#life exists and i gotta live it

[yourneighborhoodneighbor]

obsessions lore for AYAFTBA

(this is a draft, it necessarily stay exactly like this, but the lore/info will stay the same. i wanted to have obsessions but didn't want to have ghosts/dany be obligated to do something, and this just sort of hapened)

[dany]

I don’t have to do it, it just feels nice. I have two obsessions, right now, protection and space. One I got first, and the other one I formed a bit later. Obsessions are always ego syntonic, and pleasant for the ghost who has them. A ghost's very first obsession is often related to their deaths, or something they left unfinished when they died. Again, it’s not something we have to do or fullfill or whatever, but dying is a very intense experience and can be incredibly disorienting. So as an evolutionary mechanism ghosts-by-death eventually started forming an obsession upon death, something that naturally felt pleasant and would give them a direction to start on, something to do, a place to start learning.

Our obsessions can power us, help keep us healthy in body and mind. Not as an inevitable necessity, but more like how sleeping enough is good for you. You can do with sleeping less, but it's not very healthy and can impact you in body and mind. a ghost could decide to simply not follow any obsession ever and be pretty fine, but generally that doesn't happen, since, as an evolutionary mechanism they feel pleasant to us, like how eating and sleeping feel good in general and are therefore things we enjoy, generally. though of course there are always exceptions, special circumstances, etc, but we don't need to get into all of that right now.

A ghost's first obsession is the only permanent one, but otherwise they can come and go throughout a ghosts existence. Some stop fulfilling their initial obsessions when they find other ones, even though it doesn’t go away, because again, they are not something that has to be fulfilled or whatever. My first obsession is protection, it’s the one I got when I died. Later, I got space. I have always loved it, so it was only natural that it progressed into being more than that for me. I think a lot of the confusion with obsessions comes from the human/English translation. The word we use for them in the language of the realms is different, has different connotations. Obsession is just the best some human could do as a translation once however long ago that was. But yeah. We don’t do things because we have to, we do them because we want to. And like humans, there a ghosts who are “good”, and ghosts who are “bad”, who do and say good and bad things. We are different than humans, but in many ways we are also the same.

#dpxdc #neighbor stuff #yourneighborhoodneighbor #random fanstuff #my fics #not really yet but it will be in one #and you're always free to being again (AYAFTBA) #cause i don't wanna have to write that every time if i ever make more of these #anyway sorry updates have been slower than promised #life exists and i gotta live it #have a nice time ya'll

[biggest-gaudiest-patronuses]

growing up with a perpetually anxious primary caregiver is such a mindfuck. that shit will rewire your nervous system

#not a shitpost #i get that parenthood and modern life in general is extremely anxiety inducing #and that anxiety is a common mental health issue and anxiety disorders exist and do not disqualify you from being a loving parent #but i am begging you PLEASE do not project your anxiety onto your kids #especially younger kids #your job is to make your kids feel safe and secure. that is a primary requirement #that doesn't mean you can't be anxious! #but just like being angry doesn't mean you're allowed to yell at your kids or slam doors or break things #being anxious doesn't mean you are allowed to surround your kids with your own fear and stress or teach them to share your anxieties #your job is to be a comforting nurturing parental figure. that means projecting comfort and love #even when it is hard! even when you are tired or angry or scared! #which is a damn hard job! and you won't get it right all the time! #but dammit babes you gotta TRY #kids deserve to feel safe and comfortable in their daily lives #you CANNOT be teaching them to expect catastrophe lurking around every corner

[novelconcepts]

Honestly, I made that joke about Van’s ancient desktop, but it probably works better than new computers. And it made me think: god, Van must HATE planned obsolescence. Stuff that’s built to die? Stuff that’s built to fall apart in a matter of years just to force you to buy more? For a person whose whole deal is gripping tight to the past, to old technology that still works perfectly fine, to the idea of survival threaded through everything from the stories she tells to the machines she rents out? Yeah, dude. No wonder she hates her cell phone. Not only does it force the illusion of connection without actually granting intimacy, but it’s doomed from the minute you take the thing out of the box. For Van, the very idea has got to be offensive.

#yellowjackets #yellowjackets spoilers #yj meta #van palmer #like you grow up in the 90s in a home that probably doesn’t have a high tax bracket situation #you’re gonna learn to value things for their longevity to begin with #but then you get stranded in the woods with maybe two suitcases you gotta make last for two years? #repurposing and recycling every little thing just to keep warm and alive? #yeah the whole of Van’s adult life is a nostalgia bubble for a host of reasons #but one is almost definitely that the 2021 reality of fast fashion and temporary tech must feel heinous. antithetical to survival. #better to buy old jeans that’ll last 50 years and wear boots passed down from your grandfather #and stock your shelves with machines you know how to fix and tapes you know how to wind back together if they get eaten #Van couldn’t escape the woods in her heart so she just built her entire aesthetic around leaning into the old like it was by choice #right down to living in the ‘attic’ above the place that sustains her existence #I cannot imagine her with a brand new MacBook she knows she’ll have to replace in three years #of course she’s got a desktop from the mid-90s

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the problem with not having any new fics to read bc they havent been posted yet is that when Invisible Tigers Are Hunting You, there is no distraction

#this Baseless Fear that sometimes strikes me #reminding me of my mortality and making believe it is deeply immediate despite how illogical it is #Is Getting Real Fuckin Old! #i gotta grip onto the reminder that i am Only Twenty. i have my whole life ahead of me probably. #there is Time. things will get better. someday i will Accomplish Things. #i will turn around and wish i could visit past (current) me and say It Does Get Better And You Will Not Only Exist But Live. I Love You. #but for tonight i feel very small and scared #and i am using the company of videos and stories to soothe the Invisible Tigers #i think i will.... reread some fics.... perhaps... #i havent reread stamps yet.... ill go do that #get my laughingstock crumbs #ill put on birdsong in the bg #im borrowing my friends lovely headphones. i Need some of my own. earbuds just dont do it anymore #especially since theyre noise canceling. Yummy #theyre helping immensely i think #absolutely unprompted #sorry for once again Venting on Main #i am very tired and have no other outlet <3 #its 4 am. i have to get up in 7 hours. i am still too terrified to sleep #but its okay its Fine this night will Pass #thats half the fear but all the same. there are Good Things in my future. i have hope theyre there. theyre waiting for me. #ill figure it out Ill Figure It Out. #we all will! #we'll all get there. someday before the end.

[b3achysurfur]

my live reaction to people wishing bad on me bc I hate logan :

#I wrote a whole essay about why I don’t like him but you guys keep making up your own reasons as to why I hate him #why are y’all talking ab ‘I hope that blog goes through smth horrible so that they understand his pain😡’ #I never said nun about him getting bullied LMAOO??? #It’s like y’all want me to atp #logan fields cannot see my posts and he will never even know I existed #It’s okay babe #You can take a deep breathe #You’ll live 🥺 #We can have different opinions you don’t gotta wish death on me #or you can it’s ur life 🤷‍♀️ #fuck logan #i hate logan fields. #logan hate #logan slander #sbg #school bus graveyard webtoon #schoolbus graveyard #sbg (webtoon) #school bus graveyard #logan fields

[ducktollers]

who up feeling their spirit get crushed into dust by this ai shit 😂😂😂

#turns out my laptop isnt strong enough to run glaze so now i gotta wait at least a month for them to reply to my dm 😃 #not on them at all ik theyre swamped but im just like. why do we have to fucking do this #like ​putting poison on our lunch so coworkers stop stealing it. Why do the coworkers get away with stealing it in the first place #why is this how things have worked out. the amount of companies ive seen use ai generation for their ads (TABLET COMPANIES.)……… #im like. u used to have to pay an artist to do that. and instead of putting technicology to good use #where it can do things that are tedious/difficult/impossible for humans to do #we’ve decided to have the machines do the one job we thought a machine COULDNT steal. bc its abt human creativity and passion #why. bc it saves a bunch of rich fucks even more money and they dont give a fuck about the rest of us #this shit wouldnt even exist if human artists werent here first for it to copy its souless its nothing its cold and dead i fucking hate it #YEARS of work and experience and craft honing and nobody gives a fuck they just see a person they dont have to pay anymore #steals our lifes work without our permission without paying us without a care how is my spirit NOT supposed to feel crushed #i see an ai image and all i see is decades of hard work that was stolen like if u ripped the bones out of a living person #ik jts dramatic and i keep going on abt rhis but it just bothers me SO fucking much #every time i have to think abt it ​its like a thousand pound rock dropped into my stomach #x

[soldier-poet-king]

Wahhhhhh

The tldr is my boss couldn't go to this meeting today so I got sent to represent our archive, and I was the only archivist there in a group of professors and PhD students (whose research is tangentially related to the contents of the archive) and I'm just ahhhh

On the one hand, it was great, sitting around a table talking research for a few hours over lunch, it's all the best parts of grad school seminars and I've missed having those kinds of discussions IMMENSELY and it feels like a missing piece of myself has been returned. Even just from mostly listening for the duration.

On the other hand. The sense of imposter syndrome not being a Real Academic. And the sense of loss and regret. Yes yes I didn't go for my PhD because health, finances, awful job prospects for classicists. But I LOVED grad school. I love my MA and learning and studying and being a student. I miss it terribly, even though I'm good at and enjoy my profession.

Even had health/finances not been a concern, I'd never have been able to decide on a focused research topic for a dissertation. My interests are too broad. They're not even limited to classics. I'm bouncing between life changing academic interests constantly, and each one is foundational and obsessive, in its own way. I joked to Atlas this week that I was supposed to be born a foppish renaissance dilettante, but it's not even really a joke.

I know. I KNOW. My unlived lives aren't real. They shouldn't haunt me. The me that exists is de facto the best version of me because it's the ONLY me that exists. And life doesn't have to be perfect it just has to be Good. And it is good. But also. Why can't I be a full-time student just learning, never having to publish, but also an archivist and information professional, but also a mutual aid volunteer and praxis oriented person, and Also have time for hobbies like crafting and novel reading and video games, and things like cooking and gardening and strength training.

I'm aware that harmonizing and coming to peace with the multitudinous aspects of the self is the work of a lifetime but also I want it to happen /now/

#the duality of fran #your probably asking. fran. can you got THREE DAYS without the navel gazing obsession with your own selfhood and realization as a person #and without obsessing about the purpode and telos and fulfillment of ur own existence #the answer is. no ❤️ #ahhh itll be ok im just. boooooo reminded of all the things i try not to think abt #life is so short! life is so long! #i am so tired. too tired for even a fraction of the life i want to live #yknow the usual typical person who didnt think they would live this long and would definitely kms before this #so now its like. i gotta learn to live. i have to find out what i want. and the answer is apparently. i want everything #yes its part pride and ambition #but its also wonder and joy and awe and curiosity #why do i have to pick ONE thing. where there is SO much out there #life is too short for all the marvels of the universe #and i am too much a dilettante for it all #oh it is a good world and good life #some days i am just. afraid of the hunger for it all

[arcaneyouth]

having a chronic illness/disability and also having medical trauma is a bitch for obvious reasons but also like. being part of the disabled community n stuff. like yeah i want to show my love and support for disabled people and i dont want to be uncomfortable when they talk about their experiences. if they talk about specific experiences i will stop breathing while the panic hits me like many bricks

#negative #sorta kinda #a lot of disability posts are like 'if you are uncomfortable with (disability stuff) you need to reexamine yourself and #learn to live with it' and these posts are true and i do have biases i gotta be aware of #but theres also stuff i just cant become comfortable with. ive tried. ive been trying for a decade #it is simultaneously true that i should be allowed to avoid my triggers and that other disabled people shouldnt have to be aware that #im triggered by them existing #i dont feel bad about that i just feel bad that i am apart of this community too but theres spaces i just cant be in #its the same kind of thing with like. so you'll never find me putting my ocs in a medical setting #i could potentially do it since i know exactly what triggers me and what doesnt but its easier to just avoid it in my stories #but the thing about my chronic illness is its. an invisible illness #and a lot of the things i could bring up for my readers to understand they have My Illness are. things that trigger me #and again. i have tried so hard to be more comfortable with these triggers #its not happening. it is likely i will panic about this stuff the rest of my life #so now theres a disconnect between me and my ocs that are like me because i cant make them like me without freaking out #its just. man what the hell. #my disability that gave me medical trauma is preventing me from participating in disabled spaces i want to be part of #what the fuck dude

[daz4i]

it's incredibly hard not to despair over all of this ngl

#i've been doing really bad in the last 2ish weeks #almost as if i'm having pms symptoms kinda #but usually they go away after a few days. certainly not stick for over a week #this is like how it was before i was on t. without the bleeding ig #(physical stuff also stand bc i feel so extra tired and my whole body hurts constantly) #and all the shit going on in real life isn't helping. both on a global scale and in my personal life #i don't want to exist genuinely i can't be left with my thoughts for even a second or i start spiraling #i don't want to sleep or take a break i want to just. stop. stop thinking. stop existing. i want to die bc it feels like the only choice #but ig i gotta wake up at 7 am and drive for an hour and walk up the hill again instead #and then be active until 6 pm. i'm already exhausted just thinking abt all this ngl #i wanna die i can't do this shit anymore i should've died 13 years ago. why even bother trying to live #vent #negative // #suicide // #ask to tag #sorry. sorry

[tatonslice]

get into mo4. go onto tumblr. consistently and exclusively post art of statistically everyone’s least favorite character, with little exception. proceed to go on with your silly little life

#I forgot how to draw him its been too long #i was trying to experiment with some materials i had in my bag #and then i fucked it up. such is experimence #i gotta talk to some more morikazelikers out there #i know they exist. sometimes its the language barrier blocking me and sometimes i feel like itd be kind of awkward #oh well life your live #mo4 #morikaze mo4 #morikaze #taton's art

[cestacruz]

Mmm Jeanne

#servants cant learn new stuff (i'll talk about jalter in a second) therefore #jeanne shouldnt know how to read or write #we actually Dont get a confirmation that she can do those things in summer 3. because the book that jalter thought jeanne wrote #was actually Her own book #jeanne works with marie. maybe she comes up with the ideas and does rough drawings that marie would be Delighted to bring to life #marie reads to jeanne is my image #jalter taught herself how to read and write and i think that was possible because of the unstability of her existence #if you try to teach jeanne how to read and write it will stick for a second but if like idk 15-20 min pass she would likely find herself #unable to read again and her writting to be suboptimal #she can sign her own name ofc thats historical #she can recite the bible from memory iirc #i love jalter's ability to be her own person even if it comes with the fact that she is very much. an ephemeral dream #like her FCKING SKILL IS CALLED. #WHY MUST YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS FGO #anyway. now jeanne again but physical #oughhh thank u for the support in the tags when i said jeanne should have self image issues because she looked different in life #i hadnt fully talked bout it i just went with hair but yeah. i need to check again because im pretty sure her body wasnt Suuuper different #but i just gotta confirm #but im just so i love the idea of her just not liking the way she manifested abd not knowing Why she manifested like that #when there are Countless depictions of her with her short brown hair #sieg looks to the side whistling (its not his fault but he knows the pseudo servant part #and its probably a mix of . fate apocrypha's manifestation and of how some people imagined jeanne looked like #but it still upsets her #not that she'd ever complain to people #you can probably get it out of her tho #unrelated and only to those who reached this far: im thinking of a singularity set in 15th century orleans in the Middle of the hundred year #war. but the difference aint “oh jeanne d'arc came back to life evil” rather than “there seems to be a battle here where it shouldnt and oh #my god is that jeanne- oh god jeanne d'arc fucking died-- #and chaldeas has to try and fix the war without living breathing jeanne d'arc #actually thats not the middle of the 100yearwar but yknow what i mean. also haha jk unless...

[yuridovewing]

hollyleaf is a character that i still really love but also makes me go "oh cmon you couldnt have made a better ending for her?

#i can fix her. in my rewrite i can fix her #the concept of a character who was so devoted to the code (which has very horrifying rules included in it) #suddenly discovering that her very existence is violation to the code on not just one but two major accounts #and like before then she'd enforced it on other people and lectured about it and held it so close to how she lived her life #only to have it fall apart and with it goes her mental stability #and not only that she kills a guy. her own clanmate. sheerly to save her and her brothers' skins #not honorably or in battle or anything. and she does this before she even learns who her parents are? #so thats the real start of it. what if she like... HEAVILY regret killing ashfur after she learned #because ''he was right to expose us. we are a sin that must be corrected. he was only looking out for the clan and i killed him for it'' #and it just makes her spiral worse and worse and worse #and she tries to kill leafpool because shes so far gone at that point that whats one more death? at least this codebreaker would deserve it #buuuut sadly most of this is not in the actual text. which suuuuuuuucks bc its so interestinggggg in the context of their societyyyyyy #in my au she lives but i would absolutely have her reconcile with leafpool #her time away in the tunnels would be her being forced to reflect on everything #and specifically being away from clan life just shifts her perspective #and itd take a second but she would reconcile with her bio mom #i think leafpool would forgive her because it's in her nature but like we gotta SEE that happen #idk. hollyleaf. shes fucked up. shes interesting to me #i can fix her.

[irl-ichi]

this is what love is

#no honestly like im glad that my partner has always been... 'chill' about body functions? #i dunno how to describe it but. when youre raised as A Girl you kind of end up spending most of your life learning and practicing ways #to cover up body things that ''arent pretty'' #like farts and boogers and sweat and misplaced hairs and marks on clothes and etc etc #and from day one this person has been so chill about telling ME body things because. yeah theyre just body things we all deal with #but ive never lived in this world of openness and no shame for things you cant control #like openly just being like ''alright i gotta shit'' and not hiding it for some reason (like me) #i think most guys out there still think of women as the like... 'effortlessly perfect' body images were trained to maintain #because its so ingrained in everyone socially #and thats why i heard the story of the first time my sister farted in front of her gf. a year into them dating #i cant even remember what my first time was because weve always just. existed around each other #no shame #and it leads to the kind of stuff where we can just be like 'oh you have a booger sticking out' or 'let me get your eye crusties'

[toastsnaffler]

my flatmate asking me the day before "do u want to hang out w me and [old friend] everyone else cancelled so I can invite u now" is not the heartfelt offer she thinks it is :^/

#what am i sloppy seconds. fuck off man #i like them both but im not in the place to socialise rn + also it just feels kinda mean. theyve had these plans for weeks #and i wasnt invited bc some of their other friends (who ive never met) didnt want me there which is fair enough ig #even tho their friends complained abt someone else bringing her bf but they both blocked the veto for that. pretty sure ik them- #better than some guy but whatever. i dont rly like their friends anyway bc they only ever have bad things to say abt them #like damn they sound like they have the emotional range of toddlers plus theyre all into shit like genshin. so i wasnt fazed abt it #hope they have a nice time etc but wow sure now theyve cancelled the day before u can invite me as a replacement. yeah thatll do wonders #for the social and self esteem issues i have around being single use and disposable and always on the outside etc yippee #the thing is if i go theyll just talk to each other anyway and leave me to be the fly on the wall like they always do. they dont want #me there they just want an audience i literally have nothing else to contribute i dont think they even like me that much so! #anyway complaint over. genuinely i hope they have a nice time im just annoyed at being treated like that + probably projecting a bit too #its not like i could go if i wanted to anyway bc i have shit to sort out + mail to wait for. maybe next time invite me from the start huh #we had another old friend visit last weekend but those plans were really made without me too and i was just added bc i Live Here so its #kind of unavoidable. but oh well whatever it was nice to see them either way #im too depressed rn to fix my social life or even rely on existing coping strategies in social situations so im having to temporarily #cut it back bc i get too trigger sensitive + dont want to hurt myself or others bc of an arbitrary emotional overreaction #its usually one of the first things to go when im Going Thru It not in a self isolating way but more bc its one of the hardest things #for me to maintain + im pretty self sufficient so its not absolutely crucial. like of course i love my friends but socialising is a #want not a need yknow. eating/sleeping/exercising/hygiene are all more fundamental parts of the engine so i gotta prioritise them #and it sucks but ill survive. anyway sorry for venting on everyones dash so early in the morning i woke up grumpy 👎 #i need to get breakfast and then go out. ughhhhhhh okay. #.vent

[radicalrobotz]

I JUST SAW TUMBLR LIVE FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE BEFORE WHATEVER EXTENSION I HAD BLOCKED IT AND IT WAS ALL EXCLUSIVELY NAKED WOMEN WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING TUMBLR.

[calumsash]

Hottest new rapper of the mid-90's, Calum Hood, goes on his first headline tour across the state, his boyfriend, Ashton, tags along for the ride.

mb request: 90's rapper calum + his boyfriend au for @jbhmalumm

#asjton is just there to have fun and be close to his boy #live the tour life and stuff #and he gets to see his man being the star that he is on stage on the daily #i gotta stop making mb for fics that don't exist cause now i want them :((( #5sos moodboard #aesthetic moodboard #cashton