#ily guys more than you know

[soft-girl-musings]

a wee personal psa for my writer mutuals under the cut

honestly a bit anxious posting this but since I have a ton of new moots from the OI writers discord, I wanted to drop this on here

hey babes

so between my depression cranking up to 11 and being super inconsistent with my ADHD meds, my mental health has been shit since about May. tumblr has been a huge help with that, but I noticed that when I was getting super into NSFW works, it took me longer to get back to some type of neutral while offline.

so I've decided to take a break from certain types of content. my dopamine levels are abysmal. and I want to know how to regulate them more easily so I can engage online and irl as my best self.

that being said, I'm not cutting myself off completely. I help mod the OI writers discord, I know what goes down 💀 I'm mostly taking a break with published smut/dark fics/headcanons.

I'm not trying to virtue signal. I just want y'all to know that even if I don't engage with a work you publish, I am rooting for you, cheering you on, and so so glad to see you being creative. I want to stay connected; I want to bounce ideas around; I want to be friends. If I didn't like your vibe, I wouldn't have followed.

so yeah. if you read this far, your patience amazes me. fingers crossed I can get this brain in order so I can be more present 🩷

#ily guys more than you know #thank you for adopting this soft girl i quite literally do not know where id be without u #tw depression #oscar isaac discord #shouting into the void here

[jrueships]

STEFON DIGGS i will NEVER stop CARING ABOUT YOUUUU!!! many others have abandoned you bcs u have divorced ur goofy whiteboy husband and fled to bust it down cuntessa central BUT NAWWWT ! M E !

yes, your catches and targets have went down and your temper has gone up, but why can old washed & wrinkled quarterbacks still maintain their love and insane following and not you, sexy, also kinda old, catty wr ? i will always root for your success

#you were never Always girlboss #sometimes you are girlfailure. girlanger. girldumb (whining abt ppl not buying u stupid millionaire shit so u buy it urself) #i know that #real ones always know #u are stef diggs and he is josh allen and u are separate ppl and i love u guys individually as well as a pair #this might be an unpopular onion but for me to get into a ship i have to know i like & know both ppl involved pretty well b4 supporting it #idk i may be cra Z #stef u are more than beautiful and crazy #u are also dumb as fuck sometimes and annoying as hell #ily <3

[wastedunicorn]

I’ve been on tumblr for so long. I’ve been posting for over a decade on this … and it’s crazy how I would never get any notes on any of my posts now I look at where I am and all my posts are over in the hundreds and its unbelievable

♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

#ily guys!! #txt #sappy post #it means a lot to me more than you could know

[rat-off-string]

talking to people who arent in the same trashy fandoms im in is so embarrassing what if i set myself on fire right fucking now

#blog lore #ily guys but??? #what if i turn into an oyster #like i know cringe is dead or whatever but nothing will make you wanna set yourself on fire more than being labeled cringe by friends u lik #idk i know they dont mean harm. #shrug emoji #whatever #whatever. #what if i disappeared from my friend circles again

[killemwithkawaii]

Emotional hangovers are so fucking stupid.

"Oh, you went out and had an especially good time in a highly stimulating environment for a few hours? Nice going, you just cashed in 3 days worth of dopamine. Get Meh, jackass."

#k.e.w.k. overshares #neurodivergent problems #tw mental illness #“spare dopamine? spare dopamine ma'am?” #cried like a little bitch (/pos) at the Glass Beach show and got handed a setlist for the first time ever #[not pictured: Me up on cloud nine while down on my hands and knees in the pit] #that was thursday and im STILL ankle deep in the dopamine red 📉🤡 #its a pattern that makes me warry about having more than a mildly pleasant time #because i know im gonna pay for it later and have to very carefully plan accordingly #ideally: day of rest/prep ➡️ afternoon of rest/double check prep before Fun Event ➡️✨FUN EVENT✨➡️ 1-3 days of emotional & physical recovery #[So Manageable ✅️ Very sustainable ✅️ Such fulfilling Adulthood ✅️] #thankfully i feel the emergence from my blanket nest cocoon coming but for now im slapping the snooze button a couple more times 🔋📈 #thanks for being patient about ask and dm replies and art updates #(i feel like a jerk but that emotion is self-inflicted #bc you guys are great & know im a barely-functioning Adult that has a Job and also does irl stuff sometimes so thank you ily 🫰🥺)

[compacflt]

hey! seeing your post about iceman and hamilton reminded me of the 1812 au that you had posted about previously - do you mind sharing any of your thoughts on that, specifically Ice & Mav's reactions to the politics of war back then, before the US military and Navy were such huge institutions (in today's standards)? EDTS Ice & Mav are decidedly anti-war (more Ice than Mav I think), but would that same sentiment be true for them back then & how would Ice feel about war hawks like Calhoun & Clay? there's obviously a pretty big role that war plays in forming national identity, especially in early US history, and with external forces like impressment & embargoes & all of the international relations nightmares that came w/ early state building, I'm really interested in how that may have an impact on how Ice and Mav view military service and duty. I would love to read this fic if you're still planning on writing it (really I love to read everything that you write tbh) - also hope you are doing well!! 😊😊

hiya!! i hope you are also doing well!! I am not sure if im ever going to post the 1812 au to be honest—i would really love to but i think it would be so long it would have to be my first priority for a few months, and I’m not sure when I’d have time to do that. but i have it all planned out at least, so maybe we can compare notes.

So here are my notes.

IF i were to complete my 1812 AU… It would not be about Ice at all. Which is how I’d be able to stomach writing about Ice’s death. AND the characters would be very very different from the characters i wrote about in EDTS (i.e. confessed their love for each other way back in the 1770s). And what I want to tackle in this AU is exactly what your ask is about—duty to your fledgling country! Im interested in a version of TGM maverick who had to be away from the love of his life, on his deathbed, to serve the national interests of his country. *questionable* national interests, in TGM’s case, or *forgettable* national interests in the War of 1812’s case. The War of 1812 is sort of America’s forgotten war—its causes were nebulous & hard to rally around/understand today, and there were no real heroes until the end, unless if you count Andrew Jackson as a hero (i really try not to). So this would be a direct attack on the heroism we are presented with in TGM: what is mavericks mission really accomplishing in the grand scheme of things? Using the 1812 war, itself forgotten and largely irrelevant, as a meta backdrop for that question of heroism.

So—this version of Ice & Mav are: actual factual war heroes. Revolutionary war heroes who were genuinely educated & truly believed in the American experiment of representation & freedom from tyranny. Fighting the British 36 years apart. (Something i really really like & will take advantage of… the 36 years between 1776 and 1812 exactly equaling the 36 years between 1986 and 2022… it was meant to be.) They’ve spent their whole lives together in the romantic sense, in a world where they couldn’t live openly together but at a time when sexuality was also understood completely differently. But they have to be apart when Ice is dying because Maverick has been handed a mission, a duty, by the USG that he has to take care of. (Part of the reason I’m stalling on this project is because I don’t really know what that mission would be… something something naval warfare, something something Captain of the “USS Dagger…” but im a better romance writer than an action writer… idk how to come up with those plots at all. And I’m not super well-versed in EARLY naval warfare [I prefer wwii navy stuff] so idk how ships like sailed clippers & schooners etc actually work. That’s a completely different wheelhouse for me & is integral to a story like this, and fundamentally im kind of a lazy person who doesn’t put a lot of effort into research if I don’t have to)

the AU would be written in two parts—the warm summer of youth vs cold winter of old age. Confronting my own fear as an author of getting old & dying, tbh. What does it mean to be a hero and die of old age? Shouldn’t you want to die WHILE being a hero? Part one: 1776-1782 is… ice & maverick falling in love and dealing with goose’s death together and cementing their hero status in American naval history (like they do in the original top gun). Then part 2; 1812/1813… ice is retired from being the first USN commodore/secretary, but he’s dying and maverick has to choose between being with his de facto husband in his last days VERSUS being out at sea, serving his country, but for a war that he (a bit metaphysically, to serve my metaphorical aims) knows will be forgotten. He can be a hero or he can be there for the love of his life but he can’t do both. Duty & sacrifice. Ice persuades him it’s time to let go, maverick goes out to sea, and then ice dies while he’s at sea. & the 1812 war was kind of forgotten, and their love will never be known by history because they were two men, so what was that sacrifice really for? Shouldn’t he have been home with ice?

Which leads me to: I am also slightly interested in an interpretation of the TGM mission as a possible su*cide attempt on mav’s part, post-ice’s death. Trying to die a hero. So, there’s that. That would be in it as well.

Some issues: that’s pretty simple & i submitted a 4k short story with this exact premise (1776 war hero has to choose between one last shot at heroism in 1812 vs staying with his male lover at the end of his life) to one of my writing workshops last semester and they loved it. But, by god, does it get 10x more complicated once you add Bradley to the mix. It’s ALWAYS made it more complicated & it’s why I’ve had so much pain trying to edit EDTS over the last 8 months (as you know). Because LETS PLEASE BE REAL TGM did NOT give me much to go on there. Like the emotional turn that is I think SUPPOSED to happen in the scene where ice and mav talk in TGM—I don’t understand it & I think that scene was only written for fanservice because it serves no purpose in the story and I’m not sure what emotion we’re supposed to take away from it. Maverick says “please send me ice, don’t ask me to send someone else to die,” (is he asking ice’s permission??) and ice DOESNT actually answer that request, doesn’t even acknowledge it; he says, in a COMPLETE AND UTTER NON SEQUITUR, “It’s time to let go.” Maverick says, “yeah I know,” so what does that actually mean? Who is he letting go??? Bradley??? Goose??? ice himself??? Is ice giving mav permission to go or not???? It’s so vague it means absolutely nothing, and i have no idea what ice’s emotional/story purpose in TGM is except to bail mav out of sticky situations and nostalgia purposes, and don’t even get me STARTED on how out-of-character it was for MAVERICK (guy who hates having his papers pulled from the Academy) to pull Bradley’s papers from the Academy in TGM, both of which are why ive struggled so much trying to fit Ice into the mav/Bradley narrative of betrayal & loss etc. And in a two-shot piece where all those years in between are kind of skipped over… idk. I feel like I would sort of have to sacrifice the Bradley storyline for the overarching icemav duty-sacrifice-heroism theme. With WWGATTAI, i was KIND of able to do both, but only after MULTIPLE rounds of very very intense editing & like 50k words of rewrites and even then it’s kind of awkward so… idk. For a quick two-shot like this I’d have to pick. I don’t have the energy to write another 50-100k reinterpreting that story all over again lol

So to answer your question it would be way less about the actual weird politics of the 1812 war and more about providing a place for me to get into mav’s emotions dealing with ice’s death and the historical implications of a mission like that, kind of glossed over in the movie … though this ice & mav are veterans of the XYZ affair / battles with the Tripoli pirates, so that probably affects how they see things… but mostly, duty is still duty & orders are still orders, but sometimes following orders means sacrificing what little time left you have with your family… following the TGM timeline where ice only has about 2 weeks left to live from Mach 9.

So, pros of the 1812 au: lots of the purple prose poetic writing i shamefully really like. Icemav open and honest with each other from the very start ❤️. Dealing with the themes and emotional consequences of ice’s death finally. Focusing only on mav instead of only on ice. Penny & sarah in a lesbian relationship. Some discussion of the cyclical nature of queer history (i.e. we’ve always been here making history and we always will be). Mav finding reasons to live after ice is gone.

Cons of the 1812 au and why I’m hesitant to really get invested in writing it: don’t know much about pre-diesel naval warfare so can’t come up with the technical action elements of the plot & too lazy to do that much research. I have a sailing license, so I know like… knots and rigging and mainsail vs jib/genoa/spinnaker and sloop vs schooner etc, but i do NOT know anything about THAT kind of sailing. Warship sailing, tactics, “dogfighting” equivalents, etc. Also: would probably have to sacrifice the whole “getting Bradley kicked out of the academy-equivalent” storyline, just to make the story less complicated. Not sure how much of the original ice and maverick the story would retain as a result. Also: i know wayyy more about the early national period (1776-1800) than anything after about 1808, but even then the last time i was really into this period of history was my freshman year of high school, so i can’t necessarily claim to know what im talking about when it comes to the intricacies of the early American state (as i think is pretty obvious here). Also too lazy to do that much research.

But, here are some notes/snippets etc if you would like. they’re solidly 6 months old now & unedited & largely unresearched, just throwing words on the wall in writing phase one, but whatever

#oooo that’s a lot of words to just say ‘im lazy & self-conscious of the fact i don’t know what im talking about’ #thanks for the ask ily ❤️🥺 #i think you know more about This period of history than i do so honestly we should chat #OMG ice saying i love you & maverick hasn’t even died yet whoa #ice goes to yale instead of the academy. yale guy. ☹️ #pete maverick mitchell #tom iceman kazansky #top gun #top gun maverick #icemav #asks #top gun fanfiction #if someone wants to pick up this idea & do it please do #not feeling very articulate with my not-fiction words today; sorry if this post is incomprehensible

[indigopoptart]

HIII- sorry I’ve been acting dead, my computer fried and I’m currently using my iPad 😅-

how are you doing 😁

ft @akemima and @sammysun. yall real ones fr

#literally would not have survived without them kms #my gs #love and appreciate yall more than words can say #literally my world #i could go on for hours about how much i appreciate them kms #I LOVE YOU GUYS RAHHHH #ok back on topic #i dont know how to get this back on topic now im thinking about the both of them #dies #ok anyway #YEAH! #stamps got paused abruptly because of a buncha shit going on at the same time (its mostly cooled down now!) #but im getting better mentally! #thanks to all my friends smfh #ily all kms #BUT YEAH! #home is a house and it only has people in it #thank yall for worrying though! #all your kind messages fr make me happy #like damn random people on the internet actually care about me???? thats so sweet😭 #BUT YES IM DOIGN BETTER NOW!!! and im trying to get back into writing #art #indigo’s art #ask indigo #my art #goober cameo #digital art #uhhh idk what else to tag this #but frfr thank u both u and ur sister #yall r real ones

[deadsh33p]

I genuinely believe IDW and Rise Mikey s are the best versions of the character. They feel much more than just comic relief.

#i enjoy 2012 btw! no hate. but somtimes he acts a way... makes me so mad #havent watched much of 2003 (planning to tho) but i think he's still better than 2012?? #though what theyre missing is empathy. i think. #IDW and Rise makes mikey so SO much more of a cinnamon roll without making it feel forced #ily IDW mikey #i love him because he cares so much he is such a good guy #same with Rise mikey!! #also ik 2003 and 2012 are old shows so this doesnt count as critic but... the way Mikey talks in these shows LMAO #same with the masterpiece that Batman vs TMNT unironically is #OMG THE WAY HE TALKS UGHHH SHY DOES HE TALK LIKE THAG #i mean ig thwre are teenagers that talk like this but ive NEVER SEEN ONE #i cant explain how he talks but i think you guys know what i mean #like the🤙🤙DUUDE WHA🧍👉👋✌way lmao #idk he sounds so dumb wished i could STRANGLE him

[hella1975]

Hi hella! I love love your writing and have done so for years and liked your posts but above all else I am a social media lurker at heart. But I wanted to tell you that following you for so long I’ve seen you go off to college and strike out on your own. Your self reflection and how you move through your life is so inspiring. I feel like your proud distant auntie sometimes cheering you on from afar. Growing up and going through school and into your adulthood is so confusing and frustrating and depressing sometimes but I’m a bit on the other side now and can tell you you’re doing so well. Absolutely killing it and it’s a privilege to read about. Your openness often has me reflect on my own life! I appreciate you bestie 🫶

reading this was genuinely so emotional BESTIE WHAT THE HELL

#IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE I PROMISE I MEAN THIS IN THE MOST POSITIVE OF WAYS #because it just made me really reflective ig? like so much of my life and so many of my issues surround this huge isolation #either ive been made to feel isolated or ive used isolation as a coping mechanism or even that i romanticised my own capacity for it #but regardless i have a really rigid acceptance that im on my own through life #and as a kid that was terrifying and was probably what got me in my head so much #like staring at the enormity of it all and going 'i am alone. i am a singular vessel whose intricacies are inaccessible to anyone else' #and that is TERRIFYING. and yes while it will always be true to an extent ive realised it doesnt have to be entirely #you can share yourself with others and find love in that and friendships and it's taken me years but this year more than any #i feel like ive finally come out of a very long dark tunnel and no one else around me has any idea that any of this is a big deal to me #bc they never had any idea what i was going through #but like?? at some point or another you guys started tagging along and i overshared a shit ton lmao #and a lot of you have been here for YEARS and like. wtf you're RIGHT ive taken you guys along with me for everything #my sexuality crisis my writing journey getting a new job starting uni going into second year making and losing friendships #testing out romance listening to music watching new shows. like every part of myself that's too small and silly to share irl is something #i tell you guys without a second thought like i started this when i was SEVENTEEN and now im twenty you guys have acc watched me grow #im so emotional over this esp bc lately ive focussed mainly on the DOWNSIDES of me being online in these years #idk i needed this more than you know bestie tysm for sticking by my side and same for the rest of you <3 ily ily ily #ask

[theforgottendaydreamer]

waiting for the day my friends realise i need comfort as well because i can't always be the one comforting others without ever being comforted

#ngl my online friends seem to care about me more than irls #(ily guys. you know who you are.) #i realise i give more than what i get. a lot more #this do ut des isn't do ut desing huh #(do ut des - latin for “i give to get” roughly)

[todayisafridaynight]

something something some yakuza antagonists ideals are completely valid and if they just went about them a different way the whole situation wouldnt have been life or death something something. something something i will agree with an antag (nishiki WHO SAID THAT) more if their reasoning behind what theyre doing is solid enough (yeah girl be mentally ill i support you i'll get you help too) something something

this goes for outside of yakuza too idk why im adding it but like. personally i love antags more than the protags because 1 more interesting 2 bro 99% of the time theyre just so mentally unwell if they had help as a child or just someone by their side supporting them enough in life they wouldnt be doing any of that shit 3 half the time theyre just. right. about the status of things? and i got that autistic sense of justice behind me so i automatically side with them like they go about it the wrong way but theyre right my bad 4 not all antags are evil even theyre literally there because the protaganist needs a foil the whole light needs dark dark needs light thing blah blah 5 theyre bad bitches i cant deny a bad bitch their non-heroic deeds.

i need to type up another slideshow about the intricacies of characters and why so and so did what they did or why so and so shouldnt be faulted for their ideals. god i love writing about characterization i love writing i need to write of course people can dislike "bad guys" theyre written to be disliked because of the perspective you see them from but i love being like oooh hoo hoo you are a hidden gem you are a diamond in the rough damn ya ass fat whats ya trauma? oh god this is long uhm. yeah :]

anon you're spitting but im too drunk to make a good response just know im nodding and listening and agreeing

#snap chats #i stand by that aoki's only flaw was that he was a republican #but Real i get you i usually like antags more than the protags #or i at least gush about them more #maybe its a psychological issue where i see bits of myself in them and can ergo relate #cough cough masato cough cough mine sorry who said that #moreover antags are just funnier. i can excuse 90% of crimes if you're funny #like antags are fun because they're like. they're like if we listened to every intrusive thought we had #like 'damn thatd be fucked if we did that let's watch this guy do it from the safety of our couch' #tho tbh anon ily but i feel like youre tping this mostly from a nishiki lens #cause what nishiki did is probably the easiest to justify from our antags ?? #i mean ryuji was just fucking around tbh. his motives are funny #but mine wanting to kill a man he loves because he sees his life as useless now is p twisted #and i dont have to explain aoki we know. like there's no justifying those two's actions #there's reasoning but it's harder to justify them compared to akira 'everything went wrong so i became stronger' nishikiyama #he's the most sympathetic villain out of the batch My Drunk Brin Is Telling Me #idk where im going with this ramble anymore point is Ask Good

[jakeyt]

i don’t mean to push or bug or anything, but will there be another covet chapter soon?

Oh, my love!! You are not being pushy at all!!

I’m glad you reached out. <3 I promise I’m working on it and I promise to have another chapter posted in the near future… I’m just putting all of my writer’s energy into this fic that I’m currently diving into…

Be on the lookout for both! I promise I have not abandoned Covet. It’s just… my brain can only handle so much lol

#Ily <3 #Ty for loving the story and checking in #it means more than you know to hear from you guys #covet

[dykesbat]

gm i heart u all.

#feeling so much better today than yesterday #but i hope your days been well <3 ily and im rooting for you always! #also. perhaps send me a dc comic runs to read? #preferably sm w issues i might be able to read dc again if i do things correctly but i also dont remember where i last left off etc etc. #personal #you guys already know my faves n im always down for a reread #OR MORE HELENA STUFF..

[vigilantdesert]

~

#PSA #Status update #out of character #Hey guys! I hope everyone's having a great start to their year #Things have been a little bit crazy for me and I haven't been on as much as I would like #I've also been trying to use my queue to space some stuff out #I do have a fulltime #often more than full-time job and a partnerAnd the job is pretty stressful sometimes #So I take a lot of breaks. I know I'm behind especially on starter calls #But I am trying to get to everyone #We're all here for fun and stress can really kill my muse #So I'd appreciate a little leniency. We're all here for a hobby after all #Everyone remember the old rp mantra: this is all for fun #I love you all <3 Thanks for being awesome writers #I've got like. 40 drafts im sorry everyone lka;sjfsd ily

[kuiinncedes]

me going from being bored in my house all day to bored in my apartment by myself all day wow 😍

#i have no idea where my roommate is also i still like dont know ... how to live w a roommate i guess lol like #i would like to know if ur not gonna be here at night ...... esp when it's just us two in the apartment rn but anyway #i texted her last night when i was going to sleep and i was like hey dw about turning on the light and stuff if u get back when i'm asleep #lol and then she didn't come back and she hasn't responded :P ik she's been helpign friends move in and stuff #bruh i helped my brother move in yesterday and i was kinda like so jealous that he has his group of friends here #whereas i moved in and i didn't know anyone in my building and i hadn't rly talked to the ppl from my high school in a yr #and i like kinda panicked abt being alone a little bit but he has all his friends and i'm happy for him but bitch when can that be me #but also like he and his friends are all in the same residence hall and i was thinking like i can already tellllll y'all are gonna be the #guys being loud talking in the hallways at night lmfao #anwyay #i'm gonna try to do some research work since i don't have plans until the evening lmao thank god i have shit to do tomorrow XD #i don't mind being alone at all i do kinda like it but the fact that ig i could much more easily be out doing stuff w friends or something #more easily than at home anyway idk why do i keep doing posts like this lmao #jeanne talks #ALSO I GOT A COUPLE OF THOSE RLY NICE ASKS SAYING LIKE LIST 5 THINGS YOU LOVE OR WHATEVER I WILL ANSWER THEM AT SOME POINT I PROMISE #idk things i love apparently lmfao #IN CASE I FORGET AND DON'T ANSWER THEM SOON THO ILY THANK U <3

[megumi-fm]

.

#i am... dare i say... going insane...😃 #one of thee weeks of all time tbh #im already low on sleep given my last minute prep for today's internals #i was also supposed to get my internship presentation crosschecked with the guide today but it clashed with test timings and yeah.. ah well #atp i don't even know if i can show it to her tomorrow bc I need output images from this one tool that just. wont cooperate with me #was also supposed to start GRE prep today T-T #i must agree that having many tasks makes me feel less lethargic/dull and more mentally active but i am. overwhelmed. #and also so physically exhausted #I spent the past 8+ hours doing my presentation my eyes and my back are starting to hurt #the weather also sucks so bad there's no reason for it to be this hot ugh i hate capitalists and i hate global warming #i also miss tumblr... I haven't updated my daily tracker for the past five days... my weekly tracker has turned to a biweekly tracker and #and this time i think I'll be covering three weeks in one post lmaoo #there are so many things I'm yet to do on here... convos left halfway and incomplete tag games... and things I'm yet to reply to... gah #on that note Tanishka if you see these tags ily and i have our convo in my drafts but i dont have the time or the energy to reply rn :(( #hopefully soon~ #hope you guys are doing better than i am lol #megumi in the tags