#its 3 am i am so god damn tired

[nenyunavi]

Late night Sinclair doodles (please god it's 3 am as I am typing this)

#ever since that one line in the book where he said he was outright longing for Demian I had to make something #also it was an excuse to have him say something in german lol #am i projecting that onto him because of where im from? hell yeah #hes my comfort character and i get to choose what ill draw him doing #its 3 am i am so god damn tired #limbus company #limbus #limbus posting #lcb #sinclair lcb #sinclair limbus #emil sinclair #fanart #project moon #sinclair

[arcaneyouth]

"well at least I'll get good sleep tonight" they said, not getting good sleep tonight

#vent post #negative #doing really fucking bad mentally actually #cant turn my brain off about how mad i am about money #about wasting my fucking time meeting people and their dogs they want me to care for #not getting paid for the fucking meetings that have been half the reason i struggle making progress on my personal projects #undercharging myself to hell and back just for the chance to get A Job #only for them to fucking cancel because they dont respect my time #cancel a meet up 3 hours before. cancel the booking less than 24 hours after making it. make me drive an hour for fucking nothing #begging me to lower my prices which are already lower than everyone in the area #i dont want to work anymore i want it to stop #going to do a week of dog sitting for less than 200 fucking dollars because its the only god damn fucking job i can fuckkng get #and it wont even happen for another month! who knows! they could cancel too! #if they cancel I'm deleting my fucking rover account! #i cant earn money. im trying so hard for nothing. #i cant apply to normal jobs because my job anxiety is So Bad i NEED someone to be with me as i apply showing me how it works #i dont know what job i want because i dont want a job i want to go to bed #im so so tired of going 'this could work! i could make this work!' and it just never gets far enough to matter #after 3 years of no progress you know what! maybe i cant fucking make it work! #i dont want to keep trying with this stupid shit anymore #im not even gonna be able to afford christmas presents this year. #anyways. whats a girl gotta do to get some fuckinf sleep around here

[problemcore]

i miss this game already

#took me. over 220 hours to finally get through the ending of the game #i kept quitting right before the end and starting a new playthrough #something about act 3 as a whole. #the start of the game is just. so damn fun...... #i love creating my character and meeting the companions for the first time. getting to the grove and saving the tieflings #over and over again #im not sure how i feel about the ending. i think my brain is just soup so maybe I'll have thoughts on it later #it was. confusing? fun. unsatisfying? cathartic #i have to stop myself from. going back and trying to change the ending i got. #for the last 3 hours i was just agonising over all these small choices that really. just robbed me from the whole experience #its um. almost 6 am. lol #one thing i can say for sure. #completely unforgettable game. through all its flaws i can definitely name after 220 hours. i still thoroughly enjoyed it #forever altered my brain chemistry #i should. sigh. probably take a break from this game. #at least move on to a different game good lord. bg3 has completely consumed the last month and a half for me #i wont stay away for too long probably. i want to start my dark urge run finally #oh god its 6 am i have not slept at all #ok. goodnight dear followers. so so so tired. #chris noises #bg3

[sarai-the-furry]

Y'all I'm so desperate at this point oh my god

please please please, if y'all got any Heatwave x Readers, pls reply to this with links

#why not write them yourself? #heatwave x reader #i shit you not ive spent the last 3 fucking hours googling and searching for any heatwave x readers that are either new or ones i haven't #read yet. and my search was fruitless 😔 #and before yall say anything like i am being strangled by writer's block. I WOULD DO IT BUT MY MOTIVATION IS #ASS RN AND IM SCREAMING #i am on my knees begging. i need to satisfy my desire to read any heatwave x reader that i haven't seen yet #the lack of Heatwave x readers saddens me sm. #AND WHAT PISSED ME OFF DURING MY SEARCH WAS I KEPT FINDING FICS THAT WERENT EVEN TFRB RELATED #like yeah heatwave is a real thing but I FUCKING TYPED NOT WHATEVER THE TROPE IS #FOR A HEATWAVE TO BE EVEN LIKE A MAJOR FANFIC TROPE THING OR WHATEVER THE HELL ITS CALLED #im ao tired im aorry if this doesn't make any sense #i wish there was a way to directly copy and paste the scenarios i imagine from my mind to a google doc #bc good fucking damn i would have so many fics n shit JUST of Heatwave x Readers alone #im so tired oh my god #i need to sleep #going to sleep after posting this #sorry not sorry for rambling in the tags

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#i <3 wanna fucking die <3 all the time #all the god damn time i wish i could just kill myself im so sick of it #but noo bc that's like not good in theological terms nooo my best friend would be fucked up noo i cant cause even #more stress to my family but im so fucking tired and done #lifes been exhausting as shit and im sick of it #and on top of all the fucking health issues this useless piece of shit body is going to hell too #like great!! great! abled ppl can often barely manage to make it by in this country and economy or they #get so fucked by work they become disabled lmaoo i already fucking am #i dont want to even fucking try. i dont even wanna try. most of this life has been pain and mystery and wanting to die! #and feeling like im fucking suffocating #and i can go on and on abt how oh u know u live for the little things life is pain inherently it is what it is and whatever but i just #wanna god damn fucking dir #the years of my life when i was the least physically sick were spend being abused and being fucking exhausted to hell and back #now im almost 24 and ive what. barely managed to finish a univerity with a useless degree which in my parents eyes means basically #nothing compared to what i was supposed to do #its too fucking late for anything im too fucking old my health is too bad and i dont have the fucking energy to #do this shit enough to even just get bt much fucking less have it be anything that id even 5% wanna live for

[asfdhgsdkjhgb]

i dont think ive ever gotten a "she uses he him pronouns" but i have actively twice now in the exact same circumstance just a different year gotten "they use he it pronouns"

#people at school stop they themming me when i actively introduce myself with he/it challenge (IMPOSSIBLE) #just me rambling again #its better than being she her-ed but. still not correct. still misgendering and making me uncomfortable #ive expressed this to friends IRL but now im thinking about it again so yall get to hear #i think people immediately they them me (people at my school at least or other queer people) because there's Enough about my #appearance to be able to tell that i am trying to not be a girl. but i also do not pass at all and am constantly perceived fem #so people just assume ah. Girl Lite. i know what that means that's what non binary is i should refer gender neutrally #NO!!!! I AM A BOY #I AM A BOY I AM A MAN I AM A GUY #OBVIOUSLY GENDER IS A BIT MORE COMPLEX THAN THAT IM ALSO A CREATURE BUT LIKE #I AM A BOY WHY DOES NO ONE EVER SEE ME AS A BOY rgh i did not realize how upset i was about this #I've been out for 3 years now and im so fucking exhausted of being trans sometimes it is so beautiful and divine but god #im so tired of never being perceived correctly #i have the privilege of going to a very queer school that tends to be much more accepting and supporting of queer identities than others #but god damn. i am so tired. stop preaching support while still not listening

[bcneheaded]

*screams loudly into an empty paper towel roll*

#( ooc ) #( tbd ) #I AM ALIVE OVER HERE I SWEAR hyujidf apologies for disappearing uwu its been!! very busy!! #much has happened nodnodnod my stanky ass on bOY JUICE NOW HELL YEA #day one baybee lets fuckiN GOOOOOOOO #my tumby hurts where i injected but gtdyhujfd this is fine this is fine #i just hope!! all goes well w no complications ;w; idk if there can be or w/e but god damn i waited literally over a decade for this shit #also!! find that i have more energy but that could be summed up to it being injection day + the anxiety/excitement juhyfugfd we shall see #how it effects my energy levels - hopefully good!! hopefully the brain fog will lift (And i will not get the dreaded #First Week Of T migraines <:' )) bUT YEAH NO IM #super tired ! its been a long day so ill likely not be here today but !! #feel free to message me on discord!! moots are welcome to ask for it <3 #needles tw #iN CASE AA

[faggotician]

Feeling a little troubled ...... last night (a few hrs ago ig) my nana (whom i moved in wit bc the tenant she was renting the upstairs 2 died n i needed 2 get out of a shitty roommate situation so the stars aligned etc) mentioned in passing that she was in my apt while i was gone, she mentioned she was looking 4 something bt then changed it 2 checking 2 see if i caught the bus.....i told her basicly i loved her n ment no offense bt my privacy is rly important 2 me n so could she pls not go into my pad when im not there bc it gives me anxiety (which she has also so i was tryna rel8 a lil bit) n she just kinda shut down n started feeling bad abt herself n getting upset tht i thought she wld go thru my stuff . Idk i jus had 2 put this down sumwhere n i havent gotten a new journle yet sigh

#i mean she is. Very ancient bless her in evry way shes 81 so im sure shes just . kinda losin it 4 a lack of a better way 2 put it n . Aughgg #Life is very intimid8ng n i wanna take care of her bt shes so afraid of Everything ever n its stressing her out so much she cant sleep #So then shes coming up 2 my apt (btw i dont have a key 4 my inside door so i keep it unlocked) Late as Haell like 3 4 AM #Asking me 2 sit downstairs w her till she falls asleep . N i keep giving her advice on sleeping better like . #If u sit on the couch watching tv most of the day..when u go 2 bed n do the same thing u wont get tired frm it #Or rrlaxing yr body n focusing on yr breathing Dont put the tv on if yr brain is paying attn 2 wats goin on there #Then u cant focus on sleeping . #And i ask if she understands n if shes listening bt then Every Night doesnt change how her routine is n i just Dont .. I Want 2 Help So Bad #But what can i do when ur not even listening 2 the vry basic lifestyle cuanges u Need 2 make or yr gna worry yrself sick :(((( #I dnt think impatronizing i try 2 be gentle n understanding but also like . Semi profesh like Boundaries need 2 b had if im here longterm #Bt she doesnt rlly get that bc shes Very insecure sbt herself i think she just ... Internalizes it into like #Thinking shes burdoning me or makes me feel rlly gulty 4 needing alone time i just . Idk how 2 have this talk w her cuz i feel like #I alrdy have a million times . God i do love her so so much n im scared 4 this future i just want her 2 b happy bbut #im still tryna figure out how 2 even Talk 2 Anybody let alone a very sensitive farm raised senior #Damn this is a vent post and a half #999

[stuck-in-the-ghost-zone]

ok looking at artfight is literally giving me a headache i think i should be done for today

#went thru and updated. all of my characters #separated them by story/universe #updated a few of the descriptions (i HATE writing those though so. only some of them) #and drew new things for a handful of them #but . god damn i am so tired but i still have soooo much to do #gagaughhhhg #i always do this every year im like oog ive got plany off time and then its 3 days before the event and im SCRAMBLING #sigh #I JUST WANT THEM TO OPEN EARLY TEAM REGISTRATION ALREADY. GUH #sorry guys im gonna be sooooo annnooying about my ocs for the next month. get ready #ill go back to drawing trigun when artfight is over #danny devito voice hold on im shifting into oc mode #god. i also updated my global permissions and added links to all my pinterest boards and character tags on my sideblog... #AND playlists for those that have them... fuck dude #i think this year im gonna focus on like. jus doing headshots. #bc i get into this slump of like. the mindset that Everything i make for artfight has to be perfect and #make it a huge massive piece with a background and shading and everything #but that takes sooooo much energy out of me. im gonna focus on doing a lot of little things. #i wanna draw somthing for every character i have bookmarked i think. as long as theyre on the other team #i also think i wanna try drawign more anthro/furry characters. for practice. i like drawing animals its fun #which is. fitting. for the werewolf year lmao #so. hey. if u or a friend are on team werewolf this year and want me 2 draw one of ur little guys. #no guarantee bc my energy gets soooo spotty and i want to save it for the ones i rlly wanna do #but like. im always open 2 suggestions. especially for artfight #send me ur little guys if i think theyre cool i gotchu. #man. ive been looking at my computer all day i think i am going 2 go read my book. catkiss goodnight i love you #(<< i will still be on tumblr probably. but that felt fitting.) #blahblahblah

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#how am i feeling? i am not feeling good #ok i feel better than i did 5min ago. itll b fine but Jesus #so basically what happened is its supposrd to snow tomorrow night so i have to get some sampling done tomorrow morning #and i do not like big short notice changes. there's like a 30% i will flip out #and the sampling i have to do is at 3 sites that i would love to never step into ever again. i have so much bitterness and hate toward that #study. it was the start of the end. and by the end i mean the epic downward spiral that was my 2022 experience #so ngl i wish they would catch on fire. but not really bc theyre long term study sites that have been going since like the 80s #anyway. i have to do that tomorrow. also also in sampling these sites im adding 80 samples to my list #which means ill be taking measurements for an extra 5 days 🤪 thats gonna be at least 39 days of measurements 🤪🤪🤪 #and last time i did this i starting losing my god damn mind. and i cant do that now bc i have to pretend ive got everything together #so yeah im just at the stage of anticipating pain for the start of all that and ive gotta get up early tomorrow and its already late #and i spend like an hour crying into an excel spreadsheet so my eyes r tired #so ya kno its good. its all good. good good good. great. im soooo happy #and i do not at all feel the urge to throw myself to the ground screaming like a toddler #im just standing here in this grave ive dug myself over the past year and now its time for the universe to start burying me #hhhh... i should sleep. so my brain works at least a little tomorrow 🙃 #itll b fine. ill get to talk to a lab mate i dont usually see and itll be fine #unrelated

[orcelito]

Unsure if I've lost the thread for ladue or if I'm just exhausted

Probably more the latter tbh. I hope.

#speculation nation #ladue shit #i swear to fuckin god chapter 3 is currently 18k words and im SO CLOSE TO DONE #but i havent written anything the past few days bc ???? #my only day off this week was yesterday and i spent most of it lying down #coping with the rest of this week. #i mean i invited this. i need the money so i was like 'if u could put me at 30 hr Minimum. pls do' #turns out a lot of ppl r gone bc spring break so it worked out Swimmingly #i was scheduled for 31 hours and as it stands ive worked like 2 hours more than that. so. #it'll be GREAT for the paycheck. not so great for the writing brain. #i tried to write yesterday but i just kinda pooped out after 100 words. eugh. #it's a pretty clear shot to the end from where im at rn. no post-scene planned like in chapter 2 #i just need to follow this thread of conversation to its natural result. the culmination of this entire damned chapter #it's ALL been leading up to this. so no i cant just cut it where im at. i Have to finish it. #so close i can taste it. but i am So fucking tired. #we'll see if i can manage anything over the weekend. ugh.

[abyssalhuntersnerd]

Tfw your teacher tells you that you need to pick a simple logo design before Friday to make handmade stamps out of it and you immediately think to yourself: I am so doing the Abyssal Hunters Logo. You can't stop me.

#normal posts #I am gonna make myself personalized merch #once we get past this fucking semester #it's all just #sitting down and listening to the teacher and nothing else for 3 hours at a time #it's kinda boring because of how much info they dump on you #like I love it but ugh it's tiring and tomorrow I have the worst subject of them all #aka you gotta learn laws and the teachers won't explain shit to you #:))) #I'm getting used to it tho I've been sleeping and all so that's good #but like damn getting home at 10pm is a little hard sometimes but its a welcome change #I'm just kinda worried cause I haven't studied for 5 years so like oh god how did you do this #also I forgot how to fucking write in Spanish my god I've been working for too long and my brain just can't make #anything sound proper #and my classes are in two languages so it's even more confusing #I'm not the best student I'll admit #but I'm gonna try my best #I'm just scared I won't be able to do things in time ;;; also sn ;;;;;;; pls don't let is have any tests by then #aaaaaa

[fishtank32]

Please expect a serious slow down of my posting, especially fanart or drawings. I'll be getting a second job soon so I'll be busy every weekend from now on + plus my school is starting next month.

#josh speaks #i feel....so grown up... two jobs.. early college.... extra curriculars #/j but like ohhh my y god i am getting oldderrrr #n e wayz how have yall been. ik its been a hot minute since ive done much up here beside cry over legos and slenderman series from 2009 #OH MY GODH SPEAKING OF LEGOSSSSSS #almost bought one of the new dr sets. bcs i want sora and arins minifigures #BUT ITS SO DAMN EXPANSIVE!!! SINCE WHEN DID THEY COST THIS MUCH?!?!? #so. we will just. have to wait til my next paycheck #ALSO my new job is cleaning houses again and i fucking hate it sorry ive cleaned houses and apartments before and its god awful #you think catering weddings are bad? go clean a giant 3 floor 28 room god knows how many baths big ass house in the middle of the southern #summer heat. that? truly makes me consider if i should kms. but the pay is good so 🤷‍♂️ tis whatever #id make like 100~ a week i think? so . more money to fuel my lego collection ig? #also also also. did an art trade with my friend AND THEIR ART IS SOOO SO CUTE LIKE STRAIGHT SEROTONIN OHMG #hope they like what i did but twas super super tired. so idk. oh also! watched good omens s1!! it was fun i enjoyed. reminded me of doom pat #rol a bit? that show was fun in its own right. so please expect good omens fanart . Eventually. hopefully before exam season🙏🙏 #i need to re read all my bob books bcs my coach will chew me out if i forget everything but luckily i have like. a really good memory (lie) #im just rlly good at cramming books 1 hr before competition. yk how it js #nother reminder my reqs r open it just might take me a minute #got locked out of my tumblr acc on the web so that sucks. tis whatever . (its not im p upset) #oh i got my mom to watch nimona with me today!! she enjoyed. and put some nails on bcs i havnet done that in 4ever #alao bought new skirts today. this has eneded up me just telling yall abt my day but. lets be real for a sec i domt have anyone to rlly talk #to so. the tags of my tumblr posts will have to do. are the new eps of dr out yet or is it just leaks (ive been avoiding them like the plagu #e so far) ALSO #im like 60 percent sure ill be working as the stage manger for my schools next production PLEASE pray for me. i am going to DIE #(not rlly its just hell. HELL) and then that + work + college + BOB + highschool + wanting to post my drawings online #for a while its gonna be sketchbook spreads + doodles srry #oh also also also . would abyone like to see a few snippets of my sketchbook when its done? we r like almost there #hoping to finish it b4 school starts. and get my license. jesus christ theres so much to doo!!!!!!!!!!!!! i finally get what all those #shojou girls were complaining about!!! this is hard!!!!!!!!!! #anyways. tis all. farewell good friends. sincerely -fishtank32

[astrxealis]

OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM. very happy. my speech i had to give that i crammed on bcs i was really anxious about even just thinking it and i had to deliver it memorized and in front of the whole class for the first time in years? i only got. minus 1.25

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #i was really anxious uhh even like. now. a whole month after? egeshbgjh like damn what if i get a bunch of mistakes #but nah apparently i did really well !! proud of myself oh my god #i'm much better at speaking than i probably seem often irl. i'm just shy and anxious and need a proper environment #me at home i can talk with an incredibly loud voice for hours. unfortunately lune knows this very well LMFAO #my dad also has a loud voice but sometimes i even speak louder than him. so. yeah. really loud voice #i'm good at speaking aaa idk i keep putting myself down sometimes even if i am confident and i know what i can do! #anyways i also think i am more. less confused on course choices :] i want bs psych fr aaa i want to help people a lot in that regard #i'm going to look up more on it tho! compsci i'm good actually as a 2nd choice. i'm more feeling > thinking but i am a huge thinker lol #hashtag i love math LMFAO i just haven't been putting in as much effort but i do believe in myself! so. yeah #miss ty for the comments LOL i agree a lot. too much unnecessary movements. i always speak like that eee oops #i have my next speech uhh... next tues actually! also really anxious and stressed but less so. i'll just need to work on it asap and prepar #.75 minus for delivery makes sense! uhh .5 minus on content. i think i get it but i'll just keep it in mind as i make my next script #tbh i get so anxious too reciting during class but i have a lot to say usually and the teacher often says exactly the same idea or aka #i'm correct. so. raghhhhh i will recite more !!! almost end of the sy but it's never too late to improve. even if i recite wrong its still #added to my grades. so yeah. anyway uhh !! idk i love speaking a lot actually lol i'll try my best to be diligent productive etc #raghh i will do my best ... i am very smart ive just been slacking a bit since the pandemic bcs constant state of Tired. + anxiety #okay i don't really get the minus on content uhh is it bcs i didn't really have sources LMFAO it was a personal speech anyway but #im good at writing and good at speaking i will just do my best and uh. goodbye. not cramming #I ALSO EXERCISED TODAY. like. yeah. i should exercise a lot daily. also i did finger exercises hashtag guitarist era <3 #my fingers and hands are already very flexible lol i'm double-jointed and always played w my hands even now! but i forgor warmups existed #the amount of mistakes i got for my speech really make sense lol i should really prepare more in advance! procrastination is my enemy

[im-yn-suckers]

waking enhypen up by kissing them in the middle of the night

not the long ass title

pairing- enhypen ot7 (separate) x gf reader

warnings- kissing, cuddling, poor jungwon just wants to sleep, heeseung himself (fluffily [?] sitting on his lap). swearing lmk what i missed

really short because it was almost midnight where i live

︵‿︵‿୨♡ ｈｅｅｓｅｕｎｇ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

he rubs his eyes and just honestly stares at you while you do whatever you want.

''y/n~ why'd u wake me up"

"because i just wanted a kiss"

he sat up and checked his phone.

1:34 am

he gave you your kiss

he leaned back against the headboard and pulled you onto his lap to hold you and peck your scalp lightly

︵‿︵‿୨♡ ｊａｙ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

"baby, are you okay"

he's genuinely worried about you because this wasn't normal

"yeah, i just wanted a kiss"

he pulls you to his chest and kisses you. he holds it there for a few seconds and then pulls away only to peck you lips again

its literally 12:30 am right now and hes legit shocked

like, why are you interrupting hid beauty sleep?

he holds you to his chest and keeps you in his warm strong arms all night

︵‿︵‿୨♡ ｊａｋｅ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

god- dont get me started

it is 2 am and when e sees you kissing his face

hes blushing. like crazy. im serious. its adorable

hes just staring at you with his puppy eyes and just smiles uncontrollably.

"what are you doing to me"

"i'm just kissing you, but since you wanted to be a bitch, i'm going to sleep"

''no baby!! come back!!! i liked it!!''

yeah, he's not going to let you go back to sleep

︵‿︵‿୨♡ ｓｕｎｇｈｏｏｎ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

dont do it in the first place

that honestly depends on his mood

its was only 11:30 so it wasn't that late. i mean, for a person who is an old soul living in a mans body that is way too late to be awake

if he was in a bad mood, he wouldn't get mad but he wouldn't be exactly happy

"y/n, it's eleven thirty, why are you still awake?"

"i just wanted to kiss you"

"kiss me tomorrow

if he were in a good mood, he'd let you do whatever you want

︵‿︵‿୨♡ ｓｕｎｏｏ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

don't try and convince me that this baby isn't going to kiss you back

like, he wakes up and sees your beautiful face at two in thr fucking morning, kissing him.

wow, what did he do to deserve you

"baby, i love you and all but, why are you awake? its 2 am"

"i just wanted to kiss you"

hes going to kiss you

let him, he will kiss you nose, cheeks, forehead, chin, lips, any exposed skin from your shoulders up he will at least peck

︵‿︵‿୨♡ ｊｕｎｇｗｏｎ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

#justice for jungwon

its 3 am

he'd just groan and once you got the hint that he was exhausted you'd stop

only for him to bring you to his chest and out his nose in the crook of your neck

obv he likes it but hes the leader. he has 6 kids to feed, send to school, put clothes on their back, he cleans their rooms, he pays for them, hes their dad

#justice for jungwon pt2

︵‿︵‿୨♡ ｎｉｋｉ ♡୧‿︵‿︵

ok, he'd do the exact same as heeseung.

change my mind. i dare you

"whats up with you? its 4 am"

"damn, okay, i was trying to show you my love and shower you with affection and show you how much i love you and-"

you were cut off by his beautiful pink plump lips on yours

he smiled mid kiss and forced you head onto his chest (nicely)

just lay on top of him and he's happy, sleep touching him, even holding hands while sleeping.

his fluffy hair occasionally tickling you neck because did i mention that he would kiss the part where your shoulder and neck connected?

i dont think so

kiss him

an: j dhgkusdhgliua hdo im so tired

#enhypen fluff #enhypen niki #im-yn-suckers #enhypen fanfiction #niki fanfic #enha niki #nishimura riki #nishimura niki x reader #niki x reader #niki ff #enhypen heeseung #enhypen headcanons #heeseung x you #lee heesung x reader #lee heeseung #heeseung #enhypen jay x you #enhypen jay #enhypen jay imagines #jay x reader #park jongseong #enha jake #enhypen jake fluff #enhypen jake #jake sim #enhypen jaeyun #enhypen jake imagines #park sunghoon imagines #sunghoon ff #park sunghoon

[magnoliamyrrh]

.

#my stepfather is coming back on monday and im so. so not looking forward to it #thank god i had these few weeks to be alone. i was finally able to somewhat calm down and pull myself together #at least in comparison #but thats abt to be over. and i already feel like digging my own grave than dealing with it #wether its bc its him and im still very on edge after years of bullshit or whether its bc hes a man and not only that but one that i do not #trust. and thus living with him sends my entire psychological state into absolute fucking mayham and i find it impossible to clam down or #truly let my guard down even at 3 am alone in my bedroom with the door locked #god fucking damn it and americans make their homes out of twigs so the damn house are paper thing. im the quiet sort anyway. he is not. #gOD and the unnecessary fucking sex jokes and the jokes abt prostitution or about women which he always for some god forsaken reason #makes out of the fucking blue and everything time i makes me want to crawl out of my skin. its making me want to crawl out of my skin now #ohh lord. its going to be months of this. its already making me wanna cry lol #im already so fucking tired and dealing with so much shit and overwhelmed when im on my own #a literally prepetual state of feeling like prey and scared or disgusted even at every waking moment even at night will drive me fucking #insane again #fuck. maybe i should start taking my other antidepressants again too. the cptsd ones. and maybe i should take a double dose again. #just drug myself into a state of detachment and lack of feeling