#oh well too late to do anything now

[floating-far-from-earth]

whtober day 18 - flowers

surprise! I have once again drawn Claire in a pretty dress!

I feel as though I didn't exactly stick to the prompt but what can you do.

#my art #whtober #whtober 2022 #whnoc #witch's heart #Claire Elford #she <3 #I love how the colors turned out! #I think it's really pretty :) #uhh I had something to sy here I think... I don't remember tho #so I just hope you enjoy! #hmm... I should have made the background different #colorwise #oh well too late to do anything now

[adhd-merlin]

What if my father's attitude to magic is wrong?

#idk. is this anything? #i literally don't know where i was going with this #just playing around #i am still thinking about that meta about ep 5x10 :( #this is literally made in canva like. that's the extent of my editing skills (0). #tw: experimenting #i know kara wasn't executed for using magic btw #it's about the symbolism okay. #merlinedit #merlin #arthur pendragon #screencaps from s5 are super crisp full HD #and then screencaps from s1-3 are like. potato quality 😭 #gif makers how do you do it!!!! #i don't even mind the grainy quality too much its just #when you've got to use them together :( #anyway I wanted to start rewatching s1 tonight but #I wasted over 1 hour on this and now it's too late #oh well

[liquidstar]

a friend who'd wait :)

#im posting this very late because i was sort of weary of how it came out and ended up messing w it until it was like 4am oops. #and i have plans tmrw so... oh well! i did my best and ill put it out while i can! #and i tried to make the scene match barnard's colors lol #finn's ocs #finn's art #i know i said id do more sillay stuff with the simpler screentone only style but i had a couple more of these in me #and this is the first piece im making thats like an actual part of the story too rather than just setting stuff for fun #i wanna write something to go with it too but for now ill just sort of briefly explain the context in the tags here: #barnard has a pretty bad case of OCD and his compulsions have made it difficult to make friends in the past #he was never outright bullied or anything but people just didnt really have the patience to deal with it #he has compulsions that include stuff like walking through doors until it feels right and needing things to be perfectly aligned #which in group settings has lead to people having to wait for him to finish his rituals and join them #they might find it tolerable at first but eventually they grow impatient and hes just... not invited to stuff anymore #but juno is a newer member of the guild who ends up frequenting the same library. hes also kinda a little weird #and they dont become fast friends or anything but just sort of naturally spend time in the same place #though they never plan meetups they eventually fall into a routine. around the same time theyd just both be at the library #and read next to each other. and maybe talk a bit. and eventually they end up walking back to the guildhall together #since theyre going to the same place after all. and juno always waits for barnard outside the door #eventually barnard asks if this bothers him. juno kinda just tells him 'of course it does' without any malice or anything. just a statement #barnard is surprised and apologizes and juno says not to. but the next day juno doesnt show up at the usual time. #barnard assumes hes committed somekinda more by bringing it up. he ends up staying there late reading to get his mind off it & not ruminate #but when he leaves juno is in fact still waiting for him down the hall (see pic) having collected a bunch of books literally abt ocd #he fell asleep bc barnard stayed later than expected. and hes an eepy guy generally. and also one very bad at expressing himself #but now barnard gets that juno's 'of course it [bothers me]' had the implication of 'but its worth it' which no friend has previously done. #and from the interaction juno was also able to understand that this isn't something barnard just does for the hell of it so. he studies. #and checks a bunch of stuff out because he thinks it could help his friend too (theres ocd workbooks and such- i remember working w them) #and thats the point where they became more ''friends'' than ''pleasant library acquaintances'' #from there on they also do get into juno's problems. whole other bag of worms. but this specific scene is more about bernard from his pov #sorry about when i said briefly explain. i lied </3 #but compared to the whole sequence im picturing its brief so shhh

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

the desire to do comms vs my inability to remember that i got a message FIGHT-

#its like 'oh a message! i will respond later' #and then later never comes cause i have no damn object permanence Or working memory #then its like... what do i even say #'hi sorry i ghosted your simple question for two days i forgot you messaged me' AGH #or especially lately #i mean to do things and then i get a New piece of distressing information about the way my life is going #which then consumes my thoughts and leaves no room for anything else #ahaha thanks! ill claw my eyes out now!! wow!!! FUCK! #trying to keep up the things i enjoy is. so tough rn #but ill flounder w/o em so! hard work that i am mostly failing at but i Keep Trying #yes i wanna do comms. yes i wanna draw. yes i wanna talk to people. can i? mmmmm...... #can't wait for this chapter in my life to be over. goddamn. #ive been in a perpetual state of intense stress since early childhood #but my fucking duck things lately have been taking the cake #absolutely unprompted #oh no this is turning into a vent post Look Away #well my mother called again last night and was all 'im getting you a car' #and uh. i started physically shaking while profusely thanking her (lying through me teeth) #GIRL!!! I DONT NEED A CAR THATS TOO MUCH RN!!! #she's always mentioning how the collective We are tight on money #and that rn i need to focus on making decisions and getting a job ill hold for like. a month #and then she slams this down outta left field??? thats so much extra stress i dont need right now??? #now i gotta worry about parking and maintaining it and gas money i dont have And And And- #i cant exactly tell her Dont Fucking Do That bc then she'll blow up in my face and call me inconsiderate & ungrateful again #me and my stepdad dont have the fucking TIME to get one! and then she was like 'oh i can always come down to help' #please dont. do not do that. i cant deal with you in person right now that sounds hellish #anyway. case in point #cant even think about messages and stuff i Want to think about bc all this bullshit is taking up my entire mind #metaphorically slamming my face into a brick wall till theres nothing left. aaaghhahsbkjadadj #its too much its Too Much everything is so much and its too much and can i be let be for two fuckin seconds please

[why-the-heck-not]

hate hate hate the feeling of turning in a part of an assignment and being hella embarrased abt how it is :3 like, feeling someone’s just gonna email me like ”hey?? what the fuck ??? what are u doing here this is garbage” like yeah dude i dont know what to tell you, things did not go well this week

#doing one that’s like a bigger thing but has weekly deadlines #and this week hasn’t been good for that so it’s like very fucking pathetic of how little I got done #and it’s all basically shit anyways like i know it doesn’t work and won’t work with the way I’m going about it #also I’m only submitting the previous version bc i don’t even fuckin know what’s going on with this current one #like the code’s all bad and all over the place and I have no clue where i’m trying to go with it #so it’s like i basically didn’t get shit done this week #only made myself more confused #i need to take a step back and like really fuckin think what I’m going to do with this bc it’ll just get worse if I just keep trying to go #with this shitty thing i have on my hands rn #and also im like over an hour late already bc gotta write a weekly report and idk what the fuck to say like #’’oops sorry dude it’s shit rn i have no clue what’s going on but also dont have anything i could ask help with bc im too confused so it’s #just uhh this thing now; a mess <3’’ #the way i’ve been handling this course like ?? uh oh will i ever have the audacity to step a foot to my campus ever again lol #yes im now writing this to procrastinate writing that weekly report thing #ughhh yes im hella positive rn all is shit #(also there was parliamentary election today and it didn’t end well so that might be why everything feels 5x more shitty rn) #april 2023 #2023

[serdtse]

//

#my friend defended her phd thesis today and I’m so happy for her #we were on this journey together until I quit two years ago and it’s amazing how well-researched her thesis is #however by the end of the day I can’t help but think that I could #do that too maybe? or I wouldn’t be able to? #also watching her defend her thesis and seeing familiar faces made me somehow nostalgic abt the whole academic setting #and lately I’ve been feeling such a lack of purpose in anything I do I wonder if it were different had I stayed #or is it nostalgia lying? I think factually I quite hated being at uni in the last semesters #but my problem was the supervisor mainly and I try to imagine now how it could be with someone else #so many maybes and hypotheticals.. maybe I’m where I’m meant to be as of now even if still not happy lol #oh i also remembered how i thought i would be lonely forever bc at my uni most of the lecturers are middle-aged and over women #and now i simply sit at home alone all day #funny huh

[septimus-heap]

My parents r atheists with christian parents which means that me and my sibling r atheists with atheist parents. One side effect of this is that christmas is a Big Deal to my parents but I'm atheist enough that christmas has basically no meaning to me outside of "the time of year I get free stuff"

#sep talks #like it's nice to get presents and see family or whatever but there's nothing fundamentally special abt christmas day #as opposed to every other day #we could do christmas early or late and I probably wouldn't notice #idk. It just came up the other day when I was talking to my parents #bc my aunt is hosting and she doesn't have much room so I said oh well I could stay home #and my parents were like oh but it feels wrong for u to be all alone on christmas #and it's like well. To u maybe. To me it is just another day #it feels so weird. U atheist-ed too close to the sun and now ur kids don't believe in christmas as a special time #I have the same kind of feelings abt halloween like it's whatever. Doesn't rlly mean anything to me #but it feels weirder abt christmas. Bc I WAS brought up celebrating it. But its like none of it stuck ahdunfidndj

[poke-is-a-dork]

Pokemon masters anniversary?? Sorry, I think you meant to say Lear's Birthday! Because that is what it is, nintendo told me personally. Happy birthday, king!

(And a Bonus bc I wanted to draw these 2 as well but I didn't have the time or compositional skills to add them to the main one)

#my art #pokemon masters #lear pokemon #bettie pokemon #cheren pokemon #sawyer pokemon #rachel pokemon #pokemon hoopa #I’m usually bad at drawing stuff for anniversaries and character birthdays and stuff so I want expecting to do anything for the pokemas ann #wasn’t expecting* #but then the spirit of Lear Brainrot possessed me and I HAD to draw MANY LEARS RIGHT NOW #also I had a day I was considering the anniversary of the previously mentioned Lear Brainrot #The day I saved my first image of him to my phone (for art ref) #that day? AUGUST 28TH. It is fate... #mmmmm I love being about to post art and only now noticing I forgot his armband things in the second one. Oh well too late now!

[perenlop]

pokeani moments that exist purely to make Me miserable:

the line where they call ash's oshawott a throwaway pokemon in the unova league so they're just flat out saying they think it's a worthless pokemon

to thine own pokemon be true (extra angst points for me bc ambipom was my second favorite on the team at the time)

the granddaughter of the guy who trains gliscor calling gliscor pathetic and weak to her face despite gliscor being an extremely sensitive pokemon

pretty much everything about that gible

blue episode (favorite color but they made it a fetish somehow and also dewott and brionne and meowstic are all there and its so bad)

boxing heracross immediately. also that battle frontier episode where it's literally the only returning ash mon (barring torkoal i think but i dont count it bc its native to AG) to get humiliated onscreen

pidgeot returning but gliscor didn't even show up in the miniseries despite being an Actual Character

#sorry ik i keep bringing up the throwaway line but like. its SOOOOOOOOOO bad holy shit #the heracross one isnt aaaaaas bad tbf bc they really make up for it in the sinnoh league #but aside from one ep in the miniseries we never quite get an episode where oshawott proves itself in a battle #i still love that episode bc it still kinda feels like an apology for all the oshawott bashing in bw but i am a little :/ #that battling didnt even come up once #ive kiiinda eased up on gliscors benching episode bc at the end of the day it isssss pretty good to her. also its the best animated one #but its treatment like what i mentioned that still really drags it down to me #and also like. i know ppl praise gliscor being so powerful after the episode but i really dont get why we couldnt have just #had a gliscor training arc onscreen. but ig we wouldnt have that stupid ass gible plot that went nowhere now would we #but like.... we had such a huge stretch between that episode and the league. i really dont get why we couldnt have had a mini arc #where gliscor realizes shes not pulling her weight that well and really starts hauling ass #she doesnt really even sweep in the paul fight. she gets beaten immediately by ninjask #the drapion part was awesome tho yayyyy #but my point is that it wouldnt really change much if gliscor just stayed and got stronger on its own #have the bench episode be a wake up call for gliscor rather than a goodbye one and she becomes super competent #like im not just saying this bc gliscor is my favorite character in the entire show. i feel like its straight up kinda lazy and less reward #rewarding #imagine how the drapion fight could be EVEN MORE cathartic if we saw gliscor struggle and fight to get better throughout the show #as much as i like that specific battle and ash vs paul as a whole... it just kinda proves my point that sending gliscor away at all #was kind of a shitty move #like ohhhhh ash's team is all getting revenge for lake acuity yay!!!!! oh one of them was kicked off for the sake of a shitty gible plot th #which really only served to make shitty piplup bashing jokes and only actually had a conclusion in the league itself #by which time it was too late to actually do anything else with it. yeah we kicked someone off for that. but shes back now!!! #like it doesnt weaken the battle THAT much. in fact theres some value in how ash went out of his way to make sure gliscor could be there #so her defeat could also be avenged. and its still my fave battle in the whole anime. but it just proves to me how pointless that was reall #echoed voice

[arklay]

WIP DAY.

tagged by @girlbosselrond @morvaris @aartyom @risingsh0t @phillipsgraves @leviiackrman @indorilnerevarine & @denerims over the past month! sorry it's taken me so long to get to anything at all, i'm sure you guys have heard me address it enough, but thank you all so much for continuing to tag me in things while i've been inactive ♡

tagging @aelyosos @brujah @calenhads @florbelles @jendoe @lightwardens @liurnia @nokstella @nuclearstorms @shadowsofrose @shellibisshe @steelport @swordcoasts @wrymbloods @voerman & all of those who tagged me again cause i'm so behind + anyone else who'd like to share anything they're working on, not just writing! ♡

i haven't written anything since the last wip game i did, but i started trying to put diana's timeline together at the start of january, so i mean... i'll show that instead. as you can see, fatigue hasn't let me do much with it even though i've got all of her timeline already done and strewn about all over the place.

started with 1995 onwards cause it was originally going to be an ewskers timeline situation, but then wanted to include all of her backstory so i went back to the start and still have the late 80s and early 90s to get through before then, but yeah :]

it's going to include like all little moments i've thought of between the ewskers just for me and placing them on the timeline, so you can imagine how long this is going to get if i have to go to 2021 for village... like just 1996-1998 is going to be so much... she's very special to me if you couldn't tell already lmaoo

never sharing this though, it's just for me, and like will help for when i do her timeline page (more in-depth version of what's on her oc page) to just run through canon events and brief descriptions and whatnot. you understand.

everything is blurred out besides 1995 ewskers momence and the years, just cause like idk her i feel weird sharing her in-depth backstory unless it's in dms or something, just cause there's lots going on there and yeah. things. idk

i also made a carrd for twt if you wanna have a look at that :] there's some cheeky subtle things with the two resi items i used as pics hehe

actually, you know what, i'll give a lil bit from where i left of with that rewrite anyways, even though it's been months since i wrote it. but why not

Wesker left a fleeting kiss behind her ear then reached around her and hooked his fingers beneath her coat, prompting Diana to glance back at him. But all he did was gently pull it from her shoulders. She watched him from out of the corner of her eye as he hung it up on the rack by the door, his movements careful and almost calculated, until he turned back towards her, and the warmth of his body returned once more. He pressed up against her side this time, as opposed to her back, and one of his hands found a home on her waist. The way the arm it belonged to was resting firmly against her as he began leading her towards the kitchen was comforting, secure, yet unmistakably possessive. And she revelled in it. He had quite the knack for handling her just the way she wanted.

#tag games. #keep going to do picrews and just zoning out 😭 i'm so behind on literally everything but it's fine it's okay (lying) #i'm having a day and a half even though i woke up feeling okay but oh well. my last month has just been like watching videos during the day #or playing games when i have a bit more energy but like i can't do anything that requires me to actually read or write things like words #are just not computing in my brain at the moment but it's okay like i'm just exhausted and hoping soon i can get back to writing because i #still have over 30 wips going lmao but yeah it's been a time a half with lots of appointments and seeing specialists again and trying to #sort things out. i've been more active on twitter which i've mentioned before but it's just because like it's easier for me to sort of just #like and rt things and not having to do my organisation tags and things like i know that sounds so just small and simple but that's how #i've been lately like to my brain rn that seems like a really big task. so i just keep coming on here randomly for a few minutes then #disappearing so i'm sorry that i've definitely missed so much and i haven't been around to just show my appreciation and love to your #creations!! also just everything that happened in december and then a bit at the start of january too like i'm just a lil paranoid about #being on here honestly so i'm trying to get back to it and be okay with posting again and i'm going to make a promise to myself to actually #filter more tags i think? just to help me with like not exposing myself to things that do make me feel uncomfortable in any way!! i'm #rambling now but sorry sometimes i just need to lmaooo idk but yes so cute lil subtle things from my carrd i wanna talk about cause why not #i didn't have to change the blue herb from re0 besides making it brighter because it's already teal toned which is so sexy but i shifted #the hue on the spade key like SLIGHTLY like it was so little. but anyways. i use this emoji ✨ on my twitter name and yes cause sparkles but #also. three stars. the s.t.a.r.s. badge and logo :] then blue herb because i will have no poison in my safe space!!!! take a blue herb or #leave please!! only good vibes and safe space here!! spade key because i'm ace <3 i was going to include the diamond one in there as well #because am demiro and like those are the symbols in the community. ace of spades for ace. diamond for demis (both orientations) #but wasn't sure how to weave the pink through the rest of the carrd even though cyan and pink together is so pretty omg

[senselessalchemist]

as per usual I'm working on something stupid

#saroart #dead cells #contextless high effort shitposting #well the eventual product is gonna be high effort solely because of the stupid amount of time i will have put into it #certainly this one bit is not high effort #its probably kind of obvious for a certain section of people what im working on #why did i choose a fucking hand monster to draw over and over again #very very dumb choice but heyho oh well too late now ive already got like 10 seconds of video #also i do love any dead cells content with unexplained like... normal stuff #cell phones laptops burger king etc withour any explanation or anything #its so dumb i love it

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

one thing abt being disabled/chronically ill that some people don’t get is that sometimes body maintenance that ensures you have the absolute minimum amount of function can also be something that takes away a lot of control and autonomy. you can argue till the cows come home that making those decisions to try and help yourself (or realistically to try to make sure things aren’t worse than they already are) is something that exhibits control and autonomy and stuff, but they can be so limiting in practice because they’re things that take up so much time but have to be done to do anything else

#i have to sleep a lot. i’m at the point where functioning requires 8 hours of sleep if not more #I should probably be getting 10+ but i’m a student and i work so 8 is the minimum. but then also getting ready for bed is a whole process s #the whole thing can take 10-12 hours depending how much im sleeping. just to make sure i can do anything #that is time in my day i cannot use for anything else. it’s not ‘oh but i can push through it’ because i can’t without spending the next da #lightheaded and nauseous and vaguely dizzy and with such intense brain fog I can’t think with my fatigue so bad i genuinely don’t know how #get myself to work a lot of days. my abled peers don’t have to deal with this at all. they have unlimited study time if they want to #and yeah it is a choice i’m making that’s true i could just not do. except i would lose my job and fail out of college because i would not #be able to get to classes or do my homework or think. but being told ‘but you are making choices about your life’ when i have lost so much #of what i used to be able to do because i am spiralling down and continuing to get worse is so. #literally last year i would wake up at 6:30 and then go to school till 3 and then go to my internship until 10 and get home at 11 and be in #bed anywhere from midnight to two in the morning and then wake up the next day and do it all again. i graduated with a 3.9 gpa and made it #into my top college while dealing with my cancer symptoms and then the two surgeries about it #but now i lose half my day to just making sure i can get out of bed. i can’t go anywhere because my body is physically too exhausted #any extra time goes into doing homework or occasionally time to myself #not decimating my health by doing minimum body care responsibilities isn’t freeing. occasionally i have a good day which is freeing but tha #usually goes into just. other things outside class or work or eating. I don’t go do something for myself or go do something fun on good day #because I still can’t. good days just mean i don’t want to lie down on the pavement when i’m going somewhere #I just. I don’t magically have control over my life because i try to get enough sleep. i lose half my day to doing that and ultimately it’s #just a bodily function that would have to happen anyway #this is a vent post im just having a really hard time right now because it feels like im in exponential decline. it was nowhere near this #bad last semester. my grades are tanking and i have no free time because anything outside of sleep is either work or school #vent tw #yall can rb this just ignore my tags completely #disability #chronically ill #i keep trying to explain to people how pots works because that’s all logical but there’s no way to explain what it’s doing to my body or ho #i feel all the time. the last time i felt this bad was when i had a bad flu or immediately after surgeries because i don’t react well to #anesthesia and always come out of them feeling like shit. and now i just feel like this all the time and it’s only getting worse #I can’t even stay up late anymore because my body feels like it isn’t counting the sleep even if I get 8 hours #I can deal if I have a free day the day after but that just leaves Friday and Saturday nights and I usually still have to do homework

[discoreptile]

Wee ha

#Arright here I go again I gotta do some of these when I gotta vent #posting this on the 17th of August #So the elestral thing is going alright. My focus has shifted a LOT there but I'm still working with em #But the majority of my work comes from another client now. It's another one of these things that I'd love to make by myself #But someone else is making it and wanting me to do the art and music. It's gonna be huge. What a life it is. Anyway #This gif is from yet another project I started recently. Separate from Smile More HoaM and anything else. I keep fucking doing this #But this one's strange. It reflects my current working skills I've built up all these years. A multimedia experience that has a start n end #featuring all your favourite elphame characters in a new style. I'm enjoying making it but there's one problem #I haven't worked on it in like a month and a half #Work is piling up. Pixel art is something I don't do for myself anymore #It's not even a case of “as soon as I have time to myself my fingers can't move" it's that I just do not have any spare time lmao #I meet Ashley once or twice a week. We still play digimon a lot but we're taking this month off since she's petsitting and can't go out lat #My flatmate has basically taken the summer off work since his job pays well enough for him to do so #so having him around to play games with is nice. Feels awkward taking baths with him in the house tho lmao #He is kind of the only reason I take breaks. I got pikmin 4 and it is incredible. Genuinely might have replaced Digimon World as 1st place #Mum took Andy and I to Netherlands recently. It was incredible. I played in a local digimon tournament and ate shit #Have just been so excited about travelling lately. Ashy taking me to manchester soon and I think we'll go london next spring or sooner #Worried I'm overdoing it with the tags so I'll sign off here. Work is stressing me out but it looks like big things are happening. #OH MY GOD I HAVE STOPPED BLEEDING BTW. Like almost altogether. Haven't in like a month. The trick is in the big box I rest my feet on. #It's too tall. I tried replacing it with a pile of folders half as tall and my bleeding fucking stopped. No crohn's disease or anything. #Just a big stupid fucking box. Anyway see you

[caricature-of-a-witch]

I'm supposed to be on semester summer break but I am still suffering from academia and failing to write essays can I please just stoppp

#Ash's ramblings #I am so tired of this #I am. so bad at essays. I'm bad at focussing I'm bad at research I'm bad of connecting the research into a coherent argument #this thing is due on the 10th and I've still not even been able to decide what I even want to focus on I can't make sense of anything #I shouldn't be on tumblr I should be working on this but every time I try it just results in staring blankly at the wall after 5 minutes #and trying not to cry bc clearly. Clearly I Am Just Too Stupid For Academia Why Am I Even Trying I should Just Give Up #'oh you said that with all the past essays as well so far and you always got good grades!' yeah but this isn't all the past essays #this is a new essay with a completely new and different task and I do not know what to do #in fact. I barely know what I was doing in past essays either. couldn't explain my last syntax essay to you for the life of me #did I get a good grade? yes! Did I actually understand what I was saying? barely! do I want to just give up? yes!! #but then what else to do with my life I have no skills no talents nothing #... #time to stop spiralling on tumblr and get back to the source of that huh #ignore me I know I'm doing this a lot lately just. ignore me idk how to help me either I'm still stuck in the late teens/early 20s panic #and unlikely to ever escape it lol bc I think by now I'm supposed to have found sth I'm good at but here we are lol #anyway! anyway. #tbd

[abstract-moth]

I have one (1) chore I need to do and one (1) class today. I do these every week. I complete these every week.

And yet I still have not been able to get out of bed.

#I did stay up late last night #so I slept in #now it's too late to do the chore #considering skipping the class but that just makes my schedule next week more packed bc I gotta make up for it #but I really don't want to do it #but I haven't felt like wanting to do anything in a while #oh well #original post

[ironmanstan]

one of these days my dad is gonna realize what my school schedule is in the meantime he will continue to exist adjacently to me and never in the same space

#guy who brags constantly about me getting into my program and didnt realize th school im going to is like good #until he told one girl and she recognized the name and freaked out #and now he wont fucking quit with it #meanwhile: keeps complaining its gonna get real old driving me to school and please please learn to drive #i have class. 3 days a week. technically 2 bc one class is online and i only go in that day really late in the afternoon lmfaoooo #does he know this. no not at all. has actually not asked a question about what im gonna be doing #instead keeps worrying i have no future and keeps asking what career i want to go into and also is it animation its animation right #why not animation... oh well maybe you can transfer into animation later : ) #yeah ok. sure. why dont i transfer into animation so i can fucking smash a brick into my skull #screaming and dying he needs to go back to forgetting i am real he is paying too much attention to goings on now #idk how to relax and everything is coming up now and i feel like im dying slightly lmao. sitting at my desk working all weekend #working on what. who knows bc i hurt my shoulders too bad to do anything real. stressing myself out further for nothing #dies and explodes i should be excited and be doing fine but well lmao. lmao. i will probably feel better when i go in tomorrow #i dont know man ptsd brain is like nothing good can happen for long! standby for the other shoe to drop #and well it sure is coming to a head now bc getting in would be really. really good. so ofc the other shoe will drop right #i know it wont but my brain doesnt know that so fear sits in my whole body all day all night stress dream city baby #vent #ig #dies and explodes