“idfc; blackbear (again it’s so easily related to hawk vibes, maybe he’s afraid to open up again for a relationship after moon so he acts like he doesn’t care about the reader but the mfs actually so in love😩✋🏻)” - @hawkwhore
ugh i love this sm and blackbear 😛 ty for the request as always <3
idfc | eli “hawk” moskowitz x reader
warnings: just cursing?
summary: based on idfc by blackbear :) hawk doesn’t like you and you don’t know why
a/n: soooo i kinda strayed from the song LOL sorry but this is kinda more cutesy and less angsty than the song. i actually like it though :)
You don’t know why he seemed to hate you.
Ever since you walked into the dojo for the first time, it was like you couldn’t escape his death stare.
Eventually, you got closer to Miguel, his best friend, so you two started going to the same parties and hanging out more often. But he never seemed to warm up to you.
Miguel said Hawk was just intimidated by you because you always beat him when Sensei calls you both to spar. So you let him win one time, but he seemed to hate you even more after.
Which is why you started Operation Get Hawk To Like Me.
It seemed like a fun challenge to get the broody boy to enjoy your company, but you also sincerely wanted to be friends with him. When he would laugh with Miguel and he smiled like the sun, it made you sad that he was so cold towards you but so warm towards others. You wanted the sun.
You decided that the first part of O.G.H.T.L.M was to subtlety be nicer; you didn’t want to be desperately kind out of nowhere and make him dislike you even more.
“Hey!” you called after the red haired boy who was about to open the door to the dojo.
Hawk turned around slowly at the sound of your voice, and you winced at the annoyed look on his face.
“I- uh, I got this for you,” you held out a blueberry smoothie. When everyone hung out at Golf N Stuff, you saw that he got that flavor and took a mental note.
The boy stood in front of you with a twisted face, not reaching out to take the drink. “Why?” he asked.
You shifted awkwardly, feeling nervous under his stare. Was this too forward? “Um... I accidentally got an extra one?” you made the excuse lamely. “Just take it.”
“Give it to Miguel,” Hawk turned around and sauntered into the dojo, leaving you with a frown. But you wiped off any trace of your disappointed expression and walked into practice too.
-
You tried everything.
You waved at him every time you passed each other in the halls. You got him drinks at parties and you even offered to be the designated driver so that he could get wasted with Miguel.
When you two sparred, you lost on purpose each time. Sensei even pulled you aside to ask if something was wrong. “Hawk is getting better,” was all you said, but he didn’t seem convinced.
The list of things you were trying to do for Operation Get Hawk To Like Me seemed endless and you were totally kissing his ass. His feelings about you weren’t budging, and it seemed like this was just a hopeless mission.
“I just don’t get why he hates me so much. I’m trying so hard,” you groaned.
“Maybe that’s why. You’re trying too hard,” Miguel said across from you with a mouthful of fries.
“Well I don’t know what to do then. I want him to know I’m trying.”
“He knows,” your best friend nodded his head nonchalantly.
Your face scrunched up in confusion, causing Miguel to give you an amused look. “Then why doesn’t he care? I’m starting to think there’s just something wrong with me,” you huffed, crossing your arms.
“You should just talk to him if it’s bothering you so much,” Miguel shrugged.
“I guess I should,” you slumped, feeling intimidated by the thought of confronting Hawk. Was it even worth it? If he didn’t want to be your friend now, then what would change if you talked to him? If he would even agree to talk.
-
Tonight. The final step that would determine if you were going to give up on Hawk.
The truth is, it really hurt your feelings how little he cared about you. And it hurt even more when you went out of your way to get him to even acknowledge you as an acquaintance.
You don’t know why it affected you so badly; maybe you’ve always had a teensy crush on him. And maybe this little plan you formulated was actually motivated by your subconscious desire to really get to know him, even though you passed it off as wanting to simply be his friend.
So tonight, at the party you were all going to, you were going to talk to him. And get the truth on why he was so persistent in shoving you away.
“Woah, slow down Y/N. Miss lightweight,” Miguel eyed you cautiously when you downed another cup of beer.
“I just need some liquid courage to face Hawk,” you licked your lips, already feeling the effect of the alcohol clouding your mind. You started to sway without noticing, making Miguel laugh at you amusingly.
“Well good luck with that. But that’s enough, or you won’t even get any words out,” he took the cup from you and you pouted. Miguel subtly motioned behind you, and you turned around to look.
It was the red haired boy you’ve been avoiding all night; the one who made your palms sweat when you thought about the conversation you were planning to have.
But with the alcohol giving you a rush of confidence, you walked up to him with no anxiety. His eyes widened when he saw you rushing forward, and he almost looked afraid.
“Can I talk to you?” you said solidly, feeling braver than you usually are. Hawk looked at you, confused, but nodded to his friends before following you to go somewhere quieter.
He traced behind you as you opened the door to go outside, where there were less people and the music wasn’t so loud.
“Um... is something wrong?” Hawk stood awkwardly in front of you, scratching the back of his neck nervously.
“Of course there’s something wrong,” you replied in a meaner tone than you intended, but you brushed off the guilt.
“Well what is it?” he asked in his usual annoyed tone that he used only when he needed to speak to you.
You felt your cheeks heat up with frustration. “Why don’t you like me?” you blurted out, and the expression on his face told you that he wasn’t prepared for it at all.
“W-What?” Hawk stuttered, his previously composed persona was gone.
“Why don’t you like me?” you repeated, more forcefully. “I am so nice to you. But you just hate me and I have no idea why! And you’re just best buds with everyone else, so I know you aren’t incapable of having friends. Do you know how shitty that feels? Especially when I try so hard to just get you to treat me decently!” your mouth ran on and on and words were coming out without you thinking.
Your blurred vision from your anger cleared after you caught your breath, and you focused on his shocked expression. It was the most expression he’s ever shown you.
“I-I-” Hawk stammered, but you cut him off.
“Look, I’ll leave you alone if you just tell me to. But tell me why, so I can give up. I’m sorry, okay? For whatever I’ve done that makes you not even want to be near me. And I don’t even know why I feel like I need you to like me, I just-”
This time he was the one to interrupt you. “I do like you.”
You blinked in confusion, taken aback by his words.
Hawk licked his lips anxiously, taking a breath in before speaking, “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been a dick. The truth is... I’ve been... um... catching feelings for you. And I guess I was trying to protect myself by pushing you away.”
Your mouth dropped open at his confession. Out of all the responses you were expecting when you were overthinking about the conversation, this one was one you could have never seen coming. But surprisingly, it made your stomach turn and your heartbeat accelerate.
He continued, this time looking into your eyes with his blue ones. “I don’t hate you at all. I just... I just felt like last time I caught feelings for someone I just got hurt. And I was all in, but they weren’t. That’s why I keep myself from getting close to you. I’m sorry Y/N,” Hawk confessed his whole heart, leaving you speechless.
After barely getting a few words out of him everyday, his confession of feelings was overwhelming. But you finally understood him. You knew about his relationship with Moon and how it went down from all the school gossip, but for some reason you never pieced together that it was why his guard was up so high.
“I don’t really know what to say,” you admitted, still feeling woozy from both the alcohol and his speech. You weren’t sure about your feelings and you didn’t want to say something you didn’t mean. Yes, you had feelings for him too, but everything was going so fast.
Hawk gave you a smile that calmed you from your worry. “It’s okay, sorry. It was a lot. But if you still want we can be friends.” He reached out his hand for you to shake and confirm your partnership.
Instead of taking it, you took him by surprise by wrapping your arms around his shoulders. He melted into the hug after a few seconds, and you smiled from behind his view. “Friends,” you pulled away and he beamed at you warmly.
You finally got the sun.
a/n: omg bye this was not like the song at all SORRY there wasn’t that much action it was just fluffy IVE BEEN WATCHING TOO MUCH MIRACULOUS LADYBUG like they r so soft and u can see the influence of it on my writing lmaoo anyways hope u enjoyed!! :)
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HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2020-05-19
Figured an upd8 was coming, it’s felt like enough time has passed for one.
Huh, looking at my last post I’d completely forgotten I was supposed to play through Pesterquest sometime... work is busy and stressing me out a bit, I’m not sure when I’ll have the energy on the side to do that. (Maybe I’ll livetweet it like I did Undertale a while ago, but this time not looking at my twitter replies so I don’t get spoiled by One Guy™?)
Also, including bonus commentary on A Threat Sensed.
Okay, going in completely blind. I’d guessed from context that we’re hopping over to Meat side to get a chapter there before we can come back to actually see Yiffy?
Yep. Okay, what is this about exactly?
(Agh, dammit, I’ve been copying and pasting so much at work remoting into Windows lately that now I’m automatically trying to hit control-C instead of command-C to copy.)
> CHAPTER 9. How Goes The Eulogizing, Dear?
CONTENT NOTE: This chapter contains Child Abuse.
Which one???
Wait
JANE: (Where is he?)
JANE: (It's a question I've found myself asking many times in recent days.)
Holy SHIT we get two Candy chapters in a row??? So we might see her right away?? No, it’s gotta just be another tiny glimpse.
(Has two Candy chapters in a row happened before? Future Boots, scroll back up and put this here. FUTURE BOOTS: “I forgot to scroll back up and put that here.” EDIT: Also, not the first time with two in a row, but it IS the first time with THREE in a row, huh.)
So Jane has to be talking about either Tavros or Dave. --Oh, if this was a Candy Side chapter title, I guess Rose or Jade is eulogizing Dave for John?
> (==>)
JANE: (Where now is our merry savior?)
JANE: (Where is the horn that was honking?)
JANE: (Where is the cape and the codpiece, and the...)
JANE: (The...)
JANE: (Oh, fiddlesticks.)
What? Is she reading a childrens’ book? --Oh. She’s eulogizing Gamzee. So that gives us a third option, where the rebellion crashes the funeral somehow, probably audiovisually rather than in person. (Which would make sense, given Candy practically began with Gamzee crashing Dirk’s funeral.)
> (==>)
Ah never mind, she’s still writing it.
That sure is a single button drama-remote that’s going to be pressed at some point. Oh, and who the fuck keeps a spork in a pen cup??? --No no, don’t say it’s one of those pens with a spork at the eraser end, either ready-made or rubber-banded to the side. That would make sense. You totally know it isn’t that and is just a spork.
JANE: (Okay, poetry is out.)
JANE: (What else?)
JANE: (Hrm...)
JANE: (I've always been pretty good at crying on cue.)
JANE: (Could I try staging an emotional breakdown?)
JANE: (That could work; playing to people's humanity.)
Why were you crying in Jake’s arms about his death if you didn’t care that much? Did you just want him to hold you and kinda make him feel in on things again? Or did you just cry yourself out about him?
JANE: (Or whatever is the more inclusive term.)
I bet the rest of Earth C figured out a more inclusive term millenia ago FUCK I accidentally added millennia to my dictionary misspelled instead of correcting it hold on--
...There, killed the entry for it. ...Huh. Take a look at my Chrome dictionary’s custom-added words over the years, apparently:
Caliborn
Eridan
Kanaya
Matriorb
Meenah
Tavros
alchemiter
dichotomic
nephilim
reblogged
uncaptchalogues
uncaptchaloguing
That’s fun.
Okay back to reading. Millennia. Phew! Where was I.
JANE: (One really good and calculated weep could do it, I think.)
JANE: (But then there's the danger that I might get carried away and do it for real.)
JANE: (And I can't risk that.)
So still feeling something, just too used to calculating over the past years.
JANE: (What can I say about him that will stir up their emotions?)
JANE: (Do I mention the stuff about the milk?)
JANE: (Think Crocker, think.)
WHY would you-- how much did Gamzee normalize adult breastfeeding?!
JAKE: Ahoy over there!
Not the best time.
(The thing with the divorce papers from the Epilogue and John implying he was planning with Jake to execute something that sounds like a divorce... is that going to be sprung here? Did her lawyers send the divorce papers way back when she was in a fit of pique, and he just had them available to sign now at the tactical moment? Or... let me pull the exact text...)
JOHN: now, harry anderson, i know that you and tavros haven't always gotten along.
JOHN: but i am going to have to ask you to try and look out for him for the time being.
JOHN: your uncle jake and i... well, i'll explain later.
JOHN: let's just say that gamzee isn't the only family member jane is losing today.
(So is John going to submit the papers? Or did they already go through a while ago and default custody to John or something who’s going to adopt him too or some nonsense? And did he plan this out with Jake NOW, or a while ago, and if only a while ago, is Jake going to KNOW whatever John’s about to pull in that respect is about to happen??)
> (==>)
Butte
Janepalme
> (==>)
JAKE: Er... how goes the eulogizing, dear?
Gah. I completely forgot again that capitalized-first-letter chapter names don’t mean KANAYA is saying them. That probably makes a lot more sense out of my wondering about the chapter title earlier to those of you who didn’t realize I was making that mistake.
JANE: It turns out that it's mighty difficult to find touching things to say about a person, the relationship with whom was predicated on deep-seated mutual loathing.
Hah!
--A loathing you regarded as largely more important to you than Jake ever was, by the way. You asshole.
JANE: I imagine this is one of the reasons no funerary tradition was ever established on Alternia, besides the barbarism of their culture.
DIRK: Jesus christ.
JANE: Not only did a significant proportion of their interpersonality depend on romance in the form of hatred, but it was a society based on cruelty and violence.
JANE: What reason could they have had to provide for the dead?
JANE: What kind of last rites could they have even imagined?
I wondered for a moment why (bg!)Dirk of all people would react to a single line of her starting to bring up prejudices, but then I realized that (1) Brain Ghost Dirk is a little more Jakey, and (2) Dirk knew that more ranting would follow the first line.
JANE: I can't think of anything good to write about him because deep down, I hated his guts.
JANE: But he was and is beloved of the multitude, so I have to think of something regardless.
JAKE: Im not sure i understand.
JANE: Don't worry your pretty little head about it.
JANE: This is politics, Jakey.
JANE: Lying through your two front teeth about people you hate is about as good a definition as it's possible to get.
JANE: But, by gum, is it tiring work.
Mm. It’s a position Jane put herself in, but it’s still a legitimate position once you’re there.
JANE: The funeral is tomorrow, after all.
Got it.
DIRK: Dude, the bowl.
JAKE: Hm?
JAKE: Oh, right.
JANE: What is it now, Jake.
JAKE: I brought something for our guest as well.
JANE: You mean the prisoner.
JAKE: Y...es.
Wait, bowl?
Oh god damnit which of you had the idea to feed her with a DOG BOWL. Either of you could have thought of it, and either of you would be horrible for it.
> (==>)
Huh, that outfit on Yiffy looks familiar, like a reference to something. And a black tail? This definitely isn’t quite the look I was expecting from Jade Plus Rose, but I suppose the snazzy tie is a Roseish vibe. Also reminiscent of Jade’s old Dead Shuffle dress. Formal wear and soccer cleats??
JANE: She's over in the corner.
JANE: Don't worry, she won't bite.
JANE: I've seen to that already.
WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT MEAN. I don’t see anything over her mouth! Did she stick something in it, or drug her? File her fucking teeth???
I mean I did forget the Child Abuse trigger warning to be fair. Hoping whatever would be on her mouth is just not shown in-panel yet for stylistic reasons.
> (==>)
JAKE: Its only mac and cheese, sorry.
JAKE: Its all I know how to make, haha.
JAKE: ...
JAKE: I um... hope you can safely partake of cheese?
JAKE: ...
JAKE: Well,
JAKE: Bon appetit.
How the fuck did Jake eat on his island then? --Oh right, preserved food cans that Grandma Jade stored up, I think I remember. Why would cheese not be a thing for them, if it’s fine for Jade? I know he’s probably not just worried about lactose intolerance.
Either way, if she’s drugged here, that’ll mean we won’t get a good idea of her for a while, so which is it...
> (==>)
DIRK: Bon appetit.
DIRK: Seriously dude?
JAKE: (What? Did i pronounce it wrong?)
DIRK: Jake.
DIRK: You put the food in a fucking dog bowl.
JAKE: (It was all there was, ok???)
JAKE: (I feel awful enough as it is without you getting on my case about it.)
Ah, missed the bone pun. AND, yeah, Jake, you’re a fucking idiot, you could have put it in a cup or something.
JAKE: (So far ive yet to see anything come of that brilliant plan of yours.)
JAKE: (Are you sure sending that message to the others was enough?)
Okay, so he IS coordinating this slightly.
> (==>)
Horrifying image to contemplate, eh Jane?
Or anger-inducing?
> (==>)
Seems about right!
> (==>)
Oh that’s a GREAT exasperated Jane face.
JANE: I hope you're not expecting dessert, young lady.
I like how Jane didn’t notice, comment on, or care about the bowl. How can you hate a kid so much??
> (==>)
Oh I know why I felt like I recognized the outfit style, it’s because it’s ANIME AS FUCK. Feels like some Persona 4 Arena nonsense, and I say that not having played any of those games or even remembering what they looked like. Also, white hair, black fur’d dog parts? Nice change of pace.
YIFFY: GRRRRRRRRR...
JANE: Oh no you don't.
Red text? What color exactly... “#D00009”? Huh. That’s nowhere near Alt-Callie’s #FF0000, and darker than Dave’s #E00707. In fact, let me go back and check those spilled color pins the commentary pointed out from an update or two ago... no, the red pin is #E63225, closer to Dave’s color. (Also, is Yiffy blocking the doorway out? That’s a pretty slack chain then.)
Did Jane see to it that she wouldn’t bite with like, a water spray bottle?
(EDIT: Oh my FUCKING GOD, THAT's why it's #D00009...)
> (==>)
FUCK I didn’t notice the shock collar in the Yiffy image! FUCK YOU, Jane.
> (==>)
Keeping someone in line with collars, especially ones that punish whenever one strays out of line, has always been a decent way for her to mix in some Doomy control of others to show how she’s “grown” to balance her main role and her Tiara-controlled-like inverse for more power. Doom in part represents boundaries that you can’t cross without getting hurt or punished.
> (==>)
FUCK, those little buck teeth!? D’:
JANE: That's more like it.
She HAS to have more of a reason for hating her than hating her parents, right? Like, more than that and general racism applying to partdogfolk?
> (==>)
Hey fuck off with that!
> (==>)
This is a pretty cool ima-- are those piercings on her dog ear? I didn’t notice that in the first shot, neat.
JANE: You've been a thorn in my side ever since I agreed to enroll you at the academy, little madam.
JANE: Back then, I was doing a favor for two old friends who made a disgusting mistake.
JANE: I'm no longer going to play nice with you just because of your parents, however.
JANE: That truce is over.
JANE: Do I make myself understood?
What the fuck? WHY would you do that? Why does Jane run "Ms. Paint’s Home for Inconvenient Girls”? What did Yiffy do to piss her off so much there, how much trouble could she have caused?
I don’t know if she’s referring to the behind-Kanaya’s-back part as disgusting or she’s just being MORE racist.
> (==>)
JANE: We don't want you passing out during the ceremony, do we?
Oh, just showing the hostage off during the clown funeral, huh? Classy much?
> (==>)
JANE: Now, be a good hostage and get some rest, Yiffany dear.
JANE: We've got a big day tomorrow.
For a politician, Jane’s not good at looking at herself in a mirror.
> (==>)
JANE: Night night.
JANE: Hoo hoo.
> (Yiffy: Lights out.)
Huh, dream stuff is gonna be relevant out in Candy then? *click*
Okay, dark background all of a sudden. Properly dramatic? You even have to highlight the non-link “>” part of the Next link to see it.
> (==>)
-- thespiansGlamor [TG] began pestering adamantGriftress [AG] --
Well, I don’t know WHY it’s happening, but the white-backed pesterlog suddenly on the dark site framing is certainly evocative. Of like, a mood, or something.
TG: i thought he was pretty quiet down there.
TG: we'll make a rebel of him yet!
AG: Lol.
AG: I think it's more that he can't sleep.
AG: I know how he feels.
TG: yeah.
TG: today was a lot.
AG: ...
TG: do you wanna talk about it?
AG: Ugh, not you as well.
It’s really jarring to transition between Homestuck’s “kids jarringly mentally resistant to freaking out about the end of the world” to HS^2′s more realistic “kids traumatized by their first firefight even though it was an overwhelming victory-escape”.
TG: but seriously, do you?
AG: Not really.
TG: not even about... you know?
TG: her?
AG: No.
TG: ... are you sure?
AG: A8solutely.
AG: What are you, my moirail?
AG: Just leave it, Harry.
TG: ok.
Are they about to have an “I wonder what Yiffy’s like” talk?
> (==>)
Very similar Tav/Vrissy convo to the previous one.
GG: I havent ever shared a bedroom before,,,
GG: Not even for a slumber party,,,
AG: Tavvy, you are just a8out the saddest person I've ever met.
Well, we have an even better idea how horrible Jane can be with kids, now. From Nanna to THIS is quite jarring. I wonder how the double Nannasprites that must still be around here somewhere feel?
> (==>)
TG: nothing about my dad is cute.
TG: what are you even saying.
AG: Lmao.
TG: seriously!
TG: i think he has something against that word, even. he gets super weird about it.
AG: He's a strange and funny m8n.
TG: yeah.
TG: ...
TG: i think something bad must have happened.
...um. What? Why would John have some sort of trauma about the word cute or being called it?
Did John dress up as a hint of his buried June ambitions as a kid and Dad lavish him with “SO CUTE” praise in an epic supportiveness backfire that caused him to shelve the idea of wearing non-masc clothes and being happier on the flipside of gender ever again??? Because if that’s how June gets canonized as promised, it’s a little harsher than the back of my mind was hoping. I guess it kind of had to be though from the premise of how it was read into his childhood for the original idea, though. Fuck, I hope this Cute business is about something different from that (like a Terezi reference or such) just to get less John Sads. (But still June. Definitely still want to get June.)
> (==>)
Oh, and now Vrissy is doing nothing but talking about what she said she didn’t want to talk about, of course. (Also I like how JANE’s now being called the Batterwitch.)
AG: And the worst part was they didn't even fight a8out it!
AG: That made me madder than 8nything else.
AG: It felt like I was the only person who even W8S mad!
GG: I dont think thats true,,,
AG: What would you know a8out it?!
GG: Maybe nothing,,,
GG: Sorry,,,
GG: Its just,,,
GG: To me,,, all the way through the conversation,,, aunt kanaya looked even angrier than you,,,
AG: ...
AG: Adults are so fucking weird.
Guh, I don’t want to be reminded how hurt a good chunk of the fanbase is by Kanaya getting hurt this badly.
Original Tavros was always SLIGHTLY perceptive of others sometimes, but maybe perceptiveness is being hinted at as a Tavros specialty? We still don’t know his classpect/hero-title or have any firm guesses based on purely him evidence. (Also, frightened kids of abusive households tend to learn to get perceptive pretty fucking quickly I hear.)
> (==>)
TG: dad was sitting in the cafeteria with aunt jade and your moms.
TG: it looked like they were discussing something important... they were whispering and stuff.
[etc etc] Alright, the what-happened-to-Dave bit. And I imagine they’re kind of helping John grieve there, since Rose and Jade have talked that out already.
TG: aunt kanaya's was the only face i could see.
TG: she was standing next to them, but she wasn't looking at what was going on.
TG: almost like she couldn't bear to.
AG: I doubt it. Kanaya's got a8out as much Emotivity as a very reclusive stone.
TG: ok, i think that is bullshit but whatever.
TG: she saw me standing there, but didn't say anything. she just shook her head slightly, and pointed back out into the hallway i came down.
Yep, giving them some space to grieve. Also-- gosh, shouldn’t Vrissy have the same emotive senses that Aranea implied Vriska shared with her? Kanaya isn’t that EXPRESSIVE but she’s certainly full of emotion. Also, I hope part of her not bearing to watch wasn’t lingering anger toward Jade and Rose mixing with that, but there probably was a bit of that too, though Dave being gone is so much harsher than that. --I just realized they might not have broken the news to Karkat yet, either.
AG: I guesadxcxzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
TG: vrissy?
Put to sleep by someone slumping down on your phone keypad, or surprised by something about the other conversation?
Oh shit, “other conversation” reminded me I didn’t look at Tavros’s chumhandle:
glutinousGymnast [GG]
HHHHHhhhhuh. Hm... huh? hhhh. huh? what, but. Why would. ?????
I really don’t understand what that chumhandle or any of its entendres should signify in this context.
Also, this means for our new four kids we have TG, GG, AG, and ??.
> (==>)
GG: I think she might have succumbed to sleep quite suddenly,,,
GG: It would explain the,,,,,, interesting messages I've been getting for a while,,,
TG: hehe.
TG: i guess that tracks.
TG: she does that from time to time.
That’s... strange. Homestuck’s taught us to be suspicious of that.
TG: ...
TG: tav?
GG: Yes,,, harry anderson,,,?
TG: what does it feel like to know someone who's died?
Who is Harry referring to? (EDIT: Yes I know Gamzee for Tavros, but I meant Harry talks like he's worried he'll have to feel that way soon?) Is he just kind of inferring that something bad might have happened to Uncle Dave? Got that perceptive “parents are about to tell me about a death in the family” vibe? Or did he overhear more than he let on to Vrissy?
...alright, that’s the last page of this update. Looks like this chapter is going to continue to have a good bunch of grieving, or talk around it.
---
Now for Bonus Commentary for A Threat, Sensed. For some reason I have a dim memory of like... reading this myself without commenting on it? Or skimming it? But I’m pretty sure I didn’t do that. Weird. Must have imagined doing it.
Ah, I think I saw the opening paragraph scrolling Patreon, and my mind kinda filled in the blanks, this is still looking new to me.
Okay, mostly banter and japes in the commentary here. About Dirk “throwing a huge tantrum in his philosophy cave”.
We’ve had quite a bit of speculation on whether this is “really” Andrew. To that, I think we’d say that it doesn’t “really” matter.
Really? That was speculated about? :/
Here we discover that Dirk has not, as some people have speculated, been directly intervening into the Candy timeline, or influencing it in any way. In fact, he has a very hard time seeing anything going on there at all.
Mhmm, and that was a pretty important thing to learn.
A couple of years ago I might have agreed with the take that everything happening in Candy is simply too outlandish to ever happen naturally, without direct, villainous interference, but that was before literally every fucking batshit insane thing that has happened on Real Life Earth started going down, and now I will believe literally anything.
This is a nice bit of distraction from the idea that at least the opening parts of the Candy story were written/narrated by Original, Alive Calliope over on meat side. To refresh your memory of what was pointed out to me:
ROXY: back when jade first got all effed up callie saw somethin and it made them freak out
ROXY: it took me weeks to convince them that it was safe to come home
ROXY: but now we got the opposite problem and they arent leavin the house at all
ROXY: they stay home all day with the blinds drawn paintin some weird ass shit on the walls
TEREZI: WH4T?
ROXY: its not as bad as it sounds i promise
ROXY: some of it is like
ROXY: weird and violent??
ROXY: like lotsa nasty purple blood and um
ROXY: nudity????
TEREZI: >:?
ROXY: yeah yikes
ROXY: but MOST of it is cute stuff like... various combos of all of us being happy and gettin married and shit
ROXY: anyway thats kept callie kinda busy
Which tracks with the initial out-of-character-seemingness of almost everyone at the start of Candy, and how they kind of tried to railroad things back onto the “Happy??” track after Dirk derailed it with his weird self-accumulation suicide, along with some of the flowery-idyllic descriptions of characters seeing each other bathed in a halo of light and such.
Of course, they’re not going to out-and-out STATE that Calliope was at fault for that narration, helping the Candy story not necessarily fall out the way it did “naturally”, until we finally get a glimpse of her on the heroes’ ship in Meat probably still painting the continuing Candy events, inspiring them into the void of the singularity with her latent powers. Til then, it’s a bit of misdirection whenever the topic is to be brought up. Along with a mix of Roxy’s late-Candy point to John of more or less “why COULDN’T we have done this naturally? you don’t know”.
He might even think that he has more direct power over the narrative than Hussie does himself. Surprise, motherfucker, you are a fictional character.
:p
I’ll quote this next part in full:
There’s been talk of whether or not this bonus was written in the two days between its release and the Yiffy reveal chapter. The answer is--no. It was written over a month ago. But I think the things it addresses were not difficult to suss out. Obviously, Dirk is highlighting the issues that the readership are having with Yiffy, in his typical Dirk fashion. If it seems a little defensive, well...I suppose it is. Yiffy is one of the two hard lines drawn in the sand, and all of us love her, and we’re hoping that everyone else will love her too. But more than that, it focuses on the fact that update culture has a rhythm to it--shock, revulsion, acceptance (or not), and then excitement (or not). Will it follow that pattern this time? Who knows. I guess we’ll find out.
Yeah, given what was going to be dropped on us I expected they would have had exactly this lined up, especially because Andrew specifically mandated Yiffy. --I wonder why they aren’t mentioning that somewhere in the commentary and only on one of their Twitters?
Also quoting this:
There’s something both incredibly “cringe” and self-indulgent, as well as philosophically intriguing, about the author arguing with his villain, especially since he’s writing both halves of the conversation himself. You are, for all intents and purposes, trying to solve a problem that you have created for yourself. You are looking an aspect of your personality in the eye and asking, hey, what the fuck, man?
But in the end, isn’t that what every story is? Trying to untie knots that you put in the rope yourself?
Since it’s part of the central struggle of this story, and kind of the question Andrew’s tried to imply with every Homestuck work about what right we have to keep these characters trapped in a story, and if they’d be better off escaping it.
I’m really trying to avoid quoting so much of this, since the commentary is paid... but I think we can make an exception here? I’ll have only quoted about half of it; just, the really plot-important half. Plus, I left out a LOOOT of japes.
Dirk has a certain idea of how stories are supposed to go. That’s pretty much what the Epilogues is about. The audience also has a certain expectation of how a story is supposed to go. In a way, the Epilogues were also about that. They were taking a story that had reached the traditionally “acceptable” happily ever after, and saying, wait, no. What happens next? Thinking past happily ever after in any story is a terrifying prospect. Once Cinderella marries the prince, what then? Sure, she got what she wanted, but who knows that it will be everything she dreamt it would? What if she changes her mind, if not today, what about ten years from now? What if the prince dies of malaria?
And I’m...
Yeah I don’t have anything else to add here, I’m kind of out of brain juice to think about this tonight. BUSY day I had. Y’all take care!
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Hii, do u have any tips for writing fics?? I’m so used to writing research reports, lab reports, and formal essays that creative writing has become something I really struggle with. I guess it’s having the freedom to write anything and not knowing how to make sure it’s not corny. I tried outlining a fic one time but it was so frustrating LOLOLOL. Anyways, I love your ateez fics. They are so cute and creative!!
hi !!!! im like rlly touched u asked me and i feel u actually that's why i started this blog; im a biomedical engineering major so as u can imagine i dont get to take much creativity with what i write because writing papers and reports and proposals are so formulaic and u gotta stick to the facts so that being said i actually tested out of all my college writing classes so all my writing knowledge is from ap english in hs lmao so take it w many grians of salt
the #1 thing i do when im feeling sort of unmotivated about a story or maybe like like dragging myself thru mud to write it is to just write the "fun" part first. to me the fun part is usually the climax or maybe the like the "wouldn't it be cute if..." moment that came to mind that inspired me to write a blurb in the first place! then usually once i sort of get the ball rolling on that my brain will help me out and keep the momentum going by thinking of maybe "oohh okay maybe this can happen next" or "oohh and what if this led up to it" or !! just stop there !! something ive learned from my mx writing blog which is like a year older than this one was that you don't owe anybody context especially for a blurb so maybe it really is just 3 sentences of a cute moment u thought of like its whatever ur the one writing it
now for longer fics im going to be honest jongho's first love is my first and only completed attempt at a multi stage coherent story. and that was fueled purely based on the fact that when i look at jongho he just gives off sort a really excited sort of innocence that i wanted to further explore and personify through the idea of him experiencing love for the first time but even then i really struggled w the last part because that's where my personal experience stopped and i had basically nothing to go off of because ive never been in love so i did have to kinda wait for ideas to come to me. for prince yunho i have posted 4 chapters but have all the way through chapter 15 drafted. and by drafted i mean it's like 3 sentences of the overall idea. again, the fic was inspired by the duality between yunho's on stage vs. off stage persona where if somebody was to watch an ateez performance for the first time they may find him very serious and maybe even intimidating but atiny would know that his off stage persona (the one he choses to create for us anyways) is very silly and happy-go-lucky and approachable, which is why prince yunho is seen as narameth's strong and stoic pride and joy but in reality he's sort of clumsy but means well. so i let that and his relationship w xenia who is an original character (OC) sort inspire stories or interactions that i force into a plot line. so for example i believe when i first started thinking abt a prince au for yunho i thought "wouldn't it be funny if the first scene started out painting him as this strong and serious man and then cut to him choking on food or something" and that sort of inspired the idea of him being nervous abt the speech and then xenia came out of that because he needed a complementary character imo since i knew he was gonna be kind of one dimensional and then his backstory with xenia inspired other ideas and then one day i was sad and wanted a hug so that inspired a piece of the plot line and so on. so basically: let an idea or even an aspect of somebody come to you and just write it down, let it inspire other ideas. and don't be afriad to completely start over. i wrote a whole chapter for prince yunho and deleted the whole thing because i hated where it was going and started back from scratch. sometimes you have to revisit things abt your characters and their relationships with others to get a new idea. there's a story in every person and every relationship you just have to find the clues
here's an example of what i mean by "write the good part first". this is typically what the very first draft of a blurb will look like for me
((( blah blah blah basically its raining and y/n is sad bc wooyoung broke her heart two weeks ago idk maybe go into it maybe not)))
y/n is all sad and feeling sorry for themselves on the couch theyre past crying but still feel pretty shitty plus it's storming and cold outside. great
there's a knock on their door ofc they have the cliche "who could that be moment" even tho they lowkey know. we literally all know
so yeah wooyoung's there soaked in rain eyes puffy y/n thinks he's been crying
-this would be the "fun part". i'll fix all that garbage up top later or maybe even change it completely idk yet-
"y/n? i - uh. hi"
he sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck while you crossed your arms over your chest, fighting the urge to close the door and walk away for good
"hi? really wooyoung? is that the best you can do?"
(((wooyoung does smth idk)))
"well i just -"
"you just what? showed up here in the rain after you broke my heart and didn't even bother to tell me why? this isn't some romance movie, asshole. you can't just come here late at night and expect to find me all sad and willing to take you back because i'm not. so say what you're gonna say so i can get back to my life"
your face was red hot and you trying very hard, probably too hard, to fight back tears. ((( idk talk some more abt y/n's emotions then what wooyoung is doing)))
"look, i made a mistake i-"
"oh my god! why did i know you were gonna do this. i just knew as soon as i saw you-"
"will you let me get a fucking word in!?"
well that was new. in the entire time you'd known him he had never raised his voice at you like that, your shock causing you to immediately close your mouth and fold your arms back into yourself (((make y/n seem more scared))) noticing your reaction, he lowered his voice back down and instictively reached for you, heartbroken at the way you jerked away from his touch
"please y/n, i'm sorry. i didn't mean to raise my voice it's just that i need to tell you that i regret what i did i regret breaking up with you so fucking much and you don't have to take me back i just need you to know how much you meant, no, mean to me. i still love you, a lot. there's not a day, an hour, a minute, or a single second that goes by that i'm not thinking of you"
"then why?"
your voice was small and wavering, your tears now dangerously close to spilling down your cheeks
"why what?"
"why did you break up with me like that, just all of a sudden"
he pushed his hands into his pockets and looked away
"because that morning i woke up before you and when i looked at you asleep next to me, i saw myself spending the rest of my life with you and it scared the shit out of me"
"why did it scare you?"
"because i just figured you didn't feel the same. i was selfish and wanted to save myself heartbreak down the line and so i told you i didn't wanna be with you anymore, but that was a mistake because it turns out i can't function with out you, i can't breathe without you i can't live without you, y/n. i shouldn't have let you go"
tears were now freely flowing down your face (((okay brain no work anymore y/n kisses him duh and then ofc they make up wooyoung prob says smth cheesy and y/n is like ur lucky i love you or smth ahaha the end)))
tl;dr -> don't be afraid to get messy. creative writing is not nearly as structured as academic/scientific writing. write whatever u want first it can even be the middle of a huge fight scene or some dialogue u think is funny. if ur stuck read what you have or maybe just take a break and let an idea come to you. a story doesnt have to come together til the very end so it can be as messy and out of order as u want until u wanna post it. also i would always use the third person omniscient point of view for a longer story like a chaptered fic as a default and only change if it would impact the plot in a negative way. this is where the narrator knows what every character is thinking/feeling and im p sure a teacher in middle school told me it was the easiest to write and follow
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