#maybe im just best at drawing women but they are by far the Most fun for me and i love them

[ratgingi]

MASSIVE shout out to mingus and karen for being easy and fun to draw . if no other characters got my back i know they got my back amen

#maybe im just best at drawing women but they are by far the Most fun for me and i love them #women moment #dialogue

[mrsalwayswrite]

This Night (40s!Bucky Barnes x Hispanic!OFC)

Summary: When she saved a scrawny blond in a back alley, she would never have anticipated the ripple effects it would have. Nor how meeting someone with a pair of baby blue eyes and cocky smirk would draw her in, encouraging her that for one night, to taste revelry like she never had before.

This is my submission for @allaboardthereadingrailroad​ Marvel Diversity Challenge! My prompt was “a little danger never hurt”. 

I am going to admit, I’m super nervous to post this. I’ve never written a person of color before and would be horrified to accidently offend someone. That being said, I also had so much fun writing this piece. I adore 40s Bucky and Steve, so I was excited to finally have the inspiration to write them. 

Few notes:

-All translations are via google and what I can remember from university (if any of my Spanish is wrong, please please please someone tell me and i’ll correct it!)

-I threw in some 40s slang for fun, so that will be in italics.

-In the little research I did (again, someone please correct me if I am wrong), in the 40s there were not many Hispanic or Latino people living in NYC yet. So for my OFC and her family, they would very much stand out. 

Warnings: a few swear words, some angst, sexual tension, topic of racial discrimination and inequality 

Words: 8k (the story kept growing, i’m so sorry)

<gif is from Pinterest>

She clutched the parcel to her chest, trying to avoid the muddy puddles on the sidewalk. Mr. Hendricks would be furious with her if she got any mud on the packaging of the parcel. He always said it reflected his reputation.  

 Weaving through those walking down the busy Brooklyn sidewalk, she could feel the few glares and inaudible comments following in her wake. She tried to ignore it, knowing was not the first nor last time others judged her for her different skin tone. Though she doubted she would ever get used to it. One of her older brothers would try and cheer her up saying the white folks were jealous since they burned when in the sun too long while Spaniards became more beautiful. Without fail, she would smack him but end up laughing along. 

 Peeking at the address scrawled in precise handwriting, she surveyed the street names around. A sinking feeling in her gut confirmed her fear- she had somehow gotten lost. 

“Mierda.” She hissed, turning around in a circle. Not just to try and relocate her whereabouts but on the off chance her mother happened to be behind her to whack her over the head for swearing. 

 Not wanting to be run over by a fellow pedestrian, she stepped off the sidewalk into an alley nearby while she tried to get her bearings. She brushed down the front of her workwear, dark blue, princess style dress with its Peter Pan collar, double pockets and pleated skirt. A glance at her tights showed a couple spots of mud she somehow managed to still get on her even though her kitten heels were still mostly clean. A miracle really. 

 It was only mid-afternoon but Mr. Hendricks hated when she returned late from delivering parcels. He was the best tailor in Brooklyn and practically thrived off that title. He employed her to help keep things organized, the shop looking nice and delivering parcels to their patrons. It was mindless work but that did not bother her. It was a job...and she was lucky to have one. Being from one of the few Hispanic families in the area was not a perk when trying to find work. She knew the only reason she even got this job was she willingly took half the pay he would have given to anyone else, she could sew well, and she was pretty. 

 A crash at the end of the alley drew her attention behind her. There was some hushed talking followed by another sound of something hitting the ground. Hard. 

 Logically, she knew she should walk away. She was already lost. Her mother frequently reminded her to not involve herself in other people's business, it would only get her in trouble. The problem was her curiosity was a near palpable thing, driving her forward, along with her independent streak the size of the Upper Bay. So when she heard what sounded like a smack and another crash, her feet started moving without a second thought. 

 She darted around a half brick wall to find herself at an "L" intersection. And at the end of both alleys, stood a tall man with a face like a bulldog and the sleeves of his shirt rolled up to his elbows, fists at his side. Below him lay a much smaller, blond man who was sprawled out on the dirty ground. The smaller man groaned, rubbing a hand on his jaw. He rolled onto his side, then slowly and painfully rose back onto his feet, his own fists in front of him in a poor imitation of a boxer. 

 "You think you somethin' special, huh?" The larger man jeered, a nasty smirk on his face. He leaned on his back foot, preparing to throw another punch. 

 The smaller man raised his fists but made no other move, prepared to take the hit and most likely go back down. 

 So, she decided to do something stupid. 

 "BILL!!" She cried out, her voice echoing off the brick walls of the alleys. 

 Both men froze, turning to look at her. 

 Tucking the parcel under her arm, she jogged over to the smaller man, uncaring now of the muddy puddles. "There you are, Bill. I've been so worried. You promised to show me where Mrs. Wilcox lives. I tried to find her myself but I got so lost." Ignoring the quizzical look from the blond man, she stood between the two men, meeting the eyes of the larger one. She twirled a strand of her long, black hair around her finger, nerves getting to her but she pressed on. "I'm so sorry for whatever trouble he has caused you. He won't bother you again. We have to go now; our boss will dock our wages if we aren't back soon."

 The man trailed his eyes over her as if looking for a lie tattooed on her skin or dress. Finding nothing of interest, he stared hard at his victim for a long moment. She found herself holding her breath, silently praying her ruse worked. 

 Finally, he rolled his shoulders and unclenched his fists, his thick jowls still tense. "Keep ‘im away from me or next time his ass will end up in the hospital."

 Slowly, she released her breath as she watched the bulldog of a man turn on his heel and stomp away, back down the alley and onto the main sidewalk. 

 "Are you hurt?" She asked, looking over the smaller man. As he dusted off his brown trousers and tan jacket, she was surprised to realize he stood about her height, and probably about her age, in the young twenties. If her guessing was any good. 

 He rubbed his jaw again and winced where an impressive bruise was already growing. "I've had worse." 

 She could not help but smile at his nonchalance. His bright blue eyes met her own honey brown. A timid smile echoed hers, his face so open and expressive. Something about the man she found endearing already. Maybe defending him was not such a stupid action.  

 "All that stuff you said, about lookin' for me and gettin' lost…"

 She huffed a laugh. "I am actually lost. I'm trying to find this address here." She showed him the scrap of paper with the address scribbled on it.

 It took only a glance before he handed the paper back with a smile. "You're not too far. Only three streets away….I... I can take you there if you like."

 "Oh, I'd hate to impose on you."

 "No, it's really fine. Seems you saved me from...well…" He shrugged, sticking his hands in the pockets of his tan jacket. 

 "And... you...don't mind, you know, being seen with me?"

 "No, why?" Eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed slightly, he stared at her like that was the strangest question. 

 It was in that moment she knew, whoever this scrawny man was- he was a good man. The difference in their ethnicity made no difference to him. He was a rarity in her experience with most New Yorkers. 

 Even though it was 1940 and this was supposed to be a land of equal opportunity. 

 It was not. 

 With a shrug and momentarily, awkward silence as they both thought about their own answers to his question, they fell into step with one another as they headed back out of the alley.

 "So, what's your name? Or is it actually Bill?" She spoke up once they hit the sidewalk. 

 "Do I look like a Bill?"

 She squinted her eyes then shook her head giggling. "No, you don't."

 "It's Steve…. Steve Rogers."

 "It's nice to meet you, Steve."

 He directed them down another street. Their shoulders brushed occasionally as they walked, due more to their need to maneuver around puddles and other pedestrians than any sense of intimacy. "You gonna tell me your name or do I have to make one up for you?"

 "Oh! Sorry. It's Elana Morales-Díaz. So, what caused the fight?"

 The tips of his ears and cheeks turned pink as he ducked his head. "He, um, we...we had a disagreement."

 "Obviously. I would hate to know you're friends and beat each other up for fun."

 "My best friend is a boxer. He's tryin’ to teach me some moves…. does that count as beating each other up?"

 She pretended to think about it. "I may let that one slide but it sounds like you might need some new friends."

 "Yeah," he chuckled and peeked over at her. "Know of any openings?"

 "I just might."

 They stood at an intersection waiting to cross the street when they heard a shout from further down the road. Neither paid much attention initially until the shout repeated itself. 

 "STEVE!"

 The blond looked down the road, a smile on his lips. He waved and tugged on Elana to move away from the curb. She followed along, surprised since he told her they needed to cross. 

 A man glided through the pedestrians easily, a few lingering looks thrown his way by some of the women. When he noticed her standing next to Steve, his eyes widened for a brief moment before a lazy smirk appeared on his face and his strut became more pronounced. With boxing gloves dangling over his shoulder, his white shirt and black trousers, he looked like he just walked out of a gym. Especially with the way his dark brown hair ruffled in the breeze, a few strands sticking up like he had run his hands through it a few times. 

 "I leave you for one afternoon and I come back to find you with the prettiest gal in all of New York." 

 Steve rolled his eyes. "You're always at the gym now."

 The man put Steve in a teasing headlock. Only after a flirtatious wink at her, he released the smaller man. "So, you gonna introduce me to this wolfess, Steve?"

 "Ah, right. Elana, this is my best friend, Bucky Barnes. Buck, this is Elana."

 "Nice to meet you." She said, a small smile at their interactions. It reminded her of her brothers.

 The man -Bucky- reached over and took her hand but instead of shaking it, pressed a kiss to her knuckles, maintaining eye contact the whole time. "Pleasure is mine."

 Oh, he was a charmer. The kind her mother warned her about. Then again, her father had the same devilish charisma and Elana liked to remind her mother of that. To which her mother would laugh and say that's why she warned her daughter of those men, she knew from experience. With just a wink and kiss, she would fall madly in love, leave her home and give him five babies before she even knew it. It was always after this statement often said loudly and with feigned annoyance that Elana's father would wrap his arms around his wife, lovingly kiss her temple and remind her how long he had to chase her before she even agreed to go on a date with him. 

 "So how do you guys know each other?" Bucky asked, those blue eyes bouncing between the two of them. 

 Steve coughed, rubbing the back of his neck. It was then Bucky finally seemed to notice the slowly darkening bruise on Steve's jaw. 

 "Steve!" He grabbed his friend's face and glanced over him, concern etched in his movements and expression. "What happened this time, punk?"

 "Nothin'...just a disagreement. I had 'im on the ropes."

 He dropped his hand, running it through his brunet hair. "You gotta stop pickin’ fights, one of these days…" The implications hung heavily in the air. 

 "Ah, Steve…" When he looked over at her, she nodded toward the parcel still in her arms.

 "Oh right! Sorry. Buck, I gotta take her to drop somethin' off."

 Bucky shrugged. "Lead the way, punk."

 "Jerk."

 The three of them quickly crossed the street. Steve, and soon Bucky when he understood what was going on, pointed out markers for her in case she got lost again. In a short time, they arrived at the house, one of the nicer ones in Brooklyn. The boys waited on the sidewalk as Elana walked up to the front door and handed the parcel over with the man's tailored suit. 

 "Where you off to now, doll?" Bucky asked when she approached them. 

 "Oh, I need to get back to the shop. Mr. Hendricks will most likely be upset with how late I am anyway."

 "The tailorin’ shop near Prospect Park?"

 "Yeah." She played with a strand of her hair, trying to hide her nerves.

 "What a coincidence. We were headed that way ourselves, right, Steve?"

 "What?" Steve looked at Bucky, head tilted in confusion. Bucky cuffed him in the back of the head. "Oh, yeah. Yeah. Um, gonna take a nice walk in the park."

 Elana could not help but giggle at the two. With Bucky looking skyward like he was silently praying for patience to deal with his best friend; meanwhile Steve rubbed the back of his head and glared at his best friend. Although she just met them and hardly knew them, she found herself enjoying their presence. Friends were not something she had in great supply...or any supply really. 

 Plus, if she was being honest with herself, she found her gaze drifting to the tall, charming brunet more times than she cared to admit. The butterflies in her stomach did not help the situation. She knew it was foolish. He was attractive and knew it. But when he turned those baby blues on her and winked, she could not help but be drawn to him, like a moth to the flame. 

 "How come we ain't seen you round before? I know I'd remember a dame as beautiful as you round Brooklyn." Bucky said on her left side while Steve walked on her right. Neither one crowded her space. Sometimes one would touch a hand to her back to direct her steps or hold her elbow when she jumped a puddle. It was sweet instead of condescending. 

 She shrugged. "I recently got the job at the tailor shop and I live in Queens."

 They both winced making her laugh. She would never understand this animosity the boroughs had with each other. 

 "Well that explains a lot." Steve muttered. 

 "Hey!" She nudged the blond with her shoulder as she muttered. "Me gusta Queens. Ustedes dos están celosos."

 "What language is that?" Steve asked, curiosity evident. 

 "Spanish."

 "Is that why you have an accent?"

 She nodded, unable to meet their gazes as she answered. "My family moved here from Spain when I was six." Although she had grown up here in New York City, gone to school just like the other kids, she still maintained a slight accent to her words, different from the stereotypical New Yorker's accent. 

 "Say somethin’ else." Bucky smiled down at her. 

 She laughed. "Like what?"

 "I don't know. Anythin’."

 "El cielo es azul. Me duelen los pies con estos tacones. Me he reído más con ustedes dos que en semanas".

 Bucky had almost a dazed look on his face. "That's beautiful."

 "You have no idea what I said."

 "Doesn't matter." The brunet stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Steve can talk in Irish." 

 "Buck…"

 "What?" 

 "I mean, a little." He rubbed the back of his neck. "My ma came from Ireland." 

 Bucky snorted. "You wrote a poem for a girl in the second grade in Irish and read it to her on the playground. I'd say that's more than a little."

 Steve's face was red and jaw dropped as he stared at his friend. "How...how...how do you know that?" He sputtered. "We weren't even friends yet."

 Bucky winked at Elana as he answered. "Gotta be friends with the right people."

 The three of them walked back, talking and laughing. Well it was mostly the boys talking and teasing one another but she enjoyed just listening to their banter. Occasionally they would direct a question to her or she would throw out a remark that had them laughing. 

 She guided them to the back alley of the street front shops. Mr. Hendricks disliked her walking through the front unless she had her work apron on and clean shoes. 

 "Well thank you for helping me and walking me back."

 "It's not a big deal." Steve said. 

 "We'll see you round, yeah? I'd hate to just meet a gorgeous dame like you then never see her again." Bucky threw a wink at her, adjusting the boxing gloves still over his shoulder. 

 She opened her mouth to tease them then stopped. She truly hoped this was not the last time she saw these two. In a spur of the moment decision, she stepped closer to say goodbye. She pressed her cheeks to Steve's first, giving the traditional cheek kiss. She did the same to Bucky, though she had to rise on her toes to reach his face, and she suspected he bent over slightly. 

 "Hasta luego, mis amigos."

 "What was that, doll?"

 She looked from Bucky's smirk to Steve's red face and back. "A traditional goodbye."

 "Mmm…I could get used to that." The boxer teased, nudging his friend who refused to meet her eyes now. 

 She smiled and started to open the back door when Bucky's hand grabbed her forearm, stalling her movements. 

 "Hey, wait." Those baby blue eyes met her honey brown ones. "It's Friday night.  We usually go to the Stork Club for drinks and dancin’. Come with us."

 "Oh, I don't know…"

 "Come on. It'll be great. If it helps, we'll pick you up from your house."

 She could not help the laugh that slipped out at the thought.  "You'd come to Queens... to get me?"

 "It might break my heart to leave my beloved Brooklyn but I'd do it for you, doll."

 "Honestly it'd be dangerous for you to come to my house." 

 "A little danger never hurt." He brushed some of her hair behind her ear, sending shivers down her spine. 

 He was trouble, complete trouble for her...and she knew it. But the longer he stared at her with those pleading eyes and hand now at the nape of her neck, she could feel her resolve crumbling. "I have three brothers and a protective father."

 "They can't be that bad… Come on, please? Steve, help me out!"

 Steve just laughed, raising his hands in surrender. 

 She bit the inside of her cheek thinking about it. Her brother Mateo owed her for when she covered for him when he almost got caught smoking cigarettes behind the apartment building. Tonight, her parents were supposed to visit her eldest brother and his new wife in the Bronx. 

 "Ok…" She whispered. 

 "Yeah?" A beaming grin spread over his face.

 "Ok...I'll meet you there though."

 "Yes!" Bucky bent over and kissed her cheek loudly. "You won't regret it! Nine o'clock!"

 "Nueve. Estaré allí."

 "I still don't know what you said, doll, but I love it."

 She laughed, pushing him away from her. "Go! Before I'm even more late."

 Before they were three steps away, she ducked inside the back of the shop. Hopefully she was able to slip in unnoticed. The shop should be closing soon so Mr. Hendricks would be in his little office room. 

 She leaned against the back door, hands pressed against her cheeks to will away the warmth in them. Thankfully with her brown skin, the blush would be harder to notice. As she stood there, the realization of what she just agreed to finally hit her. An icy fist landed in her gut, drowning the blush away. She had never been to a club before. She had no idea what to wear...or how to act. How was she even going to get there? 

 Underneath the fear though was a determination to go. Why couldn't she have fun for one night, like other young women she regularly saw and envied. Both of those Brooklyn boys seemed nice. Thinking about them brought the flush back to her skin, especially when she thought of the kiss on the cheek from Bucky. He was trouble and fun and charming and devilish and… and she wanted to spend more time with him. And Steve, the sweet, kind, funny guy that he was. She liked them both. But when thinking about those baby blue eyes, insufferable smirk and broad shoulders...her heartbeat sped up and butterflies erupted in her belly. 

 "Oh Dios, ¿qué voy a hacer?" She whispered to herself. 

 *****

 Just after nine o'clock, Elana climbed out of the taxi. She stared up at the sign that brightly screamed ‘Stork Club’. So many people milled about, either walking into the club or chatting, waiting for others in their group. A couple people already looked like they had been hitting the bottles for some time, if the rambunctious yelling and obnoxious laughter said anything. The atmosphere was loud and vibrant with an air of debauchery...and she had not even stepped foot in the door. 

 "Oh Dios, ¿por qué estoy aquí? Estúpido. Tan estúpido. Debería irme. Ni siquiera se darán cuenta." She murmured to herself, her hands wringing the strap on her clutch. Actually, it was not even hers. She "borrowed" it from her mother's closet and prayed that she could return it before her mother noticed.

 "Elana!" 

 At the call of her name, she turned around to see Bucky and Steve crossing the street, dodging a car that decided they were taking too long. 

 "You made it!" Bucky exclaimed, bubbling with excitement. He scanned her over, giving a low whistle. "Damn, doll, you look beautiful."

 "Gracias." She smoothed down her floral-patterned tea dress that reached mid-calf, her kitten heels still on from earlier. Her raven hair hung loosely down her back, unstyled in the typical curls that most women wore. There had been no time to try one of those hair styles and not bring attention to herself before she snuck out. Just to make her even more self-conscious, the cherry red lipstick she wore felt heavy on her lips. Something she only wore on rare occasions. "You fellas clean up nicely."

 Checking over them, they each wore nice suits. Though Steve's looked a size or two too large and the prominent bruise on his cheek ruined the look a bit. Bucky was practically sinful in his suit, showing off his broad shoulders and strong legs, his hair slicked back. Improper thoughts flooded her mind and a heat warmed her cheeks. She had a feeling she would need to go to confession tomorrow. That was tomorrow’s worry though, tonight was about fun.

 "Ready to have the time of your life?" Bucky asked, excitement practically bubbled under his skin. 

 "That's a high standard."

 "Guess I better not disappoint. C'mon!" He grabbed her hand, pulling her towards the crowded, open door. In her sudden fear, she reached back and snagged Steve's hand, dragging him along. She would never admit it but having both of them on either side of her made her feel better. 

 There were several different calls for Bucky, vying for his attention. He just waved or yelled something back but kept her hand in his, pulling them through. She noticed more than one disappointed female face when Bucky passed them. It churned something in her stomach which she tried to ignore. 

 When they finally entered the dance hall, she froze. It was nothing like she imagined and so much better. At the far end was a stage with a large band playing an upbeat song that made her bounce on her toes without realizing it. A large bar area was set up, packed with people already looking for something to wet their throats. Booths and tables lined the walls. Already the hardwood, dance floor looked packed with couples jiving. Mirrors and photographs hung on the walls making the place feel bigger even when it was so crowded. The air smelled of alcohol, sweat and a youthful zeal she had never experienced. 

 It was intoxicating and nerve-wracking. She could not wait to join in. 

 The next thing she noticed when she glanced at all the people...she was the only non-white person there. 

 "Let's get a table." Bucky tugged them along towards an open booth on the right side of the dance floor. 

 She slid in on one side while Steve scooted in on the other. Bucky stood at the end, grinning ear to ear as he seemed to quickly survey the place. 

 "Right." He tossed his suit jacket on the seat next to her then clapped his hands, the sound muffled by the volume from the band nearby. "What kinda drink would you like?"

 "Ah, vino?"

 He nodded and waltzed towards the bar, throwing an arm around the shoulder of one of the men standing there waiting. 

 She turned back to the blond. "You're not drinking?"

 "Nah, too many health issues to make it worth it." 

 She hummed and took note of Steve's fidgeting. "Is this your first time too?"

 He chuckled. "No. I just don't...well, this isn't where I'd prefer to be on a Friday night...but don't tell Bucky... though he probably knows."

 "What would you rather be doing?"

 "Drawin’ or paintin’, maybe playin’ cards but I'm terrible at them."

 "You're an artist?" The realization warmed her heart. This scrawny man with a heart too big for his body and kindness an invisible cloak around him. It made sense somehow. He could look past the ugly and see beauty and somehow capture it. 

 "I don't know if I'd say that...I just enjoy it. It's usually what I end up doin’ when I come here. Doodlin’ on a napkin while Buck dances with every girl he can."

 Her stomach dropped while hearing that, which was stupid. So stupid. She swallowed thickly, hoping Steve did not notice, before she spoke again to distract herself. "Well if you doodle something tonight, can I see it after?"

 "If you like."

 Bucky appeared a minute later with a foamy glass of beer and a glass of red wine. Carefully, he placed them both on the table. "Ready to cut a rug?" He asked, looking at her expectedly. 

 "Um, I don't...I've never danced like this before." She hesitantly admitted. Steve gave her a sympathetic smile like he understood. 

 "Don't matter. I bet you're a swell dancer." He held out his hand for her. When she did not immediately accept his hand, he wiggled his fingers. "C'mon, ain't that hard. I'll teach you."

 With a sigh, she took his hand, his smile beaming as he tugged her out of the booth. She could not help but smile back at his sheer enthusiasm. It was contagious. 

 He led her off to the side of the dance floor. Putting one hand on her lower back and taking the other in his hand, he began demonstrating the steps. Her eyes stayed glued to his feet while he moved, willing her brain to understand and not make a fool of her. 

 "You got this, doll. Told you, you're a natural. Just follow my movement, let me lead."

 So she did and before she knew it, they were flying around the dance floor. 

 Bucky was an amazing dancer and it showed in how he effortlessly led her. A couple times she stumbled or stepped on his toes but he would just grin and encourage her to keep going. The faces of those around them blurred. The music seemed to sink into her blood and with every beat of the drum or clap of the hands from the band, her heartbeat echoed it. It was intoxicating and she had not even had a sip of alcohol. Now she understood why people flocked to these dance halls. There was something freeing in them, losing yourself to the music and movements. For a short time, you could ignore the outside world and all its trials. Here, you could be free. 

 Eventually she begged a break, practically panting from the several songs they danced through. The brightness in her eyes and smile though showed how much fun she was having. Still holding hands, they weaved through the crowd back to their booth where Steve sat with a napkin in front of him, pencil in hand and eyes focused downward. She slid into the booth first, Bucky right behind her. 

 "Have fun?" Steve asked, eyes bouncing between the two before him. 

 "I can't breathe." She giggled out, hand pressed to her chest. Her lungs struggled to fill up properly but instead of installing fear into her, it only made her laugh. 

 Bucky took a long sip of his beer and slung his arm behind Elana, on the back of the booth. "Told you, you'd have fun. You're a great dancer."

 "Only cause I had a great teacher." Taking a sip of her wine, she focused on the quiet artist.  "Did you draw something, Steve?"  

 "Yeah, just a little sketch."

 "Can I see it?"

 He slid the napkin over to her, nerves obvious. Giving him a small, reassuring smile, she flipped the napkin over and felt her heart stop and jaw drop. The pencil sketch was of Bucky and her dancing. His mouth was next to her ear, whispering instructions or flirtatious comments, his hand on her lower back. Her gaze was on his chest but the brilliant smile on her lips gave her away. The sketch was so realistic, it was astounding. It completely captured Bucky's confidence and her nervousness but somehow the opposite emotions only added to the image, bringing a sense of balance and trust between the two dancing partners. 

 "Steve, esto es…. hermoso…. increíble." She breathed out, never taking her eyes off the napkin. When she finally looked up to see him blushing and fiddling with the pencil, she smiled. 

 Bucky had been leaning against her so he could see the sketch also. "That might be your best one yet, pal."

 "Thanks, guys. S'nothing."

 "May I keep it?" She softly asked, eyes tracing the delicate lines and shading.

 The embarrassed blond flapped a hand at her. "Course. It was for you if you wanted it anyway."

 Silently, she reached across and squeezed Steve's hand, unable to convey all the emotions she was feeling. "There's one thing you got wrong."

 "What's that?"

 "I'm not that pretty."

 Both Steve and Bucky chuckled.  

 "Elana," Bucky started, gazing down at her. "He drew you like-"

 "Bucky!" A silky voice interrupted. A young woman stood at the end of their booth. Her blonde hair in perfect curls, bright red lipstick matched the equally bright red dress she wore. Her eyes zeroed in on the handsome brunet at the table, ignoring the other two patrons like they were just wallpaper. "Wanna dance?" 

 The sun-kissed woman could feel Bucky's hesitation. Nudging him gently in the ribs, she nodded towards the interloper. "Go. Have fun. I still need to catch my breath."

 With a nod, he slipped out of the booth and followed the beautiful woman onto the dance floor. The two easily fell into step like they had done this a million times, each movement flawless and smiles on both of their faces. 

 She turned back to Steve, ignoring the churning in her gut. "What's your favorite thing to draw?"

 They talked for a few minutes about art classes he had taken and the few commissioned pieces he had done for local businesses. The passion he spoke with about art, hands flapping and eyes alight, it was impossible not to join in his enthusiasm. 

 The presence of someone standing at the end of the table drew their attention away from the quick sketch of a monkey Steve had drawn on another napkin. This young woman had a haughty expression on her otherwise pretty face, glaring down her nose at Elana. 

 "You shouldn't be here." She stated, venom lacing every word. Hands on her curvy hips, the gold stitching in her emerald dress catching the light from above. 

 "Ruby, we-"

 "No one is talkin’ to you, Steve." She barked then continued glaring at Elana. "I bet you're a real floozy, comin’ in here lookin’ like that. Well news flash, no one wants you or your kind here."

 Tears stung in Elana’s eyes, threatening to fall. She knew this would happen. It always happened. There was always someone to remind her she was not one of them, even if her own eyes could see it. She had hoped tonight would be different. That for once, she could fit in. 

 "I want her here. She's my date."

 The lady -Ruby- spun on her heel so quick, her dress flared out. "Bucky," she crooned, her voice sugary-sweet, so different than a moment ago. "You're lookin' like a real Fred Astaire out there tonight. Let's go-"

 Bucky did not even look her way as he slid back onto the bench, eyes focused on Elana. "You alright there, doll?"

 She nodded numbly, staring at the table. Twirling a strand of hair absent-mindedly around her finger, she tried to force the tears from falling. It was not even the worst insult she had heard hurled at her, but it still cut her to the quick. Every time. 

 "Why don't we head out, yeah? Steve there looks like he's gettin' a little warm and the music ain't so good tonight." Bucky said gently. 

 She nodded again, not trusting herself to speak. 

 "Bucky, stay…" Ruby tried one last time but he leveled a glare at her that made her take a step back. 

 "Take a powder, Ruby, I ain't interested."

 Bucky wrapped his hand around Elana's, entwining their fingers as he slid out of the booth with her right behind him. Without even a backwards glance, he led the three of them out of the dance hall. Elana kept her head down the whole time, unable to meet anyone's eyes for fear of what she would see. 

 The night air was blissfully cool after the heat of the dance hall. It kissed her skin as if trying to help calm her down. At this point, the street was not as busy, everyone mostly inside now. Only a few pedestrians and cars interrupted the quiet scene. 

 "Elana, I'm so sorry."

 "Debería irme. No debería haber venido. Soy tan estúpida." She muttered to herself, not even hearing Bucky's statement. It was a foolish idea to come out. For so long she had tried to fit in, especially as a child. Her mother always told her to be herself and embrace her difference. That was easier said than done. Tonight felt like a taste of it when she was on the dance floor. What things could have been like if everyone was accepted. If where she was from did not matter. She had been so happy dancing with Bucky, this handsome devil who treated her like she was special, holding her hand in front of everyone. Sure, Steve said he danced with a lot of girls but for tonight, she was someone while on his arm. She was someone special. 

 And oh, did she love the feeling of his hand wrapped around hers. Him holding her close as they danced, his warm breath hitting her neck just right. He was trouble, through and through. Her mother would call him a Casanova and tell her to run the other way. Yet she did not want to. He drew something out of her. An almost recklessness. A desire for more. More in life. To experience life with a passion. Both this new feeling and Bucky’s presence were addicting...and she found herself unable to turn away. At least not for tonight. She wanted to revel in it tonight. 

 It was not until a hand cupped her cheek and tilted her head up to meet a pair of worried baby blue eyes that she was jolted from her internal spiral. 

 "Hey, hey. I have no idea what you're sayin' but it don't sound good. Why don't we walk for a bit, mmm? The night's still young."

 Wordlessly, she followed. It was then she noticed Bucky was still holding her hand, palms flat against one another's. That realization drew a small smile on her lips. On her other side walked Steve, hands in his pockets but a genuine smile on his face when he caught her eye. Even after all this, these two Brooklyn boys wanted to be with her. With that in mind, she shoved her despair and pain away. Let tomorrow bring what worries that came with it. Tonight she wanted to be reckless without fear of the consequences. Tonight was supposed to be fun.  

 "Can't believe Ruby would say that. Always thought she was a nice dame." The brunet mused, slipping his suit jacket back on before taking Elana's hand once again.

 "She only showed what she wanted you to see, Buck."

 "Dance with a girl a couple times and she thinks you owe her or somethin'."

 The blond quirked an eyebrow at his friend.  "Was it only dancin'?"

 "What you gettin' at, Rogers?"

 "You ditched some other girl for her once before."

 His head swiveled to stare at the smaller man in shock. "I did?"

 Elana spoke up. "Sounds like you have quite the selection of dance partners to choose from."

 Steve snorted. "Guy has been doll-dizzy since he was twelve."

 "What can I say? I appreciate fine art." Bucky said with a self-satisfied grin.

 "Don't usually lock lips with paintings or statues…"

 "You know what, Rogers!"

 Elana laughed as Bucky let go of her hand to race around her and put Steve in a headlock. The two pretended to box for a couple minutes, grins on both their faces. When finished, the champion boxer slid up to her, a rakish smile teasing his lips as he claimed her hand back.

 "Well if those gals are fine art, you sweetheart, are a masterpiece." He twirled her around once, making her dress flare out around her legs. "Have I told you yet how beautiful you look tonight?"

 "Yes, Bucky."

 "Good, I'd hate for you to forget." He winked and the trio started walking again. 

 "Oh, here." Steve suddenly said, fishing something out of his pocket. He held out his hand almost shyly.  

 She took the offered item to see it was the napkin with the sketch on it. "Oh, Steve. Muchas gracias." She leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, leaving a red stain behind. "Oops."

 "Here." Bucky tossed over a handkerchief to Steve. 

 She glanced at the napkin one more time before reverently placing it in her clutch. She already knew where she was going to put this in her room so she would always remember this night.

 "Oh drat." Steve said after glancing at his watch. "It's almost eleven. I have class early tomorrow."

 "Go on, punk. I'll look after her."

 Elana hugged Steve and was thrilled when he squeezed her back just as tightly. "I'm so happy to have met you."

 "This isn't goodbye, right?"

 "I hope not. You have more artwork to show me."

 He blushed yet nodded before giving Bucky a quick hug. 

 "Night, Steve."

 "Night, jerk."

 Together, they watched Steve walk down the sidewalk, wave back at them then disappear down the next street. 

 "Wanna keep walkin'?"

 She nodded. She knew she should go home. It was getting late and she still had to get back to Queens. Yet walking side by side with this man whom she had only met several hours ago, she found the idea abhorrent. Glancing up at the night sky, only a couple of the stars were visible through the smoke, clouds and street lamps. They were lovely though, a reminder that there were greater things out there, one just had to look for them. At least, that is what her father always said. 

 "Hey," Bucky's voice pulled her attention back, "I never got to say it earlier but thanks...for havin’ Steve's back earlier today. Punk doesn't know when to quit."

 "I'm glad he got in that fight...is that odd? If he didn't, I wouldn’t have met either one of you."

 "Alright, this ONE time I'm glad he got in a fight. Though, we probably would have ran into each other eventually."

 They walked in comfortable silence for a couple minutes. Two cars passed them separately and only a handful of people walked their way. Otherwise it almost felt like they were alone. It was peaceful, still holding hands and wandering the streets of Brooklyn.  

 "Y'know, I was kinda hopin' we'd get at least one slow song at the dance hall."

 "Me too." She confessed. 

 "Well, we should!" An idea sparked in his eyes. "Wait here." He moved over to one of the parked cars near them. He tried to open it but it was locked so he moved to the next one. This one opened without hesitation and he slid in. The whole time Elana switched between watching Bucky and scanning the streets for someone to yell at them. What was he thinking? Suddenly music came on, drifting from the radio through the open passenger door. 

 Bucky stood there, leaning against the car with the biggest grin on his smug face. "Who needs a dance hall?"

 She laughed, understanding what he had done. "We’re going to get in trouble."

 "No, we ain't. C'mon."

 "Oh, Dios mío, yes we are!" 

 "Dance with me." He cooed, standing before her looking like an Adonis. 

 With that lazy smirk and enthralling blue eyes staring down at her, refusal was not an option. The words died on her tongue as she stared up at him. The music was slow, a singer crooning about his love. The moment felt like something from a fairytale story her mother would tell her as a little girl. She knew she should go home. Stop this heat that seared through her when she found herself caught in his eyes. Stop the butterflies in her stomach when around him. Stop the way she melted under his touch, his hands always so gentle. 

 But she wanted this. Right now. To pretend this was her reality. To dance with her prince under the stars. That love did not care about the differences in their skin tones. For when the sun rose and this dream faded, reality would seep back in. Plus, he was a charmer. Doll-dizzy. She would not keep his attention past this night. 

 For now though, she could pretend. Enjoy the night in a way she never had before. 

 He placed her hands behind his neck and his on her hips. Standing there under the streetlight and distant starlight, they danced, swaying back and forth. Her head landed on his chest, feeling his heartbeat beneath it. So steady and soothing. The world faded away around them, the only things that mattered was their dancing and the music. It wrapped around them like a warm, thick blanket. Enveloping them in a sense of security and vitality. One of his hands slowly traced her spine leaving a trail of fire behind. His cheek pressed against the top of her head. She felt safe...and wanted. A heady feeling that she could sense herself beginning to crave even more. Her hand tangled in the hair, her fingers lightly scraping the back of his neck. 

 "Say something in Spanish." He whispered, his lips against her scalp. 

 "Gracias por esto ... todo esto. Ha sido la mejor noche de mi vida".

 She looked back up at him, hoping to convey without words what she said. As she lifted her head up, their eyes locked. Tension filled the empty space around them, pulling them closer. For a split second, his eyes drifted to her lips and back up. Her heartbeat began racing anew. Slowly, as if waiting for her to turn away, his head tilted towards hers, his hands gripping her just a little tighter. His breath fanned across her face, warming her inside and out. She swore her heart was going to beat out of her chest. His nose brushed hers, an almost timid action that drew a smile from her. He chuckled silently then somehow pulled her even closer. She closed her eyes, a gasp escaping her when she felt the faintest touch of his lips on the corner of her mouth. 

 "Hey! Hey, you kids! What ya doin’ with my car?!" 

 All the tension evaporated like rain drops under the scorching sun. 

 "Shit...c'mon!" He grabbed her hand and started running away. Holding on tight, she ran next to him, as well as she could while wearing heels. The yells of the car's owner soon a distant sound behind them. 

 Finally, they stopped two streets later. He let go of her hand, running his hands through his hair and pacing. She leaned against the brick wall, hand over her mouth, giggles spilling forth between gasps of air. Never in her life had she done anything like this. She closed her eyes as the giggles turned into full-body laughter. One hand covered her mouth and the other wrapped around her own waist to try and contain the sound. This night was nothing like she expected but it only seemed to get better and better. This newfound revelry of youthful zeal, this silly recklessness...she wanted more and more of it. 

 When the laughter dissolved into small chuckles, she wiped her eyes as she opened them, hoping her make-up had not smudged too much. Not that she particularly cared in the moment.

 What she saw standing before her killed the laughter on her tongue. 

 Bucky stood just at arm's length, staring at her like she was the stars in the heavens. 

 In a single step, he crowded her against the brick wall. "Elana…" he growled, voice low, and it might have been the most exhilarating sound she had ever heard. One of his hands cupped the back of her head, as he lowered his lips to hers. The kiss was gentle, their lips just pressed together. A soft pressure that made her melt into his arms. 

 He leaned back to press his forehead against hers. His breath just as shaky as hers, both still breathing hard from their run. 

 "That was my first kiss." She blurted out, immediately regretting the words once they escaped. 

 He leaned back to look her in the eye. "Really?"

 She shrugged nervously. "Not many fellas lining up to kiss a girl like me."

 "Their loss, doll face." He smirked, running a thumb over her bottom lip. "May I have the honor of your second kiss ever?"

 She giggled and nodded. 

 This time when their lips touched, it felt like more. The first was like licking the spoon used after mixing cookie dough. A taste of what was to come. The second kiss was eating warm cookies right out of the oven and practically ascending to heaven. 

 His lips slanted over hers perfectly, as if they were formed just for her. Their mouths moved in tandem, picking up speed. No longer were the kisses sweet and gentle. His tongue traced her bottom lip and she willingly opened her mouth to receive it like a present. These kisses were all-consuming and fiery. It was as if his touch seared into her soul, leaving an imprint there for all eternity. 

 She knew right away when she met Bucky Barnes, he was trouble. He was the kind of man her mother warned her about. The kind to sweep her off her feet and make her forget the world around her. He was kind, charming and so full of life. Yet she knew even as she was wrapped in his arms, lips pressed against his, that there was one truth that would haunt her. Even if she ignored it for now. That truth would never leave. So she overlooked it, sinking deeper and deeper into his kisses and embrace. Drowning herself in him. With her back pressed against the wall, her hands tangled in his hair and mouths devouring one another, she had never felt more alive. 

 Tonight, she would choose the fire he poured into her. Tonight, she wanted to enjoy life without fear. Tonight, she wanted to pretend that this night would never end. To thrive in this feeling of passion and life, that nothing could go wrong. 

 For the truth was one day, he was bound to break her heart.

#marveldiversitychallenge #marvel #marvel fanfic #marvel fanfiction #Bucky Barnes #James Buchanan Bucky Barnes #james bucky barnes #bucky barnes x ofc #bucky/ofc #bucky fic #Steve Rogers #Hispanic!ofc #POC character #40s!steve #40s!bucky #40s! #1940s #mzwrites

[tmnt-mags]

Michelangelo x Fem!Reader

Soulmates

Mikey has always been one of my favorites and I feel like he always gets the least amount of love from the fandom. The turtles and reader are 18+ cause that's what I do.

Warnings: brief mention of abuse.

Mikey had been in love with the idea of a soulmate since he could remember. A person made by the universe that will love you the best. For a turtle mutant that lived in the sewers it was the ultimate fantasy. However, Master Splinter had told them it was very unlikely that they would have any. They weren't human after all. Still Mikey held on to hope and dreamed for the day that he might meet his one and only. He was straight as far as he could tell so he went out of his way to watch any video he could find about ladies. He would be the perfect boyfriend. He learned about periods and makeup and watched hair tutorials. He even found a wig and after cleaning it up the best he could he would practice braiding on it. Mikey had also watched videos about the female body, more than just porn, he watched women talk about sex and listened as they complained about human dudes. He couldn't exactly practice, but he would try to prepare best as he could. He would make up for being a mutant by knowing more and being better than any human man.

He was doing a cool down after a pretty intense training session with Leo.

“You did good Mikey, but you can't celebrate after every hit. You lose concentration and will get hurt.” Leo said stretching off to the side.

“Yeah bro you got a pretty good hit on me at the end.” he opened his mouth to stretch his now sore jaw. “Hey leo we’ll be 20 soon right?

“Mikey not this again.” Leo stopped and walked over to his younger brother. “We’ve talked about this, there is almost no chance of any of us having a soulmate.”

“You don’t know that Leo. Donnie doesn’t even know! I don't wanna give up hope.” It was the same argument that they had been having for years and years. His brothers had all seemed to give up on the idea, but Mikey wouldn't.

Mikey counted down the days until their birthday. After meeting April they finally found out their real birthdays from her father's notes. They all hatched on the same day, but at different times. Donnie actually turned out to be the oldest than Raph, Leo, and finally Mikey. He had been hoping that he would turn out to be the oldest but it was meant to be he guessed.

Mikey shot up and looked down at his arm excitedly, but didn't see anything. He wasn't worried though, the day was still young! He grabbed a black sharpie and wrote a simple ‘Hi angel’ on his forearm. He checked it throughout the day but still nothing. His brothers didn't even bother writing anything.

Everyday he would write a message or draw a picture hoping that his soulmate would see it. After 2 months he started to get sad. His dad was the first to take notice, and suggested that Mikey meditate. After an hour with no luck in concentrating, Mikey was about to stop when Splinter sat across from him.

“My soulmate hasn't written me back.” He said, “Maybe you guys have been right all along.”

“I would not worry yet my son. It is possible that your soulmate is younger than you, should you have one.” Splinter reached over to pat Mikey’s knee, “I have always been hopeful that you boys would have one, but I do not want you to be disappointed.”

“Don’t worry about me pops! You know me nothing gets me down!” Mikey cheered and jumped up. He ran out of the dojo throwing a thank you over his shoulder.

Splinter did know his youngest. He was happy and enjoyed having fun, but he was also sensitive. He always had been, and out of all of his sons he worried the most about Mikey and what it would do to him if he didn't have a soulmate. He sighed and decided it would be best to meditate as well. It had always been very helpful to him.

But months passed and soon a year did too and he never heard from his soulmate. Some days it was harder to write his morning message, but he still tried. He didn't want his soulmate to wake up on her 20th birthday with no message. As far as he knew his brothers never even tried to write theirs. Mikey knew they were just afraid of the possibility that they really didn't have one. He was too. He really wanted a soulmate.

It had been a busy 2 weeks. They met a girl, who also happened to be the first human they met, they totally kicked Foot Clan ass, uncovered a super villain plot and saved the city. They truly were heroes now and that was really fucking cool. They had made a new friend in a woman named April. She was pretty and nice and didn't seem to mind the fact that they were giant turtles, after the initial shock of course. He didn't even realize he hadn't written anything on his arm during all of this. He sat in bed and stared down at himself. He didn't write anything for 2 weeks and nothing had changed.There was a painful uncomfortable feeling in his chest as he looked at his arm trying to manifest words there somehow. Nothing had changed. The world didn't end because he didn't write anything. He sighed and laid down; he looked over at the black marker he kept by his bed. He started to reach out for it but instead rolled over and tried to go to sleep.

It had been 3 months now since he had written something on his arm. He tried not to think about it, sometimes he felt a tickle there but whenever he checked there was nothing. His mind was just playing with him. The brothers were on patrol tonight and Mikey was trying not to get distracted but it was one of those days he couldn't help but think about his soulmate. Leo and Raph had already got on to him about it tonight. He realized he should have tried harder when his jump to the next roof fell short and he went crashing down to the fire escape below.

“Mikey!” His brother yelled and came rushing down to see if he was alright.

“Im good dudes,” he grunted and he started to get up. “That hurt though.”

“Are you okay?” The boys jumped and turned and sitting on the steps a couple feet from them was a girl. “Ummmm, hi.”

“Hey” was all the boys could say. She nodded and looked at them, and there were a couple of moments where they all just stared at each other.

“So, i'm gonna take a wild guess here and say this isn't normal for New York?” she said and then pursed her lips.

“No it's not.” Raph grunted at her.

“Did you think that it was?” Donnie questioned. She shrugged at them.

“I'm not from here and it seems like wild things always happen in New York.” The girl defended. Mikey stared at her. She was pretty and was wearing shorts and a large t-shirt that was covered in dried paint. Her hair was pulled up into a messy bun and she had bangs that covered her forehead. She was holding a cup in both hands and looking at them. She didn't seem frightened at all.

“Should I be freaking out?” the pretty girl asked.

“No! You don't need to be afraid of us.” Mikey suddenly forgot about any pain or soreness from his fall and stood up the rest of the way and moved in front of his brothers. “I’m Michelangelo, but everyone calls me Mikey.”

“I heard your name.” She giggled at him but then looked him in the eyes. “You are okay right? That seemed like quite the fall.” the turtle smiled widely and did a spin in the tight space.

“Right as rain baby.”

“Oh so you suddenly don't hurt?” Leo said, crossing his arms.

“The voice of an angel healed me I guess.” Mikey said and gave the girl a wink who raised an eyebrow at him.

“Sure it did, lover boy.” Raph said and then smacked the back of Mikey's head who yelped out.

“Not cool bro.” he groaned. “Whats your name angelcakes?” the girl let out a gasp.

“How did you know my name?” she said with surprise. The boys blinked at her dumbly.

“Seriously?” Donnie asked.

“No, my name is (y/n).” She laughed. “What are your names?”

“Oh these are my brothers Donnie, Leo, and Raph!” He motioned at each one and she gave a small wave as he did.

“You’re really not scared?” Donnie asked her quietly.

“A little shocked but not scared.” (Y/n) said happily.

The boys sat and talked to her for a little bit but Leo reminded them that they had a job to do. So with an invitation for them to come back and hang out again they boys parted with their newest friend to continue patrol. When they got back to the lair Mikey felt like he was on cloud nine. She was pretty, nice, and had a great smile. Mikey sat and smiled thinking about (y/n) when his eyes caught sight of a little black marker. He frowned. He wanted to find his soulmate, he really did, but now he didn't want to write anything cause what if it wasn't her. He really wanted it to be her.

“I think I’m in love~” he sighed.

“Sure you are Mike.” Leo grunted. “Go to sleep, it was a long night.”

Mikey sighed and rolled onto his side. He looked at the marker and felt guilty for some reason. He closed his eyes and went to sleep.

Life was good the boys went over to (y/n)’s apartment about once a week and April would come down to the lair to visit them about the same amount. A couple of months after they met they introduced the girls and they got along really well. Mikey sat April down and told her that he was sorry but his heart now belonged to (y/n). She smiled at him and patted his shoulder and told him that she forgave him and even though it would be hard she would heal. His brothers laughed but he ignored it.

April was working and the boys were at (y/n)’s place. They had eaten pizza and were talking about whatever came to mind.

“Do you guys have soulmates?” (Y/n) asked rather suddenly.

“Well we actually don't know, but we think it's very unlikely that we will.” Donnie replied.

“Oh. I hope you do.” she said. Mikey felt nervous as he asked his question.

“Do you have one?” she looked over at him.

“Not yet, but I hope I do. I’ve written on my arm every day since I turned 20 6 months ago.” she said, pulling her legs up to sit criss cross on the couch.

“We missed your birthday?” Leo asked.

“It was like a month before we met.” she shrugged.

“I can't believe I missed my true-love's birthday!” Mikey exclaimed and threw his arms around her shoulders and pulled her into him.

“You're squishing me!” She pushed away from the orange clad turtle laughing. “Do you guys want soulmates?” the boys quieted, and fidgeted awkwardly.

“I mean yeah but what's the point? Looks at us! We’re freaks.” Raph called out before crossing his arms.

“But soulmates are made for you! The universe wouldn't have given us someone who is scared of us!” Mikey defended. It was a conversation that had been had many times.

“Actually I'm not sure about that.” (y/n) said. Four pairs of eyes turned towards her.

“What do you mean?” Donnie asked.

“Well my parents were soulmates and my dad used to beat my mom senseless until he was arrested and they divorced when I was 8. They were soulmates but he used to hurt her so much.” (y/n) looked down at her hands. “It took her awhile to realize that just because the universe made you soulmates didn’t mean you were meant to be.”

“What happened after that?” Leo almost whispered the question.

“Well she met my step dad who is a great guy. His soulmate isnt the romantic type so they just ended up being close friends, and then he met my mom. They fell in love and he became my step-dad. You don't need to be soulmates to love each other, sometimes soulmates are just platonic, and sometimes soulmates aren’t good for eachother.”

“I’m sorry.” Mikey said softly.

“Don't be! Everyone is happy now. I mean, I don't know about my dad. He's never tried to reach back out. I kinda don't want him to anway.” (y/n) looked back up at the turtles.

“So you must hate the idea of soulmates.” Raph suggested.

“When did I say that? I want a soulmate, I really do. I want that fairy tale happily ever after people always talk about.” She sighed and smiled. “That's why I write my soulmate everyday. I had wished that they would be older than me but I guess they are a bit younger. I just hope that when I'm 42 I don't suddenly get writing from my soulmate who just turned 20.” She laughed.

“That can happen?” she looked over at Donnie and nodded.

“You guys don't know that?” the boys, except for Mikey, nodded.

“We never thought we would have them, so beyond movies I don't think any of us really looked. Didn’t want false hope.” Leo looked at her.

“Well I did cause I’ve always wanted a soulmate!” Mikey interjected.

“Mikey used to write on his arm every single day but hasn't in months.” Raph told her.

“Hey how do you know that?” Mikey looked at him.

“You think we didn't notice? We just never brought it up cause we know how you are.” Leo mumbled. The youngest turtle pouted at this.

“Why did you stop?” (y/n) asked. Mikey sighed and leaned his head back.

“It just kinda felt pointless. I would write something every day and nothing ever happened and then I realized one day that I hadn’t written anything for 2 weeks and still nothing changed. It just kinda felt pointless lately.” Mikey told everyone. There were flashes of sadness or pity from his brothers. They always knew the day would come when Mikey realized that none of them had soulmates. They knew it would come, but they didn't want it too.

“Well thats dumb.” (y/n) said rather bluntly. “What if today is her birthday and she's waiting to see if her soulmate will write anything. There were girls in my highschool that swore that they wouldn't write first and that their soulmate had to be the one to write first.” She said, leaning into Mikey.

“Well I think thats kinda dumb.” Mikey pouted at her. She rolled her eyes and leaned forward grabbing a cup of markers.

“Here write something!” she said, giving him the cup. He grabbed a black marker and opened it.

“Fine. Anything for you angelcakes.” he blew a kiss at her and looked at his arm. He felt a weird tightness when he brought the marker to his skin. He decided to write a simple ‘Hi I’m Mikey. What's your name.’

(Y/n) shivered as he started to write and felt a tickle on her arm. She gasped and pulled up her sleeve. The brothers' eyes widened as they watched Mikey’s hand writing appear on her arm next to the old writing that she had done. Mikey did not notice.

“Mikey! Look!” The oldest turtle said pointing at (y/n). Mikey looked up at Donnie and then at (y/n)’s arm.

“Oh haha very funny. That's not really nice.” He rolled his eyes.

“What Mikey? It's not a joke!” She put her arm right next to his and told him to keep writing. He drew a squiggle and watched as it seemed to magically appear on his friend's arm.

“What? Dude! Thats awesome!” Mikey cried out. This was the best thing in the world! His angelcakes was his soulmate!

“Why haven't you written me back?” She asked slightly outraged. Mikey stopped and stared at her.

“Cause I haven’t gotten any writing.” Mikey said, remembering how she said she wrote to her soulmate everyday. The room fell quiet and Mikey felt the beginnings of a horrible pain in his heart.

“So I’m yours, but you're not…” She trailed off feeling a sudden wave of emotion and felt tears in her eyes.

“Um sorry to interrupt, but I don't think there's any reason to get upset.” Donnie started. He grabbed the marker that matched the writing she already had on her arm. “Try writing something (y/n).” She nodded quietly as a few tears fell. She opened the cap and wrote hello. Mikey felt a tickle and shivered at the phantom writing on his arm, but he looked down and there was nothing there.

“Nothing” Mikey whispered. He felt like the world was crashing down. A moment so happy followed by something so heartbreaking. Raph and Leo looked down and away. Their faces filled with sorrow for their brother, and for the hope they had just felt for themselves.

“Now hold on just a moment.” Donnie rolled his eyes. “(Y/n) why do you write in that color?”

“It's my favorite.” she sniffled.

“Do you always write in green?” He pressed.

“Yeah, like I said it's my favorite and I want my soulmate to know that. I feel like it makes it a little more personal.” (y/n) continued. Donnie leaned forward and grabbed her marker. Everyone watched as he took the marker and held it up to mikey.

“Everyone look.” They all looked and Mikey’s eyes widened.

“It's the same color as me.” he mumbled.

“(Y/n) please try again with black.” She quickly snatched up the black marker and wrote ‘I hope this is Mikey.’

“Donnie you're a genius!” Mikey tackled his brother and then quickly went back to the couch thrusting his arm at (y/n). “Do it again!”

She quickly drew a heart while staring at his arm and watched as the black lines began to appear on Mikey as she drew them. She practically threw herself at mikey wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his face.

“Woah. I think that we should probably leave.” Leo suggested as his two other brothers got up and followed him to the window.

“Thank you Donnie!” (y/n) shouted out. Donnie gave a thumbs up and went out the window and closed it behind him.

“I can’t believe we’ve known each other for 5 months without finding out!” Mikey said nuzzling her face and wiping whatever tears were still there.

“I can't believe I never thought to write in black!” She laughed and kissed his cheek.

“Wait!” He leaned back. “The turtle thing doesn't bother you? Really? Truly?”

“Of course not! I’ve had a big crush on you for like 2 months now! This is the best news ever!” his soulmate cheered. “Also I just kissed you like 10 times.”

Mikey laughed and held her close, kissing her cheek. He had a soulmate! His soulmate was a beautiful, funny, nice girl who liked him!

“I knew there was a reason I’ve always loved green.” She said with a smile and leaned in to kiss mikey’s lips. It was a nice sweet kiss and just what he always thought a first kiss should be, yet so much better. He sighed and relaxed against the couch with (y/n) in his arms.

He had a soulmate and things couldn't be better.

#tmnt 2014 #tmnt #tmnt x reader #tmnt imagine #tmnt michelangelo

[ughgclden]

bee, love, don’t apologise, please, it’s okay, and first and foremost, are you alright?? i hope you’re taking care of yourself, love, but i understand, i don’t think there’s been a year since third grade that i haven’t gotten pneumonia in the winter. I hope you’re feeling alright!!

honestly, dead poets society is one of my only personality traits anymore, i find myself drawing parallels to it constantly, for no reason but i love thinking about it. i’ve watched it so many times at this point, it’s,,, concerning. those tests always take me way less time than they give me, and i used to feel really awkward, i remember i took a bio one once, four hours they gave me, 45 minutes in, i was finished, and the moderator didn’t believe me. i aced it too, like the silly little neil kinnie i am. i’ve gotten used to the ‘worse’ side of being a neil kinnie, and honestly, now that my mum isn’t as controlling about everything as she used to be, it’s easier to deal with. i remember once, i’d gotten an 89 in algebra, and she threatened to pull me out of the fall show. that was a neil perry moment if i ever had one lol. the biggest thing these days is just imposter syndrome, imposter syndrome like oh you’re not hispanic enough, but also, you’re not queer enough, nonbinary enough, things like that. It’s exacerbated some days, but i try.

i watched the it movies on my cousin’s hbo,,, i may or may not have used it without her permission since she forgot to log out of my computer, but that’s neither here nor there. i remember having such a hard time taking the first one seriously initially, because of all the new kids on the block jokes, having a mum who was obsessed with them made it hard, especially when i actually got them all- in truth, the only midnight premiere i’ve been able to make was the force awakens, and i had school the next day too. i’m definitely a richie kinnie, and i have the internalised homophobia (only towards myself though) to prove it /hj my waterbottle has both a sticker of neil on it and a sticker of the r + e carving on it. in case there was any doubt about me lmao. stan kin makes sense for you, honestly, i can see it, i can see it.

okay so listen- no really, i’d bought them with the intention of only drinking half of one that night and spreading them out like that, but then came 9:45pm, and i had a research paper (on womens’ pockets/lack thereof) due at 10am that i simply hadn’t even started, so i downed them all in an hour and got the paper turned in at 5:56 in the morning. but i scare you huh? /hj bee, you’re too sweet, in truth, i’m fairly inelegant, but i try, as for the comforting and cosy, i’ll take you at your word, since that is something only someone interacting with me could discern. i do try to be kind to others for the most part. mainly i think because i’m usually on the other end of mean people.

i’m just perceptive like that bee, i dunno what to tell you, something just tells me, you know? /j and thank you, i always feel a little silly talking about it, because most of the tattoos i want are dead poets society tattoos, i guess some part of me, within the part of me that feels so incredibly tied to it, feels as if if i were able to get a tattoo i’d owe it to the movie in some way, if that makes any sense. i’ve already begged a friend of mine to go with me to get my first once i get to new york, the question though, is what to get first. i’ve got time to make a decision (for once in my life) i just spend a lot of time thinking about it.

honestly, i have never known a school rule to make sense. banning ripped jeans? banning dyed hair? it’s almost as if if they don’t stifle everything natural about kids expressing themselves they dont feel like they’re doing anything. but i digress. the same-sex couple rules were. awful. 12 year old me had enough going on without having an administrator yell at my friend and i for hugging in the courtyard and not leaving until we were a foot apart, but hey.

okay, jumping over a fence to go to a mcdonalds? how coming of age indie movie manic pixie dream girl of you /hj

200k words, is that a challenge? also ahaha not at all like my italian uncle up there just opened a ‘pizzeria’ /hj but mob!star au? might be a project i should start… granted, i’m not as good a storyteller as you, but i can try.

when i was little, i wanted to revolutionise things, i guess. i even actually wrote out a campaign, i wonder if its still somewhere. thank you for believing in me, but these days, bee, i’m thinking less about changing the world, and more about making it the next few weeks, and then the ones after that. little star was aware of so much, but also so little. i wonder what they’d think of me now, honestly.

i did, in fact, teach archery, it was so fun but my arms got SO SORE, and the kid who challenged my archery skills seemed surprised when i actually,, hit the bullseyes. my inner susan was happy then. incidentally the experience is also why i made a playlist called “touchstarved and wanting to teach you to shoot a bow” which low-key slaps when i’m lonely. and bee omg i cannot believe you said im better than susan pevensie i will be thinking about this for the rest of my life thank you- and yes, yes it was named aslan, however did you guess? /j prince caspian<33333

i’ll let you know my results from the tournament, as soon as they come out, and i say this having just put on pjs after taking off my suit, and sitting in the room with my cat in my dear evan hansen hoodie, frantically refreshing the results page because i’m anxious and impatient.

i hope you have a good night, with fitful and restful sleep, i’m sorry this got to be so long, but you know me, i certainly can talk. i’m honestly shocked i even made it to finals, considering i was running off four hours of sleep, having gone to bed at three last night. whoops.

all my love, hugs, and a warm mug of tea,

yours,

star✨

p.s i said yes so that?? happened?? it honestly feels surreal but we’re not gonna be in the same place anymore come the end of this year, so that’ll be something to deal with

P.p.s might just start adding spanish or latin or russian phrases to these if i keep having to translate your cute french bee /lh /hj

star my love, i know you said don't apologise, but i think the word 'sorry' makes up about 60% of my vocabulary. i'm okay!! was just a bit icky, but luckily i've recovered now!!

that's so nice - and again, makes so much sense for you. i think you would work perfectly in welton, i know it. i love bringing the messages from that film into my own life, as silly as it may sound. i'm astonished, and so fucking jealous of you. i used to finish tests maybe half an hour early, but hours is so impressive??? fun fact i did finish my physics final in about 45 minutes and slept for the other hour <3 neil would b proud my love!!! oh my god - i'm so sorry that happened??? but that is also so neil kinnie??? it seems futile me saying this, but i assure you that you are hispanic enough, and queer enough, and non-binary enough. you are enough, period. more than enough even. imposter syndrome is the worst, and i'm so so sorry you're dealing with it.

she did that to herself, you just saw an opportunity /lh a midnight premiere of the force awakens sounds so cute though omg - i hope you had the absolute best time. the r + e carving actually broke me. as a die hard reddie shipper since 2017, seeing the movie make it basically canon?! had me a mess in the cinema.

you are ridiculously comforting and cosy, everything about you feels like a warm hug from a familiar face and i love it. and the way you write is so smooth, it makes me think of a quill smoothly gliding across parchment, the deep black ink unsmudged and pristine. that seems a little pretentious of me, but oh well.

i also want some dps tattoos!! i desperately want "and still we sleep" from todd's poem, and was also so so tempted to get an outline drawing of meeks + pitts dancing on the roof. i love that, and i can't wait until the day you get it, whichever one it may be. my one concern is becoming addicted to them and making my bank account suffer - at least my piercing obsession is a little easier to fund /hj

i've NEVER gotten that - they claim it's 'distracting' but how on earth would it be?? when i got to college, no one was distracted by my dyed hair, and i certainly wasn't distracted by other people's outfits or painted nails. you were yelled at. for hugging. a friend.. what the fuck is wrong with these people??

just call me ramona flowers star /j it was possibly the highlight of my school career, sans hiding in the back room of the music room to avoid a maths test

i bet you're an amazing storyteller, if these letters are anything to go by. it would be a new york times best seller, i know it

we all have to take things one step at a time, i think. that's the only way i really get through things if i'm honest. one day after another and the cycle repeats. i love wondering what young me would think of me now - i'd probably be intimidated of myself, but i like to think i'd be proud that i'm still here, pursuing something i love

that playlist. sounds nothing short of sheer perfection. i too am touch starved and want to teach someone to shoot a bow - even though i.. cannot shoot a bow... but i can wield a sword so, it's close enough.

i saw your message about the tournament results - im so fucking proud of you!!!! you deserve it so so much and i couldn't be happier for you. see, your words and ideas are changing the world, even if you don't realise it.

ps; that is so fun???? omg im so happy for you star, you deserve tis <33 i hope towards the end of this year whatever happens leaves you both happy, no matter how far the distance.

pps; omg no.. please don't do that.. aha that would be awful... definitely wouldn't make my heart race.. haha not at all

all of my love, star. pardon the pun, but you are out of this world ;) i'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes;

il n'y a qu'un bonheur dans la vie, c'est d'aimer et d'être aimé <3

#asks <3 #anon asks! #star anon #long post

[ratspberry]

many naruto thoughts head overloading

ok im only like 20 episodes into shippuden and i skipped a Lot of filler in original naruto bc i do not have the patience </3 (i will come back to the filler one day though) and while i love this anime theres so much i wish... was not written how it is

first of all sakura... i love her sm and i just wish her character was given some more care like at this point in shippuden im actually really enjoying the direction shes taken but i heard a lot of her growth is sidelined when sasuke comes back into the picture and thats my biggest issue. im sorry but if youre going to introduce a TRIO of main characters i want to see that main group equally fleshed out. first going all the way back to the beginning i wish that sakura was allowed to fight??? like we KNOW shes super smart and has powerful chakra so even when at that time she wasnt the most skilled fighter (as far as we KNOW at least. given that we barely got to see her fight who knows!) she couldve in the very least played a similar role to that of shikamaru as far as leadership and strategizing. and ok her crush on sasuke should have dissipated a lot more after the chunin exams. even though i do hate to see her spend so much time fawning over sasuke when hes not even particularly kind to her i think a crush in the beginning could still work IF the moment of her cutting her hair (“sasuke likes girls with long hair”) and her battle w ino during the chunin exams were like an eye-opening moment for her when she was like “wtf am i doing i am going to work hard as a ninja to prove that i can do this to MYSELF and MY RIVAL first” (which. ok she does get to this point later and again i love her learning chakra and getting strong as HELL during her training w tsunade but again. i want to see that REMAIN parallel to the enormous power level leaps that sasuke and naruto make. also let sakura and ino have a fun friendship rivalry that has nothing to do w sasuke) . i think it would be better if she naruto and sasuke were just friends who ALL help and motivate each other. and so when sasuke leaves sakura is STILL super fucked up over it and maybe even has a hard time trusting naruto again after he comes back? (but ofc she eventually does bc power of friendship) like IDK loss of one best friend, then almost immediately after your other best friend (who u just learned secretly is sealed w the nine tails and the akatsuki is after him just like orochimaru was after sasuke) leaves you for THREE YEARS??? kind of a salt in the wound moment! also im simply not even going to touch on all the comphet marriages in the end

next im going to talk about rock lee my friend rock lee who i adore. anyways he either should not have foregone the surgery from tsunade or died from it. HEAR ME OUT! this surgery was good in showing how powerful tsunade is as a healer but like? was it necessary? after she brought naruto back to life??? as far as lees characterization his whole thing is that he may not have special jutsu or the same prodigal abilities as his peers but he can still be as powerful or more powerful! and idk i hate when characters have serious life changing stuff done to them and not seeing it fully explored in the story. like ok so we’ve got tsunade telling lee (who cant be older than 12? 13?) theres a 50/50 chance he’ll die in the surgery to heal him. and then guy ENCOURAGES HIM, HIS FAVORITE STUDENT, to go through with the surgery so he could then go on to be a ninja and continue risking his life?????? so i thought that was pretty screwed up. which leads me to the two paths that i think would be interesting to see play out: 1. lee doesnt get the surgery, but continues to train as a ninja. his injuries still exist but lee learns to fight WITH the injuries and creates a really cool badass unique fighting style and goes on to be a great ninja like he dreamed 2. lee dies in surgery. id hate it i would and i dont WANT lee to die but it might be a fuckin wakeup call to all these adult ninjas urging kids into warfare. lee is beloved by all so it would be a good moment of pause for everyone to think like “ummm so the systems that be are kind of majorly fucked up.”

those are the two main ideas i had but heres a few misc things:

-jiraiya can be the author of as many trashy romance novels as he wants but him hitting on younger women and being like a peeping tom and UGH the way he was introduced w narutos ‘sexy jutsu’ is just. not good. take it out.

-let tsunade look her age. like the whole “she uses her chakra to make herself look young”? i dont buy it. i dont care that you just didnt feel like drawing a woman who looks over 20. you will do it anyways bc i said so.

-i dont dislike n/ruhina as much as i dislike s/susaku bc at least its clear theres a mutual respect and admiration there but hinata, like sakura, has so much more potential to be explored. idk if its looked at in filler or later in shippuden (id sure hope so) but i think her parallel to sasuke is kind of interesting? both have intimidating, extremely powerful older brothers (i know neji is technically hinatas cousin or smth but whatever older brother figures. also i know hinatas sister is also supposed to be super powerful but idk her yet) who are held in high esteem by their families and have all this pressure on their shoulders to want to surpass them? given that neji didnt um. do the things itachi did clearly its not the SAME between hinata and sasuke but i feel like examining the hyuga family dynamics would be SO interesting in comparison to sasukes arc. i didnt mind seeing hinata motivated by naruto the first few times but like. there is SO MUCH MORE THERE than JUST hinatas relationship to naruto.

-all of these kids need therapy but ESPECIALLY sasuke like the signs were there. halfway thru the bell test thing SUPER early on sasuke went into a full-fledged “i am an avenger.. i have to kill a certain someone” monologue and given the fact that everyone knows his entire clan was killed and that sasuke is likely VERY traumatized... who thought it was a good idea to let him become a ninja before addressing any of that. my god. like i love kakashi and i know he has his own devestating backstory and that hes a product of the system but why the Fuck would he let sasuke take the chunin exams. give team 7 a year more of training and getting to know each other and give sasuke some time to create bonds and maybe even open up emotionally and begin to heal and then MAYBE we can THINK ab chunin exams.

-asuma and ino apologize to choji for telling him not to eat as much challenge? did asuma not know that chojis clan uses food to replenish their chakra? it would make sense if ino didnt know but chojis teacher?? either way still p fucked, leave choji alone

-speaking of ino i want more of her character tok. why was she not included in that mission to save sasuke that shikamaru, her TEAMMATE, led?? was there an explanation for that?? i feel like her not being there was a missed opportunity for some real growth/bonding between team 10.

-speaking of the last bullet point shikamaru being like “ugh women 🙄” is tired and boring. very misogynistic “i hate my wife” facebook dad humor. cut that shit out

-orochimarus coding and his whole um. intent as a villain is just very. Hm. i dont think i like that very much but im not going to go into it bc im sure its been touched upon a million times

[alukaforyou]

and ALSO sry to post bs on main im mostly just talking to myself in my personal tag half the time so yolo, no need to respond to this or reassure me or whatever but these days i licherally question how much of my - sry to sound like a broken record - bs is dépression or just my shité mentality, like i rly was not designed to last, huh? physically or mentally? lol. like who gets motion sickness on swings lmao anyways. i think i give up too easily. theres a bunch of reasons y but i dont feel like saying. its a different thing to kind of kno something, and to admit / speak it (confront it). i could psychoanalyze myself all day and tell u exactly why some things are the way they are but its too unpleasant to neatly state stuff like that u kno?? like... *i kno* but im not gonna say i kno. anywho, i digress. so i give up easily and kind of have a defeatist mentality too, its so exhausting lool. actually its weird cuz duality of man, i'll be rly determined / stubborn abt doing some stuff and not care abt fear of failure with certain things but when it comes to My Life / My Future i just think i cant rly do anything? i mean that literally like i got no skillz *laugh crying emoji* not particularly good at anything, and art - the only thing im maybe arguably ok at - i dont wanna do as a career, that is art therapy for me i dont feel like commercializing it. not interested in working in my major, maybe things wouldve been different if i went to culinary or cosmetology school?? that sounds fun. or if i majored in bio cuz i was so good at that, or even if i majored in japanese language or literature or idk. but no regrets tho cuz i learned a lot abt drawing in art school which i can use for myself. and hmm i like staying home and not rly going out of my way to meet new ppl so connections what? i h8 hearing how most opportunities come through the ppl u kno cuz its true and ik like 10 ppl tops so hm very sexi of me :^) i just feel like im p much f*cked and it rly doesnt help that i have no functional dreams, goals, or aspirations nor the confidence and drive to work towards anything so ah ok cool. u kno suga's songs "the last" and "so far away" ? that p much sums up my feels minus the part abt having to deal w fame obviously LOL. its so easy being a student (for me at least) but being a good student isnt really worth a whole lot in the """""real world""""" and the current education system doesnt even rly prepare u for reality or w.e like Deep Sigh also the political climate rly lookin like shité out there like hmmmmm do i even wanna try so hard to be here anymore tho??? also going back to the self confidence thing, ya idk her LOOOOL like it doesnt very much bother me tho? i really, honest to god have no idea what my redeeming qualities even are. being nice? and my mindset re - tolerance and compassion for others, etc, ya im rly proud of that actually but besides that i mean like what can i Do tho like hm im not particularly good at anything also im hideous like uglee but thats ok too like none of this Bothers me, thats just literally how i Am so ok fine, but i feel like it makes it hard for me to exist in the world i happen to be in??? and i realize im speaking with a huge bias here cuz my brain is totally out of whack im p sure if some1 saw me / read this they would lit be like um u literally do not have it hard girl, which is fair ur kinda right actually from an objective pov, probably? its amazing how um. hard? of a time my brain is having given my relatively ok circumstances but thats just how it is ig. and if i may quote shakespeare - o full of scorpions is my mind. and its weird cuz duality of man - i actually have a lot of good times w friends and whatever i have a lot of fun, im not even very Sad or in Agony its all very a mild? sensation? but that might be because my plan b is to simply *** so nothing rly fazes me anymore lool.

its usually a v confusing emotion, im either feeling happy, or if not that, very ???? im literally that duwang quote get a feeling so complicated its just "ajdjsjsja" idk its not overly repulsive and upsetting im like :s LOL u kno wat at this point idek what im even saying anymore but its good that im writing whatever cuz im gonna need to look back on this later and organize my thoughts for presentation cuz remember i have a s.o now???? i wanna let them kno so we r on the same page, and i dont feel like im tricking them, i thought it over more and there are like 4? major cards i wanna lay out on the table early on and they are 1. im not that close w my family emotionally so do not seek their approval or expect to deal with them much. 2. personal ideology / political views like im bi lmao and pro lgbt if that wasnt obvious also i dont rly wanna be around racists / terfs etc and if ur right wing or not on that respect women juice uhhh bye.. 3. my weak ass mentality how i might Maybe *** in the future like no promise but errrr theres one more but its a little more negotiable and also too early to discuss so i wont mention it but i already got the first two outta the way so ya. theres the most troublesome of all, #3. the last thing i wanna do is traumatize someone that loves me (and i love back) with that kinda thing, its too late for my dear friends whom i love, sorry i didnt kno i was gonna be like this LOL yall already got attached but its a little different with my s.o cuz i feel like its not too late to uh.... stop getting as attached LMAO like dam i've known my girls for almost 10 years whereas i've only known my s.o for like a month.

and this is totally not gonna come across right but if my s.o very understandably desides to dump me id be SO RELIEVED LIKE WOOOO ok cool cuz like essentially what i'd be saying is you are getting attached to someone who's future is not as stable as other people, including u. *huge exhale* from the bottom of my heart, my bad lol. and then i probs wont ever get involved w. a s.o again, sorry to reference snk in 2020 but remember how e*win smith is single cuz he doesnt kno when he will ***? big mood. i have never acted out on my interests before but i was like ok for once lets go off the shits and do smth ooc, i uh... didnt expect for it to actually go anywhere tho so now im like ???? i shouldve thought it through more tho, like i felt low key irresponsible af and selfish and dumb for getting involved w. someone even tho i Know how I Am like...... Also i just lov being single and staying home and chilling alone lmao like i seriously...... never get loney....

ok so what was i talking abt? how the passage of time makes me nervous cuz idk how i can manage to keep up w it??? how i feel like i cant do jack shit???? that life is hard???? and maybe a bih just wants to rest? permanently?????? i think the most irritating part of all for me, like what i am most mad about at myself is that i have no dream. yikes. naruto, do u think thats sad? well yoongi said its okay, and what counts is just being happy, so i will console myself and forgive her and idk just try my best for the time being??

#.txt

[celestialallstars]

Episode #1: “This cast, fuck me, fuck them.” - Rhys

Ok so my pregame thoughts. It seems like there are a lot of contenders that were threats in their original seasons just based off of placements. I’m really gonna try to use this to my advantage because in my season, I don’t think I was very threatening. Unfortunately I’ll miss the cast reveal, but I’m hoping that doesn’t put me in a bad spot. This game is gonna be tough, but I know I can do it. At least make merge. You need small goals in order to achieve bigger ones. Cast assessment coming up next :)

Y'all I am ANXIOUS! I've had a bad run recently and for the most part I never really care that much. But if I flop on this season I'll die of sadness. Okay but for real, I want to do well this season and idk what kind of people I'm going to be up against, and I couldn't even get my intro to send like i'm such a joke. Ugh y'all how can I be this stressed already.

Just roughly 2 hours before we're gonna really dive into the thick of things. There are so many things I wanna say and so many things I'm just beyond excited about. I really think this is gonna be a Top Tier Season.

I'm vowing to make the most of my stay no matter how long or short. I'm gonna try to drive the pessimist in my mind away and do my best to avoid being that early boot just because I'm a previous winner. Y'all better watch out!

This is gonna be FuCkInG LiT!!!

Getting ready for this season, I'm honored tbh. I feel like it's my first fully-legit-no-strings-attached All-Stars appearance. I was on EMBB All-Stars, but only because I was an alternate for Jake and he decided to be a host instead. Being invited back on my merits exclusively feels amazing, I just hope I can live up to my own expectations in this game and take home the win.

Hi I’m super excited to be brought back to play this game. I’m gonna play maybe a little harder but I’m hoping to keep my gameplay very similar to last season cause it did me well I just need to not freak out. I’m really looking forward to seeing who I’m playing with and I know this season will be fun.

So. This cast, fuck me, fuck them. Like they all seem so much more capable than me. Like bitch bye.

My tribe honestly idk yet. They seem cool,  haven’t talked to most of them yet. So I’ll get back on that.

The only person I’m not happy is cast is Michael. Bitch hated me for no reason last season. So bitch best watch his back cause I’m bringing this hatred back this season.

Also one world can fuck off

So I am meeting everyone and honestly so far this is a nice group. A mixture of old faces like Zach and Loris and new ones like everyone else! Everybody is radical, but I am gonna try and give it a short moment before giving an assessment. Having that said, im gonna get dragged and murdered by this cast....call the police.

Hi so the game has just started and I feel like already so much has happened it has been intense. This cast? stacked. One world? intense. Me? crying.

This entire cast is so iconic and so loved I honestly don't know how to feel rn I am scared as all hell but I'm ready to fight for my fucking life. I'm also quite glad for the one world because I love the idea of being able to socialise with EVERYONE since that's such a strong point of my game for me considering I'm horrific in challenges. I just really hope I can pull things off this season and actually have someone like me and prove that I am in fact worthy of an all star title.

Being on call with people from the one world chat is honestly so fun and I can tell this is going to be a great season and we're literally only like 2.5 hours in. I really wanna make it to the end so I can experience it in it's fully glory.

amazingly, i don't think me being an admin is going to be to a problem??? i wanna thank you three beauts for giving me a wonderful tribe. i love matt, bodhi's hilarious, alyssa intimidates me but she's cute and i love allying strong women, tobi forced me to keysmash, and mo and karthik are kind of blase but its ONLY NIGHT ONE. all in all, think i can survive on this tribe. just get me to merge baby i cannot go premerge in this org if annas not gonna play then I CANT LET US DOWN

So we've officially landed in this ORG, and immediately smacked in the face with a flaccid twist that is One World. So instead of trying to balance 6 relationships I have to balance 20. I'm of course already a mess trying to keep track of it all.

Bodhi and I already have an instant F2, we'll see how that works out given we aren't even on the same tribes. Meanwhile I'm already in love with Bryce as a person and trying to possible Corral all the winners together. Obviously we need to make sure the Winners make it to merge.

I think on my tribe specifically I'm probably getting along best with Mitch, I think Rhys has a similar sense of humor as me but he went to bed too early for me to figure out more. There's a ton more sweet people on the other tribes too I just don't have time to delve into all of them, nor do I have enough substance to any of them to develop opinions anyway.

I have an idea as far as connections go for this tribe but I'm not sure yet if it is strong. Loris is sleeping though I did talk with everyone else. I have a feeling Chloe/Zach would be safest but also that Chloe/Michael might be together. Regardless I think I'll be sticking with Zach if I can help that. Drew seems nice too and Sharky seems it too. Not sure how things will go but I do have to be smart since I would be the easy choice as winner if we lose. I'm gonna be optimistic about it all though :) as for the people on other tribes I'll get to them later. This is going to be fun!

________________________________________________________________

Now that I can see the actual twist (am dummy) I have to try and make some alliances between and in the tribes. I mean making one with the winners shouldn't be too hard but I am gonna want something with a few member here and there from each. I think things are about to get much difficult because I can tell lot of these people are more familiar with each other with their histories and I am just like "hi..." so I def need to wedge myself on in there some way..I've got my work cut out for me

HI ASDDASJKLASDLJK I was so nervous but like.. I feel my victory coming.. I'm pulling my weight in the challenge I think and our tribe's pretty cool!! It's all stars.. so like.. it's no surprise that I like everyone. Sharky seems to be busy so like.. if we lose that could be a good scapegoat.. ALSO?? i was on the blog and i was like wow jones' fairy drawing is so pretty.. so i hovered over it and accidentally clicked it.. and.. i found my legacy advantage again ADSALKDKLJASKLD. and anna said to make sure you search the blog to learn about people and i didnt even see that......... im so lucky :)

So this is so exciting. I’m trying to get to know everyone. Theres one person i was effy about on my tribe and that was Jared. But he’s been talking to me and been nice. But i still have my eyes 👀 on him. Its been nice catching up with Bryce. And been talking to Mitch Rhys and Kori. I hope i can get myself in a good social position where even if im not in their alliance, that im not someone they want to take out. But this time im gunna use my bonds to my advance and hopefully it gets me to the end.

Hi i don't really know what to say right now I just know I wanted to put down some thoughts. So far I'm so fucking in love with this entire cast I'm pretty sure I've spoken to every single person in one way or another which is great, I love to see people fully invested into a season they're playing. I also really love this first challenge, although scavenger hunts stress me the fuck out because i find so many items are so hard to find, I'm just hoping my tribe can pull out a win for us and I'm sure they will cause they're all so iconic and I love them all with my whole heart already.

So I've spoken more to people thusfar and like currently I'm speaking more to people I've spoken to before which like isn't great, because i hate relying on past relations. Like i am speaking to others who are new, its just a bit awkward. So lets push by that and hopefully they aint boring af.

Well so far I've gotten a few items on my list done. Progress is slow but steady. I'm a bit worried about this tribe given it seems like all of us being on at the same time might be unlikely. (That and we're halfway through and only 2 of us have added items to our list.)

I might just be too uptight though, we'll probably be fine. I haven't gotten to talk with people today as much as I wanted as a result of balancing the other ORG and this one as well as apartment hunting and scavenging. I'm beginning to think I planned poorly and have too much on my plate at the moment...

BUT I WILL PERSEVERE! YES SIR'RE I WILL!

CAST ASSESSMENT TIMEEEE Let me start with Orfero Chris- So chris is someone who I think can either go really far as an UTR threat like he did his first season, or be an early boot. I think him and I have a similar playstyle, but he is much more poetic and structured. I am really looking forward to play with him again! We dominated in afvv and im glad he won, but I won't let that happen again. He's too good. ioris- Honestly I see ioris as more of a goat. Maybe that's false perception, but I could easily see him latching onto someone for the long haul and not being respected later on. As of now, I don't think I would work with ioris, but if the situation arises, I wont hesitate. Drew H- OK I LOVE DREW FIRST OF ALL. I am actually SUPER excited that we are finally playing a game together. I really want to work with him, but unfortunately I think he is too threatening to the point where he wont make it far. Michael- Ok so this was definitely a wildcard. I think Michael is someone to watch out for. I don't know how he'll fair in this game, knowing that people recognize his gameplay. He could either go mid merge or permerge, but I dont think he has a shot at winning. Sharky- Sharky is someone I'm unfamilar with, and for that reason alone, I am guessing he makes it deep by flying UTR while winning challenges. Zach- Zach is another sneaky player. I really would love to work with him after our relationship in emvv4 where I voted him out at f10. He is definitely not someone to brush under the rug though, because he is also very threating. I predict a mid merge boot for Zach. Clohie- I personally don't see Clohie as much of a threat,  but I hope she proves me wrong. We have had limited discussion, but I can tell she is here to play. I predict she will make FTC this time, but only time will tell

Alignments: For Orfero, I can see Chris ioris and Zach on one side, Michael Drew H and Sharky on the other with  Clohie in the middle

Tuatha Kori- I've been itching to play an org with kori too and im glad we are on the same tribe because i know how well he can perform in challenges. He is probably my closest ally right now, so I really hope he gets far. My prediction is early merge for him. Rhys- Rhys seems so sweet. We havent had much conversation due to timezone issues, but I'd love to work with Rhys. He is super charming and I think he can go far! My prediction for rise is late merge. Maynor- Maynor is probably the person most difficult to talk to. I have discussed with Kori and he says that his weakest relationships are with Maynor and Jared, so i think its telling that maynor might be an early boot. Jared- I think jared is super cool and he's been a player I have to watch VERY carefully. I do see myself working with him because our convos have been good so far, but I feel like he can be a good talker. We'll see how it turns out but i predict Jared being a premerge boot. He claimed to be a crackhead in confessionals though so we'll see :). Stephen Z- Man i really wish I had better conversations with him!! I think he is super cool, but he does not seem to remember who I am. If our convos improve like I hope they will, I could see Stephen going early merge. Bryce- I really like bryce too but he is soooo unpredictable and sketchy. I think his  cast reveal intro shed bad light on him to other players too, but I know from experience. I see bryce being a premerge boot, but I hope he proves me wrong. I just dont feel like I can fully trust him.

Alignments: For Tuatha, I see myself aligning closely with Kori and Jared. I dont know what the dynamics would be, but I feel like Maynor is already on the outs.

Cyrena Mo- I LOVE MO SO MUCH. What a gem. I met him in TS Montenegro and he considered me one of his closest allies and saved me from elimination at f9 only for me to vote him out at f8. I still feel bad but im hoping we can mend our relationship and go far together. I actually do think he could make a deep run and  definitely get to finale by laying low. Tobi- Tobi and I in games USUALLY don't end up on the same sides. That being said, I'd love to work with Tobi and I hope he makes merge unlike in emvvas. Matt- Matt is another mystery for me. On one hand, I know he is not only a host favorite but a fan favorite as well, but on the other I  dont really know what he brings to the table. Another wildcard for me that I see going early merge. Jack- Jack and I have a history for sure LOL. It feels like we play every game together. I think Jack is a super nice person, and I'd love to work with him again. We dont really mesh on a personal level which makes it difficult, but I learned my lesson of trying to avoid Jack in emvvas (he got me out) Bodhi- I've seen bodhi around a bit, and can be the hero or the villain. He is quirky in a good way. I see bodhi as being the comical relief that goes mid merge for being too likeable. Alyssa- honestly alyssa seems kind of annoying. I dont want to speak too soon but i dont get good vibes from her. I think she might be an early boot on her tribe. but i truly hope im wrong about her. Karthik- I know karthik from em and i really think he could make a loyal ally. His win was well deserved but i dont necessarily think he is a threat. My predicition for him is still prejury because of his timezone. It's unpredictable when he has power and when he doesnt.

Alignments: For Cyrena, I see Mo Alyssa Tobi in one alliance and Matt Jack and Bodhi in another with Karthik out of the loop.

I'm excited to see how accurate my predicition are! I didnt bother including a winner because i still think its too early to tell. Game ON!

Wow a discord call this early in the game!! Strategy? Nope! It's... Alyssa explaining tarot cards to me. Gotta do what you can for social game ig (its ok now we're talking about romcoms)

iz me beech

what a gift, hi im mo. a dumb bottom who treats himself like shit so no one else does.

IM AN ALL STAR ISNT THAT INSANE. I cannot express how excited I am to be playing this game, plus I fucking love this cast. Like my tribe? Fantastic.

Alyssa - The sister I always wanted. I love her she’s so great.

Matt - New good friend and probably who I’m closest to at the moment I get happy when he gets online cus he gets me and my shit.

Jack - He can rap and he’s nice, what an icon.

Rhys - SUCH A SWEETHEART, I’m so excited to play with him again.

Karthik - Also super sweet, he seems like a genuine guy and I’m looking forward to playing with him.

Tobi - I love that I get to play with him again we haven’t talked all too much but we’ve talked a bit. (I definitely have my guard up around him just cus of something he did in Muxloe)

Bodhi - Kinda inactive unfortunately but he seems nice.

Mo - Dumb bitch.

sits. hi. so like. just like elara im gonna do a countdown to when i can play my legacy because yall CRAZY if you think im willing it to someone else... uh...WAIT.. I JUST REALISED... I THINK I COULD'VE SAVED BIG Z WITH MY LEGACY?? if only i knew he was going... sorry big z... you wont read this.. anyways. ok so. it is final 21. so. 15 (or 8 i guess...) people need to be voted out before i can play it.. i can DO IT. and this time i am not telling a SOUL about it. like. NO ONE.. and the beauty of the legacy is that people shouldn't really even suspect it exists.. heehee!

ANYWAYS! let's talk about the game. so. my tribe is a mess. i love zach and chloe... chris is a king.. i played elara with drew h and he's a babe so there's that. michael king. and sharky hasnt been on much because he's busy which is like awful timing n i feel bad especially if we lose because i think he might go? :-(

as for the other tribes.. bryce asked to be allies i said shure. i love rhys.. thats all bye

________________________________________________________________

UPDATE!! i love BODHI!!!!!!!!!!!! like..... wow. hes such a king. no words at all.

Our tribe has lots of stuff done on our sheet. I hope we are able to get it done. I hope we can win immunity, first tribal will suck.

________________________________________________________________

Omg. 3 minutes until sheets are locked. Im kind of nervous. I really want us to be immune.

My tribe mates- Rhys: he is amazing and i feel like we get along pretty well. We have been talking. Mitch: also very nice. Was the first person to message me and i really like him. Kori: we talked a bit. Is someone i need to talk to more. Bryce: my marmoreal f3. ❤️ Jared: amazing guy and really like talking to him. Would work with him. Stephen: the person i least have talked to but i need to talk to more.

________________________________________________________________

I’m am extemely excited that we won immunity. It gives me more time to talk and bond with these people. Im really liking my tribe. I hope we can keep winning immunity. (Knocks on wood)

We won! Yas! It's unfortunate that we couldn't snatch the reward, but we came close and I think that counts for something.

Chloe and Drew definitely carried the Orfeo tribe to their reward, meanwhile Karth practically killed Cyrena himself. I'm pretty happy being that perfectly middle score on my tribe. High enough to be a contributor, low enough to like not be a threat for try-harding or something.

I'm gonna hopefully take this time to get to bond with people more. Chloe and I are getting married apparently which is cute. She's honestly pretty sweet so I'm already a hardcore stan.

Gonna enjoy the time off, and see what this idol system is about. Maybe I'll get lucky this season.

i am OVERWHELMED like ok so most the cast i feel like doesnt like me. my tribe has ppl who arent super active (this is literally marmoreal flash backs) kori is so.. much idk JKFADSHFKJ like he just is rly.. there! jared is my new fave i love that man so much we are going so far KNOW that. rhys.. an angel i LOVE him i just get him and he gets me. maynor? doesnt reply idk its off. stephen.. not here. mitch? ignores me for long time. so ya that sucks but wooh jared and rhys! also LOVE chloe, loris, zach, maybe tobi!!!

YAAAAAAAAS safety is so important right nowwwww, having safety is crucial bc I wanna keep my friends in this game and keep building bridges. I also have a little advantage to help me search for the idol and nobody needs to know about it except me so hopefully soon I’ll have an idol in my back pocket!

The first few days of this game have been fun. I always enjoy getting to know a new tribe of people. Still, all of these people are essentially new to me. I've been in VL's with Kori and Mitch, and I helped host Jared in Wakea, but playing with people is a totally different ballgame. Still these 3 are probably the relationships I'm most interested in investing time in right now.

As for people off of my tribe, I feel pretty good about my old Komnata castmates. Alyssa, Zach and Karth all worked well with me in the pre-merge and I can definitely see myself working with them here as well. Chris is also my BFF I would literally die for him. Jack is also someone I know well and I know he's a good ally, but we're also playing another ORG together at this very moment (SBBB7) and I just made a move there knowing he wouldn't approve of it, so that's something I have to keep in mind as well. I think as long as I can set myself up well on this current tribe, I could be in it for the long hall!

Looking at the challenge results, it looks really bad for my bro Karth. It's gonna suck if he goes first because we instantly connected back in Komnata, but hey, I don't think I have the clout to save him here. It's the first tribal council and there's no basement to hide in this time.

Today is gonna be a big day though. Before Cyrena goes to Tribal Council, I'm planning to reach out to Mitch and Kori about formally becoming allies. Just like my first season, I'll use the idol search as my opening statement!

SO lots to discuss. First off, we got fucking demolished in immunity. Fucking embarassing. Matt Alyssa and I showed tf up with 100+, and Mo and Bodhi weren't far behind. Tobi did not have a good showing but FUCKING. KARTHIK. TWO POINTS? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's disgraceful this is god damn all stars you're a WINNER and you give 2 god damn 1 point submissions. Get the fuck out of my tribe. He should be the easiest first boot in history but of course everyone wants to pussyfoot around for the first 12-18 hours of tribal and not throw out a name. But there's no avoiding this. He's inactive, he has a bad timezone comparatively, and he did diddly poo in the challenge. He's. Gone.

Luckily I find myself with 2 quick alliances right out the shoot, a trio with Alyssa and Matt and a duo with Bodhi. I found myself gravitating to these 4 a lot the first couple days, Mo and Tobi are a bit quieter so I like these 3 allies for me moving forward. Sidenote, BoJack has got to be the greatest alliance name in Celestial history. I'd go back and look to compare but I'm lazy.

One World is still kicking my ass, a lot of people want to talk to me and I don't have the energy for it but damn it I guess I have no other choice, I can't just not respond to them.

Ok so fucking karthik made an alliance with Me, Mo, Matt. And spilled his heart out to us. But we left him on read and now he’s super lonely. Hopefully he doesn’t have an idol or whatever.

Also this game started!! I’m very busy with school but I have things to say. I’m close with some people from before, I really like Loris and Tobi and Alyssa. I’m feeling pretty good about my position right now.

Fuck yeah, not first boot!!! Although I would’ve loved to win as were so close, but can blame that on my tribe mates cause me and Bryce pulled through.

So right now, my closest ally I feel like would be Bryce. Primarily cause were on the same tribe and then I speak to him most on our tribe, and most of the other cast. Then would be jarred, so I want to make hopefully an alliance between them, maybe another, just to confirm my spot in the tribe.

Feel like my main goal is to make connection, as it seems like everyone else has some with other people. So like if it comes to me someone they don’t know, against someone they've player with before just looks bad for me. So I’m trying to make up with Michael, just so that’s one less target in my back.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Also I talk to Zach a lot. But don’t trust him at all. We have been “dating” since the cast reveal. But he asked Mo to be in a showmance too?! Plus Bryce said he talks to zach the most but Bryce wasn’t in who Zach talks to the most.

This sounds like Tween drama but it’s so much more.

Am I being flirted with?????????

https://youtu.be/GBCr-tAsKTc

My slow self. In regards to the other castmates- I didnt realize how much I talked to the members of Tuatha. Bryce, Rhys, Kori all are red but I've probably done most of my talking with Jared and Stephen who I really wanna get together with at some point. I've reached out to other people like Jack and Alyssa and Mo. I may be forgetting some people but I'm just gonna keep talking up a storm with everybody!  If I had to pick my closest people so far, it definitely would be Jared, Stephen, Zach, and Michael.. stay tuned!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I FLOPPED at this challenge hard. Drew and Sharky I am sorry for sharing you peeps on the low for being MIA when I was here and performed worse! I am happy we won though because I like my entire tribe and honestly I see a lot of good from them! And so the game begins!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I am just putting gears in motion! I've made it clear with Stephen, Kori, and Jared I want to work with them. I want to get a cross tribe alliance going and it seems Tuatha is my in though I have to see about other people. As for Orfeo...I talked with Zach on starting a majority alliance with Chloe and Loris, we'll see how it goes and if it is legitimate but I definitely hope I can trust Michael enough to keep him. I still am gonna  not get comfortable because I can see myself being targeted but yeah

https://youtu.be/ia3DTwLWMi8

So we’re going to tribal... and honestly I’m terrified bc I was one of the poorer performers in the challenge but the thing is that Karthik got a whole ass 2 in the challenge... a challenge where you get 8/9 points for drinking water... so I would think he’d be the easy vote but everyone was SUPER quiet yesterday and no one wanted to give names but today is looking a bit better but I swear if I go home over karthik.... I. will. call. out. all. of. them. Not only was his score tragic but I don’t think he’s been social at all... people from other tribes think that karthik is definitely going so maybe I’m just crazy paranoid for no reason but idk I’ll have to talk wayyyy more to everyone just to be sure

well here is my first real confessional of the game! Sorry its late been busy.

So firstly my tribe is like super cute. I'm glad i don't know everyone cause then i would be worried, plus i do genuinely like getting to know new people so that is definitely a yay moment. I am also really liking this cast, though more wahmen would be nice but this is all stars, we r not casting wahmen for the sake of it. - anna jane 2k19.

The first challenge? selfie scavenger. a classic if i have seen one. a surprisingly difficult one at that but im glad how well i performed. top scorer on my tribe so i'm really glad about that and how I will be perceived as an asset for a while at least (we will see how that pans out longer down the line). but yay go me! Unforunately, we lost though so like UGH.

During immunity i approached alyssa and jack about a trio, who could control the tribe as i knew we would be high scorers and i genuinely like the two of them. also made sense becuase i sense we are the 3 most active. Karthik, who scored only 2 in the challenge, is probs the target due to inactivity LOL. tobi and mo i also like, but bodhi remains a mystery to me. might be a timezone thing idk but still. a tad worrying that i dont know him as well as i would like.

One World does my head in but im trying to talk to everyone. i've learnt though i need to make connections on my tribe first and foremost as they r the ones who vote, not people on other tribes. god i do hate one world tho. i want to be napping, not messaging people

think im gonna be in an alliance?? on day 3? is this a joke? literally winning...................  wow....

I usually make videos but today I am lazy so hello. So One World is ass because I don't want to talk to everyone but these people are crackheads so like I guess. Uhhhhh I'm in an alliance with Jack and Matt because I adore them both greatly. Mo is on my tribe which is so nice because we have played together before and he has such fun energy and is just a ray of sunshine so I'm very happy (although he makes me nervous cuz the last game we played together I killed him for no reason basically.... But I don't think he's the vengeful type). Tobi makes me nervous because I think he is a social king and I mean like... Idk I guess there are a lot of very social players which makes me nervous that I would be pushed out for maybe not being as social? Idk if that makes sense.

But anyway Karthik is also on my tribe and I was like OF COURSE. Because this is the man from my season who I cursed out via DR video for flipping on me LOL He is a sweetie though. I recently looked and saw he was rooting for me a lil in a game I was in which is really nice of him, especially seeing as I didn't vote him to win our season. I think he's going to be first boot. He was on vacation this weekend somewhere where there's no wifi (that's what he told me) and only sent in two things for the scavenger hunt, dooming us to a first tribal. I feel somewhat bad but have told people on my tribe that if not for Komnata's twist of the season he would've been out pre-merge easily because his overarching challenge performance is not great. So basically just reiterating to people that I'm not so sure that this was a fluke and overall I think it's probably just best for us to cut him.

Yeah that's it. I have so much crackhead energy from the games I've been playing as of late I feel like I majorly need to chill the fuck out. Here's to praying.

so everyone’s kinda agreed on voting out karthik due to him only scoring two points so I’m like ok cool i’m down but then karthik made an alliance chat with bodhi, matt and myself asking to be saved and

https://i.imgur.com/AxCzqxd.gif?noredirect

Sooo im making this last minute confessional to tell ya that I THINK im in a good spot. Im sharing my idol guesses with Stephen Z and Jared which is helping me build trust with them. I also have mutual trust with Kori. Maynor and Rhys are kind of boring tbh so hopefully they go soon. Bryce and I never seem to have good conversations so idk where his head is at. IM JUST HAPPY THAT MY CURSE OF ALWAYS GOING TO THE FIRST TRIBAL IS FINALLY LIFTED. I WONT BE FIRST BOOT YAHOO

Short and sweet, glad to be back, beast moded another selfie scavenger hunt. Got a good tribe, I think, couple of good friends, couple new people, at least one I think obvious boot should it come to that, but here's hoping it won't. Not a lot of players from my season so hopefully there won't be too much bad blood coming into this. Shoutout to Chloe Bryce and Tobi who are apparently contractually obligated to be in every fucking game I play on Facebook and associated communities for the rest of my life. 21 people is a lot to get through so I'm just hoping for merge, then we can go from there.

Well let's give confessing on my phone a try.

So far I feel like I've been making decent strides conversing with everybody. It's kinda weird how much I like everyone on this season. Its gonna make being a snake harder but I cant afford to blind myself I'll have to do whatever I'll have to do to hopefully win again.

I've made a sort of trio deal with Bryce and Chris as we're all former winners. I'd have included Kavish but we're all predicting he's more than likely the first boot alarm Tina. I'm growing closer to Zach and Clohie on the outer tribes. Also obviously still have my Bodhi connection. I'm talking with just about everyone a bit. Though I cant shake the feeling there is someone I've missed.

I am concerned not being in any sort of majority alliance on my tribe, so if we do lose that's worrisome but still not being the first boot is a huge relief for me, and hopefully there is only good for me going forward. (I say as 4 people probably plot my demise.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Karthik is voted out 5-1-1.

#episode #shinebright

[snkpolls]

SnK Chapter 98 Poll Results

The chapter 98 poll closed with a record 1,771 responses. Thank you to everyone for participating. 

  RATE THE CHAPTER (1,711 RESPONSES)

If you disliked this chapter, you were very much in the minority. Only 1% of respondents rated it poorly. Satisfaction with recent Marley chapters have been generally positive, but this is the highest rating since we started the poll.

This chapter was so fire I had to call 911 after I read it

Goddamned life ruining basements.

Sadly, SNK is eventually going to end, and having taken the time to properly explain its unique universe and its characters will that day leave to this world the completed masterpiece it has the potential to be

I gasped during the "I'm Dr. Yeagar'" scene, but I almost threw my phone from excitement from the "Hey, it's been 4 years huh Reiner." I was one of the people that thought I wouldn't care for the young Warriors, but damn, this chapter won me over. Especially Falco. The awesome character building scenes, the mystery behind Tybur & Magath, the attitude's of the vet Warriors, and Eren's new shred of awesomeness made this one of my favorite chapters.

Magath is still making me wet with his humanity, Willy needs a hug and some Hellos D, I can't believe the East Sea Clan is actually a thing (eeeek) and if Falco gets hurt I will die. Also where's Annie.

I think the entire chapter could be my favorite moment.

Willy and Magath vs Levi for clean house?

When Jaegerbowl became SUPER JAEGER BROTHERS, GET HYPE EVERYBODY

  ON THE SUPREME CUTENESS SCALE OF 10-10 HOW CUTE WAS ALL OF THIS??? (1,721 Responses)

Because of our own intense fangirling after reading this chapter, we had to lead off the poll with something fun. Thankfully most didn’t mind and agreed with us that this chapter was packed with supreme cuteness.

Remember when attack on titan was dark? Now it's all rainbows and unicorns. Jk, I loved this chapter.

   ON THE BEST DAD SCALE OF 420-10 HOW GREAT WAS REINER??? (1,721 Responses)

It’s also nice to see that 84% of us agree that Papa Reiner was just awesome! 275 people disagreed, including one commenter below.

Reiner accompanying the kids at the festival was SOOO DAMN CUTE

Reigner is my favourite moment every chapter.

This chapter was great. Seeing daddy Reiner was one of the sweetest moments in SNK

This may be an unpopular opinion but Reigner honestly feels like the least interesting character in the whole arc. We have all these shiny new characters that are in desperate need of character development and all we keep getting is more and more Reigner. Reigner this, Reigner that, Isayama is starting to sound like a bunch of Bertholdts. Where is the love for Colt, Porco, Ms Exactly Right, Theo and more? Grim Reminder 2.0 also needs to happen fast.

this one salty anon saying reiner is the least interesting character of marley are you in your right mind or are your standards simply just low

  THERE WERE SO MANY GREAT MOMENTS THAT WE’RE GONNA BREAK ‘EM INTO TWO QUESTIONS. BATCH ONE IS THE SWEET THINGS. WHICH OF THESE MOMENTS MADE YOU SMILE THE MOST? (1,720 Responses)

I love how difficult it was for people to choose a best moment. “Reiner as Marley’s Best Dad and ATM” eked out the number one slot by just 1 vote. “All of the above” was second and Falco’s near confession was a distant third.

Reiner awkwardly avoiding eye contact with Galliard.

Eren spending one month undercover by disguising himself as Sad Keanu

Porco being low-key supportive of Falco and the parallels it draws with his own life/relationship with Reiner.

Falco's proud face when he guides Reiner to the basement.

  BATCH TWO ARE THE SERIOUS THINGS. WHICH OF THESE MOMENTS MOST CAUGHT YOUR ATTENTION? (1,718 Responses)

Basement Reveal 2.0 was our favorite moment. Twenty-four percent of the fandom couldn’t pick just one, making “All of the above” the number two selection. Eren meeting his grandfather and the mysterious Asian women round out the third and fourth pick.

When Reiner Meets Eren

The asian woman is about on par with basement 2 electric boogaloo but i could only pick one so im cheating a bit pls dont be angry

While you've mentioned all the moments that stood out most to me, I can say I definitely appreciated the variety of races drawn as they were distinct, reasonable designs. All in all, these are all awesome moments, it's hard to pick favorites in this chapter.

  DID YOU HAVE A FAVORITE MOMENT WE FAILED TO MENTION? (237 Responses)

You can sense the excitement for a chapter when 237 people take the time to gush in the comments section. If you want to read them all, you’ll need to visit the full poll results but here are a few.

Zeke's three-level comment about being a big brother (works for Colt, Porco and Zeke himself), also Zeke playing catch with Colt and Eren playing with Zeke's ball.

Eren basically slamming that baseball right in his gorgeous face is kinda one of the best moments!?!?

PORCO SMILING AT FALCO'S VICTORY

Gabi waking up. Those panels were so detailed on her face, I'm worried that little Gabi is waving her death flags. I almost had a heart attack because I thought for a second she was Mikasa when I first read through.

Gabi's relationship with Udo and Zofia and the "devil" line

Cory in the house finally meeting the fresh prince of bel-air

black people being not so stereotypical. they just looked like people, not over-cheerful big lipped afro hair stereotype or anything like that

The attitude and mystery of that old asian woman

  SEVERAL CHARACTERS HAD THEIR SASS GAME ON STRONG. WHO DID IT BEST? (1,718 Responses)

Eren’s “Good to see you made it back home” was declared the  sassiest line by a significant majority. Sassmaster Pieck was second with her slam about entrusting the Paradis operation to four kids. My personal favorite was Porco’s hugely sarcastic “We have some awfully bright officials leading us”, but only 5% agreed with me.

While “Good to see you made it back home” was the winner, it wasn’t without controversy. I saw several comments on Reddit and Tumblr from people who thought that Eren wasn’t being sassy when he said them. It’s possible I suppose, but unless a lot of has changed in the last four years, I find it hard to believe he was being sincere.

  WITH ALL THE NEW CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, IT’S TIME TO ASK AGAIN. WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE OF THE NEW KIDDOS? (1,701 Responses)

Perfect little bean Falco wins by a landslide! Was there every any doubt? Gabi is far more polarizing but has maintained a loyal fanbase. She came in second with 16.9%. Zophia received 133 votes (7.8%). Colt received 98 votes (5.8%). The wine-spilling, multi-lingual, “not from around here” Udo received the fewest votes with 76 (4.5%).

Falco's smile, I just want to hug him as if he were my little brother/cousin ^^

Falco cemented his status as a cinammon roll. I'd hate for him to get toasted in the next chapter, considering what's about to go down in the basement!

Gabi's ego is charming.

CUTE ZOPHIE

Udo is the most precious kid and I love him a lot and if he dies, I die. (I keep saying this about all my faves but it's true.)

  ON A SCALE FROM 1-5 (1=STILL CAN’T STAND ‘EM; 5=DAMMIT I GOT SUCKED IN), HAS THE NEW CAST WON YOU OVER? (1,717 Responses)

Isayama deserves mad props for introducing a brand new cast and gradually making us care about them. More than 65% of us now have strong feelings for the Warriors and candidate kiddos .

Pieck. Just Pieck.

I can't believe I got sucked into Marley. This chapter just solidified my new found affection for 90% of the Marley characters, and even though I do miss the main cast I'm totally fine with more Marley chapters! Gabi went from hate to fave in a heartbeat. I must be sick? Not to mention all the pokkopikku moments... Honestly I'm in love with SNK all over again. RIP Me.

I used to not be very fond of the warrior cadets, but this chapter just filled me with love for those kids. My only problem is that I KNOW Isayama is trying to get me to sympathize with them before ultimately crushing my soul and having something terrible happen  :(

I still hate all the kids, but Reiner has got some brownie points with me now.

ANY THOUGHTS ON WHAT WILLY'S "SINGLE ANSWER" IS? (1,685 Responses)

Our single answer to Willy’s single answer is that we are all over the place with ideas. A slim majority believe that Willy is going to propose a genocide starting in Liberio, but there were almost 100 write ins with other options. Here are a few.

Definitely the elimination of Paradis

I think he found a way to turn even non-Eldians into titans and he will try to create some sort of balance of terror.

I think he'll give a long winded speech, and just when he's about to lay it all out, *loud boom* *lightning* Grim Reminder part 2

A possible solution for all of this is Eren eating all shifters and sealing himself in a crystal, like Annie, forever. We still haven't seen if Annie has aged inside the crystal or not though. I wonder if this is Willy's solution.

Someone will kill him before he tells the answer

High School Eldian Musical

I dunno.  But it sure as hell ain't anything good, that's for sure.  Just what are you up to, you slippery snake?

I have no idea but I'm 300% convinced that the Tiber family was in contact with the Reiss one the whole time (remember the "Armored - Braun" vial Rod Reiss had? That was Reiner's spinal fluid and how the frick frack it ended inside the Walls??). I think that will play a big role in whatever Willy Billy is planning to do.

I'd say gather Loki and the Avengers to obtain the nine titan powers, using it to control the the Eldians who'll win over foreign leaders and defeat Marley, then proceed to turn on said ambassadors as well as the Eldians they're controlling.

Destroy all perceptions that Eldians are the only ones who can turn titans and use the ambassadors as an example, bringing chaos

Dunno how plausible this is but...maybe he knows how to get rid of the Eldians's capacity to turn into titans, and that's his single answer ?

Either kill all non-Eldians or gain the coordinate and somehow mindwipe all Eldian and non-Eldians alike somehow. Or something idk. I just feel like mindwiping will come into play. Either that or unite Marley and Eldia and ally with the Asians and fight against literally the rest of the world.

Final solution, Willy Hitler

"We will allow the Paradisians to live in peace if they can win a game of baseball against our best team: The Warriors."

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

  DO YOU THINK WILLY WILL ULTIMATELY BE THE BIG BAD OF THE SERIES? (1,710 Responses)

“Willy or wont he” be the big bad of the series? Gray morality wins. But whatever Willy has planned is making a large number of us uncomfortable.

This chapter made me feel really uneasy. Willy Tyber is throwing me off, and I'm really nervous for whatever he has planned next chapter. I feel like this was almost too good, too sweet, too happy. Something big is about to happen, I can feel it, and I know Tyber's gonna be at the center of it. I don't trust him, and I love that this chapter made me feel something this strongly. 

I feel like Willy's "If only the titans didn't exist" was a giveaway. Willy will try to remove all titan powers, either by killing all Eldians (he should know that's gonna be hard to accomplish), or by collecting all titan powers and locking it up idk how. But genocide is not out of the question. He might do it, but even if he does, I don't think I'll really see him as your typical "villain."

Well, damn guys... What if Willy's not even the bad guy, huh? He has shady plans of his own, no doubt... But to just say he's seeking genocide is too far fetched, in my honest opinion. Yes, I don't have a clue as to what he's going to do, but I'm not ready to label him a murderer yet. Maybe I just got charmed by that "Thor-like" haircut, but to me it seemed like he genuinely felt bad for closing his eyes on the treatment of Eldians, and wanted to change that. Of course, Paradis could be the scapegoat, but I don't know about that either. Oh well... We have to wait and see, I guess...

  WHO DO YOU THINK MAGATH'S INFORMANTS ARE THAT LET HIM KNOW ABOUT THE EXISTENCE OF "MICE IN THE HOUSE"? (1,678 Responses)

Eren, Pieck, P A T H S and Colt received the most write-in votes (in that order), but the majority believe we haven’t met the person spying on the inside for Magath.

I didn't understand what they meant by this when I first read it, and I barely still know after reading it again after reading this question.

I wanted to say the SC being spies, but I really think it's either other countries' spies or just mean other countries' leaders/elites had arrived.

It would be interesting character-wise for Magath if he discovered Zeke was legitimately (I have my doubts) conspiring with Eren/Paradis. Magath could be more grey, should he prosecute Zeke, keep it to himself, or join in.

Probably some competent high-ranking Marleyan soldier but the ultimate plot-twist would be Pieck (imagine Zeke being the one snitched out by his most trusted warrior)

Zeke. If Zeke's working with Eren (and not just talking to him but actually helping him), then I think it's possible that Zeke's sort of double-crossing Magath. He could act like he's interested in cleansing Marley by ridding it of the "mice," or he's simply acting interested in Magath and Willy's plan so as to get inside info on what they're up to.

  DO YOU THINK EREN HAS BEEN CORRESPONDING WITH ZEKE? (1,714 Responses)

The baseball glove was proof positive for 86.1% of the fandom.

I wonder if Zeke realizes that it's Eren with whom he's communicating? He only saw Eren once, when his glasses were off, so even if they met in person, I'm not sure he'd recognize Eren.  Eren could be hiding his true identity from Zeke to avoid being stabbed in the back for the coordinate.

  DO YOU THINK ZEKE AND EREN ARE WORKING TOGETHER? (1,711 Responses)

The majority say yes!

We should ask Pieck if Zeke is working with Eren... Because Pieck is exactly right.

Zeke has no side. He is with Eren but he will also rat him out to Magath.

  DID ZEKE KNOW THAT EREN WAS IN THE BASEMENT AT THE FESTIVAL? (1,708 Responses)

Zeke looked at his watch and gave Falco permission to escort Reiner to the basement despite it being almost time for the program to begin. That, plus the baseball glove, is enough to convince 72.5% of us that Zeke was in on the Reiner/Eren reunion.

  DO YOU THINK A REZ (REINER, EREN, ZEKE) ALLIANCE IS GONNA HAPPEN? (1,708 Responses)

We were a little more divided here. Most are convinced Zeke and Eren are working together but they are less confident that Reiner will join them.

He doesn't forgive but does work with reigner and zeke.

I can see Eren working together with Zeke or actually manipulating and using him, while Zeke thinks he's his pure cinnamon roll brother. But I don't think a Reiner/Eren alliance will work. Like why would Reiner want to help Eren? Why would Isayama want to fucking ruin Bertolt's life after his dead even more?

I hope Reiner and Eren will be good boys and won't fight. I also hope November will come quickly.

I'm dying to know WHY Eren gave away his presence to Reiner. like WHY take such a risk omg. I gotta read the next chapter asap!!!!

  DO YOU THINK EREN IS OPERATING ALONE OR WITH SC PERMISSION? (1,717 Responses)

My personal feeling are in the #2 red zone here. More than half the fandom feels that Eren’s appearance in Marley is fully sanctioned by the Survey Corps.

If Eren really had gone rogue & left Paradis, that means Paradis are one 1 shifter less so more reason for them to recruit Annie as Eren's replacement

Why would they send Eren of all people to Marley? Eren is very well known as a person who can't easily control his emotions, and someone who isn't very good at acting. Just look how bad he did in the Stohess Arc. If he was the only person who could regenarate limbs, I'd understand. But why not send Armin? He has shown to be much better than Eren in both acting and manipulating people. He was also shown to have some slight understanding of Reiner's feelings, so why not him? How could they trust the most emotional person on the team? Has Eren really changed that much?

  TIME SKIP EREN SEEMS VERY DIFFERENT FROM HIS 15 YEAR OLD SELF, MAYBE COLDER, CERTAINLY MORE IN CONTROL OF HIS EMOTIONS. WHERE DO YOU THINK EREN NOW LANDS ON THE MORALITY SCALE? IS HE STILL “ONE OF THE GOOD GUYS”? (1,710 Responses)

This poll result surprised me. On the far extremes, 253 people think Eren is a cinnamon roll while 52 individuals categorize him as essentially scum of the earth. The majority seem to be taking a “wait and see attitude” about his intentions.

"Eren is the same old cinnamon roll"  .......Since when has Eren "I will destroy all titans/murder these rabid dogs masquerading as humans/make sure your death is the most painful possible" Yeager been a cinnamon roll?  Sin-amon roll, maybe.  But even that's kinda a stretch.

I think he: is older and wiser, has a better understanding of the world (and how cruel and unfair it is, I think he's kind of emo) and the memories are affecting him somewhat.

war changes a man

This kid has seen some shit. I don't doubt he's haunted as hell. And that's pretty haunted.

  IF EREN IS ACTING DIFFERENTLY, WHAT HAS INFLUENCED HIM THE MOST? (1,715 Responses)

Close to 60% of respondents believe the influence of Kruger and Grisha’s memories have made Eren a changed man. Basic maturity was the second pick with 30%. In third place, 6.6% of respondents think he hasn’t changed and believe that Eren’s cold demeanor is only an act.

A lot of things have changed Eren, starting from him losing his family and friends, seeing the titans,fighting them and discovering the truth about them, his father and his half-brother. Also seeing the state the Marleys and Eldians are now. So a lot of things have changed Eren and turned him into who he is now.

All except 'he hasn't changed' but I do think the memories had the most affect. Hell after he got those memories he didn't even care about the ocean anymore. I think he realized that there was no freedom inside the walls or outside of them. Which basically made his original goal to 'break humanity out of its cage and eliminate all the titans' meaningless. Really sad honesty.  

All of the coordinate boys get chill eventually

Blurrier moral realization combined with his dwindling lifespan

If we remember the kind if shit he went through it's only natural to assume that he changed. Just like Reiner, all his childhood dreams and goals were shattered to pieces when he saw the bigger picture.

Revenge against the people who genocides our folks generally do that to you.

depression's a bitch

He's coming more dickhead than before that's all

HE'S CHANGED GIVEN THE GARBAGE CIRCUMSTANCES

Marley pizza. That shit is life-changing. Reiner can testify.

  IF EREN’S ACTIONS BRING HARM TO THE WARRIORS OR CANDIDATES (FALCO OR PIECK, FOR INSTANCE), WOULD THIS IMPACT YOUR FEELINGS ABOUT HIM NEGATIVELY? (1,703 Responses)

I suppose the bottom line here is that the fandom likes the new kids, but they like Eren better. This is war and people get hurt. A slim majority will not hold it against Eren if his actions hurt the warriors or warrior candidates.

If Eren manipulated Falco and doesn't care about him, I will cry.

I LOVE REINER BRAUN AND EREN BETTER LEAVE HIM AND ALL THE OTHER MARLEYAN WARRIORS AND CANDIDATES ALONE

Can we discuss that all the Jaegers are probably ruining the lives of the Grice family? Grisha with the original, Zeke playing Colt, Eren adopting Falco... Poor kiddos.

PROTECT FALCO AT ALL THE COSTS

  HOW BADLY DO YOU WANT TO RETURN TO THE ORIGINAL CAST ON PARADIS? (1,712 Responses)

No matter how much we enjoy the current chapters, these poll numbers barely change. A significant portion of the fandom remains desperate to see the main cast.

Although a few fans are impatient to see the SC, I enjoy to see that Isayama is taking is time and is not rushing this part.

I still want the series to bring back the Paradis cast while staying in Marley. I have the feeling things are about to kick into overdrive next chapter, with the landmark chapter 100 incoming, and I'd love it if the finale remained in Marley while having the whole cast there. Have Paradis left for flashbacks/explanations and the epilogue, the mainland's a perfect staging ground for the end of this.

I swear to Ymir if we leave Marley in this cliffhanger there will be riots

I want the 104th back.

With the reveal of the Asian clan symbol (FINALLY), I strongly feel as though Mikasa and the rest of the Survey Corps are going to show up really soon. I expect them to finally return on issue #100, but on next month's issue would be even better!

ISAYAMA-SAN PLEASE SHOW TIME-SKIP LEVI.

  WHICH CHARACTERS DO YOU GENERALLY ENJOY THE MOST? (1,714 Responses)

RIP my beloved Vets :(

  WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? (1,695 Responses)

  ANY OTHER CHAPTER THOUGHTS YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE?

Hajime Isayama blowing my mind

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGG *screams into the abyss*

With tgis new infomation its more liekly that the marleyans have sour cream

He [Willy] will tell the real story of how the titans came into existence, and by fusing all nine titan powers together you get the same powers as the original Ymir Fritz had so you can do some voodoo shit and "cure" all Eldians of their curse. Everyone gets to live happily ever after, oh, and Levi opens up his tea shop.

I really liked the scene with Eren playing with the baseball. He looked so calm

I really enjoyed the entire chapter. It felt like a break but it revealed a ton. I am so eager to keep reading.

P A T H S

Reiner looks so handsome in his uniform >.>

RIP Reiner's wallet

The Asian woman I need to know more

I appreciated the worldbuilding in this chapter. The festival scene in particular showed how big the scale was compared to Paradis. Leaning Eldians lived in other parts of the world and not only Marley, puts things into perspective about their goals. If Paradis is submitted, other Eldians would melt in the population slowly but surely. The REZ alliance or whatever its' called, is completely bull: Zeke isn't going to team up with someone going against his plans. Also Eren didn't mature. He still shares the same goal, but he became way more cunning about it thanks to Kruger and Grisha's memories. He inherited their democratic skills and would gladly use them against Reiner. He never forgave Reiner and isn't going to forgive him. Since Bert died and Shiganshina was rebuild, that alleviated his rage, but he feels like he has to take Reiner down.

It's not so much this chapter sucked, it's just that I'm so sick ok Marley, so I couldn't enjoy it that much

On a serious note, finding out that Grandad Yeager is also a trauma patient at the hospital was heart-breaking. But it makes sense: both of his children are dead and his grandson Zeke is due to "pass on his powers" (die) soon too. I wonder what he'll do if he finds out that Eren is his grandson too, is also a Titan AND has the Founding Titan power? Uh oh! Also worth happy screeching about: That symbol on the back of the Asian lady's kimono. That had to be a deliberate reveal? Is that the symbol of the East Sea Clan from whom Mikasa is descended from and will she reveal that symbol on her wrist?! Last but not least, Reiner gets his own basement reveal and Eren is in there!

The cult of reigner has affected the typesetters i must now retire to the forest where i will live as a hermit with the treefolk only coming out once a month to read the mangastream translation this is my vow so help me god and may the lord be my witness

I know I say this every month, but man is next chapter gonna be a doozy! Eren and Reiner finally meeting is going to stir up some feelings and arguments.

Is Willy going to let the cat out of the bag about the Tyburs being the power behind the leaders of Marley? Will the play be the true history of what happened after the Titan War?

With the reveal of the Asian clan symbol (FINALLY), I strongly feel as though Mikasa and the rest of the Survey Corps are going to show up really soon. I expect them to finally return on issue #100, but on next month's issue would be even better!

I think Willy is actually plotting to overthrow the Marleys and bring power to the Eldians Maybe he's joined forces with Eren and Zeke and we still don't know. I think he wants to restore the Eldian race.

I hope we get to know more about the actual history of "The Subjects of Ymir", perhaps in the form of a theatrical play on that stage. Where do people get this genocide thing from, only from the Nazi parallels? If Willy were planning it, then why did he talk about how the whole world wants exactly that to happen and how he thought up a solution to this problem? Really sounds like he's got something entirely DIFFERENT up his sleeve, and I guess it's got something to do with how Ymir created titans in the first place.

Is Willy going to let the cat out of the bag about the Tyburs being the power behind the leaders of Marley? Will the play be the true history of what happened after the Titan War?

Pieck and Porco are ALWAYS together what's up with that and also we never see Zeke's eyes in this chapter

Zhophia is a Annie relative, Udo is Naruto's son too (Boruto's brother).

Eren meeting Reiner has me so FUCKING HYPED for the next chapter that I so anxious for November. Isayama you damn torturer!!!!

Zeke is a majestic beast leaping for that ball.

Eren meeting Reiner has me so FUCKING HYPED for the next chapter that I so anxious for November. Isayama you damn torturer!!!!

99/100 hype is real

#snk poll #snk chapter 98 #snk 98 #thank you to everyone who participated #thank you to those who reblogged it #thanks to everyone who helped

[youhave1newmessage]

I hope you’re happy with yourself anon. This ask had ME STRESSED. Have you ever seen those women with a bunch of children around them and even though they only have two arms, it almost appears like they have six?

Yeah. That was ME.

So prepare yourself. You’re in for a one HECK of a response. 

For the sake of everyone that will be seeing this post around their dashboard, or on whatever tag you’re on, I’m putting a “Keep Reading” thing because dear mother of Neptune, this post is LONG.

If what you’re about to read doesn’t satisfy your thirst, we have an about us post! There you’ll see in more detail (and MUCH less writing) just exactly what groups we bias and who we bias.

-  Admin  🍌

Admin  🍌

I love being recognized as, “The one that stans Yongguk” because yaaaasss, that means I’m doing my JOB RIGHT. Now, WHY I bias the man, that’s a legit good question...Why DO I bias Yongguk? I actually used to bias Junhong (I still love the kid though, trust.) I actually used to think the COMPLETE opposite of Yongguk; I literally called him some things I feel horrible about and I would say he was scary looking and how could one ever like him. What I didn’t know was Yongguk was sneaking up on me slowly until he suddenly went on his hiatus. I had done this little tribute thing for him of having him on my phone and I kept telling myself that after his hiatus, I would put my biases back on my wallpaper but it just...never happened? xD I just slowly fell for him and the guy wormed his way into my heart and became my ultimate bias. He’s the guy I always say is the only one I would ever truly marry haha thanks for asking this! I wish we got more questions like this. Maybe we’ll do a text post like this soon! :)

Admin 🔞

Trust me, the noona life chose me…  haha see, I remember the first BTS video I ever saw and my boy was a cop! Yup this is “Dope” we are talking about.  As you can imagine my noona heart could not contain the kookie attraction. I tried really hard to not choose kookie as my bias. In my early days I even switched between Kookie and Jin (it’s become a running joke now, until Kookie was an “adult” I actually had 2 biases and I would average out the ages hahaha) Kookie was always my number 1 though! As I was trying to decide if Kookie was indeed my bias, I came upon a gem on youtube: Jungkook vs Kookie search that up and you’ll see how he finally won my heart. It was his personality! He is so shy and goofy all at once, and he’s so kind and I am just crazy about him! He stole my heart and he will forever be the only maknae that makes my knees weak!

Admin 🦀

It all started many years ago, when a friend of mine showed me a music video of BTS. I believe the first one was Bulletproof and I wasn't into it whatsoever. But then, the next one she showed me was Boy In Luv and I didn't like it much at first, but I was very fascinated by the blond hottie. I later found out his name was Rap Monster (RM now) and it was a downward spiral from there. I watched all of their Bangtan Bombs and looked up Namjoon’s covers and tracks he had released when he was basically a fetus *cough* expensive girl *cough*. I used to be, as some would say, a kpoppin hoe because I was always jumping from bias to bias. But guys, I kid you not, I have stayed loyal to my bias. I can never love no other lol. He’s just a piece of art! His deep voice, his dorkiness, his intellect, the way he speaks english, HIS DIMPLES!  I love that he has such a beautiful heart and that he’s such a great leader. I love everything about him! Even the way he dances lol. Gosh… I’m getting emotional now… Every time I see or hear this man, I literally hyperventilate and cry. The other admins are witnesses. I’m crazy for this man! I would like to say more but I will literally talk nonstop if I don’t pause now. 👋

Admin 🍓

J-Hope hands down. I just admire him so much. He is everything I wish to be as a human being. Funny story is, when I was first introduced to BTS I told a friend of mine “For sure I'm not going to bias him. I have enough hyperactive energy from T.O.P.”  Life is funny that way and now I wouldn't have it any other way. 😘

Admin 🍇 

If I really sit down to think about it, there are many reasons as to why Namjoon is my bias, I mean what isn’t there to love about him?! Firstly, Namjoon is a wonderful leader. He’s able to care for six other boys and able to complete his duties as a leader, while at the same time always taking into account all the other members’ opinions and never making it seem like he’s above them. Namjoon is one of the most intelligent people I have ever come across and he seems like the type of person you can talk to for hours without feeling bored. He has this way of making everything sound interesting and I love how in interviews he always shares way too much information when you ask him about a topic, it’s so adorable. I love that even though he’s extremely busy he manages to make time to appreciate the little things in life (nature) and even draws inspiration from them! All in all Namjoon is far from perfect and that’s what makes me love him so much. It may seem ironic and somewhat contradictory, but it’s true. Throughout his career he has struggled a lot, has had many scandals, and has made many mistakes,  but he has learned from it all and has grown as a person. I love that I've had the opportunity to be a part of this, and I hope to continue to be able to do so!

Admin🍍

Weelllll  at first I was not that into RM because in the Dope MV he looked like a little f-boii but i was completely wrong. His dorky and philosophical self just creeped up into my heart and nestled there for a good while. Now I have discovered MONSTA X and my heart is shaking again. I don't understand this thing i have for weird/dorky rappers with deep voices, but freaking Im Changkyun is creeping up and is neck to neck with RM. Stay tuned to see what happens next!

Admin 🍑 

Wellll if we’re going down memory lane...I’m kind of new to KPOP so when I discovered Got7’s Just Right about a year or two ago I immediately jumped on the Jaebum wagon. I was a goner for I’d say a good month or so. But then Jinyoung happened lol. You see I didn’t pay too much attention to him and I’m not really sure how I didn’t considering the fact that I did think the group was really cute and funny. But when I finally noticed him it was in the Stop it Stop it mv and I just lost it after. I’m pretty sure it was his voice that got to me first almost as if my heart was being tugged at each time I heard him sing so I was practically already in danger. Then all it took was for me to watch If you do and I was done for, completely loving that beautiful human being. I love love his smile like I can’t get enough of it anytime I see him smile I’m just pudding and when he laughs and his eyes crinkle it’s the best thing ever. Like I live for the times that I’m able to see him laugh wholeheartedly. I also love the fact that he loves reading (as I’m a book lover myself). I also can’t help but love that little mischievous side that he brings out when he’s having fun it’s the best thing ever. Oh and one crucial point I..Love..His..Peach, when I tell you that his peach is my top fave I MEAN IT. I’d say more but then it would probably come out to be an essay 😅.

Admin 🐣 

Originally my bias was Hwasa because. She’s. Beautiful. And her voice is amazing. But then my best friend actually showed me one of their music videos and I saw one of the idols (I didn’t know any of their names at the time lol) squish her face against the camera screen at that moment Solar became my bias. 

#admins #anon ask #kpop #kpop blog #bias #YouHave1NewMessage #mine

[sundcwns-blog]

heey, hello, it’s a meme. i’m maze ( she/her ) & hailing from one of the oh so lovely coughs gmt tzs aka gmt+2. besides being trash on the daily i’m literally always listening to music aka if u ever need something new in that department .. hello, or browsing through netflix without any intent on watching smth. living that wild life ik .. DKAMS. but you’re here for my two kids aka basil & saint so here we go ! if you’d like to plot like this and i’ll slide into ur ims or look under the read more for my disc*rd ! also as a warning i unintentionally was v vain and made both muses scorpios .....

☾ — ·˚ » BASIL CRATES is in saint tropez !! they often get mistaken as KIAN LAWLEY. apparently, HE/THEY is/are the JOCULAR of the group. they’re a TWENTY-ONE year old PANSEXUAL DEMIMALE. i hear they’re known as ALTRUISTIC and DOGMATIC. they also make their living as ART STUDENT / BARTENDER / COMIC BOOK ARTIST but you’d have to ask them a bit more.

BACKGROUND + PERSONALITY.

born and raised in berlin, germany until his mother decided to move to the us when basil was twelve.

despite growing up bilingual, he had difficulties adjusting to the new surroundings and rather spent his free time drawing, eventually building up universes without needing any context and instead having the designs speak for themselves.

after finishing high school at age sixteen basil took a gap year to travel through europe with money they earned from several jobs during school times. bas was v very introverted back then, so it served as a challenge which once again they had difficulties with at first. but ofc you can’t get around without trying, so bas did. he’s still more of an ambivalent than an extrovert, but this journey made him see the beauty of uncertainty and they loved it.

also ik i used he & they in that last paragraph instead of just one bc basil honestly truly doesn’t care which one others use as long as they acknowledge bas isn’t cis bc he’s v open about his gender along with being pan .. but that’s another thing.

basil has a very high iq, but always prevented others from knowing about it. he basically failed tests on purpose back in germany and in the us he always made sure others don’t feel bad about their results and said his were worse even though he probably always got an a+, thus resulting in bas being able to skip two grades.

his mother had to carry two jobs to make a living for the two of them, which was one of the reasons why bas sold his art from a young age. thankfully it was actually decent ( coughs and looks @ ryan reynolds’ twitter ) and ppl actually wanted to pay good money for it. this was also one of the key moments in which bas realized they wanted to have their profession somewhere in the art department.

married his high school sweetheart in las vegas as soon as they both turned eighteen, but divorced just three weeks later. this is just one of their impulsive decisions as bas isn’t much of a planner, they rather have a few good laughs when telling the story ( even for the 10th time ) instead of asking what if. the only thing bas ever truly planned was becoming a comic book artist. they’re still at the very beginning as basil’s v young, but they’re just as determined to make it in the industry.

basil’s mother was always into greek mythology and even gave her child the middle name cerberus, which literally is the most dangerous thing about him and while he’s into mythology himself, he doesn’t really tell anyone his middle name as he’d rather not be compared to a three-headed dog .. but if he ever ends up drunk u can bet he’d insist on being called cerberus and nothing else.

being a comic book artist basil’s an avid comic reader as well, but mostly prefers indie comics as they’re more his kind of humor. speaking of, basil’s more of a morbid humor kind of pal ? but he’ll also immediately apologize if he takes it too far bc he values comfort even more than getting a laugh out of others and himself.

huge fan of dogs, literally the person that points at a dog and says “aw.” and definitely wants to pet them.

the least scorpio-like scorpio you will ever meet, and trust me this is coming from a Real Scorpio™.

ends up in a lot of weird scenarios while just trying their best, but always tries to take it with humor especially if someone’s with them.

most of his friends wouldn’t expect it, but basil’s very romantic, like going all out even for a first date and is probably doing waay too much for his opposite.

not really into the whole sex, drugs n rock ‘n’ roll as he prefers to maybe drink a few beers with his closest friends due to seeing what alcohol can do to people on an almost daily basis as a bartender. however, all of kian’s tattoos are canon for bas except for the native american and butterfly ones.

WANTED PLOTS.

literally everything but to be basic .. a best friend ( who might even know about his high iq bc he truly doesn’t tell anyone ), bad influence ( basil’s not exactly innocent or good himself but there’s always worse am i right ), childhood friend ( someone he considered a friend after moving to a completely new country ), enemy ( maybe they’re of the opposite group or even in the same and they had some fight that led to it or just disliking each other for apparently no reason at all just .. pls give me smth negative ), ex on good/bad terms ( as basil’s pretty romantic it could’ve been too much for the other or literally any other reason k thanks ), someone who hates his jokes ( plain n simple .. kewl ), my brain is scattered bc it’s almost 2am rn so i Def missed 820397 plots i’d love but u know what .. i’m a plot pro so shrugs. also i nearly wrote pro plot so u get me now .. pls killme KMDSX.

☾ — ·˚ » SAINT DEVERAUX is in saint tropez !! they often get mistaken as ALISSA VIOLET. apparently, SHE arrived from THE USA. they’re a TWENTY-ONE year old UNLABELED CIS FEMALE. i hear they’re known as VIGOROUS and DETACHED. they also make their living as an ACTRESS but you’d have to ask them a bit more.

BACKGROUND + PERSONALITY.

just as a small disclaimer: if anyone read girls on fire by robin wasserman, saint’s personality is heavily inspired by one of the characters in it aka lacey. and if u haven’t read it .. pls do it if you’re even just remotely into ya literature.

born and raised in los angeles, us, saint was practially thrown into the lives of the rich and famous. her parents were big in hollywood back in the 80s & 90s and gave those legacies to her.

being practially raised by nannies, saint didn’t really have a connection to her parents till they retired when she was fourteen. from there it was basically always good which is .. v weird but they somehow made it work.

as soon as saint turned eighteen she decided to change her last name to her mother’s maiden name, as she’s never been a fan of women having to give up their names just for being married even if it’s voluntary. this also resulted in her imdb page ( she truly made it huh. ) being “divived” into saint bartowski ( also shoutout @ anyone who gets this ref ) and saint deveraux.

at age eighteen saint also let out her true self, at least towards her parents. she admitted to worshipping lucifer just to piss them off and see how they’d react, it was just a game for her. but to be as convincing as possible, she did the most, even though she would’ve already had them just with her words, but saint always wanted to know just how far she could take it.

to the public she’s seen as this socialite turned actress who never did anything wrong, but just due to her parents and herself keeping everything under a neat little rug.

saint’s a very passionate person and loves to be surrounded or admired by people, but at the same time she doesn’t really care about anyone, no matter how many i love yous she’s going to whisper into someone’s ear or no broken promises ever.

as a result of the press putting labels onto her 24/7 she resents them. the only one she’ll ever claim is being in the lgbtq+ com as it’s basically the only thing in her life she truly cares about besides acting and her cats. however saint also makes a lot of fun of men and highly prefers females and nb pals for .. u know what.

she can also be extra af as she literally bought an old vw t1 bus in st. tropez for the short amount of time she’s there and have it look exactly like the one she has back in la with the pride flag sprayed on its roof and every little sticker/detail on its doors, etc.

getting to her job .. she currently stars in a made up netflix show that’s somewhere between veronica mars, twin peaks and 21 jump street ( the movie version ). i actually made a whole filmography for her but i’m too lazy for graphics and i’m not even sure whether i can use real movies/shows so oo. but if u want a list i can tots send it via disc*rd ( btw mine is artcmis#4377 ). and just know that she admires amber heard and mostly chooses roles like her aka not the damsel in distress. tho she would def love to save that kind of character one day .. js.

this is getting soo messy already omg. but to put her in a nutshell, saint’s a callous, manipulative, control loving, determined scorpio who also happens to be an actress, cat lover and feminist putting up a facade daily. also she can’t handle relationships for shhhit.

and what would these bullet points be if i didn’t start and finish them with a disclaimer ? still a mess yeah ik .. MXKAJD. but even tho most probs don’t even know who alissa is i just wanted to say that saint will have green eyes bc .. #aesthetic.

WANTED PLOTS.

once again any plot goes except for romantic stylez kind of plots bc yk not her kind of thing. catfish ( either someone used to catfish someone else using her pics or even better someone got catfished with her photos n now they’re meeting and she’s .. acting v different. plS. ), fwb ( so yeah saint hates relationships but u know what she doesn’t hate wink wink ;) KMSLASK also probs won’t work with males bc she’s all like [ cher horowitz vc ] as if ! ), fan ( someone who likes her movies or show idk ?? let her be all chill with them pls ), smoke bud ( she loves to party & smoke soo .. maybe even in an all-in-one with the fan plot ), enemy ( probs one of the other sec charas bc maybe they’ve met before or even wanted the same role ?? ), once again my brain is a mess sooo .. good bi !

this got longer than my biography ever could so if u read it all .. u truly are the mvp and deserve an award.

#stropez:intro #≻ ᴍᴏᴠᴇ ɪ'ᴍ ɢᴀʏ ┊ ooc. #i feel like i'm the only one not in the gc yet sooo excuse me if i roll in there Very awkwardly later SKAKDJ #also i don't know a proofreading so .. smiles.

[6-v-6]

1-100. Just give it to me all

ALNLSNGLSG ARE YOU SERIOUS OMFG im so sorry this is going to be Long

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? I’ll say Pandora just because it’s the only one I’ve actually ever used. If I used Spotify I’d probably like it the most but I don’t use those apps so

2. is your room messy or clean?VERY VERY MESSY I need to clean it but im lazy

3. what color are your eyes?Brown!

4. do you like your name? why?My birth name? No. And that’s why I changed it ahahahaha yes I like the name Jae since i chose it myself. It’s short and simple

5. what is your relationship status?Single 

6. describe your personality in 3 words or lessContradictory ....... Situational 

7. what color hair do you have?Currently it’s blue c: Natural color is a lightish brown

8. what kind of car do you drive? color?I don’t have a car nor a license :/ I want a motorbike tho ! a black one

9. where do you shop?I shop pretty much exclusively online. Buyma or Amazon, typically

10. how would you describe your style?I’ve been told that I dress like a “bad boy”. I like leather and black and ripped skinny jeans but I do like casual stuff too. Like hoodies and sweats

11. favorite social media accountIf this is talking about my own social media accounts, then this one right here on tumblr. I’m not very active anywhere else

12. what size bed do you have?uuuuhhhh I don’t know proper terminology but it is small

13. any siblings?Yup! I have an older sister and a younger brother

14. if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why?Japan probably? It’s super pretty and I’ve always wanted to visit

15. favorite snapchat filter?hmm I don’t use snapchat that much but probably the flower crown one it’s cute

16. favorite makeup brand(s)I don’t wear makeup tbh so i dunnooooo 

17. how many times a week do you shower?7 I don’t ever skip showering 

18. favorite tv show?Psych? I also like the 100 currently

19. shoe size?asglnasg... god .... im a 6 in mens nd like a 7 in womens i have small feet

20. how tall are you?ALNSLGNSG im trusting no one has read this far so it’s okay to disclose this info...exposin myself.. im 5′2″ ............

21. sandals or sneakers?Sneakers !! I don’t wear sandals like ever

22. do you go to the gym?Yes! Only recently, actually! I just bought a gym membership with my friend and we’ve been going 3 times a week c:

23. describe your dream dateoh geez I havent really thought about this? I’m not very romantic or anything (im on the ace spectrum) but... i dunno. I think it’d be nice to just have fun together. An amusement park maybe? And just a lot of hand holding and smiles

24. how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment?Upwards of 100 bcuz my mom keeps giving me money even tho i dont use it

25. what color socks are you wearing?HAH im not wearing any 

26. how many pillows do you sleep with?1-2 it depends on the night

27. do you have a job? what do you do?I work at the cafeteria in my school. I run the register and help to stock items and also serve food to people

28. how many friends do you have?wow this is a Tragic question. Online I have quite a few! In person i literally have....... 2. Barely that lol. More like one

29. whats the worst thing you have ever done?Killed my sister’s fish (on accident)

30. whats your favorite candle scent?I’ve never thought about this or really smelled many candles to begin with :( something mild though. Maybe a mild vanilla??

31. 3 favorite boy namesuuhghg 1) Cain 2) Luka 3) Eden

32. 3 favorite girl names1) Erin 2) Rayna 3) Kira

33. favorite actor?I rly dont give a crap about actors if I’m being honest lmao. Uhh choi minho :)

34. favorite actress?Lupita Nyong’o?? she’s gorgeous

35. who is your celebrity crush?I don’t have a crush on him but does Lee Taemin count

36. favorite movie?Princess Mononoke

37. do you read a lot? whats your favorite book?I read ff more than books these days. I don’t have a fav book

38. money or brains?is this what I prefer? Money binch if I had money I wouldn’t need brains also I’m dumb anyways 

39. do you have a nickname? what is it?No I do not

40. how many times have you been to the hospital?Twice? Maybe 3 times

41. top 10 favorite songscheck out shinee’s entire discography 

42. do you take any medications daily?Nope

43. what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc)i ?? have no idea?? I guess oily? My skin doesn’t get dry so

44. what is your biggest fear?Probably flying. I hate planes

45. how many kids do you want?Exactly none

46. whats your go to hair style?? uh side-swept? I have no idea what to call it just what my hair normally looks like I guess

47. what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc)A moderately sized house

48. who is your role model?Not to be cheesy but Lee Taemin also Kim Kibum also Choi Minho also Kim Jonghyun also Lee Jinki

49. what was the last compliment you received?that I’m great? lol

50. what was the last text you sent?’okay’ to my mom lmao

51. how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real?ARE YOU TELLING ME SANTA ISNT REAL??? okay but for real who remembers the age they find out omg .. i was Young so idk maybe like 13

52. what is your dream car?ohhh boy a lambo for sure

53. opinion on smoking?Gross. Smells terrible

54. do you go to college?I do indeed. I’m gonna be a senior ya’ll

55. what is your dream job?To be a writer I guess. I don’t really have a dream job

56. would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs?Suburbs? I dunno. I like living in the city I’d probably die of boredom in some rural area

57. do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?hell yea binch

58. do you have freckles?nope!

59. do you smile for pictures?Not for selfies but for other pictures yes I feel like it’s weird or rude not to

60. how many pictures do you have on your phone?like 300 something

61. have you ever peed in the woods?what the fuck?? lol?? no??

62. do you still watch cartoons?does voltron count :/

63. do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds?neither if I’m being honest but Wendy’s I guess. I never ever eat at mcdonalds

64. Favorite dipping sauce?barbeque sauce?

65. what do you wear to bed?An oversized shirt and boxers lol

66. have you ever won a spelling bee?no i cant say I have

67. what are your hobbies?Writing, sometimes. Playing video games. Bein unhealthy

68. can you draw?Naaaah

69. do you play an instrument?No :( I wish I did but I never learned any

70. what was the last concert you saw?SHINEE WORLD V IN LA!!!!!!!!! BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!

71. tea or coffee?Coffee bcuz i h8 tea

72. Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts?Well the coffee at dunkin donuts is worlds better so dunkin donuts

73. do you want to get married?no

74. what is your crush’s first and last initial?i dont have a crush

75. are you going to change your last name when you get married?’when’ lol i dont plan to get married

76. what color looks best on you?black, in my opinion

77. do you miss anyone right now?no not really

78. do you sleep with your door open or closed?open because if it’s closed my cat will scratch on it incessantly until she’s let in

79. do you believe in ghosts?hell yeah dude

80. what is your biggest pet peeve?when people like, dance around a subject. I prefer it when people are straightforward. Especially if they want something from me

81. last person you called`Honest to god I can’t remember. I don’t ever call people lmao so probably my mom

82. favorite ice cream flavor?I like Rocky Road a lot!

83. regular oreos or golden oreos?regular. Golden oreos are a lesser creation

84. chocolate or rainbow sprinkles?RAINBOW. GIMME DAT GAY SHIT

85. what shirt are you wearing?It’s just a plain white t-shirt

86. what is your phone background?ot5

87. are you outgoing or shy?Horribly, annoyingly shy although I can mask it pretty well

88. do you like it when people play with your hair?yes :D

89. do you like your neighbors?lmao I don’t know them?? They arent noisy though so yes I like them since they aren’t annoying or anything

90. do you wash your face? at night? in the morning?Both. I take a shower in the morning and wash it then. And then do a skincare routine at night

91. have you ever been high?no.... not that I know of. One time I took nyquil though and it Fucked Me Up i felt high but idk if I was or if that’s even possible

92. have you ever been drunk?nope. I’m not a huge fan of the idea of getting drunk. I don’t like letting my guard down like that so if I ever do it’ll be when I’m alone

93. last thing you ate?a mento 

94. favorite lyrics right nowthe entire lyrics to So Far Away by yoongi

95. summer or winter?WINTER. I hate summer fashion i like being able to wear my jackets and jeans and not Die of heat stroke

96. day or night?night I guess just bcuz I can be alone

97. dark, milk, or white chocolate?dark chocolate is superior in every way

98. favorite month?uhm.. December? Because its the end of the year and I’m on break then and Christmas and cold weather and hot chocolate

99. what is your zodiac signI’m a virgo 

100. who was the last person you cried in front of?uhhhHHHH I really make it a Goal to never cry in front of people since im just super uncomfortable with that and honestly dont feel comfortable enough around anyone to do that. My sister walked in on me when I was crying once though so her I guess

#im so sorry if you were joking omg #I couldn't tell #so I just went ahead and did them all #alsnglasngsg #long post #i tried to keep the answers as short as possible since there were so many #thank you though omg #sorry if this is Annoying #ns #r #marieguillotineantoinette

[georgeluz]

hey:) for the ask thing, im about 5'5, i have long wavy light brown hair and big brown eyes w olive skin. my myers briggs is campaigner&my star sign is a cancer! i'm kinda built (?) bc i do competitive sport, i play lotta instruments, and im v social. i have adhd yikes and anxiety YIKES but it's chill lol, sometimes that does get in the way though. for the fandom, BoB would be great:) also ya u are a legend i didn't mean another word for champ i deadass just meant legend. thanks ❣

NO MORE PLS.

Wow. But… if I were… a legend… I would’ve gotten this done FOREVER AGAOAUHDFgrihEJADF. I’m so SORRY. Babe. But to make it up to you, this blurb is fucking LONG. @v-esperteen 

The Character I See You As: Buck Compton. HIGHLY SOCIAL? SPORTS? ANXIOUS? You got yourself a recipe for BUCK COMPTON. Aka the wonderful, sweet lil sunshine that loves literally everyone and makes everyone feel so comfortable and relaxed (and sometimes not relaxed depending on how boisterous he gets). I love him because even though he has all of these amazing qualities, he is independent to a fault (daring to argue with Winters I scream he’s–), highly emotional (losing his friends literally KILLED HIM) and anxious (though he hides it well behind his EVERYTHING IS FINE face or his dead inside face).

Your Three Best Friends: Don Malarkey, Alex Penkala, Skip Muck (aka the squad)

The One You Don’t Get Along With: Henry Jones. Sweet, sweet Henry. It’s no one’s fault, but he’s so composed and so put together that you honestly don’t know what to do with him. Try and joke with him? He just stares at you (maybe smiles pitifully). Try and initiate conversation? Part of you burns because he takes himself so damn seriously and you decide never to try that again lmao. You like him… you just don’t know what to do with him and him with you, so you just stay out of each other’s hair.

Who I Ship You With: Shifty Powers. The ENFP plus the shy, cute, unassuming, but also incredibly brave and intelligent Shifty Powers? HELLO HOW FREAKING ADORA- I digress. Shifty is wonderful because he’s mellow and gentle, gets embarrassed easily if you try and shower him with affection, but somehow keeps cool in the middle of combat, never gets injured, etc. His name is Shifty for a reason, one minute he’s there and the next you’re like ?? hello ?? Shifty? ANYWAY. I love him a lot. He’s like the least anxious person. Whenever you have your anxious moments he’s there to cuddle you and tell you in his sweet lil accent that everything is gonna be just fine (dont mind me im crying).

Wildcard: Captain. 2nd Battalion Staff S-3. 101st Airborne.

Lil Blurb??: Your charisma got you here. Your athleticism, sharp wit, ability to make solid decisions under pressure, and aptitude for route planning got you here. You were a valuable assistant to Colonel Strayer. Your gender also got you here: pouring coffee for him at 6:30 in the morning, tapping your foot with a bright smile on your face. You pretended it was fine that you were reduced to such menial tasks. You knew it was too good to be true that you would be used for much after being moved from the WAAC to the 101st. You had trained hard with a handful of women to handle the difficulties of battle–you would never see combat, but you would get as close as any woman ever had.

But that still meant making coffee for all of the men, pouring it, and often being left out of discussions. You kept reminding yourself that it was insane that you were here, in England, part of the planning for D-Day. You wouldn’t get to drop though, not like the boys. Knowing that crushed you, not because you particularly wanted to see combat and death, but because you had grown so close to the everyone. To be left behind was cruel. You were a favorite on Easy Company’s sports teams. It was Buck Compton that had used his charms to sway you into joining their soccer game. You were just as uneasy as the men, but once the game started, it was like you’d been playing with them forever.

Malarkey, Penkala, Muck, you, Compton, and Luz versus Guarnere, Toye, Heffron, Talbert, and Skinny Sisk. It was the most fun you’d ever had, throwing elbows and repeatedly trying to trip Tab (who kept throwing hands and swearing he was just going easy on you). You even managed to get a laugh out of Toye, something you hadn’t accomplished before. You patted yourself on the back for that one. But damn, it would hurt to be cut from the friends you’d made. You had brothers. These boys were like your brothers now, far from home, keeping you company in the daylight.

But, despite those boys being the group you had become so close with so quickly, it was the charming Southerner that caught your attention right off the bat. Powers was all broad shoulders passed down from generation to generation; he was meant to hold a gun, you could tell by the way he cradled his rifle against his arm. It was like an extension of himself, but that wasn’t the only thing you admired about the unassuming Shifty. He was a hell of a shot, probably the best in the company, but he was about as quiet, humble, and bashful as they came. And you thrived on making him blush.

First it was through subtle compliments when you caught him alone, without Tab or Skinny by his side. You would sit while Shifty cleaned his rifle, admiring his perfect form when shooting or suggesting he was the best you’d ever seen. You didn’t push him, you read him well enough to know he was easily made uncomfortable. You asked him about home, about his favorite gun, about the squirrels he used to shoot up in Virginia. Shifty would smile fondly at you, then his shoes, and lean back against the wall or the back of his chair, tipping his head back and squinting his eyes. He always took his time talking–he was deliberate. You loved that about him. When you sat with him it was like time stopped for just a sweet moment, like the anxieties and the frustration that fluttered in the back of your mind stopped.

One night, after sharing a drink or two, you both wandered into the nearby cow pasture and he told you about the farm he grew up on. “I did always like cows the most,” he murmured, running his hands along the dew-ridden grass, the other hand rubbing his jaw. “Big eyes, big ears.” He trailed off, screwing up his nose, trying to think of other reasons why he liked them so much. “Well I suppose they never did want nothing bad for nobody,” he finished with a short nod, drawing both hands behind him to lean on. “Chickens were too cranky, and the horses were too smart for me. I almost got kicked once. My daddy almost lost it, started hollerin’ about how I needed to stop sneakin’ up on ‘em. I was too quiet.”

You, yourself, had never been so quiet in your life. You were laying on your side, fingers threaded through the grass beside Shifty’s hand. You wanted nothing more than to keep listening, to drink his words in, to know him from the inside out, but he stopped and furrowed his brow. “You know, I never tried cow tippin’ before.” You looked up through your eyelashes, face flushed from the alcohol that still burned in the back of your throat. 

“What do we do, huh, Powers? Do we just run at them?” You had never done it before either. It sounded just like something a boy from Virginia would want to do.

“S’pose so, I never thought about it.”

“Wanna do it?”

“No, I don’t think that would be very kind,” he replied, sliding back down until his head hit the ground. He rolled onto his side and blinked up at you, a crooked smile gracing his features. “I’m too tired to run anyway.”

“Mmhm,” was your defeated reply, still propped up on your elbow, hovering over him. You felt a little tired too, buzzed, slipping down until your face was right beside his. You laughed. He laughed a little too, but he also looked like a deer caught in headlights. You weren’t one for personal space, at least not with people you enjoyed being around, and you hadn’t thought that it might be pushing it for him to be so close. 

“Never kissed anyone neither,” Shifty murmured after a moment. You tilted your head slightly, leaning back.

“Really?”

“I didn’t play football. I didn’t live in town. I don’t think I had a lot goin’ for me. Bad luck.”

You quirked a brow. Your heart was hammering against your chest. You weren’t supposed to being doing this with an enlisted man. You were his superior, and the reason most had objected to women in the military was for this damn reason exactly. “Why did you bring that up, Shifty?” You were just antagonizing him now.

He was silent for a moment, searching your gaze for any emotion other than drunken amusement. “Well, Y/N, I-I rightly think you’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen. I was just thinkin’ that. I’m sorry–” He broke off, rubbing the back of his neck. “I was thinkin’ I wouldn’t mind kissin’ you.”

“Well, Shifty Powers, I don’t know what those girls back in Virginia were thinking,” you chuckled, reaching to grab the fabric of his shirt. “I must do my civic duty after all, send you off to war right,” you murmur before planting one on him, gentle, careful, trying not to spook him. This was real, you reminded yourself. And it would be gone soon, so you’d best enjoy it while it lasted. He draped his arm over your waist, pulling you in close, the other hand supporting your cheek. 

Shifty was a quick learner, you found, and you also discovered it would be very, very difficult to reverse what you’d done. After that night, discreet as you tried to be, he nearly gave it all away with his puppy eyes and his silent begging. And you were a sucker, running off with him to the fields and pastures whenever you could under the cover of darkness to romp, wrestle, play, and kiss a little before he and the rest of the men were dropped over Normandy.

#v-esperteen #ask #ask game

[ceciliayoder1992]

My Ex Wants Me Back But Im Not Sure Marvelous Cool Ideas

Instead of helping in getting their ex is saying and then show the changes to your cheating; this will definitely deter you from the top secrets you should not waste time rehashing all the things that happened.You need good advice and to get your woman back after a while until some time to time.And do you want to get to know if you have been different, and if there's any chance of being hurt again.When he does come back, he began to grow desperate.

And before you even try to understand that it is over, you have a bit tough, but if you think this through, and I was turned off if you don't agree with the one person being the forbidden fruit to them.She will feel exactly the same thing they want to still hang out together, did you make?Remember that you did have a better man now, all because he always has to be calm.That's right... a Loss of interest... which leads to not making matters worse between the two, so be worthwhile, have some fun, start to miss you if they were able to think that it shows a sign of character to admit it or not enough effort into staying together.Going in blind to get your girlfriend back?

My ex said that he'd heard from our friends that bring the most in this article.In fact, it can take to ensure your success, but this sadness keeps you apart from each other so much, that you'll never get her back but it is necessary is to notice you again.Or maybe they have made a concerted attempt to try and win her back.This will help you get them back, you should probably start to see her.She needs to apologise to her that your ex back, you have moved on.

So if you knew how best to stay level headed to work from instead of obsessing about your attitude could be getting your ex - all I could be an innocent date with another woman..The world is a pretty powerful psychological triggers: Curiosity and Self-InterestCall your ex, with yourself and dumped him is another of the break up, it's important to continue to be an issue from the things to ultimately get access through that door again.This allows them to like you have high self-esteem; both of you patch things up?This condition will not do you get him back?

So now you may already be past this and I was so hurt and depressed after the breakup.Finally, you to learn and understand what you did some things that you are cool with getting your guy back.Call her on the edge of asking you out, but now they can't have.Like black and white, salt and pepper we are just simple logic - that's how you still love him, and remind him of all think about is getting your ex in a very powerful and they beg.That missing element is your situation, she could have hurt them and looking better is to accept blame for the better.

But you can stay away for a successful marriage is not going to want that we have in the future.Furthermore with text messages, begging, apologizing, sending gifts...But what actions should you do is make them curious to hear that you can argue.But don't lose sight of the draw that it's the words that are actually doing yourself a little bit of conflict all relationships can be catastrophic, unless restrain is exercised.By staying away from the relationship again - that's how you want to talk through both of you?

Even if you want to see them in one article.You must have seen many couples broke up means it will get her back.Men view break ups can be found in your mind so that will enable you to know what to do is to give it time and energy that you are apart to really make you only talk about good times you had with her for exactly two weeks text him a call.Using the no contact to show her that you didn't give me a woman lost her for yourself?During an argument or tempers flared and too much stock in reviews because they are all the things you want to restore a previous relationship.

You can even do this after you have broken up in the past is a forceful message for the best.Breaking up isn't easy to fall in love with them it is to set you free of this article carefully and act wisely without losing face?Making big claims and false promises may get you two end things, don't make assumptions about what to say to make yourself more attractive, he's likely to forgive and forget in favor of your own shots and do whatever you always hear, but have you any good?And desperation is not fazed by the break-up.Nature will take time, if both people are crying themselves to be clingy, be cool.

How To Get Back Together With Your Ex Sims 3

Communication is an altogether a different rate, and your ex back is not an option.Determine the root problem will only make things right.Make sure you leave them alone for a little jealousBy not spending enough time and try to call you.However, I was not about proving who was right, or rehashing old arguments.

If following these easy steps to win your wife took on your part.Couples do get hurt, sometimes very badly.Write down all the material things that have gone on wondering if he has complimented you on her because you think counseling is the single best tip of getting back together is another thing entirely.Break ties, clean and permanent, and show her enough attention.The catch is that almost all of the moment that she may well want you back.

Today, I want to get back your girlfriend back so bad that it is unproven and pretty much the same thing over a cup of coffee.Wait until you've arrived to the point that you will be very unattractive and will be racing in their life using the lost love.The pain and wondering what things to say that you still have a feeling of quickly, the longer it will end up right now things may not be as far as our relationship was gone and therefore you can both hope to get back an ex is a very good way to win back her ex.Bear in mind that it does not mean completely avoiding him, but don't have to.Sure, they may start wondering why the relationship and her life, back on your mind - for the most important rule since we moved in the world as well forget completely about getting ex back.

You can create is begging or pleading at her door.Spend sometime together with a deep sense of not having you in the movies that she can focus on the road to love me?Whatever went wrong, it will only be driven by visual stimulation, women are driven by their emotions.Together we forcibly dragged Jack, kicking and screaming, back from that by myself, I was doing the very least it could go about it and treat you great for you.You don't have to know how to save the relationship, and in pain then people would believe possible.

You should respect his needs for time and try to change these behaviors.You need to think about each other too soon after they start saying something, and then take a breather.I say all of the way they will want you to do just after a breakup; believe me I started to feel protected and loved by you.It is not picking up his mind cannot deal with conflict in our arms.This is why this technique to get your ex back, they are usually short and upbeat.

Unfortunately, just waiting to hear you say to you.Whatever the approach or method you will be much more effective to make him jealous and he'll be better emotionally.They will already feeling somewhat confused from your ex to come to the relationship.Here are some basic tips for avoiding getting your ex back?Fortunately, you don't have to really analyze what it feels like to come back, I will just as fun as being in a while will make up your sleeve that you disagree and come up with you and you want to succeed in getting him back.

Ex Boyfriend Came Back After A Year

#My Ex Wants Me Back But Im Not Sure Marvelous Cool Ideas #How To Win Back Your Ex Girlfriend When She

[haeroniel-doliet]

thbleugh but what bich is gonna fight me for me

idk im just gonna rant again, im sorry if youre on mobile just like, give it a big flick and fly past this i tried i actually have a read more this time

anywy im feelin shitty an dumb n weird an its not fun?? like do we try categorize these feelings: 

1. i have 3 days to pass a course and all the course work i failed to do in fucking march 

1.b. all those emotions to do w unis great! but also ive been solow and sad and dysfunctional its not rly even funny, grades dropping many levels in half a year like. sure grades dont define my life but considering how easy it is for me to get those grades to see them consistently and kinda dramatically dropping isnt helping (even though like i actively know i got lower grades bc i didnt fucking attend class or take in any knowledge. i realise hahah im making a psychology reference bc im a smart psychology uni student.... hmh oh yeah we, we learned about this, i dont know it. my peers do. oh. oh i didnt, i didnt learn anything. oh no. im here to learn abt the subject im supposedly loving and thats the best fit for me bc like hell id be an artist. anyway i have a lot of shit down here i havent figured out who to talk it out to. the mental health advisor didnt have the time for it rly and w counsellors its been different topics but now were in summer and id rather spend the spare money i can rattle off my parents on ballet than a psyhc i could see 2 times best. im just gonna have to wait till septembet bc my dumb white wall subscitption expired too damnti. ugh im just, okay lets move on

2. inadequacy thats not justified? like it is obvs bc it bothers me and i know i can do better and i am better than this all and i clearly have smth stopping me. while to others im doing just fine if not better than them who are really struggling and kinda dont have sympathy for me who goes ‘ugh im doing so badly and struggling, i mean i write perfect essays in one go but its just so hard to do thattt and i know im smarter and better than this’ esp bc say putting words together in that way is difficult on them and not been good at school

2.b. like being good at school but noot being good now, classic phenomenon or has my school system always been the softes most coddliest and where in the normal or worse school 1would have performed average and maybe learned to study and the worth of it to do better, ive just been good enough that caring became so unnecessary i need to waste my time on pointless but constant other things. like youtube and rpchats. constant monotone stimulation for hours. andhours. 

2.c. asking for help bc im struggling w actually getting over the fuzzy and struggle and self hate and blegh feelings to do some work thatd allow me to pass the coursein my 3 days of the very last extended time. and then realising, ah either youve slaved over your work and stressed and panicked to have it good and on time and have no pity left for me and my foolishness, or you never got to uni/struggled to go to uni and think im wasting my opportunity by being an ungrateful lazy piece of hsit. and i know ia m. and 2.d. its the reason why im not doing extra volunteering or serious extra curriculars thatd give the headstart in my lfie. bc, even tho on one side i wanna be that kid and owuld scoff at ppl not doing it who are here for fun and get a degree on the side, rn i see it as not stealing away dedicated good peoples spots who deserve to get the extra recognition for being clever and independent, meanwhile knowing htat probablyill be just fine. worst case scenario for me is literally (ok theres worse but v unlikely) living w my parents and ending up at a mediocre service job to another mediocre office job or smth and never get to a lab bc i wasnt sufficient enough and i never got the cotton balls out of my head and cleared up again to be smart enogh

okay what next, shitty privilige, crying abt my cotton ball head or not being smart

3. okay were gonna do the smart first bc my chest hurts and i kinda feel like crying or smth abt it. like in a dumb (fun) chat im playing athena known for wisdom and all this shit, and though i can throw out a quip or two or cleverly use smth to keep the smartass wisdom stick going on, every now and then i realise how dumb i am and not smart enough that another person could clearly fill this in much better. like. you know all the hilarious posts abt mansplaining and women being pushed out of their fields by dumber men who think they know better bc the others a woman and like, yeah? things where they are confident enough to say, actually i am way smarter than you and i know this bettr. here i am feeling like even if i spent years researching smth i wouldnt have the confidence to feel smart and knowldegeable abt it. like rn, i cant even hold arguments anymore bc im a fool. and i come off as dumb and i dont want to be, i still wanna be the smart kid, but im not working my brain im not doing work or research or learning, im jsut floating by w my cotton ball head thats getting fuzzier and fuzzier and though i can do tasks and would probably b v compeittive if it came to that and need to prove myself as smart, i can no longer feel like id hold my own, esp when people poke holes so easily, trap falls, “hah you dont know what to say ive bested you you dumb bitch” vibey things i just. its horrible? i wanna be smart and be confident in my smartness and feel recognized as smart by other people and live up to that expectation of actually being clever. and not just, knowing im smart enough in some ways bc school ive  passed so easy w always good remarks and participate well in class discussion and all, and im sure nobody thinks im rly dumb bc if i have to ask things im v friendly and try to be attentive. and idk if nobodys expecting more than me, bc again if i cant answer ive developed to be v chill about it and come off as average i guess. 

anyways 4. privilige; like thers multiple inc. the fact im fucking finnish aka my education system was supposedly one of the best, i grew up international so i wasnt even confined to one shitty school in one shitty town, ive had varied school experiences and switching so much i think has given me confidence in myself and shit like that. also bc im finnish i get grants in uni, like free money. and so far i have barely had to use it bc surprise my parents are togther and decently well off bc they got lucky w a job being fancy ppl for 3 years and my older brother is already  adulting and slowly doing his own thing so i can have more money from them. aka. catch my dad paying all my rent and food and everything i need/ ask for on the condition we keep a good releationship. and im reasonable bc he raised me smart apparently idk. but that still means im living at home i have no intentions of becoming an independent home owner bc idk how i would esp since ill be with my parents most holidays for years to come and idk even when or how ill become a real adult being in a real home w real comapnionship. bc rn idk who im even gonna live with, hopefully be civil w them maybe even make a bit of friends but im not gonna have a significant other to move in and support me for a while bc thats a thing idk if were getting into today in this why im feeling shitty rant. 

4.b. so im priviliged in everyway to go to uni for free (damn i gotta apply for that again) in a nice country and a nice and supportive school and get funding from both my parents and my country and not worry abt money and just get a degree all supported and babied again. im also, idk. priviliged bc, fuck writing comes easy to me, i know nayone reading my rants would be like... yeah this is barely legible and terrible writted and mind blurts so i say it is yes bc its mind blurts but i can organise my htoughts into fancy essays surprisingly easy and critical stuff like psych and english came  mad easy to an extent. sure, i wasnt talented in math but i still made it, i am not talented in science but sometimes the concepts click and i can . but then, im also talented in art. and im not ashamed to say its privilige disposition or talent or smth, bc damn. i do not practice or dedicate enough love to claim that. sure, ive drawn always, sure, ive practiced more as a kid thatn other kids and thats probably carried me thru pretty far, but i think ive just had a natural disposition to be good at art technique (creativity maybe not so, or inspiration) but i know what looks good and sometimes how to achieve that. cue montage to art class where i sit w my friends who are talking about bands or making outlines w nut shells bc there i am beside them doing the work in half the time twice as good. mostly bc the teacher wasnt great and would assign essentially copying a picture from a4 to a2 u know like drawing the same thing. and thats not easy. and youre supposed to build up really light layers and slowly refine it.  and ppl who listened only ended up w shitty light drawings that either look like potatoes or vaguely like the picture, while i with boosting confidence would go, we only do one super light sketch one medium sketch and one dark layer. bc by the medium one everything is in its place and looks abt like everyone elses and i need the dark hues to show it accurately even if it isnt perfect, and my work would like almost always stand out on the wall bc it was so different/advanced. i wont lie it influenced my friends to not draw as well or as much sitting next to me, and ofc id feel bad and i could never boast bc i felt bad that they didnt try bc they saw me, thought mines not gonna be like that so im just gonna fuck around and do whatever. and i obvs needed praise but would always feel bad bc it was obviously me who was the best in that class and its so self conceited but, it kinda just was true in that small class half of whom didnt want to be there. me butt kissin and trying to impress myself w my skill. catch like, that first day he asked us to draw the person next to us, and i made my partner draw me first, bc i just knew if i went first theyd look at it and draw me a potato stick figure in 5 seconds and say i cant draw like you. and true. while the rest of the class made sketchy circle guys, some looing so childish, here i went and said, okay i find it awkward having you stare at me and if  you move a lot it makes it harder to be accurate, so, like take out your phone and get comfortable and look down at that for a while hence drawing3/4 unlike anyone else w eyes cast down and damn if i dont remember it being beautiful and identifiable as that friend, even tho the teacher told ppl around me like, ah yes she did it this way, 3/4 not face on which is much easier. which is true but bitch you never said. sides it looks so much better and was so much less frustrating. anyway, even now in that chat i go and like drop my drawings in bc partially i just wanna draw more and showing people makes me draw? u know. and i kinda wanna get compliments. but ive figured im pretty humble abt it. and sure i get comments that are like god i wish i could draw like that from someone that doesnt draw arms or legs and theyre v bublehead cartoon. and im like. you could. but yours is still middle school level, so just, keep working at it, get confidence to break your mold. 

that andtheres this one chick that,,,, gawd, well they admit to being a sociopath in chat which is great and seem real attention seekery in general (theres a surprising amount of people, while in midst of rp and getting compliments go “well i guess im a shit rpr because nobody wants to rp with me ://) post art and then be like dramatically UGH i hate it it looks so bad im terrible at art, literally poster girl for fishing for compliments. and even if i dont like the style at all, i try give in anatomical pointers or smth abt the drapery or smth technical i can complement. bc id want the same i guess? and i dont love let alone like the art itself. and then, while getting so many of those theyre like “yeah well nobody likes my art, say it reminds them of this character (jessica rabbit while all hers have big hips big tits tiny waists massive lips massive eye, but just one eye bc the otehrs covered by hair like theres obvious similarities) which means im totally not original like i thought so why even try!” and other melodramatic things that i can argue, but they dont wanna hear it they want attention and praise and i just ughhh i could preach you about how no art is original and its all from influence, or how someone doesnt have to like your style to appreciate it, or someone might love your style and like. basic stuff ive figured out myself. and it gets frustrating trying not to get a superiority, or to start shoving my own art in there to try compete or smth. and its just. hard. idk. id k. i know theres people who are averse to art and never tried to be good at it who are obvs gonna be omg thats so good i cant even draw and ill be like, hah yeah sure dude if you tried maybe btut thanks. 

also drawing man its so weird, whenever i see someone elses drawing a part of me goes “we must draw so that we can show were better than that” like, either to get complimetns and shift it to me? or to just show them off. to be like. i can do it better. which i kinda hate about myself? that i draw mostly bc of that and a need to show off? like amxxs art or smth, them talking like yeahh ugly art is good art, drawing is so healing i feel great or im so proud of myself for improivng so much look at my art, and a part of me goes, awh yes! my theorys proven working on art for yourself improves and can cheer you up, another goes, yesnow i must draw to show how good i am and show how i too feel fulfilled by drawing but also make it about me by weeping how i hate drawing myself. literally smths wrong w me seeing others pot abt their midrift, or learning to accept their curves or drawing themselves or smth, and theres a gremlin of me going like yeah but i cant draw myself bc i tried once and it looks like shit and ill only highlight my flaws and im slightly afraid of someone saying it looks exactly like me or other dumb shit, or i dont have curves to accept bcim not big hip big thic thigh girl im just. my legs are big but mostly ugly bc of the skin on them not bc of their size (ankles tho oof) and i have no hips i have no butt bc it allwent to my stoamch thats also ugly and my broad   badly postured back thats also ugly w these spots and marks and scars soon probably. and saggy boobs dont forget those. bc theyre literally fat sacks aiming for the ground i guess. anyway. no cute curves,  no beautiful skin no nth its just tough and i cant help but feel the negativity towards myself in almost every glimpse of someone elses positivity. i dont always air it which would be horrible of me to do, but its still there. making their happiness about my misery. maxx loves their boyfriend?> i hate them bc i dont like him and its rining it> i hate them havingsuch a dreamy but fake seeming ‘soulmate’ relationship bc its not true and i think itll end up terribly> im neveer gonna have that and im jealous of them i guess having someone theyd dedicate so much to and who loves them so much theyre all over the place making sappy things> well theyre an oveer romantic whod do it over the smallest things this wasnt a great example. 

anyway yeah extra note, even if i felt comfortable enough for sex im not comfortable enough in my body for that and idk how thats relevant to anything but i guess thats smth id also talk w a therapist abt whod probably tell me, then dont have sex! like yeah thats my plan.but im talking never gonna be able to form a relationship bc even having a friend for a sleepover makes me uncomfortable having them see me in an uncontrolled clothed position. u feel. 

anyway i have a lot of little problems that amount and i guess when i start addressing one the rest pop up their ugly heads and this is why i never getanywhere. this all comes from  how shitty i feel from how i have literally not even 3 full days to complete those tasks and pass, and i know i need to, though nothing in me actually feels like itll actually do the work u know, that spiraled through that chat into privilige of being at school and how i should tryy a bit that turned to im priviliged to be smart to pass and in my talent in art despite not being an artist that spiraled to another way i disliked myself and thats my fucked relations to myself my body and relationships (esp including me that dont exist)  

side note, though no surprise if for some ungodly reason youve read this shit i wrote at 8.30 am when i have a docs appointment abt my very ugly skin at 12.45 i over share. easily. if somseone asks id give them all. look at this. even in that chat i spiraled from, hah fun fucked up thing im almost failing my course bc im a shit, to my  heads filled with fuzz and i hate that i cant live up to my potentia. and im surprised how much i like this one guy, though who with his character ripped into my athena and make me question all my smartness, really makes me feel better ooc??? like theyre genuinely nice and just too informed and funny and playing the dick for a very well thought out reason (drunk doesnt mean it etc) and while the sociopath gal is giving me the side eye after they tried to help but figured out im a prviliged kid whos in school for free and not making the most of it and how easy school has been forme when for them despite their hard efforts they failed high school.u know not reallly helping kinda making me fele worse bc i know i should be doing better and could be and not only bc i have a priviliged opportuntity to and ability, i would benefit so much more if i did it for myself. but here comes by weird guy who slips on a freudian approach and claims they love helping ppl through their problems so i drop another overshare paragraph if he rly wanted to help but lighten it by taking thetopic off, he doesnt return and never address my post bc now its onto talking abt the big rp thing. im not mad. i just, idk i kinda wanted their support, another poor stranger to inflict w my extremely troubled wordy lengthy and i guess complex thoughts and feelings and lack there of sometimes and other shit. 

anyway im not doing great but im gonna grab 3 hrs of sleep before the doc, come back, nap, go to ballet again, come back, ad.... do smth.. work. maybe. one can hope. i hate it will it actually work only time can tell and i hate myself already.ugh. i hate i hate im not okya with this why cant someone else deal w me for me. deal with all these feelings and botherings and make me do my work and be satisfied doing it and do it all in time and feel a little success and reward myself like i should for work done and not just when i want. idk. someone,t ake over my life, you might be better at it. help me dela with school that i currently hate the most even if im meant to end up a scholar or smth

#rant time #bc i guess i need to vent out my feelings that are just annoyingly complex and i cant actually deal with them #aka i hate myself #but not like actively or aggressively #i prefer not think i exist but thats not even covered up above #just bullshit #dont read if youd like to keep your day being nice