#im not sure what my choices this time say about me

[gingerjunhan]

Also! Just saw your MTL post! So I was wondering, who is MTL to listen to a reader ramble about random crazy shit?

Like for example, if I rambled to them about Batman and the entire lore of every Batman rogue and bat family member since Im autistic(gen) and want to work for DC (you don’t gotta use this tho, just an example of what kind of rambling)

Thank you!! -🧈

☆彡 hi 🧈 anon! Thanks sm for the request! I’ve never written one of these before, and I had fun writing it! Short and sweet- so I hope you enjoy. Feel free to request more in the future!

word count: 429 | pronouns used: none | genre: fluff, established relationship | cws: none!

most

Jungsu

Hyeongjun

Seungmin

Jiseok

Jooyeon

Gunil

least

Okay, getting us started we have Jungsu. First things first, he’s an absolute sweetheart. He would always want to make sure you’re heard and appreciated, so he’s more than willing to let you ramble on about the things you enjoy. He would ask questions, put in a few words of his own if he felt like it- but for the most part, he would just gaze at you with a soft smile, fondly listening to you go on and on about your subject of choice. And he would remember it forever too. Expect gifts based on this fixation of yours. He’s probably taking mental notes as you talk and writing things down later.

☆

Next we have Hyeongjun and Seungmin. Both great listeners, but I feel like if they didn’t know much about the subject they wouldn’t know what to say? They would love to ask you questions and give you more to talk about, but they aren’t really sure where to start. Hyeongjun is a little higher than Seungmin in my eyes, simply because his quiet personality makes me believe he’s a great listener- but they could truly be tied for second here.

☆

Next is Jiseok and Jooyeon. Again, they could be flipped around, but hear me out for a second: Jiseok strikes me as the type to go all in on conversations about your passions. He would be great- asking questions, following along, and being willing to learn… but then one thing you said would remind him of something else, and the conversation would probably derail quickly. The same with Jooyeon, but especially if he doesn’t know what you’re talking about. He’s still happy to listen- don’t get me wrong! But if it isn’t a mutual interest, I can see your passionate ramble being taken off course quickly.

☆

Which leads me to Gunil. I didn’t think he would be last, but here we are. One thing about Gunil… he’s a talker. Nothing against him at all! As someone who is also a yapper, I respect his grind. However, that also means I know how these conversations work all too well. These conversations can go one of two ways:

He pays great attention! Listening, learning, and nodding along. Maybe even asking a few questions.

He asks too many questions… which lead him to a story… and suddenly neither of you remember what you were talking about in the first place.

Love him to death, Gunil, but there is no way in hell that that conversation would last. Just… try again another time. You can get through to him eventually.

taglist: @mon2sunjinsuver , @mini-mews , @mxlly143 , @somethingaboutcheese , @weluvjeong , comment to be added!⁎⁺˳✧༚

#xdinary heroes x reader #xdinary heroes imagine #xdh x reader #xdh imagines #xdh fluff #xdh scenarios #ot6 #xdinary heroes fanfic #xdinary heroes scenarios #xdinary heroes fluff

[wolftheidioticfan]

What a fucking bizarre listing of characters,

#saltie shush #everytime i do this it is a nightmare bc i like soo many things i dont wanna leave my favorite guys out #top row is always the five guys i have on ultimate rotation atm tho #im not sure what my choices this time say about me

[moeblob]

Karen: LMAO every guy I meet reminds me of my big brothers that's so funny except if Paul is already my brother and you're also a brother that's a bit awkward, huh Hot bartender: THATS MOVING REALLY FAST AND I LIKE YOU AS A PERSON BUT - Karen: having my brothers date would be SO WEIRD Hot bartender: Well on the bright side I literally cannot speak more than five words to him so we aren't dating because he's so cute

(Everyone else: that is somehow the most depressing bright side we never want to hear)

#my characters #oops i fell in love #I just think its really funny how i view so many of the cast as either the only child or #somehow still the only child but with twin cousins that he grew up with somewhat like siblings but is older than them #and then THESE TWO LOSERS (beloveds) are definitely younger siblings #there is no way Karen developed her personality without the help of older brothers #there is also a very funny and agonizing thing where she is super single cause she can't view a guy as more than a brother #she meets an asshole and is like wow just getting huge brother vibes from him wtf #and meets the nicest man possible and is like HOW IS HE ALSO LIKE A BROTHER I WILL NEVER LOVE ROMANTICALLY #and she has all of the guy friends and its very clear if they were interested she has long since friendzoned them #but its fine because they all are also convinced that shes exactly what it would be like to have a brother #so its fine its all good no one really agonizes over not romancing her and she just as a found family in everyone #hi my name is salmon and you may recall my feheroes experience where i want to give a certain male all of the siblings #the sibling adopter extraordinaire ? yeah thats basically karen now that i think about it #you know one time at work at my first job there was a girl who had a crush on a guy and we all worked the same shift a lot #and one day she was whining because he was so friendly to me and he looks at the girl straight faced and says #ITS BROS BEFORE HOES aint that right and im like uh huh sure thats exactly right #and later i told him i really wanted to know where she went wrong because i had a crush on him in school until he opened his mouth #and hes like yeah sucks to wanna date me you made the right choice #and i just ..... will never forget that weird guy #he saw me in a hoodie once and goes NO WAY I HAVE THE SAME ONE and then makes sure he brings it in next time we work together to prove it #he was like an annoying younger brother to me and i thought it was very funny that apparently i too am a sibling to him #i might be adopted and i might be biased but i think everyone could use an adopted sibling that they dont live with #thats a special bond ok im just sayin #also sorry its so late tonight i had some uhhhhhh problems haha

[severeweatheralert]

resisting the urge to go through the entire Alice in Borderland canon again just to write essay-length character analysis of the Arisu + Chishiya + Niragi dynamic

#i do not. have the time. im still saying im gonna write my own novel sometime and i should really get on that. HOWEVER. #there is something There that I can't quite put my finger on and it bothers me #yeah they're the same? but also not? Arisu's dad also fucks him over; worse in the manga than in the adap #and sure he's selfobsessed the way niragi and chishiya are. but he does not go to their lengths of (self?) destruction and im sure there's #SOMETHING im missing there. i'm just not sure WHAT. is it about choice? #is it about the way our circumstances influence but ultimately don't define us? then what the fuck is the point of Usagi #coming in to save him when the others never got that courtesy im. im not sure what my brain is trying to yell at me #looking at my blog you'd think this thing is the only show i watch but its very much not theyre just. stuck in my brain. goddamn #maybe ill just do Manga Them ive been saying i'll reread anyway

[luigis-mogai-mansion]

Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

#clover speaks #clover vents #its ok they said just do whats best for you they said #and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me #and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass #it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap #its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice #they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards #even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me #its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder #i get the look aways and the silence #they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to #i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE #FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON #IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS #i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what #im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose #as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot #fuck allistic people man #im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe... #im never safe i will never be safe #im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it #no matter what i do or how much i try to express it #i feel things i love people im not a robot #this hurts so much... #sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any #i dont want or need any more allistic judgement

[theygender]

The funny thing about playing BG3 right after its release is like. Usually with RPGs I obsessively look up the dialogue for every interaction to make sure I choose the Right Thing but since this game just came out those kinds of guides just... don't exist yet. Like sure I can look up general walkthroughs for different quests, but there's not any articles detailing the approval/disapproval rating for every character on each individual dialogue option like there is for, say Dragon Age, so I'm having to actually fuck around and find out for once

#rambling #my urge to research all the dialogue choices before picking anything is bc of the autism im sure #when you live a life where its very difficult for you to know the right thing to say and you often get misinterpreted #its nice to have a break in a fantasy world where you can know exactly how youll be interpreted and be confident you chose Correctly #if these resources already existed for baldurs gate i would 100% be doing the same thing rn #(even tried a few times with no luck lol) #but since they dont... im actually like. playing the rpg as an rpg for once. and im having FUN with it too #figuring out my characters voice from the perspective of what they would say instead of the outcome i want them to get #making choices with the same knowledge they have about the situation instead of acting as some sort of omnipotent puppeteer #its funny that its taken me this long to just. play a game normally ahdjsksk. and really im doing it against my will. but i like it! #this is also the first time ive actually played something right after it came out #usually i end up waiting like months or years after the hype dies down before i get into it bc i just keep putting it off #playing a new game as it comes out without like a librarys worth of wiki articles to reference is an entirely new experience for me lol #who knew it could be fun? #(AN: the answer is Everyone Who Is Normal)

[h3artbrok3nn]

VENTING IN TAGZ

#I made a new friend guys #she follows this acc actually #so hi #yk who u r #but anyway #I hope to be best friends with this person #and I want to be able #to be myself and say the things on my mind #without the fear of losing her like #Ive done many times before #because I always mess up #but I lost a friend of 4 years because I had apparently made them miserable #with all my stupid problems and #ig I just made bad choices #and now I realize I'm a danger to myself and others #when I'm very mentally unstable #and I'm not sure what to do anymore #guys #me #nobody will read this but #if u see this #new friend #to the question you asked me last night #that you told me to be honest about #the answer is no #And I'm very far from it #but I just cant admit that to you because im so scared to lose u #even tho we just now started talking #I care about you deeply #and I love u a lot

[sonknuxadow]

I believe that IF Silver IS a descendent of Sonic/Shadow/Amy/anyone else, he's a descendent via adoption because the only Sonic character that I accept having kids is Vanilla.

honestly part of the reason im not a fan of the ideas of silver being a descendant of other characters we already know is because i just dont see why its necessary for them to be related ..? idk i just dont think anything that could be gained from him being shadows kid or sonics descendant or whatever is worth losing part of whats already compelling about silver and also making things super confusing. plus none of the pairings of already existing characters people have suggested as silvers bio parents make any sense, usually because its impossible from a timeline perspective but also because theyre always picking characters who would NOT have kids either in general or with the specific people theyre being paired with

#i also just kinda have a hard time imagining most sonic characters who arent already parents (so. most of them) wanting to be parents #it just does not feel right to me #i guess part of it could be an age thing . being a parent is an Adult thing and most sonic characters are not adults #so imagining them doings things that only adults do by in universe standards just feels strange and foreign to me #even though these scenarios would obviously take place a couple decades into the future #but also even when specifically thinking about it through the lens of ''would this character want to be a parent when theyre older'' #the answer is usually no or idk #because there are a lot of characters where it just doesnt feel like it fits them? #sonic and rouge are a couple characters i can name off the top of my head who i know for sure would not have kids. #shadow im not so sure about either. yet he is the most common choice for silvers bio parent. pain #thing about shadow and silver is i think a timeline where shadow is actually around to meet little silver and is like #a mentor/older brother/guardian figure of sorts does kinda have potential to be interesting but i dont really want that to be made canon #but shadow straight up being his dad? idk man. not really into that. shadow being his biological dad? ABSOLUTELY not into that . #people having the present version of shadow whos a teenager barely older than silver being a dad to him?? weird as hell. no #asks #also part of what bugs me about the shadow as silvers dad stuff is people pretending its anything more than a baseless headcanon #like im not saying all headcanons have to have proof behind them but people act like the shadow as silvers dad thing #is an actual plausible theory that could be true and has tons of evidence? when it really doesnt ?? #i feel the need to specify that im not trying to police what people do or aynthing just sharing my opinions

[danielnelsen]

someone was recommending an app for android and i asked if there was an ios equivalent and got the whole “apple sucks, just get an android” like…….buddy where am i getting this new phone from? are YOU gonna buy it for me? i’ve had one phone in my life that wasn’t second hand and that was my first flip phone. if my current phone died right now, i just wouldn’t have a phone until someone i know got a new one and was nice enough to give me their old one. are you expecting me to just turn down their offers until someone just gives me an android?

#i don’t get annoyed about it too often but my current phone is possibly the worst phone i’ve ever had #so like. i’m not just sitting here thinking hard about what phone to get next. i will take what i can get. #same with laptops. i haven’t had one in nearly two years and if someone offered me a mac i’d take it in an instant #no matter how much i’d prefer windows #like maybe consider that your phone-shopping experiences aren’t universal. i’d you don’t know an ios equivalent just say that #personal #sorry i’ve just had so many people criticise my phone recently with the whole tone of ‘get a new one’ and it’s getting to me #i’ve started just straight-up asking if they’ll buy me one to try to get the point across #but on this topic. hey does anyone have a phone or laptop they’re willing to give away 🙃 #kinda annoyed at my sister who said the other week that she might get a new phone and could give me her old one #and a few days later i asked what kinda timeframe that would be and she got mad at me for being pushy about it #like ‘i was just considering it you can’t just expect it’ like wtf i was just asking. if it’s not gonna be soon just say it’s not soon yeesh #idk im just getting overwhelmed and annoyed at people being so presumptive and also demanding of what i should do #my phone has about 4gb of space i can actually use so i have to spend half my time swapping which apps i have installed #and i don’t have a laptop so it’s literally my only portable device of that kind #DO YOU THINK THIS IS A CHOICE THAT I HAVE MADE? #like can you think for maybe 2 seconds about why someone might have a phone that sucks #‘why dont you just—‘ MONEY. the answer is MONEY. why tf do you think i ‘dont just’ #anyway. tips are enabled and i’m pretty sure my pypl is ashtonlove

[blye-flower]

.

#my thing is always gonna be this #how are you upset with me because im trying to have a boundary??? #how are you upset with ME that YOURE ALWAYS OVERSTEPPING MY BOUNDARIES #like yes i babysitter im a babysitter but you cant expect me to babysit just cause you need a babysitter!?? like what??! #“oh we needed to go to another church and the kids didnt wanna go” okay?? so you just dropped them off without saying anything to me??! #you didnt even ask if i could you just assumed i would cause im home??? like i dont deserve a moment??? #like im not a parent #i dont have any kids and i definitely dont fucking plan on it so why tf do i feel like a single mother in my day to day?? #why do i never have any free time to myself why is my free time volunteered to making sure children are supervised??! #“well since you decided this im just gonna come get the kids” yeah im within my fucking right so why are you phrasing it like im wrong #god ive never been this frustrated that im fucking crying like can i have some fuckinf breathing space AWAY from other ppls kids #blymi rants #update:: my sister did in fact come and get them #and told the kids “yall cant stay home cause auntie doesnt feel like watching yall” #definitely feels like shes putting the blame on me cool cool cool #just peachy. #love that for me lets make it MY fault whatever #god i really cannot catch a fucking break #and trust and believe im gonna have to hear some stupid ass better than thou speech about how i need to help out my sister #“because shes a student a mother AND working” as if any of those choices are my fucking concern yep wonderful #especially for a sister. that while i love her. feels entitled to peoples help because shes “going through so much” #and now i cant even fucking relax or draw or write because im so fucking pissed #which is why i wanted the afternoon to myself ANYWAYS so no matter what the fucking days a goddamn bust for me regardless

[scattered-winter]

I think one of the biggest things I want to break the cycle of if I'm ever able to have kids is religion tbh. like growing up my parents didn't really give me a choice of which religion I wanted to be a part of, if any, and when I expressed interest in studying religions from other cultures as a hobby they got freaked out and made me promise I'd "be careful not to fall away from the True Real Church" or whatever and like. idk I feel like a kid should be allowed to choose for themselves !? because religion is a big personal thing and so I think the reason it never clicked with me was because it was always something I was forced to do and believe. and idk if I ever have a kid I would want them to be able to explore the world around them and decide what they believe on their own, and have my support no matter what they choose

#re lrb #i mean there's also. the weird cult side of mormonism that also weirded me the fuck out from a young age #i remember distinctly this one time i had some concerns about how the church essentially brainwashes people and brought it up to my mom #and her answer was something like ''well yes that's true it wouldnt be good but in this case its the true church so its fine :)'' #like. ma'am that was exactly the wrong thing to say to a kid who was an avid reader + already knew what mob mentality + blind following was #and idk. my parents have always said that ive always been someone to Question things. authority and rules and systems and all that #and theyve always warned me that it could get me in trouble if im not careful (which im sure it could) #but the way they always meant it was trouble with the church #and tbh im glad i grew up questioning all the things i was taught because i managed to get the hell outta dodge #and idk. i have a lot of trauma and baggage surrounding religion because of how i was raised practically in a cult #but if i ever have a kid i'd want them to be able to choose what they believe or if they dont believe at all #idk. i just wish i had a choice thst my family truly supported me in and so i want that for any kids i have. #anyway this is a long tag ramble but idk. i just got thinking. #winter speaks #personal #tw mormonism #tw religion

[thisisadonaldduckblognow]

(click to enlarge. there wasn’t room on the meme for me to make the disclaimer that yes obviously a big portion of stede’s obliviousness is straight up born from being a wealthy white dude with no real-world experience and i’d never discount that.

i just think it makes sense that he sucks at actually communicating and that he’s used to not thinking about other perspectives, and i think it makes sense that through meeting ed, who likes and wants to get to know him off the bat, he does improve his social game on the ship enough to be accepted and protected by his crew in the end

and also that any take on stede that states he sees himself as important is wild to me when it couldn’t clearly be farther off from what canon shows us about him.)

#ofmd #our flag means death #stede bonnet #he didn't think i was supposed to be a lighthouse to my family they must surely be lost without me #he thought i was supposed to be that and i couldnt and i am a failure who couldnt even talk to them about it i ruin everything #does he make decisions that negatively impact the people around him without communicating first? god yeah #but its more likely to come from a place of low self worth #men who think they are important and valuable dont agree that they defile everything they touch and stand still to allow their own murder #anyway idk i keep thinking about this lately #stede's a whole fucking disaster of a human and it makes sense to me that he sucks at this stuff #even set aside from his obvious class privilege #he does not FIT in that society he learned it was easier on him to stop TRYING to improve in that a long time ago #he's fucked over by inexperience and toxic masculinity telling him all the things that he Should Be #he was never going to be a cool involved husband to mary he was never going to risk reaching back when she reached out #(and i mean at that point reaching back out would have meant staying and i think by then he was kinda at his limit) #im not saying he's right in how he goes about stuff like fully the opposite he makes some shit choices #i'm just saying i'm tired of the lack of nuance #he knows textbook manners textbook etiquette and doesn't know what healthy relationships look like or feel like

[bixiaoshi]

#im sorry im getting feelings again #i was going to say i dont like being in tune w my feelings but. am i rlly LMAO #im not. im not rlly i dont recognize them i cant rlly name them outside of the main 3 #all i know is that wanting smth usually leads to sadness bcs. when will it be my turn. will i EVER get my turn #and rn i want smth so bad which ik will turn into smth bad. sigh #and wanting smth im not sure i will ever get leads me to feeling im wasting my time bcs the things i can do now r very limited and outside #of that i cant rlly do shit. like. i rlly cant and it takes me to self-doubt. it makes me question myself #and i hate questioning myself bcs im not sure about a THING. is it the right path am i doing things right #and i dont know!!!!!! i dont know!!!!!!!!!!!! i dont know if i made the right decision of dropping out. i dont know if it was the right #choice to start a new major. in a new university. im not sure #and it makes me insecure bcs what if i was wrong what if im doing things wrong what if i didnt do the right thing #idk man. this path has been so lonely and i know i keep repeating myself i just have to wait to do things i want but what if i dont get it #< see i said feeling things usually take the wrong turn #this isn't very silly goofy of me im sorry #i just gotta be my own comedic relief or i will go absolutely fucking insane #idk man. i just wanna feel like i made the right decision and that im doing things for my own good without doubting myself #i wanna feel secure in life and i want to feel proud of me but on the mean time im just gonna live through ppl feeling proud of me #and im gonna live ignoring every single feeling bcs i dont like feeling them at all and im gonna keep protecting myself getting attached to #fictional stories and such #jo.txt #if someone read til here im sorry for the thoughts and stuff i will go back to being silly goofy rn 👍

[ziracona]

I really miss Dragon Age 2.

#I’m not sure I can say it was the best one? technically speaking Origins probably is? but it was the one that I liked the story of most. it #hit me deepest. that messed me up but I also loved it. and it was much better designed for cause and effect #dragon age 2 #inquisition is frustrating because half the time - especially w War Room - you pick as well as you can based on all the info you /have/ at #your disposal and it goes ‘hehe you picked Lelianna’s ‘let’s be cautious and scout first’ ^u^ over Josephine’s ‘let’s ask the nobles if they #can help intel gather’ and Cullen’s ‘let’s send our soldiers to look around’. 300 people died ^u^’ #so if you want good results you either re-load or use a guide bc there’s little sense to it & you’re constantly punished not for really your #own choices but just arbitrarily. I used a guide like 3 times the entirety of DA2. I use them constantly for DAI becuase every time I go ‘im #just gonna play normally : )’ ten minutes later I tell some girl the wardens seem cool & she immediately gets brutally murdered #also they constantly have NPcs there to tell you something and die seconds later and it’s so annoying??? in every other DA game you can heal #and save NPCs you find injured but now they go ‘tell my wife…I’m sorry…’ and die and you have a quest to tell their wife ‘sorry I didn’t #give her one of the 40 health potions I was carrying’ or some idiocy. I have NOT ONCE been able to save by healing an NPC when in every #other game I had MANY chances. no heal even EXISTS as a spell in DAI when it’s a basic skill in every other game??? #also the quests are structured so badly half the time I walk into a house and kill a monster and Varric goes ‘ah the High Beam Killer dead #at last’ and I won’t know what the fuck he’s saying At All but some quest marked Spooky Mansion is marked completed and I gain exp without #ever remotely knowing what the quest was in the first place #in DA2 when I got punished I deserved it. in Act3 the Mages with Grace suspected me of turning them in bc I tricked the Templars instead of #killing Thrask and that made sense. I did pick a slightly less safe outcome to protect him. i absolutely never betrayed them but I did take #a risk that put /them/ at risk and it made sense for her to distrust me. In DAI my friends get killed because I’m Qunari no matter what I do #at the war table before or after and they just give me pointless missions about it so I have the illusion of choice and consequence #DAI is obsessed with Only Bad Outcome quests because the Devs are centrists who think there’s no right answer to fucking anything and it #deeply damages the story structure and the quest load out #(I don’t hate DAI I’m just venting. I enjoy many many parts of it. but some I want to destroy rabidly with a hammer)

[skrunksthatwunk]

I THINK I DID OK ON MY FRENCH EXAM???????? HOURRA!!!!

#LIKE THERE IS NO WAY IM GETTING A 1 KIND OF OK. 3 IS FEASIBLE 4 IS POSSIBLE 2 IS ALSO POSSIBLE. ALRIGHT!!!!! #the multiple choice had me stabbing and clawing at my legs the whole time it was AWFUL i couldnt tell what they were saying at ALL #but i think i was able to fake it decently well we'll see #the email response was alright (though i didnt close elegantly oops) #and the essay was surprisingly good??? i fully didnt do half the essays we were assigned (sorry madame </3) but i finished before time was #up. and it was pretty ok too as far as little french essays go #i fully didnt respond to like 3/5 prompts in the conversations task lol. that's a 1 for sure and i knew that going in #not my best but pretty comparable to most of my performances on the task prior. me when audio processing #AND THE CULTURAL COMP WAS ON ONE OF THE ONLY TOPICS I COULD CONFIDENTLY SPEAK ABOUT LET'S GOOOOOOOO #i was SO excited when i saw that lol. yes thats MY topic of choice hehehe #waaaaaaahhh im so happy it's over!!! i was so scared!!!!! plus it was like 4 hours long which is fucking bonkers to mr #i thought the mcqs would be like 60 mins but no. ig bc of the audio prompts #sheeshhhh i can barely even feel scared about The Problem from earlier today bc im sooo happy (<- this will have consequences later) #anyway the writing tasks in particular made me feel like i knew a lot more french than i thought. makes me wanna continue it even though #my incentive's gone :)) #and i mean. we'll see ig. but I'd love to get better at it. the hope is that im gonna sunk cost fallacy my way into fluency basically #anyway hellll yeahhhhh #mwah mwah #etc

[be-good-to-bugs]

UGH why does eating always make me feel like throwing up :/ that is the opposite of what i want

#the bin #i feel less bad todaynthan i usually do. i think. but physically my body feels terrible. i am also still super stressed and sad but. i dont #feel as utterly horrible as i usually do so thats good i guess. i wish i could turn it into something productive but thats fine #i mostly wishbthat i could being myslef to do something fun like watch something or whatever but my brain still says no #and i wishbi could draw but my brain says no to that too #well. i can probably actually afford some weed after all bc itll peobs mostky be gas i gotta pay for for thw trip so #idk when ill see my sister next but ill have to fully figure this out then. and i gotta measure the inside of her boyfriends car so i can #know how much i can pack. i can also probably afford to get the things i wanted for my siblings from here before i leave. maybe. #gas will be a lot but they still owe me $300 so that helps a lot. i should be able to afford the trip fine. im really sad i have to leave #most of my stuff though. i dont trust my sister with it. but i dont have a choice so whatever. ill just have to deal. #well. im glad i dont feel so empty and horrible now. i hope it lasts and i can do something with it. its probs bc i had a meltdown honestly #ive felt like maybe thats what ive been needing to feel better. things still suck but i feel marginally better #usually i try talking to my mom just to get an ounch of social interaction and also i can complain abt stuff to her and she doenst tell #anyone. she has issues but shes pretty good about my privacy i think because shes scared id stop talking ti her if she broke that trust #which is true. i would probably stop talking to her. that was originally the plan before she stopled being such a bad mom anyway so #but idk. i havnet talked to her since she asked if i was coming to the funeral and i said no. she wasnt mad at me or anything but i havent #talke to her about non dad dying related stuff in a bit so. i shouod tho. im moving and i need to find out when a good time for that is. #and make sure she knows around what time i had been planning. and i need to know if she got an update about some stuff too. #also helath insurance stuff. im assuming she didnt end up getting a chnace to add me yet considering what happned. shes been busy #but my tooth pain has gotten even worse this past week so id like to see a dentist in june if possible bc god this thing hurts so bad