#just the thoughts of a very sad eps :c

[pinkandpurple360]

ITS ME, MAMMON 💚🃏

This man reeks of insecure corporate shame

A psychology theory…

“And I’ll be like a stepdad, who will love you, when it’s convenient!!”

It all really started for him in LooLoo Land, the-legally distinct-knockoff of Lucifers more successful Lulu World that reeks of insecure corporate shame.

When he said

“I raised you like the son I didn’t want!”

He was fucking lying his clowny ass off because he wanted a son even more than Fizz wanted a father of his own and Mam has not shut up about his father-son delusion for almost twenty goddamn years

The second image above, and all of the symbolism around it is the foundation of Mammons character and psychology. No really. This was not the introduction of Fizzarolli, it was the introduction of Mammon wearing Fizzi as his face. Vibe checked by a jaded 17 year old owl goth girl who can see through her own pathetic dads fake bullshit. This scene was the foreshadowing of the Musical Special. Everything from the green spotlight on Fizzi, the nasty personality of the robot which was closer to Mammons than Fizzarolli’s. Lots of symbolism. Especially the ripped off reference to Hazbin Hotels “I have a dream” song lyric. Has possible symbolism. I’m actually deeply disappointed the ep didn’t make a single call back to LooLoo Land at all. And Blitz was right there and wasted potential :(

Shown is a Fizzbot ‘Fizzi’ compared to his ‘dad’ mammon ahh like father like son as they say. Blech. Everybody loves Fizz, does anybody love you, Mammon? (Me, I do❤️)

So I’m going to get it out of the way and say it, Mammon is giving Leviathan a run for his money (haha money, get it?) because his envy and idolisation of his BFF Lucifer is so great that he’s trying to find his “very own pride and joy”, his own theme park, his own grand circus and adoring fans, and his own wholesome musical child knock-off of Lucifers more popular Charlie Morningstar.

He saw this

And he thought….

Aw, he so sad here :c Just do this one thing, for him x he’s just a giant evil baby man with four arms and eight eyes

He doesn’t really want a daughter though, he feels like he’d relate better to a (marketable) son. And I think that’s the real reason he made the comment about women not being considered the same way adults werent considered, only implings who want to grow up to be like him. (creepy..! I think that’s what tipped Blitzo off also poor Wally (another orphan like Fizz?) Wally didn’t make the cut 😢 YEET.

Anyway-His whole dream is being a father and son taking on the world to grow his empire. As long as he steals all the fortune. He must be insecure and full of shame if he wants someone to be his “new face” every year, if you really think about it. If the kid same is the gender as him and therefore a bit more like his own face in that sense, he’s not copying Lucifers daughter cause he has a son. It’s different and not the same at all.

But seriously it really shocked me when he started talking about being like a stepdad, and he was genuinely excited about it too? But this man doesn’t even know he wants to be a father and he’s probably never felt love before in his life. I guarantee this was a first sight “wow this kid kinda looks like me and he has the same innocent look in his eyes as Charlie, he’s mine now”

“I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING”

This for me. Made as big an impact as Oz saying he loves Fizz. It was very shocking. The opposite of greed is giving, and giving something to somebody is probably a massive fucking deal to Mam and I’d bet he doesn’t even know himself why he gave fizz so much attention

He also doesn’t kill Fizz? He SCREAMS at him, uses big intimidation tactics, sure, but didn’t actually lay a hand on him if you really look? He was fine with being uncomfortably physical and even violent before to him but isn’t now? (Fizz is forever so badass for this moment btw) How strange is that. This whole thing reeks of ‘scorned father’

Like he’s happy to keep exploiting Fizz but also just as fine in replacing him, even happy to see him possibly fail. So he really has no reason to be this possessive and attached. But he is. Oz says the song is about him and Fizz literally calls his name out and Mammon still ALLOWS him to finish his song he genuinely really enjoyed the song, he allowed him to make his speech, but only intervenes when he quits.

Why, because he wants the crowd to “love” him it’s very important to him - the money they give him is what he thinks love is. There is so many dads out there who respond to abuse allegations with “but I put a roof over their head and provide security” This is abusive father 101. I guess it could be just because Fizz is beloved by the masses, profitable, sure. But what if it’s because he feels the same way the crowd does about fizz, and doesn’t comprehend why? He clearly loves watching his performances. Even the diss track against him. Priorities.

It is just an extremely interesting concept to me if Mam is trying to copy Lucifers family, but the best thing he can come up with is a Brand Figure to be his “legacy” Capitalists man. He doesn’t understand what love is. But wants it. Wants to buy it. But it’s never enough.

“You are practically in my image”

Is literally another dad thing and to be more dramatic about this it’s the same thing we hear that ‘God made you in his image’ could this be setting up the theme of the show? Honestly my one criticism is that there’s enough sexual relationships in this show there didn’t need to be implications of him sexually interested in the guy he literally sees as his kid. A twisted boss/father story about a deeply lonely orphan clown child and a deeply lonely capitalistic clown spider over-idolising each other and entering an abusive family/work dynamic due to both of their tragic nativité and ignorance about love, is already a very mature story. It’s a 9/10 story but if Fizz and Blitz (an excellent way to incorporate him in the story) talked a bit about Fizz’s orphan status at the circus making him feel like there was always something missing, something Blitz had but he never did, it would have been 10/10.

#helluva boss #mammon #The Mammon Theory part 1 probably #cause this guy has so much going on #Helluva Mammon #Helluva Boss Mammon #Fizzarolli

[thecapricunt1616]

The Bear & His Honey - Chapter 9

♡ Chapter Inspo: Lyrics; Awkward (SZA) “You look at me different, so I let you see my body - now we don't seem to get along, now I regret it all.” ♡♡》》𝟙𝟠+ 𝕆ℕ𝕃𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℂ! ℕ𝕆 𝕄𝕀ℕ𝕆ℝ𝕊 𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕆𝕎𝔼𝔻《《♡♡ ♡ Summary: Carm closes his day off w/ Winnie. Winnie, Syd, & Sadie shoot the shit, and disconnect Winnies mushy heart from her hook-up antics. Carm feels rejected by Winnie not knowing the whole story, and lands himself back in a support group (by choice). Sugar wins Big Sissy of the year award. ♡ W/C: 9,444 (angel #’s purr!) ♡ Posted Date: 02/23/24 ♡ A/N: Hayoooo! I hope y’all love this chap. - Next one will be long and juicy since its the 10th… hm.. Not feelin’ very wordy for some reason. Oh!! I saw the new ep. Of The Good Doctor- I MISSED MY SHAUN MURPHY!!!! I <3 MY GOOD DOCTOR!!! Anyhoot- ennjoooy this chap frayndss :D ♡ Warnings for BTC: MAJOR talks of Suicide, grief talk, sad / insecure Carm, swearing, smoking, drinking(cant remember so just in case?), mentions of chronic pain, think that’s all.

➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡

➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈

Winnie’s P.O.V. -

I came back to the bedroom, teeth freshly brushed and glasses on. “Ready for some Drag education?” I joke, getting our fluffy blankets from the foot of the bed and draping them over us. “Mm drag education. Sounds fun” he opened his arm so I could lay on his chest. I laid down comfortably and he chuckled a bit. 

“What?” I asked and he curled his arm around me, gently rubbing my side. “Nothin’ just didn’t realize you wear glasses” he said and I look up at him with a small smile on my lips “mmhmm just another one of my faults, eyes that don’t work” I joke and he snorts, “you have no faults” he said brushing my bangs out of my eyes gently. 

“Okay enough flirting, mister” I poked his nose and leaned over him, grabbing the remote from my nightstand and turning on the tv. I went to Paramount and typed in the title, scrolling to drag race season 15 “okay…so this is last season, a lot of the queens are from Connecticut, but you’ll get the gist of it- and learn all the phrases that Sadie and I use” I said and hit play on the first episode. 

“Oh! Yeah that’s why my stomach hurts” I sit up and he scrunches his eyebrows “What?” He asks “forgot I was hungry. Watch! I’ll go make the rest of the pizza” I went out to the kitchen before he could reply, and preheat the oven putting the rest of our pizza from last night on a tray and popping it in, not bothering to wait for it to beep before coming back. “Okay so, I like the cute one, the little one” he points and I giggle, “Marcia Marcia Marcia?” I ask and he scrunches his eyebrows. 

“See they have weird names” he said his eyes flicking back to the tv as Rupaul came out and he raised his eyebrows ``wow” he muttered “thought he was a drag queen?” He questioned. “Not in the workroom babe, just watch” I settled back into his chest and played with his fingers, finding it adorable how he was so engrossed in it. I watched along with him for the mini photoshoot challenge and he scoffs softly “see…I hate her makeup it looks- it looks weird.” He muttered and I giggled. 

“See! I told you you’d love this show” I look up at him and he rolls his eyes “you tell no one at work we watched this, I’ll never hear the end” he said and I laugh, looking back at the screen “mm well…I guess another reason to behave yourself” I said smugly and he pinches my bum playfully. After a while I started to smell the pizza and sat up “be back, lovey” I said softly, shuffling off to the kitchen. I divided up the remaining 4 slices on my plastic strawberry shortcake plates and opened my fridge. 

“Carm, do you want cherry coke?” I called “Sure” he replied. I grabbed 2 cans, a few pieces of paper towel, and our plates, before heading back to the bedroom. “Irene somethin’ won the challenge-thing” he sits up, leaning against the headboard. “Got 2,500 bucks just for that. Good money” he took the plate and I handed him the can of soda and I smiled a bit. 

“Mmhmm, they win like 200,000 at the end” I said and his eyebrows raised “wow, hmm. High stakes then” he continues watching along with me as we eat our pizza. We were snuggled up, at the end of the third episode and he sighs softly, rubbing my side to get my attention. “Honey” he mumbled gently and I looked up at him. 

“I gotta…Y'know '' he said with a slight frown and lifted his hand to motion to the door. “Got work in the mornin’..” he said and I pout a bit, “I know…I know” I sighed and sat up, “it was nice, y’know- spending time with you..” I said and pulled on my bear paw slippers as he slipped his hoodie over his head. 

“It was really nice, Win, I’ll call you, yeah?” He comes over opens his arms for a hug. I nuzzle into his chest, closing my eyes. “Mmhmm, I’ll leave my ringer on for you” I said softly, breathing in the scent of his cologne, subconsciously trying to memorize it. “Y’gonna try and come down for lunch sometime this week? Mm? I can make y’somethin’” he said and kissed the top of my head sweetly. I smiled a bit, resting my chin on his chest as I looked up at him. 

“Now that I have two friends there, I’ll be sure to stop by more often” I said softly, and puckered my lips for a kiss. He leans down, kissing my lips tenderly, lingering for a moment before pulling away. “I look forward to seein’ you more, then.” He said and rubbed my back gently before pulling away. I walked him to the door, handing him his backpack after he slipped on his sneakers and once he put it on I pulled him by the straps, kissing him passionately, running my fingers through his curls, and gently tugging. 

He hummed into my mouth, his hands trailing beneath my shirt and squeezing my bum in his palms before stroking my thighs with the tips of his fingers gently as he leans against the wall in our heated make out. After a minute or two he pulls away, our lips only mere inches apart. “Baby, I gotta go, yeah?” He said softly and kissed my nose. I jetted out a pout with my bottom lip and looked at him up through my lashes. “Yeah” I mumbled, and pulled him into one last hug before opening the door. 

“Be free” I shooed with my hand playfully and he chuckled. “Until next Saturday yeah? I’ll be waiting to see what happens to our bunny friend” he pecks my lips on the way out the door and I smiled. “Mmhmm, don’t work too hard this week” I said and he rolled his eyes jokingly. “Mm- ye’ I’ll try” he said and I shook my head with a grin, shutting the door. I leaned against it with my full weight, and sighed deeply when I knew he was well out of earshot, sliding to the floor pathetically in a heap, covering my face in my hands. 

I need to process this. 

I hastily got up off of the floor, padding heavily into my bedroom, and picking up my phone off the charger. It smells like him in here - and I’m unsure how I felt about it. I grabbed my bong and a lighter, as well as my little lavender tin of pre-ground flower, and went to sit out on the balcony outside my bedroom, FaceTiming Sadie. She answers by the end of the second ring.

“Biiiitch - ok wait, you didn’t call last night so before you start- Say hey Syddd! We’re wine drunkkk” She giggled, already gone- and turned her phone on it’s side, leaning it up against god only knows what so I could see them both together and I bit my lip, trying to appear happy. Shit. 

I just wanted to air out everything to Sadie but of course she and Syd are hanging out- when she isn’t with me she was with her. This was going to be harder to navigate then I thought. 

I stuffed my bowl full of flower with my fingers, “hey!” I said trying to sound enthusiastic and I lit it, taking a deep inhale. 

“Dude did you fuck him I need all the details like - S-O-U Winnie!!!” Sydney said and I nearly choked out a lung laughing, completely not expecting her to be so open about me being with him knowing how she’d ranted about her frustrations about him before. Sadie busts out laughing and I try to catch my breath, drool pooling in my mouth. I dashed inside, grabbing my water bottle and taking a few big chugs before returning. 

“Sydney” I said once I caught my breath and looked at her, we all went silent for a few short moments, and before I knew it we were all giggling together again over nothing. “Stop! Stop stoppp we need details Winnie!” Sadie said when she caught her breath and I shook my head, unsure where to even start. “Well…Syd do you still want to fuck him?” I ask and she snorts loudly. “No absolutely not. Not anymore. I just stand that asshole at this point.” She rolled her eyes, taking another sip of her wine. 

“How do you mean?” I asked, lighting my bowl again to take a proper hit. She shakes her head, playing with the end of one of her braids. “Dude,  Where do I even start?” she sighed deeply, thinking for a moment. “Okay, well let’s start with the fact that he’s so fucking selfish. Winnie- the only thing, and you’ll learn this sooo fast- the only thing he cares about, is easing his own fucking- his inadequacy!!” She said, talking with her hands as she usually did when she got passionate, just like Sadie and I. 

“Expand” I said after I exhaled, crossing my legs and Sadie took a big gulp of her wine, knowing she was about to listen to the following complaints for the third or fourth time over now. “Well, firstly, for starters- I’ll tell you the real reason he fucked around with that girl Claire. Because it’s what Mikey would’ve wanted him to do. Same reason he opened the new restaurant. Because he only cares about proving to himself that his brother would be proud of him. But- but he doesn’t even want to be happy! When that is really what Mikey would have wanted, I mean- right?” She asked and I swallowed thickly, nodding a bit. 

“N-no. No you’re right and - yeah that’s his biggest issue so far” I said and she laughed, covering her mouth. “Sorry sorry it’s not funny it’s just…wow he hasn’t even behaved himself? Hid it? Like…” she took a deep breath to steady herself. “Winnie-  I love you. You know tha, right, really. ” she said, I nodded quickly, my chest tightening. “He’s not a person to get involved with. Even for the dick. Even if it’s good which- I can’t say I haven’t thought about it - but you’re a sweet person Winnie. And as much as you want to think he deserves you - despite him being a little bitch. he does not deserve someone like you - period. Because he will forever push you away. We know how you are, and we know better than you know how he is. So, this will be my one and only warning about him - do not get involved.” She said and I bit my lip, nodding quickly. 

Don’t get involved further, Syd wouldn’t lie just because she wanted him for herself. She really, truly loves me, she’s one of my best friends.

I stare off into the distance, that thought bouncing around in my thoughts and the entirety of the day suddenly feeling…wrong. “Ok so now that we got that out of the way- how was it. Like is it big? Also how…like good is he?” she asked and I sat back, sighing softly. “That was another…downfall…even though it’s not even really a downfall!” I shake my hands for emphasis. “It’s literally- he’s so good like…well- he’s not pussy eating champion 2024 but” I said, earning a giggle out of them. 

“I was riding his face while we were 69 so it wasn’t like bound to be the best for me - but anyway he is huge! Like not long, but thick” I said, lighting my bowl and taking another hit. “Cut or uncut?” Sadie asked, causing me to snort, smoke coming out of my nose and I coughed a bit. “Guys - Italian Catholic? Cut” I said matter-of-factly and Syd laughed. “Okay but - please don’t tell me he has all that rage and doesn’t take it out in the bed?” She questioned and I shook my head. 

“He's actually like…shy? Even in bed! But he’s so hot you’ve seen him shirtless, right Syd?” I asked and she nods “oh- yeah. Of course. So…what like virgin shy?” She asked and I bit my lip slightly as I thought. “Kinda but like- he’s done it - but it’s been once or twice and that’s it like he got all his bases covered, practiced everything a few times - and that’s it, but when he commits he commits and he listens oh my goddd!” I close my eyes thinking about it and Sadie laughed. 

“At least he knows how to follow directions in bed if anywhere good” Sydney said while taking a sip of wine and I laughed. “Ohhh my god! Oh my god. He’s like- low key a sub but I’d neverrr tell him because he’d never let me touch him again, I know it.” I went inside, closing the balcony door and setting my bong on my dresser before sitting on my bed. “Well yeah but I mean- wow” Syd blinks in surprise, taking in what I’d said. “Wow.” She hummed in thought and I laughed. 

“What?” I asked “well- I mean like I said multiple times he’s an asshole at work, so with how brute and bossy he is, I like assumed he’d be like ‘get on your knees slut’ kinda guy? That was my fantasy anyways“ she mocked Carmen and I burst out laughing, “oh my god I wish” I said gasping in laughter. This is exactly what I needed. I needed to rip the bandaid off, because I knew Carmen wasn’t going to keep his promise, how he acted before we took a nap solidified it. He hates being with someone more than once.

“I wish. I had to beg him practically to tell me that he liked what I was doing. Like, isn't praise the first thing in porn?” I roll my eyes, petting Persephone as she jumps up. “Wait- wait- you had to tell Carmen Berzatto how to do something” she laughed, her head falling back. “Dude- oh my god! You are my saving grace. I am so glad I never slept with him. I'd have been so disappointed!” she said and I snorted. “That’s what I was gonna tell Sadie when I called actually… I mean- like I said he follows directions sooo well, but I wanted him to throw me around a little and he didn’t” I shrugged, picking at my nails. 

“So if he asks, will you see him again?” She asked and I nibbled the inside of my lip nervously. “We had like…. We cuddled and stuff I’m never-“ swallowed thickly, my heart beginning to ache- remembering how attached I’d really felt to the day we’d had together, underneath all the anger I was feeling that he was so emotionally guarded. “I’m not doing that again- ever with him. But he has a really nice dick- we fucked in the shower?” I laughed and Sadie and Syd burst out laughing again. 

“And ohh my god. The most dominant thing he did was like spank me- I don’t know what came over him! I was like oop!” I giggled and Sadie snorted, Syd leaning over the table in laughter. “Sooo he made you finish?!” Sadie asks and I nod “oh yeah- I mean. Like I said. He listens really well he just needs to be told what to do.” I said. “So he fucks like a puppy?” Syd teased and I rolled my eyes, laughing a bit. “In a way. But it’s like- he can learn. That’s why I’m kinda like…” I sighed softly, looking away. 

“I dunno..I dunno” I shook my head and sighed a bit. “The Carmen Berzatto effect, welcome.” Syd said sarcastically and I rolled my eyes. “But he- he’s…so sweet” I sighed, playing with the ends of my hair. “And…like- I dunno. I’m slipping back into my old ways. I want to fix him” I rolled my eyes at the realization and rubbed my face. 

“Wooooow!” Sadie drawls “holy shit! Well maybe you aren’t slipping because I’ve never heard you come to that realization before you run yourself to the bone for someone who can’t be fixed.” Sadie said and I sighed deeply, knowing deep down she was right. “What if he does the work?” I asked hopefully, “he won’t. He like- I dunno I don’t wanna say he hates himself, but he hates himself. Like any sense of good in life he crushes it for himself because he thinks he works better if he has nothing and he’s always chasing something.” Syd said and shrugged, her voice even and calm. 

It was about an hour and a half of me divulging nearly every detail of the night to them other than the intimate details of Carmen telling me how many people he’d had sex with before we were all talked out. 

 I swallow thickly. “I’m just- I’m gonna shower guys. I love you Syd, thanks for not being mad at me. And…I’m- I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing that.” I said honestly and she shakes her head. 

“Honestly, he may be happy this week cause he got his dick wet for once- so he might not be such a terror at work. Just…sleep it off. It was once, Winnie, but I promise- If you let yourself get involved further, he is going to hurt you. We didn’t even get anywhere and when he cut me off cold emotionally after Claire? I felt like a fucking nutcase. It’s for your own good, just - forget him, okay?” She said and I nodded softly. 

“Love you” I replied before hanging up 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

Carmy’s P.O.V. -

After my night with Winnie, I slept peacefully- the first night. I had a nightmare, and I only threw up once opposed to the 2 or 3 times a night it usually occurred. But by around 8 am when everyone started showing up, all of the questions were making me anxious, and it was generally pissing me off that Richie, Tina, Fak, Sugar, it felt like everyone except for Syd was up my ass. 

I stood at one of the stations, chopping up onions and garlic for a stew that Tina was working on, doing absolutely everything in my power to not think of her. This was why. This. The fact that her face was the first thing I thought of when I got up. The fact that every fleeting thought is somehow weaving back to her. I could not do that again. Just the simple fact that I was sleeping better after seeing her once gave me unending anxiety. 

If I keep fuckin’ around with her, Shes gonna leave. Or she’s gonna be taken. Or she's gonna realize I'm not good enough. Or she’s gonna find someone better. 

I dropped the knife on the cutting board with a slam. “Goin to smoke.” I mutter to Syd as I pass by and shut the back door a little harder than I meant to. I leaned against the cool brick, trying to catch my breath. I felt over my pockets, finding my cigarettes, but - my fucking light. “Fuck!” I mutter to myself, rubbing over my face roughly. 

This is exactly how it fucking started with her. Me losing my damn lighter. 

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut and shaking my hand, trying to ground myself. 

You fucking pussy. Get it together. You hooked up once you are not attached. You aren’t fucking attached. 

I tug at my hair, remembering the feeling of her beneath me, the softness of her sheets, that fucking mug. I leaned against the brick wall, taking a deep breath. I took out my phone, cursing myself for a small part of me hoping she’d texted me, since I was too pussy to say anything to her last night or this morning. I stared at my text messages, my eyes falling on my conversation with sugar. 

She’d sent me some “anonymous group therapy” shit about anxiety and she told me she thought it could help me. I'd brushed it off until now, but talking this shit out like I did with Mikey to people who weren’t allowed to repeat it- it sounded like it would feel good. I clicked on the lick, licking my lips nervously as it opened and took me to the page. 

Anxiety/PTSD ANON: Monday evenings at 6:00PM-9:00PM at St. Anthony’s Presbyterian Church. 

I furrowed my eyebrows a bit, PTSD. I hated when people would tell me I have PTSD. It’s so stupid- I’d never been to fuckin’ war. Or been raped or whatever. Being yelled at for being an idiot doesn’t constitute PTSD. But, considering people with PTSD are probably going through real shit, I’m sure it would feel easier to spill my guts to them then someone perfect like Winnie. 

I sit up off the wall, heading back inside and I look at Syd “yo- c’mere” I nod to the office and she follows, I shut the door. “Goin, on with you?” I asked, putting my hands on my hips. She raises her eyebrows, “nothing? Why…” she questions and I narrowed my eyes slightly. “You’ve avoided me today. So again what’s up.” I asked and she shook her head, rolling her eyes slightly. 

“I don’t have time for this, Chef,” she said and sighed a bit. “You know what I’m talking about. You were on my ass Friday about me wanting to get out early and you were dying to know why- and you come in on Monday it just skips your mind?” I shrug, crossing my arms. 

“Look” she snips, taking her hand off the doorknob. “I don’t know what you think is going on, Chef. But I’ll have you know- I’ve had zero interest in your personal life again, until you started sneaking around here with one of my closest friends- and my cousins, who’s more like my sister- her best friend. So let’s just say, after the conversation she and I had-“ she looks at me pointedly. 

“An honest, open, friend to friend, girl to girl conversation, Carmen- you will have nothing to worry about me, and my interest in your “personal” life - anymore.” She said and left the office with a slam. I felt my heart sink to my stomach, fuck. 

Fuck. Fuck. Fuuuuck. Fuck. 

I could hear a ringing in my ears and my vision blurred slightly. I get the familiar feeling in my chest and sit down, clutching my head in my hands and spiraling into one of my episodes. 

My “personal” life. Ouch. I knew after what happened with Claire things had been…different between us- but I didn’t think she cared. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

I tug on my hair, my eyes screwed shut and breathing labored as my thoughts continue racing. 

Fuck. What did - did she tell her? Did she tell them about- oh my god I’m such a fucking moron. Of course she did. Of course. That’s- Winnie’s best friend- oh my god why did I trust her. Fuck. And - and she thinks I’m gonna fucking hurt her. She knows I would hurt her. 

“Sour things give you something to focus on” 

Her voice rings throughout my mind. I took a shaking breath, opening my office drawer and grabbed one of the sour warhead things I’d gotten on the walk home after that night with Winnie, and popped it in my mouth. I cringe at the sensation, but immediately am pulled back, for now. 

I spit the candy in the garbage can after a few grueling moments to be sure I got the full effect, before pulling my phone out of my pocket. Before I knew it with shaking hands, I was calling Winnie. After just 3 short rings the phone clicks and I sit up a bit 

Please leave a message after the tone for - Heyy it’s Winnie, I can’t talk right now, if you wanna leave me a message cool- but I’m better at texts. Ciao! *beep*

I took the phone away from my ear, quickly hanging up. At the sound of her voice I felt like I could breathe again. I bit my lip gently, considering texting her and telling her to call me back- but she would if she wanted. I shook my head, setting an alarm for 5 to remind myself to leave for that group thing, before locking my phone and heading back into the kitchen. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

Winnie’s P.O.V . -

I went to the back around 5, finally finished cleaning up after a story hour today. It was Sadie’s day off and Mel was out sick so I was running the store alone, I barely got a break to take a piss let alone have a quiet thought to myself from the moment I got here. 

I sighed deeply, rubbing my bad hip that was driving me nuts today. The only thought that had been running through my head was how much I wanted to see Carmen. I was kind of grateful that the store had been so busy today because if it had been dead slow I’d probably have just locked up and gone to find if he was out for a smoke every few hours hoping I’d get lucky. 

It took me a while to finish cleaning up after the littles, and vacuum the whole floor considering the aching pain in my hip that was reverberating through my thigh and knee all the way up to my ribs. By the time I was squatted by the vacuum, in the back of the store, rolling up the cord it finally gave out on me and I collapsed to the floor in a heap, my head landing in my purse under the desk. How convenient. 

“Fuckin shit” I muttered to myself, knowing it would be at least 20 minutes before I would be able to use it again. I huffed, sitting up and banging my head under the desk in the process and groaning “ow” I whined, rubbing my head and leaning on my hip that wasn’t throbbing intensely. After a minute or so I dug through my purse, pulling my phone out. I scroll through the notifications from the day, Tik Toks from Sadie, news reports, a few texting ads when I see it towards the middle of the stack. 

Carm🧸 1 missed call 

I swallowed thickly - why was he calling me in the middle of the day? I checked our conversation to see the last text that was sent was still from when I’d told him my apartment number. I bit my lip gently, going over to Twitter to try and forget about him. I scroll through different posts, liking some of them, until my hip finally feels well enough again to try and stand. 

I slowly shifted my weight on to my good side, gently lifting my hip and letting out a small cry at the shooting pain as I pulled my knee up to get my foot in a standing position. “God fucking damn it” I cried out in pain as I haul myself standing, my arms shaking in pain as I lower myself as gently as I could in to the desk chair. I took a heaving breath, wiping away the tears from the corners of my eyes and swallowing thickly. I was absolutely not going to make it 2 blocks on this hip tonight. 

It had to have been all the exertion of the shower with Carmen, mixed with not sitting down only for 30 minutes today while I read to the kids. I rubbed my forehead in frustration, opening up the Uber app and seeing since it was ‘peak pricing’ it was gonna cost me $40 to get from the store home, and I do not have that kind of money. 

I groaned, sitting back and thinking to myself if trying to wait it out would just get me in a worse position of being stuck here all night because Sadie has no car or not eating dinner for the rest of the week, since my groceries were dwindling and I didn’t get paid until Friday. I huffed, “no, I can fucking make it” I muttered, I pull myself up, nearly screaming at the pain screaming at me to stop, and yank my jacket over my arms. 

With shaking hands, I got my keys out of my purse, flicking lights off as I limped, every step feeling like my leg was about to fall out like a Barbie that had never been properly popped into place. I groan quietly in pain every few steps, barely being able to lock the door from how violently my hands were moving. I looked both ways across the street, knowing it wasn’t long before a car came along. I try to take as big of strides I could into the alley. 

I honestly didn’t give a fuck if I ran in to Carmen right now, I was not walking an extra three blocks in my condition just to avoid him. I lean against the wall, feeling that familiar shaking in my bad hip like it was telling me it was counting down before it gave way and barely got to the steps outside of the bear's kitchen door before collapsing with a grunt, the pain vibrating through my spine at the fall. 

“Fuck” I whine, stretching my leg out in front of me. The faucet behind my eyes gives and my eyes are suddenly blurring with tears and I’m muffling sobs into my hand. The pain, the day I’ve had, and the worst of it- I’m stuck in the one place I don’t want to be. What kind of stupid desperate bitch will I look like if Carmen comes out to see me crying on the fucking steps of his restaurant. 

I swallowed hard, doing my best to pull myself to my feet but my hip had locked and it was no use. With shaking hands I take out my phone, and the door creaks open behind me. I quickly dry my tears as best I can “uh- I'm not here to see you I- I’m going home I’m sorry” I mutter. 

“Winnie the Pooh?” A slightly familiar voice said and I looked up to see Sugar standing there, a confused look on her face and I started to laugh to which she started looking concerned. “Oh!” I sniffle. “It’s you. Don’t tell Carmen I’m h-here” I hiccuped a sob and she furrowed her eyebrows, “no he's- wait” he shuts the door and sits next to me. 

“Why you cryin’?” She asked gently and I shook my head “oh my god it’s- I-“ I wiped my tears again. “My hip…I got in an accident when I was 19 and had to get my hip fused, and they did it wrong so it’s all fucked and it just..hurts” I said and sniffled. “Okay why- why don’t you want Carm to know that?” She asked “did he already fuck up?” She said with a teasing smile and nudged me playfully. 

“No- no he. Carm is…” I look at my feet. “Carm is wonderful. But he- he doesn’t want…what I would want, you know?” I look at her, still a bit teary eyed. She nods a bit “Y’know…Carm…somethin’ ‘bout that kid, he doesn’t allow a lot a’ good things…and” she rubs her hands together in thought, looking down for a moment. 

“I think you’re right, but it’s what he needs.” She said and looked back at me finally. “I won’t…get in the middle of this. But- just know, Carm could really use a girl like you around. He left early today…he told me he was feeling like it was too much and he needed to go think about shit. He’s never done that. That tells me you are getting to him to take care of himself. So if it’s a Carmen thing, pushing you away? Sometimes with that kid you have to force him to see what he’s missin” she got up and extended a hand to me. 

“What’re you doing?” I asked “cmon. Takin you home. Can’t live too far if you’re walkin’, right?” She asked and I smiled a bit. “You seem like a really good sister” I said softly and she smiled big. “Y’know. I always wished I had a sister, I don’t think either of my brothers have ever told me that'' she said, tucking her large purse into the crook of her arm. I crinkle my brows ``ok..well Carm and I will be talking about appreciating you because you give great advice” I grab on to her hand. 

She giggled a bit as she hoisted me up and I quickly balanced myself on the railing, my hip still barely functional. “Woah!” She said, wrapping her arms around my waist tightly. “The car is right there parked in front- think you can walk?” She asked, concerned. I nodded quickly “yeah- yeah. I might need to like…lean on you” I said, my cheeks going pink with embarrassment. 

“Course! C’mere chicky” she wraps her arm around my waist and I smiled a bit to myself as she helped me limp to her car. “You hug like Carmen” I said softly as we approached the passenger side and she laughed, “don’t tell him that. He’s always said I’m too ‘touchy’ since we were kids” she pulled open the door and I slowly got in, the pain in my hip dulling significantly when I sat on the plush seats of her SUV. 

She gently pushed the door closed, coming to the drivers side and hoisting herself into the large vehicle. “Trust me- I totally get it. I have 2 kids, my hips or my bladder haven’t been the same since” she said jokingly as she started the car. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·.

Carmy’s P.O.V -

I tried to take a deep breath, staring pointedly at the church in front of me. My dark gray knit sweater was suddenly feeling itchy all over my exposed skin, even though my usual white work shirt was still layered underneath. I pulled at the collar of the offending garment, roughly itching my collarbone at the sensation of a tickle just under my chain. Taking a final drag of my third cigarette just standing there, I throw it to the ground, crushing it with my sneaker. 

You can turn around- you can just get back in your car, and go home. You don’t have to do this. 

The devilish voice bounces around in my head. I’m unsure what got me to drive here, what got me out of my car after sitting there for 15 fuckin’ minutes, but suddenly I was planting my feet up each step into the grand wooden entrance of the church. 

Turn around. Turn around. Turn. around. 

My entire body screams for me to run as I step into the welcome hall. This confidence to change so suddenly has to be the effect of a mostly-full nights sleep- thanks to Winnie of course.

Stop fucking thinking about her. 

I’m met with a folding easel, a plain piece of white printer paper with an arrow that points to the left, reading ‘PTSD/ANXIETY ANON’ in large bold letters. I swallowed hard, staring at it intently. 

Leave. Leave. Leave!!!! 

The voice in my head was so loud that in my rested state, it drove me to push against it. To deprive it.  I headed down the hall, the only sound being my sneakers tapping the tile floor and the loud fluorescent lights buzzing above me. My eyes fixed on a bolded sign at the large honey-stained wooden door just at the end of the hall, taped to the wooden frame. “ANXIETY ANONYMOUS” typed in bold letters on the same 8x11 printer paper and taped to the easel out front. 

I took a deep breath, blinking my eyes shut hard out of habit, thinking about what I was about to do- before swallowing back the anxiety and my hand felt the icy touch of the handle, pulling down and pushing it open. I met the faces of about 4 other tortured souls, staring blankly back at me. “Uh” I mutter, standing in the doorway feeling like a total idiot. 

“I-is this th-the.” I bit my cheek fucking word stumbling moron. “The fuckin’ anxiety anon meeting?” I spit out, trying my best to swallow the nausea rising in my throat from the crippling fear of meeting new people. A woman with a short bleach blonde bob, sitting in the corner at a large desk looks up. 

“Oh!! Joy. A newbie!” She chirps, standing up and walking over, standing a few feet away. “I’m Claire” she said happily, and the protein bar I scarfed down my throat earlier begged to make a grand 

reappearance.

“C-cl-?” I tried to grate out, swallowing thickly and my cheeks feeling so hot I was sure I could light one of my cigarettes on them. 

Run. Run, RUN - Carmen!!! Find the fuckin’ bathroom, slink out like it never happened. Bad idea. Bad idea. Horrible idea.. Moron. Idiot. Stupid. Useless. 

“Claire!” She repeats happily. “Are you alright with handshakes, dear? What's your name honey?” She sticks her right hand out to me confidently. My gaze meets her hand, and I swear my vision went blurry. I stumble back a bit. “Ba- bathroom” I muttered quickly, the feeling of vomit creeping up in my throat.

She gently pushes me into the hallway, grabbing the small trash can with her right hand and shutting the door behind her tightly. I ripped the trash pale out of her hands quickly, hurling my protein bar and whatever bile and water my stomach held for the last 6 hours In to it, squatting pathetically in the hallway against the wall and she stepped a bit closer, charm bracelets jingling as she rubbed my back while I wretch so hard I swore for a second my organs would fly out of my mouth. 

“Christ kid” she muttered, her nails gently grazing the small of my back as she rubbed soothing, small circles. “Know a Claire, mm?” She asked matter-of-factly when I finally stopped heaving, my brain fully empty other then fuckin Winnie reading to me last night. And the story of the stupid fucking bunny.

“Yes- b-b-sh-she“ I tried to get air into my lungs, but instead my chest forced me into a painful gasp. “N-no- used to…” I dry heaved over the garbage can so hard I dropped to my knees on the cold tile, and was sure I'd either pass out, or die of embarrassment at the pathetic sound and sight, feeling fully like a sniveling child. Unfortunately to no avail.. I gasped in a breath so violently, the sudden pressure in my lungs made me feel as if I was really about to pass out. 

I leaned against the cold wall, catching my breath before continuing. “I- I- fuckin” I winced at the pain in my stomach, my face clenching up slightly at the pang reverberating through every muscle in my body due to the intensity of all the emotions I was feeling at once. 

“Fuckin... I crushed on ‘er as a stupid, idiot kid..but fuckin hate ‘er now..“ I sniffle, mucus getting caught in my throat, causing me to choke and cough so hard over the trash can that my lungs burned. 

“Breathe, kid” she said, patting my back. “In through your nose and out through your mouth” she said and demonstrated a calm even breath. I rested my face on my arm, doing as she said, and finally catching my breath. “S-sorry I haven’t eaten much t’day and smoked like half a pack” I said and she nudged me gently. I look over and she’s holding a tissue, “thanks” I said wiping my mouth and nose tossing it in the garbage and leaning against the wall again, sighing deeply. 

“C'mon, you can just listen today if you don’t feel like talking. We have water bottles in there for ya’ “ she said, standing up fully and extending a hand to me. I nodded a bit, taking her hand to steady myself as I got up. She took the trashcan and tied the bag, leaving it in the hall before opening the door. “I’m..sorry” I mutter, shaking my head. 

“No! No happens all the time. Don’t worry” she said and opened the door. “Well gang, it’s us plus one newbie!” She said and handed me water from the counter at the side of the room before going to her seat and I swallowed thickly, sitting down on the furthest chair from everyone else, setting the water bottle on the chair before wiping my clammy hands over my jeans and swallowing thickly. “Alright” she said, sitting down with a clipboard. “Are there any big things this week that we need to start with?” She asked, I kept my gaze fixed on my lap.

“Yes- uh…my nightmares came back..” a small voice said and I looked up to see a girl with mousy brown hair and a deep scar on her right cheek. Claire nodded “did you want to share about them?” She asked her and the girl swallowed thickly. “No- no. I just… it’s about dating again after what happened. I can’t- I can’t. I’m always looking over my shoulder, I feel like a freak. It’s hard enough dating girls- and I- I have a hard time texting. And so when I meet them in person, I always catch them staring at me. And… and like I can hear their thoughts. Like ‘who is she hiding from’ or ‘I bet she has a secret girlfriend.’ And I - I’m so paranoid.” she huffed. 

“I’m sure all of us here have felt paranoid after a trauma, and especially, when experiencing something new, the feeling of…waiting for the other shoe to drop. Is very common. Especially if it relates back to childhood, those wounds linger for a long time. Has anyone else been feeling paranoid?” She asked the group. There was a silence for a moment, I took a deep breath, finding my tongue. 

“Me” I said, rubbing my thighs to soothe my anxiety. There was that familiar tightness in my stomach and my heart was thrumming in my throat. “Oh! Did you want to share more about that…sorry, how should we address you?” She asked and I kept my eyes locked on her, trying to forget there were other people there but still not wanting to sit alone with a shrink in an office. 

“Carmen'' I said and she nodded, “okay, Carmen- did you want to share what you’re feeling paranoid about?” She asked and I sniffled, rubbing my lips together nervously. “Ye’ uh, I met a-a girl. Last week. And I haven’t stopped…thinkin’ about her? Like. I dunno. I have sworn off women quite a while ago.” I rub my chin, eyes gazing to the floor nervously. 

“Okay, so what are you paranoid about?” She asked and my eyes flicker back to her. “So uh- yeah. S-sorry. Sorry. So uh- I work in a-a restaurant. And I run it, with my cousin and my sister. My second in command though, she- she knows this girl. And uh…I don’t know what’s been goin on? With me? And I…I like her. That’s-that’s why I’m paranoid. Cause I don’t…I can’t do girls and she-“ I sigh deeply, clearing my throat. 

“She told me that she wouldn’t pressure me?” My eyes met hers again and she nodded. “Okay, so you’ve felt pressured in relationships in your past, and are worried it will happen again?” She asked and I thought for a moment, rubbing the back of my neck. 

“Yes? Well…no..no not from her. I-I’ve been very pressured to like someone before and it was hell for me. B-but…that’s the thing is I trust she won’t pressure me. And I- when I’m around her, I’m not fuckin- im not fuckin like this? Like I- I can think, and I can breathe and…so-so-so if it’s not” I shake my head. “I feel so different around her? That’s why I’m paranoid.” I said finally. Claire sits back in her chair a bit. 

“Okay, so you’re paranoid she’s going to leave?” She questioned. I shook my head a bit, “no- no that’s the thing is that the shoe always drops for me, I already fucked this up by just being me. My- one of my chefs, Syd. She- she’s friends with this girl and…and I think she told her about all my…fucked upness. She-she warned her that im a fuckin’- a fuckin loser. I just- and I didn’t even want to allow myself to feel this way which is why I’m so scared cause I- I feel like- like.” I shake my head. 

“I feel like she’s good for me though. I-i just know I’m bad. I’m- I’m fuckin selfish. I would be a horrible boyfriend. I’m fucking insane I- I think. I wake up every night fucking throwing up. I- I obsess over things, and I just keep pushing and pushing until I get it how- how I see it in my head. B-but with her it’s like…I want to see? Where things go? Y’know? L-like I. I want her to show me…it’s- it’s stupid never mind” I shook my head looking back at my lap, pushing my bangs off my forehead nervously. 

“Well in here, no one is crazy. I think you’re paranoid of having no control over your emotions, Carmen. Which is perfectly normal. We can’t control anything in this world, other than how we react to our feelings about things. So, let’s delve deeper into your current self image- what comes to mind first when I ask why you’re selfish?” She asked and I shrugged a bit. 

“I fuckin’ shut the beef down, knowing it’s not what Syd wanted, knowing it’s not really what anyone wanted except for me. Because…cause Mikey left it to me. And- and I was like…I am fuckin’ angry at Mikey. And it was like- like a fuck you. Watch me do it better then you ever fuckin could” I said and run another hand through my hair at the realization. “Cause I fuckin’ - I only care about provin’ to myself that - that maybe I’m not a fuckin idiot. That I’m not useless.” 

“You aren’t an idiot, and you are not useless, and it sounds like you feel selfish- because you’ve found yourself in a pattern of catering to others desires. How do you feel about your own desires, Carmen?” She asked and I shook my head a bit. 

“No- no that’s..that’s what I’m saying I’m selfish. I - I’m a fuckin control freak at work everything is done my way, everything is tweaked to my standards, I don’t care what other people have to say about the re-“

She cuts me off “no- not your desires at work, in your life. Outside of work. In your relationships, friendships, personal goals? What do you desire your life to look like when you retire?” She asked and I swallowed thickly, my mind going blank. 

“That is a great topic for today, desires. It is extremely hard, especially after a traumatic event or even years of incurring trauma, and then allowing yourself to desire. We may feel selfish as Carmen does, after we incur tragedy in our lives- to feel joy again, or allow new people in our lives because we are afraid that if we desire while we are unhealed, then we were never really damaged to begin with.” She said and a guy sitting a few chairs away from her clears his throat. 

“I uh- yeah I relate a lot to what Carmen said about feeling selfish..after my brother died I stopped doing…everything I loved.” I look over at him, sitting up in my chair slightly. Cause I felt like if…if I’m happy then I don’t miss him? Or..or like. Like if I think about our good times together and loose the anger I feel about him killing himself for a few seconds- I feel like…like I’ll never stop thinking about what the fuck our lives would have been like if he just talked to me.” He said and crossed his arms. I sit up a little further in my seat. 

“Mikey - he was m-my brother. He killed himself too” I said and he looked over at me, “I’m sorry…older or younger?” He asked “shit- yeah sorry I should have led with that I’m sorry too. He was- he was older…” I replied and he nodded, swallowing thickly and looking away. 

“You couldn’tve done anything. I fuckin failed him though. He was younger” he muttered and I furrowed my brow shaking my head. “Nah. Nah don’t fuckin’ say that shit about yourself dude. Both of our brothers did it to themselves. That's one thing that we’re not responsible for. I’m- I’m angry that he- I needed him. Just like you needed your brother” I said and he nodded a bit. 

Claire cuts in “it is normal to feel angry at a loved one for committing suicide. It’s also completely normal to feel guilt for that anger. Jack, it sounds like the anger you’re harboring for yourself, for not ‘protecting’ your brother from himself- is covering up a guilt you feel for a perceived responsibility to the reasoning behind your brother's passing.” 

“I’m fuckin angry.” I shrug. “I’m fuckin- pissed at Mikey.” I said and she looked at me. “A question for you to ask yourself, Carmen, are you angry at Mikey or are you angry about the choice he made, to end his life, and leave you behind to forever miss him. Because they are 2 separate things. One is your brother, and the other- is a stupid choice he made. A choice that altered the lives of the people closest to him forever. He made the choice to have his legacy be one that ended in pain, and suffering for those who love him most. That choice, or Mikey - your brother that you clearly love very, very dearly.” She asked. 

I felt a lump forming in my throat, blinking back tears and I looked over to the clock. 

“Let’s circle back, yeah we have about 5 minutes left. This week's homework for you all, I want you to do one thing, or speak to one person” she looks to me for a moment “that you desire, and it’s guilt free, because you aren’t giving yourself the permission, I’m giving you the permission, and next week- we’re gonna talk about how it made us feel alright?” She said, 

“Alright. Hopefully I’ll see you all again next week. Same time and place per usual” she got up and went over to the desk grabbing her bag. I got up, grabbing the water bottle and quickly darting out of the room and back down the hall to the front door. I shoved it open taking a deep breath as I went down the steps 2 at a time back to the parking lot. 

I am not fucking going back there ever again. 

I shook my head to myself, but realized that I didn’t feel…like I was gonna have an episode. Er- panic attack like Winnie called it. But rather than everything I’d buried about Mikey felt like a hardened scab to a barely healed wound had been picked at and messed with for a while. It was an extremely uncomfortable feeling. This is why I stopped going to AI-anon. Talking about it hurts more than just focusing on other shit and forgetting about it when I can. 

I dug my cigarettes out of my pocket, taking one out and lighting it, leaning against the car as I smoked. I don’t know why Sugar keeps telling me that it’ll get better if I just talk about it, every time I talk about it I’m fuckin realizing shit. And I don’t like realizing shit. About myself. About Mikey. I’d rather just…fucking work. Just work. But I also hate work. 

I’m brought out of my thoughts to the same blonde that irritated the scab which felt permanently fused to my soul. “Spirits huh?” She said and I looked over at her. “Yup” I mutter, taking another drag. 

“I get it. I get it… if you don’t want to talk to me outside there it’s fine. I just wanted to say, I’m proud of you for opening up, good job. You should be proud of yourself.” She took a pack of Marlboro reds out of her purse and a blue lighter. 

“Thanks…” I said, watching as she took a drag. “No offense… but I kinda feel worse?” I said and she laughed, smoke spilling from her mouth in a cloud. “None taken my friend, none taken.” She said, waving her hand in front of her to clear the thick puff of smoke. “That’s good actually, really good. It hurts before it helps” she shrugged, taking another drag. 

“So- wait the fuck did I do t’you?! You wanna hurt me before you help me?” I questioned, pulling on my own cigarette. “Nothing oh my god!” She laughs. “Nothing Carmen! Oh jeez” she giggled slightly. “You need to come back, shut out the voice shooing you away” she said with a teasing smile and I rolled my eyes. “Sorry, not interested in ripping open old wounds when I’m already not able to process the bullshit I’m facing now.” I look at the ground, taking a long drag. 

“Mmm. Alright.” She shrugged casually, dragging her own and exhaling without a beat. “ what?” I asked her, dropping my cig and crushing it with my sneaker. “I…don’t care?” She laughs a bit. “If you want to stay in the mental prison you’ve created, so be it, Carmen. But- I’m here! Every week for the past 11 years” she retorts, tossing her cigarette into a puddle over the parking lot barrier. 

“Nice meeting you, kid. Word of advice-“ she turns to me as she pulls her driver's side door open. “Do the fuckin’ homework, mm?” She sits in her seat, starting the car. “That girl you mentioned, whatever her name is- I may be a shrink - but I’m also a spouse - the way your eyes sparkle when you talk about her? That's your wife, if I never see you again? I hope you’ve gone and got her.” She pulled her door closed without another word, backed out of her parking spot. 

I felt a vibration against my hip, pulling my phone out of my pocket  in case it was one of the employees and checking who it was. My throat dries out as I listen to the marimba ringtone, staring at my screen, my mind going blank. 

Winnie 🍯 Mobile 

The slide to answer button practically laughed at me. 

.·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈ *¨¨*:·..·:*¨¨* ≈☆≈

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫

#the bear fic #carmen berzatto #carmen berzatto fanfiction #the bear fx #the bear hulu #carmen berzatto fluff #carmy berzatto #carmy berzatto fanfiction #the bear fanfiction #carmen berzatto x you #carmen berzatto smut #carmen berzatto x reader #carmen berzatto x oc #carmy berzatto x oc #carmy the bear #carmy berzatto x reader #carmy x reader

[seal-berry]

the fionna and cake ending reminds me of this article

sorry but u show golbetty being capable of so much and simon literally was gonna thank her for eating him but nooo we have to get a "emotionally well adjusted grounded" end about taking your lumps and not having a chaos god wife. god forbid women do anything. also the double standard with marshall and gary's romance i was not fond of-- u are telling me in all possible universes marshall and gary are healthy enough to have a happy ending and simon and betty arent? Because thats what youre saying when you frame all of this in a multiverse story.

the plot selectively gives easy outs like golbetty being happy to pop fionna and cakes world out of his head miraculously but we cant have petrigrof because one time simon didnt get on a bus. golbetty shows fionna a dream that sets her straight-- oh yeah, magic WOULD suck! this example world that is much worse than the original f&c world has shown me the light!! dont worry fionna, the threat of losing the world you took for granted and up until now it was implied you were barely making ends meet in will show you that your fantasy and dream were Bad. But cake can stay magic, because thats a metaphor for self identity and not a metaphor for telling a 20-something to grow up! simon stands there and explains what he learned to the audience just in case u didnt Get the Message about Toxic Codependency tm. it was the perfect setup for a dramatic universe breaking love story but instead we get simon being put basically back where we thought he was before the first eps of fionna and cake revealed he wasnt doing well. and that whole show they didnt budget a single scene for simon and our marceline to like. talk. 10 20-plus-minute AT episodes-- what we have been asking for for years-- and in the whole set we get the convo in ep 2 and thats all.

anyways i didnt like the ending because a message that boils down to "suck it up, reality is good enough, dont throw it all away for your god gf again thats the best ending we prommy" is a real swing and a miss in year of our lord 2023. personally throwing it all away for a hot god gf is probably the most self care thing one could do.

thats the line the world of adventure time winds up drawing, that so many things are possible, but this isnt. idk it feels like a slap in the face to have a quick tropey gay romance threaded between a romance that has such a rich setup and history from season 5 get ripped apart from the second there was a "mistake" in their meet cute moment.

anyways sorry i just felt like it was a cheap ending that was very much up on its high horse when the issue that breaks up simon and betty was only really deliberately written in the past 4 episodes. of a romance arc that has lasted since season 5. if u really wanted to go there they couldve made different choices from episode 1 that wouldve left me agreeing that this is a good end, but right now it feels very unsatisfying.

the conclusion is just that betty had infinite power and decided she did not want simon by her side. sad and boring, just like real life!

#sorry this is so bitter lol no disrespect to folks who liked the end #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #the article is pretty harsh but i think it emotionally rings true in the important ways #there are ways to make an ending unsatisfying and this wasnt one of them #this is like if the madoka movie ended before homura went apeshit

[avaisnerdytoo]

RICK AND MORTY S7EP5: SPOILERS AHEAD

The essence of the premise of this episode almost makes me feel like it's fan service, I'd be lying if I too didn't imagine a scenario where Evil Morty and our C-137 pair teamed up.

But I really really liked how it was handled, I also feel just as hooked on the fact they didn't develop Rick Prime further as I am almost sad of not having seen more from him.

Although to be fair what is there to develop with the Rick that best fits the stereotype? He's the ultimate one dimensional pity, god wanna be asshole that the toxic fans think Rick should be haha.

Probably that's what made him so easy to defeat by Evil Morty, but I'll get there.

I think it's better they jump from Rick Prime's death to explore more of our Rick, both beating the cliche of a big bad (as the writers tend to prefer avoiding) and focusing on who matters more comparatively speaking, trauma of that kind isn't ended by simple revenge.

(Which btw was played so brutally I wasn't ready at all, also, I obviously don't care about the voice changes, but I felt the acting was phenomenal in that scene, further reinforcing how positively I feel about the changes)

Evil Morty's capabilities being so significant was also very fun to see, for me anyway. I saw a YouTube comment that someone considered him very powerful "all of the sudden", I wouldn't be surprised to see that sentiment around elsewhere, which is valid, but I think that E-M spent most of his time by now analysing how Ricks work, he understands what is necessary to survive in the wild, but his speciality remains the same, besting Rick.

Ricks think they are unpredictable and chaotic and wild, but they can clearly be boiled down to similar patterns, making them only tough to beat if you're willing to put in the work of deactivating the hundreds of traps coming your way.

Although I found it interesting he knew killing Rick Prime wouldn't satisfy Rick, I don't know if to him that's just basic logic, or if he felt some degree of the same at some point in his schemes.

The only thing I "didn't like" in the episode was how our Morty was portrayed, sorta.

I can't decide if that's because the foil that's created with Evil Morty reminds me extra to the more down to Earth reactions and feelings and thoughts our Morty is supposed to have (which is great when not overplayed obviously), or if he was written a bit too simple this time?

We know our Morty is also strong, capable of defending himself well and good adapting, but the times we've seen that have arrived only after breaking points (like the Nimbus episode, or the Purge Planet EP), so maybe he simply wasn't there yet.

But with Evil Morty being so crafty, he felt somewhat just there... Except when we picture him in regards to E-M, I feel he had a bit of fun, especially with our Morty, the main downside to Evil Morty's journey is that he became much more detached, emotionless and more like Rick paradoxically, I think hanging out with our Morty could be good for both of them.

Can't wait to see what comes next.

#rick and morty spoilers #rick and morty #rick and morty season 7 #rick prime #evil morty #unmortricken #ava speaks on rick and morty

[thatgirl4815]

Just piggybacking onto an earlier Ask pointing out how Ray doesn't react when Top holds Mew's hands - I actually found that whole sequence starting from the coke-snorting quite upsetting precisely because of how passive Ray seemed throughout. Admittedly I'm still very angry at Mew so it might be clouding my judgement(!), but first we see Mew's lacklustre response when Ray thanks him for picking him, his almost scoff when Ray tells him he loves him, then we get the avoided kiss and him leading Ray out by the hand, and then the Top confrontation where it felt like Ray had been totally reduced to an accessory - he's virtually silent throughout, his face is mostly pretty blank, and he doesn't even really react when Mew throws his drink in Top's face, and definitely doesn't look like he's enjoying the encounter, at least until Mew kisses him. Mew might have been the one in the collar but in that scene it's Ray that reminded me of a dog, and it just made me super sad. It's yet another reason they shouldn't be a couple - Ray's sense of self is entirely subsumed by Mew when they're together because of the imbalance in their relationship aka Ray's idolisation (which in itself obviously isn't Mew's fault - it's when he takes advantage of it that I get mad). We see it even before they "get together" - in almost all their 1:1 scenes, Ray immediately deflects any attention back onto Mew. The only time we really see him express his own agency is unfortunately/disastrously a) the bathtub scene, b) when he kisses him while he's sleeping, and c) his ep 6 meltdown (I'm not counting the end of ep 7 convo cos I 100% believe Ray wouldn't have brought anything up if Mew hadn't led the convo in that direction). Anyway, don't really have a point much beyond expressing how, given what happened beforehand, Ray still just makes me ache with pity and sadness, even after he turns on Sand.

“Mew might have been the one in the collar but in that scene it's Ray that reminded me of a dog”

^Yes, that is a perfect way to describe it!! I think all the context before Ray’s fight with Sand is what makes that scene hit so much different than it does in the Ep8 preview. That might also be why we see Ray fade to the background so much during the encounter between Top and Mew. Ray’s realizing that he’s only a pawn in Mew’s revenge plot.

You’re right—Ray’s agency with Mew is extremely limited. The interesting thing is that Ray has kind of imposed these limitations onto himself by putting Mew on such a pedestal. I think there’s a part of him that is utterly terrified that he will do something wrong and lose Mew. But I suspect there’s another part of him that wants better from Mew; I wouldn’t be surprised if he denies those thoughts though, because he thinks he has no right to them. He has Mew, and that’s already more than he deserves (obviously that’s not true, but I could see that being Ray’s thought process during the scene with Top).

Really, the ways Ray interacts with Mew are so painfully indicative of how much he craves someone to care about him. He’s decided that Mew is that person, so he will do all he can to make it so, even if the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy. Of course it will take a lot for him to finally admit it won’t work out, simply because he’s spent so long wanting it.

Ahh, tbh the psychological insights are the only compelling aspect of the RayMew dynamic for me, haha. Poor Ray.

#excellent way of describing Ray’s relationship with Mew! #I agree 100% #only friends the series #once again I feel like I always sound like a Mew anti #not the intention but…Mew is not high on my list these days #ofts #only friends #raysand #RayMew #only friends meta #sandray #only friends ask #ask #Ray X mew #mew X ray #Ray X sand #sand X ray

[nutria--oscura]

Y'ALL HAVE ME SO SCARED FOR THIS (@cookies-over-yonder @officialgleamstar y'all's posts have slain me) HERE WE GO

like, i'm crting and i haven't even stareted the ep yet wtf-

~spoilers for S2 ep35 under the cut~

preface: I AM SCARED I AM CLUTCHING NICK JR (mouse/rat soft toy) ON THE VERGE OF TEARS

THE PASTA PUNS IN THE INTRO

the sound effects low-key make me wanna throw up-

update: the sound effects make me high-key wanna throw up-

the intro is the high before the storm right? oh dear~

yesss, link is a spouse to his best friends <3

gosh I missed their voices so much <333 <- literally have 100+ episodes it can listen to whenever they want

freddie correcting beth's fact is literally my best friend and i on a daily basis (whos who? we take turns)

i could listen to an entire podcast of just freddie saying facts. like genuinly

HERMIE FACT??? SCAM CONJURED HIM INTO EXISTENCE AS A HIGHSCHOOLER??? MY POOR BOI-

TJ SHOT NICK'S ARM OFF WHAAAAAAA-

TERRY :) WHAT:)?

"your time studying the blade has served you well" what is hapening?

whAT IS HAPPENING????

Terry Jr's back <333

"i did not think that's how this fight was gonna go" same will- same

hey imps? what the fu-

NORMAL'S BACK BOIIIIIIII

ROLL ROLL ROLL ROLL NAT 1 HAH

SCARY AND TERRY JR <3

MEMORY TIME OH DEARRR

"in going from enemies to lovers so to speak"

all the fanfics were right- (nicky's reasoning, him attempting to reason with the others)

ron and nicky are such a vibe together honestly

OH NO- NICKY WAS SO REASONABLE TOO AND YET-

LARK AND SPARROW WITH CROSSBOWS TERRY WITH A SHOTGUN WHERE'S GRANT???

"and a badass fight ensues, but also sad"

oh there's grant

OH WE GOT THE WHOLE ASS SCENE OH SHIT-

TERRY SHOT NICKY, NICKY STABBED TERRY-

TERRY JR AND RON <33

terry's memory being ron forgiving him- (henry voice) oh gosh. oh geez-

"did you see what i did to like, my best friend" BEST F R I E N D

"you showed up, y'know?" what if i just combust?

Scary hugging Terry<333

THEY'RE ALL HUGGING

oh my heart

hey glenn, respectfully, fuck offffff

nicky having more emotional intelligence than glenn is so true-

OH HERE COMES THE GLENN AND NICKY AND TAYLOR SHIT-

"i have a memory that you weren't around for. which was the birth of your grandson" AHHHHHHH

"i always thought taylor came out real quiet. like a real stoic ninja." "nope. came out crying like a baby dude"

glenn... glENN. GLENN! NO. NOT INFRONT OF YOUR 3 DAY OLD GRANDSON

THE FANFICTIONS WERE SO RIGHT- (GLENN IN NICKY'S LIFE BEFORE THE FAITHFULL SOCCER TRIP)

brb cause im like actually crying cause of that scene-

ok... lets go... (screaming crying sobbing sliding down a wall)

JODIE VISITEDDDD

FUCKING TELL HIM NICKYYYY FUCKING TELL HIMMMM

"i remember when... was that you? yea, i remember when you were born." WHAT DO YOU MEAN WAS THAT YOU???? THAT WAS YOUR FUCKING SON

YES GLENN. REFLECT BITCH-

"i didn't see a lot of taylor's growing up, and that was- that was- we're cool now, right taylor?" "fuck yea dawgggg. well-" HERE IT COMES

I AM HEEDING THE WARNINGS

"if i'm gonna be honest dad, i've kinda been hoping and keeping an eye out for time travel magic so that we could go back in time and you could be there for me" imma go ahead an roll a d20 of psychic damage- ah, a nat20 damage, yea that seems about righ- HIS VOICE HOW IT WENT ALL SOFT AND QUIET AND SHY AND THE COMPLETE FUCKING OPPOSITE OF HOW HE IS USUALLY OH SHIT OH FUCK

NICKY ROLL PSYCHIC DAMAGE BOI-

"as a result i have developed a number of very bad habits, that i am told are very hard to break"

"it's too late"

"but you know if there is time travel magic, then y'know maybe- or if you find it, you can maybe, pick me up on the way back to the past" HIS VOICE, THE MAYBES-

"we're just 3 cool guys" "well-"

"i didn't even know where you were"

I'M SORRY- THREE (3) YEARS????

NICKY NO- DON'T-

more memories??? MORE MEMORIES??? OH NO-

OUCH OUCH OUCH O U C H-

HE'S DONE WITH KARATE- NO- NO NO NO N O

FUCKING HELL FUCK ME-

sorry, i have strong feeling w/ regards to parents not showing up to (sprots) stuff

~a pattern~

YES LINK, STARE DAGGERS INTO HIM, DEFEND YOUR QPR BESTIE

the- the fanfics were right (glenn keeping his distance not wanting to fuck nicky up but consequentially fucking nicky up)

"as you're saying this, without even wanting it to, tears are rolling down your cheeks. And in that moment, you and Taylor and Nick, all realise that there is no fixing this, that this is as good as it's going to get. That you are stuck with each other in the forms that you are now. You see daddymagic, that same daddymagic that exited Ron and Terry's body, emanate for their bodies like a fine mist coalesce into the air, and then zip into the jar and fill it up a little bit more, cause that's what your relationship is..." what if i- what if i lost it? right here right now?

gosh i DID NOT heed the warnings oh noooooooo

i'm sorry- the US MILITARY? oh fbi too

hahahahahahahah ha hah h a what? JODIE AND MORGAN ARE IN CUFFS-

GLENN LISTEN TO JODIE FFS

"i'd like to see you try" "hey is glenn immune to bullets?"

LINK KING OF HELLL HEYYYYYYYYYY-

NORMAL NO. BESTIE I LOVE YOU HECK I AM YOU BUT FUCK NO-

"dude- both of us look at each other - fear, fear in taylor's eyes. like, what the fuck are we getting into? why did i open my mouth?" FEAR IN TAYLOR'S EYES??? FEAR????

I'M SORRY? THE CAGE????

FIGHT TO THE DEATH??? NOOOOOOOOOOO

In conclusion:

I am now obsessed with Taylor Swift (Freddie's version)

#OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCKITY FUCK- #i- oh nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo #dndads #dndads spoilers #dungeons and daddies #whispers of the raine

[marley-manson]

In Love and War

-- Potter sucked lol, straight up says he didn't tell Hawkeye about Kyung Soon's circumstances and let him go off about rich people because as a colonel he doesn't need to explain orders. Then topped it off by being condescending while stating the 'love during a war sucks' theme. Oh ALSO not a fan of his explanation for transfering the nurse who Donald hit on comparing her and Margaret to a car and a horse respectively. Minor in the grand scheme of things, but like, it's very Potter.

-- Loretta Swit was so fucking funny in the shower scene

-- the Kyung Soon + BJ goodbye scene parallels are so strong lol, kudos for that

-- headcanon that Hawkeye is not a lit guy heavily reinforced \o/ I only remembered like one line, but his interactions with Kyung Soon were actually full of not getting her lit and poetry references, and he even made a self-depricating joke about quoting the Divine Comedy from a comic book version - a joke I think is exaggerated, I do assume he's probably at least read some of it for school, but it does tell us that Hawkeye doesn't see himself as a literature knower

-- Hawkeye trying and failing to hammer a board, Kyung Soon takes the hammer from him and tells him his hands are for surgery. that's my guy

-- love Hawk and Margaret commiserating together at the end, sans explanation. it's a little odd this early, but not so odd that it feels implausible, so it strikes a good balance evocative of a burgeoning friendship.

-- Kyung Soon was a pretty solid character for a single episode love interest. kudos for that.

-- I've seen posts that interpret this episode as a critique of American imperialism so I was watching the ep with an eye out for it, but I don't see it as an intended theme. I think you can pick it up essentially as a side effect of the show trying to realistically portray a downer romance between an American draftee and a Korean civilian, but the ep is very on the nose about its theme (romance and war don't mix) and everything that points in that more specific and political 'critique of imperialism' direction is either a) undermined shortly later (eg Hawkeye suggesting they eat dinner in a bombed out restaurant initially seemed potentially insensitive and out of touch, but Kyung Soon and the narrative finds it romantic), b) furthering the more general war sux theme (eg the bombed out restaurant, or Hawkeye's class A uniform at the funeral, as foreboding symbols of the war poised to separate them), and/or c) something I wouldn't expect a mainstream 70s audience to understand as a critique of imperialism without further explicit contextualization (eg Hawkeye's uniform again).

Plus, rather than being critiqued as an American, Hawkeye is pointedly portrayed as ~one of the good ones~ with the way Kyung Soon explicitly says she likes him because he "cares about [her] people," and his response to Charles' racism. Maybe a little naive in a way that can be taken politically, but not in a way I believe is intended to be a political statement - it's Hawkeye's idealistic romanticism imo, since it's contrasted to Potter's world-weary realism.

Basically I can see the anti-imperialism lens the way you can view most of Mash through it, but I'm not inclined to give the show credit for a thoughtful anti-imperialism sentiment here. They've done anti-imperialism episodes and they tend to be more clumsy lol and much more overt. Imo the tragedy in this episode is the war, not the American presence in the war.

-- That said, I think the lack of intentional messaging and the focus on sad realism works in this episode's favour, because it's overall pretty good. I mean it's still a rushed one-ep romance which never actually works, but within the bounds of its format, it's successful imo. And the realistic touches do add up to an implicit, if accidental, critique of imperialism if you're inclined to see it. It's a solid lens to view the episode through, just not one I'd praise the writers for.

#i considered separating out that imperialism bit but honestly idk that i need a separate post just to go 'it's not that deep' lol #felt needlessly negative read by itself #mash #marley on mash #mash s6

[boypussydilf]

retching. i feel like i need a rewatch of the whole series of f&c in one go to fully cement my opinion without the weeks worth of 'over' hype and theorizing for the finale eps but at the same time the ending soured me so much do i. do i want to? but also i dont /want/ to dislike this thihng i enjoyed so dearly up to this point. man its so sad. a part of me knew that there's no way the finale could satisfyingly wrap things up in two eps but given how the series had gone on so far, 1/2

MANNNNNNNNNNNN 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

i gladly accept my inbox’s position as “support group for people frustrated and unsatisfied with the f&c finale”

Yeah like………. i could tell they were struggling a Little with pacing and being able to fit all the important parts of the story in. ep7 especially like, was a great episode but also some of the plot beats felt like they weren’t built up to properly, or they didn’t linger long Enough on important stuff - like, we only dedicate 2 seconds to the thing abt the star beinf like that bc shes a marceline who didnt have simon…… But i could forgive all that, bc they had a LOT of stuff to fit just into that one episode, and they still hit all the beats they needed to and told a sensible story.

So I thought….. even if they don’t have time to execute the ending perfectly, they can still get their idea across and have everything happen that needs to!

But then they decided to. Like. To some extent tell the wrong story. And DEFINITELY told it badly. There’s good things about the finale episodes, and some of the plot points are What Should Have Happened, but there’s …. just……… Fundamentally they failed to continue telling the same story they had been telling the entire show!!!!!!!!! fionna and cake writers sweeping the subject of simons mental health off the table at the last second to tell a story exclusively about 1 specific aspect of his relationship w betty as if the Life Lesson He’s Learning here has aaaaaaany fucking thing to do with what his story has been about SO far in the series

uuuuuggghhhhh yeah the ending just. soured the whole fucking thing for me. at the same time i still love the first 8 episodes theyre great but theyre better if you don’t know that THAT was what theyre building to. emotionally i dont want to rewatch eps 9&10 in full ever bc the concept of them makes me so upset but also it would be good to revisit the series and look at it from the perspective of knowing what they’re intending to do. i still definitely will never agree with most of the things they did. but i can at least look at it more analytically when im not seeing it for the very first time and dont know where its going. not yet though im still pissed LMAO

ifeel you man. i feel you. so much. we are in this together

#basilask #fionna and cake spoilers

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

I DID IT I FINISHED ENTRELAZADOS S2

Ho. Ly. Fuck.

(Non Spoiler thoughts)

It was very cool with the 70s theme all around

Marco, Félix and Allegra make a quite iconic trio

We got no Greta and Bárbara content >:c Oh well at least they were there in the live show

I had a feeling about Clara… and I turned out to be right about her…

I am a bit nervous because they said that they are not making a S3 but they can’t end it like this so I really hope it’s gonna change or that it was false news

This was a bit slower than last season. I think it can be because Marco just is more chill with his time travel and keeps a lower profile, while Allegra was… well, yk, all around when she was in the 90s.

I’m glad we got some more of Marco’s dad and his life and backstory

Looooooved all the time travel lore! Gosh I wanna make AUs based on this…

Caterina was not in this as much which is a bit sad, but also, this was yk, ”Marco’s” season, so I get it.

I really thought all three of them would time travel together. The trailer tricked me.

Félix needs to stop being friendzoned fr

I wish it was 10 eps instead of 7, but we also got quite a lot

Alright, now for some spoilers!

Ok, first of all… I KNEW CLARA WAS A TIME TRAVELLER. I noticed it right away. The way she acted and the way wind was blowing. I knew it. And I felt it on me that she was related to Allegra.

The question is… is her dad Marco or Félix? Or someone else?

With that, IS PEDRO CATERINA’S DAD?!

Seriously what is it with Sharp women and just for GENERATIONS being single moms

ALSO PEDRO SETTING THE THEATRE ON FIRE OF COURSE THEY WOULD TAKE A NEW CHARACTER YOU’VE NEVER HEARD OF BEFORE

I literally thought we would get more 90s stuff but nope

Félix and Marco’s relationship… honestly Félix is such a sassy boss I love him

And he does EVERYTHING he is literally the true hero of this story

I was worried Diego was cheating on Greta so I am glad they just briefly mentioned he divorced her lol

Also him and Caterina just making out like horny teens help

Imagine Félix’s family when they come home again. Like he and his bro share a room, imagine when he comes home and finds all of these random time travel documents

WHERE DID MARCO AND ALLEGRA GO

I am surprised that time travel cat wasn’t used more. Imagined if you time travelled with it. Then again, maybe since you don’t wear it, it can’t set off like normal.

Ok, as mentioned, idk if there is a S3 but after this I really hope so. So here are some predictions/things I want to happen in S3

Marco and Allegra end up in a rather unexpected time period - either in the far past or further in the future. The past seems more likely as they’d otherwise have to make up how a future would look like, which can make this whole show rather dated if they predict it wrong.

That, or they are stuck in some void and need rescue

Due to how Clara acted with asking so much about Allegra’s love life, I am wondering if she perhaps have come to see who might be her father

And I imagine S3 she will spend a lot of time with Félix, so she might consider him as her potential father. But she also wonders if it might be Marco.

It’s also possible that something happens with Allegra as an adult - Clara asks her something like ”how important is your career for you”, which makes me wonder if… maybe Allegra becomes like Cocó was when Caterina was young, that she always travels and does shows and is never home

The time travel necklace seemed to have a yellow light, which is something we have not seen before… green is learning, purple is getting a mission, but yellow…? Could it possibly be something like… changing the past?

But it could also just be yellow because it was a light creating the triangle and she actually had another color. Who knows.

It can also be that Clara is a mastermind time traveller who has just travelled anywhere and everywhere and set out clues for everyone else.

Next season is Félix’s turn to time travel?

Idk more right now! All I know is that I wanna make a video review of this. My plan is to make a sequel to my d+la shows video, where I talk about the rest of the d+la shows I haven’t mentioned yet, and then in the end I’ll have my Entrelaza2 review.

#such a !!!! season #entrelazados #disney intertwined

[sarcastic--metaphor]

spoilers

bro i have so many thoughts about the F&C finale 😭

i had a feeling in my gut that vampire!world marcy and bubblegum both died but it still felt like such a sucker punch to see their tank with baby Finn... but no them. But also I fucking LOVED the implication bc I love unhappy endings, but theirs isn't necessarily unhappy, it's more cosmically in line with their entire dynamic to both accept their fate but to do so together

Also did Jay just leave behind his dad and all his siblings?

idk idk but what's important was that Simon's arc came to fruition and he realized how (very unintentionally) poorly he treated Betty and the side of me that loves tragedy is SO HAPPY rn but I'm also so fucking sad like yeah, maybe I did hope just a little bit that Simon could have a giant eldritch GF and be happy with her

But GOLBETTY did undergo a kind of transformation herself at the end of EP 10 and I'm so curious to see what became of her as well.

I have more thoughts but these r my most rambling ones for now

#fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #simon petrikov #fionna campbell #spoilers #f&c spoilers

[herestoburiedsecrets]

I just finished the new season and HOLY COW!!!!

I honestly loved this season so much!! Literally so many moments were absolutely fantastic but it also brought a whole new level of pain

- CAP IN EP 2 - a) of course he likes bugs (and birds) this is practically confirmation of my autistic Cap hc, b) him and kitty bonding is literally the best thing ever i am always down for it and c) THAT ENDING!!!! He took his jacket off!!!!! I love him so much and I genuinely screamed a bit at that moment

- I loved the deep dive they did into Mary’s backstory and her and Annie’s friendship. I also do kind of appreciate how they don’t actually go into the specifics of Mary’s death aside from the initial motive of the accusation, because i feel like that it very respectful of Mary’s trauma that they have been portraying throughout the show. I really love that they focused on how both Annie and Mary have only ever been forced into the strict religious roles that society has imposed on them (obviously similarly seen with Fanny, altho slightly different, which also makes sense because they are women) and how death and friendship offered them a liberation they were never afforded in life.

- the theme of liberation in death is actually very interesting because it could also be applicable to the Captain, as well as all of the women (altho less evident with Kitty), and how now in death he is free to express himself and his sexuality, which was something he could never do in life. Just thinking about it….

- MARY BEING SUCKED OFF literally hurt me so much. Throughout this whole show i have rarely thought about the idea of the ghosts being sucked off, because while the idea of being stuck in a weird limbo indefinitely unable to make an impact on the living world is a terrifying yet interesting concept that i love exploring, the idea of any ghost just completely disappearing forever pains me so much. Mary’s gone…. I genuinely don’t know if I have accepted that yet. Watching all of the ghosts’ deal with the grief was so difficult - especially the Captain and Kitty - but was also very interesting. While i do know the inevitable fate of each ghost is being sucked off, I don’t think i am quite ready to face this fact yet. I think this episode was beautifully done tho, and made me even sadder than the specific ghost backstory episodes do (and all of them make me really really sad). It just hits on another level.

- following on from that point I am happy that out of all the ghosts it was Mary who was sucked off, especially with the way they executed it within the show and the rounding out of her story. It makes me feel better knowing that Annie already moved on, as she was Mary’s best friend and existing without your best friend for so long would be difficult for her. I love Mary, but I am not as insanely emotionally attached to her as I am to the Captain and Pat and Kitty. I genuinely would be inconsolable if either of them got sucked off.

- two brief funny moments that I loved were literally everything with Cap (he was amazing this season) but specifically when he goes to apologise to Alison, & Fanny grooming Robin like her pets

- I do think this season was a little slow to start but once it picked up it didn’t stop and i loved it so much

- I do love that they focused on some more unusual pairings (like Julian and Fanny (which was excellent, and Thomas and Kitty I am surprised they haven’t paired together more often) but I also love that they gave us more of my favourites (Cap and Kitty, Robin and Julian). However, I am sad that there wasn’t more Pat and Cap because I feel like their friendship was really developed in season 3 and while I guess there was less need for the leadership duo in s4, I feel like we got barely any interactions between them and they are one of my favourite pairings (if not my actual favourite), and not just because I ship them, but also because I really love their dynamic.

- ROBIN DIED BY LIGHTENING STRIKE!! I know it was a popular fan theory but I am still so happy I headcanoned it and it is actually true!!

- I actually really loved Julian this season. I like Julian a lot but this season in particular i really liked him.

- I definitely feel like there was a different vibe this season (as to be expected with new seasons, and this could just be down to the direction of it, as I believe they changed directors for this season) and while i loved pretty much all the episodes, the new vibe will take some getting used to.

- I LOVE MIKE AND ALISON SO MUCH!! Literally Mike is such a supportive husband and that episode where Mike tries to get Alison to relax is so cute, and yeah I just really love them.

There is so much more I love about this season but those are my immediate thoughts and I think I will rewatch it tomorrow to fully collect my thoughts about it!

#cat.txt #bbc ghosts #bbc ghosts spoilers #bbc ghosts season 4

[3gremlins]

obviously it's early yet and there have only been 2 episodes but so far i am underwhelmed by the percy jackson tv show. thoughts behind cut (i guess very mild spoilers but nothing big)

mostly b/c every time it uses cgi fx the lighting gets DULL AF and terrible and i am begging disney etc to just pay for lighting people and practical effects/mixture of cgi and practical so it can be lit properly and not rely on making everything dark to hide shitty looking composition with weird flattening color grading (the actual models don't look that bad, they're just badly composited. like let a dramatic rim light enter your life, fam, i am begging you).

The props also look a little cheap? Esp in the capture the flag war scene, they all look/sound like plastic with little to make it seem like they're not (also the fit on the helmets was kinda meh, but i realize this is nitpicky).

it just added to making the show look cheap in a way it def shouldn't be b/c the mouse has so much freaking money. idk, it feels like they got a meager budget for a thing that deserves a GoT or at least a Mandalorian/SW budget tbh (orrrrrr i wish they'd just done a cool animated show in the style of the opening/closing credits but obviously that would be more expensive and the house of mouse are cowards T.T)

also the writing has been a lot of "tell instead of show" exposition so far which makes for not so great tv (it would have been much cooler to see the luke/thalia/anabeth bg stuff as a flashback instead of just having luke explain it on screen- stuff like that. Which is probably a budget/direction issue and less of a writing issue tbf). More characterization in general- like it just feels a little rushed like they were trying to hit major plot points faster (esp with the inter god house relations).

It also feels like someone told Jason Mantzoukas to dial it back and so he feels weirdly restrained as mr.d (a very strange choice imho). Like you hire him to be loud and a little obnoxious and i'm not sure about this directing choice for this character (this is sort of minor but it contributed to the first 2 eps feeling overall kinda muted?)

Book 1 is the weakest book by far tho so probably season 1 will be the weakest since it's an adaptation of that but I thought maybe they'd be able to fix some of the issues since Riordan has more direct control over that with this adaptation. Like move some plot points around/character narratives to make it a little more dynamic and make us care about more of the main characters sooner.

it also feels like it's missing a little bit of that rick riordan is a huge classics/mythology nerd DEEP CUT references that are in the books (we got a little with that one kid talking about the goddess of failure but not really enough)

the casting is great tho and maybe it will get rolling as the season goes on, i will keep watching for sure. I'm just sad it wasn't better b/c now I'm not going to be able to convince my partner to read the books lol. He already read the Magnus Chase books which he liked, but he's afraid of the PJ books b/c the first few aren't as good/were written earlier

#percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson #percy jackson show #percy jackson spoilers #percy jackson premier #percy jackson disney+ #text post #i think this suffers from the trend in doing 8 to 10 eps of shows these days #i feel like 12 to 15 is the magic number for good storytelling balance without the story feeling crunched #more than that usually has too much filler #josh pointed out that 12 to 15 eps is a season of modern anime lol (look they usually do have good pacing) #i mean obvs there's lots of corporate greed trying to not pay people or run around labor unions at work here too i think #pretty sure if it's 8 eps they can call it something else and pay folks less/do less residuals kinda thing #but in an ideal world it'd be nice if good storytelling and paying people proper wages was prioritized instead #q

[loxare]

Good omens 2 ep 1 thots under the cut!

CROWLEY LOOKS!!! SO HAPPY!!!!!! MAKING HIS NEBULA!!!!!!!!! I'm so sad he got the wind taken out of his sails. And I know exactly how much trouble he got in just for asking a few questions. Theory: God is omniscient, and as such knew Crowley needed to be a demon to save the Earth. It sucks, but it's growth for both him and Aziraphale, who needed to learn to duck around the rules, and growth tends to hurt. I'm just sad Crowley got hit that hard

Aziraphale only valid landlord???

Crowley ornithologist?????

Wait, why is the mail getting delivered to the Bentley rather than Crowley's apartment? What happened to his plants? Is he just never in his apartment so it's better to deliver to the car?

Record shop coffee shop ff slow burn

John Hamm's john & hamms are on display

This is unrelated to GO but I made wonton soup to eat while watching this and it is very good. Mmmm

Those poor tomatoes

Aziraphale's music interrupted by nudity and amnesia

Oh god heaven still hurts my eye holes. So shiny

No one tell naked amnesiac Gabriel about the existence of twins

Someone get him some pants. Aziraphale please get him some pants not just a blanket. What if he stands up?

Trailer ship bait line is a good line. Aziraphale thinks of Crowley and goes all soft

"The thing" is probably the box that was doing a lot of heavy lifting to keep this show PG, that was also dropped when the door opened and left in the street. Someone should probably go pick that up before someone else takes it

Ah. Good, it's still there

Oh her name is Shax. Neat! I love Crowley's hair swirlies. The ones on top. They're nice

Gabriel's Jim's terrible short term memory will absolutely be remembering Gabriel and not retaining anything else

The reaction to a bit of litter in heaven is killing me

So Crowley is one of those coffee drinkers. Also, if I were the record shop lady, I'd bake Aziraphale a thank you cake

Getting tired of writing out all the names, sk they're just A and C now

Oh no, the coffee shop lady is taken. Poor record shop lady

Blanket toga is not a substitute for clothes

I thought "ask him properly" would lead to some magic angel stuff, not asking more aggressively

ARGUMENTS. I feel like A is playing on the time last season when C left, saying he was going to go to another galaxy (Andromeda?) and then ended up regretting that. To clarify, I'm currently paused so I haven't heard C's response yet so this entire paragraph could become moot

I feel like C's going through some stuff that he hasn't told A about

Man drinks six shots of espresso, spontaneously combusts, gets struck by lightning

The relationship and circumstances around these two shop keepers is so fanfiction. If they don't get together, I hope they can spend the time trapped in this coffee shop bonding and becoming besties. Also, there should be a manual override for the security system. Not having one is stupid, because of things like this. What if they were trapped in the record shop instead, and there was no readily available food? An internal manual override is crucial

I like Micheal's sleeve cuffs

Ooo, disabled angel!

Muriel I hope you get some confidence. And also I want your skirt

Small bit of litter confuses and confounds angels

Oh, wonder why Beelzebub got recast. (Don't go out of your way to look it up I don't care enough to check myself and definitely not enough to inconvenience someone else)

So. The conflict here is that C could give up Jim, get a promotion and that's a problem taken off his hands, but A would be mad at him. Or, he could do not that and risk both him and A getting erased from existence entirely, which will uh, make it so the apocalypse last season did not get stopped. Oh boy

Oh this coffee shop lady does not care for records. At all

Crowley "my bad" actually made me die laughing so that was excellent and also my ghost is now typing this

Oh I do not care for the tone of Lindsay's texts. At all. Nina you deserve better. I do like the format of the texts coming up though. The paper and red pen makes it seem a lot more personal and angry and uh. Not good.

One of those said "remember what we said about mutual respect" and blowing up your partner's phone angrily because they're late isn't respect, which is necessary in the "mutual" bit of mutual respect. I would personally be concerned that something had happened. Maybe walk down and see if they're alright. Assume that their phone had died maybe, idk

A: glasses on. C: glasses off

"You were right" does not contain the word sorry and oh good, A knows that. Oh there's a dance? 👀

Why. Why do they do that. This is hilarious, but I feel like it makes it more difficult to apologize for things if there's a humiliating dance involved. Which also still doesn't contain the word sorry

Jim go back upstairs. Also, why does he still not have clothes?

See, in the trailer, Muriel didn't recognize Gabriel, and I thought that was just because they've never met. Interesting to see that, no, there's an active reason for that

Being persona non grata with heaven means A isn't allowed to do miracles anymore? Or just that the miracles he does are more heavily scrutinized?

Ah, the old "immediate proof that the last thing said was completely wrong" trope. Also, weird seeing heaven with a red filter

Ah. Bit of warning for people sensitive to flashing lights. I don't think this flashes fast enough, it's a hard cut between red filtered heaven and white heaven, with a second or two between each cut. But like. Go carefully. It only lasts for a bit and there aren't too many interesting visuals during it. Right after C says "no one will have noticed a thing", stops when Uriel asks for the alarm to stop

Oh A. Can't stay out of trouble to save his life

All in all, I liked it a lot! I'm looking forward to the hijinks A&C get into, I really want to know why C's mood is so foul rn when he was generally cheery at the end of last season, or as cheery as he gets, wondering about all the empty boxes. One empty box is fine, but two? Suspicious. Hoping Nina dumps Lindsay, has a nice long recovery period where she can enjoy being herself, and then gets together with record shop lady, whose name I will remember sometime probably. But I'm out of soup, out of tea, and out of excuses to not pull nails from my wall, so I'm gonna go do that now

#loxie liveblog #loxie watches go #good omens #good omens 2 #ok maybe another few seconds to enjoy the end theme

[mlobsters]

supernatural s7e11 adventures in babysitting (w. adam glass)

when this started i was like. is this... going to be a twilight new moon reference...

which is my favorite scene in the series, it's my favorite adaptation of how the book did it (a blank page with just the month name for 3 pages in a row), and it's one of my most favorite and memorable usages of music in a movie.

while the circumstances are less permanent, new moon really hit for me with grief. and in fact i made a little parallel thing with this scene in spn s2e3 bloodlust (sera wrote that one) when sam and dean are in the thick of john just dying.

i wrote a little bit (under the cut) about my own parents deaths in the last episode and as ever this show pokes at my dead parents feelings and i'm not sure this episode is gonna go down with me. john dying was rough on me in that stirring up personal grief way, i'm hoping to not have a repeat of that experience.

(minor music rant, i think why it gets to me so much is because i am such a pushover and so easily emotionally manipulated by tv/movie music. *usually* if a show wants me to fell sad, they're gonna hit that button with music if nothing else. and i dislike it when i feel like i'm being manipulated. so to have a show not be able to hit that low bar, when i am already extremely emotionally connected to the show, THAT is notable. and not good. because like i said, i'm a cheap date. like just for a second there i felt that real sadness with this generic sad piano score happening as we go from sam and dean arguing and deciding to work different jobs to sam knocking on the kid's door. it was right there! but it petered out as soon as it came. -- edited to add: not surprisingly, it's a jay gruska ep)

wolverine, is that you?

teen wolf s3e8 visionary - madison mclaughlin as paige krasikeva

i thought the kid looked familiar, paige in teen wolf?? baby derek had to mercy kill her

surely dude would have a scarred up arm by now, with the number of times he's slicing himself. on the same wavelength again, i also suggested this little test back in episode 6 :p

FRANK Do I look like I know? You think it's easy to see this deep into what's real and also be bipolar with delusional ideation? There is no pill for my situation, sweetiepop, so, yeah, best guess – the bigmouths are onto me. Next question.

cue reading the delusional disorder wiki page, i didn't realize delusions could come without other symptoms of psychosis

so i think i've seen stuff he's been in but nothing jumping out worth grabbing a picture of. but he keeps pinging a) tom sizemore b) that he's somehow related to mark sheppard/crowley c) patton oswalt.

FRANK Got the equipment arranged. Come and get your costume on. We can scoot. DEAN "Costume"? What?

okay, that was cute.

not cute for me, the bumbling around on the cherry picker -_-

SAM (on phone) Dean, hey. So I think this guy was hunting a Vetala. Um, Dad took one down back in the day. Silver knife to the heart, twist, they're done. He says they're maladjusted loner types – like to knock a guy out, drag him home, feed slow. So, if Krissy's dad got grabbed, there's a chance he might still be alive. Be nice to get this girl's dad back home to her, you know? All right, I could use your help. Call me.

hitting us over the head with the point again. GOOD TO GET A DAD BACK TO THEIR KID HUH

you just said you could use dean's help.. but you went alone anyway and got jumped (very easily i might add) and bitten? great decision making, sam

DEAN How long was I out? FRANK 'Bout 36 hours.

excuse me WHAT. what a cheap way to add a bunch of tension and conflict that's also completely not believable. i don't care how sleep deprived he was, unless there was some medical condition happening there IS NO WAY.

FRANK Did I mention you look awful? DEAN Yes. Maybe because somebody I cared about just got shot in the head. And this is like shoving a rock up a hill. And – screw you. FRANK Here's my advice you didn't ask for – quit. DEAN What? FRANK You want to keep going? DEAN I want Dick Roman on a spit. FRANK But you're gonna drive yourself into the ground first. Good plan. DEAN I'm not gonna quit. It's not even an option. I'm not gonna walk out on my brother.

not totally sure how quitting equates to walking out on sam, but okay. oh wait, was he saying quit hunting altogether? (that totally went over my head, i just am realizing now after finishing the episode and rereading before posting lol)

KRISSY My dad left, and he didn't come back. Sam left, and he didn't come back. I give you the info, you leave, you don't come back.

she makes a good case and we get awkward roadtrip with kid for dean

DEAN Because I hunted one that turned out to be two a couple years back. KRISSY And you never told Sam? Wow, thanks. How 'bout sharing that with the rest of the class so we don't all get killed? DEAN Sam was away at Stanford, smartass.

okay but what? if sam was at school then john was alive and somehow dean never got that information to john so he'd update his journal? i don't think there's a gap that this could have worked in when john was dead but sam wasn't with dean for long enough to do a hunt/not talk about it. weird.

anyway probably just a segue to bring up college with the kid.

KRISSY So... Guess I'm retiring – one and done. DEAN Really? How you feel about that? KRISSY Who knows? Maybe I'll go to Stanford like Sam. KRISSY We're so lame. DEAN Yeah, we are. Take care of yourself.

that was sweet.

SAM You know what? Good for them. DEAN Yeah. It's nice to walk away from someone and feel like they could be okay. How about you? How you doing? You all right? SAM No. I'm definitely not. But, you know, I mean, um, I think, maybe... I just want to work. SAM Should I even ask? DEAN I'm fine. SAM "Fine," meaning...? DEAN You're right. We should just... work, right? And figure out a way to kick Dick Roman's ass. Well, hey, we are the professionals.

obstinate as dean can be about some things, he sure will take other people's advice to heart and start implementing it. though faking the smiles for that long while driving was creepy and sad

is it too much to ask for sera gamble to unironically like twilight???

#supernatural #spnwatch #spn 7x11 #sideburns #twilight new moon #spnhiky #hiky #madison mclaughlin #teen wolf #paige krasikeva #Youtube #adam glass #lykke li #chopsurveillance #spn musical score #jay gruska

[infinite-wanders]

Never Have I Ever ...

s3 rewatch thoughts and fav small moments

❤ Kamala and Devi heart to heart about having sex

❤️ Paxton opening the car door for Devi after their date

❤️ Paxton knowing Devi was not ready for sex

❤️ Rebecca H.Y being a savage

❤️ Devi being a better friend: a) thinking of Fab during her first vday without Eve. b) when Eleanor was talking about her first time and tried to change the conversation thinking of Devi, and Devi put the focus back on El rather than letting the focus be on her. I'm sure there are more but I loved this growth for her.

❤️ Eleanor was such a supportive person through the season to Devi, Paxton, Trent

❤️ Trent knowing Eleanor would use him to advance her career and being okay as he supports her dreams. Like I know it may seem toxic, but them just being honest with each other from then on and accepting each other flaws and loving each other passionately. If they're endgame, I'll survive s4.

🤔 Paxton and Haley. Known each other forever. Lots of build up / moment leading to sex. Valentine test came back with 98% perfect match. Yet are not together. Sound familiar? Do I predict foreshadowing?

🤔 Eric's speech how he's trying to date someone hot so "I wouldn't be known as the person who lost his dad ..." as commentary to Devi’s actions. Ouch.

❤️ the paintball scene and Devi representing my competitive ass. Devi VS Paxton ... kinda hot ... until it wasn't if ykwim.

💔 the lyrics "I'll burn down and sleep in the warm ashes on the ground" playing during daxton breakup as parallel to daxton first kiss "I was on fire for you" ... and people want to try give me hope for s4. I'm still crying over this.

💔 when Paxton sees Devi with Des, that is not a look of jealousy my dude. That is heartbreak, sadness, pining, longing.

❤️ Paxton asking Eleanor and Ben how Devi is, because when he tried to ask her himself, it was too hard a conversation.

🤣 Alejandro and the Ed Shereen effect. Legit a thing.

❤️ Paxton's ability to read Aneesa x Fabs body language and the soft moment of giving Fabiola relationship advice.

❤️ "Not what you say. How you say it. Eye contact" ... Paxton prose may not be lyrical but I've said this 100x ... I love everything he's not saying. [Insert link of all the times and ways Paxton looks at Devi]

🤔 Paxton reflecting on his very physical and simple relationship with Phoebe. The set up for s4 daxton. I'm ready and waiting.

❤️ Andy Sandberg my love. Welcome back.

❤️ every wholesome interaction between Ben and Paxton in ep 6 and beyond

❤️ Ben being welcomed into the Hot Pocket fold. Pun intended. I love that for him.

❤️ Treleanor commentary of their relationship as set up to help s4 daxton. "We rile each other up and love each other down." "Thank you for pushing me." "You make me better."

❤️ Paxton and Devi 3x08 scene in her room. I LOVE a lamp scarf, he says with eye contact.

🤔 Daxton got away with months of hooking up. Des x Devi got busted within weeks. I still like to think Nalini knew Devi was seeing Paxton and turned a blind eye in secret approval for these reasons ... a) she knew about Kamala and Steve. b) she knew Devi was crying over a boy. c) Nalini says nothing gets by her and that she'll be installing cameras at Devis window.

❤️ Paxton's college(s) acceptance moment. Eleanor's reactions were too cute while Trent broke my Traxton heart

💔 Trent choking up when he goes to apologise to Paxton for getting mad. Seriously, I love his character and Ben Norris' range for dramedy is 😘👌

❤️ Mohan x Nalini are couple goals. Knowing how to calmly talk sense into Nalini but also encourage her pettiness by subscribing the mean girls to spam. I'm here for it.

#just some thoughts of what i enjoyed from season 3 #im sure ive missed plenty but this is from my first rewatch #there will be more until summer of 2023 #ive got more thoughts about each characters relationship and development which i will discuss in another post #never have i ever netflix #never have i ever #devi vishwakumar #paxton hall yoshida #ben gross #fabiola torres #eleanor wong #trent harrison #nalini vishwakumar #nhie #nhie s3

[kiwibirdlafayette]

Hello! I just wanted to say that i love your Tom analysis I’ve read it so many times and while I was watching Capsize and Tom interact, your essay of him popped into my mind. And I wanted to connect our points, if that’s alright?

The act of receiving items is something that is very indicative of the personality of both the giver and receiver. When it comes to the gods, Mianite gives a wooden sword and leather armor while Dianite gives considerably great quality armor and weapons in comparison.

You state in your essay that the relationship between Tom and Dianite is transactional. And I think that Capsize is as well with the champions. For instance, for building a ship she gives Tucker a map, for the pufferfish Jordan gets three redstone, and when she transports the mooshrooms to the island she expects payment for that.

But when it comes to Tom she gives him very personal and personalized items. Nemo, her old vessel whose sails she changed to red (used to be white), and a sword with unbreaking 20 expecting nothing in return for any of them. In fact he never has to fear her taking any of that away because she states that “ye can’t be claimin’ a gift back! That be rude!” (she says this to Jordan when he asks for his gold back). She even comes to his defense when Jordan mistakes the ship to still be hers.

In the beginning Capsize is adverse to Jordan not only being a captain but at the thought of being co-captains together. Both Jordan and Tucker are her subordinates, but her and Tom are on an equal standing because she named him captain of her old vessel! She knowingly did that, seeing how the sword she gifted is named Captain Syndicate’s Cutlass.

Someone who holds no expectations from him, respecting him, and going out of her way to be kind to him must be such a breath of fresh air for Tom. So unlike his god and even his fellow champions at times, once you get a taste of that it’s hard to fit back into an old mold of yourself.

Crazy how season one ended with the both of them being best friends.

(I hope I articulated that well. Anyways I also wanted to say that I love the way you use colors in your art. I think you make the colors really pop and it’s always a pleasure to look at when it shows up on my dashboard)

YOOOO HOLY FRICK oh my gods yes this is more than alright this is absolutely awesome! :OOOO I'm so happy u liked the analysis and had come to mind while you were watchin the eps like thats geniunely so cool! :D I honestly love that so much for them, you're makin me wanna go and watch the capsize eps from Tom's POV since I've only really watched Jordan's POV I NEVER REALLY. ended up catching a lot of this like. im actually gonna start sobbing /pos The idea of Capsize contributing to Tom's realization and shift from seeing affection and care as a transactional, conditional thing into something that has no expectation tied to it makes so much sense, it fits so well, it explains a lot of what i was picking up Im so sad I hadn't caught more of that earlier when I was writing like man. man. from Jordans POV all of the tom-capsize dynamic is framed as a negative thing bc of the chat shippers but!! no it makes so much sense why it never hit that way for me

moreso reason to be big sad about her like dying like what I literally would do to have seen more of their friendship what the f u c K

thank you so so much for this incredible brainrot /pos i am going to be thinkin about this for the rest of time actually (and awe yo tysm! ;0; <3)

#asks #answered asks #licantropa #lafakiwi talks #the more i learn about capsize the more i love her #i will watch every pov back one day (only the capsize eps) #mianite #captain capsize #tom syndicate #character analysis #sorry if i sound all over the place im literally bouncing off the walls #this connection is just. the world to me