#im about to throw some hands

[puppyeared]

these two are so interesting to me

characters belong to @canisalbus

#clenches fists. im so sosososo normal about them. i think about them a normal amount (lying) #actually the 2nd image is based on some sort of anime couple pose template(?????) that i saw a while back and wanted to draw them in it #but i swear to god i CANNOT FUCKING FIND IT. i was literally knee deep in yuri and yaoi fanart for hours trying to find that god damn photo #but i dont even know who the characters were and pinterest just shows me bakugou and deku making out sloppy style whenever i try #so i gave up an tried drawing it from memory and cried the whole time. i hate anatomy.. but they look so happy so its fine #god whenever i see Lore or sweet little tidbits for these two i want to tear into something with my teeth and throw something /pos #i genuinely want to study these gay little renaissance dogs under a microscope #what fucks me up is the fact that we all know it ends horribly but u cant help loving them anyway.. they are so. incoherent hand gestures #my art #myart #others ocs #vasco #machete #vaschete #furry art #fur #anthro

[qprstobin]

Stobin Different First Meeting AU where they go to prom together. This was meant to be an au post and turned into a mini fic oops (written completely within a tumblr post so sorry for the poor quality)

(edit: realized I should link the fic I was inspired by for those who don't follow me and so didn't see me reblog it earlier)

Steve doesn't necessarily want to go to prom, right? Like yeah, he'd been imagining it for a while, but now that he was very, very single it just didn't have the same shine that it used to. And he really wasn't ready to start dating yet. However, he didn't want to just, not go to prom, and also knew it would seem really weird (and pretty fucking sad) if he didn't go.

Which leaves him in a conundrum.

He thought for a while that maybe he would go with one of the junior cheerleaders. While he didn't have any close friends anymore, he was still friendly with plenty of people. There were girls that wouldn't be going to prom unless they had a senior boyfriend - some he had even gone on dates with in the past who wouldn't think a single prom date meant that he wanted a new girlfriend.

However, he is pretty sure most of those girls would have... other expectations for the night. And honestly? He isn't quite sure that he was ready to get back on that horse either.

... Not that he thought women were horses.

He's pretty sure men are normally the ones called horses in riding metaphors.

Anyway.

That left him stuck. He couldn't just not go to prom, but also didn't want to wind up trapped on an actual date with someone. So who could he ask?

His solution ended up coming from an odd place.

Robin Buckley was... quite honestly, kind of a weirdo.

She was cute, in an alternative sort of way. She never took any of his shit (he wasn't completely sure she even liked him) but also reluctantly laughed at the snarky shit he said under his breath during their Film History class. And not in the fake giggly way girls did when they were flirting, but didn't actually care about what he was saying, just the way he said it. She actually seemed to think he was funny. Even if that revelation seemed to piss her off.

The only reason he was even in Film History that semester - and therefore, knew who she was - was for the easy A. He got to watch movies in class, and watch movies for homework. He was willing to plow through a couple of shitty essays in exchange for a class that he didn't feel like a complete idiot in.

(Well, he was pretty sure Robin thought he was an idiot about movies, but just because he had trouble remembering the names and shit of characters, didn't mean he couldn't analyze the themes, fuck you very much, Buckley.)

They had gotten assigned a project together early on, and it hadn't been completely terrible. She had quickly taken over doing most of the writing portions, but hadn't thought all of his ideas were terrible. By the end of the project he thought they were even sort of having fun together.

He'd always been one to try his luck, take a little more than he was given. So, after that assignment was over, he started sitting next to her in class, not wanting that easy, if sharp, camaraderie to end. Robin rolled her eyes at him and asked him what he thought he was doing the first time he did it, but she never sent him away.

They ended up chatting more and more during down times, passing notes to each other and sharing sly comments under their breaths during the movies. Steve often had trouble paying attention at school, his mind easily wandering away, and it was almost as bad during most movies, but Robin helped keep him on track.

The class turned into one that was done for the easy grade, a last ditch effort to improve his already hopeless GPA, and became one he actually enjoyed.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of going to prom with Robin. It made the night seem a little less unbearable.

He thought about making a big deal out of asking her, because he knows that's what girls (and even Nancy) had enjoyed for past dances. He quickly scrapped that idea, however, because not only did he not want to put pressure on her like that, but also she seemed to hate public spectacles like that.

Or at least when aimed at her, they both enjoyed watching drama unfold in the halls a bit too much to say she hated it completely.

So Steve waits until the end of the day, their film class being their last, to pull her into an empty classroom. She follows him without question in a show of trust he didn't realize she had in him. The notion warms him, and for some reason makes it more difficult to get the question out.

"Why do I feel like you're about to try to sell me drugs or something?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He squints at her in offense.

"Why is that your first assumption?!"

"I don't know! Why else are you pulling me out of the hallway all secretive like, making sure no one followed us, into an abandoned classroom," she asks, throwing her arms into the air.

"The classroom isn't abandoned, it's the end of the day! Also, who does drug deals on campus, that's just stupid?" He asks rhetorically, before waving one hand through the air, as if trying to erase the current thread of conversation. "That doesn't matter, you're distracting me."

"Well then, get on with it! Some of us have practice we need to get to."

"It's like talking to the kids," he mutters to himself, "Whatever. I wanted to ask - will you go to prom with me?"

That stops Robin up short. There's panic in her eyes now, though Steve isn't sure what exactly put it there. Was his reputation that bad that even band geeks are terrified of getting asked out by him?

"You want to go on a date? With me?" she asks slowly, disbelief coloring her voice, though it doesn't hide her unease.

"No, I want to go to prom with you," he scoffs, "Not go on a date with you."

"That is a date, dingus! The person you go to prom with is literally called your date!"

"Okay, sure, maybe, but I don't actually want to date you," he said, rolling his eyes at her.

Like, okay, he understood his reputation for being... what did she call him last week? A 'huge effing rake'? But that didn't mean that he was trying to date any girl that looked in his direction. A lot of girls looked in his direction. That was too many women, even for him.

Robin relaxes a little at that.

"Then why are you asking me to prom instead of someone you actually want to date?"

"Because!" he says, resisting the urge to flail his hands back at her. "I don't want to date anyone right now. Most people I ask are going to expect all these things from me - they're going to want dinner, and at the very least a kiss at the end of the night if not more, or another date the very next day. Because Steve Harrington is supposed to want those things!" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair to calm himself. "But right now? I really don't."

"Well then, what does Steve the Hair Harrington actually want?" She had relaxed fully at this point, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

"I want to go to prom with someone I consider a friend, someone who makes me laugh," he says after a moment of silence. "I want to dance badly to really corny pop music and drink just enough spiked punch that I don't remember how much I hate wearing any sort of tie. Then I want to go get milkshakes or go see a really trashy midnight horror flick, just because I'm having so much fun I don't want the night to end."

That small smile has grown into a reluctant grin on Robin's face. It makes her eyes shine and her freckles pop. Steve thought that if he was in a better place, if they had met at a different time, he could have fallen in love with her.

But they had met now instead, in some shitty public school elective course, and she was the closest thing he had to a friend that wasn't a snotty middle schooler.

"That sounds... like a lot of fun, actually," she says, mischief sparking on her face. "Who would've known the hidden depths hidden behind all that hair."

"Hey!" he protests half-heartedly, unable to keep a grin of his own off his face. "So what do you say? Wanna go to prom with me?"

"I guess," she sighs, acting like it was such a trial to go to prom with him. Him! But her next words make up for it. "Since we're friends, and all. However, I still expect you to buy me dinner, though you can keep the kiss goodnight to yourself."

Steve can't help the giddy laugh from spilling out of him. For the first time in weeks, he is actually looking forward to prom.

#stobin #platonic stobin #st fic rec #mini fic #steve #robin #my writing #writing tag #this was got out of hand #all of the stuff about prom is pulled loosely from my own experiences with prom #both from it being seniors only (juniors at my school had their own dance) to what people did after prom #(i went to two proms and one group went and saw a bad horror movie after prom and i went to a diner with the other group) #also this is barely editted so there is some weird tense switches in here im sorry! #this wasnt meant to be an actual fic i had just meant to throw out the idea of steve asking robin to his prom #and steves voice got away from me quick #this was inspired by the fic i reblogged earlier today about steve taking robin to her prom

[satorugojoswiife]

don't think or talk about gojo for one (1) day challenge (FAILED)

#i really miss him and started thinking too much about 236 again 😭 #also been thinking since 251 leaks dropped and #im really sad about megumi :( #i really hope he bounces back and ends up being okay in the end #because it would actually be such an unsatisfying character arc if #the character thats spent nearly the entire story always trying to basically throw his life away #ends up actually dying in the end :( #like i want him to get to find a reason to keep going and live life #but i mean gege and unfufilling character arcs kinda be going hand in hand recently (imo) #ofc its not all bad and there are some good ones!! #but yeah....i dont wanna be too negative tho!! like its not all finished #so who knows what could still happen #fie.txt

[theoptimisticdaydreamer]

Me 24/7

#gbbo #gbbo 2023 #great british bake off #bake off #rowan #rowan was literally a mood this entire episode #same rowan same #plan never heard of her #rowan saku and nicky have such a go with the flow enjoy the experience nonchalance about them it has been refreshing to watch them #because at some point you throw your hands up and go it is what it is im not spending any more emotional energy on this and i love that

[uukipi]

no new art just posting my propaganda of the week

i think everyone in the acotar series should fight over lucien bc hes so cool hot sexy cute and deserves all the love in the world and ik everone wants him!!!!!! *mwuah* <- das him getting a big fat wet kiss!!!!!!!!

#im so normal about lucien help #i want to EAT HIM #WHOLE #i need some vindication in the next book bc wym bro got his ass handed to him for no reason and his ONE FRIEND isint even kind to him #i love angst but hey sjm im gonna throw up #like he used to b so snarky and fun and then EVERYTHING happened and now hes just so sad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #oouuu inner circle and feyre when i get my hands on you #lets b honest shes not even rly int the IC #pro lucien vanserra #lucien vanserra #no bc actually what did he do #i need someone to sit me down and bullet point list me all the reason why the ic doesnt give af about this guy i feel like im going insane

[scorpiusmalfoylovesoscarwilde]

headcanon that scorpius was a sick child and was in and out of hospital constantly, perhaps related to astoria's blood curse but not directly. his immune system isnt very strong, and everytime he gets sick they're terrified that it's the blood curse but also whatever else it could be, because it's always so sudden and so intense and they call healers over to the house who recommend this delirious feverish 4 year old is hospitalised immediately, and you'd think it'd get easier to some extent because they'd be used to it, but everytime they feel like this is it, this is the time he'll walk in to the hospital and not walk out again

#this headcanon has no purpose im just thinking of scorpius in bed like a sickly victorian child with scarlet fever or something #asking if he'll make it to sunrise lmfao #so then he hates hospitals with a passion #my friend from school was in them constantly he was even a make a wish kid and he can not fucking stand the places so #headcanon scorpius becomes a healer anyway lmao #im sick and this is how im coping by putting baby scorp in hospital lmfao #it just made draco that little bit more protective #lucius made an insensitive comment about it once and draco was ready to throw hands #this headcanon doesnt really go anywhere ive just decided scorpius was a sick child #he has sick child energy lmfao #he still knows some of his doctors/healers because he was there so frequently #just imaging lil scorp in a hospital bed and draco and astoria are sleeping in the room on like uncomfortable chairs and the fever finally #breaks and hes like uh daddy im hungry and its like 4am but draco couldnt care less cause scorp hasnt been able to eat anything for days #let alone ask for food directly and baby scorp is wondering why his parents are acting so damn weird just cause he asked for some toast #but once hes grown up whenever he gets sick its on such a lower level than what it used to be when he was a kid because his immune system #got better that he struggles to gauge when other people would usually stop trying to do daily activities and albus has to start wrestling #scorpius back to bed instead of going to class cause scorpius really youre practically dying and hes like pfff you wanna see dying? use tha #timeturner one more time and go back to see me at literally any point between 2 and 10 i am FINE #(he absolutely was not fine) #scorpius malfoy #albus potter #draco malfoy #hpcc #scorbus #this is so many tags im so sorry

[klauw22]

man im still so pissy abt the treatment venture got in their own season compared to other new heros

#every hero before them got one release skin with two colour variants plus one battlepass skin in their season #what does venture get? #jack shit beside some base skin recolours #bruh #im gonna throw hands about this

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

yk, its weird being Way Too Aware & In Control of yourself bc technically i believe im having a panic attack. but somehow i am Very Unbothered by this, bc i know whats happening and its illogical. my body's having an overreaction and i couldn't be fucked to join in

#im sitting here casually looking up symptoms to make sure this is a Panic attack and not a Heart attack #got those heart palpies got that chest pain got that sense of Derealization got that shortness of breath #i even feel a lil faint! ive even got a hot flash goin on! tightness in the throat! the whole enchilada #and yet! im somehow vibing... #my body's throwing a fit smh calm down bro its not that bad... #maybe you'll calm down if i drink some water and eat some fruit <3 #shoulda known this was coming... was lying awake at 4 am with really bad palpatations s. m. h. #honestly! this is very annoying! #my vision tried to tunnel exactly Once but i fought it off. idiot meatsuit.... #breathing exercises and internal mantras babeyyyyyy i got this shit on Lock #oh! and look at that! my heart is finally chilling out #still gonna eat water and drink fruit #yall should do that too. at least the water part #go drink water! go! shoo! #hydrate or diedrate! always pick hydrate! #absolutely unprompted #alright well that was fun. only lasted for about *checks nonexistent watch* over an hour #i dont think ive had one that bad before! it really tried to Get Me! #had to fight off the deep sense of dread and rising panic with a mental broom!! #finishing my rebels rewatch helped but still. damn. these demons have hands #my brain: OH WE'RE DYING WE'RE DYING ITS A HEART ATTACK WE'RE GONNA DIE AND ROT FOR DAYS BEFORE OUR BODY IS FOUND OH GOD ITS HAPPENING #hard cut to me vibing with a martini.... wii music on blast... hawaiian shirt On and Unbuttoned... #anyway. drink some water. get some fruit. Thrive!

[orionsangel86]

I know it's considered mean to say, but sometimes the phrase "go touch grass" is really needed in fandom spaces. Like seriously. At least turn off the TV, log out of social media, and go for a walk somewhere with some green. Even a drive somewhere. Get some fresh air. Do something that doesn't involve media consumption. Ground yourself back in the real world. Meditation perhaps? Anything like that. Please. I'm begging you. We all need it for our mental health and if you are at the point where your emotions over fictional characters have caused you to take personal offence to the extent that you are gonna go harass the creators for not keeping the story all sunshine and rainbows all the time believe me, you need the break. You'll feel better once you've had the break.

#im not even being condescending here im legit worried about some of the people whose posts ive read #i felt this way after gos2 as well tbh #should have known ofmd s2 would get a similar response #this is obviously about izzy hands #ofmd #ofmd s2 #good omens #good omens s2 #yeah its about both shows actually #because the way some people behaved after gos2 was also appalling #like the way people are throwing out some wild accusations #anyway thats all im saying on that

[brother-emperors]

The Art of Dreams: Reflections and Representations

The Tomb of Caterina della Ratta and the Iconography of the Reclining Reader in Renaissance Sepulcharl Art, Yonni Ascher

Ancestor Masks and Aristocratic Power in Roman Culture, Harriet I Flower

okay so just. play connect the dots with me for a second. Girolamo Basso della Rovere is Giuliano della Rovere's (Pope Julius II) cousin. Ascanio Sforza was a long time rival, and later ex-enemy of Giiuliano's. this kind of familial mirroring in the tombs, the way that Ascanio is being subsumed into a matching visual with someone of della Rovere's family is. interesting. because it goes well beyond the expected patron-client relationship between the pope and his cardinals. like, these were companion monuments.

there's also a kind of tragic romantic violence to it, given Ascanio's persistent loyalty to his family and Milan, and Ludovico's plans to have Ascanio's body brought back to Milan in the event of his death and interred in the same chapel as Beatrice d'Este.

#i want to break into the vatican with a seance board and summon della rovere's ghost to ask him if he fucked that vice chancellor #ANYWAY it's probably a good thing i didn't go to a real college and pursue like. renaissance studies or something #can you imagine how insufferable i would be fighting it out. thankfully i just draw comics and i can say things like #i DO think he fucked that vice chancellor. actually. #that said. someday im going to get my hands on a couple of documents and actually start swinging #because i do think that several scholars got something seriously wrong in their assumptions and im about 80% confident in my stance #but im not going to throw rocks at anything until. i can read. the full letters. with my eyeballs. #moving past that im just. oughhhhhhhhhh. the inscriptions too. part of me thinks that della rovere was pulling some julius caesar #bullshit with it. another part of me wonders if della rovere wanted their reconciliation to outlast both of them so he had it immortalized #on ascanio's monument. RIP buddy. that is absolutely not what happened #GOD THIS IS PLAYING 5D chess. julius II named himself after caesar not the previous pope julius #octavian is JC's heir. ascanio does have agrippa parallels but also specifically his name calls to rome's founding. there's a lot! to unpac #or. uh. there could be! s4 borgias should've had della rovere seduce him away from rodrigo

[skrunksthatwunk]

why the fuck did i write about birds this fucking sucks. i just found out birds only sleep for a few minutes at a time, hundreds of times a day. do you know what this is going to do to my structure? the logistics of their road trip? this is already like three days late and i've been fighting for my life to get A Plot Like Any Plot That Makes Sense out and now the birds fucking sleep for 5 minutes at a time.

#i should've just bailed and written another story when i had the chance #i'm not joking i've never fought a fiction piece this hard before. usually because i'm not writing for specific deadlines #and not a piece so big. and not one that's gonna be workshopped. i wanna blow them away but if things keep going the way they are everyone' #gonna tell me the pacing sucks and it feels pointless and the characters feel really confused. I KNOW. I KNOW THAT. FUCKK #i'm the type to do about 15 passes before i let someone see my 'first draft' and i'm just not gonna be able to do that if i want to get it #in time for a workshop. every day i delay is making things harder for my classmates y'know?? but i've been writing like 1k words a day #and it's still not done. GUHH #I DON'T LIKE WRITING THESE CHARACTERS THAT MUCH THEY'RE NOT FUNNY OR ENDEARING AND THAT'S MY LIKE. #MAIN SKILL AND VIBE WITH SHORT STORY DUOS. BUT NOOOO I HAD TO MAKE THEM DIFFERENT CUZ I WAS SICK OF DOING #THE SAME DYNAMIC OVER AND OVER. BITCH THIS IS YOUR FINAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TRIED AND TRUE GETS THE BLUE (RIBBON)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head in my hands head #going to work on it some more. fuckk #the voices aren't consistent and i'm trying to make it clear that this is toxic bird yuri and not a mother/daughter thing but the maternal #themes are kind of fucking with that but they're important and i don't wanna get rid of them but it feels forced cuz im forcing it #sigh. i'm gonna have to cut the yuri. these two don't work romantically at all. what a waste of time. #i watched the entirety of mnthly girls' nozaki-kun in the past two days while avoiding writing. did you know that? the lengths to which i'l #go? anyway it was fun i appreciate fellow creative agony and i uh never knew how they did screen tones and wasn't expecting that somehow #so i learned something new (hooray). anyway back to. fucking. bird story stuff #i'm so mad i hate these two (<- lying. just pissy) i hate this story (<- mostly exaggerating. throwing a tantrum) #eughhhhhh i just wanna lie on the floor and cryyyyyyyyyy (<- completely deadpan irl. not That upset just kind of sick of shit) #i'm so burnt out and it's only gonna get worse. ughh #why can't someone just come in and write it for meeeeeeeeeeheheuhhh (<- would hate that)

[wilyzombie]

okay second head story time

#wily rambles #lego monkie kid #inkypages #head story #this is the most self indulgent thing #im embarrassed actually #throwing all the tropes i love at this one #this is going off the fan theory that macaques fur was white before he died #lets headcanon that these two have been seeing each other for while #imagine with me that macaque gets hurt or cursed with some negative demon energy after protecting tang #macaque is being a lil bitch about it and feeling ill effects #he's not really himself right now #tang is like OH let me see if i can help with your dilemma #and he gets up close and personal with macaque #takes his hand and starts ~magically dispelling the negative miasma~ #this goes on for a bit #when suddenly the black on macaques fur starts being broken by white light #like the sun beaming through clouds #tangs like OH SHIT IM KILLING HIM #macaque looks down and !? #yanks back and looks at his hand in disbelief #tang doing his usual freak out thing and sputtering apologies and grabbing at macaque #macaque tries his best to calm tang down as the color fades back to black #and then at this part macaque goes on to say sentimental stuff about how this used to be me/thought i never have this color again #guys i regretfully do not have any dialogue sorry #when i think out stories they are images/feelings #anyway #macaque tells tang to resume the spell he was doing to see #and like a color changing barbie doll tang dispels the black fur #then to change the fur on his head tang gently cups macaques cheeks ;_;

[lokh]

hearing this guys british accent is more shocking than having heard an australian accent for several seasons

#then again i hear australian accents all the time so maybe thats why i was used to it #or whatever the heck accent this guy has. i must assume some sort of british but i cant be more specific #hmm i think ive seen this on tv. or at least part of it im remembering bits like amber smoking #and the patient him throwing the card at the glass #ok apparently the actor is scottish but i dunno anything about accents still #damn.... thirteens medical problems got introduced this early?? #i remember seeing her trying to practice for surgery later on cos of shaking hands

[wavetapper]

that makes TWO arcades (on the same network no less) that have the i.idx cab so quiet you can barely hear it and the p.opn music cranked up to absolute war crime volume

#anyway getting through some 39s now since i can clear like 2 40s and i keep failing others #need to practice keeping my hands centred which annoys me bc big stupid hand movements are the most fun thing about this game #but OH WELL. im experiencing what dancegame players experience a thousand billion times worse #what do you MEAN throwing my hands around like an inflatable tube man thing is 'bad' and 'actually makes the game harder' FUCK OFF

[theotherrichardpapen]

okay, so anyone who knows me knows well enough by now that i'm more than willing to talk your ear off regarding the relationships both Nigel and Alex have with their fathers. however i've been more or less avoiding taking too much of a deep-dive into the relationship between Nigel and Helen (largely because 1. it means addressing the events at the end of the film which are, less than savoury, shall we say; and 2. because i'm still a firm believer that Greg only threw that ending in there because he needed to drum up some sort of conflict between Nigel and Alex that led to their final confrontation - essentially standing drunk in front of a dart board - and that in terms of narrative, Nigel should have been Alex's maraclea in the end. but i digress). my parents may have raised an idiot but they sure didn't raise a quitter so here i go anyway

moving on from those two issues, the thing that had always bothered me in the beginning was the fact the film has Nigel claim Helen as his maraclea, a title which carries with it an implication of love. and that is a crucial point here; a huge part of the myth rests upon the fact that the girl was loved by the great lord. and we know how important that story is to Nigel! it forms a crucial part of his belief system; it underpins his entire worldview. he wouldn't just hand out that title to anyone who he bore no emotional attachment to, or else it would lose all significance. So Nigel must love his mother in some form or another (whether it be familial or something more; there's enough in the film to imply something else may have been going on between the two but that's up to individual interpretations). how then, if he loves Helen so much, could he be willing to orchestrate her death at the hands of his father?

the answer to that question essentially boiled down to the fact that Nigel simply does not view death the way other people do. It's not a finality to him. Nigel very much so sees death as transformative - what is dead may never die, only through death can one achieve immortality. You can see it with his interest in taxidermy, the idea that something can be preserved forever, and with Alex's admission that Nigel 'got what he wanted' (i.e. eternity) only by taking his own life.

So you have this notion developing that in a way, Nigel sees this as the highest honor he can bestow upon his mother; the greatest gift he can give her. Through death, she'll live forever, and she'll become a part of something much bigger than either of them. A part of something more important to Nigel than anything else.

#Not to mention there's room to argue that this is some misguided attempt to rescue her too #It's not a stretch to think that John who we already know is aggressive and violent would exhibit that behaviour with Helen #(we already saw it when he threatens her with the shotgun that night) #And it's not hard to imagine that Helen wouldn't leave #can you blame her? the movie establishes that John's influence from the Order extends to those inside the police force (eg McKenzie) #would you run? if he tells you there's nowhere to go where he cant find you? #maybe she didnt want to leave Nigel behind either. leave him alone with John #or maybe im finally going crazy #because this is off the rails #feels weird not just dumping this all in tags and actually making a post about it instead #originally this was going to be a webweave but the divine hand of gohd intervened #anyway feel free to throw proverbial rocks at me if you disagree #this is just 1 possible view in a myriad of views #schrodingers characterisation all up in this movie #like minds #murderous intent #like minds 2006 #nigel colbie #helen colbie

[jonny-b-meowborn]

As time goes by I'm becoming more and more sure that I just can't survive on my own. I can take basic care of myself, but the second I have to go to a doctor or do some formal stuff I get paralyzed. I just can't. Fuck, I can barely even talk to strangers in general. Or even not strangers, I can't fucking text someone back if I'm not close to them, it's just so scary and exhausting. I'm becoming emotionally tired more easily and sometimes even talking with my mom about anything is too much for me and I love my mom. And I really need her, I can't do basic stuff without her pretty much holding my hand all the time. I can't get a normal job. We went to this blueberry plantation a few times but I just couldn't go there without her, and now the job is over and we can't go there at all. If I wasn't such a fucking baby I'd go there a few more times alone and get some money. I can't make calls, there's literally like two people I feel comfortable talking on the phone with. People used to say I was mature for my age when I was younger but I never grew up and now I'm almost 21 and can't do anything with my life. I'm scared of everything, I'm constantly exhausted physically and mentally. I'm like a fucking child. I'm scared that I'm gonna have to live with my mom my whole life. I can't see a future for myself, I'm just not able to survive without help and at some point I won't be able to get help, I don't want to be a parasite living off of my mom's money but I don't see anything else I could do. I hate my brain so much. I hate the way it refuses to work. I hate myself for being such a child.

#you know theres this weird idk. impostor syndrome about me and my autism #like on one hand i know that autism is a disability. but on the other i cant think of myself as disabled #cause im not 'autistic enough'. because i can keep myself fed and clean and healthy and alive as long as im provided with everything i need #but then i have a full on breakdown because my new laptop doesnt work and i have to go to the store to have it checked/replaced #i wanna throw up just thinking about it #i cant do anything without my moms help #i wanna throw up and cry and die when theres too much happening around me. i cant survive in the real world. i just can't #i cant get a job or a partner or go to college or move out or even just fucking. go to a store and ask for help with my laptop. #i feel like im destined to live w my mom forever and not achieve anything and die alone #i keep talking about wanting to make a living with my art but thats bullshit. i do want that but i know it's not possible for me #i cant even fucking finish the commissions i already have. im scared to get new ones. im scared to do anything. #my brain refuses to let me work on anything #and yeah i am burnt out after my diploma and exams and all that but at some point i just have to admit im not built for that. for anything. #im built to live like a parasite baby and die #my mom is too good of a person to kick me out but i wouldnt blame her. im useless. i cant make money. i cant take care of myself #i dont know what to do #bee buzz