#im still crying over this picture

[theesuhlmann]

Gute Laune ungerecht verteilt. 💛🤍

Happy Release Day to the Greatest Band in the World. ⚓️💙

Ft. The best damn singer there ever was. 💘

#im still crying over this picture #thees uhlmann #light of my life #sweet prince #kettcar #marcus wiebusch #ghvc #grand hotel van cleef

[09lover]

hi to whoever saw the haruka (ft muu) art process screenshot thing…

i apologize if you saw it as harumuu shipart and found it LIKE WEIRD, i have no intentions of drawing them together like that…. The screenshot was SO OUT OF CONTEXT IM SO SORRY.. I SEE WHY ITD LOOK LIKE HARUMUU ART. (i know in that process post i said i dint ship them but i keep overthinking based off the ss alone)

that now written i rushed to complete the little comic whatever meme thing… so as to like PREVENT PEOPLE FROM THINKING ITS HARUMUU ART

im not even gonna color this.. i felt so shameful for making this so out of context (the first pic)

#milgram #milgram project #milgram fanart #haruka sakurai #muu kusunoki #look theyre both cute… but its like yknow… unhealthy for them to… date…… given the situation and how muu is willing to let haruka die 4 her #NEJFJSJDJSND #im going to forever cry over this goodbye #maybe ill draw a bonus scene where es suddenly finds out muu got her phone and shes texting dead rei #context of situation -> so like my boss got me to wear like christmas headbands and then took a picture of me before sending it somewhere… #all i knew was it was in a groupchat but i wasnt in it… #haruka sees muu as his mom and muu sees him as someone thatd do shit fir him end of dtory #(probably not accurate consideringi havent been touching back on things like that..) #SHE STILL CARES FOR HIM LIKE A MOM #es’ art journal #i keep overthinking its not even funny anymore 😭

[coldvampire]

oh im gonna hsdgfjk

okay so three+ months ago i discovered I had a Fun Condition called perioral dermatitis. basically, just this Extraordinarily persistent face rash that looks like a bunch of small pustules in a circle around my mouth, but it also went around my nose and eyes. reacts to literally fucking Everything, deeply annoying to treat, even with antibiotics it takes weeks but usually months to clear. causes are ?? can be anything from inhaled steroids, face cream, toothpaste, hormones, etc. basically impossible to pinpoint. i have some guesses about what triggered it but ofc no real way to know for sure.

i go on 90 days of antibiotics. cool, whatever, condition dissipates but doesn't go away entirely. i think nothing of this bc I know even With oral antibiotics, it can still take months.

halfway through this treatment i develop arthritic symptoms. i also think nothing of this bc I have Some sort of illness undiagnosed anyway + family members have it so while I am definitely not happy w this development, I'm resigned.

i finish the pills.

less than 24 hours later, dermatitis has Returned. i know that allowing this to happen makes it worse and last longer. i cannot stress enough how bad it will be for my mental health if this happens. yes this probably sounds overly dramatic but I'm pretty sure watching my face flare up in any way is a legitimate trigger atp after dealing with cystic acne.

anyway. i book an appointment with my gp bc the pharmacist cannot refill the antibiotics. great except the appointment is at the End Of The Month, and I know this is going to be bad in a few days time. like, in the last few hours the inflammation has already accelerated, who knows how bad it'll be then, I'm assuming it'll be like I never even took the pills to start with. i am going to have a nervous breakdown.

mysteriously, the arthritis symptoms have Also started to decrease after stopping the antibiotics. that's weird, I think, that wasn't brought up in the list of side effects when I asked, but the timing is literally exactly when my face started flaring up so I know I definitely don't have those in my system anymore. i look this up, to see if there's a link.

'''acute polyarthritis''' also described as 'drug-induced lupus' are you Fucking Kidding Me

so i am now back as Square Fucking one for this shit, my skin is about to be so goddamn inflamed & I apparently can't even take the drug that was working to clear it up. because it causes inflammation in my joints.

and like i cant really express properly how mad this makes me lmfao because of Course. i spend a solid year on Accutane finally after being deterred for nearly a decade, i get maybe 4 months of enjoying my skin after I'm off of it and then This Shit. can i win?? can i Fucking win??????? no one else in my genepool seems to deal with this shit its just me and ohhh my god i am This close to walking straight into the ocean.

#the frustration is actually getting to me. #like. holy fucking christ. #and for what??? for WHAT. #i havent even been really going out or wearing makeup At All bc its the internship semester so !!! there was No Fucking Reason for my skin #to react to ANYTHING in the first place #its so shallow i feel so stupid but like I've actually cried multiple times over this #n o t h i n g i do works. every treatment every attempt it doesnt matter #it TANKS how i feel about myself. i cant help it. #and like idk what to do!!!! #looks like im gonna try to see a derm again but that's always a multi-month waiting process. #the thought of still looking like this when I graduate is so so upsetting. i want Pictures I want to look good. please?? fucking please??? #thats several months away now but the timeline for curing this is so slow and that's assuming your treatment works anyway. #90 days of an antibiotic Should have done it idk whats wrong with me #anyway fgfhjh i Am going to cry now lmao I hate this.

[goldenhypen]

beloved em 🫂 i was so worried but i figured u just needed time to urself !! i hope ur doing okay, and if it doesn't feel okay just yet, that's alright too </3

hi beam !!! <3 thanks for being so understanding :( this is actually rlly nice to hear and i’ll keep this in mind cuz it’s possible i will disappear again v soon tbh 😭 but rn i’m doing ok after taking some time off for myself and it was rlly nice :’> hru doing lately? 🥹

#i actually need to still tell you the jiung story and send you some intak fancams i took 🤭 #i just haven’t fully caught up on all my notifs yet 😭 #actually ig i could tell you a quick version of the story rn :’> #basically me and my friend bought vip for the concert and got to take a group photo with p1h #and by a vvvvvv lucky chance i got to stand beside jiung 🥹🥹 #and for one of the picture HE asked me if i wanted to make a heart tgt 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #and so he held out his hand in front of us and i connected mine w his iM CRYING #and then i also got to talk to him 🥹 #just saying like ‘thank you’ #and before that also a quick ‘welcome to canada’ #omg bro jiung is actually such a sweetheart i can’t 😭 #sosososo sweet #and so tall and handsome 🥹🥹 #HES SO 😭😭😭😭😭😭 #i miss that day sm and will never get over this BYE #em answers #beam! <3 #lovely moots

[plesiosaurys]

bathysphere, 1930 // titan, 2023

#sorry im still losing my mind over this #true innovation over here at oceangate!! #/sarcasm #they literally just took the bathysphere and made it longer and slapped some thrusters on it #and declared it groundbreaking new technology #if ALVIN could cry it would be crying #oceangate #titan submersible #top picture is from half mile down william beebe btw

[oflgtfol]

the marble nest is firmly slotting itself into that part of me that has that sickly warm bittersweet fascination with death and dying

#AUGH. insert that picture of spongebob crying violently #brot posts #i think im just pmsing rn dont mind me. im a blubbering mess #its like i dont know i spent over half my life suicidal and im not suicidal anymore but im still like #dealing with the baggage from all that #and sometimes it hits me like a train just how fucked up it all was to be constantly dealing with that #so its like i mourn my own self and what i lost over the years #but also even if im not suicidal anymore i still cant rid myself of that weird like. comfort that death gives me #it was the only consistent thing that kept me company through all those dark isolated times. i cant just forget that. #idk so its just like a constant seesaw between like trying to appreciate being alive but also still embracing and accepting death #and i guess thats what the marble nest is doing for me #the way everyone irl was trying to keep daniil alive they loved him so much but also he had to accept his own death #something something waking up in your own coffin something something attending your own funeral #god man. AUGH. head in my fucking hands

[euphoricsunflowers]

part of me wants to write really mean heartbreaking hate sex w ex!mingyu or ex!jun

#sub!svt #sub!seventeen #sub!mingyu #sub!jun #u guys feel the vibes too right #like for mingyu im picturing you not loving him enough during ur relationship so he breaks up with you #but he still comes back to you because he needs you </33 fucks you while crying about how much he hates you #sobbing over how much you broke his heart while trembling from pleasure <3 #<33 #and for jun #i actually don’t have a specific scenario in mind #maybe you just end on bad terms because you were both toxic for each other #still coming back to him bc he’s too good in bed to not keep around #giving him pretty brusies so he remembers who loved him so good even when you hated him #only vibes #venus talks

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#just turning over the idea of executive functioning issues in my head part by part. impulse control. im extremely tightly controlled. im the #best at control. the only times im impulsive is when someone asks me something and my brain doesn't work well in the moment so i tend to b #like fuck it: says something that might fuck me over later bc im like whatever itll prob b fine lol. but mostly not an issue. emotional #control. i dont lash out at ppl except myself i guess. ill sometimes have freak out meltdowns bc i get so frustrated with myself plus mood #weirdness. so not great. flexible thinking. im pretty rigid. if plans randomly change theres like a 1 in 3 chance ill freak out and start #crying and it takes me a long time to adjust to the idea that i have to chsnge something. and things tend to have to b a certain way #not for any reason in particular. thats just how it has to b. i have to eat the same foods. operate at the same times. do thr same things. #thats just how it is. and i find it difficult in social situations to adapt to the flow of convention bc its like but we're talking abt thi #now but something just interrupted and we aren't going abck to that thing. i dont make it other ppls problem but its uncomfortable for me. #working memory. my memory is pretty fucked. self monitoring. im good at that. too good. im pathologically self reflective. planning & #prioritizing. i can plan but i cant prioritize for shit. i will spiral for hours doing nothing bc i can't decide what comes 1st. #task initation. im good at torturing myself into getting things done but i anxiously avoid a lot of things but once i start its like: im in #this mode now. no i cant fucking stop i need this to b done. i need to sit here and finish it otherwise i wont come back to it. i cant do #moderation its all or nothing. all school and nothing outside of that. cant send mail. cant clean sink. i see it and kno i need to do it an #then i just walk away from the disaster area. organization. is ok. it looks a disaster but i only exist in like 3 places so i dont lose #things often but i dont remember where i put things once i put them down i have to deduce where i would have put it. does that paint the #picture of executive functioning issues or rigid and restrictive compulsive behavior paired with self destructive impulses leading to #absolute mental exhaustion which is y things arent getting done? could b either or both. idk my ability to do things 95% of the way and wal #away leaving a mess that ill never come back to strikes me more as the former but what do i #still its worth considering bc i do have an amazing to control myself in a way that's completely out of my control. maybr my start/stop #switch is just fucked idk. slow down and reorient says my counselor u never stop to rest. shes right but also im a grad student stopping #would mean death u gotta keep swimming and doing more than u should. thats how it is #but im so tired and i only get more and more tired. so somethings gotta give eventually #unrelated #i forgot focus. my focus is good sometimes and sometimes my brain is moving too fast and i cant focus at all. its static #but focus is not a thing i cna control

[ev-enhotterthanyou]

mfs (my best friend) will say "omg he's literally so fine I want this man's children" and then pull out a picture of a guy who looks like a third time divorcé who's losing the kids and is quietly metamorphosing into a blobfish

#help me #ive told her SO MANY GODDAMNED TIMES #dude not even kidding this guy looks THIRTY YEARS OLD but somehow still gangly #hes got the bone structure of a depressed ape #AND A BUZZCUT TO MATCH #IM SOBBING IT MADE ME LITERALLY WHEN SHE SHOWED ME THE PICTURE #i cant stress enough how deformed this man looks #AND THE WORST THING IS MY POOR DELUDED BABE IS AN 11/10 IN HOW SCRUMPTIOUS SHE IS #WHY IS SHE THIRSTING OVER SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE THEY HAVENT SEEN WATER IN 12 YEARS #oh and hes disrespectful towards his mother and women #WHY DOES SHE DO THIS TO HERSELF #girl sees a red flag and runs straight towards it screaming rail me #crying

[thatpunnyperson]

.

#the worst thing about having the death of a family member either human or animal is that #when you go back through your pictures of them #you know how the story ends #and it makes all the happiness a little bittersweet #like dark chocolate #its warm and enjoyable and good enough that you keep coming back for it #but it has this bitter and drying note to it that you only remember when it hits you again #and yet you keep going back for more because remembering the good and happy times is just so sweet and warm #enough to offset the sadness until it hits again #reminiscing has its drawbacks and hindsight is 20/20 so you start to look at the photos like 'thats when it started and we didnt know yet' #and 'you can tell he was ill at this point what we didnt know anything was wrong because he still acted normal' #and 'we had no idea how bad it would get so we tried to keep things normal for his sake to keep him comfortable' #and even back before the end when it was 'he was so happy in this photo' with the heaviness of the word 'was' #yeah it was the past but it was also when he was alive #and having the double meaning carried by the single word of 'was' makes it dangerously easy to tip the weight of those emotions over #anyway if im laying down and i cry then my tears go into my ears and it feels very weird #almost as weird as living in a world without him #punny speaks #tw death mention #tw death

[twistedroseytoesy]

You know, it's okay to have multiple writing projects going on. It's what I do to keep my motivation going. If I get stuck, I do a little writing on this other project or two just to keep writing, and when I come back, wham! I get inspiration on where to go next!

So, if you wanna write the Twst x BotW idea to have fun with, then why not? Answering asks is good, too, and your readers know you'll get to it when you can since life can be unpredictable. c: Just have fun with everything you write, and don't be afraid to have little side projects you're working on too, even if it's just brainstorming or a few words written at a time! Your readers will also see and have just as much fun as you are when you allow yourself the freedom to play! 💞

Just some words of encouragement (and enabling) from one fellow writer to another c:

(Twisted-Wonderland-Shenanigans)

UAAAAAAA! thats so nice of you!! thank you!! I wasnt expecting this at all!! gah my heart is so full, i wanna hug you so close and pepper kisses all over your amazing face (platonically)!

I'm still going to get a few asks done but ill get statted on some LOZ headcanons because ive been enabled.

#asdfsadhf #I'm still blushing #the angry happy cry picture #how dare you be so nice to a creature such as me?! #asks #thank you! #youre so nice #;~; #my heart! #I was just struggling a bit mostly due to school crushing me with pressure for 2 projects almost the same day #but this #this helps alot #ima write so much and schedule it over the next week #its what i usually do #thank you again! #if im not following you Im going to so fast #thank you friend! #sending much love (platonically) your way! #twisted wonderland #twst #friend! #oh my gosh

[orbitbyler]

good morning louis tomlinson finally officially announced his album and i’m going absolutely feral i’m shaking fr my heart is beating out of my chest am i okay no i’m about to spend so much money fr LOOK AT THIS. the aesthetic is delicious everything is so………………….. MWAH i want to eat it🧍

#the sold out sign is physically paining me #fuck my life and my stupid sleep schedule #i need the picture disc so bad i feel sick #why did he have to announce it right after the con and the harry concert im going broke fr fr #there’s cassettes too NFKSNFJSMS i want everything i feel ill #i have no way to play them but idc they’re pretty #the tracklist too????!??????? i mean it had leaked so i already cried real tears over it but #shits been wild in his fandom lately shit has been leaking left snd right and i havent heard any of it ☹️ #i need to join his fandom on twt or something but that sounds like hell #if anyone in the louis tag is reading this and has the leaks… dm 🙏 hand in marriage 🙏 #sorry i usually dont talk about anything non b y l e r related but louis tomlinson is my everything and he has been since i was 12 #this is my blog tho why am i sorry #sometimes im like i wonder if louis is still my favourite but when the tracklist leaked i was… actually i shouldn’t expose myself like this #i really did cry tho lol #so #yeah #louis tomlinson

[zeawesomebirdie]

Guys I'm screaming I never really put much stock in those comfort character letters but actually they're incredible and the people who make them deserve all the love and affection in the galaxy

#ive waited over a month for this one and it was *worth it* #i love this #ahhhhhh #this really cements who my comfort character is #(for better or worse) #and given my health on the day its arrived omg #this is like peak timing #ill need to frame the included pictures omg #ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh #being an adult in fandom is good actually #omg i should totally get one for christmas too #(i still dont celebrate christmass lmao but its my favorite time of the year) #guys #guyssssss #this was so sweet im crying

[nimomo-mo]

Vent

#i have so many conflicting feelings right now #i got complacent #i was thinking i was pretty for a while there #but now im realizing i need to work out #i need to get toned and i need to lose fat #i was getting used to feeling nice about myself #this is bad. this is not a good feeling #i shouldnt be hard on myself i already have a lot on my plate #i hate that i always fall back into this when i see a picture of them #because i am so absolutely head over heels #and i want to look good next to them #i want to be on their level #i want to be hot and pretty and gorgeous next to them #i want them to look at me the same way i do them #but for that i need to work out. so much. so so much #i dont have the energy or the time or the willpower #i dont have the willpower i dont want to be comparing myself like this i want to be gorgeous i want to be hot #i want to have the willpower i want to be able to do it i dont have the money to make someone force me to do it #i work out when someone forces me if i had the money id get a PT i want to be hot i want you to look at me i want to be gorgeous #i dont want to look myself in the mirror. i dont want to see. i dont want to see whats in that fucking mirror. i dont want to know #i dont want to see how much im not what i want to be. god i have so many issues #i thought i could be like i am and still feel pretty. i thought i could do as i liked and be pretty anyway. or i guess i am pretty but #i wanna be better. i wanna be more. i want the willpower i want the drive i want to want i want i fjsaöbfvwcfisnvs #crying #i dont want to be like this. i dont want to be like this. i dont eant to be like this. i dont want to be like this. #and i hate how my extreme attraction and love for this fucking person is making me drag my self image into the grinder #i dont want to feel ugly. i dont want to feel disgusting. i dont want to feel like i could do so much more if i just stoppedbbeing lazy #im so fucking lazy im such a sloth im such a blob i can't do this i cant do this i cant do this i cant do thus #i dont want to spural i dont want t9 be ugly i dont want to be someone lesser i hate everything i hate it all i hate i hate i hate i hate #digging my nails into mu skin

[bloggirl8842]

Makes me so so sad that my first relationship was bad for me even though nothing explicitly bad happened. I see all these things about first loves or firsts in general and how fun it is but all I felt was obsessive, scared, confused, very rarely good. I only had fun when I was drunk (and he always made sure I was safe when I was drunk ofc) but the rest of it-- and even that-- was so tense and fraught, like trying to make unoiled gears turn

#i HATE that i now associate this w him because that was a friend and now i dont trust him in the slightest and i cant think of him too long #without developing all these unsubstantiated worries. i said i want to be friends again at some point but i really dont know if i can do it #i want to because i miss what was there before but like he as a person is now a trigger for me. its odd because we spoke once since the #breakup and it was good for me at least. it felt good. it felt relieving like having that friend back but if his absence inspires so much #worry (not worry for him but worry about him (who is he really? am i safe around him? is he safe around me? I don't feel safe)) then no. #i need so so so much time to even understand what happened and why it feels so bad and i need an ''after'' to play out to get a real #picture of who anybody involved actually is. #i dont trust him at all even though i want to. what sucks too is i have a great intuition around these things so i know intellectually ther #'s likely nothing that off about him but that he as he currently is is just very bad for me as i currently am. and vice versa. but that fee #like world ending panic if i think about it too much. god i cant wait for september to be over. if he brings up trying to be friends again #(which I hope he won't) I'll have to show him this or some other thing I've written during our time apart so he gets just how much time i #need bc in the moment ill be so relieved to be talking again that ill forget this feeling #we’re working on a show tgt about the devil and in those panic moments that triggers me a bit bc ive had sparse and easy to shut down but #still scary moments where i reflect on very very specific instances and think oh yeah the devil possessed him in that moment. and then im #like girl nooooo it fucking didnt what happened was actually [X] but the fact that my mind even goes there is INSANE #not unprecedented unfortunately. but insane. i was telling my mom some of these things and she was like ‘’that poor kid’’ and i was crying #like ‘’I KNOW he thought he got someone normal and he got ME’’ #its so funny hes sad about the breakup in like a normal way meanwhile im like i dont care about the breakup but i think ive committed some #cardinal sins i think there is evil in the water and i may be exhibiting mild psychotic symptoms that ive been suppressing for many years. #i did really leave bc i was just not into it though #this is all like side effects. honestly issues ive been having for years and years but which were triggered and which id been suppressing #since like may/june #i just was not into it and i wanted to be but i wasnt and i got confused #this’ll be a fun memory that i sort of can’t talk about one day

[transgaysex]

i know crying is supposed to help with too much emotion (and it does !) but i really wish i didnt get horrible headaches whenever i cry

#wind howls #i did end up having a big cry over my cousins wedding stuffs #i dont usually care abt my cousins weddings because im not usually invited but at least my parents are #and im happy they do ! and if they invited me i probably would go ! #but im like. closer to my gay cousin than any of my other cousins #close enough to come out to her at the very least. and the fact that she didnt invite anyone from her family except my sister- #is really hurtful ! #(and i will give my sister this. apparently my cousin even seemed reluctant to invite her. i guess she needed a way into our old pictures.) #shes getting married tomorrow. and i am happy for her all the same. but im also really bitter about not even being told of her engagement #she got engaged at a restaurant in front of the twins and then made them swear not to tell anyone. she told my older sister. #and the twins assumed she was going to tell me too. she never did. #im hurt ! im as close to her as the twins are if not even more ! #if she really does host a second wedding for her side of the family and i Can go i Will #but right now im still rather hurt. though at least i feel better because i actually did cry about it #im surprised i lasted the whole day. testosterone really makes it harder to cry man i wouldve cried way earlier if this was pre T #anyway i dont wanna think abt it anymore. my head hurty