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piratekane · 1 year

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and now, the continuation of Hell's Kitchen forever roommates

“What if they don’t like me?”

Beatrice frowns and pauses for a moment on the sidewalk. Ava goes two steps past her before she stops and looks back, her own frown on her face.

Ava fills her confused silence. “Oh, god. They’re not going to like me.”

Beatrice sees a large group of students walking towards them and grabs for Ava instinctively, pulling her out of their orbit. It puts them on the road and into a small snowbank, but Beatrice can worry about the snow seeping in through the mesh of her sneakers another time, when Ava’s forehead isn’t pinched together in worry.

“Why wouldn’t they like you?”

She’s curious, because she’s not sure she’s met anyone who doesn’t like Ava. Granted, she’s known Ava for 3 weeks tomorrow - she’s hardly counting the days, she just had a substantial paper due that day and she had been treating herself to a macchiato with a double shot, just because, when Ava crash landed at her table - but in that time, she’s seen Ava meet at least two dozen people and every single one of them walked away with a smile on their face.

But the confident Ava she’s known over the last 3 weeks is not the girl in front of her, nervously bouncing onto the tips of her toes with an almost frenetic energy that Beatrice could reach out and wrap her hand around. She wonders what would happen if she did, if she reached out and put a hand on Ava’s shoulder. Her hands, now pushed deep into her pockets, flex at the idea.

They’re just… not those kinds of friends. Beatrice is not that kind of friend with anyone, really. Maybe Lilith, in their own way, after years growing up at the same political parties forcing each other into the other’s orbit. And Camila is tactile, but seems to understand that Beatrice needs her space, and she reserves hugs for extra special occasions, still not quantifiable to Beatrice on any level.

Ava squirms in front of her and Beatrice’s hand clenches into a fist so tightly that she can feel the pinch of her fingernails in the soft skin of her palm. The big clock tower in the center of the quad chimes once, twice, twelve times. Noon exactly.

“Well, for example, I’m making us late.” Ava points into the sky, presumably towards the clock tower. “And I forgot my hat. You know how much better I look in my hat.”

She doesn’t, because she’s never seen Ava in a hat before. But she understands the anxiety of meeting new people. So she smiles calmly and clenches and she takes a step closer to Ava. “We reviewed this, didn’t we?”

Ava’s head bobs up and down, face open. Beatrice likes this, that she can tell Ava is listening to her and taking in what she’s saying. “Yes.” Ava nods again. “We went over everyone already. You…” Ava’s mouth lifts in just one corner. “You were very thorough.”

She swallows a little tightly. “You wanted to be prepared.”

“I did. I do!” Ava sways forwards, hands outstretched as if she’s going to reach out and grab Beatrice, shake her into understanding that she means it. “I’m just… I’m nervous. I don’t meet new people all the time.”

Beatrice can’t stop the snort of surprise. It’s inelegant and loud and a trickle of embarrassment runs cold down her spine. She schools her face and lifts her chin into the air just a little. “Ava, I’ve seen you meet at least 10 new people this week alone.”

Ava opens her mouth and snaps it closed again. “Okay,” she finally says, stilling for a moment. “But those people didn’t matter. These people do.”

Yes, they do. They matter to Beatrice more than nearly anything else in her life. Her friends have become her family over the last few years. They’ve seen her at her worst, celebrated her best moments. Lilith is the one she calls on the days when her parents’ letters find their way into her mailbox. Camila is her self-appointed study buddy, keeping her from setting up camp in the library. Mary and Shannon keep her company on the nights when Beatrice feels like she just needs some quiet but doesn’t want to be alone.

She wasn’t aware she had made Ava feel the same way.

“They’re going to like you.” She says confidently, like she already knows.

It’s been 3 weeks and she already knows she likes Ava. Enough to share her favorite table in the student center. Enough to let her strict study time slip away without noticing. Enough to take Ava’s quiet admission of not knowing a lot of people and immediately telling this strange girl who appeared seemingly out of nowhere that she could meet her friends, if she wanted to.

Ava exhales loudly. “You’ll still like me, even if they don’t, right?” That nervous energy is back. Beatrice gets as far as letting her hand drop from her pocket, but it stays firmly against her side. “It won’t change your mind?”

She can’t possibly know that. Her friends are good judges of character. They immediately saw that Lucia was going to be a problem, even though Beatrice hadn’t thought so. And they were right. If something was wrong with Ava, they’d tell her.

The problem is that, even if they did find something wrong with her, she’s not sure she’d want to know.

So she says, “I’ll still like you,” with her full chest and it seems to soothe some of Ava’s nerves. She settles a little, body coming to a resting state and her shoulders rolling back. She smiles and it seems strong, steady. The crowd passes them on the sidewalk and Beatrice steps back onto it, waiting for Ava to slide in alongside her. Their shoulders bump, their elbows brush.

“I’m going to knock this out of the park,” Ava says, a sudden gust of confidence in her words. “You know that?”

Beatrice doesn’t know, but she believes her. The cold winter air bites at her cheeks and she ducks her head against a slight breeze but Ava turns her face into it, eyes closed slightly and a small smile on her face. Beatrice watches her for a moment. She’s so… free. It’s one of the first things Beatrice noticed about her - how unburdened she seemed to be.

They’re slipping into the student center before she knows it and she soaks in the warmth, unbuttoning her thick winter coat. Ava is back to bouncing again, each step pushing her up into the air a little bit. Beatrice heads towards the small section of tables near the entrance to the science building where she knows her friends are waiting for her.

They’re not those kinds of friends, but Ava reaches out and grabs her arm, squeezing tightly. “This is going to be great.” Beatrice knows she’s saying it more for her own benefit than Beatrice’s so she smiles and nods in agreement, arm burning through the thick wool of her coat where Ava’s hand is wrapped around it.

Ava doesn’t let go and walks at an odd angle, half-dragging Beatrice beside her.

Mary spots them first. Beatrice prides herself on knowing her friends and she can tell Mary is surprised. At Ava or the fact that she’s pulling Beatrice behind her like the wake of a speedboat, she’s not sure. But Beatrice gives nothing away, not challenging the look on Mary’s face as it goes from surprise to curiosity. Mary smacks Shannon in the shoulder lightly, nodding towards their strange approach. Lilith looks up from her phone, eyes narrowing in on Ava and Beatrice sends up a silent prayer that Lilith’s bark is worse than her bite today. Camila turns, face brightening.

“Beatrice!”

Beatrice smiles fondly and she feels Ava looking at her, mirroring her. Ava drags her the last few feet and comes to a stop just outside of the small circle the others have created.

“Hi!” She grins, eyes moving from person to person. “I’m Ava.”

Camila and Shannon smile. Mary nods again, a silent greeting. Lilith stands, spine perfectly straight, and stares down at Ava. Ava, to her credit and Beatrice’s amusement, just smiles a little wider.

“You’re Lilith,” she guesses.

Lilith’s eyes cut to Beatrice. “What gave that away?”

“Beatrice won’t shut up about your smile.”

Mary snorts, not bothering to cover the sound. Camila hides her smile. Lilith continues to look Ava over with narrowed eyes before her chin tips almost imperceptibly - a silent fine, she can stay. Beatrice feels a rush of relief settle in her stomach that surprises her. She didn’t know she cared so much about Lilith’s opinion.

“I’m Camila.” Camila sticks her hand out and Ava finally lets go of Beatrice’s arm, looking curiously at it before shaking it. “Beatrice won’t stop talking about you.”

“That’s not true,” she says at the same time as Ava turns to her and says, “I knew it.”

Beatrice shakes her head. “You knew nothing. Maybe I’m not saying anything nice.”

Ava pushes her hand into her pocket and rocks to one side, shoulder knocking into Beatrice. “Oh, come on. I’m pretty great. You can admit that. You don’t have to show off for your friends.”

“Yeah, Beatrice,” Mary drawls. “Don’t show off for us.”

“Mary,” Ava says. Her eyes are bright. “Beatrice says a lot about you.”

“Oh, so she’s saying things about us.” Mary crosses her arms over her chest, eyebrow raised in challenge. “What’s she saying?”

“She’s saying-” Ava’s eyes cut to her and then she slams her mouth shut, miming pulling a zipper across her lips. Her shoulder bumps Beatrice’s again as she shakes with a silent, unexplained laugh.

A curious feeling comes over Beatrice. It almost feels like fondness. Which can’t be true, of course. Because she’s known Ava for 3 weeks tomorrow and that’s certainly not enough time to be… enamored by someone. She’s known her barista longer than that and has nothing but passing gratitude for her and the extra shot she sometimes surprises Beatrice with. She’s known her advisor since freshman year and she’s only ever felt appreciation for him.

Fondness is something reserved for her friends, not someone so new like Ava.

“Nothing but nice things,” she finally says.

“Well, we’ve heard nothing but the same about you,” Camila fills in. She loops her arm through Ava’s, pulling her closer to the couch she’d abandoned a moment ago. Ava looks back at Beatrice over her shoulder before sitting down next to Camila. “So, tell me about yourself. Beatrice says you’re a freshman.”

Mary sidles up next to her, her shoulder replacing the feeling of Ava’s. “She seems… excitable. Is she.. Is she wiggling?”

Beatrice looks. Yes, Ava is moving animatedly, hands moving in wild circles as she tells Camila and Shannon something and Lilith looks on with mild disapproval. She smiles. She knew Camila would immediately pull Ava into a conversation where she could… Well, Beatrice can admit to herself that Ava is charming. And that charm seems to extend to everyone, Beatrice included.

“Beatrice nearly caught bedbugs from her freshman year roommate,” Shannon is telling her now. “What was her name again? Crimson?”

Ava’s nose wrinkles. “That’s a name?” She shrugs it off. “My roommate isn’t bad. Chanel is definitely cooler than me. She goes to all the campus parties. But she’s moving out at the end of the semester and I’m going to get stuck with someone new.” She pouts, bottom lip pushed out dramatically. “I don’t want to live there anymore.”

“Beatrice has a spare room opening up. Don’t you, Beatrice?” Camila looks at her over Ava’s head and Beatrice does an admirable job of keeping her face neutral. Ava is still, effectively, a stranger. And Beatrice knows well enough that you don’t invite a stranger to move in with you. Though, she supposes that freshmen do, in fact, move in with strangers. Still. Beatrice won’t do it. Camila is still smiling. “You guys should talk about it.”

Mary must feel the way she’s suddenly pulled rigid. Because that shoulder presses warmly against her and Mary sucks her teeth for a second before she leans forward and exhales. Beatrice braces herself. Mary looks like a father ready to interrogate the boy picking up her daughter for the night. Beatrice’s forehead wrinkles at the thought as it comes on suddenly. What a strange thing to think.

“So, Ava. Any extracurriculars? What do you do on the weekends? Any criminal history we need to know about?”

Ava, to her credit, places her hands on her knees and straightens up higher than Beatrice has seen her so far - 3 weeks tomorrow, she thinks. Not a lifetime - as she thinks of her answers. “No criminal history, yet. Though Chanel has informed me that I’ve committed many crimes against fashion. I don’t think she appreciates my minion pajamas, though. She should. They’re the most comfortable thing besides not wearing pants.” She purses her lips. “As for extracurriculars… none yet. Though, there’s a rock climbing place nearby that the intramural team goes to sometimes! One of the guys in my math class told me about it.”

Camila immediately pouts. “I want to go to the rock climbing place.”

“We should!” Ava looks around, excitement effusing from her. “We could do that. I think they do group discounts.”

“Someone won’t do it with us,” Camila continues, pointedly not looking at her.

Ava looks at each of their faces before her eyes settle on Beatrice. “You don’t want to go rock climbing? Why not?”

Beatrice has a myriad of reasons: the chalk is is supposedly notoriously difficult to get out of clothes, the place seems to be crowded with college students and little kids at birthday parties, the workers there are college students and she wouldn’t trust them to hold open a door let alone keep her suspended above the ground. And most importantly, a thought she keeps to herself: she’s not sure she’ll be good at it.

Then Ava does something Beatrice knows is going to be ruinous. She turns her whole body towards Beatrice, that same open look on her face, head tipped to one side as a slight smile starts to build in the corner of her mouth. “I think you should try it. And I think you should try it with me.”

All of the reasons, carefully crafted into an argument she used with Mary and Camila and Shannon and Lilith, evaporate. They disappear into Ava’s hopeful smile. Every part of her that rebelled against the idea, that kept her refusal steadfast, is gone in the instant that Ava nods encouragingly.

“Okay,” she hears herself say.

Though, it can’t actually be her, Because she said no to this the last three times she was asked about it. But it is her. Camila lets out a small excited cheer, Shannon smiles, Lilith’s face flickers in approval, Mary stares at her openly, and Ava beams.

“Rock climbing!” Ava looks around excitedly. “You guys must not have tried hard to change her mind very hard.” They’re not those kinds of friends but Ava reaches over and grabs Beatrice’s hand, squeezing it tightly. “That was so easy,” she laughs.

Mary is still staring at her. She feels it against the side of her face and she refuses to turn towards her. She lifts her chin into the air slightly, pointedly, and does a good job pretending all of her attention is on Ava asking Camila about the right kind of shoes and whether or not she'll be able to climb without a harness. They’re tight, she’s saying.

Mary bumps into her again and she finally has to look. “That was so easy.” She mimics Ava quietly enough that no one hears them. “Tell me, Beatrice. Did we not try hard enough?” There’s a smirk growing on her face, a telltale sign that Mary knows the answer to her own question.

So Beatrice doesn’t bother offering a different one.

“I like her,” Mary says after another minute of stretched out silence. “I think she’s going to be good for you.”

Beatrice frowns. “Good for me?” She shakes her head. “I don’t think so. I think she’s going to be a terrible influence.”

Mary sneaks a hand to her elbow. “I think maybe you need that every once in a while. Makes you a little more human.” She squeezes Beatrice’s arm, taking the sting out of the words. “Better stop her before Camila ropes her into something though. Because the two of them seem dangerous together.” Mary slips away, back to Shannon’s side.

Beatrice watches Ava, still animated, going on too quickly for Beatrice to tune into and keep up with. Even Lilith looks less disgruntled than usual, a rare flicker of a smile on her face so briefly that Beatrice could have possibly imagined it. She thinks of Ava’s question, so foolishly asked. What if they don’t like me?

Another thought worms its way inside her brain. What if they like her too much?

What if I like her too much?

But Ava looks back at her and smiles and Beatrice just simply tucks that thought away for later. Apparently, she’s going rock climbing.

#warrior nun #avatrice #ava silva #sister beatrice #everyone say thank you kay thank you kay #she's asking Questions and i'm writing 2k responses #forever roommates #it was a snow day today!#and this was the most productive i was #now to bury my head in the sand

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dyke-is-gender · 2 years

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I wanted to make a post with some links to explain why afforestation (planting trees to stop desertification; the change of environments into deserts) is not always the best approach to take.

So lately on social media there's been a lot of misinformation of like tree planting = always good. But the problem with this approach/view is it gives companies and governments the excuse to use forest monocultures (millions of one or few tree species) to fund logging industries instead of taking the time to develop an ecosystem of native plants.

(Link to real life example:)

youtube

Ecosystems undergo ecological succession where bare land is converted to ecologically productive (lots of different organisms with different roles in the ecosystem, nutritious soil) and biodiverse (lots of different species) land. It also takes a long time for this to happen.

See these:

youtube

Here's some links a video explaining why just planting trees ultimately doesn't work in the long term if done wrong:

youtube

And here's some links to videos explaining how it can be done right when we actually look at the evolutionary history of the ecosystem and ecology of it and restore it using native species and less rigid attitudes.

youtube

Habitat restoration is a HUGE branch of conservation biology and is constantly causing disagreements in scientific communities because its a new science and there are so many different branches of biology (e.g. ecology, evolutionary history and ecology, geology, etc) we need to consider and so many old attitudes that need revising in some conservation techniques.

This is only a guide to trees alone in habitat conservation as well, there are so many different habitats other than forest that need to be conserved as well as forests, particularly wetlands which are so abundant in biodiversity and ecosystem services (things ecosystems can do for the world essentially, unfortunately the focus in research can be on what ecosystems can do for us).

I've also not looked much at how this has been done outside of official organisations and I wanna look more at conservation projects ran illegally but I'm bad at finding information lol

#wow i expressed an opinion online without panicking #now to bury my head in the sand if i get criticised #ecology #trees #tree ecology #conservation biology #habitat restoration #rewilding #wildlife #tree conservation #evolutionary ecology #mosscore #forestcore #forests #Youtube

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il-predestinato · 2 months

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This is going to be a very controversial take. To everyone saying they would prefer for the drivers to speak up about sexual harassment - while I agree in general it would be good for anyone to speak up about it, in this particular situation I don't expect them to, and I don't think any of the drivers are in the wrong for not speaking up about it.

If this was a clear and cut SA case, then yes, I would expect them to speak out about it more.

However, firstly, there has been no clear resolution yet and we can see this SA case has been turned into a power struggle at RBR. Any of the drivers speaking out to defend the accuser are therefore implying that Horner is guilty of SA will show as them taking a stance on the issue and being on Helmut and Jos' side of wanting Horner out. You may say 'oh they're not commenting on RBR, they're not taking Helmut/Jos' side, they're just defending the victim'

Like it or not, the victim, though she had to go through an awful situation, is being used as a pawn in this power struggle. No one can speak about purely the harassment allegations without indirectly implying their stance in the other stuff happening at RBR.

Is it terrible for the victim? Abso-fucking-lutely. But unfortunately they have militarized this situation.

So no, I don't expect the other drivers to say anything. I would be shocked if anyone did. If anyone did say anything, their words would be twisted.

I am not defending those who are saying it is 'just noise'. But any 'no comment' response or changing the subject or avoiding answering - I don't blame them for doing that and I think that's valid.

no one is demanding the drivers open themselves up to lawsuits and start making accusations, but it’s really not that hard to say “i cannot legally comment on an internal investigation, but i support transparency, fairness, and workplace safety for everyone in f1.”

#like it or not you guys ARE the face of this sport and this ‘DRAMA’ is what the whole world is watching right now #do your pr trained asses really think burying your head in the sand is the best response right now?#and yes that includes my faves #looking at you charles and max #just bc you didn’t win dumbest comment of the week doesn’t mean you did the bare minimum #elle.ask #anon #f1

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proudfreakmetarusonniku · 2 months

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like actually because this is something I’ve noticed and it’s concerning me:

there’s a level of paranoia going around about CCs that I’ve noticed that seems genuinely fucking unhealthy. obviously do not put people on pedestals but also like. you absolutely should not assume all CCs are hiding being a fucking abuser or a groomer that is genuinely unhealthy levels of paranoia. the victim in this case Is A CC and it’s disrespectful to her if nothing else.

there is a baseline level of trust that is healthy to show CCs and complete strangers, and that’s basic good faith trust that someone’s going to be a decent human being. obviously, the second someone violates that trust, you shouldn’t continue doing that, if you feel ever weird and in danger trust that feeling, but if you go around treating everyone with zero trust at all you’ll never form bonds, and those are important. including parasocial bonds! those are a normal and healthy part of human life people have had for millennia, they can be unhealthy but simply feeling parasocial attachment is a normal part of being a human you shouldn’t feel like is a dangerous amount of trust to put into absolutely anyone.

because… you have to realise, this is not a mcyt problem. not entirely. this is how humans are. humans in any community, humans you are friends with. there are shitty people out there, but letting that make you have no trust in anyone isn’t a healthy coping mechanism- its trauma. automatically assuming strangers are dangerous and seeing the worst in them is a trauma response. and like. i don’t like seeing people encouraging that as a healthy way to watch streamers? like, don’t be a fucking shooter for any cc, but at that level of paranoia where you take everything stated in the worst light possible is unhealthy, and i mean this as genuinely as possible. this isn’t saying to ignore red flags and people genuinely being awful, not at all, but if you're assuming there’s always going to be a red flag when you turn the corner then very gently- that's trauma. those are called emotional flashbacks. i get those too, they suck. but being on constant vigilance isn’t healthy. take a deep breath. get a drink of water. make whatever decision you think is right, but if you're feeling paranoid and angry and alone, all the time, that genuinely isn’t mentally healthy please do some research into cptsd and ptsd

#like I mean this as kindly as possible #But like guys so many of your posts sound like my exact thought process when I’m having flashbacks #and that’s understandable! I’m having them now lol #but like. please don’t paint trauma as healthy it doesn’t help protect you because if you’re always treating everyone like a threat you won #notice the actual threats #if you treat every weed as a snake you won’t see the viper in time. okay?#and don’t go the other direction and bury your head in the sand. but being constantly on edge only hurts yourself. genuinely.#this is something I had to learn and it sucks but you have to.

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chibi-scone · 1 month

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It’s been said before and the fact that I’m an Izzy simp aside like having a character who survives the most certain death shit ever (shooting himself in the head at point blank) and literally being nicknamed by another character “indestructible” and then become a symbol of protection for a whole group of people die from a fucking bullet to the side that was established in universe to have no vital organs in order to “atone for his sins” or however you wanna spin it and have him say he wants to go after (see point one) literally trying to kill himself in the show that is literally about growth and betterment of the self in a cruel world that wants you dead and where the main (and mostly queer) characters survive the most batshit insane injuries is like COSMICALLY stupid writing like I don’t even understand how you get there and the fact that it’s supposed to be a kind/ happy/meaningful ending is beyond me

#and Izzy’s whole speech to Ricky before that could be interpreted as what like #being about even if you kill and try to eradicate queer people we’ll always be here #and then have RICKY deal the killing blow ????#wahhhh it’s symbolic #ok it would’ve been more symbolic to have the fucking queer character live like idc you’re all stupid god bless #ofmd critical #tbd #maybe #oh and then I mean not even talking about how it’s supposedly all good #because the main gays who had borderline no redeeming qualities this season had their picket fence ending #literally what’s the point of having Ed come back from the dead #so he can learn that death is not the answer and that there’s love and betterment for him #and have that whole scene with Jim and Archie where they refuse to kill one another because there’s more to life than the cards #they’ve been dealt and they can be the difference #JUST TO HAVE THAT ENDING #my god I just #sorry if you guys are sick of me ranting about ofmd like 5 months after the shit show supreme #but these are like all thoughts that I’ve just had in my head for months but tried to forget #and now they’re just spilling out like idc anymore #ppl have made so many good posts that all say what I think but ig I still need to rant myself jvhsjnv #how long can your neck be for it to allow you to bury your head so deep in the sand #where you truly believe this is good writing idk #side note but gifs of cats randomly blowing up are my favourites #‘Izzy bettered himself before dying so it’s aaaallll good’ hits you hits you #stupid ass shit argument but also that was across maybe a week and dude was piss drunk dissociative half the time

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midnight-moth · 4 months

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Hey love, as your local chronically I'll person around with a lot of those same issues you may want to look into some autoimmune issues and see if any of those could be causing your other issues. The medical system is shit but I wish you all the luck for your future and hope that your health gets better or you at least get answers. If you have questions about auto immune issues feel free to reply and ask any. You're never alone, were all here to support you <3

Thank you, I really appreciate it 🖤

I’m generally worried that unless it’s obvious my doctor won’t bother trying to figure it out. Like my blood pressure was high at urgent care and then high at her office. But she insists it was normal. Even though everything I read said stage two hypertension. This is just one of the many things I find her that she completely brushed off.

Sorry … I’m rambling. I’m just at a loss. People have told me to advocate for myself and I’m trying. But I am fucking tired.

I honestly don’t know if I’ll get any answers until I find a new doctor.

I only know of a few autoimmune diseases and none of them really seem to match any of my symptoms. But if you have any ideas I’m all ears.

Maybe one that includes disordered sleep since I keep waking up over and over until I just can’t sleep.

Okay I’m sorry I am still ranting. I’m just frustrated. I really appreciate your support. I definitely feel very alone right now.

#cw rant #I feel really bad that I just keep coming here to rant #I started this blog to bury my head in the sand of fandom stuff #it’s supposed to be an escape #I’m sure thats what other people want as well #I know we aren’t one dimensional content machines #and I know some very kind people here care about me #but I am afraid if I keep doing this it will absolutely push people away #I mean it already has I think #either because I’ve stopped writing or because of all the personal stuff #people don’t interact the way they used to #and I don’t mean it to sound greedy #I just feel really guilty if my negativity is affecting others to the point that they don’t want to engage with me #I keep saying this but maybe I should just take a big social media break #it’s pathetic but that scares me since most of my friendships happen to be LDR ones now #I just dint want to be the eeyore of ghost tumblr #I know I’m being embarassing ugh

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goldiipond · 1 year

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AAAA tell me about your post canon raydon hcs!! if you please!!

answering this a few days late bc my brain is full of bees but AWWWWW HELL YAH THANK YOU!! THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME so!!

fair warning this is really long. i don't know how this happened. what. <3

i like to think they start dating probably a few months after getting to the human world. they had developed romantic feelings for each other a while before that (likely sometime during the vol12 timeskip because they had a lot of time to grow closer while traveling <3) but it took them both a bit to realize those feelings especially due to being a bit preoccupied with. all the problems <3 they were obviously still really close and important to each other regardless

ray was probably the first to realize the way he loved don was different from the way he loved everyone else. he probably didn't really think much about the way he got butterflies whenever he was near don until he took a moment to be like oh. fuck. a more funny alternative to this is him offhandedly mentioning the way don makes him feel to emma and norman (i am looking away from emmas memory loss i do not see it <3) n being like 'yeah that's weird huh. anyway' and they just sit there like. i know what you are

it's not that don is oblivious, at least not to his own feelings. i think it might take him a bit longer to realize his feelings for ray because he's just. always allowed himself to love everyone so much more openly and freely than ray has. don has soo much love that he is constantly giving to others that he doesn't really. see his constant desire to be near ray as anything unusual for a while. he does notice how uncharacteristically shy he gets around ray, and his thought process was probably a gradual shift from 'well i didn't really get to have a bond with ray like everyone else growing up so i don't really know what he's okay with' to 'well of course i'm nervous. ray's so cool and smart and amazing so anyone would be nervous. this is true' he's a dork but he does figure it out eventually <3

after getting to the human world they naturally start hanging out with each other a lot more. once they both have some idea of their own feelings they take every chance they can to hang out together because being around each other just feels so nice. they're very sweet <3

i talked abt this in the tags of the post that prompted this ask hsfgfg but its really sweet to me so!! i think after ray's reaction to the hug in chapter 148 don makes sure to be more aware of and respectful of ray's boundaries regarding physical touch. he tries to make his intentions clear before hugging him and give ray a chance to say no if he doesn't want to be touched at the moment. the sheer amount of affection don had to give was really overwhelming for ray at first, but as they hang out more he slowly becomes more comfortable with don's touch and eventually builds up the confidence to start initiating contact himself as well <3

adding on to that last sentence, don has no idea how to react to this at first. he is so much more used to giving others affection than receiving it that when ray holds his hand for the first time his brain just factory resets. it's not like he's not used to receiving affection at all, but he's just. a very affectionate person so when someone, especially ray, initiates instead he just gets super emotional <3 it is not hard to make don emotional and ray is at least partially responsible for 3 separate instances of don crying happy tears in the manga so. he just loves him very much ok

don would probably be the one to confess his feelings! it was something he spent days hyping himself up for and then finally did on one of their hangouts. i can imagine don stumbling over his words even though he rehearsed them several times and ray doesn't know what he's talking about and he's trying not to laugh because man he's just so cute. and then don takes a breath and just gently takes ray's hands and says 'i like you, ray. i've liked you for a really long time.' and ray is just so taken aback he's just. absolutely speechless. and don asks if he'd like to go on a date sometime and ray just loses his composure completely and starts crying and all he can manage is a shaky 'yeah...' and don is a little shocked because its so rare to see ray cry like this but then he's just so overjoyed he hugs ray as tightly as he can and they both start laughing and AAAUGH. sorry what. my demons

it might take them a little bit after they first start dating to really 'act' like a couple? they're both new to the concept of dating as a whole and have no idea what they're doing but i don't think it'd take too long for them to sort of go back to the level of comfort and familiarity they had before. ray has some lingering feelings of self-doubt over whether he really 'deserves' someone as amazing as don but being around him just feels so right and don's affection is typically enough to reassure him at least a little. if he ever voiced these feelings to don i think don would go off on a massive tangent about everything he loves about ray and how he means the world to him and probably get a little too emotional and ray wouldn't really know how to react but he would be touched to say the least and he'd probably think about don's words a lot for. a very long time

while a lot of don's poor self-esteem is resolved over the course of the series, i think he might still experience some self-doubt on rare occasions as well, and he might have trouble opening up to ray about his problems at first. don has always been very open about his emotions, but when it comes to ray he knows all the shit he's been through and his own issues might seem. silly when compared to ray's? he isn't afraid ray would judge him, but he also doesn't really feel like he's 'justified' in causing ray to worry about him when he's been through so much already. but at this point ray knows don well enough to sense something is wrong and when he gets don to eventually tell him this he just explains that he never wants don to feel like his needs aren't as important as his own, and that he wants to be there for don the same way don's always there for him. then he pulls him close and softly says 'tell me what's wrong, don.' and don just breaks and ray just holds him and lets him get it out and its just. very very sweet jdastsadgdsghgdfggfdfghjg. i;m unwell

plagiarizing my tags from my most recent art of them but their first real kiss was initiated by ray! theyre probably cuddling a bit and just talking about whatever and he doesn't really realize what he's doing until he has don's face cupped in his hands and suddenly his heart is pounding and his hands are shaking and he can't even make eye contact and he just says really quietly, 'can i kiss you?' and don is so absolutely awestruck that all he can manage to do is pull ray closer and nod and its just so. it's about the little burst of confidence after a childhood of self-loathing its about the soft tenderness they both deserve so so much it's about [stares into the ocean

OKAY those were long (<- unwell) time for some more general hcs [strikes a pose]

ray is gay and don is bi! don's line about wanting to date a cute girl in s1 plays and then ray walks into the frame and don's like oh. a cute boy is also good

they're also t4t because all of my ships are t4t. you understand

while i mentioned him being more mindful of ray's boundaries, don is just soo physically affectionate that he doesn't even realize he's doing it sometimes and it makes ray's head spin. i can imagine them walking together and don just sort of grabbing ray's hand without really thinking about it and it taking him a good moment to notice 'hey ray's face looks a lot redder than usual wonder what's up with that' and then taking just a bit longer before being like OH. fool <3

MORE PHYSICAL AFFECTION YAYY anyway ithink they cuddle a lot. ray is 'i need to be swaddled and snug at all times' autism and don is 'if im not constantly holding or snuggling something i'll die' autism and thats why they are the perfect couple

once they do get more comfortable being a couple i think cheek kisses become a very common occurrence among the usual affection, especially from don. they both get flustered pretty easily, but when don kisses ray's cheek he just melts. this also creates a scenario where if don's on ray’s left he'll push ray's fringe to the side so he can kiss him. don did this once and whispered 'my emo boy <3' and ray almost died of laughter

adding onto that last scenario, don likes to think of the most unbearably cheesy pet names specifically to get ray's reaction. if it came to serious ones though i don't think don would use them that often if at all because he just really loves ray's name <3 ray lovingly calls don a dork all the time though

don really likes playing with ray's hair. goes with my hc that ray grows his hair out a bit and his hair is also probably really soft and don loves it. the feeling of don running his fingers through his hair is really calming and comforting to ray and don's probably the only one who could get away with touching it for any extended period of time

they have movie nights with emma, norman and gilda (because im weak for the 'group of best friends ends up living together' trope) and they all usually end up falling asleep in a big pile on the couch. ray usually snuggles up against don and ends up using him as a pillow <3

speaking of friends i have a really funny hc where it was very very common for ray to playfully tease norman when he had a crush on emma, so once he notices how hopelessly smitten ray is with don, norman is an absolute menace. they are the besties ever to me

don absolutely adores ray's singing. ray hums to himself while cooking and don will just come up behind him and wrap his arms around him and just listen to his voice, and sometimes he'll ask ray to sing for him and listen with this look of just. pure adoration <3 ray's not that confident in his singing and i think it's something that's very personal to him as he really only did it as a coping mechanism growing up, but seeing the way don lights up when he sings is really really special to him and i think it'd get him to appreciate his own voice more as well <3

on the other hand ray really loves don's laugh. it's just very loud and unrestrained and genuine like everything else don does and ray's heart absolutely melts when he hears it. ray will find any excuse to make don laugh <3

ray has come a long way with his healing in the years since the gracefield escape, but he still has lasting scars from that trauma that will never fully go away and don will drop everything to comfort him through his more emotional moments and the rare panic attack. it means a lot to ray that he's finally able to cry freely and openly and don will hold him as tight as he can and run his fingers through his hair and listen to him for as long as he needs. im very emotionally stable about this incase you were wondering

ray is a serial clothing thief. don's sweaters just feel warmer somehow <3 ray will walk into the room in the morning wearing a pink t-shirt with a bunny on it and the others instantly know it's not his HDSFG

don canonically gets warm really easily so i think if they were somewhere outdoors and ray got cold don would give him his jacket without question. ray felt bad leaving don without anything to keep himself warm and knew don wouldn't take no for an answer so he settled on giving don his scarf as a compromise. don got really really emotional over ray offering him such an important comfort item and tried to decline but ray also wouldnt take no for an answer so he ended up accepting it <3 it meant a lot to both of them

don is prone to going on long enthusiastic rants when he’s excited about something and his joy is so contagious for ray he just can't help but smile and laugh along with him. he can absolutely talk ray's ears off and ray adores every word and sometimes they might even start happy stimming together <3 autistic love its everything to me. you understand

OKAYTHATS. ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT FOR NOW <3<3<3 i definitely have more but i'd have to dig for them and i feel this post is really long so <3 but yeah they mean a lot to me. here's a kinda old little doodle i'm still really fond of as prize for reading this ridiculously self-indulgent rant

#skye's ramblings #HI ASH I OWE YOU MY LIFE FOR GIVING ME AN EXCUSE TO BE INSANE ABOUT THEM AUGH <3 #this is soooooo sappy and honestly kinda embarrassing but i spent too long on it and i need to be more confident so. launches this at yoy #it may seem like i just recently thought this ship up because theyre my faves and i only started posting abt shipping them recently but #well. according to phone gallery my first raydon doodle is from march last year so. ive been unwell abt them for even longer than i thought #IT WAS JUST. a leetle embarassing being like the only one who ships them despite their closeness in canon soi just. didnt post abt it <3 #what ever im proud to be number 1 raydon truther <3 they just mean the world to me both separately and together. holds them in my hands #EXPLOSION. anyway #raydon #tpn #might actually maintag this later just bc i spent a long time typing it out but im shy right now <3 buries my head in the sand #amantesmortem #shrimps squad

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kiriona-apologist · 1 year

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i am my own biggest obstacle in literally fucking everything

#slamming my head against the wall #the pretty girl i cannot speak to literally offered to give me poetry recs if i need inspiration #AND I SAID NO #bc my autistic ass was like “i've got plenty but the offer is appreciated” but now i know she probably wanted my number #god fucking dammit #i'm burying myself in sand and suffering to the end of time #legit gonna cry why am i so bad at this why can't i hold a normal converation

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neonganymede · 1 year

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You ever do something horribly anxiety-inducing and then scream fuck so loud that you wake up your poor cats? Or is that just a me thing?

#fuck fuck fuck fuck #indulged in the horrors (messaged somebody I've never spoken to)#so now I'm going to go bury my head in the sand (hope they don't notice)#which is an actual possibility for me because all florida has is sand. no dirt. only sand. fucking gross.#i'm sure this is fine. i don't need to go into witness protection or anything

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pageburn · 9 months

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that crushing realisation after writing something where ur like Oh…… I Have Fucked Up

#i can’t explain it it’s just like #my brain thought up a very succinct critique of everything i jusy wrote and now i want to bury my head in the sand #does this even make sense #writeblr

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lanternmice · 11 months

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you clearly love them a lot and i am So curious what ur thoughts on seven red suns as a character are. theyre.. kinda mean from what uve seen, but you probably have some great insights!! if this means gushing about your f/o instead of serious analysis i am also in 100% support of that gbjhf

WUAGHHHHH I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN I LIKE THEM SOOOO MUCH i really really want to talk about General interpretations but it's hard because of how obviously biased i am. but. Augh. this is so nothing but it got long and i'm embarrassed so woe read more be upon ye

i gotta start by mentioning that faelings original design & concept for suns (and spearmaster by extension) is sooo important to me and a lot of my personal interp comes from that, comics like this (link to the official discord btw) that they made for example! and though it has arguably less to do with suns, the 1.5 drought mod also has a special place in my heart but if i get too into that i'll start screaming and crying about it. just know that wanderer is so special to me and suns has two kitty cats that they love so much ok?🫶

anyways. i think because of the fact they aren't fleshed out much in canon aside from the spearmaster broadcasts there's a lot left up for the player to decide, which honestly is really fun to me and i genuinely love seeing other peoples interpretations!! but personally because you mentioned it and because i feel kinda strongly about this in particular, i wanna say that i don't think suns is mean, i think they definitely have the potential to be overprotective and intimidating, but it'd almost always be out of love. one thing the broadcasts ARE good at showing is just how much they care about basically everybody around them, even if they're a little.. dense about some things. they way they talk in the chat logs with nsh, about their guilt over pebbles' situation and trying to make up for it even though pebbles clearly doesn't want their help, about dooming not only pebbles but moon as well (who as far as canon text goes, they don't seem to have ever personally talked to moon at all imo). and when nsh stops messaging them, or becomes increasingly worried about moon, they get visibly concerned about his wellbeing as well and does their best to console him. my favourite broadcasts are the ones about their gradual realization that maaaaybe they care about spearmaster a little more than they originally intended to. they raised spearmaster, going as far as to teach it a personally modified sign language rather than a quick and easy one-way mark of communication like most iterators would do. the chat logs after spearmaster encounters pebbles and how worried suns was for it, about how they regret ever sending them to pebbles in the first place, and that they just wished it'd return home to them safely. there's also the fact that they kept an eye on spearmaster with their overseer basically 24/7, to the point that even pebbles knew that suns was watching. overseers can act on their own, we know that from what we see in canon, but pebbles knew that suns was actively watching when spearmaster entered his can. which. god this wasn't supposed to be about pebbles but pebbles not killing spearmaster is something that's so important to me because he so easily could have killed them and there was no reason for him not to. but despite how hurt he was and how wronged he felt, he knew that it would have ruined suns so he held himself back and it's so AAUUGHHHHHH!!!!!!! i love them all so much. this is barely even about suns anymore sorry i didn't mean to type so much about spearmaster i just love their campaign so much. don't even get me started on the thought of ascending as spearmaster that shit will make me start killing people i actually was going to talk about headcanon stuff too (mostly stuff from before the global ascension/after riv) but. i started thinking too hard about suns and pebbles and spearmaster and wanderer and and and. Well sorry but i fear that if i think about rain world any more today i may end up on national television. so maybe another day

#mhmnwwmewbmwh ebmenwm ebebjehwjelwkhe a #NOBODY READ THIS I'M SERIOUS the more i started typing the more embarrassed i got but. euugghhhhh. ilike them so much #it felt kinda silly breaking stuff up into paragraphs like i was typing something important but i didn't want it to be a wall of text #i need paragraphs to stop being so long. it's embarrassing #anyways i almost never talk about my personal rw interpretations bc i get shy about it but. augh. eerie convinced me to answer this🥹#it's nothing special really they just mean a lot to me especially their relationship with spearmaster. oh my god what if there was a family #that's why this mostly ended up being about them and spearmaster. In the end it's always about their kitty cats #it's not even an analysis. i just started reading the broadcasts and went AUGUHHHHHHH #what if suns was sooooo dense but they loved and cared about everybody so much. But oh my god they're kind of really dumb #and remembering faelings original design... i honestly really dislike how msc massacred suns design but i don't like to be a downer about i #it just means i get to see sooooo many cool fan designs instead so❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#this post wasn't about designs as much as it was about them as a character but i think we alllllll know my favourite suns designs🫶#btw if you're curious about the hc stuff well. a lot of the past suns hcs i have are shkikas fault honestly #i never really thought about suns before the ancients ascended but ummmmm. hehe.#i like kikis interpretation of past suns relationship with the ancients in their city so much. so go look at their comics ok? for me #also while typing this i realized just how many typos there are on the broadcasts dialogue wiki. i could fix her💔#WAAAUGHHHHHHHHHHH ok nobody look. nobody look at me i don't like talking i'm scared #runs away crying #everybody pretend i don't exist i need to go bury my head in the sand now

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