#one down 2 to go (for her <3)

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track) #The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more. #I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by #and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles! #Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise! #I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space. #It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is #You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together: #I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper. #I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything. #You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there. #Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite. #day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less: #'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all) #This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly. #(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)

[cephalonheadquarters]

#Her ears going down in that bottom middle one😭😭😭😭 #splatoon #splatoon 3 #callie cuttlefish #gif #gifs #2 more gifs after this I didn’t know where else to put them

[thedreadvampy]

My housemate is moving out in January

She told us this a week or two ago, when she sat down and, after sitting with us watching TV for over an hour, said "hey so I bought a house and I'm moving out. We agreed on 2 months notice so I won't move until the end of January."

The last time she talked in the immediate terms about buying a house was in 2021, when the sale she was working on fell though and she was unemployed so it was a "when I'm back in a position to look I'll start looking again." Since then I've occasionally asked her how she's doing on the house buying front and she's been like "oh I'm getting there financially" but hasn't mentioned anything concrete.

She didn't tell us she was looking at places. She didn't tell us she had put in an offer. She told us when the offer was finalised. A week AFTER she emailed the letting agent about getting out of her part of the lease. And, it increasingly feels like, only because the letting agent's response was that we had to agree to change the lease.

The letting agent's response (which our housemate obviously didn't copy us into; we had to follow up separately and they copied us into the email chain) also includes that when we change the lease, they're empowered to change the rent, quote, "no cap". Rent was already going up in January - there's no possibility of Sam and I paying her share of the rent.

The really fucking upsetting thing is we're not strangers. This isn't a casual "housemate we found on flatshare" thing. She and Sam have lived together literally their entire adult lives. Me and her have known each other well over a decade. I lived in her and Sam's flat when I was homeless. We were the first people she came out to as trans. We're not super close but I thought we were fucking friends. And she's literally gone out of her way to not talk to us about this for what must have been months while the sale completed - which means she's lied to my face at least once cause I've asked her about her finances in that time (cause she's in a job she hates that she only took to get the house money, so it's like. when we've been commiserating about work stuff I'm often asking 'are you almost free?'). she literally went out of her way to talk to the letting agents before talking to us about putting us in a situation where we could lose our fucking home.

And she keeps. trying. to pretend nothing's happened. Every time I've seen her since then she's not mentioned anything or apologised or anything, she just keeps chatting away and offering hugs and fistbumps like nothing's happened. Like we're still fucking friends.

All it would take for us to still be friends and to be happy for her would have been one fucking sentence in the groupchat like "hey, just put an offer in on a house" or "I'm looking at properties, just so you know, that might happen in the next few months". Like nobody begrudges her for buying a house! It's very cool for her! She's 31 she's worked really hard to get the money I would love to be happy for her! Unfortunately she decided avoiding conflict is more important than giving the people she fucking LIVES WITH (who btw fronted her a month on the rent here while she was unemployed and agreed to take on a larger proportion of the move-in cost back in 2021, if we're still holding ourselves to shit we said 2.5 years ago), so no, you are not entitled to our friendship or to going back to normal.

like if she'd been honest with us it would have been something to process but we'd have had time to figure out our next steps. instead she's left us in a position where we have to find a new roommate before she gives her one month notice, which means finding someone by the end of December, which oh look that's the middle of the fucking Christmas holidays. and she didn't tell us anything until the START of December, or copy us into her conversation with the letting agent, meaning we still don't know what the rent on that space will be so we aren't yet in a position to advertise it. Has she offered to help find a roommate? Has she fuck. Has she offered to help out by moving her move-out date? Nah, she's moving as soon as she gets the keys because, quote, "that means her finances won't have to change". SOUNDS LOVELY. NOT HAVING YOUR FINANCES SUDDENLY CHANGE. I THINK THAT SOUNDS LIKE A REALLY REASONABLE FUCKING GOAL.

Thirteen fucking years she's lived with Sam. Four fucking weeks over Christmas she's left us to figure out a way to not turbofuck our living situation. And she's got the fucking nerve to try and pretend we should be interacting like nothing's changed. Jesus Christ. What a fucking unhinged way to treat...anybody, honestly. never mind the friends-your-entire-adult-life part. literally cannot imagine a scenario in which I would buy a house without telling the people I lived with.

(haha actually this is what my parents divorced over so apparently it's not unusual. although at least my dad had the decency to tell the woman he shared finances with at the point he put in an offer not the point the fucking sale went through.)

Like we'll be fine. It's a huge city centre flat with decent rent and queer housemates, hopefully even when the rent goes up it'll be an easy sell in a city with a huge housing shortage and big queer community. We've got a couple of people interested already, sight unseen - worst case scenario we have to live with someone we don't get on with. And it's given Sam and me a push to look at our own finances and as of today, we've got a mortgage decision in principle and can start looking at flats in the area - mind, we'll be transparent upfront and tell any prospective housemates that yeah, we're looking to buy and move out in the next 6-12 months, and we'll tell them if we put an offer in, because we're decent fucking people who aren't going to spring that on someone out of the blue.

But it's been I think 2 weeks and I'm so fucking angry I could spit. It's such a fucking betrayal. And frankly you know selfishly like. I just had a breakup a couple of months ago, I'm in the middle of moving jobs, both me and Sam have a history of housing instability and this has been the first decent, stable, safe, not-mouldy not-freezing home I think any of us have had, and this is so fucking triggering and upscuttling I could just start biting. like I was talking to my friend about it last week and it's just like. Can I have One Fucking Thing of the three main tentpoles of survival - home, work, relationships - that are fucking stable right now? because shit has been In Flux lately. and at least the work and relationship stuff has changed because of my decisions. going through all that work to make myself short-term unstable to gain long-term stability has been really hard and draining and then just as I was reaching the crisis point with work stuff BOOM, IT'S HOUSING INSTABILITY WITH A STEEL CHAIR. fuck. seriously fuck this and fuck her. we're going to make something good come of it but what a deeply, unbelievably shitty thing to do.

#red said #the other thing that bugs me about it is. ok and again this is old shit dredged back to 2021 when we moved in together #but i had my housemate. and Sam had her. and each of us were really close pairs who'd lived together a long time #and we tried looking for flats as a four but a) a flat with 4 good sized bedrooms in Edinburgh is hens teeth #and b) my housemate was pretty happy to live with me and Sam but increasingly felt like a 4 man flat was going to be a lot for him #and so in the end we talked about it. and through a combination of that and same housemate being in a pretty #unfavorable position housing wise. cause she was unemployed and had shit credit at that moment. #we agreed she'd move with us and Joe went and found a one bed #and in the end that's been really great for him tbh he's a lot happier and more confident and we were pretty sick of each other by then #and so we get on much better now #but at the time it was a real heartache i felt like I'd let Joe down i felt like our friendship was over #and honestly I have never been a huge fan of living with our current housemate. even before we lived here #like when i was staying with her and Sam too. she's incredibly messy and takes up a lot of space in conversations #I've always liked her as a person but she's exhausting and often unpleasant to share space with #and there's a bit of me that's like. we bent over backwards to accommodate you when you were precarious. #like it would have been WAY easier for us to look for a 2-bed during 2021. and if it was a 3-bed I'd have rather stayed with Joe. #but we moved with her for her sake. and she left Sam to clean up their old place (and there were Literal Rats) #and she got really pissy about driving the moving van even though a) that was her idea and b) she's the only person with a license #and c) i walked all MY shit over by hand anyway and the only reason she hired the van was to move her tv #me and Sam found all the core furniture. me and Sam sorted out all the viewings. me and Sam did all the planning. Sam set up all the bills. #we spotted her for rent!we took a bigger share of the costs! because we fucking cared about her and wanted her to have a fucking home! #and she can't even do us the courtesy you'd offer a fucking lodger you found on fucking gumtree

[pep-the-artemis]

#vampires #so explaination of the options for those curious (spoilers ahead for Dracula and Carmilla) #1) universal vampire trait #2) One of Dracula's key weaknesses #3) Every vampire story I've read has a vampire fall in love with a woman which leads to there inevitable death #4) Carmilla liked her sleep #5) Carmilla couldn't go on a short walk without losing her breath and having to sit down to rest #6) universal vampire trait #7) Carmilla got very pouty after a funeral procession sung near her #8) Carmilla nearly ripped the head of off a man who grabbed her face examining her teeth non-consentfully #9) universal vampire trait #10) As Laura was transforming into a vampire she described taking baths as uncomfortable (and that was only mid transformation) #11) universal vampire trait to be drenched in blood after doing the thirsty.

[bisexualseraphim]

Taylor Swift awkwardly dragging a clearly uncomfortable Lana Del Rey onto the stage to go on about how “she should’ve won not me!” and then proceed to plug her new album was certainly a decision that was made.

#Like I’m sure she had good intentions because Lana has 0 Grammys still and deserves one already #But omfg if I was Lana I would’ve pushed her down the stairs #Putting her on the spot like that when she won over her #Midnights wasn’t bad but I do think others should’ve won instead #She has enough Grammys show some love for Lana or SZA or Boygenius #I wasn’t that big a fan of Ocean Blvd but it’s her time #The Record was out of this world #And SZA… come on. Legend #I know I’m a clown for expecting anything of the Scammys but it’s actually ridiculous #They just go for what’s most popular which isn’t always what’s good #Glad Boygenius won 3 though #Even if 2 were for one song (Cool About It should’ve won but I shan’t be fussy) #Anyway no shade to Taylor personally but I’m bored of everyone worshipping the ground she walks upon #Give others a chance I beg #grammys #grammy awards #grammys 2024 #grammy awards 2024 #taylor swift #lana del rey #boygenius #sza

[iero]

Was so proud of myself yesterday because I didn't have a panic attack for the first day in easily a month to immediately have one as soon as I got back to the place today... When will this end?

#personal #Also I must have a very slight fear of heights because I'm up on the 7th floor and the windows in here are wall to wall floor to ceiling. #And the entire time I was trying to calm myself down I was like 'Don't look out the window. Don't look down.' over and over again. #But I wish I was joking about having one for the past month now... Sometimes it's just one. Sometimes it's 2-3. Sometimes it's MORE a day. #I do want to go home to the comfort of my OWN bed to be honest and I leave Tuesday morning. #I think this panic attack was brought on by my homesickness once again... I'll feel better tomorrow when my mom and her boyfriend arrive #here for their hockey game. We won't be hanging out but it's the thought that I know I have family here that counts. #It's so fucking embarrassing admitting I get severely homesick at age 30 LMAO. This is why I can't move away from my family.

[perexcri]

happy one year to her and one of my better opening lines for a fic <3

now, because i'm curious:

#to hell and back again #i genuinely can't believe it's a year but i guess that's how time works huh :') #anyway umm gonna leave some retrospective thoughts in the tags: #1. i hold this fic near to my heart but also have a very complicated relationship with it now- #mostly bc i feel like my writing has improved so much and it's hard for me to reread parts of this lol #2. i honestly feel like it's a product of its time? like i think if i was publishing it now people wouldn't like it nearly as much #(especially with the opening line wHICH HAS A POINT AND COMES FULL CIRCLE AT THE END OK JUST TRUST ME) #3. on a sadder note this also means it's been a year since we had to put my family's eldest dog down #i remember i was gonna post this first chapter later when i had finished another fic up #but then our dog just like. straight up started dying on my mom's bedroom floor #and my mom was too distressed/upset to take her to the vet so i had to put her in my car and take her on my own #and then had to go to work right after that #so yeah i was upset and was like 'well dammit im gonna post this then bc it's silly and makes me laugh and i am sad' #so yeah!! some thoughts and behind the scenes info for anyone who's bothered to read this many tags #idk these things just feel like Tags thoughts not Post thoughts #anyway thanks for all the love this one has gotten!! i'm glad people are still enjoying it though *will voice* it's been a year mike #byler

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#that's 2 of 3 partys in my moms honor down. this one was our childhood neighbor friends #which it was really good to see them but it was really just a party. no one really talked about her at all. the subject was avoided #i think bc ppl r awkward abt it. like im fine to talk abt it. it happened. i dont see a point in avoiding it #but im also not the most socially adept. which i did pretty good talking to ppl but i was still the most awkward one there #and idk this experience has really taught me that u should have a lot of friends and a spouse bc i dont kno how a person like me could go #thru what my mom did and survive if i didnt have my dad. so i guess i have to con someone into marrying me #id b difficult to marry. im difficult to b friends with. im too avoidant of any people #im gonna die like that lady from 6 feet under with no friends. like a fridge fell on her or something. idk #but i cant die bc my dad cant go thru this again. i dunno. well see what life throws at me #also. my childhood friends r a lot of real smart ppl. like a lot of engineers and medical doctors #they make me feel so dumb. but alas. im but a humble environmental Science person #ay. i dunno. it was fun but im drained #and my cousings boyfriend is still a fucking freak who harasses animals. he really upset one of our dogs #my sister says she can imagine him murdering someone and tbh so could i. so i hope my cousins safe #unrelated

[curioscurio]

Most of my sinus infection has cleared up besides the occasional cough and irritated throat but now this ear infection.... everything hurts can I please have a break before I have to go back to work just a day without pain so I can clean up my sicknest without feeling like ass

#i live with my parents but my mom is having a horrible flair up of RA so she's bedbound and can't help me at all and dad is the only one #the only one working atm so he's not doing anything besides that #its just a little frustrating because whenever mom is sick from her flare ups or if dad gets the sniffles im like #I'm like what can i do for you are you comfortable do you need anything can i make you food let me clean up etc #but when i go down for 3 days of being visibly miserable everything i ask is the world #ask dad to pick up my perscription but god forbid i ask him to do any other task on the way home that involves making 2 SEPARATE LOCATIONS #ita fine hes just. idk #plus mom has her RA flare up and idk #it just feels like nobody in this house is particularly sympathetic when im feeling miserable but im ALWAYS sympathetic when they are #the first 2 days i was doing nothing but sleeping or rolling in pain in my room and no one came to check in on me to see how i was doing #then yesterday my mom says shes taking us both into urgent care but leaves without me in the morning when i was too sick to wake up when she #called for me. #she was like I just really was in so much pain and you didnt get up and i wanted to go asap and i called you #anyway so because i was so sick i couldnt wake up i had to drive myself to urgent care which is also fine im a big boy #anyway. circumstances or whatever. im also real salty bc ive felt like shit for like 4 days

[jakeperalta]

spent weeks psyching myself up to stand up to my mum and then immediately got shot down by her 😃👍

#vent incoming i apologise in advance for the long tags #we've lived together just the two of us since dec 2021 (although her boyfriend is here like 2/3 of the time as well) #and since i got my job in march 2022 i have been paying half of all the bills (literally down to like tv license when i barely watch the tv) #which is £300 a month #plus i buy all my own food + pay for the amazon prime she uses + contribute to various household things like toilet roll etc #and she doesn't have a mortgage so i am paying the same amount as her to live in her house #(and it is very much her house not our house) #and I've never been very happy with any of that but never complained either #but then recently it turned out she never set up the water bill when we moved in (it's one of the only bills i didn't sort for us) #so we have a huge backdated bill from dec 2021 and i knew she was going to tell me to pay half #so for the past month or so I've been preparing myself for this conversation and sure enough today she came and said 'we owe £700' #so i was like 'oh i thought maybe it would've been covered by my £300/month' which is the biggest stand I've been able to work myself up to #and she immediately started going on about how i live here too and use water too so it's just as much my responsibility to pay #and how when we're both earning i should be paying my share and i was like yeah i know that's why i never complained about paying before #but also i already pay more than most people would to live with their parents #and she went off about how actually most people charge their grown up kids rent on top of the bills so really i'm lucky i don't have to #(when she got the original £300 figure it was actually rounded up from like £240 to include 'rent' but i wasn't gonna bring that up now) #and in conclusion she doesn't see why she should be subsidising my bills #like i don't know maybe because you're my MOTHER and i am your CHILD who is just starting out in the adult world #and maybe that entitles me to being treated better than some lodger???!!!!! #anyway i paid the bill and now i'm trying and failing at not crying at my desk 😃 #talking

[miodiodavinci]

good news: we have water again ! ! ! a pipe had burst somewhere up the street so the city came out and fixed it today (we still need to run the tap to get rid of the air and muddy water but. it's something.)

bad news: i had to go to my partner's to do laundry and shower so i missed out on work time today (bad) (anxiety inducing) (i don't need this right now)

worst news: i have a killer headache and my throat is suspiciously stiff 👁 👁

#please please please for the love of god ; ; ; #i am begging and pleading do Not let this be a repeat of last semester ; ; ; ; #this is exactly how i felt last time i got sick with covid and i Cannot afford another late start ; ; ; ; #i am. suddenly stuck by The Unwelcome Guest last week cryptically asking me when you're supposed to test for covid #and then saying 'hmm. okay. good to know.' and then refusing to elaborate #i swear. to god if she got me sick i'm #i. can't even say. i'm suddenly struck by such helpless grief thinking about how little i can do to keep her from being in my life ; ; ; ; #we literally Evicted her she all but threatened my older sibling into letting her visit weekly to take care of her potted plants #and then in october last year she was like 'my roommate has covid and i don't have money for a hotel i have nowhere to go :'(' #so the agreement was she could stay for One Week #and basically she has been. on and off our couch since then. #like. only going back to her apartment for 1 to 3 days at a time before spending another two weeks in our house. #with new excuses every time. #and literally Every Time I Say No And Put My Foot Down older sibling begs on her behalf because she's busy hounding and guilt-tripping them #so like. what can i even do if it turns out she infected me with covid because she didn't care to disclose that she was feeling sick #(and decided to come over anyway) #i'm just. overwhelmed ; ; ; #i feel like crying ; ; ; #i'm already busy pre-mourning the loss of my mental health and down time with my internship starting back next week #i don't need to worry about whether or not i'm going to be bed ridden for 2 weeks #and suffer Even More lasting lung and brain and blood and fatigue issues on top of that ; ; ; ; #a a a a a i just. feel like crying a lot ; ; ; ; #i'm already behind ; ; ; #i should ; ; ; try to work more tonight before the inevitability of it all hits me tomorrow ; ; ; ; ;

[enbysiriusblack]

cuban hope lupin and italian lyall lupin who travelled the world together before they had remus, learning languages and cultures and meeting people from everywhere.

and remus lupin who's never gone further than newport, half an hour away, constantly reading of the rest of the world. imagining being able to go there, to explore the world.

#if the war didn't happen and no one died then 100% all four marauders went around the world together for a year #james keeping in touch with his partners through letters and meeting them at some places they went (france and india) #im kinda planning where they'd go in my head. like so far im thinking: #iceland. quick stop in canada. right down america stopping at like las vegas maybe. then to cuba for remus to meet his mum's family. #probably staying there for like 2/3 weeks maybe. #then to nigeria. maybe spend a little time in egypt. then up to greece. then romania. then to india where they stay #for about 3 weeks. and lily and regulus meet them there to visit james' family #they go to thailand. malaysia. and down to australia. then back up to japan then south korea. #then to russia. sweden. through germany to italy. they stay in italy for about 2 weeks for remus' grandparents. #marlene and dorcas would meet them in italy since marlene has a italian heritage and hasn't gone to italy since she was a kid so misses it #then over to france where lily and regulus and mary meet them all. mary marlene and dorcas leave after a day or so #to go to the isle of wight to spend a few weeks with mary's sister and her girlfriend #the others stay in france for about a week. regulus and sirius being very obnoxious and showing off ofc. #lily and regulus go home and the marauders go to ibiza for about a week before finishing and going back to britian (boo! britian sucks!) #anyway. rambling about this hc. #marauders era #marauders #remus lupin #hope lupin #lyall lupin #lyall&remus april fest #l&r april fest

[beautifel]

i. hate that i cant ignore any longer how fucked up i am

#ask 2 tag idk what to tag this but its negative. idk if i’m hormonal or whatever. it’s just that i’m so extremely emotional lately #like i always havebeen but it’s insane lately and i know some of the reasons but i have no idea what to do abt it. which is bad #i wish i knew how to confront …it all. im so avoidant it is genuinely pathetic #and even if i wanted to confront anything iwouldnt know how… n how to tell ppl around me #the pains ive taken to ignore my issues over the yrs n by that i mean suppress the knowledge that they even exist Lmao it is so pathetic #let alone the pains ive taken to hide from other ppl that which im suppressing. and to hide how badly i cope with anything #like any problem at all not just things that have anything to do with The Thing #i finally told my girlfriend about something i never thought id ever say out loud to anyone n it was so hard #the whole convo was so hard bc shes dealing with so much too and shes been getting help for 3 yrs n i know #with her baggage of trauma a relationship is one of the hardest things #n ive never ever regretted our relationship but with the things we are both dealing wtih. or rather not dealing with in my case #it is so . hard.. and i feel like ive been so unfair bc i havent been getting help even tho i need it. and she has. #the sheer irony of me refusing to get help or even admit 2 myself i need it even tho im literally about to be the person who helps others #this cannot go on lmao. the only thing im sure about is that i wanna spend my life with her but with everything tht we have on our plate #its so.. unsure i feel so powerless . i cannot change the past i cant change either of our previous experiences #its so unfair how we risk losing the best thing that ever happened bc of things out of our control #ive genuinely never been more scared of anything than i am of the idea of losing this relationship #we had such a deep conversation today and it was necessary and good but god we’re fucked up people #so i .contacted the uni psych today finally but im so fucking scared and idk what to even say when i get there #ive never until today said it out loud ive never even written it down anywhere

[heartslobbf]

what is it about anthy himemiya and having an unbearably fucked up relationship with the kiryuu siblings. what is it with the kiryuu siblings and hating anthy himemiya because attempting to understand her in any capacity would shatter their perceptions of themselves

#shirt that says DO NOT ASK ME ABOUT THE KIRYUU SIBLINGS #like i am so sorry to people who don’t find their dynamic to be essential and compelling but like 1 you’re objectively wrong #and 2 you’re missing out on the best time a girl can have. rewatching her tragedy and attempting to unpick All That #every time i watch her tragedy i go hm. interesting. and then imminently die #one day ill write down all my Very Long thoughts about her tragedy penultimate scene #and it will be incomprehensible and everyone will point at me and say ‘nanami kin’ and i will only be able to solemnly nod #ANYWAY lol im normal <3 #rgu #shut up daisy

[maraeffect]

okay today was like the first time since surgery that i've been able to exist as a human outside my house!! and i had a great time even though i am PAYING FOR IT. HEAVILY 💀

#god my ribs are KILLING ME SLOWLY #anyway i had a good day 🥺🥺🥺 last night my partner and i woke up at the same time #bc we both had to pee. and i totally forgot but when we laid back down i told her ''i'm hungy..'' #bc it was like 3 am and i didnt wanna get up. so i just wanted to complain lol #but she woke me up to a big breakfast she ordered in like ''hey it made me sad that you were hungry jn the night- #so i got you and i a big breakfast 🥺👉👈💖'' and UGH it made my heart so happy #and then we chilled out before i decided i could handle leaving home and wanted to go to the mall #and i had a really good time existing in public!!! im getting a little depressed from being bed bound #i FINALLY got after laughter on vinyl after wanting it for like almost 5 years 😭😭😭 #and some cute stickers!!! anyway yeah i had a nice day w my baby and it made me happy 🥹💖 #as much as im hurting badly rn it was worth it for the lil date 💖💖💖 pain meds should help soon anyway #im just glad to have finally gotten out of the house #chatter #round 2 #also let me just say my previous thoracotomy did NOT prepare me for this one. #turns out the open version is VERY DIFFERENT. which i knew but god its so stark when youre living it #p sure by 2 weeks post op last time i was relatively fine!!!! almost back to normal #oh and uh #autumn

[steveharringtonsstrugglemeals]

Joyce Byers was one of Steve's nannies when he was a child — it was a side job she picked up when she was still married to Lonnie to help make ends meet. Jonathan doesn't remember it, and Joyce suspects that Steve doesn't either. He had a lot a nannies, after all, and Joyce had only lasted half a year before Mr. Harrington informed her that she had been replaced by a Parisian au pair — five years younger and twice as chic, she was sure. The next time Joyce saw the young Harrington heir out about town, he was wearing a stylish wool scarf around his neck and stumbling over conversational French, while she was shackled to her new post behind the counter at the general store.

(Steve does remember. He remembers every one of the women who raised him piecemeal instead of his parents. They each had something to teach him, some little fragment of personhood that he tucked away and used to build himself into a real boy, whether that lesson was to add a bit of cream to his scrambled eggs or to never trust his father alone with a beautiful young woman. But how does one acknowledge that? How could he properly thank Joyce for granting him that little piece of herself, and apologize for not turning out quite right regardless?)

--

Between her extra shifts at Melvand's and her reputation as a high-strung individual, Joyce has never been particularly close to the other mothers of Hawkins Middle School. But she and Claudia Henderson did have something in common, a mutual understanding between two struggling single mothers. So it shouldn't have come as such a surprise when Claudia confided in her what a big help Steve Harrington has been, picking Dustin up from school and making sure he's not alone when she can't get away from work, fostering the confidence and camaraderie that her motherly doting couldn't provide. And he won't accept more than the occasional hot meal for it, the darling, certainly he would be happy to help out with Will too if Claudia brought it up to him?

But Joyce couldn't take her up on the offer. She wouldn't think of it, trusting her precious Will with Steve Harrington.

She looked at him, and instead of seeing the sweet but spoiled little boy she once knew, she saw his cold, imperious father. Stephen Harrington Sr. was a man carved from stone, all the preeminence and vanity of an emperor's marble bust, and young Steve was his spitting image.

He was the boy who cast a lofty stare from a photograph in the trophy case at Hawkins High. The boy who had never once stepped a Nike-clad foot into Melvand’s, not even for a pack of cigarettes. The boy who regularly sported blackened eyes and bloodied lips, who hefted a nail-studded baseball bat against the beasts of hell.

Maybe he was right for Dustin, Lucas, Mike, and Max and their untempered brashness, their bold defiance in the face of danger. But her kind, sensitive Will? Her Will, who had already weathered so much more than any child should have to?

--

[I might continue this...]

#unreliable narrators abound :) #stranger things #steve harrington #joyce byers #stranger things fanfiction #had the idea that joyce could have easily been one of steve's nannies growing up - i can imagine his parents going through a slew of nannie #never quite satisfied with any of them but not caring enough to get more involved than signing a check #and it got me thinking about how her perception of steve might be shaded by 1) her awareness of his family as a lifelong hawkins resident #2) his complicated relationship with jonathan #and 3) her singleminded focus on her own kids especially will during upside-down incidents when steve would be around #we never really see them interact much after all #didn't really mean to throw that chunk of steve angst in there but oop #I imagine this set between s2-3? #shsm writes