#joel miller fanficition

[brenbrennn]

ੈ✩‧₊˚  ʙᴇᴛᴡᴇᴇɴ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀɴᴅ ᴍᴇ

Summary!!: As the cordyceps destroyed the world you used to know , you stayed alone for a good couple of years. You took a guess that any other civilization was hell on earth or tarnished to bits. Though at that point , hell seemed way better than any of this mess. With your travels as a smuggler , you met two people by the names of Joel Miller and Ellie Williams. Haven't have not seen really any living human beings in ages , you decided to join them on their mission to get to a certain fireflies base. Upon the time you spent with them , you grew to care for the two. Especially growing close to Joel. Even growing a sort of parent and daughter relationship with Ellie , you couldn’t expect ever leaving their sides. Settling into Jackson was a beyond good choice. The community was welcoming and nicely guarded. It allowed you to finally be at ease. But that comfortable feeling was going to be fractured sooner or later. After someone from your past turns up and finds you in Jackson , a lot of realities come to the forefront. Leading you and old man Miller having to actually talk about your relationship. Authors Note!!: WOOOO THE LAST OF USSS!! Ive been a huge fan of the game for a while , and the series already has me hooked. I wanna swarm this game with all my love. So I decided to write some good joel x reader. By all far he is one of the most intimidating characters I have written for. Mainly cause this is my first time writing for the game and I dont wanna fuck up any personalities. Strap in because this one is gonna be a long , angsty , fluffy ride. Content Warning!!: Canon typical game violence/gore (aka descriptions of violence and the reader getting their shit rocked) , deep diving into backstories (specifically the readers since I made up a whole faction) , child death , more game universe than show universe ,  allusions to a fem!reader (had a daughter before the outbreak - also gets called mom a couple times) , and brief mentions of suicide idealation , Spoilers for like the first and second TLOU game , Kind of edited? I am still going through some spelling mistake lol. I understand if some of you wanna sit this one out , love ya guys <3                                     ⋘══════∗ {•『 ♡ 』•} ∗══════ ⋙ For the longest time , Joel Miller was the one person to always plague your thoughts. After a while of getting to know him more , and getting close with Ellie the humanity you once berried so down inside sprawled awake. You got to know the two more , their dreams and fears. Especially Joel.... having a sort of alignment with him. In a weird way you two as a pair sort of clicked. If you still stayed stuck in your mindset before everything , you would have never realized you were in love with Joel. That word always racked your mind. Love... something you hadn’t felt for another person in such a long time. But it was true even if it was hard to explain , you loved that man. With every ounce of life in you. Though, Joel was like a rock. Even after he eased out when choosing to stay in Jackson with you and Ellie , his old habits always snuck up on him. One in particular was the denying of his own feelings. The ones towards you that made him feel like a teenager again. That made him feel whole , those ones he didnt know how to admit them. Which was a pest to your guy's budding relationship. It always floated around the both of you , almost like a warning. You hadn’t known what to describe your relationship. Were you only a companion? Was this something more than just a toughly bonded friendship? You knew about his struggles , at least some of them. Loosing his daughter and all of that.  But couldn't you two finally live to be happy? Shrug away the burdens that had been haunting you? This had all spiraled out in a argument you both had. You were the one who started it , even though you were not proud of it at all. Something had been picking at you the weeks into winter. A harsh storm had swarmed Jackson , almost like the bubbling anxiety that was stirring inside you. The two of you were stern adults , stubborn with your opinions. Some less shared than others. What started as a question exploded into a mostly heated dispute. You tried not to be so loud , the two of you genuinely just tired from the day. You had gotten off of an overnight patrol shift together , but this question could not be avoided for much longer.  Harsh words were met with other harsh words. He got defensive and so did you. Ellie had been off with Dina and Jesse so you knew it was just the two of you alone. “I’m not just that same stranger that came to help you Joel!” You were racked with tears. “I have stuck with you through thick and thin - an this is how you treat me?! Like some liability!”  You were beyond pissed off , and Joel just looked at you in silence. He wanted to say so much but was held back. By his own fears and insecurities. It had only been a year since the firefly incident back in salt lake city. You two sharing an abundance of secrets between one another. He was still scared with being vulnerable with you , and couldn't mutter a word. Not even a sentence to ease your worry. God he felt like such a jackass. He never meant to hurt you this much. He never meant to hurt you at all. “Was this for nothing...?” Your tone filled with anguish. “If your gonna say it like that , I guess so.” He stared at you through gritted teeth. Your heart plummeted to the bottom of your stomach. Ripped out of your chest by the man you had trusted. Trusted with so much and so little. Maybe he was right about everything. You glared , it burned holes into Joel. He felt horrible , he was so worked up his brain was making stuff up on the spot. He had to keep you at an arms length. He didnt want to get you hurt. He had already let you in though , so genuinely there was no way he could rid his heart of you. Not that he even wanted to. The both of you shared a long , pained look. You broke the slowly growing stale silence. “Have it your way , I totally understand. We always said it was to the destination and than nothing else.” Sighing , you walked out of the main area to grab your bag. Your voice trembled , trying not to break out cry’s. You had to keep your cool for now. “I guess I was the only one who didnt keep my word.” That one really stung his heart. He was stunned , stuck in his stance. At this point anything else he would have said most likely wouldnt have helped it all. What was done is done , and he regretted every last second of it. You stuffed a couple things in your pack. “I’ll stay at Tommie's and Marias until then. I know you probably dont wanna see my face.” He nodded weakly , his expression nothing but blank. One more final look from you as you headed out the door. Joel couldn't help but let his sobs' spring free. Shameful tears plummeted down his cheeks. He had no idea what to do , was karma out to get him?  After popping by to see Maria , you told her a majority of everything. She gave pity on you , offering the guest bedroom for you to stay in for a bit. Until yours and Joel’s disagreement died down. Tommy caught wind and reassured you that it was only Joel being Joel. He would come around soon. You tried your hardest to believe him. Patrol time came on once again , Tommy volunteered to head off with you. So going with Joel wouldnt make things more tricky than they already were. You had grown to become a good friend with Tommy along with a lot of the other residents in Jackson. The two of you began to set off around the perimeter , heading the route you had been assigned to. Even with the annoyance of the snow , it was nice that day out. Calm and quiet you made sure to keep your eyes open. Trying to not let your argument before with Joel cloud your thought process. Tommy could see how off you were , and as a friend he was gonna lend a helping hand obviously. “Alright over there? Seem stuck in your own world.” He chuckled , patting his sides as he rode along his horse. You took a breath , flinching your hands at the reins. “No if I am being completely honest , I cant shake the argument at all.” You grew a pained smiled over your face. Tommy took a second before responding. “Look its like I said , this is only Joel being Joel. He’s a protector , but sometimes a idiot when it comes to being out with what he feels. He was like that when we were younger , and now its only worse with what yall have gone through.” He went on , you couldn’t really disagree with what he was saying. He gestured his head over to you once Joel came back to subject again. “Besides , he really does care about you.” That made you paused big time. “Really? What do you mean?” You needed to know more. “Whenever he talks about you , he always compliments you in a way. Either on your smarts or how optimistic you are.”  You sucked your teeth in when he brought that up. You could recognize the ‘awe’ growing inside you , reflecting in the warmness of your face. It had put everything into perspective. Maybe he wasn’t so rough and tough like he always exuded. You could never get through to the truth , always blocked off by him time and time again shutting down. “He’s only stubborn , he’ll realize his wrongs and apologize. If you wanna draw it out so much we can make a bet.” He flashed a sympathetic smile. You chuckled in response , “Thanks Tommy but I would rather not bet on my personal life.” He snickered “Fine , I’ll just do it with Maria.” You couldn’t help but giggle lightly. “Suree suree , you keep saying that.”  Now your mood was a little better from before , less down in the dumps than earlier. Becoming more hopeful, you finished logging everything down that you spotted and started heading back to Jackson with Tommy. Surprisingly you guys hadn't ran into any infected. You two carried conversation for a good while , talking about life in the general sense. Mentally you were trying to think of ways to talk to Joel again. Scenarios went through your head with any possible conversation. Stuck in thought , something jolted you immediately into defense mode. That something was gun shots ringing at you and Tommy.  Right away you both collectively tried to fight it off. But shots kept littering out , one even hitting you in the shoulder. You winced in pain and in a panic looked back at Tommy. “GO NOW!” You shouted , the snow fall getting heaver. “No I cant just leave you here!” He tried to shoot at the random sniper among the trees. “This could mean hunters or bandits , warn Jackson!”  “No! We should both get fuckin going!” He continued to shoot at whatever was hitting you guys. “I have this under control , GO TOMMY!” You tried to plead with him. “I promise once I get this bozo I’ll follow right behind you.” Almost as if you were begging him to run of.                                                     •·.·''·.·• The storm was getting heavier and heavier as the two of you continued trying to communicate. Tommy gave you a conflicted expression but finally did as you said. “You better be on my ass as soon as you finish them off!” He shouted over the blizzard.  He made his way the opposite direction , regretful of his decision. Not being able to look be he kept on going forward , hoping that you would come out unscathed.  But you were gonna be okay. You had to be okay. He rode into the gates of Jackson in a hurry , the large wooden doors opening up. People quickly started to notice that you weren’t actually behind Tommy. Joel especially noticed and couldn’t stop thinking of what possibly could have happened. Everything got worse once they heard a horse , it was your horse. Pained neighs came as it trotted in , on its last leg. The poor baby had a fresh gun wound in its side. Quickly it was helped off to the stables for care. Immediately people got to questioning and Tommy tried his hardest to explain. Every ounce of what went down he told. Recalling the guilt he felt leaving you behind. But when he tried to reason you wouldnt let down at all. Ellie was oh so worried , begging to go out and try to find you. She couldn't lose a parental figure , thinking back to Colorado with Joel. Dina even offered to come along. Maria attempted to calm the overlapping voices but Joel again was quiet. The thumping of his pulse could be heard in his ears. What if you were dead? What if they pumped you full of led? He couldn’t stop imaging the sight. Multiple gun holes in your torso , the light drained from your eyes. Your blood was everywhere , the snow going from a pure white to a dark red. He wasn't gonna let some fuckup do who knows what to you. He was gonna make sure his fists were covered in their blood. He clung onto any possibilities , ones where your insides weren’t strung up. He knew you were a fighter , he just hoped they could find you in time.  Along with Dina , Jesse , Ellie , Joel and Maria some other patrol men tagged along. Tommy wanted to go , feeling that he in some way caused this mess. But Maria told him to stay back , since you weren’t the only one wounded in the scuffle. He sighed in defeat but agreed. Wishing the rest of the others good luck. The search party looked out for you , same route you and Tommy headed on. But there were no signs of you. No backpack , no gun no nothing. Even when they found the specific spot where the sniper was spotted , it was almost like you up and left. Though something was uncovered , and it wasn’t something good. Bloody boot tracks were implanted in the snow , almost forming a trail. They could only follow so much and were led with nothing. Maria looked along the trail , realizing the cut off. Dina spoke up , “Thats weird... it doesnt lead to any direction of Jackson.” Ellie agreed , “Yeah they wouldn’t just up and leave. Thats not like them … this has to be something more?” The possibility of you running away swarmed Joel's thoughts. He never meant for you to think he didnt care for you in any way. You became so constant in his life he couldn’t fathom losing you. Maria sighed , contemplating on what to do. “Lets keep on looking , they could have went to get shelter.” Jesse commented along with the groups decision.  “Yeah , doesnt seem so bad. Maybe we check the lodge? That place is pretty nice shelter from the snow.” Everyone else came to an agreement while Joel stayed quiet. Only letting out a murmur in return. Searching for you lead them into a typical wild goose chase. You weren’t stuck at any of the surrounding areas. It didnt help that the weather proceeded to get more rough. Maria ordered everyone to head back , they can continue this all later. Joel couldn’t stop beating himself up about what was going on. He caused this , he was the one to blame. He scared you off... and now fate was coming to give him a message. He couldn’t be frantic, he had to keep on a brave face at least for Ellie. Slowly you started to gain a sliver of consciousness. As your eyes began to focus around , your surroundings were unfamiliar. This wasn't the woods of Jacksonville , instead you were situated in a old house. Walls were in ruins , paint peeling off of them. Whole room was filled to the brim in dust.  Trying to free your hands , you soon realized you were restrained. Both your wrists and ankles were tied. Your wrists were specifically tied to the railing of the homes stairs. You cursed , trying to get a look at what else surrounded you. Thankfully your gun was with you , but not so thankfully all of its ammo was emptied on the floor. Heavy foot falls followed your look around. You heard a gun rifle get cocked back as you met the face of the gun holder. Immediately you started to panic. Thrashing your brain around on how he could have found you. You thought you had lost him?! There in front of you stood the man Zachary Hale , someone of nightmares. His eyes traced over you , a crooked smile on his face. “Oh friend - how wonderful to see you!” He sounded like a full blown maniac. Which was not super far from the truth. “How ya been? The whole new set up treating you well?” He commented , proceeding to pull up a metal chair. “...How did you fucking find me?” You gritted out , clearly annoyed. Slowly blood from your nose trickled down your features. “Oh sweetheart you forget that you cant just lose me THAT easily?”, he snickered. “Its adorable how you think I’m such a dunce , seriously!” He threw his gun to the side , you watched it clank away.  “Seems like you got your smarts knocked back into you.” He’d let out a wheezy chuckle , playing up the friendly tone a little too hard. But not for long was he gonna keep you like this. “So great Hale , whats your fucking plan? Did you just wanna have tea with me in this shithole?” You cracked , trying to hide your anxiousness with humoring him. Immediately you flinched your face back as his screwed up hand cupped your cheek. You could feel the dirt and grime laced into his palm. It also wasn’t hard to notice the nasty hole in the middle of his free hand. “Oh honey... my little angel , you know that Ive missed you.” He said with a sickly smile. “But you haven’t given me any introductions to your new friends.” Right away you realized what he wanted , you could feel your insides twist into knots. “Sooo... I am going to beat the life out of you until you tell me all of their names.” He was definitely amused seeing into in this state of pain , your gun wound from earlier still oozing with blood. Same went for your nose , as the butt of his gun met right with your face earlier. “I’m not gonna tell you anything , you jackass!” You barked , the tight rope of your wrists thrashing at your skin. “Now see , that's where your wrong.” His finger graced the lining of your jaw. You wanted to bite his finger off , shoot him dead and run off. But the thing was you had no idea where you were. You wouldn’t be surprised if he planned this all out meticulously. With how creepy he is , he wasn't the most stupid when it came to getting his way.  “How so asshole , you know I wont ever answer to you.” His lips curved up in enjoyment. “Well your gonna have to or else I’ll let you bleed out in the snow.” You kept your cool , not wanting him to get inside your head. “Even you know I keep my promises!” He leaned back gleefully , retracting his arms and crossing them. “If you dont , then I’m just gonna have to do it myself. So I suggest you cooperate , I want to ruin you like you did to me.” He chuckled with teeth on full display. It was almost like you were starring right back at death itself. “ I wont stop until I get all.my.satisfaction from this.” He made sure to make his point clear. Again , his hand met your face.   “I didn’t do anything! Your the monster here!” You squirmed around , hoping that luck would be by your side. “You wanna go into things you did , cause OH I can name a list.” Suddenly you stiffened up as soon as he said that. You had an idea of what he was gonna utter. His lips situated into the twisted like grin from before. “Shouldn’t you remember killing her in cold blood....?” He whispered into your ear , rage skyrocketing through you. “DONT YOU DARE MENTION HER!” You barked at him , getting a kick in. He stumbled but didnt change in demeanor at all. “Well if your gonna be a such a pain, I will. Maybe lets jog your memory since we’re gonna be cooped up for a while.” He went into a long explanation , dragging out details and making sure you were put to blame. He wanted to rip into you emotionally and it was working. When the outbreak started , you immediately wanted to get away from civilization. Luckily you were able to make it out of your town before military blocked off any roads. You could remember barreling home after finding out what was going on. Your first priority was your daughter. Barreling through your homes front door , your eyes panickily darted around. “Baby!? Baby where are you?! You called through the house. Right away your daughter let herself be known. She had hid inside her closet once she caught commotion outside. Originally you just wanted to get some errands done , but now you had a mission.  Her eyes were teary as she met you with a hug. You calmed her down , needing to make sure you two got out with every ounce of you both intact. You ran out of your house with her , reminding her to leave anything else behind. She listened and you hightailed you guys out of there. Even if you couldn’t get out of your area right away , you needed somewhere to lay low.

Which is when you remembered your parents farm. It was deep in a woods area and was basically off the grid. You knew for a while your father had been always paranoid about something like this happening , so there had to be supplies. Passing through dirt roads and unpaved patches of land you finally arrived.  It was the same as you could recall. Barbed wiring and large metal fences surrounded the area. Your father was a very guarded person. Always prepping for what sort of worst disaster. Guess this time he was right about it. Taking your daughter by the hand you rushed inside the fencing , blocking you off from the outside. By the time you got really inside the home , place was entirely empty. You always thought your parents would be here. Never hesitating to hide away when a storm came brewing. But no... no one was inside. A letter was placed on the fridge door , the hand writing looked frantic. It was your mother , her signature and all placed at the bottom left. "𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘣𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘺 𝘥𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘵. 𝘏𝘰𝘯𝘦𝘺, 𝘮𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘯𝘨.  𝘞𝘦 𝘨𝘰𝘵 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘴𝘱𝘰𝘵𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘢 𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘦 𝘻𝘰𝘯𝘦. 𝘞𝘦 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘭𝘥𝘯'𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦, 𝘐'𝘮 𝘴𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘺. 𝘐 𝘩𝘰𝘱𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘧𝘦. 𝘐 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘐 𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶. 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘧𝘢𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘦 𝘴𝘰 𝘨𝘭𝘢𝘥 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶."  - 𝘓𝘰𝘷𝘦 , 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 Thoughts overtook you completely. Why a quarantine zone? I mean this house is stocked up with all essentials. What if they were infected already? What if they were shot and killed? From day one of your existence you had always been prepared for this scenario , so it surprised you they were denying their own protections.

You had to keep on pushing through , for you daughter. You couldn’t get all emotional now. That would have to be saved for the inside of whatever mattress. What ripped you away from your stream of assumptions was your little girl speaking up. “Are we- are we sick?” She mumbled , still teary eyed.

You moved over to her and crouched down since she was sitting on the couch. “Sweetie no , you didn’t let anyone inside right?” You comfortably tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She’d quickly nod her head , she was paranoid out of her mind. A kid her age shouldn’t have to panic so much like this , so you tried to quell her fears.

“Look we’re gonna be safe , okay? Take this like a fun trip! We need to keep some rules in check though so me and you can be safe.” You explained , she clung to you with a fearful nod. Guilt was pouring through you but you couldn’t change the situation you two were in. So the best option was to find a solution , couldn’t be so hard...?

                                                     •·.·''·.·•

What continued was years of hiding. Through your scavenging you found ways to fortify the house so no one got out or in. You were able to somewhat supply your daughter with a stable childhood. With the occurrence of infected always prowling around , they were easily fought off with traps surrounding every corner of the farm. Even though you were guarded to the max , slip ups could potentially happen.

It was the middle of the night. Both you and your daughter were sleeping peacefully, her a couple rooms down from yours. A sawed off shotgun just within your reach. Oddly , you were taken out of your slumber by a loud banging coming from your front door. Which genuinely woke you up , your hand immediately went to your weapon.

You haven't been graced with the presence of any other living humans in years; the infected didnt have any manners of knocking. It led you befuddled , making your exit out of your room to check what was happening. Your daughter had rose from her room and found you. In which you quickly shushed her as you made your way to the cameras.

Clicking through them , you found the source of the loud banging. A...family of three were sat at your front door step. It was a mother , father , and a little girl - she was maybe around the age of six. The man was the one who had been hammering at the front of the house , loudly announcing his presence. By what you could make out from the mother and girl , the mother was carefully holding up the young child. You couldn't observe much anything else , except the annoying persistent stranger.

The presence of your daughter stood behind you , she immediately wanted to know what was had to be done. Firmly , you told her to stay put in her room as you would go deal with this. She replied with an “okay.. be careful mom.” Before making her way back up the stairs. Pinching your nose , you cocked your gun and headed to your homes entrance. Immediately as sign of life was heard from inside , the raucous finally quelled. You unlocked the door and it swung in your way , meeting the father with the muzzle of your shotgun at his chest. Instantly he staggered back , so did the mother with her child. Clearly you were pissed off , and you were not gonna be so kind to strangers. “Who are you and what the fuck are you doing at my home?” You grunted out , adjusting you firearm to make sure it was up and shown. The mom and dad made panicked glancing looks before the father finally spoke up. “Look , we were part of a QZ before this. It got tarnished by a resistance group. We’re just trying to find shelter , and our daughter was injured in a scuffle.” The guy explained basically their whole entire story. You listened intently , trying to come up with what to do. “Please , we mean you no harm. Only thing I’m asking for is if you could maybe lend us some medical supplies,” Something else popped up in his head. “Or you could check out her leg wound , but that's all we need.” As the man rambled , your eye peeked over at the two behind him. The mothers eyes looked mortified , clearly this wasn't some ploy. You heart crumbled into tiny pieces as you saw the younger one. She was shaking , her small hands gripping onto her mother. You could recall the start of the outbreak , your mortified daughters expression as the new predicament shaped her childhood.

You sighed and moved your gun away from view. The mans more panicked attitude switched to somewhat awkward. You spoke up , looking at the three before you got to talking. “...Seeing as if your not some sort of trick , I will let you inside. On one condition - you only stay here for the night.” The father right away shook his head in agreement. Before he could say anything more , you cut him off. “We have rooms you can stay in , but you dont touch anything else. Do you hear me clear.” It was almost like a command. Again , the man shook his head into agreement. “Yes yes , thank you so much...!” You nodded in return and let them inside. The rest of the night was a majority of you showing them around. Examining the kids injury , it at first looked like just a couple scrapings. Which you in the end helped with some rubbing alcohol and a cloth. Your daughter came down , ease dropping for most of the confrontation. The parents collectively were thankful for your helpfulness , you only really replying with a gritting “No problem at all.” The threes stay expanded from one day to more. To be completely honest you weren’t mad about it. More people around wasn’t so terrible , and your daughter was getting nicely along with their youngest. But from your earlier predictions , you may have been wrong about it being some couple scratches. Oh would you be so regretful of what you did. Though the belittlement of your past actions was stopped; as you felt your face exit the piercingly cold lake water. You regained your breath , your shivering only getting worse by then. Hale had the ends of your hair balled into a fist , he had a rough grip on it. “What - you gonna budge now?” His hold only got tighter as you squirmed. Through gasps and blood coughing out of your mouth , “Fuck no you dipshit!”  As the cold red liquid trailed down your lip from seemingly days of torture , he threw you to the side. You tumbled not too far , but felt stuck in your moment. Your odds of getting out of this were slim. You couldn't just think your way out of this like the many times before. He’d let out a coarse chuckle , making his way over to you. “God how I always loved your stubbornness.”  Your rigid body was dragged back inside of the run down home , you were met with the cold wooden floor. He looked at you , something was ticking away. “Times running out but I’m a patient man. So I am gonna let you rest until tomorrows fun activities.” He gave you a solemn look before again , leaving your sights. Left to way there - you deep dived back into your past. Going through the mistakes you made to get here. The day your world view plummeted was a week after you’d let the young family stay with you. It was early morning at the farm , sun cupping up into the sky. Even though the sights outside looked so pretty , the inside of your home was not the same.  What awoke you was the startled shrieks of your daughter. Garbled commotion was all you could hear , and right away you were on your feet. When you made your way downstairs you couldn’t be anymore shocked. The young girl was infected , trying to devour her parents. She was eating into her mothers neck , while the father was already out for the count. Right away your gun went off , but it missed the now infected kid. Your daughter was yelling for you , yelling to get her. Before you could make the perfect shot , the now turned child already got a swipe at your daughter. Fucking finally you were able to land a head shot right through the head of the monster. Briskly , two more shots rang out. You were frozen in your path , weapon dropping in your hand. Before your brain could clock what was going on , your daughter spoke. Her voice was chocked with tears as she held her arm. “Mama... I’m gonna become a monster.” That grabbed your attention as you saw what your idiotic decisions gave you.  Your daughter was bit on her forearm , she couldn't stop crying. “Mama please dont let me become one of them!” She begged you , her frame wrapping around your torso. Cautiously you wrapped your arms around her , this would be your final hug. Your head looked back to your dropped gun , her daughters loud sobbs were muffled into you. You looked down at your baby girl and adjusted your view to look at her.  “Honey lets head outside , I wanna show you something.” The two of you shared a look. Through a begrudging smile you ushered her outside. You took her to a nearby field , entirely empty with no civilization for miles. “Why dont you turn around for me and pick some of the flowers?” You mumbled as you gestured to the small patch of daisies.  One last final look , she looked like she knew what was gonna happen. As she crouched down , she began to grab at the patch of flowers. “I love you baby... I hope you know that.” She turned back , again staring you right down. “I love you too mama.” She replied with a quivering smile. She began to hum as she went back to doing what you asked. Your eyes poured out so much tears , you reloaded your gun with ammo. “Remember our song baby? I want you to sing it as loud as you can.” You felt as if your knees were about to go weak.  She listened and began with more volume , sing that same tune. As the words of “Make your own kind of music” came from her mouth , you counted down mentally. Backwards from three , the noise around you went quiet. Only being able to see what you did. Your daughter fell into the flowers , a gun shot to the back of her head.  You finally fell to the grass , erupting into painful sobbing. You crawled over and cradled her in your arms. Repeating's of “I’m sorry” came from your lips as you rocked back and fourth. You never expected to be so alone , but now you were. You lost the only thing that kept you going in this cold world. You wanted to die with her that day but you couldn’t. A crack from a branch came from out of nowhere. You realized where you were , laying on a large tree. Your eyes opened , meeting the face of Joel Miller. Petrified seeing the state you were in. Bleeding out and gravely injured , you could only meet him with a breath of life and curve of your lips.

                                  **END (part 2 coming soon)**

#Tlou #tlou fanfic #the last of us fanfic #tlou fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #the last of us part one #the last of us part two #the last of us part 2 #Joel Miller #Joel Miller x reader #Joel Miller angst #Joel Miller fic #Joel Miller fanfic #joel miller fanficition #SO UH YEAH- #I hope you guys enjoyed this #I wanted to split it up into a two parter because it felt like it was getting OVERLY long #I promise to expand more on this when I get the next part out #This was honestly super detailed and im proud of myself for making something so long #I just hope you guys like this #ly!! ^^

[deadend-artist]

. ⋅ ˚̣- : ✧ : – ⭒ NAVIGATION ⭒ – : ✧ : -˚̣⋅ .

✧˖*°࿐RULES…

➥I will not write pedophilia, non-con, shit kinks, piss kinks…

➥No homophobia, racism, sexism, xenophobia, or discrimination of any kind allowed. 

➥I’m a human, treat me like one. 

➥Only honest reviews pleaseeee, I want the feedback good and bad

➥AFAB or GN readers only :/ I’ve tried writing AMAB but I literally cannot sorry guys…

✧˖*°࿐IMPORTANT...

➥I do my best to write for everyone and make it an inclusive experience for all my readers, however I’m only human and there may be times the reader is not all-inclusive whether by accident or by intention. I want my fanficition to be enjoyable for everyone, but I do base my readers upon myself, so there will be bias within them. 

➥I love constructive criticism and suggests as long as they are given respectfully. Feel free at any time to private message me or leave an ask, and I will respond as quickly as I can. 

➥If I deny any requests asked of me, it is either for my own comfort or my high standards. I put out content I believe to be good, and if I don’t believe I can adequately write something, I won’t. 

➥You are free to request characters outside of the fandoms/characters listed below. If I know them well enough and am inspired by the request, I will write it ♡ 

✧˖*°࿐ABOUT ME…

➥Eighteen

➥Bisexual (only for fictional men atp though….)

➥Pagan

➥Favorite people to write for right now 

       •Ellie Williams 

       •Daemon Targaryen 

       •Brienne of Tarth 

       •Abby Anderson 

       •Loki Odinson 

       •Bucky Barnes 

       •Steve Rogers 

➥My Main Blog

✧˖*°࿐I WRITE FOR….

↳༉ GAME OF THRONES/HOUSE OF THE DRAGON ‧₊˚✧

➥Aegon I Targaryen

➥Maegor Targaryen

➥Rhaenyra Targaryen 

➥Daemon Targaryen 

➥Aemond Targaryen

➥Aegon II Targaryen

➥Alicent Hightower

���Cregan Stark

➥Jacaerys Velaryon

➥Brienne of Tarth 

➥Jon Snow

➥Robb Stark 

➥Margaery Tyrell

➥Yara Greyjoy

➥Ellaria Sand

➥Jaime Lannister

↳༉ THE LAST OF US ‧₊˚✧

➥Ellie Williams 

➥Abby Anderson

➥Dina 

➥Joel Miller 

↳༉ MARVEL CINEMATIC UNIVERSE ‧₊˚✧

➥Natasha Romanoff

➥Wanda Maximoff

➥Bucky Barnes

➥Steve Rogers

➥Loki Odinson

↳༉ DC ‧₊˚✧

➥Harley Quinn 

➥Pamela Isley 

➥Sara Lance 

➥Kara Danvers 

✧˖*°࿐MASTERLIST(S)….

➥Coming Soon 

✧˖*°࿐FIC REC MASTERLIST….

➥Coming Soon 

#the last of us #game of thrones #house of the dragon #daemon Targaryen x reader #rhaenyra Targaryen x reader #Ellie Williams x reader #abby Anderson x reader #Joel miller x reader #loki odinson x reader #fanfiction #Natasha romanoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #smut #fluff #angst #mcu #dc #marvel

[unprofessional-bard]

Kinktober Day 15

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Kinktober Masterlist (TBA)

Day 14 (TBA) • Day 23 • Day 28

Prompt: Masturbation

Pairing: Joel Miller x GenderNetural!Reader

Word Count: 900

Author's Note: I decided to take out the summary and warnings section for anything Kinktober as I don't plan on going outside of the given prompt, I hope that's okay! And I'll catch up with previous days, as well as LMR, I promise!

Enjoy!

Joel Miller isn't a man to masturbate often, because usually he doesn't have a reason to... but ever since you came into the picture, he can't seem to keep his hands off his zipper.

You're older than you look, which adds to your charm somehow, in his eyes. You're easy to speak with, warm and polite– all qualities that he adores.

But he also found you very attractive.

It all started one day, when he sees your body perhaps a little more naked than he should've been allowed to see. Not that he's complaining, of course, because it had taken him months to come to terms with his attraction to you, and since he's accepted it, he takes it back home with him. He practically sprints the way back because if he can't get himself out of his pants, he'll actually die of the agony.

He politely ignores a few people on the way when they want to ask him about something, closes the door behind him when he finally reaches his house and bolts upstairs as quick as he can, then throws himself into the bedroom.

He enters his bathroom and washes his face, suddenly feeling like his younger ages again, but the way you make him feel was simply too hard to ignore– like a church bell ringing right next to his ears.

He also feels a little ashamed, but all of that goes out of the window one by one when he takes a deep breath and focuses his attention to the bulge in his pants. It's becoming a little painful now, so he leans back against the first wall his hand touches and starts rubbing himself through his pants.

A delighted, silent moan escapes his lips at the sensation and he takes his time to undo his belt– he feels himself grow harder as he does and a strand of hair falls in front of his face but he doesn't care, naturally.

With a clink, the belt hits the floor and he unbuttons and unzips his pants, feels the pressure on his erection decrease a little and grabs himself through his briefs.

Fuck... he's not entirely sure if he's said it out loud or not, but it doesn't matter, because a second later he's finally holding the veiny, warm length in his hand, then his head falls back against the wall. The tip is leaking, his face is probably a little red because he could feel the heat on his cheeks– the same way he did on his cock.

He starts rubbing it slowly and god it feels fuckin' heavy. He hasn't felt this way in a long time– hasn't done it in a while, too. It feels slightly overwhelming, so a jolt of excitement shoots up and a shiver runs down his spine at the same time.

He sighs quietly and rubs his length up and down very slowly, gently. He likes building the tension and make it last as long as he could, and after rubbing himself for some time, he starts feeling desperate.

Desperate enough to suddenly shove himself off the wall and take quick steps towards his bed with one purpose in mind: He needs a different kind of friction, something more.

So he bunches his blanket in his hands, rolls it up and–

"Fuck–!" He gasps when he shoves his dick between the softness of the sheets. He imagines it's your waist, then presses it down and shoves his cock until the whole length disappears and groans.

What am I doing?

He can't really hear the end of the sentence in his mind, because he starts moving, and a frustrated grunt escapes him a bit louder than he expects. After thrusting a few times experimentally, the rest comes easily.

He sets a rhythmic pace, enjoys it more than he probably should and growls; he thinks of having you under him like this –on your back or stomach, doesn't matter– and thinks about how your moans would sound, how good he could and would make you feel.

If only you were his.

And his heartbeat becomes faster, his grip tightens, more salt and pepper locks move out from behing his ears to the front of his eyes– which he doesn't notice because his eyes are shut tight and brows are drawn together, jaw switching between being hung open and clenching the faster his pace gets.

"Oh– oh shit," He chokes on his words, realising how the wrong aspect of the whole situation was turning him on even more; which is around the time all shame and care goes out of the window completely.

He starts letting out curt, frequent, loud grunts; sort of animalistic, like a primal, caveman side to him emerges as he thrusts, and thrusts, and thrusts...

Until he moans your name and comes. His voice cracks and he doubles over– whatever control he had over his hips now completely gone as his jerking motion continues with oversensitivity while he collapses forward.

"Christ..." He groans and breathes heavily, his forehead against the bed, and his mood turns slightly sour when he feels the stickiness of his seed against the sheets: "Shit."

It takes him a moment to get back on his feet, he's a little bummed because he has to clean and change the sheets (possibly the blanket as well), but it was worth it.

With you? Everything's worth it.

#joel x reader #joel miller fanfic #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel x you #joel x oc #joel x y/n #joel miller x you #joel miller x oc #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanficition #tlou x reader #the last of us x reader #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us imagine #x reader #gn!reader #kinktober

[unprofessional-bard]

Chapter 12 - The Development, Pt. II

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: TW!!! Mentions of depression/anxiety, lack of appetite and suicide; jealousy (the reader is Angry™️); talks of (unwanted) pregnancy and miscarriage (cult activities).

Summary: Who would've thought a dinner and a bouquet of flowers would ever bare bad omens?

Word Count: 5.588

Author's Note: I apologise for the repost! I forgot to do my taglist + the tags didn't work for me so let me try this again. This is a whole chunk of angst and nothing more. I'm sorry about this but it is going to get darker :')

Enjoy!

gif credit: winterswake

"Oof, this wasn't your greatest idea, you know that right?" You sighed anxiously, hands on your hips.

"I've done many things that weren't so great, sweetpea," Joel wiped his wet hands on the cute little apron around his waist after he put the vegetables he had cut into the bowl which was on the counter next to the cutting board: "We both know it, but this totally ain't one of 'em."

He carried another bowl to the dining room where you stood, gave your exposed neck a brief kiss as he passed by. Kiki and Ward were going to arrive anytime now for Joel's infamous dinner plan. When he put the bowl down, he scanned the table with a puzzled expression: "Why are there two more plates?"

You leaned your weight on one leg as you grabbed the edges of the chair, which stood at the head of the table: "I... invited Tommy and Maria over, too–"

Joel's expression made you feel guilty: "(Y/N)."

"What?" You spoke defensively, a nervous expression on your face and tone to your voice. "It was going to be awkward as shit otherwise."

"You don't know that," He growled. "Not when you pull stunts like this."

"I don't care," You emphasised each word, exhaustion present in your stance. "Better safe than sorry, Joel."

He nodded disapprovingly and walked back to the kitchen as you stood there, your head hanging with a sigh. You slowly raised it up, hands on your hips again, then turned your head to the side just enough for him to hear you over the sound of the steamer: "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not," He said when he walked past you, carrying the last piece of dish to the table. His anger wasn't for nothing, you accepted what you did was an ass move.

"You're right." You huffed, which made him look at you. "I'm not sorry for inviting Tommy and Maria over, but I am sorry for upsetting you."

His tense stance eased slowly at your words, then he proceeded to mirror your chair holding pose, huffing quietly: "Well, one of us is gon' have to eat less, I'm more worried about that."

"I'll gladly volunteer, I lost my appetite." You rubbed your eyes, which sported dark circles underneath them– which worried Joel.

He stepped closer to you, reaching for your hip with his dominant hand and began rubbing soothing circles there: "No. You eat. Don't think for a second I didn't notice how you started eatin' less." This whole ordeal was getting to you more than you cared to admit. It had been eight days since your decision to arrange dinner with them, but it clearly didn't escape Joel's notice. You looked down, ashamed, running a hand through your hair nervously: "Hey, look at me," Joel gently took your chin between his fingers and lifted your head up, his nose inches away from yours. The three knocks on your door didn't stop him from saying: "You're worryin' over nothin', sweetheart. It's gonna be alright."

"We'll see," You looked into his eyes with a blank stare, gulping, giving his hand a light squeeze before walking to the door, collecting yourself in the meantime. From the small windows on the door, it wasn't hard to tell the brunette couple had arrived. You took a deep breath as you opened the door with a sincere smile: "Hello there– Come in, welcome."

"Hi!" Kiki grinned and Ward just offered an awkward resemblance of a smile.

After escorting them to the living room, you spoke: "Joel's getting finished in the kitchen, then we can have dinner."

"Joel's cooking?" Kiki gave you an alien look. It wasn't a my goodness what a man I bet he cooks real fine tone, but more a genuinely confused one.

"Uhm, yes?" You lightly flinched but smiled still, equally confused at her question. Giving a brief look at Ward, you noticed how he was staring hard at her and she was pointedly ignoring him. "Don't worry, he actually cooks better than me... haha."

You stared into each other's eyes for five seconds, both of your irises reflecting a pair of question marks at each other, then she let out an odd laugh: "Oh! If you say so... What a beautiful garden you got– Lots of flowers."

"Why, thank you," You smiled a little nervously. "I like taking care of flowers and plants..."

"Oh really? I do– did too, once upon a time..." Kiki did an exaggerated smiley face. "I should bring you some, then!"

"That's very kind of you," You felt yourself soften a little at her words. "Well, how have you both been? Feeling like you two are fitting in? I hope people aren't giving you trouble."

"Oh," Kiki looked at Ward for the first time, who's gaze was focused on you now. "No, I think we started to fit in better–" Ward nodded in agreement, his head turning in her direction: "Gets better every day."

"That's good news," You quietly huffed out a breath of relief, nodding at her words, which was when Joel walked in to greet them, and also when there was another pair of knocks on the door. This time, thank God, it was Tommy and Maria.

The dinner went without a hitch, to say the least. Although it had it's awkward moments, Tommy and Maria always picked it up one way or another. Delicious meals were eaten and wines from your collection with Joel were opened– it was pleasant to a certain degree. You and Joel sat across each other on the other ends of the table, Maria and Tommy sat to your left while Kiki and Ward sat to your right. Kiki was seated by your side, but she mostly had her attention on your husband. She didn't drink, but Ward did, and after his second glass, he seemed to relax more.

When it was time to carry all the plates back to where they came from, Joel and you carried the first party. When you placed them in the sink, and he on the counter, he softly grabbed your hand: "See? Wasn't that bad, was it?"

It sort of was, for you anyway, as much as you tried to calm your nerves with the wine: "Thanks to Tommy and Maria, yeah." Joel sighed through his nose and looked away for a moment: "What?"

"We'll talk about it in the morning." Joel let your hand go, but didn't move away.

"What is there to talk about?" You spoke, frustrated, your arms opening slightly in a gesture. Right then, your eyes moved over his shoulder to the doorway. He turned around to see it was Maria with two of the rect platters in her hands.

"Joel, why don't you go back? (Y/N) and I'll handle it from here." She spoke as she walked over to where you two were, then placed the platters on the counter. He gave you one last look before nodding and walking back inside. As soon as he left, Maria stood very close to you and turned on the water: "You wanna tell me what's going on with you?"

"Not really," You quickly started to wash the plates and she helped with the leftovers.

"(Y/N)," Maria spoke more seriously. "There's obviously something wrong–"

"I didn't say there wasn't, I just don't wanna talk about it right now." You said, turning your head to her a little but not looking her in the eyes. "Please, Maria, I appreciate you and your concern, but–"

"Mind if I help?" Kiki suddenly appeared with more service in her hands, startling you both.

"Not at all," Maria replied in your stead. "I'll leave you two to it, I need to use the bathroom."

You closed your eyes, exhausted, then begged for patience as Kiki replaced Maria's place next to you. She kept a distance, which you also appreciated. After a brief moment of silence, she spoke: "The food was delicious, I'm surprised Joel helped you prepare all of this."

You tried– God knows your tried not to look for a double meaning behind her words, but you failed: "Well, as I said, he cooks better than me."

"No, I mean, he just really helps you around, y'know? Serving, preparing, cleaning..."

You turned to face her, closing the sink, and took a proper look at her: "What's so weird about it? We're partners– Married– There's no helping out, we do it together, as it should be."

"Oh, don't get me wrong," She said after a while, her smile unsettling. "It's just that, I always do the cooking, and preparing, and cleaning. That's what I was taught, while Ward..."

You bit down on your tongue hard as you finally understood what she was getting at, the realisation making you blink once and long, then look away. A silent oh left your lips while you thought about how to respond, forcing a small smile to your lips: "Well... Uh– Why don't you go back, I'll take it from here."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I got this, you're our guest, after all."

She smiled and nodded, heading back. As soon as she turned around you let out a silent, heavy breath, looking a little bewildered and disturbed at the things she had said. You stood still for a few moments, then ultimately decided to wash your face, so you took it up to the bathroom.

When you woke up the next morning, you had a mild headache from the wine, no doubt. Joel was nowhere to be found, which had you worried for a second, then you realised it was near noon. After washing your face, you dragged yourself downstairs and once you made it to the kitchen, you found Tommy, Eugene and Joel sitting quietly at the table.

"Mornin' princess," Eugene grinned at you, a cup in his hand. Joel and Tommy had more serious, even a little worried looks on their faces.

"Hey," You waved at them and dragged your feet to the cupboard where you kept your coffee, only to find you had ran out of the beans.

"How're you feelin'?"

"I'm fine... What kinda question is that?" You chuckled.

The brothers shared a brief look before Tommy slowly got up, walked towards the island counter and leaned against it with his elbows: "Listen, (Y/N), we're all a bit worried about you."

"I'm not!" Eugene said clearly. "I mean, I am, but not in the way they are– What's going on with you and the newcomers?"

You stared at the brothers, hard, then turned to Joel: "Is this the new town gossip, then?"

He huffed, crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back in his seat: "It ain't nothin'. We were talking about last night," He gestured between himself and Tommy. "Eugene overheard, expressed his own worries 'bout them and wanted to talk to you."

You felt so exposed –out in the open– with the spotlight moving onto you once more. Your eyebrows furrowed as Joel held your gaze for a while, the other men too scared to interfere; until Eugene spoke: "Look, (Y/N), I get what worries you, even if these two bimbos will say there's nothing wrong. I'm here to vouch for ya."

"Thanks," You shrugged and nodded. You felt embarrassed at the three pairs of eyes waiting for a response from you– speaking to Eugene alone about what actually worried you would've made you feel much better, but you just told them about the interactions between you and Kiki. The more you spoke, the more frustrated you got, which ironically made you close up more.

"Which reminds me," He said some time after you mentioned her offer to bring you a flower. "Do you have, uh, mugwort in your garden?"

The abrupt change of topic caught you off guard, but you still said yes, I think so and walked out from the back door, the old man tailing you. The sun immediately burned down on your skin, but a gentle breeze lightened the load on your shoulders as it accompanied you to the edge of the garden.

"Look, I don't actually need mugwort," He said when you sat down on your knees. "If you wanna say something to me that you think they won't understand, now's your chance."

You moved on with your digging quietly while he waited, then finally, without looking at him and venom dripping from every word you spoke, you sighed: "Kiki has eyes for Joel."

Eugene coughed loudly at your cold words, a hand on his chest: "Shit, (Y/N)..."

"Everyone, including Joel, seems oblivious to this– I'll probably get accused of petty jealousy if I tell them, but since you've had your fair share of weird run-ins with her, I think you should know."

He remained quiet for awhile as you worked with the plant, then finally huffed: "That's not a jealous face from what I can see, it's the face of a woman who's sensing something's gonna go wrong."

You finally looked up at him, your cold expression turned soft because of his sympathy, then looked back down: "I'm losing sleep over some stupid– bitch– God, I was... I've been trying to convince myself that it's nothing, but–"

"It's not nothing, (Y/N)." Eugene spoke firmly, grabbing your shoulder and giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Something's clearly not right with those two, and you've a right to get worried, 'cause I'm guessing it's not just Joel you're worried about."

You gulped, wiped some sweat off the corner of your brow with your wrist, then nodded.

"Well," He took the plants from your hands. "Thanks for this, and, just know that you're not alone. If you ever wanna talk more about this, you know where to find me. Don't be a stranger."

You did pay Eugene a visit a few days later to talk more about them. You felt more comfortable talking to him alone, and you were talking to him because you didn't want to add more to Joel's tension and strain your relationship again. It also felt good to just talk about the whole thing and have someone who understood you.

You had told him that you had no doubts about Joel's intentions, but about Kiki's and hers alone. He had told you he understood and told you that his door was always open if you needed to talk again, so you went to him a second time in a cool afternoon after Kiki had appeared out of nowhere.

"Flowers! As promised!" She smiled brightly, giving you a tiny bouquet of mixed, yellow flowers.

"Oh, wow," You carefully took the bouquet from her, smiling at the sight and feeling genuinely happy for a moment that she actually did something like this. "Thank you, Kiki."

"Don't mention it," She smiled sincerely and initiated smalltalk, then went about her business. After you closed the door, however, reality came crashing down.

You went to see Eugene then: He had just returned from patrol, so the moment you saw him, you grabbed him and went back to your house. A very old book you owned, The Meanings of Flowers, laid on the dinner table while you sat at the head of the table again, the older man to your right. Beautiful flowers rested above the book, a pair of each: Carnation, hyacinth, marigold, rose and tansy. You already knew the names of the most thanks to your free time activities, so finding them in the book wasn't particularly hard.

"Damn, (Y/N), you're really gettin' into this, aren't you?" Eugene said when you first explained and laid the flowers in front of him as he sat down.

You read through the pages and sat across him. "I think... I have, uh– What if she's asking for help?"

"How do you mean?" He gave you a look, and when you stared at him a while, he slowly got what you were saying. "You... think that too?"

"It's so obvious," You sighed, a sad expression on your face. "It's the only logical explanation for the way she responds to physical touch. There's more to it than what Ward told me about their past."

"You're right," He huffed, troubled. "Alright, let's see what carnation means."

"Each colour represents something different, but yellow..." What you read made you tense up.

"What?"

"Disdain."

You gave each other a look, then you continued to other flowers: "Hyacinth– Yellow hyacinth is... jealousy."

"Do these even grow in Wyoming?" Eugene was as disturbed as you were. You just shrugged, but you were thinking more about how she came to find these in the first place.

"Marigold– Jealousy, despair... Rose, yellow– Jealousy and..." You gasped shortly, eyes widening at the word.

"What, what is it?" Eugene turned the book to himself a little and his eyes widened slightly as well.

Infidelity.

"Maybe... Maybe tansy means something else?" Eugene flipped the pages as you burned a hole through the table, stunned where you sat. "Hostile thoughts, declaring war... Shit."

He stared at you as you slowly raised your head up and gave him a nasty look, whispering angrily: "Who... Who does she think she is?"

"(Y/N), I– I don't," Eugene knew, like yourself, that this could've been just pure coincidence, but all of the flowers representing almost exactly the same things inevitably had him worried and at a loss for words.

"That little bitch–" Your fists flexed into a fist, your brows drawing together, creating deep lines on your forehead.

"Don't freak out," Eugene grabbed your elbow in a calming gesture.

"She wants him–? She wants a war? I'll give her something worse, she'll regret ever setting foot in–"

"What's going on?" In between your heartbeat ringing in your ear and loud, angry words, you didn't hear Joel come in. Your head snapped towards him, eyes wide open and angry, then turned your head away towards Eugene.

"I think it's best if you sit down." The older man said uncomfortably.

He obliged, never looking away from you as he did. He was clearly worried, careful, but also cross; it wasn't hard to tell, and you had hoped he wouldn't see what you were up to, but alas...

"You know who brought me these?" You asked, focused at something outside the window.

"I have an idea." His eyes were burning through the side of your face, the tension crushing everyone in the room.

You chuckled bitterly. "You must think I'm crazy."

"I think no such thing," He growled, offended by your accusation. "You don't sleep well, you don't eat– Your worryin's making me worry!"

"The thing is, Joel," Eugene intervened. "She has a right to worry."

He finally looked at him with an exhausted expression: "What?"

"Each of these flowers have meanings in this book right here," He tapped the book. "And they're not good meanings at all."

"See? This is what worries me," He leaned back, crossing his arms. "You're gonna check everything she does or gives?"

"So you want me to stay oblivious to– to things, while Ward is probably physically absuing his wife?" You snapped, your head turning in Joel's direction to meet his quizzical expression. You got up from your chair, leaning in with your hands on the table: "If she was meaning to send a message to us with these flowers, asking for help, and we ignored it? That'd be on me."

"How could it possibly be on you?" He replied angrily. "How would she know that you'd– decipher this message?"

"I told you that I told her about–"

"Enough!" Eugene growled. "She sent her a message, despite what could be happening in their household." You sighed heavily and turned your head to the side, Joel glancing at Eugene as he continued: "All these flowers have one thing in common, Joel, and it's that they've bad meanings. This one?" He held up the marigold: "Jealousy. This one?" The hyacinth: "Also jealousy. And this?" The rose: "Jealousy... as well as infidelity."

Joel leaned back, an irked look on his face: "Wh– What?"

"Tansy– Hostile thoughts." He coughed into his fist as he put the flower down.

"So don't sit there–" You looked at him again, leaning in with your head: "And tell me that I'm worrying over nothing. Just because you have no clue about what's going on around you, doesn't mean it's not happening." You gulped, the barbed wire around your throat present once more, then picked up the book and closed it: "Thanks, Eugene."

He just nodded with a concerned look on his face and watched you walk upstairs. Joel, stunned in place, didn't say a word as the older man got up, tipped his head at him and left. He sat there for some time, by himself and stared at the beautiful flowers. He hadn't seen you like this since the Axel case– sure, you both had ups and downs but it had never gotten this bad since then. To prevent another fall out, he knew this time he had to be a little more alert for both of your sakes, if your accusations were indeed true.

But you both needed to co-operate if something was going to be done about this.

It was close to a week later when Ward opened up again.

Joel and you were a bit tense, even after when he suggested the next day after the flower incident that you both went to Maria to change your patrol schedules. She had said Joel only had one more patrol left with Kiki, while you still had three to go with Ward, which was okay for you especially after you found out that Joel's last patrol with Kiki was a group sweep which involved you too.

Joel was more than relieved too, thinking maybe change of patrol partners will finally ease the tension between you and him, but it seemed you'd remain upset until that last patrol was over with, which was the day after your current patrol with Ward.

You were taking a different route this time, on horseback and it was in the afternoon, a chill breeze was present which took the burning feel of the slowly setting sun off your shoulders. The trees were offering shield from the sun with their shadows, too.

"I overheard people talking about you and Joel."

"Really?" You rolled your eyes. "What were they saying?"

"Something about... having a child."

You turned your head and gave him a stern look, but it wasn't directed at him, then you sighed, the grip you had on your reigns tightening: "It's none of their business."

"Exactly what I told them."

"What?" You turned to face him again, the whip of your head smoother than before, and your voice was softer– surprised.

"I told them to stop talking about something which wasn't their business," Ward casually explained. "They then told me that I had no business listening to them, so I threatened to break their jaw if they didn't shut up."

"Ward..." You gave him a look of disapproval.

"Kidding," He offered a small smile. "Leave out the threatening bit, but it did cause a little argument. Maria was there though... organising this event that's coming up. She defended you, too."

You hadn't taken him to be the type to stand up for people he didn't exactly know: "Ward I–"

"Sorry though, don't know who they were–"

"Thank you."

He blinked, equally surprised at the smallest smile on your lips: "Oh, well..."

"Not many people would do that, I appreciate it," Your grip loosened and you allowed yourself to relax a little. "People tend to get ahead of themselves sometimes."

"Inconsiderate, that's what they are." He growled, but his face was thoughtful and troubled exactly like when he told you of his background. "It just– Gets on my nerves. This whole... baby talk."

"You and mine both," You huffed. "It's just funny how people who have almost no connections to me and Joel talk about it, when him and I haven't even put it out on the table yet." It was true. Neither of you had even said the word out of its nickname context.

"I just hope they won't force you to have one."

You turned your head to him with slightly wide eyes: "How do you mean?"

He remained quiet for a while, probably debating on whether he should share what he meant or not – if he should listen to his needs and get it off his chest, or add more to the bottle when there was no space left in it. He finally spoke: "Kiki had to lie, so that they wouldn't separate or punish us. I was too... paralysed to speak when she said We want to have children out of nowhere. Said that it was the only reason why we decided to date and get married. We had been together for just five months."

A sick lie to get out of an equally sick situation, which normally would've made you feel sick, but in this fucked up world and having done the equally fucked up shit you did, you couldn't bring yourself to feel nauseous; however, it did make a shiver run down your spine, the situation reminding you of the Seraphites in Seattle when an escapee had arrived in Boston, months after the fall of that QZ. She had told horrifying stories about how her and five other people had barely made it past them: They had witnessed 'religious sacrifice's, and the manslaughter from The WLF hadn't helped their case either... She had committed suicide a month after her arrival in Boston.

"By then we started to regret our decision more, because they were forcing us to– To have a child–"

"Hey, look, you don't have to tell me–"

"We lied–" He continued, feeling though as if he wasn't going to get another chance to open up again. "For a long time, it was maybe we're not lucky enough, or God's not willing. They... They went as far as to consider fucking exorcism, and it was all on Kiki, and her alone."

You thought for a moment he was going to cry, with the way his face scrunched up, but he kept going angrily: "I told them it could be biological, they told me she was cursed... I told them, maybe the problem was me, they insisted it was her... Until they finally needed proof that we were actually– You know–"

"God," You quietly gasped.

"I don't– We tried to break up, to end the madness, but they wouldn't listen. I had never touched Kiki other than kisses and hugs, while we were lying to them about– She was a virgin and so was I–"

He stopped for a brief moment when his horse whinnied, you were getting closer to the tall walls surrounding Jackson, then continued hesitantly: "She– finally got pregnant, after a whole year of deceiving them, but the stress of it got to her, I think. She... she miscarried." He gulped, closing his eyes tightly, an unpleasant look on his face. "You can imagine how it was received around the community– We had to run, you see, so we did."

You had reached the gates by then, it was Joel who was at the watchtower and waved at you as you waited for the doors to open. You waved back with a worried look on your face, which he must've spied through his binoculars. After bringing the horse into the stables and handing back your rifles, you stopped him. It was unusually quiet and empty around the southern gate, which was normally empty anyway: "Listen, I just wanna say–"

Before you knew it, a stuck gasp left him. His back was to you, so at first you thought he saw something, but as soon as you stepped to his side: "Ward," He was crying. "Oh– Hey, it's okay..."

He whimpered until he ran out of breath, covering his face with his hands. You didn't know how to react, internally panicking and carefully studying his body language, while feeling like a dick about it. You slowly and carefully put a hand on his back, and at the touch, he immediately collapsed by your feet. He was weeping now, and too close for comfort. You quickly looked around to see if anyone was there, only to find out not a single soul was in your line of sight, except for the slowly and suddenly approaching figure of your husband.

"Ward, get up," You lightly shook him by the shoulder to get his attention, but this only resulted in him leaning closer to your legs. You raised your head to see Joel had come to a stop a couple of feet away from where you stood: "Get. Up."

"You said– You said–" He struggled with trying not to cry and breathing at the same time.

"I said there is a group session if you needed to talk," You spoke, defeated, feeling Joel's burning gaze on your eyelids. "I'm sorry for what happened. I really am, but you need to get up."

He looked up at you to meet your stern, pitying gaze, then wiped at his tears. He nodded a couple of times and slowly got up, sniffling quietly. Without saying another word –even though he looked like he wanted to– and sparing you another look, he readjusted his backpack and walked away as if nothing happened. You stood there and watched him leave with your hands on your hips, then let out an exhausted sigh. You were just thankful that you weren't murdered for the most part, irked because of his sudden breakdown, but you also felt like shit scolding him as you did.

"You wanna tell me what the hell was that all about?" Joel. And he neither sounded pleased nor amused.

"You think I have an idea?" You gave him a hopeless look. "Man just– Suddenly told me the rest of his story and broke down, I don't–" Joel stood with his arms crossed, within your 6 feet radius, but there was nothing soft about it.

He was expecting an explanation, and an explanation he got: "That, Joel? That's what fucking scares me! I hear the shit they went through and I listen to it, waiting for the time he's going to get to the part where I did something to him or someone he cared for– waiting for the time they're going to shoot me or stab me– or you! And then they get like– like that, or do something nice to us, and suddenly I feel like an asshole because they're not bad people in the end, they just need some fucking help!"

You breathed heavily as your hands remained open at your sides after all the gestures and motions, your chest rising and falling very obviously as small sweat and tear droplets rolled down your face: "And they're seeking help in all the wrong places, from the most unsuitable people. I don't know about you, but I'm not mentally capable of taking their load while I have my own to deal with."

Joel took in a short amount of breath, as if to speak, but immediately closed his mouth. He stared into your eyes for what felt like 30 minutes, searching for something– you weren't quite sure what. He looked angry, upset, worried and heartbroken all in the same time.

Finally, when he couldn't speak, you added: "If anything happened to me, I could live with that." You spoke calmly, nodding curtly: "But if anything happens to you? I'll tear this whole goddamn town apart and make sure they can't find a place to hide from me."

Your fidgeting, unfocused eyes suddenly found Joel's hazel ones; you saw through all the anger, fretting and upset at that moment.

It was such an adoring, lovely gaze– Bit by bit, it drained you of all the hate and other ugly emotions pressing down your shoulders; a great sense of solace overcoming you as his big, warm hand cupped your jaw. He leaned in to steal the softest of kisses from your damaged lips– subconscious biting had seen to that, but Joel's softer ones made up for the loss on your side.

Before he could give you the chance to debate on whether you should hug him or not, he pulled back, his hand on your cheek still: "I won't let anything happen to you– To either of us. I promise you." You stared into each other's eyes for another moment, then he placed a most gentle kiss on your temple: "I made some dinner for you, go and eat for me."

You nodded, eyes lowering to the ground, then slowly walked away. Joel was quick to take notice of your broken stance– slumped shoulders, slowed steps and, ah, there goes the hand through your hair. He knew, then, that he had to put more effort into understanding how you viewed the couple and respecting your feelings. Sure, you were prone to worry and overthink, but so was he. Nothing, as far as he knew and had seen, had gotten to you like this before. Something ought to be wrong for you to beat yourself up over it as you did.

But despite everything –despite him still not seeing the way you saw the couple– you were, of course (and without question), his priority. He trusted you and your judgement, and it had always been so.

He just hoped it wasn't too late to show you that.

#joel miller #the last of us #joel x reader #joel miller x reader #tlou x reader #the last of us x reader #joel x you #joel miller x you #joel x oc #joel miller x oc #joel miller imagine #joel miller smut #joel miller fanficition #joel miller fanfic #tlou imagine #the last of us imagine #tlou fanfiction #tlou fanfic #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #x reader #reader insert

[unprofessional-bard]

Chapter 12 - The Development, Pt. I

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: TW for homophobia, homophobic guy gets kicked in the balls. mostly angst: tense situations, back story reveal (hints to disturbing cult activities/religious trauma??). smut: vulnerable/desperate sex, reader and joel being in love and soft w each other.

Summary: The reader and Joel unintentionally get more tangled up with Kiki and Ward –going on patrols, doing town duties with them etc.– which leaves the reader frustrated.

Word Count: 7.060

Author's Note: I feel like I proofread this 500 times but my apologies if it still sucks 😭

Enjoy!

"I think we earned a small break, don't you think so, Captain?" Kurt extended a beer bottle to you.

"I guess so, colonel," You offered a vague smile and reluctantly took the bottle from him.

"Oh, c'mon, cheer up (Y/N)!" Kurt put an arm around you and chuckled ironically. "It's the 4th of July..."

"Sure," You patted his back but appreciated his enthusiasm nevertheless. "It just doesn't sit right with me that all these other people in the QZ don't have the- the luxury we have."

"Oh, I know," Kurt let his arm go and nodded bitterly. "It ain't just, but there's not much we can do."

You nodded as well: "Well, be back in 5, gotta go piss."

Kurt laughed heartily and waved his hand at you as you walked away from the open area to wash your face, hoping to wash away the guilt as well. It was your first time in a different QZ– Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to be more specific and you weren't exactly having a good time. A big part of your company was wiped out, which had ultimately triggered your survivor's guilt. The situation was out of your control when hunters, bandits and a surprise horde of infected got involved; everyone acknowledged how there wasn't anything you could do, except for yourself. It had been 5 years into this apocalyptic mess, yet you still had trouble adjusting to it... but then again, no one ever really did.

When you reached the shared toilet areas, there were only three cabins. One was occupied, one was completely empty without the toilet itself and the other was simply too dirty.

You heard heavy breathing from the occupied cabin, and instinctively decided to knock on the door to make sure the person inside was alright: "Hey, is everything..."

The moment you knocked the second time on the door, it opened just a smidge to reveal two men kissing, which made you gasp loudly and step back while alerting them.

"Oh god! I'm so sorry–"

"Oh shit–!"

You went to close the door, but immediately decided to turn around in panic, thinking: Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"I'm really sorry! I just wanted to use the toilet since the others are, well– Uh–"

"Fuck, what are we going to–" You heard one of them speak, panicked.

"Relax, it'll be fine," The other one reassured.

"Look, it's uh–" You tried again, slowly turning to walk out of there. "I wasn't here, we never saw each other, okay?"

"No, wait!" You felt a ghostly hand on your arm, but he didn't grab it, just tapped once to get your attention. "Please, you can't tell anyone!"

You raised your hands up mid air to do a stop gesture, trying to get him and his partner to calm down: "No, of course I won't!"

"Wait," The other man with blue eyes stepped out of the cabin. "You won't? You don't mind... us?"

"Mind you? It's none of my business to begin with," You assured both of them. "What happened here stays between us– hell, I wasn't even here as we speak."

"Thank you," He smiled and saw the way he clung onto his partner's –whom you noticed had hazel fleeing to green eyes– hand with his fingers. "Most people around here don't... appreciate us."

You nodded bitterly, a small, sad smile on your face: "I'm so sorry, I wish I could do something for the both of you–"

"What's going on here then?" A deep voice called from behind you, when you noticed a little too late how the man with green eyes' expression shifted to one of fear.

You turned around to meet a face you weren't familiar with: "Why do you wish to know?"

"Why do I wish t–" The guy gave you an incredulous look, interrupted himself and asked. "Identify yourselves."

"Corporal Robin Lazewski," Said the man with the blue eyes.

"Sergeant Cole Doxon." Green eyes followed.

"And you, missy?" The man stood before you at arms length with a sneer.

"Captain," You corrected him. "(Y/N) (L/N). Who might you be?"

The man's sneer disappeared when he realised your ranks were the same, but he still looked displeased: "Captain Phillip Moore. Now, I'll ask you again. What are you doing here?"

The question was more directed at Robin and Cole rather than you, and you knew why, so you stepped in: "Nothing that should worry you, Captain."

"Oh, but I know what's been going on. Had my eye on you two for awhile now enough to know exactly what type of people you are."

"These men are from my company, Captain," You intervened again, lying through your teeth without thinking about the consequences. "If you have a complaint, we can gladly take this up to Colonel Kurt Greenwood, as he is our superior."

The name made Phillip take a step back, clearly making him nervous: "Tsk, no thanks. Don't need to get more involved with your kind."

"If you wanna say something, mister, go right ahead," You growled and took a step forward, risking the possibility of a few days of detention without hesitation. The tension thickened, and thickened, and thickened then finally...

————

"Woah, wait, you just lied out of your ass to him?" Ellie suddenly interrupted you.

"Yeah," You sighed. "If he knew that they were actually from Pittsburgh I would've been... fucked."

"Shit," Ellie sighed. "Guy didn't even know his own soldiers... and then?"

"He said a few unkind words about them, and, well, I kicked him in the balls."

"Are you serious?" Ellie's eyes grew wider, beginnings of a laugh bubbling up in her chest.

"Hell yeah," You offered her your first smile the whole time you'd been lying in your bed together. She came to visit you for the evening, which was no doubt Joel's idea but it was nice of him of course, and ultimately decided to stay the night like you both did from time to time. Your husband, on the other hand, went to stay over at Tommy's to give you both some space.

"Dolly, you were both awesome and out of your mind! What if he caught you? Did they find out?" She asked, squirming where she laid.

"I got away with kicking him at that moment, got the boys out of there and went straight to Kurt." You put an arm under your pillow: "Told him we had to make a transfer, explained the reason. He got mad at me, sure, but he had some connections in the QZ. Later on the guy made a complaint about all of us, but all Kurt said was: Maybe you should worry more about the people suffering in the QZ rather than two people kissing. Maybe then, you can control these uprisings."

"Man," She giggled. "I wish I met Kurt– all of your team. You all were so fucking cool."

You gave her a crooked smile, the pains of your old wounds hurting as if they were new: "He was right, too." She gave you a curious look. "There are more important things people should worry themselves with rather than town gossip, like survival and keeping Jackson running."

Ellie averted her eyes at your words: "Yeah..."

"Look, I may not have the same fierceness I did when I was 25, but that's never going to stop me from kicking someone's balls if they disrespect you." She huffed a brief laugh at your words: "Jokes aside... You know, you can tell Joel, right?"

"Ugh, I don't wanna think about it," She groaned and turned to the right, face directed at the ceiling.

"Take your time. I'm not saying you should tell him, just letting you know that you can, if you want to."

"Sure, thanks..." She stared at the wall for awhile, the moonlight shining directly onto her beautiful features. After a while, she said: "I don't feel like he's being too honest with me, actually."

Your heart skipped a beat at her words: "How do you mean?"

She took her time with her reply: "He ever talked to you about what happened? Before we got here?"

"Not much."

"What about my... immunity?" Her eyes shifted to yours.

You felt like a piece of shit lying to her, making the burden on your shoulder get heavier. The bed felt like it could swallow you when you spoke nonchalantly: "Again, not much. Told me there were a dozen or so more immune people, that they ran some tests and–"

"Yeah, he took me out of there. Unconscious." She sighed and you felt like your uneasiness was showing, but actually you kept your composure. "Do you really believe that?"

This time you took a bit long to answer, walking over the minefield with careful steps: "I'm... I don't know, I'm not really buying it." She gave you a worried look: "But it isn't my business to interfere, either. I really don't know what to tell you."

Ellie just nodded and continued staring at the ceiling afterwards: "I just wish..."

"Yeah?"

"Nevermind."

You nodded, glad the conversation didn't go where you thought it would, relaxing into the mattress: "I heard Tommy brought you one of the comics you were dying to read."

"Yeah," She quietly took a deep breath.

"And? D'you like it?"

"I did actually," She seemed more enthusiastic than a moment ago, which made you relax even more. "But there was another cliffhanger! It wasn't the final volume!"

The next morning Joel stopped by briefly to get his stuff for patrol, kissed you goodbye while you were having breakfast with Ellie, then left. That's when she spoke up: "So? What are we doing today?"

"We?" You raised a brow.

"I got a day off, and you look miserable," She commented. "Not about to let that go to waste, so..."

"I was just planning on lying down for a bit."

"You've been lying down for ever, it's time you did something else!"

"Ellie I really don't have the energy for– for anything, right now." You sighed and helped her with the dishes.

"So... you also don't have the energy for the new game Jesse brought?" She side eyed you, offering a mischievous smile.

You hated feeling like this, not being able to do things with people you cared about because you simply couldn't. Everyone was understanding, of course, but you hated how this feeling had become a part of you overtime; way before you had reached Jackson, and before the death of your family. You even found comfort in it to a certain level, but if you could, you'd gladly get rid of it with a single snap of your fingers.

"I'd like nothing more honestly," You wiped your hands on a small towel on the counter and looked at her: "But we'll see, you know how I get."

If there was someone who helped you get back on your feet as quickly as Ellie and Joel, it was Maria – and Tommy.

But sometimes you really doubted if Maria truly was a maker of right decisions.

It was your first patrol with Ellie where you two went outside, very much like the patrols you took on, but it was still a bit new for her. She wanted to get involved with the patrols sooner than Joel liked: She's too young, it's too early for her, he'd say, but even though it's no age for her to be even seeing the stuff she saw, going through everything she went through, you were on Ellie's side on the matter. She was capable of handling patrols with you, or Joel and others; she was also more skilled than all the kids her age, but a part of you also wanted to keep her safe behind the walls of Jackson.

After a lot of reasoning with Joel, you had managed to convince him and were on your way to start the ski lodge route with Ellie. Maria had told you you'd be meeting with a couple of other people to do a sweep afterwards, but she was hesitant to tell you who. You knew something was afoot, for Maria never was a person to mince her words; it initially gave you an idea about who might be waiting for you, but at least you had Ellie to help calm your nerves. You hitched your horses at the entrance, then walked through the doors. Your jaw clenched and your posture visibly tensed when your theories were proven right and you saw who was inside.

Kiki and Ward.

You internally cringed when you made eye contact with Ward, who was... talking with Joel?

What the fuck is going on?

"'bout time!" Tommy appeared out of nowhere, startling you. "You're half an hour late, we were startin' to get worried."

"What's going on?" Ellie spoke instead of you.

"Well, we'll be heading back," He patted Ellie on the shoulder. "While the others'll do a sweep."

"But we just got here?" Ellie protested. "I thought Dolly and I–"

"Yeah, Tommy, what the fuck?" You whispered and stepped closer to him.

He huffed, it was his signature I'm just gonna put it out here so listen carefully stance: "Maria asked that you solve the issue between you and Ward."

"She didn't ask me shit, Tommy, just told me to get my ass over here. Without a heads up." You sighed and he gave you an apologetic shrug: "She's right, but is patrol really the right time for this?"

"Just shake hands and try to get along, you're partnered up with him."

Your eyes widened: "Tommy–"

"It'll be fine, (Y/N), don't worry." He said reassuringly. "Walt and Bruce went over to the back, you can fetch them and start. C'mon Ellie."

She squeezed your hand in an encouraging manner and followed Tommy out. You rubbed your face and ran a hand through your hair, then finally turned and walked over to the three: "Alright, I'll go get Walt and Bruce, then we can go."

"Sure," Joel offered a small smile and got up from where he was sitting with Kiki, but Ward remained seated with his arms crossed. You took it as an indication to wait for the others to leave so you two could finally talk.

"Well..." You said awkwardly.

"I'm sorry for punching you," He said, straight out, without dwelling on anything. "I get ahead of myself sometimes. I can't really control it when I get angry, I– I never knew how to. It was my only way to survive... and protect Kiki."

You blinked several times at how genuine he was, even his hard expression was softened to some point: "It's, uh– it's okay. Thank you, and sorry, for your nose I mean. It was a reflex."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," He nodded and got up, towering over you, then extended a hand over to you. "We're good?"

"Sure, 'course," You nodded and shook his hand. He pursed his lips and walked out, leaving you a little stunned. You immediately sighed in relief and made your way to the back room, where your memories of fucking with Joel resurfaced and made you smile a little.

"Alright, c'mon you guys, let's go–" You walked into the room and right then, you heard panicked shuffling with a gasp. When you understood what was going on, you immediately stepped back outside: "Oh, woah–."

Were they making out?

If you were honest, you saw it coming, but it still came as a shock. You debated on whether you should leave or stay, but when you heard the panicked voices from inside, you stood there, waiting to apologise as soon as they walked out. It was Walt who opened the door first.

"Dolly– Listen," He was calmer than he sounded back inside. "You... I mean..."

"Look, let me just say this: It's none of my business, and I won't tell anyone, so... It's okay. We can pretend this never happened."

He blinked, a bit dumbfounded: "You don't mind?"

"Walt, of course not. As I said, it's none of my business."

It was then, when Bruce walked out shyly: "You seriously won't go tell anyone?"

At that, you chuckled and looked away, your eyes watering at the memory of Robin and Cole you had told Ellie: "You guys are safe with me– in Jackson. I know some people aren't very open minded here, but just know that you have my support."

Walt suddenly hugged you tightly. You took a second, but immediately returned it with a gentler one: "It's okay."

"Thank you (Y/N)," Bruce smiled sincerely.

"It's the least anyone can do – show basic human decency," You said and smiled back after Walt pulled back. "Come on now, we're already late."

The three of you acted as if nothing happened, but the couple couldn't help the smiles spread on their faces.

"Alright, Doll," Joel began explaining once you stepped to his side to get on your horse. Tommy and Ellie were long gone: "Maria asked us to show 'em how we do our patrols..."

"But?" You already didn't like how Maria picked you two for them, so you scrunched your face up lightly.

"You'll be going with Ward, I'll be going with–"

"Kiki." The name left your mouth with clear discomfort. Joel huffed at your worrisome expression and rubbed your arm soothingly.

"I rightly don't know why we're even assigned with them," Joel kissed your temple gently. "But it'll be fine, sweetheart. C'mon, we have places to cover."

You gave his hand a light squeeze and tried not to look as troubled as you felt inside when you both rode up to the couples, then went separate ways. You were quite surprised Ward actually let Kiki go with someone else– with Joel, but you kept it to yourself.

"So, I presume Tommy or Maria, or someone must've filled you in on how patrol works?" You began once your horses had slowed down the long path.

"Sort of, yeah. Joel and Tommy explained how logbooks work."

"Well, I'll start of with three things you must stick to, then– always. One: Stealth is key to everything. Keep quiet and don't draw any attention to yourself. Two: Your partner is technically your life support. You don't leave them behind, but back them up when they get into trouble and plan routes or approach tactics together. Three: If you come across anything you can't handle– anything at all, you bring your ass back to town."

"Yes ma'am," It was the first time you saw him offer the smallest smile, which softened his hardened features.

For awhile, you rode quietly, until he asked: "Say... Where you from?"

You raised a brow at his question: "Well, would you believe me if I said I don't remember?"

"How is that possible?" He tsked.

"I– I don't know," You chuckled with a hint of bitterness. "I only remember moving to San Francisco with my parents when I was... Around two?"

"Oh so you're a Californian..."

"Well, I suppose. What–" You saw the weird expression on his face: "Where are you from?"

"Idaho."

"Oh, and you're a potato farmer!"

You both shared a chuckle when he continued: "I wish that was the case. Would've traded everything to have been a potato farmer my whole life than..."

"Than what?"

"The shit I went through ever since the world fell apart."

You shrugged: "Don't we all?"

"I don't know about you, but none of those people in there –except for Kiki– would've preferred living as farmers..."

"What are you talking about?"

He took a deep breath to calm his nerves, broke eye contact and his whole stance changed. It took him a few silent moments, but he spoke eventually: "When the infection took over, a small church in our town offered food and protection to everyone there. They barricaded the whole town in a short time, a lot of people died in the process, but we actually made a safe environment– not as strong and well protected like here, though. The infected weren't occupying that part of the city too much, either, so we just made decent living... But in time, the priest of the church started controlling the community. In months everyone was on their knees praying– beggin' for forgiveness for their sins so that they survive this shit..."

"Oh..." You flinched, feeling sorry for him, your heartbeat picking up in worry. You were also unintentionally expecting him to get this story somewhere, pull out a gun and shoot you, or stab you with his knife– you were expecting an Axel case. They might have come all this way just to avenge a loved one who you might have killed, and even though your mind screamed that the scenario had no way of making sense, you still kept your hand on your pistol which was strapped to the side of your thigh that he couldn't see.

"It was fucked up, and I was young, I had no choice but to follow my parents... They died years later and that was when I met Kiki. She was so pretty, and– and kind to me. I really liked her, we were around... 18 and 20 at the time, I think. She helped me mourn my parents, we made really good company. Soon I realised I was falling in love with her."

Hearing these words from him freaked you out a little, if you were honest, because they didn't look very in love; but you were also curious about what the hell had happened to them.

"A year or so later we, uh– Understand this, we had to keep it a secret. If the priest didn't see a couple fit, they'd get punished, but if he did, he'd force them to... Have children, to– y'know."

You couldn't hide the disgust on your face, but he was too focused on somewhere else to notice it, the sorrow and trauma on his face making you feel bad for him.

"We didn't know if we were more scared of the punishment, or Kiki getting pregnant– neither of us wanted a child, we were so young..."

For a moment he looked guilty for saying that, but when you reassured him that you understood, he still looked guilty and regretful: "Naturally."

"Not too long later people started picking up on what type of relationship we had. One time one of the priest's..." A suden wave of rage washed over him– He spat out the next word: "Whores, caught us hugging each other, then we were brought before the priest. He didn't see us fit because we didn't take anyone's permission to get together."

Your brows also drew closer in anger as you listened: "I'm really sorry you two had to go through that."

"It doesn't matter, it was long ago; we escaped, and now we're here," Ward suddenly fixed his posture, looking thoughtful and upset at the same time. The conversation had come to an end.

"Listen, if you ever wanna talk to someone," You spoke hesitantly. "Our head doc Katherine holds weekly, uh, conversations," You couldn't bring yourself to say therapy, even though he'd find out sooner or later.

"I don't– I don't wanna talk about it," He huffed angrily and side eyed you where he sat.

"You seem like you need to, is all I'm saying," You ran a hand through your hair, wiping some sweat off your forehead in the meanwhile. "It's okay to do that, y'know."

"I don't need it!" He growled and turned his head towards you in a harsh motion. "I don't need your– stupid conversations–"

"Hey," You pulled on the reins in your hand, hard, and came to a stop. He mirrored your movements when you growled back: "Those stupid conversations actually help people. They saved god knows how many townsfolk, and participating in them doesn't make you less of a man."

"That's not what this is about."

Sure you wanted to counter, the look of offense in his face telling you everything you had to know, but kept your tongue: "I just suggested you could go, nobody's forcing you to! Keep it in the corner of your mind if you want, I don't care what you do."

With that you started riding again, missing the look of regret and worry on his face. When he reached your side a few moments later, he spoke quietly, softer: "You're right, I'm sorry."

You nodded: "Try not to take things personally, we're not your enemies. We're just trying to help."

The rest of the ride was quiet, but the good outcome of both you and Joel's pairing with the couple unfortunately had a bad outcome for you. Maria asked you and Joel to be patient and stick to them for a month or so– at least until they start to really fit in. You had to accept, thinking of how when you first came here Walt had switched his partner's because he was the first person one to get along with you.

The problem was, you weren't exactly getting along with them, or Kiki more precisely.

You didn't know if it was because of your pride or your reluctance to make a scene about it, but you kept quiet about your suspicions about how Kiki undeniably took a liking to Joel. When you subtly asked a question about how Kiki behaved on patrol, he nonchalantly explained how she picked up pretty quickly and appeared to be a much more normal person; but you left out the bit that whenever you or her husband appeared, she'd hiss like a cat.

Maybe you were simply jealous that a pretty woman like Kiki was hitting on Joel, even though you never doubted his intentions for a second. He seemed very oblivious to her and your hints at what you wanted to say, and that was pretty much your only way of finding comfort.

Ward, on the other hand, always looked at the brink of a breakdown when it got too quiet between you two. Joel also asked about how he was whenever you discussed the pair, and when you mentioned their background and how troubled he looked ever since, he raised a brow. He also mentioned how Kiki started wearing t-shirts throughout the week –sleeveless clothing– and he thought it had to do with some sort of survival condition related trauma, while you had other theories.

Theories that you, once more, kept to yourself.

Because there were always two ends on situations like this: Your theories were correct – she was right all along! or, you thought too much of it – you're so dramatic!

It was a little frustrating, not being able to tell these to any memebers of your family, except for Ellie, who came to understand– probably better than Joel or the others would.

"Yikes, I'm sorry, Dolly," She looked troubled at your worrisome expression when you finally broke and told her about your suspicions.

"Morton's fucking fork," You sighed and ran a hand through your hair nervously. "I honestly don't know what to do, it's too early to say anything but at the same time I feel like it'll be too late if I keep it to myself."

"Well, no matter what happens," She rubbed your shoulder reassuringly. "I'll be by your side. Always."

The words caught you off guard, the frustration of bottled up feelings and the subconscious weight of keeping the truth about what happened with the Fireflies from Ellie finally shattering and setting a few drops of tears free.

"Thank you– Oh, Ellie," She hugged you where she stood while you remained seated on your chair in the kitchen. "What would I do without you?"

"I know, I'm the light of your life," She joked, which made you chuckle briefly.

"Look, I also want you to know that–" You pulled back and took her hands in yours, then looked her straight in the eyes: "That I'd do anything for you. Whatever happens, I'll be on your side too, even if I can't intervene."

An emotional scene between a girl who found her mother figure, and a broken soldier longing for a deeper sense of tranquility eventually finding it in a girl– something she thought she'd never find.

"Christ, Joel," You immediately got up from where you were sitting in the living room and ran up to your husband as soon as you saw his dirty, tired state. It was god knows what in the morning but you couldn't sleep, thoughts of Kiki and Joel keeping you up for the second time ever since your mutual patrols started three and a half weeks ago.

"What're you still doin' up?" You carefully looked him up and down with worried eyes and ignored his exhausted sigh. You quickly but carefully hugged him, burying your face into the crook of his neck.

"Are you hurt?" You asked quietly after he immediately put his arm around your waist.

"Nope, just sore," He closed his eyes. "And a little dirty. Why aren't you asleep?"

You pulled back slowly and looked into his eyes, shrugging: "Couldn't sleep. And good thing I didn't."

"Dolly..."

"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." You tugged on his large hand and led him up to your bathroom. After you arranged the tub to fill, you helped undress him, his pale face and tired eyes made you put extra effort to be as delicate as possible.

"You wanna talk about it?" You said after dropping his t-shirt into the laundry basket, while he took off his pants beside the door.

"There ain't much to talk about. We just..." You could feel your heart beat in your ears as you took his pants from him and repeated your motion, but froze in your place when he spoke again: "She saved me."

Your brows shot up quickly and the ache of keeping them crossed in a worried expression for so long immediately made its presence known: "My flashlight gave out, was tryin' to shake it back to life when a stalker grabbed me."

Joel scratched the back of his neck and lowered his head while you just stared and moved towards him slowly, his voice quiet: "I felt its– Its teeth on my neck right before Kiki jumped on it."

"Joel..." You sighed the moment you stopped walking, whispered, gulped and realised how bad your throat ached. He raised his head and gave you an utterly wrecking look, which immediately triggered you to walk over to him and hug him. His arms quickly shot up and wrapped themselves around your back. He buried his face into your neck this time and your hands ran through his hair, caressing the back of his neck soothingly. The way his arms embraced you was tight, but not enough to crush you– just enough to remind you where you belonged.

Home. That's what you felt like.

For the first time in many, many years, you finally found home again.

That exact feeling that made your eyes blurry with tears had struck first after fifteen years into the apocalypse, and it was the night after a particularly tough mission to handle some hunters around the area. The team had almost lost Kurt and Robin, the fear had been very overwhelming. The intensity of it all was nerve-wracking for everyone, so when Robin was back with Cole, they broke down crying in each other's arms. You couldn't bare to see them like that, so you joined with quiet whimpers and hugged them where they sat on the ground. Slowly, the rest of the group had joined, and when finally Kurt put his arms around you and them, everyone calmed down. That was home.

Family.

You inhaled his scent with tears in your eyes and a barbed wire around your throat, then hugged him tighter; the realisation of what might have happened had Kiki not been there washing over you like a tidal wave. All these months of doubting her– maybe you misunderstood her? Were you too cruel to Kiki in your mind? You sure as hell owed her now, you were more than grateful for what she did.

A sharp intake of breath from Joel and the warm wetness you felt on your neck confirmed that he was crying, so you turned your head a little to kiss his neck softly. It was rare that Joel cried, let alone open up like this, so you let him cry on your shoulder for as log as he needed. He didn't make a sound other than his occasional sniffs and sighs.

"I need you (Y/N)," He murmured after calming down a few minutes later, slowly shifting his arms downwards and kissing you deeply, pulling you flush against him. You kissed back, sighing into his mouth and slithering your hands down his back to the waistband of his underwear. You devoured each other at the doorway while the tub was still filling, the chilly yet still warm July night creating a thin layer of sweat between your bodies. He softly pushed you up against the doorframe, and his movements became more rushed the more your tongues danced against each other.

"Joel, baby wait," You pulled back and he stopped immediately. "The bath..."

You kissed a tear that was hanging on the edge of his cheek and reluctantly slipped away from his hold to turn the faucet off, and before you could turn back around, you felt his hands slowly sneak their way under your shirt and smiled softly at the feel. You turned completely, while he carefully walked you over to the counter and pushed you against the edge between the two sinks. He started peppering urgent kisses on your neck, making you sigh a quiet moan as your eyes closed, his hands roaming your body and eventually taking off the sleeveless undershirt off of you.

"What about the– the bath?" You barely managed to ask when he softly bit and kissed on the skin of your breasts, then moved down to tug your shorts down your legs.

"Later," He groaned when he saw the sight before him and immediately went to suck a few marks around your breasts, gently biting your nipples the way you liked it. You moaned and wrapped a leg around his waist so you could have his erection pressing directly against your pussy.

He lifted you up slightly and sat you on the cold counter, making you sigh as he settled between your legs, pulling his underwear off only for his erection to spring against your inner thigh. He was getting harder by the second, but before he lined himself up, he made sure you were taken care of to begin with. While massaging your inner thighs, he carefully bit and sucked on your neck, rubbing the tip of his cock between your slick folds in the meantime. You moaned quietly at his ministrations, his hands feeling wonderful around your legs.

After a while, you reached for his length and lined him up, allowing him to push in. You let out a soft moan by his ear and he did the same when he dived into your depths, then wrapped your arms around his shoulders and legs around his waist. He growled, grabbed at your hips and thighs and started off with a slow but somehow rushed pace.

What you liked about a slower pace, first and foremost, was how you could feel everything Joel had to offer and how much more relaxed and focused he was. You liked it when he took his time, making sure you felt every inch and vein of his length– You also liked the tension building up more this way. With the patrols and chores taking up most of your constantly changing schedules, sex had started to become a bit of luxury again, too.

Your eyes opened slowly when he called your name desperately– moaned it. You slowly pulled back from your hug and looked him in the eyes, then kissed him deeply, his rhythm stable but the snap of his hips started to become harsher. His grip on your hips were equally desperate and bruising, but you liked it; it was also your own way of assuring yourself that Joel was still here, with you.

His pace picked up the more your tongues swayed together, then his hand went to the hair on your scalp and massaged the skin there, making you throw your head back and clench down on him with a mewl. Groaning, he kissed and bit all over your neck again, the skin slapping against skin making both of you near the edge.

He suddenly pulled out and away, gently helped you off the counter and turned you around. In one motion, he buried himself deep inside you again and moaned. You arched your back and he pulled your hair into a ponytail, then placed solid, sloppy kisses on your shoulders as he fucked you from behind.

"Shit– Joel," You gasped when he grabbed at your breasts, arms crossed and slammed into you particularly hard. He was getting closer with each passing minute.

"(Y/N)..." He groaned and pressed you down against the counter, trapping you between the cold surface and his hairy, broad chest while sneaking a hand down to your clit. He slammed into you three more times, which made you moan brief but loud ahs and ohs each time; your hands clawing against his hips and arms, leaving your own marks, throwing him over the edge when he thought about the pleasure he felt when your nails digged into his skin.

You both came with loud moans and held onto each other tightly, Joel pulling out the last second even though he really, really wanted to come inside you at that moment: He would never do it without your permission and talking about it first, but the topic was never brought up by either of you.

Panting while coming down your high, you were as disappointed as Joel was when he didn't fill you up with his thick cock– you were also as cautious as your husband about this, and maybe it was finally time to discuss it.

After recollecting yourselves, you both moved into the lukewarm water in comfortable silence, Joel laying against you between your legs and holding onto your hands which you had wrapped around his chest in a hug, resting his head against your own.

Some time later, when you felt yourself dozing off, Joel hummed quietly: "If you're gonna sleep let's move to bed."

"How did you..."

"Your heartbeat got real slow, figured you were dozin' off," He slowly got up with a phantom smile on his lips and looked into your sleepy eyes. This small gesture made you smile back, and after he took your hand in his and placed a loving kiss on your knuckles, you got cleaned and out of the bath. There was much to be said, but sleep overcame you both as soon as you laid on the soft, inviting mattress.

The next morning, Joel had some business in town with Tommy while it was your day off, so you both had the opportunity to talk during breakfast. After some discussion and honesty about how you felt towards Kiki, Joel figured there'd be nothing a good dinner wouldn't fix. You had to agree because of your self-doubt, maybe this dinner would help you understand Kiki's intentions better, and it would also be your way of thanking her for saving Joel.

"I have to tell you somethin', but promise me–" Joel chewed on his scrambled eggs after your reluctant agreement to the dinner. "–You won't get mad?"

You rolled your eyes and offered a small smirk after finishing your bite: "When do I ever get mad at you?"

"Oh?" He raised a brow. "Well, I was startin' to think you were jealous of Kiki, is all."

Your mouth fell open in a silent gasp: "I am no such thing! Joel Miller–"

"Oh boy," He took a sip off his coffee, having made his point.

You took a deep breath, rolled your eyes while they were closed and grabbed your own cup: "Look, I'm not jealous, I just..."

"Just what?"

You chewed on your lower lip while staring two holes into the cup in your hands, took your time to think: "I'm just worried."

"What's got you worried, sweetpea?" His expression immediately softened as he leaned forward, the pet name easing the tension in your heart a little.

"They're– really odd, okay?" You spoke quietly, occasionally meeting his eyes. "Doesn't it bother you just how different they act when they're not around each other?"

"Where're you gettin' with this?"

"I just don't want another Axel case." The room fell to a deafening silence when you said his name, but you continued when he didn't say anything: "Look, I simply can't help but think they're trying to get close to us on purpose."

"Oh darlin'," His eyes widened slightly as he got off his chair and stood beside you in a quick motion, putting his warm hands on your bare shoulders. "I understand what's got you all worried, but I'm sure this is all because of Maria puttin' us together for patrol. Don't worry your pretty little head with all o' that." He pressed you against his body in a hug, gently massaging your shoulders as he did: "Now, I gotta get goin', but when I come back I'll do somethin' to ease all that stress built up in these strong muscles of yours, huh?" He softly digged his fingers into your shoulder blades, making you sigh as you realised they were indeed very stiff. He offered a soft smile: "Agreed?"

"Agreed." You forced a smile in return, trying not to worry like he said. It was Joel, after all; if he said you had nothing to worry about, then you probably didn't...

... But that didn't mean you were going to shut out your gut feelings altogether. It was your instincts that always saved your ass when you were unsure about situations like this, or when you got in trouble with people in general. You could always beat yourself up for overthinking too much and being so doubtful of them, but for now, you were going to keep your guard up at all times and keep them at arm's length.

————

tags: @spideysimpossiblegirl @joelsgeetar @sherry-212 @peachymelon69

#joel miller #joel x reader #joel x y/n #joel x oc #joel x you #joel miller x you #joel miller x reader #joel miller x y/n #joel miller x oc #joel miller smut #joel miller imagine #joel miller fanficition #joel miller fanfic #the last of us #tlou x reader #tlou smut #tlou imagines #tlou imagine #tlou fanfiction #tlou fanfic #the last of us x reader #the last of us fanfic #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us imagine #smut #fanfiction #reader insert

[unprofessional-bard]

Chapter 12 - The Development, Pt. III

Unprofessional Bard's Masterlist

Losing My Religion Series Masterlist

Previous Chapter • Next Chapter

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female!Reader/OC

Warnings: nightmares, patrol action, detailed description of bloodshed/violence, jealousy, hurt/comfort-ish.

Summary: A patrol gone wrong.

Word Count: 6.030

Author's Note: It's been almost a month since I updated I think I'm so sorry y'all 😭 I'll be done with language school in the following days so I'll update a lot more often and catch up with requests!!

Enjoy!

"Look, there!" Kiki whispered and pointed at a bush at the edge of a cliff. You, her and your husbands were hunting anything you could find for the town, and it was apparently going to be a rather large looking hare.

You looked around quickly for signs of movement and asked, bow at the ready: "Where?"

"I think it's hiding in the bush," She spoke quietly as you and Joel went towards the edge with quiet steps– you from the left and him from the right. He was quick with a pistol, but bullets were a last resort for hunting as it ruined the carcass and the meat, plus it was too loud.

"You see it?" You asked Joel and drew your arm back as far as it went and held your breath, looking for the animal desperately.

"I don't think it's–"

Blam!

The arrow sprang at the unexpected, loud sound of the pistol from behind you going off and something piercing your back. You heard Joel shout your name as you fell on your side, the bow slipping from your hands. As soon as you raised your eyes up at him, a second shot rang out in the air and a scream left your lips at the sight of Joel collapsing across you with a hole on the side of his head.

"Joel!"

You woke up with a loud gasp and sweat trickling down the sides of your face. Panting heavily, you couldn't speak for a while, sitting and trying to catch your breath. As soon as you snapped out of it, your hand went to look for Joel, where he was supposed to be in bed next to you, but he wasn't there.

"Joel?!" You called for him, running a hand through your hair and launching yourself out of bed and downstairs in the meantime. It was noon, the weather was a tad bit more hotter than usual. You practically ran downstairs as soon as you heard chatter coming from the dining room.

With the pounding in your ear and the fear that struck your heart, you couldn't hear who it was, but your jaw clenched and the blood flow in your veins came to a stop when you saw it was none other than Kiki and Joel sitting at the table, laughing.

"Oh, hey (Y/N)," Joel took notice of your abrupt entrance, but didn't seem bothered by your tense expression. "We were just talking about you."

"... Were you now?" You murmured.

"Come sit," Joel pointed at your usual seat at the head of the table, where you proceeded to walk towards. You entered the room with a dry mouth and slumped shoulders, your eyes never leaving Kiki's evil looking ones despite her smile.

"Yeah, she brought you these flowers and a letter," Joel extended them over to you with a curious, unusual smile spread across his lips. You were utterly dumbfounded as well as fuming, glaring daggers at him, then slowly took the said items from his hand.

Another thing that irked you was how Kiki was sitting in Joel's usual place across the other head of the table, while your husband was sat to your left. You looked at the flower for a while, but couldn't identify it, so you impatiently ripped through the neat package of the letter in question– giving hostile stares to them both as you did.

The paper was folded a few times to resemble a gift card. On the outside, it read Congratulations!

A nervous glance was sent Joel's way, who was flashing his teeth at you. Something he hadn't done in a long while. You then sent a nasty glare to Kiki, then it lowered down to the card in front of you, and with slow movements, you opened it: You don't have to worry about a thing anymore!

Before you could even think what the hell, the cocking of a gun from across you had you looking up at the speed of sound. Wide, bewildered eyes meeting the muzzle of a pistol held by Kiki, who now stood up across you.

You weren't given a moment to form a single word, when the gun went off and you felt it go through your skull, sending your body backwards. The force of it sent you falling with the chair, a horrified and confused expression painted across your face as the back of your head hit the floor.

You saw Joel walk over to you and kneel down with a blank expression on his face, saying your name...

Over... and over... and over again.

"(Y/N)?!" A sharp voice and a firm hand shaking you by the shoulder was what you heard for a brief second before your eyes shot open and a scream rippled through you.

You couldn't see who it was, but you'd know who the arms wrapped around you belonged to anyway.

"(Y/N), it's okay!" Ellie's worried voice somehow matched the grip she had around your body. You must've fallen asleep on the couch, where you had laid down to kill some time before the sweep. You held onto her tightly and pushed yourself back into her embrace as you let out a wail after a deep breath. "It's okay, I got you Dolly..."

You felt her hand caressing your back soothingly as she sat behind you and didn't let her hold weaken around your trembling form. Leaning down, you turned around and pressed your face into her shoulder, and she managed to hug you more properly.

It took a moment, but your attack turned into just hyperventilating, and that came to a stop eventually as well– Ellie just murmured assurances and made sure her grip around you never failed.

You pulled back when you felt yourself calm down: "I'm sorry–"

"It's okay," Ellie rubbed your back in a comforting motion, which made you feel a little better somehow. "You've nothing to apologise for... I hate bad dreams."

"Oh, I hate this one specifically," You chuckled and sniffed. "You think, after a long time of dealing with them, you'll get used to them, but you never really do."

She nodded: "Yeah... You want some water? Tommy sent me to grab you for the sweep."

You groaned and rubbed your temples: "I'd like that, I just neeed a moment to collect myself."

While Ellie was in the kitchen, you put your elbows on your thighs and held the back of your neck, trying but failing miserably to remove the images from your mind. At that moment, you felt the fear in your heart slowly turn into disdain and anger. Your breathing was heavy, and the beginnings of a terrible headache made its presence known.

"Here," Ellie's soft steps made you look up and take the glass from her with a quiet thank you. "You... wanna talk about it?"

You shook your head sideways as you took a big gulp: "Not now... Thank you though."

Twenty minutes later, you arrived at the stables to find Tommy and Joel. The sight of your husband almost made you run up, jump on and kiss him like a child, but you were a woman nearing her fifties, and Joel was a man alreadt in his fifties. Plus, you didn't want to worry him.

"Sorry, I fell asleep," You couldn't help the smallest relieved smile on your face as you approached them with quick steps. Joel didn't look very amused while Tommy urged you both to get going.

Since you were late, which wasn't a common occurrence, Joel had sent the others beforehand and decided to wait for you: "You okay?"

"Sure," You shrugged once you got on your horses.

"You look very pale," He observed, but when the doors opened, you both rode off. You rode fast, so you didn't talk more until you arrived at the meeting point.

The both of you were still a little tense from the previous day, and it hurt you –him too no doubt– but you both knew things could quickly escalate into a fight, and that you both needed to cool your heads before you could sit down and talk.

"We'll talk, okay? After we're done with the patrols altogether," You spoke softly before you both reached the others, to which he nodded with an expression devoid of tension.

"They're here," Bruce tilted his head your way as you waved briefly.

"Right." Joel said after the short greetings. "Kiki and I will search the houses, starting from the one beside the library. (Y/N) and Ward– You two'll search the library while Walt and Bruce will go for that little grocery store on the corner. Anything you can't handle? Holler and come back here."

Everyone gave a single nod as he explained how the sweep was going to go. You shared a brief look with Joel, then tilted your head at the library with a quiet come on to Ward. He nodded and followed you around to the sides of the building to find an opening– a window did the trick, and there were spores inside, but no movement: "Masks on."

After putting them on, you quietly jumped in and Ward followed; you then went back to the entry to open the doors in case you needed an emergency exit, then grabbed your rifle tightly and nodded at him to start moving; your mind raced with thoughts about the amount of fungal growth on the walls, how Ward was going to react if you got into trouble– if he was going to be the reason you'd get into trouble, and at the back, Kiki and Joel.

It wasn't long before you started hearing whimpers and gasps of runners inside. You whispered to him to follow you into the section behind the register, pulling out your knives and starting to clear the infected one by one. If Ward didn't grunt or groan too loudly, you imagined things would go more smoothly with patrols as he drew too much attention. He fought very angrily, like a Berserker, all the time; but he had it under control a lot more comparing to his first times.

It went well for the most part, carefully clearing the whole floor took as long as Kiki and Joel to get out of the house they were searching. When you were looking for a way to the second floor that wasn't barricaded, Joel stepped inside the library with his mask on: "Everything going okay?"

"Yup, this floor is cleared," You started walking towards him, Ward following suite. "I can still hear some infected upstairs though, but all the stairways are closed off–"

You suddenly stopped, the abruptness making Ward halt as well. Suddenly realising how unstable the ground was, you looked down very slowly, the squeaking of rotten wood beneath your feet making you tense up.

"Dolly?" Joel took a step towards you.

"Wait, no!" Your head and hands shot up to stop him. He stood right on the line where the wood and concrete connected: "Oh, fuck."

"What?!" Ward looked around.

"We're gonna fall if we're not careful," You spoke, on edge, alerting everyone and suddenly wondering where Kiki was. "Ward, you're closer to that counter, right?"

"Yeah," He turned around without moving his feet.

"Okay," You carefully put a foot forward and felt the wood shift unnervingly. "At the count of three, we jump."

"What's going on?" Kiki suddenly appeared out of nowhere and walked in, startling all of you.

"Stay back!" You cried out when she stepped right on the edge of the wooden surface, a step ahead of Joel.

As if she was doing it on purpose, with an ugly expression on her face, she took a particularly harsh step forward: "I don't understand, what's–"

A loud crack made your head shoot up, bewildered eyes meeting Kiki's at first, then Joel's panicked ones. Now or never! your brain screamed as you extended an arm out for Joel, and jumped forward.

————

Joel extended his arm out the same time you did, quickly kneeling down and leaning forward to grab you, but the wood was quicker. The distance between you two was too far, so the rotten ground swallowed you before your fingers could brush against Joel's.

"(Y/N)!" Joel shouted when a fearful shriek left your throat, watching you fall into the darkness. He quickly raised his head with great fear only to see Ward hanging on the edge of the counter, struggling grunts spilling from his lips. He tried to climb, but his hands slipped, and it caused him to fall in with you.

"Ward!" Kiki screamed. She had stepped back, but did nothing as she watched you both fall. Joel was too out of it to pay attention to either of them, he yelled your name desperately into the hole on the ground when it got quiet, the insufficient amount of light frustrating him. The dust and spores which rose with the commotion made it harder for him to see, even with his flashlight.

You were gone.

Slipped out of his touch the last second.

————

Your soul left your body when the makeshift floor gave out and you felt yourself fall. You couldn't reach Joel in time, and the look of terror on his face got branded onto your memory with hot iron at that exact moment.

"Oof!" Your chest hit what you assumed to be a bookshelf after you fell some distance. It gave out and two shelves broke under your ribs, which knocked the breath out of you, then you felt the slow collapsing of the bookshelf backwards. You panicked, then fell a second time on your arm. A pained, howl-like sound left you when you did, a few books falling on top of you. A particularly thin but open book's pages cut your bare shoulder as you shielded your face to protect your mask while everything fell, and fell, and fell.

Then, suddenly, there was another loud crash with a painful shout, which let you know Ward couldn't make it out and fell with you.

Then, there was silence.

You heard Joel shout your name once, then twice. Your head was spinning, and there was an irritating ringing in your ear which mostly cancelled out every other noise around. When you realised your consciousness remained, by some miracle, you checked your mask for any cracks before trying to move out of the fetal position you were in.

An all glass mask still intact, you didn't seem to have broken any bones (except for a few ribs probably) and you were still conscious– Some luck, huh.

Still kicking.

"I'm okay!" You shouted once you made sure everything was in place, but you were, in fact, not okay.

"Oh Christ," you heard Joel cry out and realised you were trapped under the collapsed bookshelf, but you were able to drag yourself out of there and stand up. Suddenly, you began hearing the growling and gasping of infected, but you couldn't see them.

"Where's Ward?!" Kiki shouted and you immediately began searching for him, turning on your flashlight.

"Here–" You heard a growl from a few feet away from you. From the sound of it, he was struggling as if he was being crushed. Your head was spinning, but you still tried to locate him.

"There's infected down here," You spoke. "We need to get out of here ASAP, where are you Ward?"

"Under– Here–" He coughed and you saw a fallen bookshelf move to your left. As quietly as possible, you skipped over to him and helped him lift the shelf off his back.

"Shit!" You immediately pulled out your pistol when you saw a stalker spring free, and fired two shots into it's face before it could reach Ward.

"(Y/N)?!" You heard Joel again. "That's it, we're coming down there, hang on!"

"No!" You walked back to where he was kneeling and a small wave of relief washed over you when you saw his face. "Stay there, we'll find a way to get out of here."

"No (Y/N)–!"

"She's right!" Kiki suddenly tugged at Joel's arm and it took all of your might to yell at her to back off, so you bit your tongue: "We're making too much noise, we don't know what's down there."

It became quiet again, which was when a door across the place you were in crashed open with the obnoxious clicking noises, followed by drawn out chokes and gasps.

You and Ward stood very still at the sudden intrusion, one hand going to your knife and the other to your pistol, trying to breathe as quietly as possible.

————

"We're going to cover for them if anything goes wrong, ready yourself," Joel growled at the woman beside her and got in position, his rifle at the ready, aiming it at the clicker closest to the his wife and Ward.

Kiki did as he told and aimed her pistol at a runner. They quietly watched as the pair sneaked around, but it was proving to be very hard because of the pieces of wood and books everywhere. Joel watched you motion Ward to go around the other way, no doubt to cover more ground.

Soon, a runner spotted you mid-takedown, and launched itself in your direction. Joel's rifle went off without hesitation, while Kiki was keeping an eye on her husband. It all went to chaos in a matter of seconds.

After a few torturous minutes, the infected in the area were cleared, you stepped out to the light and spoke: "Okay, I think I see the light from the other side of the door they came in, maybe there's a way that'll lead us out of here."

Joel sighed, and gulped: "Are you okay– Clean? How hurt are you?"

"I'm fine, Joel, we're clean," You looked back at Ward briefly. "You should go and warn Walt and Bruce... we'll come back with a full sweep team another day."

"Okay, just be–" Joel spoke worriedly, only to be cut off by a loud, monstrous growl from below.

"Shit!" He saw you turn your head away and at that moment, a bloater put a hole through where the door was.

His heart dropped at the sight: "Be careful!" He immediately got up and started firing at the bloater, drawing its attention to him while the both of you hid and ran. Kiki followed suit and fired a little more, but Joel stopped her: "Save your bullets, let's go grab Walt and Bruce."

They ran out — the sun had almost disappeared by the time they made it to the street of the grocery store.

————

The fire Joel and Kiki opened drew the bloater's attention enough for you and Ward to sneak behind it, but it didn't take the bloater too long to hear your footsteps.

You desperately looked for a place to hide, or a higher ground– anything that would buy you some time to prepare a molotov or two. As you did, you also found a an extra bottle and some cloth lying around: It was mandatory to carry a bottle of mixed gasoline and oil in case people were stuck in situations similar to yours, and you'd never been more thankful for the rule.

The bloater came through the hole just when you'd grabbed the bottle, so before you could prepare anything, you started running again. Ward was aimlessly firing behind you two, so you stopped him: "Save your bullets!"

He did as you asked and followed you through an L shaped, long corridor: "What the hell is that?!"

"It's a bloater!" You turned the corner, tucking a rag into the bottle you found and began taping the cloth in place. It was hard, but it was also second nature to you. "These things are fucking hard to kill— You gotta make each bullet count, you hear me?!"

A soft exploding sound made you gasp, watching in slow motion as Ward ducked the spores launched at him. The bloater had stopped at the corner as you both ran to the other end where there were dual doors.

"Don't stop running, we gotta knock those doors down!" You yelled and braced yourself, Ward doing the same. Your eyes quickly darted around the door to see if it had any locks that would prevent your launch, and it didn't, but you knew then that the door was locked from the other side.

Before you could stop yourself, not realising you were too close to the door, you slammed into it and fell back with much force– as you had predicted.

Ward met the same fate, but he just stumbled backwards. You realised the bloater was getting closer: "We can't let it corner us, check that door!"

There was a wooden door to the left, which Ward opened without effort, and you rolled inside right before a spore bomb hit you. He quickly closed the door behind you and pushed a vending machine in front of it as you instantly collected yourself and poured the mix through the small hole on the neck of the bottle with shaky hands.

Not long later, the bloater walked through the wall next to the door as if it were nothing, making Ward curse. You immediately pulled out your lighter and set the rag on fire, and with a cry, threw it against its chest. While it was distracted you started firing into its head, not realising what Ward was doing– With incredible power, he pushed the vending machine towards the bloater and overthrew it. The bloater stumbled backwards and growled, Ward's actions making you panic.

"There!" He yelled when he turned towards you and pointed at a big hole on the wall behind you– he quickly boosted you through and jumped to the other side while the bloater was still recovering from the fire.

"You need to cover me so I can make more molotoves," You said and started making another while looking around. You were in a bigger and more spacious area, and you saw a way out immediately: A small drawer shelf and another vending machine next to it – a makeshift stair which led to an upper floor, where light came in.

But before you could even point at the place, the bloater came crushing through the wall, making you both jump and run away.

"Over here, you ugly bitch!" Ward hollered and drew the bloater's attention while you made quick work of a second molotov. Too focused on it, you almost didn't hear Ward shout: "(Y/N) look out!"

You quickly rolled to the side as the bloater ran towards you, trying to grab you. The bottle you had prepared got crushed, which made you curse, but you still had one more bottle left. It was already prepared, but you had to be careful. You started firing again, until Ward shouted: "There's a door!"

You kept the bloater distracted as you dodged the spores, while Ward opened the door and motioned for you to get in. You ran past it as fast as your legs allowed, and threw yourself inside.

Ward cried as he pushed something heavy in front of the door– you couldn't tell what it was in the dim lighting but it did a good job stopping the bloater from going through, which let you take a deep breath.

"God dammit," You growled quietly and held the side of your ribcage. "We're trapped, we gotta move quickly– we've only one shot at this. You saw the way up, right?"

"Yeah, I did," Ward panted.

"Right, I'm guessing that this corridor leads us to the door on the other corner of the area," You tilted your head towards the L shaped corridor behind you. "I'm gonna make another molotov– The moment it spots us, I'll throw it. It'll buy us some time for us to climb out of here."

Ward listened and watched as you made another molotov with hands shakier than before: "You okay?"

"I will be once I see the moonlight," You groaned and pulled out your lighter. "Let's go!"

————

Blam!

"Looks like we got here just in time," Joel grunted, wiped his forehead, then extended Walt a hand to lift him off the floor after shooting a stalker –which was on top of the redhead– in the head. "Y'all okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Walt nodded and fixed his posture. "Why are you here, somethin' wrong?"

"(Y/N) and Ward are trapped below the library with a bloater, we gotta move quick; come back here some other time with a bigger crew." Joel started sprinting back the way they came after he made sure everyone was ready to go.

"What's up with all the infected?" Bruce chimed in, out of breath. "I mean, all these other infected I get, but a bloater?"

"We need to come back with a full sweep team," Walt agreed. "Let's get (Y/N) and Ward."

————

"Go, go, go!" You whisper yelled at Ward after checking and making sure from the other door that the bloater was still trying to break down the door you two escaped from. As soon as you both stepped out, the bloater heard Ward's heavy footsteps and started charging at the both of you. Following the plan one by one, you threw the molotov and set the bloater on fire again, slowing down it's movements.

Your mistake was to think it was beginning to die after its movements slowed down.

You fired at the bloater, emptying what little ammo you had left, all the while Ward climbed his way up: "(Y/N) come on! There's the exit, this way!"

The horrifying realisation of the bloater not being dead poured down on you like iced water, which made you run towards the makeshift stairs like hell. The abomination chased after you with a disgusting noise, which made your fear level rise all the more. You practically threw yourself on the drawer, but miscalculated your steps and slipped, almost falling off the vending machine.

Trying to get up allowed the bloater to catch up with you and before you could jump towards Ward, it grabbed your ankle. A shriek left you as he caught you by the wrists: "Hold on!"

————

"You know a way around to the back? They went through there—" Joel pointed at the huge gap on the wall down where you and Ward fell, but suddenly heard the echo of your shriek from far away. He tensed up, turning towards Walt and shouting: "Do you?!"

"I think I do, come on!" Bruce exclaimed and led the group of four out.

————

You desperately stomped on the bloater's head with your free foot as its big, fungi covered hand gripped your ankle tighter and pulled. Ward was doing everything in his power to pull you up, and for a second you thought his grip was stronger than the bloater's– that your wrists were going to come off.

The man suddenly grabbed you from under your armpits, partly hugging you as he leaned forward and emptied his pistol into the bloater's face. With a final kick from you, the bloater let you go. The sudden move sent you flying with Ward, his back hitting the floor, hard. You rolled over him and landed facedown, the both of you letting out cries and grunts at the impact. You groaned, realising that your mask finally broke when you landed on your face, but thankfully there were no spores around.

You remained in the same position as you breathed heavily, Ward panting beside you, groaning as he also remained on his back. The noises from the bloater started to fade away. You couldn't move, the shock of everything tied your tongue and a knot to your stomach– you felt as if you looked Medusa straight in the eyes just a second ago.

————

"Look through there," Bruce pointed at the backdoor of the storage of the library, Joel sprinting towards it with Kiki behind him. As soon as he stepped inside, he saw your rigid form on the floor. You were on your side, one hand supporting to keep you up, your left  arm resting on the curve of your hip. Right then, Ward got up in the same position from behind you, and equally confused and tired look on his face.

The sight was quick to send a shiver down his spine: The bridge of your nose was bleeding, your mask was broken, and Ward laying behind you unintentionally reminded him of the time he had accidentally walked in on Tommy and his then girlfriend before the outbreak. The memory was funny, but for some wicked reason Joel himself didn't understand, it didn't help the scenery in front of him.

He never said it, but he never liked the amount of patrol time Maria had assigned you and Ward (and him and Kiki). The reason he didn't speak up was because how he got off on the wrong foot with his sister-in-law all those years ago when he tried to get Tommy to leave with Ellie.

He wouldn't admit but Joel was a jealous man. There never were any fights between you and him because of his jealousies –or between him and some other person– and he also never thought badly of you. The years you spent together and the things that occured in the past few weeks... he was more than assured that you loved him and that you'd do anything for him: He hadn't felt like how he felt with you alnost his whole life.

It wasn't you that made him angry – when he took your words about Kiki and the couple in general into consideration, it was Ward's presence behind you and so close to you that got him angry.

But it wasn't the first thought that came to his mind.

Your mask's glass was broken.

After you slipped out of his grip... thinking you may have died and that he might have had to collect your body from down there, seeing you alive and in one piece made him run towards you without a second thought.

————

The heavy footsteps from outside made you panic and turn to the left onto your side, Ward repeating your move but to the right, rising his upper body up to see past you. Ward had a hard time figuring out who that was with the dim lighting, but you immediately knew who that was.

As soon as his eyes landed on you, he ran towards you with incredible urgency. You instinctively reached an arm out to him and he (unintentionally) harshly grabbed you and pulled you into a rib crushing embrace, also dragging you slightly away from Ward with the suddenness of the move. You hugged him back immediately with one arm and took your mask off with the other, tears finally strolling down your face as soon as your chin met his shoulder. You inhaled his scent– your chest hurted a little from how tight he was hugging you, but you didn't stop him: not a single sound of protest from you was heard.

"Ward... Ward!" Kiki called out and ran past you both towards her husband, who pushed her away. Walt and Bruce walked in last and their hearts warmed at the sight of you and Joel. People outside your inner circle rarely saw you cry or be overcome with negative emotions, so this was a little new for them.

"Joel..." A whimper left your lips.

"I know– I know baby," He rubbed the side of his face against your hair, his own tears warm against your bare shoulder. He finally pulled back after a moment, cupping your cheek and taking a proper look at you: "Are you– your mask–?"

"It broke just now," You nodded and gulped. "Landed face first after Ward pulled me out of there."

Joel gave the man in question a look of sympathy and thankfulness: "You saved her."

It was more a statement than a question, but Ward still replied: "She saved me too, y'know, she's–"

You turned around with a smile, getting up with Joel's help: "If it weren't for you just a few minutes ago I would've died, Ward. You pulled me out," You extended a hand over to him: "Thank you."

He looked between your face and hand, then grabbed it, pushing himself up with an awkward but genuine smile, Kiki completely forgotten: "I thank you too."

You hugged Joel's side after giving Ward's shoulder a pat, you husband's arm wrapping around your waist: "You did good today. We did good."

Ward smiled a bit more fully this time, appreciative of your comment but completely beaten. Joel placed a kiss on your temple after he turned the both of you around to leave, and you pressed yourself even more to his side.

"Let's get y'all out of here," Walt tilted his head towards the door after looking down the area you both climbed out of before, the bloater making it's way back to the hole on the wall to the right.

"Will there be a long period of time where I won't be seeing you in here, (Y/N)?" Katherine smirked when you and Joel entered the examination room.

"Perhaps when I'm as old as Eugene, but that's not stopping him, so..." You both chuckled as Joel helped you sit down.

"What was it this time?" Katherine put her gloves and medical mask on, taking a seat across your bed.

"A bloater, a dozen other infected," You squinted when she lit a flashlight into your eye. "Oh, and, I fell through the floor and onto a bunch of bookshelves. My–"

"Ribs are probably broken. I guessed," She chuckled, then pointed at your nose: "And this?"

"My mask shattered when I– don't worry, there were no spores," You said immediately when her eyes went wide.

"And your ankle?"

"The bloater tugged on it."

"It what?" Katherine and Joel blurted out spontaneously. You proceeded to tell the whole story from your fall to Ward dragging you out as the doctor finished her examination.

"I don't know how you do it, but you're damn lucky you got outta this with two broken ribs, a grade one concussion and a few cuts." Katherine threw her gloves and mask away after she completed treating your nose and other cuts. "Take some painkillers for sleep and you'll be on your feet tomorrow, but you already knew that. Try not to lean on your ankle for a few days and take it easy with your ribs."

"Thanks Katherine," You smiled sincerely, which she returned as you grabbed the box of painkillers from her.

As soon as you reached home, Joel prepared a nice hot bath for you and washed the dirt off, kissing you everywhere he could and being extra gentle with your wounds like he always did. He was lightly scrubbing your back when he murmured: "I hope we're not calling them over for dinner again."

You turned your head to the side, looking at him over your shoulder with a brow up: "I hope you're not. It wasn't my idea."

He tsked, a phantom of something near embarrassment present across his face: "Yeah, you're right."

"Why the change of heart?" You grinned lightly, with a hint of bitterness to your tone. "You're finally listening to your wife?"

He stopped scrubbing altogether, leaning back a little. You turned to your side with a serious expression and watched his face morph into shame and guilt. He huffed and lowered his head: "I'm sorry (Y/N). I–"

"I know you are," You said casually. "I just wanna know why the change of heart." He blinked at you: "It can't be Ward– the man saved my life and hasn't been really trying to send us subliminal messages, so I'm assuming it was something Kiki did."

Both of them, Joel wanted to reply but you were right, mostly it was Kiki, so he just nodded.

He went back to scrubbing where he left off and you turned to the side again, putting your chin on your knee: "One more patrol, Joel. Then we're done with them for good. Then, we will talk."

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