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#my foray into the discourse

celluloidbroomcloset · 6 months

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No idea why folks are so set on just ignoring the fact that Izzy abused Ed pretty goddamn consistently from the moment we first meet them to the moment Ed gets his head smashed.

Ed hardly talks to him for most of the second season, following the suicide attempt. Stede talks to Izzy more than Ed does. He is devastated to lose him because they have a long, intense, complicated history together and because Izzy did grow and did change and maybe they could've been friends again. But neither of them ever asked for forgiveness from the other and I don't think either wanted it. Even if Izzy lived, he'd probably always be elsewhere, kept at arm's length, because they literally cannot exist in the same space together.

And none of that undercuts Izzy's arc. He is redeemed, but it's an imperfect, messy redemption for an imperfect, messy character. He finds family and love and acceptance and he dies as he lived, telling the English to go fuck themselves. And Ed holds him until the end. But that doesn't mean he's forgiven, nor that the violence he committed against a man he claimed to care about is all erased. He doesn't have to be forgiven to be redeemed.

#my one and only foray into that portion of the discourse #ain't even gonna tag it because i don't want the shit #our flag means death

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manicpixiefelix · 3 months

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and other things that happened by the red staircase

{ One-Shot for head, heart, hand. }

Summary: Like with all events at Saltburn, you take great care to learn all you can about the guests for the upcoming Catton Family Reunion, to make sure you can make a good impression. You and Venetia, however, discover that Felix may be making too good of an impression on his recently un-estranged cousin.

Need to Know: They/Them. Explicitly NB Reader. FWB!Reader/Felix. Reader is from a well off family but has pretty much been adopted by the Cattons.

Warnings: felix fingering(/possibly going down on) his cousin but its not super explicit, reader having a social anxiety regarding the social event, venetia being kind of a nasty little perv i love her

A/N: 3841 words. this was meant to just be a little something about venetia and reader teasing felix after finding out he accidentally fingered his cousin, something i could write on my phone before bed. which i did but i didn't stop writing for 4 hours and it became too long for just an answer. also because there's a bunch of catton family lore ive invented and put it all in here.

also before any discourse arises, there's a character briefly mentioned here, Marv, who is an old butch lesbian who uses he/him pronouns. he is not trans, but chooses to use he/him, look into queer history if this bugs you, or go outside and off of my blog. you're reading the writing of an agender it/its lesbian, my blog is not a place for queer discourse, it's a place for being freaks about Jacob Elordi and Barry Keoghan.

TAGLIST IN COMMENTS!! // TAGLIST ALWAYS OPEN ! (just message or comment to be added)

----

It's been a particularly stressful event for you; so much of Felix's family is in attendance and you're desperate to impress them. It had been called a reunion, but nothing at Saltburn was ever so simple, nor so informal. As always you've prepared ahead of time; Duncan and Elspeth, as they always did, walked you briefly through the guest list, however unlike usual, instead of leaving you alone with the detailed dossier of guests, Elspeth herself had sat with you in one of the numerous studies - the lilac one - and gone through in meticulous detail. The family friends they refer to as cousins, the family they refuse to acknowledge beyond a handshake - and why. All the Catton branches and the gossip that haunts each. Things like how it's the first event in ten years that Sir James' estranged, illegitimate half-sister and her family were invited to. She's laughing, and you act like your nerves aren't on fire, like there isn't bile rising in your throat out of fear of the faux pars you could see on the horizon.

"Oh they're going to love you, darling," she assures. The minute she leaves you start nervous crying over the dossier, which quickly becomes an anxiety attack. It's been a very long time, especially since they'd kindly set up this system to alleviate your known anxieties, that you'd been this afraid of a dinner.

None of them can know.

You're almost eighteen, you're meant to be well past this, meant to have learned to cope with it by now.

On the night of the event, Farleigh's the only one looking as queasy as you feel - the family's pitying looks and grating questions have him going for a smoke break almost every five minutes. Still, Venetia's never without a drink in hand despite her mother's disapproving looks, and Felix is nowhere to be seen. At least at this family affair there's a number of people your own age. Many related, but many not - more friends of the family, or illegitimate offspring. Still, you don't want to put your preparations to waste, want to make a good impression.

There's mean laughter from by the fireplace as you find yourself in conversation with Sir James and his second cousin Barty, praising the man for his recent and lucrative foray into financially supporting broadcast television. James gives you and incredibly surprised and approving look, while Barty lights up with delight, claiming that there was hope for the young after all it seemed. Casting a glance to the fireplace, you see a few mean looking teens all watching you with sneers.

Barty asks how you found yourself here, and James pats you on the back before you can answer, claiming you as one of the wards of Saltburn; a good influence on his dear son, Felix. Pride flares in your chest. But you can still hear the teens call you a freak.

Its taking everything in you to not try and find sanctuary in the company of Felix, Venetia, or Farleigh. Its incredibly tempting, considering the abundance of desperate eye contact you and Farleigh especially are sharing, but you worry that if you don't keep face, don't put your information to use, don't remain visible to everyone in the room who you've convinced yourself are even tangibly related to Felix and his immediate family, every single one of them will hate you.

One day you will reckon with how profoundly your upbringing effected the expectations you place on yourself. Today is not that day. So you smile at Mildred Catton - by marriage, second cousin, young widow and now spinster. Well, she has a girlfriend, judging by the way Elspeth had spoken about her roommate of twenty-five years, and she has a kind and knowing smile as she compliments you - so beautiful, what a handsome young thing you are, oh you do remind me of Marv like this, back when we first met, of that's cute, you'd love him. Marv is short for Marvel Elizabeth, the butch woman who lives with Mildred and runs a bike shop and who you'd spent probably too much time looking at in the dossier, his arm around Mildred in her photo, both of them smiling so wide.

You kind of wish he was here. When you share the sentiment, Mildred looks a little crestfallen; you get the impression that not a lot of the Cattons share your feeling.

Still, talking to Mildred helps ease your nerves considerably. At least until you realise that it's been quite some time since you'd seen Felix.

You don't need him at all times... Don't need to know his whereabouts at every second of every day... But you've found yourself trapped in a conversation with a gaggle of the newer, younger, shinier wives of Felix's various uncles-something-times-removed, and one hadn't been updated in the dossier and you greeted her as the wife she'd replaced. So now you're mortified, like a deer in the headlights as they're all judging you, and you know you're on the verge of panicking or throwing up -

"Need to steal our lovely Y/N for a moment," Venetia, your saviour. She slips an arm in yours and doesn't wait for an answer.

"Venetia, dear -" Christie, owner of a failing fragrance business that she desperately doesn't want people to know is failing, but that her husband had drunkenly, forlornly confessed about to Sir James, barely get two truly disdainful words in before Venetia brightly throws over her shoulder -

"Love your dress, matches your roots, talk later Auntie Chris," and you can only imagine the flustered fury on Christie's face as the other women try not to compare the dark dress to the woman's dark roots peeking through her blonde hair. You, however, are gone speechless in your nauseous panic, and press yourself to Venetia's side as she pulls you through the crowd, "you looked about ready to kill yourself like one of those dishonoured samurai," she says quietly but casually.

"Yeah, that was the rough plan," you managed to joke weakly. Your heart was racing; you hated being like this. It takes you a moment to properly focus back in on the moment, and realise Venetia was dragging you along with considerable purpose, "are you okay?"

"I need your robot brain to help me decide if something's funny or just gross."

"My robot brain?"

"You know everyone here because - and I say this with love - you're a freak about these things-"

"Didn't know Iona," you muttered, once again horrified, gaze going glassy as all you can think about is how you called her Misha. Her husband had a type; models from northern countries and very little sense of humour, it seemed. Venetia snapped her fingers in your face, frowning, keeping your mind from wandering too far.

"They got married a month ago, you probably won't even see her again," she rolled her eyes, taking you by the shoulders, leading you from the main entertaining area towards the main parlous, "but the point is, I know we refer to everyone as Aunt or Uncle or Cousin or whatever, but I'm not even actually at all related to like half of them," Venetia pauses, looking at you very seriously, "but you know the difference, right? Like if I pointed to someone, you'd know how exactly they're here?"

"Uh, yeah, of course," it's who you were, it's what you did, "don't you?"

"Not," she visibly hesitates, gaze shifting to look around the room, "not really," she admits, they're all just, you know, family. There's always been too many to bother with the how or why of any of them, unless mum or dad felt it was important for me and Felix to keep in mind specifically," but after a beat she met your gaze with a wolfish grin, "or if it was particularly scandalous." Okay, you think you're starting to get her intentions.

"So who are you wondering about and why?"

The way Venetia was smiling could not possibly mean anything good.

"So," Venetia took you by the shoulders and steered you through the grand foyer towards the stairs, as if on her way to yours or Felix's room. Her voice had gotten quieter, conspiratorial, "I've been watching this unfold all night," she explains gleefully, "and I did think it was rather bold to be looking to get someone in bed at a family reunion, though I supposed that there is a good chance that they're not even related; as we've discussed, family is a rather loose, fond title for many of them here tonight," she's choosing her words incredibly carefully, skirting around her point for dramatic effect, "and," she stops in the doorway by the red staircase; you think you can hear faint moaning not too far away. Venetia's voice is a whisper, "I wanted to give the benefit of the doubt, considering I'm pretty sure I've actually never seen this girl in my life, so I can't say who she belongs to here."

Around the corner there's an attempt at a shushing that sounds more masculine, judging by the whisper of laughter that accompanies it, and a young woman's giggled apology, followed by a breathy gasp, and the faint sound of wood scraping against the marble floor. You and Venetia peer around the corner like the Hardy boys, you ducking down and her leaning over you.

The girl in question is leaning back against the antique, wooden end table at the end of the short hall, head throw back, chest heaving with wanton breathes. Wearing a flowing, green dress that looked almost like silk, but was clearly rayon when you had seen her up close earlier, you knew immediately who she was. More importantly, you were surprised to see someone in a suit on their knees in front of her, beneath her dress.

Alyssa Morelli has seemed absolutely out of her mind with boredom and disdain for this entire affair in the brief few moments you'd spent with her. Like you she was seventeen, and was the eldest daughter of Sir James' estranged half sister. Having barely any information about her, and also trying to focus on not losing your cool regarding that fact, it had made conversation, at least for you, incredibly difficult.

She hated the wine, hated her mother for dragging her along, hated the way rich people talked about nothing, and thought everything about Saltburn, the Cattons, and the entire night was a frivolous display of meaningless excess and wealth. Rich people are such freaks, she'd told you, with a look that clearly said that includes you, and she's finished another glass of champagne with one large gulp and a shudder. For a long moment you'd looked at her - perhaps you could have been a little less unnerving about it, but she'd caught you off guard - as you tried to think of something to say.

"I think you'd thrive at university," you blurt out. She gives you a look like you were some kind of unpleasant bug, having the audacity to continue speaking to her. One of the staff passes with a tray of more champagne, and you pluck two glasses off, handing one to her as you continued, "however I would be fascinated to hear your thoughts on the way our classicist society prioritises and celebrates formal tertiary education" you let your gaze roam, holding your glass in both hands with the tips of your fingers, a dead giveaway of your nerves without you even realising, but for some reason she's still letting you talk, "and the idea of the pursuit of knowledge without that being a financially sustainable life choice anymore if you do it the wrong way. Why celebrate scientists when we just disregard modern philosophers?" You take a sip of your champagne and try and tell yourself to shut up, "I know the answer's 'because you can't profit off of philosophers as easily as you can scientists', but it just kind of sucks, don't you think?"

A long, uncomfortable silence follows.

"I swear at least Felix, Farleigh, and Venetia aren't freaks," you blurted out. Alyssa's shoulders relaxed just a little. At least you were self aware.

"Who?" Its... less hostile. You point out Felix and Farleigh headed out for a cigarette with a few others around your age, and Alyssa sighs, rolling her eyes. She's still clearly got Catton blood in her, her eyes and nose even remind you of Venetia. Still, she headed towards the side door; even her walk seemed to ooze contempt for the night.

Now, watching her, moonlight peaking down the stairs to catch the way she's beginning to glow with sweat, white-knuckled grip on the dark wood and her once perfectly straight, dark hair turning curly with moisture around her face and by her shoulders, you're actually a little glad to see it. At least she seemed to have found one person not entirely unbearable.

You knew all too well how overwhelming and isolating these events could be. As much as you felt you could relate, you couldn't really understand what she'd be going through, her first time at an event like this, feeling that there's people in the room who truly think you and your family outright don't belong. She should take her fun where she can get it, you think.

Shoving Venetia back to give the couple their privacy, you push her back into the parlour.

"Who is that?" Venetia demanded in a whisper, eyes bright. You sigh, shaking your head.

"Alyssa, she hasn't been to something like this before, just let her have her fun," after a beat, you step in a little closer, hands finding Venetia's hips as you attempted to distract her, "you know we could -"

"Alyssa who?" It hasn't worked. Venetia takes your hands, "this is important." There's something that goes beyond mischief in her eyes.

"Morelli," but she makes a face like that's not enough, "Aunt June's daughter." Venetia frowned.

"Aunt June's daughter married one of those Dubai millionaires five years ago and hasn't sent her a single pound or even a message since."

"That's your Great Aunt June- Juniper," you clarified without missing a beat, "she's not even related to any of you; your mum doesn't know who she was initially tied to in the family." Venetia takes a few moments to give you a look of faint, disbelieving awe. Clearing your throat, you looked back over your shoulder as the suggestive noises around the corner were growing louder, "Estranged Aunt June."

Venetia's eyes lit up with what could only be described as malevolent glee.

"So she's my cousin."

"Yes."

"Actually? Blood and all? Not just one of my uncles' weird friends who's been hanging around for decades so now we have to call them family?"

"I'm beginning to get afraid of your intentions, Ven," despite your wary smile, you weren't really joking. Venetia completely disregards this, however, holding your shoulders so tightly it begins to hurt.

"That girl," she points sharply, the kind of intensity in her eyes that absolutely means trouble, "just around the corner, moaning like a whore, getting fingered, tongued, whatever -" she wets her lips in some kind of anticipation, "is my actual, blood related cousin? And you're entirely sure of that?"

Taking a deep breath, unsure of what the repercussions of this all will be, you slowly nod.

"Yes..."

Venetia steps back, has to clap her hands over her mouth to muffle her positively gleeful laughter. For some unexpected reason, this piece of information seems to be some of the best news she's ever received in her life. It almost brings her to tears. After she calms down, you think you hear her mutter something along the lines of I'm never letting him live this down as she fans herself, attempting to calm herself.

"Ven, are you okay?" Still utterly confused about what any of this means, you can't help the concern you feel. Venetia's nodding, fighting back aftershocks of giggles, gazing often at the doorway.

"Yes, I- you're wonderful, thank you for helping me with that-" overcome by another, brief fit of giggles, it takes her a moment to compose herself, "I love you and your robot brain so very dearly -"

"Oh my god~" from around the corner, and another, louder shush. Venetia buries her face in her hands, echoing oh my god as she chokes on laughter once more. When she resurfaces, face bright red with amusement, you take her hand and try to insist that you should give them privacy.

"Yes, of course," Venetia agrees, suddenly trying to appear as serious as she's able, "I just have one other favour to ask you."

"What?" You ask flatly, unsurprisingly wary, watching her struggle not to grin.

"Could you tell my brother?"

The question hangs in the air for a long, confusing moment.

"Tell him what?"

"That Alyssa's our cousin."

"Sure...?" you frowned a little, peering over her shoulders, "I don't know where he is though, I haven't seen him in a while." Venetia smiles like the Cheshire Cat.

Oh... no... she isn't implying -? But Alyssa's timing is unfortunately perfect.

"Oh my god, Felix~"

Your mouth drops open in shock upon hearing that.

"Oh my God," you groaned, pained by the realisation as your face scrunched up with sudden understanding and disappointment, "Felix."

Venetia is absolutely right, he's never living this down.

"You had me prattling on for fucking ages about nothing, just letting them go at it all the while? You could have just asked!" You hissed, already mortified on his behalf.

"You're letting them go at it now!" She crowed quietly, and ah, fuck. Yeah, she had a point there.

Rounding the corner briskly, you cross your arms but at the very least keep your gaze to the floor.

"Felix -" you clear your throat.

"Oh, fuck off," Alyssa, seeing it's you, groans with frustration. There's movement beneath her dress when you glance up; there's something almost comical about knowing what you're seeing is Felix sitting up straighter under there.

"I know that's you, Y/N," Felix had enough dignity to not sound ashamed or caught out. But he should, "just, yeah mate, could you fuck off a bit?" Its not a particularly sharp request, and if this were any other situation, of course you'd obligingly fuck off. However...

"Well don't fucking stop," Alyssa hisses to him, sounding almost embarrassed by the fact that he was giving you the time of day right now, "seriously, fuck off!" She tries to whisper-shout, but halfway through her voice turns to an unsteady moan and her head falls back against the wall again, "OhmygodFelix~" she whines, bringing one of her legs up over his shoulder.

"So should I wait until after you get her off to tell you?"

"Tell him what you little pervert?" Alyssa, furious at your refusal to leave, demands.

"Hey, be nice to them," you hear, vaguely muffled from under her skirt. You have to snort a laugh.

"Thanks Fi, I'll just tell you now, uh," you can't look at them in this moment, fighting off your embarrassed smile at you look to the ceiling, "I don't think this is what your dad meant when he suggested you get to know Aunt June's kids; this might be too welcoming for your recently un-estranged cousin."

Around the corner you hear Venetia cackling like a banshee, clearly having been eavesdropping.

Felix scrambles back from under Alyssa's dress, looking an absolute mess.

"You what?"

"Oh my god." There's nothing lewd about it this time, Alyssa herself sounds absolutely fucking mortified.

----

The next morning, over breakfast, the mood is... strained. Its Sir James who breaks the ice, brightly - though it's clearly forced - commenting on how the night took such an unexpected and unfortunate turn. Felix, who likely doesn't even remember the end of the night considering how thoroughly plastered he got after his unfortunate affair with his cousin, looks to his father very suddenly, the sudden fear in his eyes about what his parents may know hidden by his large, dark glasses. He'd threatened to drown himself in the lake if you or Venetia told anyone, but his memory got fuzzy from there. The hangover that he's half worried might actually kill him doesn't help.

"Such a shame," Elspeth sighed, "I would have thought June would raise them better than that."

"Estranged Aunt June's daughter, Alyssa," you leaned over to Felix to stage whisper the context to him, half worried the paranoia might kill him there at the table. Venetia does however feel the need to smugly butt in and remind him -

"Our biological cousin."

"Apparently convinced her younger brothers to riot and start breaking all the crockery," you finished. Felix frowned in vague confusion, a feeling which Farleigh seemed to share.

"And it was so unnecessary, like she knew it was the first family thing her mom had been invited to in a decade -"

"She hates rich people and thinks we're freaks," you sat back, shrugging, "she told me so herself."

"Who, June?" Sir James sounded downright heartbroken at the idea, so you quickly shook your head.

"Alyssa." It seems to alleviate some of his concerns, but not a lot, and Sir James goes back to his breakfast still looking rather put out.

"Well maybe," Venetia leans her elbows on the table, bread knife in hand that she was using to flippantly gesture with, "there's some rich people that she should hate," her gaze and smug smile lands on you, as does the nonchalant way she's pointing with her knife, right before she flicks her wrist as if pointing at her brother by pure chance, "and some of us who are freaks."

Felix glared down at his breakfast.

"I don't know why we un-estranged Aunt June in the first place," he grumbled mostly to himself, though not quiet enough that the rest of the table didn't hear. Sir James sighed with disappointment.

"I think in future we may have to limit June's invitations to only her and her husband," he says, shaking his head. Elspeth kindly tells him that it's probably for the best.

Venetia, still apparently feeling petty, threw a bread roll at her brother, who hadn't looked up from where he seemed to be trying to divine life's secrets from his plate of sausages. It glances off his forehead, but knocks his glasses loose and into his breakfast. A second later Felix officially gives up and follows suit, faceplanting into his food.

"Oh my god, Felix!" His mother gasps with concern.

Despite Elspeth sounding nothing like Alyssa had the night before, the familiar phrase sets Venetia off, cackling with laughter at the top of her lungs. While the rest of the table is utterly confused by the series of events that have just occurred, you scoot your chair over close to Felix, patting him sympathetically on the back. Beneath the table, he rests his hand on your knee to give a grateful squeeze. When he talks, only you can hear it, resigned and half muffled by scrambled eggs.

"Hate this family."

#felix catton x reader x oliver quick #felix catton x reader #saltburn x reader #saltburn imagine #felix catton imagine #felix catton x y/n #felix catton x you #head heart hand fic #manic writer

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centrally-unplanned · 3 months

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Saw The Boy And The Heron today lads:

The first 2/3rds of the film are probably some of the best Ghibli work I have seen. It has this strong commitment to simultaneously intense realism and purely ungrounded magical realism. In particular, its fantastical elements were grounded in physicality and their own realism, not pure whimsy. Its worldbuilding is done as much as possible on the artistic level.

The last 1/3rd does collapse into typical Ghibli-ism - essentially its a story that lacked a strong focus on plot, but then decided it couldn't commit so whipped one up. The first part is like an adult Miyazaki's Alice in Wonderland; and then it transitions to a child's version. Still fun, but disappointing.

I definitely liked the Shinya Ohira fire scene as much as the next dude but y'all sakugabros are fucking obsessed, it was not that big of a scene in the movie lol. I personally found its most standout artistic choices to be in the backgrounds & design work - as other works have 'caught up' with the animation detail that older Ghibli films, with their budget & talent, used to stand out on, those elements is where their comparative advantage now lie imo.

This is twice now Miyazaki has teased me with a grounded, fully realized period piece about the politics and society of wartime Japan and then veered off into a totally different story and I am irate, I am pissed, he is so good at depicting its intricacies just fucking commit!!

Speaking of, there are multiple references to when "the war" began and they are all pointing to 1941 - apparently 4 years of war with China doesn't count! This isn't out of step with Japanese historiographic periodization or anything, just very amusing.

There was more than one moment where I thought I was inexplicably keeping up my recent track record of stumbling onto incest media; Himi gave out vibes, man.

Overall very good, I definitely recommend it. It certainly as well has the air of one's "final movie" - its thematic arc is a distant parallel to End of Evangelion in a sense, where one is given the choice between fantasy and reality and chooses reality. Done infinitely less deftly than EoE, for sure, but for a movie that is an artist's almost certain last foray into the world of art in that way, its still impactful. Discourse about Miyazaki is one of those things where the quantity has a quality of its own - the extent to which people discuss and debate his work is proof of its power, and for his final movie to elevate the talents of so many others working for him, giving them reign on their own sections & ideas, before closing the door on his own contributions feels right.

Unless he makes another fucking movie of course and ruins it.

#the boy and the heron

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burningvelvet · 5 months

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I completed Anne Brontë's Agnes Grey in one day yesterday. I'm in a book hangover, but here are my initial thoughts on the novel, as well as on Anne:

- Anne is an underrated Queen, but I already knew that from The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, her second novel. If only she hadn't died at 29! Agnes Grey was her first foray into novel publishing, and proves how much she developed her talents in the interim between itself and Tenant, which most people would agree is much better.

Yet, for a debut novel, Grey is nevertheless impressive. Her acute observations and descriptions of social experiences are some of the most clear I've ever read, and she was as adept in her satire as Jane Austen. After reading both her novels, Emily's only, and more than one of Charlotte's (Jane, and currently 1/4 through Villette) I can say she's certainly the most moral and progressive Brontë, and maybe even the most socially intelligent. There's a lot of humor in this book, and despite some of the dark themes, it never feels miserable.

Anne was a remarkably resolute woman, which comes through in both her heroines; even when they are oppressed and trapped in the most dire situations, they consciously refuse to adopt a victim mindset, instead trusting in their own strength and resilience. After enduring much suffering, both heroines trust in their faith, focus their energy on creating good lives for themselves, and by doing so achieve happiness in the end.

Anne Brontë's heroines are true examples of female stoics in the original philosophical sense, capable of great empathy and feeling as well as self-control and self-discipline. The Anne Brontë heroine has a quiet confidence about her. She champions moderation and common sense, not because she is boring or easily written off by the misogynistic epithet of "prude," but because she has witnessed true chaos and experienced true misery, and these things have served to make her more calm because she does not internalize them but triumphs over them. She has decided to learn from life's lessons and seek a life of tranquility, simplicity, and faith.

- This novel has everything! We've got the (literally designated) not-so-reformed rake in Sir Thomas Ashby (and what a rakish name that is), we've got some demonic children, we've got a sexy country parson, religious discourse, depictions and poignant criticism of classism, sexism, marriage, animal abuse, etc.

- Mr. Hatfield is basically Mr. Collins from P&P. Matilda rejecting him was golden.

-- The beginning of this novel, summarized: "I can't wait to meet these amazing children I've heard so much about! Gee, I really hope they aren't sociopathic animal torturers! What are the odds, am I right?"

-- No wonder the Brontë's didn't succeed in setting up their own school -- being a governess or teacher was simply horrible back then, as it largely still is today, and I think for the most part some of them simply weren't cut out for the job to begin with -- which is saying nothing bad about them or their abilities. Maybe if they lived today they would have done well as teachers or professors with a little more modern structure and having workers rights, etc...

-- I like the short length of this novel! It goes by very fast, and I read the first 100 pages or so myself very quickly, and the rest in audiobook format, but this is very rare for me. I've become accustomed to the Brontë family "language." I'm glad I didn't start with this novel though; I think it's easier to appreciate Agnes Grey after reading their "greatest hits" (Tenant, Jane, and Heights). It definitely isn't my favorite Brontë novel but then again I don't have a favorite. They each fulfill slightly different functions yet have many overlapping themes, so it's difficult to rank them.

-- I think one of the reasons this novel may not be as popular as it could be is because the first half of the novel is generally bleak and this may cause people to give up. The narrator's life generally improves in the second half of the novel, but still, Grey does not have as much dramatic "umph" as does what I hereby dub the "Brontë Greatest Hits Triad" (Heights/Tenant/Jane) which all will prefer. Still, the novel is worth reading for any Brontë fans as it is good and contains many of the Brontë tropes we all know and love. It also stands as a marked contrast to Anne's second novel The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, and makes me appreciate that novel so much better.

#the bronte sisters #currently reading #book thoughts #book opinions #agnes gray #anne bronte #victorian lit #lit #english literature #literature #books #reading

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olderthannetfic · 1 year

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I really don't get the (relatively) recent discourse pertaining to incest being bad and authors needing to warn about it. In my earlier fandom forays, I was in several groups specifically for incest/twincest in my fandom and… I don't remember warning about incest being bad even crossed our minds. Like… yeah? If you see a 20 story drop on the other side of the window, what exactly do you think will happen if you jump through it??? It's a "brother A/brother B NC17 smut" fic, the fuck do you think is in the text???

Also, the vast majority of incest fics I've ever seen were siblings or cousins, I think the whole point is more or less playing with the taboo of having the bad sexy feelings, a story of having someone willing fight the entire society because of you is very attractive escapism. Not saying parent/child doesn't happen, but it seems like a tiny minority. And yet these pearl clutchers scream pedo/incest in the same breath all the fucking time. The 80s are calling, I think they dropped their Bibles there.

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batmanisagatewaydrug · 8 months

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reading update: august 2023

wow what a month!!! I turned 27, I got to do so much work on a documentary on queer style, and most importantly I read a batch of really cool books that I'm so excited to ramble about. so let's cut the bullshit, here's what I've been reading!

Condomnauts (Yoss, 2013; trans. David Frye, 2018) - thank you to, who else, tumblr user @condomnauts for the recommendation! the premise of this book is so sensational: humankind has taken to the stars and become part of a bustling galactic community, with a catch: politeness demands that when different species get together to trade, they open negotiations by sending members from each crew to have sex with each other. these "condomnauts" are highly in demand among humans, since it takes a very particular kind of person to figure out how to bone down with someone who isn't even remotely human. but it's not all fun or free-wheeling space orgies; our protagonist, Josue, is up to his eyes in unresolved trauma from the miserable violence and poverty of his upbringing (seriously, look up those trigger warnings; it gets pretty yucky out there) and has definitely never been to space therapy. ultimately this book isn't as much of a romp as I might have hoped and does fall a bit more into "let's explain at length how the sci-fi tech works" than I usually like, but. BUT. I have to say, the payoff at the (deep sigh) climax of the book (and it is, in fact, a climax) took me totally by surprise and made me SHRIEK with delight when I realized what was about to happen; huge props to Yoss for bringing that particular plot point so perfectly full circle.

Raw Dog: The Naked Truth About Hot Dogs (Jamie Loftus, 2023) - I'm a huge fan of all of Jamie Loftus' nonfiction podcast series (go listen to Ghost Church, like, immediately. stop reading this an go do it) so I was naturally pretty fucking stoked for her first foray into nonfiction books. the premise is simple enough: driven by a need to consume a truly terrifying amount of hot dogs for research, Loftus and her boyfriend set off on a cross-country road trip, sampling hot dogs across America so that Loftus can alternate descriptions of the most iconic contemporary hot dogs with an investigation of the hot dog's sordid past. as is pretty much the signature of Jamie Loftus' work, to me, the end result is much funnier, weirder, and sadder than the innocuous-sounding premise would suggest; in addition to the perils of colonialism, capitalism, COVID-19, and factory farming, Loftus does a remarkably tactful job documenting the the downfall of her own relationship as she searches for the perfect dog. cannot recommend enough, an incredible debut.

Yellowface (R.F. Kuang, 2023) - a couple of months ago I read my first R.F. Kuang book, Babel, and thought that it couldn't possibly live up to the amount of hype that it was getting at the time. and I was wrong! Babel was tremendous! but surely R.F. Kuang, that crazy son of a gun, couldn't pull it off twice in one year. and yet! Yellowface was a book I found hard to put down, because with each chapter came some fresh new BUGFUCK CRAZY BULLSHIT from our terrible, terrible protagonist. maybe the plot hinging so much on extremely online book discourse will make it inaccessible for some readers, but as someone who used to spend a lot of time on lit twitter I got it and felt seen. honestly, if this kind of discourse broke loose on twitter tomorrow - a white author stealing the work of her Chinese-American friend? publishing it after her friend's tragic premature death?? changing her name to sound more racially ambiguous??? - I might go crawling back to X dot com just to gawk. this is a satirical thriller of the highest order, and if you love mess as much as me you will gobble this shit up.

The Prisoner's Wife (asha bandele, 1999) - and now for a totally different vibe than I've been bringing you so far! bandele's memoir is an absolutely wrenching account of falling in love with Rashid, a man incarcerated for murder and the ensuing fight to build a life together. bandele is a poet and it shows; her words flow beautifully even in the ugliest of circumstances. this is no suffering porn but a nakedly honest account, all of the good and all of the bad in her relationship. the struggles are never limited to the inhumanity of American carceral system, and the reader is also witness to the usual growing pains of two people learning how to love each other heightened by the enormous obstacles of stolen autonomy. but for every moment of difficulty there is love, such an enormity of love that you at time feel the need to look away from someone being so vulnerable. but I'm so grateful bandele shared the way she did. even reading the book two decades after its publication, with the knowledge that she and her husband Rashid would ultimately divorce, did nothing to dull the love. the love was real, and bandele captured it with devastating precision.

Clay's Ark (Octavia E. Butler, 1984) - god, I love Octavia. just when you think you know where she's going with a story of a creepy codependent psychic cult she zags on you and introduces a SECOND creepy codependent cult, this time in the form of a bunch of HORNY PARASITIC SPACE WEREWOLVES hiding out in the desert! there was no mention of Mary and the Pattern! where are they, Octavia? why are they sending people into space? what does it mean that aliens are in play now? are they going to fight in the next book? god, I hope they fight. there was some gruesome shit in Clay's Ark, but man was I compelled.

My Wandering Warrior Existence (Nagata Kabi, 2020; trans. Jocelyne Allen, 2022) - this was a really exciting new turn for Nagata's graphic memoirs! this one is a great reflection on ✨romance✨ as Nagata begins the arduous work of trying to figure out what romance means to them and what she'd actually want out of a relationship. there was a lot that I related to immensely, although our outcomes may be different - in my case, I realized that building so many mental hurdles for myself because I didn't want to be in a relationship at all. watching someone else navigate that journey at a later age than people are usually expected to is so cool, especially doing it so thoughtfully and with such candor and coming from a place of queerness. I don't know where things are going for Nagata Kabi, but I'm excited for the next translation of her work to be released in November. and I really recommend this graphic memoir to anyone trying to figure out their own romance situation, whether or not you're read the preceding volumes; it can stand quite well on its own!

Love, Hate & Clickbait (Liz Bowery, 2022) - guys. listen. I was so prepared to hate this romance novel, but "a governor forces two of her male staffers to fake date each other to win #woke points" is pretty heinous premise! and it SUPER doesn't help that one of these guys, Thom, is a stone cold manipulative bastard who's chronically online and obsessed with his job to a generally terrifying degree. (the other guy, Clay, is just kind of a doofus who's been, I think, accidentally autism-coded.) but by the end [SPOILERS] Thom has uuuuuh suffered complete and total ego death and renounced his entire life, and it kind of rules? idk, the fake dating might be kind of long and tedious if you're not into fake dating, by which I mean it was tedious for me, but the climax really catapulted it up the list of romance novels I've read this year. also I regret to say the sex is pretty good.

Docile (K.M. Szpara, 2020) - god almighty I put off actually getting to this book for YEARS but I'm glad I did, because I don't know if I would have had the range to appreciate her back in 2020. the basic bones premise - a slightly future dystopia in which those in extreme debt can take a drug called Dociline to become a passive blank slate and sell themselves as servants for the ultrawealthy - barely scratches the surface; it's an intoxicating story about power, control, cobsession, consent, vulnerability, exploitation, capitalism, and loss of self in so many different ways. also I once again regret to say that the sex is pretty good. I completely understand why this book wouldn't be someone's cup of tea - jesus CHRIST read those content warnings - but I couldn't read it fast enough.

Carnal Knowledge: Sex Education You Didn't Get in School (Zoë Ligon and Elizabeth Renstrom, 2020) - what a fun book! for those of y'all who don't know Ligon's work, she's the owner of Spectrum Boutique, a Detroit-based sex toy store that I endorse wholeheartedly and as often as possible! Ligon has put together a great little book of beginner's sexual affirmations, covering everything from body image to pubic hair to relationship styles as well as, naturally, sex toys. it's a great read for anybody, and Renstrom's whimsical, vibrant photos make it a delight to flip through. I'd recommend it for anyone, especially my many anons over the years who have asked how to start getting more comfortable thinking and talking about sexuality. it's a great place to start, a gorgeous little safe space of a book that welcomes everyone to think more widely about pleasure and how to find it.

#reading updates

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openfirebug · 1 year

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My first foray into animation! I was originally gonna make this much longer, but due to the severe discourse in the Bendy fandom at the moment, and the sheer toxicity being dumped onto people to the point they are up and leaving not just the fandom, but the internet itself... I wished to finish what I had in the hope of being a gentle reminder that hate begets hate: a vicious Cycle that can’t be broken without reaching out with compassion and love instead. A little kindness goes a long way, you know?

#bendy #bendy the demon #audrey drew #animation #gif #major spoilers #bendy and the dark revival #my art #this took ages #now to let my body recover from the strain from many one-nighters and living on tea #also on twitter but the bird destroys gifs maliciously

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studiesof-fandom · 3 months

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hello!!! I am a literature and arts scholar writing my undergraduate thesis on Tumblr's Goncharov Phenomenon.

I have a question about how to cite sources like Tumblr blogposts in the discipline of fan studies. I am planning to cite fanarts fanworks and tumblr text posts for my research paper on Goncharov Phenomenon. But in fan studies, the ethical concern is often that public open access works like fanworks are not public property that are open to academic scrutiny. So, taking permission from the Tumblr blog owners is the most ethical path that I intend to take in my scholarship. I am thinking drafting a consent form could be a good idea for this case.

But I just want to know acafan experiences on this ethical concern since I am quite new to this field and as an undergrad student this is literally my first foray into a research project that's entirely my own.

My first preference is to take consent from the blog owners to cite their works or quote their textposts. In case, they don't approve to use their actual blog names, should I change my methodology and keep the blog sites anonymous? But I feel that can be counterintuitive as typing in Tumblr textposts on google or using image search for a fanart can make that posts easily traceable. Any insights that you can offer regarding this?

I have read Paul Booth's Media Fandom and Fan Studies primer on ethical concerns and research methodologies in fan studies. But this research project primarily undertakes literary analysis and critical discourse analysis so I am not doing any kind of ethnographic work in this project.

Legally, I don't think (as far as I know) it's illegal in anyway to use public information for research - it's a risk any internet user has if they post publicly on Tumblr or any place.

Doing fandom research, however, is tricky, almost a minefield, so you should tread with caution. Many fans feel uncomfortable around researchers due to many reasons - I mean, it hasn't been that long since fans were seen by some academics as people with some kind of pathology. I don't know what you research, but depending of the topic and how you analyze it, some fans can feel judged or misrepresented. Fanwork, at the end of the day, is something people do to relax and/or to pour out their feelings - it's very personal, so it's much easier to upset people.

My advice is to always ask for permission and respect it if they say no. Don't become the researcher that doesn't respect fans - don't shoot yourself in the foot. If regular fans see you as someone untrustworthy, they won't help you when you need people for your research and you'll need them. Don't give them legit reasons to be wary of academic researchers.

The only time I think it's fine to use something without permission it's when the blog is complete inactive and you have no way to contact the author - you can even acknowledge this on your paper. But if the person is active on fandom, talk to them. Also, print your conversation and if they allowed you or not to use it. It's always good to be safe about this kind of thing - have everything recorded.

The consent form is a good idea and you should also explain your research and why you want that fanwork, reassure them you're trying to do everything in the most ethical possible way. Most of people will allow you to use it, believe me.

If you need any help, please send me a message!

#replies

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cassandratongue · 5 months

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Balto 1995 Animated Movie

I used to pretend to be a dog for hours every single day. This was the first step to a lot of people I know becoming furries (good for them).

The Marauders from Harry Potter

The origins of this blog and also the first time I disregarded canon entirely for fanon depiction of characters. I'm so glad Jowling Kowling Rowling left them in the dark.

All For The Game Series by Nora Sakavic

I was 14 and making moodboards about these incredibly traumatized characters and calling them soft bois 🤮

Netflix's Voltron; Legendary Defender

My first foray into toxic fandom discourse. It shaped me in ways I am still trying to unlearn

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Gay awakening central . Joss Whedon can pry these characters from my cold dead hands.

Iruka & Kakashi from Naruto

The origins of my anime psuedo-dad kink (hello Nanami Kento)

The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater

Made me want to be toxic codependent besties with a group of assholes. I still want what they have.

#scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim takes off #scott pilgram vs the world #seven evil exes #seven evil ex hyperfixations #mwpp #voltron #balto #trc #aftg #buffy the vampire slayer #polls #boost

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morose-marble · 9 months

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Having a highly entertaining time dipping back into thai bl after not being aware of the industry for YEARS. The last Thai queer content that I remember actively seeking out was Grey Rainbow (i know) when it came out and the classic GL that is Yes or No (i love that thing sue me), and boy have things HAPPENED

Obviously, I have been aware of the explosion of shows and movies coming from Thailand, I don't completely live under a rock, but I wasn't really keeping tabs on the content or form, which is why my foray into Kinnporsche particularly slapped me across the face with its production value, actors' chemistry, and genre

I mean, it is largely a vehicle for handsome man ogling (nothing wrong with that!!! It is a hobby of mine as well), but there still was a palpable sense of care for the characters and effort put into making something exciting and dynamic that I somehow did not expect (shame on me tbh)

I am now joining the Only Friends hype train after seeing the first episode and looking into Jojo Tichakorn, who seems absolutely delightful as a twitter user and insightful as a writer/director

I am also intrigued about it on account of the conversation around it not really being bl in the sense that it doesn't adhere to tropes and chooses to focus on the messiness of queer 20-something life?? I don't know the basis of this discourse, but I'd like to find out!

Exciting times for tv watching!!!

#Thai bl #kinnporsche the series #kinnporsche #only friends the series #jojo tichakorn

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missyourflight · 8 months

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some stuff i read and watched in august:

good omens (s2): enjoyed this more than s1 bc i didn't have to spend any time at all w jack whitehall, they're very cute

the righteous gemstones (s3): surprisingly affected by the judy storyline lol, judy/bj a true freak romance long may they reign. i miss these idiots already

tour de france unchained: i got hashtag influenced by @eff41 and i'm so glad, watched most of this mouth agape why would anyone put themselves through this etc 🚴

the borgias (s1): how was this 2011 lol, so many awful wigs, one time a bunch of us met david oakes after a play he was in and he was Such a sweetheart, again the wigs are truly so bad, can you imagine the incest discourse if this came out today

the rules of the game: gosford park 60 years before gosford park existed! rich people!! gonna have to watch more renoir bc some of those tracking shots were Wild

opening night: oh my god gena rowlands. as ever i love stories about putting on a show

a few good men: hadn't seen this in years and it's classic sorkin fun (woof at the end tho lol 🦅), everyone's talking so fast, tom cruise is a Star etc, you can't handle the truth!!!

jerry maguire: again, hadn't seen this in years and i'd remembered it as being way more of a romcom when really it's mostly a sports film. the secret garden needle drop is brutally good and it got me Twice, intresting to think about paired w eyes wide shut in terms of cruise performances where he's desperately trying to cover the Void beneath it all. even though it's nonsense the big romantic moment gets me!!!

please baby please: fun sexy queer, i would not have predicted harry melling would have one of the most interesting post-potter careers lol, andrea riseborough!!! should have been a musical probably!!

nicola dinan, bellies: liked this a lot, the dual pov works at showing you both sides' feelings and flaws in a v empathetic way i think

ann patchett, tom lake: putting on a show!! pairs well with sweet sorrow by david nicholls in the bittersweet theatrical romance nostalgia subgenre. our town isn't as much as a thing over here as it is in the states so i'm very glad i got to see the rx production from a few years back - it was beautiful and it definitely helped to be familiar reading this

adam zmith, deep sniff: a history of poppers and queer futures: got reminded by @baking-soda's foray into poppers discourse that i had this sitting on my kindle lol. an odd but enjoyable read - much more of a personal manifesto for pleasure than i was expecting but i'm all for that, could have done without e.g. the extended tangent about a self-published mystery novel?? the star trek bits can stay

freya marske, a restless truth: love a mystery set entirely on a boat, love an f/f romance that's actually hot (if you have any other recs please share ty)

claire keegan, small things like these: absolutely devastating slip of a novella jfc

also i teared up today listening to adrian lester on the shakespeare unlimited podcast so you should listen if you enjoy that sort of thing!

#monthly media #sophposting

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strawberry-crocodile · 11 months

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seeing mutuals comment on my regular forays into discourse and i would like to officially apologize i can not turn off Opinionated Arguer Brain

#blogodile

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