny #censorship #gatekeeping #writingwednesday #my fiction #scheduled post

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demiboypercyjackson · 7 years

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genderfluid nico fic

because my lovely genderfluid girlfriend is not feeling too well and i will do anything for her

nico has always felt different. he remembers very distinctly believing as a child that he had been born a girl. his mother always corrected him, bianca always corrected him, but he had been entirely convinced that he was born a girl.

nico doesn’t tell anyone that. it’s an odd memory, something that he doesn’t care to share with another living being.

there are times, still, that nico believes he may be a girl. its such a heavy feeling, something that cannot be escaped. he remembers bianca’s look of confusion, her “why are you so strange?” and pushes it down again. it cannot be escaped, but he runs from it.

nico is a gay man. he is certain of that fact, has been certain for a long time, and it takes a cruel arrow to truly dig it home. he does not want this. not today of all days. percy jackson is gone and nico is so bitter about it that he disgusts even himself. percy jackson is in mortal danger, risking himself once again for the sake of others, and all nico can think is that annabeth got percy in tartarus, and nico had no one. to make matters worse, from the moment he woke up, he had dreams of being young again in italy, twirling in one of bianca’s skirts while she was away. he wonders when he’ll start being normal. when he’ll stop being like this.

he doesn’t tell jason about the skirt. but he tells him about liking men. not because he wanted to. nothing ever happens to nico because he wants it to.

fast forward to after the battle against gaea and things are happening to nico because he wants them to. and he hates it. will solace, who will slice you open as quickly as stitch you together, who can carry nico over his head easier than anything but cries when he gets a papercut, who smiles at nico and means it, who laughs sharp and sadistic at nico’s snarky remarks, who is secretly a hermit and not at all the perfect ball of sunshine nico thought he might be.... will solace is happening to nico di angelo.

nico is torn. he likes will. will is funny and a bit rude and surprisingly talented for all he says against himself. will makes those skeletal butterflies run amok throughout nico’s system. but even when nico does think maybe, maybe he could have a chance with will.... it comes back. the girl feelings.

he doesnt want to date a boy when he’s like this. so even though he can tell will is flirting with him, that boy is so obvious what is wrong with you every one can see you, nico can’t reciprocate. for as much as he wants to, this thing keeps holding him back

and then, suddenly, things get turned around. nico is waiting outside will’s cabin, here to walk with him to the infirmary because he promised that he’d volunteer today, there’s only three apollo kids left (the rest are, tragically, dead) so the infirmary is severely understaffed. and then it happens. will walks outside and will has...

“you have something on your chest” nico says rather foolishly. and will laughs. “yeah,” he says “that’s my chest. ive been kind of sore, so i figured i’d just go sports bra instead of binder today.” he laughs again, curse him. “once im wearing my scrubs they wont be as noticeable, but i prefer to change into them in the infirmary to keep them clean.”

so they walk to the infirmary, nico absolutely numb. he doesnt know what to say. why is will’s chest.... like that? he isnt sure how to ask. maybe will is like him? born one way, sometimes a different way. he wants to ask will but something much worse than butterflies clogs his throat, his stomach, his mind.

luckily, will seems to understand. “so, you seemed pretty shocked,” he is trying to keep his voice nonchalant and is very much failing to do so. “did you... not know?”

nico shakes his head.

“oh... i mean, i wear the flag all the time, so i kind of assumed... maybe that was wrong of me.” will stares at nico, slowing their pace down to a speed that will certainly make austin sigh at their lateness. he stops then, suddenly, and his eyes are wide when nico meets them. “oh, good lord, nico!” he grabs his own face with his hands. “you didnt know! you’re from, like, a billion years ago! oh, sweet jesus, nico, do you even know what transgender means?”

nico coughs. “ive never heard that word in my life.”

and will just about screams into his own hands. “i am so ridiculous!” he yells and the butterflies are back. nico isnt sure how to tell them they arent welcome. he’s not sure he wants to. will is surprisingly adorable when he gets like this... his emotions seem so strange and exaggerated, but nico knows he’s being honest. its.... cute. “i am! i am a ridiculous man!”

and he’s shaking his head, pulling nico by the hand suddenly to the bighouse. “i cannot believe no one showed you the awesome trans video me and clarisse made.” nico struggles to keep up with will’s pace now that he’s touching him. “it’s supposed to be shown with orientation, but we probably made it a little while after you showed up. and then you werent here for so long....” he keeps going on like this, talking about things nico doesnt really understand

but in nico’s good fortune, they make it to the big house quickly so will can sit him down to watch the video.

and it opens nico’s eyes to so much

“you mean thats normal?” he asks will excitedly, making will’s eyes go wide as saucer plates. “you mean im not just... a sexual deviant?”

“HA!” will covers his mouth quickly. hearing that had shocked a laugh out of him, but there wasn’t any kind of humor in his face. “no, i mean... i wouldnt know about that part” here, he does giggle, and it touches his eyes, scrunches them in that adorable way that nico just hates. “but i mean... the stuff in the video? no, that doesnt make you a sexual deviant.”

and nico exhales, feels like he’s been punched in the gut. “i thought there was something wrong with me!” nico laughs. “there still might be!”

will snorts, replies, “i doubt that very much. so.. what are you thinking? are you a girl? maybe nonbinary?”

nico shakes his head, exhilarated. “no, no, what’s the... the one where it changes?”

“oh!” will gasps, smiling. “genderfluid! what are you now, do you think? would you like me to call you something different?”

but nico is already shaking his head. “no, im a boy today. but sometimes.... very rarely, i get... feelings. girl feelings. i ignore them but...”

nico is surprised to look up and see will’s face so soft. “you don’t have to ignore them anymore, nico. you’re safe here, i mean, look at me!” and he gestures to his chest. “where in the world can a guy like me feel safe going out like this knowing that everyone will respect me as a man?” he shakes his head, as if in wonder. “people will embrace this nico, i promise you. if you embrace it, then so will they. and believe me, it hurts to run from this.”

and nico knows that well. “will you...” he starts. he swallows hard, clenches his teeth. the words are hard to get out of his throat, but a single whisper escapes. “will you help me?”

will grins, and nico thinks distantly that a smile like that could replace all of the stars in the sky easily. “i would even if you didn’t want me to.”

nico laughs, a sound that surprises even himself. “good,” he sighs, good humor coloring the still bitter tone. “because i don’t.”

but he thinks maybe it will all be okay anyways

#genderfluid nico di angelo #nico di angelo #will solace #trans will solace #my fic #pjo fic #trials of apollo #pjo #heroes of olympus #hoo #mod will #my writing #will writes stuff #for nico

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