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hinatas-sunshine · 4 years

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Request: can i request a little something with izuku and shouto with a shy artist s/o? 👉👈 - @beanst0ck

Genre: Fluff

A/N for Requester: Omg thank you for requesting - ilysm and I hope you’re having a good day! She’s an amazing writer too so check out her work!

A/N: THIS KINDA SUCKS IM SO SORRY FISHCOWNFOWNFIWJ! Requests are open! Have a good day! KITHES ❤️

Izuku:

• You two have been dating for only a few months now

• He loves watching you draw it DOESNT MATTER what it is

• You love drawing people, so when he sees sketches of himself he blushes as red as a tomato

• Your other classmates try to get you to draw them for sure!

Denki: Y/n paint me like one of your French girls 🥺🙈👉🏽👈🏽

• Iida scolded him for Deku for sure

• He LOVES going to supply stores with you when you splurge on yourself buying all the coolest art utensils

• You’re really creative so when you have an art project you want to try he’s automatically going to the nearest store with you to buy everything

• If you two decided to paint something he’s always trying to paint something for you

• YUP you got a whole wall of Deku’s toddler looking amazing paintings it’s the thought that counts

• You don’t let ANYONE touch your art supplies but him

Bakugo: oh here’s a blue colored pencil-

Y/n: *rips it out of his hands glaring at him and hands it to Deku*

Deku: Oh! Cool a blue pencil ☺️

Bakugo: OI WHAT THE HE-

• You gave Deku a large painting of him and all night for his room

• He cried like a baby so did all might but we ain’t ready for that convo

• Sometimes when you’re painting you spend hours on end painting and frantically mixing colors - and you forget to eat

• When Deku notices he buys you your favorite takeout and leaves it in your room while you’re trying out different shades of whatever color with your headphones shoved in

• When you smell the food you look around and see neatly wrapped up and a water bottle next to it

• All in all, he supports your passion for art, He’s the cutest

Todoroki:

• HOLY CRAP HE LOOKS SO HOT IN THAT GIF K ANYWAYS ONTO THE HEADCANON

• You LOVEEE painting, and you have since you and Todoroki were kids

• You were often finger painting while he was next to you watching - he refused to get his hands dirty

• He would join you though when you had a coloring book, he colored one side and you colored the other

• As You grew Older You loved painting, shading with colored pencils, drawing with pens, pro-create EVERYTHING

• He loves buying you gifts and what better way to spend daddy Endeavors money than buying you the best art supplies 😘

• When he found sketches of him you did during the Sports Festival he got shy, homeboy didn’t know what to do knowing you drew him

Y/n: It’s because you’re so pretty Shouto 🥺

Todoroki: No ❤️

• He refuses to believe you love drawing him

• He doesn’t really like doing arts and crafts but if it’s for something you want, like a cute painting with your hand prints he’ll do it for you

• When you go out and he’s not training/isn’t busy he definitely sharpens your pencils, organizes your art supplies, and cleans you brushes/your paint water for you

• When you throw yourself into a piece of art and work for a long time he physically drags you out of your room

Y/n: No! I have to finish it I was almost done

Todoroki: You weren’t, You weren’t even half way

• He knows your art habits inside and out so you can’t fool the boy you definitely can but you would rather not

• He also gets a tad bit sad when you focus more on your art rather than him, and you notice because he sits on your bed pouting

• He’s watched a few Bob Ross tutorials because he’s a man of culture he wants to learn some basic painting techniques so he could join you in painting :’)

• He just loves doing the little things for you and definitely loves seeing your happiness when he does said little things 🥺

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inumaki-roll · 3 years

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NAGITO & HAJIME - ULTIMATE ARTIST S/O

hcs with hajimes and nagitos s/o being the ultimate artist

➽───────────────❥

NAGITO KOMAEDA

- he would stare at you with such admiration while you drew

- he’d always want to see your drawings, if you’d let him take a peek at them

- he’d sharpen your pencils for you and always get you any supplies you need

- he most definitely will play music for you while you work on your art (like the opera type of music that he played during ch5)

- but if you got annoyed by the music or couldn’t work while the music was playing then he’d turn it off and hum softly

- if you ever gave him any artwork then he’d cherish it forever. frame it up in his room. yep.

- he’d be SO happy if you gave him any art

- since you used your talent to make it, he sees it as a sign of hope and thinks it’s absolutely beautiful

- if you were staying up too late to work on art, he’d pick you up, lay you in bed, and cling onto you while you got much needed sleep

- he’d always make sure you didn’t skip any meals because of working on some art projects

- he’ll even make you food while you work

- if you ever drew him, he’d cry

- he doesn’t think he deserves to be drawn by you

- i mean you used your ultimate to make that!

- he’d hug you so tight and keep it forever

- hes so flattered that you took the time and effort to make that!!

- he tries to pay you back by using his ultimate luck to get you something!!

➽───────────────❥

HAJIME HINATA

- he’d be a little jealous and self conscious

- like you have such a cool talent! but he’s a reserve course student, so he feels like you’d rather have someone better

- he‘d give you a bit more space when you work on your art, he doesn’t want to bother you

- however, if youd prefer to have him near you while you work- he’d happily stay by you!

- hed ask all types of questions because he is genuinely interested, he thinks it’s so cool that his partner has a talent and he wants to talk about the thing his partner does best!

- he’d give you ideas on what to make/draw/paint!

- he thinks you look so pretty while making art, he always notices how your face lights up while working on art projects

- he adores you and how good you are at your talent

- he’d want to try to draw like you too! he’d open up a little notebook and copy the steps your doing, if you try to look in the notebook he’d be embarrassed and shut the book before you saw anything

- if you drew him,, oh boy

- he wouldnt even know how to react

- at first, he’d start stammering out words while holding the paper in front of him, looking absolutely astonished by what you drew

- “wo-wow! y/n! this- this is absolutely amazing! i mea-mean you drew me!“

- he’d have literally the biggest smile on his face, he’d feel so like- honored

- he’d give you a kiss on the cheek as a thank you :,)

- if you werent getting enough sleep due to working on art then he’d pull you away and plop you down into bed while saying “y/n, your sleep is important, okay? you need to get some sleep. missing sleep can be very unhealthy. what you are working on will still be there in the morning, you deserve a bit of a break! youve been working very hard, so now youve gotta get some rest.”

- he’d pull you into his chest and cover you up with blankets

➽───────────────❥

- mod chihiro :o

hey guys! im sorry ive really only been writing things for nagito, hajime, and izuru! i have not many ideas on what to write but i promise i’ll start writing more variety!

#mod chihiro #hajime hinata #hajime hinata x reader #nagito komaeda #nagito komaeda x reader #nagito x reader #danganronpa #cute headcanons #sdr2

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pinksparklelps · 2 years

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Im doing all the artist asks cuz im most likely not getting any asks and i want to answer these

1) traditional but i like digital cuz i can do more things

2) uuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

3) not counting school, 1

4) i have DA but I rarely use it i mainly just post art here

5) animals and fictional creechurs

6) hands

7) when im drawing things that are really difficult, when i dont have the design memorized, and for really detailed drawings

8) jus for fun, cant make money off my art and im not really the best at it

9) a lot

10) no

11) im not sure i just follow blogs based on my current hyperfixation

12) sure

13) i like to draw for people close to me or if its someone I really admire. I show affection thru gifts and since all the people im close with arent in my area i can only draw for em and i think its more personal because im making the gift myself with my skills and time <3

14) just with icy sometimes

15) what counts as average i draw pretty fast

16) i draw more cuz back then my fidgets and stuff were seen as ‘distractions’

17) not completely. I can mostly tell people younger than me how to improve and can tell others that references arent anything to be embarrassed about but thats kinda about it. Its not easy for me to give constructive criticism and others are more experienced than me so im not the best to ask

18) perspective ig and some anatomy cuz thats difficult. Im often staring at dogs and cats to see how they move their legs

19) hands and extremely detailed things

20) circle /hj

21) no ill get frustrated really fast and just quit

22) im not sure. My style is still similar to how it was in 6th grade but you can tell I understand things way better like i drew scenes of bluestars prophecy in the book my first time reading it (in pen which I really regret) and ive redrawn them like a couple days ago so im putting some under the cut

23) kinda an even mix of both

24) both

25) depends on how im feeling

26) ibis paint x on my phone and krita on my pc + drawing tablet

27) depends on whos in the piece, the bg, the effects, ect

28) i use a mechanical pencil because i dont have to sharpen it

29) I usually do big pieces on digital but ill always do a sketch on paper, take a pic, and then trace it in digital

30) i dont think anything. I draw because its fun and its one of my coping methods

Heres bluefur getting her nine lives

Bluestar looking at rusty

Bluestar losing her ninth life

Bluestar looking over thunderclan (you can tell i was lazy back then)

And bluefur yelling about her lost kits

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littlebitoffanfic · 5 years

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Vincent Dating A Creative S/O

Headcannons for Vincent Sinclair having a S/o whos crafty: - For whatever reason, you ended up as a living residence of Ambrose, a feat that was unheard of. But you managed it, now living as part of the Sinclairs little town. Vincent was instantly drawn to you after your sketch book fell out of your bag. He flicked through the pages, his fingers tracing the delicate lines and rough sketches. - He would always be listening to you, even if you didn’t think he was. Like if you mumbled to yourself that you needed a sharpener, it would appear within an hour. - If you knit or crochet, he would love it when you sat down in the wax room with him, both working away silently but comfortably. It would remind him of those ‘ideal’ family pictures he had seen. - You always make things for him. Whether it’s a painting of Ambrose from the top of the hill, a pair of knitted gloves or some pottery, he would treasure each item. - Compliments from both sides. - Vincent likes to think of you as his muse. Your beauty drives him forward, wishing to replicate it in his art work. In the beginning, before you got together, he would be unable to stop thinking about you. it would drive him crazy, especially at night or when he was trying to work. Out of frustration, he would grab a sketch book and start drawing you, hoping that if he put pencil to paper, that he might be able to clear his head for a moment. But he quickly became obsessed, especially if you find the drawing and compliment them. - In fact, that would be the reason any sort of confession might come. You would find this beautiful drawing of yourself and make a joke about it, something along the lines of “im not that beautiful” or “you’ve drawn me too pretty”. Vincent would shake his head, reaching out to push a strand of hair away from your face and your laughter would stop as he stared down at you. in that moment, you would realise he really does see you as that beautiful. - You would persuade Vincent to take off his mask when he was around you with a single phrase. “Me and you, we’re artists. We see beauty in things that other might not. I see beauty in you without the mask. I always have.” - As things got more intimate between each other, Vincent found himself wanting to draw you with… less clothes, a request he never voiced. But you wanted the same thing. One night, you came to the wax room, only wearing a nightgown. Vincent thought nothing of it, just assuming you had on a nightie or short and top under neither, until you asked him to draw you naked. He would nearly fall out his chair and scramble to grab paper and a pencil. The two of you would retreat to your room and, as Vincent worked, his heart hammered in his chest. - If you had a knack for realism in your art work, he would try to make sure his sculptures are as realistic as possible, which would lead you to try be better at realism. You and Vincent pushed each other in the best possible way, always improving and getting better because the other improved and got better. - Making things for the other Sinclair brothers. Bo would act like he didn’t care, but you knew he always walked with a extra bounce in his step after he received a gift. Lester would be over the moon, your gifts being displayed or worn wherever he could. - During winter, your handmade gloves, scarves, hats and sweaters where all the Sinclair family wore. You couldn’t help but laugh if Lester and Bo get into and argument about whos hat is whos, or what colour you had given to each of them.

#House of Wax #vincent #vincent sinclair #vincent x reader #vincent sinclair x reader

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suttonfm · 5 years

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greetings , angels , i’m back AGAIN with a second muse , the lovely sutton marie attwood ! i have so much muse for sutton , seeing as she is a character i have been itching to bring to life for a long time ! i’m very excited for you all to read more about her , so without further ado , please take a gander below the cut , & for plotting purposes , make sure you give this post a big phat LIKE if you would like me to message / im you . enjoy reading about my presh ballerina :’ ))

𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓷𝓯𝓸𝓻𝓶𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

⋆ ╰ another year at hollingsworth , another year of the big six rivalry . i hear that SUTTON ATTWOOD is ensuring KAPPA KAPPA DELTA gets a solid pledge class and stays at the top of the ranks . oh , you’re not familiar with HER ? SUTTON is the BRIDGET SATTERLEE look alike from BOSTON , MASSACHUSETTS . apart of PC ‘16 , she is majoring in PERFORMING ARTS and has plans to JOIN THE BOSTON BALLET after undergrad . it makes sense they pledged their house , their BENEVOLENT & DOCILE attributes make them perfect matches . however , their SUBMISSIVE & NAIVE attributes keep their name alive on greek rank . if you don’t catch them dancing to GET WELL SOON - ARIANA GRANDE at a fraternity band party this year , you’ll be sure to catch them nursing their morning hangover at THE KAPPA HOUSE . cheers to another wild semester !

𝓬𝓱𝓪𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓼𝓽𝓾𝓭𝔂

𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖𝕤 & 𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕝𝕚𝕜𝕖𝕤

so ! sutton has a wide array of things she likes : long walks in the park , puppies that are learning how to run , freshly sharpened number two pencils , the smell of an old book , baby clips , leather mary janes , dainty jewelry , bubble baths , pink or creme roses , daffodils , heart - shaped lollipops . she dislikes cursing , mean - spirited people , drinking alcohol / doing drugs , vulgarity / explicit conversation . she also hates having to walk alone at night , when she misses church , & all red meat .

if you want a lil’ more of her general aesthetic , click HERE for her pinterest board , loves !

𝕞𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕡𝕖𝕣𝕤𝕠𝕟𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪

lovely lil’ sutton .... where do i even start JSLDKAJSDLKJ ok so ... she’s . angelic vibes all 2019 , ok ? she’s wholesome , pure of heart , & overall , is one of the kindest people that anyone at hollingsworth will come across . her overall demeanor is docile , quiet , the girl usually keeping to herself , opting to stay quiet when facing confrontation or a new , strange situation . her voice is a lil deeper , not so much pealing bells , but something with a bit of a rasp , accented by the bostonian lilt to everything she says . she’s irish - catholic , her family being very devoted to their faith , & passing that on to her ... she’s always wearing her cross , & making sure her general attire is conservative enough for the lord ( lordt salkdjad ) . i’m talking tights , white ruffled socks , the whole nine : / she’s also ! very smart , well - read , writing poems & reading old novels . currently , she plays the piano , & is on hollingsworth’s dance team ! she’s very disciplined as a lifetime ballerina , her life revolving around the entire process . she’s devoted , loyal , kind , & overall just ! a lil angel ; _ ; so pls love her : (

𝓶𝓾𝓼𝓮 𝓭𝓲𝓼𝓼𝓮𝓻𝓽𝓪𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷

sutton attwood was born the youngest of four children , to her mother marie , and her father , alexander . marie and alexander had been married for the last twenty - seven years , having kids in their younger years , happily in love , ready to start a family . after her three siblings were born , there was a long gap until her own arrival , an accident that her parents had no reason to expect . but she came anyway , arriving into the attwood family , lungs aching as she cried & cried .

as a young girl , sutton was very well - behaved , but also very sensitive . she was careful to mind her manners , knowing the consequence of having her elbows on the table , or neglecting to fold her napkin across her lap . her parents had high standards & expectations , strict rules that they enforced to ensure their daughter stayed within the mold of the rest , the two of them scared that , with sutton being the anomaly , she may have the tendency to try to break from the restraints they had confined the rest of their kids in .

for most of her adolescence , the girl was extremely confined , repressed ; she had no way of exhibiting her freedom , expression , or creativity , except for one thing -- ballet . she had started as soon as she could walk , her parents having her join on the premonition it would be a good outlet for her , a way to teach her the discipline they were sure she would need . little did they know she would end up loving ballet , naturally poised for such a difficult art form , her grace & athleticism preceding her wildest dreams as she continued to train & train , changing dance companies over the years as she became better & better .

being raised irish - catholic , she has a strict church schedule , attending mass every saturday with her whole family , & sometimes during the week to help her church organize youth groups , bible study , & activities of the same ilk . being heavily involved in the church only served to reinforce her parents warnings , the people around her sure to remind her that if she were to sin , she was damned to an eternity of suffering . with that in mind , sutton always navigated the world as carefully as she could . her overall mindset was to stay out of trouble , avoiding temptation as she came across it . her will power is something that she praises herself for , being able to resist drugs , sex , & alcohol her entire life .

due to her kind demeanor , she has the tendency to be taken advantage of , her niceness taken as weakness over the years as people took the chance to belittle or berate her , but despite it , her exterior has never hardened , the girl’s heart forever warn & displayed on her sleeve .

since coming to hollingsworth , the girl has done her best to maintain her pristine image , her reputation untainted by the things a college experience may promise to tarnish . but somehow , she’s sidestepped trouble up until now -- senior year . as a kappa , she has the intention only to maintain her house’s top spot , her competitive nature from dancing making it so that her kindness isn’t always necessarily extended to the members of other sororities , but a part of her can’t help but still smile in other girl’s directions , happy to have them as a friend instead of an enemy . the cutthroat mentality of kappa house is overwhelming , but with chaise as president , sutton is even more nervous to see what happens .

with the promise of new experiences on the horizon , sutton intends to keep up the good work . to maintain her 4.0 gpa , to keep her virginity & promise to god intact , & to continue dancing without having any drama . whose gonna tell her .....

𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓭 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓷𝓮𝓬𝓽𝓲𝓸𝓷𝓼

tbh ! i want her BEST FRIEND , one - sides friendship ( i . e . sutton bothering them & always being nice , inevitably driving them crazy ) , her CRUSH ( this is a big one bcos ... well ... v*rgin or what not jlkjlajskdjaldaj but yes could be mutual / one - sided ) , someone she tutors bcos she’s a smart gal ! her confidant , her ex - best friend ( maybe dropped her bcos when they came into the college they were both wholesome & they gave into the whole greek lifestyle , losing themselves / sutton along the way :/ ) um ! i can’t think of anything else rn but u know me ... lets go off chem <3 ok , that’s all for now , folks !

#╰ ❥ disconnected so sometimes i feel frozen . / 𝓲𝓷𝓼𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽𝓼 .#rank:intro #!!!!!!!!!!!!#pls come plot w your girl : /#i tried to make it shorter than the first one so it's not just all word vom so <3 ily

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trippol-threat · 5 years

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Yo so I've been thinking (because who doesnt love that horror), and I've realised something:

School therapy admissions really really suck. Dont get me wrong, having the option of therapy within schools is great (although the therapy itself sucks dick, but that's not this story) but the admission process sucks ass.

Let me tell you the story of my GCSE (so age 14-16 for you Non-UK guys) art class:

Now then, we were 14. We were in our first term (ish) of our GCSEs and we were just starting our first art projects. The project title was "inside/outside".

My table (because we chose where we sat) contained me, my best friend, and two of our other friends. We were all in that edgy/emo stage of teenagerdom.

Everyone, except me, got sent to the school counsellor for our art books at least once throughout the school year.

(TW) My best friend got sent because she Seneca Crane-ed a wooden art model on the front of her book as a trigger warning, glued in pencil sharpener blades throughout her book (which fell out somewhere during the 2 years, never to be found. We found it amusing. Again, we were that group) and faked some self-harm photos. Fair enough. It was used as evidence to her counsellors because she was already going.

Another one of my friends got sent because he was drawing an awful lot of very graphic and violent art. Again. Fair enough.

My other friend got sent because she glued thick shards of blunted glass into her book for the aesthetic as it was something one of the artists she was studying had done. It was blunted, small, and obviously done for the view of it. There was nothing, at all, even slightly concerning about it. They were on 2 pages and there were roses on the pages.

I, the only one in the group not sent to the therapist for our art, spent 3 months on a book that literally could've been titled "I fucking hate myself". The whole thing was centred around each of the senses and the negative things you feel. Negative thoughts (brain), horrific views (eyes), slurs and insults (ears). The mouth section of it was an optical illusion that said "I'm fine" one way and "save me" the other. It was an 80 page book and I spent 3 weeks on the final piece. I was never even asked anything.

Dont get me wrong, I would've been angry and upset if I had been sent. However, looking back, I really should have been. A year before I'd been sent for self harm. Two years later I'd be sent because I was having regular breakdowns in class from the stress of A-levels, had started to seriously self harm (again), and wasnt eating properly.

No one ever asked me why I decided to create that artwork. Why I could list a full page of different insults and slurs, a full page of horrible thoughts and half a page of horrific sights. Why I spent 4 pages creating a mirror image of "Im fine" to say "save me".

All because a teacher decided I wasnt drastically in need of it? A teacher decided that. How much would people have been outraged if I'd taken my own life, that was found and nothing had been done?

I was close quite a few times those years.

The book was displayed for others in any year (and our school is for ages 11-18) to see.

Someone. Shouldve. Mentioned. It.

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jollyroget-blog · 5 years

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Becoming me

Why did I stop being religious? I mean a trillion reasons but most of the fun ones came later. After my dad and my ex step mother had their "incident" and separated I didnt really have anyone to hang out with on shabbos when I was there. When I was with my mother, it wasnt much better as I really didnt get along with my stepfather (which I now realize was just because I was traumatized and didnt want any step parents near me). I did try to have some sort of relationship with my family but they didnt understand me and honestly I didnt really feel like they were family. They were just some strange people who for some reason wanted me to hang out with them for literally no reason as they never really spoke to me or anything. So I was alone during a time where I really shouldnt have been. I didnt have many friends and the couple I had, i didnt feel comfortable telling them what had happened. We were young and bad things hadnt happened to any of us yet so I kind of just cut them all off. I think they were offended but i just couldnt have them know that my life was no longer sweet and innocent like theirs. So then came high school and a few months later...and then came the nervous breakdown. It was on shabbos. If I had just been able to pick up my phone and call someone I would have been okay ( I now recognize that I should have and it would have been forgivable but at the time i couldnt imagine ever breaking shabbos). So i just crumbled. I never attempted suicide, though I wanted to desperately that night, because I figured that whatever consequences there are for that were worse that living and sticking it out, so I just cried and prayed and begged hashem to let me sleep and to please not wake me up in the morning I didnt know much about drugs or alcohol at the time so I just tried to knock myself out my banging my head against things. Eventually I cried myself to sleep telling myself that I had to at least pull myself out of this enough to recognize that there had to be a lesson learnt from this whole thing and I did find it and I know that was what saved me and I will always be proud of that. This was my first experience with sleep paralysis which i was never able to explain but was a terrifying thing. I couldnt move or wake up but I was hearing people screaming at me, shrieking with laughter and it was utterly horrifying. when I woke up I had claw marks all over my arms. I tried to say modeh ani, but said it through tears as if I was accepting a punishment. I still have trouble saying it to this day. I was never the same after that. I still kept shabbos but would break down every friday night. My mother stopped making me come down for meals (but always set my place at the table for me no matter what and for some reason as I am writing this entire thing, this part is what bring me to tears. She is literally the best person in the world.) and i would just go up to my room and cry and pray and beg hashem to please help me keep shabbos in any way because it was getting to be too painful as it was. I started dreading shabbos and getting anxiety even by Wednesday because I knew it meant 24 hours of more pain. I would literally just cry through the whole thing. I wasnt drinking yet but I would resort to hurting myself physically in any way I could think of because for some reason that was what helped me sleep. I have no idea why. I would wake up covered in bruises all over my body and just look in the mirror and cry more until it was over ...then wait till the next week. Eventually I took to drinking, I was still a teenager so I would sneak out my window to the liqueur shop that accepted my fake id and just drink myself into a coma. All this time praying and begging for hashem to take this pain away so that I could keep shabbos because I wasnt sure how much longer I could hold on. Eventually I was healthy enough to make some new friends. They werent jewish and I did stop keeping shabbos slowly. first thing I did was leave the TV on so that I would be able to pull myself out of the sleep paralysis...eventually I would turn it on or off....eventually I would go out with my friends and do whatever they did because I just couldnt anymore. I never stopped praying and I never stopped telling hashem that I would love to keep shabbos again if he would only help me find a community and friends to do it with. After i stopped keeping shabbos, everything else followed. I always kept to a standard of kosher but I no longer had any jewish friends. My parents had pulled me out of my old high school after I had been rushed to the ER when I had slashed my leg with a pencil sharpener blade and Id spent some time in a mental hospital and my new school was much more relaxed, but it was far and I was the only person in the grade. (yes that is the end of that sentence. it was a small school and my grade consisted of only me..). I was terribly lonely and the friends I found were from concerts, art school and various parties. Many of them were good people and really did help me as at that time it was my life that needed saving and not just my faith. i missed shabbos terribly. It was an empty space that I couldnt even acknowledge because it was too painful and too far away, picturing myself at a shabbos table full of friends and family, sitting on the couch reading books together, going for walks, and of course that feeling that only shabbos can give you which I hadnt felt in years. Anyway like i said after shabbos, everything else follows. Shabbos nurtures our emunah and mine was fading and fast. It was a terribly painful experience. I thought about death constantly and it absolutely terrified me. I thought to myself one night, during a particular bad moment (I believe i was anorexic and drinking constantly at the time, having sex with whoever whenever) that I thought to myself...this is hell. This is what our hell is. Being distant and empty and losing touch with any and all purpose. It sounds basic it really does but it was a horrible feeling and I truly understood what kind of punishment kaaret could be. I dont remember exaclty what went on for how long but thats basically how it went. It took me a long time to accept that I was no longer "religious". I told my mother this once and she told me that I am religious and Im just having a hard time but I still keep mitzvot and guide my life by the torah as much as I can and I'm so grateful to her for that. She insisted on keeping the title for me and I am sure it saved me in some way. I never skipped a major fast and yom kippur was coming up. I was nervous as i never broke chag on yom kippur and i knew I had a lot to atone for and to think about. I was in a really terrible place and felt like my soul was actually dying and i cant describe how much it hurt. I sat on the edge of my bed as the chag came in and wept for a good couple of hours. eventually I was in a panick and couldn't catch my breath. I prayed desperately for strength and for comfort and most importantly some sort of direction so that I didnt have to do this anymore. I was done I didnt want to be like this. Suddenly a calm came over me. I literally felt it spread from my head to my fingertips down to my knees and toes and i got my breath back...a voice inside my head then spoke to me (In my own language which I always appreciated about epiphanies) and said...."lets do this. let get the fuck to Israel"....I guess the rest is history. I called my dad after chag and said " i need to go back" and it turned out they had just decided to have my brothers bar mitzvah there so yeah..that happened. It was never said that I was going to be staying in Israel but my mother got me an extra suitcase and made sure I had my papers with me "just in case. The night before I left my mom came in to talk to be sobbing like ive never seen her cry before so I told her "mommy dont. Ill visit."..i think that was the first time we kinda said anything about it out loud. she said (well, hiccuped, as she could barely get the words out) "I want you to be happy. I just wish that it could be here. But im proud of you".When we got to the airport and we were boarding the plane my eyes filled with tears and the same little voice in my head said "its over. You did it you're going. Its gonna happen you're gonna be okay" and I had the same feeling when I got to the kotel ( which i made sure to be alone for). My first night in Israel all i wanted to do was walk. I walked all night. I savored everything, I smelled everything, breathed the air, ran my hands along the stone walls taking it all in because I knew that I was literally living inside my own personal miracle. It took me a while and I did have some major ups and downs here like this was far from a smooth transition. I still had trouble with alcohol and hadnt kept a shabbos in years and it of course still had that stigma but I was here and I was ready and I knew that I was finally on my way and most importantly, I didnt feel my soul dying anymore. My first shabbos alone in israel was just me by myself in my sublet apartment with some cheap groceries, a glass of wine and two pitas which today would have sounded like the worlds most depressing night, but when I lit my candles and heard the shabbos bell go off and I had my little set up in the city I had always dreamed of living in, I felt so at peace and for the first time in a long time, I didnt feel alone in this planet and I knew that everything was going to be okay as long as I did my part. So thats it. Thats me. Theres way more obviously i had a lot of work to do but I never stopped moving forward and I dont plant to settle until Im "as frum as I can get I guess" which is always my answer when people ask me what I want to be. I found a group of friends. They dont know this whole story so theyll never really understand what they are to me which is literally, in every sense of the word, the answer to my prayers. every single one of them. Now when I light for shabbos, I picture my own shabbos table set and waiting, my husband coming home from shul, my kids sitting on the couch together reading books, and the spirit of shabbos shining through my home from the light of my candles and the comfort of knowing that its all real. Finally its no longer a painful wish, but its still a prayer and i feel it closer to reality every day.

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sugacotaed · 7 years

Text

5 Things

I was tagged by @btsofmyheart thank you ;-;

Five things you’ll find in my bag:

1. pens, pencils, sharpener, watercolor brush, markers etc

2. sketchbook I never actually have time to use ;-;

3. phone charger and earphones

4. my debit card even though im broke

5. tiny notepad

Five things you’ll find in my bedroom:

1. SURPRISE more markers, pencils, sketchbooks

2. “The Chair”- I’m too lazy to hang my clothes

3. empty water bottles

4. my laptop and wacom tablet

5. BOB, my tiny speaker

Five things I’ve always wanted to do:

1. learn a new language and speak it fluently

2. finish a sketchbook ;-;

3. be more organized, geez I need to actually get things done.

4. write a book

5. go to one of those bookstores that have so many books that they are just stacked on the floor. you know, like the ones on tv?

Five things that make me happy:

1. BOOKS

2. art- drawing and looking at other people’s work

3. music

4. my phone?

5. my best friend ;-;

Five things I’m currently into:

1. bts, all time low, ptv, country (MUSIC)

2. digital art

3. web comics- miss abbott and the doctor, super secret, etc

4. fanfiction

5. staying hydrated lmao

Five things on my to-do list:

1. HANG YOUR CLOTHES MIMI

2. paint my room

3. finish all the fanfics ive started and STOP STARTING MORE ;-;

4. change my wardrobe- geez i’ve had the same clothes since i was like 6

5. get into other groups

I tag..... @ask-the-sins @pinkujoonie

that’s it cause i’m lame :^)

#5 things tag #admin post #uh yeah

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rosecolored-gay · 7 years

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Ayo answer all of them. Oh and for question 100: how's life

1. do you have a favourite sweater? - probably my citizen hoodie

. 2. what’s your middle name? - I hate giving it out, not happening.

. 3. do you still talk to the first person you kissed? - No, I haven’t seen him in like 2 years.

. 4. do you get on with your grandpa`? - He passed away before I was born, so no.

. 5. what was your favourite cartoon as a kid? - powerpuff girls? I wasn’t big on cartoons as a kid.

. 6. what’s your favourite cartoon now? - I don’t really watch any.

. 7. do you read the news paper? - Nah, very rarely.

. 8. who was the last text you sent to ? - Abe

. 9. what does the last text you sent say? - “pulling up in a second”

. 10. if you could have any hair colour what would it be? - Probably just my natural

. 11. do you like nature documentaries? - Yeah, just depends on which ones.

. 12. what is your aesthetic? - I have no fucking clue.

. 13. when did you last pet a dog? - this morning, my dogs as I was leaving the house.

. 14. whose friend’s parents do you like the most? - It’s definitely a tie between my best friend’s parents.

. 15. have you ever been on a road trip? - Yes, to georgia, it was so much fun.

. 16. tell me about someone you know called emma - I don’t know anyone named Emma

. 17. are you reading a book in english class, what is it? - I’ve finished my english classes. But I’m currently just reading “The Executioner’s Song” for fun.

. 18. do you have a favourite aunt? - I have literally no extended family.

. 19. baths or showers? - Showers

. 20. skiing or sun bathing? - I’ve never been skiing but I want to go.

. 21. do you kill spiders? - Usually I scream bloody murder and then have someone else do it for me.

. 22. have you ever made an ice pop? - yes

. 23. are you wearing shoes right now? - yes, vans . 24. tell me about you favourite primary school/elementary school teacher - my favorite teacher was my 2nd grade teacher, Mrs. Parkins, she was super chill and my mom became friends with her. I’m about to be a junior in college and she still says happy birthday to me every year, and I visit her at least once a year.

. 25. who was the last person you hugged? - Abe . 26. do you wear glasses? - no . 27. do you have a cat? - i technically don’t own a cat, but my best friend has two and i treat them like they’re mine, so yes?

. 28. do you have a favourite pair of underwear? - any of my VS boy shorts

. 29. what was your last tweet? - hahahaha it was this “my eyebrow lady made fun of me for the fact that I can sit through 3 hours of tattooing but not 5 mins of threading” follow meeee @gaysanatomy19

. 30. do you still use facebook? - yeah, just to scroll through though

. 31. do you like birds? - kinda??

. 32. who was the last person you called cute? - Abe, but it was because she was making an ugly face

. 33. who was the last person that called you cute? - Abe

. 34. how did you meet your best friend? - I met my two best friends through our co-ed medical fraternity

. 35. escalators or elevators? - escalator.

. 36. are you named after anyone, who? - nope

. 37. what was your first url? - oh god, i think it was like “dramabandgeek619”

. 38. autumn or winter? - autumn . 39. do you win at scrabble? - yes, as long as my dad isn't playing

. 40. put your ipod on shuffle , who is the first song that comes up by? - How does it feel? - Citizen

. 41. have you ever drunk from a mason jar? - yeah

. 42. can you draw? - do stick figures count?

. 43. what was your first profile picture? - On tumblr? i think it was a selfie that i thought was cute, but it was really ugly

. 44. favourite tshirt? - probably one of my vans shirts

. 45. best tumblr friend? - my real life best friends

. 46. when did you last run? - I was chasing the dogs in the backyard the other day if that counts lol

. 47. do you like to paint your nails? - no.

. 48. did you ever do something as a kid that got you into loads of trouble? - for some reason, i was the golden child when i was little, so i decided one day that i wanted to be ‘bad’, and when it was my turn to empty the class pencil sharpener in the bathroom, i got the shavings all over my hands, wet them, and made handprints all over the bathroom wall.

. 49. who is your favourite dog that isn’t yours? - MC

. 50. have you ever been drunk? - yes

. 51. have you ever done something you regret while drunk? - i hope not…

. 52. do you want to kiss anyone right now? - .

. 53. do/did you like you math teacher? - I hated all of my math teachers until i got to college

. 54. do you often ride the bus? - never

. 55. do you have a fireplace in your house? - no

. 56. are you violent when you’re angry? - no

. 57. do you cry when you’re angry? - if it’s that type of angry, then yeah

. 58. favourite Harry potter book? - goblet of fire

. 59. can you remember your last dream? - not suitable for these answers

. 60. do you go to bed early or late? - depends on the day

. 61. do you speak a second language? - im learning arabic and ASL

. 62. who was your first ever best friend? - Brandi!

. 63. have you ever had an operation? - no

. 64. tell me about your favourite cousin - Ben is 15, and a huge pain in the ass. He’s a rude little shit, but he plays baseball with me and teaches me to curse in hebrew. I love him

. 65. do you have a piece of clothing that doesn’t even fit you anymore but you can’t bare to throw away? - yeah

. 66. have you ever been in a musical? - I was in charlie and the chocolate factory, west side story, legally blonde, and broadway through the ages.

. 67. do you have a porch? - no

. 68. how many times have you watched your favourite movie? - about 4000000000

. 69. what do you order at mcdonalds? - fries

. 70. do you get on with old people? - sometimes

. 71. science fiction or romance? - why not both?

. 72. do you take naps? - I’m in college, I survive on naps

. 73. how many classes do you/did you take in high-school? - the ones necessary to graduate??

. 74. when did it last snow where you live? - has it ever snowed in florida???

. 75. does it ever snow where you live? - ha no.

. 76. how many months until your birthday? - less than one, june 19

. 77. how much charge does your computer have right now? - 70%

. 78. what is your favourite disney channel movie? - lemonade mouth?

. 79. the city or the sea side? - sea side

. 80. what is your least favourite colour? - yellow

. 81. do you have homework to do? - no, i thankfully took the summer off to work

. 81. are you still friends with your first best friend? - yes, i was literally just texting her earlier today

. 82. do you have/are you the gay cousin? - i am definitely the gay cousin.

. 83. do you own dungarees? - i dont think so?

. 84. do you like to play sport? - i did martial arts for 12 years

. 85. what was your favourite ever christmas present? - trampoline

. 86. how old are you? - 19, about to be 20

. 87. what is your mum’s name? - linda . 88. do you ever use internet explorer? - that still exists?

. 89. have you ever had blonde hair? - it was a bad time…

. 90. is their a play park near your house? - yes

. 91. when did you last see the person you have a crush on?  -.

. 92. who did you last talk to on the phone? - abe

. 93. pants or dresses? - pants

. 94. do you read fan fiction? - yes

. 95. what is you’re favourite blog? - Caitlin’s!

. 96. do you write poetry? - yes

. 97. drama or comedy? - comedy

. 98. have you ever had a hickey? - yeeee

. 99. Your own question that you want me to answer - yo tuna! life’s okay i guess. text me or something and lets chill!

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