#im really tired so im going to bed now

[julykings]

summer’s end

#had a really nice weekend to round it out u kno #saw Sarah on Friday for pasta and watching reality tv #picked wildflowers on Saturday and went to the dog park and some yard sales with my sister and we had such a good time we’ve been kind of #distant lately so that was really great. and time and my bf went to a mug decorating workshop and then tried a new restaraynt and got giant #margaritas . and watched survivor #Sunday gym kicked ass + moved furniture around and helped my bf paint his bedroom #today went to work first thing then to the lake for swimming and napping in the sun then more work and more gym which also kicked ass #then groceries and making out with my bf now home laundry etc getting ready to go to bed so I can wake up early and take Winston to do some #thing before work and my first classssssss yayyyy #can u tell im tired I made so many typos and fully just used the wrong words… we painted his bathroom . #personal

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

i am asleep much in the way that Wally is asleep. that is to say, I Am Not Sleeping

#gave it my best shot for a minute there #really made an effort. its Not Working #see this is what happens when your sleep schedule is Fucked and you usually go to bed when the sun comes up #on a normal night id be jammin to tunes. scribbling with reckless abandon #tonight however i am at Someone Elses place so i need to be Quiet #i need to Sleep i am Driving tomorrow #brain wont cooperate tho. brains a bitch. id like to be unconchus #OH SHIT OH!!! I DO HAVE A JOKE I CAN MAKE BARNABY USE!!! #I HAVE A COUPLE OF OCEAN BASED ONES! FUCK! #sorry train of thought took a detour #im tired. today was mostly very good. had lots of Fun <3 #experienced something new! several somethings!! #and now im lamenting my wide-awakeness in a dark room #my hunting gathering badass self is Bored as Hell #and so: wally scribble of him sharing my woes #scribble salad #not gonna tag it as anything else

[alpacacare-archive]

let sans rest day, featuring the entire skelefam! cus brain rot 

#i wanted to draw more but my wrist rlly hurts and im tired lmfao #i had to do this today cus i missed both of the let papyrus say fuck days #one day i will tag a post with that tag #one day #but for now #letsansrest #he deserves it #can we get some appreciation for this wonderful wonderful guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #i love him so much #i could talk about him for hours #this entire family has me in a choke hold #pap doesnt know how to relax tm #gaster is liquid tm #also listened to. sm. ytpmvs while drawing this. sans would absolutely love ytpmvs wont he #assuming he isnt making them #i also need to draw/at least sketch a dtiys that i really wanna do #its them also #shocking i know #so im not going to bed <3 #gn yall i love you so so much <333!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #sans #papyrus #gaster #skelefam #dadster

[pcktknife]

.

#being suicidal without wanting to die is the worst thing in the world. my curious nature keeps me alive cause I need to know what #happens next despite the loop but I really am so tired and ive noticed how it gets more difficult for me to enjoy and do things #im not confined to my bed but i sleep alot more and i never leave my room and im just here now im just here. #i wont let that kill me so theres nothing to worry about but its is stressful to have the thoughts every now and again #annoying at best stressful at worst #im only thinking like this cause its reallyyy lateill be better in the am going to bed now niiiite <3 #kae.txt

[synthshenanigans]

Took the words heartburn & mindfreeze literal and now I have these

Might draw the lines better later but am tired atm and wanna [attempt to] finish the art I have for the recent songs

But also might make more unstable(?) forms for the two. [Also maybe attempt to design soul lol]

#but unstable forms would be like #hearts more magma-y? like maybe a more human silhouette looking thing that's all lava with lil rocks on em idk #also might make designs less human like in general #mayhap these are how they look before they get a less human look #cos they look too human atm for what i was goin for #idk if this makes sense #mind might be a tall more spikey creature thats all ice? #had an idea for mind like that already but COULD use it here #add in like a snow storm effect #idk we'll see #i really like the first two tbh #the 3rd is meh and the 4th is p nice i think #actually confident in my art for once wow #i mean confident is a lil strong maybe content fits more #also thanks to avi who wanted me to do these they were rlly fun to make actually #chonny jash #chonnys charming chaos compendium #cj mind #cj heart #alright KJ is going back to bed now cos SOMEONE uploads early and made me CRY so now im EXTRA tired #wonder who that was smh/j #-atlas art-

[betweenblackberrybranches]

Fish?

Glad you're feeling better! :)

Fish! <3

#im actually kinda tired now #gonna go to bed soon but yea #fish! #i actually really like drawing fish they are just so shaped #but yea i think that was it for today

[indigodawns]

.

#been sitting here for 1.5 hours now trying to decide if i should go see my friend as promised #or not. basically i texted earlier like heyy sorry can we do tomorrow im all over the place (mentally extra unstable*) i don't wanna #make you deal with that #but she said she might not be able to do tomorrow and she's told me she hates when ppl cancel bc so many ppl have been #cancelling on her and yk. feels bad. so i really should go but im also just. ??? #idk what it was but today is just so not it ive been crying a bunch and barely working and i v much needed #my noise cancelling headphones on the train and then i just kept them on for 1 #and then i just kept them on when i got home and ive just been on my bed scrolling and trying to decide dhsjsjdjd #yes i was supposed to work 8 hours today 💀💀💀 #so that's the other part like if i go see my friend i know tomorrow will probably be rougher and i also need to work then yk #ugh anyways i should go we can just chill im sure #* headphone context for myself bc im just like 🤨🤨 am i just kinda sad and tired today or do i really need to rest #anyways. Thoughts? dhsjjdjdjd #other context is that my friend rly isn't doing good at all and i haven't seen her in a week and it's been #even longer since we could talk 1 on 1 #like 2 weeks rip #maybe i just need food tbh ive mostly had sugary stuff today rip

[senseiwu]

More doodles

Trying to work through this block or whatever it is

#anyway im going to bed now #not cause im tired but because i cant be bothered doing anything #ninjago #ninjago ocs #my ocs #mei #ninjago fsm #had mei and iza on the mind lately idk #is it silly im trying tp think of a ship name for them #so far ive onlu really got meizanagi #which is just. mei + izanagi (the name i give the fsm) #anyway. nighty night

[love-has-a-way-ofgrowingbackward]

everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me

#rant #i guess #it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever #like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning #i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry #its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too #it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but #a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container #or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside. #it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time. #i hate this survivalistic shit #its not long before i move out thank god but still #he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything #like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice. #i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it. #and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive #at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont #let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know #writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy

[tenspontaneite]

Bruh people aren't fucking lying about COVID fatigue goddamn

#covid #life of sponty #ive been sick since i got back home on 12th #infected probably 1 to 3 days before that #so im coming up on 2 weeks of covid #and right now the worst symptom remaining is the fatigue and exhaustion #i got up and showered and sat at my desk for 30mins and now I'm so exhausted i have to go back to bed #it's effort to stroke the cat #the other day i did a small physical exertion and afterwards was so intensely tired it tooo about 6 hours of recovery #just to be able to lift small objects without dropping them #shits fucked bruh #also I'm getting the classic taste fuckery and bitter and alkaline flavours are literally making me choke #it's wild #desperately hoping it doesn't last because i really dont want to lose onions forever #i love onions #i was scared for a second that I'd lost mango too but it turns out it's just the mango skin flavour. the flesh is fine #cough was only monstrous for like a day #rest of the time it's not been any worse than ive had from normal nasty coughs. pretty manageable #the fatigue is wack though #I've never been this weak before #it's kind of fascinating from an authorial perspective #this is going to be useful experience for the writing banks

[cuz-reasons]

What if I exploded? What then?

#this has been my mood for like two weeks now #well actually the las couple months if were being honest #but esp these last couple weeks #im just tired and stressed and anxious as fuck #and now i got a 7pm 3hr exam tonight #AND work tmr cuz LITTERALY no one else was available #so i get to go do poorly on this exam cuz im tired from work this morning and its right through my normal dinner time #and im not able to really eat now cuz im too anxious and i gotta catch the bus in like 15mins #and then come home and basically go straight to bed #so i can work an 8hr shift tmr #aauaaugghhggg #AND i got another exam ill prolly do WORSE on on the 19th #but that ones at 9 so like not much better but id rather that than the 7pm one #and that class has a group project too thats due the same day cuz it was the last day it can be handed in #i also HATE that class so much #im just like fuckim burnt out i think #straight up considering dropping out if i fail again i dont even care anymore #or at least taking a SOLID YEAR off before finishing #cuz christ alive i need a proper fuckin break #anyways i kinda went off here #oopsies! #oh well

[tiredstressedemotionalmess]

me, every night for the past three weeks: oh im feelin good rn! and i had a good day today!! im definitely not gonna lie awake filled with anxiety and dread over my future tonight :D

me, lying in bed 20 minutes later looping famous last words: by talos this cant be happening

#its like im fine literally all day qnd then i start to get ready for bed and the Dread sets in #like its an actual physical feeling in my stomach and i just suddenly out of nowhere have to hold myself back from crying #i literally go from perfectly happy to on the verge of tears in an INSTANT and idk whats causing uty #it #like i know broadly ehat the causes are but idk whats causing the specific switch at night #am i tired?? is it just bc im tired??? bc its not consistently at the same time and most of the time i dont *feel* tired #or is it just like. i knoe im going to bed so i know im gonna be alone with my thoughts and so they all come and hit me at once??? #idk idk idk i just know i hate it and i want it to stop i want everything to fucking stop #id say i need a minute to breathe but really ive been using the past four months as my minute to breathe & thats part of the fucking problem #because ive been putting this all off for so long bc its so overwhelming but now theres so much igotta do and theres real tangible deadlines #so i cant keep putting it off but i DO and its just making it all even more overwhelming and my parents arent fucking helping #but its not even their fault because im chosing not to talk to them about this bc talking to them about it makes it all real #and i dont want it to be real yet im not fucking ready for it to be real yet i just need a goddamn minute TO FUCKING BREATHE #i wish i could freeze time and just give myself a day where none of this matters #actually a days not long enough i think i need like. two weeks. two weeks for me to get my shit together where none of this bullshit exists #and i can just do whatever i want and not have to think about deadlines and decisions and the fact that this is all ive wanted since the #7th fucking grade and now that its actually here i cant fucking stomach the thought of it being real because im a goddamn coward who cant #fucking commit to anything or get themself to DO anything and i know its not really my fault bc i probably have adhd and i get #knocked off my ass with a migraine every ither fucking day but i still feel like i should be more prepared for this than i am #and im not prepared and im not ready and i cant get myself ready because i cant do things like this myself because i dont really want to be #doing them at all #like sure! the bitch can write a 400+ page fanfiction no fucking problem!! they can find time for that but a college essay?? even finding #schools to apply too???? dont be fucking ridiculous they cant even get half an app done in the time it takes them to write a two 6k chapters #delete later

[silenthillbunni]

🖤👻🏰🩹

#sooooo i really can't stand living like this any longer. i'm going more and more insane each day and im losing hope and the will to live #i hate every single aspect of my life. and that's not just bc im negative or whatever. it's bc i have mental + physical health issues #i have chronic pain. i constantly keep having new health issues. headaches. muscle tensions. racing heart. heavy body and constantly tired #i dont sleep. i sleep 2 hours then wake up. sleep 2 more. repeat. my sisters havent talked to me this entire year. i have no friends #im poor and one by one all my things stops working and i cant afford to get new ones. i cant afford dental care. i have AWFUL posture #spend my whole life in my bed and my soul dies and rots day by day #ok i went on an unintended tangent. point is i have nothing in my life that works or is good. maybe a couple of things but thats not enough #i hate myself sm for being pathetic useless worthless stupid incapabable incompetent lazy avoidant #i cant keep going like this!!! i cant stand it + my mom is talking abt moving (w one of my sisters) so i literally cant keep being like this #my mom's tired of me and tells me to become independent. i hate myself for being 24 and still being a fkn child. but it scares me bc idk #how to be an adult???? i love my mom but she never really taught me how. and i had to be old when i was a kid so now im just stuck #this got too long guess i just needed to vent abt this >.<

[the-kipsabian]

19,7k in january

14,6k in february

11,6k in march

2048 so far in april

in total thats about 48,1k words so far

my word counts arent even bad but i still feel miserable lmao

#and they keep going down every month hmm #i also have written way more than ive published as you can see. and theres so many unfinished wips in there ough #but yeah. idk. just felt like looking at these right now. for what they are worth i really dont know #i know im tired so i shouldnt take anything to heart but i feel like a failure when i cant do anything tonight when i want to... #sigh. its sad hours. i think its time for bed ough #night is an absolute mess on main

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

It's 4am and I cannot go to sleep because I have half an hour left in my book, and it's a murder mystery, and I need answers

#its so good #its called fifty feet down by sophie tanen #its about a lesbian reporter investigating the murders of teenage boys in a small town #it reminds me of the town i grew up in #its so cool and suspenseful and ive been hooked since the beginning #like ive been reading 50-100 pages a day because i desperately want to finish #and now its 4am and im so tired but i need answers!! #i cant wait to add this to my book blanket #i have so many rowd now and it looks so cool #i chose black for the horror genre but i just had a horror kick and read four horror books #so it goes navy for a few rows and purple for a couple rows and then just a huge chunk of black #i cant choose between gray and dark green for mystery #on one hand. gray really reminds me of the book. on the other hand ill probs read a decent amount of mystery #and i want my blanket to be full of cool colors #idk ill figure it out later. im currently unraveling an old blanket to get the yarn for this blanket and tomorrow im getting a yarn spinner #so thats gonna help me so much! i tried to learn how to make yarn cakes by hand but that is too difficult #especially with huge skeins of super bulky yarn #this post went off the rails a little bit #anyway should i read until 4:30 or go to bed? im gonna read #goodnight!!

[danielnelsen]

always fun to remind myself of the side effects of my thyroid meds

#the first time i treated my thyroid my endo was like ‘i havent had a patient who had this happen for a while so im due for one’ THANKS MAN #personal #im just waiting for it to hurry up and work. my health has PLUMMETED in the last week or so #im so sick and i can’t DO ANYTHING. including SLEEP. even if i was getting enough good sleep i was be exhausted but i’m not so. #the energy’s doing Great #and i’m so hungry all the time but also nauseous so all food is unappealing #genuinely have no idea how i made it through years 7-10 undiagnosed. no wonder i ended up with such a severe phobia of going to bed???????? #i don’t have to worry about routine right now so it’s not as stressful (just horrible because i’m so tired) but i COULDNT SLEEP back then #im just relieved that this time it was found through a routine check rather than me getting a test because of symptoms #usually i test when my anxiety gets really bad in a specific way #but my anxiety isn’t bad this time. no panic attacks and also no migraines. those are all usually the worst to deal with #so comparatively this isn’t even a particularly bad episode?/relapse?/flare? #still more sick than i’ve been in……..years? #im not sure if covid was better or worse. but it was only really bad for a week #this’ll be worse overall because it’ll last a lot longer #hopefully only a month or two but that’s still a few months of my life that just vanish. cool!!!!!!!!!!! #and there wasn’t even a notable event to trigger it this time. first time was whooping cough and subsequent times have been things like— #starting uni and then the last 2 years of uni where i took 10 units in one year then overworked myself doing my thesis #im SLIGHTLY worried that maybe i’ve developed rheumatoid arthritis and that set it off because it’s also autoimmune #i should see my gp soon to get a general antibody test. my joint have been so bad it’s been hard to walk for quite a few months #idk man it all sucks. but for now at least i have my white blood cells (even if they’re literally the problem lmao)