#oh and also the kiwi becomes a family heirloom :)

[fanaticalthings]

Bruce Wayne at WE meetings except every 5 minutes a random Batkid crashes the meeting just to pester Bruce with the most unnecessary stuff.

Bruce, in front of multiple top tier investors: So you'll see the uptick in our city's-

[Dick barging in and dramatically throwing himself over one of the chairs]: OK, so turns out that hoodie you said that I lost 5 years ago was actually stolen by JASON. What do you have to say for yourself?

Bruce, clearly annoyed: Dick, why-

Dick: YOU SAID I WAS THE ONE WHO LOST IT WHEN I KNEW IT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN ME! SO NOW I KNOW YOU'RE AN ACCOMPLICE TO THE PILFERING OF MY BELOVED HOODIE.

Bruce:

Dick: I EXPECT APOLOGIES IN THE FORM OF FOOD BOUQUETS!

----

Bruce: And I feel that this new floor plan for the Gotham Child hospital wing would greatly-

Tim walking through the doors, sitting down and immediately chugging all of Bruce's coffee in one go: The kitchen is on fire.

Bruce: What?? How on EARTH did you-

Tim completely deadpan: Dick came over to raid the kitchen for food, but we were running low on groceries so Alfred went out to get more, then Jason came over and decided to cook with the remaining stuff we had left and Dick saw him and tried to take a bite out of his food and Jason got mad and told him if he wanted a share then he would have to contribute to the making of the meal, but he ended it off by saying Dick can't even boil an egg if his life depended on it, and Dick took it as a challenge, grabbed the first thing in the fridge he could find, said, "fucking watch me" then proceeded to burn down the entire stove because he overheated the oil.

Bruce, incredulous: You don't even need oil to cook an egg!

Tim: It wasn't even an egg. He grabbed a kiwi.

Bruce:

----

Bruce, making sure all the doors are locked this time: So continuing with our discussion on the investments towards Arkham's security system-

[Cue Damian crawling through the window, wordlessly dumping a box of baby squirrels on the floor before silently leaving through the same way.]

Bruce, frantically trying to follow Damian by crawling out the window, only to remember he's being watched by a group of business partners and investors: Damian yOU GET BACK HERE YOUNG MAN I WILL NOT BE TAKING CARE OF YOUR STRAY ANIMALS SO HELP ME GOD-

----

Jason strolling into the room after lock picking the door: Hey-

Bruce, no energy left, done with everything and just wants a nap: What do you want.

[Jason, without breaking eye contact, places a black, charred, spherical object on the table]

Bruce: What.

Jason: It's the kiwi :)

Bruce:

Jason: The one Dick used to almost burn down the Manor

Bruce:

Jason:

Bruce:

Jason: For good luck :)

Bruce: Get out.

----

[30 mins later]

Multiple high end business CEOs:

Bruce:

Random CEO: Um. Why the fuck is there a crime lord in our conference room??

Jason again, but in full Red Hood gear: Yo

Bruce, sighing: Just ignore him.

CEO: ???

#bruce wayne #batfamily #batkids #dc comics #batman #batfam #batdad #dick grayson #nightwing #jason todd #red hood #tim drake #red robin #damian wayne #robin #incorrect dc quotes #crack #this all happens in the span of one meeting btw #oh and also the kiwi becomes a family heirloom :) #they encase it in resin and keep on bruce's desk in his study #bruce fucking hates it #yall this is by far the dumbest fucking post ive ever made #this was gonna be short and fluffy but as soon as i wrote tim's part my brain brought forth the most confusing plot #alfred comes back home after a20min shopping errand only to find half the kitchen on fire because dick didnt fcking know how to boil an egg #jason: in all honesty i shouldve seen this coming #dick staring at the aftermath of his egg cooking fiasco: from the bottom of my heart...my bad #jason only come to visit again because he wanted to pet the baby squirrels #bruce is in shambles after this and builds a completely new meeting room with no windows and a fortified lock on the door #it doesn't work at all. #fanatical posting