#more so her naivety

[thoughtfulshepherdmongerkid]

Shall we treat this as a chapter one?

Status Quo

Emerie had made it a keen point to never keep her head down. That was what these foul males wanted and she’d be damned if she’d willingly give them that satisfaction. It was how she greeted every customer that walked through her door, the few that came anyway.

Some might call it definite, but she saw it as a way to begin leveling the playing field.

Even when it was the General of The Illyrian army and The High Lord’s third in command, The Morrigan. They had come in with a harsh gust of wind and cackles of laughter.

“What are you looking for Cassian?” She asked, disregarding his title and standing, much to the dismay of the golden high fae still clinging to his arm.

“Oh the usual Em. Gloves, scarves, coats and whatever else you can think of to keep warm in these winds.” He responded in a light tone, releasing his arm from The Morrigan’s grasp to go look at the stacks of blankets.

Emerie hummed an agreement tone as he picked up a charcoal grey and crimson red weaved blanket from a stack, “And this one for personal.” He said over his shoulder.

“Are you still trying to sway that hellcat Cas?” The Morrigan asked almost flippantly.

“And any books you’d recommend for a reclusive female.” He added, ignoring her comment as if she’d never uttered the words.

“A hellcat recluse. I’ll be sure to check the back. Personal as well?” She hummed with a raised brow.

He tried to maintain conversation but his golden companion was bemoaning the Illyrian land and winds every couple of minutes that Emerie finally snapped that he could come back to pick the book up later. She could see as red as his siphons with every flippant remark she’d make.

She managed to collect her feelings in time with with the assorted winter items the General bought on behalf of the High Lord for the window camp and any orphaned child without a roof to depend on. She kept collecting everything into nice neat stacks late into the night.

It surely was too late for her as she started to see threads of silver and emerald green in her peripheral vision. But when she look to the corner pointing southward she saw nothing.

When she finally crawled upstairs and fell into sleep she had dreams so vivid, she’d almost call them visions, of plants and flowers far too delicate for the harsh grounds of Illyria that all reflected the glistening light of the moon. Of threads the same shades of silver and greens she’d imagined earlier in the day making up a tapestry in progress of foreign mountains to her and a forest that shrouded around the peaks.

She woke confused smelling catmint and something she couldn’t quite place.

#my writing #acotar #elain acotar #elain archeron #elain x emerie #emerilain #emerie acotar #emerie of illyria #emerie #an emerie pov #I think I want to have each chapter in alternating pov #but don’t hold me to it #the moon is gay #and I’ll make sure they compare each other to her as much as I can #trust 🤝🫡 #also there will be ic slander but no archeron sister slander #I love them all too much to do so #well maybe a lil of fey fey #more so her naivety

[chalkrub]

svanhildr my beloved returns

#my art #oc #svanhildr #anthro #furry #goat #illustration #oc tober #(this is day 3......i'm doing it at my own pace. lol) #I gave her some funky white eyeliner as a quick experiment and loved it so now she's got white eyeliner i guess #congrats svanhildr you've been REDESIGNED. in the smallest way possible. and also with more horn texture (that i didn't reference) #i need to reference things more i am stagnating so hard at the moment. whatever #last night me and the girlies made the age-old mistake of putting on mud face masks together and taking a cute polaroid for memories #anyway needless to say the polaroid came out darker expected and now we have a photo of us that could be very badly misinterpreted #and has very very VERY unfortunate connotations that we did not foresee in our shortsighted naivety and did NOT intend #live and learn and never let the photo escape into the outside world I guess!

[sanjarka]

no but peeta was being a dick after the first games. yes it's understandable why he overreacted but it doesn't change the fact that he did overreact, and that it was him who created the distance between himself and katniss. which is exactly why he was the one to apologize (and another reason why the movies suck because his line if i stop acting like i'm wounded is changed into if you stop acting like i'm wounded).

#everlark #it's not that i think his reaction comes from cruelty or naivety #and at first you're confused #cause why is he even mad #he and haymitch started the whole bit #but then she saves him #that conversation before their first ''real'' kiss #when peeta says that katniss isn't doing him any favour by sacrificing her life for his #and katniss tries to use that as an opportunity to sell their love story and how she did because he matters #but then stops and fumbles because he does matter to her #because the love is real was always real #and what does peeta do? #he says (and this is so important) then i'll have to fill in the blanks myself #this is where he starts to see it as something more than performance #and then she almost dies for him #so he assumes she has feeling for him to #and he's not wrong #but katniss is confused and she has every right to be confused and it's not even that he thinks she doesn't #and then haymitch appears and makes everything worse and now peeta's doubting everything #now he's questioning everything to the point of being irational #was everything just a plan haymitch made and katniss knew how to follow #did she save him because she knew it would work or because she wanted too #and he knows it shouldn't matter and that he should be grateful but he's being selfish in this moment #and then he's also traumatized and scared and hurt and embarrassed #and nobody needs him right nobody needs him and nobody cares for him and nobody protects him - his family didn't his mother didn't #so why would katniss #he's worthless really and how didn't he see it coming he's supposed to be in control cool calm collected mild but he wasn't and that's scar #and now he sees that he's not being fair and it would really help if katniss was yelling at him and telling him how ungrateful he is but no #instead she's hurt and she's sad but now he's confused and maybe it's all just guilt but whatever it is it's already to late to fix it #so he leaves and vows to keep living as he always had - with a too comfortable of a distance from others cool calm collected mild

[hella1975]

tams azula is sooo fascinating bc while canon azula doesn't really show her age at all like she's completely desensitised to so much shit 'she is fourteen' is not a justification for ANYTHING both in her own mind and in other people's, in tams she has zuko. and yes the world has been abundantly cruel to her but zuko hasn't. he's basically raised azula and he's done so in a way that she's allowed to show her age, but she still only shows her age in very azula-esque ways. there's no reluctance to see violence like you'd expect from a fourteen-year-old, and like ive said before, that means zuko can't play on that reluctance in order to shield her, but he still wants to shield her from that violence because regardless of what SHE feels about it, as the eldest he knows fundamentally that she shouldn't be seeing certain things no matter how well she can handle them. and seeing zuko effectively PLAY azula in order to protect her is so interesting and complicated and fun

#and also a little heartbreaking bc it's the 'you protect azula but who protects you?' #like in order to shield azula from these things zuko is metaphorically standing in front of her and seeing them himself #as if he's not only sixteen and a child too #but yeah taking azula's canon traits and manipulating into the tamsverse is soooo fun #like the example that inspired this post is how canon azula is logical NOT cruel #like time and time again she follows only the logical route and even actively avoids the cruel route #e.g calling off torture in the boiling rock bc she knew that he was telling the truth and therefore continuing to torture him was illogical #im not saying azula is averse to/incapable of cruelty i just hc that she genuinely just thinks it's stupid #just like any other unnecessary act would be considered stupid. if it's not logical or being used for a greater plan then what's the point? #and tams azula STILL HOLDS THIS TRAIT except because i lean more into her age in tams bc she's been given the freedom with zuko #to liberally be a CHILD without any consequences as a result of that simple thing #her intense logic actually becomes a certain naivety on azula #like she cannot comprehend other people NOT coming to the conclusions she comes to #and that expands to needless cruelty. like she wont factor a person's cruelty into her calculations #because in her head all she needs to dismiss that calculation is 'excessive cruelty here would waste time which is illogical' #she assumes everyone is as smart and to-the-point as she is so when they ARENT and will actively waste time just to do dumb shit #it catches her off guard and she DOESNT PLAN FOR IT so it can really fuck them over sometimes #so this is one instance where zuko has azula beat despite it being STRATEGY aka azula's strong point #bc zuko's immense cynicism and assumption that Everyone Is Awful doesn't hold up against logic 9 times out of 10 #but the one time it does is the time azula gets caught out #i just think tams zuko and azula's dynamic is so fucking interesting im so clever for that tbh #twice as many stars

[thunderboltfire]

Poor battering ram of a woman, how come you've chosen so badly who to follow?

#WIP #My first association was a large predator #bc a barbarian #but you know what #she has ram horn(s) #and I actually love the symbolism of her being a sheep #barbs rush headfirst into battle without a second thought and rely on the toughness of their body to tank damage #exactly like a ram would crash into anything with his head #Karlach's fault that led into her falling into servitude was her naivety #she followed wrong people blindly not knowing that they're going to sell her like livestock #also she's got so much devilish accents in her looks that depicting her as a sheep feels like flipping the script #and reflects more of what she really is - someone who lost her way and it cost her - than how she looks like #(also yeah I changed her pupils. Slit ones didn't truly fit here) #anthro #if You remember the ancient times I made anthro characters from Paladins yk I've got a long tradition of associating tanks with herbivores #which is coincidentally why I know that there are breeds of sheep in which ewes also have horns #she actually has a threatening grin on her face in the full picture but I like that if I crop it like this it looks like a death glare

[kaladinkholins]

i tried watching the netflix a:tla live action and got so frustrated that i could only make it through 1 episode before i decided "fuck this" and started rewatching the cartoon from the first episode

anyway that led to me writing this in my notes app while half-asleep in bed last night

#i know everyone says taigen is zuko because “HONOUR!!!!” but personality-wise taigen is way more like sokka #loud. fragile ego. hard worker. insistent on coming up with a rational plan despite getting involved in shenanigans anyway. #in contrast mizu is much more like zuko. pouty. angry and emo. single-minded and OBSESSED (with vengeance rather than capturing the avatar) #plus zuko and sokka are very much alike in the same way mizu and taigen are alike #but obviously theyre not 1-to-1 parallels. mizu is less privileged than taigen. which is the opposite for zuko (prince) and sokka (peasant) #but STILL #and ringo is aang that much is very obvious #akemi as ty lee because manipulative and using her looks and femininity and playing up her naivety to get what she wants #also akemi and ty lee both want freedom and independence despite being born into prim&proper high class society #but unlike ty lee akemi is forced into marriage anyway. so it's kinda like ty lee being forcibly put into azula's position of power #but unlike azula who uses intimidation akemi still sticks to her guns (that being her feminine wiles) #fandom.rtf #shut up haydar

[thedeadthree]

IOVANNA x DAEMON (hotd) 🔮🗡

UNA ULLER x AEGON II TARGARYEN (hotd) 🐍👑

CESSAIR x MAEGOR (asoiaf) 🐚🐉

ALVA x RHAEGAR (asoiaf) 🌸🎼

VALA(ENYA) x AURANE (asoiaf/got) ⚔️🌊

TAGGED BY the beloveds @queennymeria, @chuckhansen, @leviiackrman, @risingsh0t, @adelaidedrubman, @morvaris, @corvosattano, @marivenah, @nightbloodraelle, @shadowglens, @aartyom, @jendoe and @phillipsgraves to make the loves in this cutest picrew! ty ty so much! (and saw @50sjello do this as well <3)

TAGGING: @feystepped, @griffin-wood, @kingsroad, @denerims, @fragilestorm, @pearlcscent, @jackiesarch, @confidentandgood, @unholymilf, @leondaltons, @noonfaerie, @shellibisshe and you!

#only if you want to! 🤍🕊 #the babies and the targ beloveds <3 #oc: iovanna dayne #x: iovanna x daemon #x: daevanna #oc: una nathaira uller #x: una x aegon ii #x: hand in unlovable hand #oc: cessair celtigar #x: cessair x maegor #x: duty is the death of love #oc: alva amaranthine #x: alva x rhaegar #x: praying for love paying in naivety #oc: valaenya targaryen #x: valaenya x aurane #x: auraenya #ALVA AND RHAEGY IM SOBBING ABOUT THEMM. they deserved their happy ending! singing in summerhall til they grew old! how dare the seven! 🌸💞😖 #ajzjzjhx enya praying to the seven if one more suitor approaches her with a proposal <3 aurane has heart eyes! he’s in love! #and he’s so valid for that ! that’s THE pirate boy and dragon girl <3 #(they might have met earlier than the twow buuut i haven’t decided yet <3) #ajsjzjzj by aegons heart eyes and unas unhingedness they’re really an it couple of westeros i sure think so 🌿🐍😖 #the thing that means the world to me was the halo for her <3 she’s an angel and he loves her for that <3 #SPEAKING OF THEE IT COUPLE OF WESTEROS vanna and daemy! they make me crazy! they’re so! more first meeting looks for her and daemy! #love at first sight BABIESS! THEN WHY DID IT TAKE YOU TWENTY PLUS YEARS THENN! YOU ALL HEARD ME! TWENTY PLUS!!!!! ✨😖 #teeheheee maegy and cessair THATS maekys grandparents! the blueprint of unhinged and ray of sunshine for my asoiaf clowns <3 🌸💞😵‍💫 #leg.ocs #leg.tagged #t: picrews

[aroaessidhe]

2023 reads // twitter thread    

The Battle Drum

sequel to The Final Strife, a queer Ghanian/Arabian high fantasy world where people are divided by blood colour

the nightly hurricanes are getting more deadly, and Sylah travels to unknown lands to discover the truth and find help

meanwhile Anoor is trying to manage her new political position while framed for a murder she didn’t commit

#The Battle Drum #aroaessidhe 2023 reads #okay I do feel similarly about this as I did the first one...really love a lot of what’s going on I just feel like some of the structure/plo #plot focus could b better #like the first one fell back on the generic competition framework which I felt was meh....this one does that a bit with murder mystery #it had a cool in-universe summary of book 1 #something about the politics/past/worldbuiling feels…I wanted some more connection or complexity or something? #or maybe i just expect more from adult fantasy #anoor's naivety got a little frustrating at time #like the murderer was pretty obvious #I love: cool new cities! glass city! MUSHROOM CITY #when sylah sees a camel and describes it in the most 'weird unknown fantasy creature' kind of way #I still find zines weirdly anachronistic.......when magazines don't exist in the world... #but I can give that a pass I guess #there's also an aroace side character (has some POV) who I have......mixed feelings about? #an interesting complex character but also. is SA'd for years before she finally decides t kill her husband #then becomes an antagonistic cult leader #I don't think that's INHERENTLY a bad thing; but idk; why was that a choice? maybe she'll be redeemed (for lack of a better word) next book #anyway all of these critiques are very much like. this has the potential to be in my favourite kind of books ever and doesn't QUITE reach my #expectations..........so like it is very good. I just ahhhhh want slightly more/different things #oh also jond and kitten was good. I still hate him for being the perpertrator of my Least Favourite Trope but. he has a baby kitten.... #wait i should also mention the plot twist of who the person is is pretty good #didn't figure that one out #but going back through highlight notes i was like oh...there was clues...

[irisbellemoon]

what makes the entirety of Taylor's career all the more meaningful is that she's written so many songs by herself that you can easily find at least 5 previous songs that parallel the new songs and all of it just humanizes her

#taylor swift #so many new songs put a whole new meaning to many old songs #how dear john was a very sad song about a terrible womanizer #after wcs it feels so much more heartbreaking because you know he messed with her naivety

[titan-wolfdog]

giving me the Soulsborne games to play was granting me barbie dolls and my own arena to throw them in like gladiators

#I am so sorry but all of these girls and women are going to SUFFER #their stories just got progressively more depressing and im so happy that i could do that #explore such dark themes #poor Lizray and her helpless loving #Faeris' depression #Atthie's naivety #Lunaris' physical trauma #Rhea's abandonment #PAIN ALL AROUND BEIBIIIIIIII

[desertdragon]

I just realized Yugiri ultimately did more for the Doman people than Hien ever did all of Stormblood because when she tried playing the hero with words alone to get them to fight their oppressors she failed, but when her emotions caused her to risk her life against Zenos that was what convinced them to take back their lives- not their "King" who made no moves for them until he could be assured his people still wanted to be ruled under him, but a servant potentially ending herself on her own volition, from her own love, because she would rather die trying through action than be silent; she put her money where her mouth was for freedom alone expecting nothing in return and she was rewarded for it by the story far greater than the man who was meant to command others by birthright, she got them to fight for themselves again through personal sacrifice so that Hien could even have something to do after

#there is something to be said here about sacrifice being what starts change and commands respect rather than empty tired wishful promises #and subjugating another culture to do your dirty work #i never thought of that until now im losing my mind WHY DOES HE HAVE MORE SCREENTIME THAN HERRRR #ACTION SPEAKING LOUDER THAN WORDS YUGIRI LEARNING THAT BEFORE HER BOSS LIKE DJDHSSH Yugiri is better leadership material #she saw him doing nothing and said Mid #nhaama #ALSO SOME PARALLEL TO BE MADE ABOUT HOW THOSE IN CHARGE SIT AROUND WHILE EVERYONE ELSE WORKS FOR REAL #naivety is the only reason she continues to work for this man i am convinced- otherwise she rly can do so much better #she and Vaste have the same dilemma in that sense

[whisperofthewaves]

I’m playing a character in our dnd adventure who’s been distancing herself from her given name (which is tied to a noble family) and is using a name she made for herself, which also happens to be a male name, because she’s disguising herself as a guy - and this is kinda as far as I go in regards to her relationship to gender, bc frankly, neither me personally nor the character know how to relate to it. she’s a she. but she’s also a guy. I guess. or neither. I don’t know which and she doesn’t care - but last session she was tricked into giving her chosen name to a fey and at the end she could choose to get it back offering her given name for it. which she did. because her chosen male name was more true to her identity than her given name that ties her to her family and things she does not want for herself, and bc giving away the name would stop her from ever saying it again. our DM ruled that by doing that, she gave up her real true name, the one given to her by her parents. and the context of all this is silly, but it struck me, the whole concept of a true name resting on the fact that it was given to you by somebody else when you were nameless and had no say in choosing it, and prevailing regardless of your own feelings on it later, as something rather cruel.

#a lot of people definitely thought of that already and went deeper in their musings #but for me during that whole event I never once thought that one of those names is bojectively ''more'' true than the other #*objectively #and that the way my character ties her identity to one of them over the other will not be taken into consideration by the ''laws of magic'' #so it shocked me #and I guess if anything it kinda shows my naivety and the fact I never had to deal with that in real life #nothing important #sorry if you read all of this

[lav-moment]

crazy how people consistently tell me that i don't care about the things i care about most and then deny my retorts

#i am physically and mentally incapable of several things and in order to prove this #guess what #i have to do things #and the naivety of the adults around me would be hilarious if not tragic #like do you really think i just don't care? #do you really think i'm going into an advanced education to not do the work #because i don't care. ? #no dipshits it's because i have several physical disabilities #heat hives; regular skeletal dislocation; #my body is so freakishly large that i can't fucking fit in most places so my spine's a wreck #my knees crackle when i move #i can barely breathe sometimes #i get lightheaded when i sit up #not to mention the mental aspects #social ostracism of course being the main effect #though i've been through fucking psychosis before so #a cocktail of personality disorders generally just make me difficult to be around #all this shit and for what #where am i gonna exist in a capitalist society #fucking nowhere #best case scenario i get hired in cybersec or get into valve #god #no wonder i developed bpd my only coping mechanism for reality is just #decide that one guy is worth my entire existence #if i can be there for her it's all good right #no matter how fucked everything else is it just needs to be perfect for xem #they deserve it and they're the only ones who deserve it #certainly deserve more than me #better than me #because i'm fucking broken

[dragonfyre-creations]

I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

#I've been working the last 3 hours on her design and like just noticed HOW MUCH of myself i put into her design #especially parts of myself im self conscious of and don't like/didn't like growing up. i usually zone out esp during a character design #but i stopped and i looked at it and my first thought was “that's me. that's me on that canvas.” and for some reason felt so happy with it #ik that's probably a selfish thought to have and im nowhere near done with her design but i looked at it and loved it so deeply. #she's imperfect and ugly and flawed but that's ok because she's still beautiful in her own weird way and her friends still love her #this is the weirdest shit I've ever experienced but i honestly feel like I'm finally accepting a part of myself I've hated and shoved down #for so long because of the absolute gnawing feeling of unacceptance I've always been subjected to as “not fitting in” and something she say #is “who gives a shit what other people think about me. i have friends who love and care about me just as much as i do for them. #you dont need to be liked by everyone to be worth something. sometimes just existing is enough for the people who do love you“ #the parallels of both my life and her lore are so similar they hurt on a visceral level i cant describe and it was completely unintentional #we both trust too easily whether it's out of naivety or stupidity and not learning from past mistakes and have been hurt so deeply #so many times beyond our own comprehension by the betrayal of other people to the point of shutting down every attempt at friendship #despite knowing just how much being alone aches and burns and put both physical and mental health on the line to get the approval of others #but never letting anyone get close enough to be friends out of fear of being hurt again #and having every vulnerable part of ourselves wrapped in metaphorical knives and glass to hurt anyone attempting to get to know us #but simultaneously and unknowingly hurting ourselves too with that choice. we're both aware of what we're doing but also unable to stop it #out of fear and lack of people willing to understand our pain and frustration and anger over things and it's so so frustrating #we both lash out when angry or hurt and push people that we love and love us back away out of fear that if any “ugly” is exposed to them #they'll leave because we lose our one redeemable quality of “being convenient” in a group #but simultaneously don't them trust fully out of fear. we know we're loved and love back but never fully in case its all a lie. #we both want nothing more than someone to understand and listen to what happened to us and actually stay and be friends rather than leave #like truly actually want to be friends and not just stay out of pity or sorrow over what happened #i think this is just something that comes with the autism tbh #i am she and she is me #rambling #dragon character #character writing #character building #dragon oc

[kingdomoftyto]

*sigh*.... It's okay. Her reading to him is exactly what I wanted, but it still feels like it's missing something.

#Tyto reads WoF #standing by what I said before that Fatespeaker still needs more development. I loved her at first but there hasn't been much done with her #so she ends up kind of coming across as a ripoff of Sunny's personality except with ACTUAL stubborn naivety #this sounds mean but I almost wish she'd had a similar ''my-worldview-is-crumbling'' breakdown when they found out about NightWing powers #bc that could have at least shown some of her resilience and ability to stay positive

[criminalamnesia]

everyone’s asking for a part two so here is more angst bc cedar by gracie abrams is perfect for this [ also inspired by what @shotmrmiller said in their reblog :)) ]

part one here

part three (aka version 1 of the ending) here

part three (ending version 2) here

it’s odd coming home to an empty house. unnerving, even. he doesn’t like it— dislikes it even more than he did your celebrations. fuck, he’d kill for those damn streamers right now.

“love?” his voice is soft as he calls out into the dark, once lively little flat. it hasn’t felt this big since before you had moved in.

he takes a few more steps inside, toeing off his boots and letting his backpack fall to the floor. by now, you would’ve been launching yourself into his arms. where were you? you’d never missed the day he came home. ever. you would have it marked on your calendar from the day he left, exclamation points and stars decorating the date.

“love?” he calls again, his voice a little louder. he keeps moving; notices there’s no smell of freshly baked goods or a home-cooked meal.

he rounds the corner, his eyes instantly finding the little note propped up on the dining table. eyebrows furrowed, he approaches. it’s addressed to him, clearly in your handwriting.

he reads it, and he really should’ve seen all of this coming.

he doesn’t cry. doesn’t even feel sad, really. it’s not like he hadn’t loved you— he had, but sometimes you made it really damn difficult to. your constant touches and words, doting on him, talking his ear off about this and that. he’d loved it at first, then came to tolerate it, and eventually he found himself hating it.

it wasn’t fair to you. he didn’t hate you, he hated the naivety. the unconditional love. partners were supposed to show each other that kind of love, were they not? so why did he come to despise it?

perhaps it was some deep rooted self-hatred. something dark and twisted inside of him that had done too much and taken life. killed and killed and killed. watched his comrades die in a number of ways. slowly. quickly. suddenly. brutally.

it hollowed him out, but it was his job. it was his job to do what he could for the damn world— get his hands dirty so people like you would never have to worry about a damn thing.

he should’ve seen it coming. you had been acting a little odd the last time he was home, he realizes now. detached, almost. quieter. he had cherished the quiet then.

now it was weird. he didn’t know how to feel.

he placed the note back down onto the table before making his way into the kitchen. some utensils were missing. some plates and bowls. the colorful dishrags you’d hung from the stove handle. the little plant you’d stationed in front of the window above the sink.

all the pictures of the two of you remained on the fridge. he could see in the photos how he slowly became detached. but you— god, you wore that dazzling smile in every photo.

he turned around and headed towards the bedroom.

——————————————————————

there wasn’t really any defining closure. you’d left the note, sure, but he hadn’t gotten to speak his piece.

would he have begged you to stay? told you to leave?

he didn’t know. all he knew was that it wasn’t fair to you, how he acted. what he did.

he also knew that if you called, or if you showed up and said you forgot something, or hell, if he saw you on the street, he’d say something. apologize at least, because that’s the least you deserved.

but you didn’t, and after a few days, he stopped thinking about you. what you’d be telling him right now if you were there. stopped thinking about how you sang when you cooked dinner. how you would reach for his hand when the two of you were in the grocery store.

how you would throw those damn ‘welcome home!’ parties.

he fell back into who he was, and your memory became nothing but a minuscule dot on a large piece of paper.

but for you? you had been miserable when you’d shown up at your friends apartment. cried into her shoulder as you told her about the note. sobbed as you realized that he didn’t care about you, and how you’d wasted so much time on this man who didn’t give a damn.

but even still, when you stirred in the middle of the night, you expected to feel his hands around your body. expected him to press a kiss to your head as you drifted back to sleep.

you woke up and expected him to be there. you forgot that he wasn’t yours. you found yourself missing him, even though you’d starting doing that far before you actually left.

it took the man you loved days to move on. it took you months— almost a year. he put you in fucking therapy, for god’s sake, because that shit messes with someone.

loving someone so completely, so wholly, only to finally realize it’s one sided? it’s crushing. he crushed you. but you picked up the pieces, and you put yourself back together.

you move on. find someone who actually cares for you— someone who communicates and doesn’t lose interest. someone who appreciates your enthusiasm. someone who returns it.

and when the man that broke your heart several years ago tries to stop you on the street one day,

you keep walking.

#simon riley angst #simon riley x gn reader #simon riley x you #simon ghost x reader #simon riley x reader #simon ghost riley #simon riley #john price drabble #john price fic #john price x reader #john price #captain price fic #captain price x reader #captain price #angst #ghost x y/n #ghost x gn reader #ghost x you #ghost angst #ghost call of duty #ghost x reader #ghost cod #john price angst #price angst #cod mw2 fic #cod mw2 #cod mw2 angst