#my friends and I were fucking CRYING

[inkskinned]

one of the things about being an educator is that you hear what parents want their kids to be able to do a lot. they want their kid to be an astronaut or a ballerina or a politician. they want them to get off that damn phone. be better about socializing. stop spending so much time indoors. learn to control their own temper. to just "fucking listen", which means to be obedient.

one of the things i learned in my pedagogy classes is that it's almost always easier to roleplay how you want someone to act. it's almost always easier to explain why a rule exists, rather than simply setting the rule and demanding adherence.

i want my kids to be kind. i want them to ask me what book they should read next, and i want to read that book with them so we can discuss it. i want my kid to be able to tell me hey that hurt my feelings without worrying i'll punish them. i want my kid to be proud of small things and come running up to me to tell me about them. i want them to say "nah, i get why this rule exists, but i get to hate it" and know that i don't need them to be grateful-for-the-roof-overhead while washing the dishes. i want them to teach me things. i want them to say - this isn't safe. i'm calling my mom and getting out of this. i want them to hear me apologize when i do fuck up; and i want them to want to come home.

the other day a parent was telling me she didn't understand why her kid "just got so angry." this woman had flown off the handle at me.

my dad - traditional catholic that he is - resents my sentiment of "gentle parenting". he says they'll grow up spoiled, horrible, pretentious. granola, he spits.

i am going to be kind to them. i am going to set the example, i think. and whatever they choose become in the meantime - i'm going to love them for it.

#writeblr #i was doing a lot with high school students. over and over again #other teachers kept asking me what i was doing differently - why the kids listened to me. i am not particularly foreboding #and i have a pretty firm personal policy of never reacting in anger #godhelpme. #i was always kind of taken aback #because in general the kids were pretty easy. i explained i needed to keep everything “PG-13” because this was my workplace #and it was kind of their workplace #too. besides #i love swearing #and since i couldn't swear #neither could they - so if they were going to say “fuck” or become violent #they needed to choose a really specific time #because we only get “the one”.. sure enough - nobody wanted to waste the one very specific “fuck” utterance. kids listened. #i think just because - that rule makes sense. the kids understand that i don't want to be unfair to them #that censorship is stupid #but that i'm under these rules too so like let's ride it out together #also i look young and tbh between me and u nobody wants to make the nice english teacher cry #the way these kids defended me to their friends was really genuinely so heartwarming bc the Grouchy Frat Boy #would be like MISS RAQUEL DOESN'T DESERVE THAT KIND OF AN ATTITUDE BRO DON'T TALK BACK TO HER

[peachyutdr]

i finished it, was kicked out of the game, and then spent the next 10 minutes drawing this. i will now go take a shower, most likely cry, and then go through the emotional turmoil of convincing myself to reset so i can do a geno run. i hate it here :D

#undertale yellow #uty #my art #<- ifg #spoilers under these tags beware. although it is mostly just me being very very sad #that entire thing was heart wrenching. anyways #CEROBAS FIGHT??? HELLO??? #i had to exit out of it the first time (i got to the last phase) to get better items but i came back and won pretty quickly #but THE CUTSCENES?!?!? #JFC NO WONDER THIS WOMANS SO MESSED UP. HER HUSBAND PRACTICALLY DIED IN HER ARMS AND THE LAST THING HE LEFT HER WITH- HIS DYING WISH- COULD #ONLY BE FULFILLED BY PUTTING THEIR ONLY CHILD IN DEATHS WAY. AND THEN WHEN SHE TOOK THAT RISK THE WORST THING HAPPENED AND SHE NOW HAS TO #LIVE WITH THE GUILT OF BEING THE ONE TO. MOST LIKELY. KILL HER ONE AND ONLY DAUGHTER #ALL THE WHILE SHE WAS PUSHING AWAY HER CHILDHOOD BEST FRIEND AND CONVINCING HERSELF THAT SHE WAS IN THE RIGHT TO SACRIFICE CLOVER WHO HAD #BEEN ONLY KIND MERCIFUL AND JUST THIS WHOLE TIME. EVEN TO THOSE WHO WERE TRYING TO KILL THEM. FUCK. #AAND WHEN CLOVER HUGGED HER I DOUBLED OVER IRL BC *THATS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED TO DO IN THAT MOMENT* I HATE IT (read: love it) HERE #n dont even get me STARTED on after that. when clover started moving on their own and the gd white screen came up and we got flashbacks of #everyone's words. thats when the tears rlly started coming bc it clicked for me. 'oh. this is it. isn't it?' and IT WAS #WHEN THEY GAVE THEIR FUCKIGN HAT AND GUN AWAY TO MARTLET AND STARLO WELL THATS WHEN I REALLY STARTED CRYING #AAND THE GROUP HUGG #I WAS SOBBING WHENEVER I HAD TO WATCH THEM CRAWL UP AGAINST THE WALL AND DIE AND HAVE FLOWEYS WORDS PLAY OVERHEAD #AND THE FUCKOGN #THE F U C K I N G #AFTEWRCREDITS SCENE WHERE WE GOT THE 'You heard someone calling for help. You answered.' I GOT CHILLS SO BAD #to think that all the other souls have stories just as expansive and emotional as clover n frisks. how fucked up is that. in a good way tho #and finally the last scene where we got all 4 of our main friends sending us off in waterfall and we see clovers items end up in the dump #just waiting to be found by bratty and catty. fucken hell man this was a masterpiece #anyways time to reset and obliterate everyone and never emotionally recover from that ever!! really is feeling like 2016-17 again w the way #this game has me sobbing my eyes out and feeling the guilt of knowing that i dont HAVE to kill them all but im too curious not to #oh well. at least i have the balls to do it this time around instead of letting a youtuber do it for me ig

[bizarreandjarring]

harrier if you didn’t want this to be romantic why did you wear your most boobylicious shirt ???

#answer the question harry #shoutout to alex brainrotdotorg for helping me with the dialogue options :3 #i haven’t been that active so i’m just like *drops this like a hot potato and runs from the room* #i think i’d pick 3 or 5 #man i STRUGGLED with this piece #i literally went to outback steakhouse and got a bloomin onion with a friend as research for this #i tried like 5 different versions before i got a drawing i didn’t despise #it’s been an uphill battle making this stupid fucking comic #i’m gonna cry myself to sleep now #my art #disco elysium #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #oh also kim is drinking a dr pepper and harry is drinking a fancy juice. in case you were wondering #he loves juice. he’s just like me

[introspectivememories]

#AUUUGH WAILING SCREAMING CRYING SLIDING DOWN THE WALL SOBBING #BROCEDES PLEASE WHY COULDN'T YOU TWO HAVE BEEN NON-FAMOUS #WHY DID YOU DRAG ALL OF US INTO YOUR SITUATIONSHIP #my mom is sick of me wailing about them. nearly collapsed at work when i remembered 'yes... and team-mate' #sliver springs is going platinum in my house rn #how can you be childhood friends and just fall apart like that? i think about falling out with tas like that and i go nearly catatonic #yeah you're a 7x wdc winner and you got the one wdc that you wanted but was it worth it? was this loss worth it? would you do it again? #going by the interviews they probably would and that's why they fell out in the first place. i literally cannot imagine caring about some #trophy over my childhood best friend but like i guess that's why they're pro level athletes and i'm in my room posting about them #anyway what the fuck was up during f1 photographers during their fallout? why is every photo of them cinematic? did you know we'd be using #them? did you know we'd go crazy? or were you also like 'oh this is cinema in the making. i gotta capture this.'? #anyway for all of that want to know where the quote is from‚ it's jacob black from twilight when bella is getting turned into a vamp #stephanie meyer had one (1) banger line and it was this #brocedes #brocedes edit #f1 edit #f1 web weaving #nico rosberg #lewis hamilton #nr6 #lh44 #formula 1 #web weaving #please ignore my absolutely atrocious photo editing skills. thank you imgflip!!

[the-meme-monarch]

actually while I'm thinking about All The Ways School Wrongs You. fuck the whole seven classes shit they make you do in like what. middle school?. do you know how many times i cried bc I couldn't find a room number. how many nightmares i had about that same scenario

#i was one of them low income families so i got free lunch ✌️ fucking hated having to run to the cafeteria so i had a chance to eat at all #bc my class before it was too far away for me to just Walk #& then in highschool when it was just four classes it was the same shit. a lot of panicking &crying every quarter when we got new schedules #STILL had nightmares abt not being able to find my classes #only saving grace schedule wise was theatre class it was right next to the cafeteria and turned out to be very fun #only other saving grace everithing-else wise was that my friends were there i miss them i wish we could hang out again #words from the monarch

[emelinstriker]

bro i'm actually fuckin crying

i was having anxiety the entire night over more random people from the other blog pulling up in my inbox and harassing me over shit i've already explained, but i woke up to like 4 messages and all rather wholesome and aren't accusing me

the fact that i haven't cried a single fuckin time the past 1-2 weeks of me knowing about this bullshit and just bottled it all up- and it just all comes all crashing the fuck down after seeing the sudden overwhelming support of people that actually read and understand context

it's literally only 6am here and i'm bawling my eyes out

i love every single one of you who isn't blindly jumping in on the fuckin hate train i wasn't even supposed to know about :'D

will be responding to them once i'm back in my room after school! fghfndghdfg already read through them tho, but i gotta go in a bit and can't type it all out hgfdgnfdhgnhdfg

#emelin qna #esau qna #been practically crying for an entire hour at this point #the entire fucking time i felt like the only ones defending me were my friends i talked in vc with #and they all got pissed the more we saw of this #like we talked about the entire thing since the start and i was even going to post an entire response to the first vague rant #to clarify things and tag the blog involved since they didn't tag me #i literally still have the entire finished response in my drafts #but then the 2nd rant dropped and i saw how many people were just randomly agreeing with them fully #even when you could literally tell they never even investigated anything themselves #even people that used to interact with me decided to blindly join in #again- without anyone telling me about it even happening #and they're probably still looking for excuses to rant on me about “pedophilia” and “slaves” when i've literally already clarified shit #which is why i said that at this point the topic has hit a brickwall #cuz at this point they're just invalidating my own points just so they get more validation themselves

[queenie-blackthorn]

sometimes i feel like i hate everyone

#if i ever say “i hate you” dont take it personally #everyone does stupid shit sometimes n thats fine but its happening sm and im sick of it n i need to speak up #chances are if u see this ur not part of the problem bc ur actually reading the shit i post #the fact that barely anyone realized that i relapsed into sh yesterday is crazy #im not doing this for attention its a fucking cry for help and most of yall are ignoring me #you ignore me when im fine and you ignore me when i need you #what am i supposed to do ffs #do i have to show you my bleeding thighs for you to ask how i am? #do you have to wait until i scream and cry and hurt myself for you to care abt me? #do i not matter unless im hurting? or do i not matter even when i am hurting? #do i have to fucking die for any of yall to realize theres something mentally wrong w me? #fuck you all youre just as bad as my parents #except for the four people who talked me out of spiralling last night #two of which were people i barely/dont know #so yeah maybe try harder n actually ask ur friends how they are #dont push them to the point where they need to be comforted by strangers

[lilpomelito]

i know the fanon accepted thing is that Steve would be 100% with Robin and Nancy being together but i want to see the opposite, it would be a lot more realistic if he got angry and felt a little betrayed that his best friend got with his ex who broke his heart. I think they would be ok in the end but it's a little boring how Steve is automatically ok with this when realistically he would probably feel really hurt. I mean he went nuts when he thought Nancy was cheating on him and yes he let her go and accepted when she an Johnathan clearly got together but he and Johnathan weren't friends. i want some drama !!

#i want some euphoria level drama of you were my best friend and now you're fucking my ex and you're fucking crying??? #of course stobin end up besties and everyone is ok with ronance but i want some drama there #i want the happy ending to feel earned you know #stobin #ronance #stranger things #Steve Harrington #robin buckley #nancy wheeler

[dacrekayd]

someone make a fic about eddie not trusting that steve is actually a good guy who wants to be friends (and more) and keeps being a dick to steve out of self preservation and no one noticing how much steve is hurting and how he’s slowly pulling away from them and retreating into himself bc he knew it he knew he wasn’t good enough he knew he’d never be good enough for anyone not his parents not nancy not his stupid high school friends and definitely not eddie fucking munson who looks at steve like he’s the scum at the bottom of his boot and calls him King Steve, and Your Highness in the most derogatory way he can manage but it’s never Just Steve and it makes steve feel so so small and he’s just so tired and emotionally rung bc he really liked eddie and he really thought they could’ve had something amazing and soft and sweet and he’s just so heartbroken that this amazing man hates him so goddamn much

#and then steve just can’t take it anymore and he just. stops trying #he doesn’t try to be friendly with eddie anymore he doesn’t acknowledge him when they’re in the same room #he flinches when eddie pats him on the shoulder once #and eddie thinks he just can’t stand his touch #and he feels sickly vindicated #like i knew king steve would never want the freak touch him i knew he hadn’t changed #and steve is just so tired #he can’t even feel comfortable around his friends anymore bc eddie is always there with a snide comment or a vicious little smile aimed #soley at steve and steve just wants to go home and cry #being alone sounds better than whatever fucked up thing eddie is going to do to him today #and the worst part is no one fucking notices #no one notices how mean eddie is to steve #and steve knows #knows that he’s not important enough to be paid attention to #but it still hurts #and steve just wishes eddie were a little more like billy #steve would rather take another plate to the head than to listen to eddie’s cruel little remarks again #this got away from me i wanted a happy ending but i guess my period was like no happy. only angst #steddie

[hella1975]

im being sentimental again but i think one of the most beautiful things to live for are those moments that explicitely and suddenly show you that you have healed and grown from something. like the day i first cried in front of a friend without feeling entirely nauseas about it and i had the really sudden and random thought that my twelve year old self would be horrified and digusted by my current self. and i had no idea when that happened, at what point i stopped being twelve and scared and started instead just letting myself feel things. it's proof i finally learnt to let people in even if i have no recollection of opening the door. and as a child reading books, i thought romantic love was the best thing that could ever happen to a person, and as a teenager with failing friendships, that dream of being saved by The Love of My Life kept me afloat. but last night i went on a date and yeah it went well, but also when i came home my two flatmates were waiting giggling in my bed like children and we all squeezed in so they could find out every silly detail, and i thought that love was just as beautiful as anything id conjured in my head. like just having those moments in life where you realise you are so different to how you once were, in ways that would both enthrall and horrify your younger self. having proof that you have grown. you have healed. you are making a life that's beautiful

#like coming home i was so excited bc i was like 'this is it. im finally letting myself delve into romantic attraction' #which in and of itself like the crying thing is just something 12-17 year old me would be TERRIFIED of bc the vulnerability of it #so that in itself should have been its own moment of the night for me to go #'look. i am so explicitely not the girl i was to the point it's showing in my ACTIONS. i have PROOF' #but then i came home and my flatmates were literally just waiting for me like kids waiting to go downstairs at xmas #and as someone who always struggled maintaining friendships at school and never truly let myself love or be loved platonically #it was such a viceral moment of 'shit. i really fucking love my friends' #and ive quite honestly never had that before this year #like yes the date and the romantic angle is exciting. but i dont need it to save me like i used to #idk this is all very cringe and whimsical but luckily for me and unluckily for you this is also thee cringe whimsical website

[monarchamos]

drew some silly little fem soukokus! they are on a double date in a flower park <3

i love them theyre so silly

#fun fact did you know they all have signature flowers? i looked up dresses for their respective flowers hence the outfits #dazai in a dress with yellow roses // chuuya in a dress with red camellias #atsushi in a dress with lilies of the valley // akutagawa in a dress with daffodils #the colors look so ass on my laptop omfg i am going to cry #dazai just like me fr looking at chuuya like that i would do anything for her i am on my knees for her #shinsoukoku were added as an afterthought but whatever they are happy and cute together and thats what matters #god i fucking love chuuya esp fem chuuya like move over dazai my turn #i hope i was able to draw dazai looking at chuuya lovestruck well enough #my friend said she looks like the roblox woman face so :P #shin soukoku #soukoku #bungo stray dogs #bsd fanart #dazai osamu #nakahara chuuya #nakajima atsushi #akutagawa ryuunosuke #jfc aku why is your name so long this is why dazai doesnt love you /j #MonarchArt #osamu dazai #chuuya nakahara #atsushi nakajima #ryuunosuke akutagawa #skk #sskk #fem soukoku #fem shin soukoku #fem skk #fem sskk

[mishapen-dear]

(ao3)

The worst thing, Bad knows, is the way that nothing changes. 

The clouds move slow across the sky, gentle giants on an eternal trek. The waters dance with fish; the brooks burble and sing. Grass grows. Sheep eat. Grass regrows. 

On, and on, and on, and on. 

Bad breathes in, slow, and holds it. 

It’s enough to go mad over. To become enraged for. To rip everything down just so that everything can match the- the keening lack in his heart. Grass grows. Grass has always grown. There is nothing that could ever stop grass from growing. 

His hands are curled into the ground at his sides. He clutches handfuls of the wretched plant and pulls, almost gently, and doesn’t snap a single blade.

He exhales, slow, and doesn’t inhale again. What point is there? He’s alone. No one will know whether or not he needs to breathe. He’s been alone before- days that Dapper doesn’t wake up, days where the other eggs are with their other parents. Days where he falls asleep in his chair and the ghosts are left to amuse themselves. He’s been alone before. 

He’s lost before. 

There is a sob in his throat. He refuses to let it out. It chokes him, and he takes another deep breath to try to settle it. 

There’s always- he misses Skeppy. Of course he misses Skeppy. He can’t lose Skeppy, but Skeppy isn’t here.

Dapper isn’t here. Pomme isn’t here. Richarlyson. Leo. Ramon. Chayanne. Tallulah. They’re-

Bad tears the grass out of the ground. He stares at his hands, dark claws curled around torn green plant. He tries to imagine the grass is white fur instead, but he can’t find the enthusiasm. That’s okay. The anger will be back later. 

He just- he can’t feel much beyond the loss, right now. The lack. The empty, quiet island where sheep eat grass and clouds keep moving and no eggs place any signs at all. That’s not okay, but he knows that, at least, will change. That’s how grief works. The world ends, and you end with it, and while you claw yourself up from the rubble the world ends again and sends you back under, and then again, and then again, but by the third go around you know what the tremors look like. You start to predict where it hurts the most. Then the world keeps ending but the ending just becomes a part of your world, and sometimes everything shakes but you shake with it and it’s not okay but it’s better. You get so used to the shaking that sometimes you forget that your world ever ended at all. 

How long will it take for him to forget them? 

Bad leans forwards, slowly, until he slumps into a miserable little puddle of limbs. He presses his cheek into the cool grass and when the sob rises up again he bites it back with teeth. The sun is blocked by a sombrero, now fallen awkwardly over his face, that Foolish had cheerfully placed on his head hours before. Bad doesn’t know why Foolish had put it there- except he does, and he’d seen it in the in the slightest tremor of Foolish’s smile, and so he’d kept it on. 

He can’t see them, but he can hear them laughing. Mouse, Jaiden, and Foolish, just around the corner. There have been so many people ‘just around the corner’ today. They’re so loud. They’re not the right type of loud. He feels guilty for the way that they’re comforting him, that he’s taking up their time, and then he feels angry that he feels guilty because he remembers the cage, and he knows what he really means to them, and-

They’re still here. The eggs are gone, and they’re still here. 

Forever isn’t here. 

Forever hasn’t given him a gift basket yet. 

…

…It doesn’t work. It’s a close thing, though- there’s a flicker of irritation at the thought of Forever’s awful, handsome face. Not anger, not nearly enough emotion to fill the void that is Bad’s heart, but maybe it could be. He’ll try again tomorrow. Isn’t that fun? Isn’t that something? There’s so much emotion he can’t feel any of it at all. 

Maybe it’s a bad dream. There were no remains. There was just Dapper’s top hat, and Pomme’s beret. No shell, no dead eggs. No eggs. It’s driving him mad, the maybe-yes maybe-no nature of his children’s fate.

He thinks, maybe, that tomorrow he will build a drill. 

Today, the world is dark beneath the sombrero, and the grass is scratchy and full of small twigs. Foolish laughs once, too loud. Automatically, Bad pushes himself up, because he knows Foolish, and knows how long he’s been away from the group, and he feels sick. He fumbles for his warpstone and- Foolish’s head pops around the corner- Bad freezes. Too late. 

Foolish looks at him, grin bright and neverending. Bad looks back. He can’t bring himself to say anything- he drops the sombrero at their feet. 

Foolish’s smile fades. Bad activates his warpstone again and, though the particles, he sees Foolish give him a sharp, left-handed salute. Bad can’t bite back his little laugh; Foolish knows him, too.

And then Foolish is gone. The world is purple. Then the world ends, once again, in Bad’s home. All of Dapper’s machines have stopped. Echoing noise to almost-echoing silence. Ah. Right. None of the island’s machines are working correctly. Bad will have to make a smaller drill. But he will build his drill, and he will dig, and he will find his son. 

“Dapper?” he calls, his voice cracking. The sound echoes. Only the animals answer back- they’re the only thing that stops the base from being completely silent. Grass grows. Sheep eat. Grass regrows. There’s so many animals here. What good company. It occurs to Bad, suddenly, that they’re good company. Dapper is gone, and his animals are still here, and Bad- 

He won’t kill Dapper’s pets. He is suddenly holding his scythe and he won’t hurt his son’s pets because he can’t trade them for his son and there’s a special sort of heartache to the fact that his son left behind instructions to machines that don’t work and so many animals that can’t keep Bad company the way Dapper kept him company and Bad- 

He’s holding his scythe. He’s holding the Sunshine Protector. He tries to take a breath but it comes out stuttery and he bites his tongue and. Dapper was-is always so sweet. He made Bonnie to keep Bad company, and Bad is always haunted by little ghosts but now most of all he is haunted by the love of his son. 

“Where are you?” His voice cracks on the third word. He stumbles to Dapper’s room and doesn’t think about the fact that they never got to build one for Pomme.  

The hole in his heart could swallow an island. 

Please don’t take- 

The scythe gets left outside. Bad can’t bear to look at it. Protector. There is a secure door in front of him that keeps nothing secure because now there is nothing to protect and Bad- 

-my sunshine away. 

He falls to his knees next to the empty bed. He chokes out, “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you, Dapper.”

When the sob rises again, he lets it.

#qsmp #mishapen words #qsmp badboyhalo #first qsmp fic YIPPEEE #and its about #child death #and #angst #YIPPEEE #or child-missing lmao #i dont think the eggs are dead but i do think this is an uh oh #fun fact i started this a few weeks ago and then picked it up again after the uh. you know #VERY pleased with myself with my bbh read and predicting he'd be p quiet i love it when i can understand these weirdass cubes #the contradictions throughout weren't intentional until i realized they were happening and i leaned into it #i bet bad chose 'you are my sunshine' as a song for dapper SPECIFICALLY because then he could sing and cry about the second verse #after he lost his very fragile egg #which. i hope he never has to do that again that broke my fucking heart #he's just... qbad is an immortal who has grieved before but then he found skeppy and didnt have to keep grieving and now skeppy is gone and #his kids are gone and all he has left are his friends who he feels very betrayed by but who are all so. fucking kind about the loss #and they all lost their children but just like jaiden said he's like a third parent to all the eggs #he lost his kids and his bonus kids and he once sunk a city but what is the grief of thousands of strangers compared to the grief of #seven little eggs he loved so dearly #one little egg he would protect over skeppy #just....... idk its v late im gonna schedule this post i dont know if im making sense but the EGGS #the BADBOYHALO #the grief :c

[silenthillbunni]

🐰🌧️

#so on my way home.. #i walked by a school and besides the fact that i felt so depressed bc just looking at these kids and adults i have NO hope for the future #i saw two boys on a bench as i walked by... and i just thought they were talking. and too late i realized that no one of the boys were #bullying the other boy. the bully walked away and the other boy just sat there looking so lifeless and dejected #a teacher came and sat down w that boy and i just kept walking. even if i wanted to say smth it's like what would i even do abt that situati #that made me so sad both bc that boy.. he looked so dejected and used to it. that anxiety going to school knowing you're bullied is awful #and like i imagined talking to him and saying heyyy if you're lucky you'll grow up to be 25yrs old #live like a parasite off your mom and be on wellfare and never have had a job :) #you'll have no education or highschool diploma :) you will still struggle to finish hs even at an easier level :) #you will also not have had friends in 10yrs and you'll be terrified of ppl and getting close to anyone and even going outside!! #you'll have no interests and hobbies and skills! you'll simply be a waste of space loser being a burden on everyone around u! #whoop whoop stay alive buddy it will only get worse ❤️ #god i just wanna cry. how did i let my life turn out this way??? i used to be full of dreams and life and passion and HOPE #i used to believe in things and in people. i had so many dreams and i wanted to try and do so many things #now all i can think is 'i wanna die i wanna die i wanna die'. im miserable wherever i go lmao #there's this bridge over the highway i have to cross when i walk to school and every time i look down at the trafic and when a truck drives #by i feel my entire body vibrate. i just wanna jump and get mauled by it. #or i dont *want* to but i feel so deeply and desperately that it's the only way for me #only way to make it stop hurting. and i am weak. i dont know how to just 'stop' or take control of my life. thats why i wanna die #bc i know that i wont be able to. that my life will never amount to anything #for fuck's sake my dream now is just to have my own 1bedroom apartment and have a shitty job - like in a grocery store or whatever!!!!! #not even that can i make happen! bc im so worthless i cant do anything. im also stupid so i wouldnt be able to do my job right #i dont know... i dont know... these feelings and thoughts are too much i just wanna relax #but i cant bc my ribs hurt and idk if it's heartburn or an ulcer 💀 why am i even alive???? what am i doing all this for? 😭 #my thoughts ran away but i meant like seeing that reminded me of how much of a failure i became #bc of my circumstances and all the shitty ppl around me thru out my life

[bumblingbabooshka]

#Sek #Kar #star trek oc #[REDACTED] family shenanigans #klingon oc #Kar is Sek's childhood best friend whom he met bc Kar won a chess match against him and Sek started crying when Kar gloated about it #and Kar felt really bad v_v and they've been best friends ever since :) #also Kar was Sek's first kiss and they did a LOT of 'kissing practice' until Tuvok caught them and was like No. Enough Of That. Stop. #Kar had a MASSSIIIIIVE crush on him when they were kids #now Kar is Sek's..........friend. And they still kiss. #& T'Nia (Sek's wife) knows and is fine with it. Hell - she might fuck around and kiss Kar too #How Sek feels about Kar is: He is my closest friend and I will love him until the day I die <- romantic[????] #Sek & Kar made a pact as kids that if one of them was dying and there was no way out of it the other would kill them #so #yeah #star trek #star trek art #comix

[the-meme-monarch]

well that's the worst nightmare I've had in a while

#we were at the grocery store and a shooter came in. my sibling and i were separated at the time. #they died. and i was theone to find their body afterward. so. that fucking sucked. #woke up and strted to cry bc i thought it was real for a second #dream journal #edit bc i dont eant to reblog it to say this but ive had time to process it now #i was the only fucking person who cared that xe died. the dream cut to after the shooter was arrested and we were preparing for xer funeral #i think the dream implied that yhe shooter was an ex employee at the store and my dad and i were trying to like. talk to the owners about Y #Your Ex Employee Killed My Fucking Sibling #and the manager or boss or ehoever just. didnt care. didnt have any sympathy #my dad was there. but he didnt speak. i had to beg the managet to feel anything for the child who was shot and killed in his store. #to pay for xer funeral? i dont know. #we were there getting a blind bag toy xe had talked aout going to get irl since it was a short walk there really #i was looking for those pink chocolate chips. #to make cookies fro my friends #thats why i eoke up thinking it was real i think #most of my set-in-reality nightmares hinge on something that Cant happen anymore. this one was based on Recent Events and Planned Events #i had woken up just before six. when xe gets up for school. so i stared crying bc Oh My God Xe's Dead Xe's Never Going To Go To School Again #i dont think ive looked them in the face at all today.

[volivolition]

reading Kim's Disco Inferno and i absolutely needed to read this fic earlier than im reading it right now. this is so fucking interesting.

#chemi chats #AIRHGHGHHHHH THE SKILLS THE SKILLS I WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST ABOUT THEM ARUGHGJHGKJFHF!!!!! #okay im normal. back to it #kissing voli on the forehead. my friend. this is how i imagine my life these days. voli sitting on my shoulder as i do things #echem's also there but he can't do shit except go ''hey you should get a treat today'' so he just keeps voli company. #EMPY HAS ARRIVED AND I LOVEEEE HER. CRIES AND CRIES AND CRIES AND #''Stop fucking around Esprit'' LMAO. LMAO. THANKS AUTH APPRECIATE IT. oh my fucking god this fic is so cool. this is so good. #SUGGESTION YOU SILLY FUCK GET OUT OF HEREEE!! oh thats FASCINATING!! 'I'm not... shit. I am.' THIS IS SO COOL. OH NO WAIT DON'T LEAVE VOLI? #oh of fucking COURSE ITS ECHEM. OF COURSEEE. oh hi halflit. little kiss on the head before you scamper off sweetheart #i miss voli i want voli back. voli come back please. oh there he is hi little guy!! oh echem. silly guy. i love you. this fic is so fun?!!! #oh hey!! composure. nods. ''Harry; Kim. We're Harry.'' YEAH! YAHHGKJGH!!! like i sure have my faves (empy; voli; echem) but #OUGH. MOTORICS AS A WHOLE. MY FAVORITES i love the team smiles :) oh they were all so sweet hahskj motorics have never done anything wrong #NO VOLI CAN'T COME WITH US?? WHAT'S THE POINT EVEN. STARTS CRYING. oh nvm hes with us in the glasses WE'RE ALL GOOD #this fic. is so cool. good morning lieutenant. OKAY!! DONE!! COMMENTING TIME!!! thanks for looking at my spontaneous liveblog lmao