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#not proofread sobs!!
caffeiiine · 3 months
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I read the tags on your Kunikida post… go ahead and explain, my liege
JUST SAW THIS SOMEHOW ABYWAYS TYYY
OKAY so probably going into detail about how kunikida can be considered passively suicidal since i have the most coherent thoughts on that aand warnings for stuff of that nature under the cut :D + length
[also small disclaimer, i have been procrastinating reading dazais entrance exam and so far have only seen the anime adaptation which apparently left a ton of stuff out so feel free to correct me on inaccurate details and/or missed examples or just downright incorrect information]
[note: idk if passive is the correct term bc i was thinking about it and hes not exactly like oh i hope this kills me yk, so whatever that term is lmk <3]
This stuff also sorta ties in with his ideals and their potential self destructive-ness. they tend to cause him to either negligently often risk his life with there being an apparent “other way”, or just outright risk his life with barely a second thought for his ideals.
so kunikida has very strong morals and that’s the core of his character. the main ideals referenced in the show being his infamous “ideal woman”, “how to make dazai ideal”, and the ideal that basically tells him to save people. [i forgot what that one is referred to as]. If we’re talking timeline wise i think one of the first examples of his ideals causing him to negligently risk his life would be in Dazais Entrance Exam, or The Azure Messenger arc if you’re an anime watcher.
First example off the top of my head in dazais entrance exam would be when him and Dazai first see the hostages, specifically the ones in the room
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after the gas came down dazai has to actually wrestle kunikida away from the room because otherwise hes gonna die. kunikida repeatedly shouts about how “people shouldn’t die like this”. This might be a bit of a tangent but later on in the episode he remarks how he “may as well ahev set the bomb off himself” when Dazai asks about Rokuzou’s dad, implying he blames himself for Rokuzou’s dad’s death. This is of itself isn’t enough for me to say “oh yeah he’s passively suicidal” so moving on to the main manga where there are several other instances of his tendencies to throw himself directly in harms way.
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[there may be examples before this i just skipped to chapter 40] and starting off strong we have the thing with Aya. This could be written up to circumstance but he had the opportunity to avoid death himself so im counting it. he’s basically hugging death. that’s all i have to say for this.
of course he ends up surviving it because of deus ex machina yosano. After the fact, Aya asks him what he would’ve done if Yosano wasn’t there. To which he replies basically he would’ve done the same thing he just did except died and basically would have been fine with the outcome as long as she didn’t die in front of him. [he would’ve been dead as well and not had to deal with the guilt] i should point out as well, he does this because of his ideals. he specifically cites his ideals around these parts usually. The not letting anybody die before his eyes is one of ideals and the most common one he uses.
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[im pulling that from the fact he had no backup plans or anything to actually stop the bomb aside from Yosano, since his words could imply he would’ve tried to save Aya. and the guy with the bombs was using the fact Kunikida holds his ideals very close to him, taht he wouldn’t have allowed Aya to die if he could’ve prevented it.]
aaand i think our last example and best example for tonight
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context for the scene: they’re in the getaway helicopter and tecchou is trying to take it down via his sword and Kunikida decides to take matters into his own hands and take down Tecchou. First off, HE DID NOT HAVE TO, CHUUYA IS RIGHT. THERE. HE LITERALLY SHOT TECCHOU WITH GRAVITY BULLETS EARLIER.
HE DID NOT HAVE TO RISK HIMSELF BUT HE DID. also additional context, in this arc and the previous arcs, he’s been faced with situation after situation where his ideals have failed him and he’s been unable to exercise them and save the people he thinks he should.
point being, he feels like complete shit! he probably is thinking like if he should do anything then, it should be he makes sure he gets his friends out of there. regardless of whether he’s dead or alive because he jumps out of the plane and full body tackles tecchou while being in direct contact with fucking chuuya.
chuuya “has to stay out of the fights and arcs half the time because he’s too good at his job” nakahara.
chuuya “just shot tecchou and did a decent job at keeping him back a few pages before” nakahara. you see my point.
oh and then he just attempts to blow the both of them up.
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he does not care for his life at all here. not one bit. also he did not need to blow the both of them up. he could’ve made a fucking stun gun or anything else that wouldn’t KILL the BOTH of them??
my whole point is he does not care for his life here and it’s gets worse the more you progress through the manga.
anyways anyways ending off, kunikida repeatedly puts his life in danger either for his ideals or neglectfully and/or without need. this has been a ramble. this man is not okay.
also kinda funny is he’s partners with dazai of all people, actively suicidal princess bungou himself. i really enjoy their differences and how similarly different they are.
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^ not actually related to anything but i almost started laughing so hard with my family in the room at this piece, junichiro looks so concerned
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outer-edges · 9 months
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"It wasn't time that did it."
Joel’s voice is so shaky and small, yet somehow full of so much fucking emotion that Ellie thinks she might get crushed underneath it all. If the thought didn’t scare the shit out of her, she thinks she would call it love. Love and care and trust and all of that other gooey shit that made her want to burst into tears at the very thought. Now, Joel sits in front of her, baring his fucking soul to her, and she suddenly gets what Riley meant all those months ago. Ellie didn’t belong anywhere. Not until Joel. Maybe it was fate, maybe it’s just plain luck. Whatever it is, he flinched all those years ago, and she survived that bite, and they’ve been hurtling towards this moment ever since. 
The one where Joel chokes on his words, and she feels every ounce of the unsaid words. Time didn’t heal his wounds. She did. Because she’s his. And he’s hers. Because they somehow found each other in this terrible fucking world, and nobody has ever made her feel like this. Safety. Belonging.
She isn’t sure what to say. Isn’t really sure if there’s anything she can say. Ellie just hopes he can tell how much this fucking means to her. How much he means to her. He’s everything. He’s been everything for months now. The way he’s looking at her now, like she’s his everything too, it might make her start crying. There aren’t words to describe this. Not ones she’s been taught. Not ones anyone has said to her before. Maybe there were words for this twenty years ago. Maybe there are even words for it still, just not used for people like her. She’s too rough for anyone to get too close to. 
Anyone except Joel. They match like that. Too rough and stubborn for their own good. They match. She’ll hurt for him, and he’ll tear up a town for her, and they’ll find their way back to each other. They always do. They always will.
All those months ago, he said she wasn’t his daughter, and he sure as hell wasn’t her dad. That doesn’t really feel true anymore. It hasn’t felt true since Silver Lake. Since she threw herself into his arms and he whispered soft promises and terms of endearment as he held her. It didn’t even really feel true when he said it, if she’s being honest. Things like fathers and daughters, that won’t ever be something she truly understands, but she thinks this is the closest she’ll ever get.
No. She knows this is the closest she'll ever get. Because, even if they don't address, even if the thought makes her feel a bit like she's wearing a too tight-too itchy wool sweater, they're family. They belong.
“Oh,” Ellie breathes out finally. 
The words go unspoken. They both understand regardless. 
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tenshi-agerasia · 2 months
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ensemble stars characters as things i experienced on a cruise to mexico
i'm waiting for a flight that i'm ten hours early for so here's some rare 鬼畜 text content . incorrect quotes and imagined scenarios, long post under the cut
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starting off with some incorrect quotes
rei: can you walk?
eichi: i think so, i'm much more energetic nowadays-
rei: no you're not. shiratori-kun, get him a wheelchair, we're skipping all the lines at the airport‎‎
‎-
eichi, getting physically patted down by tsa in a small dark room because his wheelchair couldn't go through the full-body scanner and it was too much physical effort to stand up: this is all sakuma-kun's fault
-
aira: tenshouin-senpai! you almost left your louis vuitton designer scarf at the security checkpoint! what if someone had stolen it?!
eichi: thank you, shiratori-kun! but it's fake
-
akatsuki in the elevator with a group of strangers
stranger, in a thick southern accent: so what're y'all up to t'night?
silence
souma stares straight ahead. he thinks the stranger isn't talking to them.
stranger, feeling slightly awkward: so, y'all stayin' in your room?
kuro: um... yeah
-
afterwards
keito: how did he know that our room doesn't have a window
kuro: ???
keito: ??? he said something about our stateroom not having a window like his
kuro: you mean when he asked if we were staying in our room?
-
hokuto: how much money have you spent at the arcade
makoto: uhhhh... i don't know, i'm not good at math
mao: how much did each of the figurine blind bags cost you
makoto: four plays is $4.50 and i get an average of 87 tickets at the piano game. the gachapon is 750 tickets each, and 750 / 87 = around 8.62 plays, and 8.62 x 4.50 / 4 = $9.6975
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wataru: iiiiiit's..... showtiiiiiime....
yuta: can we leave
hinata: the waiters are dancing now, we can't just leave
one minute later
yuta: can we leave
hinata: i'd love to see you try to leave in this situation
three minutes later
yuta: can we leave
hinata: QUICK THEY STOPPED MAKE A RUN FOR IT
-
jun: i don't like my new haircut
jin, shaking his head knowingly: yeah you shouldn't have cut it on a cruise
jun: i lied. i love my new haircut it means the world to me
-
jun, still struggling to come to terms with his new haircut: now i kind of look like the scaramouche guy from genshin
hiyori: i was thinking more like edna from the incredibles
some people that i encountered!
kaoru as the guy that (successfully) invited one of the waitresses to dance
yuzuru as the sweet lady who asked me how to swipe her room card for the arcade because her son (tori) wanted to play a game
ritsu as my mom who spent most of the time sleeping
rinne as the tour guide that would add "rawr" to the end of his jokes
tsumugi as the poor woman who got stuck in a hammock and had to ask me for help
yuta as my brother who i forced to go on a rusty cable sliding thing you could only hold on to by hand, only for it to get stuck before it reached the middle
hinata as me who dragged the rope attached to the handle and tried to run (on sand) to pull yuta/my brother on the cable slide, only for him to fall (on sand)
rei as the people who watched and laughed
yuzuru as me playing the discord golf game with my friends on vc, only to get screwed over by the lag from cruise wifi
anzu as my friends who were still at home and took this chance to win by miles
makoto as my brother and i when we made one of the arcade machines run out of tickets to dispense three times
makoto as my brother who dominated the entire leaderboard of a piano game with his high scores
tomoya as my mom who was upset that she didn't get to see any flamingos up close
mao as the guest services guy who kept getting interrupted by phone calls that lasted less than 50 seconds
tsumugi as the worker who asked me "do you speak mandarin or chinese?"
adonis as my dad who would only eat meat because "it's more worth it that way"
hiyori as the hair stylist that gave me the scaramouche/edna haircut and kept calling me "madame" and insisted that i trust his vision (he was a lovely guy, i just wanted it more short :()
anzu as my aunts that were constantly trying to video call my mom on wechat, only for the call to disconnect because cruise wifi sucks
mayoi as the dinner waiter that jumpscared my mom on the lunch buffet line
midori as the buffet worker who kept sorting the lettuce leaves by size and color
rinne as the guy at the casino who told a worker he wanted to "have a gambling addiction responsibly"
tori and tsukasa as the little girls who tried to convince their mom to let them eat only cake for lunch
kaoru as the white guy who tried to engage in a conversation with me in the elevator but only made the situation more awkward
souma as the guy who got into an argument with someone (kaoru) over whether the fish he ate was bass or salmon (it was salmon with some bass)
shinobu as the boy who ran up and down the stairs yelling that he was looking for ducks (?)
wataru as the russian lady in charge of the dining room who would loudly whisper "iiiiiit's...... showtiiiiiiime" into a microphone every evening
tomoya as the waiter with a tired, dead inside expression who still had to dance for the russian lady's "showtime"
adonis as the guy that woke up at six in the morning to run laps around the deck for some unknown reason
wataru as the guy who posed for a picture like he was pinching the setting sun
hokuto as the guy taking the picture, but from an angle that made wataru look like he was pinching nothing and standing there stupidly
promo time ~ preorders for the niki's cookbook fanzine are open until march 12! i made some recipes for it, go check it out :)
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twilghtkoo · 2 years
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jeonghan would be the type of boyfriend who would let you play with his hair, he knows you love it when it reaches his shoulders. whether it be you sitting in his lap and playing with the front strands of his hair to frame his handsome face as his hands holds you softly by your waist. or he sits in between your legs as you brush his hair and do little braids. you like to do potential hairstyles on him, maybe even try low pigtails, or put little colorful snap clips in. if you kiss him up enough he’ll let you take a few pictures. he owns a claw clip yet doesn’t know how to put his hair up with it, so he asks you to help him. though jeonghan likes caring for the ones close to him, he loves when you care for him. the simplest touch of yours makes him feel warm and when you brush your fingers through his hair he could easily fall asleep.
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godnectar · 4 months
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Is it just me,,, or did tumblr turn off the option to edit ask posts after publishing, only being able to change shit if they're rbs or original?? 💀🤡
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Coming soon: Galaxy Family 2023 Ask-a-thon
The poll has concluded. The Galaxy Family 2023 Ask-a-thon will be starting on November 27, which is 5 days from now!
I'm in the process of scheduling everything, so there is no detailed schedule for now. It will come eventually. For now, here's all the other important information.
11/23 update: detailed schedule is here now!
What is the Galaxy Family 2023 ask-a-thon?
It is a marathon-like event where I’ll be answering a lot of asks in the span of 5 days. There will be a lot of posts during this week, all related to Galaxy Family and RRFF headcanons! (and some miscellaneous stuff)
What kind of content will be posted during Galaxy Family 2023 ask-a-thon?
The ask-a-thon will only feature asks the blog has received before November 2023. This event is not about sending asks during the event for me to answer in real time. The event is about me finally catching up with the asks in my inbox. If I receive any asks during the ask-a-thon, they will be answered sometime after the event, not during.
How many posts will be in the ask-a-thon?
Around 42. But I'll be honest: I may have miscounted, and there may be less than 42 posts.
11/23 update: 40 asks! (one ask contains 4 questions, so there will be 37 posts total!)
I know this isn't as many posts as the last big ask-a-thon. I know I still have plenty of Galaxy Family asks to get to. I hope to eventually get to all of them, whether it be for a regular post or a future big ask-a-thon!
Is this interactive? How do I participate in the ask-a-thon?
Not interactive. The ask-a-thon only goes over asks already sent to me, not asks sent during the event.
To participate, all you gotta do is sit back, follow my blog, and enjoy my blog posting exceptionally more content than usual.
Feel free to send follow-up asks after the event if you have something to say. Just understand that the follow-up asks will be addressed after the event, and it might take a while for me to get to them. The frequency of posts will resume to “3 posts a week” after the ask-a-thon.
What if I don’t want to see anything from the ask-a-thon?
All ask-a-thon posts will be tagged "galaxy family 2023 ask a thon" (no dashes). Feel free to blacklist that tag if you don’t want the ask-a-thon to flood your dashboard.
Conversely, the "galaxy family 2023 ask a thon" is how you can keep track of all the posts for the event. Feel free to follow this tag to keep a closer eye on the ask-a-thon.
When will the RRFF/Galaxy Family masterpost be updated with all these answered questions and lore drops?
I'll get the masterpost fully updated by December 8, a week after the ask-a-thon.
Is there a schedule for the ask-a-thon? I want to make sure the ask I’ve sent a long time ago will be a part of the event.
Yes. There is a detailed schedule beneath the "Keep Reading/Read More" section. It’ll give you details about each day of the ask-a-thon, such as how many posts are scheduled for that day, and the specific asks that’ll be answered on that day. That way, if anyone is worried that they missed a post, or they don't know when an anticipated ask will come, they can refer to the detailed schedule below.
See you at the ask-a-thon! If you have any questions or concerns, drop an ask! I’ll try to clarify any confusion or concerns.
Galaxy Family 2023 Ask-a-thon Detailed Schedule
Note: this schedule follows Eastern Standard Time (EST). All posts will be released in 5 minute intervals.
Monday, November 27
5:00pm-5:45pm: 10 asks
Theme: The Galaxy Family all together!
The asks:
Owl House covens
Your opinion on whether or not Time and Memory would be amazing cryptographers because they grew up with Elemental
"Oh, so you like the Galaxy Family? Name all the members" response
Phases the Galaxy Family kiddos went through
If the Galaxy Fam were elements (earth, fire, water, air, ice, etc) what would they be?
Age of the Galaxy Family members
Music tastes of the Galaxy Family members
Strength of the Galaxy Family members
Illusion's physically appearance
Quadruple bunk beds
Tuesday, November 28
5:00pm-5:25pm: 6 asks
Theme: 1-on-1 character interactions
The asks:
Illusion and Alex: angst
Elemental and Illusion: hair
Everyone: bite
Elemental and Memory: pumpkin soup
Illusion and Time: cute childhood thing
Elemental and Illusion: babied
Wednesday, November 29
5:00pm-5:20pm: 8 asks
Theme: LGBT headcanons
The asks:
Pride flags
Trans!Memory ideas
Questions about Illusion's gender (1 of 4)
Questions about Illusion's gender (2 of 4)
Questions about Illusion's gender (3 of 4)
Questions about Illusion's gender (4 of 4)
Bunk bed
Galaxy and Elemental's sexualities and gender headcanons
Thursday, November 30
5:00pm-5:25pm: 6 asks
Theme: AUs
The asks:
Secret descendant AU
Alex raises Illusion instead AU
Unified Galaxy Family AU
Older Sister AU
Slumbering Memories AU
Demon Steve and Guardian AU
Friday, December 1
5:00pm-5:45pm: 10 asks
Theme: Miscellaneous
The asks:
Baby zombies
Void face reveal
Rainbow's age in RRFF
Memory's favorite enemy type from Deltarune
Discord
American sounding RRFF characters
Scars on Steves
Illusion's age and voice claims
Memory doing anything lol
Illusion's bangs
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maxtothemax · 2 months
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Be My Valentine
Just some Zipper and River being cute and queerplatonic on Valentine's Day.
Zipper probably would've ignored Valentine’s Day if it wasn't for River. To them, the holiday was just a dumb excuse for couples to do gross, romantic stuff with each other and shove it in everyone else’s faces. But River thought of it more as celebrating all kinds of love, especially friendship. When he was a kid, he loved exchanging little cards with the other kids at the Foundation and getting candy—which was something, of course, that Zipper never really got to experience. Zipper had to admit, River’s version of Valentine’s Day sounded a lot nicer than everyone else’s take on it. The idea of celebrating it with River, just as friends, sounded kinda fun.
And yet they felt inexplicably nervous as they sat on the couch with their gift for him, waiting for him to get home from work. The gift was stuffed unceremoniously into the only gift bag they could find, with the edges peeking out, and even though River wasn't even here yet, they already felt self-conscious about the whole thing. They weren't sure if he was going to like it, and they probably should’ve gotten something to actually wrap it with while they were out, and he probably didn't get them a big gift, either, so what if this made him feel bad?
They took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. It's fine, you're good, don't overthink it. Then they heard the key in the front door, and their heart rate skyrocketed anyway.
River appeared in the doorway a minute later, holding a brown paper bag. “Happy Valentine’s Day!”
Zipper shoved the gift bag behind their back and smiled. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” they said, eyeing the bag in River’s arms. “Is that for me?”
“Yep!” He sat down and dug around in the bag before producing a small red envelope. He presented it to them with a grin on his face.
They opened the envelope and slid out the card. On the front was a cartoony picture of a bird. You make my heart sing! it said across the top. They laughed. “Aww, that's corny.”
River was almost bouncing with excitement. “Open it!”
The text in the card just said Happy Valentine’s Day! Underneath, in River’s handwriting, it said, To my best friend in the whole world! I love you! Love (again), River.
A warm feeling flooded Zipper’s chest. They didn't know what to say, so they went with, “Aw, thanks, River.”
He beamed, and then deposited the paper bag in their lap. Inside were multiple bags of sour gummies. “I got all your favorites,” he said.
They gasped. “Even the sour gummy bears!” Those were always sold out when Zipper went to look for them.
He shrugged, trying to look humble. “I got lucky.”
They put the bag aside on the coffee table. His gift was so nice, and it made them even more nervous about theirs. “I got you something, too.” They couldn't make eye contact as they shoved the gift bag towards him. “Sorry about the wrapping. But you said you didn't have any Valentinesy clothes to wear, so …”
It was pretty obvious what was in the bag, but River politely took out the card wedged in the side first. It had a cartoon picture of a fish on it that said, You're my favorite fish in the sea, except Zipper crossed out the word sea and wrote river instead. On the inside they just signed their name. River laughed. “Aww, that's cute, thank you!” Then he turned to the bag, and Zipper couldn’t look.
He gasped as he pulled the sweater out of the bag. It was loosely-knit and light pink—not the type of thing River would usually wear, but something that Zipper thought (hoped) he might like. Out of the corner of their eye, they watched him hold it up in front of him. “Oh, it’s so cute!” Almost immediately, he pulled it on, his blond head popping out from the neck. He beamed at them. “I love it!”
They grinned, feeling relieved. They were worried it wouldn’t fit, but the sleeves fell past River’s wrists; it was perfectly oversized. He looked adorable in it, and Zipper found themself blushing as they rubbed the back of their neck. “Yeah, I just saw it at the thrift store and thought …”
“I’m gonna go look in the mirror.” River practically leapt off the couch and rushed to the bedroom. Zipper laughed as they trailed behind him. He was acting like a little kid; he hardly ever got this excited.
In the bedroom, River twisted in front of the full-length mirror, admiring the sweater. He smiled at their reflection behind him. “This is so sweet.” He hugged himself, then twirled around to face them. “Thank you, Zipper! Can I hug you?”
They nodded, and he embraced them. They rested their chin on his shoulder and inhaled. “You smell like thrift store.”
“Oh, yeah. I’ll have to wash it, I guess.” He squeezed them before pulling away. “This is so nice.”
“It looks cute on you.”
The compliment made him blush. “Thanks.” His eyes flickered away in embarrassment, but then settled back on Zipper. “Can I kiss you?”
They nodded, and they felt their own face flush as he gently took their face in his hands and kissed their cheeks. “You’re very excited today,” they murmured, letting their eyes flutter shut.
His thumbs brushed their cheeks. “Well, I like Valentine’s Day—and I like you.” He paused, then quickly added, “As a friend, of course.”
“Of course.” They’d been over that enough times; Zipper trusted River to be honest about his feelings. They settled their hands on his waist. “I’m glad you’re having fun.”
They felt his lips curve into a smile against their cheek. “And I’m glad you’re here to celebrate with me.”
They couldn’t help rolling their eyes. “You’re so sappy.” But, when his lips finally wandered over to theirs, they gladly kissed him back.
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immortaltale · 10 months
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"When you have a person that is so determined, so clear, so focused, and has such strong beliefs... you'd just die for him." The story of the relationship between Mikel Arteta and Pep Guardiola.
rated: general audiences relationship: mikel arteta & pep guardiola (platonic) other tags: coming of age (?), developing friendships, fc barcelona, autistic character
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the-axe-and-flail · 1 year
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Look this ended up way longer and more detailed as I went on pls someone talk me out of spending the next week writing this God damned AU-
An AU where Gyomei declined Kagaya's offer to join the slayers and instead was picked up (aka sold by a crooked PO) to a guy who sailed the world procuring acts for big name circuses like B&B or Sparks. The man recognizes his unusual height and equally unusual strength, and with the help of an interpreter, he learns that Gyomei doesn't want to fight at all. The recruiter reassures him there is no actual fighting in entertainment (rather that it's all dramatization, like a Kabuki act) and he agrees, seeing no other out for himself and deciding this is the least harmful of his options.
Over the next 8 years he ends up in B&B where your family is a group of tumblers and trapeze artists. You find his strong silent type fascinating, and you love watching him train the caravan cats to do tricks like jump through hoops and balance spinning plates on their heads. Normally you'll find him in his off time training his body to peak physical form (something everyone who comes to see the strong man act is VERY aware of), but what most others miss are the moments of downtime when he's having tea or peacefully meditating, eyes closed as he soaks in the morning sunlight. His white, cloudy eyes seem to always find you when you think you can steal a glance, but he never seems to acknowledge your inquiry.
It isn't until a few months in that you're tasked with working on a new act for the tumbling floor routine that you decide it's time to get to know the seemingly gentle giant. Without any real plans in mind, you find him one morning cleaning up the equipment from his daily cat training and offer to help. He seems a bit skeptical at first, but doesn't take long to relent and even thank you for your help. He asks if you'd like to stay for tea as an offering of thanks, to which you happily accept, asking all sorts of questions about it as you see him take the small porcelain teapot and 2 small cups from a little leather box in his caravan. He explains the differences between eastern and western tea drinking, the entire while you're enamored by how precisely and delicately he holds that tiny teacup (and oh to be a teacup in those big strong hands).
You explain to him over tea about the new tumbling act you're trying to put together, and ask if he's ever thrown a person into the air the same way he hurls those tree stumps and boulders. It takes a bit of back and forth, but eventually he agrees to give it a go, though not before telling you how much he doesn't want to hurt you and please be careful. You promise that you've also trained your body to be the perfect (and safest!) acrobat you possibly could, but that his worry is really sweet and you appreciate him looking out for you. As you reached out to place your hand on his as a sign of agreement and thanks, you felt and saw his entire form stiffen slightly and immediately pull away, giving a soft apology as you do. The rest of tea time is spent enjoying the quiet sounds of the nature around you until set up begins for the afternoon.
It was a bit hard to find time and room to practice your new act, but you didn't let that stop you. Sometimes you had the interior ring to work in, other times you had to make a clearing for yourself in the woods just outside the caravan camp. Whatever your arena though, it was obvious that Gyomei was a worrier. He'd spend half of set up and stretch making sure all large rocks or fell trees were moved so nothing would accidentally harm you would he miss the catch or fumble the toss. Not that it was ever a worry of yours mind you, from the very first moment his hands wrapped around your waist to lift, to the countless times your fingers interlaced with his massive ones for stability, he'd never once given you the impression that he wasn't in complete control.
It was almost a wonder in and of itself, really. You knew he was blind, as they announced it at the beginning of his more dangerous acts, but he never really seemed like he couldn't see. He could catch axes thrown at him out of the air, he could hit a mark on the dime with a whip or throwing dagger. Time and time again he'd wow audiences with his ability to balance on a single foot, holding several hundred pounds of longs on his shoulders while jumping from pole to pole. It was clear this man was anything but ordinary, never faltering in his step or routine for even a moment.
Maybe that's why you felt so comfortable with him holding your life in his hands. When you would mess up a flip or over rotate a turn, he was there to course correct and catch, regardless of how far off target you were. It was addictive in its own way- crashing into his strong chest only to be a moment later wrapped in his arms as he slowly lowered you to the ground. The deep hum of his chest as he sighed in relief knowing you were safely on soil again. You on the other had would giggle, the rush of adrenaline a long held family favorite. You'd immediately be speaking plans for how to fix your mistake and asking if he was okay for another round, not quite noticing the dusting of pink on his ears as you spoke.
It was becoming a topic of discussion around the caravans as well- everyone noticed your breakfast tea time before warm-ups and set up/tear downs. They also noticed how even in down time you two gravitated towards each other, helping with tasks and chores, doing your washing together, even taking meals together when able. Some of the other acts even starting watching your practices, enthralled by just how high he could toss you, how gracefully you maneuvered in the air, and how deftly his catches and precision your balance was. The clowns in particular became a regular audience, always willing to cheer you on and offer fun suggestions to spice the act. For the most part it was silly or unhinged hinged things like doing the act in your knickers so you could charge triple (to which you swear your saw Gyomei fluster a bit, followed by a roar of laughter from the painted crew).
It wasn't until the night of your first show that you'd really felt nervous. This was the first act you'd ever put together without the help of your family, and you couldn't help but wonder if it was entertaining enough to really make it to the regular acts. Sure it featured one of the most popular acts of the circus, but would you be enough to pull your own weight, or would Gyomei end up shouldering it all like so many of his other features? It was enough to make your heart pound (and not in the good way) and hands tremble. Luckily for you Gyomei had spent the better part of the last 3 months getting to know your body very well, and could hear and sense the disturbance in your mood.
"Everything will go as it always has. You will be strong and precise, as you always have." His words were spoken softly, but the conviction in them was obvious. "And I will always be there to catch you." A phrase so simple it could easily pass for a quiet kindness, but the large calloused hand that tenderly held your face was a siren. Your whole body was a fire, at the mercy of his rains, and all you could do was stand there and soak in the warmth of his palm as your heart screamed at you to move.
A second later the lights were on you as the music blared, Windjammers blasting the march you knew by soul now. For the first time you looked up to see Gyomei with a gentle, genuine smile as he stepped back and held his hand out to you, waiting for the moment you started the routine. With the loud roar from the packed stands, you rushed into him as his hands wrapped around your waist, wasting no time before skillfully tossing you up, wrapping his fingers with yours as you balanced in his palms. Tossed through hoops of fire, over dangerously deep drops, and at heights unheard of, you wowed the cheering stands as time and time again your near death was evaded at the last possible second by your resident strong man. His grip was safety, his white eyes all seeing, and his precision impeccable. In the security of his catches, you were free to fly at impossible heights and perform stunts you'd only ever dreamed of as a child watching your parents on the highwires. And as the music came to a crescendo, your heart damn near beating out of your chest, you looked down to see his focused expression turn to one of tempered joy as he braced for your final catch. A moment later, the music hit its end as you were hoised above Gyomei's head in a spit handstand, balancing only on his single palm.
Cheers erupted, nearly deafening you as the two of you took bow after bow, backing out of the main ring as your personal cheer squad clowns gave rushed congratulations and praise as they flooded the stage for their own act.
"That was amazing!!" You gasped, hardly believing you'd just pulled off something so magnificent. The adrenaline in your system burning with the need for more.
"You were perfect. Just as I said you'd be." His deep voice reverberating through you despite the rushing of your pulse in your ears.
"And you caught me, just like you said you would." Oh to be able to see the smile on your face in this moment as you grinned from ear to ear. But he didn't need to see it, he could hear it in your voice and sense it in your heartbeat; the heat of your hands as you grabbed his was the definitive marker.
"And I always will." Despite the band and the crowd, despite how softly it had been spoken, it was clear as crystal. The large hands once again come to cup your face, this time followed by the sensation of his lips so perfectly meeting yours. His fingertips tracing the sides of your face as your own hands grip the collar of his uniform, both of you a tangle in the night as a blanket of blinding lights and music shields you from prying eyes, tucked behind the big top.
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hyoqa · 2 months
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pairing: kuroda yukinari x gn!reader (no prns)
summary: you are a manager of the Sohoku team and he's a member of the Hakogaku team— the two of you are not meant to be
warnings: spoilers of the second inter-high
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The two of you were not meant to be. The gods had not meant for you to get together, and the world did not lend a helping hand either. You were a year younger than him, a manager of the Souhoku road race team, and he was a member of the Hakone Academy road race team. It wasn't meant to work out.
However, there was no way for you to not fall in love. Not when he was the one you weren't allowed to fall for.
You could never forget, it was your second year at the inter-high as a manager, but it was particularly busy. Maybe it had to do with the fact that it was the first day with all the nerves, or maybe it was the fact that it was really, really hot that day and you failed to realize. However, you fainted while carrying drinks back to your team's tent after most members had crossed the goal for that day. It was a horrible time and place to faint as well— you were avoiding the main walkways and trying to walk under the trees behind the tents to get as much shade as possible, and it was a little after the main bulk of people had left. You were unaware of everything that happened after, but you later hear that Kuroda had been the one to carry you back to your team's tent. Apparently, he had gotten patched up and wanted to try walking to see how his condition was. He was covered in bandages and with an injured arm and leg, he still carried you all the way back, after finishing the first part of a race.
By the time you were up, he was already long gone, but the idea of him doing that for you was enough for you to run out to try to find him. You had no luck that time, as they had already moved to their hotel, but Onoda kindly asked Manami where they were staying for you, as you seemed so hung up on it.
You had roughly a minute, maybe a little more to talk to him, but that was about it. You didn't wish to either, he had a race tomorrow and he had wounds to heal. The fact that he came down to meet you was more than enough for you.
"Thank you so much for earlier today, I heard from everyone else," you said, bowing deep.
"Oh, stop that. It's all good, I'm glad you're up," he said. "Feeling better?"
"Yes, I feel great now, thank you," you said. His bandages looked horrible. "I can't believe you did this for me when your injuries are..."
Then he laughs. You didn't think he was one to laugh. "I was skeptical too... but you were super light and I was glad to know that my arm's still fine," he said, but you knew he was being nice and acting strong. There was no way it wasn't tough.
"Oh, I won't keep you for too long, I'll get in trouble if I bother an athlete before a race any more than I already have," you said with a smile. "Again, thank you so much for today. It really meant the world to me."
Slowly you walked away to leave so he felt comfortable to walk back in. At the time, you thought he was being kind as he watched you walk back, but in reality, he was subconsciously mesmerized by your smile.
You did not get another chance to talk to him that inter-high, but you were always watching him. When he finished the race, when he was on the podium. Everytime he was in your field of vision, you noticed your eyes would follow him. Later, you would greatly regret not talking to him more, but at the moment all you could do was stare.
Months went by and you felt silly after realizing just how much you still thought about him. You couldn't forget him and somehow your feelings only continued to grow, but there was nothing much you could do about it. You didn't know anyone in Hakone Academy directly, and you really didn't feel like asking one of your teammates to ask their friend for Kuroda's contact. Not to mention, he was a third year so you couldn't count on next year's inter-high either.
However, that was alright, because you hadn't expected anything from this to begin with. It was just your one-sided feelings that no one would ever find out about, and that was okay with you. It's not that you were going to give up, but rather that you didn't expect much to begin with. You were more than happy to continue to harbor these feelings, especially while they weren't in the way of anyone else. One day they were bound to disappear.
But like fate, a week later Kinjou had come to visit a practice and he had brought Arakita with him for fun. The entire team was thrilled to see Kinjou again as he helped them train some more, and Arakita watched around as he complained, explaining that he didn't want to be here at all. Apparently he wasn't going to go around helping a former rival team practice either, which was actually a very fair reason.
You knew it was rude and you were very intimidated by Arakita, but all you could think of since he arrived was Kuroda's contact. He must know— and you wanted to know so badly. Was that the right decision though? Shouldn't you just give up and let it go instead? No, you had regretted not talking to him more before and this was your first chance after months. You would be so dumb to let it go just like that.
So just before he was about to leave, you called to him, insanely nervous.
"Arakita-san," you said and he looked back.
"Hah? Oh, the manager?" he asked and you nodded. "Have we talked before?"
"N-no," you said. "So I realize this is terribly strange for me to ask, but could I um..."
"Oh, just spit it out."
"Would you be able to tell me Kuroda-san's contact?" you said very quickly and quietly. Your eyes were glued to the floor and you were too embarrassed to look up.
Immediately after you heard laughter and you were unsure how to react. You didn't think he would laugh at you.
"Is this what I think it is?" He said, far more amused now than he was the entire time he was here. You didn't say anything but it must've shown on your face because he continued to go on. "When did Kuroda find himself a cute little crush?"
"No, it's not him, it's me," you said. "Actually, he probably doesn't remember me..."
"Oh, he's rude and annoying but give him a little more credit than that. If he did something that would make you fall for him, I'm sure that he must remember. He's not one to do nice things, let alone charm people," he said. "And I think you should ask him yourself, rather."
"No, he was very nice! For him to carry someone he didn't know back while... hold on what?"
He had turned his phone on and called a contact named Kuroda.
"Oh, gosh, please don't give it to me. I don't know what to say," you said.
"What do you mean! You were the one who wanted his—" he started to say but he was cut off by a voice from the phone.
"Arakita-san? How rare for you to call," you could hear the voice say faintly. "Did something happen? I'm going to get back to practice soon so if you could be quick..."
It was him. It was Kuroda. The voice you wanted to hear for the past few months was so close and no longer just in your head.
"No, if he's busy then it's okay," you whispered frantically. At this rate his only impression of you is going to be bothersome.
"Why are you suddenly a wimp now considering you were able to come ask me before?" Arakita asked.
"Hmm? What are you talking about?" Kuroda asked from the phone. "A wimp?"
"Oh, my bad, my bad," Arakita replied to him. "Not you. I'm actually at Sohoku right now."
"What? Sohoku? Why?" Kuroda asked, confused. "Oh, then can you see if their managers are okay? One of them fainted during the inter-high a couple of months ago."
Your eyes widened, absolutely shocked. He remembered. He cared. Arakita looked over at you and your face said all he needed to know. Kuroda was talking about you.
"Kuroda-chan are you in love..." he teased and you genuinely thought it was over.
"Oh, shut up," Kuroda replied quietly, and unfortunately you couldn't hear. "What if someone hears you!"
Arakita immediately started to laugh and you heard a faint 'shut up, stop laughing!' from the phone. "Here," Arakita said, passing you the phone. "Your turn."
Shocked you quickly took the phone.
"What? Who's turn? Was someone listening??" Kuroda asked, terribly confused and panicking slightly.
"Um, hello. I'm the one who collapsed at the inter-high who you helped," you said carefully.
"Oh gosh, were you listening?" he asked.
"Sorry, I could hear... Not the last part though!" you said and he sighed, relieved.
"Thank goodness," he said. You were confused and curious, but you had something else to ask.
"I asked Arakita-san for your um... contact... and he kindly called you so I could ask you myself. So would it be alright for me to ask you..." you started to say.
"Of course!" Kuroda replied a little too quickly and enthusiastically, which he beated himself up for seconds later. "I mean, I would love to have your contact as well, if that's okay."
And that was the start. The two of you had many more obstacles to simply get to know each other, but he was the one for you, and you were the one for him.
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emptybrainstuff · 11 months
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Why is it that you don't date anyone anymore? Do you have a specific problem with that?
Yeah, i think. No, i know
What is it?
I would rather not say, don't you think everyone are subject to having some things to themselves? I think this is my little secret, something i don't want anyone to know. Not because I'm embarrassed but i just feel like it would be tainted or something if others knew. I want it to be something just between us, me and the person it concerns.
So, you're heartbroken?
Well to be straightforward, yes, I'm heartbroken. I don't think ik how to deal with it, it'll be my own little secret.
Will you reveal it to the concerned person though?
I don't have the guts to do that. Don't you think i would have done it long ago? When i actually could have? When they would have listened? Maybe a part of the reason that i was scared that they would actually listen. Ik i should regret not telling them but i can't bring myself to, just like how i can't, even now.
Have you found a remedy for your broken heart?
Nope, not yet. Every broken heart has its own remedy, its own solution, a unique one at that. For some ppl it's someone, for others it's something and for the other few, it's a dream. Yk ig people seek out the solution actually, for their own betterment and happiness, maybe most people do. Isn't that what life is? Human beings and their wants, their needs. And they spend the rest of their lives chasing to find the solution, a piece to solve the puzzle and salve their heart. I do too. My dreams. But that's not the cause of this broken heart.
Then?
A person. Or maybe i think it's actually my own actions. I rly dk. But yeah, a person.
So? Why don't you go and find your own solution?
You see... The thing is, i don't want to. I don't want to find the solution. Ik it sounds vaguely self-destructive but i don't want to. At least not now and maybe not for a long time... I think because in the subconscious or conscious whatever, i rly want the person to come back and maybe they are the only solution to ever exist for the mortifying pain. I don't think I'd want another solution even if it exists.
Honestly? I feel right at home with the mortifying pain. Am i a masochist?
idk but i don't think it matters.
Comfort. Isn't that what everyone wants? Comfort. Absence of the necessity to feel not judged. Because you know you won't be judged. That's what comfort is. The mortifying ordeal of being known. It's part scary and part exhilarating. It's a weird combination which makes you feel wonderful. Maybe that's what everyone wants. To feel special. To belong.
And this pain? The trickle of blood from the jagged edges where the pieces of my heart had been ripped out? Makes me feel.... Special. Wanted. Unique. Unjudged. It's stupid rly. To get addicted to pain. I can understand if it's another's pain. But your own? That's even sicker. Well, doesn't love make us sick?
It feels horribly wrong for someone else to fill that gaping wound instead of them. Not her soft hand closing the jagged wounds. But rather unfamiliar fingers touching the blood. It feels uncomfortable to even think abt it. Showing my heart to someone? That's easy, the whole, unbroken, full heart. This wretched thing held captive by my ribs? I can't show this to anyone. It's beautifully corrupted. By the hands i want around my neck. To corrupt me indeed, body and soul, mind and heart, skin and flesh. To be corrupted to the point where i can feel nothing but her warm breath, to hear nothing but her singing voice, to see nothing but her smile, to want nothing but her presence. Maybe, if I'm lucky, if truly fate is in its work, i would have the privilege to show her the art, that is my heart, she begot. But like i mentioned, i do not want to find the solution.
Why do you think i suffer alongside my heart with the memories once created? That stay in a place so so so close to reality that i think i might.. might as well go mad? Mad with love. Mad with hate. Mad with the memories my lonely mind created in solitude when you deserted us? Sorry.... when she deserted us. I suffer and suffer more not because of her but because of myself. The constant remembrance of words she bared which lay imprinted on the veins of my heart looks upon the liquid which was once considered precious flowing now with all its use drained from it. I read the same messages again and again hoping that i would find more reasons i could convince my hopeless heart about our love. I rethink all of the moments we spent together analysing what i could have said, what i should have said instead. Maybe then she'd come back.... As if she ever will. It's pathetic really. How i hope she'd return. What could i have said? What could i have done to make her stay, to want her to be by my side. At least to talk to me, talk with me. But what's the point of rethinking all of this when you know that she isn't gonna come back? But i do anyway.
I am just so so tired. I actually don't think I've spent even a single day without thinking about her. It's been more than six entire months. We used to not be able to stop talking to each other even for a day and look where we are now. More than a year. I thought, i really thought i meant more than that.
Don't you think if someone really wants something, they'd work for it? If you really want something, shouldn't you atleast try to make it work? It's cowardly to leave and escape the moment things turn a little bit sour. If it had been me, i would have worked for it, hard. Begged to try and make it work. Cause it was how much she meant to me, our friendship meant to me. It's pathetic tbh, how she was my everything and i didn't matter much after all. But- but how? Even if i mattered less, how was it so easy to just throw me away? Yk what maybe it's actually me. Maybe it's my fault that i would have tried to make it work no matter what. I'm glad, rly happy that she wanted to be better though. Maybe i shld learn how to do that. But what can I do when she is the one who made me better? Made me happy and satisfied and content even when everything was falling apart? It's stupid, it's stupid how much i crave her and that too not even physically but emotionally and mentally. I should have tried better. But I'm angry too. And I'm scared that the dam will one day burst open and spill all that anger at the worst time possible. So i bite tongue and push the words deep into my throat to keep it from spilling out. No matter what, I'll try, atleast try to keep that from happening again.
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purble-gaymer · 5 months
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*blacks out for three days and wakes up with this open on my computer* what the fuck
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michaelarkwright · 1 year
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finished my essay for school SOOOOO TIREDghrsjghsfsg the other ppl in my group forgor like. most of the stuff. we had to add. so i now at 12 am had to add almost everything HATE IT HERE!!!!!!!!
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godnectar · 1 year
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