#knowing there are communities out there that enjoy the same things i do with such curious creative passion

[accio-victuuri]

4/29 candies to enjoy ^^ 🍭🍬🍩

this was a busy day for us cpfs. so i’m gonna compile some bits that made our cpn-senses go off! 😂

the most obvious, and my fave, because of how it follows the pattern is them not overlapping their releases. i thought gg was gonna release the gucci stuff at his usual 10:05 or 10:10 but he didn’t. that’s because wyb had jeanswest release on 10:30. i love how that was given it’s time till 13:00 when gg posted the ad. i’m clowning cause 13 is yizhan! and then 13:20 will be the weibo live for FPU, which was kinda delayed too when it went on. some more materials for GUCCI was released throughout the day but moreso on international platforms.

it’s hilarious cause i saw a hot take from an xz anti before who said he is “afraid” of doing stuff alongside wyb. that is their perception. lol. but i think even if you don’t believe in the whole cp thing, maybe it’s professional courtesy? maybe these two are friends and have this unspoken rule? 🤷🏻‍♀️

tho i was very happy to see them both pop up on my weibo opening screen! and to experience them having these international campaigns, for wyb, lacoste recently— makes me proud. 😌

a funny cpn from today is this parallel. in a segment at FPU, there was a moment where a fan said jiayou and wyb said cheering is not always necessary. It reminded us of that time xz was told to jiayou when he was about to go to the restroom and he’s like???? why do i have to jiayou???

oh these two. 😂😂😂

yibo is the resident gremlin who always has a smart ass reply or some savage comeback for you but xz usually doesn’t. but we know what he has that in him too and i wish we could see more of that!

bonus cuteness before we proceed, this edit of them looking like they are doing the choreo for jisoo’s flower 🌸 and they are BP fanboys so it fits!

now some double standards. in the movie channel interview, they were asked where they first met, and wyb couldn’t remember. compare this to how he was with xz! he was always very proactive that they met in ttxs!!!!

there was also a part where they were asked to give an example of what they wanna learn from each other. and if they communicated to learn. so HJY said street dance and WYB said jiu jitsu but they both weren’t able to learn from each other. in the meantime, wyb taught xz a dance routine 😂😂😂 among other things. i’m sure yibo will be more than happy to help someone out, but i think you have to be at a certain level of closeness to him. or he is really comfortable with you.

this last section is for the beaded bracelet. i think it’s time to discuss it again because this is the 3rd time he is seen with it. so this looks like something personal for him. tho i have to say, you have the coco crush which is both personal and part of him promoting chanel too. i’m invested in this cpn and at the same time frustrated because of the questions.

( p1: him wearing it for the fpu bazaar magazine shoot // p2: worn during the movie channel interview // p3: what so/os are saying is the bracelet not that it matters cause i can clown this too )

1. i hate how no wardrobe accounts have confirmed what it is. and i kinda understand cause we never see it fully, plus there is cpn attached to it so they are extra careful. which is also another source of my frustration. why does he wear it when he has long sleeves on??? he was wearing a shirt earlier and his arms were bare! but wait.. he changed his clothes and as soon as he had something to sort of cover it, the bracelet was on. 💀💀💀💀

it’s like he is purposely clowning us!

2. if this was a jewelry to show off and promote Chanel, why can’t we see it well? and i want to see the change in the beads’ color to confirm if it is what the solos say it is.

i’m also side eyeing international solos who are proudly commenting how wyb’s bracelet is luxury and not some cheap buddha beads like xz’s. what? it’s such an insult to a culture that is important to yibo. those bead bracelets made in specific temples for protection is part of his culture. he knows it’s importance and respects it. but what can i expect from solos really? lol. the bar is already very low when it comes to them but they still manage to disappoint me. 🪦

3. and if it is Chanel, i can still clown by thinking GG bought it for him so they can match. 😂😂😂 atleast with the aesthetic.

bonus: the bone necklace!!!!!

another bonus, i saw this photo of like a celebration i guess for queen of tears. and the cake! the way the actors are cutting it! lol. reminds of xz and wyb! 😂

banner edit source 圣衣雪琳

-END.

#this became longer than i intended too lol #yizhan #bjyx #there is no science here i’m just clowning like i always do

[a2zillustration]

What am I gonna do when croissant finishes the game their journey... TT_TT I don't wanna say goodbye to them!!

I don't know buddy I've been wondering the same thing :') Let's not think about it-

#Real talk despite knowing very little about the ending I DO have a small handful of comics I'd like to make about post-game depending on- #-how things go #I also have a slew of breadweave comics that weren't in-game events I'd like to make too #Regardless I don't think I'll just drop Croissant like a hot potato once we're finished with the game! #I love them and still really enjoy the BG3 community #but I think I will take a little break from comics for a short period #It's been....a lot of work. And a lot of the /same/ work - for months. haha #.......I am however considering making a short (non-bg3) graphic novel with a writer friend bc as it turns out making comics IS fun #We'll see! #Ok I'm done sorry for rambling ngjfkdlnsjkh #asks #Wait I'm not done one more thing: not wanting to say goodbye to Croissant is also why I STILL haven't finished the game T____T #I'm getting really close and I am SCARED

[kitsunecrows]

study break! 🍵 (read tags)

#it’s me i’m the one taking a much needed break from studying by doodling on my phone LOL #today marks my first year of being on tumblr :) #and although i had a whole thing planned #my ipad died #lol #and i’m still in public and kinda tired #but i still want to commemorate one of my first posts made on this account and by default my first drawing ever made on procreate #so notes app it is LOLLL #with my finger again #i might delete this and redo it later but. in the moment it feels just right :) #if you read all of this i love you #because by simply being here it fuels the inner kid in me that hesitated for years before ever posting my art #it’s silly yeah but #knowing there are communities out there that enjoy the same things i do with such curious creative passion #it reminds me that i don’t have to let go of the things that make me happy just for the sake of other ppl #so thank you for stopping by - for being here to enjoy the moment #yeehaw #kitsunecrows art #tododeku #tddk #todoizu #doodles #izutodo #midoroki #todoroki shouto #midorya izuku #notes app #bnha #mha #good luck!

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

I love learning ASL it’s so good. Makes me happy to learn it. I’m so glad my university has classes for it with professors actually steeped in Deaf culture.

#blue chatter #am I good at ASL? hahahahahahaha. no. #ASL and English grammar are incredibly different and even when I remember my vocab I am easily clockable as hearing #but I do have some language capacity now. enough to communicate the basics. #and I just. genuinely really enjoy it. it’s fun to learn and engaging in a way most of my classes just aren’t. #and I can. yanno. communicate respectfully w Deaf ppl. and learn about their culture #which is incredibly important given that I want to go into a field where there is a higher incidence than typical of Deaf people #autistic? you’re more likely to be Deaf! #not to mention the fact that sign language can sometimes be a useful alternative to speech for nonspeaking/nonverbal people #depending on the person obvi; some nonspeaking/nonverbal autistics cannot use sign language and that’s okay #but surely at some point I will encounter either a Deaf client or a nonspeaking/nonverbal client who uses ASL #and when that time comes I should have some idea of how to communicate with them #I also rly like the Deaf church by my parents’ house #their community is really welcoming and their services are really interesting #I think it’s rly cool how they take intentions directly from the congregation #they’ll raise their hands and then sign what their intention is from their pew to the ambo #which is rly neat #it is funny bc every time I go the Deaf ppl I talk to will tell each other ‘go slow she’s hearing’ #which is ENTIRELY fair bc. I am hearing. and I do need them to go slower. #but it also makes me laugh bc truly everyone knows within a few minutes. #oh hey the new person? they’re hearing. yeah they’re learning ASL at college. sign slowly for her. #which again makes sense bc a big Deaf culture thing is keeping ppl informed. it’s not gossip it’s getting everyone on the same page. #Deaf ppl do NOT beat around the bush that is like the height of rudeness to them. u say what u mean goshdangit. do not waste their time. #which I appreciate the heck out of bc i don’t have to try and phrase things delicately or w/e #it was also funny bc my mom came w me while I was home for Christmas and they asked her if I was her kid #and she said yes. and the lady running the kid’s craft corner thing was like ‘great you’re doing a craft now’ #and I’m sitting there. visibly over 18 years old. amongst several seven year olds. trying desperately to figure out how to say hot glue gun #I made a v pretty pinecone tree it was a lot of fun ^-^

[barnabybrainrot]

—-

#mod posts #idk dude i am so conflicted abt this ‘barnaby is overrated’ shit #on one hand im like… wow another person who feels he’s overrated. daring today are we? #on the other im like… i understand what its like when the character you like isnt the popular one in the community #like i normally tend to hyperfixate on the side characters so i absolutely know how frustrating it is #i also know from personal experience that a lot of it can just be hating it solely BECAUSE its popular #when i was like 14 and undertale came out i hated it just bc it was popular. and then i played it myself and yknow what? i enjoyed it #like… its okay not to like something!! everyone has unique tastes #and i also understand the concern abt barnaby being treated like snatcher (i know NOTHING abt snatcher so dont. quote me on that) #like theres a chance the ‘fanon’ version of barnaby will be given precedence over ‘canon’ #the same shit happened with sans. remember all those sans/reader fics where sans was this edgy mysterious guy? #yet in fanon hes just a funni little skeleton who likes bad jokes? #yet in *canon jesus christ i cant spell today #but like. can we just let people enjoy things if they arent hurting anyone? #like i get it its annoying sometimes. like i had to mute the oc tag bc i was tired of seeing RP stuff #but im not like. going into their inboxes and telling them theyre bad ppl for enjoying a popular character yknow? #sorry this is making like. no sense. and im sorry to put it in tags but i do NOT want this spreading #anyways. those are my thoughts for today.

[snazzi-strawberri]

my friends be like oh berri why dont you show us more of ur art we love seeing ur art :( BUT WHEN I DOOOO RARELY ANYONE REACTS OR RESPONDS TO ITTT DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEEEELSSS DO YOUUUUUUU

#LIKE LIKE. I FEEL LIKE A FOOL WHENEVER I DO SHOW THEM MY ART. AND THEN NADA. NO RESPONSES TO IT. IM LUCKY IF THERES AN EMOJI REACT #BUT THEY SAY THEY DO CARE N LOVE SEEING MY ART. BUT WHEN HAVE YOU SHOWED IT???? #I dunno. just being a bit salty i guess #like i know the amount of interactivity you have with ur art doesnt define the value of your art and its very much true for social media #but its a bit different when its with my friends because it feels a bit more personal and i end up feeling like i emberrassed myself #idk. IDK. HHHHHHHHHH #BUT I ALSO DONT WANT TO BEG THEM TO ATLEAST SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ABT MY ART THAT I SHOW. GRRRRAAAAAAAAAGHHHGHG #I wish i had people to share my art and writing more but i dont have that kind of community anymore #like i do have my art blog but i dont post everything. i dont post my songs my singing my writing my baking #and i guess. i just miss having people to share that kind of things to. just the lil arts that are imperfect yet personal. Just anything. #i love sharing things. especially the things i make. and i enjoy seeing others as well #i miss having had that community of people but. its its all. kind of gone. kind of fizzled out. it will never be the same. #and i terribly miss it #man.🐴

[jemandrr]

accidentally browsing a (very niche) female-dominated gaming space and seeing people TEAR into people who want an option to change the player character's pronouns to he/him or they/them without changing anything else because it'd invite men to invade a safe space. For a game purely about dating men. Like, I've been through plenty of female-dominated spaces where queer people and similar-interest straight men are welcome (in this case it'd be bi men but yknow), so it's just this one community, but jeez. The amount of fear that anyone who isn't explicitly a femme female would come in and A. hit on the faceless women there or B. taint the game by making the devs add designs of men who they don't want to date?

I got such a strong terf-y rhetoric from that community, like we can't have anything in common with people who aren't like us going on. All about taking 'our' things. And a lot of people contradicting one other but not trying to find out what the truth is because they have the same conclusion. Like two people saying A>B or B>A and no argument arises and no one shows interest in which is true because both people conclude C.

A lot of people even saying that, likewise, things that appeal to female or queer audiences should NOT be added to mainstream media just like queer content should not be added to female-oriented media. These hard walls around what belongs to who is like...they were raised by toy companies or something.

Like what is (paraphrasing so it isnt searchble) "I would never come into a male dominated community because I feel like I would be invading their safe space, so I don't get why men would want to come here and talk about liking men." At least the people who are scared of sexual abuse are warranted, I've seen tons of abusive language towards people they think are women in male dominated online spaces, but what is this fear of even...sharing interests with men? I know we've been in a new era of gender role enforcement with the tradfem movement, but jeez. And as for these last two points, they both are ones that were contradicted. People also said they do believe in diversity BUT just *this* shouldn't count.

Some people even said it's not fair that they get pushed to be more inclusive when mainstream media never does. Which makes me wonder if they're so deep in their niche 'I only experience content made by and for exclusively straight women' content that they haven't noticed any of the movements in media going on over the last 1.5 decades. Like it's true that we haven't made that much progress, but how do they think that no media gets pressed to increase diversity? The more rigid/right-leaning male audiences of tons of media have been complaining about forced diversity for years in exactly the same way (and sometimes, when it really WAS forced diversity, everyone complains because it's not representing anyone really but yknow). But I guess they wouldn't know that if all of them avoid mainstream media?

Also...what is the fear that gay men like men in a 'wrong' way...(and again, the unargued contradiction being plenty of people saying that they also like media about gay characters, but just they shouldn't make these characters gay)

And like I do get it, in the sense that being marginalized makes you skeptical and fearful of things you don't understand in its own separate way from how being in a privileged class makes you skeptical and fearful of things you don't understand. There's a lot more fear of exploring things different and new because the possible retribution feels/has been higher.

Honestly, this post isn't actually about a couple hundred to low-thousand women in a small community for niche games. Not like, I think it's important, I want to actively make them change. It's not that big a deal, not that surprising in the grand scheme. It's similar rhetoric to things i've seen before (Tradfem/terf). I've seen screenshots of, like, facebook mom groups before. And I've seen way bigger communities be way more open and welcoming, it's just a little outlier.

I'm just writing this because I'm a bit shellshocked because I forget how much that those kinds of people are not just the older, tech-illiterate generations, and not just shallow influencers who will say anything for the clicks (or because someone behind the scenes is funding it), their views behind the camera up in the air. Like I think I cultivate the people I interact with a bit too well. Too many of the people I actually interact with or witness the thoughts of regularly are queer and have flitting relationships with gender and then I remember the other side of the coin has people who think they're being progressive by suggesting that everyone who is different be segregated and therefore safe from each other with no room for intersectionality.

#for the record in other communities talking about the same game i saw several people sharing tips for making androgynous or slightly butch #characters which is the wholesomeness on the other side #ranting into the void #is this one of those situations of like #'the celebrity you call ugly will never see this but the person you know who shares those features will?' #but with 'The men who want to invade your safe spaces will never see this but the he/him butch and other queer people who are otherwise #generally your advocates in political and social spaces will' #also ngl being gay admittedly does make this so much easier #but i cannot imagine having the idea that #categorically #'you and your partner cannot have any interests in common' but so many do #And honestly I would have trouble believing that any women who says they're scared ofplaying or discussing a videogame #with a gnc or gay person- would say that irl they're not a terf and they would let gnc and trans people into the same public bathroom #like i can believe it because people hold lots of contradictory ideas but #if more than 20% of them said it i would think that was legitimately virtue signalling #because while i think trans panic is waaaaay less common than the media thinks #inside a community with those beliefs when they can talk anonymo usly #itd be a tough sell for me. I have to imagine most of those women are the kind who would find out their partner was bi #and start feeling uncomfortable about the state of their relationship- with the way they talk about how men can't enjoy female things like #dating men and such #ALSO there are more women than men #wtf do you mean mainstream media is only for straight men #straight adult men is #like 30-odd percent of the us tops #they got more purchasing power cus of sexism and homophobia and so on but #its so self defeating to think of mainstream media as exclusively the purview of straight men

[thefiresofpompeii]

i don’t want to kill myself but looking at the future sometimes i feel like i have no other option. i fucked it up too far without anticipating consequences and it’s too late to make a change or strive towards any kind of hopeful meaningful existence. there is no way out for someone like me who has nothing going for them, squandered any opportunity, any talent, everything that was handed to them on a silver platter. no interesting personality traits, no aptitudes, nothing to make up for the gaping void where motivation and will to live and thrive and put in effort towards a goal should be. even the most basic steps are a pipe dream. i don’t want to die because i fear the possibility of hell but i no longer see any tolerable way of living.

#i reread parts of mark fisher’s capitalist realism last night and i know it’s unhealthy for theory to cement your own depressive spiral but #i’m thinking of him. even an accomplished thinker and it’s all the fucking same #i’m goinh to listen to swans and cry. i skipped class again and for fucking what #notice how it’s all i i i i i. i have no community no support network no close friends no partner nothing #only my parents who are affluent enough to support me financially but that support is conditional because if #they knew about what i was really like and even parts of my identity that support would be cut off and because i #have no marketable skills i would be left penniless to beg on the street #how long can i keep pretending to be cis and depending on them for vital necessities? until i’m 22? 25? #dropping out isn’t even an option because a bachelors’ degree is prerequisite to getting ANY job that pays above minimum wage but i #feel no passion for the subject i’m studying despite it being literally one of the only things i used to be GREAT at (media analysis; so — #lit major; on foundations for liberal arts; which should be all about PASSION FOR THE SUBJECT) #i’m teetering on the precipice of a steep cliff that drops down into the abyss of abject poverty with no way out #i don’t know what i enjoy doing; what to dedicate my resources and energy to; if i have none left. i don’t even smoke or drink or do drugs #it’s just sober suffering in silence. of course the meds don’t fucking help; meds can’t alter the world around us or our circumstances #this fucking close to going out and buying a rope. i have free will :)) hell can’t be real; it can’t be. worst that could #happen is reincarnation and honestly i could go for a second chance #jamie.txt #tw suicidal ideation

[mister13eyond]

still relationship ranting forgive me (it's all positive, more or less?)

it's also why it is really funny to me that people constantly talk about like 'i want to be in a relationship but i don't want [one specific part]' and it's like

you can just... you can just NOT do that part, then.

you can NOT cohabitate, if you think living with someone would take away your comfort with your living situation. you can not have sex if you don't want to have sex. you can use or not use any label, you can use or not use any terms of affection, you can choose your level of consistent contact you can choose your level of physical affection you can choose whether you want to make any long-term decisions like pets or marriage or children. you can choose whether you want to be exclusive or monogamous, you can choose whether you have multiple people involved, you can choose whether you make plans now or talk it out later, you can have an ongoing, long-term conversation where you check in periodically to see if anything has changed or if you want to change something.

like! i know the cishets tell us 'you fall in love with ONE person and you will KNOW when you are in love and you will ONLY ever love them FOREVER unless you FALL OUT OF LOVE and then you will be DOOMED TO A TRAGIC BREAKUP OR CHEATING'

but like in my personal experience... it's more like.... 'you will meet someone and you will feel like you are really connected to them and you get along well and you are attracted to them. you can then either nurture that feeling by spending more time together and testing out whether your initial connection is sustainable or you can let it pass through you and simply let things go wherever they go. then you can tell them how you feel, talk about what you think you'd like or not like, decide whether you want to prioritize your relationship and your time together over other, more casual connections in your life, and try it out. and you can talk about this any time something feels off. and you're not going to fall out of love spontaneously and for no reason when you were happy before; most of the time you'll notice that there's more distance between you and you're not as close or communicative as you were previously pretty early along that path. and you can THEN decide whether you want to say 'hey let's do more things together to help us bond and feel close and open up to each other' or you can say 'i think we've probably changed in a way where we're no longer on the same page with our relationship, do you want to figure out what we both need and adjust accordingly?'

which is like. it sounds so sterile and clinical but it's actually GREAT? feelings aren't this great big overpowering beast that you cannot wrangle; love is not a thing that will just spontaneously stop one day despite your desperate desire to still feel it. the more time you spend with someone and the more you support each other, the closer you will feel. the less time you spend and the less you support each other's needs, the further you will drift. you can 100% grow that garden to your own specifications and you can simply choose not to include sex or cohabitation or monogamy or labels or WHATEVER else and it's great because it's YOUR garden.

there is no one hard definition for any relationship and there is no one specific way to have a relationship. it's literally just seeing what feels right and then describing it in whatever terms feel right.

#like idk sometimes i think i sound incomprehensible #but also i've been with one partner for 13 years now and we have changed IMMENSELY as people #and every time there were points where we didn't feel close or comfortable we just like #figured out what we needed or wanted and talked about how to do it best #and the entire reason i'm with my other partner to begin with #is that he and i have REMARKABLY similar feelings about relationships and we could have a long ongoing conversation about comfort levels- #and boundaries and what he wanted out of a relationship #and that lack of pressure let him actually feel comfortable enough with me to explore relationship aspects he had felt super uncomfortable #with previously #and also the entire conversation is STILL ONGOING and Will be In Perpetuity #there might come a time when he wants to change something or he no longer wants the same things out of a relationship! #there might come a time when he needs to pull back and can't give as much time or emotional closeness! #i don't think he has to Love Me Forever but as long as he WANTS to do this and feels GOOD doing it then #i'm enjoying myself! #and if there comes a point where he doesn't we can figure out what to do #maybe we'll just need to redefine things or maybe we'll need to change something like how much time we spend together #or maybe he'll need something from someone who isn't me or maybe he'll find #that he grows close to someone else and is more comfortable in a monogamous relationship with THEM #it's fine? it's not a worry because i trust him to tell me #i like him and i know he cares about me enough to communicate and to check in #god it's 5pm and i'm ranting again #slaps my hands off the keyboard #anyways love is actually great and good and fun and if you find a person who communicates and works well with you #then you'll figure it out together #it may take time but you'll figure it out! #loong post #long post #long tags #personal #relationships

[starbuck]

love understanding myself, but gently… not in the harsh, judgmental, over-analytical way i did as a teenager… just being like “oh huh, my enjoyment of this and my enjoyment of that actually have the same root if you trace it back far enough… isn’t that something?” it’s fun! i sure am a Little Creacher.

#would NOT trust 16 y/o me with these revelations… #they were NOT ready for all this… #but i’m ready now and i’m really enjoying myself!! #the fact that that REALLY weird thing i’ve been into since i was like four years old is probably connected to my fascination with sacrifice #is just like HUH… #yeah. ig that tracks!! #what actually *IS* their common origin point tho?? i’d love to know! though i’m sure i never will… #it has been lost to time!! #but that’s okay! it’s just interesting to think of it as the same thought process… the same division… #idk if i *want* more people to be into the weird thing or if i’m glad i don’t know of anyone but me 😂😂 #SOMEDAY i will explain it to someone bc i honestly am curious if there’s anyone else out there like me #my one friend i did tell it do initially told me it wasn’t weird but has since conceded that she doesn’t know anyone who thinks about #it the way i do #and she’s very active in the sorts of communities where i would expect it to pop up so i do think it’s legitimately unusual #which is *fine* but also like. Hm. #it’s weird to be that it’s just me #it’s SO appealing to me that it’s like No. that can’t be right… surely other people must see this too?? #haha idk #i’m extremely fucking tired i am falling asleep typing this #GOODNIGHT MY LOVES I LOVE YOU SO MUCH ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#the agony of writing personal statements. or statements of purpose #why is it so hard? bc i dont kno how to balance listing things i can do vs waxing on abt bullshit i like #idk i just feel v pretentious when i write things bc i also kinda talk that way when i can get a sentence out straight. when i can figure #out what im trying to say. so i just sorta talk kinda weird. or i say weird stuff #its not a bad thing really. but idk how much i should let it out on these statements #or what i should focus on #what to say: i studied extremophilic soil communities. learned stats coding. loved cyanos. #but also: i enjoy science communication? sort of. i like talking abt things and hearing other perspectives but u gotta kno what im saying #1st so i gotta teach u. and i want to help ppl understand things in a way that makes sense to them bc everyone learns differently #but also im too tired and depressed to do thst lmao #sigh... its just hard bc my interests seem frivolous. like theres an academic justification but im not actually interested in being useful #thats just a side effect. so i dont wanna talk abt that stuff #ugh. annoying i wanted to finish writing thrm today but then i got invited to go hiking #and going on a 3hr hike sounded like a better idea than sitting in ny apartment having a breakdown #and then i ran around in the rain a while. so not a bad day as it turned out #but a very unproductive weekend :-/ #ok but the annoying part abt the personal statement writing is that i know im agonizing over it more than i should #bc i kno some jackass out there is applying to the same school and just slapped one together and im wasting hours and hours #on 1 to 2 pages. annoying. and i might mot even get in idk #uuuuuuugh. and it looks like i might have to share a room with my boss for thurs thru Sunday night on our sampling trip #itll b fine i just might wilt being around ppl too much #also have like a streight up 11hr car ride with my lab mate. which will b ok hopefully bc we r friends #but like idk i feel like i kinda gotta pull the conversation with him so blah well see what happens #blah. i fluctuate between: im so burnt out im not having fun anymore #and then remembering: oh wait i am passionate abt things. i wish i had the energy. and then slumping over again #idk @ thr Universities im applying to: u should accept me bc i said so. there. end of statement #unrelated #university: what do i wanna b when u grow up? #me: fuck it i guess a professor? i just wanna do cool research. i dont actually want to work for a uni bc fuck that #i also dont wanna talk to ppl. just habe my own office and do cool science stuff rip

[thegempage]

this post is going to be slightly incomprehensible. but i can't lie, i was a little validated when ben talked briefly about the fact that some of the community's jokes can make for a rough first impression if someone isn't in on the dynamics involved fdjakslfdsf

it's something i'm thinking about a lot when i take clips and i know it was at least partially part of the wholesome bit but considering the highlight video i wouldn't be surprised if it wasn't entirely about the bit

#little rock.txt #long tags #i'm like. 3.2k clips into this journey #(a journey i enjoy! do not take this as complaining) #and it's just a thing i've become aware of? #like there are expanses of games -- esp community game nights -- where there just! aren't many clips #not bcus they weren't fun or there weren't jokes! #just bcus the jokes either don't work out of context or bcus they're too much of an inside joke #or like. i'm clipping the wholesome streams atm #and while these made for an interesting highlights video -- so much of the joke is the *whole stream* #and so they don't really make sense as jokes when you don't have that context #or like how a lot of the bullying helios jokes don't make it into clips #bcus while the community knows it's a bit i don't *really* want a clip of that to be someone's first impression #(also. i won't lie fjkdalsf it's not my favorite bit #this is not a secret to anyone but since i'm rambling i'm not gonna pretend there's not a bias at work #same as with dirty jokes -- i'll clip some of them! but i have personal reasons that some of them just squick me out #so they don't all make it into clips) #idk i'm rambling jfdksalfds i'll shush now

[dandelight]

binge culture has contributed to the inability for audiences to engage with a stories that don’t give them all the answers upfront send tweet

#angel.txt #im deadass about to pass out but im. thinking #its not Just this bc there is sooo much going on in media today #but i genuinely think that getting these waves of stories that are designed to be consumed as fast as humanly possible in order to both #boost ratings and avoid rampant spoilers falls in line with that lack of weekly releases or breaks between release windows #gone are the days of waiting and theorizing and engaging with a story in real time for multiple weeks or months #now its down it all in one gulp and if it doesn’t tie itself up with a neat little bow then something’s wrong #and i’m in my kh brainrot right now so i’m thinking about that community in particular #and that’s a video game so i think it warrants being looked at a lot differently #but it definitely not just that #and im not immune lol i know for a fact i’ve made complaints about things like this #i was thinking the other day abt how i had talked abt twn under the pretense of like #‘well i enjoyed rewatching and picking up on these little details but not everyone will and shows shouldn’t need rewatches to be understood’ #but now im like wait. hold up #this isnt Exactly the same issue but its also got me thinking. like why do i think that? #why have i completely disregarded rewatches as a detriment to a show rather than a benifit? #and im thinking huh…. its the fuckin binge model again i Swear It hsjdhd #anyway long unnecessary rant over goodnight i will delete this in the morning

[zombienarc]

-

#To add to the other post about ‘t’ and ‘b’… I don’t really feel happy with either. I don’t think I have much romance left in me. #I just feel empty sometimes and I do things just to do them. It’s too bad. I enjoy them both as people but as far as a life with either- #-of them.. I don’t know. I don’t care to think that far about romantic relationships anymore. I don’t care to plan a life with someone so- #-tightly woven into the picture. It creeps me out and puts me off. It’s crazy to me that people like the thought of that shit. It makes me- #-uncomfortable to say the least. I see couples with their kids and I think (I’m so sorry for you). I see people around me getting pregnant- #-and I think (that’s stupid. What’s the point?). #I wish I could keep that same energy when it came to the breaking up part. I’m getting there but my ego gets in the way. I end up taking- #-it personally that someone no longer wants to be in a relationship with me. If I could get past that I would be much calmer about it- #-and treat it like the end of a business deal. Deal went bad. Simple as that. #I think people cling to the fiction of love out of boredom; fear; weakness; and ego. #Life isn’t about sex or love it’s about making shit good for yourself without needing others. #That’s what I’m working on drilling into my head. Life is fun with people but it’s not a necessity like people say it is. #It’s like a group of lonely and desperate scientists got together and declared that love and community save lives but really it just makes- #-us slaves to consumerism and eachother. What’s the point in that? To never truly make love to yourself or you mind is dreadful. #Dependence kills. It eats away at your soul until you’re nothing but a body to serve and to long. How depressing. #grey god

[neverendingford]

,

#tag talk #I'm so tired of being the person who has the measured takes. I'm so tired of being the advice dispenser #I'm so tired of being the one to say “well they might have misunderstood and that's why they responded that way” #AND I'M SO TIRED OF BEING RIGHT ABOUT IT #It would be one thing if I were just stupidly optimistic and wrong. but I keep being right. people do usually improve if you invest in them #and I'm tired of the answer always being “work harder”. I know that “I can fix him” is a meme but what if I keep successfully fixing people? #what if my success translates into an obligation to continue trying? what if my being right means I have to keep speaking truth out loud #what if my empathy for others means I have to keep listening to their problems. #I want to feel wanted but I'm so tired of being wanted. I want to be drawn to people but I'm tired of my bones being pulled apart #do I just need to spend time with people smarter than me? I'm tired of being the smartest in the room. #I'm not being arrogant. I'm fucking lonely. do you know what it's like to have no one to call you on your mistakes? #I don't want to do the know it all thing where I assume I'm right and have no one to call me on it. #so tired of people being afraid to tell me I'm probably wrong simply because I'm right so often #I want to be around people who don't treat me like some sort of novelty chat bot. able to generate the wildest dialogue at a moment's notice #i need to look for community once I get settled in here. #but I'm afraid It'll just turn into the same dynamic as it always does #I enjoyed my community group on Tuesday but I never got anything out of it besides generic social. I corrected. I taught. I lectured #I'm tired of feeling like I know everything already. I want something new. something unique #multiplayer games have more longevity because humans offer variation and creativity. . sometimes #what do you do when they stop giving you that variation. that novelty. that unique flavor #what do you do when everything starts tasting the same #I think it's just the moving stress getting to me. plus I have to confront someone about being an asshole to me and I don't wanna #because I know why they were rude. they're stressed out of their mind about stuff too. I get it. but now I feel shitty #you can't offload your stress to someone else. you can't allow it to flow through you and strike someone else. I can't allow that #but ughhhh I'm also tired as fuck. that's part of it too. #bye I'm gonna go brush my teeth comb my hair and go to bed I guess

[amberautumnfaebrooke]

i think i could design a better death arena for children than those hunger games amateurs.

the whole premise of the games is all pageantry. every year you get a crop of 24 candidates around whom the entire state media apparatus dedicates an entire year to building celebrity narratives. this candidate is the younger sibling of last year's winner - these candidates are young lovers forced to compete - he's smart - she's fast - root for them, care about them, watch them, form opinions on them, bet on them. and then they stick them all in an arena to kill each other, which is a great entertainment premise, except that they make the arenas themselves really boring and generic. ooo, they're in...a forest.

it's not even an interestingly designed forest. imagine if the game designers treated their arena like an actual video game designer treats level design. discrete zones with multiple paths between each room, creative use of lighting to guide players to points of interest, points of interest scattered across the map, discoverable resources hidden to encourage exploration. instead they just have a generic outdoors location and if you get too close to the edge they throw a random fireball at you.

the 75th games are especially bad about this. the arena is laid out radially into 12 wedges, and each hour one wedge becomes especially dangerous in a 12-hour loop. as a mechanic, this is genius. it forces everyone to keep moving, making "survival by hiding" an engaging and tense viewing experience instead of someone sitting in a tree for three days. plus, it encourages players to return to the center of the arena, where travel time between wedges is short, which creates a high-value zone for players to regularly return to and conflict over. in other words, it's a mechanic which incentives players to adopt dramatic, dynamic, exciting behaviors which are entertaining to watch (not to mention it communicates geography to the audience well). but it only incentives those behaviors if the players understand what's happening, and they go out of their way not to tell the players anything! when they figure out what's going on, the showrunners spin the arena to disorient the players, like they're intentionally trying to get them to just. randomly wander the jungle instead.

this isn't even to mention how often they create undramatic, boring deaths. they plant poison berries around the arena. they supply no fresh water and no way to get it. they roll poison clouds over sleeping victims. these happen to work out in the books themselves but you have to imagine that extremely often these just result in players dying unexciting deaths.

the cardinal sin though, of course, is that nothing is done to personalize the arena for the crop of contestants that year. if i'm designing the 75th hunger games and two of my most beloved contestants famously had to cancel their wedding because of a return to the games, i would OBVIOUSLY give them a trail of, i don't know, wild game which conveniently leads directly past a well defended wedding chapel. will they hole up there for a while? hold a mock ceremony for themselves? do or receive ironic violence here? stare wistfully and move on? any of it is better television than getting attacked by generic attack monkeys. you should have a dozen of these things on the map for every single candidate. but the game makers are more interested in doing the same thing every other game has done than in telling a compelling story.

it makes me second guess enjoying the children's murder arenas at all.

#the hunger games #game design