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inkskinned · 9 months

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you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

#writeblr #this is a mashup of like 3 dates i accidentally went on lol #by that i mean that i was out with a woman on a date in 2 of these situations #and a man just. joined us. and we were too awkward to say anything while he tried to ''date'' me #& one was a longterm friend that i was like. you what????#like he's nice he's a doctor and my mom was SO happy she was like raquel think about it #''it's a perfect love story you grew up together and reconnected as adults and like the same things and he's friends with ur brother #and his sister is one of ur close friends!!!''#yes but alas. he is a boy . she only likes girls. can i make it any more obvious #anyway im tryna write about like the force of male attention being actually incredibly ingrained to women like we are SUPPOSED to like it #it's seen as the only important thing #even if ur gay #and it's a nuanced thing idk #and while rn i i.d. as lesbian #like .... it wouldn't be UNTRUE to say i am probably like ''cusp bisexual'' bc i CAN experience attraction to men bc like .#sexuality is fluid...#don't tell straight ppl tho bc they do not understand the concept that ppl don't necessarily need a solid everlasting label #they're like GET in the BOX #if ur gay & in boston i'm 30 and pretty please come kiss me.#(i usually only date older ppl sorry in advance tho)

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peaball · 23 days

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They have taken over my brain

#smiling friends #charlie dompler #pim pimling #charpim #adult swim #tumblerinas watch a show for straight guys and make it abt gay sex and trans men

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fuckspn · 5 months

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wrote a whole long post about dean’s relationship to his queerness and then deleted it because i couldn’t put it better than: there is a word i know. but i can’t say it. i can’t think it. i’ll just keep drawing horses

#like as a teenager/young adult/probably through most of the series #i truly don’t think dean actually conceptualized himself as a queer person #it wasn’t that he didn’t notice that he was attracted to men #it was just that even though he knew that was what he was experiencing he refused to let himself think of it in those terms #thinking about kissing boys would be like thinking about getting to attend the same school for an entire year:#dad wouldn’t allow it so therefore it’s impossible and even the act of wanting it would be betraying dad #and so dean calls men buddy and brother and calls himself straight #and only a tiny voice in the very back of his mind even registers it as a lie #HOWEVER because this post is so bleak here’s a reminder that he does make peace with his sexuality eventually!!!#we are three years post-canon he is out to all his loved ones and has gay sex with his husband several times a week!!

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voxpraxis · 2 years

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sorry but i’m tired of books/media with softcore trans guy protags who are wimpy and anxious and never stop thinking about how trans they are and have a flowery little romance with a guy who calls them cute. like that’s all good and fine but where are my trans guy protags who are straight up gross. evil. covered in dirt and blood all the time. give me a trans guy character who spits and kills people and fucks to the death and doesn’t give a shit about shit PLEASE i am begging you

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wof-reworked · 4 months

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This might not be a new idea, but do you think that RainWings would be bartenders? Cause I TOTALLY think they would be. With all their rainforest fruit that could be fermented, who knows what boozy ass drinks they've come up with?

Also drunk dragons are really funny to me lol

OH YOU KNOW IT BAYBEEEE

Rainwings feel like they'd create some fucking BANGER drinks. like knock-you-on-your-ass-if-you-haven't-grown-up-with-it drinks. A drunk Rainwing would be quite a sight, I can't imagine their "composure" of color sticking after a few good drinks, but I don't think it'd be a clear read- just this watercolor painting of shifting whorls of color as each thought registers with 100% sincerity and totality. Rainwings party hard, this is an undeniable fact

Rainwing bartenders probably wouldn't be a full time job but I imagine a "party planner" role being something that comes up in Rainwing life. Probably before major events or for parties they would temporarily jump the fruit queue, so to speak, and have a bit of social currency/power for setting up the party. In a flight without much power struggle/economy, I think a good bartender is as much a respectable position and authority in Rainwing matters as the main gardeners or builders. I also would imagine they would have a building or area for fermenting drinks.

#sunny rambles #wof jobs #I like to think that as adults it's like a bit of a party trick how well kinkajou can hold her alcohol #winter and moon are out for the count at drink 2 and qiblis giving it his best shot but kinkajou will drink anything w a straight face #and then smile it off #like that story of that girl who would challenge macho men to drinking contests and then drink them under the table easily #that's kinkajou baybeee #alcohol mention

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mykomivenn · 5 months

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Good morning sunflowers. Have a Luffy warm up sketch (LIKE, COMMENT AND REBLOGS ARE VERY APPRECIATED)

I promise I'll write more stuff when I'm not busy (or being fucking forgetful)

#lan shares #lansart 🍒#monkey d. luffy #luffy #one piece luffy #straw hat luffy #luffy x reader #one piece #Ive been drawing half naked men for 2 weeks straight help #I LOVE MY SON UWOWOOOO #I'm not adulting this month

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amartworks · 2 years

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"We'll have a cow," said George. "An' we'll have maybe a pig an' chickens… an' down the flat we'll have a... little piece alfalfa- " "For the rabbits," Lennie shouted. "For the rabbits," George repeated. "And I get to tend the rabbits." "An' you get to tend the rabbits."

#of mice and men #john steinbeck #rabbits #classic literature #english literature #george ofmam #lennie ofmam #fanart of the saddest book ive ever read i cried for 3 days straight reading this as an adult #autumn #mine #seasonal #fanart #art

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martymcflown · 5 months

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Sorry I'm hyper-fixating on this James Somerton thing because I used to have his videos on in the background quite a bit and now I'm having this spiral of "wow how did I NOT see the misogyny?" And it makes me think of another self-discovery journey I'd been going on recently of confronting the "acceptable" levels of misogyny among queer men, including other trans queer men like myself. How casual misogyny is seen as wholly acceptable because "well the cishet girls hurt us too." How cis gay men in particular think that disparaging certain body parts is an okay thing to do because "I'm gay, I'm supposed to think they're gross" even if it excludes trans men. Not to say cishet people can't or don't hurt people within the queer community, whether voluntarily or not. It happens, often. The idea that some straight women do write queer men as stereotypes that have largely been propagated by the media they consume is accurate, and sometimes those misconceptions pass onto their treatment of real queer men. But also, buddy--don't you think some critiques apply to us, too? That we also need to do some self-reflection as queer men? Because clearly someone like James Somerton, whom many considered a person of authority in queer media content (for the worst), was able to spread blatant misogyny and hide it behind a mask of pretentious, self-righteous, and exclusionary advocacy. If you're okay giving misogyny a pass because you think women as a whole somehow "deserve" what's coming to them based on their preconceived slights against you, then maybe rethink things a little bit. I'm trying to do that, too.

#also i've said it before but the way queer media written by PERCEIVED straight women is seen as lesser is just gross #especially when people in the same breath will praise queer content produced by ostensibly straight MEN #and it's even worse when it has been proven time and time again that these so-called straight women are NOT actually straight women #that a lot of people perceived by others to be teen girls or adult straight women writing queer content are actually queer themselves #or are nonbinary or trans #LIKE I WAS ONE OF THOSE KIDS #anyway just wanted to rant #james somerton #queer authorship #lgbtq #misogyny #also the fact tumblr wanted to autofill me typing misogyny with misandry OOOOOF

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avaganda · 4 months

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