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wormsdyke · 5 months

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being the ghost that haunts your own home

lyric credits:

(1) riches and wonders - the mountain goats (2) appointments - julien baker (3) swimming pool - the front bottoms"there's comfort in the silence of a living room / the TV is on for you / hide in your basement / while your house burns down" (5-7) the ballad of costa concordia - car seat headrest (8) high to death - car seat headrest (9) compulsive liar - ezra furman (10) seven - taylor swift (11) class of 2013 - mitski (12) fast car - tracy champan (13) twin size mattress - the front bottoms (14) tonight i feel like kafka - jealous of the birds (15) i like it when you sleep, for you are so beautiful yet so unaware of it - the 1975 (16) i know the end - phoebe bridgers (17) sense of home - harrison storm (18) woke up new - the mountain goats (19) no surprises - radiohead

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lorillee · 9 months

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alright everybody. its finally time for my ace attorney investigations 2 retrospective/excuse to talk about the von karma-edgeworth family soap opera for a few thousand words. ive never been good at intro paragraphs so we're just gonna get right into it. this is gonna get long probably so be warned - i was originally going to put it under a cut but unfortunately doing that breaks the image format for some reason so uhhhh we're both just gonna have to live with it 😔 obviously this post is going to have major unmarked spoilers so if you havent played this game for some reason yet you should definitely get on that. anyways. without further ado:

investigations 2 is kind of ultimately about who edgeworth was and who edgeworth is and who edgeworth wants to be, explored via the lens of the nature of parent-child relationships and how parents' legacies impact the decisions their children make and the people they become.

at the end of aa1 (+rfta), edgeworth is confronted with the harsh reality that his mentor/adopted father & the man who taught him everything he knows about prosecuting is 1) a terrible person and 2) did actually have a habit of using forged evidence to keep his 40 year streak going. after being accused of corruption for having used fake evidence himself (unknowingly, but still), edgeworth goes on his whole journey of "what does being a prosecutor even mean, anyways" by means of worlds most melodramatic fake suicide. the answer he ends up arriving at is that defense lawyers and prosecutors, when they have relatively upstanding morals and are given the tools to actually do their jobs, serve as vehicles for the truth, and cannot reliably fulfill this duty without each other. however, the question has always kind of lingered - "well, what about being a defense attorney like gregory?"

phoenix routinely brings up the class trial as like the most formative memory of his own childhood - that experience is inherently tied to who phoenix is as a person - but that trial literally only exists because edgeworth was imitating his father in being a defense attorney. the main character of the main series' inspiration for becoming a defense attorney is intrinsically tied to "back when edgeworth was "good", before manfred "corrupted" him". its because edgeworth becomes a corrupt prosecutor that phoenix chases after him into law school - this apparent complete and entire betrayal of phoenix's whole understanding of him as a person.

so then, now that edgeworth is "good" again, why doesnt he quit the whole prosecutor thing and go back to his childhood dream of becoming like his father?

this question is kind of just left up in the air until investigations 2. with the prosecutor investigation committee being completely corrupted, they make it abundantly clear they dont appreciate edgeworth sticking out of line in an attempt to do his literal job, and try to control him by threatening to take away his badge. furthermore, shields, gregory's old companion, shows back up and works with edgeworth to find the the truth of a handful of incidents that would've otherwise been covered up by the p.i.c. - including gregory's last case, in which he proved that manfred, who prosecuted that same case, did indeed forge evidence.

after relinquishing his badge in a protest against what is clearly an injustice, manfred's old habits being dredged back up, and the extended hand of the man in charge of his father's old law firm, edgeworth is getting pulled in a number of different directions - will he capitulate, give up on prosecuting entirely, run away from his past, and become a defender of the people and an attorney like his father? or will he reject manfred's terrible methods while working to rectify his mentor/adopted father's wrongdoings, face his past head-on, and seek the truth as a prosecutor, regardless of his mentor's legacy and reputation?

both of the paths offered to edgeworth hinge on who he used to be - a boy who wanted nothing more than to be like his father, a phenomenal defense attorney who stood up for those who had nobody to stand up for them, and a young adult who saw the injustice in the world and wanted to punish it in the best way he could think of - becoming like his adopted father who never failed to put a (seemingly) guilty person behind bars.

investigations 2 gives us..... a whole slew of parent-child relationships. like what can only be described as truly an impressive amount: gregory & miles & manfred, master & katherine, sebastian & debeste, gustavia & simon, dover & knightley, blaise & sebastian, courtney & john, lang's dad & lang, and more tangentially manfred & franziska and byrne & kay. for our purposes, though, we're going to focus on the most immediately relevant ones to edgeworth's development specifically - sebastian & blaise and gustavia & simon.

for starters, i think it would probably be best to get the von karma-edgeworth family soap opera soapboxing out of the way.

edgeworth's arc in this game primarily revolves around what he wants to do with his life - he talks a whole lot about his "path", but doesnt really know what that means outside of seeking the truth at all costs. the people around him like to slot him into either "defense attorney" or "prosecutor" for a variety of reasons, but more often than not it ends up boiling down to his fathers in at least some capacity.

franziska is personally betrayed and frankly disgusted by edgeworth giving up his badge (which makes plenty of sense, particularly after their conversation at the end of aa2 and which i have talked about here), and a notable portion of that does have to do with her & manfred's relationship to edgeworth. manfred's influence was a huge factor in miles' decision to become a prosecutor, and they both know it. of course, the more pressing issue for her is the fact that miles is abandoning her again - but the point remains that had it not been for manfred, the likelihood of miles becoming a prosecutor would be, frankly, much lower.

shields, on the other hand, spends a whole lot of the game projecting gregory onto miles. he wants edgeworth to follow in his fathers footsteps and play the role of the returning prodigal son, because he misses gregory and sees a lot of his influence and mannerisms in miles. actually, something i kind of found particularly interesting is that at one point, shields remarks that edgeworth's trademark glare was the same as that of gregory's. theres a whole lot of remarks made on that glare, actually, particularly in combination with edgeworths furrowed brow.

but... shields himself is the one who says this

about - would you guess it - a certain manfred von karma. its no secret that miles has picked up a whole number of manfred's mannerisms and attitudes, even as he's unlearning some of the more harmful ones, but what i found particularly fascinating is that shields saw something that miles picked up from manfred and saw gregory in it instead. while part of it certainly could be that miles did pick part of it up from gregory (which is something that has a basis in the sprites - something i may actually get into a little bit later), its also very possible that this is shields projecting what he wants to see onto miles as opposed to what's actually there. its even more interesting though, because when they first meet, shields actually mistakes edgeworth for manfred because of that glare

shields is so caught up in wanting gregory back from the dead that he occasionally blinds himself from acknowledging that miles is an entirely different person.

and, of course, throughout both this game and the previous investigations game, there's more than a few moments in which edgeworth personally accused of using falsified evidence to convict people - specifically harkening back to our good friend manfred von karma, posterchild of world's most corrupt prosecutors and edgeworth's adopted father/mentor. shields even expresses immense distrust of miles at first simply on this fact, acknowledging that miles was indeed like a son to manfred (..... for whatever that's worth)

actually. while we're here on this point i want to speak briefly about sprite similarities

this game does a whole lot of calling attention to the influence manfred & gregory have had on miles - obviously theres the furrowed brow & piercing gaze and terrible people skills that miles got from manfred, but he also has gregory's affinity for tea and dorky camera face. the sprites also do a great job in visually establishing his inherited mannerisms though - while manfred's influence has done a lot, gregory's habits still peek through the cracks.

ive talked about this a little bit on another post, but i feel like it warrants repeating here anyways. the sprite animations in ace attorney are great for a lot of reasons, but one of the most interesting ones is how they're frequently used to imply connections between characters and the influence of certain relationships.

we know that miles definitely did not get his bowing from manfred, but with gregory's sprites in this game it becomes abundantly clear where they originated from (of course, with the over-the-top melodrama of the von karmas added on top). similarly with miles' hand bounding sprite, its a pointed finger (giving it an accusatory tint, definitely coming from manfred), while gregory's is an open hand (much more inviting), but the bounce nonetheless remains. the sprite similarities between miles & manfred are a bit more straightforward, but something i find tremendously interesting is how the mannerisms miles picked up from his father have the von karma influence absorbed into them - it really is a brilliant visual indicator of the impact both his fathers have had on his character.

i've talked about this general topic semi-extensively on this blog simply because i am truly a bit obsessed with the von karma-edgeworth family soap opera, but i feel like it warrants repeating here anyways since it comes up in this came so often. miles' relationship with gregory is... honestly not really explored terribly much? like shields will reference him a lot and both him and the game itself absolutely loves comparing the two, but as far as edgeworth's personal feelings on gregory go... we. honestly don't get much, either directly or indirectly. which makes sense, obviously - edgeworth was like 9 when he died - but its still interesting. we obviously know that gregory loved edgeworth a lot (see: him thinking about miles periodically throughout the investigation . which is. for the record. absolutely adorable)

but miles doesn't get much of anything at all in terms of internal or external dialogue about gregory. his relationship with manfred, however, is... a lot more messy, but also explored a fair bit through implications.

mr von karma gets brought up a lot in both investigations 1 & 2, and miles' reaction is largely the same - he'll comment on objective facts (usually ones that were brought up in the first by the people around him) whether its manfred's skill in prosecuting or his tendency towards forgery, but blatantly refuses to ever give any sort of subjective opinion on him (franziska is, for the record, the exact same way). theyll dance around the topic, sure, but never genuinely engage with it - as much can be seen if you make edgeworth present his badge to amano in investigations 1.

while franziska's feelings on her father are a lot more obscured, miles' are a little more openly messy - after all, he still keeps his prosecutors badge in his pocket all these years after manfred told him prosecutors who wore their badges are tacky. he still wears the jabot, an integral and iconic bit of manfreds attire (and another thing that made shields briefly think he was manfred). he still has no problem connecting with and helping manfred's old friends (amano, for example). and, mostly damning of all, he still keeps his old prosecutors outfit - the outfit manfred gave him based off of his own suit - plastered to his office wall. its clear that he doesnt approve of manfred's methods of prosecution and recognizes that he was definitely corrupt, but even with all the murder and framing and so on and so forth... manfred was still his dad. even if its not logical for miles to still hold on to that filial love, you cant really argue your emotions into changing into something rational.

with the repeated importance being placed on the influence of gregory and manfred on miles' life, their relationship to him, and other people's expectations for miles based on their legacies established, i think we can probably try to get into sebastian now. gonna be copy-pasting most of my sebastian vs miles & franziska mini-essay here because i dont want to retype it.

sebastian is actually a kind of interesting foil for franziska and miles - its pretty clear that franziska didnt become a prosecutor specifically for manfreds approval (see: miles’ comment on her always having been a prosecutor) and likewise with edgeworth (see: his statement on his motivation for becoming a prosecutor having been to chase down criminals after what happened to gregory), but throughout the flashback case in investigations 1 it is so obvious that both of them desperately crave manfred’s approval even to the point of competing over it.

while this competition follows the usual format of franziska insisting on something and miles passively going along with it as opposed to actively engaging, he spends the entire case literally trying to be a mini-manfred (its very sad and also kind of cute), and its made pretty clear that at the very least he would not be the prosecutor he is without manfred’s influence. furthermore, at the end of aa2, franziska also comments on the pressures and expectations being placed on her by virtue of being manfred’s daughter - she felt that she was obligated to become a genius prosecutor simply because of her birth. while the wording indicated to me outside pressure rather than manfred specifically, the point remains that manfred, while not the sole driving reason, did have a significant impact on their career choice.

sebastian, however, specifically says he became a prosecutor for the purpose of getting his dad's approval. blaise routinely speaks ill of sebastian, calling him stupid and an idiot and embarrassing and so on and so forth, but its incredibly clear that sebastian is genuinely desperate for any sort of positive affirmation from his father. he unknowingly cheated his way through law school, graduating at the top of his class purely through blaise's connections, and is genuinely distraught when he finds out that everything he built his adult life on was a lie. the game spends a fair amount of time showing you how wildly terrible sebastian is at being a prosecutor, only to reveal that the reason he's like this is, like, 80% his dad's fault.

unlike sebastian, however, franziska and miles are both quite competent at their jobs and manfred, unlike blaise, actually has confidence in their ability to perform to his expectations (see: him bullying badd into letting them try to solve the case in the investigations 1 flashback case). sebastian & blaise are like a worse and caricatured version of the von karma family soap - basically, they're what would happen if miles & franziska 1) were absolutely dependent on manfreds approval and 2) weren't terribly good at prosecuting, and if manfred was 1) prone to coddling and 2) actively verbally abusive.

theres also the added parallel of “oops! my dad actually really sucks as a person” and the ensuing Complicated Feelings On Dad after this. franziska expresses an egregious amount of disdain for sebastian before we really get into the blaise debacle because she doesnt respect him as a person at all, but is honestly surprisingly sympathetic when it turns out his dad is a criminal. futhermore, she willingly relinquishes her place at the prosecutor's bench for him when its clear he's ready to stand up to blaise, even if hes crying and sobbing the whole way through. its this shared experience and his subsequent growing of a spine that earns her respect.

edgeworth, for his part, also doesnt seem to respect sebastian much at all before the kidnapping incident. however, upon trying to prod him into telling what happened, edgeworth recognizes a part of his old self in sebastian, as well as sebastians willingness to grow up and move past his desperation for his father's approval.

more than just being a funhouse mirror version of the von karmas, blaise and sebastians relationship highlights the dangers of blindly chasing after your parents, critical thinking long forgotten, which has a twofold meaning in regards to miles. obviously, theres the pretty straightforward parallel to his blatant idolization of manfred as a young prosecutor - while the situation wasnt necessarily the same, it still possesses those echoes of a desperate need for acknowledgement/approval, to the point of following their fathers' examples even in the worst ways. @/pkducklett left some really great tags on one of my posts which hits the nail on the head:

but it also begs the question: is blindly chasing after his childhood dream of being like gregory really what miles wants to do with his life? a point we'll loop back around to in a bit, but important to keep in mind for edgeworth's overall arc.

so onto simon & gustavia! simon's relationship with his murderous father gustavia also serves as a foil to miles and one of his dads like sebastian & blaise - however, instead of our notoriously trigger happy friend manfred von karma, it's actually.... gregory! which is, for the record, tremendously fun. simon & miles both became orphans at a young age - which is a notable part of the reason edgeworth agrees to take his case in the jail episode, even. the camaraderie between two people who have shared in the same traumatizing experience and so on and so forth - but instead of being taken from his son like gregory was, gustavia purposely abandons simon once he's deemed him worthless.

post-orphaning, both miles & sebastian are taken under the wing of men of questionable character - miles is adopted by manfred von karma, gregory's rival, murderer, and the anti-thesis of everything he stood for, and sebastian becomes the apprentice to dogen, a ruthless assassin. interestingly enough, though, this parallel diverges in the end - manfred throws miles under the bus and backs up over him like three separate times, metaphorically speaking, while dogen actively puts his life on the line to save sebastian.

miles & simon both experienced the injustice of the law system - miles in the absolute failure of the courts to find his father's true murderer, and simon in his personal experience in its utter corruption. their reactions to this injustice leads them both to commit further injustices - miles in uncritically adopting manfred's ideals and teachings, and in this process definitely sending innocent people to jail at some point or another, and simon in his attempt at semi-vigilante justice via manipulating all the people who ruined his life into either ending or ruining each others', regardless of anybody innocent who got caught in the crossfire.

of course, the narrative purpose of making simon a foil to miles is the final confrontation on three main points - 1) what does miles fight for? why is he a prosecutor? 2) how do you deal with the absolutely rotten law system in japanifornia? 3) are we simply doomed to become our parents, or can we become more than just their continued legacies? which naturally leads us to the final question posed in the thesis - the heart of the game - who does miles want to be?

shields spends a lot of time trying to convince miles to pick up gregory's mantle and join him back at the law offices, but the problem is that miles simply isn't the starry-eyed child who would do anything to be like his father anymore (growing up under the roof of one of the greatest prosecutors of one's time will do that to you). he's no longer the sebastian to blaise for either of his fathers - he cannot simply throw everything he's learned and experienced away in an attempt to imitate gregory, but also has soundly rejected many of manfred's most staunchly held ideals. while not all of them remain, a major part of the reasons he became a prosecutor still hold - even as he's abandoned his badge.

simon was what edgeworth could have become under slightly different circumstances, and he says as much himself. he recognizes that the law isn't perfect and more often than not is wildly abused by everybody in power to subject everybody else to their whims - and that, no matter how hard a defense attorney tries.... if the courts are inherently stacked against them, a corrupt prosecutor will inevitably win. at the end of aa2, edgeworth returns from his wildly melodramatic sabbatical with the answer that the prosecution and the defense need to work hand in hand to reveal the truth - which is, obviously, a correct statement - but there's more to it than that.

there's more than just the defendant at stake in trial - the protection of the victims (whether recognized as the victim by the law or not) are why the laws exist in the first place - this is the reason that edgeworth arrives at for his reason for being a prosecutor. its simon who reminds him of why he started down this path in the first place - the visceral pain edgeworth felt at his father's death and the desire for justice to be done for gregory and himself mirroring simon's feelings after being abandoned by his father and his flight after being the witness to a crime wildly corrupt people in power committed. to be what phoenix was for him in turnabout goodbyes - to be a beacon of hope and justice for the wronged - that is miles' duty.

edgeworth speaks a lot about following "his path" to truth, wherever that might lead, but at the beginning of the game doesnt seem to have a clear idea of what he actually wants to do. he stalls out on shields' many wink wink nudge nudge offers to join the defense attorney firm and be like his dad and continues acting like a prosecutor (indicting people, investigating, the likes) even while being stripped of his authority as one (by his own choice!).

ultimately it all boils back down to these three questions miles asks sebastian in the logic chess game post kidnapping - "what are you going to do now? will you walk the same path as your father? will you continue to be a prosecutor?"

much, much earlier in the game, shields says to edgeworth, "to fight crime as a prosecutor, or to save people as a defense attorney. i want you to think carefully about how you want to live your life from now on." - which, taken with the context of the game as an essay on parents and inheritance and manfred & gregory's influence on miles, is... pretty much the game in a nutshell, actually.

miles spends the entire time playing both defense attorney and prosecutor, indicting certain people and defending others throughout. this is arguably most notable in the flashback/flashforward case where all the members of the original is-7 investigation are there, except for manfred and gregory, who are both being stood in for by - would you guess it - our very own miles edgeworth. he is their legacy, their successor, and their inheritor. in the end, he takes the skills they taught him and the values they imbued him with and the lessons he learned from them to forge his own path - it really is just his final answer to shields' question in the finale of the game: "i want to save people as a prosecutor."

#ace attorney #aai2 #miles edgeworth #gregory edgeworth #manfred von karma #lorillee.txt #the von karma-edgeworth family soap opera #lorillee liveblogs aa investigations 2: electric boogaloo #ok if i left something out that i wanted to talk about SORRYYYY ive spent too much time looking at this thing and i want it out my drafts #i know this post will probably not get many notes simply because its a bit long but its MY soapbox and ill stand on it if i want to #anyways this game slays its like basically 50% of the ultimate von karma-edgeworth family soap opera thesis #also do not expect me to write anything like this for aa4 5 or 6 im just particularly deranged about this topic and these characters #i think honestly 80% of the reason i wrote all this out is because i know absolutely nobody else is going to do it for me #and i need. to share my vision. with the world. even if its rejected by like 60%-80% of the wider fandom #anyways the one thing this has taught me is that actually i would never be cut out for being a lit major #even for things i want to talk about i spend a million years procrastinating on it. because lord knows i am allergic to writing #also if you have something you want me to elaborate on ask me and i'll see what i can do 😎👍#and be sure to follow me for more insane von karma-edgeworth family soap opera takes

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reallunargift · 2 years

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A prequel of sorts to this piece.

On October 5th 1910 there was a revolution which abolished the monarchy and implemented a Republic. (More notes under the cut)

Teófilo Braga was named the president of the temporary government.

Afonso Henriques was the first king while Manuel II was the last, deposed and exiled in 1910.

There is a theory that the real Afonso was a sickly child and died young, and was then replaced with a healthier boy who grew up to be the king we know. This is not really believed to be true, but I like the idea, and it was fun for me to think that someone like Teófilo, whose vast body of work includes folk stories from around the country, would ask about it if he had the chance.

Essentially this was an attempt at portraying Port during a difficult time. I think he was tired of the monarchy and sympathetic to republican ideals and knew change was necessary. I also think he had a hard time letting go at a human level, and knew very well how difficult big socio-political transitions are.

Images used:

x / x / x / x / x / x

#my art #comics #aph portugal #hws portugal #sorry for the massive long post y'all just press j sorryyyy #notes for the nerds among us and just a little more elaboration on the comic #the end of an era and the start of another #teófilo @ port off-camera: how about a haircut?#jk jk jk #anyway two dudes talking isn't the most riveting thing so i TRIED to make it a lil visually interesting #catch all the refs and win a prize #jk jk #ALSO ALSO #the dialogue was written when i first drew that fanart i linked to #but i thought 'writing a fic is too hard i'll just draw it instead teehee'#FOOL

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linaxart · 1 year

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💕 self-love time! talk about which ones of YOUR creations (edits, artworks, fanfics) you like the most then send to other creators to do the same 💕

hi polarrrr i already said it, these are always super hard! I tend to like almost everything i make (how can't I when it caters specifically to my interests lol) but imma try again

this nile's definitely a favorite, her pants gave me so much grief i swear but i had such a good time designing her outfit!

this Joe is without a doubt one of my favorite drawings of all time, i keep bringing it back all the time but i just adore how it came out

this one's the only time in my life i could make sense of color theory and i've been chasing that high ever since lol

this one was my laptop bg until recently :)

and a honorable mention of a traditional sketch, this Joe!

#asks #polarcell #this was so hard omg #i feel like i'm spamming so badly i'm sorryyyy #long post #the old guard #diabolik #thank you for the ask <3

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transpoettryinghisbest · 1 year

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It’s time for another projecty headcannon fic lol. This one feels kinda canon? And that’s good enough for me. Trigger warnings are in the tags.

“Well, if it isn't my favourite detective.”

“Fuck off, Gavin.”

“Hey, that's a little mean. I was only going to ask you for-”

“No. Okay? Whatever it is, I can't do it for you, I'm up to my eyes in work as it is. I've got piles of paperwork, I'm investigating three different crime scenes, I have to prepare my testimonies on each of them, and I have to find time to order more fingerprinting powder because I'm almost out. So no, I don't have time for your 'only' this, I'm too busy with every-”

The room spins. My vision blurs a little, but I try to focus on one spot.

“Fraulein? Something the matter?”

His voice sounds distant and foggy. I go to reply, but I can't. All of my energy is focused on keeping myself upright.

Not here. Not now.

“Ema. What's wrong, are you okay?”

“I'm fine.”

My head is throbbing. I feel Klavier take my arm and lead me somewhere. I'm too weak to resist.

“Sit down, just get your breath back.”

I lie my head back against the wall and close my eyes. I feel marginally better.

“Should I get help? An ambulance?”

“No.”

“But this could be serious, I don't…”

He's freaking out. He doesn't want me to realise, but he is. It's making me feel dizzier. No matter how many times I've been through this, it doesn't get any easier or any less scary, and him panicking isn't making it any better. I barely have the strength to explain it to him, but I try.

“VS,” I manage to get out.

“Huh?”

“I have VS. Look it up.”

He hesitates. “I'm going to get Herr Edgeworth.”

He leaves, and a moment later I hear him come back. I open my eyes a little bit and see the red blur of Mr Edgeworth's suit. I close my eyes again.

“Ema, did you have another fainting spell?”

I nod.

“Did you injure yourself?”

I shake my head a little bit, trying not to worsen my headache.

“She didn't actually faint, Herr Edgeworth, she looked like she was going to, so I sat her down.”

“That was good thinking, Klavier. Ema, do you want me to call someone or do you just want to sit here for a few minutes?”

“I'll sit.”

I think about all of the work I have to get back to after this. I'm just wasting time.

“Alright. Klavier, can you stay with her? I have to get back to work. Just don't stand her up too quickly, and if she stops breathing, then you need to get help. Otherwise she should recover on her own and not need any medical attention.”

Klavier looks bewildered. “Is this…a normal thing?”

“Legally, I'm not allowed to disclose anything about my employees' health, you know that.”

“Right, but-”

“She'll be fine, Klavier. Ema, do you need anything?”

I shake my head. And he leaves. Klavier stays, but still seems uncomfortable.

“Does this happen to you a lot?” he asks.

“Sometimes. Not for a while.”

He gets down on the floor across from me.

“Ema. I know you hate me. But I'm worried about you.”

“I know. I can tell.”

“Can you please tell me what's going on.”

I sigh. “Vasovagal Syncope or 'VS' is when a person's blood pressure drops due to overheating, emotional stress or standing for a long period of time. It results in dizziness, tunnel vision and loss of consciousness. It's not dangerous to the patient unless said patient is over 60, in which case the fall may cause harm.”

He blinks at me, clearly taken aback.

“It's not serious, Gavin, my body's just overreacting cos I've been stressed out lately.”

“Sorry I added to your stress.”

“Eh, it's what you do.”

“Have you always had it?”

“Well anyone can experience it, but some are more prone to it. I guess I got lucky. It's also genetic.”

“You seem to know a lot about it.”

“It's better to be informed. Otherwise you're just on the floor and you don't know why. I was ten the first time I fainted. I didn't know what was going on, I thought I was dying.”

“That must've been scary.”

I can't remember what caused it. I just remember waking up on the floor of my maths classroom with my ears ringing and everyone staring at me. They kept trying to talk to me but I just felt so sleepy. I didn't know how I got on the floor. I felt like I was in a weird dream or something, begging to just be back to normal, learning about boring equations. They called Lana and told her that I should be careful from now on and learn to manage my triggers. So since then I've tried my best.

“These days it's just annoying. I used to tell people I was clumsy and would slip on the floors so that if they ever saw me on the ground they wouldn't freak out. I didn't want attention and I didn't want to be treated weirdly, so I just stopped telling people.”

“At least Herr Edgeworth knows.”

“My sister told him. She used to be his boss, so I've known him since I was a kid. But I wasn't going to tell you. And you can't tell anyone else, okay? Or your life won't be worth living.”

“Are you sure that's wise, Fraulein?”

“I mean it, Gavin, don't fucking test me.”

“Alright! I'm sorry. I get it.”

“You don't. You really don't. Don't act like you know what this is like. I have to deal with hostage situations, domestic abuse, child murder. I've seen too many dead bodies to count, but I faint over a bit of fucking paperwork?”

“Ema-”

“I didn't choose this path, I'm not cut out for this. But they need me, so I just have to get on with it. I'm wasting my time talking to you right now when I should be working. Just leave me alone.”

I stand up.

And wake up on the ground.

If a person experiencing VS faints or comes close to fainting, they must wait fifteen minutes before getting up again. Recovery can't be rushed.

My ears are ringing. My head really fucking hurts. I can sense Klavier over me, but I don't want to open my eyes and look at him. I don't want to hear him tell me he told me so.

“Can you hear me?” he asks.

I nod.

“Okay. That's good. Should I get Herr Edgeworth?”

“I don't know.”

I start crying.

One of the side effects of VS is emotional distress. Not because it damages your limbic system, but because the feeling of losing control and awareness of your body, even for a second, really fucks with you.

Klavier starts stroking my arm. Usually I'd shove him off and tell him not to fucking touch me, but I don't have any energy. It's kind of comforting, though I don't want to admit that.

“You're gonna be alright, Ema.”

“My head hurts.”

“You hit it pretty hard. Is that normal?”

“Yeah.”

He very gently turns my head up, then lowers it back down again.

“Okay, you're not bleeding.”

I'm shaking, still pathetically snivelling to myself. I don't know how I'm going to live this down. I can't let this get out. If the higher ups learn that I have a fainting problem, they're going to question if I can really do my job. They're going to make me wear something that documents my VS, making people be extra gentle around me all the time. I can't live like that. I'm not this problem.

“I can do my job, Gavin.”

“Well right now, I think it's safer if you stay on the ground.”

“I can do my job. I can't let this stop me. I can't let anyone find out. Please.”

“I won't tell anyone. You can trust me.”

I don't want to have to trust him. I don't like him. And I don't like that he's actually being nice for once. If he can take this seriously, why can't he take everything else seriously?

“Are you sure it's just work you're stressed about?” he asks me.

“You're not my therapist.”

He chuckles. “No. But I do care, even if you don't want me to. You should tell Herr Edgeworth that it's too much. I'm sure he'd understand.”

“I can't. I can't let him know that I'm not good enough.”

“You are good enough. I've seen you work, you're smart, and you don't give up easily. Clearly, because you're still fighting.”

“I don't want to be a detective, Gavin.”

“Huh?”

“I don't want this. Ever since I was a little kid, I wanted to be a forensic investigator. This was just to help me get there. But I failed the exam.” I cry harder. “I don't even know why I'm still in this job. I failed.”

“Is that what you're so stressed about?”

“I don't know.”

Crying is making my headache worse, my head feels like it's splitting open.

“You could always try again. There's no law against that. If you study hard, focus on what you think you screwed up last time, try not to drive yourself crazy, you might just get in.”

“You really think so?”

“If this is what you want. I know I can't stop you from getting whatever it is you want, why should anyone or anything else?”

I sniffle.

“Well it's worth thinking about, anyway. Are you ready to get up yet?”

I shake my head. I'm not risking passing out again, even if I don't want to stay here.

“Okay. Take your time.”

“You can leave if you want to. I know you're probably busy.”

“Nonsense, I wouldn't leave you like this. Not until you're upright, at least. Besides, Herr Edgeworth told me to watch you.”

“You wouldn't want to get in trouble with the boss.”

“And I wouldn't want to risk one of my friends getting hurt.”

“We're friends?”

“Sure. Aren't we?”

Usually I have no problem telling him exactly what I'm thinking. Why do I suddenly feel bad? Am I too harsh on him? Does he not know what my problem with him is?

“What if I sing to you?” he says. “Would that make you feel better?”

“Do you want to be the next one to slam your forehead into the ground?”

He laughs. “You're worse than any of the critics. You've always been forthcoming with how you feel, it's something I respect about you.”

“Well what do you expect? Me to be some kind of weird suck up because you're a pretty pop star?”

“You'd be surprised how much I get that.”

“Oh poor you.”

I think about it for a moment. I guess it would be kind of grating if no one ever took you seriously. But Gavin chooses to act this way.

Well he's not acting like that now.

“How long's it been?”

“Since you fainted or since you started to feel faint?”

“Fainted.”

“Fifteen minutes. Give or take.”

I try to sit up. The world is still spinning, but I can stay seated upright for a bit. I expect Gavin to leave, but he stays.

“Are you sure you're going to be okay? Maybe you should take the rest of today off.”

“Fuck that.”

“I’m sure Herr Edgeworth would understand.”

“No, I…I don’t need all that time to recover. I don’t want to waste the rest of today. And I don’t want to be treated like I’m not capable.”

“You are capable.”

“Then let me prove it.”

I shakily get to my feet. Gavin has his hands out like he’s ready to catch me if I fall, but he doesn’t touch me.

“I’m okay. I mean it. I’m fine.”

“Alright. Well if you need me, I’m around. I’ll try not to bother you with any more work tasks.”

He turns to leave.

“Gavin? Thanks. You're…you’re not always so bad, y’know.”

He grins.

“Yeah, yeah, don’t let it go to your head.”

#yikes this took me a long time to finish #i know i haven't posted in forever i'm sorryyyy #i've been busy on ao3 #go follow me on ao3 lol #anyway hope you like this one #tw fainting #tw cursing #tw child murder mention #tw abuse mention #ace attorney #ace attorney fanfiction #fanfiction #ema skye #klavier gavin #this isn't really a ship i did try to make it that but it didn't come out super romantic #but u can tag it as a ship if u feel so inclined idm #or they can just be besties #miles edgeworth #vasovagal syncope

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ghoooooooooooooooost · 7 months

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my macbook screen is fucked bc apple is such a good company (sarcasm) so my plan is to send any commissioner who hasn't gotten a wip from me yet one today or tomorrow n then get the screen replaced which hopefully will only take a day. that means i gotta get offline again byebye gang

#any commissioners who see this sorryyyy this batch has taken me so long #text post

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sulkybbarnes · 2 years

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five favourite fics that I've written (for writer appreciation day)

Tagged by @brotherslynchs, thank youuu for tagging me 💖💖💖

The Very Thought of You , Friends to Lovers, (buddie, 911, 2.2k)

Summary: “Just making some life altering decisions.” Eddie shrugged. The movement causing his shoulder to momentarily press against Buck’s. Upon closer inspection, the look on his face was more resigned than anything. A little tired.

I tagged it friends to lovers because I know most buddie fics are friends to lovers but... this one is really VERY Friends to Lovers. It’s the most Friends to Lovers thing out there because they’re just [clenches fist] such good friends who love each other very much. The first buddie fic I ever wrote <3

Temporary Love , Fake/pretend relationship (buddie, 911, 5k)

Summary: “So you told her that Eddie is your boyfriend instead of just letting her down easy like any sane adult would?” Hen asked with amusement coloring her tone. They were getting the second set of drinks, but Buck knew it was more of a guise to get him alone and talking.

I had a lot of fun writing this one. It’s not often that I write other people reacting to Buck and Eddie, or put them in a group setting to play out the dynamics, so having them pretend to be a couple while Hen and Chim watched it all unfold was really fun to write. I also liked how the kiss and getting together part went because I was stuck on it for ages until @reyescarlos (Thanks Kim 💖) said “what if they talk about it in bed late at night” and then the rest of this fic wrote itself!

You Can Exhale, Eddie coming out, (buddie, 911, 3.5k)

Summary: And so, Eddie needs to tell Buck how he feels about him, and for him to do that, Eddie needs to tell his family that he’s bisexual. To have at least one person from his family to back him up when things inevitably go south with his parents after both revelations.

Two things he needs to do, and they are tightly knotted in his mind. He could have told Buck first. Could have had whatever outcome it yielded to decide the next steps for him, but that’s not what this is about. Whether Buck takes or rejects him, Eddie needs to do this for himself.

The first and only coming out fic I’ve written. This one is close to my heart, I hesitated a lot before posting it and I really wanted to be kind to Eddie in it.

Take me to your river, Oblivious Buck aka friendships are very confusing when you’re in love with your best friend, (buddie, 911, 3k)

Summary: The problem with trying to woo Evan Buckley is that Evan Buckley seems to have absolutely no clue when he’s being wooed.

This fic is based on one of the most romantic lines out there which is “If I loved you less, I might be able to talk about it more.”. Buck is so hopeful and oblivious in this and Eddie is Suffering because his flirting is being read as friendship. Between the two of them, they really are half agony, half hope. I personally think this one is very sweet and hilarious.

You can have this heart to break , The obligatory dancing at a wedding fic, (buddie, 911, 4.4k)

Summary: Eddie looks at him steadily, a strange emotion in his eyes, and Buck could swear he sees Eddie’s gaze drop to his lips then away. It feels as if they stepped out of casual conversation and directly into having a moment. It’s been happening frequently lately; one of them saying or doing something that suddenly shrouds them in tension. Buck thinks he knows what it means, but he doesn’t feel ready to confront it yet. He looks away first.

I just wanted to write something where you could tell that they both Know how the other feels because they’re best friends and they’re both patiently taking turns waiting for this thing to bloom idk it’s sappy and sickeningly sweet and has a lot of dancing?! I love it even though it’s my least popular buddie fic.

Tagging: @reyescarlos @emmerrr @sibylsleaves @starlightbuck @elisela @through-fire if any of you want to do this!! 💖

#buddie #buddie fic #my stuff #sorryyyy this got so long #long post #ask game thingy #mara talks for ts

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inkedmyths · 2 years

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Hey! Your art is adorable!!!

If you're still taking requests, would you do a Tim Stoker with Final Countdown?

Also, who's the artist for the 4AM palette? (sorry, I know you said they were on your blog but I am not sure how to look for them?)

Anyway, have a great day!

Mom said its my turn to draw the MAG 119 scene

And uhh not entirely sure why this post doesn't want to show up in the tags but I think this is the one you're looking for? It was a request so I'm not really familiar with it tbh

Send me a color palette and a character!

#tma #timothy stoker #the magnus archives #palette art #art #my art #ink arts #once again sorryyyy for the long wait but this was fun #always like experimenting. and also angst heehoo #REALLY funny in contrast to the last tim art i posted. he has the range #mag 119

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mchi22 · 1 year

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idk how to put a readmore on mobile so i cant hide my splatoon rambling this time sorry

IM ON DESKTOP NOW DW

so the splatoonjp twitter posted this pic showing some stuff for lockers thats getting added next update and first and foremost: C-SIDE POSTER!!!!!!!! i hope and pray they add more splatband posters but im not holding my breath

this locker in particular is notable to me for a few reasons. it has a squid sisters sticker, which hopefully means we'll get more inkopolis-based locker items. theres also a sticker of just the Deco logo, which is interesting. the 2 posters on the top of the locker can also be seen in cooler heads, as i highlighted in another post

and i could be wrong, but im pretty sure the little red dudes on the locker appear as a mascot in one of the videos that plays on the animated billboards in the plaza. which would make sense, as the same could be said of monkey crab, who has multiple locker cosmetics

edit: they do, heres a video

#splatoon #long post #SORRYYYY if u know how to put a readmore on mobile pls tell me lmao

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colortraks · 3 months

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people on this site (& others) are so fake when it comes to giving 1 shit about anyone who is mentally ill. you act like you care about people like us, but when we aren't cute & quirky enough for you, you lose that concern and understanding.

it's all "protect them!!!!!" until our disability makes you uncomfortable to be around. until we make bad choices. until it's popular to laugh at us. until there's a knowyourmeme page. until we're trending on twitter. until there's a kf thread. until we're just another joke to you.

"why don't they just go offline?" just delete all of our accounts? just isolate ourselves from the outside world? is that not obviously worse? putting forth no effort to make accommodations is a form of exclusion, you know.

i get it. unlearning ableism is a process. like every other prejudice we begin learning it from the day we are born and it takes a lot of effort. but like, we can all do better

#broadcasts #sorryyyy for all the long posts lately. im manic & it makes it much easier to think when im manic

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sonknuxadow · 1 year

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maybe im just looking too deep into it but personally i am not a fan of people treating the hero vs dark thing in sonic adventure 2 like it just means good vs evil. yeah all the characters on the hero side are characters that would be considered good, but not everyone on the dark side is evil.. rouge was a double agent who was only working with them to get information. shadow was traumatized as hell and was only trying to destroy the earth because gerald messed with his memories. also everyone on the dark side ended up doing the right thing in the end, even eggman who is the only one you could for sure label as evil. and they specifically chose to use the word “dark” rather than “evil” or “bad” or anything like that which i think says something

also back on the subject of the hero characters, while saying sonic is good would not be incorrect at all, he also tends to have the attitude of not caring what the rest of the world thinks is right hes gonna do what HE thinks is right, whether it matches the idea of what a hero would do or not, and it just so happens that it does most of the time

so yeah i think treating hero vs dark as if it just means good vs evil is kinda missing the point

#i started writing this the second i posted that thing about how team dark arent villains yes ive been at this for over an hour #sorryyyy sorry for being way too invested in sonic and sonic characters and typing super long paragraphs about them #it will happen again

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zukkaoru · 7 months

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i was tagged by @reckless-rider to do this picrew, tysm for the tag!!