#now i just feel..... dead inside

[lucyvaleheart]

.

#supposed to log good things #most of day was negative feelings and sadness #then. i remember feeling good #and then. tthe good went away #rreplaxed with the usual self doubt and loathing #the feelings of undesirability #the wish that i was. attractive in any way to anyone close to me that anyone wanted to. touch me #that i wasn't horrifically gross and disgusting #do the people who hold me do it out of pity? am i really so awful #pictures get a lot of praise #sometimes #less so lately #maybe the novelty of my personality has worn off #maybe seeing how broken i am #such a shambling wailing mess of a girl #....has made people realize how ugly i am #i don't know. its hard to care most nights #I'm supposed to feel better in the mornings #i don't usually #I used to #now i just feel..... dead inside #like a walking corpse #some part of me wants to make that reality #sigh. #anyway. #im sorry you had to read this whoever you are that's made it this far #it's a cry for help but my discord status says don't message me so it's. probably not gonna get much lol #.....i guess uh. if you've read this far and do want to say something you can take this tag in particular as a one time pass to do so #....i make no guarentees I'll respond but i will guarentee that i won't kill myself. at least not tonight or even any time this week

[obsmiechujek]

anyway hows your day been

#im not complaining btw like godspeed to you freaks im just jelous #i will now proceed to tag the fandoms that inspired this post so feel free to hate me #bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #the walking dead #twd #literally opened the twd tag (my mistake) #and the first thing i saw was something about a daryl dick-son busting a nut deep inside y/n and i was like alright man ig #in front of my oatmeal??? #doods

[bylersrise]

sobbing uncontrollably over byler for the 9th time this week

#sorry im going insane #pls save me #i feel dead inside #i hate waiting #im so impatient i just want byler now #byler #stranger things #byler endgame

[luck-of-the-drawings]

two wrongs WILL make a right! ive got another lease on life, and im using it well, who cares if this is all fucked up cause we're all GOING TO HELL! IM JUST WILLIAM WHO SHOULD BE DEAD, HAD TO FOLLOW THE THREAD, thought he was just chillin! now he is a villain! HES ALWAYS SUCH A BUMMER, HE WANTS TO TRUST HIS BROTHER WILLIAM IN A HALLWAY BY HIMSEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

#jrwi fanart #jrwi show #jrwi prime defenders #jrwi pd spoilers #william wisp #RRAAHHHHGH I KNOW THEIR LIL PARODY OF MICHEAL IN A BATHROOM OR WHATEV WAS SLIGHTLY COMEDIC. LIKE WIWI IN A HALLWAY #HAHAAA HIS NAME IS WIWI ISNT THAT FUNNY. ISNT THAT FUCKIN FUNNY. AND YYYEEEEEEEEEEETTTTT!!! #WILLIAM IS SO FUCKIN SAD DUDE... ESPECIALLY DURING THE GRAYSCALE ARC. HE REALLY THINKS HES BETTER OFF DEAD. #HIS FIRST DEATH WAS AN ACCIDENT! AND THEN HE WAS SADDLED WITH ALL SORTS OF POWERS AND RESPONSIBILITY HE DIDNT FUCKIN WAANT #AND IT TURNS OUT HES STILL DEAD! HIS BODY IS ROTTING AND FALLING APART AS WE SPEAK!! THATS SO FUCKING SCARY!!! #BUT THEN. OOOHH BUT THEN HIS WONDERFUL FRIEND DAKOTA TELLS HIM. ILL GIVE YOU MY HEART SO YOU CAN LIVE AGAIN. AND IT WORKS!!! #WILLIAM ACCEPTS LIFE AND REJECTS THE WISP POWERS AND FEELS SO SO THANKFUL TO HIS WONDERFUL BEST FRIEND DAKOTA. #A DEBT TO REPAY EVEN IF DAKOTA WILL NEVER CASH IN ON IT. HES JUST A PERFECT HERO LIKE THAT.. BUT WILLIAM.. OHH ROTTING LIL WILLIAM.. #EVEN WITH NEW BLOOD RUNNING THROUGH HIM HES STILL DEAD INSIDE. HES STILL USELESS. POWERLESS. SELFISH AND IMPULSIVE AND STUPID AND JUST. #NOT A HERO. WHICH IS FINE! IF ONLY HE WAS A GOOD ENOUGH PERSON TO RETURN THE FAVOR TO DAKOTA THOUGH. BUT HES NOT. HE DOESNT THINK SO. #WILIAM REALLY BELIEVES THAT HE IS FORSAKING EVERY GIFT OF LIFE HE HAS BEEN GIVEN. HE THINKS HE SHOULD BE DEAD BUT HES TOO SCARED TO DIE #JUST FAR TOO SCARED.. OF EVERYTHING.... WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT BRINGS US HERE. I GUESS THE GOOD NEWS IS THEYLL FORGET. #HE JUST WANTED TO TRUST HIS BROTHER. HE WANTED TO HAVE A BROTHER AND FIX THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM AND HONESTLY? #I THINK I WOULD DO THE SAME THING IN HIS SITUATION. MAYBE USE MY WORDS BETTER BUT YKNOW. THATS HIS BROTHER!!! #OKAy okay william makes me sooo EMOTIONAL but now ill mention the ART #THIS WAS Aboutthe time i actually figured out how to draw the white streak in williams hair. IT PISSED ME OFF SO MUCH ORIGINALLY but imPROU #AND THE SHARP SPIRALS!! I LOVE THE SHARP SPIRALS. I LOVE DRAWING HIS HAIR JUST IN GENERAL... I JUS LOVE DRAWIN WIWI... #OHH And xavior... poor xavior... theyre still looking for cantrip arent they? they have no idea where she is..and DAVID YOU BIIITCH #david bell is such a good fucking antagonist. he COMPLETELY believes himself to be in the right and bizly plays him SO WELLL!! #BECAUSE HES SMART!! AND SMART PEOPLE CAN LOGIC THEIR WAY THROUGH ANYTHING! THATS WHY SMART PPL FALL INTO CULTS TOO! #BC A SMART PERSON CAN FIND A GOOD WAY TO JUSTIFY ALMOST ANYTHING TO THEMSELF. DAVID IS SMART AND THATS SCAARRYYYY... #IM So excited to see the consequences of williams actions carry on into season 3. i hope they contact allen and exavior and do. idk. someth

[replaybf]

not beating the generalised anxiety disorder allegations tell me why i’m walking home from the bus and i feel the sense of impending doom creeping on me as if i don’t even know what. fun

#txt #heard a guy say sth on the bus which was like. most likely an inside reference to the person he was talking on the phone with #but now i just feel so. so bad jesus christ i feel like i’m going to drop dead

[moregraceful]

what jersey did you purchase today??

THEY GOT ME WITH THE GAME WORN CRISCUOLO JERSEY MAN 😭 IT WAS SO EXPENSIVE AND IT'S NOT EVEN SIGNED 😭😭

shit won't even fit i bet, that man was the size of a grain of rice and weighed less than my dog. this org has my balls in a fucking vice

#you guys know how i only wear the john leonard jersey to sharks games bc it was such an ill-advised purchase? me with this crisco jersey #the cuda should be paying ME money. i MAKE them money. by POSTING #i'm sure i make some equally normal purchase of a cvf jersey i can't wear anywhere later this week too. i'm so sure 😭 tf is wrong with me #which btw. downloading every single podcast on the face of the planet for this roadtrip knowing full well what's gonna happen is #i am gonna listen to 5 minutes of a locked on sharks episode and get ripshit mad at jdy and spend the next 7.25 hours listening to #spotify's tropical house playlist while carefully crafting the most dumbass notfic about environmental conservation #which is what always happens when i have to drive by myself for long periods of time #AND BTW. RE: CRISCO JERSEY. THIS ONLY HAPPENED BECAUSE I WAS MAD AT ONE JOB AND THEN RECEIVED A VERY ANNOYING TEXT MESSAGE FROM ANOTHER JOB #AND THEN THE ORG EMAILED. STEF GOT ME IN A VULNERABLE MOMENT. I WAS DYSREGULATED!!! I WAS NOT MYSELF!!!! #the best part is the sharks proshop called me this morning like hey your simmer jersey is ready. i was like oh yay :) <3 UNKNOWING......... #all three of my jobs made me so exhausted today guys it just never ends #but then it's like well. if i didn't have three jobs. i couldn't make insanely stupid purchases either #so even though i burned out so hard i feel dead inside a lot of the time. at least i can create THE most baffling sharkuda jersey collectio #where was i going with this. oh right. mackblack win tn schedule that selena gomez lockdown starting NOW #cage replies #tausendsorgen #LESA

[frecklystars]

Just finished a bartending shift and I’m so excited to use this money for more Barbie tickets. Looping Ken's gorgeous song I'M JUST KENNNNN (♫ AND I'M ENOUGH. AND I'M GREAT AT DOING STUFF ♪) about to jump into the car and drive to see the barbie movie again, because why the hell not!!!! I haven't felt this safe around any F/Os in so long, Barbie and Ken are fucking holding my hand through all of the bullshit and loving me so fully and making me feel somewhat like a person again

#MY NAME'S KEN! (AND SO AM I!) PUT THAT MANLY HAND IN MIIIIIIIIIIINE #I haven't felt any joy from F/Os in so long UNTIL BARBIE AND KEN 😭😭😭😭 #KEN SINGING ABT HOW HE WANTS TO BE LOVED. OH I'VE GOT U BABYGIRL #MY HORSEGIRL BOYFRIEND I'VE GOT U............... WE WILL FIGHT FOR EACH OTHER 💪 #love notes #LOVE NOTES 🥺🥺🥺🥺 IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE I'VE USED THIS TAG #I have ship tags for them too!!!!! SHIP TAGS 🥺🥺🥺 #my god i just feel a LITTLE BIT like myself again when i see this movie. im so relieved im still... here #im still Me im still Here im just!!! healing!!!!! that spark inside of me isnt dead its just Healing!!!!! #that part of me... that star in my heart isnt burnt out its just overshadowed by trauma #just imagine one year from now i hope im back to being myself fully again ;_; #this is the first time in so SOOOO long that i've felt so happy and safe with characters 😭 #thank you barbie and ken......... #oh here are my ship tags im so happy with them!!! #💕 I'll fight for you!! - ̗̀🐎🏖️✨ ̖́- #(that's for ken!! i'd want him to fight to protect me ;w; like in his song) #💕♫♪ ♡ You're the pink in my cheeks 🎀🌸✨♡ #(that's for barbie!!!!) #im wondering if i should make crush tags for the other barbies and kens...

[jeanmoreaux]

rereading beartown and us against you so i can finally read the winners, and i swear to god i’ll throw fists if i have to go through the emotional pain of these first two books again just to have the third one break me and not give my fav character a happy ending.

#just finished beartown and i feel hollow inside ✌️ #i DIDNT forget backman was like ‘look at these young boys. in ten years two will be professionally hockey player. one will be a dad. #and one will be dead.’ but it still hit me like a train. that’s so evil of him istfg. #it has major ‘btw if you even care’ energy to just jump that on the reader on the penultimate page #because YEAH i DO care. i am also massively afraid you’re going to emotionally hurt me. #anywayyyy moving on to us against them now. am i already scared of the winners ngl……….. #mish reads

[distort-opia]

found this poem called ‘the poem climbs the scaffold and tells you what it sees’ by natasha oladokun in a batjokes fic a while ago and was never able to shake the immense bruce energy of it.. thought you might get a kick out of it :)

Yes, you thought right, if the kick is in the heart and the result is pain and suffering. And the whole thing is beautiful, but the last part:

It really makes me think of the self-hating side of being Batman and how, to Bruce, it's part-punishment and part-self-destruction and part-atonement, for surviving something that his parents didn't. Every night Batman ("decked in black from scalp to heel/ scythe in hand ready and eager to meet yourself/ pounding at your own door") goes out to fight the evil that took his family and challenging it to take him too, but Gotham keeps spitting him back out, again and again. So Bruce survives himself just as much as he survives Gotham. Enough of him to feel alone, to yearn for other things, and that's what being Batman can't kill-- the animal in the poem truly depends on perspective. It could either be Bruce talking about Batman, or Batman talking about Bruce.

And then the road is too steep for him to see that there's light beyond it. That things could be different. So he keeps doing it.

#though. I definitely see how this ended up in a Batjokes story #you kill the beast inside yourself again and again but it never stays dead because you don't want it to. because you need it #thank you for the rec Anon. I don't know if you got the Bruce vibes for the same reasons but I have so many feelings now :) #asks #bruce wayne meta #I mean. I guess? though it's just me wildly projecting I do want it tagged so I can find it later

[kyojuuros]

anyone watching solo leveling? is it good?

#i do want to try sousou no frieren #but i hesitate with cozy anime they are really hit or miss for me #but i heard sawano is doing the music in solo leveling #and it's an action anime which i tend to prefer soooo #i just need smth to watch all i am doing rn is waiting for kny s4 and bnha s7 at this point lmao #snk is finished on both mediums now so i'm dead inside #and jjk will probably be another year or two at this point sooo #i could rewatch some stuff but i don't feel like it atm

[voilaammayi]

What am I even supposed to do now? Cry???

#mourning #despair #misery #just feeling dead inside in general #loki finale #loki series #loki s2 #mobius #mobius m mobius #loki s2 ep6 #loki #lokius #loki 2021 #loki season 2 #it’s been almost a week now and I still haven’t recovered #I don’t know if I ever will #probably none of us will let’s be honest

[wickershells]

txt

#i am actually the worst person alive every now and then the weight of all the guilt and grief and humiliation really hits me #i am not liked at all and i keep eroding all of my remaining relationships and i have fucked up my life beyond repair and i am #truly never getting out of this cycle no matter what meds i take at what dosage or if i talk out my feelings or if i keep them inside #or if i get therapy or if i dont if i have friends if i dont if my family likes me if they dont if my dog is alive or if hes dead its just #me theres something broken in me no matter how hard i believe and try and hope and pray i just wont get better i always end up here #i have consistently been the worst most absent friend i have ruined everything ive touched i feel contagious im contagious #i cant expect people to keep loving me and i definitely cant expect them to keep saying it over and over when it isnt true and they dont #want to and people dont even ask if im alright anymore they already know im not and just dont care because how could they #i dont get better it would just weigh on them all the time and how fair is that really i wish no one had ever met me i wish i wish #i betray all my promises to myself and others and im so stupid im so dumb and i just. theres nothing at all in here #i cant stand the loneliness anymore but i dont deserve anything else. do you see #and its my fault people no longer care its all my fault im so alone. i feel so alone. no one can know me and love me and they will all #be fine they have everyone they need they have everyone they want. i am no one at all not even to myself #theres an abyss where my personhood should be #i have to leave i have to get out of here

[aerticent]

my love for Maven has evolved into something and no matter how hard i try i cannot put it into words and it’s driving me crazy

#i have a post talking about how his body is decaying from the inside out due to his soul rejecting his mother and that’s the closest i’ve #gotten so far at explaining my feelings for him rn #i’ve also stopped seeing him as this sad pitiful creature and am more so leaning towards he was a rage and resentment fillled creature and #his main ways of showing love went hand in hand with him putting Cal and Mare through the worst pains/horrors imaginable #he also is absolutely batshit like #bro is on the brink of madness the whole time it’s a wonder he never fully falls through #bet u money if he had been successful in killing Mare or Cal he would’ve fully lost it #cause like now what #this whole war and the two ppl he hates/loves the most r dead and it’s his fault #idk what i’m talking about #he got me feeling like #[CAR CRASH] [GLASS SHATTERING] GOOD LORD! [GENERAL COMMOTION] [BABY CRYING] WAAAAH WAAAAH [YELLING] [POLICE SIRENS] WEEWOO WEEWOO #he still is sad and pitiful but he’s also a rage filled monster who was given too much power without enough guidance #just running on hatred and whatever fucked up version of love he knows of #the closest he got to truly not gaf about literally anyone or anything was his reaction to Elara’s death #did all that running on nothing but anger and hatred almost killed Cal he was so enraged #does this make any sense? #he’s still baby girl sunshine loml 🔛🔝 tuck him into bed and read him bed time stories little angel

[hauntingblue]

LUFFY!!!!!!!!! I HAVE BEEN CONVERTED!!!! LUFFY BELIEVER FULL TIME!!!!! LET US WORSHIP THE SUN!!!!

#luffy deflating like a balloon..... be serious 😭😭 #MOMO NOT BEING ABLE TO HEAR LUFFY!!! oh kaido going for the others now..... law could hear his voice too??? #NAMI BEING THE FIRST TO STEP UP!!! CHILLS!!! THIS TIME STEPPING UP TO WITNESS THE HORRORS!!! YEAH!!! #yamato really does carry the spirit of oden straight up.... motivating his son and everything... #i feel like i am going insane... I CAN HEAR THE DRUMS!!! nami telling luffy to not die and fulfill his promise WHO ELSE HAD A PROMISE???? #is this why his fruit awakened.... because nami reminded him of the promise... omg..... THE DRUMS!!! CHILLS!!!! THE SMILE!!!!! IM SO HYPE!! #talking tag #watching one piece #episode 1070 #i am smiling so hard rn. contagious #also the cp0 that died for this ajdja.... suffering from success.... #THE BOUNCING SOUNDS!!!! THE DRUMS!!!! THE SMILE!!! SANJI JUST VOLTING AWAKE??? see the clouds over his shoulders remain.... as i was saying #you know this has me realising maybe shanks isn't all that bad and stole the fruit from the gov so they couldnt get hold of it #hiyori saying how oden kept hia promise but also how he wanted to keep the promise of opening wano for joyboy #THE KANJURO THING!!! HIYORI WATCH OUT!!! oh its gonna burn orichi by accident YEAAHHH!!!!!!! FUCK YEAHH!!!! #the animation is so fun.. luffy just junping around and shit while hia destruction power is MASSIVE #this is so!!!! kaido complaining about being bored and having fun thru fighting AND HERE COMES LUFFY WITH HIS LOONEY TOONS GOOFY FIGHT!!!! #they knocked this shit out of the park!!! also END CREDITS????! #episode 1071 #momo saying kaido got fat 😭 actually kaido got pregnant <3 yamato you're going to be a big brother congrats!!! #the eyes 😭😭 damn luffy flew away and exploded... 😞😞 skipping rope with kaido omg.... everyone should go outside and see this... #we are welcoming here in the luffy believers... barto is gonna enlist hundreds of new members #law is luffy believer number 1 damn the speech he is giving kid... omg kaido bonked him ajshaksjak that was so good he needed witnesses.. #nami worried abojt luffy being dead and when he appears she is just like WTF IS THAT!!!!!! HUH???!! #wait a second ooohhhh kaido is goong down too fuck yes akdjaksj momo and yamato peeking over the island jahdksk #THE DRUMS BEING HIS HEART I CANNOT GET OVER IT!!! Kaido shoukd be puking up his insides by now but alas this is so fun BOIOIOIOIOING #FIRST TIME SOMEONE ASKS LUFFY WHO HE IS AND HE DOESN'T SAY MONKEY D LUFFY FUTURE KING OF THE PIRATES. HE SAYS ITS HIM. STRAIGHT UP!!!! #NVM HE SAID IT!!!!! GOD IS THAT YOU????!!!! #episode 1072

[quietwingsinthesky]

even has killed people—though perhaps that depends on your definition of people—and it’s not. how do i put it. it’s never cool, you know? it’s never a moment where this puts them in control of a situation, where they can show off some skill in putting someone down. because even is not, generally, very powerful, and they do not know how to do this.

it just gets messy.

which is one of those terrible reasons why they… well, they don’t like the master, but they have to like that she can do it easy, quick, clean. she can give even the ability to, as well, when she wants. if for no other reason than it means that they won’t have to scrub it raw off their skin later, they appreciate that.

#but if left to their own devices? #what im saying i think is: the doctor 🤝 even: has killed someone with a rock #and of course i say whatever your definition of people is because you’d have to ask if you count daleks as people #i’m honestly not sure if even does. they might have pre-getting launched into a pocket dimension war. they really might have. #very expansive definition of people on account of them not really feeling like they should count as one anyway so therefore if they do. lots #of things must. including the murder trash cans. they’re flesh on the inside aren’t they? they speak they think they hate. #but i think they stop. because it’s better not to. it’s easier. and guiltless too. not like a dalek stops to xonsider your personhood. #but to be very very clear. even has also killed just. guys. #actually i have in my notes here that the tone-setting moment of this whole. arc? #is that it really starts with a jailbreak. predicated on lackluster security for one of the prisoners because they are *just* a human. #and the other is. well. and there’s a war that won’t end that there’s no escape from now to worry about. #but the tone-setting part yeah. is that this really starts with even befriending someone like them through the bars. time lords need #janitors too you know? someone has to clean up around the cells. and they let even out for a minute because of that friendship. #as you can imagine. even is not going back in the cell once they’re out of it. no matter what they promised. and their ‘friend’ is going to #alert someone. and. #you need to understand most of all from this first point. that even doesn’t know that regeneration isn’t A) an inherent trait of gallfrey #rather than a granted one and B) infallible. that’s the cslculation they make. that whatever damage they do won’t matter because they’ll #come back from the dead. ………they do not. #it’s reslly a ‘congratulations! you broke free of the narrative constraints (and safeties) of standing near the doctor! murder is now #unlocked! good luck!’ moment akdhfkshdkfj #anyway. <3 makes their life worse on purpose <3 #dw oc

[vlastovky]

classic no one texting me back evening where i simply feel nothing and do nothing

#its cool at least now when i feel dead inside and alone its because im actually alone and not just being emotionally neglected #in a one sided monogamous relationship