#none of this actually matters. they can lie if they wanna it doesn't affect me or smth. just telling you to clear out my head 🫡

[daz4i]

finding the blogs of old mutuals is very fun sometimes but i think i just found one of my ex and they are like. straight up lying on main

#or they just lied to me. but somehow i doubt it lol #(as in. they say they're 20. they were supposedly in college when we dated... 5 years ago 🤨) #(also back then they said they're russian and i mean. they did look white - #- but now they claim to be indigenous and palestinian... um?) #(like. if it was just the white thing I'd say it's a matter of passing. whatever. - #- but combined with not mentioning it earlier and also lying about their age... yeah i have my doubts 😩) #(that being said the russian thing was also always suspicious bc in vc they never had an accent - #- despite supposedly moving only a few years beforehand. so who knows! maybe that one was the lie then!) #none of this actually matters. they can lie if they wanna it doesn't affect me or smth. just telling you to clear out my head 🫡 #yknow there was also this time while we dated where they had just a huge personality switch #not for the bad or smth. just. a big switch out of nowhere. it was really weird #to the point it was one of the reasons i broke up with them. oops (alongside the aro thing + long distance being Not Fun) #lmao overall a very strange person i feel like i dodged some bullet there.

[gethellbcnt]

@ddyfckr screamed : “You know,” he says, chuckling under his breath, making sure to take care with his words. Wouldn't want to scare her off, now would he? Striker is careful with his posture, his movements - he doesn’t want to make an enemy where there is none. He holds his hand up, body leaning back just ever so and almost relaxed. No need to make a fuss. “Your folks were very chatty about you; I didn’t believe them at first. What’s a killer in her prime doing runnin’ round the rings across hell for, if not to be at her full potential? Surely she ain’t wastin’ her time with a couple of nobodies, when she could be killing the unkillable, going after those that make an actual difference. Imagine my surprise when it turned out to be true,” he carefully approaches, eyes never leaving hers, showing no signs of fear or hesitancy, even when she could pounce at any moment. “Come on Mildred - is this what you thought you’d be doin’? Gettin’ chummy with some weaklings, goin’ after sinners for chump money? This what you left your folks’ farm for? If that’s all, ya shouldn’t ever left in the first place,” at the slightest falter, a drop of her guard, that’s when he pounces like a predator : careful now, he knows not to underestimate her. He leans down, one hand careful reaching to support his weight just beside her. “See, if we were partners, you wouldn’t deal with that shit. And you wouldn’t be my employee or work under me: we’d be equals. You’d get your time in the spotlight. We wouldn’t settle for shit money. We’d get better, powerful… stronger, ‘till nobody fucked with us.” “So why not ditch the idiots? Why not partner up with me?” for Millie (:

So much for Blitz's rose-colored glasses, Striker really was too good to be true. just- some guy that showed up, somehow won over Millie's fairly traditional family, and it all turned out to be one big fucking lie. a shame, too, because even the firecracker of a wrathian was starting to like him, and that fact made her malice-filled gaze all the more intense as those honey-glazed words spilled from that wicked grin of his.

Blitz's pistol doesn't shake or sit awkwardly in her much-smaller hand, her aim trained on that snake's heart as he moves ; she has a clear shot, she COULD just shoot him right now, in the middle of his stupid spiel, but Millie wants to see his smugness drain from his face when his sugar-coated words don't affect her.. and then he brings up her biggest weak point : her family.

If Millie weren't already stiff as a board, she's certainly stiffer than a metal beam now. it's one thing to go after HER decisions, she can endure that kind of judgement from a stranger. but when Striker goes there, laying on the charm like frosting and acting as though he isn't dealing with a massive ticking timebomb, her unoccupied fist squeezes so tightly that her claws draw that warm obsidian blood from her palm. how fucking DARE he.

❝ if your own observations are anything t'go by, why would someone like you wanna run with someone like me. ❞ It's not a question, but a statement, the spade of her tail thumping harshly against the wooden floorboard in warning.

Even with the barrel of her gun pressing against his chest, Striker is so confident in his charisma.. the doorway is right there, not even a foot away, and he's trying to recruit her ? without her knowing, the barrel shifts ever so slightly against his chest -- barely an inch, really -- but it may have been enough to signal that the towering half-breed's pitch hasn't landed on deaf ears, no matter how much her venomous glare tries to imply otherwise.

❝ why th'hell would a hit-man with a holy rifle wanna team up with someone who runs with idiots ? ❞

#◜millie: inbox / replies.◞ #◜millie: in character.◞ #◜millie / v. alt.◞ 🇹​🇦​🇱​🇰​ 🇸​🇴​ 🇵​🇷​🇪​🇹​🇹​🇾​ ﹠ 🇱​🇴​🇻​🇪​ 🇸​🇴​ 🇸​🇼​🇪​🇪​🇹​ ﹗ #ddyfckr

[human-monokuma]

Į̸̡͈̥͍̞͖̪͈̦͚̰͈͉̥̻̺̮̘̬̰͊́̃͋́̓͠T̸̨̛̠͇̥͈̮̱̙̗̰̟͊̾͋̉̍͑̅̎̑́͊̔̂͘̕͜ ̷̛͕̩̜͚͔̬̀͑͋͐̀̒́̇̒̐̌͊͗̅̒̒̂͜Ḧ̵̨̛̛̜̩̲̭̰̥̬̬͙̳́̍͒͐̾̈́͑̽͑̊̕͜͠͝Ü̵̡̺͖̗͖̼͓̩̺͎̃̐̈́̈́̇̂̀̌̀̈͂͑̐͘̕͠ͅR̶̡̨̨̛͖̱̭͓̦͙̮̹̗̬͈̗͍͍͎̜̥̮͍͒̌̍͗̈́͋̀͊̔̚̚ͅT̶̢̰̝̪͓͍͉̖͇̳͙̠̿̈́̀̑͋̿͛͌̎̈̌͆́͌̓̽͜͜S̸͓̼͚͍͓̻͈͚͋̽͐̄̋̔̂́̂͊̕

*He wakes up in a dark desolate room. He walks around, trying to find a way out. He trips and hits the ground, cracking it. He starts to hear voices coming from the cracks.*

What a pathetic creature he is.

"Huh?"

He thinks he actually matters to anyone.

A freak like him is nothing more than a mistake.

"I...I'm...I'm not a mistake. I'm not."

Filth of this world has no place in society, let alone anyone's life.

"But...I do have a place....! I do!" *They turn to look at him.*

W H E R E, B E A R ? *He recoils. He struggles to give an answer as they peered into his very soul with their gaze.*

We're waiting, dipshit.

"W-Well......I.....I......"

He doesn't even know. What an entitled piece of shit.

What have you done to earn their praise and affection?

"I-I....."

Exactly. You did nothing. The only reason any of them show you kindness to any level is out of pity. None of them felt sympathetic towards you at all.

"You're wrong...They.....They do care about me....A-All of them do...."

No they don't. God you sure are stupid.

Your very existence is a mistake.

No one actually cares about you.

"Then why would they even bother being nice to me, you pricks!?" *he rushes at them, but goes through them like mist. He falls down into a dark near-bottomless pit. All the while, he can still hear their laughter at his suffering and expense.*

It's because of who you are.

The deadliest and most powerful creation of Junko Enoshima.

With your endless supply of Monobots to form an army big and powerful enough to destroy and overrun any nation or government, who wouldn't take the chance to get on your good side?

"B-Bullshit!" *He hits the ground at last. He finds himself in the middle of a stag. He looks around, trying to find someone when the lights come on.*

Still living in denial, are we?

How can anyone love something like you?

You are a pawn to them, fool.

Just as you are a pawn of the very person that gave you life.

It's all fiction.

Your bonds.

Their love.

Their respect for you.

It was all false.

A sad little tale created by the delusions of a weak worthless insect born from despair, by despair, for despair.

H O W P A T H E T I C ! *The voices of a loud crowd began to laugh at him as shadows of all the people he met appears, also laughing at him.*

"Stop it! STOP IT! QUIT LAUGHING! THEY DO LOVE ME! T-They have to.......They said.....They......They.......They said as much.....They...they wouldn't lie about that.....they wouldn't....."

What an entitled sack of shit.

Look at him, acting all self-important.

Makes me wanna freaking vomit. *The laughter grows louder and louder, becoming too much for his mind to handle.

"They......I'm not alone.....I'm not alone......I'm not alone.....! I'm not alone! I'M NOT ALOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNEEEEE!!!!" *He wakes up in a cold sweat. He hastily climbs out of bed and struggles to get to a bathroom, nearly tripping over himself in the process. He looks himself in the mirror, turning on the water and splashing his face repeatedly. He stops and looks at the mirror as he tries to control his heavy breathing.*

"........................A dream.....I-It was just a dream....None.....none of that......happened.......It....It was just....just a dream......" *Monokuma trembles, gripping the sink tightly.* "It was......just all in my head........right.........?" *As Monokuma tries to calm down, trying to convince himself that what he saw was a dream, he fails to notice a blue fox sitting outside his room window. The fox smirks.*

#Story post: Nightmare

[the-bau-quinjet]

You're an Idiot

Summary: Bucky panics when he thinks Y/N is catching on to his surprise.

Warnings: angst, mostly fluff

Word Count: 3531

a/n: This request is honestly so cute. It just makes me smile. :)

Masterlist

"Did you get it yet?" Steve skipped all formalities upon entering Bucky's room.

Bucky's head snapped up from the book he was reading, eyes immediately going to the closing door to make sure nobody was in the hall.

"Well? Did you?" Steve pestered, eager to share in his friends happiness.

"I did." Bucky sighed, knowing there was no keeping this from Steve.

"Let me see it!" There are no words to explain how excited Steve is for his best friend. When he first got Bucky back, a part of him was worried he would never recover from the pain and guilt.

That is, until Bucky met you. It wasn't an instantaneous change, but meeting you definitely affected Bucky.

He was more willing to spend time with the team. He was more likely be found in a common area instead of his own bedroom. Hell, he even smiled more.

Bucky carefully pulled out the drawer of his nightstand, retrieving a dark green velvet box. He opened it, his own eyes taking in the beauty of the ring before he turned it around to show Steve.

"Buck... She's going to love it." Steve smiled, eyes watering slightly. He's always been a romantic. "Have you decided how you're going to ask her?"

Bucky shook his head, quickly returning the box to its place in the drawer. He ran a hand through his hair, a physical manifestation of his nerves.

"I don't know. I have so many ideas, but none of them seem perfect." Bucky chanced a look at Steve, rolling his eyes at his friends exasperated look.

"Bucky. She'll think it's perfect because it's you. Trust me." Steve encouraged him, knowing he needed a bit of reassurance.

"Are you sure?" His recurring self doubt as beginning to peek through.

"Sure about what?" You popped into the room, never one to knock when it came to Bucky. Similarly, he never needed to knock to know he was welcome in your room.

"Just that Bucky deserves to be happy." Steve avoided Bucky's glare as he moved to exit that room.

"Well, that I can agree to!" You plopped down across his lap throwing your arms around his neck. You felt a familiar shiver as he moved his hands, one to your back and the other over your thigh.

"Well, it's a good thing I have you." Bucky pressed a quick kiss to your lips, waving at Steve as he closed the door.

"You make me happy too." You responded in kind, leaning into his embrace.

-

"So?" Steve questioned.

"Not yet." Bucky sighed, still unsure of the perfect way to propose to you.

"Buck. You've had it for 2 weeks! Just ask her!" Steve whisper yelled since the two were in the kitchen. Unfortunately, nosy ears still caught the conversation.

"Ask who, what?" Sam eagerly inserted himself into the conversation.

Bucky and Steve shared a look, only giving Sam a better idea as to what was going on.

"Oh my god. Oh my god! You're going to ask Y/N-"

"Ask me what?" You cut Sam off as you entered the kitchen, heading for the fridge.

"To train with me!" Sam quickly threw out an excuse.

"Okay? We train together all the time..." You looked between the three men confusion evident in the furrow of your brow.

"Well, yeah. But you've never flown before." Sam tried to further explain the lie, earning an excited smile from you and a glare from the two super soldiers.

"Seriously! Sam you swore you'd never let me fly your suit. What changed?" You narrowed your eyes, suspicious of the three men.

"Yeah, well Barnes practically begged me. He wanted to surprise you, but I guess I ruined that. My bad!" He replied, swiftly exiting the kitchen before you could further question him.

"Bucky, that is so sweet! Thank you so much! You know how much I want to fly that suit!" You ran to him, throwing your arms around him in a bear hug.

"Anything for you, doll. Anything for you."

-

"I think he's going to propose." You laid it all out on the line during girl's night. Three margaritas in, and you couldn't keep the thoughts to yourself anymore. It didn't matter how embarrassing it would be if you were wrong. Not when the tequila was doing the talking.

"Oh my god!" Wanda squealed, just as excited as you.

"Wow." Nat smirked, containing her happiness much better.

"I know! I'm just not sure when." You bit your lip, fidgeting a bit.

"Well, what do you know?" Nat asked for details.

"He was talking to Steve about something when I walked in and Steve said he deserves to be happy. Then, this morning Sam was freaking out about a question he was going to ask me. I mean, he covered it with something about letting me fly his suit, but still. I just have a feeling." You couldn't stop the smile from spreading across your face.

"Okay. He's probably just nervous then." Nat replied easily.

"Just drop some subtle hints that you would say yes. Maybe he just needs some reassurance!" Wanda grinned over the glass of her own margarita.

"Okay. Subtle hints. I can do that." You nodded to yourself, thoughts spinning with ways to let Bucky know you would say yes.

-

"I've got it." Bucky rushed into Steve's room, a wide smile on his face.

"You do?" Steve jumped from his desk, excitement overflowing.

Bucky vigorously nodded before explaining his plan.

"Two more weeks?!" Steve was dying for Bucky to just ask you, but if his plan had to wait two more weeks, so be it.

"Yes. It's perfect. She'll be so surprised!" You and Bucky had briefly talked about marriage before, but nothing in detail. Just enough that he knows you want to get married.

"I'm happy for you, bud. You really do deserve this." Steve patted him on the back, as he went through the plan one more time.

-

"Bucky?" You had been looking for him all over the compound before finally checking the living room.

He paused the film, turning all his attention to you. He smiled in greeting, gesturing for you to join him on the couch.

"What do you need?" His brows pinched together in concern, earning a sweet smile from you.

"I just wanted to ask what color you think I should paint my nails!" You showed him the various bottles you were carrying.

"Oh." His pinched brows now showcased his confusion. "Um, okay. Any particular reason why?"

"Not really. I'm thinking of getting a new ring soon, and I want my nails to look good when I take pictures of it!" You tried to sound nonchalant, but your heart was racing. Was this subtle enough?

Bucky's own heart picked up speed at the idea of you finding out before the surprise he had planned.

"Oh, that's nice. I'd go with the yellow. It's happy." He turned his attention back to the movie, trying to cut the conversation short.

"Okay, thank you!" You pressed a kiss to his cheek before leaving the room. Clearly you needed a better plan.

-

"Hi, Doll." Bucky greeted you as he entered the kitchen. "What are you making?"

"Italian Wedding Soup!" You exclaimed, excited to try another hint. "Don't you just love weddings?"

Bucky nearly choked on his water. "Um, yep. Yeah, wedding's are great. I've, uh, got to meet Steve for training! I'll see you later!" he nearly ran out of the room.

"Well, that didn't go well." You muttered to yourself, now angry at the soup.

-

"Bucky, can I ask you something?" He had been practically avoiding you for the last two days, ever since the soup incident.

"Of course." He met your eye, the nervous tone of your voice causing his heart to ache.

"Do you ever think about getting married?" You decided to just bite the bullet and ask him what you've been wondering for the last few days.

"Nope." He panicked. 100% panicked. "I don't believe in marriage."

His nerves caused him to miss the way your shoulders dropped.

"Oh."

"Yep. It's not for me. Just can't picture it." His head was screaming for him to stop talking, but he just kept rambling.

"Well, okay. I was, um, just wondering. Ya know. Wanda was talking about it the other day, so I was curious what you thought." You tried to cover your sadness, at least until you could get out of the room. "I'm actually going to grab lunch with Wanda now, so I'll see you later. Bye!"

You quickly ran out of the room, leaving Bucky to contemplate what the hell just happened.

-

"I was so wrong." You burst into tears the minute you entered Wanda's room.

"Honey! About what?" She pulled you across the room to her bed, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

"Bucky!" You cried harder as you said his name.

"What about him?" Wanda floundered, unused to seeing you so distraught.

"He doesn't want to propose! He doesn't believe in marriage." Your heart broke even further as you said the words out loud.

"What?!" Wanda's eyes were wide. Her mind went blank at the shock of hearing why you were so upset.

Suddenly the door swung open, Nat entering before quickly closing it again.

"I could hear her crying from down the hall. What happened?" Her own voice was laced with concern as she quickly moved to comfort you from the opposite side of Wanda.

"Bucky doesn't want to marry me!" You cried into your hands. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"Y/N, Bucky is crazy about you." Nat, ever the voice of reason, tried to calm you down.

"I know he loves me, but he doesn't wanna marry me." Your cries were calming down, silent tears streaming down your face as you hiccuped every so often.

"How do you know he doesn't want to marry you?" She questioned further, trying to get to the bottom of this. Nat knew, with 100% certainty, that he was planning to propose. She's seen the ring, even if nobody knows that she's seen it.

"I asked him if he ever thought about getting married..." You took a shaky breath, trying not to sob again. "And he said 'Nope. I don't believe in marriage.'"

Wanda and Nat made eye contact, each expressing their confusion over the words.

"Oh, honey. It's okay. Cry it out." Wanda let you lean into her and cry.

"I just, I feel so stupid." You sighed once more.

Marriage was never something you thought about until you met Bucky. Well, maybe when you were little, but who doesn't?

Ever since you discovered what it meant to be independent, you knew you didn't need to get married to live a fulfilling life. It wasn't something you deemed necessary.

At least, not before Bucky.

There's just something about how much you love him that makes you want to announce it to the world in front of your closest friends and family. You want to share that moment with him, where you express how completely devoted to each other you are.

Finding out Bucky doesn't want the same thing hurt.

"Y/N. You are absolutely not stupid. You love him, it only makes sense that you would think about a wedding." Wanda tried to console you as Nat put the pieces together in her head.

She knew Bucky must have a surprise proposal planned. He must've panicked when you asked him about getting married. Why he would panic that much is unknown to her, but still. That's the only explanation that makes sense. Of course, she couldn't tell you that.

"Bucky's an idiot if he doesn't want to marry you." She settled for blindly supporting your emotions instead.

"It's not me is it?" Your eyes went wide with fear.

"No, of course not!" Nat panicked. "You two are perfect together."

"Not perfect enough for him to want to marry me." You cried into Wanda's shoulder again.

Nat shook her head, silently pleading for Wanda to take over consoling you.

-

"Steve. I fucked up." Bucky couldn't stop replaying the look on your face when he said he doesn't believe in marriage. "And before you say anything about my language, there's no other word for how badly I just fucked up."

Steve eyed his friend with concern. "What did you do?"

"Well, Y/N, she's been hinting at wanting me to propose." He stalled briefly, not really wanting to admit it.

"That's a good thing. It means the two of you are on the same page." Steve tried to reassure him, blissfully unaware of what happened.

"I know. But, she flat out asked me if I ever think about getting married... and I panicked." Bucky refused to look Steve in the eye, opting instead to pace the room.

"Panicked how?" Steve's voice was hard. He always thought of you like a little sister, and if Bucky hurt you he would be livid.

"I told her... I told her I don't believe in marriage." Bucky mumbled under his breath, but Steve could still make out the words with his enhanced hearing.

"YOU DID WHAT?" His eyes went wide, mind stuttering with shock. All he could do was yell. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why on earth would you say that? Y/N must be so heartbroken right now! You know that she wants to marry you, and what do you do? Tell her you don't. You've really outdone yourself with the stupid this time, pal-"

"Steve! I know! I didn't mean it! I just didn't want to ruin the surprise. It's supposed to be this Friday!" Bucky tried defending himself, but he knew it was futile.

"Well, you can still do what you were planning... right?" Steve questioned, unsure if you would agree to the date.

"I hope so." Bucky nervously chewed his lip, trying to come up with a back up plan.

-

You were avoiding him. Everytime he tried to talk to you about going on a date on Friday, you somehow evaded the conversation entirely.

If you weren't on your way to training, you had plans with Nat or Wanda. If it wasn't plans with them, you absolutely had to finish a mission report. You always had an escape route, and it killed him that you felt like you needed to hide from him.

Bucky finally managed to corner you in the gym Thursday morning.

"Y/N!" He nearly screamed from the other side of the gym.

You took a deep breath, trying to ready yourself for the conversation.

"Hi Bucky." You greeted him with a small kiss.

It was time. You needed to talk to him. If he didn't want to get married, that had to be okay with you. You'd rather live your life with him as your boyfriend forever than not have him at all.

He seemed stunned by your greeting, having grown used to you trying to escape the second he entered a room.

"Hi..." He suddenly got quiet, not wanting to spook you.

"Um, what are you doing tomorrow?" He hasn't felt this awkward asking you on a date since the first time he asked you to get dinner with him.

"Nothing, I think." You were feeling just as awkward as Bucky.

"Perfect. I've got a surprise for you." He pulled you into a hug, feeling a sense of calm just from holding you.

"Oh, really?" You would have thought a proposal would be the surprise, but because of your last conversation you're left clueless.

"Yep." Bucky relaxed for the first time in days at the sight of your smile. "I'm taking you to dinner. You deserve it."

You couldn't stop the way your heart fluttered at seeing his cheeky smile. I can live my life like this. You thought to yourself.

"Ooh. Okay, well what should I wear?" You were already thinking over outfit options.

"Whatever you want. Something comfortable though." He was honestly nervous you would say no, so this is more progress than he expected.

"How mysterious. Okay, I've got to go. I'm supposed to meet Nat and Wanda. I love you." You kissed him quickly before leaving the gym.

-

"Ugh. I haven't been this nervous for a date with Bucky since... well since ever! I wasn't even this nervous the first time." You whined to Nat and Wanda. It felt like you had gone through every outfit in your closet and you still haven't found something to wear.

"Y/N, relax." Wanda picked out clothes for you, handing you one of your favorite cute and comfy outfits. "Wear this."

"The two of you love each other. That's all you need to think about right now." Nat reassured you as you changed for the fifteenth time.

"Exactly. Just go enjoy your date." Wanda encouraged you as well.

"What did I do to deserve the two of you." You pulled them into a group hug, laughing when they pushed you out the door.

You were still smiling when you ran into Bucky in the hallway.

"Oh. I was just coming to find you!" You kissed him quickly. "I wasn't sure what time you wanted to leave."

"That's what I was coming to find you for. I'm ready when you are, doll."

"Well, then. Let's go." You grinned when Bucky took your hand, leading you out of the compound and down to the lake.

He brought you right up to a picnic blanket that was already setup on the dock.

"I thought we could picnic tonight." He looked at you with a shy expression.

"Bucky, that's perfect. There's actually supposed to be a-"

"A meteor shower tonight." He finished for you. "That's actually why I planned a picnic."

The feelings of doubt and heartache that had been plaguing your mind for the last few days all but vanished in the blink of an eye.

"I love you so much." You leaned into his touch, sitting next to him while he pulled food from the picnic basket.

"I love you too." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, handing you various foods.

The two of you fell back into natural conversation throughout the night. Any lingering nervousness left you, although Bucky kept fidgeting throughout the night.

It wasn't until after dessert that anything out of the ordinary happened.

"The meteor shower is supposed to start in a few minutes, do you want to go sit at the end of the dock?" Bucky stood, his hand out for you to grab.

You pulled yourself up, not letting go of Bucky's hand as you walked the short distance to the end of the pier. Just as you took the last step, you could see a few meteors shoot across the sky.

"It's beautiful." you gazed up at the stars, missing the deep breath Bucky took before sinking to one knee.

"Y/N, I think I fell in love with you the moment I met you. I didn't know it at the time, but I felt it. Every minute I've spent with you since then has been a gift."

The expression on your face could only be described as a mixture of shock, awe, love, and annoyance.

"When I was young, I used to think about who I would marry. I never thought of someone as incredible as you. After everything that happened, I didn't think I'd ever be worthy of someone's love. I still don't know how I convinced you to fall in love with me, but I'm grateful everyday that you did. There is nothing that would make me happier than spending the rest of my life as your husband."

He took a deep breath, looking right into your eyes as he asked the question.

"Will you marry me?"

"I- Yes. Of course I will marry you." You didn't even realize you were crying until Bucky wiped a tear from your cheek.

"I love you so much." He whispered as he slipped the ring on your finger.

"I love you too." You kissed him as soon as he stood up. Immediately stepping back to hit him.

"What was that for?" He looked affronted.

"'I don't believe in marriage.'" You mocked the deep timber of his voice.

Bucky laughed, pulling you closer to him. "I'm sorry." He pressed your foreheads together. "I really panicked when I thought you were going to ruin the surprise."

"You're such an idiot." You laughed. The two of you were all smiles as you held each other.

"Trust me, Steve let me know just how much of an idiot I am." Bucky shook his head. "He'll just be glad I've finally done it."

"Finally? How long have you had the ring?" You smiled as you glanced between your left hand and Bucky's face.

"A month. Not too long really. I think he was more annoyed with how long it took me to get the ring." He smiled, looking into your eyes.

"We've only been dating for 2 years. I wouldn't say that's abnormally long." Your brows furrowed.

"That is correct..."

"But?" You encouraged.

"But I told him I wanted to marry you the second we finished our first date."

permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman @madewithsebstan

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky x you #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky x y/n #bucky barnes fluff #bucky barnes angst #bucky barnes #bucky barnes one shot #bucky angst #bucky fluff #bucky one shot

[samanthalightning]

She's Got A Date-EoWells X Allen!reader- Part IV

*The GIF is not mine. All rights to the owner*

Part III

Summary: After getting wasted last night, you meet up with Barry and he offered you some advices. Based 1x03

Warnings: None. Just a tad angsty.

***

Extremely groggy, currently having a mind-splitting headache and has the worst case of hungover, it was a miracle that you woke up early— well, thanks to your siren-like alarm. You hate yourself for drinking like a viking and like your liver regenerates like Barry.

Last night was a blur— or at least the part you got home. You blacked out. You have absolutely zero recollection of how you ended up in your bed, in your pyjamas, and your car parked the wrong way. You figured you drank and drove, you might have someone to do with that one. You are so lucky no one caught or Joe would've made sure you won't see the light of day. But everything prior that was still very much intact in your mind. Everything.

You were supposed to meet up with Barry for breakfast today at Jitters. You were headed there anyway for some coffee. It's not far from your apartment, which was nice, because you don't trust yourself with driving hungover as much as driving drunk.

When you arrived at Jitters, Barry was already there. He waved as his eyes caught you entering. You smiled in return. You went to him, put your bag on the floor and took a seat on the stool. Cups of coffee were on the table, it seemed like Barry had already gone through half of his coffee.

"I already ordered for you," he said. "And I got you this ham and cheese sandwich from that bodega." He placed a brown paper bag in front of you.

"Thanks," you mumbled, taking a sip of the coffee. You rummaged through the bag, and took the foil-covered sandwich. It was still warm. Your favorite bodega was all the way downtown. It's a trip to get those treats, which is why you almost never get them. Thank God for Barry and his super speed.

You quickly removed the foil and took a large bite. You groaned happily as you chew. Coffee and greasy sandwich; it was heavenly and bitter. It hits the right spots, it feels as though a part of your soul re-entered your body.

Thank God for Barry and him knowing you so well.

Barry chuckled amusedly at your reaction. "Had some fun last night?" He teased, pointing to your sunglasses covering your eyes.

In your defense, it was very bright outside today.

You rolled your eyes, not that he can see through the lens— or can he? You didn't know. "Just had a few drinks with Iris," you said.

He nodded, half convinced, took a sip of his coffee. "Once upon a time I was falling in love but now I'm falling apart," he sang in a low voice, but enough for your heightened hearing to hear.

Your head quickly jerked up to him, eyes mortified. "How did you know that?" You whispered. Your thoughts ran wildly. Maybe someone took a video of you drunk as hell, and maybe you're trending on all social media platforms or maybe you became a meme.

He shrugged, pursing his lips. "I don't know, you belted those notes in the streets last night,"

Perplexed, you look at him, and it's like he was waiting for something to click while smirking devilishly. Then it dawned on you. All of those questions you asked earlier were answered. He took you home. Which makes sense why he got these sandwiches for you.

"Oh my God," you groaned, burying your face in your hands, cheeks turned into a dark shade of red. Though, you still remember nothing.

Barry laughed hysterically. He loved teasing you so hard.

"Yeah. You called me last night, begging me to pick you up, because you're too drunk to drive," he said as his laughing ceased. "You both refused to enter the car. You started screaming, giggling like 5-year olds. I was lucky the street was dead."

Oh poor Barry. You can imagine, he must be so embarrassed.

It was a relief that even if you're drunk, you didn't risk driving. Maybe you're not as hopeless as you think you are.

Still, you dwelled in your embarrassment.

"So, who is it?" He asked. You look up to him again, eyebrows furrowed with once again cluelessness and confusion. You had a hunch what he was talking about, but it's always safe to pretend you don't know. It can't hurt them. He looked at you incredulously. "Come on, Y/N. You were talking the whole car ride. About some guy, and how things are so complicated and you were tired of it. I've never seen you like that before—"

"—clearly haven't seen me in a frat party before," you snickered, taking off your glasses.

"I'm serious. What is that about?" He insisted firmly, anticipation and a squint of frustration was evident in his face.

You grimaced, mentally hissing at yourself. You couldn't just zip your mouth and reveal your secret. Might as well announce it.

You messed up. You can lie, but what's the point? He's Barry. If he's anything, that's persistent. He tried breaking in Iron Heights.

"I'm dating someone," you confessed.

Barry blinked, clearly caught off guard with your confession. He expected it, but what surprised him is that you hid it from him. He stuttered for a while, before he was able to form a coherent sentence. "Oh. Okay. What happened?"

You sighed, looking down at the table. You took another bit of your sandwich, taking your time to chew. Contemplating whether to elaborate. It's pretty heavy to unload, you didn't expect telling your brother you're dating someone so secretly. And for sure he won't be able to take it all at once. You have to be vague.

"He—he doesn't want anyone to know we're dating, because there are certain consequences that come with it," you explained. It felt foreign to talk about your love life. For the past 6 months, you kept it all to yourself. The bad, the good. You bottled it up inside.

He raised an eyebrow, concern crossed his features. "And you're comfortable with this?"

"At first. But then it felt restricted and suffocating," you explained.

"Did you talk to him about this?"

You nodded. "Yes. He wasn't very convinced. I honestly don't know what to do," you huffed, slumping your shoulder.

It ain't rocket science to figure how deeply i troubled you. It breaks his heart that his little sister is going through some stuff, and she was going through it alone.

"Talk some more. Be honest of what you're really feeling," you thought was pretty rich and ironic coming from him. "You're part of this relationship as much as he is. You have a say in this, and if you don't feel like this isn't working out for you, then maybe you shouldn't be in it at all."

His words hit you like a brick— thousands of bricks hitting you all at once, if you're being accurate. It hurts, because it was right. It hurts, because it deeply matters. You felt the sting in your heart, your jaw tightened. You don't want to think about it, but he's got a point.

Barry was worried with your lack of response, as you think deeply in the distance. "I'm not saying break up with him, okay? I'm just saying this is something you should really talk about and consider. You can't bottle it all up." He doesn't want to screw up his sister's love life or push her to do something that might hurt her, but not exactly disregarding the advice he made.

When he's not being a total dork, he's pretty wise.

You pressed your lips is a hard line, taking it all in. "I know," you murmured.

You weren't able to say anything after that. So did he. It was some heavy weight of emotional stuff to unload to your brother. Your hungover was gone, and who knew these kinds of talks are better than coffee and grease.

Barry decided to break the silence. "This explains so much," he laughed and so did you. You weren't pretty subtle. "Do I know him?" He quirked an eyebrow.

You hesitated, but it's not like Wells' is the first that will come to his mind. Gradually, you nodded. "Yes. But I'm not gonna say who!"

"He isn't someone like Oliver Queen, right?" He half-joked, but deep inside he meant it.

You almost spat your drink. "No!"

Barry went to the precinct, and you headed to S.T.A.R Labs.

You tried to act as normal as possible, even though what Barry said deeply affected you. Thank God Caitlin arrived before you, so you wouldn't have to deal with interactions with him.

You couldn't still believe how much emotion you felt last night; how intense it is. You minded it, but you didn't think you would actually get drunk about it. You have no idea how to deal with it, and if it's the right time to deal with it. You can't go on and help your brother save the city, while your mind is filled with thoughts about him.

Right now, you choose the city.

As soon as Cisco arrived, which wasn't very long, you worked on finishing the pipeline.

It wasn't easy though, you worked on the same thing, be in the same room, act like you didn't get hammered because of him last night. Every time you spare him a glance, and he would look back and he would smile, having no idea what you were going through, it would break your heart just a little bit more. Each minute that you let your feelings be unknown, Barry's words sink into you furthermore. But it occurred to you that the reasons why it was hard were also the reasons why you should keep it together.

The prison was done before lunch. He and Cisco worked over-overtime last night, so there wasn't really much to do, but set it up. It came up together well; durable, functional. The cells slightly look like pods, and given Francisco Ramon's obsession with Star Wars, it makes sense. The test run will happen when 'The Mist' is captured, since Barry doesn't want to participate. But rest assured, you and Cisco worked on it very hard to make sure it works.

Now with the biggest task done, the only thing left to do is go through a bunch of workload and have lunch.

"Hey, Caitlin and I are gonna grab lunch, wanna come?" Cisco asked, putting his coat on. "It's that new place that serves amazing cheap steaks and burgers,"

You realized that the place he was talking about was the very restaurant that you told Wells.

You shook your head. "No, you guys go. I already ordered some food." You smiled, declining.

"Okay, your lost. That place is amazing," he elaborated, clearly pleased with the place. It's Cisco, though. And food.

You snorted, turning your eyes back to the computer. "As I heard," you murmured underneath your breath with a tinge of bitterness, as Cisco strided out of the cortex.

On the bright side, someone from this place already went there. But much to your dismay, it wasn't you.

Your phone dinged. You picked it up to check, and it's what you have been waiting for. The delivery guy is right outside the lab. You quickly headed down to pick it up. You gave the delivery guy some tip, before excitedly went back inside.

You were salivating when the intoxicating smell of Chinese food filled your nostrils.

When you got up, Wells was there. He took a waft of the take-out foods. "Is that from Mann-Lee?" His eyes lit up in recognition. He was the one who introduced you to the restaurant. He said it's the only Chinese place he likes, because it tasted like the food he had in Shanghai. Of course, he's been to China.

You nodded, placing it on the desk. You quickly took out every box of food in the bag, and dug into your chow mein happily and satisfied, not bothering to take a seat.

"Did you order some for me?" He asked.

Unable to speak due to your mouth being filled with noodles and potstickers, you nodded. "It's in the box," he chuckled at your attempt to speak.

He helped himself and rummaged inside the bag's remaining contents. Upon opening one, his face fell, seemingly disappointed. He opened another box only to be disappointed again. He was looking for something specific. Your wonder started to grow, watching him.

He turned to you, and you raised an eyebrow. "Did you order some of their Beef Broccoli?"

"No. Did you want that?" You inquired.

"Yeah." He forced a half-smile, waving his fingers dismissively. "It's okay. I'm fine with Kung Pao Chicken; it's decent enough,"

For some reason, your mood soured. Decent in Harrison Wells' vocabulary means it's not good enough; he doesn't hate it, but he doesn't love either. You felt bad that you didn't know what he actually likes, but in your defense, he never says, and he lets you eat it. He never complained.

"You don't have to eat it if you don't like it," you said. You didn't want to watch him suffer eating something he doesn't like while you enjoy your own lunch.

"No, it's fine," he assured you.

"No, Harry. I mean it— you don't have to eat it," you insisted with more vigor in your tone.

He ignored you, and took a bite of the chicken. You scoffed in disbelief, frustration fueled in your chest. You want to stop him as he continues eating, but you decided against it. It's too petty to get angry about, not worth it.

You eat your lunch in peace, every time you turn to Wells, he would wince every now and then when he takes a bite. You don't know what about Kung Pao Chicken he doesn't like, but he doesn't just like it. You tried to let him go through it, but you're starting to get annoyed. And of course, you couldn't stop yourself.

"Okay, stop," you suddenly spoke, putting your food aside. "You don't have to eat, you don't like it." You tried to grab the food out of his grasp, but he swerved swiftly.

"Y/N, I said it's fine!" Wells said, displeased at your attempt to take his food away.

"It's not! You don't look fine— you don't like it!" Your voice rose a little.

He exhaled audibly. "It's just food,"

"I know it's just Kung Pao Chicken that I ordered that you don't like, so just admit it and stop eating!" You spat.

He scoffed in disbelief. "What is wrong with you? I am eating it!"

"But that's the point!" You snapped loudly. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to do— you never do!"

Realizing what you've said, you shut your eyes. Your hands flew to each side of your head, fingers weaved through your hair, tugging on them. You needed to calm down and take breath, and be rational. The last you want to do is do something reckless and irrational.

"Is there something wrong?" He questioned firmly.

You mentally grimaced at the question. It was a stupid question; it's basically screaming at his face. "Nothing," you muttered.

Of course he didn't buy it. You weren't exactly selling it well. Or at all.

"It's something. You're enraged over food," You don't honestly know how he can keep his tone down, but it was evident he was agitated. You hate it so much right now.

You sighed wearily, refusing to face him. Afraid of what might happen if you do.

"Let it go, Wells," you pleaded through your gritted teeth and clenched jaw.

"No. I'm not gonna stop until this is settled. Tell me, what's wrong? Did something happen?"

He continued on, pushing you to speak. The idea of unloading all of your hidden burdens entered your mind, but you don't have the emotional capacity to face the fact that this is taking a toll on you. You tried to hold your ground, but his voice overwhelmed you.

You pushed your chair back, getting on your feet and facing him.

"Everything is wrong, Harrison!" You shouted, your voice boomed inside. Wells almost flinched. "Everything is wrong with us!"

Wells shook his head, baffled. "What do you mean?"

"I mean I can't take this any longer,"

"Can't take what?"

"This—" you gestured to you and him. "—This arrangement we made!"

Wells sighed, distressed, catching on what you were saying. "I thought you were okay with this,"

You chewed on your bottom lip, as you folded your arms across your chest. When you spoke, your voice dropped into a whisper; you couldn't control it. "I thought so too. Then last night, Iris vented out to me." You paused. You struggled to keep it together, now pressing your tightly folded arms on your chest. You continued. "They were having problems, same as us. I gave her some insights about everything, and then I realized that's how I feel!"

The underlying problem he thought he got handled was more intense than he thought. Time was running, you couldn't pick more of an impeccable timing, and the team could waltz in anytime while you were having this fight. He couldn't afford anyone finding out about it.

He took off his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Y/N, this is not the time for this," he said.

You snorted, your anger erupted in your veins. You were tired of avoiding the elephant in the room.

"When is the perfect time? When it's too late? When we break up?" You didn't want to say it, but it was at the tip of your tongue, waiting to be asked ever since you realized it.

His expression hardened. You already see the gears working. "Y/N, don't go there," he murmured, not glancing up to you.

"Why?" Your voice cracked into an almost sob. That was it. The tears found their way and pool at the rim of your eyes. "I tried to make myself believe that I understand, but I couldn't help but think that maybe you're scared that if things don't work out you won't have to deal with other people, thinking that you slept with a 24-year old girl."

Soon, every emotion you were feeling last night came rushing back to you; the confusion, the anger, the love and the pain— towards him and yourself. It seeped, not only to your heart, but through your very bones and weary soul. All too soon it became overwhelming, your chest tightening, your stomach knotting, struggling to keep it at bay.

Thinking it was one thing, but saying was a whole new realm of pain you didn't know you existed, let alone capable of feeling.

He glanced up to you, eyes staring into you meaningfully. "I would never think that. I made so many enemies, Y/N. Before and after the accelerator exploded. The last thing those people want is to see me happy and that puts you in danger," he reasoned.

You tried to steady your shaky voice. "I know. But your reasons and your excuses, they won't matter in the long run. The press, Joe, our friends, my brother— everything they say won't matter to me, because they're not the ones who loves you like I do, and they're not the one in a relationship with you." You told him, staring back, before turning away, as they threatened to fall.

You inhaled sharply. "I love you, Harrison Wells. And no matter what they say about us or you or me, I'll love you. Damn, you put my brother in a 9-month coma, but I loved you nonetheless!" You pointed your index finger at him in the air.

He let you speak, taking it all, as waiting for you to finish, let it all out and explain his side. And then, you'll be swept off your feet again, as if all of your feelings and thoughts didn't exist in your mind before. Barry was right. You couldn't believe you were getting to this point, but he was right.

"But I don't wanna hide anymore. I want to do more. Be free. If you don't want anyone to know that this relationship is happening, then maybe we shouldn't happen at all," You stated.

You both were silent, the tension was thick and you could cut a knife through it. Suddenly you couldn't move, like all of your energy was drained from your body.

You turned away before you could see his reaction. The pain was unbearable; it's best if you don't see it.

Mustering all the courage and strength you have left and your body, you took a step to leave the room. He tried to stop you by reaching out, but you recoiled, before his fingertips graze your skin.

"Don't,"

You strided out of the cortex, your shoulder straightened, held up high to hold your tears, but every step you take, the control you have dissipates. Slowly, your tears overflowed. You wiped the tears, though it didn't make any difference, your tears fell and fell, soaking your neck. Soon, all hell broke loose, sobs racked your body, your hands flew to your mouth to muffle your voice.

Wells was left with nothing, but the sound of your footsteps received, your muffled sob through the walls; thousands thoughts and emotions, and the weight of your words.

***

My parents are fighting. This one made me genuinely sad. Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if you share this and give it some love. Thanks!

Part V

#Harrison Wells #Harrison Wells x reader #Harrison Wells x Allen! reader #Harrison Wells fanfiction #Harrison Wells imagine #Harry Wells #Harry Wells x reader #Harry Wells fanfiction #Harry Wells imagine #EoWells #EoWells x reader #EoWells x Allen!reader #EoWells fanfiction #EoWells imagine #Eobard Thawne #Eobard Thawne x reader #Eobard Thawne fanfiction #Eobard Thawne imagine #Tom Cavanagh #Tom Cavanagh x reader #Tom Cavanagh fanfiction #Tom Cavanagh imagine #The Flash #The Flash fanfiction #The Flash imagine #Barry Allen x reader #Cisco Ramon x reader #Caitlin Snow x reader #Iris West x reader #lightninghasstruck

[jenniferecand]

get to know me game~

Tagged by @fluttering-tbz (ur literally gonna be the only one who sees this and possibly interested in this but it's fun so why not XD)

when is ur birthday?

i’m a january aquarius cause apparently the month matters,,, but if ik u and u want the actual date then u can just ask lol

what is ur favorite color?

pink, black, and blue

what’s ur lucky number?

i don’t exactly have one but whenever people ask I just switch between 3 or 7 *shrug*

do u have any pets?

i have a pet turtle but it’s technically my older sisters lol

how tall are u?

i am 5′6, pretty satisfied with this height too~

how many shoes do u have?

a good couple. just different types of shoes for different uses or occasions but they’re all black 😀

favorite song?

i’m really indecisive lmao but the ones i’ve often played for a long period of time are

favorite movie?

i'm actually not crazy about movies but i watched sisterhood of the traveling pants when i was younger and when i rewatched it like a year or two ago it just really hit

what would be your ideal partner?

a guy who isn't too silent about his affection, funny, a bit of a flirt but just in a playful way, doesn't get mad too often and is usually very chill but still energetic in a way, has clear morals and follows them (,,,bonus if they're also asian and has a hobby in the performing arts 😗)

do u want children?

not exactly,,, like if my partner wants a child then i'll be fine with it but if not then i wouldn't have a child. i told my mom that her grandchild will be a dog and i'm not joking 😀

have u gotten in trouble with the law?

no... don't think so lol

what color socks are u wearing?

none rn but i usually wear black socks

both or shower?

shower~

favorite type of music?

kpop, r&b, and indie

how many pillows do u sleep with?

I sleep with 2 with my Ryan (kakao) plushy 😀

which position do u sleep in?

usually on my side but occasionally my back, whichever feels comfortable that night

what you don't like when ur sleeping?

feeling hot, it just makes me uncomfortable which usually leads to me being in a bad mood. also being woken up for no reason, like it's fine if there a reason but if it's just cause ur being loud then i get really annoyed

what do u have for breakfast?

usually just leftovers, if not then i make myself maybe 2 eggs or just one of my health/diet drinks

have u ever tried archery?

i... had a nerf bow and arrow when i was younger lmao, but i really. wanna try archery with my friends in the future

favorite fruit?

melons, especially cantaloupe and watermelon

favorite swear work?

fuck, easiest to use in any situation with any emotion loll

do u have any scars?

i have two and they're both from when i was a toddler. one on the right side of my nose, not really noticeable but i got it when i burned myself. also one on my left hand that i got from a bracelet that fell of my wrist when i was playing with my cousins, it's not that noticeable since a lot of my friends took a long time to notice it but it's definitely more noticeable than the one on my nose lol

are u a good liar?

yes 😀it's not that i lie often but when i do it for fun i do admit that i'm joking or that i lied after if it's just for fun everyone believes me so it's fun knowing that i can lie and get away with it easily

what's ur personality type?

i'm a infj-t and a hufflepuff

what's ur favorite type of girl?

one that's calm, is self-aware but also has awareness of other around her, considerate and humble, doesn't let others take advantage of her, is passionate about something, doesn't fight others but will stand up for their friends or for what's right

innie or outie?

innie....why is this question tho 😆

left or right-handed?

right

favorite food?

sushi~

clean or messy?

i'm usually very clean about things like my bag, locker, bed, and other things but if it's not something i use or am around constantly use then it could get a lil messy until i get the urge to suddenly clean...

favorite foreign food?

....other than sushi, i honestly really like any dish i'm not a picky eater so i'm fine with anything. UNLESS IT HAS BELL PEPPERS i can't eat those lol

how long does it take for u to get ready?

only about 15 minutes on a regular day

most used phrase?

the only thing i can really think of is "oh my god" lol

are u a good singer?

i would like to think i am loll, obviously not the best but i was in a singing club in my school until i had to leave due to scheduling conflicts

do u sing urself?

yesss, it's fun

biggest fear?

being alone, like not having anyone to talk to and they'll never reply or acknowledge u again

do u like long or short hair?

i honestly love both but i'm had decently short hair for a while now and i've been wanting to grow it out again but so far i've always been impulsively cutting it short again and i hate this loop 😭

extrovert or introvert?

i'm introverted but since my whole friend group is introverted, i'll be the one to order or speak to other for us lol. so i'm introverted but also the extrovert of my group also depends on my mood tho cause sometimes i can just get really hyper or really quiet,,, like na jaemin lmao

are u into gossip?

no, never really cared for gossip but if u wanna tell me something then i can listen as long as i don't get dragged into anything

favorite school subject?

any class in the performing arts but if it's from the standard ones then math

what makes u nervous?

i'm usually really good about not being nervous about things unless it's like a rollercoaster but i always get nervous before a big performance and i usually need a moment of silence or a friend to tell me it's ok

who was ur first real crush?

i've never really had a real crush, i've only ever had those sudden but very short crushes like u sit next to a boy in elementary school and "......emotions??? crush??" but yeah other than that, never had a crush on anyone

how many piercings do u have?

one on each ear, regular earrings

how fast can u run?

what color are ur eyes?

average, not too fast but i'm also not that slow

what color is ur hair?

naturally black hair but some of my ends are green since i'm playing around with them before school starts again.

dark brown

what makes u angry?

when someone belittles another and actually mean it, being inconsiderate towards other around u, or when a person really doesn't listen or take time to understand something someone else is trying to tell them

do u like ur own name?

wasn't crazy about it when i was younger but i actually like it now with how my friends call me with my nickname

do u want a boy or a girl as a child?

i'd actually a boy human and dog wise lmaoo ,,,lowkey surprised myself with this answer lol

what are ur weaknesses?

i'm actually pretty sensitive and i cry easily but i don't want others to see that side of me often since it usually differs with their perspective of me

what are ur strengths?

i usually manage my emotions pretty well, i can care for others very well being a mom friend lol and i think of myself to be very well rounded in many things and aspects

what color is ur bedspread?

gray

color of ur room?

white with some parts of the wall being cover in my wall paintings

#Tags #Spotify

[queerchoicesblog]

A Few Words On Pride Month 2020

So, pride month has come at last. No matter how crazy it sounds right now as we're experiencing first-hand one of those events that will end up in history handbooks one day.

I'll be honest, it's quite difficult for me to talk about it now when everything that is not Mrs Rhona releted seems so well less relevant than it was before. But I want to share a few words that most likely nobody will read but I'll let them flow anyway.

I watch that video every single year during pride month. It's from a series I liked quite a lot back then, it's called Sense8. The character speaking is a trans woman, an lgbtq+ hacktivist, reminiscing her disastrous relationship with her transphobic mother yet finding strength in her own sorrow. There is a passage I love:

Today I'm marching to remember that I'm not just a me

But I'm also a we

And we march with pride

These words resonate with me: they summarise perfectly the deep empathy and acceptance that I feel should make us stick together. Both inside the lgbtqa+ community and as human beings: "I am a human being, and thus nothing human is alien to me". I'm quoting by heart a Latin playwright named Terentius (Terence in English, I guess?) so forgive me if I got something wrong but what I mean is...we should all care about each other because no matter our differences, our sexuality or color of skin or class, we are human. We are brothers and sisters: I'm an only child but I believe that the definition of a healthy family is one where people overcome differences that don't truly matter in the end, they don't define us as worthy or unworthy of love and respect which should always be given to another human being.

Unless there are valid reasons not to.

As the latest happenings in the world have shown, a hard truth we all know has been reinforced: we live in a cruel, unfair world where, as Nomi said, "hating isn't a sin on that list and neither is shame". A world where people get hurt or killed for reasons which can be hardly called a motive for violence: not being white, not being rich enough, being different, holding a hand or kissing a person of the same sex in the street.

We may comfort ourselves saying these fears were past fears, last century or even Victorian age fears but no, they're still out there. And we can't turn a blind eye.

The current pandemic added new ones, making our lives even more miserable. Speaking of the lgbtqa+ community, I think I can say the social distancing is hitting even harder. Does anybody feel lonelier now? I rise my hand, I do. I'm not referring to the fact that pride parades are cancelled (because we all know there is a freaking valid reason atm), but getting in touch with other people is way harder now. In my personal experience, getting in touch with fellow lgbtqa+ folks was rare even before the pandemic, now it's hella tough. In the street we hide our faces behind masks and don't have the same careless attitude we used to display. Shaking hands and even the lightest touch or proximity are not allowed under the new restrictions: a few weeks ago, over here a couple was charged for hugging each other in the street. How sad and dystopic are these times we live in...

Virtual meetings can help but they're not like in person meetings: the warmth of personal interaction is simply not there. We try but it's not there. Couples are separeted by lockdown rules and so are some families. Lgbtqa+ hotlines are a saving grace and I cannot stress enough how important they are and how anyone struggling with their mental health or literally anything concerning themselves, their gender and sexuality should feel free to contact those volunteers who are a blessing restoring a little faith in humanity.

My thoughts are for those of us who got stuck quarantining with homophobic/biphobic/transphobic etc parents or roommates, and those stuck in abusive contexts. Yes, even relationships because - I know I'll be super unpopular saying this but we can't lie especially to the minor or vulnerable ones- lgbtqa+ relationships can be abusive and toxic too. As I said, we're human and I am sick and tired of the honeyed sunshine rhetoric of lgbtqa+ people and love as an ever right and righteous safe haven. It is a safe haven for us to some extent but we must acknowledge there are problematic issues in our community. We have to be honest with each other especially for the sake not only of each other but for the vulnerable ones and the young. Like criticising or reporting abusers, predators, rapists and so on don't make us all filthy creatures who will burn on a stake for our abominable sins. It just makes us responsible and looking out for each other.

We spend so long dreaming of finding someone of the same sex to be with that when someone shows us any sign of affection our feelings for them grow fast, even when red flags or abuse enter our lives. We stay because we're hungry for love and crave what straighties seem to get so easily: love, acceptance, reciprocity. To the young and everyone who needs to hear this I wanna say: it doesn't have to be like that. Don't ever settle for cheap love only because you feel you will lose your only chance to be loved. There are good people out there too and you deserve one of them at your side. You will find them, your paths will cross: just be patient and never ever forget the importance of respect and consent.

To all those experiencing anything like the relationships or toxicity I mentioned, who feel silenced by the sunshine rhetoric, I say: you are not alone, stay strong and you did nothing wrong, others did and I'm sorry you're going through this cause you don't deserve it.

I share a similar shutout to those struggling with mental and/or physical disorders. If you ever felt pretty much invisible, you're not. I see you, many others see you and we're all rooting for you. You're stronger than you think and you're beautiful.

The not-as-unfortunate-as-the abovementioned but still quite forlorn are the star crossed lovers meeting that special someone in a bad time. Quarantine will see the blossoming of some romances but also takes no prisoners, blowing off others. They don't vanish though, in most cases they turn into those impossible loves and what if we love so much in the movies and hate in real life. I wish I could lay a blanket or pull into a tight hug all those going through this. Your pain is not irrelevant even if there are worst things in the world right now, our souls hurt for things like that. I hold your shaking hand wherever you are as you stare blankly at your phone, waiting for a message or a call that will never come, or you reminisce, listening to a romantic playlist you still have saved on your device. Your suffering is my suffering.

On a brighter side, cause I don't wanna be a complete downer, the luckiest ones among us are blessed with love and I can't be any happier for you, whoever you are. I can picture the one day a few years from now when I will be talking to someone and they will share their story saying how they met the love of their life during the pandemic. How it wasn't easy at first because of all the uncertainty and fears but they kept trying and it all started with a social distancing date at a park or via Zoom. You lucky ones, cherish that and never take what you have for granted: the love you feel and that special someone is showing you is a balsam in hard times. Please cherish it dearly and never stop loving: one day you'll warm these old bones and lonely heart if we ever get the chance to cross path.

Actually I don't have any more wisdom to share, granted what I wrote can be called wisdom, nor giveaway. I considered doing a lgbtqa+ one in honor of the pride month but I feel nobody would be interested. Or at least not by me and I fully agree: writing is getting hard and I feel like I risk of ruining everything I dedicate myself to, as I usually do in my life. I'll follow the tips of a few anons (I think?) and devote this month to educate myself over aspects, nuances or realities I am not fully familiar with: so I'll watch Pose and Sex Education. Hopefully I'll learn something new that might make me a better human being.

Feel free to share further advice: books, articles, movies, series, documentaries...you name it! Drop a message or an ask and I'll make what I'm starting now a lasting project!

That is my advice: if you're stuck inside with nothing much to do this month, find something that might enrich you, even a little thing, and go for it.

As well as reminding yourself the usual stuff: you are not wrong nor unlovable, you're not offensive or dirty for being attracted to your same sex or both or none. Not to quote Lady Gaga, but it's truly is that simple: you are born and beautiful this way.

Stay safe and stay strong, my darlings 🏳️‍🌈

Love,

E.

#pride month #pride month 2020 #random thoughts

[punkscowardschampions]

Ava & James

Ava: It's probably a lost cause Ava: but I lost my bracelet when we went out Ava: I remember having it in the first club but not after that Ava: If you're in the 2nd again, could you ask? Ava: No doubt it's long gone but James: I'll ring, I know the owner James: but I'll need a description, I don't remember what it looks like Ava: Thanks Ava: [sends picture like oh hey remember this face] James: [a long enough pause for him to have been trying to find this bracelet everywhere and she probably thinks he's fucked off] James: sorry, no joy Ava: Oh, no worries Ava: Cheers anyway, like James: did you go anywhere after? James: you could've had it on longer than you think Ava: I've already rang Kings, in case I left it in the dorm or something but no luck there either James: none with uber either James: kept me on hold for ages to let me know they don't have it Ava: Ugh, sorry Ava: Don't worry any more on it, it isn't sentimental or anything like that James: it was kind of a helping hand honestly, youngest liked the music they played, a very impromptu lullaby from an unexpected source Ava: Well, who knew hold music was good for anything but rage quits Ava: Unless they're now having a really angry nap James: 😂 James: that'll more likely be me later Ava: If you're lucky, yeah? James: if it hasn't run out Ava: Surely not James: they've both got some kind of hangover detector James: I'm sure you can imagine Ava: I've spent enough time with my nephew to know Ava: No sympathy from a toddler James: indeed Ava: Look, I don't know if I should even bring it back up but I'm sorry for how things went down that night James: I don't get caught up in regrets, remember Ava: I remember Ava: But I didn't Ava: I don't have bad intentions or anything, that's not me James: you've not struck me as someone who does Ava: How do I strike you? James: It was agreed I'd need longer than an evening to answer that Ava: I suppose Ava: First impressions can still be a thing James: it was a good first impression Ava: I'm glad James: but you're also sorry? Ava: I can't be both? James: you can Ava: So, you aren't sorry Ava: but are you glad? James: I can't be Ava: Yeah Ava: that's why I can't not be sorry James: It's me who should be sorry Ava: That's up to you Ava: if you don't do regrets you don't James: my actions don't only affect me Ava: I know Ava: Well, you won't get any trouble from me, like I said, not about that James: there's a line drawn under it James: you won't get any from me either James: [lies because you know he's bought her a replacement bracelet so she'll literally get that like the next day, boy we see you okay] Ava: Okay James: it was fun while it lasted, don't beat yourself up any harder James: the big glasses were cute but you shouldn't have to keep them on indefinitely Ava: Jesus Ava: Don't you know you're meant to pretend you didn't see that James: but walking around with your eyes & mouth closed all the time is very exhausting & I haven't had my nap yet Ava: I also have no sympathy for you, idiot James: I think you have some, but I don't blame you for not wanting to give it to me Ava: Nope, none Ava: I promise Ava: no space in my head James: oh Ava James: you have my sympathies, in that case Ava: Don't James: you don't want them? Ava: Let's say I don't do sympathies James: understood James: they are easy to get weighed down in Ava: and so rarely sincere James: it's reminiscent of wearing wet clothes, people only really want you to take them off in order to spare themselves the puddles James: they ask you if you're cold but they care about their floors Ava: Exactly Ava: and floors are more important 'round here Ava: and anything resembling sincerity is as unsightly as a damp mark on your new carpet James: the content I'll require for my English degree is writing itself Ava: Is that what you want to do, really? James: it's a question that'll get answered as often as it's asked Ava: How often do you get told what you want then James: daily at least Ava: How often does it come close James: it has yet to Ava: Oh James James: you don't do sympathies James: please never change on my account Ava: It could be empathy James: but is it? Ava: We'd need another night James: how many more bracelets have you got to lose? Ava: 😂 Ava: What kind of Chelsea girl do you take me for? James: you heard me say it was a good first impression Ava: 😏 I'd take a bow but can't risk losing any more jewels today James: we'll pretend you really did Ava: If that's what you're into, II James: what kind of Kensington boy do you take me for? Ava: Won't be the first to have a #scandal James: no trouble, need I remind you Ava: Just hypothetical, obviously James: you just hypothetically wanna know what I'm into? Ava: I just hypothetically hit the nail on the head James: if that's what you think, Ava Ava: Go on then Ava: Are you even gonna hypothetically tell the truth though? James: where's a hypothetical lie getting me? Ava: Away from hypothetical shame if it's weird shit Ava: I'm not one for hypothetical judgment though James: I'm not one for hypothetical shame Ava: Soooo Ava: 👀 James: I don't know, truthfully James: I'd need a whole hypothetical life, I suppose Ava: Fair Ava: It's a pretty bait question anyway James: you have an answer though, I can tell Ava: Singular? Ava: How rude James: 😂 James: because one leads to another not because you're hypothetically uninteresting Ava: Yeah, that's right Ava: about to be so hypothetically fuming James: you can have as many hypothetical apologies as you have interests, okay? Ava: No need to change on my behalf, however hypothetical James: what makes you think a personality change would be required Ava: Apologies are awful close to regret James: I'm not saying them to myself Ava: Try it out then Ava: See if I'm into it James: I'm really sorry I had to leave Ava: Me too Ava: but I don't think I'm about it, so you don't need to mention it again James: if you don't want me to, I won't Ava: I figure you owe enough sorries to more important people Ava: I'm good, honest James: I'm happy to hear it James: & not looking to mess anything up for you, hypothetically or actually Ava: I know Ava: You haven't Ava: it isn't my business so you know, no obligation to answer Ava: but why did you get married so young? James: because I had a baby to raise that young Ava: Yeah James: I wanted to do something that would actually help, at least shut up our parents because there was no silencing all the horrible things everyone else was saying James: It wasn't fair to treat her suddenly like public enemy number 1, not for that Ava: That makes sense Ava: I can see the logic James: It was a mistake we both made, I couldn't just leave her to it James: but I don't know, maybe we'd have both been better off if we'd approached it differently James: as parents but not a couple Ava: Well, it isn't permanent Ava: You can still do that Ava: Co-parent, that's not leaving her to it James: She won't let that happen Ava: It won't be easy Ava: It's weighing up if the now is worse than how invariably shit divorce is James: every time I try to leave I'm not allowed to see or speak to them until I go back James: she gets everyone on her side, including my parents Ava: If you go through official avenues, she won't just be able to do that Ava: She can't say you're unfit because you're not Ava: That's so shit and Ava: not right James: but she'll get my daughter to say that she hates me & doesn't wanna see me by telling her that's what I'm saying, I know she'll turn them both against me long before anything gets officially sorted out James: last time I walked out she told Jay so many things that aren't true Ava: She'd say that to a kid? Ava: Her kid? Ava: what's wrong with her James: I've given up trying to figure out everything that is Ava: You can't do this forever Ava: You deserve better Ava: you don't get to fuck someone over because you have a kid with them, imagine it reversed, how much of a bad guy you'd be then, it's no different just because she's the mum James: I'll send them both away to school when they're older, but for now I have to do this Ava: How do you do it Ava: How have you lasted this long, never mind how long that will be James: I see my children every day, it makes everything else bearable James: & I know they need that Ava: Yeah Ava: They're the most important thing Ava: but you matter as well, you can't Ava: I don't know James: for better or worse, right? Ava: You don't get to pick one each though, like James: I made my bed, Ava James: everyone told me not to marry her but I did Ava: 'cos you thought it was the right thing Ava: it shouldn't function as a lifelong punishment James: I never thought it was right James: I just wanted to be a better dad than I've got James: & that was the only way she'd let me Ava: That's a good reason Ava: even if it turned out not to be the best idea James: bad ideas have been around longer than she has James: I can't remember when I last had a good one James: I'd have been younger than you Ava: It's hard to make them when you have to commit to the worst, like Ava: you've gotta do something for you Ava: just 'cos you wanna Ava: or you'll lose it James: I will if you'll meet me for coffee James: I wanna see you again Ava: Okay Ava: I'd like to see you too James: tomorrow? Ava: I can do that Ava: What time, I have lunch at 1 or I can do after 5 James: lunch works Ava: Cool Ava: Looking forward to it James: I am too Ava: 😊 James: [when you're gonna have to go so far away for your date so you don't get spotted lol] Ava: [honestly should defs say its a school day so you ain't getting back for afternoon classes but that's not so wild anyone is like hello??? but start the sneaking as you mean to go on] James: [literally gonna spend half her lunch break on-route in the car cos London so we gotta but at least we can say it's an uber mood again so he's not driving] Ava: [I'll do some before 'cos like is he gonna show nerves] Ava: We still on for lunch time? James: nothing else has come up Ava: 👍 Ava: I'll book my ride James: I'll pick you up Ava: Are you sure? James: sure that we don't need 2 separate ubers going to the same place? yes Ava: fair point Ava: but I'll definitely get the coffees then James: no you won't Ava: The post came before I left this morning Ava: you really didn't have to do that Ava: but you did, so I can definitely get you a latte or whatever your particular shade of coffee is James: I didn't want leave you bracelet-less & me close to having a regret James: so I kind of did have to Ava: Well, when you put it like that Ava: thank you, it was one of my favourites actually Ava: didn't wanna push for that regret too hard though James: now you won't have to Ava: The coffee being bitter over the company definitely sounds like a better plan James: you don't have to order coffee, you know Ava: I'll probably get an iced drink of some description Ava: ☀🥵 James: too much sunbathing between classes? Ava: 😏 Ava: I'm sure the dons would say any is too much Ava: but I'm still pretty pale James: I'm correcting that to still pretty Ava: Gonna look like a 🍅 now James: who doesn't like 🍅? James: bloody marys are fantastic for one Ava: Now I know you have good taste James: in drinks at least Ava: and 🍅s thank you James: potentially everything but wives & uni courses Ava: Don't make me laugh because it's definitely not funny James: but hypothetically how smitten would I be if you did laugh? Ava: Oh, head over heels, of course Ava: like 👼s singing James: I thought so Ava: Don't wanna hypothetically disappoint James: it's not even hypothetically possible Ava: Your level of hypothetical trust is cute James: your level of hypothetical modesty is unnecessary Ava: Fine, but it's your fault when I don't fit my hypothetical hat James: I'll buy you a bigger one James: hypothetically Ava: You going to hypothetically redress me piece by piece? James: I'm not falling into the trap of you thinking I'm saying I need to James: there's nothing wrong with how you dress Ava: I'm not even hypothetically that sly Ava: Straightforward and to the point, yeah? James: it's what I like about you Ava: You're pretty good at it yourself James: game playing has never got me anywhere I want to be Ava: Games rely too much on chance and luck for my liking Ava: someone has to lose James: precisely James: as much as I'd potentially hate losing to you less than I would to lots of other people, it's still better as a hypothetical Ava: No games, I promise James: I'm taking that to also mean no more pool at the vault & you can't stop me Ava: 😱 Ava: You're really going to make me enroll just to get back in that VIP venue? Ava: Rude James: 😂 James: seeing you every day would be fun but putting fun ahead of all things academic gets you where I currently am in life James: I can't do that to you, even hypothetically Ava: You can hypothetically follow me for your next course Ava: I'm a great study buddy James: unless you're going abroad somewhere to study Ava: Unless you count SE as abroad Ava: lord knows many of our peers do 🙄 James: in that case, following you sounds close to a good idea Ava: 🤏 Ava: I'll find a way to hypothetically swing it Ava: the world needs your writing, II James: I've never been more devastated to have a job waiting for me that isn't strictly hypothetical Ava: I's doing, I suppose Ava: What are you going do instead of write your great novel about me? James: you'll have to look out for my self published works written by night under an obvious pseudonym Ava: I will Ava: Will you sign my copy? James: of course James: under your printed dedication Ava: I'll have to think of an excellent pseudonym myself James: can you do 1 other, simpler thing for me before then? Ava: I'm sure I can? James: order for me something you like James: I don't know what I want Ava: I like a challenge Ava: Okay James: do you want me to tell you if I don't share the liking of it or not? Ava: 'Course Ava: 'cos I need to find you something you do like James: if time doesn't run out Ava: We can have more lunches too Ava: as well as evenings James: that'd be good James: I'd hate to only see you in the dark Ava: That's mutual James: if I wrote us meeting exclusively at night everyone would assume I'd decided on a vampire novel James: so I'm happy to hear it Ava: I think its making a comeback Ava: and I'd definitely buy you as an Edward Cullen type James: I have no clue if I should be flattered or offended Ava: A potentially complex issue, a complex character beyond the sparkles Ava: I just meant you'd be eligible for dreamboat status James: you're saying I should make a detour to buy the book or download the film to my phone right now or I shouldn't? Ava: Will we have time to watch it together is the real question Ava: Because I have to pop your 🍒 James: is it a 90 minutes is all you need kind of film or 3 hours of lingering close ups? Ava: 126 James: I can do that Ava: Yeah? James: skipping a lecture I have no desire to be in to further my hypothetical masterpiece of a novel in the early stages of its development, that's a fantastic idea Ava: 💡 Ava: Was bound to have one eventually Ava: Let's do it then James: you're claiming not to have had any before now? Ava: In my life, obviously Ava: but with you? 'close to a good idea' is as close as I've got so far James: I won't deny you the opportunity to get closer then Ava: Thank you Ava: You can find out if it's only hypothetical that I'm unable to disappoint James: I feel like I already know that Ava: You've had a taste Ava: but you can have more Ava: if you want it James: I do Ava: Okay Ava: Good James: but it's never going to be as simple as words like okay or good Ava: It could be Ava: I'm not saying all the time Ava: or even that we can always give 126 minutes to it Ava: but whatever we can James: you can't say all the time because I can't ever give you all the time James: I can't give you any more gifts or regular dates or even selfies Ava: I know that Ava: I'm not asking for any of that James: but you should James: because you're free to do whatever you want with whoever you want Ava: Exactly James: why this? Ava: because you need somebody Ava: and I like you James: oh Ava Ava: It is as simple as that James: I'll try that out, see if I can believe it Ava: I know nothing else is but Ava: why not Ava: I want to and you don't need to buy that or promise time you haven't got James: for as long as you want to then Ava: for as long as you need me then James: no because James: my life isn't going to change Ava: James James: you don't know what she's like but I know everything she's ever done or is likely to do Ava: People like that don't stop, I know that Ava: they have to be stopped James: there's no stopping her Ava: Well there's no stopping me either and I'm on your side James: you don't need this Ava: I told you, I like you Ava: I won't just turn my back on you James: I can have this car turned around, you don't have to do anything Ava: Of course I don't have to Ava: and neither do you, not with me Ava: you don't owe me anything, I'm just telling you how it is for me Ava: and I want to see you James: I want to see you too, more than when I originally said it Ava: Good Ava: Then don't turn around, yeah? James: I always do the wrong thing, I don't want to, to you James: so if you don't want me to turn around, I won't Ava: I want you to do what you want, that's all Ava: even if that was turning around, which, undeniably, would be shit but I'd survive Ava: but you wanna come, I'm almost 100% James: understood Ava: Okay Ava: I've got a great urge to tell you I'm not insane but that makes me sound more so so I'll just Ava: 😶 James: you haven't once struck me as being & I have some experience, as it were Ava: That's alright then Ava: It's a comparison I don't need, you either, I'm sure James: just don't insist I marry you & it won't ever need to be made Ava: Easy Ava: Got my word James: if only I had your skill at losing jewellery Ava: It is a talent, definitely; but unteachable? Nah James: now you've got a great urge to teach me something James: okay Ava: So many whims, only so much time Ava: Lucky I'm an excellent teacher James: very novel protagonist-esque, honestly James: you're earning your page space Ava: If fictional me gets slated as dull I'll have to change my pseudonym and run away James: you couldn't be hypothetically dull if you actually tried James: never mind close to anything else Ava: You always know just what to say yet I still believe it sincere James: it is sincere James: from the kings head shaving horror stories until now Ava: I'm confident believing it, and you Ava: because boys who always know what to say always say the wrong things James: maybe 126 minutes later I will have Ava: That's okay Ava: a mix of right and wrong Ava: that's real Ava: anything other and you're definitely up to something Ava: 😇 or 😈 either way James: I gave you a real tour the moment you asked for it, that's 😇 Ava: It felt it James: I'm not going to leave in the middle this time James: strictly end credits Ava: Don't promise Ava: that's practically begging fate James: well that's the last thing I want, my lips are sealed Ava: Your lips are Ava: 😈 James: if that means yours have to be described as 😇 I'm fine with it Ava: See? Ava: You're too good with words James: they're a very prominent feature, I couldn't help but notice Ava: I like that you notice Ava: Do it some more James: because I'm not sure I could stop if you didn't like it, it's a relief that you do Ava: Don't stop Ava: then I don't have to either James: very fair Ava: 😇 James: how far can we push that angelic streak to one side because I'm here early James: can you leave? Ava: Lessons are barely real at this point in the summer term and it isn't as if I've been paying any attention all day so Ava: Give me 10 to 'fake' needing to go lie down James: I'm not having any PTSD symptoms from being here quite yet James: take as long as you require Ava: Honestly Ava: Least it is undeniably too hot for the blazer so I won't trigger you into leaving without me James: I'm undeniably sure the way you wear it wouldn't make me wanna leave Ava: God, you are so distracting and fully aware what you're doing to me right now James: in 10 minutes, or preferably less, you'll have a car to lie down in should you suddenly really need to James: meaning I regret nothing Ava: Bad man Ava: The blush is admittedly helping my case here James: I'm not gonna lie & say if you aren't still wearing that I'll go without you but James: I do want to see it Ava: I'd say there's 0% chance of you not seeing it and a full 100% of me being unable to hide it James: 🍅 right, of course Ava: The dangers of being pale Ava: why I need this tan Ava: obviously James: how far does it go? is 😳 going to colour in your tan lines like a modern art piece James: if so that's a must for my book cover Ava: Well now we have to see how inspiring you find it Ava: even if you can't take any 📸 James: physically no, but mentally I'll take so many Ava: You're too pretty for photographs anyway Ava: you don't even look real in person James: how can you say that about another person when you look like you belong on a chapel ceiling or somewhere equally beautifully crafted? Ava: I Ava: I'm just Ava: on my way James: you can't miss me, the engine's on & the song choices are questionable James: it's very low profile Ava: Got to get the driver onboard, for future 126s James: I'll ask him if he has any knowledge of the Twilight soundtrack Ava: 😂 Ava: It goes hard, FYI James: he looked at me like he's a believer about that James: absolute Ava: Then we won't have to invite him to our viewing party Ava: Thank God James: it'd be taking politeness to new heights James: he is going to play it for us though Ava: I'm gonna tip him so hard James: It's taken care of by me James: you've agreed to hypothetically buy out everything in this coffee place in search of something I'll enjoy so Ava: Okay Ava: so if you're being polite then can I be slightly 😒 at his presence 'cos I really need to be alone with you right now? James: it's a reasonable request James: more so than the one I'd like to ask of you Ava: Go on Ava: There's clearly room and time for the unreasonable James: Ava, I hear how much you don't want to waste any of the borrowed time we're basically forced to be on, but can you please walk slowly for my mental picture gallery Ava: [Does, obviously] James: [😍 clearly as the twilight soundtrack begins to blast from this vehicle so casually] Ava: [and what a mental image that is, doing a mini run at the end 'cos excitement and nerves] James: [it's fine cos we all know he'd have to resist the urge to lowkey drag her into the car despite what he said, looking like you're getting snatched from the school gates lol] Ava: [thank God your teachers are useless and we can but hope there's no window some kid is staring that hard out] James: [just staring at her taking all those mental 📷s again though as soon as she's in] Ava: [the blush is so real and she knows it] James: [if she's blushing already wait until the kiss he initiates because obvs it'd be as hardcore as their first one but like it'd be so much more intense not only cos he wants her more but also because he wants more time to do this now. Everything would be so slow and deliberate like he's gotta savour every possible way he can kiss her and every possible tiny reaction each thing he does has] Ava: [well enjoy boy because she will be dying in all the ways like there's no hiding from the casual anticipation that has built up here] James: [they both just die there and then #plot twist] Ava: [or this driver reports you 'cos you've just picked up someone from school and started getting it on lmao, luckily you not being paid to think so shh] James: [oh my god imagine, please just drive and groove to the epic bops thank you sir] Ava: [she's 17 now we're so fine lollol] James: [he does not know that but I hope James does] Ava: [he's done a stalk, her bday wasn't that long ago in the feed] James: [true, I hope you had an epic bday babe] Ava: [no doubt baby, so we've got a pretty good plan of their afternoon plans, is there anything else we wanna say went down?] James: [good question, realistically they'd probably run out of time but also I am highkey so I'm like give them forever lol] Ava: [I assume he usually picks Jay up from School 'cos unless Chloe wanna turnt up at the gates why would she, so that'd be 3.30 say so they've got from 1ish, Chloe would still have the baby and thinks he's in class so we do have a fair whack of time] James: [not gonna let you waste all of that trying everything on a coffee shop menu, don't worry guys] Ava: [although a moment you need all the moments] James: [gotta find him something he genuinely likes cos his missus be ordering for him everywhere they go] Ava: [oat milk flat white] James: [chin chin gals] Ava: [But yeah I don't think we need a Chloe interruption this time 'cos he'll have a time he has to go anyway so suck it bitch] James: [there will be plenty of opportunities to do more of them anyway] Ava: [when your wife is controlling and crazy] Ava: [I was thinking for when we get the whole 'I don't think Jay is his' moment rolling, maybe if she finds out he's cheating again or whatever she does the typical 'she ain't even yours!' and maybe she's done it before so James just thinks she's bullshitting 'cos she's crazy but Ava is like hmm shall we like explore that though 'cos it's not 'neither of them are yours' it's always just Jay] James: [that is actually perfect though] Ava: ['cos it can escalate when she inevitably finds out it's Ava 'cos sleuthing or maybe at some point they wanna be out 'cos fuck it and she's taking it way more personal than any other girl and it's like why though so then the Buster link can come out even if she accidentally drops it 'cos so mad] James: [we all know Chloe is that bitch 100%] Ava: [🙌] James: [do we wanna do any more convo like once he had to leave or shall we post it and move on] Ava: [I'll do a lil bit 'cos straightforward, highkey and cute tbh] James: [allowing it] Ava: I hope I didn't make you late at all Ava: and that your girls like the Twilight soundtrack James: if they don't they've inherited their mother's bad taste & they've got bigger problems ahead than me being a few minutes late Ava: Obviously Ava: but I'm just saying, don't be too disappointed, no one can like it as much as you 😏 James: I don't believe that you don't like it as much as me Ava: It is more than just a hypothetical that I enjoyed myself Ava: soundtrack included but not my favourite part James: I couldn't possibly be disappointed by anything else knowing that Ava: Disappointment is not in my vocabulary right now James: you won't need to add it back in on my behalf Ava: I believe that James: when can I see you again? Ava: You tell me Ava: There are four more films James: 4? Ava: They split the last book into two, such a gimmick but you know James: I promise not to do that when I write yours Ava: Well, if I get to play myself maybe I won't mind the exposure 🤔 James: I'm not sure that I want to play myself James: in which case I would mind the increased screentime you'd then have with whoever does Ava: There's no finding anyone else with eyes as blue as yours Ava: Gonna blow the special effects budget James: 😂 Ava: I'm so serious Ava: and jealous James: I'll describe your eyes as bluer & your skin as more tan, if you like Ava: I like your candor, remember Ava: More than I'd like to be remembered as tanned and having the bluest eyes James: I'd like to remember you exactly as you are Ava: Don't say we have to leave it that long to see each other again James: not quite Ava: My parents have a 4-day business trip Fri-Mon, you could come over at some point then? James: the weekend is not going to happen but I can make Monday work James: Friday possibly Ava: Okay Ava: Not quite coffee shop level but we've got all sorts for you to try out James: you sounded like your brother then, almost James: not that he's ever propositioned me in exactly the same way Ava: Awkward Ava: I'll try and avoid that then😬😂 James: awkward will be if your parents haven't decorated since I was last there Ava: Thankfully they have Ava: and I haven't insisted on taking his room James: or your sister's? Ava: Spent loads of time in there too? Ava: no, I've got my own room James: not with her, obviously James: but you know how parties tend to overspill into every room Ava: 'Course James: are you going to have one? Ava: Undecided Ava: I'll have some people over at the weekend but it might be pretty chill James: is Teddy included in the some people? Ava: I don't know Ava: Would you like him not to be or? James: I don't know Ava: I get that it could be weird Ava: It's strange thinking how close you used to be with Buster James: but that was basically another life James: for me & for him Ava: Yeah Ava: well, I don't have to invite him, like I said, I don't even know what I fancy doing yet James: it's up to you Ava: I know Ava: It's James: it's not my business, Ava James: I shouldn't have asked Ava: No Ava: It's not not Ava: I know things are complex but I don't feel bad for her, you know Ava: I don't feel bad for doing it James: me either but not only because of the no regrets thing Ava: So it just feels weird to feel like guilty or something around your brother when I'm not Ava: He doesn't need to know and won't but it doesn't need to be any weirder than it would be if I dated any of my friend's siblings under more 'normal' circumstances James: understood Ava: Yeah? Ava: It's hard to explain James: I'm following it Ava: Not saying we are dating or Ava: you know James: I can't have a girlfriend, but if I could Ava: Really James: you'd be a good choice Ava: but I ain't James: why not? Ava: I don't know Ava: never mind James: Ava Ava: Ignore me, I don't know what I mean Ava: It's not important James: I don't want to ignore you Ava: Okay Ava: but we can talk about other things James: any topic you want Ava: Hmm Ava: Tempting but vague James: I assumed you'd prefer it over boring & specific Ava: A fair assumption Ava: What are you doing tonight though, ell me about your boring and specific James: I can't pinpoint specific dad duties as such, not with these two James: I could be gluing a doll house back together or walking an imaginary dog Ava: A handyman and a dogwalker Ava: either way, never a dull moment James: & that's without factoring in the possibility I could be dragged to a dinner party or subjected to guests arriving expecting champagne & nibbles with no prior knowledge or warning James: on any night James: how are you spending yours? Ava: Of course Ava: Expect no less from this town's leading socialite Ava: I've been summoned to a catch-up and 'homework' sesh as I didn't get back for last period Ava: the amount of messages, assumedly missed the second coming 🤷 James: I'm surprised you're not assumed to be too 'sick' to go James: maybe you shouldn't play yourself in my film either Ava: 😧 Ava: Um rude Ava: Maybe you need to try harder to make me 🍅 James: starting Friday or starting now? James: because how I would in person is not what I'm going to be able to do here Ava: Admittedly both sound intriguing James: so let's do both James: [sends her some kind of 💣🔥 sext because words are all they have as we all know what'll happen if you start sending pics, then she will and it's a whole dangerous thing] Ava: Oh Ava: and I was trying to avoid the cliche of telling you I missed you already James: there's no need to dismiss every cliche off hand James: some of them are good Ava: Some of them are very good Ava: remember when you write your book James: you'll remind me, right? James: I think we can assume too that writer's block isn't one of the enjoyable cliches Ava: I'll do my best Ava: Some protagonist I'd be otherwise James: very fair James: I'll do mine, in turn Ava: I have every faith in your way with words Ava: You've not gone wrong there yet James: [sends her another text because why not obvs, not like you're a busy man with a fam having an affair or anything] Ava: [God bless the multitask] Ava: James James: yes? Ava: It's going to be a really hard wait 'til Monday James: I'll fit you in Friday James: even if it's only an hour Ava: If you're gonna make it sound like a dentist appointment 😏 James: not the most original excuse but it'd still get you out of school Ava: Cheek 😂 Ava: My excuses are A* James: I don't doubt it James: but I don't want to find out by having you use any on me Ava: Just for you James: okay James: there's no excuses needed to keep posting selfies, is there? so I'll see you every day until Friday actually Ava: Of course Ava: Be dead suspect if I didn't tbh Ava: Can you post one? Ava: Even if you're in the background fulfilling whatever role is required at that precise moment James: for you, I will Ava: 😊 James: look out for it Ava: No.1 fan right here James: you're joking but you're not wrong Ava: Am I? 👀🤔 James: aren't you? Ava: I'll never tell Ava: Got to keep some mystery or who's gonna want to turn the page James: oh you want a mystery at the heart of this James: I see Ava: Does that not gel with your plan for the plot? James: I'll incorporate it after a quick brainstorm Ava: Hot James: 😈 Ava: Mhmm James: you're hot, I'm just lucky Ava: How so? James: to get to spend any time with you Ava: Oh please Ava: You're very good company James: most people are capable of being for a few hours Ava: Who do you know? Ava: Have to introduce me 😏 James: 😂 do you mind if I don't? Ava: I think I'll manage James: I'm happy to hear it Ava: For now, I need to be filled in on the gossip Ava: tell you if any of it is story-worthy James: do your work too please James: I'd like to follow you to a good uni Ava: Are you telling me what to do now? Ava: Don't hate that James: it's a nicely worded suggestion for now Ava: Noted 😇 James: you're going to be good then? Ava: I promised I'd be no trouble James: I know you did Ava: And I'll try really, really hard to keep that promise Ava: even if you make that difficult James: I'm trying really hard not to get in the car & come find you James: I don't think I have to tell you how difficult that is Ava: Damn responsibilities Ava: We can have all Monday though Ava: think about that when it gets tough Ava: I will James: I am Ava: 💙

[oh-styles]

Ok but like being too scared to actually say I love you to H cause I'm personally terrified of falling in love and being in a relationship and h doesn't wanna make you uncomfortable and understands your point so instead y'all say a code word to each other that means I love you like kiwi or something

OKAY FIRST OF ALL DID I GHOST WRITE THIS? I’m horrible at showing affection, especially at saying I Love You, so how come I never thought of doing this? (NO LIE, MIGHT USE THIS IDEA FOR FUTURE FIC IDEA AND I’LL BE SURE TO GIVE YOU CREDIT IF I DO)

The first time he says it, it catches you off guard, but hedoesn’t take your silence as a determent. “Don’t say it now, it you don’t know…”His words trail off, and you study him as he eyes dart aimlessly around theroom. “If you don’t know right now. Just want you to know where I am.”

And it was as simple as that. He loves you, that’s a fact,but the deafening silence over the following months felt like they were goingto swallow him whole.

You showed your love in many ways: cooking him dinner aftera stressful meeting, listening to him rant about a fan encounter gone wrong,your body leant against yours on the couch as you raked your nails against hisscalp, surprising him with a well-needed coffee after a late night writingsession followed by an early morning meeting, watching from the audience hisfirst show, being the first person he sees when he walks off the stage,constantly giving him your full support no matter what, and you standing by hisside through the good and the bad.

None of that has gone unnoticed to him, and he knows youhave to feel something if that meansyou take every brick thrown at you like a soft punch to the arm. If you didn’tlove him, you wouldn’t be near tears after he has to ask you, “Do you not loveme?”

It’s not come easy to you, at least not as easy as othersmake it out to be, but those three words feel…awkward leaving your mouth.Foreign. Even on the off chance you do let them slip out to a friend or afamily member, it doesn’t make it any less true, even if the words come out insome jumble that neither of you can truly understand.

“I do,” you say back, and the wall of confidence he’s builthimself to even ask you such a question quickly crumbles, and not only does hefeel like an asshole for making you cry, he’s quick to realize there’ssomething else you’ve held back for the past six months. “I do, I love…”

“Don’t say it if you don’t—“

“I do! Christ, I’m here fighting for you, aren’t I? I loveyou; I just hate the damn word.”

The sudden outburst sends him taking a step back, but youhold your ground as you fold your arms across your chest and let out a huff.

“I’m shit at emotions,” you start, “I’m shit at openingmyself up like that to people, but don’t think for a second I don’t love you.”

He expected the first time those words to escape your mouthwould be during a cheesy romance movie he set up for the two of you, or whenyou two were making love, or after he’s dropped you off from a date, but no –it’s standing in your kitchen, wearing a pair of basketball shorts and an oldStones shirt, only a half hour before he decided tossing and turning in bedwasn’t going to solve anything, and going straight to the source for an answer…even if it was after midnight and you were still groggy from sleep.

“I’m sorry,” be begins, you but you instantly shut him down.

“Don’t. Should have told you a long time ago. I’m sorry.”

Silence fills the space between you, and he’s the first oneto take that step forward to bring you into his arms, and slowly feel thattough façade of yours fade away.

“Kiwi,” you whisper in your ear, and it’s not but a secondlater you hear a chuckle erupt beside your ear.

“Pardon?”

“It’s what my friend and I say to each other, like acodeword. It’s my ‘I love you’… I just thought you’d think it was weird.”

He’s silent for a moment, but when he presses his lips toyour cheek and keeps you pressed firmly to him, he whispers back into your ear,“Well, Kiwi too.”

You burst into laughter and shake your head. “No, no, that’snot—”

“Nope! It’s been said! It stays!”

#let's talk about harry #harry styles fluff #harry styles #fluffy things

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: Word to the wise, McKenna, get your missus off the streets unless you want her to get hate crimed Buster: Like I care what happens to her Buster: Hospital bills aren't in the realm of what I pay for unless they're Jay's Rio: I can assure you I care even less so regardless of how little you feel for this one Rio: get her out of my face, yeah, cheers Buster: Handle her yourself Buster: I'm out of the habit of doing favors for you Rio: Why should I? Rio: She's your mess Buster: She's never been mine Buster: Nothing to me, like Rio: Of course not Rio: 'cept the mother of your child, like Buster: Jay's not gonna wake up and scroll Chlo's social feed. I reckon we're fine Rio: Luckily for you too Buster: What the fuck's that meant to mean? Rio: Hardly keeping it PG are you Rio: at least Chlo has the deceny to keep it fake Buster: Why should I? Buster: None of them are sticking around for playdates Rio: Exactly Rio: don't need to keep a catalouge running for anyone but yourself Buster: If you've got something to say, say it Buster: Don't make it about my daughter when it ain't Rio: Well yeah, it is Rio: Won't be that long before she can use an iPhone Rio: put money on her figuring it out before you get a clue, anyway Buster: Fuck you Rio: Yeah, fuck you and all Buster: You wish, babe Rio: Still out here with the same shit chat Rio: a miracle you can keep Chlo invested nevermind the rest Buster: Not trying to keep anyone invested Buster: It's your problem that it still works on you Rio: Please Rio: Just keep all your bullshit out my face Buster: Says the girl in my inbox seeking me out Buster: Block me. It's well easy Rio: I know it's hard for you to process, but this ain't about you Rio: anyway, if you took your own advice, these messages would be falling on deaf ears so Buster: I know that you knew I wouldn't care before you even said her name Buster: But here you still are, like Buster: And it's my bullshit, yeah? Okay Rio. Whatever you say Rio: Yeah, truly my bad for reckoning you still had some decency Rio: How are you gonna blame me for this one? Buster: Never claimed it Buster: Your bad for seeing what you're desperate to see Buster: I can blame you for not playing by the rules you made up to suit yourself and leaving me alone Rio: You mean my bad for seeing through your bullshit Rio: I'll claim that, happily Rio: Come on, there were never any rules, it was the fucking opposite from the jump Rio: and you've hardly been alone Buster: You'd have more credibility at seeing through me if you weren't so full of shit yourself Buster: But go off if you wanna Buster: 'Cause we both know what it's really about, yeah? Buster: You wear that jealousy well though, babe, don't worry Rio: Fuck off Rio: I have standards, unlike yourself Buster: They ain't high enough to brag about though Rio: You've got that covered too Rio: Maturity of a twelve year old Buster: And? Buster: You're so mature, it's all just playground games what you do, but 'cause there's cash in it you tell yourself it ain't Rio: And, you're a grownass man with a child so sort yourself the fuck out Rio: This ain't about my job Rio: which you have no idea about so don't even go there Buster: It ain't about me as a dad either, which you know even less about Rio: Yeah, 'cos not everything you do affects your kid Rio: think on like Buster: She's a baby and she's protected from this as much as her psycho ma will let her be Buster: Catch yourself on and stop trying to cross new lines with me now that I won't fuck you Rio: Sure, that's your thing, wait until everything's totally fucked before getting out your cape Buster: Rather that than stress something that ain't a thing Buster: Life's too short, babe, you gotta calm down Rio: Shut the fuck up Rio: I know how short it is Rio: its you that's acting like that means it don't matter Buster: 'Cause you've got all the answers, yeah? 'Course Buster: Ask yourself why you're so obsessed with my kid Buster: I know exactly what matters Rio: Yeah? Then fucking act like it Rio: reckon you're so smart when it's obvious why the fuck I care Rio: don't recall how this goes when you mess it up? Rio: 'cause none of us can fucking forget Buster: Then act like it your fucking self Buster: If you gave a shit you'd know that I ain't nothing like that cunt Rio: Not me you have to prove that to Buster: And I already prove it to her Buster: So fuck you Buster: She ain't Edie and she never will be Rio: Fuck you there was nothing wrong with her Rio: it was him Buster: And I'm not him Buster: So stop Rio: You stop Buster: What? Having a life Buster: Didn't reckon being a dad meant I have to book myself into a monastery like Rio: You don't have to or get to treat people, women in particular, like shit Rio: and act as if that's never coming back on you, and fucking her up Buster: I've never treated a girl anything other than how she wants me to Buster: They ain't asking me to get down on my knees with a ring Rio: Whatever, Buster Buster: Not whatever Buster: You know it firsthand don't act like you don't Rio: I'm not accusing you of being a fucking rapist here Rio: but you're gonna sit here and act like you've never turned a blind eye to a girl's feelings just 'cos it suited you Buster: With Chlo, yeah, and I'm still paying for it Buster: Every girl I've been with since knew exactly what was happening and not. I know I'm hot but they are capable of having a convo with me sometimes Buster: If you wanna think different, chat away to my fucking sister, she's been in that camp way longer, properly knows her way around Rio: Jesus Rio: Just get her on the first plane out of here, yeah Buster: If it was that easy she'd already have gone Rio: Yeah well Rio: Good luck Buster: Well, what? Buster: What do you want me to do? Buster: Whatever it is, take more than luck Rio: I'm not here offering solutions Buster: Just saying you care and doing fuck all to prove it, yeah? Buster: I got that Rio: What can I do? Christ, wasn't as if it was a friendly chat Rio: can hardly wave her through customs Buster: You could help me Buster: Instead of being a bitch Rio: I'm not being a bitch Rio: but go on, how? Buster: Whatever Buster: Forget it Rio: No Rio: I'm being serious Rio: Go on Buster: So I am Buster: I'll sort it myself Rio: Alright Buster: Salvage what you can of your night Rio: Whatever Rio: Will she seriously not leave? Doesn't she...do anything in London or what Buster: She can shop and have brunch here too Buster: Swap my parents for hers, with the bonus pair of hands that's me Rio: More tragic than my life and that's saying something Buster: Shut up Buster: You're alright Rio: Don't worry, not looking for sympathy Buster: Not giving it Buster: I don't need to Rio: Hmm Rio: doesn't she have a dog? Rio: could stage a kidnapping Buster: Wouldn't wish that on her parents, they'd get all the blame Buster: They ain't that bad Rio: Alright, just ransom one of her shit friends then Buster: Like she'd actually care Buster: I'm ringing her, once she has enough missed calls from me she'll come running back Buster: Gotta raise the tally to the highest it's been or what's the point, like Rio: Gets her out of town, yeah Rio: but how are you gonna get her out of yours? Rio: maybe your 'rents can Buster: Not your problem Buster: Neither is the fact my parents would have to be around themselves to notice that she is Rio: Guess even their best stern phone voice ain't really going to cut it Rio: Surely there's a social occasion she's missing? Create a fake one, like Buster: Nothing to top her plans to seduce me into playing happy families Buster: But I'm the one who'll mess Jay up Rio: Alright, I didn't compare you to her, come on Buster: Nah, just the biggest cunt, going Buster: Cheers Rio: Not you as a whole Rio: just some behaviour but yeah Rio: said what i said still sorry Buster: Are you? Rio: Don't push it, I ain't gonna repeat the s word Rio: but yes Buster: You can, I won't tell anyone Rio: Yeah? Forgo the social media for that one Rio: Typical Buster: Hardly the first exception I've made for you, babe Rio: Lucky me Buster: Least you can admit that Rio: Idiot Buster: Behave Buster: I clearly ain't as smart as you want me to be but can't go that far Rio: Alright, ain't the first to not be on my level Rio: sure you won't be the last Buster: Shut up Buster: That's the biggest lie you've told me yet Buster: I easily match you Rio: And that's the most defensive you've been Rio: Oh, boy, some things never change Buster: Good. Things weren't that bad how they were Rio: Yeah Buster: You should go, reckon I've got through her thick skull finally Buster: Have some fun Rio: Oh, ain't even thought of a decent plan yet Buster: Don't worry about it Buster: No reason we should both have a shit night Rio: If I was anywhere Chlo could hunt me down, unlikely I was having a rager, isn't it Buster: Yeah well, you were the one trying to say you had standards, babe Buster: You working or what? Rio: Also saying shit was tragic, if your recall's that good Rio: Nah, rare night off Buster: All the more reason to fuck off and do something good then Buster: Ain't too late yet Rio: Do my best, McKenna Buster: Have one for me, like Rio: Done is done Buster: Sláinte Rio: I miss you Buster: Rio Rio: Sorry Buster: Don't Buster: That isn't how I wanted to hear you say sorry Rio: I know Rio: I didn't mean to say it Buster: I know Rio: Okay fuck Rio: bye Buster: Wait Rio: Yeah? Buster: I miss you too Buster: I'm not sorry Rio: Swear? Buster: Yeah Rio: What do we do? Buster: Do you really want me to answer that? Rio: Guess my answer depends on yours so Buster: You already know there's only one thing I can think about doing Rio: Me too Buster: Fuck Buster: Tell me we can't Rio: Can't now Rio: for real Rio: but I can't say never Rio: it feels as shit as it sounds Buster: I know Buster: That's all I'm sorry for, like Rio: I tried Rio: but it just fucked everything else up too Buster: you and me both, babe Rio: Jesus Rio: what's wrong with us Buster: Nothing I wanna fix Rio: Seriously? Buster: I want you Rio: I know Rio: it made me mental Rio: and that's only the shit i saw, never mind all the stuff i could imagine, and couldn't stop myself from Buster: Good Buster: 'Cause you gave me nothing to go on Rio: Not good Rio: I could fill you in if that's what you want Buster: Is it gonna be worse than what's in my head? Rio: Safe to assume if it was I wouldn't be in your inbox now, would I Buster: No telling with you Rio: Charming Buster: Well, can't be, can I Buster: Not now Rio: I got this far resisting you, sure I can manage a few more days Buster: You reckon? Rio: No but you know Rio: if I ain't got a choice I ain't got one Buster: You could race Chlo to my door Rio: You'd love that, twat Rio: though doubt she's gonna be fast in those heels Buster: How pissed is she? Not gonna love that, am I Rio: Completely white girl wasted Buster: 'Course Buster: Come over a few minutes after she gets here then Rio: We can't do that Buster: I know but I really wish I was being serious Rio: Same Rio: Just have to see you around, like Buster: I'll call you when she gets mad enough at me to go Rio: Sounds like a plan Rio: She's determined but you're annoying as fuck so Buster: Fuck off Buster: You love it Rio: For my sins Rio: I give Chlo 3 days tops Rio: she's fake and we know it Buster: I'll get her to leave tomorrow Buster: You'll see Rio: You talk a big game, babe Buster: If it was all talk I wouldn't be saying it Buster: The proof'll come Buster: I'm determined too Rio: You're cute Buster: You won't be saying that when I'm right Buster: Then I'll be hot as fuck Rio: to yourself or me, like? Buster: Hilarious Rio: You know I got jokes Rio: and you know you're always hot as fuck to me too Buster: Tell me what else you've got for me Rio: Only all of me and whatever you want Buster: I'll take that Rio: Good Rio: not got the holiday home and yacht perks like your usual, soz like Buster: Shut up Buster: You know I don't care about any of that Rio: Giving you some credit, like Rio: Dunno what else you're seeing in 'em Buster: You really wanna talk about them? Rio: Not my first choice but as discussed Rio: not yet Buster: It's easy that's all Rio: You don't need to explain yourself Rio: I'm just jealous Buster: I'm just saying you don't need to be Rio: Not now I know you feel it too Buster: Did you actually think I didn't? Rio: I don't know Rio: Maybe Rio: I told you, couldn't stop thinking all kinds of shit Buster: Idiot Rio: Shut up Rio: said in this very convo that you won't fuck me anymore Buster: And you said you saw through my bullshit Rio: You know, being cocky is your thing Rio: but honestly, always said it, headfuck, yeah? Hardly been here before Rio: don't know what I'm doing or feeling half the time Rio: except I want you, that's all I know Buster: That's all I need you know Buster: It's alright Rio: Yeah? Rio: Good then Buster: It'd be better if you were coming here instead of Chlo Buster: Not to speak of the devil 'cause fuck knows when she'll appear Rio: She did stumble out a while ago so Rio: probably soon, assuming she ain't fallen in the river Buster: I ain't that lucky Buster: Had my share for tonight anyway, like Rio: I won't tell anyone you said that Rio: nothing but god given 🍀 Buster: Cheers Rio: People you don't wanna see are like buses forreal and the 2nd just showed up eurgh Rio: Don't get the wrong idea, Chlo, not following you out but I gotta dash Buster: Who's got you running? Rio: Just someone I owe a second date Buster: Where are you gonna go? Rio: Onto the next bar and hope I ain't been spotted Rio: though no one wants to leave so I'm gonna have to make new friends, cheers lads Buster: You could always come here Buster: Have a drink with me instead of for me Buster: And celebrate Chlo's impending departure Rio: Hmm Rio: How much space can you feasibly put between you and me, whilst still serving me a drink? Rio: 'Cos I don't trust myself at all Buster: Try me Rio: Alright, Tom Cruise 🍸 Rio: no need to try to impress me i'm there Buster: Yeah? Rio: Yeah Rio: Can always just go down on you Rio: Stealth mode Buster: Good to know you've got a plan Rio: Always thinking, babe Buster: Can't deny that I ain't Rio: Then you'll owe me for missed time and then some Buster: Fine Rio: Seal the deal when I get there, like Buster: Promise Rio: Promise Buster: How soon can you be here Rio: Gotta give Chlo time to get in and leave you alone, so you tell me Buster: Just come now Buster: I wanna see you before I have to her Rio: How we gonna explain that one? Rio: Unless you want me to hide Buster: She won't remember Rio: I think she will Rio: Stalker of the highest order Rio: shocked she even knew who I was Buster: You've got a point Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: I know, babe Buster: [An annoying amount of time later] Buster: Okay Rio: Persistent bitch Buster: I don't wanna talk about her any more Rio: We don't have to talk at all Buster: You reckon? Buster: When have you ever stayed that quiet Rio: Sounds like you missed me and all my talk Buster: Yeah Buster: I wanna hear everything you've got to say to me Rio: Okay, work on my whisper Buster: Not that you're gonna have long 'cause you're gonna hurry up, yeah? Rio: Duh Rio: Wish I could say the blue dress has made an reappearance alas Buster: I don't care Rio: Trust, gonna make sure you don't care about anything but what my mouth is doing Buster: Christ Rio: I missed you so much Buster: I can't wait to show you how much I missed you too

[punkscowardschampions]

Ronnie & Joe

Ronnie: Been to busy too answer your phone, yeah? Ronnie: Not dead in a ditch, worse luck Ronnie: enjoying your model perks Joe: Ugh, sorry, that took much longer than she said it would Joe: trust, no blow in sight, not that professional a shoot, sadly Ronnie: No fun to rush an orgy like Joe: Lmao, again, if only Joe: you do know its Sophie and the trust fund massive, yeah? Ronnie: all the posh cunts turn you down, poor baby Ronnie: back to slumming Joe: I'm not interested, like Joe: Not saying there's a reason poor Dais needs to be shot from the back or nothing Ronnie: Go in from the back yourself then, why not Ronnie: there's no reason Joe: You're alright tah Joe: Give her your number if she's got you so affected here Ronnie: fuck it Ronnie: posh girls try hard Ronnie: worse ways to spend a night Joe: Can't say I ain't a little gutted myself Ronnie: she's hotter for you no need to try Ronnie: or for you to cry bout it Ronnie: not like im any stranger to a 3way Joe: No doubt Joe: also none that the wildest she's ever got is a mild freshers week and gap yaaah Ronnie: didn't realise you were fucking besties Ronnie: if you want me to bow out for the bonding give Soph a shout for my slot Joe: I told you it took forever Joe: Creepy as I look, couldn't actually loom over her shoulder silently for the best part of 3 hours Ronnie: much better to go for the eye fuck and one-liners Joe: If only I had your expertise Joe: have to show me how sometime Ronnie: you know where I am Ronnie: same place I've been all day Joe: come over? Joe: your gf ain't here but neither is Soph so Ronnie: gutted for you Ronnie: a posh accent ain't my thing Ronnie: have to hit up someone else for your roleplay Joe: No kidding Joe: No disguising that hacking thing you do Ronnie: Take it up with your ma Ronnie: Didn't drop me on the doorstep of no palace, baby Joe: Thank God, they lock up their undesirable kids for life in the loony bin, you know Ronnie: course you know that mckenna you fucking headcase Ronnie: get the warning did ya, golden boy? Joe: 'Course, can't use the care home as an empty threat without eye twitching like, could she Ronnie: not much of a threat unless you're a pussy Ronnie: even Charlie hacked it Joe: Didn't know you had so much faith in me Joe: N'awh, babe Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: with how much they love a gay bash you'd be dead Ronnie: you and your artsy mates Joe: That's more like it Ronnie: calm down you fucking lezza Joe: How does that even work as an insult Ronnie: You're a pussy and you have one Ronnie: how many braincells did you wreck on your pretty little photo shoot like Joe: S'cool with me Joe: that's what you're about these days, appaz Ronnie: fuck you Ronnie: I've sucked plenty of dealers dicks doesn't mean I'm in love with them or their stash Ronnie: such a romantic soul, mckenna Joe: that'll be the pretentious art prick in me Joe: take that as you will Ronnie: put it where you want like, just wash it off before it comes anywhere near me Ronnie: i don't know where posh girls go Ronnie: or where they let lads put their pricks Joe: Sure, wash it 6 times, then once more to be sure Joe: That headcase life, remember? Ronnie: not on enough gear at the minute to be forgetting Joe: So, you want some? Ronnie: not got any cash have I, you pity fuck Ronnie: don't ask stupid questions Joe: Someone's gotta Joe: Since you ain't Joe: I'll drop it off, consider it on the house Ronnie: and go the fuck where? Ronnie: loads of better offers suddenly, yeah? Joe: Naturally, the posh orgy, remember? Joe: Would hate for you to inconvenience yourself on my account Ronnie: you're a cunt Ronnie: and you'd love it Ronnie: you inconvenience me on fucking purpose Joe: yeah? Joe: i assure you, nothing cuts me deeper Joe: that what you wanna hear? Ronnie: fuck off Ronnie: I called and called you, you useless twat Ronnie: wasn't hearing that was you Joe: no phones on set, like Joe: I'm coming now Joe: What more you want? I can't get a postmate to pick that shit up for you Ronnie: Get to fuck Ronnie: you're coming over cause that girl has more sense than to let you get your dick wet Ronnie: it ain't no love for me bringing you to the door, baby Joe: Which is it, either gagging for it or gagging fullstop Joe: Either way, I told you, I don't give a fuck Joe: Believe what you like but I also told you I ain't letting you near me so where's the logic in that? Ronnie: where's the logic in you playing student all day you junkie waster Ronnie: i ain't trying to tell you what to do about that like so don't talk down to me like im a fucking invalid that needs her shit delivered on tap Ronnie: postmate your fucking head if you keep on Joe: Gotta pay for it somehow, ain't I Joe: Ain't even what I said Joe: you asked, now you're pissy that I'm delivering Ronnie: I didn't fucking ask Ronnie: you offered to be a fucking savior as per Joe: Just calling and calling for a chat, was we? Joe: Don't chat bollocks, Ron Ronnie: I wanted to see you, you fucking doss cunt Joe: Yeah? Joe: Funny way of showing it, babe Ronnie: Fuck you Ronnie: If you want easy go text your other bitches Joe: I ain't asking for easy but not looking for so uninterested you make me out to be a rapist, like Ronnie: what are you on about Joe: I get that that's what you do, and it ain't judgment on yous but can't say the idea of you only fucking me for drugs does it for me Joe: s'what I'm saying, take the drugs, you don't have to if you aren't about it Ronnie: Jesus fucking Christ Ronnie: Go cry to your perfect flatmates about it like Ronnie: Not seeing you try and wine and dine me you hypocritical cunt Joe: Fucking hell Joe: I know that ain't what you're after either but Ronnie: But what? You can't hack not getting everything you want Ronnie: That's life, mckenna Joe: What, I've got such lofty fucking ideals? Please Joe: I've got what I need Joe: How 'bout you? Ronnie: Try sticking your dick in someone you ain't related to and say that again Ronnie: what the fuck do you think I need from you? go on Joe: That ain't what I want, even if you reckon I need it, and Jesus and the rest, yeah? Joe: I got no fucking clue, baby Joe: You tell me Ronnie: had a clue a minute ago when you called me out as a junkie hooker like Ronnie: what's the matter, not so sure now? Joe: Need your ears check if you heard that Joe: Never mind your head Ronnie: it ain't nothing I ain't heard before Ronnie: not bout to shed any tears over it Ronnie: that's your gig Joe: Yeah, you love it Joe: We get it Ronnie: can't all hate ourselves as a full time job, baby Ronnie: burn yourself a little more so we can proper get the picture of how bad you're suffering Joe: Ha ha Joe: Funny Ronnie: makes me laugh Ronnie: which is all I'm looking for Ronnie: out for number 1 Joe: I'm very happy for you, babe Ronnie: tears of joy, are they? Ronnie: fuck off you ain't capable Joe: I know you'd love it if I was about to kms but trust, I'm doing as good as I always am Joe: You don't have an effect either way, soz to say Ronnie: liar Joe: You reckon? Joe: Even if you didn't come with junk to numb me out, nah babe Ronnie: you don't get to go cold turkey from me Ronnie: even if you fucking wish you could Joe: says who Ronnie: you Ronnie: you're about more than you're not Joe: yeah Joe: why all this drama then? Ronnie: what do you expect? Ronnie: I hate you Joe: 'Course Joe: Whatever does it for you, babe Joe: at least I only need me for that Ronnie: like you give a shit what gets me off, like you've ever Ronnie: I don't need you for anything Joe: Bullshit all the rest but I know that's a lie Joe: then I'll keep the gear and stay away Joe: No big Ronnie: I get to fuck you over by fucking you, what's easier Ronnie: Bullshit you could Ronnie: you can't stay away, you're too much of a sick fuck Joe: You know how to make easy seem like hard fucking work, babe Joe: and you can? Ronnie: I can, I don't wanna Joe: At least we have that in common, yeah? Ronnie: You want something in common with me? Don't be fucking stupid like Joe: Want? Like its optional now Ronnie: You tell me, changing personalities to fuck with the art bitches Joe: Nah Joe: was an IOU for getting the rent in late Joe: like I really wanted to be there, fuck that Ronnie: got somewhere better, have you? Golden boy too good for the posh cunts now Joe: I told you where I wanna be but you kept arguing instead listening Ronnie: Cause you're a lying piece of shit Ronnie: Tell me the truth, it'd only kill ya, like Joe: You don't believe me either way Joe: So much for loving yourself when you won't hear how much I want you Ronnie: Don't say shit you don't mean Joe: See Joe: Even if I got on my knees and crawled to yours Joe: not having it, are you Ronnie: You ain't about to do that so what the fuck does it matter Joe: wanna bet Ronnie: don't be a pussy Ronnie: you ain't no comedian either Joe: What do you want then Ronnie: come over, fuck's sake Joe: now was that so hard Ronnie: Shut the fuck up Ronnie: just do it