#not just because of fatphobia toward others but also because most people are themselves trying to lose weight | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

growingfeedeeinfrance · 1 year

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Bonjour Porcelet!🐷 As the feedee gainer community tends to be most prominent in the Anglosphere it's always delightful to encounter those from other cultures & countries discovering the delights of feedism & making it their own! It just shows our innate desire to get fat is such a truly universal impulse for aǁ of us! But I'm curious to ask how you as a French gainer girl view your experience striving to grow fatter with all of France's differing cultural attitudes to diet body-image & cuisine?

Ouch tough question😅 [TW: fatphobia, ED, suicide] I think my story is similar to those in the anglosphere but I can still share x)

The first thing I have to talk about is fatphobia. I was put on a diet at FIVE years old. I wasn't even allowed to go to Bday parties because of the sweets.

So I came to discover feedism at the same time as I began to struggle with eating disorders. I was 10/11 years old, anorexic and already fascinated by fat girls stuffing themselves online. I used to actually have a journal were I would write every synonyms, idioms etc related to being fat, repeating them all in my head to myself before falling asleep.

My teens years were hard because I tried so hard to suppress this kink, I was so ashamed of it, and of my body. Even though I was super fit and skinny. I basically tried for 10 years to get rid of this desire, a form of self-made "therapy conversation" rooted in the shame my mother's fatphobia (and society's) had ingrained in me. I guess the fact that everything was in english online made it a bit more "distanced" and easy to deal with? But I did have the same feelings toward that one episode from the Totally Spies ;)

It was only when I was 20, that I finally opened up to my partner about my kink because I just felled so sad and lonely. I had tried making connections in the online feedism community but I always failed 😅 Along the way I realized that the french langage didn't carry as much attraction and seduction to me when it came to feedism. Like I'm sorry you all but talking to me in french about feedism stuff is just almost always "anti-sexy" 😅

It wasn't for them so I didn't start anything IRL. But after my 2nd attempt at suicide, and during the 1st pandemic lockdown, I started gaining weight (because of some medications + lockdown I guess). I just had to ask myself what I wanted in life and who I wanted to be.

So I realized I was trans (I'm enby!) and that I wanted to pursue this kink in real life as much as I could. So I slowly started to center pleasure in my food habits, and tried to let go of the shame and the guilt (still trying). I have a malformation that makes it impossible for me to stuff myself (I throw up really easily) but I still tried to gradually increase my capacity.

I still feel sad and lonely because I fear that I will never meet someone in real life to share this kink with me. In all the spheres of my life (education, friends, activism...), I'm the fat one now. Which kind of drives me crazy because I'm not even that fat?!? And I'm just like "where are the other fat people?!?"

Even in diverse, kinky and sex positive places, feedism is always new to people and most of those spaces centers thin people. (I'm not "masc" enough to go to bear places 😅). Fatphobia is really pervasive in every spaces, and it's really hard to live through. For instance, EVERY transmasc spaces will center "thin/fit" bodies as the GOAL for transition. Like I want a more masculine body but I don't want to be thin. I want to keep my boobs and have less hips to reduce the "hourglass" body I have. It's super hard (almost impossible) to find cute, masc clothes that fit me. All of the environmental groups I'm in put big importance in highly physical activities and put fitness forward all the time. There is no relaxing or enjoying our bodies. WE HAVE TO BE FIT and want it. Public transport is also hard because the seats are so tiny (same in education). And fatphobia is still intense in medical places (like I went to see a cardiologist because my mom has heart issues and she told me my heart was super healthy but I still had to lose weight. why? no idea), and in familial settings (it's just for your heath etc etc).

Gaining would be soooo much easier if society wasn't so fatphobic. I hate it so much because I still have those moments where I feel I should try to lose weight because I fear I'm becoming "too ugly" (especially as a transmasc person) and I'll end up alone. And I've decided to center the relationships I have in my life and I don't want my partners to be disgusted by my body. That's why I never share my videos/photos with them and I only post on Tumblr. Thank you all for the feedist community online, I don't know where I'll be without it.

For the cuisine, having spent some times in the US, I have to admit that France's diversity in food makes gaining all the more enjoyable. And while yes, a lot of the food is centered around thinness/healthyness, most traditional dishes are much more hearty and fattening!!! (and delicious!!) And my sweet tooth is just in looove with french pastries!!! But I admit I like my twice a week american fast food x)

I don't know if I've really answered your question, don't hesitate if you want more details about some specific aspects of my experience in France!

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kwonhochi · 1 month

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what are your thoughts about the fatphobic comments hoshi has made towards his own members. i am asking this as a genuine question but no hoshi fan whatever you guys are called wants to give me an answer lol

ok so i have been pretty offline and not keeping up w a lot of svt content so this conversation completely missed my radar ! i assume ur talking about this video since thats what ive seen recent conversation abt when i went looking.

- i do want to clarify i am not someone who has had to deal with fatphobia, so my word should not hold as much weight as those who have, and it should be important to uplift the voices of those most impacted by such comments.

we see comments like this often in kpop. an idol’s life revolves around being skinny and packaged of that perfect doll (and only a skinny one!), and the culture in korea (and east asia as a whole) further enforces that. however ! having HAD to deal with such pressure to be skinny they know very well how uncomfortable comments about your weight to be, no matter how joking in tone. in the video hoshi first makes a very unnecessary comment abt seungkwan being a “pig” - perhaps to make light of how peder had been commenting on how little seungkwan was eating - and no matter how the language difference affects the meaning of pig in korean, seungkwan very clearly expresses his displeasure with this comment (tho definitely exaggerated for the cameras). kwan has been dealing with comments like these for years and we have seen how painfully its affected his self esteem and body image, and the members know this. hoshi should definitely know better! right after the video cuts to when peder accidentally says boohae and the rest of bss joke to try and explain the meaning of the word thru their language difference. this also reads like theyre trying to make light of the situation, but dk telling peder to call seungkwan boohae again after theyd cleared up the misunderstanding is DEFINITELY crossing a line and i think thats the part i take most issue with, personally. these clips mostly seem to be the results of some poor taste in jokes taken too far.

ultimately, this is an issue seungkwan needs to clear up with his members, if it really is an issue. theyve known each other for (more than) a decade, so they can (and have) set boundaries about what to joke about and what not to - i’d be surprised if they hadnt already set boundaries abt this topic, but its not my place to pry into their personal lives and relationships with each other, nor it is my place to decide what they should do about this matter! there have been repeated offenses of fatphobic comments by various seventeen members so i do think it is very important that we talk with them about the harm these comments can cause, both to the people listening and the people they are talking about.

you are going to run into fatphobia in kpop spaces. from idols (both about themselves and the people around them), their companies, and from fans. but it really shouldnt be like that! it really shouldnt. this is a topic we do have to approach with nuance, considering both cultural and language differences, as well as the working conditions of an idol, but we cant simply excuse these comments because of that. idols should know better, and if they dont, we have the power to let them know that!

i hope we can continue to foster productive conversations about these issues and include idols in these conversations. i do firmly believe people are allowed to make mistakes and learn from them; we just have to make sure we are giving idols the opportunity to learn, and educate themselves, after making these comments. as fans, we are the people powering and funding this whole industry, and we do have power from this! i know its possible to make kpop a better space. it just takes time and a group effort. i have seen a lot of people write off serious, important criticism of groups as simply “hate” - which ultimately trivializes the whole issue and doing so does not accomplish anything. dogpiling on someone for a mistake can also make them feel attacked and adverse to changing if its not handled with enough tact. fandom spaces as a whole need to develop the skill of being able to seriously face topics that need addressing and learning how to then work together to solve/better these problems. the original(?) account i saw that posted the clips this month, a year after the videos posting, did have a history of posting derogatory tweets about hoshi, but that does not make the issue of fatphobia and body shaming among seventeen & kpop as a whole any less real, or any less in need of addressing. And scene

#okay this got really long and i was trying to write this in a Loud Room so i do not think i accomplished the level of articulation i had #hoped to achieve but i hope this answers your question nonny ! thank u for bringing this to my attention #anon tag 🌟#if anyone has some better organized thoughts about this i would love to hear them 👍❣️

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years

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Hey Goldy,

feel free to disagree but i was thinking about the whole jimin wanting to bulid muscles thing and i remembered blood sweat and tears era....the whole thing back then was that he was pushing himself to look like what an idol is 'supposed' to look like. so right now him trying to bulid muscles might be bcuz he wants to look more like a perfect idol and just have the kind of body that is expected of him as an idol. this is similar to many female idols trying to be really skinny to fit in with the toxic standards of being an idol. so more so than toxic masculinity i guess we should be worried about him conforming to toxic idol body standards.

If you don't mind, I agree with you.

Your point is equally part of the discourse: unrealistic male body standards, strict and toxic beauty standards for idols, toxic masculinity- I think they are all intersectional cousins living on the same continent. It don't mean they are mutually exclusive or that the presence of one excludes the other.

Jimin could very well be grappling with all of these at once we will never know- much like headache. You think it's just your head, next you know you feeling cold too, then you're dizzy, puking, passing out and explaining to your doctor why you're gay but think your period is late. Then you find out you're not pregnant but you wish you were because what you've been diagnosed with is far worse than being pregnant by a phantom Male who probably might have raped you when you were passed out even though you hate men and it's like WHAT ARE WE EVEN HERE ON EARTH FOR?!

Not that any of that happened to me.

As I said in the last post, I think skinny and androgymasculine is the body standard for men in Kpop. Most male idols who get cosmetic surgery or makeup do not do it to enhance their traditional masculine features. They try to look soft and feminine- especially around the jaw so it looks more oval and feminine.

When any of the members gain body weight they are immediately placed on a diet- whether or not that is healthy is another issue to debate on. You know what I think.

Fans and antis alike blatantly call the members fat and complain about their appearance, that they look chubby or fat even though sometimes it's just the bulkiness that comes from building muscles.

Much like Jimin defending Jungkook when a fan called him fat. He explained it was muscle not fat. What's wrong with being fat?

The fatphobia and fat shaming in Kpop is one conversation I sincerely don't think y'all are ready for, given recent events. Didn't Suga, the lady from Twice and one guy from Enhypen come under such vicious attacks for being fat in recent times?

People were making fun of her for being 'fat' and some assumed initially she was pregnant or something of the sorts- allegedly. Can't verify the source or identify how recent this was.

That this piece was written by someone called I love BTS is not ironic, the main irony is that the lady being fat shamed for showing her biceps and belly had just returned from a hiatus during which she had sought psychological treatment for her mental health.

The things these Idols do to maintain the looks we see on screen is outrageous and really worrying- to some of us at least. Jungkook recently saying he didn't eat anything for about 5 days when they filmed the butter MV gave me palpitations. I hope they stop glorifying these things as if it's something to be proud of. It's disconcerting at best. But what do I know, I have to leave people to make their own choices I'm told.

If I choose to harm myself because I feel pressured by my work environment it's not a choice it's oppression. Just saying.

And yes, people can CHOOSE to do bad things to themselves. it don't make those bad choices right and that's the nuance of the conversation we are having.

And I hope people who fat shame the boys know and understand the risks they take and how hard they work to meet these beauty and body standards- IT'S RIDICULOUS.

Jimin calling himself fat is not a choice. It's him cracking under the pressure of Idolhood. Like I said, he is prone to these things. And saying he is mature now and so he cannot be affected by these pressures is obtuse and toxically positive.

If you've been paying attention to Jimin for sometime now since On Era last year, he's not been talking positively about his body especially whenever they talk about his early days and when they've reacted to their debut.

He's talked about how his body looked so great then as compared to now- even though it was ON ERA and he looked pretty buffed- relatively speaking.

RM felt his biceps and told him his body now was ok. Seems to me whatever is going on with him and his view of his body now didn't just begin. Something is just acting as catalyst and bringing it all up to the surface.

He's comparing himself to his debut days and thinking that masculine aesthetics- which he himself said was a trap for him and was glad he had overcome that, "hurry up and be me now" - he's backpedaling to say that looks better than his present look.

Towards the end of 2020 we saw him proudly sporting Illucebra Arcanus- male and female adjectives, the bigender symbol, and proudly comparing his body to a flower because he says it was delicate.

But it seems to me he is struggling internally with identifying himself or trying to fit into these labels external to him. Not to be psychoanalytic or anything. I think I talked about this in one of my blogs. A florist described him as delicate during Run and he's since been using that word to describe his features. I think he wears his internal struggles on his identity on his sleeves which is very typical of people with dual like gender identities or identities that exist on a spectrum ranging from one form to the other rather than being gender A or B- sometimes those identities conflict.

He's on a journey to self discovery I'd say and that includes deciding for himself what he is rather than bending to the labels of what people think he is or should be.

Androgyny can be attained by make up, or clothes- it can be fashion or trend but it is also a valid form of identity.

All these songs they write about persona, ego, map of the soul... these are very Carl Jung in nature and it's not far fetched to assume they dabble in these things and learn from it to shape their own understanding of who they are- Jimin pays attention to these things and if you are a huge fan of his you'd know which moments I'm referring to.

Non of these however exempts him or preclude him from having toxic notions of masculinity I'm afraid.

It's like assuming gay people can't be homophobic or black people can't be racist.

I don't know why people are struggling to wrap around that Jimin struggles with toxic masculinity tendencies when he has addressed that very issue himself on several occasions- I'm simply putting a name to it. Toxic masculinity don't mean he is a toxic person or man. A toxic man can have toxic masculinity on top of his toxicity.

A woman can be a perpetrator of toxic masculinity if they are prone to expecting men to behave in a certain way that is harmful to men and other women.

These are the people who call skinny, effeminate men weak and gay and expect or encourage men to be heroes, and violent and aggressive and even nurture those traits in their men.

I do agree with Jimin pushing himself to look like the perfect idol in the past- I did, have and will continue to condemn that choice he makes from time to time just as I condemn the toxic masculinity now.

It's interesting how you see him bending to the pressures to look as an idol in kpop as a problem and articulate it well but fail to see that an ad which is pro manly men would have a similar effect on him to push him to look a certain way which is opposite of how he looks naturally- especially when he's been questioning himself for quite some time now.

If fat shaming causes idols to loose weight, there's a shaming that causes effeminate men to want to bulk up. And if the former is fatphobia and can be internalized, the later is toxic masculinity and can be internalized too.

If an idol loosing weight to meet a strict standard is not about their choice and personal body preference, skinny men gyming to bulk up isn't so much about choice either. It's nuanced in that way and those two can be happening together at the same time.

I'm ok if he is not feeling pressured to look a certain way- whether skinny or buff. If it's his choice and his alone it is not toxic masculinity or internalized fatphobia.

I loved reading your POV. Thank you.

Signed,

GOLDY

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nickysescapism · 3 years

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here my thought on Fate real quick:

Things that did not piss me off:

Bloom being extra spicy really mega ultra special² (by now I’m not even surprised anymore)

Silva

the short time we spent with Marco

That one good-looking specialist girl that got killed off pretty quickly (you will be missed)

Terra’s dad

Bloom being the only one with an american accent (because british accents are supperior and also it shows that Bloom does not “fit in”)

Sam aka another white boy (but my feelings towards him were neutral so yeah)

Things that did piss me off:

the blatant whitewashing

unnecessary pop culture references (we get it you watched HP and make IG stories)

pls stop butchering the four houses like that if you can’t get your facts straight

the constant fatphobia

Riven’s obvious biphobia and everyone just accepting it

the 'blond mean girl' trope because what would we do without it

the victim (Dane) falling for the bully (Riven) for no apparent reason

“I hAvE A cOuSin NaMeD FlOrA”

the only black woc being the “mom of the group” because we haven’t seen this stereotype for a hot sec

the boring and repetitive sequences of the specialists training with wooden sticks like children in elementary school

“We DoN’t HaVe WiNgS aNymOrE”

Bloom being super selfish and everyone risking their lives for her constantly because they all love her anyway

the line “you full-creeped on my insta last night and I haven’t told anyone” exists non ironically (Riverdale called they want their awful-cringy-lines back)

"Riv"

fetishizing bi people (because bi’s can only ewist on Netflix if they are doing threesomes because that’s what being bi is all about apparently)

using the word mansplaining in the first episode TWICE in the span of a few minutes and not even using it right

the only healthy relationship (Musa and Sam) is so freaking boring that one had to make up a non existing drama to make it less boring

the unburned slaughtering like 10 specialist who are pros and do this job for years but two first-year fairies were able to get away without a scratch

the non existing friendship between the winx's and therefore it makes no sense that they still keep hanging out with each other

the erasure of our queen tecna!!

all the good specialist were erased too (like Timmy and Brandon)

the outfits making them look like grown ass moms and not like teenagers

the cast looking like they are more likely to be in college than in high school

Beatrix (besides everything she isn’t even a good villain, she is the worst secret “villain” i’ve ever seen like she is like a freaking elefant in mouse town)

and now Alfea basically is Hogwarts 2.0 but a cheaper version of it

changing Musa's powers because we need element powers for some freaking reason and not even doing anything with her powers for like 90% of the show

everything looking so dark and greasy and boring and basically not like Magix or anything magical at all

Stella (she is basically Diaspro but so much worse)

the lowkey abusive relationship between the adoptive parents (mom) and Bloom just to never mention it again

Aisha having no backstory and telling EVERYONE constantly that she swims but we never get scenes of her outside of her "parenting Bloom" sidequests

Terra saying that she misses Stella because she insulted her and was mean to her, because fat girls need this constant body shaming amiright?

they really tried making Stella bullying Terra ✨their thing✨

Aisha struggling with her powers is suddenly not important anymore when it’s inconvenient

the girls hate each other for like 80% of the show and suddenly they have a deep bonding

Musa being useless and stating the obvious and only being there for obvious exposition

"You are sad, aren’t you?"

“Yes, how do you know that? Is it because I’m crying my eyes out right now?”

“No, dummy. I’m a mind fairy. I can feel what you feel.”

the whole changeling plot

erasing the Trix and compromizing them into one character, but then give Beatrix two side kicks so they are basically a group of three again ???

they made it even more straight than the OG

the Sky/Stella/Bloom love triangle because we needed that one

the adults being stupid af

Vanessa apparently almost dying in the fire and having third degree burns but only at places that can be covered by clothes easily (and also they do not look like third dagree burns at all)

Bloom ready to kill her “parents” because they took away her door

“BuTt StUfF” another great literal masterpiece from our all-time favorite Riv

Stella is not only not part of the group for like 75% of the time, the others also don’t like her at all and therefore you don’t care about her problems at all

the teachers being unecessary mean to their students like “oh you just learned to control your powers, well damn you still suck hope you get better soon lol that looks so bad try harder”

Aisha being the only one who has no love interest

^same as Terra who is pining after a dude that doesn’t like her that way

Bloom always playing the victim and always acting like no one suffers as much as she does

using pop music that doesn’t fit the tone of the scene at all (and also ruining one of my fav songs)

Alfea basically turning into every garbage teenage high school Netflix ever had

Everyone acting as if Beatrix is super smart and a good spy even tho she sucks at it without end (why would you try to get as much attention as possible?? and kill your accomplice???)

no other planets but realms and still here everyone knows that California is part of America because americans aren’t full of themselves at all. Just replace California and America with anything else. :)

“You aren’t from Solaria, are you? Where are you from?”

“I’m from California Fer Island.”

“Uh...is that..part of...?”

“America Everix, obviously????”

they tried desperately to be woke by throwing stuff around like “don’t be sexist” and “don’t come at me with this feminist bs” like good job...to the white old dudes who completely missed the entire point of feminism and sexism - performantive feminism if you will - always SAYING the most basic feminist (women can be strong too) stuff but not DOING it

fire is somehow effective against BURNED creatures (e.g. throwing water filled balloons at a mermaids)

all telling and no showing (expositions + no flashbacks = BORING)

Sky being so obessed with Bloom that he doesn’t care that she drugged him at one point

Dane’s character doing a 180 out of nowhere for plot convenience

Stella being a threat to other students but no one seems to care

the good ol’ the bad guys aren’t really bad but in the end turns out they are and the good guys were the good guys all along plot twist that we have seen a million times on netflix alone

Sky not having trust issues after Bloom spiked the water bottle and just accepting that she felt the need to drug him

Sky having daddy issues and that being treated as his main character trait

using phones all the time but when it’s important suddenly no one got a phone with them

beatrix drags a random “bad boy” into her evil plan because that was ever a good thing to do but kills her only partner that already had the trust of FaRa

Sky still persuing Bloom even tho he knows that Stella could blind Bloom because she can’t control her powers and even threatens to do so - again no one saw a problem with that??

Bloom being one of the worst liars out there but Aisha is like “wow, you are a great liar” like no bitch you literally had to help her five seconds ago

Stella blinding her best friend being one of the most underwhelming plots I have ever seen (I mean how can a show fuck it up so bad that a literal girl blinding her best friend doesn’t interest me?)

no one can have an interesting storyline because there is the slight chance that they could outshine the real star (bloom)

^therefore most sideplots are super shallow or just boring

#fate winx saga #can you tell that i didn't like the show?#what can i say no matter how good it is i will never accept the blatant whitewashing and neither should you #if you say that it's a good show if you leave out that it is related to the winx club shut up it's still whitewashing k #anti fate the winx saga

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everythingqueerblog · 3 years

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Ok guys, please don't hate me but I'm actually really enjoying Q-Force.

Yes, it is dated at parts and yes it definitely has problematic elements (fat phobia and American-generic xenophobia toward literally every other country that isn't America among the more obvious to me; I feel like there were probably a fair few stereotyping offensive things in there too but most of them went over my head because I don't always know how to pick up differences between straight-people-stereotyping-queer-people and queer-people-stereotyping-themselves in many contexts as I'm still exploring queer culture, having only come out a few years ago).

The article also does say it picks up from the Eurovision episode and that's true, it does, and really well too. (The article gives a low rating, but it gives a good well-rounded brief review of the show that people who have only seen and gotten mad at the trailer should probably take a chance on and read. The article and I can agree to disagree on the rating).

I get the feeling like I miss a lot of things also because it is AGGRESSIVELY American so there may also be other things that just went over my head that I might see as problematic if I had any idea what they meant so again, please bear with me.

I did see and note a saddening lack of true rep. At this point though I'm developing an ability to criticise and still enjoy things for what they are unless they're completely horrific. And we definitely need to remember and realise that the fact a show like this can exist AT ALL even in its current format is a HUGE LEAP FORWARD. We'll get there.

The characters are very likeable and HIGHLY enjoyable to watch, government agencies and corporations are criticised like hell and there are plenty of "oof yeah lol" moments even non-American viewers can pick up on (like corporations being part of Pride parades for the wrong reasons etc) and I feel like straight bigotry and other bullshit gets called out WAY more than it probably looks like from a cursory glance in a way that felt great to get to watch.

Overall I just... really enjoyed watching it. It was highly entertaining and very funny when it does land things well (which it does increasingly from Eurovision on).

Maybe give it a chance? At least try to get to and through the Eurovision episode before dumping it if you can. Try to enjoy the good bits and focus on the great main characters long enough to get there and you may just find yourself enjoying it after that. Maybe? Up to you.

I like it and I would love to see more, sans the fatphobia, xenophobia, problematic lack of proper rep even within a show about queer people, and obvious dearth of poc characters within the main cast still.

If they get a Season 2, they'll have a chance to fix this. Let's get them that chance?

#q force #please try actually watching before cancelling me lol

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oh-boleyn · 4 years

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POC queens in six fanfiction

[DISCLAIMER; I’m white. I don’t have any particular first-hand knowledge of racism. Commentary and criticism on this post from Fans of Colour is welcome. It is my opinion, but also it has no weight in this discussion. I’m just trying to bring some light around this problem.]

Note: I said something yesterday and decided to make a post about it

Stats.

I’m using this post about race in casting tendencies. Talking about principals 77% of Aragons are POC, 70% of Boleyns are white, 100% of Seymours are white, 70% of Cleves are POC, 92,3% of Howards are white, 100% of Parrs are POC. Based on that I will consider Aragon, Cleves and Parr

as POC, and Boleyn, Seymour and Howard as white.

Left are characters in fanfics (with and withour ships), right is characters in fanfics without ships.

There’s a drop in fanfics, mostly about POCs when you don’t add ships. The ones which their fanfics drop the least are Seymour and Howard (30,26% and 31,31%), followed by Aragon and Cleves (31,90% and 32,64%). The queens with the biggest drop are Boleyn (34,74%), and Parr (37,15%, also from being the second most written queen, to be the second less written queen).

Out of 830 fanfics, white queens are average tagged in 75,18%, while POC queens are average tagged in 69,36%. When we take the ships away, we get 566 fanfics, in which the white queens are average tagged in 74,68%, while POC queens are average tagged in 67,14%.

Passing on to relationships, I’ve decided not to take stats, since the three white queens are heavily related to each other I don’t think we would see a tendency of shipping them together (or at least I hope so). But I did take stats of friendships.

It only showed the top 10, but further research proved that White&White friendships had 47 tags used, while POC&POC friendships had 18. This is excluding any romantic relationship.

About fanfics with only one queen tagged (excluding any OC, kid character or LIW), Boleyn has 10, Howard 8, Seymour 4, Parr 3, Aragon 2, and Cleves has none.

I also want to add, that I don’t know what is not tagged. This statistics can be wrong if someone has tagged a fic in a different way or decided not to tag. Take them as approximations.

The problem with POCs in fandom.

The thing is: fandom is kinda racist.

No, I’m not calling the Six fandom racist, nor whoever is reading this probably, but fandom culture as a whole is usually kinda racist. It can be seen from CW shows that clearly have issues (I’m looking at you, Supergirl), from KPop stans, from books or other plays, but I'm going to consider the Six fandom specifically here.

I will mostly focus on headcanons and fanfiction, since it’s what this sort of essay is about.

The one that is more obvious is probably the angry black woman stereotype, usually pushed on Aragon and Cleves. Luckily for Aragon stans, Soft!Aragon has become an important part of the works about her in fanfiction, a counterpart for the stereotype, featuring her being more maternal, a chill and down to earth figure, like in the play.

Because that’s another big issue, usually we don’t portray the queens as they are in the play. While in the case of Boleyn, Seymour or Howard that is a good change (making them smarter, or just overall more complex, giving them more depth than their songs can capture) when it comes to Cleves or Aragon it gravitates towards them being angrier, sometimes even the antagonists.

For Aragon, it also relates to religion. She is sometimes even pictured as homophobic, against Parrlyn or other ships. She’s angry and defending her own ideas. There are a lot of fanfics about her treating Boleyn horribly or just hating on her; when play-wise she calls her “babe” and grows with her and the rest of the queens.

For Anna, apart from the idea of being angry, the stereotype of sassy black woman applies commonly. Another point that can be arguable is how she’s portrayed as having problems with her self-image, even when her song is about her not having them. That is more open to interpretation rather than a straight up problem, but it’s also something that has been pointed out in fandom.

Shipping also plays its part.

It came as a pleasant surprise for me when I realized the amount of fics Catherine of Aragon has, but there’s still an issue; in most fanfics with her (or any of the other POC queens), the focus is on a different character. The POC queens are more featured in ships, rather than just by themselves, and a lot of times their stories revolve around their white partner.

No, I’m not going to start screaming about “the whole play is about them knowing they don’t have to be with their white partner!” or about “shipping is wrong!” because that’s a whole other discourse. But what I’m trying to ask is, why is Catherine Parr mostly used in relationships with any of the white queens? (Parrmour, Parrward, and mostly, Parrlyn are the three we know best).

There is another big issue in fan fiction - when the POC queens aren't angry, because they are only used as a plot device for their white partners. Their stories get erased for the sake of serving the other queens, to help them along the way even when the other queens commit mistakes. It ends up with an unidimensional character, again, but this time it’s not angry black woman, it’s supportive girlfriend who is simply there, and has no personality.

It comes from the casting and translates to the fandom.

I’ve seen other accounts talking about this (I personally chose not to tag other people since this is my point of view), but it’s true that the problem comes also from casting choices. Six does a good job having lots of POCs actresses, but they still rarely get cast as Seymour or Howard, who are the more vulnerable characters. Are there bigger issues with other shows? For sure, no doubt, but Six prides itself in being “woke” (I’m lacking of a better word), while still having some problems.

There have been a lot of other problems — the way people treat some actresses (here we can also add colourism, fatphobia and probably other activism points), the way some people headcanon some queens, or jokes made around them. I understand that most of the time this is caused by ignorance, or the intent to just make a joke, but I also agree that it is part of a bigger issue. Everything becomes more than “just an innocent joke” when it gets repeated time and time again.

But! I don’t want to write about them!

I’m not saying you have to write POCs, but rather you have to think how you write them if you do. A good post about this is But!: A Response to Responses. Check how you write them, what things do you add to them, what elements can be controversial (and how many of them you add, Cleves doing a sassy remark, or Aragon getting angry in a justified way is not racism, but it being the only thing they do can sit bad). Try to see if a character makes sense or is only revolving around another. I’m not trying to say anyone is racist, or that if you don’t write or project on certain queens you are. My point is that there is a trend going around, and that’s it’s good to critique your work in light of the wider issues in the fandom.

Not everything is bad.

When I first started writing this today, I thought I was going to find a problem, like a clear issue in which the numbers are scandalous. To be honest, I found that things are actually better than what I was expecting, and while yes, there’s a lot of problems, people are also actively trying to change it. From writing more complex ships, to Soft!Aragon week or making more fanfics Anna-centered. I am not doing this to say “all the fandom is racist!” but rather point out the issue that has been around for a long time.

#six the musical #six the musical fanfiction #mentioned: shipping the queens #mentioned: the liw #mentioned: catholicism

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grimreich666 · 3 years

Text

So, this my part two of everything and as far as I’m concerned if you want to know the rest of my feelings on the matter, check my earlier posts because I’m about done with this right now. This one is a large one to unpack because it’s at the expense of having to go through everything. Now the first time I didn’t include screenshots in my other rants because I was trying to at least be a tad bit decent. Yet after the FAKE STORY weaved by Kwhateverspace who by the way knew that I was going to be angry and take this to my own platform; I would like to address the elephant in the room which is Dandybear aka Betty. Now I’m using her Government Name as she clearly used mine when I commented on her latest and racist chapter of Leave it to the Davenports; and that was disrespectful, and I take that personally as we were not on a first name basis. Now mind you this is not a simple oh she’s mad because she’s more popular theme like Kwhateverspace said as I’ve said this isn’t about me but the detrimental shit Dandy and other put out. Also, her popularity doesn’t affect me because I don’t write on AO3 as I mainly write on Fan Fiction and even then, I don’t do that because I write novels. Also, too I’ve supported Betty’s Fan Fic in the past and I even encouraged her to keep writing when she was feeling mentally drained before, and I asked her if I could use the character’s name Thea which she agreed to so my respect was there. At first, I did admire Dandy’s work, but like the Admins on that channel she does not know how to handle power or popularity.

So, there was no ill intent on my end until Betty disrespectfully brought up my REAL NAME in the comments section of her own story because I was agreeing with a person who saw her fic as racist. This bully but victim mentality was completely unnecessary and nor did my name had to be used, as I had the right to comment on the work she put out. It was clearly set in her mind that I was a villain even though me and her had no intention of clashing before in the past. Now I’ve had hundreds of reviews under on Fan Fiction. Net and I’m too old for that petty old let’s play the victim mess. Also like I’ve said on my video I’ve moved on as a Fan Fic writer and sometimes I do dabble in Chrisby, but that’s neither here nor there as I am a professional novelist first and foremost. My issue with Dandybear is simple she is a racist simple as that, now she changed her racist dialog on the latest chapter because people were starting to drop it and she was salvaging what was left. However, I have no room for sympathy for a racist and people who harbor racist views, now everyone does not have the range to write for a racist period and she is those people.

Yet its not just the fic that had been racist, but about her comments in the Christina + Ruby Server ran by Kwhateverspace and Hernameisjaye that are most alarming as well. As they are clearly racist and the Admins had not done anything but support her mess, even Hernameisjaye tries to lazily question Betty comments but quickly drops it. At the rate in which they kicked me and other members who have done lesser offenses, Dandy’s comment should’ve been an automatic kick. The issue that I have with this is how someone whose an Admin’s causally allows a member to drop a comment that compares Black people to animals; that is something that HISTORY has done to Black people many times as they have called us animals and lesser creatures, even H.P Lovecraft himself called Black people beasts of unknown orgin. Also, it was not said in a not-so-joking-manner so there was ill-intent with it and fatphobia, as women who are heavyset are often compared to Whales, Elephants, Hippos and other large-bodied creatures. This is not something that is decent, and I won’t stand for it and the gross part about it is that the Admins allowed that energy into their room. Yet they kept so much hateful energy for me other members who have done nothing but bring positive and constructive energy into the group; so much so that they lied about the complaints that they received.

Another issue I have with Betty is the issue that she did throw shade at me, as I offered my idea for a Chrisby Fan Fic; and while no one supported the idea like I supported all their ideas I was cool with it as I was mature enough support peoples right to not support my head cannon. Yet the issue I have with Betty is that she tried to critique a story that hadn’t been even written; saying that Christina wouldn’t act that way as a character and that you don’t want to “poke or prod” anyone’s creative process was a clear lie. Like why even comment on a head cannon at all if you don’t want to “stifle” anything, and I haven’t even written it yet. Now I’ve been around business and people before and I do know when off handed comments are dished out; but it was clear that she wanted to stomp out any head cannon I had to make herself look decent as the only one, if so tell me why she takes the comments about her racist fic so seriously. She is one of those people who does not write for herself as she writes for clout, and her ego is centered in that. Personally, I wouldn’t have said anything when she made that comment and I didn’t for the longest, but you could see the reason why I got on You Tube to express my opinion about certain Fan Fic Writers.

Now this is my next one which is a big one the Aunt Jemimah with Tits scandal, I don’t know what Hernameisjaye or Kwhatverspace deems as racist and disrespectful but their priorities are clearly not in the right and they are not on the right side of history. However ,we need to get to the fact that this part of Betty’s story should not be defended or celebrated, and Kwhateverspace defending it on her blog clearly makes her and the discord she is representing complicit in racism. Here’s a little history on the subject. The name of Aunt Jemimah in history and present day is not so much as a respected name when you describe Black folks. Often it is a slur as whites have used against Black people in the later years post-racism and it was a Mammy Stereotype as well in the Racism Era. It even has been used in Hollywood Media as well, to affirm slavery or insult a black person’s character. If you don’t believe me Watch Bringing Down the House with Queen Latifah and Gone with the Wind as the old Mammy Aunt Jemimah issue is used as a racial joke and insult. And while the connection to the brand of Aunt Jemimah and its imagery was made to serve Black Mammy Propaganda that hurts Black Women there is no denial it was used in pre- and post-racism eras. And it’s clear to see that Betty made no connection to it on purpose as the passage in the chapter did not even serve the true plot of the story. Not to mention on a historical level that the woman who was Aunt Jemimah never got paid for her services and she was slave; yet was seen on every box in every home for more than half a century. And even though they changed the woman in later years, it’s not until this year in 2021 that the company is going to remove all black offensive imagery from their boxes. So, the disenfranchisement of Black People would be erased from history like it never happened which adds more insult than comfort; and it was the same with Dandy trying to edit her racist passage within her chapter. These and other facts that I brought to the attention of Hernameisjaye when we had our debate and she threw a hissy-fit and kicked me, because I beat her with facts; but its sick how someone who doesn’t need to know their Black History praised a racist story.

So, for Dandybear aka Betty not to know that something like this would deem as racist is a complete lie; and for her to sum it up in her authors note and say that its no big deal because Christina is racist towards fish people is damn near sick, as you cannot connect the two. Now I the issue I had on the comments section with her, was me letting everything out as I was completely shocked how they could keep a racist in their group and kick out serval educated and positive Black Women who had a civilized conversation with them. Now I did tell her to not respond back to me when things got heated; and yet Betty files a report nearly two weeks later saying I harassed her. Clearly, she kept up mess and I know she did it to make me seem as the bully so she could get away from the heat she caused with her racist mess. And you can see on the email and the time stamp when we got on into it on Ao3, that it was weeks away from each other so what was the point. The part I’m sick of with Kwhateverspace, Hernameishjaye, Danybear, Agentsyerl and others is they start issues and bully up on people and then act like victims when someone stands up to them; its clear that these sad sick women have never dealt with high positions in life or in business. They are the kind of people who look for any kind of victim mentality to seem themselves as competent people and leaders when clearly, they aren’t; and they hide behind “liberalism” and “freedom” and yet they can’t kick out a racist who puts out racist harmful mess in her Fics. And I wouldn’t have an issue with it as it is a time-piece, but there was no solution to any of it; Betty just used a mindless and sneaky way to say something racist and thing she could get away with it under the guise of it being a time piece.

In conclusion currently she says she’s not going to write anymore, I’m happy she’s not because she couldn’t use her words carefully or considerately when it came to race and she offended serval Black Women. There are other white-writers that do time pieces the same and they handle race so well; and I want to name the names and give respect to these wonderful people. However, I don’t want to tie their great work tied to this drama I’m writing, but I will be making a video of my favorite Chrisby-AO3-Fics in the next two videos or so. However as for Betty even if she said something racist and wrote it out, so long as Betty kept it to herself but to POST IT that was a different matter all-together that made me, and others lose respect for her. So that’s why I had to say something because it was talked about heavily in my circle of people and in parts of Tumblr as well; so, I addressed it and called it for what it was, and I won’t stop with any racist fic or person I cross. So, this isn’t about whatever LIE Kwhateverspace is putting out, because its my feelings on the matter and I felt like it was something as a Black Woman that I needed to address; but I refuse to have my feelings marked as some angry black woman troupe, delusional mindless mess, the proof is in the pudding on my responses to their mess. I was classy with my responses to Hernameisjaye and Agentsheryl; and they got pissy and threw a hissy-fit. And I wasn’t going to into it more until Betty decided to put my real name out there, and I’m not for that disrespectful mess. Seriously after this matter this something that is best left in 2020 and I will leave it there and those who show sympathy to their mess you’re getting blocked simple as that. I DO NOT WISH THIS PART OF THE FANDOM WELL FOR 2021, AS THEY NEED TO GO BACK AND DO HISTORY AND RE-VALUATE THEIR OWN SOULS. YET THE MATTER IS DONE AS IT IS LITTERALLY SOMETHING FROM LAST YEAR AND I HAVE PEOPLE IN MY OWN DISCORD TO FOCUS ON. FOR THOSE WHO READ AND SUPPORT ME THANK YOU FOR LISTENING AND SPREADING THE WORD AND MY INVITES ARE OPEN STILL TO THOSE WHO WANT TO CELETEBATE THIS FANDOM. Happy New Year’s everyone.

#ruby x christina #ruby deserved better #ruby baptiste #christina braithwhite #abbey lee #wunmi mosaku #a03

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nurseofren · 3 years

Text

TW: body dysmorphia, body talk, binge eating, disordered eating, my mother, fatphobia, depression, weight mention

It runs deep and it starts so early.

I feel I should write this without generalizing, as I think body dysmorphia/binge eating/eating disorders are very personal and individual experiences, so I don’t want to group anyone into this.

So I guess I’ll start off with why I felt the need to get this out of my head: eating.

Eating hasn’t been an experience focused around nourishing my body in a long time. Eating is something very touchy for me. It has been even more so this past year. And I’ll get into that.

But I’ll just describe it as how it feels right now. It’s like this big secret. It’s something shameful. It’s something to hide. Because no matter the portion size, it feels like I’m doing something wrong.

“You are all of that?”

“Do you feel sick? You didn’t take that much food.”

As someone who detrimentally tried to please everyone, who tries to read the room and scope out the correct action, it’s been very confusing.

I have to bring up my mother. Because as much as I wish one issue didn’t involve her, I’m finding that’s true very little of the time.

She cooks for the family. Always has. And I was scorned for not eating something. Even if I didn’t like it, it would always end in “you are a stubborn child. You are a picky eater. You’ll eat what I make or you can make a peanut butter sandwich. I just suck, don’t I? Why do I even bother?”

So it’s confusing as a grown woman living with her parents — a situation I’m working toward changing soon, hoping for next Fall — to be told that i don’t have to clear my plate. And then I can not eat something and I’ll still get the aforementioned comments, but it’s not forced on me like it was when I was young.

It’s these learned behaviors that were expected of me at a young age that fester and leave me vulnerable to fits of BD, BE.

And then there’s another level to it.

“No we’re not getting [fast food establishment], none of us (i. e. my family who is fat) need that anyway”

“You only need a super small piece, it’s so rich”

“Those clothes weren’t made for big girls”

*justification of eating a meal because a prior meal was skipped*

“Those shorts look a little tight”

“Big girls shouldn’t do cheerleading, it’s embarrassing”

“No we’re not getting dessert! None of us need it, anyway!”

My mother is fat. I’m fat. I grew up fat with a fat mother. But I grew up fat with a fat mother who hates herself. Who called herself ugly and depreciated herself every chance she got. I grew up in a house where it was expected to cover your body, to wear baggy clothes, to buy clothes because they fit and not because you liked them.

And I could go on a full tangent on how this runs even deeper. How my mother views herself as a lost cause, who deems herself unlovable or unworthy of being loved because of her body — and how, ultimately, I never learned how to take care of myself because she never took care of herself.

Calling women high maintenance because they got their nails done, because they scheduled hair appointments, because they bought shoes and clothes they loved more than once bi-annually. And as a kid, I obviously wanted to believe my mother.

So I saw these women with pretty painted nails, and I saw them with their daughters who were my age, I saw these pretty girls with the nice nails and the skill in makeup, and I thought I was above them. But really I was just so buried under the self hatred of someone else that I didn’t see that those people did those things because they cared what they looked like, that they saw it was important to take care of themselves in a way that let them feel good.

And I was jealous. I was jealous because my mother never taught me how to paint my nails. Angry that I wasn’t worth the time for her to learn how to braid. Jealous of these other girls who tanned and were always polished. And then there was always me, biting my nails off every week in the shower because I didn’t know how to trim my nails.

But anyway, see I knew I’d tangent off w that topic, I have a very interesting relationship with my own body. Now.

I truthfully didn’t start really actively taking care of myself until early this year. I’d go months without shaving. I had no skin care routine. I would go days without brushing my teeth (which honestly is my very prominent sign of depression, when I stop brushing at all when I have nowhere to go and I’m still working on changing that).

In short, my outward appearance was very much for someone who loved me. And I never had one, so I didn’t see the point in keeping up with these routines. Why should I take care of my body if nobody is caring for it?

And last year I’d lost some weight by changing my diet, so people complimented that. And it just cemented to me that people only care about you when you’re smaller. People only positively notice you when you are skinny or slimming down.

So. I gained that weight back. I accidentally weighed myself at work last week and had it confirmed. I’m at my heaviest in probably two years. And I don’t feel shame for the number, or even the appearance of my body, but what really grates against me is eating.

There’s two sides to the nagging — the one that tells me to eat because I’m too far gone and it’ll be impossible to lose 120 pounds and find the elusive happiness that supposedly comes with that. And then there’s the side that angrily screams at me while I’m thinking of food, while I’m hungry, while I’m getting food, while I’m eating food, that just mentally beats me to a pulp.

“Maybe you’re a virgin who’s never been loved because you’re such a disgusting pig”

“If you don’t eat that, you’ll lose weight faster”

“If you start today, you could be at the BMI approved weight this time next year.”

“Just take a nap, you can’t be hungry while you sleep”

“Just eat smaller portions so you can shrink your stomach and decrease your appetite”

It’s just so exhausting. Having food be a salve, but having food also be the root of the issue.

Existing as a fat person in friend groups where they stand around and call their BMI approved bodies fat and disgusting. Hearing people fear fatness on a daily basis. Working with a preceptor who was grossly interested when my large patient wanted to weigh himself, like she was so involved in the situation because she viewed his size as shameful. Hearing her and another skinny friend go through photos of their high school classmates and act so disgusted and say “she blew up. She got big” about someone they graduated with.

It’s just all of these things. And then I accidentally take a video of my body when I’m taking risqué pics (😅😉) and looking at myself and…. Loving my body so much.

Knowing I’m at my heaviest in a while, and seeing my belly and curves and legit loving them. And seeing my body as this beautiful thing. This soft, cozy being worthy of love and affection and attention.

And then I hear these things. Everything mentioned above and I’m just “I’m not supposed to love my body because I am fat and there is no love for the fat girl”.

And there’s always been this forefront of a thought that I can be loved….. once I lose the weight. I can be loved…. after I’m below a size 12. I’m allowed to be shown affection and kindness….. when I’m thin.

It’s always been there. I never expected attention because I never deemed myself worthy of it. I still don’t most days. I’ve grown comfortable moving in the background of others’ lives because i am not a positive presence in my fat body.

No matter how kind. No matter how funny. No matter how smart. I am simultaneously too much and never enough for society. So I do not deserve those things thin people get without thought. Obviously.

So it’s all very heavy (hahahaha). I love my body, I really do, but I don’t deem it worthy of affection or desire. I complicate eating because obviously I’m fat and don’t need regular nourishment as the current fat existing on my body will be my sustenance because that’s how science works.

I’m trying to work on it. I’m trying to deem myself worthy of good things. Of food, of exercise not centered around changing my body, of clothes I’ve forever been told is “not for big girls”.

I’m trying. I am. But that’s where I am. Hopefully, if anyone has made it this far, I’ve made sense and perhaps made life a little less lonely for some people.

#admin #I think it’s worth the read if you think you’re up for it mentally #she’s a lil long but I’ve been sitting on this for a while.

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jaehyunskitten22 · 4 years

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Just found out that Lucas is fatphobic 🙃🙃🙃

I want to start this off with this: i’m not trying to sound bitchy, i just don’t know how to sound happier rn lol its my seasonal depression. I’m very sorry if it comes off that way bc its not my intention 💖

Hi long time no post but if this is referring to what lucas said about kun, i dont think thats fatphobia. fatphobia is saying you hate fat people, just like homophobia is saying you hate gay people. What lucas said was most definitely uncalled for yes, but it wasn’t fatphobia. Lucas very well could be fatphobic, i have no idea, but calling someone fat is not an act of fatphobia.

Fatphobia is a dr refusing to run tests on an individual bc the individual is fat and the dr believes that that is the only possible explanation to symptoms. Fatphobia is refusing to be around someone solely bc they are fat. Calling someone fat or saying they are on the heavier side is not fatphobia.

I would constitute what lucas said as bullying, for sure. And lucas very well could be fatphobic, but what he said to kun alone is not enough (in my mind) to be considered fatphobic.

Also, cultural context is extremely important here. Whether we like it or not, it is entirely possible that a lot of idols have biases and prejudices against fat people because that is how korea, china, and japan are. Hell, thats how the world is.

This is extremely important, and its something i’ve had on my mind for a while. Do not base your worth on whether or not your bias finds your body type attractive. Do not base your worth in being your bias’s ideal type. Do not get hung up on these people’s exact feelings towards fat people. At the end of the day, it does not matter. It sucks, yes. But it doesn’t matter. What matters is that you respect yourself independent of what other people’s attitudes towards you or your body are.

I didn’t see the video, just screenshots, and its completely possible that you are referring to something else. If thats the case, please let me know. I’m also not trying to be bitchy (lately i’ve been sounding bitchy a lot and its bc of seasonal depression i dont know how to sound happy rn lol) i just dont like the term fatphobic to be thrown around, bc meanings get twisted and misconstrued. Also i think i had such a strong reaction to this message because i’m afraid that people are going to get really depressed about this and feel really bad about themselves over what, at the end of the day, is what a stranger in another country said about his bandmate’s body.

I love you all, every single one of you is great, no matter what people think about your body 💖

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normal-thoughts-official · 3 years

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I don't knoe if I'm the only one who feels like this but I've kind of noticed a trend whenever black people talk about their issues (especially with regards to police brutality, and especially on tiktok) and I wanted to talk it through with someone

Obviously I say this as a white woman, so definately tell me if you think I'm off the mark

I feel like white allies have kind of put too far much emphasis on understanding the black experience rather than being concious of the political situation around us

I'm not saying that you shouldn't try to understand how black people feel, ie learning how micro aggressions are damaging, that's different to me

it feels to me that alot of white allies became concious of police brutality last year with the murder of George Floyd, but through this conciousness they think that they therefore understand, but they are not the same thing

Because non black people will never understand the black experience, and when people say that they do, it always feels off, somehow

Especially on tiktok, I see black creators make about their personal feelings and the comments are FLOODED with

- I understand, but it's not that deep

- I understand what you're feeling, but she was holding a knife

- I understand, but not everything is about race

Etc

Because I feel like the obsession with understandinf the black experience comes from the obsession with the black experience in general. Black culture is so popular that they even want to have a drink of oppression

And again, it does nothing as an ally. Like white guilt, It merely centres themselves and their opinion AGAIN! it's where we get the white mother with mixed kids saying, I understand what you're going through, I married your father - like that's comparable

On tiktok is where I see this the most jut I do feel like it's very telling that you never see on a fat persons comments section, whose talking about fat phobia 'I understand what you're feeling' from skinny people, because they don't want to be associated with fatness in the same way

I'm not saying that the two groups are comparable in struggle, just how the difference in treatment reflects the desirability of each group

I don't know, in conclusion I think allies should work on becoming concious of black history and black reality rather than this 'understanding' which helps no-one

(also i feel like it functions very much under the idea that black people are a monolith, how can you understand what this individual is feeling?)

i mean, im not black either and i have never really studied/read about this in particular, but i have a feeling this is less "allies" and more ur regular folks who aren't exactly against BLM or whatever but don't engage with it either. i don't consider ppl like that allies, i think allyship requires at least studying, even performative allyship (the bar is low as hell)

so it's less allyship and more "i don't like this but i don't want to come off as racist so i throw in an 'i understand' so i don't look like an ignorant white person who doesn't bother with racial issues (even tho that's exactly what i am)". with fatphobia, like u said, the desirability is way lower, but there's also the fact that fatphobia isn't widely recognized as an issue and a bad thing. hell, most ppl don't even know the term, or treat it as a joke (that is not to say that fatphobia is either less or more serious than racism. just that the attitude towards it is different). so ppl don't care about coming across as fatphobic or insensitive to fatphobia issues

so really it's just an attempt at thinly veiling your lack of fucks

other than that, i think ur right, tho. altho again my opinion isnt the most qualified

#ask #anonymous #racism tw

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transgenderteensurvivalguide · 5 years

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What do doctors look for when finding out if you are fit to have top surgery

Kii says:

Here’s an in depth medical article about what is looked for when someone is being assessed for surgery, but I personally don’t know enough about medical science to get helpful info from this. (Edit: Here’s another medical article.)

This article lists some factors that may affect a decision about an elective surgery as:

Conditions that cause a high risk of infection

Uncontrolled diabetes

Heart problems

Anemia

Being a smoker

Nutritional deficiencies

Mental health problems

Sleep disorders

The most common binding injuries I’ve seen cited as making someone unfit for top surgery are warped ribs (ribs that do not grow into the correct shape because of too-tight compression over many years) and broken ribs that did not heal properly and are either at risk of more damage or have healed in a shape that is abnormal.

This doesn’t mean that everyone with these conditions is unable to have surgery. It means that extra precautions or testing may have to be done to make sure that people with these conditions can safely handle anesthesia, surgery, and the recovery process. For example, this may mean that someone may be required to try various solutions to control their diabetes, or quit smoking, before the surgery can happen.

If this is something you are dealing with, you should talk to your doctor about your options.

——

Lee says:

I’ll add a few more things that surgeons consider when they’re deciding if you’re fit to have top surgery, or therapists consider before writing you the WPATH letter saying you’re fit to have surgery.

Weight:

One thing Kii didn’t mention that surgeons may consider when deciding if you’re fit to have top surgery is your weight. One of the mods here was told to lose weight or they wouldn’t be able to get surgery, as I recall.

As long as you don’t have any serious health complications because of your weight, you usually can get top surgery. It just might be harder to find a surgeon.

Fat folk are probably going to have to get double incision top surgery, since their chest would be too large for a keyhole or periareolar, but they can get just as flat as anyone else with double incision.

It’s more likely you’ll get “dog ears” at the end of your scars towards your armpits, but that can be dealt with by getting a revision which is often free. Make sure you ask your top surgeon what their policy on revisions are, and what fees you’d have to pay if you needed one.

There can be some fatphobia when you’re looking for a top surgeon- there can be some increased risks for overweight people going under anesthesia, and some top surgeons use that as an excuse to turn down a patient even when it is possible for them to get surgery safely.

You may have to “surgeon shop” a bit to find a surgeon who is competent, capable and willing, but it’s possible and achievable! I have two fat trans guy friends who got top surgery in the past year, and they’re totally happy with their results.

Acne:

Surgeons prefer to operate when you have unbroken skin- that’s why you usually aren’t supposed to shave your chest area on your own the day before surgery, they do it themselves in the operating room if needed. They want to reduce the chance of an infection, which could be spread by the bacteria in acne, and you’ll be taking antibiotics when you’re post-op to also help reduce the chance of infection.

I actually have heard about people having their top surgery dates cancelled or postponed because they had bad acne or pustules near the operative site, so it is a possibility that this could delay your top surgery.

I know Dr. Wilkins at UofM was hesitant about operating on a patient with acne, but in the end that patient ended up being cleared for surgery- I can’t recall if the acne cleared up or if the surgeon changed his mind, but I do remember him being on the fence about whether he was going to operate or postpone the surgery. I also remember Dr. Turkeltaub saying he wanted to wait to operate on a patient with acne until it was more controlled, and Dr. Lorianni has said the same thing- and those are just three of the surgeons who I can recall saying that off the top of my head, I’m sure there are more.

If you have acne, you should bring it up in your consultation with your top surgeon! Tell them you have bad acne, list any treatments you’ve tried, then say that you don’t think that it will be improving before surgery and ask if it’s possible to get surgery anyway.

If the first top surgeon who you have a consultation with says they don’t want to do surgery until your acne has improved, try getting a second opinion from another top surgeon in another consultation.

If you think your acne is bad enough that it’ll impact your chances of being able to get top surgery then you should see a dermatologist! However, some top surgeons want you to wait several months after being on Accutane before getting surgery. So it’s really best to have your consult with the top surgeon, ask if you’re good to go for surgery despite the acne, and then ask if any acne treatment like Accutane will need to be stopped a certain amount of time before your surgery.

So schedule your initial consult with both a top surgeon and with a dermatologist, and tell your dermatologist that you want to see what you can do to manage your acne without the Major treatments like Accutane at first, then you can go on that if needed after your top surgery consult.

But people have had top surgery with acne (example, example), and whether it impacts surgery really depends on the severity of the acne, whether it could be treated/reduced in the months before surgery, and the particular surgeon’s comfort level with operating on patients with acne. I’m not saying it’s impossible to get top surgery when you have acne- plenty of people have- but yes, some surgeons will delay your surgery because of it.

Dealing with Acne and Other Skin Breakouts

Psychosis:

I faced barriers to top surgery because the doctors in charge of my treatment don’t want to write me a letter stating I’m fit to make a decision on top surgery because I had a psychotic disorder, so I had to wait to get top surgery until they determined that my symptoms were under control.

The WPATH guidelines say:

“Any co-existing psychological, medical, or social problems that could interfere with treatment (e.g., that may compromise treatment adherence) have been addressed, such that the adolescent’s situation and functioning are stable enough to start treatment"

The presence of co-existing mental health concerns does not necessarily preclude possible changes in gender role or access to feminizing/masculinizing hormones or surgery; rather, these concerns need to be optimally managed prior to or concurrent with treatment of gender dysphoria. In addition, clients should be assessed for their ability to provide educated and informed consent for medical treatments.

When patients with gender dysphoria are also diagnosed with severe psychiatric disorders and impaired reality testing (e.g., psychotic episodes, bipolar disorder, dissociative identity disorder, borderline personality disorder), an effort must be made to improve these conditions with psychotropic medications and/or psychotherapy before surgery is contemplated.

Reevaluation by a mental health professional qualified to assess and manage psychotic conditions should be conducted prior to surgery, describing the patient’s mental status and readiness for surgery. It is preferable that this mental health professional be familiar with the patient. No surgery should be performed while a patient is actively psychotic.”

I did eventually get my letters, but it took about 6 months in an intensive outpatient program, 1 hospitalization in the psych ward for 2 weeks, and antipsychotics twice a day and anti-depressants once a day which I’m continuing to take before I was stable enough.

#kii says #medical #top surgery #surgery #Lee says #Anonymous #transgenderteensurvivalguide #trans #transgender

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embodyment · 5 years

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I’m not sure anymore who my active and consistent followers all are, but I’m sure if you’ve followed me long enough, you’ll know this was a weightloss blog. Over time, some things have changed. I want to talk about this change and what happened in my life to make me go from a fitblr to a fat acceptance blog.

For the first 5 years, I wrote and reblogged posts pertaining to my desire to be “healthy” through food regulation with the goal of intentional weight loss. I think for the most part, I was outwardly positive and happy on here - I just wanted to believe that everything I was doing was going to make me a better version of myself.

I measured my sense of health by the pounds I dropped and I did in fact lose weight. I lost weight and celebrated NSVs that rewarded me for conforming myself to a fatphobic world. I lost weight and internalized and spread a lot of fatphobia. I lost weight and I believed that willpower and determination could overcome all “fat logic”. I lost weight and I felt superior, like a more principled person than those who constantly struggled with back and forth losses and regains. I lost weight and made other bloggers feel bad about themselves at times, because why couldn’t they just buckle down if they really wanted to be thin. I lost weight and felt angry at fat people in my real life, especially my mother. I lost weight and became obsessed with food and my body, to such a degree that my engagement was cancelled and my long term partnership nearly termianted.

And then, I gained weight. I felt like a failure who didn’t deserve to talk about dieting, so I transitioned this blog away from focusing on diet and weight loss to talking about mental health. I was diagnosed with an eating disorder, in addition to my general anxiety and borderline personality disorder. I started Dialectical Behaviroal Therapy. I quit CrossFit. I bought bigger clothes. I found myself having better, richer relationships. I stopped weighing myself. I asked my partner to marry me - he said yes. I bought a wedding dress.

But gaining weight and going to therapy hasn’t just been a magical walk through life. Becoming fat again in a world that hates fat people is HARD. When I lost weight I was rewarded with praise. When I gain weight there is none of that. There are words of consolation - reminding me that becoming fat is a bad thing, a pitiful thing. I saw what once were NSVs slowly stripped away from me as towels and seats and spaces all become too small for me. I am alienated from my coworkers when my size means I can’t join the group on rides at the amusement park. I struggle consistently with rich feelings of shame, guilt, and self-loathing towards myself.

This blog has been many things. A journal. A source of inspiration. A recipe guide for others. A public space to shame myself. A way to work through my feelings. A time capsule of my life.

In the future, I don’t think I will be coming back to intentional weight loss - that didn’t make me healthy and health no longer looks like thinness to me. You’re welcome to follow me along on this journey, but if a woman learning to love herself in her fat body isn’t what you wanted you’re also free to leave.

I may not be consistent. I may not be perfect. I am going to just try and be me.

#i feel like this post is probably all over the place #but i have a lot of feelings #so many feelings #about #fat acceptance #dieting #weightloss #haes

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feministfataley · 5 years

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The Images You Sell Are Problematic - The Importance of Plus Size Characters in Video Games

The video game industry is currently the biggest entertainment industry in the UK in terms of spending. More and more people are choosing to engage with the medium whether it is through mobile apps with the dreaded microtransactions, through more traditional games such as Call of Duty or Fallout or even through the medium of interactive entertainment – Netflix’s Bandersnatch, for example.

With increased audiences must come increased responsibility – video games pull in audiences from all walks of life. To some extent, we have seen improvements. We have seen stories from queer protagonists, people of colour, men, women, children, even mentally ill protagonists. Progress indeed, but there is one area that remains criminally underrepresented.

Despite all these fantastical stories taking place in far off lands, most of the character models adhere to the same mould. Granted, we’ve come a long way since plus size representation was limited to a small rotund Italian man with a mushroom addiction and his imaginary pet dinosaur, but there is still a considerable shortage of larger characters.

Female characters are typically thin but curvy, an ideal that is nearly impossible to recreate without surgery. Male characters tend to be lean and overly muscled – a figure out of reach of most average joes. Taking a cursory glance around you, you’ll see people of many different body types and shapes. So why are we still refusing to accept this in video games?

Anastasia Wyatt, junior artist on indie title Heaven’s Vault, believes pressure from shareholders could be the problem. She said: “With the big companies they've probably been more cautious because they think this is the only thing that sells because that's all that there’s been in the past. A small company has less shareholders and a lot less pressure if they take what they consider as a risk with less idealized looking characters. It's not going to be disastrous for them in that respect if it doesn't sell well.”

It is not just pressure from shareholders here either, players themselves exert pressure on publishers to use idealised figures. World of Warcraft announced a new allied race with the launch of its newest expansion – Battle for Azeroth. The race was called Kul Tiran humans, and feature a much bulkier frame and taller than the standard human model. Plus-sized gamers rejoiced. The rest of the community did not. Within a few hours of the announcement the Blizzard forums were full of people asking for a ‘thin’ version of the character or spewing vitriol about how this character model was ugly and shouldn’t be implemented. It’s a difficult position to be in.

Wyatt said: “I think that's why publishers get nervous because they see criticisms like that. They think that even if they would like to use a plus size character in the people will react badly and they don't want to see those sort of comments perhaps. Which is a shame.”

Regardless of any outside pressure however, representation is very important. Not only for the people represented by plus-size characters, but to combat fatphobia – the fear of being fat. A large amount of stigma still exists towards plus size people in the wild, and games that equate fat to lazy or disgusting do not help. Representation is even more important when you consider the young age children are exposed to this type of media. Dr Peyta Eckler, professor of social communication at the University of Strathclyde, is concerned about the effect this may have. She said: “I think this is an industry that is made predominantly for men and unfortunately it it's feeding them unhealthy stereotypes which are hugely outdated and problematic nowadays. Not just about body types but women in general.

We cannot ignore and be blind to the societal repercussions of such images. I'm not sure if this will come to be regulated at some point, but also I think for young women, there needs to step back and a reality check. Realizing okay what we've talked about these are unrealistic images. Yes they do show what's desirable but they're taken to an extreme and no one can live up to that extreme.”

The erasure of plus-size figures in games contributes to a negative perception overall, especially if children are being exposed to this erasure from a young age. Normalisation of different body types and figures is very important in formative years.

That’s not to say all portrayals are negative however. Take Ellie, first appearing in Borderlands 2 by Gearbox. She is a skilled, fiercely independent mechanic who is unashamedly fat. More than being unashamed, she is proud of her body and who she is. A mission for her involves you collecting statuettes of her from the wreckage of bandit cars. She said they were made to make fun of her, but she loves them and the way she looks. She displays the collected figurines in her garage, clearly delighted with the result. It is this kind of body positivity we need in the industry. Ellie doesn’t let others tell her what to do with her body and loves it the way it is.

Heaven’s Vault reliably uses varied body types and shapes. Huang is chubby, the professor is old. They look like bodies that have been lived in, bodies that have stories to tell. No one is inherently evil because they look different. This also makes the characters infinitely more engaging. Wyatt said: “Not everyone is going to be the man with the same build, in the same stubble. We designed the characters this way because this is what people look like. It's also a good thing to do because then you just get an interesting range of characters. If everyone is the same man with stubble that's boring.

I certainly feel like when you're playing games and especially if it's trying to be a game it's about sort of a realistic story and you're trying to emotionally connect to people; if everyone looks like this idealized super model then it seems less real.”

The world would be terribly boring if we all looked the same. Video game worlds are similar in this respect. Worlds populated with a varied cast of characters are more engaging, more alive. Playing a game populated by varied characters is infinitely more satisfying, particularly from a roleplaying point of view.

Of course, for every good example of plus size representation there are a million bad ones. Look at all the extra difficult and physically disgusting zombie enemies that also happen to be fat. For example, bloaters in State of Decay 2 and boomers in Left 4 Dead. You also have Wario from the Mario series and Dr Robotnik from Sonic, both antagonists and visibly overweight. Depictions of fat characters are not usually kind, coding them as either lazy or undesirable purely because of their size.

Not even the God of Thunder is immune from this character coding. Stepping away from the realm of video games for a moment, the latest instalment of the Marvel Cinematic Universe: Avengers Endgame saw Thor begin drinking to forget the people he had lost, resulting in a ‘beer belly’. Completely understandable considering how traumatic the previous film Infinity War was to watch. However, they played his weight gain for laughs. Cheap jokes resounded about his weight for the rest of the film. This is the sort of thing more widespread plus size representation would combat. If plus size people were a regular occurrence in these universes, the ability to poke fun of them for being unusual would disappear.

It is clear that change is needed, but how do you change an industry still beset by outdated stereotypes and fatphobia? Dr Eckler said: “I think there has to be change from within. I think once more women hopefully become part of the creators of these games. They would start changing some of the content, forcing change in the content.” Wyatt has a different view. “I think that games where there are different characters, people are really beginning to pick up on them. I think we've been slowly seeing more diverse characters in recent years. More games with female leads for example, when I was younger there were only a handful of games that had female characters in them. It will take time, but I believe we will see more body type diversity as the industry evolves.”

There is hope. The indie games market is doing rather well at telling the stories of all kinds of people and players. Away from the eyes of publishing houses and shareholders, wonderful, beautiful games are being made. In the truest spirt of video games as communication, stories are told about people of all shapes and sizes and races and genders. It is an amazing thing and something it is hoped will begin to be a standard, no matter what level you are publishing a game at.

Video games can be a powerful vehicle to communicate ideas. There is no reason why they couldn’t be used to provide some much-needed normalisation of the existence of different body types. It is the responsible thing to do. The power to create a world as you want it to be, or as you see it is in a developer’s hands. Use that power for good, create a more accepting society. Goodness knows there’s enough hate going around as it is.

#gaming #game culture #inclusivity #game design #ellie borderlands 2 #heavens vault #body positivity #inclusive design #video games journalism

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crayfish-critical · 6 years

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I'm honestly super glad your blog isn't purely SU critical tbh, because at least blogs like this don't have an obvious bias towards one show and they act completely stricter on one show compared to the other. While I personally casually enjoy Voltron and BNHA (I do agree there's issues with how both treat some of their characters), and love SU, your points are extremely valid and you give good reasoning behind them besides reaching for subtext that can be interpreted in many different ways.

Aw gosh thank you anon, this honestly means a lot to me! My goal is to be fair to most of the media I criticize. To be honest, I probably criticize Voltron about as much as SU (and then BNHA more since I have such strong opinions on pedophilia) and I really think both of them are good shows. I just like to scream, but I also like being fair about it!

Criticism whose goal isn’t to positively influence the original media’s creator or positively influence others is ultimately worthless imho; like hey, free country, you can say what you want about it. As an aspiring cartoon/kids show creator, I learn from criticizing the shows of others and put their mistakes as something I can learn from. I’ve honestly learned a lot about pacing, story structure, and character building from my problems with both SU and Voltron, and they’ve helped me sort out what does and doesn’t make a good story since some parts of them are so good and other parts aren’t. Honestly it’s kinda embarrassing to look back on my original story now, having learned everything from SU and Voltron - but hey, that’s alright! I’m far, far from above the writers of either of those shows, yknow? I don’t think they’re bad people or bad writers; at worse they have a skill level similar to me.

I’ve also first-handedly put the pieces together of a show that became a mess for seemingly no reason, realizing that there was a reason and it was basically unavoidable. There was a sitcom I watched that’s overarching love triangle bullshit became an absolute goddamn nightmare of a mess (sprinkled in between with various weak episodes that didn’t even reference the drama). But, when you put together that a major reoccurring character would have likely been part of that plot since the beginning (as opposed to just being in the very end), whose actor got into a serious accident around the time when the episodes would’ve been filmed, the original intention of the arc makes a lot more sense. Like seriously, once you watch the episodes with that knowledge, the pieces fit in perfectly. The show was a horrible victim of circumstance and I just hope all the actors and writers have a good rest of their lives.

Point being, you never know what’s going on behind the scenes of a show, so I think it’s unfair to act like minor plot holes and weird pacing are some moral failing of the writers. Yes, it’s their job to write a good story, and yes, you have a right to dislike their writing. But it shouldn’t be seen as such a crime??

The crewniverse has made mistakes, like the Concrete incident, but they’ve tried to fix issues that they’ve caused. Quite frankly, racism is the only argument in SU that I can’t defend them against; not only is it not my place, but it’s hardly revolutionary like their LGBT representation. As a dumbass white person, I can tell you that Rebecca and her clue is probably more clueless than the SU critical community realizes (if you don’t live in SoCal, you don’t know how sheltered us middle-class white folks are) but that doesn’t make it okay.

However, everything else I find to be rather shit. As a fat person, Steven becoming “thinner” isn’t fatphobia; the art style changed. Rebecca is a BISEXUAL NONBINARY WOMAN, and I will literally never forgive the SU critical community for their insistence that her nonbinary rep is enbyphobic (bc they “present as women” and “go by she/her pronouns” and “sure stevonnie goes by they/them but they act like nonbinary is just male + female and its not” and “either way they don’t call themselves nonbinary in the canon” even though nonbinary people can present and go by whatever pronouns they want, bigender people exist, and the only valid point is the last one but its still fucking stupidly insignificant. Like Korra and Asami didn’t call themselves bisexual [ok scratch that korra called herself “buy-curious”] but they’re still bisexual.). And yeah, “lgbt people can fetishize other parts of the lgbt community” but do you know how hard it is for a bisexual woman to fetishize lesbians? It’s. Pretty fucking hard, considering she’s a wlw. She can be lesbophobic but when you have one (1) “predatory lesbian stereotype” out of a cast of different types of lesbians, maybe you should uhhh stop policing how lgbt people are allowed to act? There’s a big difference between a predatory lesbian stereotype and a lesbian who happens to be predatory (and pearl isn’t a predator anyways, she’s an abuse victim - that doesn’t excuse her behavior but I digress)

god I dunno, there’s just so much stupid shit that goes on in SU critical, which is a shame because it’s an idea with a lot of promise. Really, the SU critical community developed because fans didn’t like having negativity towards something they cared about on their dash. But since it became an isolated pocket of everything negative towards SU, it just festered and festered and what started as simple criticisms has turned into outright hatred and malice.

Personally, I hope that SU’s portrayal of LGBT people becomes outdated some day - it’s really not that bad and I think even if we make great strives in the next decades, it’ll still be able to hold its own, but as an lgbt person I think Rebecca would agree with me that only good things can come from kids shows being better than SU. But for now, it’s far far ahead of anything else in its time, showing LGBT people as real people (or….aliens), as flawed individuals. It doesn’t make them particularly evil nor does it make them particularly good. They’re characters who happen to be their sexuality, and that’s alright, and that’s normal. And that should be celebrated. People should be allowed to celebrate what SU has done so far, and I hate how SU critical likes to shit on fans minding their own goddamn business.

I feel bad for SU critical too, because keeping yourself in that kind of environment becomes very toxic. I’ve been trying to keep my own opinions under control (actually, that’s part of the reason I made this blog) because I can become very angry and opinionated while typing and I know that that can hurt other people. But it’s just exhausting and toxic for me at this point to keep doing it too much, so I just write what I can but also try to embrace the positive so I don’t die of a heart attack lmao. I can’t imagine what running an SU critical blog 24/7 must be like, it sounds absolutely exhausting and immensely unhealthy.

You have the freedom to choose to do that, but as someone who shares some of your opinions and mindsets I advise you to take a break and have things you DO like in the things you critique. Point out things you like alongside things you dislike. It’ll make the world so much better for you.

Overall though sorry for rambling anon haha, but thank you for the kind words!

#anon #<3

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