#magcon fanfic
Text
Confession
Pairing: Shawn Mendes x Reader
warning: swearing, fluff
A/N: I’m just gonna put a random girl name in this story.
Y/N POV
I’m in love with him! But I don’t know how to tell him.
Shawn and I have been friends for about 5 years and he’s been dating someone for a while now. I mean I should be happy for him but deep down inside myself, I’m jealous, the girl he’s dating is beautiful, I always thought she hated me but Shawn says she doesn’t but I feel like she hates me with a burning passion.
One day, they went on a walk and Shawn invited me to go with them and I said of course, said yes. I felt like a third wheel, the way she looked at me. I got uncomfortable half of time and Shawn noticed.
The pictures on social media made me uncomfortable and upset. I know I should be happy for him but I have seen her true colors and they aren’t good at all.
There was a time that she came to my house for a little party with my friends and I and she was a total bitch to everyone and including myself. I told Shawn about this so he told her on what I said but she lied to his face.
“Shawn, Mary treated me including my friends like we were terrible human beings but all we did was treating her with respect.” I said to him.
Shawn is looking all stressed about the situation while having his body near a table with his hands on the edge of the table while looking down at the table.
“That’s not she told me.” He looks at me.
“Then what the hell did she say huh?” I went up to him.
“She told me that you guys were talking shit about her.” He looks pissed.
“You know me Shawn, I would never do anything like that.” I defend myself.
“Y/N, she always says that you would never even talk to her or even talk about how she’s a terrible person.”
“She is! Every time we’re together and she’s with you, she gives me a dirty look at me like she’s going to slash my tires.” I talked loudly.
“Well I don’t see it.”
“Open your eyes and see what’s she’s doing! I know that I should be happy for the both of you but she treats me like I’m dog shit.”
The way he looks at me, he doesn’t believe me.
“We’ve been friends for 5 years Shawn you have to believe me!”
“I’ll believe when I see it.”
A FEW WEEKS LATER
I’m cutting up some strawberries for a snack for myself until I hear pounding at my front door. I open the door and it’s Shawn looking upset.
“Y/N, she ch- cheated on me.” He walks in to my kitchen.
“She what?” I follow him.
“She cheated on me Y/N! And you were right, Mary told me that she did treat you and your friends like trash.” He sits down on one of my chairs.
“I feel bad for saying this right now but I told you so.” I leaned on the wall and I look at him.
“I wish I believed you the first time Y/N/N I’m sorry.” He looks dumbfounded.
“I’m sorry Shawn that this happened to you, I know that you should’ve believed me at first but I’m worried about you being heartbroken.” I walked up to him.
He hugs me and puts his face on my shirt, I hear him cry quietly. I pet his hair.
“Can I stay here? I don’t want to go home and be there alone.” He looks at me and says.
“Of course you can Shawn.” I look down at him.
A few days go by and I’ve never seen him this depressed, he would be in my guest bedroom for hours and when he would come out of the room, I can see how his eyes looks glossy and his face looking all red like he’s been crying for hours.
One night he didn’t want to sleep alone so he slept with me, we didn’t do anything but I cuddled with him. He would cuddle me back or he would be asleep already.
Mary would call him a few times and he would ignore her calls and messages, eventually he blocked her on any social media that he followed her on. She started tweet about him which were a lot of negative things about him. So my friends, his friends and I took her place and she blocked all of us. God she’s a bitch!
Shawn would go out with his friends and family sometimes and he would look at things that remind him of Mary, which that will make him be upset. Once again I feel so bad for him and he would be thanking me for everything I have done for him since his ex cheated on him.
I have to tell him that I’m in love with him. I know, I know he just got broken up but it’s been 9 months now.
We’re in his apartment and he’s writing some music down in his I walk up to him and I get nervous. He looks at me and notices my nervousness.
“Y/N, what’s wrong?” He sets his pencil down and looks at me.
“I have to tell you something.” I said nervously.
“What is it?” He walks up to me.
“I- I’m in love with you.” I stuttered.
“You what?”
“I’m in love with you Shawn.”
He stays silent. I hope he loves me back.
“Y/N, I love you too. Ever since we met.” He touches my right cheek.
“But, why were you dating Mary all this time?” I look confused.
“She wanted to get attention from me.”
I can tell he’s still heartbroken.
“I had no idea Shawn, I’m sorry.” I touch his left cheek.
“It’s okay, she's history to me now.” He touches my right hand that’s on his cheek.
“I feel bad for saying this, do you love me?” I look into his eyes.
“I’ve been in love with you since you dated Thomas.”
“We dated for, 3 years. You’ve been in love me that long?”
“Yes.” He confessed.
I look at him, he looks worried.
“Y/N, I’m sorry I said that I wa-.” I interrupted him by kissing him.
He kissed me back. It felt like we were the only people on earth. I started to feel his hair, he moans. He holds me close. We stop kissing and we start touch noses.
“I love you Y/N/N.” He says while we're still doing nose to nose.
“I love you too.” We look at each other.
The bell rings and we stopped on doing what we were doing and Shawn walked over to the door and looked in his peephole.
“It’s Mary.” He looks at me.
“I don’t know what to do with that Shawn, answer it.” I said walking to his couch and sat down.
He opens the door seeing Mary. I start listening to their conversation.
“Hi Shawn.” Mary said in a sweet accent like she wants him back.
“Hi Mary. What do you want?”
“Just want to talk to you Shawnie.”
“Ew.” I thought.
“I’m sorry?” Mary says in my direction.
She heard me? God she's a little twat. I walk up behind Shawn and look at Mary, having a fur coat on like she’s from the 20s.
“Mary, where did you get that fur coat at?” I look at her.
“Oh I got it at this expensive store, you wouldn't understand.” She said in this sweet voice that I’ve never heard before.
“Yeah with my money.” Shawn confesses.
I turn my head behind Shawn’s I giggle to myself.
“You love me Shawn and she knows it.” She said in a snarky way.
“I don't anymore. you cheated on me.”
“That’s just fake news Shawn and you know it.”
“You told me that YOU cheated on me.”
She looks like she knows that's the truth. Shawn even told me a few months ago about this.
“Mary, how about you go away and be with the asshole you're with instead of Shawn.” I stood in front of Shawn and told Mary.
“Fine, are you two dating or something?” She questions me.
“We are, he loves me more then he loved you.” I said.
She doesn't say anything. She gives me a smug look like she wants to do something to me.
“You’ll want me back Shawn and you know it.” She says.
“No I won’t, bye Mary.” Shawn says.
She walks away and I shut the door.
“Y/N. I’m sorry that you had to see that.”
“You're alright. She showed us her true colors.”
“She did, didn't she.” He looks down at the floor.
“Shawn, I love you and you know it, she's just trying to get to you.” I walk up to him and make him look at me.
“I know, and Y/N I love you too. I just need her to get out of my head.”
“And your friends, family including myself will help you.” I put my right hand on his left cheek.
“I know you guys will.” He smiles.
I hope our relationship lasts a long time and I hope it’s a good one.
#fanfic#fanfiction#shawn mendes smut#shawn mendes#shawn peter raul mendes#shawn mendes fanfic#shawn mendes x y/n#shawn#mendes#shawn mendes dirty imagine#shawn mendes x reader#shawn mendes fluff#magcon#mendes army#shawn mendes hq#shawn mendes imagine
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Here’s my story from wattpad hope you enjoy it 🩷
I've been reading a lot of Dolan twin stories and, since i'm a fan of the Vampire Diaries, you'll notice references to the show; that's why they may seem familiar
Hi my name is Emily Ruiz I live in New Jersey, I'm 18 years old and a senior in high school. As an only child, I often am home alone because my mom, a travel nurse, and my dad, a pilot, are frequently away for work.
A little about myself: I'm 5'4 with brown eyes, glasses, and brown, mid-to-long hair, plus a sprinkle of faint freckles on my face. My body is fair; I'm not too skinny but do have a little belly. I have fair skin and enjoy parties now and then, but i'm mostly a homebody and a total movie fanatic. I love all kinds of music— a good song is a good song to me. I sometimes wish i had a sibling but my best friends Rosa and Megan are like family. We've been inseparable since the 3rd grade.
They Meet
I can't believe it's finally my senior year! It's such a bittersweet feeling -- I'm totally ready to be done with school, but it also feels like just yesterday I was heading off to my first day of first grade. But anyway, I've been debating whether to dress cute or comfortable since, unfortunately, I still have to go to school. I've decided on a plain black semi-cropped shirt with some olive green cargo pants and my trusty black high-top converse. For makeup, I'm keeping it light, totally clean girl aesthetic of me, and I slicked my hair back into a bun. After texting Megan, one of my best friends, to let her know I'm ready, I head downstairs to the kitchen to grab a granola bar and one of those breakfast to go drinks. I hear a honk outside my house it must be Rosa and Megan, my two besties.
*skip car ride*
It's like scene from a movie we all stand together in front of the school. Rosa says, "Well, here we are again," and Megan adds, "Yeah, but this time we're seniors." I chime in, "And we're going to rule the school!" with a laugh. It's so cool that the three of us have four classes together. " Ms. Morgan must have learned from the past three years not to put us in all the same classes" I joke "Yeah given all the times we had to be separated but still kept talking to each other" Megan adds with a laugh. After we say our goodbyes, I head to my first class of the day. While studying my schedule, I accidentally bump into someone. " Oh I'm sor-" i cut off " No trust me it's my fault" he says with a gentle smile "Yeah I had some fault not looking up and all" I playfully say. The bell rings signaling it's time to get to class, " Well I better get going" the stranger says I nod and give him a little smile before I leave as I'm walking away I turn back around to see him still looking at me I face forward I begin to think, who was that?
I get to my first class, trying not to think about the guy I bumped into. I couldn't help but wonder why I've never seen him before. So, I decided to text the girls about it.
Me - Hey guys, you'd never believe what just happened
R🌹- What !?
M🩷- What!?
Me- I just ran into this really cute guy 🤭
M🩷- How cute😗?
Me- Okay, first dibs, and based on looks i'd give him a ... 8.5
R🌹- Em I know it's not any of my business but what about dean?
Dean. My ex boyfriend of two and a half years. We had a challenging relationship, and even though we broke up, we would still talk about getting back together. But this past summer, something changed, and i couldn't stay in that forever
Me- I don't know, I gave up on that. I still love him but i just can't do it anymore.
R🌹- You know i'm just looking out for you i just want you to be happy Em so tell us all about this 8.5 .. based off looks
Me- There's not much to tell. We bumped into each other in the hallway, said sorry and went out separate ways
M🩷 - Well if you see again and we're with you point him out
R🌹- yeah and if we're not try to sneak a picture 🤭
Lunch finally arrived, the girls texted me saying they're in the cafeteria. I texted back saying okay, but I had to use the bathroom. As I walked out of the bathroom, I hear a thud.. please don't tell me I accidentally hit someone with the door, I ran outside to see my victim. He groans while holding his head "Careful with that!" he says " I'm sorry, but what do you have against the door?" I ask as I try to hold in my laughter " Apparently my face" he laughs as I help him off the floor and then I realized it was the guy from earlier this morning "We have to stop meeting like this" I joked, he just looks at me weird " Damn how hard did I hit you?" I asked while touching his head "We met?" he asked confusingly " Yeah we bumped into each other earlier this morning" I say trying to jog his memory. " Hey are you sure you're okay?" I concernedly asked " Yeah I'm just gonna head to the nurse thanks tho" he says as he walks off rubbing his head. I see Rosa and Megan coming my way " Hey Em! Who was that?" Megan asked, I explained what happened and they just start laughing, " But I must've hit him pretty hard because he didn't remember us bumping into each other" I added " I'm not surprised you probably gave that poor guy a concussion" Rosa teased. I roll my eyes as we walk to the cafeteria as we're sitting at our table I can't seem to get this guy out of my mind, I felt bad I kept thinking how he must not like me because of how many times I already hit him and it's barely the first day. School finally ends and I still haven't seen him I genuinely wanted to apologize, the girls and I make our way back to my house we hang our for awhile until they both get called home. We say our goodbyes they leave and I close and lock the door, I head upstairs to my room take a quick shower put on a big t-shirt and shorts and put on a movie and caught myself falling asleep.
Authors Note : Did anyone catch the grease reference 😂 anyways this is kind of my first story hope you guys liked it lmk if y'all want more xoxo J🩷
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the amount of minors who follow me and write smut is so… mind boggling
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What now? - Epilogue
Cameron Dallas fanfic - Sequel to I’m not that kind of girl
Word count: 3'190
Previous Chapter
_____
7 years later
„Auntie!“ She yelled running towards me. „Aww look at you, Angel. You grew up so fast! You are so tall! What did they give you to eat?“ I embraced her in a hug. She giggled in response. „I missed you, Auntie.“ She mumbled into my neck. I picked her up and carried her over to Sam and Ethan. „I missed you too my little Angel. And of course, I’ve missed my two best friends.“ I put Angel down and hugged Sam and Ethan.
„You look good!“ Sam squealed. „Does that mean any other time I didn’t?“ I playfully glared at her. „Meh…“ Was her response. „So before we do anything. I want to bring my bags back to your place and tomorrow I got to go visit my parents, alright?“ They all nodded and we headed to their car. I was holding Angel by the hand as she told me all about what has been going on in her kindergarten. I was glad that she was enjoying herself. I was glad that I had this little bundle of joy in my life.
„So tell us Y/N, how was Singapore?“ Ethan prompted. „It was so much fun. The job was great. I think the agency might prolong my contract.“ I grinned. „That’s great! Where’s your next job?“ Sam asked excited. „Actually here, well in LA but you get the picture. I’ll be here for half a year!“ I explained. „That’s even better maybe you’ll be here when-“ Sam started exchanging a moment with Ethan who nodded smiling. „When I give birth to our second baby!“ She exclaimed.
I shrieked out of surprise and awkwardly tried to hug Sam from my seat behind hers. „That’s amazing! How far along are you? Three months? Oh my god is it gonna be a boy? Or do you want another girl?“ I blabbed on. „We don’t know the gender yet. But we’re having a party tonight with everyone. But it’s no gender reveal we’re not that bad, you know.“ We laughed and I turned to see Angel pouting.
„Aren’t you excited Angel? You’re gonna be a big sister.“ I lightly pinched her cheek. She shrugged and I let her be, she was probably tired. So I turned back to Sam and Ethan. „So a party huh?“ I chirped. „Yeah, bunch of people are gonna be there and don’t worry, your bedroom is all ready so when you feel like you’ve had enough just head upstairs to the guest room reserved all for you.“ Sam smiled at me while I nodded.
It’s been a while since I’ve been in California. I’ve been busy but the main reason being.. well, I tried to stay away as much as possible. Of course I regularly visited my family and occasionally Sam and Ethan but I’ve missed out on a lot of stuff. I couldn’t attend Kian and Greg’s wedding which was a shame, who would want to miss the gay ex-boyfriend’s wedding. But I did get to go to Will and Sarah’s wedding, that was years ago though. Everyone seemed to be getting serious about life while I felt stuck. I was as content as I could be, with my job, with my situation. But sometimes… you just feel like everyone is passing by you in life.
I came to terms with everything that has happened and accepted things the way they were. In the beginning Sam often told me that he was asking for me. Telling her, that my number was disconnected, that he had tried to reach me. But she hasn’t mentioned him in a while now. I hope his career was successful or still is. I hope he has found someone. Someone he was happy with. Maybe even started a family. He deserved that.
I haven’t been looking into his life. I tried to forget about him. Tried to block him out of my life and I did successfully. I was preoccupied with my job anyway. Working for a small but successful photography agency had its perks. I travelled a lot in the past years. But now I would be here until New Years.
My thoughts were interrupted when the car came to halt in front of Sam and Ethan’s house. They had this perfect little life going on and I felt proud of them. They got their shit together. I got out of the car and got my luggage out of the trunk, carrying it upstairs to the guest room. When I got downstairs Ethan and Sam were discussing something in a hushed tone. „Am I interrupting something?“ I timidly asked. „No! No, of course not. Are you hungry? The party starts in an hour or so. If you can’t wait until then feel free to get something from the fridge.“ Ethan immediately rambled. I laughed a little. „It’s alright. Thank you guys again. You know… for letting me stay.“ I smiled.
I smiled a lot when I was around them. I laughed a lot when I was with them. It was different from when I was alone. I used to cry, a lot, especially after their wedding. It was hard back then. It was and still is difficult. I learnt to deal with it. It wasn’t a biggie. I suppressed every emotion after a while, until it just felt normal.
„Y/N can I talk to you for a second?“ Sam said pulling me out of my thoughts. I nodded waiting for her to continue. „Let’s go to the kitchen.* She pulled me by my hand and I felt slightly taken aback. I sat down on one of those bar stools leaning against the counter top. „Sooo…“ She started. „So?“ I questioned back. „Have you been on any dates lately?“ She grinned from ear to ear with a curious twinkle in her eyes. I immediately shook my head. „I told you I don’t have time for such things.“ I exaggeratedly breathed out.
„Oh come on! You’re turning like 29 next year. And you always wanted to get married and have kids, right? So why aren’t you putting in any effort?“ She frowned at me but something about the speech didn’t sound genuine enough. Something about her told me that she was glad. Something told me she knew what was coming for me before I knew. „I never believed in marriage anyway.“ I shrugged it off hoping she’d let it go. „And kids-wise we already know that’s not happening.“
Just as she was about to speak, loud knocking and Ethan’s steps interrupted her. „I’ll go see who it is.“ I nodded lightly and quietly chewed on my lips. She had a point. I did want kids at one point. I did want the perfect little family with a beach house because I loved the beach. But that never happened and probably won’t because of my circumstances.
„I’m glad to see you too!“ I heard Sam talk at the entrance. I had yet to hear the newcomer. „Where is my little Angel?“ And that’s when I was just about ready to fume. She’s my little Angel! I huffed. Of course she would do this. It wouldn’t be Sam’s party if she wouldn’t at least try to fuck me over, right? I slowly got up from the bar stool and moved over to the door way to get a good view of the scenery before me.
Angel hopped down the stairs and right into his arms. She was like a feather in his hands. It looked like no effort at all when he picked her up and threw her up in the air making her giggle. „I missed you Cammy.“ She snuggled into his neck. „I missed you too, my little Angel.“ He lightly kissed her forehead. „Mommy this day is amazing!“ She suddenly exclaimed. Sam and Ethan raised their eyebrows looking at her with gentle smiles.
„How so, Angie?“ Ethan asked hair as he pulled Sam into his side. „First Auntie came! And now Cammy!“ She threw her arms up and Cameron finally let her go. He frowned confused with which Auntie she was talking about. „I didn’t know your sister would be here. I thought she was on a business trip, right?“ I furrowed my eyebrows. Why was he so invested into the whereabouts of Ethan’s sister?
„Oh she doesn’t mean her actual Aunt, you know.“ This made Cameron frown even deeper. „Who else would she talk about?“ He tried to play it off by a light chuckle. That’s when I suddenly felt a small hand tugging at my leg trying to pull me towards the group. „Auntie!! Look who’s here!“ Wide eyed looks greeted me. I waved slightly. „Hi, nice to see you again.“ I brought out.
„Oh god, I totally forgot that I had to - uhh - I…“ Sam began to stammer while she picked up Angel. „The thing! Of course how could we ever forget about that! Let’s - uhh - take care of that right now.“ Ethan continued and pushed Sam towards the kitchen closing the sliding door behind them.
„Wow, that didn’t seem planned at all.“ I said after quite the awkward silence. With a chuckle he said his first words to me. „Yeah, sure didn’t.“ He observed me. His eyes bore into every little detail about me. He inspected my clothes, my hair, my face. As did I with him. He looked older, more mature. A casual two-day beard and some tiny wrinkles slowly forming. Time was taking its toll on him as well. His hair was short on the sides, just how he always liked it. He kept his hands in his pockets as if he didn’t know any better use for them. He was sporting a casual look, slightly ripped, washed-out jeans and a dark grey t-shirt.
„You look good.“ He commented. I nodded. „Thank you, you don’t look bad yourself.“ He chuckled lightly. There was this slight shimmer in his eyes, it had something nostalgic. „Haven’t seen you since…“ He started. „Yeah.“ I simply finished. I didn’t want to go back on that, I didn’t want to bring up old pain that I have so well suppressed. „Wow.“ He sighed.
„So how’s everything?“ I tried to be casual act as if things were normal. We broke up seven years ago for fuck’s sake, well, I broke up. „Good, good. Could be better though.“ There, the twinkle intensified. „How are things for you? Did you finish your studies?“ I nodded quite proudly. „I did. I work here now. Well I will.“ I couldn’t help but smile a little as did he. „I see.“ He nodded in response.
„You seem close with Angel.“ I commented mindlessly. I didn’t really know what to talk about. „Yeah, I try to be here as often as possible, with Ethan and Sam, you know. Somehow Angel got me wrapped around her little finger. I wish I had a kid like her.“ I chuckled. „Yeah, her name may be Angel but the way she wraps everyone around her tiny little fingers reminds me of the devil.“ We both quietly laughed at that.
„I heard you are her favorite auntie?“ He chuckled. I nodded yet again. „As I said, she got everyone wrapped around her finger. I don’t even know why she takes on me. I’m barely ever here.“ I look over to the still closed kitchen doors. „Should we, like, go sit in the living room? I’m kind of getting tired of standing here.“ I point towards the living room. „Yeah sure.“ He held out his arm as if to say ‚go ahead‘ and I did.
We sat down at opposite ends of the couch quietly observing each other again. We didn’t say much because there simply was nothing to say anymore. „I see you kept it.“ Cameron quietly whispered, finally breaking the silence between us again. He pointed to my necklace. „Oh, uhh - I…“ I trailed off. I didn’t know how to answer. It was the only thing that I had left that reminded me of him. „I’m glad that you still have it.“ He smiled gently. „It looks too expensive to be thrown away, you know.“ I lightly chuckled as did he.
„So.“ He started. „So?“ I questioned. „You came here for the party?“ I nodded slowly. „Yeah. I guess you did too, huh?“ He shrugged. „I’m kind of surprised you didn’t bring a date or anything.“ I chuckled trying to cover up my weird rambling/ questioning. „I don’t really bring dates to important stuff…“ He trailed off. „It makes no sense. Gives them a feeling of belonging in my life and we don’t want that, do we?“ He sarcastically laughed at his own comment. When did he become so cynic?
„I suppose that you haven’t met someone worth while then. I’m sorry.“ I meant it. I was sorry. I wanted to make that clear. „Who said I haven’t yet?“ He accusingly frowned. „You know nothing about me Y/N.“ He shook his head. „Absolutely nothing.“
I frowned. „What is that supposed to mean?“ He shook his head and I could tell by the way he bit the inside of his cheek and didn’t look my way the slightest that he was pissed off. „Nothing… let’s just forget it, alright?“ He mumbled and I left it at that.
When people finally started to gather around the house the awkwardness between Cameron and I was covered up by the laughter and chattering. I didn’t talk to him anymore. I didn’t even look his way… or at least I tried my hardest not to. It was difficult. I couldn’t stand the way we stood in the same room on opposite sides. It felt like the tension between us never really vanished. The spark never dimmed.
At one point I slipped out into the backyard to catch some fresh air. Okay… not fresh air. I needed a cigarette and I was not proud of it. Just as I was about to light it, two fingers removed the cigarette from my mouth and broke them in half. „Didn’t know you smoked. New habit?“ He didn’t look at me as I just stood there and gawked at him.
„I don’t think it’s any of your business anymore, is it?“ Now I was just being a prick. „You made sure of it, didn’t you?“ He spat back at me. We were like a bickering old couple and at this point there was no denying that I missed him. „I did it for your own good.“ I quietly whispered in hopes of him not picking up on it. „What good was it to leave me at that moment? Do you even understand how deeply in love I am with you Y/N? DO YOU?“ He began to shout which I was not expecting. My eyes widened. „Do you even understand what you put me through?“
„I thought it was best that way. I knew you wanted a family and—“ He interrupted me abruptly. „And what? Just because you are not able to birth a child doesn’t mean there’s no other way we could have had children! I thought you were smart, Y/N! What happened?!“ He was angry and after all these years, he finally could lash it all out on the person who caused his distress. „I wanted you. Nothing else mattered. We were barely legal age back then, we didn’t even consider having kids.“ Although he was furious he kept his tone low, maybe he was afraid he’d upset me.
„I’m sorry. I just thought I was a burden for the long run.“ I didn’t even look at him. I stared at my feet aching to smoke a cigarette just to calm down for a minute, to relief this stress. „I’m sorry too. I never wanted you to feel like a burden.“ His tone was now less furious, calmer. He pulled me into a hug and I instinctively buried my head in his chest. The strong muscles not going unnoticed, he felt different but yet he still felt like home. „I just wanted the best for you.“ I mumbled into his shirt as he stroke up and down my back. He sighed.
„You were the best for me. Nothing and nobody would ever be able to replace you.“ He kissed the top of my head. As much as I wanted to suppress it and ignore my feelings I couldn’t deny that I miss him, that I miss this.
We were so young and we still are. I just thought that maybe I would be able to stop the pain before it would get to me; the realization that there wouldn’t be any little Cam Cam’s of our own. Maybe it was my own insecurity of never being good enough for him, that I didn’t deserve him. But now that we were back in this embrace the world stopped spinning for a second again and it finally felt like all of this weight I’ve been carrying for years was lifted. This aching finally stopped and the day seemed brighter than before.
I think this time we’re here to stay. And if you would’ve asked me a year ago what my thirties were going to look like, I probably would’ve given a very different answer than right now, when I was in his arms. I saw a future, together, for the first time again. Life made sense again.
3 years later
As I was looking out into the yard I was amazed that we have gotten this far. Our wedding. When we were just 18, I wouldn’t have dreamed of this. But when I saw Cameron swinging Angel around, laughing like a maniac, the distinctive image I once saw years ago came back to me.
A little baby girl in Cameron’s arms. They stood in a spacious garden. She was all dressed up and he smiled at her as if she was everything he needed in life. He looked content.
Cameron came up to me grinning from ear to ear, kissing my cheek before pressing one on my lips. „I love you“ he whispered against them after they parted, and I returned the gesture, „I love you too“. He grabbed my hand and pulled me into the make-shift dance floor and we twirled around for a bit. Pure serenity. And that’s how our wedding went, I kept pulling myself out and watching from the sidelines in disbelief that this actually and finally happened. I enjoyed every second of it. I watched as he hugged his bros for the thousandth time today, as he picked up Angel and swung her around in the air, as his eyes always found a way to me.
Sam came up behind me, hugging me from the side. „I haven’t seen you grin so bright in years. I am so happy for you.“ She smiled at me and I couldn’t even put into words how right she was. I was finally and eternally happy again. And if all else fails, trust that what is meant for you will always find you. One way or another.
_________
A/N: there you go... I finally did it... only took me like what? 5 years? lol either way... if anyone is actually reading this I hope this ending fulfills you more than the last... even though it is a bit rushy at the end but I didn't want to draw it out any longer than it already was.
So that's it... the very last about this guy I once used to stan in order to finish this very weird story.
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Ideas for Black!Reader Fic
I am going to try my hand again at writing. And I wanted to share some people and fandoms that I love. If you don’t know these shows/actors/franchises/movies/streamers I’m putting you on!
For the following:
Johnny Depp- All his characters
Cameron Monaghan- I know that there are fics out there but it’s only always his Jerome/Jeremiah roles never just him or Cal Kestis
Anthony Carrigan- I loved Anothy as Victor Zsasz
Paul Dano- There are Riddler fics but not as many for his other roles
The Entire Cast of Hawaii Five-0 (2010) - Don’t even get me started on how good this show is! And the cast looks amazing!
Chicago Med/Fire/PD- These shows have so much potential for fanfic storylines!
The Game (2006)- Has great potential for slow burns and fluffs.
Star Wars franchise (1977-present) - I know I said Cal Kestis but there are also other characters like Anakin, Luke, Obi Wan,Boba Fett (etc.)
NCIS franchise- I honestly love this franchise and it’s characters!
Hamilton
Any/All Sports Men- Jude Bellingham,Lewis Hamilton,LaMelo Ball,Allen Iverson(etc.)
Berleezy - He’s handsome and he’s funny!
Coryxkenshin- I literally love him and his videos!
Albert Aretz (Flamingo)- Look … he may be the epitome of mediocre white man but I like what I like!
AMP- Duke Dennis, Kai Cenat, Agent 00, ChrisNxtDoor,Davis, and Fanum ( all I gotta say is love a black man from infinity to infinity🗣️)
Beta Squad- A British YouTube/ streamer group!
SOMEBROS- Berleezy, Rico, ,PG, Joe (etc.)
WWE- come on now, do I even need to explain!!!
Four Brothers- All the cast but Garrett Hedland in particular!
Peacemaker - Don’t get me wrong I love Adrian Chase but I want to see just as much Peacemaker x black!reader fics because 2 words… JOHN CENA
MAWS- New animated Superman show! Love!
Smallville - The entire cast is hot! Tbh I fell hard for Tom Welling when I was younger when he was in Cheaper By The Dozen. Plus they literally whitewashed Vixen. COME ON! Vixen is a black female hero btw. She was also with Jon (Green Lantern) at one point.
Justice League/Justice League Unlimited (2001 and 2004)- I mean I literally can’t find any Jon Stewart x black!reader fics and he was with a BLACK WOMAN!
Warner Bros Franchise (minus the looney tunes & space jam)- There are lots of popular franchises that this company has from Fast & Furious to The Matrix!
Peaky Blinders- Saw a Tommy shelby x arms dealer black!female reader fic on my previous account but even then I couldn’t find it again on that account. So it’s gone with the wind. And the cast (i.e the actors and other characters they’ve portrayed). Example: Cillian Murphy as Johnathan Crane.
The Bear
FBI (All)
Vinnie Hacker
Tiktokers
Blue Bloods
Will Poulter- I haven’t really seen any Adam Warlock fics
Slashers
Stranger Things
Dave Lizewski
Eddie Redmayne
Macgyver (2016)
Fresh Prince of Belair
Guardians of the galaxy- Explanation? Do I really need one?
On My Block
Descendants (characters will be the actors age in real life.duh)- Love Boo-boo Stewart & Mitchell Hope!
Matt Rife
Joey Bragg (Liv &Maddie) - What can I say I love dorks!
The Boys- Haven’t seen that many fics about the characters and a black reader
Once Upon A Time- I love dark fairytales sometimes because they remind me that not every story has a happy ending and you have to learn from them. But this series is good for any theme really.
Walker Texas Ranger (1993)
Top Gun
Magcon: Whether you saw their vines on YouTube or vine, you know who they are
Dolan Twins
Mission Impossible
Euphoria- Entire show has great storylines with the potential of drama in fics
Shameless- Especially Carl Gallagher and Lip Gallagher
Creed- Michael B Jordan need I say more
Keanu Reeves- There are very few fics about Keanu but I’ve seen a few of his John Wick x black!reader fics (chef’s kiss) but never see any of The Matrix Fics!Also Ted (Bill & Ted)
River Phoenix
Batman Beyond
Rider Strong
Danny Gonzalez
Timothée Chalamet
New York Undercover
Past-Present Singers & Rappers/ Groups -Bow Wow, Tupac, Lil Baby, Nelly, Omarion, Prince, Michael Jackson, Jon B,Usher, Central Cee, Måneskin, New Edition, BTS, James Bay(etc.)
Anime(Any kind!)- Would love to see other shows, I know hunterxhunter,aot,one piece (etc.)
Bridgerton- There is very little Bridgerton stories catered around a black reader.
Marvel- Now that’s not to say that there aren’t any in fact there are many but I never see (Tobey Maguire Spider-Man stories and it seems like everyone tends to focus on the famous Marvel characters like The Avengers but not on other aspects like X-men or better yet, heroes that haven’t even gotten their own movie but are just as amazing like Squadron Supreme , it’s equivalent to DCU’s Justice League.
Secret Invasion- Not gonna lie , I’m feening for Gravik.😳
DCEU- Another franchise that pushes its other characters to the side. For example, Hush (Thomas Elliot) is literally the epitome of Bruce Wayne gone bad!
Ross Lynch- There are so many roles that Ross did so well in Like Teen Beach Movie or Sabrina.
Highschool Musical Franchise (2006- present ) I’m not just talking about HSMTS (2019), I mean even further back than that. I don’t see any Troy Bolton x black!reader and that’s crazy. I also can’t find any Zac Efron x black!reader
Interview with a Vampire (1994) and (2022)
Austin Butler- He did well in his role as Elvis!
Vikings - There are a good amount but still!
Transformers
Suits
Saved By The Bell
The Goldbergs
Parks & Recreation
Leverage
The Outsiders
Heart of Stone
New York Undercover (1994)
Addams Family
Victorious
Matpat
ICarly
The Real Bros of Simi Valley (2017)
Think Like A Man (2012)
One on One (2001)
Scorpion (2014)
The King of Queens (1998)
G.I. Joe Franchise
Terminator
Beware the Batman (2013)
Any and all Asian Idols/Actors
Seal Team
Mortal Combat
Bill and Ted
Barbie
Detroit: Become Human
Will Trent
Tokyo Vice
Growing Pains
Graceful Family (Kdrama)[Any Asian Drama shows or movies would be great as well]
The Regime
Batman: The animated series
If anyone needs ideas for these franchises/movies/shows/actors , then holla at me! I got you!
Also add more to the list if anything that you would like to see comes to mind.
Also tag black writers who you want to see this!
@sheabuttahwrites @shinsouscatpisssmell @cocoamoonmalfoy @heathenarmyimagines @cinewhore @cocoamoonmalfoy @stxxllaaa @glitterjuju @lilvampirina @breanime @blackmissfrizzle @afro-hispwriter @stargirlfics @lavenderursa @clydesducktape @pettyprocrastination @theblvckvenus @plantvenuss @punani @n-slayaaaaa @infernalodie @halfofmysoulsblog @iridecsense @tomhardydallasstarsgirl @supremethunda @thekrazykeke @canumoveurseatup-no @hiatuswhore @avintagekiss24 @ohcaptains @iguessweallcrazyithinktho @xsapphirescrollsx @sunflowertuliplily @bakarilennox @batfamily14 @ramp-it-up @blackreaders-assemble @royallyprincesslilly @funnyexel @blackterrae @slashisms @artemisthewh0re @shelbydelrey @toocriticalharlow @v-era-18 @vampsired @queenimmadolla @sinnerlillith @greengoblinswifey @apocalypse-shuffle
#black fanfic#black fanfic writer#black tumblr#bipoc writers#black writers#jack sparrow x black!reader#harry styles x black!reader#timothee chalamet x black!reader#mha x black female reader#r&b/hip hop#hawaii 5 0#NCIS#cal kestis x black!reader#anime#marvel#dceu#warner bros#heroes and villains#star wars x black!reader#the bear#black fandom#peaky blinders#mortal kombat x black! female reader#black!fem!reader#Chicago PD/Med/Fire#multifandom black imagines#blackterrae#begone hiatus/writer’s block#slashers x black!fem!reader#Sam Witwicky x black!fem!reader
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This is going to be random but how did you come up with your username? Is there a meaning behind it? It's an interesting one, I'll give you that😂💕
Ah yes that goes way back to my 15 year old self being OBSESSED with the magcon boys! My friends and I had found this tumblr account that made up a story and relationships for you based on your description 😅
We even had this thing we’re we would write each other stories about how we met them and first kiss and all that, always rotating so every person had a collection of stories written about them and their magcon boy by their friends (kind of sweet - but it was basically fanfic on paper lmao)
So yeah I was obsessed with Matthew Espinosa…
This guy in case you’re wondering ⬇️
(Yes… I know. I thought he was fun and all that haha)
Here’s a “better” one (I can’t believe I’m doing this omg)
So basically my username is an homage to that. But espinosaurusrex was taken so I added another ex 😅
Thank you for asking I hope it made you laugh 💓
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sorry this is really long but i absolutely love x reader fics because who tf wouldn’t??🤨 like you’re literally reading about what it’s like for YOU to do stuff with your fictional crush seriously how could anyone not want that? before i discovered fan fiction i didn’t have a problem with reading regular books where it’s in first person and the narrator is obviously not you it’s just the character the author created it’s like you’re living someone else’s life but i had no clue what any type of fan fiction was let alone x reader but x reader fics are literally all about you which i love and now i can’t read books the same anymore i would much rather read x reader fanfiction when i was in 8th grade i found fanfiction but it was on wattpad and 99% of all the stuff i read were random made up characters with face claims and names and i didn’t really like that then i found tumblr and most of the stuff is x reader and once i really started reading that i couldn’t go back i just don’t understand how people would rather read a story where it’s not actually from their point of view if that makes sense like it’s third person of other peoples’ relationships or lives (for example frank x matt, steve x bucky, etc) or just from a random characters point of view because x reader is basically like you in your desired reality how could you not want that?
i can understand why people don’t but i’ve always been a x reader girlie since i was reading one direction & magcon fanfic lmao for me the appeal was definitely imagining myself in those situations but it felt weird for some reason to think of other characters? idk why tho bc i know there are a lot of good character x character stuff
i also wanna read the hunger games one that is all from peeta’s point of view?? like omg i must i just dont know where to find it or what its called ://
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This isn’t a request, but I just wanted to say I enjoyed your macgyver fanfic. I would love to read more, it’s hard to find some real great fics similar to the ones you write!
Omg of course!! I actually have a book full of Macgyver Imagines on Wattpad. My account is just @ashleykless and you’ll find it right on there. I also will be posting more!
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about me
i’m not sure if i’ve ever given a proper introduction, so here is one from me to you :)
i’m j, i use she/her, and i live in canada
i’ve been a 5SOS stan since 2015, and my fav album is youngblood!
i also have never left calum’s lane #loyalty
aside from 5SOS, i also listen to the 1975, arctic monkeys, the nbhd, the weeknd, harry styles & zayn (this is just a few of the toooons of artists that i listen to!)
i began writing in 2014 when i was young stupid and cringey — i originally wrote some generic ass fanfics about the magcon boys (yikes.) and eventually wrote my first calum fic! (it was terrible btw)
sugarplumluke’s (on wattpad) roommates and afraid fic is what inspired me to start writing. i hope wherever she is, she’s doing okay
i had drifted away from 5SOS for a few years, but when quarantine happened, i started listening to them and fell down the rabbit hole again😅😅
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is the first year series gonna happen? i’m sorry if you’ve already been asked this 💀
the way i forgot i even said that was gonna happen💀
i still am working on it?? idk it was hard for me to A) write about something i haven’t really experienced and try to make it individual and B) to find the motivation.
i’m sorry to turn all upsetting spaghetti but it has been so fucking hard to find motivation to write/post anything even remotely GVF related. the fanfic writers in this fandom get treated like dogshit. and i have not the slightest clue as to why. the stuff that i have seen written is tame compared to some other irl fandoms (i.e Harry Styles fanfiction). i haven’t 100% ditched the idea of the First Year, or Ghosts (i have been posting Ghosts on my wattpad and AO3). i might just primarily post on those two platforms because of the anxiety i get when i even think about posting a GVF fic on here.
also, idk if y’all have seen it, but my topgun blog has taken OFF. in less than two months i have had more interaction than i have EVER had on this blog. for fucks sake i have more followers on there than i do here! it’s crazy how much interaction i get over there. it’s easier to write for a fandom that is welcoming and wants it.
so to answer your question: yes, there is a first year series. i am unsure when or where i will post it. but i encourage you and others to follow my wattpad or my AO3, as i will be slowly BUT surely posting all my GVF fics on there
wattpad: agrace32 (leave the magcon fics ALONE)
AO3: agcortez
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Hi i want to do a show and tell of my tumblr so here it.
Hello sweeties i'm Lia i came from Brazil so if there's any english mistake I blame that because i learned from watching videos on youtube so... but i went from not knowing what to post to post about Magcon to where we are now which is Doctor Who i do post other stuff together but Doctor Who is the main one, here a masterlist of everything Whoniverse oh and just a ps. i do sometimes post multiple photos in a post so there is multiples doctor's in a post just a heads up there
1th doctor | 2th doctor | 3th doctor | 4th doctor | 5th doctor | 6th doctor | 7th doctor | 8th doctor | 9th doctor | 10th doctor | 11th doctor | 12th doctor | 13th doctor | 14th doctor | 15th doctor
i also post the most apeshit of doctor who's spinoff also known Torchwood
Torchwood <- in this tag you'll find everyone in the show because apparently I didn't bother to make a tag for each of the characters
Jack and Ianto coded <- in this tag you'll find exactly what it say's thing's that i find across the internet that i think are very Jack and Ianto coded
Ianto coded <- it's the same as the above things that to me are Ianto coded
fanfic <- just here so i can find more easily
I think that's all hope you have fun here <3 <3
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every day im reminded that the only person that bookmarked my work on ao3 also bookmarked a magcon fanfic that was rewritten to be a haikyuu fanfic… whats worse is i read that magcon fanfic because it was also turned into an emo quartet fanfic.
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hello everyone :)
my name is Asia, and welcome to my blog!! i like to draw pictures and write fanfics. i write way more than i draw, and i've been writing since i was about 13.
i started off writing about the magcon boys and those people, but now i've gravitated towards 2d characters. majority of these characters come from different anime that i watch. so if you're into that, you might like what i have to offer... that doesn't sound right, but you get it😭
feel free to message me at any time about anything. it could be suggestions, requests, advice, or just simple small talk. i'm always open to meeting new people 🫶🏼
i'm just getting started on here, so i may be a little slow at first, but soon enough, i'll get into the swing of things.
thank you for stopping by ❤️
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a rejected substack article
So there's this story that I wrote around June. It was completely stereotypical and useless, never to be seen by another unless ur name was [REDACTED], [REDACTED], [REDACTED], and my priv twt. Around that time, I was applying to internships and parading myself around as someone fully capable. I don't really know when it started to sound good, but at some point SOME POINT!!! i thought “Yeah, holy shit, that’s it!”
I finally found the script I could tell people about!
lasted about two seconds until I wanted to melt onto the screen again. [Suicidal ideation, much? How 2014]
Back into the workshop .. *sigh*
I so dangerously call myself a writer. I burrow myself inside once it gets a little cold. I smoke a cigarette after every class.
These are all things I think writers do.
I wouldn’t introduce myself as a writer, but when people ask me about my major, I say, “Blah, Blah, Blegh, * Writing.” The implications are there, and people understand to some degree that I have dedicated myself to collecting words and experiences in order to call them a story. It’s verryyyyyy pretentious.
I started calling myself a writer around my 12th birthday when I posted my very first fanfic on wattpad. WATTPAD! It was a HTTYD fanfic where the characters all attended self-help group therapy LMAO. I was going to group therapy. Anyway, people commented, people liked it, whatever.
Fanfiction was a very integral part of my self-discovery as a writer. I was 15 talking to 30 year olds about their creative work. I did beta work, or editing, and I felt like I finally met people who understood what it was like to post on AO3, tumblr, fanfiction. net! Thank God!
Am I really a writer if I started on the internet?
This article has taken a lighter tone… I need to reassess.
The internet is a place I frequent. Chronically Online. I have been since middle school, and it’s shaped most of my lingo, tastes, and personality. It sounds strange if you are a middle-aged corporate worker or Normal young person. I’m very different, I was living vicariously through the internet! It looks like I crawled out of the cyber gutters! *gag*
Now, I can usually tell when someone else is *also* chronically online. Kpop was a very stan twt THING (even though sometimes I’m not so sure nowadays). Do you rapid fire say words like AJKDFHJDHFJDSKFJDGHOGNJAENJGNIEURNVJKDFNVKJNFGJFGNFDKJGHRWTEYUIFOVUYADSGNVHOUYVNFIJDOASLKNGHUFBGIUVAJSFDNVJBOUGIERUAOJNVJDFKVAIUERGJOIEQ9-347THUFJEVBIE.
It’s cool to be on the internet. It usually means You Know What’s Up. Allegedly.
If you were on the internet around 2014, you understood the Indie Sleaze Revival. If you were on the internet around 2016, you understood After. Phan, Lolita, Anorexia, 2018 Dark Harry Styles Fanfic, Magcon, Red Scare, Hello Kitty, Diet Coke, Red Sunglasses, Oil, Ripped Black Skinny Jeans, Matty Healy, Skins UK, Skam, Tommy February 6, American Apparel, Wong Kar-wai, Male Manipulator Music, Female Manipulator Music, Harajuku Fashion, NGE, Faye Wong, Ai Yazawa, The Love Witch, whimsigoth. Tumblr Stuff like that.
I will let you in on a secret. The internet does not give you a personality, but it gives you a great starting point to be a cool, trendy, multi-dimensional person! You can pretend to be so Effy Stonem from Skins UK. You can loudly profess your eating disorders (I shoved a toothbrush down my throat this morning hahahaha)! You can like weird things! There will be people there to see you, share thingsss, expose you, love you. But you already know that. It’s 2022, of course YOUUUU understand the internet.
At 20 years old, NEARLY 21, I am afraid to confess that I still love tumblr. I’m afraid to confess that I feel really fucking old already.
There are no other secrets I can share with you.
Except maybe that script I wrote back in June… And maybe some creative writing I tried to write.
I feel like I can only share my writing on the internet because on here… you have no idea who I am, or you do, but I love you enough to trust you with my corny dialogue lines. Because I can act like a SERIOUS WRITER, a GOOD writer, someone who knows what they’re doing…
In actuality, I feel like the distance I’ve created from calling myself is rooted in some deep twisted imposter syndrome. People can do hard things! Like go to therapy, and not talk about their eating disorder on air like that. Chuu from the Kpop group Loona nearly made me cry. Bulimic girls need to stick together!
Which is whyyy I say everyone should watch the Crown s4. I’m obsessed with British Royalty when they’re depicted as fictional, not real people. Kinda like what fanfic writers do to Larry Stylinson LOL.
I want to become so indistinguishable, fake, raw, and unreal that you are able to see me as a fictional character. I’m not real, but I am?? Real enough so you can find enjoyment in my writing.
When people ask me who I write for, I usually say for the girls. But I guess what I mean is, I write for myself, a lonely, hating bitch. What’s coolerrrr than that!
_________
Time to get into the nitty gritty pretentiousness!
For about a year now, I have come to terms in being a film girl. I like to watch movies, and I watch a lot of movies (shitty and criterion). It wasn’t until one Thursday evening, Mahayla said, “We need to find something good for the film student to watch,” or something along those lines. AT THAT MOMENT, I grappled with my major, my interests, and my overall vibe.
I’m not a film student, but I have taken classes to survey films. If asked, I could vomit some terminology and critique a Film. Capital F. I guess that makes me a film student.
But it was something about the way my friends were keeping me in mind while looking for something to watch. I’m not really used to that. I kind of like to keep my mouth shut in fear of saying some movie *nobody* wants to watch. Is it wrong to be afraid of my own taste? Perhaps it’s some form of gatekeeping. I’m sure it’s insecurity.
I like to joke that I gatekeep my personality. It means I have no personality. I have yet to know the difference. If you’ve met me before, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know if I was interesting … JUST KIDDING1!
I know I’m a person with feelings, likes, and a personality.
Anyway, I watched A Special Day for the first time this weekend, and it made me cry. Maybe it was because I was really emotional from the brownie I ate. I was probably anticipating my incoming burnout. It was a shit movie. Not really sure. I’m still figuring out how to categorize my emotions.
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OMG you did not just mention Magcon Lord pls help me I had a crush on every single man but Shawn and Jack G hit some nerve and I still drooll when I see them
STOP CAUSE I USED TO EAT THE WATTPAD FANFICS UP. I liked Cameron Dallas too, I got around like that. AND YEAH I remember Shawn feeling out of place and now he’s the most successful out of all of them. And Jack G is still fucking hot I gasp whenever I remember him.
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Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 3
just look how great i am, bringing another part for you so soon hehe
thanks for the likes and reblogs, keep it up, you are making me sooo happy!
Part 1 - Part 2
Tuesday. Shopping.
Today I’m expected to go shopping with Shawn and it’s a 2 in 1 event. Because Andrew sent me a text on Monday evening letting me know that during this meetup I get to shop anything that I might need during the month, of course, everything paid for by Mr. Mendes. And in the meanwhile, we can be seen out again, swirling the gossips even higher about Shawn and his Mystery Girl. That’s right, my name officially became Mystery Girl as no one has any information about my identity and hopefully, this will stay the same.
Elisa returns home just when I’m about to leave. She is smiling, but I can see the bags under her eyes and she has a sticker on her forehead. The triplets must have been on full mode. I wonder how big they are now! The last time I’ve seen them they couldn’t put a decent sentence together and they were running around the house all day. But it has been months, they must be so big by now.
“Good luck for today, I’ll get some sleep before my class,” she scoffs as we basically change places and I leave the place.
This time Shawn is waiting for me in a black Range Rover and he is the one driving, so I get in next to him to the passenger seat.
“What’s with the change?” I ask as he looks around and enrolls to the traffic.
“I don’t always run around with a driver and we are going to a mall, not the White House. No need for Nick.”
So the driver’s name is Nick. I nod and stay quiet. A few minutes later Shawn reaches for the radio and he puts on some light country music. This is another first time, I was getting used to sitting in complete silence in the car.
I keep my comment to myself and just enjoy that finally I’m not stuck in my thoughts and there is something I can listen to.
When we roll into the parking garage of the mall a security team is already waiting for us, three muscular, suited men will follow us around as we stroll through the shops. Just a usual Tuesday, I guess.
“Everything is set and clear,” one of the guards informs us as we head to the elevator side by side.
“Thank you,” he nods and opens the glass door for me that leads us to the area where the elevators are.
I don’t set a timer on my phone, but I’m pretty sure less than ten minutes pass by until a group of teenage girls start following us around from the distance, because the three guards look terrifying for sure. But I see them with their phones in their hands and though we do nothing, just walk next to each other, I can almost hear them talk about us as a couple.
When we go into a store the guards stand at the entrance and don’t let anyone in until we are done. I use the opportunity to expand my wardrobe and buy the things I think I’ll be needing during the month (or even later on). We usually split at first, both of us collects what we need and then meet for a show and tell kind of part. We basically just discuss whether we should buy certain things or not. Shawn has a great sense of style, he is not the type of man who just nods when you ask him something about a dress, he really tells you his opinion and I find it very honorable.
I don’t offer to pay when we are at the cash register. Not even once. One, I’m aware that he can afford pretty much buying the whole mall and two, it’s in the agreement and I don’t question anything that is included in it.
Soon the small group of girls grow into a smaller crowd and they start coming closer and closer to us. I’m not an anxious person when it comes to crowds, but it’s starting to get crazier with each passing moment. Some girls are braver and they run up to us and I jump every time I see someone approaching me from the side.
Shawn keeps stopping and it just causes even bigger hysteria because the girls see the chance of getting a photo or touching him, and they get more and more aggressive. But I don’t say anything for a while, right until we are in a shoe store and one of the guards tells us that we need to wait there while the mall security tames the crowd that is waiting in front of the store or we have to leave at the back.
“Is it that bad?” Shawn asks looking in the direction of the entrance where there are people everywhere, totally blocking the view from us.
“I suggest to wait a little and if security can’t do anything we leave at the back. But either way, we need to leave as soon as possible.”
The guard walks back to his team as they stand at the door, making sure no one gets inside.
“Maybe you shouldn’t have stopped for pictures,” I let a comment slip and I already know it was a mistake to speak up when the last word rolled down my tongue. Because I immediately see his eyes darken hearing my comment.
“I always stop for pictures, it means a lot to these girls.”
“And I don’t doubt that, but it’s not the smartest thing to do in a closed area. You can easily get stuck somewhere,” I say and show around as I’m talking exactly about our situation.
“You know nothing about these situations, because you have no idea what it feels like to live in the spotlight.”
“I don’t, but I’m a rational person and I can count on consequences based on the information I have. And I saw it coming,” I reply and now both of us is getting more and more worked up, though this was in no way my intention. I’m just really scared something will go wrong and I’ll be suffocated by teenage girls at a mall. Not the kind of death I imagined for myself.
“Why don’t you stay with what you do well. Look nice and smile for the people, because this is all you have to do to get money, it’s easy. And I’ll take care of the stuff you have no idea of,” he snaps at me and with that, he leaves me standing there and he walks to the guards to discuss something with them.
It hits me in the chest, because we are back at square one, he is an ass again and talks to me like shit because I’m an escort.
I stare at his back and for a moment I think about leaving without a word. I feel humiliated and pretty much in pieces after his words, though they shouldn’t even hurt this much, I thought my skin is thicker than this. I guess I was wrong.
Leaving is not an option, I would break our deal, so I do the only thing I can. Stay still, do what I’m told and not say a word.
About ten minutes pass by, I stay at the back so people can’t see me through the windows while Shawn keeps wandering around the store until we are told that we can’t use the entrance, we must use the backdoor and go straight to the car. I keep my mouth shut as we are being walked out through the back and down the hallways only workers should use. Shawn doesn’t try to say a word to me and it stays the same even when we are in the car and about to leave the mall.
This time no music is played, just the deafening silence is sitting in the middle, shadowing over the both of us, just like at the beginning.
Nothing is said when he pulls over at the café and I exit the car as fast as possible. I’m so upset I don’t even care that he sees me walk away in the direction of my real home, I just want to get as far away from him as possible, curl up on my bed and forget today happened.
It might sound crazy, but as an escort you get used to being worshipped. The men who hire us desires our company, they want to spend time with us and use every minute of our time together so their money doesn’t go to waste. And I’m used to being wanted.
Shawn’s rigid and cold behavior is so strange and unknown for me that it makes me feel extremely anxious and self-conscious, like never before. So now I’m facing a new problem.
How to deal with being unwanted and hated for a month.
The moment I finally get home I don’t waste time with changing, I just jump into bed, pull the blanket over my head and let myself drift to sleep even though it’s only one in the afternoon. I need to get away from reality and hopefully in my dreams I don’t feel as shitty as in real life right now.
I doze out pretty fast and not setting an alarm I only get up when I hear Elisa arrive home. I hear him move around in the flat and I force myself to wake up. Checking the time I see that it’s four pm, I slept for three hours straight. Best three hours of the month.
I’m still in jeans and my oversized knitted sweater, so I quickly change into sweatpants and a jumper that I don’t wear it anymore just at home. I find Elisa in the kitchen as she is unpacking her grocery bags.
“Hey! Did I wake you up?” she asks holding a bottle of milk to her chest.
“It’s fine, it was time to wake up anyway,” I wave in dismiss as I let a yawn slip my lips.
“How was today?” she chimes finishing up the packing. I sit down to the couch and since our small kitchen is built together with the living room, the conversation can go on with no stopping.
“Um, horrible.”
“What?” Her eyes widen. Her last info was that we are starting to get along well, tagging my day as horrible is a surprise to her. It was for me as well, but whatever.
“Yeah, shopping got a bit problematic and I was basically told to shut my mouth and just be pretty, because this is what I get my money for.”
“That asshole! Is he bipolar or something?”
I laugh at her comment though it might be the truth. I don’t know.
“Fame is ruining people, I always knew it,” she adds pointing at me with a carrot before throwing it into the fridge and joins me on the couch. “But are you okay?” she asks in a more serious tone.
“Yeah,” I nod weakly. “I just… I hate when people label me as a stupid slut because of what we do.”
“But we know it’s not true. You are a smart girl and this is why you won’t stay an escort for long.”
“I still have to do it for at least two years so I can pay my debts,” I sigh doing quick math in my mind. If I quit, my past will catch up with me. If I do this until I cover everything up I can finally leave everything behind and the moment I pay for my last debt I’ll be out of that business and I hope to never see another client again.
“That two years will go by fast. I’m more worried who will I live with when you are done with our business?” She pouts her lips at me making me smile sadly.
“We have time to figure it out.”
Just as I say this, I hear my phone buzzing in my room. I get up and grab it from somewhere under my blanket and I see that Andrew is calling me. Oh God, is this a three hour notice? Do I have to see Shawn again?
“Hello?” I answer it holding my breath back.
“Hi Fleur, it’s Andrew.”
“Hi, what’s up?”
“Um, we have some extra work for you tonight. There is a party Shawn was invited and we decided last minute it would be great for the two of you to show up. The car would be there for you at nine, if it’s fine by you.”
I check the time and damn, they gave me even more than three hours, I don’t have an excuse to say no though I have no intention of leaving the apartment today.
“Yeah, sure. What’s the occasion? Just asking for the outfit,” I say with a sigh.
“Just casual, it’s a friendly gathering at a producer’s home.”
“Okay, got it.”
“Thank you. Have a nice evening.”
“You too Andrew,” I say with a forced smile and the call ends.
“Who was it?” Elisa asks standing at my door.
“I have an extra event tonight. A party at some producer’s house.”
“Oh wow, a real celebrity party! Nice!” She smiles happily, but then she realizes what it means. “Oh. I’m sorry your evening got ruined,” she apologizes and I just shrug my shoulder.
“It’s fine.”
“Text me if it’s that horrible, I’ll be out on dinner, but my client this weeks is not too strict, I can do whatever I want when I’m with him.”
“Okay, thank you,” I smile at her sadly before she leaves me alone.
To say that I’m uninterested in this whole party is a huge understatement. I’m like a grumpy child and I basically drag myself over to the café when it’s nearing nine. I have a cape coat on with a hood so my face can’t be seen. My disappointment and embarrassment from today’s shopping tour has turned into plain hate and disgust towards the guy I’m now waiting to pick me up, take me out and spend the night with. I had time to get myself worked up and build a wall around me so he can’t get to me emotionally ever again.
When I see him pull over in his Range Rover I hold back a growl and walk over to get into the passenger side and we leave immediately, before anyone could recognize us.
No hi, no hello, no nothing. We sit in the dark and…
The country music is playing again. Does this mean he is a good mood? What changed during the day? I’m dying to ask, but instead I do what he thinks I’m only good for. Do what I’m told and look pretty.
“You don’t live there, do you?” he suddenly asks when we stop at a red light. I slowly turn to him and I only see half of his face from the lights on the dashboard.
“I don’t.” The words slowly roll down my tongue and I keep a straight face, not letting him read anything from my expressions.
I turn my head so I’m looking ahead of me, but I see him from the corner of my eyes. He stays turned to me for a moment, but then the light turns and he has to turn back to the road.
“You don’t have to walk, I can pick you up at your house.”
“No you can’t.” I immediately say.
“What?” he asks with a surprised and confused chuckle.
“You can’t pick me up at my house, because I won’t let you.”
“But why wouldn’t y-“
“Because I’m an escort, Shawn!” I snap at him and words just slip my mouth before I could stop myself. “I spend time with people, I look pretty and I entertain them. Therefore, sometimes they get obsessed with me and start stalking me. I can’t give my private address out for them so they can’t come to my home, harass me, wait for me when I step out or leave creepy gifts at my door or to my neighbor so they can give it to me. It’s not safe, so I rather just walk a few blocks to a neutral place where they can pick me up and never find out where I live.”
My sudden outburst surprises me and him as well, but I quickly recover so he can’t see it on me. I take a deep breath and accept that I can’t take back what is already said.
I’m waiting for a smartass comeback or some mumbled comments, but I get nothing. We sit in total silence until we reach our destination.
Photographers are waiting on the sidewalk and the flash their lights at the car as Shawn slowly rolls into the underground garage of the building and disappear from their sight.
Our silence continues as a guard welcomes in the garage and walks us to the elevator that takes us up to the very top. So I’ll be spending the evening in a penthouse, not bad.
Stepping into the place a whole different opens in front of my eyes. Everything is modern, luxurious and screams power. I don’t know who the owner is, but I’m sure their career worth more than my whole life.
I almost shake Shawn’s hand off of me when I feel it on my waist, but I remind myself that I’m working right now, and my task is to look like I’m in love with him. Or at least I’m dating him.
Walking through the place people keep stopping us and Shawn greets everyone happily, even introducing me as well, calling me his date for the night. I guess we are not at calling each other boyfriend and girlfriend yet.
I just smile, shake hands and do my job. I try to remember as many names as possible, but I get introduced to too many people at once. I meet many influential people and some of them I already heard of, this is how I get to shake hands with models, singers and actors even I know, which is a huge thing.
Shawn seems to be enjoying himself, chit-chatting with old and new friends while I stay by his side, like a trophy. After a while I don’t feel the need to stay there and listen to them talking about music, so I excuse myself and go to look for the bathroom.
I succeed and for my biggest luck it’s not occupied, so I quickly lock myself in and decide not to leave for at least ten minutes. I sit on the edge of the huge bathtub for a while and observe the room.
Everything is white, it’s almost too sterile for me, but it’s still not too much. Just this bathroom seems bigger than our whole apartment and I think my bed is smaller than the bathtub. Incredible.
Does Shawn have a similar home? Full of luxurious furniture and rooms the size of a country? I bet he does, he has the money for it. Just for my work, he will pay me 20 thousand and the extra, of course. For me it seems like a fortune, for him it’s lunch money.
A knock brings me back from my thoughts about Shawn’s fortune and I wonder how long I was zoned out, maybe there is a line already, waiting to get in.
Who am I kidding? I’m sure this place has at least three bathrooms.
“Almost done!” I call out and wash my hands to pretend like I was really using the bathroom instead of just sitting here alone.
I dry my hands and quickly unlock the door, not expecting to see a familiar face, but I jump back a bit.
“Sorry, I didn’t- Oh hey there! It’s been a while!”
I stop myself from grimacing and manage to keep a straight face as I look at the man at the door. He is towering over me with a vicious smile that can make me vomit.
“Excuse me,” I say trying to walk past him, but he puts his arm out and stops me from escaping. I stand there, staring up at him. “Not now, Eric,” I growl at him hoping he will let me go seeing that I’m not interested in talking.
“What, are you not allowed to talk to old, honored clients anymore? I thought I deserve a decent welcome after the time we spent together.”
“You are not a client, Joshua made it clear for you not to ever contact any of the girls. So please, let me go now before I do something I might regret later.”
“Oh, hold back, little girl,” he chuckles, but it reminds me more of a snarl. My palm is itching for a slap. “I heard you got Knox banned from the Nook as well. Nice work.”
“He stepped over the boundaries, it was necessary. And now you are stepping them, do you want to even though you aren’t supposed to be in the same room as me.”
“You were just here, I didn’t plan this.” He lets go of the doorframe and I almost think he will let me go, but boy, was I wrong. He pushes me into the bathroom so we are not out in the hallway, but luckily he doesn’t close the door so I still have one last chance for the escape. My thoughts are racing as I’m trying to find a way to trick him and run away. “I think you are a bit too full of yourself. We paid quite a lot money to earn your respect and homage for us. I don’t think I deserve to be talked to like this. Is this the way you talked to Knox too?”
“Don’t.” I whisper and when I see him lifting his hand and it’s approaching my face my disgust turns into fear. Is this it? Am I going to get raped now?
“You all try to make yourself feel better, telling people you are an escort, not a prostitute, but I see through the façade. You all want this, just try to act tough. You are just a little slut.”
I shut my eyes closed and I feel his finger touch my cheek, but only for a split second. I immediately open my eyes and I see Shawn standing there, pushing Eric back to the wall.
“I think she made it clear she doesn’t want you anywhere near her,” he hissed at him as he held him against the wall, his muscles bulging through his shirt. I never noticed how strong he really is, I know Eric spends hours in the gym every week, but now he seems like a kid compared to Shawn who is not only taller than him, but can definitely win in a fight against him.
Eric tries to fight him off for a few seconds, but then he realizes he has no chance, so his lips turn into a vicious smile again.
“I see, you are working to him now, right? I thought young men have it easy these days, I guess I was wrong.”
“None of your business,” Shawn barks at him and he seems like he is ready to hurt him, but I don’t want to cause a scene.
“Shawn, let him go. Let’s just go, okay?” I try to pull him back, but he doesn’t move, just stares at Eric deadly in the eyes before finally letting him go.
Eric bounces back from the wall as I pull Shawn out of the room while he is still watching him.
“Don’t come near her again,” he fumes before we finally leave that damn bathroom.
He catches up with me and taking my hand now he is the one pulling me. I don’t really see where we are going, I’m just trying not to fall in my high heels, but then we finally reach the terrace, where he leads me to a corner that is quite out of sight. He then turns to me and examines me from head to toe.
“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
“I’m fine,” I sigh shaking my head.
“Are you sure? I can get security and have him removed.”
“Please, don’t make a scene. That wouldn’t do well to our plan,” I plead and I can tell the plan is the last thing on his mind. I haven’t seen him this ready for action before, but I can’t let him get into trouble for me.
“Who was that?” He asks after a while and he is now much more relaxed than earlier.
“Just… Just a previous client,” I shortly say not really feeling like getting into the details.
“Was he… like one of those you talked about in the car? Did he stalk you?”
“He didn’t stalk me, but he wanted… more than what was in the agreement and wasn’t happy when I denied it from him. But he is now banned from the club because apparently, he was violent with some other girls. They were just afraid to tell the boss.”
“Unbelievable.” He shakes his head in disbelief, this scene really did upset him and it’s confuses me. He didn’t seem to care about my wellbeing or feelings when he snapped at me earlier at the mall. Maybe the bathroom incident made him realize that my job isn’t as easy as he thought.
“Do you still think my job is easy?” I ask and my voice is barely more than just a whisper. My intent wasn’t necessary to make him feel guilty, but as I see his face change…
He opens his mouth to say something several times, but closes back every time.
“Let’s get you home, okay?” he nods towards the door and he doesn’t have to ask twice. I’m more than happy to leave this hellhole.
We say goodbye to the host and most of Shawn’s friends before getting into the elevator and leaving the party. The photographers are still there when we roll out of the garage in the car and I try to cover up my face as much as possible. I can’t smile, not after this night.
The ride is dead silent though I feel like it would be one of those country music filled rides, but he respects me and lets me alone with my thoughts. I’m mostly just trying to forget it and already thinking about the phone call I’m going to have with Joshua about Eric’s behavior. I’m sure he’ll have him observed for weeks after this.
I don’t even realize we arrive to the café, I just realize the car is not moving anymore, but I don’t know how long we’ve been here.
“Thanks for the ride,” I quietly say as I’m getting ready to leave the car.
“Fleur, wait,” he calls after me and my hand stops at the door handle as I turn back to him. He then takes his phone out and starts tapping on the screen, but I don’t understand what he wants. Then suddenly my phone starts buzzing in my bag and I reach for it, but it immediately stops. “It was me. Save my number and… call me if something is wrong. I don’t want tonight to happen again.”
My lips part as I stare at him. I definitely wasn’t expecting this. This is truly one of the nicest things someone has said to me in the past weeks.
“Thanks. I’ll see you soon,” I smile at him and he nods returning the smile as I finally get out of the car and put my hood on and start walking without looking back.
-
s h o o k
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