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nahoyaglock · 3 years

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📃 AS I AM CHAPTER 1 — Surprise!

SUMMARY — You knew Kageyama Tobio since you both were in diapers, being close family 'friends'. You always wanted to befriend the quiet kid but no matter your efforts, he would never crack. When you transfer schools and meet Kageyama again, what will happen to your relationship?

PAIRING — family friend!kageyama x fem!reader

GENRE — fluff/crack/angst

WARNINGS — uh, non rlly, just enjoy :D

WORD COUNT — 2.1k

FIND THE MASTERLIST HERE

(Sent September 15th at 6:32 am)

Y/N: [Good morning Tobio!]

You turned your phone off before sitting up to stretch your arms. The warm sunrays peeked through your thick curtains, your room taking the shade of an idigo hue. You let out a bronx cheer before hopping out of bed, looking around at your nearly empty room. bzzz!

You smiled to yourself, hands finding your small hand held device before opening your notification, seeing a text from Kageyama.

(Sent September 15th at 6:33 am)

Kageyama: [Morning.]

Y/N: [How did you sleep?]

[Also, I have a surprise for you Tobiooo!]

Kageyama: [I slept fine. What is it?]

Y/N: [It wouldn't be a surprise if you told ya!]

You set your phone down gently on your drawer and you heard a light knock on your door, then the nob turning. Your mom peeked her head through the crack in your door, smiling as she watched you open your blinds.

"Hey honey," she whispered, knocking again lightly. You faced your mother with a sleepy grin, "good morning mom." You grabbed two bags from the corner of your room, slinging them over your shoulder.

"I'll load up the car mom, don't worry okay?" You walk over to the door and she moves over, allowing you to get through the door. "We leave in 20 minutes okay?" She pats your back before walking off to her room, leaving you to your job.

You slipped on your fuzzy pink slippers sitting at the front door and your turned the lock to go out. You went back and forth, in and out of the house loading up all of your luggage and baggage needed for the move. Your mom had finished her loading and was turning on the car as you grabbed your phone and locked up the house.

You climbed into the backseat with a fluffy, warm blanket for the long ride, buckling yourself up and checking your notifications.

(Sent September 15th at 6:35 am)

kageyama: [you're quiet annoying you know?]

(Sent September 15th at 7:01 am)

Y/N: [I wouldn't be y/n if I wasnt, am I right?]

After hours of sleeping, snacking and playing video games, the ride had come to an end. "We're here baby, wake up." Your mom shook your arm softly and your slowly forced your eyes open. You groaned and sat up, rubbing your eyes and yawning.

You and your mom unloaded your luggage into the empty house, your new home. It was a house way smaller than your previous one, two rooms, a bathroom and a small livingroom that connects to the kitchen. You decided that you wanted it to feel as much like a home as did your old house, so you decided to start decorating.

(Sent September 15th at 2:13 pm)

Y/N: [Hey tobio, ill tell you about the surprise in a week! :3]

Kageyama: [okay.]

As you went through some boxes you found old photos of you and Kageyama, the male with a blank expression but you could barely stay still that you were slightly blurry. You smiled at the memories of being an energetic kid and decided to put up the photos of you and kageyama on your pin board.

After your room was decently put together, missing a desk and a bed of course, you texted your friends from your old school and went to your moms room to see her folding her clothes. "Hey mom, can we go to the school to pick up my stuff?" She turned to you and smiled, putting her shirt down and standing up.

"Ah, yeah lets go now." She grabbed her keys and lead you to the car, you bouncing with excitement behind her. You opted on riding in the front with her, smiling at her as she turned the keys to start the car. The ride was filled with your conversation with your mom, talking about what you two should do since you arrived in your new home, your school and how you live closer to the rest of your family.

You pulled up to your new school and you eyed the entrance, reading the signs and inspecting the buildings. Your mom parked and unlocked the car, allowing you to hop out under the cold breeze. "Lets go honey," your mom grabbed your arm lightly and pulled you along with her, entering your new highschool. Karasuno highschool.

The principal greeted you and your mother and started to show you around the school. You saw your classes, your locker, the gym, and other important stuff that you mentally noted. Lastly was the office, where he gave you your printed schedule, needed textbooks and school uniform. With a wave goodbye you and your mom left to go back to your house, the car ride was silent this time.

—

It was the day, the day you started your first day at your new school. It's been a week since you settled into your new home, finally having a bed and a desk, some drawers and other things. You felt like you were at home, finally ready for a new start. Your mom decided to drive you to school for your first day, despite living close to the school.

"Are you excited?" She asked, eyes on the road with a proud smile. "Yeah, I am, time for a new start," you smiled, looking at your phone. "Well, im just glad you're feeling well. About your dad, you know–" your mom started. Your parents divorced, and your dad bringing in the most income, you and your mom had to leave tokyo, no longer able to afford the house that you had lived in since the age of 3.

"Mom, its fine, really. It didn't work out and thats okay, because now we have a little home of our own," you smiled widely, grabbing your bag as your mom parked at the side of the road. "Oh! Can we get a puppy?" You asked, bouncing in your seat and she laughed.

"I'll think about it. Have a good day, and if you see Kageyama tell him I said hi," she waved as you climbed out the car and you nodded at her before crossing the street and entering the school. You were so excited, seeing other students who noticed your foreign presence.

(Sent September 23rd at 6:54 am)

Y/N: [Good morning tobio!]

[I'll tell you the surprise later, are you busy after school?]

Kageyama: [morning, and yes I have volleyball.]

Y/N: [ah, okay! Have a good day today]

You spent your day alone, just taking in the new setting and adjusting to the classes you had. You had a few students talk to you when they found out you were new, but you decided to eat lunch alone that day. The day went by pretty fast and while you were slightly tired, you were still pumping with excitement. After all, you were going to see Kageyama today.

School ended, and after class you went down to your locker to put away some of your books and take anything you needed out of there. You remembered that Kageyama said he would be doing volleyball club today, and you assumed it would be held in the gym. You turned to see a tall blonde headed male with glasses from one of your classes.

"Excuse me, sir?" You tapped the male, causing him to stop and face you, removing his head phones and putting his hands in his pockets. "You're the new kid, y/n? Right?" He asked, but before you could answer he scoffed, "what do you need?"

"Ah, do you know where the volleyball club is meeting today?" You stood on one foot, bouncing slightly, which wasnt unnoticed by the male. "Im in the club, we're meeting in the gym." He answered before he turned to head to the gym.

"Is it cool if i walk with you then?" You asked, leaning to your left side to peek at the boy who scoffed before nodding. You smiled and he started walking, so you waddled after him. "Ah, whats your name?" You asked taking big steps to match the tall males natural stride. "Tsukishima Kei. Call me Tsukishima."

You realized that maybe he wasn't the type to like conversations based on the annoyance in his tone, so you just followed behind silently until you arrived at the gym. The team were doing warmups of their own already while a few males had stood around and talked amongst themselves. "Woah, Tsukishima! Is that like, your girlfriend or something?"

You saw a small male, with a noticably bright streak of blonde hair smack dab in the middle of his forehead. "Im Nishinoya Yu!" He grinned and stuck out a friendly hand, which you took. "Ah, actually im new here, I just asked Tsukishima to show me the volleyball club." You giggled at the charismatic member.

"What– what did you come to the club for? Are you trying out to be the new manager or something?" A taller, nearly bald male said, appearing behind the shorter male. Tsukishima groaned and walked off to the other side of the gym. "Ah, im actually here to see a friend." They both looked at each other then turned to the third years.

"Daichi, do you know her?" Nishinoya asked, pointing at you and the gyms attention was on you. You put your hands up and waved in defense "ah wait, im actually here to see–"

"Oh, whos this?" A familiar voice said and you turned to the entrance of the gym to see Kageyama Tobio. His eyes widened in shock and he froze, dropping his water bottle as you smiled widely at him. "Kageyama!" You shouted and ran to the male, wrapping your arms around his neck, giggling lightly as he stood frozen in shock.

"Y-y/n..?" He asked and softly pushed you off of him, looking at you with a glare that also had a hint of confusion fused in. "What are you doing here?" He asked, even though he knew exactly what was going on. He saw your uniform and heard about a new student who had transferred to their school. But why you?

"Well, I moved here and thought, why not transfer to your school?" You smiled as all the boys headed over. A orange haired male walked around you, inspecting you, bouncing around with an energetic presence. "Are you and Kageyama dating?"

"You moron!" Kageyama yelled and slapped hinata on the back of the head, causing the orange haired males expression turn sour. You jumped lightly and rubbed the short males head "ah, tobio." He whines and looks up at you and pouts at Kageyama. "Your girlfriend is way cooler and nicer than you."

"Ah, im not Kageyamas girlfriend, we're family friends," you say to the small male, and he thinks for a minute. "Ah, this is y/n?" Hinata asks and Kageyama pinches his ear, dragging him away while yelling at him. You smile and turn to the other males, seeing the captain walking over towards you.

"Hello, im Daichi Sawamura, call me Daichi." He says and bows. "Im Y/n L/n," you greet back. You were allowed to stay and watch the practice, and he even introduced you to the other team members and the coaches. The whole practice you watched Kageyama, who would occasionally shoot glances at you. You also noted that he wasn't doing really well, he seemed really distracted.

After practice ended, you stood up, slinging your bag over your shoulder and attempted to approach him, but he exited the gym as quickly as he could. You were slightly shocked and just decided to text him, hinata sneaking up on you. "Hey y/n, how do you know Kageyama?"

"Hmm, oh! Our moms are best friends, so kageyamas family was always welcome at out family get togethers," you stated, not taking your eyes off of your screen.

(Sent September 23rd at 8:05 pm)

Y/N: [hey kageyama, do you want a ride from my mom?]

Daichi called for everyone to exit the gym, so you put your phone into your pocket and exited with Hinata and Nishinoya. "So, Kageyamas girlfriend?" Noya asked and you laughed, "im not his girlfriend, again." You correct as you two walk to the bike racks for Noya and Hinata to grab their bikes.

"Hmm, well a friend of kageyamas is a friend of mine!" Hinata smiles and mounts his bike, wide and bright smile, when you hear a honk. "Ah thats my mom, I'll see you guys again!"

"Wait, do you want to eat lunch with us tomorrow?" Nishinoya asked, mounting his bike. "Ah, I'll think about it, it was nice to meet you guys!" You wave goodbye to the males and jog over to your moms car, climbing into the passenger seat.

(Sent September 23rd at 8:09 pm)

Kageyama: [no.]

#as i am*series #kageyama x reader #kageyama tobio x reader #kageyama tobio au #kageyama tobio fanfic #haikyuu fanfic #hq fanfic

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horansqueen · 4 years

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You & Me : chapter 43

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

Sequel to AM CONVERSATIONS

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34|| CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his -4.5k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

READ AM CONVERSATIONS AGAIN ON WATTPAD HERE

- notes: wow, it took a while didnt it? i have a hard time writing this story for a few specific reasons and thats why it takes me longer. i also need to plan the ending of this and its not easy because im scared to forget something. but i hope you enjoy this chapter! thanks so much for still reading this story!!!

if you want to be on the list of blogs i notify when this is updated, just message me :)

requests! : its late and i hope i dont forget any! i didnt add everything from the 2nd request in my chapter tho. i also promise more requests in the next chapter! its all planned so thank you!

TAKE A LOOK AT THE CHARACTERS HERE

Chapter 43 : His chapter

NIALL

June 25th, 2018

"Okay, move slightly on the right." I heard her, doing what she told me cautiously. "Now watch out, there's a step."

"Big or small?"

"Uhm, medium" she replied after thinking about it.

"Gee Liv, thanks!" I replied sarcastically before I carefully tried to put my foot on the step.

She guided me with difficulty until the car and I packed her last few boxes in the trunk. We sat in the car and I started it, feeling her gaze on me but I tried to ignore it until I felt her hand on my thigh. I suddenly relaxed and my eyes met hers for half a second before going back on the road.

"You should have let me help you." she pointed out with a soft voice. "I can carry more than one box, you know."

The left corner of my lips raised gently and I glanced at her again before stopping at a red light and turning my head completely her way. Her eyebrows raised and I sent her a small smile, shaking my head.

"I want you to let me take care of you." I admitted, bending closer to press my lips gently against hers in a quick kiss. "Besides, an old lady like you shouldn't carry heavy things."

With a chuckle, she slapped my arm gently as I started laughing and started driving again. It was already mid june and we had been working on her moving in with me for about a week. Most things were actually bought by Louis so all the furniture stayed there but it took us a while to pack all her stuff and bring the boxes to my house. I mean, our house.

"I'm only two years older than you!" she argued, making me laugh even more. "Do I have to call you 'kiddo'?"

"Please, I'm a man." I let out with a frown, half-joking. "You know it, you've seen me naked."

"Oh how my life has changed since then." she replied wih a chuckle, making me smile too.

We brought her stuff to our room and started unpacking together after I put music on. It invaded the house so loudly that the neighbours probably heard since we had opened the windows. It was a warm saturday afternoon and I still had a little bit more than a week off. I knew we were going to miss each other since I was about to leave for three months (even if i was going to be back here at some point in august for a few concerts) but we didn't talk about it much, as if it would make things worst.

I kept glancing at her from time to time as I was putting her stuff in my closet and my lips curled when I noticed she was dancing while putting her clothes in her dresser. It was nothing new. She had always been like that but somehow, at this exact moment, it made me realize how perfect this moment was. Loud music, finally sharing a house with the woman I loved, watching my girlfriend dance and sing happily close to me with a promise ring hidden in my underwear drawer. That whole scenario happening right in front of me felt like the accomplishment of something very very important and even if I couldn't define exactly what, I tried to remember this in my brain like the movie of a memory I wanted to watch over and over again until i'd be on my death bed. The smallest details seemed important and when she moved a lock of hair that had stuck on her lips behind her ear, I held my breath. Could I write a song about this?

She turned around and our eyes met and suddenly, her lips curled into a fond smile. I loved when she looked at me like that. I was used to it, because she's looked at me like that for as long as I could remember, but it's only now, the second time we're dating, that I realized what it meant and how important it was.

"Are you gonna help me or are you just going to stare at me while I do all the work?"

I chuckled and rolled my eyes before shaking my head and grabbing an other box. It was heavy and when I opened it, I saw a bunch of books, the first one on the top being the one she was reading at the moment. I knew because sometimes we'd just sit together in the living room in silence. She'd read and sometimes i would too, or id end up writing, or playing guitar. Just being in the same room was enough sometimes and I liked it. I grabbed the book and turned it around to read the summary but something else caught my attention and I frowned. Something was sticking out of the book and I pulled on it slightly only to see my face and hers on a few pictures. It came from the photobooth and if my memory served me right, it was from the first time we dated. I pulled on it more to see all the pictures and finally just opened the book so she wouldn't lose her page and let my eyes roam on the older pictures of us. I remembered how I felt, but I was well aware it was not comparable to the feelings I had now.

"Can't believe you kept this."

My eyes didn't move from the pictures but I felt her stop moving and finally get closer to me. I sat on my bed and I felt her sit next to me in silence until I finally looked up in her eyes.

"You have no idea of all the things I kept." she admitted and I could swear her cheeks turned a soft shade of pink. "I kept a lot of souvenirs of you, Niall."

My smile curled a bit and she chuckled. "Really?"

"Oh don't look at me like that, it's not like I built a shrine for you or anything." she just rolled her eyes. "But your friendship and your love... yea, it's important for me."

I ran my thumb gently on the pictures for a few more minutes and finally put them back in the book before closing it. I stared at it until Liv grabbed my hand and I squeezed her fingers, looking up at her and sending her a smile.

"You know we need to christen the rooms." This time, she let out a loud laughter and it made my lips curl. "It's true!"

"It only applies to new places, Niall!" she laughed more. "We've already had sex pretty much in all the rooms of this house, and that says a lot!"

"Are you sure?" I asked, raising my eyebrows before she nodded. "All the bathrooms? Bedrooms?" She nodded again and I raised my nose up with a low groan, making her laugh again. "There must be somewhere we didn't fuck!"

"On the dryer."

"What?" I frowned.

"We never fucked on your dryer." she repeated with an amused smile, her head tilted. "We fucked in the showers, kitchen's table, kitchen's counter, on the couch, on the floor of the living room, in all the beds, on all the bedroom floors, in the music room and against that piano.. One time you even grabbed me when I got out of the shower to fuck me against the wall in the hall."

The left corner of my lips curled as the memory came back to my head and I raised my eyebrows. "Oh yea, I remember."

"But I don't remember fucking on the dryer."

My eyes roamed on her and I licked my lips. "We can do that now."

"Join me in 5 minutes?"

I raised my eyebrows in surprise when she suddenly got up and left. My fingers gripped the book in my hands tighter and I finally put it on the bed before turning my eyes to the alarm clock on the bedside table. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life and if I wanted to be honest, I only waited 3 and a half anyway.

I heard the dryer's noise and frowned a bit when I realized she had started it and when I got there, she was sitting on it and I noticed the matching black and silk panties and bra she was wearing. Her legs were hanging down the dryer and she was holding herself with her hands slightly behind her body, her dark hair falling near her back, and I stopped as soon as our eyes met.

"When did you put this on?"

"I wore them all day." she admitted with a smirk before chuckling when my face changed. "I mean, I wanted to show you but we were sort of busy."

I took a few steps closer slowly and put my palms on her thighs, sliding my hands up very slowly on her soft skin.

"Spread your legs, petal." I whispered as she bit her bottom lip but did as I asked.

"I wasn't sure if it actually looked good on me." she admitted low and I shook my head quickly.

"Oh shut up, darling, this makes me so fucking hard." To prove my point, I turned my hips a bit and pressed my hard cock through my pants against her naked thigh. "See?"

I ran my hands up to her breasts, touching them before slipping one of my hands under it to run the tip of two of my fingers on her nipple. "I'm so torn right now. I want to rip it off of you, but watching them on you is so fucking hot."

"Just move my panties aside and fuck me."

Her eyes seemed to sparkle but her expression was needy and I just licked my lips, bringing my hands down to my jeans and unzipping them as I kept staring at her.

"Such a needy little slut." I let out in a low tone. "Tell me how bad you want my cock. Beg me."

Her eyes never leaving mine, she brought her feet on the dryer, exposing her panties even more to me and slowly, I took my cock out and started stroking it. I could feel the dryer getting warmer and the way she seemed to shake over it made me want her even more.

"Fuck, Niall, I want you so bad. I need you deep inside me." she whimpered and licked her lips. "Please, Niall, I need your cock, please i'm begging you, fuck me."

I jerked off harder, making sure the tip of my dick rubbed against her pussy over her panties, and she whimpered and bit her bottom lip harder.

"Move your panties, pet. Show me your pretty little cunt."

She did as I asked and my eyes dropped between her legs as I moved even closer, close enough for the tip of my cock to push inside her. I groaned low and she let out a short whimper as I felt her throb around me.

"Deeper." she breathed out. "Fill me."

Quickly, I pushed myself inside her until I was balls deep and she let out a moan, her head falling back slightly and her eyes fluttering.

"Like this petal? How does my cock feel?"

She squirmed slightly and with difficulty but I watched her shake glancing a few times down to watch her grind despite herself on my dick. The feeling was amazing and I groaned louder when I felt her clench around me.

"So good, so fucking good." she whimpered again.

"You're so fucking wet and horny I just want to watch you fuck yourself on my cock until you cum all over it, baby girl." I let out without thinking. "How about you do that?"

I moved as close as I could and she ground on me for a few minutes. I loved the way she moved, all her facial expressions and the way her moans sounded but after a while, I couldn't take it anymore and grabbed her waist, my fingers sinking in her skin as I pulled her against me in motion with my thrusts.

"Fuck, i'm gonna cum." I just said still going hard.

I didn't know if it was because of my words or if she had been holding it for a while but she started shaking even harder against me as she came, my name escaping her lips in incredible moans and bringing me to my own orgasm. I shut my eyes tight, pushing myself so hard against her to make sure I went as deep as I could, and when I got down from my high, I leaned my forehead against hers, eyes still closed, as we both panted with parted lips.

"This is so much better." I whispered, moving a bit to reach her lips with mine.

"Better than what?" she asked in a breath as I kissed her gently again.

"Better than anything. Better than anyone." I confessed. "Better than sex without feelings."

It took her about a minute to talk but her words made me open my eyes suddenly.

"Are you in love with me, Niall?"

I pulled away to look in her eyes and frowned for a few seconds before shaking my head. I knew she was probably asking me simply because she wanted to hear it but I couldn't help but fear that she doubted it.

"Yes. I am in love with you, Olivia." I affirmed. "It will never change. I'll always be in love with you, for as long as I live, and maybe even after."

---

June 29th, 2018

I was a bit sad she had insisted on inviting Louis and Eleanor on her birthday but I went along with it because it was her day and I loved her. She also had asked for nothing big, just a movie and games night with our friends, and somehow, I was down with that. Normally, I'd want to celebrate in a bar with many more friends but we were about to be separated for a while and I was not in the mood to celebrate that. I was just grateful I could spend her birth day with her.

"Okay, Liv, you sit next to me. Your boyfriend can sit next to El." I heard Louis say as I walked back in the living room with two bowls of popcorn.

"Excuse me? I pretty much intend on watching this movie cuddling my girlfriend, thank you very much!" I argued with a frown as I stood in the middle of the living room.

"If we do that we'll just spend an hour and a half making out!" Louis explained with round eyes. "At least you two will! You're both horny animals!"

"It's not like we were gonna fuck in front of you." I pointed out, rolling my eyes before sitting next to Eleanor who just laughed.

"Don't be a jealous boyfriend, Niall. Liv was my roommate before being your girlfriend again and I'm very sad that I can't wake her up by literally jumping in her bed at 6 in the morning anymore!" he joked with a chuckle before turning to my girlfriend. "Bet you miss it too!"

"6 in the morning?" I repeated with a frown again. "You never wake up so early."

"He did when he had meetings for his album." Olivia pointed out. "As you already know, 'pain in the ass' is in his DNA."

I laughed and she did too but the way she looked at me made me smile. Louis placed his arm on the back of the couch, near her shoulders, and I groaned low at sight. It's not that I wanted to read too much into this, but it was bothering me a lot and it was tough to hide. I was not the type to be jealous and I knew Olivia loved me, but every time I saw them near each other, I couldn't help but remember that they fucked multiple times and that nothing could ever erase that.

What took me out of my thoughts was something hitting my nose and the sweet laughter of my girlfriend. I shook my head slightly and sent her a smile as she sent me more popcorn and I grabbed some from my own bowl before throwing it at her, too. She laughed louder and we kept on throwing popcorn at each other until Louis groaned and stopped the movie. It was crazy how easily Louis could make himself home. He was using my remote for my tv, was sitting on my favorite spot on the couch, cuddling with my girlfriend.

"Fine! Fine I get it!" Louis gave in, raising his hand up in defeat. "You guys can't stay too far away from each other for too long. It's sad but it is what it is!"

He practically jumped off the couch and walked up to me. After a quick head movement, I sent him a smile and got up to. I let myself fall next to Liv and immediately, she cuddled my side like a magnet, making me smile more. I had no idea why I was insecure when it came to Louis, but she proved over and over again that I had no reason to be. I wrapped my arm around her to pull her closer and we finished the movie before grabbing a few beers and talking. It was almost 3 in the morning when Louis and El left and I watched as Liv got up, yawned and stretched.

"I'm so tired, let's go to bed, yea?"

"We really should clean first." I pointed out, grabbing a few bottles.

I was about to bring them to the kitchen but she stopped me with a grimace and a groan. "Niall, we need to sleep. Come onnnn, we can do that tomorrow."

I stared at her and sighed, not really sure I liked the idea but I finally nodded and followed her to the room as she held my hand and pulled me with her. We fell asleep quickly but she did before me and for some reason, I enjoyed watching her snore lightly, her lips parted, as I held her close to me. These days, we fell asleep holding each other face to face and it was very different from our usual spooning. Still, I liked it but when I woke up, she was on the other side of the bed, her legs were over mine, and I smiled at how much she had moved.

I got up, put sweatpants on and made coffee before drinking a cup as I looked at the mess in the living room and the kitchen. She joined me about half an hour later, entering the kitchen as she yawned. It made me chuckle but I liked the mess of her hair and her lazy smile. I wanted that every single morning of my life.

"Slept well?"

"Yes but not enough." she just shrugged with an other yawn.

I poured her coffee in her favorite mug and we both drank in silence, leaned against the counter. After I was done, I put my cup in the sink and without turning back to look at her, I sighed.

"We need to clean now."

"Mm, I just woke up. We can do that later in the afternoon." she just shrugged.

"Liv, we need to clean now. That's what happens when we postpone these kind of things. It'll never be fun but doing it now means we can do something else after."

She stared at me a few seconds and sighed, letting her head fall back on her shoulders. I didn't want to argue with her, and I knew how messy she was, but she also knew I was the opposite and that leaving everything as is the night before had been annoying to me.

"Well I don't want to do it now."

I didn't expect that answer and took a step back as my eyebrows raised.

"Why are you being like that?"

"Why are you being like that?" she repeated. "This can wait! I can't believe we're arguing over that!"

"Olivia, please! We left this mess last night and we need to clean!"

"You knew how i was before I started living here, it's nothing new!" she let out a bit roughly.

"And you know how I was too!" I argued before she brought her hands to her face and sighed. "You need to make efforts, okay? I am!"

My voice was a bit too loud and I knew it but I was getting pissed. I couldn't believe we were arguing over something like that. After all we had been through, I didn't want to accept that something so silly could be what would end us.

"I just... I need a shower."

I left without waiting for her answer and stayed a bit too long under the hot stream but when I got out of the bathroom with clean clothes, my lips curled at the sight. She had cleaned a good part of the living room and was now working on filling the dishwasher. I walked up to her and wrapped my arms around her waist from behind, leaning my chin on her shoulder.

"Thank you." I whispered, leaving a few kisses on her neck and she finally turned in my arms to look in my eyes.

"I'm sorry."she sighed and licked her lips. "I'll make efforts, I promise."

We finished cleaning and ended up sitting at the table with an other cup of coffee and eggs. The problem was, I couldn't stop thinking that I was leaving in a few days and it bothered me. I wanted us to discuss it but at the same time, I was not sure she wanted to talk about it. I knew that she thought mentioning things out loud made them more real or concrete but ignoring them and pretending the problems weren't there wouldn't make them disappear.

"It's gonna be tough, you know. We'll be away from each other for quite a while."

It took her a few seconds to answer as she seemed focused on her coffee but after a while, she breathed in and sighed.

"I know it won't be easy, Niall, but I also know that it will never be as hard as it was without you for a whole year. So yea, I think we can get through this and come out stronger." she said in a calm way before looking up in my eyes. "I hate being away from you but that won't change my love for you, not even just a little."

I reached for her hand on the table and squeezed her fingers before sending her a small smile. "It won't change mine either. And you're right, that year without you was the worse I've ever been through."

"It's... different." she told cautiously, looking up at me and noticing my questioning look. "You spent that year without me because you decided it, it was your choice. You did it for a reason and you wanted to be alone to live things you clearly thought you couldn't live with me. But me... I suffered through it. You broke up with me, broke my heart... I lost my best friend and the love of my life at the same time, you know? We didn't live that year the same way."

I felt my heart thump hard in my chest and I just nodded very slightly, as we stared at each other.

"You know, Niall... you left me with nothing." she said and I could swear I heard her voice crack. "I tried to find someone else, to find what I was missing from someone else, but I never really found it because what I was missing was you." Once again, she breathed in and sighed. "I know it's not easy but maybe you should try to put yourself in my shoes and... try to understand how I feel, you know? How I felt all those months."

I remembered that she told me it was tough for her but I never really understood how hard it had been until I found out she had literally tried to kill herself. Still, I felt like I couldn't really know the feeling and never would be able to. I remained silent as her words kept running in my head and finally held my breath. I couldn't believe I was thinking about writing a song in such a deep moment but I was and I just shook my head.

"You're right, Liv." I admitted, reaching for her other hand and squeezing both of them tight. "I'll try to understand how you felt in that year we were apart, after I broke you. It's hard to imagine but, I know I've hurt you more than I ever hurt anyone else, and I'll listen to everything you have to say about it."

She sent me a fond smile and nodded. "I can't really put it in the past." she added low. "Not because I don't want to, but because I feel like it's part of our story. I thought I knew who you were, I thought you'd never leave. I mean, we've known each other for decades... I thought you would never break my heart. But it was hard to accept, you know? That I didn't know you as well as I thought I did. I felt like... you ripped my heart out. Like you stole something from me that I could never get back without really knowing what it was. And I wanted it back. The worst was.. I still wanted to be with you. If you had came back I would have said yes in a heartbeat. I was always thinking of you, no matter who I was with, and yes, it includes Louis."

I stared at her, blinking a few times but still remained silent. I didn't want to let go of her hands and I also didn't want to talk. I thought it was just time to listen.

"I just... I went in bars and clubs to change my mind, I tried to date other people, I tried to drink my pain away... I just wanted to get over you and nothing worked, because I had nothing left." She paused again and shrugged. "I learned that making you the center of my life was not a good idea but it was something I was used to, I did it since I was a kid. Now I don't want to do things for you, Niall. I want to do things for us, and I want you to do the same. It's a team work. I mean, it's us against the world, right? That's what we said?"

I sent her a bigger smile and nodded. "It is. You and me."

#niall horan #niall horan smut #niall horan fluff #niall horan story #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #niall horan writing #1dff #my fanfics #yam

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shookmione · 3 years

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Alright homies I love art comparisons with progression over the years but I'm shit at art but thought hey I DO Like writing though, so maybe a could do a comparison, but like,,,, with the writing?

Here's an excerpt from when I was eleven (I know it's ATROTIOUS bare with me I was just starting out)

2016

I wake up in cold sweat, with a worried Annabeth right next to be. "Seaweed brain, calm down. It was just a dream" I must of been screaming in my sleep. The image of my past tormenter lingers in my brain, as I look outside. It's looks around 11 In the afternoon. Did I sleep for that long?

"I'm sorry, wise girl. What time is it?"

"It's around 11:32, why?"

"Because I was planning on swimming with the rest of the seven!" I jump out of bed, and do my hair quickly. Well, try at least.

"Hey Percy, can I ask you a question?"

"Yea" I say trying to find clean clothes somewhere. I know I have a clean shirt somewhere...

"Who's Gabe?" She says, and I almost drop what I'm holding. Did I say something in my sleep?! No, no,no,no! I hope to the gods, i didn't say anything. I don't know what she will think of me. Say I'm a coward? Say I'm weak? Break up with me?!

"Percy...?" I let the silence stretch to far naturally, and finally respond. "Don't worry about it. He's no one." I put on a playful grin, and look at her. She has a suspicious look on her face, like she knows something. Please tell me she doesn't.

"Come on Wise Girl. I wouldn't lie to you. You would know if I was anyways" I stated, and I continued trying to find my clothes with fake goofy smile. I find them and walk to the bathroom. I meet her eyes, now filled with worry still starring at me like she can simply figure out what I'm hiding if she looks hard enough. I pretend like I don't notice, and shut the bathroom behind me.

Only when I hear the door click shut, is when I let me real emotions kick it. My eyes tear up with just the mention of Gabe, let along have a flashback.

I take off my shirt to change, when I catch a glimpse of my body in the mirror. It's covered in cuts, scars and bruises. Very few of them i gained in battle, which says a lot about how many there is. Most of them are from him. The person who made my life hell for the longest time. Who hit without no thought. Who taunted me day in and day out. The person I kept a secret. The person I want no one to find out about.

I pull myself out of my depressing thoughts and look at the shower. I need to take one now that I think an about it. I poke my head out the door, and see Annabeth sitting right were not I left her.

"Hey Annabeth, I'm going to take a shower. Alright? It's going to a little bit" with that, I shut the door not waiting for a response.

I walk back to the shower, and turn the handle halfway, making it perfect warm. I finish undressing and jump it, and immediately feel better. The water clears my mind and I'm able to think.

I can't even read that anymore I'll die of embarrassment

Anyways, I rewrote the scene for comparison a few months ago. This is now, at fifteen.

2020

The hands in his hair startled Percy out of his abysmal nightmare. His cheeks were wet and his body was bathed in a cold sweat. The sheets were twisted around his limbs, probably because he was thrashing in his sleep. His heart pounded against his chest. He was trembling.

"Percy, wake up. Wake up. It's not real. It's not real. You're okay."

It takes him a moment but he starts to take notice of his surroundings. He wasn't trapped in that small apartment trapped underneath a man intent on making him bleed, nor was he in any danger at all. As he came to he realized the hands in hair were actually incredibly gentle and smoothing, a large barrier that separated his then and now.

"Annabeth..."

"Shh, It's okay." His head was pulled into her lap where she caressed his headache away and bent down to give him a kiss on the forehead, not caring if it was sweaty. One of her hands went down and grabbed his to steady him. "It's over."

He opened his eyes slowly. The light was violent and made him wince. Noticing this, Annabeth reached over and shut the curtains quickly. Percy wanted to thank her but all that came out was a groan.

"Do you want me to get you some nectar? I'll help your headache."

He shakes his head, then it one sudden motion, pulls her down on top of him. He sniffs heavily into her hair, taking in the magnificent smell of lemon soap.

"Do you want to talk about it then?" She whispers and he digs his head into her shoulder and wraps his arms around her. Percy shakes his head again. Annabeth had no idea of his life before camp and he wanted to keep it that way. Besides, there was no reason to worry her. He was here now and that was what mattered.

"Are you sure? You were crying and thrashing around. You said some stuff. Who's Gabe?"

His arms tighten around her. It wasn't the first time he'd talked in his sleep he just wished it wasn't something so incriminating as a name. There was no way he was going to get around her answer with lies. She was smart and could always detect one before it ever left his mouth.

"What time is it?" He asks, changing the conversation. She seemed to get the hint he wasn't about to open up. He usually did when it came to Tartarus, but she was there with him for that and this was something he was completely alone to suffer in.

"It's nearing eleven. I just finished the plans for the temple and wanted to check in on you. Why?"

Percy pulls himself away and off the bed. She wasn't going to tell him alright but he knew he stank. "I was planning on going swimming with everyone. The lake is always busy and I figured we could go to the beach."

"Nico and Will too?"

"Hazel wouldn't allow it any other way. I'm going to take a shower, okay?"

She nods as she pushes herself up on her elbows. Her usual pulled back blonde hair was a mess and fell down her face in frizzy ringlets. He smiled stupidly at her then shut the bathroom door behind him. His shoulders immediately sag when he spots his own appearance in the mirror.

His shirt is the first thing off as always. There were always too many scars there, many of which weren't from any battles. The ruined, pink flesh stuck out against his chest like a sore thumb. It was worse there than anywhere else. His legs had a couple of nasty ones as well but he was able to pass them off easily as ones from monsters.

The thought left pitiful irony bubbling at his lips. He'd gone through hell and his bastard of a stepfather still held a tighter rein on him than it ever would. Wasn't that pathetic?

He pulled at his hair as he stared at himself in the mirror. If he closed his eyes he could almost feel the hot alcohol-infused breath hitting his face.

The shower to the right to him suddenly turned on full power. The sound startled him out of his daze wide-eyed. Unconsciously his shoulder had hunched themselves over and thrown himself towards the closest wall.

He'd lost control of his power before after nightmares. He once woke up to find the fountain had burst and was overflowing when he was thirteen.

It usually only happened when he had nightmares of Gabe, but those were slowly decreasing now that he was seventeen. It was just recently that they had been getting increasingly worse and he had no idea why. Gabe had been gone from his left for five years now, so why was it suddenly taking so much toll on him again? He could feel himself slipping back into that old, dark pit in his head again and despite what he tried to tell himself he was terrified. He could hardly confide in anyone about it either. The only one who had the slightest bit of a clue of what really happened was Grover and he was across the country now.

He touched the water with an outreached hand and immediately the weight from his shoulders turned to dust. It was probably one of the one things that calmed him down anymore besides maybe Annabeth.

#then vs now #progress #writing #fanficfion

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taexual · 5 years

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HOLIC - 32 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: fluff

words: 4.3k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

prev / next

Needless to say, you’ve permanently moved to live on cloud nine ever since last night. Granted, you’d wasted some of your ecstatic mood by sleeping, even though you couldn’t quite remember how you and Jaebum had gotten home from the bar and then passed out in his bed – or, rather, halfway out of it. If you thought back, you could recall – in bits and pieces – how the two of you stuck by each other for the rest of the night and no one found that weird in the slightest. It was almost as if you two behaved exactly the way everyone had expected you to.

You’d tried to sneak away from the rest of Jaebum’s friends multiple times, but it turned out that more people had come to congratulate him than any of you had anticipated, and your very last memory from Mark’s bar included you and Jaebum surrounded by at least ten different people, five of which you’ve never even seen before.

You woke up smiling, however, even though the alarm clock rang almost immediately after you’d closed your eyes, even though your neck hurt from having slept with your head hanging out of the side of Jaebum’s bed, your eyes felt heavy after only getting a few hours of sleep, and your throat was dryer than any desert on the planet. You and Jaebum may not have gotten to share another private – well, as far as private went in a crowded bar – moment last night, but the one that you did get to share was more than enough for your heart that seemed to leap in joy each time you remembered his kiss. That was all that mattered, or so it seemed; your body was simply incapable of focusing on any physical discomfort you were feeling.

Jaebum wasn’t in bed with you but you could hear the water running in the kitchen. He had no business being up this early – he didn’t have to work until the afternoon, after all – but he was probably fighting his hangover. Getting up wasn’t something you particularly wanted, either, but seeing Jaebum was, so with a heavy grunt, you forced yourself to your feet.

Surprisingly, your head only felt slightly heavy and the room didn’t seem to spin in a way that was too fast for you to keep up. You didn’t feel drunk anymore but you didn’t feel too hungover, either – which was a first. It must have been the amount of adrenaline you’d experienced last night with Jaebum, including the sort-of-confirmation of what you and him now were; it had saved you from a very painful morning.

Quietly tip-toeing towards the door of his bedroom, you took a deep breath – your neglected lungs welcomed it and started to sting in complaint; clearly, you were too busy focusing on Jaebum last night and had not allowed yourself to breathe properly – and then walked out into the hallway.

Jaebum was in the kitchen, just like you’d expected. He was just finishing his glass of water when your eyes met. You saw him smile through the transparent liquid and felt your heart explode into a million pieces of blissful confetti that scattered around your stomach, taking the shape of butterflies.

“Hey,” he called out for you after having placed the glass back down, his smile now on full display for you to see and drool over – hopefully not literally.

“Hey,” you echoed and then noticed the box of medicine in his hand. You nodded your head towards it. “Headache?”

“Oh,” Jaebum looked down instinctively, putting the aspirin down on the counter. “Yeah. I’ve finished quite a few bottles last night and my head is throbbing. I couldn’t sleep. Do you need some?”

“No,” you replied, crossing the empty living room and giving him a teasing smirk. “I’m not a lightweight.”

Jaebum responded with a dry laugh. “I had a lot to drink while I was waiting for you to come. Really took you a while.”

“Well, I told you. A kid got loose with crayons. What could be more important than that?”

Jaebum walked around the counter when you reached it and, for a moment, the two of you stood there, barely a meter in between you, your cheerful expressions mirroring each other.

“I’d have thought I’d be more important than that,” he replied.

“That being my job, right?” you countered playfully. “Or are you saying that, since you’re one step away from becoming a worldwide star, you’re going to start paying for everything I need?”

He laughed at this, making you chuckle as well. The sounds merged together just like your heartbeats had last night.

“I’m glad that didn’t change about us,” Jaebum said, taking a step closer to you and removing the distance between you by leisurely wrapping his arms around your waist.

It was an unexpected gesture – although, you did wonder if he’d initiate any form of PDA now that he was no longer drunk – but your heart continued to shed itself into a thousand more pieces of pure excitement as your hands found their way around his neck.

“What changed, then?” you dared to ask.

“Well, for instance, now I can do this,” he spoke before supplying you with an example of pressing his lips to yours in a brief but soft kiss, “and then I don’t have to watch you question your entire existence, wondering what this means.”

You were almost offended. “I did not question—”

“It’s okay,” he cut you off with a smile. “I did, too.”

The sense of shame simmered down as soon as you saw him smile, but you still shook your head, leaning it against his shoulder as he exhaled deeply. The two of you were standing there, holding each other in your arms at six in the morning, both of your minds full of memories of last night as your seemingly never-changing apartment attempted to engulf you in the good old routine. By all means, this was a somewhat usual beginning of your day, and yet, at the same time, it felt as if your souls had entered a different realm where nothing was the same anymore, while your bodies remained right where they used to be.

Having breakfast together – even if you’ve already done it countless times before – felt different. Bantering over your bowls of cereal – like you’ve done each time you ate together – felt different, too. Even arguing about who was going to take the shower first – cue a whole bunch of suggestive comments from Jaebum – wasn’t the same, either. But it was a good sort of different. The sort of different that most people didn’t realize they were seeking. The sort of different that, once found—once felt—would never allow you to return back to what was once normal.

And, although this subtle change was frightening, you welcomed it with open arms because it was time. Because you were finally ready for it. You were so sick of the same old routine, painting every single day of your life in the same old black and white. You knew you’d never be satisfied if you had to return to the monochrome world because your soul – that seemed to have been sleeping for what felt like years – had awoken to introduce you to a whole new palette of colors. And, as you unconsciously realized, the most beautiful shade of all was sitting across from you in your shared kitchen.

“What are you thinking about?” Jaebum asked after he noticed your lips stretch into a smile.

“Hmm?” you shook your thoughts off to focus on his words. “Nothing.”

“Yeah?” he knew you weren’t being honest. “You were smiling.”

“I’m always smiling,” you retorted.

“No, you’re not. You’re not a morning person.”

You raised your head from your bowl of cereal and tried to shrug your shoulders in a nonchalant way. “Maybe I am now.”

Jaebum liked to hear this but he still couldn’t help but push you further, “what brought this change upon?”

The shameless flirting was nothing new to either of you and yet all that had happened last night seemed to change the meaning of this, too.

“Not sure,” you teased. “There might be this guy I’m into. He might have a very annoying ability to completely control my mood.”

“Powerful guy,” Jaebum was beaming. “Do I know him?”

“Probably,” you nodded. “He’s a musician. You must have heard his song on the radio the other night.”

“The other night, you say? Sorry,” he shook his head, playing along. “There are only a few things I remember from last night and none of them involve listening to the radio.”

“Oh, yeah?” you couldn’t resist the silly grin on your face now. “What things do you remember, then?”

“Not many but, funnily enough, you’re a part of all of them.”

“That is funny.”

“Hmm.”

Your mouths had stopped talking, allowing your gazes to convey the words instead as the two of you battled each other in an unexpected stare-off, your eyes full of fondness.

Just as Jaebum was standing up to do something – and your heart had leaped to your throat – you heard a scratching sound on the front door of the apartment. Confused, you both frowned and turned in the direction of your hallway.

“What was that?” you asked.

It was possible that you’ve simply imagined the noise – an auditory hallucination wasn’t something that would have surprised you, knowing how Jaebum managed to make the rest of the world disappear for you each time his eyes landed on yours – but then the doorbell rang. Someone was definitely at your door.

However, when a moment later, Jaebum moved to actually open it, there was no one there. No one, but a lonely gray envelope, laying on your doormat.

“This looks like a letter,” he called out to you, closing the door and bringing the envelope inside as you waited in the kitchen, the same confused expression on your face.

“A letter?” you raised your eyebrows. “They hand-deliver advertisements now?”

“It’s—I don’t think it’s an advertisement,” Jaebum said, his eyes widening as he read the writing on the envelope. “It’s addressed to you.”

He didn’t mention whom it was from but the look on his face alarmed you as you grabbed the letter from him and took a look at it yourself. It had your name on it indeed but that wasn’t what made your stomach clench. It was the outgoing address – it belonged to one of the out-of-town galleries that you’d had submitted your portfolio to.

“They sent me a letter,” you said pointlessly as it was obvious that Jaebum had already reached the same conclusion. “W-why would they send me a letter?”

“Maybe it’s kind of like college admissions?” he suggested.

“Don’t they send those through e-mail now, too?”

“I don’t know,” he waved his hand dismissively, then. “Open it.”

To say you were anxious would have been an understatement of massive proportions. Somehow, you managed to locate a butterknife and rip the sealing of the envelope off with shaky hands. Jaebum was this close to doing it for you before you managed to cut it open yourself but he stood back, knowing that this might have been a monumental moment in your life and it was best if you did everything yourself while he cheered you on from the sidelines just like you’d done for him before.

“There’s one sheet of paper inside,” you stated, lifting your scared eyes to look at him. “There’s no way they’re expressing their wish to work with me on that thin sheet of—”

“You won’t know unless you check,” Jaebum pointed out. “And, besides, I don’t think they’d go through this much trouble of sending a rejection letter.”

That was true. More often than not, when it came to jobs, internships, and exhibitions, the managers didn’t even bother with replying if they weren’t interested in you. It was always upsetting and disappointing not to hear back from them but you thought you’ve already gotten used to that. Now, however, you were sure the wave of disappointment was going to swallow you whole if the contents of the letter indeed proved to be unfavorable.

Taking a deep breath, you finally pulled the letter out of the envelope and, after another few more moments spared to calm yourself down as much as you could, you unfolded the sheet of paper and quickly scanned through the words.

They’ve misspelled your last name – that was the first thing you noticed. Or, perhaps, it was you who’d misspelled that in your hurry to get the portfolios out as quickly as possible.

But even in spite of that harrowing mistake written in bold letters at the top of the page, the following sentences clenched your heart. It was the words, “we would love to meet you,” however, that squeezed it so hard, you gasped.

“What?” Jaebum was by your side in a millisecond. “What does it say?”

He didn’t dare to read it over your shoulder and he didn’t have to because as soon as he finished the question, you were suddenly leaping into the air, your features decorated by an expression that could only be described as completely euphoric.

“They said they’d like to meet me,” you squealed out, the letter getting crunched up in your tight grip. “Shit, they said they’d like to meet me!”

“T-they—that’s good!” Jaebum followed your excited eyes with his as you re-read the letter. “Isn’t it? That’s a start!”

“It is,” you confirmed, already having seen this play out at your own gallery. If a photographer was personally invited to meet – and in a letter, no less! – then, chances were, unless he was an absolute scumbag, he was going to get his work exhibited there. “T-they want me to call them to arrange a meeting.”

“Well, do that!” he encouraged, nearly handing you his own phone. “Go! Do it right now!”

“I-I—yes,” you blinked, suddenly glad you had Jaebum in the room with you because his orders helped you get yourself together and pull away from the letter long enough to look around the kitchen for your phone. You picked it up once you found it on the island and then glanced back at the piece of paper in your hands. “Okay. I’ll do it. Am I shaking?”

“Yeah, a little,” Jaebum said, not resisting a smile. You looked painstakingly beautiful in that moment as you were gripping the edges of the letter—of your future—so tightly, he had a feeling the paper was going to rip. But the look in your eyes – the utter excitement, the hope, and the undeniable joy – was making him wish he’d been the photographer so he could have captured this moment and kept it in his heart forever. “Maybe take some time to breathe first, okay? Just a quick minute.”

“Right,” you nodded, inhaling sharply and then exhaling through your mouth. “Okay. Breathing.”

You were obviously having a hard time doing this mundane task so he extended his arms. “Come here.”

You were so far lost in the excitement and the anxiety of this that you merely glanced at him before allowing him to drown you in the smell of his cologne as he embraced you for the second time this morning.

“I’m proud of you,” he whispered, gently pressing his lips to your temple in a gesture so intimate, you thought your lungs were truly going to give up on you this time.

“I haven’t done anything yet,” you replied, your voice as shaky as your heart. “Maybe they won’t like me after they meet me.”

“That’s not possible,” Jaebum countered, his arms – wrapped tightly around you – the only thing stopping you from exploding. “They will love you. And if they won’t, then they’re getting their asses kicked.”

You chuckled softly against his chest, working hard on your breathing but still struggling. “Your damsel in distress plan, right? Am I it for this week, too?”

He laughed, surprised that you’d remembered the joke he’d made in his studio a few days ago.

“You’re it for every week,” he said, completely serious.

You shook your head against his shoulder. “You’re not helping me calm down at all.”

Jaebum was laughing again as he asked, “what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know,” you replied and then, as an afterthought, added in a quiet voice, “just hold me.”

“Okay,” he whispered back, his own heart picking up speed at your request, as he pressed your body against his own harder, leaving no space for anxiety or worry between you. “I’m here.”

Fifteen minutes later, you’ve already accomplished quite a few tasks – you’ve managed to calm your breathing down, even if that had seemed impossible, and you’ve also found a way to leave Jaebum’s embrace and retreat to your room where you spent the next ten minutes, staring at the phone number on the letter before finally daring to dial it.

A pleasant female voice picked up, asking how could she be of assistance. Once you introduced yourself, she asked you to hold, and another minute later, her voice sounded even more pleasant. She made it seem like you were the most important person that had ever called and you wondered if she actually enjoyed this job – customer service was never easy and yet she made you feel genuinely welcome as she told you about how the owner of the gallery and the team of managers were excited to meet you -- or if that was very realistic acting.

“Oh, to be honest, I’d say it’s me who’s most excited,” you said with a soft chuckle. “I’m very grateful for your offer.”

“It’s our pleasure!” she replied. “Would you prefer for the meeting to take place on a work day, or would Saturday work better?”

You glanced back at the envelope. The address of the gallery didn’t seem familiar to you and, with a nervous pang in your chest, you realized that this could have been the gallery that wasn’t just out of town, but was actually across the whole country from you. You’d chosen it because they promised a helpful and welcoming environment for young artists – and so far they haven’t disappointed – but you didn’t really think this gallery was going to be the first one – and, maybe, the only one – who would contact you.

“Uh, Saturday would be ideal,” you said, knowing that you’d have less trouble if you didn’t have to skip work. Then, however, you realized that your car was still at the car service. “Oh, actually, if it’s not too much trouble, could it be next week? I’m—”

“Ah, I’m very sorry, we’re all booked for next week,” she cut you off, sounding still as sweet as ever. “There’s an exhibition by the graduating class of a university nearby. You’re welcome to attend it – the opening night is on Wednesday – but the only available Saturday is this week, I’m sorry. Does that work for you? Or should I look into—ah, well, there’s a spot three weeks from now.”

Three weeks from now was a long time away, you could feel it in the change of her voice. You didn’t think you could wait that long and it was likely that the gallery would change its mind in that time, too. Maybe someone else – someone more eager to meet them and get their exhibition there – would impress them before you even got a chance to see them.

“No, it’s fine,” you decided. “This Saturday will work great. I’ll find a way to come.”

“Very well,” the receptionist replied and you heard her click away at her computer. “Is noon, okay?”

“Yes,” you said. “Twelve o’clock. Works for me.”

Just as pleasantly as she’d spoken before, the receptionist explained how to find the gallery and you realized with horror that you’d have to spend at least a quarter of a day just driving there, not to mention the trip back.

You thanked her again and then, even before you hung up, collapsed on your bed with a loud groan. This was good – you had an interview about your exhibition. It was more than good – it seemed like you were walking step-by-step with Jaebum, both of you slowly approaching your dreams – and yet you couldn’t help but feel like something was bound to go wrong.

Aside from the gallery being a six-hour drive away from you, you were probably going to have to take a bus to get there – or you could beg the guys at the car service to give your car back to you faster but you decided to leave that as a plan B – which meant you’d have to either leave the night before and rent a room in a dingy motel – and hopefully not die there – or you’d have to leave early morning on Saturday.

All of that seemed worth it, you knew it. And yet, the sudden surge of worries overwhelmed you.

“Hey,” you heard a knock on your door and Jaebum poked his head inside. After noticing that you weren’t on the phone anymore, he dared to step into your room. “What did they say?”

You straightened up and sat down properly. “They want to see me on Saturday.”

“That’s great!” he exclaimed, his face breaking into a grin. He was about to cross the room to reach you but then he paused mid-step. “Wait—this Saturday?”

“Yeah,” you confirmed.

“That’s in two days,” Jaebum pointed out.

“Yeah.”

“Oh,” he considered this, finally reaching your bed and sitting down next to you. He was having a hard time reading your facial expression, which hadn’t happened that many times before. “That’s great, though, isn’t it?”

“Yes, of course,” you nodded, sighing. Maybe you were just ungrateful for the opportunity suddenly tossed your way – you were feeling far too burdened by the number of things you had to do in order to make this opportunity appear more realistic -- but you couldn’t help it. “Except I have a problem.”

“What’s wrong?” he asked.

“This gallery, it—it’s six hours away from here,” you started, “my car’s at the service. I can’t pick it up until Monday. And now I have two days to find a way to get to the interview that my entire future depends on. But, you know, no pressur—”

“I can take you.”

You stopped, his interruption taking you off guard. “What?”

“Yeah,” he shrugged as he always did whenever he offered something that included him going out of his way for you. “I’m not doing anything, anyway.”

“Jaebum, it’s a six-hour drive in one direction,” you reminded him. “Six more hours to come ba—”

“I know how math works,” he deadpanned. “And you’re lucky, my weekend’s free. I’m all yours.”

You haven’t even considered asking him to do this but now that he’d volunteered his help, your heart was bursting with gratitude. “You’d really do this?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “A road-trip. Why not?”

“A road-trip,” you repeated, biting your lip. You appreciated his offer more than you were letting on but you were still doubtful. “It’s six hours, though. I could fly over there but it’s so last minute—”

“Okay, now you’re starting to make it seem like you don’t want me to take you there,” Jaebum said in a laid-back voice.

“No. No, not at all,” you shook your head. “I just don’t want to make you do something like this because t-this is big. This isn’t like you making my lunch so I wouldn’t starve at work - which I’m also very grateful for, by the way - this is... this is on a whole different level. But, honestly, I appreciate you offering so much I could kiss you.”

“Oh,” he straightened. “Well, that sounds interesting. Should we discuss forms of payment, then?”

You laughed in surprise. “I thought you were going to do this as a favor.”

“I was but then you mentioned kissing,” Jaebum replied, “and now I feel like I can’t pass up on an offer like that.”

Encouraged by the excited glint in his eyes, you leaned into him to press a gentle kiss to his lips before pulling away.

“Thank you,” you told him, your voice genuine.

Jaebum’s face, however, was skeptical. “That was the promised kiss?”

“Uh—”

“That’ll take you one and a half kilometers.”

Raising your eyebrows, you watched the challenging look on his face with surprise evident on yours. He was really going to milk this.

Sighing – purely for dramatic effect – you leaned back into him and kissed him again, harder this time, your lips lingering on his for a second longer. You felt him smile into the kiss as soon as you began to pull away.

“Not bad,” he commented. “Three more kilometers.”

You shook your head, laughing. “How long are we going to do this?”

“Ah, well, let’s see. Six hours, that’s about, what – five hundred or so kilometers?” he replied, an excited glint in his eye. “You’ve got four and a half down already.”

“That’s a long way to go,” you said, your heart speeding as it always did whenever he was close.

“Yeah, but we’ve got a lot of time,” he replied after glancing at the watch on his wrist.

“I have to get to work eventually,” you reminded him, watching his smile turn into a pout.

“I’m never a priority for you, am I?”

The needy tone in his voice made your smile widen before you pecked his lips one more time, earning a soft, “one more kilometer” from him.

“You have to work, too, Mr. Pop Star,” you said, standing up from your bed so you could actually finish getting ready now.

“Oh God,” Jaebum groaned, the nickname not sitting right. “Please don’t call me that again.”

You laughed, nodding. “Yeah, that’s fair. I made myself cringe with that one, too.”

You’ve taken one step in the direction of the door of your room – actually hoping to get ready on time – but Jaebum grabbed your wrist, stopping you and pulling you into him for one last kiss before he let you leave. The number of random kisses that had increased from two to over twenty was starting to make you dizzy, but you kissed him back nevertheless, understanding that you were probably going to be late for work, but not finding enough strength to stay away from him.

“See you later tonight?” Jaebum asked after you finally managed to pull away.

“Yeah,” you nodded, trying to catch your breath. “Always.”

chapter directory

#got7 #got7 fanfiction #im jaebum #got7 jb #got7 jaebum #got7 reactions #got7 imagines #got7 scenarios #got7 au #kpop #got7 x reader #got7 fluff #im jaebum fanfiction #jaebum fanfiction #jaebum fanfic #got7 fanfic #holic #roommate au #enemies to lovers au

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sirduck45 · 3 years

Text

Book 10

Hey this is just a chapter from a book I’m writing I hope you enjoy. I was also told that someone actually enjoyed reading something of mine???? Im gonna push through and finish the other half of that story for you, thank you for supporting me!!!

1 “Ok you need to tell me what’s going on right now,” Rebel demanded as she slammed the cellar door behind her.

2 “What do you mean?” Fly said nonchalantly leaning up against a few crates full of booze.

3 “You know damn well what I mean! You don’t drink, you said you had problems with these guys! How do you even know them?” Rebel sputtered her fists clenched, she just hoped that the men in the bar wouldn’t hear her yelling.

4 “Here,” Fly sighed and extended her arm which held out her almost empty glass. Rebel’s nose scrunched up in disgust, she wasn’t about to let the person who dragged her across the country for the past few months get her wasted when they were supposed to be in hiding. If Fly wouldn’t protect them then it was up to her.

5 “Just smell it,” Fly groaned. Rebel stood for a second with her arms crossed, but soon gave in to her curiosity and stepped forward cautiously. With two short sniffs she couldn’t smell anything. One step forward, nothing. With another step forward and another deep breath she could almost taste it: lemons.

6 “I told you I didn’t drink anymore,” Fly took a sip from her glass. “Something happened with these guys and I promised myself I’d never let it happen again. So, this was the solution.” Her gaze seemed to be fixed on something far away as the terrible memories replayed in her head. At times like these, her age showed through her young exterior. All the pain and suffering could be seen in her eyes as she recalled all the mistakes she made, all the people she left behind.

7“What happened?” Rebel asked cautiously. Hoping her leader might divulge her in a bit about her past. Fly looked up at her breaking herself away from the daze that she caught herself in.

8 Right, like Fly would tell her. But in Rebel's eyes, there was something else. An almost understanding, but how could she possibly understand what it was like to be her, to be a...

9 Fly shook her head and looked away. This wasn’t happening. Introducing all the other girls to the guys who ran the bar was a trip enough down memory lane.

10 Rebel took a small step forward, not wanting to let her leave without knowing what had happened to her. “Fly? You can tell me.”

11 Could Fly even do this? Tell her about what she did? About him? All of it? Fly looked up into Rebel’s eyes, the same soft green eyes that she had, stared back at her. How could the two of them be so alike and so different at the same time?

12 After a moment of pause Fly spoke, “It all started... back in World War II.” She hesitated for a moment, allowing all the bitter memories to come back. They bit at her like Hellhounds come to take her back to where she belonged. “It was just a regular mission; I was leading a small group to go take down a Nazi official.”

13 “Well, I say leading but –uh- you know, they had these -uh -handlers, to- um... keep me in check.” She paused remembering what happened when she got home. Fly stood up a bit taller, now looking at the wall past Rebel. Her fists clenched remembering the crack of the whip, the blood, the scars. “They never really could trust something like me.”

14 “But uh...” Fly smiled remembering the only reason why it was worth it all. The only memory that wouldn’t cause her this pain. Rebel captivated by this indulgence into Fly’s past leaned up against an adjacent crate.

15 “There was this guy,” Fly explained slowly as she recreated his face in her memory. “He was a bit of an asshole at first but uh... we um...” She paused unsure of how to explain the feeling without sounding like an idiot.

16 “You fell in love?” Rebel’s voice was quiet. Fly nodded not wanting to admit anything out loud.

17 Rebel’s eyes softened as she looked upon her leader in a new light. Her fearless leader has never shown such insecurity before, and most likely never will again. After months and months of being dragged around this was the most that Fly had ever talked about herself.

18 “We... had a few nights together, never really thinking about the future, which I guess was for the best,” Fly’s smile quickly faded. “Last day of the mission we were meeting at the rendezvous but there was an ambush and...” The blood was all over her hands again. The pounding of the gunshots in her ears. The screaming and crying. Unable to see his face as tears blurred even her memories.

19 She took a ragged breath and continued, “I got back to the states and in all honesty, I was lost. One day I wandered out here and found these guys.” She chuckled at the memory, “They had made a bar based on me when I was a cowboy.” Rebel had figured that when she saw the theme of the bar, every old man up there was saying that everything on the walls was once hers. From the cowboy hat to the Harley in the garage.

20 “Things were great for a while, you know, taking our hogs for rides, they even gave me the nickname Lady. But after Nam we were all changed, the ones who were left anyways. I guess I was... drowning my mistakes seemed better than facing them you know?” There was a brief pause as Fly thought back to those dark days of blackout drunk men and her just sitting alone with a half-empty bottle.

21 “... I don’t know why or how but we ended up having like a little fight club at the bar. Really it was just them getting drunk and trying to wrestle me as a bear or a gorilla or something.” Fly forced a small laugh as her free hand gripped the crate she was leaning up on.

22 “But um... one night we all got wasted, like borderline blackout, and I got rough... really rough.”

23 “How bad was it?” Rebels voice seemed loud as it echoed in the small dark cellar. A twinge of regret spread through her as she hated making Fly remember all this pain.

24 “He ended up in the hospital,” Fly’s eyes glistened, but no tears fell. “When he got back nothing was the same. They all said it was fine, but I knew it wasn’t... I... I feel like I can’t control it sometimes. This monster inside of me... I just decided to leave. On my own, things would be better.” Fly sniffed as she rubbed her nose, she probably looked so pathetic. With a small cough to clear her throat, she composed herself and stood up straight.

25 Rebel stood there ashamed. Ashamed for accusing her. Ashamed for not trusting her. Ashamed for blaming everything that went wrong with the ship on her. Rebel took a step forward, but Fly put up her hand.

26 “I don’t need your sympathy,” Her head was still down, but her voice cracked. “I-I don’t need-” But before she could protest Rebels arms were wrapped around her. She tensed up and didn’t move, not used to close contact. But it felt ...nice.

27 Slowly Rebel could feel a pair of arms gently embrace her. No words were spoken. Both girls had been broken by this world and the next. Their worlds had been taken from them. Friends killed before their eyes. It was at this moment Rebel realized how similar they were.

28 Fly let go, her voice hoarse, “don’t tell anyone about this.” All of her respect from the others upstairs would be lost if anyone knew about this exchange. With a small smile Rebel nodded at her leader.

29 The two girls moved towards the door, but Rebel had paused. An old picture that was lying on a crate had caught her eye. Black and white unsmiling faces stared back at her. Fly stood in the picture in front of a line of four men, looking the same as she did today.

30 Fly picked up the picture and inspected every face. Jaqu, the French sniper who barely talked. Morgans the medic who would faint at the slightest mention of blood. Patell, Fly’s handler who was supposed to keep her in check throughout the missions. Then there was...

31 “Is that him?” Rebel asked as Fly’s finger brushed against the picture. His laugh, and sarcastic comments, the way he would show off, it all came flooding back to her. She had been alive for nearly three hundred and fifty years. Memories of her parents, homeland, all the other people who have helped her on her journey had faded away with time. But not him, only three days she had known him, and yet she would never forget.

32 Fly nodded as her fingers curled around the frame.

33 “What was his name?”

34 “Mark.”

#writing #short fiction #short story

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andyl394 · 4 years

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All 85 questions Im back on my bullshit

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

I don’t think so, but i cant relate bc my gf is hot.

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

Yes.

3. Are you a virgin?

4. Are you in a relationship?

YES

5. Are you in love?

In a way, I guess every day I fall a bit more.

6. Are you single this year?

No.

7. Can you commit to one person?

Yes.

8. Describe your crush

Ginger, incredibly sweet and smart, she’s so talented and pretty, she’s so strong and such an empath.

9. Describe your perfect mate

Read question 8

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

To some extent.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

Heck yes.

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

Nop.

13. Do you get jealous easily?

It depends.

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

Grace,

15. Do you have any piercings?

I got 9, most are on my ears and other two on my nose.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

I got three looking for more.

17. Do you like kissing in public?

I do hehe

20. Do you shower every day?

At least twice a day.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I mean,,,, I hope my girlfriend does.

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

At this moment? Not really.

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

Lmao I can last my entire life and not cheat.

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

I don’t know?

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

I am in one!

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Guess I’ve never been that important to someone

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

Nop

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

Yeah.

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

Nop.

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

Yeah, and I’m gonna get one, I’ll have to do a breast reduction, not as much because I don’t like my boobies, but because they’re too big for someone my size/height, always gave me back pain too.

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

Lmao yeah.

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

Yup.

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

Unfortunately.

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

yah

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

Yeah.

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

Not in a romantic way.

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

Yes.

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

Yes.

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Yes.

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

Yes.

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

No.

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

As long as the other person feels comfortable with.

43. How long was your longest relationship?

4 months?

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

Don’t remember, probably one?

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

qué

47. How old are you?

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

Depending on the situation, if I told them I liked them and that was their answer, I’d say “sorry, thank you for letting me know.”

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

The way she cares about people and how sweet and gentle she is. Also she’s smoking hot.

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

no.

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

Yeah, my gf, my friends and my brother.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

Yes, my parents. Because I learned that although I’m not important for them, I’m important to others and I should put my effort into those who do.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

No.

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Yeah.

55. Share a relationship story.

lmao i was starting to count on one, then i realized it was two, then i REALLY realized it was three. Ok, three exes of mine never broke up with me, they all either stopped talking to me or just showed up dating someone else.

56. State 8 facts about your body

I have big tiddies;

My eyes are not as dark as people would think;

I’m not tall;

I’m flexible;

got big giant hands;

big feet too;

tummy big;

pretty nose.

57. Things you want to say to an ex

sorry you died and I wasn’t near you.

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

Be sweet;

gimme food;

call me petnames;

don’t treat me bad;

don’t be a dick.

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

I don’t hide it, it’s my profile pic.

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

22 years and that’s called child grooming.

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

Their smile.

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

tug my hair, pull me to them, hug me from behind, whisper in my ear or close to my face.

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

Trusting someone to see you vulnerable.

64. What is your definition of cheating?

Being romantically/emotionally available to someone else other than the person you committed to, besides the obvious physical one.

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

idk

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

that’s a secret.

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

Watch the sunset and kiss under a tree or just cuddle in a lazy cold day.

68. What is your sexual orientation?

Pansexual

69. What turns you off?

being rude.

70. What turns you on?

many things.

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

I was gonna say but damn i can’t lmao.

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Praise words and if I’m being honest,,,, maybe calling me some bad names.

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

Just overall cherish me

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

I can’t think of anything, but probably a pretty smile?

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

My friends got together to buy me gifts before I moved out.

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

I can’t think of anything.

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

I don’t care as long as it isn’t pedophilia.

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

I have a choking kink.

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

Romantically, when one of my exes manipulated me into believing he was having a relationship with his friend. And jealous overall, when my parents forgot my birthday and spent the whole day with my brother.

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Can’t remember.

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

@binkysteebnpewter, my friend Leticia, Bread, Birb and u.

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

A friend at work.

83. Who was your first kiss with?

A girl from my class when I was young.

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

She died.

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

YUP

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jeonjagia · 4 years

Text

Dancing For Yoongi- Chapter 32 Take Me As You Will

WARNING! SMUT IS IN THIS CHAPTER. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!

The shower turning on is what wakes me from my slumber. Where's Jungkook? My mind kicks into panic mode. I get up off the couch heart beating until I remember the events of yesterday. Jungkook cracked. He's trying to change. Relaxing, I rub my face. His conditioning will take me awhile to get over. Sighing, I realize I have not showered in three days. Those days were spent taking care of jungkook. No time for myself. Then I remember jungkook is wounded. The medical person in me knows water and moisture do not go well with a wound. Not waiting Jungkook to get infected, I hurry towards the bathroom and burst in.

"You need to cover your-!" i am cut mid sentence by a naked Jungkook in the middle of taking off his Pants and underwear. He freezes at my entrance, pants still in hand, only socks left on. My face reddens. Yes, I have seen him naked, but that was a year ago, and under different circumstances. Blushing, I turn around, arms hugging myself. "-injury," I finish biting my lip. Silence follows. The sound of fabric dropping to the floor causes me to flinch.

"Then why don't you do it?" Is his reply. I turn slightly, to see if he's serious.

"Jungkook, you know how to cover a wound. You've been in this group longer than I have,"

"Yes, but you have medical knowledge that I don't. See, I would have used peroxide on my wound, but you used Betadine." He argues.

"Because peroxide just burns your cell membranes, it doesn't actually kill germs fully," I mumble, defending my medical knowledge as I pick at my sleeve.

"Well," I can hear his voice is closer to me, I blink, unsure of what is coming next, "then I need your medical knowledge to patch me up," he says in my ear. I flinch at his closeness pulling my shoulders to my ears.

"Don't do that kookie," I whisper, freezing when I realize I've used his old nickname. I can feel him smiling. "Join me," he says placing his hands on my waist. I flinch at his touch. He blinks examining my actions.

"I made you like this, let me fix you," he mumbles turning me around. He is still naked. Trying to keep my gaze up top, I stutter, "Jungkook, it's going to take awhile for me to not flinch at your actions, or anyones for that matter," I reply searching his eyes. It's the first time I can actually look at him without being scared of the pain to follow.

"Then," he says pulling me closer to him. My fists hug my chest, not wanting to touch him, "let's work on it together," he says lowly, eyes and face morphing to a more seductive look.

"Jungkook," I protest, however, he cuts me off. "No more excuses," he leans in placing his lips on mine. My face explodes in heat. Butterflies flit in my stomach as his lips work against mine. He pulls my into him, arms wrapped around my waist protectively. I moan into the kiss. He has never kissed me like this. If this is the real Jungkook, then I want this one.

He grabs at the waistband of my shorts egging me to take them off. I shake my head, not breaking the kiss.

"Why?" he asks breathless, eyes searching mine. "Im-Im scared," I say looking into his eyes.

He smirks leaning back in and taking my lips. His hand gently holds the side of my face at the other gently takes the band of my shorts and pulls them down. I squeak as I feel the fabric drop, leg closing together. Jungkook smiles into the kiss, amused by my act of innocence. His hand brushes my skin as it runs up my thigh, finding its place on my hips.

"Jungkook-," I break away placing my hands on his chest.

"What?" he asks leaning down to kiss my neck. I tilt my head to the side to allow him access.

"Are we a thing now?" I ask as he sucks on my neck. He bites my neck causing me to gasp. "Thats a "yes,"" he says into my skin before kissing again. Tentatively, I place my hand on his side and my other on his neck. I have never willingly touched Jungkook, abuse and pain you know. I can feel his toned muscles under his skin. He's so well built.

Jungkook takes this time to hook a finger on the side of my underwear, pulling it down slightly. I gasp grabbing his hand. He looks up at me from his hunch over position. "it's not like I haven't seen you naked before," he muses.

"Yes, but that was a different you Jungkook," I point out. He sobers understanding my meaning.

"Then, do you want this?" he asks looking up expectantly at me. I chew my lip for a few seconds before answering.

Do I love Jungkook? Yes. Do I want to be with him? Yes. Do I want to be with him? Yes.

"Its a "yes" from me," I reply softly, trying to use humor to relieve the awkward tension I am feeling. He laughs lightly before slowly pulling my panties down. I bite my lip as I watch him below me. I have always been insecure of my body, even though I am decently fit. All the scars, you know.

I watch anxiously as Jungkook looks at me as if it's the first time. He hums in approval as he stands up.

"Is it bad if I want to make you mine?" he growls in my ear as his arms wrap around the hem of my shirt, fingers brushing against my sides.

"No," I reply breathless, his slowness making my ache. Emotions and feelings rush to me as if its my first time once again. I must have repressed all the other times as their situation was less than admirable.

Jungkook takes the edge of my shirt and lifts it over my head, dropping the material beside my shorts and panties. He hums shortly again as he views my body, eyes looking adoringly at it. His hands come up to rest on my hips as he pulls me closer once more. Kissing Jungkook is like kissing fire and ice, and it morphs between the two. He kisses me deeper as he wraps his arms behind me to find my bra clasp. His expert fingers easily undoing it in a split second. He pulls it from between us and once more drops it on the floor. Our chest push together as his hands caress my sides.

"Can I touch you?" he asks in the kiss. I nod, too breathless to speak. Jungkook's hands find my breasts and he gropes them, letting out a moan. He lets his head fall back, eyes turned to slits.

"The drugs not only gave me retrograde amnesia, but they dulled my senses," he informs bringing his head back down to look at me. He must be talking about when he had sex a year ago.

"You mean you don't remember it?" I ask confused. His head leans to one side as he gazes at my chest, the back of his hand caressing the curve on my right breast.

"I remember bits and pieces of it, but not to its 100% capacity, more like 20% capacity. Its safe to say I barely remember it at all."

"Would it also be safe you say, you forgot the times you hurt me too?" His eyes snap to mine and I gasp. The dark look I know all too well surfaces on his face. Seeing my reaction, he softens.

"Yes," is his short reply. "That's why I was so harsh and cruel, because I could not feel or remember anything," His actions are making more sense now, not excused mind you, just more clear.

"I can't sympathize with you Jungkook because of the things you did to me," I whisper. His hand takes one of my breasts and gently massages it. "I'm not asking you to," he mumbles focusing on my nipple. "Why don't we replace those memories?" he asks leaning down to take it in his mouth as he looks up at me from the side. I watch him as he does so. the feeling of his tongue causes sparks to erupt in my core. A moan escapes me. Jungkook straightens suddenly, "in the shower," he orders, eyes full of lust. Wide eyed, I try to protest, but he takes my arm and guides me toward the shower.

Sliding the door open, he pushes me gently inside and he soon follows.

"Jungkook, please," I say turning to him as the water hits my body. Ignoring my plea, Jungkook takes hold of my wrist in one hand and my side in the other, lips encasing mine as he kisses me in want. I can tell he is genuine. Not under the influence of drugs this time. He backs me up against the wall, the sharp cold making me gasp. Letting go of my lips, Jungkook's lips search my neck for its sweet spot. "I seem to have forgotten," he mumbles hands coming up to grope my chest once more. And then he finds it, just behind my jawbone near my throat. I moan as he sucks.

I could feel him getting hard long ago, but I have just ignored it. Now it is pressing between my legs and

I can't ignore it any longer and neither can Jungkook.

"Let me take you," he moans head falling to rest on my shoulder at he tries to find release. His hands grabbing at my ass frustrated, fingers digging into my flesh. My own hands run up his sides feeling the muscles there before I answer.

"I'm yours, take me as you will," I say looking up at him as I hold onto his neck.

Jungkook's eyes darken with genuine lust at my words.

#jungkook #bts smut #bts #smut

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fckeverything-v · 4 years

Text

1. Do you bite or lick ice cream? Lick

2. What is home to you? Alabama:/

3. What was the last lie you told? I couldnt tell you

4. Does everyone deserve the truth? Maybe not?

6. Describe a moment in which you did something unacceptable in a bad situation. Walk away, move states..

7. List two things that are more easily done than said. (No, I didn't mix them up.) Being alone & fuck irdk

8. When was the last time you worked really hard to achieve something? Mhm 4 years ago.

9. How many all nighters have you pulled? A lotttt haha

10. If humans didn't evolve to laugh or smile, how would we express our happiness instead? Woah people express that? no but humans would probably bone all the time.

11. How many romantic "things" or "flings" have you had? Only 2 (technically 3) serious relationships. Many flings.

12. What is your paradise? I dont have one :(

13. What is your favorite background noise? (Ex. Water dripping, people talking.) Music

14. How many hearts do you think you have broken? Only 1... maybe 2 soon. (not you hehe.)

15. What is the most important thing about electronics? What does this say about you? Finding friendships through social media or other platforms. And mhm probably that im a lonely pos

16. Why do people care about celebrities? Do you care about celebrities? Because they're pretty. Not really.

17. What is the most annoying thing someone can do to you? Chew loud.

18. Do you overexaggerate? What are the pros and cons of this? Eh, yeah. And I cant think of any pros.

19. Have you played any instruments before? Which instruments? Piano, saxophone

20. Do you like taking selfies? Why or why not? No. I stare at it until i hate it.

21. List 3 things you like about yourself?

22. What is the best advice someone has ever given you? To not give up. As simple as that sounds.

23. Do you have what it takes to raise a child? Why or why not? No. Dont you need to be mentally stable- i would hope so..

24. How do you cheer yourself up after a bad day? Play games for hours.

25. When was the last time you felt awkward? Ha. Literally 5 minutes ago.

26. Are you introverted or extroverted? Or a mixture of both? Introverted x100000

27. What constitutes a good friend? Someone who doesnt give up on you amd atleast tries to understand.

28. Would you rather have a lot of friends to hang out with or just one best friend? One best friend.

29. In a regular day, what do you not want to hear? 'Hey hows your day going'

30. What is your dream job? Fuck, is this still a question.. to be a homicide detective in the biggest city i can think of.

31. Is it better to be lazy but smart or hardworking but unintelligent? Lazy and smart DUH

32. What is a truth about yourself that others find hard to believe?

33. What have you always wondered about the other gender? What it feels like to GET OFF. DUH.

34. Which fantasy world would you like to visit the most? Um my own dreams i guess.

35. Describe the worst friend you have ever befriended. Im not wasting my time describing that.

36. Imagine that you have switched bodies with someone you don't know. You can't switch back. What do you do? Live it up. I think id feel happy honestly.

37. If you found the recipe for immortality, would you sell it or would you burn it? Mh. Sell it, their problem now and im rich.

38. What is the most important, applicable class you have ever taken? Current events.

39. Name the last book you read. Dammed- chuck palahniuk

40. Imagine that you are unable to express emotion. How would this affect your world? No change

41. When was the last time you made the first move? Um never..

42. What is your opinion on electronic music such as dubstep or trap? Trash

43. What was the last tv show youve watched? Rick and Morty.

44. Do you like and appreciate your life? I appreciate what i am trying to do.

45. Do you like and appreciate yourself?

46. When was the last time you cried? Yesterday

47. What are you scared of? Heights.

48. What is the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy thing you have ever done? Um live my life everyday probably.

49. What are some of your hobbies? .... literally WORSE question. I smoke cigs. Is that a hobby?

50. What is a superficial yet annoying mistake you constantly make?

51. Are you a good friend? What makes you a good friend? If not, what makes you a bad friend? I feel like i am both. I try to be there for them. But also, im so hard to get so i feel like i might come off the wrong way a lot.

52. Do you honestly learn from your mistakes? Honestly; nope.

53. What have you learned the hard way? Not to care what people think. After wasting my whole life. Im starting to realize it doesnt matter.

54. What is the most important thing to have in order to attain happiness? Follow your heart

56. Are you a creative or a logical thinker? Both but probably logical.

57. What is the smartest thing you have ever done?

58. What is your ideal meal? Fuckk probably so good ass chicken with some gooooood asssssss mac and cheese. As lame as that sounds hahaha.

59. What is the worst thing someone could do on a date? 1. Go on date with me

60. Do you like animals? Which kind is your favorite? Yeah and dogs are cute but i love elephants.

61. If you could turn one legal thing illegal, what would it be? Christmas.

62. Do you have any guilty pleasures? Of courseeeee (;

63. What is the best thing that the internet has ever created? Video games.

64. Do you like playing video games? Which video games? Woah you read my mind of sum? Shooter games.

65. What is your opinion on beauty in today's society? Bullshit

66. Are you a morning person? When do you usually wake up? No not really and like 5pm nowadays.

67. Do you have a favorite Disney movie? Character? No

68. Would you rather live in the city or in the countryside? City but i love the countryside

69. Would you rather live near the ocean or in the mountains? Mountains

70. What are the best things about winter? Cold. Even though i hate it. Snow. Even if i dont see it. Trees dying.

71. What scares you most about the future? Literally everything.

72. What makes you feel old? Doing nothing.

73. How many hours do you spend on the computer or phone on average? Idk like 5.

74. What are some of your New Year's resolutions? Be a better me.

75. What is your life story in 6 words?

76. Describe yourself in one word. Awkward.

77. What bad habits do you do? Smoking

78. What genre of music do you listen to? everything

79. Most prominent childhood memory? I would say, but its embarrassing that that's the memory.

80. Imagine if you had an older brother. If you already have one, what is it like? If you don't, how would this change your life? My life would be so different. Maybe i would have someone to talk to.

81. Spirit animal?

82. Do you believe in horoscopes? Yes

83. What is the worst advice you've ever been given?

84. List the 3 most important people in your life right now. 1. Fox 2. Fox 3. Fox

85. Favorite memory of your family. :/

86. What do you look for in a relationship? Happiness

87. Do you have a role model? Why or why not? No. I dont need it. But now that i think about it i have one role model.

88. What is your opinion on social media? Dumb

89. Are you a pessimist or an optimist? Pessimest

90. List some things that you think are overpriced? Food

91. What is your worst memory or creepiest experience? ..

92. What superpower would ruin the world? Any of them

93. What is something you swore you would never do when you grew up, but you did anyway? Exactly what im doing now. Nothing. Giving up. Dropping out

94. What lessons have you learned from movies and which movies were they? Dont trust yourself when you know you arent okay. Fight club

95. If you could travel anywhere, where would you go? Europe

96. How do you approach people? I dont but i guess a smile.

97. What is your opinion on first impressions? I think theyre okay. Only if you dont judge.

98. What are some things you did as a child that you no longer do? Lol play with imaginary friends

99. What languages can you speak? English

100. What do you think society will be like in 30 years? Lol hopefully ill be dead bc that shit sounds terrible

101. What do you do on your lazy days? Play games.

102. What ended your last relationship? I had enough.

103. Favorite food? Soul food

104. What is the most terrifying dream you've ever had? Fuck im not saying.

105. When was the last time you got seriously angry? Last night

106. What was the last friendship you broke? My friend Ashley:(

107. Do you have any pet peeves? Close minded people

108. Who was the last person you gave a hug to? Zack

109. When was the last time you got seriously stressed? Last night

110. What part of your personality do you want to change? I dont have one.

111. Who is the most positively influential person in your life right now? My sister Grace.

112. What is your biggest motivation? My siblings. Faith & Grace.

113. What did you want to be when you were little? Honestly i never knew.

114. What are some things that you are good at? Smokin weed

115. What is one thing you want to be good at? Social skills

116. What distracts you the most, especially when you're trying to work? My mind

117. How important is privacy to you? Eh pretty significant i guess.

118. If you could create one social norm, what would it be? Be friends with everybody.

119. What's the craziest lie you've ever told? Um.. i told my 2nd grade teacher my family died in a car crash.

120. What story do you like to tell about yourself at parties? I dont go to parties haaha

121. What is the lamest thing that you have seen someone do? have friends and socialize too much like woah calm down you know youre still alone.. right. Like its only you. Hahah jk. But irdk.

122. What is the stupidest thing you've done to impress someone? a guy invited me over and ive never done anything sexual before so i pretended like i knew and i hurt his dick like bad. (We didnt have sex)

123. What is your morning routine? Wake up, wash face, brush teeth, get dressed, and then boom feel sad

124. What's the last thing you did that is worth remembering?

125. If karma was coming back to you, would it help or hurt you? Help

126. What is your opinion on playing "hard to get?" Being sort of isolated like not opening up. Which is okay bc if they want you they'll wait.

127. What are the pros and cons of straightforward? Cons, you may hurt feelings. Pro, you know yourself and what you want to say congratulations

128. What do you consider "leading" someone on? Being fake happy.

129. Are you the friendzoner or the friendzoned? Friendzoner

130. What do you admire most about your friends? How beautiful he is. Inside & out.

131. What do you admire most about your family? They're still here.

132. What is your opinion on "going with the flow?" You may forget where you are trying to go. Or who you are.

133. Do you enjoy talking or listening? Listening.

134. When is it time to end a friendship? Idk

135. What is the worst excuse you've ever come up with? Lol too many.

136. If GPA didn't matter, what courses would you have taken? Doesnt matter.

137. What are your favorite baby names? Ive always liked Riley for a girl name and idk havent thought Bout a boys name.

138. When was the last time you had a deep conversation with someone? Maybe a week or so ago. Or a few days ago.

139. What instantly ruins a conversation? Lack of excitement

140. Biggest turn ons and turn on offs. Affection. And idk

143. When did you last do something outside of your comfort zone? God every day.

147. What do you like about the 21st century? ???

141. Biggest disappointment. Myself

142. Do you have any self-restraint? A little.

144. Prized possession(s)? little things

145. What is your opinion on second chances? They might seem okay but idk.... depends i guess

146. Text or call? Both, depends on whom im texting or callin

148. What advice would you give to yourself 5 years ago? Life is hard and stupid but choices you make will stay with you forever so what are you gonna do, follow your heart or head? (head is better hope)

149. How organized are you? Eh not really anymore.

150. Favorite mode of transportation. My car

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lukesvalentine-blog1 · 5 years

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Get To Know Me Tag

1. What is your full name? Alicia M. Stinnett

2. What is your nickname? Ally

3. What is your zodiac sign? Sagittarius

4. What is your favorite book series? I can’t focus enough to read one book, let alone a whole series lol

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? both

6. Who is your favorite author? John Green

7. What is your favorite radio station? 94.5

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? I love chocolate. Mainly dark chocolate. So, that I guess?

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Dope

10. What is your current favorite song? Good Enough by Little Mix, but it's gonna probably change in about 2 or 3 days

11. What is your favorite word? Doggo or puppo

12. What was the last song you listened to? Hair by Little Mix

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Stranger Things or Riverdale

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? I usually watch youtube when I’m feeling down so I’m just gonna say Buzzfeed Unsolved.

15. Do you play video games? Not really. I love watching people play then though

16. What is your biggest fear? Being ignored and unloved by someone a really care about.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I’m loyal

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? My anxiety makes me too paranoid about everything so that.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Dogs

20. What is your favorite season? I like fall and spring. Can’t choose tbh.

21. Are you in a relationship? Just got out of one a few days ago..

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? Not being stressed all the time

23. Who is your best friend? Kaleigh and Bailey

24. What is your eye color? They change from blue, to green, to turquoise, and to gray.

25. What is your hair color? Light brown on top and ombre` to blonde

26. Who is someone you love? My ex..

27. Who is someone you trust? My two best friends and my ex

28. Who is someone you think about often? My ex...

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? Sorta. I have dress rehearsals for a choir performance tomorrow, but i've been pretty down lately so I’ll probably end up crying.

30. What is your biggest obsession? Music

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Hannah Montana

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My ex

33. Are you superstitious? yep

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? I probably do, but I can’t think of any right now

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? It depends on what I’m doing for the camera.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Singing

37. What was the last book you read? I honestly don’t remember

38. What was the last movie you watched? The Autopsy of Jane Doe

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? Just my voice

40. What is your favorite animal? Dogs or Penguins (not bc it was Luke’s favorite lol)

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? I’m not on Tumblr enough to have a top 5 blogs

42. What superpower do you wish you had? telekinesis

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? In my now ex boyfriends arms on a Saturday evening

44. What makes you smile? It was my boyfriend, but thats over so I’m gonna say 5SOS, Little Mix, music in general, and singing.

45. What sports do you play, if any? Ew sports. I play none.

46. What is your favorite drink? Pepsi, but I’ve been drinking a lot of water for the past year so I could lose weight and it's killing me, bc i was obsessed with Pepsi.

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? I don’t remember, but probably not too long ago, bc I write a lot.

48. Are you afraid of heights? Nah

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? Big egos and being dicks about it

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yep. One Direction, but I only went to see 5SOS. Oops?

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nah, but I’m not much into meat.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? A pop singer

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? Maybe Harry Potter, but I don’t wanna fight any bad guy. I just wanna go to Hogwarts and do magic.

54. What is something you worry about? My ex not coming back or not caring, not being able to focus on school work, my mom’s mental health, and my mental health.

55. Are you scared of the dark? Nah

56. Do you like to sing? YES

57. Have you ever skipped school? All the time, but mainly, bc of my anxiety problems

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? My ex’s arms..

59. Where would you like to live? A little further from where I live now, but in the same state and close enough to the college I wanna go to.

60. Do you have any pets? Yep. 4 amazing doggos

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl, definitely.

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets

63. Do you know how to drive? Yep, but not a stick shift and that’s what type of car I have, so I can’t drive it yet.

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? earbuds

65. Have you ever had braces? nope

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Don’t have a favorite.

67. Who is your hero? My mom.

68. Do you read comic books? nope

69. What makes you the most angry? My anxiety problems fucking up my life

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Electronic device so I can turn off all the lights and get less distracted and actually be able to read.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? Choir

72. Do you have any siblings? Yep. One full brother, one half brother, and one half sister.

73. What was the last thing you bought? I think it was a Starbucks doubleshot coffee that you can get at a gas station or WalMart

74. How tall are you? 4’10

75. Can you cook? Yep

76. What are three things that you love? Singing/music, my loved ones, and animals.

77. What are three things that you hate? Anxiety, depression, and mainly my brain.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Female

79. What is your sexual orientation? Pansexual

80. Where do you currently live? Kentucky

81. Who was the last person you texted? My ex

82. When was the last time you cried? Like, an hour ago?

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Don’t have one, but I do love Buzzfeed Unsolved.

84. Do you like to take selfies? Yep, but only with fiters.

85. What is your favorite app? Instagram or Snapchat

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? I’m really close to my mom and my dad is okay, but usually isn’t really there for me or my full brother.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? French or British

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? I have a lot of places I wanna go to, but I guess Japan is my number 1.

89. What is your favorite number? 5 (not bc of 5SOS lol. 5 has always been a significant number in my life for many reasons.)

90. Can you juggle? eh

91. Are you religious? eh

92. Do you find outer space or the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer space

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Lol no

94. Are you allergic to anything? Yep. Animal hair and coconut. Most allergic to cats.

95. Can you curl your tongue? yep

96. Can you wiggle your ears? nope

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? A lot tbh, bc I usually am.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Beach 100%

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? Nothing will put you down unless you let it.

100. Are you a good liar? It depends on who im lying to and what I’m lying about. Usually I’m bad at it though.

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Gryffindor

102. Do you talk to yourself? Yep. A lot lol

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert, but I wouldn’t mind going places for people I love and care about.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? yep

105. Do you believe in second chances? yep

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Take it to the police so they can find who owns it.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yep

108. Are you ticklish? Only in one place

109. Have you ever been on a plane? nope

110. Do you have any piercings? Yep. My ears, cartilage, and nose.

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Landon Carter from A Walk To Remember

112. Do you have any tattoos? Nope, but I’m getting one this summer

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Got into theater

114. Do you believe in karma? yep

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Used to, but grew out of it.

116. Do you want children? Yep. I want a boy and a girl, but no matter what I have, I will love them so much and spoil the shit out of them.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My mom

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? Telling my cousins to get lost bc we don’t want them there as a joke, but then realize it wasn’t actually them.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Multiple times

120. What colour are most of your clothes? Pink

121. Do you like adventures? Definitely

122. Have you ever been on TV? Only once, bc my friend was on the news for getting into a dog attack and I was interviewed since I saw it happen

123. How old are you? 17

124. What is your favorite quote? “if you don’t heal what hurt you, you’ll bleed on people who didn’t cut you.” - Crystal Leigh (soon to be Clifford)

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Savory

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talknerdytome67-blog · 6 years

Text

Loss

What did it mean that there were no handbooks for me? That people asked me to be strong in the face of the biggest loss I'd ever experienced or imagined? At times I felt like I didn't deserve to feel so shattered, especially in the shadow of my parents' immense loss but losing a twin is like losing half of yourself.

When I was 22, my twin brother, who was my only sibling, died. He had huffed duster while driving resulting in immediate brain death causing him to hit a tree at over 90mph. That day wasnt like any other day because a few months earlier I woke up and knew he was going to die. Just not how or when. The day the phone rang and I heard my mom say dark, foreign words like car accident, unresponsive, drugs, life support was the most impactful day of my life. In the thickness of shock, I didn't realize that the rest of my life would be measured in before and after. Before, when my family was intact. After, when I would somehow be forced to learn to live without the person I was supposed to get a lifetime with.

"Be strong for your parents," said blurs of people at Trevor's memorial service. I nodded, but inside me, something twisted. I stood in a daze as people streamed by, offering their awkward words and hugs. Be strong for your parents? I thought. How can I be strong for them when half my soul just died and I dont even know how to be strong for myself.

After

I was barely breathing. I was barely standing there. I was numb and strong was the last thing I felt. One thing is for sure I felt angry at my brother for leaving me here. For abandoning me. It's funny how I found myself consoling complete strangers over the death of my brother and yet these very people werent there for him when he was alive and struggling w addiction. Why is it that no one seems to truly care about you until tragedy strikes and then suddenly your life meant so much to them. They say things like "I didn't see this coming" "Why didn't they reach out"

In the early months after Trevors death at 22, I existed in a heavy fog. Nothing was as I knew it. I'd been forced to abandon the little life I'd once known. My friends were living their lives -- going to college, working, falling in and out of love and lust. Meanwhile, my life had stopped and I no longer recognized the world around me.

My home was filled with the cloying scent of flowers just starting to die. It struck me just then how terrible it was that we send flowers to the grieving -- here you go, another reminder that nothing is permanent, that everything lovely will be lost.

My brother's absence was heavy in the house. Though he had died in Peoria, his room was still scattered with relics: the bed he had slept in for so many years, his skateboarding hoodies hanging like shadows in the closets, a handful of videos and books. Memories pinned to each corner. His beloved Ferret Ember waiting for her best friend who was never coming home.

Having always taken comfort in words, I scoured the internet for a book for someone like me -- a barely adult whose (barely) adult twin brother had died. What I found was unimpressive: There were more books on losing a pet than losing a brother or sister, especially a twin. A few books existed for surviving children after a death in the family, but they were for small children. One memoir documented a sister's grief following her brother's death, but it was out of print.

A few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant and my world took another 360* hit. I decided I needed to join a support group so I sat in a circle with a few widows and widowers, a woman whose daughter had died, and a woman whose mother had died. I was younger than any of them by at least 30 years, but I could relate to their shares: "I feel like I'm going crazy." "I'm so damned angry right now." "I can't sleep at night." "My anxiety is at an all time high"

Though the losses were different, the feelings were the same and we were all barely coping.

My parents, who adopted us at 2 would never be the same. Their pain was almost visible, as if a piece of their bodies had been cut out. I had lost myself, too, or at least the version of me that was unscathed by tragedy: an innocent version, who walked around in some parallel universe where her brother was still alive, ignorant to the incredible fortune of an entirely alive family.

My brother, my twin, my built in best friend. I miss Trevors big brown eyes. His loud laugh. He was the co-keeper of my childhood and my secret's. The person who was supposed to walk with me longer than anyone else in this life. The only other person who knew what it was like to grow up with our particular parents, in our particular home and our particular situation being adopted.

The future.

I cried for the nephews and nieces I would never have. I cried for my own daughter who would never know my brother, her uncle. How would I explain him? How would I ensure that his essence wasn't lost, that he wasn't just a figure in old photographs, a handful of stories? Suddenly i was the only person who could make my parents the grandparents they were soon to be.

I constantly grieve for all the hard times ahead when my brother wouldn't be by my side. When my parents begin to age. When my grandparents die. There would be no one to share these dark milestones with and no one to comfort me in the way he did with just his presence.

And so 3 weeks after his death Im now pregnant and despite feeling like I wanted to die from the pain and loneliness i had to stay alive. I suddenly was needing to stay healthy, to stay safe, to stay positive because I was bringing a beautiful baby girl into the world and theres no time to fall apart.

So I placed my grief on hold.

I felt like our family had been a four-legged table, and one leg had suddenly been torn off. The remaining three of us wobbled and teetered. We felt the missing leg like an amputee, each morning waking to the horrible fact that Trevor was gone and unable to stop the pain.

I wrote letters to my brother in those early months and years. At first, memories blazed through my head and I used the letters to capture them before they flitted away, gone forever: my brother walking towards me when he knew my heart had been broken and embracing me in a giant hug. The time I taught him to make snow angels in the front yard of our home, our bulkily clad limbs sliding in synchronicity under the cold afternoon sun.

Later, I wrote the letters when I needed to cry -- when the grief sat coiled and waiting in my chest, needing to be let out, released. I couldn't find the words of other bereaved twin sisters or brothers to bring me comfort, so I created my own.

One day, when I was lost in my sadness, my mom said, "You won't always feel like this. You'll have a family of your own. You'll move on." This seemed impossible in my 23 year-old new mom skin. I couldn't imagine this potential future where I lived a life my brother was no longer apart of.

But very, very slowly, I began putting my life back together. I gave birth to a gorgeous baby girl and I made the difficult decision to leave an abusive relationship and return home again. As time has gone on I notice my daughter has his love of music and animals and possesses the lighthearted spirit my brother had at the same age and I cant help but smile and think a part of him is in her.

Sometimes adult siblings aren't able to close the distance between them, all those shared experiences and time and space and relationships matter. They tether us, they twine our stories together. I pray that my children will one day remain close as they grow, and that they enjoy a long lifetime together and never take eachother for granted.

After nearly 9 years, the sharp shock and grief I felt in those early months and years are no longer constant but only come back in waves, especially around his angelversary or our birthday. It's hard to explain to people the survivors guilt I feel and the PTSD I acquired from watching him struggle to pass away after being taken off life support. It's hard to explain to people that the week of his death never gets easier to face and I tend to shut down and shut people out because I dont want to be a burden. I distance myself so my sadness doesnt spill into their lives.

Its taken 9 years for the pain to dull and for the words "your brother is dead" to stop pounding in my head -- but they did. Trevors absence is mostly a dull hurt, the ghost of an old broken bone that aches when it rains. I feel it more on holidays and anniversaries, when someone else close to me dies. Or when something funny happens and I go to text him and realize I cant. Because Hes gone.

I'll always wish he was still here. I'll always wonder what he would look like and what he'd be doing if he was still alive -- at almost 32, At 50. At 75. Who would he be today? Would he have gotten sober and started a family? Would his music career had taken off?

So with no other choice I continue on. Perhaps I am even strong, like those well-meaning mourners at my brother's memorial asked me to be. But my brother's loss will remain with me for my whole life -- just like he was supposed to.

I wish I knew how to explain to the people I love that the distance I create during anniversaries is done so they are not effected by my overwhelming sadness. I create distance because even after 9 years I am still learning how to cope and handle my grief and sometimes its easier to do alone so that theres no pressure to feel like you have to be happy and in a way continue healing.

I'm incredibly blessed with an amazing boyfriend who is patient and kind and incredibly handsome and perfect in every way. He has been incredibly understanding and supportive despite the distance I have placed between us lately and that's how I know hes who I am going to spend the rest of my life with if he'll let me.

I will forever be thankful for the time I had with my brother and the lessons he taught me but time doesn't heal all wounds and I am just finding ways to get by.

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bruceedickinson · 6 years

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Do em all man im bored and need something to read xD

1: Do you ever wish you were someone else?I used to when I was suffering from depression, not anymore though, I’m happy with the way I am2: What is your full name?Suzanne Michelle [last name]3: How old are you and how old do you get mistaken for?20, I usually got mistaken for someone who was 14-16. I don’t really get that much anymore (maybe I’m curvier than I was a couple years ago lol)4: Have you ever dyed your hair?Yep, been dying it for nearly two years5: What’s your eye color?Hazel green6: Your opinion about your body and how comfortable you are with itI love it the way it is (I have off days every now and then but everyone does); it might not be petite or whatever society strives for but who cares, I love being thick. I’m extremely comfortable with it, never been more so at any point in my life7: Do you have any tattoos or piercings?No tattoos, one piercing in each ear8: What would you say is your best quality?Possibly my ability to empathize, not sure9: What are you really bad at?Math10: What talent do you wish you had?Athletics11: Are you nice to everyone?Overall yes I am. I can be a right asshole at times though (but usually that’s only if the other party is being an asshole first)12: What do you think about the most?Bruce/Maiden, but I’ve had the Saxon m&g on my mind since it happened, I really wanna meet my goofy South Yorkshire boys again13: Things you like/dislike about yourselfThings I like:Taste in music, brows, eyes, hair, curvesThings I dislike:Scatterbrained tendencies14: What is your least favorite word?Ex-friends’ names probably15: What is your favorite word?Tomfoolery16: Are you more like your mom or your dad?I’d say I’m a good mix of both, at times I’m very much like my dad since we’re both neurodivergent17: Would you ever smile at a stranger?Yes, it happens somewhat often too18: A reason you’ve lied to someoneI didn’t want them to know about my tumblr or something like that19: Are you lying about anything right now?I don’t believe so20: Have you kissed someone older than you?Yes 😏21: Do you believe in love at first sight?Yes22: Do you believe in soulmates?Yes, although I believe it’s possible for someone to have multiple people they can have that connection with23: Are looks important?It depends; for me, looks get me interested but the personality is what does me in24: Opinion on relationship age differencesAs long as both parties are above 18 I don’t really care, but for me personally I prefer a guy who’s older than me, their maturity level is more closely related to mine that way25: Would you date someone off the Internet?I wouldn’t say no to the right person26: Have you ever cried over a boy/girl?Yes27: Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?YEP LMAO28: Anyone you’re giving up on right now?No one29: Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?I’ve become friends with a lot of people my ex-friends used to talk shit about if that counts30: Have you ever liked your best friend?No31: How does someone win your heart?Charm, charisma, dorkiness, ability to make me laugh, self-confidence/unafraid to express how dorky/goofy they are, mutual interests, kindness, patience, expressing interest in friendship first rather than a relationship/flirting nonstop from the get-go, I like knowing that you genuinely want to get to know me rather than just half-assing things in order to get into my pants as quickly as possible (in which the joke’s on you, I’m not sleeping with anyone until marriage)32: What turns you on?A nice smile, facial hair, traits I mentioned in the previous question33: What turns you off?Arrogance, misogyny/general bigotry, when a guy I don’t know starts flirting/asking if I’m single not two messages into a conversation34: Do you get jealous easily?I used to, not anymore35: What is your definition of cheating?The moment your heart and mind actively belong to someone else when you’re already with someone36: Do you forgive betrayal?Depends on if they’ve genuinely changed or actively want to change, I’ve had instances where people acted that way towards me at first but it didn’t take long for me to realize they just missed treating me like shit ¯\_(ツ)_/¯37: Have you ever been cheated on?No38: Have you ever cheated on someone?No39: How often do you listen to music?Literally like all the time I’m not even exaggerating40: First concert you attendedNeil Diamond tribute in 200641: Last movie you watchedHeavy Metal Thunder: The Movie42: Favorite type of movie80s/90s, I also really like documentaries (if those count)43: Is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?Yes44: Are you good at hiding your feelings?Yes45: Do you fall in love easily?I don’t fall for people my age very easily, whereas I fall for any band member who interacts with me lmfao46: Do you think people say I love you too much?No, I think people don’t say it enough47: What’s your favorite holiday?Halloween48: Are you a forgiving person? Do you like being that way?Yes, and I do49: Where’s the most magical place on earth?Any Maiden, Priest, Saxon or Ghost show/the front row at said shows50: What’s your “type”?(preferably stocky) Dark-haired men who are massive dorks and can grow hella nice facial hairThank you!

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horansqueen · 4 years

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AM Conversations : chapter 50

A Niall Horan fanfiction ; rated MA

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2 || CHAPTER 3 || CHAPTER 4 || CHAPTER 5 || CHAPTER 6 || CHAPTER 7 || CHAPTER 8 || CHAPTER 9 || CHAPTER 10 || CHAPTER 11 || CHAPTER 12 || CHAPTER 13 || CHAPTER 14 || CHAPTER 15 || CHAPTER 16 || CHAPTER 17 || CHAPTER 18 || CHAPTER 19 || CHAPTER 20 || CHAPTER 21 || CHAPTER 22 || CHAPTER 23 || CHAPTER 24 || CHAPTER 25 || CHAPTER 26 || CHAPTER 27 || CHAPTER 28 || CHAPTER 29 || CHAPTER 30 || CHAPTER 31 || CHAPTER 32 || CHAPTER 33 || CHAPTER 34 || CHAPTER 35 || CHAPTER 36 || CHAPTER 37 || CHAPTER 38 || CHAPTER 39 || CHAPTER 40 || CHAPTER 41 || CHAPTER 42 || CHAPTER 43 || CHAPTER 44 || CHAPTER 45 || CHAPTER 46 || CHAPTER 47 || CHAPTER 48 || CHAPTER 49

NOTES:

-one chapter is her pov, the next is his. -3.9k -im sorry, i never proofread, i hate it. -there WILL be smut. but not only smut. -this is a romance, comedy, smut story. -for the summary, check my MASTERLIST.

- if you want to be notified when this is updated, please message me or leave a comment!

- note for this chapter: sooo im sorry. forgive me. the worst is to come. :X

no request for this chapter: SEND ME SOME ASAP SO I CAN ADD THEM I NEED THEM! can be ideas that will make things bad between them too. or good. or fluff. or smut. just send me a few :)

Chapter 50 : His chapter

NIALL

I heard her wake up all night and every single time, I waited until she was asleep again to do the same. She was not sick often, except for migraines, but this time, it was bad enough for her to beg me to stay with her the next day. She turned around in bed and wrapped one of her arms around my waist, making me smile as she groaned.

"Please don't leave me alone here all day."

I brought my hand to her face, caressing her cheek gently before pushing a lock of hair behind her ear.

"You want me to stay here with you and watch you snore all day?" I joked, smiling more when I saw her nose raise up in a grimace.

"Yes." she let out firmly with a baby voice, making me chuckle this time.

"You're such a child, I swear!"

I felt her grip tighten around my waist and I rolled my eyes with a smile. I had no idea why but I actually enjoyed the fact that she needed me so bad. Our relationship was just getting better and I didn't want things to change. She was still insecure and I was still not totally good at not making her jealous but we managed and we were both making efforts, which was the best we could expect from each other.

I never thought it would be so tough to date my best friend. I didn't regret it, but I was still unsure of so many things that sometimes, I ended up backing away from her and hurting her. That's when she'd become even more insecure and we would just end up being trapped in a vicious circle. The fact that I was so busy was an obstacle to our relationship too. Every free moment I had, I would spend with her and I couldn't hide the fact that I missed hanging out with my friends, spending a day playing golf or just having some time for myself.

"Please, Nee."

"You're warm... you clearly have fever." I pointed out, pressing my palm on her cheek. "You need to get in the shower, darling. Stay under the lukewarm stream for about minute and come back in bed.”

"Mm no, it's too cold."

"You may feel cold but you're burning." I explained. "Come on, do that and i'll make you some tea."

"And stay here today?"

Her eyes were now half opened and she was looking up at me through her eyelashes. She was pretty and endearing and it brought an other smile to my lips.

"And stay here today."

Her lips curled and I bent down to kiss the top of her head before pulling the covers away from her. She groaned but finally let go of me to get up slowly. She took her shirt off, her back facing me, and I stared at her as she did the same with her panties. I knew she was sick but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the view.

"Hurry up." I said, smacking her bum playfully and making her jump a bit.

"Be nice! I'm siiiick!" she complained again before walking to the bathroom.

When I heard the shower, I got up but stopped myself and sighed, picking up her dirty clothes and throwing them in the laundry basket. I searched through my things and put one of my shirts on the bed along with a pair of boxers and finally walked out of the room to reach the kitchen.

As I waited for the water to boil, I grabbed my phone and sent a text message saying I was taking a day off and just turned it off to be sure not to be disturbed. I walked upstairs with her tea and put it on the bedside table right before going to the bathroom. I rolled my eyes when I saw her soaked towel laying on the floor and cleaned the shower a bit before doing the same with the sink.

"You left your towel on the floor, Liv. Again." I complained before realizing she was already asleep.

I sighed and closed my eyes, knowing she was sick and it was wrong of me to be mad for that, but it was not only on that day, it was all the time. I never thought it would be so tough for someone as clean as me to live with someone as messy as she was. Sometimes, it was driving me insane.

I let her sleep for a while and ate toasts and eggs for breakfast before washing the dishes and going to sit on the couch to watch the golf channel. Staying home got me slightly bored and after a while, I grabbed my notebook and started scribbling a few words, feeling suddenly inspired for a new song. I didn't know how much time passed since I was concentrated on my writing but she finally appeared from the hall. Her hair was a mess and she was yawning but despite all this, my lips curled at her sight.

"Come here, are you hungry?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.

She walked up to me, her feet brushing against the carpet, and let herself fall on the couch next to me. As soon as her ass hit the couch, she cuddled me, curling up against me, her leg over my thigh and her head leaning on my shoulder.

"Have you ever heard of personal space?" I joked with a chuckle.

"I'm part of your personal space, Horan."

I laughed at her words, knowing she was going say those exact words since it's always what she answered me. I liked the degree of intimacy we had reached but I realized we had it even before we started dating.

"Oh yea?"

"Oh yea."

I laughed and kissed the top of her head again, pushing my notebook away and sitting better on the couch so we could be more comfortable. We remained in silence for a while until I sighed low.

"Are you hungry, do you want something to eat?"

She grimaced and groaned, shaking her head.

"You're gonna have to eat, you know." I pointed out, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her close.

"But i'm siiiiiick!"

"Told ya not to go out without a sweater. It's getting colder, especially at night."

She groaned again and buried her face in my neck.

"You're such a mom." she mumbled against my skin, making me laugh.

"And you're such a child." I replied for the second time that day.

I felt her lips brush against my neck and it made goosebumps appear on my skin. I brought my hand to her back and caressed her over her shirt to soothe her and after a while, she let out a low whimper that made me smile. She was still a bit warm, probably a sign that the fever was slowly coming back, and I finally got up quickly.

"Okay, enough." I let out, looking down at her as she sent me puppy eyes. "Soup for you, and meds, and then you rest."

"Nooo no no no!" she argued in a begging voice.

I pretended I didn't hear and just laughed as I walked to the kitchen to make some soup. When I came back, I noticed she was playing a video game on the tv and rolled my eyes with a smile. She had been a bit obsessed with Mario Kart recently and I just put the soup on the coffee table before going to the bathroom, looking through my stuff to find something against the flu. I got back with pills and a water bottle and she put her remote down to swallow the pills I gave her. I glanced at the tv and smiled.

"You know if I play with you, you won't be first in any of the races?" I pointed out with a laugh as she started eating.

She looked up at me and chuckled before grabbing an other remote and handing it to me, staring in my eyes with a small smirk.

"Don't hold back and cry."

"Challenge accepted."

We started playing and I tried hitting her gently with my elbow from time to time to distract her. She kept laughing whether she was winning or losing and that was something I loved about her. She didn't care if she won or not, she just wanted to have fun. We joked a lot about who was the best but in the end, It never really mattered to us as long as we had a good time together.

"Ex eaquo." she let out, putting the remote on the coffee table before turning to me and crossing her legs on the couch.

"Fair enough." I laughed a bit but it faded away quick enough.

She tilted her head while staring at me and I could swear her eyes fluttered. She sent me a warm and fond smile and it made me smile back. There was always something in the way she looked at me... something that made me wonder how I missed all the love in her eyes for all these years.

"Thank you for staying home today." she started, making the left corner of my lips raise up again. "Thank you for taking care of me."

"You don't have to thank me, I knew I was staying home with you the first time you woke up in the middle of the night. You didn't even have to do all that begging this morning."

She chuckled and raised her shoulders up and bit her bottom lip.

"Are you gonna take care of me like that when we'll be old? When our kids are out of the house, when there will be only us two again, when I can barely walk?"

My smile fell slightly and it hit me suddenly that she had thought about our future when It never really crossed my mind. It's not that I didn't want to, I just didn't know what I wanted. I preferred to live one day at a time instead to plan years ahead. I stared at her a few seconds, blinking a few times and trying to hide the fact that my heart was beating harder and faster suddenly. I didn't want to hurt her, I've hurt her enough for a few lifetimes already, so I just sent her a smile.

"Come here." I whispered, opening my arms.

Immediately, she moved closer and I wrapped my arms around her, holding her tight against me. I felt her lips travel again on my neck and up to my jaw.

"Will you?" she insisted in a murmur, making me press my lips together.

I turned my head her way and looked down, my eyes roaming on her face. I brought my hand to her cheek and let my fingers graze her skin softly. I picked my words carefully and licked my lips.

"I promise i'll always be there for you."

----

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay?" I asked, raising my eyebrows as I looked at her.

I wanted to go out, I wanted to go for a few pints with my friends, and I didn't want to stay between these damn four walls tonight, but I still asked her.

"No, of course not, i'm fine!" she argued with a smile, grabbing her tissue box and bringing it on her lap. "I'll watch a few movies and go to bed so stay as late as you want."

"If you need me just call or text okay?" I proposed, putting my phone in my pocket. "It's on vibe, i'll feel it."

"Then I may just text you a lot." she joked with a laugh, making me chuckle too.

The discussion we had had in the afternoon had left me with a bittersweet feeling. For some reason, it made me want to run away so when my cousin called for an evening at the pub, I couldn't say no. I loved Olivia, I knew I did, but this whole thing was a bit too much for me and I didn't know what to think and how to feel anymore. She told me herself after all, didn't she? Love is not all you need, no matter what we've been told.

Apparently, a bunch of people I knew and didn't know were invited and I took a seat next to Louis who pushed a pint in front of me. I grabbed it and after a few seconds, I had swallowed half of it.

"Mate, you alright?"

I glanced at him and shrugged, focusing on the glass in my hands as I turned it slowly. I didn't want to share my feelings and thoughts with him if only because he was so close to my girlfriend now that it would make things awkward. It's not that I didn't trust him but I didn't want to put him in a position where he'd have to keep secrets from her or feel bad to be around her.

"Just tired." I lied with a shrug.

"Liv's still sick?"

"Yea, t'was worse this morning but she wasn't really in the mood to come."

"Legit."

I felt someone sit next to me and without thinking, I turned my head only to face one of the most gorgeous girls I had ever seen. She smiled more, maybe because of the way I was looking at her, and extended her hand to me after pushing a lock of her dark hair behind her shoulder.

"Hey, i'm Gia."

"Niall." I replied, shaking her hand slightly.

"I know."

I sent her a smile and my eyes moved down to check her out until I felt Louis nudge me on the side to get my attention. My eyes lingered for an other second on the pretty girl and I finally turned back to my friend who was raising his eyebrows at me.

"You're drooling." he pointed out in a low tone.

I could hear a hint of blame in his voice and groaned low. I knew I shouldn't be flirting but it seemed like I hadn't done something like this in years. I was not used to hold back, I was not used to stop myself from doing what I wanted... I was not used to be in a real relationship, or at least not for that long. Louis stared at me for a few more seconds before moving closer to me.

"Don't do that, Niall." he let out in a sad tone. "I promise it's not worth it."

I sighed low and nodded slowly before he sent me a small smile and got up. I watched him leave and was ready to do the same when I felt a hand on my arm and stopped moving completely. I felt a shiver run up my spine but it was more because of the thrill than because of her touch.

"Are you leaving already?"

I stared at her for a few seconds before sitting back down. I should leave, every fiber of my body was telling me to run away and go back to Olivia, but I couldn't. Instead, I remained quiet for a few seconds and finally smiled more.

"No, i'm staying."

We talked for a while and the way she looked at me made me believe I could bring her home if I wanted. I kept thinking about Liv but tried to push the thought away when a feeling of guilt would invade me. I was not really doing anything, and I didn't plan to do anything, but I couldn't pretend it didn't bother me that I couldn't enjoy this a bit more. I swallowed my third beer and chuckled at something moderately funny she said.

"Look, Gia, I need to tell you something." I let out, licking my lips. "I already have a girlfriend."

"Oh I know, and I don't care." she admitted with a shrug as she laughed again. "Heidi told me it was not serious."

"Heidi?" I asked with a frown, looking around the table to finally meet her eyes.

She sent me a smirk and I felt suddenly totally stupid. Did Heidi do that on purpose? Was I just fooled like a fucking loser? I turned back to Gia and sent her a smile, shaking my head.

"Was nice meeting you, but I need to go now."

I pushed my chair and got up but she grabbed my wrist and it felt wrong. I could feel the way Olivia wrapped her fingers gently around my wrist sometimes and my heart skipped a beat as I took my hand back, feeling Gia's fingers slide on my skin and making me grimace. It was ridiculous. I was ridiculous and no matter what excuses came to my mind, I was the only one to blame.

"Don't leave, I really don't care that you have a girlfriend."

I sighed again but louder this time and bent down to look in her eyes.

"I do."

I walked away in the direction of the door and glared at Heidi for a few seconds. Quickly, she jumped off her chair and followed me.

"Niall." she said, making an annoying noise with her heels on the wood floor. "Niall!"

She grabbed my arm and made me stop walking. I turned around and shook my head at her, talking before she could say anything.

"You set this up?" I asked, a bit mad. "You asked this girl to come and flirt with me to see if i'd cheat on my girlfriend? What kind of fucking sicko are you?"

"No!" she frowned, shaking her head a bit too quickly. "She said she thought you were sexy and I said you were taken but it wasn't anything serious, that's it!"

"Heidi, I've literally been dating Olivia for almost a year, how can this not be serious?"

She stared at me and raised her eyebrows, taking a lock of her hair and twisting it around one of her fingers. I remembered she always did that whenever she wanted us to have sex and took a step back without realizing it.

"Didn't seem serious when your eyes were literally glued to Gia's cleavage."

I closed my eyes, knowing she was right and swallowed hard.

"You got me there, i'm human." I let out, pressing my lips together as I felt anger invade my insides. I just wasn't sure if I was mad at Heidi or at myself. Maybe a bit of both. "A sad, poor excuse of one, but a human being nonetheless."

"Oh please, Niall." she added, rolling her eyes. "You're 23, it's not like you were going to spend your life with her. I mean okay, she's your best friend so this little masquerade you're doing lasts a little longer. I know you don't want to hurt her but seriously? Can you imagine having sex only with her for the rest of your life? Get married? Have kids? You're not ready for that, Niall."

She looked at me in an amused way and chuckled meanly, putting her hands on her waist. I hated her words and felt something burn inside me. I hated it because every single word she said seemed so true it made me want to puke. I was not ready, no matter what I tried to make myself or even Olivia believe. Clearly, my girlfriend was a step ahead in our relationship and it was scaring me. I was not going to let Heidi know, though, simply because it was none of her business.

"You have no idea what you're talking about." I just said rudly, walking past her and reaching the door.

She followed me quickly but remained close to the door as I walked out.

"I'm right and you know it, Niall!"

I stopped and turned around, walking back quickly to her suddenly angrier than ever.

"I love her! I'm in love with her!" I could feel my hands shake and I placed them into fists as I tried not to let anger consume me.

"Oh sure you do. But you two started dating too fast. You clearly got a lot left to live and you're too young to settle forever." she explained with a small shrug.

The fact that she remained so calm annoyed me and I groaned low, raising my nose up. Why was I even listening to her anyway? I should go back to Olivia and make sure she was okay. I should get a cab and go back home to join her in bed and cuddle her. But what I shouldn’t do is stay there, in the cold, listening to a girl I thought was my friend tell me that the relationship I have with my girlfriend was a mistake.

"And if you need me to help you relax, she let out, taking a step closer and running her hand on my chest. "I'm always here, whether you're still dating her or not.”

A bit roughly, I pushed her hand away and took a step back. I watched her, her arms around herself, shivering because of the cold, and I realized that I didn't want any of this.

"October's a cold month at night." I just pointed out a bit meanly. "You should wear a sweater."

Without an other word, I turned on my heels and left quickly. I heard her yell behind me and held my breath.

"You'll call me back sooner than you think!"

I started running for a reason I ignored and when my throat was burning and I couldn't seem to breathe anymore, I stopped and held myself on my knees, panting. Perhaps I hated this and everything Heidi had mentioned because I knew, deep down, that she was right. I felt the few beers I drank make me want to puke and turned to my right, vomiting slightly in the grass. I closed my eyes and breathed slowly and deeply, trying to get my heartbeats back to a normal pace but It wasn't due to my run but more because of all the guilt running inside me. I loved Olivia, I loved her more than I had ever loved anyone. It was scary and troubling and I was not really sure what to do with those feelings.

I kept walking around slowly, knowing that I should get a taxi but not really sure I wanted to. I didn't feel ready to go home and see my girlfriend after everything that happened, even if she wasn't aware of anything. I couldn't stop thinking about what Heidi told me and about how Liv said that love was not all that was needed in a relationship. I loved her and she loved me, shouldn't it be enough?

Before I realized it, I stood in front of my house and sighed, taking one of my hands out of my pocket to look at the time on my watch. It was already 2am and I just stood there a few more minutes before walking in. All the lights were off and I blinked a few times until my eyes got used to the dark. I walked to my room and quickly undressed before getting under the covers with my girlfriend. She didn't move and I wrapped my arm around her, pulling her to me until her back pressed on my chest. I loved her, I couldn't see my life without her, and I had to stop letting doubts get the best of me.

"I love you, Olivia." I whispered, burring my nose in her hair and closing my eyes. "I'm in love with you."

#niall horan #niall horan fluff #niall horan smut #niall horan story #niall horan writing #niall horan fanfic #niall horan fan fic #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan fan fiction #my fanfics #amc #ehh yea sorry #for what happened in the chapter #and also for how poorly written it is

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shutupandblog · 7 years

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cute tags

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? // more milk! 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? // YES OMG YES. 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? // forks, notes, socks....anything I find in that moment... 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? // tea: just with water. coffee: flavoured creamer.... 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? // YEAH. 6: do you keep plants? // my mom forces her plants onto me so I have unexpected children to take care of. 7: do you name your plants? // no, I'll feel bad if I forget their names. 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? // songwriting 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? // sing out loud, man. but yeah. 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? // fall asleep on back easiest but wake up on my side. 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? // innovation at its finest, man. 12: what's your favorite planet? // saturn 13: what's something that made you smile today? // finding some of my old songs and realizing that they're not ALL lost. I was a genius in 2014 and backed it up on usb wow 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? // open concept omf hit me with the natural light and big windows. no walls. big kitchen. no curtains. piano. hardwood. pictures in frames. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! // "The Apollo astronauts' footprints on the moon will probably stay there for at least 100 million years." Source: https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=3&ved=0ahUKEwji75-ZwYXXAhWqxFQKHSroDssQFggxMAI&url=http%3A%2F%2Fmashable.com%2F2014%2F03%2F05%2Fsun-stars-space-facts%2F&usg=AOvVaw2BqM1yEL36GBccqMtEtOWs) 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? // i don't normally eat pasta so every time i see pasta i'll take anything. 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? // grey and lavender. 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. // 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? // i keep a lyric dump journal! 20: what's your favorite eye color? // GREEN 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. // my navy backpack was with my throughout high school and ib and i'm still using it in uni, so it's been to hell twice. 22: are you a morning person? // hell no 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? // listen to all my cd's and find new artists...song write...listen to more music... 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? // yes 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? // lol none 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? // threw them out yo 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? // banana 28: sunrise or sunset? // sunrise 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? // my one friend has a habit of crossing her legs and tapping her foot that’s in the air when she listens / hums music and it’s sO CUTE. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? // yeah. my mom went through a rough time and I hated being awake. 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. // in general: no socks. Weird socks are cool. I usually take off my socks as soon as I walk in through the front door. If I wear songs, they’re ankle length. Can’t do anything higher than that. I hate tights, I don’t do tights. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. // i literally think we woke up at 4 to watch MAMA 2015 together. 33: what's your fave pastry? // i have no idea....bread pudding served on pie crust and ice cream? 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? // it’s gone. but it was called bonsai and it was a giant ass panda and i miss it. I had to get rid of it because we were moving and its head got ripped off. Or, ripped in half should I say. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? // I love them but I never indulge in it!!! alkjngakjdfd 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? // my mood right now? omg bts - wings. 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? // messy. 38: tell us about your pet peeves! // wet bathroom floors, getting my socks wet, sweaty in the winter, when people touch my things and don’t put them back where they are supposed to be so i can’t find it ugh, touching people’s food while doing dishes (SCRAPE YOUR PLATE @ SIBLINGS), people stepping on my shoes, looming too close to me while talking....etc.... 39: what color do you wear the most? // grey, black, pink. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? // all my jewelry is meaningless bc I bought it all myself. Ahh- I have this one pearl necklace that my grandpa and dad bought for me in china and I haven’t worn it once. 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? // gallagher girls series 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! // i’m not a coffee person 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? // myself a few mornings ago when I was going to my lab and waiting at the bus stop. 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? // when i was in hawaii doing the longest hike of my life and finally reaching the “end” of the island and you could see no city. Just sea lions, turtles and water. Dark stones. Wind. It was just myself and it was quiet and it was so beautiful. I have so many videos. 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? // fuck that shit, I got so many q’s wrong on tests because of it. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. // gravity sucks. 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? // onions omf 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? // the dark. and yeah. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? // I LOVE CDs. Last record I bought: paramore- after laughter (i think). 50: what's an odd thing you collect? // cineplex tickets and guitar picks. 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? // my friend S- I associate her with the song “Tokyo Jellybean” by Ingrid St-Pierre. She’s one of my favourite artists. I have never told her this. 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? lol cracking a cold one with the boys bc my psych always opens a pop can in the middle of this lecture (ALL THE TIME) and i just get reminded. 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? only heathers bc my friend showed it to me and I really liked it! 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? // my friend Y. 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? // raised my voice? 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? // being completely absorbed in their work, drinking coffee and looking out the bus window, falling asleep in random places. 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? // uhh i just use this song to check if my right headphone is working lol 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? // wine mom is T and vodka aunt is Y. I mean, if you meet them you’ll know. 59: what's your favorite myth? // im uneducated 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? // i like poetry- short poetry. 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? // I gave cough drops / i received paperclip holders 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? // i’m a morning water person 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? // YEAH I AM. Bookshelf man. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? // black 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? // no bc if I haven’t seen you in a long time, I’ve probably dropped you. 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? // baby’s breath, blue bells, daisy. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? // I LIVE FOR THOSE DAYS 68: what's winter like where you live? // either snowy heaven or mushy hell 69: what are your favorite board games? // i’m basic, so monopoly. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? / no 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? // oolong or vanilla something.... 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? // yeah i really need to 73: what are some of your worst habits? // drop my clothes all over the bedroom floor and leave them there. 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. // a breath of fresh air 75: tell us about your pets! // i had a goldfish once but on the car ride home to my house it died. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? // STUDYING WTF AM I DOING ANSWERING A 100 QUESTION TAG 77: pink or yellow lemonade? // PINK 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? // i’m a spectator 79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? // painted me fake polaroids and stuck them in a colouring book omg 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? // tan. it’s the colour of my entire house. 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. // didn’t pass engl man i can’t do this 82: are/were you good in school? // i WAS 83: what's some of your favorite album art? // rise against, fob, volbeat, ingrid st pierre, ts, bts. 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? // i’ve always wanted a roman numeral tattoo but i don’t do commitment. 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? // i only read peanuts and archie as a kid 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? // i only listen to pink floyd ..the wall. 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? // not a movie person. can’t comment. 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? // idk.... 89: are you close to your parents? // sure 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. // tokyo omg god save me 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? // the farthest i’ll get is my bed 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? // barely sprinkles a pinch 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? // up 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? // my auntie 95: what are your plans for this weekend? // this weekend is over and so is my academic career 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? // procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? // 1. don’t know, 2. scorpio, 3. ravenclaw 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? // real hike: this summer in hawaii, fake hike: w my friends downtown. I loved both times the same. 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. // Exo- what if/my answer, Taylor- all too well/never grow up, Shawn: running low, Alessia: my song, Bts: sea, Pierre Luc lessard: sans combat 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? // 5 years in the future. The past 5 years have been hard.

I tag: @kabul1998, @iamnotmadamebovary

#tags

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ssquared2018 · 7 years

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Hi I was going through the Jaylos tag and saw your post, if you feel up to it would you mind writing my prompt? My prompt is : Jay and Carlos have been together for a long time and have adopted a child and now they are going back to the isle so the "grandparents" can know/meet them. I was wondering what nerves would they have? Especially Carlos with how badly his mother treated him in the past?

(THIS IS ACTUALY MY FIRST EVER ASK AND PROMPT SO THANK YOU, hopefully i can figure out how to respond [hopefully im doing it right])Writer Notes: So i decided to do a sort of prequel to this prompt. I really love it and its an interesting concept, one that ive actually thought a lot about this a lot (minus the kid). If you enjoy the way the story is going just send me an ask to continue and id be happy to. BTW im really bad at picking names so while i was writing i just wrote *insert name* when i was mentioning the kids name so i apologize if his name seems out of context. Also i suck at writing even though i love doing it so sorry in advance. But with out further a due…..

GRANDPARENTS part 1/(?)

It’s been 15 years since they were off the Isle. None of them have thought of going back, thought they finally put that place being them. The rotten four were now living together with a new addition to the family, Jaden, Jay’s and Carlos’ son. Though the four of them raised him together it was Jay’s and Carlos’ who decided they were ready to further their relationship by having a child, asking Evie to be a sergeant. Jaden loved having two moms and two dad, he always got more toy than the other kids in daycare did and because of how cool his parents where he knew things that the other kids didn’t, like how to pickpocket some. Jay taught him that on his 4th birthday, much to Carlos’ annoying not only did he have to deal with his husband sneaking things out his pocket but now he had a kid who would steal his phone to play games on. Carlos always knew he was picking his pocket but never had the heart to tell him, he hated seeing his son upset. Which is why when Jaden comes home from school one day a little less happy Carlos was the first to catch on to it. “Hey kiddo, how was school today?” Carlos said as Jaden and Jay walked through the front door and into the dining room. Before Jay went to the kitchen to grab some food after kissing Carlos on the cheek. “It..was okay.”he responded with a notable pause before sitting down at the table to start his homework. “Oh, really? Just ‘okay’? What did you do today?” Noticing something wrong Carlos got up and moved to sit next to his son at the table. There was a pause before the kid responded, noticeably trying to focus on the homework in front of him, when did first grade start sending home math problems??

“Yeah. It was okay.” Jaden finally responded not looking up from the paper in front of him, “We had to make a family tree today. Mine was smaller than the other kids, since I only have two moms and two dads. Other kids have a bunch of people in there family.”

Carlos felt a lump in his throat he new where this conversation was headed, luckily Jay had came back to join them. He knew that one of Carlos’ fears about parenting was that they would turn out to be like their parents. Mal shared the same concern, not trusting her own bad nature around young kids. Evie had soon reminded them that they were nothing like their parents, at least not any more. They all knew this but it was still a fear that haunted them.

“Well how did having a small family make you feel?” Carlos said as Jay sat down next to him at the table slowly coming to realize what they were talking about. “I like having a small family.” Jaden said with a cheerful grin, “Just.. the other kids were talking about how their grandparents would take them out and spend time with them. I just kind of wish I met my grandparents, even if they aren’t the best people. Maybe they would want to spend time with me too.” he finished starting to put his books away. Jay gripped Carlos’ thigh under the table seeing the noticeable sadness in his face. They were starting to regret having a kid who started reading at 4. It was too early for him to be able to express these kinds of emotions. Though, kids at the age of 6 often did envy the other kids around them. Especially when their family isn’t the most nuclear.

As Jaden left the dining room Jay and Carlos knew they needed to have a talk about the conversation they just had. “What are we going to do about this?” Jay was the first to speak up, attempting to prevent Carlos of reverting to his old habits of internalizing all of his emotions.

“Lets just wait for the girls to come home. We need to talk about this together.” Carlos said looking up to meet Jays eye, “I think it’s time to tell him about them. It might be time to go home.” With that Carlos got out of his chair and headed into the living room, and began to clean.

———–

A few hours later Mal and Evie walked into the house together. Carlos was curled up on the couch in Jay’s arms, they had finally gotten Lil Jay to sleep and were relaxing. “Hey losers.” Mal said before kissing both of them on the cheek and sitting down next to Carlos. Carlos sat up from his position on Jay just as Evie planted herself in the love seat that was perpendicular to the couch, not caring to ‘sit like a lady’. “We need to talk about our son.” Carlos said not wasting any time. All the faces in the room dropped immediately as they all got up and went to the dining room. They had decided early on that when it came time to make important decisions that they would all sit together at the table and talk about it this way all of them would be forced to face the problem rather than running from it like their teenage selves did.

“So is someone gonna tell us what happened?” Evie said not bothering to wait til they were seated. She knew by her friends expressions that nothing had happened to him but their looks also told her it was something to be worried about, so she was.

“He asked about our parents. He wants to meet them, or at least wishes that he could have.” Jay says knowing Carlos, while often very vocal, didn’t have it in him to talk.

Mal’s and Evie’s faces both went stern. “What do you mean he asked about them?” Mal questioned with a hint of aggression.

“In school they were doing a family tree. Which lead to some of the children telling stories about their grandparents.” Jay said not bothering to go into much detail knowing the girls were smart enough to figure the rest out. The room fell silent. None of them knew what to say. On one hand they could just reassure their son that he’s better off not knowing his grandparents, or they could actually tell their son about them and risk him wanting to know more. With many other VKs coming over from the isle it wasn’t hard telling Jaden that they too were born over there, but neither of them went into details about what happened on the isle. But with a father that has the last name DeVil and your mothering saving the kingdom from her your grandmother it wasn’t hard to figure out who exactly your parents were related to. This was often enough for him not to ask many questions, he knew his grandparents were evil and that his parents and other kids came to Auradon because they didn’t want to be. ‘Goddamn school always ruining everything.’ Jay thought to himself, waiting for someone to break the silence. “I think we should tell him about them. About what they did.” Carlos spoke up, “And if he still wants to meet them than we take him over there.” The others looked at him in shock not expecting that solution to come out of his mouth. “But C, do you really think it’s a good idea to expose him to that?” Evie said sitting up in her seat and leaning her body on the table. “He deserves to know his roots. It isn’t like he’ll have to grow up there, we’ll be there with him. None of us have went soft while being in Auridon, hell Mal works out twice a week. And the kid already knows how to sword fight.” Carlos said with agitation in his voice, “It’s the worse case scenario any way. I just wonder if we’re ready to stop running and finally face our parents.”

Another pause. They all new they weren’t but that they needed to. They were 32 years old and still found themselves waking up from nightmares and having panic attacks in the supermarket. When they first came off the isle and defeated Maleficent all they did was run after that. Even when they went to save Ben from Uma, who was now a close friend, they did whatever it took to avoid their parents, all except for Mal of course. Til this day the four of them wondered how their parents would react to seeing them again. Would Jafar still try to make Jay steal for him or would he just attack him. Does Evil Queen still care if Evie doesn’t have a prince? How would she react to knowing that instead of a prince she had a wife, and he two best friends? Would Cruella still expect Carlos to look after her furs? Would she attempt to take advantage of Jaden? Another one of Carlos’ fears, his son being subjected to Cruella’s torture. He couldn’t count how many times he woke up from a dream where he was unable to save the boy from that fate. These were the worse nights. “I agree with Carlos” Mal spoke up, reaching a reassuring hand out to the previously names boy. “It’s time. I know I no longer have to worry about my mother, since she died in lizard form a few years ago, but it still something that we need to deal with. Whether or not we decide to take Jaden to the isle we should talk to him about them, and take a visit there ourselves. You guys deserve closure. Besides we’re adults now and their old people. We have each other and could easily kick their asses.” With this the group laughed all silently agreeing. They sat there for a few hours discussing how they were going to address this to their son. They would be exposing him to years of their person torture. This both made them scared it would scar him and change his perception of them. Hopefully he wouldn’t want to meet them, but if he did they were ready for it. Or where they…

#Jaylos #Descendants #descendants 2 #malvie #mal #evie #jay #carlos de vil #carlos #parents #fanfic #prompt #other tags becuz im bad at tagging #jay descendants

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apocalypto12related · 7 years

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Do all of them!

1: is there a boy/girl in your life?

Ye! Sammy! @deziac

2: think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?

Um... My family, probably, and no.

3: what do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”

Kitty! I love kitties!

4: what’s something you really want right now?

an apartment. on a less serious side, um, glasses???

5: are you afraid of falling in love?

Nope! I already have and since we’re poly im sure i will again owo

6: do you like the beach?

so/so. depends on my mood.

7: have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?

um... a pull out sofa, does that count? i have a hard time sleeping unless i can fully lie down.

8: what’s the background on your cell?

my old phone was tony my new phone is space. not sure what it’ll be soon. >w>;; considering i need to redownload all the stuff i got off tumblr. :’( i lost all my snapchat stuff, but i moved all of izaya to my computer so that’s fine.

9: name the last four beds you were sat on?

what??? O_o; um... a homeless shelter’s bed and other than that they were all my own??? (not counting the “bed” made of sheets at the one place.)

10: do you like your phone?

i just got a new one!! uwu It has 32GB with it’s own internal storage and I have a 32GB sd card. nwn;; So I have a lot of space~! plus it has a fingerprint sensor and im in love with unlocking it like that owo

11: honestly, are things going the way you planned?

prolly not, but when do they?

12: who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?

sammy! bc we both got new phhones!

13: would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler?

i heard poodles have bad temperaments!! idk about rottweilers!! whichever one is nicer??/

14: which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?

emotional!! physical heals!! short time span for pain! emotional might not go away!

15: would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?

DONt mmake me chosoelk??! i love both!!! i lovemy fluffy butts and i went to the met in new york!!! it was so cool!!! swords!! armor!! egypt!! aahhhh!!! i cant choose!!

16: are you tired?

im always tired!!!

17: how long have you known your 1st phone contact?

um... well it’s sammy

so uh, ten years in march owo (technically december was the first time we met!! but we count it as march since that’s when he started talking rly)

18: are they a relative?

no!!

19: would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?

it depends on if they changed their personality!! if not then no!! i mean i did get back with sammy but yknow we just count that as a break since we did actually get back together lmao

20: when did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?

this morning!! she is at work so she’s not too talkative rn!

21: if you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?

we’re fine with what we’re at!! i don’t need to marry her to make it ‘official’!! we’ve lasted almost 9 years and through some big hardships!! both of us unmedicated and dealing with new medication changes, so i think we’re fine!!

22: would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

of course!! :P

23: how many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?

two!! my blue sylveon bracelet (i love sylveon, i would wear umbreon but i think i packed it!!!) and my pride rainbow bracelet! i took them off when we were looking for a shelter bc i was scared we’d get denied if they saw obvious gay signs :(

24: is there a certain quote you live by?

not directly!! something along the lines of that there is no set path in life you have to choose which ways you want to twist and turn and they’ll lead you onto new and bigger things.

25: what’s on your mind?

music! stuff for my phone! i have a lot of stuff i need to add to eeet!! it’s only a day oolllddd.

26: do you have any tattoos?

yes! it’s for my kitty who passed away! Her name was luna. I’m sure i’ve posted a picture somewhere.

27: what is your favorite color?

#00C5FF

28: next time you will kiss someone on the lips?

prolly tonight. owo

29: who are you texting?

Sammy owo

30: think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?

probably?? lol what.

31: have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?

YES ACTUALLY D: idk if it happened any other time, but when we got into the car accident when I told our one friend we were joking about her coming up and hanging with us all my brain said was ‘You shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that.’ and again when we went out to the car and it was pretty heavy snow fall. I was like ‘I shouldn’t go.’ my problem with that one was I didn’t want to go, but I didn’t think ‘we shouldn’t go’. but... what can you do now?

32: do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?

um. i don’t think i have a super close opposite sex friend. closest would probably be @h0bsyrup

33: do you think anyone has feelings for you?

I’m sure Sammy does. >w> I’m not sure otherwise. My followers don’t tell me that stuff.

34: has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?

Yes omg. Sammy was staring me in the eyes the other day and was like ‘your eyes are pretty’ and i’m like ‘omfg shut up >//

35: say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?

if they’re not dating then she’s gonna punch their lights out, so i don’t have to worry.

36: were you single on valentines day?

November 24th, 2008 is when I started dating Sammy. You tell me.

37: are you friends with the last person you kissed?

... of course?? wtf is with these kiss questions.

38: what do your friends call you?

Kiki :D

39: has anyone upset you in the last week?

lil bit.

40: have you ever cried over a text?

Um... probably. I can’t remember.

41: where’s your last bruise located?

omg... um i guess undermy belly button is the latest bruise??? i have a lot atm from surgery and being motionless for four days!!

42: what is it from?

Sammy actually like harshly pushed on that area. like when you go to land somewhere with your full weight then you go ‘oh fuck’ yeah.

43: last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?

um... recently??? but i guess not as bad as with my mom.

44: who was the last person you were on the phone with?

Sammy owo

45: do you have a favourite pair of shoes?

Nah.

46: do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?

No.my hair style is like 99% bun.

47: would you ever go bald if it was the style?

i dont follow trends i set them.

48: do you make supper for your family?

not recently but i would for sammy and i usually

49: does your bedroom have a door?

i don’t have a “bedroom” atm e.e

50: top 3 web-pages?

tambo.c0m (tumblr), archiveofourown.org (ao3), youtube.com (the three i use the most anyway)

51: do you know anyone who hates shopping?

Sammy. xD at least food shopping.

52: does anything on your body hurt?

Abdomen. (:

53: are goodbyes hard for you?

it depends. if it’s unnecessary then prolly. if they’ve fucked me over idc. (i.e. my family trying to replace my mom’s abusiveness, fuck them.)

54: what was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?

prolly water owo

55: how is your hair?

it’s feeling fine, thank you for asking!

56: what do you usually do first in the morning?

it depends! if it’s my “morning” i wake up and usually bathroom.

57: do you think two people can last forever?

sure but it takes work. it’s not gonna be perfect 24/7 without communication or compromise.

58: think back to january 2007, were you single?

ye. omfg why would you give me nightmares. that’s when i started the rping side of myspce and met that douche wesley. his lying ass made me start self harming. fuck him.

59: green or purple grapes?

i don’t eat grapes .w.;;

60: when’s the next time you will give someone a big hug?

sometime in the future! prolly sammy!

61: do you wish you were somewhere else right now?

in an apartment. >w> or at the pompeii exhibit!!!

62: when will be the next time you text someone?

possibly today

63: where will you be 5 hours from now?

lying in bed. :D

64: what were you doing at 8 this morning.

struggling to be alive. (eating chocolate chip muffins)

65: this time last year, can you remember who you liked?

oh god. w8 no. i didn’t like anyone yet. that started like october or shit. ugh my ex. he became an ass. (aside from sammy obvs)

66: is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

sammy!!

67: did you kiss or hug anyone today?

um... i don’t think so. i think we were both too tired and stressed. we didn’t get into bed until like 1 and the shelter has us be out of beds by 8:30 x3x;

68: what was your last thought before you went to bed last night?

um... ‘i should go back to sleep’ after waking up a third time and distracting myself with the phone

69: have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?

yeah,but at least i tried.

70: how many windows are open on your computer?

it’s not *my* computer, so it doesn’t count! ;D (8 but im downloading music stfu)

71: how many fingers do you have?

i have 10. my one pinky counts as a half finger sometimes though. i broke it and bc i didnt have insurance i never went to a doctor to get it fully take care of so it healed up all wrong.

72: what is your ringtone?

default at the moment!

73: how old will you be in 5 months?

oh fuck i’ll be 24. man if you asked me that back in june i’d be like ‘still 23 (;’ but no. my bday is december

74: where is your mum right now?

She passed away. :/

75: why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?

I realize that as much as I wanted to believe it was love, it never fully blossomed into that until I was with Sammy. I don’t think I’ve truly ever gotten to love anyone else, but that’s okay.

76: have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?

of course owo sammy and i are hella gay don’t u know.

77: are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?

i believe so owo we just don’t talk as much bc im a lazy sack of shit.

78: do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?

fuck. i think i had a minor crush on some dude who also liked green day but never fuckin talked to me so i never bothered. that might’ve also technically been when i started liking wesley. does billie joe from green day count?

79: is there anyone you know with the name mike?

personally? uh.... i’m not totally sure o-o; fuck me man.

80: have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?

probably wait yes. sammy. spooning is our fave position.

81: how many people have you liked in the past three months?

e.e no one that wasn’t a celebrity.

82: has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?

no bc shelter e.e

83: will you talk to the person you like tonight?

:P i talk to them everyday.

84: you’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?

i wouldn’t get drunk! i wouldn’t scream at ppl! that’s rude! ppl usually can’t even hear you when you yell at the window! we hear ‘whoosh’ with your voice in the middle’

85: if your bf/gf was into drugs would you care?

i would be concerned since she’s said she doesn’t like them!!

86: what was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?

um... oh! a conversation started and a lil girl asked if we were in a certain theatre and I said ‘no we were in theatre blah’ so I asked what they went and saw. She said “Wonder Woman” “hey we just came out of that, too!” :P

87: who was your last received call from?

.3.; sammy

88: if someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?

i-i’m torn??? i needm oney but poor butter-san... ;____;

89: what is something you wish you had more of?

money. clothes maybe

90: have you ever trusted someone too much?

yeah. lmao.

91: do you sleep with your window open?

i usually do! esp in the winter/summer! need air and love cold!

92: do you get along with girls?

ye!

93: are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?

no. owo

94: does sex mean love?

no! sex is something that can bring someone closer, but it is not necessary for a relationship!

95: you’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?

>3>;;; again, no.

96: have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?

owo; indirectly. i shared a drink with someone who had one. xD

97: did you sleep alone this week?

not this week! :D last week. ;~; at the hospital.

98: everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?

yes. >3>

99: do you believe in love at first sight?

no!!! that’s not love!! you might end up loving them but you can’t love someone unless you know them!! :c otherwise it’ll lead to some bad decisions!! D:

100: who was the last person that you pinky promise?

OwO Sammy I think.

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