#like. i can feel and know is there but jts also not.

[mildcicada]

#when i was first coloring him in he was gonna be golden chinchilla colored but then i was like ehhh jonah magnus should be red/orange but #elias should be gray ...so i just desaturated what i already did instead of recoloring lol but #he is now supposed to be shaded silver lol #but thats why his coat pattern is on the darker side compared to what it *should* be #og elias bouchard coming from an important/roch family and while whole thing with thinking he just *deserves* stuff bc of his upbringing. #etc. -> he is purebred and matches the breed standards etc for a scottish fold of his color #obviously the eye color doesn't matter because. ahaha #i thought elias fit the Scottish fold vibes because: Scottish folds are known for looking sort of like owls and having intense eyes #and the cat body/face type (also present in british shorthairs) to me gives off sort of... unnasumming vibes? #like ahaha yes i am a boring boss who loves paperwork look at how unnasumming i am season 1-2 elias y'know #trying to think of what cat breed jonah would be. and also jon gerry etc you know all the other characters i like #would it be boring to have multiple british shorthairs #i mean.. #Michael shelley/distortion is a laperm that's all I know #i didn't particularly care with the personality attributes associated with eliascat because it didn't need to fit his personality on account #of not being his original body. but i do try to keep in mind the best personality/look/etc. cat attributes as a whole for a character #also sometimes get obsessed with jt making historical and geographical sense but then it just limits me greatly to a point im not into it #so i don't care about specific breeds in that respect lol #tma #my art #elias bouchard #the magnus archives #some notes looking back(made it 2 hours ago but still looking back ok..) on it now are that i feel like elias would never choose this breed #for his next bodyhop because of the inherent health issues in scottish folds. I saw the breed was created in like the early 1960s and #assumed that maybe the health issues wouldn't have been common knowledge until later enough for jonah to be unaware of them but actually no #there's legislation about it like 6 years later LOL so jonah would..maybe not make this choice #i guess in the future when drawing i will just make him a British shorthair #my catTMA is simultaneously 'they are just regular cats or like all show cats or something' and 'exact tma plot but as intelligent cats' #LOL its just vague in my mind idk..also maybe jon can be an Abyssinian #ALSO WHAT WAS I THINKING 'jonah may not have been aware about x thing' like did i...did i forget. me 2 hours ago was dumb as rocks

[glamrock-freddy]

Hmgnhm coughing up an au. Have some undercooked doodles

#vanny is supposed to have that carpet sample fursuit vibe yk #ok um. whats the deal with silly willy. well he's still fucked up and kills children but he cares about his own in this au!! #he doesnt regret any of the murders his only regret is involving his kids #so hes still stuck in ultimate hellscape #um. mike burning his dad for the first time is a big misunderstanding #cause at this point he's like oh fuck my dad is out there and he murdered all those kids and killed my sister hes gonna kill m e #so he burns down the place and goes about his day #and vanny is like #inspired by his crimes but not like ooo possessed by an ai #cause i hate that it feels like its bringing up unnecessary sci fi shit to the table #anyway she is the one who creates glitchtrap #its basically bonzi buddy if it was on steroids and also made your animatronics aggressive #fnaf au #ill make up more stuff jts almostidnight for me hello #oh yeah i forgot about glammike #uhhhh #charlie is the one to bring mikey boy back #cause a he can atone for killing his little brother by not sucking and helping this kid who's about to get his kidneys chewed out by monty #and b . so mike you know what's a computer right. well you gotta hit a bootcamp cause you gotta dismantle that bonzi buddy shit #and maybe stop vanny from killing anymore kids

[soldier-poet-king]

Got asked for my professional opinion today on a complex legal issue by a much senior coworker 😭🥺 on the basis of my response, i got asked to join in on a meeting with some higher ups to explain what I had explained to said coworker 😭🥺 I am going to get a good grade in Career and Being Smart, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve

#alas my boss isnt here today to see how smart and competent i am when ppl as abt stuff I actually know abt #im sorry. i find thid one weird niche legal thing. SO INTERESTING #it was a sort or coworker who asked. shes also an archivist. but soon to be retired. and for a related but separate org #but our offices our next to each other #and i got to be smart and competent:) #nothing like riding that high of being extremely knowledgeable abt random specific things #its like. the same high i got from being in school #i DONT miss writing a billion essays a term. i DO miss positive reinforcement and academic approvak #since academics is the only thing i was ever good at #yes yes gifted kid burnout but more like. i was a poorly adjusted mental ill kid but i did Good In School tm #so no one ever bothered to help me. and now academics are the only way o can feel valued #I LOVE BEING COMPETENT AND SMART. #there i said it. i AM a horrible prideful gremlin #and its been a year since grad and thats the longest I've ever gone without teacher/professor approval #im dying. need me some external validation #i am goid at what i do. there i. said jt #i am a good information professional. i like metatdata. and finnicky digital files. and obscured IP issues that only affect #*affect very certain types of fonds #I EVEN LIKED REWRITING A LEGAL DEED #who have i become. alternate universe me was a bureaucrat. im so sorry. i love paperwork #and i love being PRECISE. everything needs to be finnicky and exact and say what it means and mean what it says #and it all has to be in service of smthn bigger and greater and more good #ironically. in my personal time. i am. messy lil bitch. but theres no room for finnicky wordsmith puzzles irl #i like this far more as a job. #sorry rae we were just talking abt how u hate medical records management and here i am like. 😍😍😍 legal issues in archives

[deoidesign]

Hi! im not sure if you read tags on reblogs. But your recent drawing of Steve in trans colours.. was that meant to be a reference to the Vibes he has, or is it a confirmation of anything...? He'll still be transition goals no matter the answer, but i was just curious how /hj or /srs it was.

It's serious! He's trans. Got transed by werewolves.

#hitting all my characters with my trans beam #looking at adam: 'hes got a he/they type beat...' #also yes i do read tags! but then idk if its weird for me to respond to tags so i dont #but i do read them. #also yeah this is why he's a werewolf. so maybe it will come up #just yknow... shapeshifters... thing that makes you hairy... not an uncommon trans allegory #plus also adam and steve.... yeah......... #uhhhhhhhhh #i dont think about the logistics too much though because to me it feels invasive #i dont think he as a person would tell me about it so i just dont know #also if anyone asks me about whether he has balls ill kill you im sick of people asking me that #also he DOES have pretty severe amnesia #so jts not like he can uh... remember about jt. #but theres like 60 more episodes or something to go so who knows #if theres a way for me to put it in canonically... i will #complicated when its magic trans + a guy who doesnt communicate his feelings + has amnesia #but on god its canon ill make sure of it #asks

[cliffburton]

that being said i wish i could know fucking issue w food. Lol?

#i am just. #i barely eat vegetables i liked soy i seldom eat fruit i eat a lot of sugary shit #i don't eat much meat if anything to add smthing up to an otherwise almost empty meal also i do enjoy bread and cheese. #i used to think i am just 'picky' or more like i sticked w the eatong habits of a Child #but my family tells me i did eat that when i was a child? #if it was as simple as that it would Feel as simple as that #i don't think it is. #i also know it isn't abt weight nor the feelings abt it? chances are that i would be more focused on eating less carbs #nd shit it if it was? but idk shit abt EDs so. #i don't know how psychological or physical it is #i just know that almost always when i smell food i wanna fucking vomit #notice that whenever anyone is aggressive to me abt it i end up cycling it in my head and write on tumblr? #and they can move on but jt makes me angry and sad and ultimately Hopeless. #wish i did photosynthesis like a plant.

[poorlittlevampire]

also bad news i think the new med is making my anxiety worse. and it sucks bc it is definitely helping with everything else. but i also think maybe the first med is just finally starting to work? bc i was reading people’s experiences with it and how long it took to really start working is how long its been for me (on the higher dose) and i hope thats the case bc i do not like the new one at all

#also the hand tremors are fucking obnoxious #also tho its not even really working in that. i am still very much depressed #its just better #like #i know meds dont just magically cure you of depression #but. i feel like the difference between before and now are not as big as they should be #and im doing a lot of work to like. be better. like gettinf put of bed every day. stopping negative thoughts when i can. etc #so its not like im doing nothing and expecting the med to do everythinf #im working on myself alongside it. so i feel like the results should be better #WHATEVER #also i couldnt fall asleep bc of anxiety lol #there was a single bug in my room today and jt ruined everythinf j #i cannot stop panicking thinking there are bugs on me and in my bed

[myriadsystem]

Ofmd is..not at all what i was expecting

Why did not a single one of you tell me that they were vaguely given pirate characters and told to improv about it and that most of them are bad at improv but really trying their hardest

Maybe i shouldve guessed but i was expecting like.. a show. Like a real show with written scripts not this (kind of awkward) bumbling around a scene for longer than is needed until the directors decide to spare us and show a different bumbling scene

Props to queer eye for the pirate guy who is trying his damn hardest, theres a lad who knows when to chomp on that bit but watching this show overall feels like a trainwreck. Like im still gonna watch if you get just the right amount of high and accept that this is an ongoing theatre improv scenario not a television or streaming style show then you can still have a good time i think, embrace the cringe and whatnot and i know you tumblr hoes love it so ill stick it through to the end but can someone please at least tell me that good omens is like.. a show with a script? When i get to it ive heard such good things and if its just more college improv id like to maybe skip it please i think ofmd is enough improv for me

#personal #ofmd #good omens #the secondhand emotional impact from good omens makes me highly doubt its as improvy as ofmd #tbf all i knew about ofmd is that it was a gay pirate show but i still thought it was. a show. a scripted show and i was WRONG #i guess technically it is a show about gay pirates i just really thought there would be more written than that basic concept #heads up i guess for anyone else unfamiliar it can be fun but jts also highly cringe. and thats ok but you gotta be expecting that #or i can see how it can easily lead to being disappointing and unfunny if like me you only know its praises as the gay pirate show #ok i have some further thoughts. taika was goin thru it holy fuck but so was everyone #they do get a little.better at both comedy and editing but oh boy theres still some moments #still a lot of moments #overall rating 8/10 too much improv and the plot. they couldve dont it in a lot cooler ways that would be more coherrent but #some scenes randomly hit hard if you pay super hard attention to each characters side plots but dont do that too hard cause #youll lose track quicker than scene directors did #sometimes feels a little forced encouragement and we do love encouragement so we never take points away for trying

[fagrights]

i have a lot of different feelings about my sister and it mostly boils down to i wish i didn’t feel like i was lying when i say yes i know she loves me

#anyway i hate my bday for one reason ans that’s that it’s the one day people in my life decide that #they finally need to act like they care about me #cause they feel like they have to cause yknow politeness or whatever #she hasn’t talked to me since march but yeah the one text she sends 3 months later #absolves all of it #well it’s also that my mom loves to tell me how she talked to her about me and #she just Knows she cares about me so much like that’s fine mom you can try #all you want to convince me but you’re not the one who needs to do jt

[aidenwaites]

I know it's at least one half the sleep deprivation speaking but man I'm just SO worried that I'm going to make myself hate this job. I'm worried I'm gonna really start to hate it and I'm gonna leave on bad terms and then I'm gonna have fucked up the objectively best job opportunity I've ever had

#just.. UGH #i dont want to hate it and i dont want to feel so adverse to doing it #i just also dont know how to fix that. yknow? #and overall just with job searching jts like. idk to look at job listings without constantly assessing how long ill probably stick with it #until it gets on my nerves and i quit again #which as you can imagine puts a very big hurdle between me and submitting job applications #i dont know how to try and find a job and keep myself together without feeling extremely jaded and hopeless about jt #and i know i just have to get over myself and deal with it but its much easier said than done #anyway. i applied to like six places the other day so maybe someone will give me a call

[casual-crispy]

watched s5ep15 and 16 and having thoughts about the dynamic of faith and buffy. they're the only ones who understand each other. they dont know each other at all. they have lived the same terrible burden the same pressures and yet not at all. buffy wants faith to be responsible and serious but buffy hates doing it, she knows it is hard and painful and terrible and eventually she gives it up and is devastated when they bring her back to keep doing it. faith just wants to live. faith wants to love and be loved but she doesnt know how and she's jealous and hurt and upset and wants to be listened to but she doesnt listen and she doesnt let herself care and she doesnt let other people care for her.

the fact that they both directly experience each other's lives. that buffy sees how unfairly treated faith is, that no one listens to her, that they are just going to kill her. i think there should have been more of the scooby gang putting pressure on faith (thinking she's buffy) but even without that at the end faith understands that fighting bad guys and saving people is buffy's job. that it should be their job. she saves the girl at the club but she also goes back. she goes to the church when she hears people are in trouble. she knows that, at the very least as buffy, it is her responsibility to do something. that she cant just leave.

but shes still afraid and doesnt know what buffy thinks and feels guilt and hate and sadness and loneliness. so she hits buffy first, before buffy can hit her, before she can lose again, hit first so you dont get hit. thats how she's lived. and then buffy swaps them back and she has to be herself again. her plan has been foiled and her head is racing and she's lost again and she doesnt know what to do other than run. and buffy doesnt know what to do but let her. one of the few people who can match her. someone she cares about so much and yet hates and fears so much. an example of all the ways she could go wrong. an example of all the ways the world could have done her wrong. i love them

#buffy the vampire slayer #btvs #buffy summers #faith lehane #s5e15 #s5e16 #i am rotating them in my mind #so much #i feel a wip coming on #i say a wip and not a fic because i know myself #something about them being swapped and faith experiencing the pressures they put buffy under #maybe also sees the scoobs being kind towards faith even though they arent in the show t that point #and buffy realising how hard jt is to be faith #not even as a criminal but alone no home no friends no family. just you and a bad reputation #they wouldnt make up immediately but theyd be better at trying. faith would want to help. buffy would want to listen #i can just see the scene where faith as buffy has failed to save them. let adam do something horrible or something #and she realises how hard buffy fights for so many people she doesnt know. how hard she works and is pushed and that she has to #buffy doesnt want to be a stuck up boring rule follower but she has to be #and faith stopped her. but it doesnt feel like faith won

[nomaishuttle]

im deciding to look on the positive side of everything which is that i get 2 see my family an entire month early !! even tho it sucks we wont get 2 see a solar eclipse... it also means i wont miss my siblings birthday :]] which well its gonna be rly hard not t just shower them in all the stuff ive bought them JDNRJFNGN

#i also feel bad bc i still havent bought my brother a gift 😬 and i havent rly gotten anything for my baby sister either #jts just isee things and i think lamp wouod like this and i get them #whwreas im not often in places where i see things and im like I think a 5 year old autistic boy would go fucking crazy over this. which is #afailing on my part i understand. #i am worried tho. in like general but also. aughhh trans rights in kentucky. yk. at least ill most likely be able to see all my old #doctors and stuff so i can start getting t prescribed again + getting my meds worked out #bc idk. i dont think theyve been doing much but i also know i havent been consistent in taking them for the past 2 years #so im rly rly rly gonna try and be more consistent with that. Ough i forgot to rake my meds thats a good reminder thank you jesus

[ayoyoungg]

Me: *excited Tower of God is back*

Also me: *thinks Tower of God is best when read in arcs*

#so conflicted about if I should read weekly or let a bunch of chapters build up #I was thinking about doing a re-read from the beginning but totally forgot about that #I probably should though #I wholeheartedly think this story needs to read on an arc to arc basis #it’s just hard when you’re caught up to know when a new arc stops (unless there’s a hiatus) #I feel like giving s3 another chance after doing a re-read will give me a better impression of it but my expectations are still low #while SIU’s hiatuses are unfortunately health-based I think the break has given him time to really think about this upcoming section #idk if SIU has editors or not but there’s a clear tone shift in the most recent arc where you can tell he realized #he was getting kinda carried away #anyways we’ll see what I do #also one of the special banners webtoon made has Bam doing a regeneration move & I’m pretty sure we’ve never seen that ability??? #I could be wrong like I said I need to do a re-read #but yeah interesting #me #jt #just thoughts #tog #tower of god

[im-traumatised]

Shit I think I might be developing if not already, agoraphobic, and I'm not sure what to think about it...

#i dont know much about it all but ive been doing some googling and thinking all afternoon/night #and mannnn #hn #not sure if thiers other kinds or forms or things that are similar to agoraphobia but #from what ive read and doing like 5 different tests that help indicate of i should speak to a doctor about jt #they all yelled extreme agoraphobia please immediately seek help with youe symptoms and a proper evaluation #which fuck me man #would also make sense why im so particular about my aparmtnet and people being in the space and keeping it feeling as safe as I can #also makes sense why the thought of going to a group thing makes me want to curl into a ball and hyperventilate so badly #AceofDragons #vent

[literaturebf]

thats IT.

#will.. #good god. I hate them so bad #the way nothing we predicted came true like i wasnt expecting jt to but come on #and EDDIE????? HELLO??????? HELLO. #who js tling mike eddie died is the questjon. when is that happening #god im so depressed now . but also so pissed like what the fuck #tbh at the end of the clip i wanted it to go black and then be like (vecna voice) #i feel like that couldbe been cooler #lim so. #like honestly it was good or whageverbut what the HELL #AND THE STANCY STUFF?? AND THATS SUPPOSED TO BE OUR JANCY DEALING W THEIR PROGLEMS ? #they better resolve it propwrly in season 5 i swear to God. #im so #its 4am #stranger things spoilers #also the will byler stuff in general. like i know queerbaiting js real and they r using it as much as thry can but thats IT #IF YOURE GONNA QUEERBAIT AT LEAST PUT SOME EFFORT INTO IT LIKE IDK WHAT WAS THAT #and the mike monologue ohojohohdifhskfhtmdbt

[famousprophets22]

i love being transgender i love doing my silly little t shot every week i am so proud of who i am and what ive done to get to where i am now I LOVE BEING TRANS!!!1!!!1!😸😸😸

#sometimes i feel like im a weird percived combination of ‘experienced’ and ‘not experienced’ in being transgender #heavy on percived i know who i am LAMFO #ive been out chronologically and age wise the longest out of everyone i know im pretty sure #i started socially transitioning when i was 12 yk #was fully ‘out’ (specifically in school) by before high school at 14 #and changed my name legally last year and started t this year at 17 #but some people just see that last year as me being properly trans #not even properly trans just like. as if i was only starting my transition now #and i dont think thats very accurate #and sometimes i feel a lil inferior to guys in my life who have been on t and have been ‘undeniably’ trans for longer #(boy if ur reading this ur not included like on god but also unblock me lets be mooties i miss you) #but sometimes i have to just sit back and remember i got this and it doesnt actually matter what they think OR even if i was a ‘baby trans’ #or whatever #ive been trans for like a third of my life. #like half of my cognitive conscious life. #i got this!!! #and even if i didnt thatd be okay too cus we all get there eventually #that is a lot of yapping for me saying i feel embarassed celebrating doing my t shot every week cus im so early and jts not doing anything #but maybe i can have some fun anf joy in life #and maybe being transgender isnt inherently miserable #on a happier end note #me and my friend had our hrt appointments on the same day and started a few days apart #so we r now transition buddies and yap at eachother abt injections vs gel and what ‘changes’ were getting and its really beautiful #its nice to have community #and people who do not see u as a little transgender infant just cus u werent fortunate enough to go on t at an even younger age #than the incredibly fortunate 17 #but hey what doesnt kill you makes you stronger i suppose and i think hrt is gonna feel reslly fucking good after 5 years of waiting #and im so fortunate im in this position and am grateful every day to not only be awesome and transgender but also on hrt!! #yaaayayayayayay!!!!

[borderlinegerard]

scot i love you, and you make me glad to be alive

#my posts #personal #ok beforeni say anything this song goes sooo fucking hard #anyways i think things are actually starting to be ok #i was kinda nervous for a while but..woah i am Generally Okay #still kinda ahocked abt the fact that i can be Okay #things kinda went to shit in the past week or two butttt i think im getting over it #and maybe it was something that needed to happen for me to be okay #like idk. if all that didnt happen i never wouldve gotten closer with someone that im talking to ecery day now #& like i was feeling like relapsing ecery day just like a week or 2 ago.. and like i Did and i kinda regret ut #but i guess things are also changing bc like. i regret it but iys okay... like jts ok that i relapsed because eceryone messes up #my head feels a lot clearer and i know in like a week im gonna be making a post about how bad i want to die but like. #for now things are good and. i want to document that . #in retrospect #Spotify