#life lost too young

[jtl-fics]

Fluent Freshman - Part 32

PREV

He had the first week back from Thanksgiving break off from both classes and practice.

The week off of classes leaves FF feeling like getting stabbed has been a net positive experience for him.

First he feels like it really cemented the apparent friendship he had with at least Andrew and Neil. Second, he technically had a job offer in his Freshman year. Third, and most important, his language professor who had wanted him to come and speak to his gen-ed Latin class of over 100 students told him not to worry about it and that he had gotten one of FF’s friends to agree to the presentation instead.

His relief was so immediate and all-consuming that he hadn’t even had the energy to pretend he was upset that he had been replaced. Thankfully his teacher just chalked it up to relief that he wouldn’t have to stand up and present when his stomach was healing from the surgery.

Coach Wymack and Abby wouldn’t even let him go to the Court. Kevin had tried to argue quite a few times on Sunday when that decision had been made. Argued that he could sit in and watch for strategy purposes if nothing else.

However, even Kevin couldn’t guarantee that FF wouldn’t get accidentally run into / knocked against considering his complete lack of presence.

Matt had rushed into Abby’s house having made a bee-line for it upon reaching the airport.  “Smiths! You got stabbed!” Matt yelled as if informing him of his own predicament.

“Yeah.” FF agreed as if it were something that could have been debated.

“What happened?! Nicky just sent a pic of the flowers he got you and the card?” Matt had asked pulling his backpack off his shoulder and to his front as he unzipped it and rooted around for something before pulling out an orange envelope. “This is from me and Dan, you remember her right?” Matt had asked.

FF thought of quiet conversations he has overheard over the phone and not so quiet noises Matt makes when engaging in some phone sex with his girlfriend.

“Yes, I remember Dan.”  FF had said diplomatically and accepted the card.

The card was sitting on the nightstand at Abby’s house next to the card the Monsters, his grandma, other teammates, and some cards from friends he had made outside of Exy. It feels nice to look at the multiple cards all wishing him well.

His Grandma was going to stay for two weeks and Abby was being incredibly kind to put them up

He spent most of that week sleeping, spending time with his grandma, getting yelled at by Abby for trying to do chores, and spending time with the Foxes that came to visit him.

Nicky had come over to hang out every day without fail. Most of the upperclassmen who were on the original ‘miracle’ team of the Foxes stopped in to see him regularly. Even Jack stopped in to complain about how Captain Neil presented a danger to the rest of them before giving him a Get Well Soon card and leaving.

It was a strangely thoughtful card that he’s near positive Jack’s girlfriend picked out for him. When the end of the week and the first game that FF would need to sit out from approached Coach Wymack asked if he wanted to come.

“You can’t play, but you’re still a Fox.” Wymack had said and his grandma had encouraged him to go and spend time with his friends. She’d hold down the fort for Abby, cook up a bunch of food for the the team to enjoy when they got back late.

So FF climbed onto the bus and sat next to Nicky who had declared himself FF’s bodyguard for the evening who’s safety he would only pass off to Coach Wymack during the game proper.

***

They’ve come so damn far from the worst team in the Division. His kids are thriving and because of that he’s gotten a larger budget. A larger budget to better help his kids with. David would be lying if he said he didn’t spend some nights wishing he could tell himself of a few years ago just how good it would get.

Still, the match is a lot closer than it should be.

He looks to his side and sees FF sitting there watching the game with rapt attention.

He looks as Sheena fumbles a pass that his newest problem child had mastered the timing of a month before. He sees Kevin’s shoulders go up in anger but Neil’s quick reflexes save it before the play is fully fumbled.

Neil makes a feint to pass to Kevin and the goal lights up putting them in the lead by 2 goals. David thinks of the numerous plays that would have gone smoother with the kid next to him playing instead of Sheena but there was no point in wishing for things that couldn’t be.

FF wouldn’t be playing until the Spring Championships started up and David would need to address FF’s medical hiatus and Lisa’s ‘family emergency’ that had her leaving the team.

It always stung when a Fox left but it hurt less when it was of their own volition instead of in a body bag.

He looks to the side again and thinks of the numerous decisions he had needed to make as Kevin slept in the car on the way to the hospital. Honestly, if he still was thinking about going after the hospital.

How the fuck did the hospital just leave the damn kid in a hallway for over an hour? He hates the thought of FF laying there in pain and bleeding watching as people went by.

He’s grateful that the kid didn’t seem to remember it.

He wasn’t going to mention it to any of the other Foxes, not even FF if he could swing it. He has no doubt that at the very least Andrew and Neil would go on a rampage and he’s near positive that Kevin would take special delight in it considering a week on he was still bitching about what he had seen in the Nutritionist office.

He’s not sure what Nicky would do but he knows it’d give him a headache.

Nicky takes a hard hit that has him subbed out for one of the freshman backliners. Nicky’s a little woozy and Abby confirms a very slight concussion that she’ll keep an eye on during the trip back.

They win by slimmer margins than they should but it’s to be expected.

“Coach Wymack?” FF asks.

“What’s up?” David asks.

“I’m going to go to the bathroom. It...uh...well it takes a while now.” FF says and David can read the embarrassment.

“Meet us at the bus. Be careful.” he orders.

FF nods and heads off.

Neil and Matt are on press duty and David preps the press to let them know about FF and Lisa. There are some questions about what kind of medical hiatus but David declined to answer knowing that Neil and Matt wouldn’t let it slip either.

His last two players get showered and on the bus.

He does a count and gets the correct number and starts the bus.

They’re just about to get on the highway when there’s a shout, “Wait! Where’s Smithy?!” Nicky exclaims full volume over the general conversation that had been going on throughout the bus.

David frowns, he had counted-

Abby. He had counted Abby’s head next to Nicky.

“Oh god dammit.” he says.

***

FF looked at where the bus should have been waiting for him.

He closes his eyes and hopes that the bus will appear between blinks. 

He opens his eyes again and finds...nope just fans milling about heading to their own cars and home. He gives a hopeful look across the parking lot wondering if the bus maybe just got moved back somewhere so that they could get out easier after he went and made them wait?

A lot of people. Some kids. Some disappointed Belmonte fans. Some excited Fox fans. Some general Exy fanatics who were discussing what the Belmonte team would need to do to stay in  for the Spring Championships.

No Palmetto State Fox team bus.

He swallows a bit of disappointment and moves past it.

He pulled up his phone to plug in Abby’s house and saw that it would be a 4 day hike from Belmonte. He looked down at his shoes contemplating if they’d make the over 300 miles of walking. The doctors and Abby had been very clear not to do too much exercise but surely it wouldn’t count since he was just going to walk? They said walking was fine right?

FF sighed at the thought.

Yeah, it wasn’t going to work.

His stomach hurts at the thought of a 5 hour car ride. Maybe there was a bus station nearby and he could make his way back via greyhound.

He was looking at his phone again when it started to ring and Nicky’s face was on his screen to let him know who the caller was.

He hit the answer button, “Hello-“

There was an inhale and FF had been on the receiving end of this quite a few times at this point so he held his phone the entire length of his arm away from his ear, “SMITHY, ARE YOU ON THE BUS OR DID WE FORGET YOU?!” Nicky screeches and it hurts his ears even from an entire arms length away. He wonders how in the world Nicky can stand being that loud with his minor concussion.

He stares at his phone dubiously for a few moments, worried that Nicky may shout again.

“Smithy?! Smithy?” He hears Nicky’s not quite as loud but very concerned voice. FF decides to bite the bullet.

“Hello Nicky, I am not on the bus.” He says.

“We fucking LEFT SMITHY!” Nicky yells and FF can hear a collective groan from across the line.

He may even hear Coach Wymack yelling something about ‘again’ and feels shame burn in his stomach. He should have just held in his pee. He hadn’t really needed to go that badly and it’s not like Coach Wymack doesn’t take bathroom breaks.

“It’s okay.” He rushes to assure Nicky. “I can…grab a bus or something. You don’t need to come back, I’m-“

“Young man, if you say that you’re fine I can not be held responsible for what I will do when I see you in the next 20 minutes.” Nicky threatens. “I also can’t be held responsible for what I’ll do to Neil since I feel like he’s infected you somehow.” He says.

He hears a distant “Hey” followed by an even more distant “Man, I hate to say it but I think he’s right.”

“I don’t want to bother you.” He says.

“Smithy, you are so far from a bother it is insane. How about I stay on the line with you okay?” Nicky asks but something has caught his eye.

Two kids haven’t moved as the rest of the world continued to. He watched as they clung to one another and no one seemed to take notice of them. He doesn’t understand how anyone could miss them with the bright orange children’s jerseys they had on. One sporting 01 - Josten and the other 10 - Josten on the backs.

“That’s okay Nicky. Call me when you’re close.” He says and makes his way over.

He can see the little boy’s hand holding the little girl’s hand tightly and is careful to walk around them in a way so that he wouldn’t appear out of nowhere. “Hey,” he squatted down to their height and the little boy still jumped slightly, dropping a small book to the ground, and the little girl hid her face in his shoulder. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you. I just noticed you looked a little lost.” He says and his muscles won’t pull in a way to offer a reassuring smile but he hopes he can convey it through his tone.

The little boy visibly swallows down nervous spit, “I’m not supposed to talk to strangers.” He says holding on tighter to the little girl.

“Smart, continue to do that.” He says immediately, “Can you just nod yes or no for me?” He asks instead.

The boy thinks for a long moment before nodding affirmatively.

“Great, good job.” He says, “Did you come to the stadium with your parents?” He asks

A nod in the affirmative.

“Do your parents know where you are?” He asks.

He shakes his head in a negative.

“Are you lost?” He asks.

Another negative.

“So you mean to be right here?”  He wants to clarify.

A nod in the affirmative this time.

FF takes a moment to piece together what he knows and looks down at the book.

An autograph book. “Oh, you wanted to get an autograph from Captain Neil?” he asks.

The little boy looks up but it’s the little girl who answers. She finally takes her face out from his shoulder. FF’s eyes can’t help but see the large burn scar on her cheek but also see how her eyes sparkle with delight, “You know Captain Josten?!” she exclaims in delight.

“Millie!” The young boy says. “He’s a stranger!” he hisses.

“Nu-uh!” she shakes her head, “Number 14!” she points at his jersey he had worn in solidarity. “He passes to Captain Josten!” she says brightly. “See Brandon?” she smiles.

It could just be a fan jersey though FF highly doubts that anyone would buy fan merch for him. He is no Kevin Day, Captain Neil Josten, or Andrew Minyard.

Still the little boy, Brandon, looks at him with wide eyes, “You’re Smith?” he asks.

“Yeah.” FF nods, “Captain Neil is my Captain.” he says.

“I love Captain Josten! I wanna marry him!” Millie says and FF can’t help but wonder if Andrew would squash such adorable competition. “His face is like mine!” she giggles.

“Yeah, your face is as cool as Captain Neil’s is.” FF agrees with completely sincerity.

“We came out here to get Captain Josten’s signature” Brandon says with a pout, “All the adults were in the way and it was...kind of scary.” he admits with a flush.

A thought occurs to him. He doesn’t want to leave these kids and brave the crowds to find someone to announce the lost kids. It would only be about 12 more minutes before the bus comes. Coach Wymack would be able to help and...

“They’re coming to pick me up pretty soon. How about we stay right here and we can get Captain Neil’s autograph together?” he asks.

Both kids light up at the idea. “Really?” they both ask.

“Yeah, I also want Captain Neil’s autograph.” he says because he does. He’s wanted Captain Neil’s autograph for AGES but had been too awkward to ask. Then Greg had come and made it seem like FF would want it just to sell it or something.

Now he has the perfect excuse.

***

David pulled into the spot he had left almost half an hour ago and barely managed to put the bus into park before most of his more senior players were prying the door open to go look for FF.

Nicky had called but FF hadn’t picked up and it had set his more paranoid players’ teeth on edge.

The only one that stayed on the bus was Nicky since Abby had a firm grip on him.

David sighed and told everyone else to stay put before exiting the bus and began the herculean effort of trying to spot FF in a crowd.

It actually wasn’t too hard as he found his players standing and watching as FF crouched with his back to them as two little kids in orange Fox jerseys were re-enacting something for him.

He’d be tempted to let them keep going if he didn’t remember Abby’s list of specific things FF shouldn’t do with his still healing stomach and squatting like that was definitely on the list.

“Smith.” he says and watches as the Freshman jolts and tips over, thankfully onto his side, from his squatted position.

The kids get nervous when they see him but then their eyes both lock on Neil’s face. For a moment his heart aches for his player, plenty of kids have cried about Neil’s scars but then his eyes land on the little girl’s face more properly and...

Oh...

Those are stars in her eyes. David looks at the two different Josten kids jerseys that the Palmetto store had released.

FF recovers from his tumble admirably, “Coach Wymack,” he says getting up onto his feet. “These two are lost, can you see if there’s a way to contact their parents?” he asks.

David nods and pulls out his phone and steps away slightly.

He watches over the interaction that happens next.

**

As promised, FF had taken the awkward lead of asking for it and had them form a line. It had been weird but he watched as understanding dawned in Captain Neil’s eyes as he saw the two Josten jerseys. It had felt even less weird to get Captain Neil’s autograph when Matt had jokingly gotten in line behind Brandon because he too wanted Captain Neil’s autograph.

FF felt a little bad that Captain Neil had been so flustered by the requests but at least he finally had the Captain Neil autograph he’d wanted since last March. It also felt nice when Captain Neil had smiled the way he did at Millie when she babbled about how they matched.

Andrew had bumped into him in the way that FF was learning meant that he was pleased with whatever FF had just done. Kevin and Aaron had been the ones to ask if his stitches were okay after his startled tumble.

Millie and Brandon’s parents were incredibly grateful and swore to continue to be lifelong fans of the Foxes. Millie and Brandon themselves had been more excited about their Captain Neil Josten autographs than being reunited with their parents. They had waved goodbye with Millie loudly proclaiming that her and Captain Neil would get married someday.

Climbing onto the bus he was subjected to a check over by Abby when both Kevin and Aaron dragged him to her. Then he was sat down next to Nicky who shoved him into the window seat and cuddled up. “I won’t lose track of you if I’m on you.” was his logic.

The bus ride resumed.

“I didn’t know you liked kids.” Nicky says head on FF’s shoulder. “I’ve watched you go to the other side of the street to avoid middle school kids.” he adds.

FF feels ice in his stomach.

“Middle school kids are mean.” FF says and doesn’t properly answer the question but Nicky is just concussed enough to not call him on it.

MASTERPOST FOR ALL PARTS OF FLUENT FRESHMAN AU

NEXT

Like I said in my last part I will be tagging people separate from the actual update going forward. Still any requests to be added to the tag list feel free to put in the replies here.

#Fluent Freshman AU #Nicky was getting ready to call any and all local dairy farmers #to start the 'have you seen me?' campaign #Nicky was also trying to figure out how to tell Aras that he lost her entire grandson #He may have been freaking out in the bus with Abby #'I'm gonna lose GRANDSON PRIVILEGES ALL OVER AGAIN #Thankfully FF wasn't far and now Nicky knows to just truly superglue himself to FF. Buddy system for life #Yeah so you may have caught it in the previous bit #part 27 #Andrew and Neil's concern about FF getting forgotten in a hallway did actually happen #and FF passed out there #Only Wymack's call for an update galvanized them to find him and start helping him #The Foxes get back and GS has a bunch of Tupperwear #full of delicious food for them since it's so late #Nicky and Matt are halfway through getting her a custom 'Foxy Grandma' Jersey #She's discovered quite a bit more knitting to be done for FF's friends #That sweet boy Matt deserves a knitted present too #Maybe even that brash young man Jack should get in on the GS knitted presents train #Well now it's out there in the world that FF is on a medical Hiatus #I'm sure nothing will happen #this is a lie I know the chain of events that are to follow #AFTG #AFTG AU #AFTG OC #Andreil #FF - Part 32

[ntj2pj]

#madness combat #madcom oc #my oc #atp soldat #the soldat in the dark (tm) actually cares about his bro #a lot #but he just can't get sad when he warned him about this shit nonstop #no id #The bitten guy just acts too friendly because his program made him too altruistuc and kind #Which sometimes helps since he is one who recruits workers #Well #Probably it's more benefitial most of the time #But he gets in shit like “oh i just wanted to help civilian get out from dangerous location and they stabbed me :(((” #And he ain't bullied for it by anyone but his bro. He is too... Kinda. Uh. Hard to bully guy who is most safest option to talk with auditor #And not die lol. It also doesn't help that he is guy who knows all of the AAHW by names and will kick you hard for bullying anyone #So bullying him is a privilege of some atp soldats #not an option :D #Other soldat here is just walking anger issues and he got no friends other than his bro. Constantly lashes at anyone. The Bitten™ included #So they're got that dynamic of angry antisocial cynical guy and pessimist & optimistic kind dude (well #(well he got a lot of mental issues too #But doesn't show it and never let it hurt others.) #And he is much older than the pessimist :'D #Pessimist guy is very young actually. But just experienced shit nonstop from birthday and lost very much everyone he cared about #And the second one... just atp soldat with no past. never known any other thing than work in AAHW and orders. Easy to manipulate #He also gets “You're not a real person” a lot for it. And constanly offended by it. But it's a problem of all yellow bloods here #Especially him #since he litterally didn't had a life outside from aahw. Also don't think he wouldn't kick his friends hard for orders. #Kill even. He is a dog for orders first #Kind guy with good morals is only second

[yardsards]

also. amber gris as a character is really important to me as an appalachian.

not just her accent or the specific type of person justin based her off of but like

the feeling of losing someone to addiction/overdose while the government does nothing to help, just criminalizes and stigmatizes and makes things worse. which obviously happens in more places than just around here, but we have one of the highest rates of overdose death in the whole country and that whole set of scenes felt like they were really informed by growing up around that

#eliot posts #taz #taz ethersea #the adventure zone #amber gris #drugs cw #death mention #i've made posts like this and deleted them cuz i never feel like i'm wording it just right but just. god. #i'm lucky enough to have never been addicted or to have a best friend or immediate family member die from it #but i've lost or nearly lost extended family to it #and it's like. #my own accent isn't that thick and neither is my immediate family's or best friends' #but i've known ppl who talked like her. #specifically a man named larry who lived with us when we were real young #for some reason especially the way amber says ''come on'' just always reminds me so strongly of larry's voice. he said that phrase a lot #he was the one who taught me to tie my shoes even after my parents lost patience with me for being 'too old' to not understand #he drank excessively like my dad did but he never got mean with us kids #he came and went a few times over the years. the final time he left was when i was in late elementary #he died of an overdose when i was in high school. i didn't feel much of anything at the time. #it had been so long since i'd seen him but also i was at a point in my life where i'd've been numb to big emotions like that anyway #so my parents got drunk about it and i did nothing. just went to school and shit as usual. #i did not expect those feelings to get dredged up by a goddamned comedy dnd podcast #but they did it well i think #even though i had to pause it to take a breather multiple times. i enjoyed it overall. cathartic i guess?

[coquelicoq]

yeah natori is 23 and since matoba is one year younger, he's 22 at the very start of the manga/anime :))) i think it was like around season 3 of natsume when i learned this and went ????????????? and had to go lie down for a while

unacceptable. midorikawa-sensei answer for your crimes. the thing that's killing me currently is i know i learned this information back when i read a bunch of fic after watching the show for the first time - which was less than a year ago - but apparently REPRESSED IT because it was sooo does not compute. and then had to learn it all over again just recently. my poor brain tried so hard to protect me from this knowledge but alas.

FREE THEM they're baby adults they should not have this kind of weight on their shoulders and have like. employees and shit!!! "oh look a dumbass teenager with a heart of gold. how about i protect him with my life" HOW ABOUT YOU WORRY ABOUT YOURSELF YOU MAN-SIZED CATERPILLAR!!! they need to be in their cocoon era not in their head-of-the-family life-and-death-decision-making era. when you're 22 you're legally obligated to make questionable life choices and it seems self-evident you should not have to be forming lifelong contracts with supernatural beings until after you've gotten some of that out of your system but WHAT DO I KNOW, i'm just a thirtysomething with over a decade on natori who still does the modern-day equivalent of unplugging my answering machine so people can't leave me cursed voicemails. i look back on my 23yo self and i want to cry from how much she was learning and how hard she was trying. i love her so much it breaks my heart. stop putting these young men into situations they need to be in situations but maybe ones less fraught with mortal consequences. maybe some situations more along the lines of figuring out the hard way not to buy dryclean-only shirts because who has time to go to the drycleaners? that's just one idea, i've got more of these. midorikawa-sensei are you listening??

#i just rewatched the arc where natori and natsume free takuma-san's shiki #and lost it at the part where natori is like takuma-san what am i gonna do with this kid? he's giving me daily heart attacks #and takuma just starts laughing like ahhh now it's your turn #now you know what it's like mr. former teenager not listening to your elders!!!! #natsume's book of friends #natsume yuujinchou #asks #not anon #natori shuuichi #f #matoba seiji #horrible exorcists #my mom was 22 when she had me and whenever i think about that i'm just like TWENTY-TWO? TWENTY-TWO??? #TWENTY-TWO YEARS OLD? TWENTY-TWO??????? #this actually helped me a lot in coming to terms with my childhood. like she was doing her best she was just #twenty fucking two #like my mom was in a sense making head-of-the-family life-and-death decisions #and making a lifelong contract (to be the parent of a person she was creating) at age 22 #and just to be clear i also want to go lie down when i think about that #that is a real thing that happened and i'm not saying she was too young to have the right to make that kind of major decision #i'm just saying it makes me want to drag my fingernails down my face in agony #much like learning natori shuuichi is supposed to be 23. like nooooooo

[itsamenickname]

Okay, so if you recall in The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!, there's this one specific episode called, "Do You Princess Toadstool Take this Koopa...?" where Bowser's mom makes an appearance so that she could see her son marry Peach (and eat the wedding cake afterwards).

Which got me to think about this one interesting question:

If we're assuming that Bowser's mom is canonically alive in the Mario universe, do you think that Bowser's mom would be supportive of her son's relationship with his arch-enemy's brother or do you think she would do everything in her power to try to convince Bowser to dump Luigi and go after Peach instead (assuming that Bowser would be the one to tell her that he's dating Luigi)?

#luigi #luigi nintendo #bowser #bowser nintendo #bowuigi #bowser x luigi #super mario #super mario bros #the super mario bros super show #mario au #help I've been watching a lot of Mario clips from the DIC Entertainment cartoons over the past few days and I've lost control of my life #to be fair the clips were really just Bowser from “Super Show!” and the Koopalings from “The Adventures of Super Mario Bros 3” #but still #I've been rewatching the clips A LOT over the past 72 hours #also I'm counting this as a mario au post because I really like the idea of Kamek and Kammy being Bowser's official guardians #now whether they were his guardians because Bowser's parents were neglectful or because they died when Bowser was young that's debatable #although personally I like to think that Bowser's parents loved their son but they just unfortunately died shortly after Bowser was born #leading to Kamek and Kammy having to raise Bowser like he was their son #Bowser may never show it publicly (due to his ego and pride) but he does love his adopted parents very much #and despite all the headaches Bowser gives them Kamek and Kammy love their adopted son very much too

[dishsaop]

does anyone have recommendations for fictional media that has like. actual lesbians in it. not like supergirl Two White Skinny Girls, One Blonde and One Brunette Kiss media, or "its implied lesbianism!!!" but just regular fucking lesbians

#i say lesbians but i guess i mean sapphic #im just like. tired of gnawing #and of men also. sorry men in my life i love you but on god if i have to pretend one more man is butch just to get #content that isnt m/m or m/f im going to turn into a horse and run into the wilderness until im saved from the glue factory by a plucky #young woman except instead of letting her have her formative summer where she trains me and bonds w me and wins a competition w me #im going to commit horse suicide in front of her & change her life forever. just because im so tired of bland CW-marketable women kissing & #digging for scraps in a refuse bin while brushing aside 7002993829292929939292929399394 gay and het romances #m text #i will also take nonfictional lesbians if its like a story #not to be whiny on main but one of the hardest hurdles i had to jump wasnt realizing i was a lesbian. i came out to myself and to friends a #lesbian multiple times. but i would always walk it back when a friend would express doubt or a male friend would ask me out #bc i dont and especially then didnt know very many lesbians in person. and so i had to turn to examples #and all i fucking had were fictional women who liked men. or fictional lesbians who were so cleaned and sanitized and prettified #(you all know what i mean right. the 2 skinny white girls one blonde one brunette. im not crazy right) #and i would be like. i dont feel things when i look at these fictional lesbians so i guess i belong back here #(this is also bc my gender ended up being fuckier than i realized but shhhhh) #I WAS GOING SOMEWHERE WITH THESE TAGS but theyre too long and im lost. #anyway the point is if people werent so fucking weird abt fictional or onscreen lesbians maybe thered be a lot more people comfortable bein #out as lesbian #like sorry but this awful ouroboros of 'all lesbians onscreen have to be cute and sanitized' meaning that people write and believe wlw has #to be cute and pure and sanitized (OR a 'badge of honor' bc good for u u doodled two women together or had it as a background in ur fic) #meaning that therefore all portrayals of lesbianism continue to be like this. is just #and im also gonna be honest theres probably a lot of good sapphic media im just in the wrong circles to have stumbled into lol. so #yknow. personal viewer bias here #but i still like swing wildly between overly brandishing my dykeness as a badge to feel like im proving im lesbian #and like. backing up under a blanket bc i dont wanna be weird or annoying or freak people out #but if people just Saw Normal Ass Lesbians. aough. #im going to watch revolutionary girl utena one of these days even if i struggled w the writing style the first few episodes #I JUST WANNA SEE AN OLD BUTCH ONSCREEN GET SOME PUSSY. #like it also doesnt help im mostly femme4butch so seeing 2 femmes on screen is like. okay cool so what. but only femmes are 'marketable'

[freebooter4ever]

Yikes i read the article and there are SO MANY terrifying sentences. Girls if your self worth in your twenties is based around looking down on and degrading 'older' women in their thirties....that is a slippery slope.

Also the author talks as if her tiny window of experience is universal. Most of my friends who are in true partnerships are happy in their 30's including the ones who have kids.

"I had high breasts, most of my eggs, plausible deniability when it came to purity, a flush ponytail, a pep in my step" like wtf this woman sounds as if she's stuck in a bridgerton episode???? Like her nubile body is being presented at cotillion to the highest bidding elegible bachelor. How are we not past this feeling like a requirement as a society?????

#Jrnlsht #Life is a gamble and just because some of us picked one path and lost doesnt mean the other path was better #Am i alone and realizing that because of the economy and gap in wages i will probably never be able to have kids as a single mother? #Yeah #But marrying young to someone wealthy is also no garuntee of happiness i have seen that crash and burn with my friends too #In one instance a friend who gave up everything for her wealthy boyfriend only to have him suddenly turn her out of the house after a decad #Of living together #Meanwhile my bff and her husband with their two kids have been together for over 14 years and are still happy as pigs in mud #And i have plenty of friends with no kids and a career instead who are very happy #The thing you dont want to end up with is me: 35 alone unlovable AND no career hahahahahaha my life is great

[mo-ok]

family sentai big brothers - an observation

#fiveman #magiranger #gogov #gaku - thoughtful/placid/beloved aniki #makito - romantic/nurturing/beloved aniki #matoi - bastard #i kid lmao i fucking love matoi so much this is a matoi stan account my boy has done nothing wrong in his life ever #ANYWAY #i have so many feelings about these boys its not funny #gaku lost both his parents but he always had arthur #he shouldered a lot of the emotional burden but he was never “left to raise his siblings” #makito lost his dad young and became “the man of the house” but again - he always had his mum #he never had to be 'dad' - at least not until he was already an adult #BUT MATOI #matoi's parents left. they left and he didnt know if or when either of them were going to come back. #so to deal with it he held on to the family he has left and he holds on too tight and he suffocates them but he's doing his fucking BEST #i will defend matoi until the day i die tbh #2023 art tag

[thecubes]

do any of you guys ever feel like theres still things youre still childishly dumb about that u wouldnt be able to talk about with like relatives or like in polite conversation with like a potential employer or some shit. Like just now i was thinking mainly of geography im so unbearably geographically incompetent that even just trying to describe where i live makes me break out into a sweat. if someones describing a location or place to me i say ahh yeah and in my head is a monkey clapping cymbols togerher

#it makes me feel very young and stupid bc its such a fundemental thing people have some comprehension of #i could get lost in a tin can. more accurately i can and do get lost in my home town and nearby places ive known my entire life 🥲 #theres other stuff like finances and life shit that stresses me out in convos too. bc i know how immature i sound/am 😭 #and i say polite convos bc in comfortable situations i just deflect by joking about being dumb and hope the other person isnt cruel #and generally informally it doesnt matter so much unless i feel intimidated by the person #which happens and then it Feels like it really does matter that i have the social competence of a teenager 😔

[cheaploafs]

he is so normal, promise

#art tag #witcher au #for every vampire post i see this au always comes to mind which is so fun i love it #fell too hard for the vampire now your entire brain is one big mess 😔 #anyway say hi to draven . jayces mentor during his young witcher days <3 you may never see him again #he wasnt the one who brought jayce to the keep but he did train him and at best was like a father figure to him overall a decent fellow #this is at least after they reunite its been a looong time since jayce last saw him and thought the dude was dead but nope #just living life unfortunately that changes <3 because agony #lost your boyfriend and your father figure life is rough isnt it bud.. anyways #if i dont end up getting very nervous and deleting this because fear . enkoy <3

[paldogangsaan]

that is NOT hiyori. i don’t care what adachitoka says

#that girl yato saw in father’s weird workd thing is not hiyori #like first of all #she looks different and so are her vibes #secondly #making her yato’s shinki SPITS in the face of the previous themes #and more importantly it SPITS ON HER CHARACTER ARC #‘oh but she wanted to be a shinki’ IS THE WHOLE POINT NOT THAT PPL DIE YOUNG AND REGRET IT??? #IS THE WHOLE POINT NOT THAT HIYORI IS LIKE 16 AND THEREFORE TOO YOUNG #TO DIE AND MAKE THAT CHOICE #if that’s truly her then i’m sorry but the ball was dropped #her being a shinki would legitimately be one of the worst endings for her #her life was cut short and she’s lost all memories of ppl she loved before #and what?? the manga will end?? we’ll be stuck with wondering what yato and yukine will do? #will we have a time skip? will she be allowed to keep her memories bc of some asspull magic at the last second? #idk i refuse to believe that she’s actually his shinki #that is NOT her #and if it is this will just join a long list of media that ruined their finales #noragami #hiyori iki #if you like her being a shinki good for you but i personally fucking hate it #meta #iki hiyori

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

[webbedphantom]

What soft romance cliche are you?

"Love at First Sight."

let's be real, only children believe in "love at first sight." but you're a hopeless romantic probably sitting around in coffee shops waiting to meet "the one." and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. infatuation at first sight is more accurate. you are the moment when two people lock eyes, and the whole world stills. nothing is there but you and them. and there is suddenly a strong sense of longing. you love love, don't deny it. flowers, chocolates, the whole nine yards. because of this you are loved by many. hopefully you know it too: you are loved.

Tagged by: @caramialunaestelle (like a week ago. Sorry this took so long-)

Tagging: Whoever wants to do it, because I can't remember who has and hasn't done it by this point-

#q'd #dash games #headcanons #this is so accurate #the only thing that could make it more accurate is if they brought up how conflicted he is about it #he's a hopeless romantic who doesn't believe he'll ever find love. and if he does he doesn't know if he should even persue it #he's read tons of american superhero comics. he knows what happens to those who are too close to one and he is terrified of that happening #which applies to everyone in his life and not just his love interest but he lost his parents at a young age so he's scared of- #going through that again

[and-stir-the-stars]

also thinking about evan being extremely physically and emotionally reliant on Mrs. Francine Afton only for her to die when Evan was two or three, thus setting up the precedent in Evan's life that the people who are supposed to help him will always end up abandoning him ( Charlie and Liz dying on him, the remaining three members of his family switching back and forth between kindness and cruelty so flippantly, etc)

#Is two or three too young for that? Maybe he's four when she dies #He's supposed to not really remember her but like... subconsciously remembers the indentation of the space she used to fill #evan afton #Hmmmm how to add henry into this specific thread of trauma in Evan’s life... #Maybe just from Henry distancing himself from the aftons #Charlie was Evan’s friend after all. And henry was Evan’s friend/uncle. But when evan lost his friend henry wasn't there for him #So effectively evan lost his uncle too

[dnangelic]

what is the truth. schrodinger's normal abnormal boy

#i was going to write a meta but i deleted it all bc i got embarrassed and can't put woRDS TOGETHER IN A SMART/CLEAR WAY #RHGHHH #its in my brain though i swear #its just abt daisuke's juvenile sense of confusion #hes young. hes a lil lost! he goes along with his family's phantom thievery but he doesn't necessarily completely enjoy it #it's complicated. he truly genuinely from the bottom of his heart loves art. but he doesn't necessarily like the stealing aspect #and he'd never ever steal anything deeply precious to anyone. he refuses to hurt anyone's feelings #but also- he's a little out of touch with things too sometimes. he keeps convincing himself he's 'mostly' or 'sorta' or 'pretty much' norma #when hes NEARLY DIED PLENTY OF TIMES thanks to his training #nobody normal comes home to electric doorknobs pitfalls alligators rabid dogs and lasers #his whole family is literally a family of criminals! he has live artworks w bonkers powers in his basement! #his own weird pet rabbit can FLY AND TALK #ud think turning into dark he'd be like 'well this might as well just happen' but in a way dark rlly was the last straw for daisuke #and like. there's nothing normal about any of this oagbdkgfk ESP IN A MODERN AGE!!! #but daisuke a) is a little willfully ignorant of it and b) genuinely ignorant of anything outside of it. bc again. hes a kid! #he doesn't have a lot of friends! he's a loser! #satoshi bringing up the tamers' cycles too. dark and daiki both agreeing that even if things seem fine now #that in the future the niwa and hikari would fight again. the niwa would cause the hikari pain #over and over. daisuke can't stand it. everyone keeps trying to tell him that his life and future is fixed #but if it's not one he agrees with or wants for himself then he's going to reject it #and that goes double for people like satoshi who have to reject krad. their sorrow and pain #bc it doesn't actually produce any beneficial outcome. its just senseless #*･ﾟ⊰ 𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐃𝐒. ⊱ ✦ › OUT.

[these-are-the-first-steps]

I just wanted to come on and apologize for my spotty activity. One of my favorite musicians, who I've loved dearly for at least the past 20 years, faded away suddenly on stage in October and I get hit with the sorrow in waves. It's still a gut punch.

Those of you who have figured out my main blog and follow over there have seen streams of posts of him at odd bursts- like sticking your hand repeatedly into the fire expecting the outcome to somehow be different. I can't help going into the tags sometimes even though I know it's a mistake.

Time is ruthless, and entropy is slowmotion disaster we cannot escape. All we can do is pick ourselves up best we can and keep struggling for that next step forward until we finally crumble to dust and pass through the veil to meet everyone again. The struggle is worth it, because fuck time and fuck entropy. Leave marks of yourself behind and win against the both of them. Sounds easy enough, right?

#is this too dark? #sorry #i just can't seem to dig myself completely out of this place #i feel time passing so keenly i might as well be already 90 on my death bed #i hate it i wish i could live like normal people blissfully ignorant sometimes #he was only 57 he was too young #one of the most beautiful men to ever walk this earth if not the #i cant fathom and yet am so grateful to technology because we can keep those captured facimilies forever if we play our cards right #beauty and talent and feeling and words don't have to be lost necessarily forever now and he gave us 36 years of his life #i'm stopping here because I'm just rambling now