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4awny · 1 year

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Sp Driving Headcanons that literally nobody asked for

Stan:-

first one to get his licence obvs

usually a calm and defensive driver

gets a scratch on his car and says aw man my dad's gonna kill me

even when he's 30

drives drunk probably

car is a mess. shit everywhere

overall? man can drive. 8/10

Kenny:-

doesn't have licence. couldn't afford that shit

drives anyway

and it's his brother's piece of shit car

can't park for shit, usually just hopes for the best

has a bunch of naughty bumper stickers for sure

can fix his own car

something always broken

huge dent on the side. "jeez man, how did that get there?"

knowing full well it was a hit and run

felt bad so left a note on the dude's car: hit your car but I'm broke and dont have a licence. my bad sorry. hope you get it fixed

somehow never gets pulled over

overall, dude shouldn't even be on the road. 1/10

Kyle:-

suspect to road rage. man's got issues

hates traffic with a white hot passion

no one is allowed to eat in his car... ever.

cartman is the only one that ignores this rule and is constantly hiding wrappers in random places to annoy him

it annoys him

has run a red light on more than a few occasions

got caught speeding. argued his way out of it. thanks dad

overall, a decent driver but mf needs to chill. 7/10

Cartman:-

hates slow drivers

will happily park in disabled spots

and will say "not every disability is visible!"

and then actually gets offended when someone calls him out for doing it

usually kyle

the type of asshole to say "someone better have died for this" when driving past a collision that got him stuck on the highway for 2 hours

tailgates people for fun

hates being tailgated

gets cut off. follows them for 20 mins just to call them a useless cunt

1 ticket away from losing his licence

overall? 4/10. enuff said

Butters:-

taps the wheel along to songs

sings a lot

sometimes oblivious to road signs

because he's usually looking at the scenery around him

drives 10mph under the speed limit

just to be safe

always offers to drive the guys

the guys: 😒😒😒😒

overall, 6/10. score would be higher if the singing stopped

Craig:-

finds driving a chore

but also likes having his own transport so he can bail anytime he wants

like that one time clyde surprised him with a huge birthday party. but that's another story

parks at the back of the parking lot

then regrets it when it rains

never gets to play his own music, because whoever's in the front is in charge of the bluetooth. it's always clyde

mf always giving lifts to people

for free too

always questions himself why he does it

overall, dude deserves a medal for putting up with so much shit. 10/10

Clyde:-

never drives. simple as that

thank fuck for craig and drive thrus, huh

overall, the leech gets a solid 0/10 and that's being generous

Tweek:-

6 failed attempts before he eventually passed

thought he was cursed

turns out he cant drive for shit

only drives to places he's familiar with

so basically a 3 mile radius from his house

drives in silence. man cannot concentrate

tells people to shut up if they are talking to him when he's driving

like I said, man cannot concentrate

overall? I mean, at least he tries. 5/10 for effort

Tolkien:-

listens to the same radio station

pretty observant. can see the accident before it even happens

the most sensible driver out of everyone

somehow never gets asked to drive tho

takes advantage of that

always offers to pay for gas

is the only one that does

overall, a great driver. 9/10. wd buddy

#thanks for coming gang #about time i contributed #south park #stan marsh #kenny mccormick #craig tucker #eric cartman #kyle broflovski #clyde donovan #tolkien black #token black #tweek tweak #butters stotch #southpark #south park headcanons

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morimakesfanart · 1 year

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Is your house big enough for 10 people 🫠 I can feel myself melting away thinking about the problems you will face 😮‍💨 but having anime people in your house how cool is that 😎

We can make it work. Due to financial and legal reason, my sibling and I have been unable to move out of our parents' home. Here's a preview from what I have written so far that explains how all of them will fit:

When I was 4 1/2 years old, we had to move because my mom's job changed locations. At that same time she was pregnant with my younger sibling, so we also moved into a bigger home. My parents were sold a house they couldn't afford the upkeep on, but they wouldn't understand that for several years. And because of the crashing housing bubble, job markets, and person taste, my parents out right denied the idea of selling the house to get a smaller place we could actually properly take care of. Our roof has poorly patch, holes, and our siding is rotting -to name some of the growing problems. However, it did have a few more rooms than the average house. Both of my parents were hoarders and 7 years after my mom's death, we were still clearing out her things, and fighting my father from adding to the problem. Luckily, in the past few years we had managed to mostly clear out the 2 rooms that had once been a dining room(now "the back room"), and home office (now "the den"). It would be cramped, but we would be able to fit all 9 of them. Both the living room and the den each have a sofa with a pullout queen mattress, and since my dad was a literal hoarder that wouldn't let us throw things out, we have another old queen mattress in our basement, and a king mattress blocking the coat closet. The two old mattresses could be laid on the floor in the back room next to the den. All 4 of those would be enough to fit 9 people ....even with Hina being a giant. I decided to leave the end decisions for who would sleep where to our guests. If they could run a country, they could figure out who was going to sleep where on their own.

Since I was little, my parents pulled out of their pensions and 401Ks multiple times to keep us afloat, so we wouldn't have to move :( We've only been surviving since my mom died, because of me working, and my mom leaving a bunch in savings that my dad uses to pay utilities and most of the food bill. My dad can't work, so I have been the one paying the mortgage, insurance, and taxes for the house too. There are still a few more years left before it will be payed off. Since the house is falling apart it's an eyesore, so we are being charged higher taxes then our neighbors. (This is a common tactic to kick out "problem" families instead of helping them.) Once the house is paid off, I can start putting money aside to be able to try fixing the house, and hopefully get our taxes lowered.

In the fanfic, I plan to have Sin and the Generals work enough to help us, so it won't focus on our struggles. I am planning on having one chapter as set up, and then any other requests for things to happen in the reverse isekai AU will be chapters after that. :D

Me and my younger sibling, Lyly, have discussed reverse isekai for a ton of series before, so we already have some plans for how it could work, and what we would do. Since I started working on this in June of '22, I have talked to my family about what we would do, and how we might make it work. The excerpt I put above is something I talked to them about earlier today, actually XD We talked for over an hour about the different characters and how they might be able to help us too. My whole household knows Magi because I live here and they can't get me to shut up about it XD They've both seen the full anime for Magi and Adventures; Lyly has read a bit of both manga but didn't finish. Everyone in this house agrees that Ja'far is a lot like Lyly, so my dad said he'd be comfortable with Ja'far helping him with paperwork stuff. He also wants to know more about Hina after learning that he's also a widower and over 50 y/o. So it's going to be fun writing how all of them help us get out of the red :3

For all the people that have dm'd me asking if Lyly will ever isekai into Sindria's Prophet after reading my diary comic, "Mori the Webcomic," the answer is: probably not because I don't want to ever misrepresent them. I will write some one shots where it happens for fun, and they will be in this reverse iskekai AU. Lyly is taking a semi active roll with the writing for any chapter that they appear in.

#mori answered #reverse isekai au #Adventures of Simpbad

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somerandomgrl · 6 months

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I was showering and I remembered a lot of things my mom has said to me in the past.

I'll list them so I can finally forget them, and there's no specific order cuz I have no concept of time, therefore I can't remember when any of them happened.

1 - I told her she wasn't being fair cuz I wanted more freedom, she told me that life wasn't fair. I was stuck taking care of my newborn nephew and my older sister.

2 - She started suspecting I was a lesbian (which I'm not but I'm still part of the LGBT community), and she offered to take me to get snacks and drive us to some parking lot to lecture me about it, saying homosexuals were sick people, that she understood but it wasn't natural.

3 - She told me that I had no right to be sad or angry because she and my dad gave us everything to my sister and me, which is not true, the amount of times I didn't eat or had to live off sandwich at that time because bread and ham was everything I could afford... I was 16 and plain ham sandwiches are still one of my favorite foods.

4 - My sister has no sense of responsibility, so having a baby was pretty difficult for both of us since my mom was always traveling and my dad moved to another city. I complained about my sister being awfully irresponsible with her kid, and how I always ended up taking care of him even if I was burning in fever (which was worrying to me since he was a baby) and she, my mom, told me that I had to be more understanding and change because my sister would never do it. Today I don't live near my baby, I have a niece with developing issues that my nephew doesn't have and they still refuse to acknowledge how big of a job I did raising my baby boy. Still both of them are everything to me and the reason I'm still here, even if no one knows that.

5 - I failed in school more times than anyone should in their life, and my mom was a top student... Even if I got points over a perfect score she would tell me I could have done it better. Not only that she made sure to tell me once that her love wasn't unconditional, that I have to work harder.

6 - She says she supports me as a part of the LGBTQ community, but the moment I say something about it she looks annoyed and awkward, I can't talk to her about literally anything unless we're outside and she wants to look like a good mom, or unless it's some gossip. She sees us as entertainment, that until my homophobic dad and/or sister are here, then she sides with them saying it's not natural and kids shouldn't have two moms or two dads because that'd confuse them. Guys... Out there people actually have same sex relationships and kids have same sex parents, I think it would be even more confusing to them if they hide reality.

7 - When I told her I was probably autistic, hence neurodivergent, she told me that it was okay and she understood, that she thought I was a very high functioning autistic person and that it was fine because she knew how to deal with me already. She's never done that at all, every time I had to adapt to them and if I couldn't she would call me rebellious, even though I was never really problematic. Two days ago I told her I had social anxiety, not only I've had it my whole life, it got worse after a lot of times I've been harassed and almost abused, and she asked God to give her more patience because she was tired of people from my generation being so "weak" and having so many mental issues.

8 - She said once that she couldn't trust me because I didn't get the time to clean the house for her party because I had to run some errands for said party...

9 - Yet she made me walk an hour in a new city to give her her phone she forgot at home. She always had a car and she wouldn't have made more than 20 minutes. That same thing happened with her laptop.

10 - As I said before, I'm not a good student and I have never been. This means I got caught often skipping classes or forgetting my homework at home. One of those times my parents were actually called and only my dad went to the appointment, she said she didn't want to go because she was sleeping. Same thing happened with a homework I urgently needed to pass and, honestly, that wouldn't even bother me if it wasn't for the previous point. But I have to always be there for her even if It's not the same for me.

That's everything I can remember for now.... I'll probably update this list in the future, hoping my resentment towards her disappears one day. I know I'm probably being unfair but, from the moment they say they don't love you because you're not working hard enough and you're doing your best everyday, everything changes and something breaks inside you.

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mysticdragon3md3 · 3 years

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I find it endlessly amusing how after 10 years, my OTPs have circled back onto the same type. lol

I realize the Blue Lions have Dedue, and Ashe used to be a commoner. But Ashe got adopted into a higher class. Meanwhile, the Golden Deer has 3 commoners who stay commoners.

And Yukimura probably had commoners serving under him, but Sengoku Basara (2009) takes a lot of time to emphasize that Masamune's commoner associates are named, get screentime, voice his effect on them, and spent time closely serving under him. Meanwhile, Yukimura's only named subordinates seem to also be lords or ninja, more than basic commoners.

When referring to "self-doubt & a phase of failing as a commander", I'm specifally referring to Sengoku Basara (2009) season 2 for Yukimura. That's pretty much most of what he does that season. And he made a critical decision error as a commander that got one of his major subordinates killed and probably also unnecessarily killed some of his other soldiers. Though I am vaguely aware that in one of the videogames, Yukimura similary spent most of the story in self-doubt, after thinking Takeda was dying, and I think he ran his army around doing actions without enough thought.

And of course, with Dimitri, I'm referring to his post-time-skip phase wherein he went full "boar" and refused to properly lead his army. Though after regaining more mental stability and becoming a proper general, he still gets haunted by self-doubts for the rest of his life.

When I spell "Strength" with a capital "S", I'm usually shortening my term "True Strength" and referring to both a mental and emotional fortitude, resilience, and frequently an iron resolve in Compassion. That's just my personal philosophy in defining "True Strength". Personally, I see 2 definitions of "strength" that both converge at Compassion, to define "True Strength". 1) In an amoral sense, strength is resilience in maintaining one's own "soul pattern"/emotions/resolve, without being swayed or influenced by outside forces to change. 2) In terms of defining strength as the ability to do what is most difficult, in my opinion, Compassion is the most difficult. Not only do acts of Compassion often cost a range of efforts from some to exorbitant, but it can also require the enacter to put themselves into a vulnerable position. So it is often something only the strong can afford, or survive, or disregard fears of being vulnerable or taken advantage of. Therefore, in my personal opinion, converging the 2 definitions into an unwavering resolve in Compassion, is my personal definition of "True Strength".

So when I categorize Date Masamune as having Strength, I mean he is unwavering in his resolve towards Compassion. Sengoku Basara 2009 takes a lot of instances to reiterate that Masamune cannot be swayed, his Resolve is unquestioning, no one can stop him, slow him, or change his mind. His catch phase is "pressing onward" (translated as "full speed ahead"). One of his first scenes is charging ahead, disregarding Katakura's warnings for caution. (Notice that in Judge End, this is framed as foolish brashness, but in Sengoku Basara 2009, Katakura smiles and continues following without worry, because he completely trusts Masamune's instincts and decision-making. Because everyone trusts Masamune 2009 to always make decisions based in the best ideals/Compassion.) This is reiterated throughout season 2, when Masamune makes allies and each of them ask him to change directions, but the most they can do is temporarily slow him down, because he doesn't stop moving forward. This Strength directed in outward Compassion towards others is almost unexpected after considering Masamune's historical backstory. One would think that someone betrayed by his mother would become disillusioned and spiteful towards the world. It's a basic supervillain backstory to be betrayed by a trusted figure, especially during fundamental development. But instead, Masamune seems to want only to protect others and bring the whole country under his command, so that the whole country of people can be under his umbrella of protection. The 2009 series only mentions his regret from one of his early battles where lots of his soldiers died, being his major motivation in protecting others, specifically his soldiers. But I've headcanon'ed a lot that can be extrapolated from his historical backstory, that when in conjunction to his actions in Sengoku Basara 2009, portrays a Masamune who has dedicated himself towards Compassion, despite his tragic backstory.

Similarly, Claude's backstory is tragic, yet he emerges with True Strength. I've heard criticisms within the fandom that Claude growing up experiencing so much bullying and discrimination against his being biracial, could not believably yield a person dedicated towards Compassion. But I think that's just brainwashing from too many supervillain tropes telling us that traumatized and mentally ill people invariably become villains. I've heard it's more realistic that people who have experienced trauma, tragedy, or some kind of pain, actually are more likely to increase their ability to empathize/sympathize with others, consequently becoming more compassionate. (Mentioned in https://youtu.be/bHe2seINnE0 at 2:03/9:09; https://youtu.be/zaZYDK1RcEU) Claude experienced descrimination and bullying; he explicitly explains in FE3H canon that he wants to create a world where no one else has to experience that same pain. I really don't see why this can be an unbelievable characterization to some people, when most of the world admires Batman for literally that same reason. And I think that characters, like Claude, who react to trauma and hardship with altruism, demonstrate a True Strength in their characters. They haven't been broken by their trauma. They not only survive, but survive as people who still want to care for others. (Also why I love Natsume Takashi.)

I was tempted to include Dimitri in the category of "Emerged from tragic backstory with Strength and vowing to make world where no one will experience same pain". But he didn't emerge with the same level of flawless Strength that Masamune and Claude did. Dimitri certainly did resolve to protect others from ever experiencing the pain that he felt, after the Tragedy of Duscur. But he was also not as mentally stable. He was so repressed and internally conflicted (concerning his feelings of vengence, or sadness that didn't know how to be expressed as anything but anger, lest he break), that he didn't integrate his "boar" impulses/emotions until much later in his post-time-skip. I didn't feel that Dimitri was a fully reconcilled version of himself, until after he had accepted his "boar" emotions, stopped repressing his unresolved anger, and learned to express them more appropriately or at more appropriate times. After he became more mentally/emotionally stable, I have no doubt that he still can have episodes of rage, anti-social moods, or crippling survivor's guilt, but I think he no longer allows those feelings/episodes to push away the people he cares about or disregard his true personal desires to be kind/protective towards others. He knows how to deal with those feelings now. But he spent a long time not yet at that stable level, until much later. Until then, he was frankly wavering, conflicting with his personal resolve, denying his own ideals, and allowing his survivor's guilt manifesting as ghosts to sway him away from his true desires/motivations/values of Compassion. Dimitri was Weak for a time. So I can't say that he was in the same category of Strength as Masamune and Claude.

Dimitri's backstory of his father's death and idolizing Rodrigue, after he took him in, is information he canonically tells the player.

But I realize that Sengoku Basara 2009 never actually mentions a backstory like this for Yukimura. I'm actually referencing the takarazuka version of Sengoku Basara. In that play, they include a childhood backstory scene, where Yukimura's father was a subordinate of Takeda and died while protecting him. Young Yukimura blamed Takeda for his father's death and went to punch him out. Because Takeda understood that Yukimura needed catharsis and was trying to reconcile with his grief, Takeda allowed himself to be punched. But he also punched back. I think maybe to encourage Yukimura to keep going? I can't remember. But eventually, Yukimura punched out all his anger and only had energy left to finally cry, and Takeda said something that comforted him. From then on, he called Takeda "Oyakata-sama" and became completely devoted to him. This explained the origin of the running gag from the 2009 anime, wherein Takeda and Yukimura engage in fist fights as a form a bonding. (It's a shame that the video of these scenes was taken off YouTube. ;_; ) I don't know if "Sengoku Basara Sanada Yukimura-den" mentions how Yukimura's father dies, since he finally appeared in that game. So I'm referencing the takarazuka version.

There isn't really mention of Masamune's mother in the 2009 Sengoku Basara anime. The closest, was Masamune's maternal uncle appearing in the movie "The Last Party" that ended that anime series. But historically, after the real life Date Masamune survived smallpox at a young age, and lost sight in his right eye, there was a lot of dissent among the other high ranking people within his clan, concerning his continued position as the Date clan's head. A lot of this dissent was lead by his mother, who insisted that Masamune's younger brother should become the new clan leader instead. Some accounts say that to shut up accusations that Masamune was weak and that his faulty eye was just an advertised weakness that enemies would take advantage of on the battlefield, Masamune either pulled out his own right eye or ordered Katakura to do it. Apparently, that shut up everyone except his mother, who still continued to try undermining his position. I don't know if there was one instance of several, but she also tried to kill him through poisoning, to replace him with his brother. Because of this, Masamune's only choice was to kill his own little brother, which forced his mother to run back to her original clan. (I can only assume that Masamune didn't just kill his mother, because it's possible she indoctrinated his brother to ursurp him. So Masamune might have ended up eventually needing to kill his brother anyway.) Lots of us in the Sengoku Basara fandom like to headcanon that all of this happened for the Basara version of Masamune too.

It's my understanding that Cornelia implicated Dimitri's stepmother in the murder of his father and friends at the Tragedy of Duscur, but that things were still left canonically vague. Personally, the fact that Patricia was always kind to Dimitri, combined with the fact that Cornelia is proven duplicitous, I find it difficult to believe that Patricia intentionally betrayed Dimitri. The way Cornelia described it, she offered Patricia a chance to be reunited with her daughter Edelgard, Patricia confirmed that desire, then the Tragedy of Duscur happened. Given that Cornelia was already doing terrible things behind Patricia's back, like experimenting on Hapi, and Patricia being angry at Cornelia when she discovered Hapi, I doubt that Cornelia would have been fully truthful with Patricia. I imagine Cornelia tricked Patricia into opening a path or lowering some defenses to "allow a clandestine meeting with Edelgard", but then Cornelia would probably use it to sneak in enemies to kill Dimitri's father and friends. That's my headcanon theory on the Tragedy of Duscur anyway. So Dimitri was only *possibly* betrayed by his mother figure.

And that's my comparison between DateSana and DimiClaude/DMCL/ClauDimi. It continuously amazes me how similar these ships are and how my shipping has come full circle. lol

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theurbansquared · 3 years

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Guide To Avoiding A Loser Brokerage

by James Hill | theurbansquared

Brokers can be bastards and some even get better at it while other brokers are legitimate life-changing business Sherpas

A broker is supposed to guide you through a career in real estate much like a coach or pimp - offering protection and how to understand a complicated system better and direct it to revenue without getting your neck broke while playing the game. I created and ran the most well-reviewed, largest full-service brokerage in the fastest-growing city in America. This gave me access to nearly ever broker and their broker's pay structure and innovations. I also got the agent's version of my same broker buddies brokerages when they eventually joined my brokerage; hovering anywhere from 20–60 agents. Trending insider chatter has blame going to real estate brokers of decades past (and current) and how they’ve managed their agents - - letting unsupervised agents with no experience run wild on the streets practicing on the public wearing out Realtor love and making a need for all the Mountain Dew-made Zillow-y options that currently exist.

Brokers are out of touch more than ever with today’s current media load, having to understand and use social media platforms for their advertising (since the private Town & Country affair that real estate once was is forever over and the landscape is a bit more like a half Juggalo, half programmer flea market).

Let’s dive into some situations and tenets that most agents don’t consider when choosing a brokerage.

Sales Volume

This is a bit of negotiating psychology and due diligence. Simply ask how much sales they (the brokerage) did last year and how much they’re currently at. If they don’t know these numbers they’re goons. If they don’t give it, you guessed it - they’re hiding something; their lack of revenue. I’ve hired and fired hundreds of agents and in interviews so few ask this question but it’s one of the most important questions you can ask as an agent and you need the information. An agent that doesn’t ask this has already given a tell that they’re not a top producer since they’re not interested in the production capacity of the team they may join. No bueno. Creep the brokerage as well obvi -- reviews, FB & IG engagement and current running ads, and make sure the company Christmas Party isn’t catered by Chic-fil-a at a Burnet Road dive bar.

Office

40% of your learning and 350% of your work will be done at the office. Those numbers will make sense 90% of the time after a few years in real estate. The rest should be on the streets - your car, properties, driving 75 mph talking and sending out docs, gorging on breath mints. Office, home, tiny homes, motorhomes have all blended into one larger conversation where work/live ethos are all in re-definition.

But, when you do need a more savvy moment in any market when people talk about borrowing or selling something that’s over $100K they don’t want to hear some bullshit too loud pedantic conversation seated right next to them at Starbucks or the local kooky coffee shop. In real estate Murphy’s Law is always in effect. The super important listing sign off that has to go well and they want to hear you pitch again before deciding? There will be someone (at this super ‘caj’ coffee house meeting) there projectile vomiting, or throwing cats, or something else tiresome or bad that takes more calls.

Speech and body language are massive parts of sales so when the entire set is thrown because a barista is running through a whole Sublime album. You want the most inviting cool office you can ever pull off at any given moment in real estate . Was that ever a question? There's a balance -- you can't afford that year one or three, but it’s called real estate for a reason. Sexy, exciting buildings is what the brochure said when I joined. Also, it’s about style not size.

If you haven’t lost business to coffee house back pressure you really haven’t failed at agency properly.

Social IQ

Social reach is the only conversation now. Many brokerages won’t make it as the lead generating aspects of the industry aren't powered by a private MLS anyone and the publicly-hated ‘Realtor’ designation have both brokers and agents guessing about tomorrow. Calendars, best practices and free shitty tips & templates are the du jour of the day for anyone trying to get an agent's eyes. You can Google and get all the ‘basic’ social media dance steps, but with everyone at the same happy hunting spot, you’re being covered up, which leaves all your new artistic efforts fruitless and also squandering winning time.

Traffic, leads and engagement are all separate areas that have to be fulfilled properly and even this is in flux with historic corporations and current start ups all on the same advertising playing field. Social reach and engagement is about going to the consumer direct and becoming their friend with soft bribes -- free food, gifts, prizes (trips, events tickets) or industry work tools. The great news is, real estate has always been mostly consumer direct - start up a convoy at the grocery store (bar, church, meetup) and you’re in the car that weekend looking for houses with a new client. While you, your brokerage and the world are figuring out their exact social media mix, you need to make sure a brokerage isn’t lost on social media since many won’t be able to stay in business in the next few short years. Your brokerage needs to have a plan and and at best some presence on social media. Plus, they should be running low-cost performative marketing ad campaigns to get a feel for what and if set user groups are responding to ads. Anyone can post on IG but people engage on IG when they become inspired. A brokerage should have some sort of inspiration and relationship tied in with the local allure of their city -- or heading that direction.

Mentoring

Much like a neurotic buyer chasing an interest rate for their home mortgage (and then never buying a house) agents too focused on commission may miss the essential career need for mentoring -- for their clients and career. I had a 5 deal minimum for my new agents before they were ever unsupervised and received more commission. I've had new agents with celeb clients in hand and celeb agents with no clients in hand. No one wants to do business with someone with absolutely has no, experience but they do it because they like you as a friend or fam. Your mentor is the person riding shotgun with you at the beginning of your career. On many levels you want to be this person since they embody the position and role. You're literally and figuratively are borrowing experience from them and they deserve to be paid for it. You always have to strengthen your brand outside of your brokerage but if you don’t have any experience your brand doesn’t have ‘strength’ you simply have a logo and a drag & drop website where you're possibly talking about yourself and love of unicorns or football shit but the big boat deals you dream about in bed aren’t gotten this way. Remember, no unicorn could ever throw a football good without a lot of practice and a good mentor.

Support

Support in a brokerage is really communication and solutions for small problems, and systems for managing bigger ones with people. Most of the annoying things in real estate happen outside of the deal - contracts, calls, emails, docs, signatures, more docs. You typically want a super admin, broker, or agent manager that you can call and they pick up the phone. It’s pretty simple. With a mentor, admin, or broker you’re going to have a n 8:30 PM question or deal that’s going down. You’ll need printer help. Real estate always happens now (this was one of the main mantras in my office). Printing, prequal, weekend support and constant post dinner shenanigans.

Training

Meet Frank Miller, David Mamet, the Sex Pistols, Tony Robbins, Wayne Dyer, Hendrix, Tom Hopkins, The World’s Greatest Detective and Conan The Barbarian. We had a lot of different inspirations for the style and ethos of our urban brokerage. The World’s Greatest Detective is Batman. It was a moniker that became popular in the seventies. We used this example about how important due diligence and proper Fact Finding techniques are for serving and closing deals for clients. (It’s almost essential to be inquisitive in real estate esp about property/development to have success). Training is largely your sales meeting(s). Although I don’t come from a car background I’ve mentored many car guys transferring to real estate (they typically are out of the industry within 2 years and are there only for boom markets). Car guys have meetings every morning 6 days a week and they’re not at 9 or 10 am. They’re already working.

free module: The Burger King Phenomena: Why Agents Do Less Working For Themselves Than If They Were Working At Burger King

Many brokerages have no training/meeting schedule (monthly doesn’t count -- that’s a meet and greet company pump and catch up meeting). If a brokerage doesn’t have training on a schedule then there is no training. You’ll possibly be thrown a 3-ring binder, or given some PDF’s, or links to old bizarre training videos or a soup sandwich of all three and sometimes even a bill for the training. An agent’s training/meetings and their attendance to them are the difference between an agent making it or not when you’re 24 months or less in the role as an agent especially in the fast turbulent waters of the current 2021 market where brokerage and agent purpose and pay are under attack. From my experience, new agents that hide die.

Media

Having a background as a creative director I’m aware with great detail of agency and brokerage media needs, the cost and time they extract, and the corresponding revenue they’re projected to bring back. Brokerages are looking for their purpose now as simply having a brokerage doesn’t bring in leads like it used to. This is fitting, since the digital dumbass brokers that that didn’t understand the importance of ‘the web’ rickshawed our MLS data and sold the agent/broker centric real estate system for their benefit while current agents are left with an empty greasy enough to-go box to curl up with. Brokerages were never media houses or ad agencies but now that consumer level graphic programs and website builders are ubiquitous and any agent after being licensed for 10 days can drag & drop a website up in 4 hours and make it look like a brokerage that’s been around for years. I know I’m going wide on the subject here but stay with me because this is the crux of where the industry and consumer are renegotiating roles.

A brokerage’s value proposition has changed drastically with the telecommute revolution that was only sped and strengthened by Covid. Also, generational knowledge base gaps in technology are more apparent than ever with technology as younger agents can often be more media savvy than their broker. The market is flooded with self appointed companies or gurus that are taking on the role of the classic ad agency (Mad Men) or media production house. Also beware of real estate coaches with little or no real estate experience offering to guide you in social media. Okay media can’t be used in apex situations (such as the luxury listings you’re after) and doesn’t draw apex listings. Beware of tapioca room temperature tips and general lists from companies that can appear informative but are really boilerplate low grade data to get your attention to ultimately upsell you on a paid service.

As an agent or a brokerage, consumer level graphic and website building programs can be a death ticket to your business as your competitors have the same tools and are cranking out the same type of style of messaging you are now. Now agents, principals, admins and in art class creating flyers. This has been done since the nineties as the valleys of dead agent careers is full of 2-day Microsoft Word (or any of their shitty office offerings) seshes to produce nasty flyers and presentations. These programs are fun and making bad flyers absolutely work related - the kind of work you don’t want’ related to your business because it’s adult crayon coloring. Activity does not equal production. Staying busy doing the wrong things doesn’t make money in real estate. Rather than spending agent winning time staying in the wrong lanes for way too long, get with a team or brokerage that are providing the most exceptional visual media you can find in your market. It used to be cool 2 years ago, now it’s the only thing that matters. Visual content.

free module: Better Agent Media, Less Agent Money (media tips and hacks).

Access

This is access to your broker. Brokers with families are typically less available. Your best bet as an agent is looking for a grinder broker who sleeps on the couch at their office. This person doesn’t have kids to build into so they’ll build into your career and you’ll get the most out of these brokers. Beware of cheesedick, apathetic, rich boy, bored brokers not around and more concerned with projects like a shitty vanity wine brand that their wife’s forced them to launch since she’s not living her best life anymore as an agent.

Style

What kind of style is your brokerage? Is there an opportunity to bring more style sophistication to the market -- standout in a smaller market? Or, are you in an ultra stylish market currently and butt hurt because you already have a little story about how you’re going to keep it real and be a Dockers wearing slob for eternity? The thing about style in agency is you always need to look like you can list a million dollar house. Oh, is it really that simple? Yes it is. You complicated it. Clients always care about their housing a little bit more than they care about your real estate career. They don’t have time to figure out why you’re wearing shoe styles from 7 years ago. Don’t make it hard for people to do business with you. If you’re ugly, even better. It can be a massive advantage. Everyone on the planet loves when someone who doesn’t fall into our general current ‘attractive’ spectrum doesn’t give af, looks great and puts themselves together in a stylish way that the viewer can understand (can I get away with Teen Wolf?). A great side benefit from this step in the right direction is it’s a great way to make someone who is conventionally attractive insecure.

You want to be in the same style as the people in your area but the secret is you need to lead that style pack if you can -- you always lead and dress apex. Years ago this was anecdotal but after over 100K hours in real estate a good suite (tailored) saved my ass and literally got me business. I listed the largest house in east Austin because of a suit (and got a front page story on the newspaper real estate section for free because the owner saw me walking into the next door neighbor’s house).

Offices, dress, logo, email signature are all elements of you and your brokerage’s style. Style in and of itself isn’t enough to be a top producer in real estate. I’ve had stylish and even celebrity agents that didn't do zilch, but style often is a fingerprint to something more.

Picking the right elements for your agent style is an art because you have to offer something from yourself that’s unique enough as well as something familiar (a bridge to your uniqueness). I have a background as a musician and also as a merchant sailor. Fortunately those are easy convo starters. You could be a philatelist and have some challenges, but regardless it absolutely will take a year or three to develop your own angle and style towards the market as you learn it and the agent role more.

Things that look attractive and familiar puts client’s psychologies at ease. So, if skinny jeans are in you better get in them (that’s like five years old now). You’re on stage. You don’t wear what the worker people behind the camera wear. If you want to wear boring shit get on the other side of the camera. If you want less leads saddle up to a forgettable brokerage. People have hard days. They want you to put an effort into your real estate agency role. Currently it’s a fried role so you’re dealing with that too. People love to be smiled at and sold and especially from someone who smells good. It doesn't ever get old. Don’t make them beg for your charm. Be a nice charming person with a shirt that fits good, it’s a powerful combo.

Get My Damn Paper

If you’ve never seen a werewolf in daylight mess with an agent’s commission after the deal’s done and funded. Admin? Who is the damn person who does the admin? (accounts payable is the icey pro word if you like). That person that you contact to get your commission check cut? If that person is a weirdo, or there’s an unfriendly or sketchy quality to the office or admin staff, do not go forward (don’t confuse this with new people or industry jitters). Grab some free coffee, leave the smarm and jet to the next brokerage blind date.

Software

CRM is an annoying conversation. Here’s the things with CRM’s - for all the work CRMs curtail, because of their complexity and existence and the work(time) they take to interact with you need to consider how much work you’re putting into operating the CRM software verses how much time it’s saving. Many times brokerages have expensive yearly subscriptions with per agent fees for their CRM which can make the brokerage have a zealot meth thing for the ‘team’ software and promise you can’t have a career without taking a bump too. To understand CRM better before it was a name, Client Relationship Management is what analog Proximity became. Let me explain - being close to people in Church, bar, school, same building -- all give proximity. This becomes familiarity, then ease, then trust. People do business with people they trust & like. Once people disconnected physically and started using other means more contact attempts have to be made to work for or ‘prove’ worth.

Follow Up is a large component of most CRM’s and there are gobs of money for agents who follow up meticulously. Simply ask the broker what CRM they use and research it. Something to remember - unless you’re extremely busy with your career you don’t need a CRM. You can manage & database your clients & leads ‘by hand’ and strap it to the cloud with G-Suite/Google Sheets.

Brokerage Name

A small but important aside, if a brokerage have named themselves after a precious metal or a gem, or if it says elite in the name then it’s not elite. If it has the words prestige or worldwide or international it may not be any of those either. I know a handful of exceptions to this rule but this is a great dirty primer to use when choosing a brokerage that’s going to propel your career and have shrimp options at the Christmas Party.

#agent #realtor #realestateagent #broker #brokerage #newhomebuyer #coach #businesscoach #entrepreneurs #new agent #zillow

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audifotograf · 4 years

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How I travel as often as possible

By: Claudia Manganiello

Pictured: Philippine Pesos

1. I’m a waitress.

I think the biggest reasons I love being a waitress is that I make decent money and can virtually make my own schedule. I tell my manager what days I’m available which really means what days I want to work and for the most part that is my schedule. And anytime I want to go on a vacation I just put in a request a month before, but it’s really more of a formal notice. Granted I make sure I don’t travel during busy season, too close together or for too long because I don’t want to risk not having a job when I get back. But in the past I’ve been able to travel up to 6 times a year!

2. I save alot of my extra money towards travel.

This one takes self control. Even though friends constantly invite me out to restaurants and bars, etc. I have to be selective and make sure whenever I spend it’s on something I REALLY want to because I know I much rather spend it on travel.

3. I research.

I always do some general research ahead of time on what the prices of a flight to a place are and how much things cost there (currency exchange). I also check if the prices will have a chance of spiking for instance around a busy time or holiday. This is something I look out for when I go to Miami every year for Ultra Music Festival. Most other times of the year the prices are ~$150 roundtrip, but because the festival is during Spring Break the prices can go up to $350 if you wait too long. So I start checking the flights a month earlier than usual and if I see a normal price or better I buy it because I know the prices are only going to go up. Last year I was able to find a round trip from NY to MIA for $100!!

4. I look for flights on sites like Expedia.

Two months before domestic, three before international trips I start looking up flights on Tuesdays. I check Expedia, Kayak, Syscanner and Google flights to see all different results and prices. What's great about these sites is they have features where you can see side by side how the prices can differ before or after the dates you select. This way you can choose the cheapest possible days to arrive and leave while still maximizing the time you can go away for.

Photo taken from google.com/flights.

5. I try to be as flexible as possible.

I try to work around my schedule. For example, when I was in school I had class from Monday to Thursday so ideally I would go away on a Wednesday or Thursday right after class and come back right before class on Monday. I usually worked it out so I only missed exactly one of each of my classes. But sometimes I had to weigh out the importance of the prices versus time I could go without missing too much school. I ended up going away almost every 2 months while I was in college, but I always planned in advance.

I also try to be flexible about the airport I fly out of. One time I waited too long to buy a flight to Miami and the flights were $350 roundtrip, so I flew to Fort Lauderdale instead for $200! The 45 minute drive to Miami was well worth the $150 I saved. However the cheapest airport to fly out of the New York area is usually Newark but it's not as cheap to get a ride to and its not the easiest to take public transportation with luggage. So most times I just choose the airport easiest to get to.

Less often I'm flexible about the airline I choose. I try to avoid airlines that have poor customer service because if something goes wrong the money is not worth the headache. I missed my flight home from Rome while I was literally AT THE AIRPORT waiting at the wrong gate where a flight was leaving for the same place at the same time (please learn from me: ALWAYS CHECK YOUR FLIGHT NUMBER). American was basically like sorry not sorry. This was definitely mostly my fault but I went through security, checked in and everything, so they knew I was in the building. Yet no one called my name on a loud speaker like they do in the US when someone is missing. No one would help me in person (another lesson learned: look for flights on other websites but always try to buy directly from the airline). No standby was offered. I ended up sobbing to a random lady on the phone in the middle of the airport to get a somewhat affordable flight back home the same day because everyone was just trying to sell me $1000 flights 3 days later. So even though American is often one of the cheapest options, I can't say I wouldn't pay a little more to fly a different airline.

Also sometimes flights are cheaper from smaller airlines but they don’t include a carry-on in the price like most do so it ends up being the same price anyway. If you can fit all your stuff in a backpack (which is totally possible) it could be worth it, but again be weary of the quality of customer service.

6. I stay at Airbnb's/ hostels.

If I can split a room with someone I usually coordinate and book an airbnb atleast a month in advance to get the best options and deals. One time I stayed at a private apartment in NYC for just $25 a night before! But when I traveled alone I found the cheapest option was to share a room at a hostel. I enjoyed time by myself but when I wanted to share experiences I had a bunch of people around who wanted the same thing, it was great.

7. I sort out my money ahead of time.

I have credit and debit cards with zero foreign transaction fees and once I arrive to a place I take out however much I want to budget myself at a bank atm. When I can I use my credit card and if I need more cash I take out just enough to last the rest of the trip so I don't go home with a bunch of money I can't use.

8. I use my phone as little as possible.

I don't like to use my phone much while on vacation anyway, but usually you can't really get out of needing it for GPS. I used to have Sprint which includes 2G international service in alot of countries (a fee for faster speeds), but now I have AT&T which costs $10/day so now I really only use my phone for emergencies. I try to do everything on WiFi and when I can't I try to download any maps, tickets, movies etc offline.

9. I buy groceries when I travel.

I try to buy easy stuff to eat for breakfast and lunch from a grocery store and treat myself to dinner out. It saves time and money and seeing what they sell in grocery stores in different countries has become one of my favorite things to do. I still get to try new foods but at a good price!

10. I take public transportation when possible.

Usually I have to take an uber or local ride share from the airport because of my suitcase but when I pick my airbnb I usually make sure it's also accessible to where I want to go throughout the trip.

11. I avoid expensive tours and other tourist traps.

Before paying for something I try to find a way to enjoy it for less. Instead of taking a tour of a park I just look around myself and it's often much more peaceful and interesting. I saved $20-$30 by simply going to see the Colloseum in Rome instead of paying to see the inside. Not to mention I saved myself from waiting on the long line. Another example is when I went to the Venetian hotel in Vegas I didn't ride the gondolas for $20-$30 but I still got to see them and hear them serenade.

I don't skimp on everything though, I still love to enjoy experiences as much as possible. But I spend my money on things that are worth it instead. I've gotten full body professional massages in the Philippines for $20 before, you just have to decide what is worth it to you.

#Travel #miami #nyc #Ultra music festival #Expedia #kayak #skyscanner #google flights #travel tips #airbnb #Hostel #colloseum #venetian

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gregoryiwrg537-blog · 5 years

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3 Tips About Weight Loss & Control You Can't Afford To Miss

There are a few handy damage control diet strategies that you ought to employ to best prevent yourself from overdoing it on the dining room table this winter holiday. Use the tips below to allow yourself to stay social also to be able to have pleasure in moderation without splitting your pants prior to New Year:

1.) Perform High-Intensity Activity Before and/or After a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

I know, I know. I promised diet strategies, but I simply cannot go without recommending some activity. Your is most receptive to raised calorie and/or carbohydrate meals within half an hour before and within three hours following high-intensity activity. Ideally, you need to workout out before AND after a large meal, in case you are able to only do one, that can suffice. It is less important if you take action and more essential that you do it. Your best options will likely be 20 minutes of circuit weight training or cardio interval training. Even a 20-30 plus minute walk a few hours afterward can serve as a bit of damage control.

2.) Do NOT Fast in Preparation for a Big Meal or Holiday Feast

Fasting is preparation for a free meal won't bring about overeating, but worse: overeating foods which can be elevated in sugar, fat, or both! Your body can be a survival mechanism. If it hasn't had food in a while it anticipates a famine state. This means that the next time which you eat your system uses quite as much of the incoming food as possible to hold as body fat (survival energy) in anticipation that it will not see food again for one more long period. Do yourself and your body the following favor by eating every a couple of hours because you normally should prevent yourself from being a ravenous, fat-storing beast this winter holiday!

3.) Do NOT Gorge Yourself

Eat until the point of satisfaction, not discomfort. Remember this: binge eating isn't the habit of lean individuals. It is vital to recognize that those holiday your meals are not a ticket to consume up to it is possible to in only a small amount time as you can. However, tune in to one's body and ensure to savor the meals you happen to be craving sparingly and only eat whenever you are hungry.

4.) Eat a High-Fiber, Protein-Rich Meal An Hour Before a Holiday Event

A meal an excellent source of fiber and protein before a large holiday meal can help prevent overeating by causing you feel more full which means fewer calories consumed in the ensuing feast. My favorite strategy is to drink a protein shake having an added fiber and healthy fats (e.g. 2-4 Tbsp. flax meal) and 1 liter of water before such a meal to maintain me nice and full upon arrival. This way you will not lose any friends when you eat their dinner platter and you should save your midsection from your fluffier existence!

5.) Eat Leans Proteins and Fruits and Vegetables FIRST

Just because it is a holiday meal doesn't mean you are able to't eat any nutritious food. Make sure to group on healthier food choices first and try and eat the maximum amount of lean meat, fish, and vegetables and fruits as you possibly can at the start of each holiday event. This will leave less room for the unhealthier, higher-calorie treats. At least in this way you already know the body gets in most good nutrition and you happen to be not putting yourself at excessive risk for sickness and/or other health conditions.

6.) Drink, Drink, Drink Water!

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Water competes for space within your stomach and truly helps decrease appetite. For every plate, you take in, try to drink no less than 1-2 servings of water. After that second plate, when you have 1 full liter of water inside your stomach, I bet you may just throw within the towel!

7.) Do NOT Eat Again Until Hungry Following a Large Meal

Now I know I already said to consume every 2-4 hours, but there's one exception to this. If you have a huge meal, it can be important not to eat again until you happen to be hungry and/or no more full. If your system just isn't accustomed to eating such a major meal, that will require a significantly longer timeframe to digest all that food and the worst thing you can do is put more food into an already full stomach, unless your goals is always to perform the stop, drop and roll drill. Only whenever you are hungry again should you resume your normal eating plan following a big holiday meal.

8.) Immediately Resume Your Normal Eating Schedule with the Next Meal

What's done is conducted. Now it can be time to make contact with your family eating plan. Remember weekly calorie intake is far more important than daily caloric intake. For example, let's say that you need 3,000 calories every day to take care of your existing body mass. Well, everything you need to do is ensure the average daily calorie consumption per week is 3,000 calories each day. This means that you are able to fluctuate your day-to-day caloric intake and yield the same results as if you ate that same amount each day. So if you have 1 day of big eating where you take in 9,000 calories (just a sample, not just a recommendation), nevertheless, you only eat 2,000 calories each day other week, you continue to wind up with the same caloric balance. Again, I am not recommending which you eat in these a serious manner, rather I am suggesting that you just do not ought to obsess about being perfect. Enjoy some indulging moderately your various holiday festivities knowing that the week in review trumps each day, even whenever you are particularly naughty on a day.

9.) Never Eat Junk Food for Breakfast or Before Bed

Eating an incredibly refined carbohydrate meal very first thing inside the morning could make your glucose levels add too much throughout the afternoon leading to greater unhealthy food cravings and uncontrollable hunger. On the other hand, eating a big meal before going to bed can lead to a couple of unused energy that can be stored as excess fat and also you very well may have sleep disorders effortlessly that extra food volume within your stomach!

10.) Control your Portions

Try you can eat only 50 % of every one of the servings of unhealthy food that you simply choose. Half of the portions equal half the calories!

11.) Avoid Empty Liquid Calories and Alcohol

One can readily consume over 1,000 calories every day from liquid calories alone. This means that a single week, you get 2 lbs of unwanted fat from just fluids! Opt for regular solid food calories versus empty liquid calories (e.g. juices and carbonated drinks), for no less than the meal will satisfy you and provide some nutrition whereas liquid calories, particularly alcohol, don't have any such effect. Rather, sugary and/or alcoholic drinks make you hungrier generally and frequently hungrier for unhealthy foods particularly. Furthermore, your body cannot burn up fat before the alcohol is processed out of the body beyond the proven fact that consumption of alcohol lowers leptin levels thus defeating one of the main purposes of the flexible eating (decreased leptin levels increase hunger and decreases one's body's use of fat for fuel). Thus over-consumption of alcohol can stop the fat reducing process from resuming until several days later and/or even cause extra fat gain thereby set you back only a small amount like a few days to as long being a full week!

12.) Use Lower Calorie/Carbohydrate Substitutes Whenever Possible

Instead of employing sugar, go for zero-calorie alternatives like Splenda or stevia. They can deliver much the same taste without all the extra sugar and calories. Even try replacing yeast with protein powder if you bake. The extra protein and reduced carbohydrates can lead to a slimmer you while still providing some terrific tasting treats! Your goal is always to find the minimal level of calories that could provide a similar great taste which makes the vacation treats enjoyable as opposed to simply overdoing it as you can!

13.) Avoid Eating Meals that are High in Both Fat and Carbohydrates

The absolute worst thing that you are able to do is always to follow a meal that is certainly an excellent source of both fat and carbs. The high level of carbs will bring about a rapid boost in blood sugar levels and thus large increases inside the potent fat-storing hormone Insulin. The high quantity of fat will result in a large boost in free efas with your bloodstream. Since Insulin is within huge amounts, together with there being a large quantity of free essential fatty acids available today in your blood, the stage is defined for all those free essential fatty acids to become gobbled up and stored because of your fat cells. This will be the same as becoming another Goodyear blimp, so it really is important to be cautious for your holiday meals in relation to combining fat (particularly bad fats) and carbs (particularly starches and refined sugars). In general, it is best to make a choice in the other. But since many people crave carbs at their free meals, it can be essential to keep your fat low as of this meal. Want pasta? Instead of alfredo sauce, opt for the marinara sauce with wholegrain pasta. Want pizza? Make your pizza with whole-grain crust and fat-free cheese. Want mashed potatoes? Well then be sure you skip the gravy and go easy about the butter. These small changes will save you hundreds, even a huge number of calories, plus more importantly will prevent your holiday feasts from creating the optimal fat-storing environment that will amount to from achieving your quality of life and fitness goals.

#weight loss #diet #slim

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spookystudentgui · 5 years

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Salt about pet ownership.

Well here it is! Here's my first real Salt. Grab some tea or whatever because I'm about to throw it down!

Context: I've been working in the veterinary industry for five years (cumulatively). I have Seen some Shit™. I'm also happy to answer whatever non-medical questions you might have.

My Salt:

1. If you can't afford the general medical care for basic pet needs (vaccines, parasite prevention, office visit, etc) you should strongly reconsider getting a pet.

1.2. If you don't believe in vaccinating and you think your precious baby won't get sick... don't even bother getting a pet. Because they will get sick and it WILL be your fault. Most pet diseases are always going to be way more expensive to treat than to prevent. And treatment is not always guaranteed to be successful.

2. Consider this: you more than likely will outlive your pet in most cases. Prepare yourself emotionally and financially for this possibility ahead of time. Yes, it will still hurt. Yes, we know you won't want to let go. But if you're keeping your pet alive only for yourself while they're visibly suffering, then you seriously need to reconsider your priorities.

3. Along that same vein, the same day you bring puppy or kitty home, decide which pet crematorium you'll be using in 10-12 years. Some vet clinics will do a "general disposition" and take care of the pet's remains for you (this applies only if you don't want ashes back). There is usually a charge for this service. If you're just gonna bury Fluffy in the backyard after they depart from this life, be aware of pet burial laws in your city/county/state/country.

4. Don't dump your pets if you no longer want them! Not only is it inhumane, it is also a crime in most places. Also, we've had some literal idiots who dumped their dogs after microchipping them. Guess who always forgets to update their contact information and gets charged (or in rare cases end up getting their pets back anyway)? The pet dumpers! D'oh!

5. Stop picking up pets off the side of the road unless you want to take responsibility for their care and/or become financially responsible for them!! There's this weird ideal out there that if you "rescue" a pet off of the side of the road they get cared for for free and you get to go about your day with good vibes... NO!! No and no! Do not let me discourage you from doing a good deed but be aware that even if an owner is located for a stray pet, you may have to travel, feed and house the pet at your own risk and expenditure, the pet may need medical attention, etc... Or in most cases, we at the vet clinic simply say: "congratulations on your new pet!" because their care is yours now because there was no microchip or tags. And even if you dump them back onto the street, you could be charged for the crime, even if the pet wasn't yours to begin with!

6. You always have the right to ask for a treatment plan AFTER the veterinarian does the initial exam and before they charge for anything else. If your vet doesn't follow this practice, you may want to look for a new vet (your wallet will thank you).

7. Don't be shy or play dumb if you know your animal is aggressive. Tell someone. Use a muzzle. Be responsible. If you need help bringing your pet into the clinic, you can usually call from the parking lot.

8. The veterinary clinic is NOT a damn dog park so stop letting your dog roam around! Also: throw away your retractable leash and get a real leash!!

9. If you think you know more about medical care for your pet than the vet does, or believe a homeopathic remedy will surely cure the tumor in their nose... why the hell are you even there at the vet in the first place??

10. People who shoot dogs for fun should not own pets. That should be a given but we've had some weirdoes before..

11. Your female dog isn't spayed but there's a male dog in the house. The male hasn't been neutered but you don't think the bitch won't get pregnant? Congratulations, not only are you a damn idiot, but I hope you can find homes for all of those puppies that you will inevitably have. I hope your bitch also doesn't need an emergency c-section.

12. You could be the president of the damn USA but if you're late to your appointment, you WILL be rescheduled. Your cat doesn't understand the concept of time so don't blame him/her.

13. Stop calling the clinic to demand diagnoses over the phone. We can't do that. And descriptions don't help, either. Just bring your pet in.

14. Learn general care for your pet BEFORE you go to get one. I literally had a lady once ask me how to use litter... Right as she brought in a brand new kitten from the humane society. Like.... Wtf!!

15. If your pet is obese, and your vet brings it up... Believe me, it's not a personal attack on you. We just don't want your pet to suffer from joint/heart/breathing/etc. problems later.

-----

Guh. I'm tired. I have more salt but I'm typing this on mobile and my thumbs hurt. I need to go take my office scrubs off, too.

Here is a cute photo of one of my happy, healthy sons as a token of my gratitude for reading this far:

Student Gui out.

#lessa speaks #salt #veterinary #pet care #dog #cat

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