#illumi is fucked up

[headcansxfanfictions]

Why isn’t Illumi the Zoldyck Heir?

Illumi seems far more fit to be the heir than Killua:

1) He is a dutiful assassin (at least in the beginning)

2) He is the eldest child

3) He takes pride in the Zoldyck legacy

4) The only thing going for Killua to be the heir is his strength and potential

So what is stoping Illumi from being the heir? Here are a few theories:

Theory #1: Illumi is an illegitimate Zoldyck:

What if Illumi isn’t Silva’s kid and thats why he isn’t the heir. Kikyo was only 17 when she got pregnant with Illumi, so it is reasonable to wonder if she had Illumi with another man before she married Silva. He certainly looks nothing like Silva.

Theory #2: Illumi was originally the heir but was pushed too far in his training and “broke” becoming unfit for the position:

This common theory is based of Illumi’s stoic nature and lack of typical emotional response or understanding. Illumi is obviously messed up in the head and being raised as a Zoldyck their is no wonder why.

According to this theory Illumi was sort of Kilyo and Silva’s guinea pig for how they wanted to raise the next generation of Zoldyck assassins. The theory is that they put him through too much and “ruined” him.

The theory often says that Kikyo and Silva did too little with Milluki cause they were trying to correct their mistakes with Illumi. But with Milluki they did too little and he became lazy and slacked off. But with Killua they think they have found the perfect happy medium to create the assassin they want to lead the family.

Theory #3: The heir is born a transmuter with white hair:

Zeno, Silva, and Killua have three things in common:

1) They have white hair

2) They are transmuters

3) They have all been the heir

So which one of these or combination of these do you think is the reason?

#hunter x hunter #illumi zoldyck #headcanon #killua zoldyck #hxh #silva zoldyck #zeno zoldyck #the zoldyck family #zoldyck abuse #illumi is fucked up #milluki zoldyck #zoldyck family #zoldyck ​heir

[mayxo-hxh]

Imagine being introduced in the anime as a character and this is the first thing said about you 😭😭😭😭

And then as the hunter exam goes on you realize wait. Someone DOES like him!! And then it's this motherfucker that no one else likes either 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

They're just absolutely fucking perfect and meant for each other in the funniest way possible

#everyone wants them dead. #they also want each other dead #but in like the most romantic fucked up way possible #their duality and power mashallah 💗 #hisoillu #hisoka #hisoka morow #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hxh #hunter x hunter #hisoka x illumi #hunter x hunter memes #hxh memes #my post

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Killua and the Power of Wishes

Okay going to try and make this coherent because the amount of wish association all through Killua's character development makes me want to chew plaster.

As a fair warning, this analysis ended up being long as hell, and I didn't even include everything I could've said. This is also just one lens to analyze Killua's story arc with, and I feel there are other valid interpretations of some of these moments. This is just one of mine, so keep that in mind please.

One last warning that this analysis does discuss emotional manipulation and abuse, as is par for Killua's background.

Let's set the stage with one important piece of info: Killua's birthday.

Killua's birthday is July 7th, the same day as Tanabata. Tanabata is a folklore-rich festival where according to legend, the two lovers, weaver Orihime and cowherd Hikoboshi, represented by the two stars, Vega and Altair, are allowed to reunite once a year after separation. A popular custom of Tanabata is to make wishes by writing them down on tanzaku, then hang it on a bamboo tree so that the wish might one day come true.

Tanabata is also known as the Star Festival. Please keep this in mind, because I'm going to come back to it.

To finish setting up the lens for this analysis, I'm going to need to dig into the game-changer scene for Killua's early characterization - his confrontation with Illumi at the end of the Hunter Exam, and specifically, the exact nature of Illumi's manipulation of him.

I say "game-changer" because it really is - up until this point, it's kind of fair to not fully know what to think about Killua. Certainly, he seems excited to hang out with Gon (he approached him first, after all) and he's friendly enough, but he's also arrogant and claims to be motivated mainly by boredom. For all intents and purposes, Killua seems set up to be Gon's dangerous yet charismatic rival... but then this scene happens and it completely turns it all on its head.

Because Killua may have mentioned his family was controlling before, but he seriously downplayed the severity of it - likely because he has no point of reference for how awful his situation actually is other than it makes him feel bad and trapped. Illumi's appearance immediately shifts our understanding of Killua from runaway murder kid with annoying murder family to straight-up victim of emotional abuse, and dissolves his cockiness instantly to terror.

What does all this have to do with wishes? Glad you asked. Let's look at some of Illumi's dialogue.

[ID: A screenshot from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. Killua looks up, sweating and conflicted, as Illumi tells him "You don't want anything or wish for anything." End ID.]

This is the crux of Illumi's (and the family's) control. Killua's desires do not align with the family trade. They must be excised from him.

When Killua insists that he does have something that he really wants, Illumi says "Tell me what it is you want", in a mockery of a certain other sibling who would have helped fulfill this wish - Illumi asks only so he can completely dismantle it. And Killua isn't even really surprised at Illumi's words, just heartbroken. You can tell this isn't the first time this sort of thing has happened.

Killua states his wish quite fervently; he really means it. But his words are not rebellious, nor cathartic. Instead, he answers Illumi quietly, as if fearful or ashamed, almost reminiscent of a sinner's confession.

[ID: Two screenshots from HxH episode 20 of the 2011 anime. In the first Killua looks down with a troubled expression, saying "I want to become friends with Gon...". In the second, his face is hidden as he stands with hands clenched at his sides with a spotlight on him. He says "I'm sick of killing people..." End ID.]

It's such an innocent, simple want.

And Illumi proceeds to make him feel like even something so simple is harmful and selfish of him... not to the family, but to Gon.

In a matter of a few minutes, Illumi breaks down Killua's wish by:

Acknowledging this desire, but twisting it into something that will inevitably fade over time, thereby causing Killua to doubt his own conviction and feelings -> "Gon is a novelty, a radiant presence who has piqued your curiosity. No more than that."

Acknowledging that Gon is someone important to Killua, and undermining this by telling him that by his very nature, he will eventually bring harm to Gon, which makes him feel as though Killua cannot trust himself to be a good friend -> "If you try to be friends with him, you will one day want to kill him... because you are, by nature, a murderer." (As a... delightful... bonus, this is also apparently how Silva and Illumi justify their treatment of Killua to him - "This is the essence of your existence and we taught you accordingly." Like they adapted to Killua's nature, instead of them molding Killua into who they wanted him to be.)

Delivering an ultimatum - to fight Illumi and win, or else Gon will die - that Killua is doomed to fail due to his upbringing and the needle in his head. Since Killua doesn't know about the needle, he assumes this is his own personal failure, something Illumi feeds into -> "You're just not qualified to make friends."

And it's the last point that breaks him. The first two shoot down Killua's present wish, but the last proceeds to shatter any hope he might've had of wishing for anything similar in the future - he has told him that his desires are weak, temporary, inherently dangerous to those around him, and worst of all, aren't enough on their own for him to deserve friendship and love from others. And the clincher: Killua feels like all of this is his own fault, that there is something inherently dangerous and wrong with him!

So, it doesn't even matter to Killua anymore if he fails the Hunter Exam. To him, he just failed the only test that mattered.

10/10 manipulation, Illumi. Fuck you, seriously.

Killua's character arc is mainly his quest and struggle to refute Illumi's arguments and to shake off the manipulation and the ways in which his family have molded and controlled him. And by far, the most difficult part of his conditioning to shake off is this idea that he is undeserving of anything more than what he is already given.

It's almost like the family has drilled it into him that wishes are dangerous. How interesting.

Thankfully, however, there are two parties to Killua's wish here - Gon, too, is a part of it, and it is not simply his reciprocated desire to be Killua's friend that saves him, but also his recognition of Killua's situation for what it is (notably, when no one else correctly identified the true issue).

"You know it wasn't his choice. You manipulated him, kidnapping his spirit!"

The ensuing Zoldyck family arc emphasizes that Gon is 100% correct: the main hold Killua's family has on him isn't physical - it's all emotional.

Killua breaks one of his shackles when Milluki threatens to have his new friends killed, but he only breaks the rest when Zeno tells him he's free to go. So, if Killua could break loose at any point, was this still a rescue like Gon said?

Well, yes - just because he absolutely could've broken out physically at any time, that does not mean he could just leave. That's the nature of situations such as this - it's not as simple as "just leaving". Support is necessary, as is actually having something tangible outside the situation to go to - otherwise there is little point to leaving at all. Gon (and Kurapika and Leorio) showing up to free Killua showed him that his wish was reciprocated and allowed him to break one cuff - this is the start of his journey, but he still has a long ways to go. Notably, he again hesitates and closes off when Silva asks what he wants.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 42. In the first, Silva asks Killua "...would you like to see [Gon]?" Killua's expression is complicated in the next panel - he's closed off and uncertain. Silva continues "Be honest, Kil... what do you want?" End ID.]

Killua will backtalk and casually break his shackles and death glare his family... but he's too fearful to voice his wants aloud.

And once again, asked by his father what he wants, he is subtly set up to fail. His wish is granted, but made conditional - "Do not betray your friends", something Killua is regrettably set up to do by virtue of the needle in his head that he, again, doesn't know about. Silva fully expects him to fail and come back home, disillusioned, believing it's his own fault due to his "nature", and trusting in Silva still as a "reasonable" figure in his life.

This condition placed on his friendship is what drives much of Killua's fear and insecurity with regards to Gon for much of the series - the idea that Killua has to earn his right to friendship, and that if he doesn't, he will lose it, one way or another.

It really makes me wish that Killua had actually gotten to hear Gon's views on friendship from the beginning of the Zoldyck Family arc, because it entirely refutes this entire philosophy. He even outright refuses to go through the Testing Gates at first, purely because he thinks the sentiment of needing to prove yourself just to be friends is completely outrageous - he only relents because there is no other way.

[ID: Two screenshots from episodes 21 and 22 of the 2011 HxH anime adaptation. Gon looks up at Illumi and firmly states "[Killua] doesn't need to earn the right to be my friend!" In the second, Gon's face is seen in profile and close up as he asks "Why would you test your friends?" End ID.]

I doubt it would've truly prevented Killua's insecurity from manifesting even if he had heard this, to be honest - his issues with usefulness are very deep-rooted in his upbringing - but still, it would've been nice for him to hear, I think.

However, that's not to say that this exact sentiment doesn't come through in their interactions.

Gon, as Killua's friend, cares about what Killua actually wants and wants to make sure Killua knows that - and that's part of what makes the Whale Island conversation between them really important.

[ID: Two images, both of the same scene from HxH chapter 64, and episode 37 of the 2011 anime. In the manga panel, Gon has turned his head to look at Killua directly, who looks shocked and taken aback, to say "I like hanging out with you." In the anime screenshot, Gon has turned his whole body to face Killua, and says "I think it's fun to be with you." End ID.]

I see a lot of people chalk this up to just Gon being Gon, but it reads to me as much more deliberate than even his usual honesty. He's turned so he's looking directly at Killua, which is a sure way to make his words come across clearly. The lead up to this is Killua, again, not knowing or being able to vocalize what he wants. He doesn't have a goal to work towards like Gon, he only knows what he doesn't want - he's a mix of envious and admiring towards Gon, who knows what he wants and simply goes for it.

But this conversation makes it clear that they have a shared wish - they both want to be friends, and they'd both like to stay together. It's not about earning, to Gon, it's only about if they both want the same thing - mutual, not conditional. There's a nice almost call-and-response type dialogue here, where Gon asserts that he likes spending time with Killua (very directly lol), then shares that Killua is the first friend his age he's had. This prompts Killua to say that Gon is his first friend ever, and that he does have fun with him. And just like that, Gon replies "Then let's stay together!" and pointedly includes Killua's desire to find a goal in their, now shared, upcoming journey.

Overhead, a shooting star appears in the sky. A mutual wish is granted.

[ID: A panel from HxH chapter 64. The night sky is full of stars. In the centre is a shooting star. End ID.]

Hm. Stars. Remember how I told you to keep that in mind, all the way back at the beginning? Their association with Tanabata, making a wish on a shooting star, etc. etc.?

Well, buckle up because this star is going to make you experience so much sadness now.

[ID: Panels from HxH chapter 286. The first is a conversation between Killua and Meleoron where Killua asserts he intends to "go down in flames with [Gon]". When Meleoron looks concerned, Killua brushes off the declaration as a joke. In the second image, Killua is turned away, his outline pale, as Meleoron thinks "Why... did you looks so sad... back there?" The last image is a cloudy night sky filled with stars. At the centre of the panel is a shooting star. End ID.]

Yeah, it makes its reappearance directly after Killua has "jokingly" resolved to die with Gon if it comes down to it, after "since it means nothing to you".

I am assured, in Japanese, the word choice here is 心中 (shinjuu), the word for double suicide, where the intent is to die at the same time in the same manner in order to be reunited in the afterlife. The implication here is that Killua, having increasingly grown insecure in his place by Gon's side but unable to voice this, knowing that Gon is hurtling down the path of no return, thinks back to their conversation under the stars where they both mutually wished to stay together and, because he believes that it is no longer possible for him to help Gon, has resolved to stay by his side in death, and after it.

...holy shit, kid.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 4th ending of the 2011 anime. In the first, Gon and Killua stand back to back as meteors fall around them. In the second, they stand facing away from the audience towards a body of water under a night sky filled with stars - Gon throws a stone, which flashes in the air like a shooting star. End ID.]

And of course, here's the shooting star again in the 2011 anime's Nagareboshi Kirari ending, as well as it being the subject of the song itself and rather explicitly referencing that wish to go on a journey together, to stay together, because... Madhouse hates us. I guess. :'(

What started off as a simple wish for a friend deepened into a wish to always stay by Gon's side. This is largely good at first! Killua is able to explore and experience genuine friendship, to get a taste for freedom, and use the power of his fervent wish to protect his dear friend in order to rid himself of Illumi's needle. However, the more Killua wants, the more he traps these wishes in monologues within his own head and does not voice them aloud. Part of it is that he already feels he's been given much more than he deserves - seeing himself as a creature of darkness and Gon as light - but a greater part of the issue here is not that Killua is afraid to wish for things, but that he is afraid wishing without "compensation" will inevitably lead to horrible repercussions - namely, losing who he loves.

In order to feel worthy of staying with Gon, of earning his friendship, Killua works hard to help Gon achieve his goals, taking on the role of wish grantor, growing to do practically anything needed to support him for seemingly nothing in return - but that's not 100% true. Killua wants at least some appreciation, whether he admits it or not - it's a security thing, and it also clearly makes him happy, even if he's not great at accepting it. He insists in Chimera Ant arc that friends don't need to thank friends, but this declaration always read as very sudden to me or like a rationalization, and it's relevant to remember that this is at the peak of Gon isolating himself and self-destructing before his eyes, and Killua's own insecurity regarding his importance to him.

Killua might not mind doing things without thanks, but that doesn't mean he doesn't like to hear that Gon appreciates him. He clearly does appreciate verbal confirmation of their bond! We know this.

[ID: Two screenshots from the 2011 anime. The first is from episode 61. Killua smiles down at the ground with his hands in his pockets, the colours having gone soft and bright. The second is from episode 70 during the dodgeball match. Gon smiles determinedly in the foreground as Killua looks shocked next to him. End ID.]

Keeping all this in mind, Killua's story, or at least this part of it, couldn't have concluded in a better way than his rescue of Alluka, the wish grantor.

Now, I could probably write an entire other analysis on Alluka and Nanika alone, but for the sake of not making this any longer than I already have, I'm going to go through only a few points. Alluka is incomprehensible to her family because they make no attempt to understand her, with the exception of Killua. The only thing they do seem to understand, when explained to them, is the demands made after Nanika grants a wish - this, of course, fits neatly into their own predetermined views on "earning" and "punishment". However, beyond this, they make no attempt to understand her, and since her power is deemed dangerous and uncontrollable, she is locked away.

They are worried, first and foremost, that Alluka will bring harm to the family, and there's two ways in which this could be true:

As a function of failing to fulfill her requests, of course

Because she, just by existing, threatens the family's status quo

I stated at the beginning that Killua's desires do not align with those of the family business, and he's always apparently been more open to understanding others - he asks Alluka and Nanika questions to understand them, and treats them with respect, while his family are more so focused on subjugating anything that might be a threat. This is what Illumi tried to drill into Killua after all; never fight a superior opponent - everything is about assessments of relative strength, which leaves no room for open-mindedness or getting to know people.

Faced with a daughter who is clearly incomprehensibly powerful, and a son, the would-be inheritor of the family trade, who is showing a disturbing amount of willingness to befriend instead of retreat from her, the family made the decision to excise Alluka not just from where she could "harm" the family power-wise, but also likely to secure their control over Killua, who they then set about practically programming to not have any more wishes for himself, or at least to not be able to vocalize them without fear of loss or retribution.

The family's nickname for Killua is "Kil" or "Killu", which is deeply fascinating to me as a reader - nicknames are expressions of endearment, typically, and I actually don't doubt that here. Killua's family does love him, but their love comes with conditions. He must be molded into the perfect son, and every part of him that doesn't fit must be excised.

So: Killua's memories of Alluka are suppressed with the needle, and she is further cut from his life by dropping the "a" from his name (the Zoldyck children are named like a game of shiratori - Illumi -> Milluki -> Killua -> Alluka -> Kalluto). The nickname is also like a command or order "to kill", which is of course what they want him to do.

Saving Gon through saving Alluka and Nanika forces Killua to have to face down the last and hardest of Illumi's manipulations to shake, and that's the notion that a wish, that kindness and friendship and love, cannot be unconditional without severe repercussions - where the people he cares about get hurt because of him, something he cannot envision being forgiven for.

It's a little sad to me that after spending most of the series struggling against his family's teachings that they didn't lead to Killua betraying Gon at all, as he'd feared... but to him betraying Nanika, by sending her away.

Here is this little girl with a bloodstained past, incredibly powerful and dangerous and capable of amazing feats, treated as some evil thing by those who fear her. But she is kind at heart. Her true strength lies in healing, not killing. And she only takes commands from Killua.

Illumi thinks this is because Killua is the only one with control over her. Killua believes this is because she wants praise. They're both partially correct, but this is not the full reason Nanika does what Killua asks of her.

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146 of the 2011 anime. In the first, Nanika smiles and says "I love Killua." In the second, Killua looks at her, stricken. End ID.]

Nanika loves him. Everyone has been trying to figure out all these complicated rules and conditions on her wish granting and why Killua is the one exception, but the answer is exceedingly simple. She loves him, and wants to do nice things for him so he can have his wishes granted. It's the only way she knows to get the love that she wants in turn.

Just like her brother, Nanika makes herself useful to earn love and appreciation from someone who accepted her when no one else did.

Even though he knows Nanika just wants to help, he still sees her presence as a danger to the person he sees as pure and innocent who must be protected. He sends her away because her "nature" is to be a threat to Alluka's safety, even if she doesn't intend to be. Killua's fear of Illumi and repercussions causes him to make a horrible mistake.

And Alluka tears into him for it.

[ID: A set of panels from HxH chapter 336. A furious Alluka glares and asks Killua if he made Nanika cry. When Killua stutters, she demands he apologize to her. End ID.]

You tell him, girl.

Oh hey, this looks a little familiar, huh?

"Apologize to Killua!" says Gon to Illumi after Illumi sends Killua away.

Nanika should not be the one punished for the actions of those trying to control her. She certainly shouldn't be forced to leave those she loves, or have to earn love from them.

And neither should Killua.

[ID: Three panels from HxH chapter 336. Alluka yells, tears in her eyes, "If you're going to protect me... you have to protect Nanika too!!" Killua looks shocked, then his eyes widen. End ID.]

It's interesting to me that this is the line that snaps Killua out of his fear enough for him to properly speak with Nanika and apologize. One party cannot receive all the protection, nor can the other only give and give limitlessly.

Killua makes it clear to Nanika when speaking with her that he will protect her, and that she doesn't need to earn affection from people by granting their wishes. He promises they will both be there for each other - Killua will praise her whenever she wants, and not just when she does something for him, but he also doesn't refuse Nanika's desire to grant his wishes. It's mutual, not conditional.

And on the heels of this "betrayal", Killua asks for what he never thought he could receive - forgiveness. And even though Nanika is clearly still very upset...

[ID: Two screenshots from episode 146. In the first, Nanika and Killua face each other, both of them teary. Nanika says "Kay." In the second, he has pulled her into a hug. Nanika is teary, her fingers gripping Killua's back tightly. End ID.]

...she doesn't even have to think about it.

I do think Killua still has a ways to go, but he is in a position right now to learn from his relationship with his sisters about balance - that love is not just selfless devotion, but also allowing those who love you to help you and make you happy too. I think that's what unconditional love is, in a way - supporting and working together with the people you love to make each other's wishes come true.

#oh my god this was supposed to be a brief write-up what happened 😭 #ugh i feel like this is a bit of a mess and there's infinite other little points i could've made or elaborated on or interpreted differentl #but i'm so tired lmao #anyways tldr fuck you illumi you suck #killua is a snarky little shit but he also has so much love in his tiny body and i think we should appreciate him forever and ever #this also accidentally turned into alluka and nanika appreciation. i love them #nanika sweet angel i love you so much i hope you get all the head pats in the world #ghhh i'm so scared this doesn't make sense anymore i've been working on it for almost a week #hunter x hunter #hxh #hxh meta #killua zoldyck #call me ace detective the way i am ace. and also a detective. #storyrambles #also that one scene where gon turns to look directly at killua and tells him he has fun being with him makes me jdfhbvsdjfbvh #he's so intense about it i start laughing. no wonder killua basically just went ??!?!?!?! and like. leaned back because i think i would've #done the same lmaoooo #it's very sweet though :') #argh. gotta post. i need to stop hesitating. let's go.

[jinxedfuture]

ITS THEIR 2ND ANNIVERSARY!! September 27th was the day i first started finally bringing them to life (drawing them!! :3) they get a silly little comic abt how their first anniversary wouldve went!

#sometimes you have to think about how we as humans made up “days months years” and time to keep ourselves sane #and its like wow. woah. but like. other beings would probably not know what the fuck we're talking about i fear #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #hisoka #hisoka morow #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hxh #hxh fanart #hxh art #hunter x hunter #hunter x hunter fanart #hunter x hunter art #JF #merhisoillu #mermaid au #mermaid art #mermaid x diver

[manglednatalia]

Gaze upon my very questionable taste in men

#all these bastards needed was long black hair and bit of insanity #fucked up men with long black hair #geto satoru #bsd lovecraft #antonio paganini #nobunaga hazama #alucard #illumi zoldyck #ryan kuhn #illuso #korekiyo shinguuji #at least the real music artists ive been crushing on are sane and didnt kill anyone

[elfecassepied]

So are we gonna talk about how Killua seem to have a traumatic response when someone use their Ren and catch him out of guard? And how it's more or less clearly Illumi's fault? No? Okay then.

#hunterxhunter #hunter x hunter #hxh killua #hxh illumi #My poor traumatized boy #The Zoldyck really fuck up their children

[gab-has-adhd]

The sudden feral primal urge to draw Hisoka and Illumi but dead

Like not even suggestively or anything just. Laying there next to each other, dead.

With a knife shoved into their hearts. <333

#// death #//death mention #am I fucked up or what #gab talks #hxh #hunter x hunter #hunterxhunter #hisoka #hisoka morow #hisoka hxh #hxh hisoka #illumi #illumi zoldyck #illumi hxh #hxh illumi #zoldyck #zoldyck family #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #illumi x hisoka #murder husbands

[lord-shitbox]

i am here to make silly powerpoints.

#hunter x hunter #illumi zoldyck #powerpoint #hes fucked up and evil and i love him for it

[calciferwastaken]

doodle page for them!

#hisoillu secret santa is coming up on twitter so i figured i could use some practice #hisoka is really fucking fun to draw i had a lot of fun doing this #art #my art #digital art #fan art #sketch #doodle page #doodles #hunter x hunter #hxh #hisoka morow #illumi zoldyck #hisoillu

[headcansxfanfictions]

Hisoillu headcanons:

Relationship type

* I would like them to be together or at least be fwb however they might not be I ship it

* Hisoka is the reason Illumi started wearing crop-tops with camisoles

* I dont think they are dating or anything during the first couple arcs

* They dont label themselves

* Illumi refuses to call Hisoka even a friend

* Illumi describes there relationship as a mutually beneficial arrangement

* I think it gets sexual at some point

* Hisoka was Illumi’s first relationship of any-type outside of the Zoldycks

* They are legally engaged/eloped (for financial reasons and other reasons they would state)

* They try to drop everything to help if the other calls for assistance

* They don’t keep track of favors, their arrangement

* Illumi gets less robotic when he’s been around Hisoka for a while (I see this is the anime)

*Their relationship isn’t exactly healthy but its the closest to a healthy relationship of anykind either of them have

View on each-other

* Hisoka think Illumi is pretty as fuck

* Illumi finds Hisoka interesting and strange

* Illumi likes Hisoka’s ass

* Hisoka thinks Illumi is a delusional weirdo

* Illumi is one of Hisoka’s favorite toys

* Illumi doesn’t trust Hisoka at first but gets more and more trusting as he gets used to Hisoka and more confident in his own abilities

* Hisoka thinks Illumi is more messed up in the head than he is (he’s probably right in a lot of ways)

Fluff and emotions

* Illumi asked Hisoka for a hug cause he forgot what one felt like

* Illumi is extremely bottled up//shuts out his emotions

* They are both fucked up Hisoka knows this but Illumi doesn’t

* Illumi has a near-complete lack of awareness on how fucked up and mentally I’ll he is

* this^ makes Hisoka feel kinda sad for Illumi

(See my post on Hisoka vs Illumi Psychological profiling)

Sexual

* Illumi can hold his breath for a long time so is always going in for more kisses before Hisoka can catch his breath

* Illumi gives Hisoka the “tingly feeling”

* Hisoka is flirty and tries to start a fwb situationship with Illumi

* Illumi thought sex was just for making babies before Hisoka explained that was in-fact not the case

* Illumi is virgin (at least before Hisoka but maybe they’ve never actually had sex) (depends what you consider virgin)

* Illumi is on the asexual spectrum particularly due to his natural being and partly due to the abuse he faced as a child

* Illumi’s sex drive is very low and he needs to be particularly in the mood for anything to happen

* Hisoka tries to get him in the mood a lot but doesn’t always succeed

* Illumi never payed attention to any sexual urges he may have had before he met Hisoka

* Illumi tries masturbating for the first time when Hisoka mentions how good it feels

* They aren’t exclusive

* Illumi has no other sexual partners (or even anyone else he really talks to)

* Illumi is quite

* Illumi probably panicked and nocked Hisoka out the first time Hisoka tried touching while they Kissed

* They would switch

#hunter x hunter #illumi zoldyck #headcanon #hisoka morow #hisoka #hisoillu #illumi is pretty #illumi is very mentally ill #illumi is fucked up #hisoka marrow #hisoka is fucked up #hisoillu headcanons #illumi headcanons #hisoka headcanons #hxh #hxh headcanons

[mayxo-hxh]

Im about to get controversial.

Out of chrollo, illumi and hisoka, hisoka is canonically the least likely to flirt to get anything he wants, if at all.

A lot of people think he's a natural flirt but I fear I couldn't have disagreed more. He only "flirted" a single time and that was solely to piss off machi, knowing she'd never agree. Hot take? He would've never asked if he knew she'd agree.

Also, bro's the biggest humanphobe in the anime. He keeps his distance from everyone. The only human physical contact he ever made was through fighting people. (If you're a person thats interested in seeing more evidence, I have an entire long thread about it on twitter that I do plan on posting here soon)

so u cannot give me 1 reason for hisoka to flirt with someone at a random bar but chrollo and illumi? i can think of a few.

chrollo, he already canonically flirts to get what he wants. straight up goes on dates gets a suit and shit. he has no reputation among the general public that hes concerned of that isnt the spider. Illumi? He's a manipulator. I HIGHLY doubt he never flirted to get something in his life from people who are too easy to win over. He's someone that wouldn't care what people think of him. He's also anonymous. People have no idea who tf he is anyways. If it affected the zoldyck reputation? Thats a different story.

Hisoka? he would fucking NEVER. Him specifically? HE HAS A REPUTATION. And whats that reputation? That hes an absolute disgusting freak that no one should dare to approach. He kills people. He fights live and makes sure the audience is always disgusted and weirded out by his actions and performances. You look at him and you should immediately look away and pray he hasn't seen you.

So riddle me this. If his entire shtick is making sure everyones afraid of him and avoids him, then why the hell would he get himself a reputation that makes him approachable????

Why would he get himself a reputation that makes you, as a person who only ever heard of him picking people up, want to approach him.

On top of that, I just.. don't see him picking random people up..??? random weaklings that dont even know nen????? he literally treats them like trash that inconveniences his time. You're saying he'd EVER give them the privilege of sleeping with him???

And then you'd say, oh so he'd sleep with strong people! HERES THE THING. Why would he sleep with them..... when he can fight them. Him getting off from fighting comes NOWHERE to actual sex. What people don't understand is that he gets off to killing people and seeing them crumble in front of him when they realize theyre going to die. Torturing people to death. What's... that got to do with like. yknow. actual sex bro 😭😭😭😭😭😭

this turned into a huge rant probably but do you know how genuinely depressing it is seeing a unique character like hisoka that gains lust through FIGHTING and KILLING reduced to. sex addict in fics. Like. be so fucking serious right now. He called himself a FIGHT ADDICT in the manga. Can I see more of him actually spending his time killing and fighting people instead of whatever the hell bros doing with a random npc.

Anyways this is also why I hc him as asexual/demisexual NEXTTTT

#When a fic is so good but they make a hisoka a sex god instead of a murderer. like dear god. Ya Allah. Mercy on me. #can i please get more fics where he absolutely fucking murders people in deranged ways like god (Togashi) intended instead of.... #(checks notes) .....sex??? #sorry to me this is 1 fanon characterization that i just gag from i cannot physically stomach that shit anymore. #also the way he never touched a single human and is not a touchy person yet the musical made disgustingly touchy with everyone including go #i saw red when i saw that one scene. #thats not fucking hisoka morow thats hekosa pedoro #if togashi wanted him to sleep around he would've so simply and easily made him mention that. Like even leorio said he jacks off. #yet togashi didnt. because HE DOESNT. #HISOKA GET BEHIND ME #anyways asexual hisoka morow canon goodnight everyone #also trans hisoka can we get a little more content of that i know its completely unrelated but pls im starving #i would put the “ill do it myself meme” WHICH I DO I HAVE A DEMI HISOILLU FIC but im so slow at writing fics sobs and throws up #hisoillu #hisoka x illumi #illumi #illumi zoldyck #hisoka #hisoka morow #chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #hxh #hunter x hunter #my post #my analysis

[fyodorloveclub]

trying to pack my entire life into 2 suitcases for the 8000th time this year dude im so sick of this djdjsjdjsjf

#havent lived somewhere for more than 6ish months consecutively in 5 years 😀 #im so tired of flying/driving/moving/living out of a fucking suitcase i want to dig a whole in the ground and never leave #illumi style #shut up flora ☆

[lunarlaaad]

I need time away from hxh

#KITE DIED WHAT THE FUCK #NOOOOOOOOO #I WAS GETTING SO ATTACHED #THEY WERE STARTING TO LOOK LIKE COMFORT CHARACTER MATERIAL #thank god i have illumi #if he dies i swear to god #I am never picking hxh up ever again #hxh spoilers #kite hxh #illumi zoldyck #lunar's thoughts

[llycaons]

this is so vile. like we know how evil illumi is but to approach killua and demand control of alluka so that she can keep being used as a tool for the family while ~promising to guarantee her freedom~ but clearly not having the barest iota of respect or compassion for her as evidenced by continuously misgendering her?! like. sickening sickening I want him dead

#I think it would fuck up killua to kill illumi but someone should do it #hxh rewatch

[volixia669]

So bearing in mine crack ships and rare ships seem to be my bread and butter, especially if a fic can make a reasonable argument for them...

I both love and hate how as a quartet, Kurapika, Leorio, Hisoka, and Illumi somehow work? At the VERY least as some weird ass friendship that Killua & Gon just stare at going “???????” And like, when it comes to Hisoka, we know Kurapika has gotten into contact with him and I feel like still gets random texts. Even when Kurapika changes his number. Kurapika never responds, but while some of the texts are disturbing, others do get a snort out of him. (And sometimes it’s the disturbing texts that do that but he’s totally doing fine.)

Leorio has sadly been put on a bus for awhile, but we know that fucking serial murdering clown Hisoka decided that “Nah, this one I’m gonna keep alive” in the Hunter Exam. One could argue plot armor, but mysterious reasons that Hisoka refuses to give up no matter how many times Leorio presses him are even better. Also I feel like they’d relate to each other on the most random shit and every time Leorio has to do a double take.

HisoIllu is such a fave ship, I don’t really need to go into those two, nor do I really need to go into LeoPika.

Illumi is where things get interesting. Mainly because personally I think in order for him to get closer to Leorio and Kurapika, he needs a few reality checks. Now, I don’t believe he just mindlessly follows what his parents say. His actions are mostly in line with his parent’s views, though his desire for more power as well as his desire to protect Killua means he will sometimes take a few extra steps more in line with his own goals.

Basically an outside character, most likely keeping an eye out for Killua, needs to call Illumi out on, “You’re causing more harm than good.” and “Is this really the life you want?” and “No seriously, what you’re doing is just plain stupid you’re making Killua hate you, even if he does do what your parents want and become head of household he’d have every right to kill you for how you’ve hurt him don’t be fucking stupid.”

Anyways. Outside character. Leorio can work for this, or even Hisoka (though his concept of normal is...warped). But given how the Zoldycks seem to use similar uh, upbringing tactics as Evangelicals, I’d argue that an older character would be more effective in getting Illumi to wise up. (It’s the whole obedience thing) I don’t think the Zoldycks have the whole “men are superior to women” thing, so can be an older female character.

So, have someone like Bisky, Morel, even an OC start Illumi on some character development, and now we’re cooking.

For starters, Hisoka gets to be slightly less done with this dipshit.

Then, Illumi tries reaching out to Killua in ways that are awkward as fuck as far as everyone else is concerned.

Which means Leorio gets to stare at Illumi wondering why this is his fucking life and getting Illumi to try in...slightly more normal ways. Which can lead to some chats, especially as some here on tumblr have helped established that when not on the job, and talking to someone he trusts? Illumi can go on.

Kurapika is initially wary, but I think between being incredibly obvservant, and a very dark sense of humor that would have developed while neck deep in mafia bs (he’s totally doing fine btw) there’d be some uh. Gore-y convos? Also nen discussions. Leorio eventually drags Kurapika away so the dude can have a breakdown, but even if he gets therapy, I feel like Illumi and Kurapika would also connect on arguably random things.

Also I’d note, that not only are these characters more mature/older, but they are all intensely loyal in ways both obvious and subtle. Which as HxH loves to point out narratively, can be both a character trait and a character flaw.

#hxh #long post #illumi #hisoka #kurapika #leorio #cw: abuse mention #kurpika is fiiiiiiiiine guys #leorio being the straight man to the others when also hiding his own trauma that literally led to him becoming a hunter is also great #like we all act like leorio is normal but no he's just juxtaposed to characters like kurapika or gon #also technically normal in the hxh world is completely different from our world but that's another post #i love all these characters btw #and i genuinely think an illumi redemption arc if done right could be interesting #he has to work his ass off and his siblings have every right to not forgive him for his role in their upbringing #but also illumi becoming more cognizant that he done fucked up and putting in effort would be so good #though he definitely needs to be reminded that forgiveness is not a guarantee #i know it's kinda weird to only ship characters after specific character development #but leorio and kurapika are loyal to killua and until illumi stops hurting killua it doesn't make sense for them to get closer #exceptions can occur! #one fic has leorio after a year of med school try to look at illumi differently after recognizing that both killua and illumi were raised #by the same people #which leads to some poking while illumi is undergoing a bunch of thinking #ANYWAYS THESE TAGS ARE ANOTHER POSTS WORTH I'M GONNA STOP NOW

[gab-has-adhd]

Sometimes I forget why I kin Illumi and I start thinking I only kin him because I want to be like him

But then I remember the fact that I am able to forgive the bad things my family did towards me and that despite getting fucked up by things they did to me I still manage to find them excuses and say they aren't that bad.

And then I am like oh.

Oh.

I have been manipulated by my family and now I am unable to be truly mad at them despite everything wrong they did to me, to the point that I am literally able to defend them.

Aaaaah fuck

Yeah

Illumi kin

#✌️😔✌️ #//negative #vent post #family trauma #family tw #this doesn't concern my father because he died when I was 16 #(but he was pretty strict and uncool sometimes) #kin #kinning #fictionkin #hxh #hunter x hunter #illumi #illumi zoldyck #zoldyck #zoldyck family #I am the weird fucked up kid hahahahahaaaa