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jotatetsuken · 2 years

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meant to be — chapter 1: are you mine?

features: kate sharma!atsumu miya x anthony bridgerton!f!reader (also featuring edwina sharma!osamu miya)

trope: enemies to lovers, forbidden love, possible love triangle | type of writing: oneshot | final dish for: @romiyaro (a very belated birthday present for you) <3 | setting: royal au, bridgerton!au

warnings: implications of arranged marriage, fem! reader, reader wears corset, possible anxiety attack in the beginning of the fic, implications of political relations, mentions of infidelity, mentions of gambling, gossip. please lmk if i miss any tags <3

song: r u mine? - arctic monkeys | wc: 4462

submission for: @bokutosmochi’s 9 years of AM collab (thank you so much for organizing this collab :') )

beta reading: @lou-struck @portfolio-of-dreams @izukunii (y'all have no idea how y'all make my day, thank you so so much <33)

networks: @tokyometronetwork @hanayanetwork @downtown-roponggi

prompt: “If you don't put the kitchen utensils where they go, then you're not allowed to complain about it later.” - @sleepyprompts

a/n: finally! the first chapter is here!! so so exciting!! i especially thank you two, @ceo-of-daichi and @mrskenmakozume for agreeing with me to include you two in my fic. 💕 i hope everyone of you enjoy reading this chapter as i enjoyed writing this. if you're unable to understand any term, the glossary should give you an idea <33 i have more than 100 followers lol, but i thought it best to write these requests whenever possible <333.

also, likes, comments and especially reblogs are appreciated <33

Made with Love: 100 Followers Event (closed) | MWL Masterlist

masterlist | glossary | chapter two

Blank. Your mind had gone blank, as you couldn't hear the voices of your surroundings. All you could hear was your heart beating and your heavy breathing. Maybe you hear the occasional screams and sneers in your head. Your heart was thumping to the point where it felt like it was going to pop out of your rib cage. You were having trouble breathing, and you felt something snap on your back as you quietly yelled, “Ow!” as you forcefully came out of your panic reverie.

“(Y/N), are you okay?” Your sister-in-law, Lady Kiyoko, the Countess of Karasuno, inquired calmly, sensing that you were sweating and your hands were getting clammy. All of you were at The SatTen Thread, with the Modiste, Satori Tendou, trying to fit you into the corset he’d prepared just for you, and had just yanked the laces of the corset. The corset was stitched well enough to tighten you in the right places, elevating your bust. The fact that this was causing you slight discomfort caused your eyebrows to be pulled down, your nose to be wrinkled, the lips to be loose, with the upper one being pulled up, and the eyes narrowing. “Is the corset too tight, ma cherie?” Satori inquired as you shook your head in denial, breathing heavily. “It’s not about that, monsieur, it’s just,” you continue, sighing, “I just don’t see the point of this really.” You were not exactly lying.

It was not about the corset at all, but the ordeal that was bothering you. You really did not see the point of dressing up, promenading with different suitors, being an active part of the season to impress the eyes of the ton, especially when you’re at the age of six and twenty. However, what was more daunting for you (and you did not want to show that on your face,) was the idea of meeting a potential suitor at this season’s inaugural event, the Inarizaki Beautillion Ball.

It is said that for the past two years, the King, Keishin Ukai, wanted to shake up the season by inviting the gentlemen from the ton and declaring a beautillion ball to see who would be the season’s “Blue Sapphire,” the highest prestige bestowed upon the concerned nobleman by the King, and the most eligible bachelor for this season, in addition to having the season’s “Diamond,” the same applying to women.

One day, the King was walking along the corridors with Lord Ojiro, the Prince of Inarizaki, who was organizing the said Beautillion Ball, when he remarked, “I yearn for someone fresh, someone unexpected, to turn the season on its head. That is what we need. There is no room for indifference. Apathy is a blight the monarchy simply cannot endure, especially when it comes to choosing this year’s ‘Blue Sapphire’. ”

Ojiro nodded and replied, “True, Your Majesty, but a young gentleman cannot be a Blue Sapphire unless you anoint him as such. When you started the tradition of choosing the ‘Blue Sapphire’ along with the ‘Diamond,’ the ton obviously did not take it too kindly. But in the last two seasons, they’ve noticed that while we do look into the most eligible suitor, our “Diamond,” from the noblewomen, we’re establishing equal opportunity and doing so for the men as well, keeping a more watchful eye over them. So if for any reason you do not find one among the candidates today—”

King Keishin rolled his eyes and continued, “—then Lord Whistledown would surely cause a stir in his pieces of paper. We have heard nary a peep from him since last season ended. In retrospect, the writer may have realized that taking on his king was a bad idea, and he made the decision never to publish again. Or,” the King continued as he shrugged, “He simply went to the country, as the rest of us did in the off-season, bored by the lack of any real gossip. Do you know what that would make him?” Both of them scowl when they realize it, and remark at the same time, “One of us.”

This year, the Beautillion Ball was being organized by Prince Ojiro, who had earned a good reputation amongst the ladies after he came back from Tokyo after a couple of successful business ventures. He was a man of good repute, and his connections could propel opportunities for the Kingdom to advance into the waves of modern society.

You realized that you had to use this opportunity to look your prettiest, should you find a suitor there. However, no one knew that you had a secret side of you that only lurked in the early mornings, within the pages of books, and when you played pall-mall and cricket. The modern era would call you a “tomboy” in the truest sense, and you would agree, but it was surely safe to say that you were not for this era. Besides, you didn’t see the point of the corsets other than to make you feel, well, uncomfortable about yourself.

“You know,” your other sister-in-law, Lady Lydia interjected as she was looking at herself in the mirror as she was wearing the new yellow empire waistline dress that the modiste made especially for her, “It isn’t really that bad. I mean, since your brothers were last year’s Blue Sapphires and—” You interrupted her by saying, “—they’re doing just fine.” You nodded, responding, “I know. I mean, my eldest brother Daichi got to marry you, and that’s surprising in the eyes of the ton indeed,” with Lydia giggling, and a tint of blush hitting her rosy cheeks.

You’d met Lydia, the now Duchess of Karasuno, at one of your closest friends', Lady Ella’s Ball, years ago. Ella had just become the Duchess of Nekoma, having married Lord Kenma, the Duke of Nekoma. You were Ella’s maid of honor, and Lydia was one of the bridesmaids. At first, something about her hairstyle confused you. She decided to have her hair be short and curly, and was even conjuring up plans to make a mullet.

However, you then get to know her free-spirited yet caring and empathetic nature. You also learned that when she took the leap of faith to change the way she looked, she was initially scared of what people would say about her haircut because her parents, who were not royalty, scolded her in terms of who would marry her, but then later she shrugged it off.

You were so adoring of Lydia that you invited her to the first ever Beautillion Ball, where your eldest brother, Lord Daichi, the newly appointed Duke of Karasuno, was crowned that year’s “Blue Sapphire.” As her hazel eyes lay upon Daichi’s dark brown irises, he was taken aback by her unconventional looks and eventually warmed up to her personality. While many people were against this union, you and Daichi fought for it to happen.

Similarly, the following year, when Lord Ryuunosuke, the Earl of Karasuno, was named the Blue Sapphire, he already had his eyes set on his future wife: Lady Kiyoko of House Shimizu. However, it took his multiple attempts to be rejected by Kiyoko and a proposal from Lady Kanoka for her to see that he would never give up on her no matter what, and that’s how they got married.

This year, as you, being the third eldest in the family, and also, this season’s “Diamond,” were now in line to get married, most of your family were excited to hopefully find your new suitor at the ball. However, there were some things holding you back from being truly excited about the regalia. As you were then trying on the new dress in the mirror, and how your coiffed hair complimented everything else, you thanked the modiste nevertheless for the outfit, and walked back to your carriage with Lydia and Kiyoko.

As you were being driven back home via the carriage, numerous thoughts drowned out the conversation your sisters-in-law were having with each other. You start to remember exactly why you went blank at the modiste. Your thoughts go back to the last season, at Ella’s Ball, where Lord Whistledown’s gossip sheet was spread around and it read: Dearest gentle reader,

As the social season draws to a close, I personally would like to congratulate Lord Kenma, the Duke of Nekoma, and Lady Ella, the newly appointed Duchess of Nekoma, on their nuptials. Even the most illustrious noblemen and noblewomen, however, are humbled by the one thing that humbles even the most illustrious members of the ton...scandals! A man with charm is entertaining, and a man with looks is, of course, a sight to behold, but a man with honor—ah, he is the one to whom the young ladies should flock, dear reader. This is not so true for the suitor betrothed to Karasuno’s eldest princess, Lady (L/N). How unfortunate it is that her husband-to-be, a nobleman himself, is a rake, because my sources tell me that he was caught sullying another woman, an Alisa Haiba, at his bachelorette party while he was engaged to the Princess. You didn’t think it would go unnoticed by me, did you? I assure you that this is a gentle reminder to not mess with me, because I have also learned that….”

Even as people were absorbing what was being written on the gossip sheet, everyone’s eyes turned to you. Despite showering you with love in the past, your future husband has always appeared shallow, self-centered, closed-off, and without regard for consequences. In fact, you were present that night when you witnessed your future husband, the Prince of Nekoma, being sullied by the aforementioned opera singer. When he turned to face you, he widened his eyes, as if he had been completely misunderstood. Perhaps it wasn't the truth, but it was what was reported, and you believed it. However, you were not the only one who was aware. Lady Ella was with you when that happened. However, it occurred to you that you might want to speak with him privately and find out what really happened, because the word of men was favored over the word of women at the time. On the other hand, Lord Whistledown got wind of it, and the news spread like wildfire the next day. It especially hurt you that your family wouldn't let you marry him, let alone court him, so you closed your heart to any future romantic advances.

You felt someone shake your shoulders as Lydia and Kiyoko got you out of your train of thought. As you three walked into the Karasuno Hall, you were able to hear the housekeeper scold the lady’s maids from a distance, “If you don't put the kitchen utensils where they go, then you're not allowed to complain about it later.” You looked at Lydia and Kiyoko and remarked, with a deep sigh, “Sorry girls, it’s just... After what happened last year, I’m certain that I’ll never find love, at least among the royalty. In this world we live in, in this timeline we live in, everyone is selfish, ruthless, cutthroat, and inconsiderate. So, let’s see if I find a suitor this week.”

“Yer got to be kidding me! ‘Samu!!” Around the same time, a gruntled voice echoed down the corridors of the Inarizaki Hall, as a 6’2” tall, brown-eyed man with dark-brown hair, the top of which was dyed blonde, paced hurriedly to his twin brother’s room. “Osamu!” He entered the door to find his twin brother freaking out about the Beautillion Ball. Draped in black trousers, a white shirt, a silver waistcoat, and a black tailcoat with dark brown knee length boots, he stood in front of the mirror with a ragged breath. “ ‘Tsumu, I am scared. It’s happening here. The Ball is happening here. What if—”

The elder twin sighed and placed his hand on Osamu’s shoulder. “ ‘Samu, breathe deeply. Please,” the elder twin, Atsumu requested, to which Osamu tried calming down, and he replied, “It would have been better if I was in Hyogo, ‘Tsumu. The business there was booming and—” Atsumu nodded in agreement, speaking in Kansai. “Yer right, ‘Samu, but think of Lord Kita for once. He had to acquire the throne at a young age, and we’re doing this to uphold our end of the word we made with him.” Osamu nodded, then turned to Atsumu, “I still find it surprising that you’re not the one being presented at the hall today, but I am. You’re clearly marriage material, ‘Tsumu.”

Shaking his head in denial, Atsumu places his hands on Osamu’s shoulders, kissing his teeth and replying, “No, ‘Samu, ya are. I may be more handsome than you,” Atsumu then smirks, with Osamu rolling his eyes and both of them chuckling, “But, you are better than me, brother, in more ways than one. Besides, this gives me an opportunity to look out for you in a way.”

Osamu then sighed, replying, “Okay, fine, I’ll be okay at the ball, as long as you’re here. As much as I like Rin, I don’t want to hear gossip about the ton all day long.” Atsumu then nods, chuckling. Both of them were adopted by the late King of Inarizaki before Lord Shinsuke of House Kita had to take over the incumbent throne.

Atsumu, being unable to cope with the pain of losing the man that gave them a second chance at life, later gained a reputation for himself that made him less desirable in the eyes of the ton. Involving himself in promiscuous ways, gambling, and even playing cricket professionally, Atsumu never really cared too much for the throne.

Through Lord Whistledown, Atsumu was being viewed as incompetent by everyone else, and so he didn't want his reputation to ruin his brother's chances in the marriage market. Despite them arguing with each other on pretty much everything, Atsumu was certain about one thing. He loved his brother very much and wanted what was best for him.

The next morning of the beautillion ball, as you were riding a horse at dawn, with a quiet atmosphere around you. You couldn’t hear anything except for some ducks quacking, the leaves rustling, and the wind gushing, when a man whizzed past you, and you looked in his direction. Curious, you trot behind him, searching for those distant horse neighs. “Sir, are you in trouble?” You cried out as you searched for him, and as you rode along, that’s where you found him in the distance, riding ahead of you. He then turns to you, winks at you, and gallops away. You were all of a sudden taken back by how his face and his golden-dyed hair glistened in the sunlight, so you looked for him, only to find him in the distance, having exerted a bit too much energy.

“Enjoying your victory lap, is it?” You cry out, thus startling this man, causing him to utter something in Kansai. “You'll not be afforded such an ample head-start this time,” He snickered and responded, “Apologies, ma’am. It was not my intention to cause concern.” Humming, you inquire, “Does anyone know you are riding astride?” Chuckling, he responds, “Funnily enough, I was going to ask you the same thing. Besides, it’s rare that men’s reputations are questioned, unless—” You interject, “Unless you’re written by Lord Whistledown,” causing the both of you to chuckle. “Perhaps,” the fake blonde man continues, “What if we pretend this encounter never happened? Ya allow me to go my way, and ya go yers. Besides, I'm on my way back to Mayfair, where the Beautillion Ball is happening, and my presence is requested soon.”

You reply, “Ah, you worry about being seen,” and he responds, “I worry about meeting strange women in parks at dawn who refuse to leave me alone with their questions.” Keeping a finger on your lips, you continue, “Your secret is safe. I will not tell a soul.” He smiles and replies, “I am grateful to you. Additionally, losing races to strangers in such parks at dawn, I can only imagine the questions yer would be asked.” After a while, both of you spotted a group of guards on horseback. The man then turns the other way, screams, “Good day, ma’am,” and gallops back home, when you cry out, “Sir, I don’t think we’ve yet been introduced.” The man responds, “I am afraid that is not possible. Not when I have a victory lap to celebrate,” causing you to be particularly intrigued about this man as you cantered back home too.

It was finally time. The Day of the Inarizaki Beautillion Ball. An announcement was made as you entered the Ball, “Accompanied by the Prince of Karasuno, Lord Ittetsu of House Takeda, the Duchess of Karasuno, Lady Lydia of House Sawamura, and the Countess of Karasuno, Lady Kiyoko of House Tanaka, please welcome this season’s Diamond, the Princess of Karasuno, Lady (Y/N) (L/N)!” As you walked into the hall in your baby pink empire waistline dress from the modiste with a garnet studded headband and white gloves, you kept smiling as many men approached you and danced with you, King Keishin, King Shinsuke, and Prince Ojiro, observing every move.

As you were being kept on your toes and turned around by different noblemen, the music stopped and everyone came to a halt as another announcement was made. “Accompanied by His Highness, Prince Ojiro of House Aran, and Earl Rintaro Suna, please welcome The Miya Twins; the Duke of Inarizaki, Lord Atsumu Miya, and the Viscount of Inarizaki, Lord Osamu Miya.” Your gaze found Atsumu’s dark-brown irises as he saw you dancing with different noblemen. Tired, you excused yourself to get out of the hall to breathe in some fresh air.

Suddenly, you heard someone call your last name out. You turn to find a group of women approaching you. One of them remarks, “With you as the Diamond of the season, the rest of us shall receive a respite from the marriage-minded mamas this season, indeed,” causing all of you to chuckle. You then calm down, and smile, “Enjoy your freedom while it lasts. You, too, will soon submit to this ridiculous rigmarole of courtship, being squired by every eligible mister around town until you're barely able to see straight.”

To which another lady giggles, “Is one gentleman unlike any other? Let someone woo you into marriage, and be devoted to you for the rest of your life.” As you chuckle, you respond, “You may be cavalier, but if I must leg-shackle myself in marriage, the man in question should have more to recommend him.”

The other lady looks at you in confusion. “Do not tell us you are hoping for a love match?” To which you respond, “Love is the last thing I desire. If my children are to be provided for, if the family’s reputation is to be upheld and kept intact, then their father must be of impeccable quality. I don’t just need a pleasing face for a Prince Consort. I need an acceptable wit, genteel manners, and someone who’s affluent enough to be worthy of that position. Though it should not be hard to find, since the King will finally name a Blue Sapphire, saving me some trouble, at least of choosing him.”

As the other ladies chuckle and leave, you hear a rustling sound from the bushes, inquiring, “Is someone there? I can hear... you.” That is when you see the blond-haired man stand before you, bowing and apologizing, “Pardon me, Your Highness.” Approaching him, you respond, “I never got your name, until now at least, Duke Miya. I was wondering if we'd meet again.” Atsumu responded, scowling, “So you might discern if my wit is acceptable, my manners genteel?” With widened eyes, you inquire, “Were you eavesdropping, my lord? Also, do you take any issue with my requirements for a husband?”

Laughing, Atsumu retorts, “It was hardly an effort, seeing as you were proclaiming your many requirements for a husband loud enough for the entire party to hear. Also, yes, I take issue with any woman who views men merely as banks to withdraw funds at will.” Before you could utter anything, he approached you, “Princess (L/N), yes? What makes you think he'll accept your suit if you manage to find this paragon of virtue? Are young gentlemen truly that easily won by a pleasing smile and nothing else?” “So, you find my smile pleasing, is it?” you ask, smiling. Smirking, he continued, “I find your opinion of yourself entirely too high, Your Highness. Your character is as deficient as your horsemanship. I shall bid you good night.”

As Atsumu walked back into the hall, leaving you alone and dumbfounded in the garden, you were handed over a note that read, “Lord Whistledown’s Gossip Sheet.” As your breath became ragged, you rolled your eyes and responded, “Creating a menace again, are you now?” as you read the contents while everyone received the copy of the sheet: Dearest gentle reader,

Did you miss me? While our esteemed ton lazed in their rustic retreats, this author was doing just one thing. Honing my skills, or perhaps hatching my plans? Nay, even better, I was sharpening my knives for all of ya. The identity and means of this author remain a mystery. Trying to find those answers will prove fruitless, indeed. There is, of course, another unknown identity at the moment. It will, however, be possible for you to uncover this one. I speak of the season's Blue Sapphire, wherever he may be. This author hopes ya have fun at the Beautillion Ball, where hopefully we’ll get to hear some wonderful news tonight. Your move, Your Majesty.

Always yours,

Lord Whistledown.

Atsumu then walks to Prince Ojiro, who’s conversing with Prince Ittetsu, demanding, “We need to leave. We will see you at home.” Being dumbfounded, Ojiro asks, “But whatever for? People are watching, brother, and something’s clearly upsetting you. We just–” Atsumu interrupted him, remarking, “It’s clear we are woefully unprepared to navigate this chaos. I am sure Osamu's absence will only make him that much more desirable.” Osamu then turned to Prince Ittetsu, calmly responding, “It truly was a magnificent soiree, Your Highness. We are most grateful.” Ittetsu then responds, “Well, it would seem both of us may have our hands full this year.” Ojiro then smiles, continuing, “Not if I have something to say about it. And as you very well know, I always have something to say.” As both of them chuckle, silence lingers in the Inarizaki Hall as even the Miya twins halt for a moment. King Keishin found himself reading Whistledown’s words, and as he got irked, he stood up and announced while looking at everyone. “Your presence is noted, and your king is most appreciative. Allow it to now be my honor to present to you the season's Blue Sapphire.”

He then looked at the Miya twins, who were standing near the door, and announced, “Viscount Osamu Miya.”

The world stood still for both of them, as Osamu walked towards the king and bowed before him, with a number of ladies swarming before them. While you were lost in thought, your sister-in-law, Lydia, remarked, with her husband standing by her side, “You look at him the way I look at my hair in the mirror, Sister,” with Daichi then whispering to both of you, “Truly, I cannot say I will long for any of this. Good luck, sister. This season, you will undoubtedly require it.”

As you walked towards the King, you bowed before him, as he greeted you with a smile, “Princess (Y/N) (L/N), my Diamond. Have you met my new incomparable?” Turning to Osamu, you were taken aback by his beautiful blue eyes and his grey hair. You continue, “I appreciate the introduction, Your Majesty. I only hope to be able to enjoy the pleasure of a dance.” With this, Osamu puts his hand out before you, and you put your hand in his, and you two walk to the dance floor, as you two dance to the classical rendition of “R U Mine?”

“Forgive my directness,” you interject as the two incomparables of the season keep dancing, “Do you have any thoughts about children?” He nods, responding, “Other than the fact that I desire them so? However many I have, my lady, I shall feel most fortunate. Together with my wife, we will chart the best course.”

Being taken back by his response, you remark, “How very sensible. Do you have any successful business ventures?” Chuckling, Osamu responds, “Most certainly, Your Highness. It needs to be brought to your notice that I, like my brother, am half-Japanese. So, I would need to travel to Tokyo from time to time. I have a restaurant there, which is booming, and I’m looking to bring the business here. Should you want to invest in it?” You felt a fluttering sensation in your stomach as you were enjoying the camaraderie with Osamu, and after a couple of questions, you concluded, “You do not seem decomposed by my line of questioning.” Osamu responded with a smile, “Why would I ever be? A woman who knows exactly what she wants is truly admirable. If I may say so, it's as rare as a diamond.”

Osamu then broke the comfortable silence that lingered between the two of you, by responding, “I think we should go ahead and speak with my brothers. It is their blessing you shall need if we are… Oh! Here he is now. ‘Tsumu!” ‘Tsumu? You think to yourself, as your eyes land on Atsumu. “Ah, Princess (L/N)!” Prince Ojiro spoke, with Prince Ittetsu standing by. “I see you've met Viscount Osamu. This is—”

You completed the sentence with, “His brother. Viscount Osamu is an excellent dancer. Perhaps, I may learn a thing or two from him,” and bowing at Osamu, with your eyes at Atsumu. Somehow, you felt an inexplicable connection that drew you to Atsumu. At this very moment, Osamu felt like sitting beside a fireplace and drinking tea, while Atsumu felt like a whetstone, sharpening your mettle with every gaze.

Taking a long drawn sigh, he retorts, “It’s Duke Atsumu, my lady. Would you join me in the retiring room, brother?,” while Atsumu pulls Osamu away. Osamu inquired, “Is something wrong, ‘Tsumu?” As they were walking away from you, Atsumu retorted, “ ‘Samu, you are not to go near that woman. Do you understand?”

As your gaze never left Atsumu’s figure, Prince Ittetsu remarked, “He is a precious sapphire, dearest.” Mindlessly, you responded, “Indeed. He is who I shall marry.” You were clueless about the confusion that was about to ensue amongst the ton this season.

#shyna's 100: made with love 🥘#👑.meant to be.🦊#9yearsofAM #leos100followerscelebration #tokyometronetwork #hanaya network #.downtown roppongi #atsumu miya #miya atsumu #osamu miya #miya osamu #atsumu miya x reader #osamu miya x reader #royal au #bridgerton au #shyna muses #musings of an extrovert

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bokutosmochi · 2 years

Text

HER HANDS ARE GENTLE, SOFT & SWEET (EVERY LITTLE TOUCH GETS ME WEAK)

kuroo tetsuro x fem!reader

ingredients? kuroo wakes up from a nightmare that shakes him to his core. based on the line and i can't see you here wondering where am i from why'd you only call me when you're high.

what's it? angst & fluff

allergen warning/s? mentions of death/suicide, car accidents, the reader listens to arctic monkeys, mentions of food/eating

sugar level? 3.4k

regulars: @hanayanetwork

parlor's note? writing this for my 9 years of AM collab! the masterlist is over here, feel free to check it out. again, thank you so much for the 100 followers and here's to many more 🥂

bon appetit!

when you walked down the staircase in your shared house with him, it became prevalent just how much of a lucky bastard he is. the low-lidded gaze and smirk you threw him made his heart ache with desire and he couldn't help the way he just jogged over to you to envelop you in his arms and place butterfly kisses all over your pretty face.

you were so damn irresistible to him. he was wrapped around your finger, he'd do anything you wanted him to. you didn't even have to say please or bat your eyelashes at him. he'd be on his knees immediately, worshiping the ground you walked on.

"tetsu!" you laughed out catching his face in your hands. your eyes met, his hazel ones into yours and he melted a bit more instead. "god i love you." he breathed out before leading his lips so it'd connect with yours.

unlike many of the kisses you've had before, this one wasn't so rough. no hair pulling or just tight enough so the other can breathe grasps on throats. it was lovely. murmurs of your name under his breaths and cute pet names. it was pulling away when you ran out of oxygen and the other chasing your lips. it made tetsuro's heart thump against your ribs and his brain go into overdrive at the amount of love he felt for the person in front of him. it was overwhelming, yet calm at the same time. it gave him the rush of adrenaline, but without the anxiousness and feeling of unease because he knows that you know that you're safe here, in his arms. and he'd be damned if you don't.

finally, you pulled away, sighing into each other's mouths, and forehead resting against the other's. your arms stayed wrapped around his neck, while his were on your biceps, then on your forearms. he pushed you back a bit to drink in your outfit which consisted of a fitted light blue dress with puffy sleeves, a rectangular neckline, and a small triangular cut out just below the breasts. there was a cute ribbon above your sternum too and the dress reached to your mid thigh. you wore high matching blue heels as well. the heels itself was thick, the straps keeping your feet in place the same, and there was a ribbon that was crisscrossed up your legs until below your knees -- kind of like those ones on ballerina shoes. you wore a gold necklace with "tetsu" on it - one of his many gifts for you - and simple stud gold earrings to match. to him, you look absolutely stunning. every model in the world, even alisa haiba who you were so jealous of back when you were in high school paled in comparison to you. or at least that's what he thought anyway.

"kitten," he met your eyes. "you look breathtaking."

you giggled, spinning around in a circle to show off what you were wearing, much to your boyfriend's delight. "god you're perfect. c'mon." he grabbed your hand in his and the picnic basket on the other.

he didn't think he'd get over how perfectly your hands fit together. how the size of his accommodated yours like a puzzle. or how yours always gave him warmth. it didn't matter if you were literally warm or not, just your mere presence was enough to warm kuroo tetsuro up enough for him to be nuzzling in your neck like a cat.

the drive to your spot was quiet. kuroo didn't have much to say, and apparently, neither did you. he enjoyed the time together though. for one, this is a spot where you always hung out in, even when the both of you were just high schoolers so it was sentimental and important to him - he never brung anyone here. never told the nekoma volleyball team about it because it holds a special place in his heart and he didn't want anyone to ruin the place for him - and two, he's been so busy the past few weeks with volleyball season coming up again. so, so busy. so many meetings he has to go to and paperwork to sign and things to do and he's been neglecting you -- the person who means the most to him.

with a kiss to your lips, he assured you that one day, he's going to call in sick and spend some much needed alone time with you and you didn't complain, only smiling at him and nodding.

finally, you've reached your spot. kuroo pulled into the parking space he always rested the car in and jogged over to your side to open the door -- one time you opened it for yourself and he wouldn't stop pouting the whole day, muttering something along the lines of "i wanna do it for you, kitten. make you feel like the other girl in the world, because to me, you are." he grabbed your hand delicately in his and helped you to hop off of the vehicle. with your hands in each other's, fingers intertwined, he opened the door to the backseat and got the picnic basket.

then you were off, walking to the specific area where there was a distant pond filled with koi fish, white, orange, and specks of gold and black swam around and tall cherry blossom trees.

one of his favorite memories - not just of you. favorite memory in general - was when you two were seconds years. he had just asked you out, you responded with an enthusiastic "yes!" that made his heart swell up. for your first date, he took you to a local park. when your legs grew tired, he bought some ice cream and sat down on a bench under a gentle cover of sakura blossoms. when he saw one of the dainty flowers flowing down, softly as if it was dancing with gravity, he caught it in the palm of his hand and placed it right on top of your head with a laugh. you pouted at what he did, and he responded with "don't worry, you still look pretty."

that was the first time he made you blush and he hopes to make you blush more in the years you'll spend together.

when you got there, you let go of his hand, letting him set the white and red plaid blanket down on the bright green grass and smooth all the wrinkles out. he put the wicker basket down on a corner that the wind was blowing on, shooting you a sheepish grin you've seen so many times before.

you sat on your knees on the soft fabric as kuroo pulled cheese and ham sandwiches out that he cooked and handed you one. "you hungry, baby?"

the corner of your lips turned up when you grabbed the food from him, muttering a small "thank you" that he wasn't able to catch and digging right in.

he smiled when he watched you, he relished in the fact that you enjoyed something he made because he loved you so damn much. his coworkers along with his former teammates back at nekoma would always tell him that he's whipped, that he's too in love with you, but he didn't care about what those other people said. they don't know how you make him feel, like how even ten years later, even if you don't say anything, don't spare him a glance, he still melts into a puddle of goo so long as he's with you.

so after eating and talking for a bit, he finally decided to ask you a question he's been dying to ask since you met.

you were looking toward the sunset, the beautiful sky being painted in hues of yellows, pinks, and violets when he got down on one knee beside you, a velvet box in his hand containing a diamond ring. perfectly polished, to the perfect clarity because he wanted nothing short of perfect when it came to you. that's just the kind of lover he is, the kind of person he is. he doesn't half ass anything, always putting his heart and soul into anything he committed himself to.

"[y/n], i've loved you since we were first years. the moment i saw you, i wouldn't say it was love at first sight because that's too superficial for what i feel for you, but it's pretty damn close to it. and when i talked to you for the first time, there was a bunch of chemical reactions going off in my brain and the reason for all of those is you, kitten. and only you. you're my adenosine triphosphate, the energy that fuels me to do better every single day because i wanna be the man you deserve. i wanna be the man you wake up next to for the rest of your life, so please, let's be a homogeneous mixture together. inseparable until the end of time."

he was near tears once he ended his speech proclaiming his undying love for you and he knew that with an utterance of that one word from your lips that he loved to kiss so much, that dam would break. hell, he's even surprised that he was able to express that speech he's practiced in front of a mirror so many times before. back then, he always stuttered or messed it up in some type of way, but not anymore, not when it actually mattered.

"no." you looked at him like he grew two heads.

that may not have been the one word he had in mind, but it made the dam break regardless, his lacrimal glands doing their job. "w-what?" because he didn't see this coming. sure, he was scared of it. he knows that everyone who's ever had to propose was scared of it, but he didn't actually think you'd say it.

"why would i want to marry you?" you looked at him, eyebrow quirked, and standing up making you tower over him who's stuck frozen on one knee.

what hurt the most, the knife that twisted and turned in his heaving chest was probably how you looked because to him, you genuinely looked confused. you didn't look mean, like you were intentionally hurting him, didn't look surprised, you looked actually confused as to why he'd get the idea you'd ever marry him. kuroo's a smart guy, he's been told all his life, but he doesn't get why. you've spent ten whole years of your life together, as each other's, so is he wrong to think you'd want to marry him? surely if you didn't like him, if you didn't love him, you wouldn't waste ten years of your life on him, right?

"you're cocky and mean, and you know exactly what buttons to press to get what you want. why the hell would i want to get married to some control freak master manipulator?" you stared at him right into his hazel eyes, blurred with tears.

is that what you thought of him? did you even trust him? if you thought so lowly of him, why'd you stay for so long?

he didn't realize he said those questions out loud until you answered each and every one of them, your voice unwavering with confidence.

"yes, obviously that's what i think of you. i wouldn't have said it if it wasn't now, would i? no, i don't really trust you. i keep my guard up when talking to you, master of provocation." you narrowed your eyes into slits at him like he's done to so many people before, both on the court and off of it. "and i stayed with you because well.. i pity you." you shrugged. "you seemed so... attached to me. you always lit up when i walked into the room and i don't know. i guess i just didn't want to take that happiness from you." you said, grabbing your bag. "eh, i kinda do owe you an apology though. so sorry if i was too convincing." you shrugged at him one more, for the final time before walking out of his life.

he let himself cry there for a few minutes, feeling a searing pain in his chest, like this throat was closing up. everything was a lie? did you ever love him, or was just you taking pity on him. was the whole relationship, the whole ten years that started when he was sixteen and naive merely a pity parade? every kiss and touch and hug and heart palpitation he got because of you didn't matter because they weren't real. so the electric jolt he felt when his hand grazed yours was just one sided? he was the only one who felt it?

he looked down on the ring he bought for you and fought the urge to throw it somewhere far away because he didn't want to see that thing for the rest of his life. he looked at his best dress pants, the black fabric of it spotted with his tears when he sobbed again.

he just.. couldn't believe it, but at the same time, everything made perfect sense.

from the way you've been so distant with him lately, maybe it was because you were getting sick and tired of playing that game with him, the way he always the one to take you on dates and spoil the other one in the relationship, the way you behaved before the picnic -- he was blinded by his love for you and didn't even realize he was the only one putting effort into the relationship. you never even once complained about him not spending time with you as a result of his hectic work schedule. you seemed entirely fine with not having him in your life, and here he is sobbing because of the same reason.

you might as well have turned his life upside down, painted the sky green and the grass blue, enchanted the plants to no longer bear fruit and have the medulla oblongata be the one to think of conscious thoughts because that's how he felt if you weren't lying about the things you have said -- he had a gut feeling you weren't.

he used his thumbs to dry his tears, slipped the ring box back into his pocket - he reckons he could get some money for that - and picked everything up, tidying the space for the next boy to take his lover to the spot, hoping a better future for him, one that did not include immense heartbreak like his love story.

he loaded everything back into his car, slamming the trunk down with more force than what was necessary and hopping into the driver's seat and revving the engine up. when his brain wouldn't shut up, tears threatening to grace his lash line again while he's speeding down the road, his hand was on the radio and he cranked the knob all the way up, hoping to either drown out his sorrows in the music, focus on the lyrics of whatever song is playing, or bust his eardrums from the volume. as of right now, he doesn't really care which result he gets.

what he actually gets was one of your favorite songs, one that you regularly sing aloud whenever you're showering or humming to when doing housework -- why'd you only call me when you're high.

he cannot help how he grits his teeth when he hears the familiar opening,

the mirror's image, tells me it's home time, but i'm not finished, cause you're not by my side

or how his grip on the steering wheel gets tighter,

and as i arrived i thought i saw you leaving, carrying your shoes, decided that once again i was just dreaming of bumping into you

or how moisture all of a sudden clouds his vision, stripping him of his view of the zigzag road

now it's three in the morning and i'm tryna change your mind, left you multiple missed calls and to my message you reply, "why'd you only call me when you're high?"

or how he flattens the gas pedal between the bottom of his dress shoes and the floor of the car

"hi, why'd you only call me when you're high?"

or how he braces for the impact he knows is coming because he's drove on this road countless times

somewhere darker, talking the same shite, i need a partner, hey, well are you out tonight?

or how he longs for it with eyes clenched, cheeks moist with tears.

it's harder and harder to get you to listen, more i get through the gears, incapable of making alright decisions and having bad ideas

but all he's met with was your calls of "tetsu!"

and all of a sudden, he's in your bedroom, within those four walls you've build together, hazel eyes blown wide. his head is on your lap and you have both of your hands on either side of his face.

the moment you see his eyes open, you smile and wipe away the tears going down his cheeks. you lean over to him to press a kiss on his forehead and gently stroked his cheekbone with your thumb, "'m here now, tetsu. you're okay."

in shock and confused and with a heart that's wildly pounding in his chest, the first thing he did was sit up and pull you to his chest, stuffing his face by your neck, inhaling your familiar scent and being brought back to reality -- you're there, actually there with him and he can't help but breathe out a sigh of relief.

you wrap your arms around his torso and let your hand travel over to his head, running them through his locks, even more unruly than usual because of his tossing and turning due to the bad dream.

when he calmed down some, that was the moment you decided to speak.

are you okay? maybe, but it was very clear that he was not.

"wanna talk about it?"

he shifted his seat, positioning you so you were sat sideways against him, your side against his front as he buried his face into your hair. he heaved a breath before speaking.

"took you to our spot to propose to you. you said no and-" his grip on you tightened, not enough to hurt you, but enough to alarm you because kuroo was rarely like this. "-you said you were only with me because you pitied me."

you couldn't help the sad sound that left you mouth as you turn towards him, grasping his head between both of your hands, "tetsuro kuroo, i love you. i love you for everything that you are, for your cheesy chemistry jokes to your dorkiness and everything in between, okay? i promise, if you propose to me, you will never have to worry about me saying no."

the way you looked at him, well, it kind of broke him - so sincere and full of love, the complete opposite of how cold nightmare you was - and before he knew it, he was sobbing against you again, head on your bicep and his arms around you. you simply smiled and laid your head on top of his, throwing your free arm across his back and pulling him into you some more -- your figure swallowing his.

perhaps when tomorrow comes, you'll talk more about it. you want to know if there are any underlying issues in your relationship, if kuroo felt unloved or just needed some reassurance, or if the nightmare was simply triggered by the dark red velvet box you discovered last wednesday when you were cleaning, tucked away between the headboard and the wall, but for tonight, the both of you were content with simply having him pour his sorrows out to you, your hands, gentle, soft and sweet, its every little touch getting him weak.

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