#or maybe I’ve just lost my mind

[synonymroll648]

headcanon that as sophie ages, she gets more and more off-put by how she still looks twenty at some age past 40. the only wrinkles she has are smile lines and a barely-there crease between her eyebrows that never leaves. no gray hairs. it doesn’t feel like there’s any physical evidence of how much stress aged her too fast.

(maybe she dyes more grays into her hair to feel better about her reflection, the more time passes by. maybe, on bad days, she contours wrinkles into her skin with makeup. maybe the bad days get more frequent as she ages outside the human lifespan. maybe.)

#i feel like fitz and dex are the only friends of hers that really get it #since fitz understands more surrounding human cultures than most elves thanks to his firsthand experience in the search #and dex grew up with his mom’s romcoms #which would probably show some human perspectives on aging #and his mom explaining some things that didn’t quite make sense to Smol Dex #but i’ve always imagined sophie turning up on fitz’s doorstep in the middle of the night #with tears running down her face and saying she didn’t know who else to talk to about almost-immortality feeling so so so wrong as she #gets older. not necessarily just because he knows more about humanity than most of her group #but also because like. there’s some part of her that says ‘if he can help you through learning to be an elf at 12 maybe he can help you at #42 too’. and they’re cognates. and they’ve gotten old enough to set aside teenage grievances with one another #and i like the idea of them sitting on a couch together by lamplight and trying to navigate the cultural and personal differences #in how the two of them and humanity and the lost cities view mortality #and not really reaching a concrete conclusion. but rather. a conclusion that keeps the two of them sane until they reach triple digits. #and then they have the conversation again. and come up with a plan to stay sane in their triple digits. and the same thing pops up in their #thousands. idk man the whole thing screams trust down to the bone and that’s what they should have when the war is over #is there anything more Cognate than talking through wildly different fears surrounding the same thing that make both parties #super vulnerable??? down to how your minds work in the face - or lack of - death? #maybe so but i can’t think of them off top of my head #kotlc #sophie foster #kotlc headcanons #keeper of the lost cities

[probablygayattorneys]

#layton brothers mystery room #Lucy baker #for real #I have ideas for stories I’d like to write #but trying to get down her speech patterns #when I’ve never left the western hemisphere #and my grandma who immigrated was so young she lost her accent #and now is also losing her mind but that’s a completely different problem for another audience and another time #I just don’t think I can do it #and I don’t want to offend anyone #by just completely butchering it #is she like keeley from Ted lasso? I could maybe write her #if I was trying to write her like keeley from Ted lasso #queue takumi defense squad

[buildoblivionthenwewilltalk]

him!!!!!!!!!

#my son #I’ve missed him 😭 #ik it’s probably just Robbie in his civvies but if Klaus has short hair again in s4 imma lose my mind 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 #like don’t get me wrong I love the long curls #but … but short 🥹 #I mean in an ideal world we’d have short AND curls #but hey maybe the stylist was off set when they filmed this 😬 #the umbrella academy #tua #klaus hargreeves #wAIT NO HE HAS HIS TATTOOS????? #but Klaus lost those at the end of s3??????? #interesting 👀👀👀👀👀👀

[ailani-reillata]

Ailani and Gregor are such good friends and I adore their relationship so much. I don’t talk about them often because he doesn’t participate in the larger missions I often discuss, but I just. I cannot wait to talk about them more.

#“We need to get a life.” “You first.” #“Maybe I’ve already lost my mind. Maybe everyone is just humoring me.” “Eh you’re not that funny.” #their interactions are so special to me #Both of them are like #Out of time #and friends #ailani réillata

[mfdragon]

Your borsalino gives me life, gives me air

I need him carnally (platonic)

The man has such looney tunes vibes

My Borsalino was created with the sheer intention of “if I make enough content of him acting like this, I shall will him into existence”

Please Oda, please give me this Borsalino in canon. Please spare him (and me) of this suffering and give me the nice old uncle vibes he radiates every moment he is on screen 😢 ✨

#one piece #ask the dragon #Borsalino #kizaru #I saw baby sentomaru and lost my actual mind #I’ve been obsessing over their relationship and what that means for kizaru as a deeper character since January #I’m so sorry for literally everyone who came to me for the other fandoms I draw but the one piece brainrot is ALL CONSUMING #(I swear I’ll get back to my other projects just maybe not as soon as I had hoped)

[nicoscheer]

17 Oct '23

3Arena

Dublin, Republic of Ireland

Miles during the monkeys gig this pic is from 505 where Alex kept on looking over

He was literally pointing up at the mirrorball at looking up at it for like a solid 10 seconds after come closer

Don’t forget who you are it was so magical (also that turtle plushie behind him 🫠🫠)

Alright crazy things that happened (the ones I can currently recall and in now specific order):

-Nathan dropping his pick and Miles laughing at him

- Liam’s drum kit wasn’t fixed up correctly so his hi hat (I think) like turner 90 degrees and a stage hand had to rush and try and fix it during a song and before the next one miles just jammed out a bit and improvised to give the guy more time to properly fix it

-Miles pointing and looking up at the mirrorball for like solid 10 seconds after come closer

- seeing those chairs and music stands in the back knowing we’re gonna get strings

-after singing the last line of fluorescent adolescent “remember when you used to be a rascal” and then fucking pointing and staring at Miles who was standing to the left side of the stage (which also explains why Alex was suddenly so fond of the left side (also during I wanna be yours I sometimes had to play find Alex cause he was just casually chilling at the very edge of the left stage side like mate at this point just walk down to him )instead of right as usual to jam with Jamie right where the stairs led up to the stage so he was the first one to greet the guys once they went off before the encore and after the show(to smother Alex in a big hug))and watched their set and asking “do you remember?” Before himself answering like 2 seconds latter with “I remember” but like in such a small sad voice that it nearly broke me

Like here’s the entire performance you can hear and see it at 3:13 (I’ve only got the little I remember snippet cause I was screaming my head off)

- when Alex said “let’s hear it for Miles Kane” (some say he said wonderful after we screamed our throat raw) somewhere three quarters through the set we all exploded before realizing he was just thanking him for opening and then played fluorescent adolescent where at the end (check point above) he asked miles if he remembered when he used to be a rascal (and like the fact that Miles was in the band the rascal and Alex wrote Fluorescent with his ex Johanna Bennett around the time when him and Miles started becoming close friends)

- during body paint not Alex singing “and if you’re thinking of me I’m probably thinking of you” while adamantly pointing towards Miles

- I didn’t think it possible to get I wanna be yours x star treatment cause they did it the night before In Belfast but when that little shit said “I don’t wanna be hers I wanna be yours” I certainly lost my shit

-experiencing 505 with the mirrorball and strings

I wanna be yours x star treatment

Body paint

There’d better be a mirrorball

Why’d you only call me when you’re high

Teddy picker ; Alex said teddy is back before the song 🫶🏽🫶🏽🥹

Coup de grace

Never taking me alive

Body paint

https://www.instagram.com/p/CyjKMnhtgj_/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

Blurry Miles in Dublin

#17/10/2023 #my show 🫠🫠🥹 #Dublin #night two #the crowd was so unbelievably loud but literally nobody but me was jumping around #but the mood was amazing #but I loved that; maybe it’s just cause the tours been going on for so long or it’s Ireland but there was a minimal noise difference betwee #the AM and the car/TBHC songs and that made me so happy #when Alex said let’s hear it for miles Kane in the middle of the set we all collective lost our minds cause we’re delusional but he was jus #thanking him for opening for them #also like whatever had been the problem with his in ears during the EU tour leg they seemingly fixed it cause he wore them for like 80% #Youtube #before the Ireland gigs I thought I was gonna combust if we get a pic of Alex listening from side stage #instead we got pics of miles sitting in the audience of night one and standing to the left of the stage on night two #I’ve never seen a crowd this hyped up; excited about an opener #so happy for miles he deserves to play venues this size on his own #he just seemed so grateful and happy/relieved that we all knew his songs and were vibing and that even the seats were completely ful for hi #Instagram #love that in the pic of Miles from the seats we can see that literally no one is paying him attention but everyone’s focused on the monkey

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes

[iknowwhereyousleepatnight]

so i had a couple ocs as a kid (made for a story that i never wrote a lot for) and i haven’t drawn any of them since i was like. 14. so it’s been a hot minute but anyway i realized the other day that out of the 5 main cast i have gotten 3 of their haircuts. i remember vaguely thinking that one character always seemed to have the haircut i wanted and i had that haircut for years but recently i got rid of that haircut and had another one’s haircut then i changed it a bit and dyed it and now i have another one’s. so i’m like man 12 year old me had great taste in haircuts. i should go down the list and do them all

#sometimes i think i should redraw the characters but then i’d want to redevelop their story bc it’s not to my taste atm and that’s a #lot of effort but i might do it anyway who knows #but i’d have to open my box that deals psychic damage (the sketchbooks in there are so soaked with alcohol that opening the box #makes me nauseous lmao) for refs. hmmmm. i dunno #the characters don’t really speak to me anymore their whole dynamics and designs aren’t to my taste i’d have to *really* re-do #everything but hm. maybe #though perhaps i should just start from scratch. i wouldn’t mind having ocs again. idk #also on unrelated news i have purchases 4lbs of baking soda to mix with my acrylic paints i want to see what kinda texture i can #get out of it because i! am! in! the! mood! to! paint! #but unforch i have to sleep? taking away my valuable painting time? ridiculous but i think i’m going to legit pass out at some point #i’ve been getting real tired of sleeping #well. i love sleeping but i feel like it’s wasting all my time because i always seem to sleep 10-16 hours a night which is ridiculous #that’s so much time i’m wasting i have shit to do man so i’ve been staying up 24-34ish hours once every week or so to make up for lost #time but still i feel like i am making this all worse because now i can’t even fall asleep + it’s been messing w my mood but i don’t #know how to fix it #anyway that was way off topic goodnight i think i’m going to bed now bye

[lesbiansanemi]

I need to Get Out of the Midwest. I think it’s draining me of all life and energy like some kind of regional soul-sucking vampire

#everything just constantly feels so miserable and ugly here #the landscape. the vibes. the people #idk. I used to not mind the Midwest that much #but in the past year I feel like I’m gnawing on the bars of a too small kennel #or some kind of enclosure not meant for me #idk maybe I’m being dramatic. but just. rah rah rah #I do not think I could live the majority of my life here I would go insane #I think part of it is also I just want/need to start over somewhere completely new #I’ve lost connections with literally everyone I’ve known my whole life #I am not close with my family and hate most of them and my friends…. #ugh. that’s a whole other post that essentially boils down to #I have lost the vast majority of my friends in the past year and honestly it’s a relief #because we were so incomparably different and I’ve realized a lot of them kinda didn’t treat me/others well #and once I had that realization there was no going back I could not comfortably be around them #there are only two ppl in this vague area that I still feel deeply connected to and care about in a fierce way #(Lee and Jordan you are the real ones) #and idk. I just. I hate where I live I hate my job I don’t feel truly connected to ANYTHING anymore #if I’m going to be so disconnected from everyone around me and feel like I’m constantly just wandering around #I feel I should at least do it somewhere I would enjoy the actual location of more #but I am stupid and resigned my lease #so I have to stay here for at least another year #unless I wanna be REAL dumb and irresponsible #but I’m too anxious for that kinda thing #as much as I daydream I could not uproot myself to move and massive distance without an insane amount of planning #and decent financing plans #so el oh el #kaz rambles

[pansy-out-of-the-wardrobe]

I am trying to pick up Swedish again after taking four German classes in Uni…. At this rate I am creating some unholy matrimony of Germanic languages. Who next will be added to the soup

#mind you my German is also shit #put all the little conjunctions and prepositions are now sprinkled into Swedish #I’m trying to think and I just go: UND #what the fuck is UND the word I’m looking for is OCH #I am the epitome of linguist meaning NO I CANNOT SPEAK THESE LANGUAGES BUT I CAN TELL YOU FUN FACTS ABOUT THEM THAT I THINK ARE NEAT #for example I like Swedish noun paradigms #Swedish is what got me into linguistics in the first place so I am trying to reignite that live because I remember how it used to fill me #with so much love hope and purpose #maybe maybe maybe I’ll actually use all those grammar books I have #given that I can ACTUALLY read the IPA transcription #although actually I’d love to get some more textbooks that are… more linguistically inclined #I’ve been using this book: German Phonetics and Phonology; Theory and Practice by O’Brien and Fagan #for a phonetics project and … honestly I need something like that but for Swedish #it pains me how much I used to know about Swedish that I’ve just…… lost #but I’m coming back into it with more knowledge about language #and also more knowledge about Swedish typologically… so that’s useful #Irving rambles #language learning

[vampirebutterflies]

listen ‘ere boy there is a voice in ur head telling u ur fine and you don’t need to go to therapy tomorrow and that voice is a f u c k i n g liar don’t listen to it boy don’t fuckin’ listen to that rat ass bastard it does NOT have ur best interests at heart

#vent in tags etc etc #aim losing my mind over here #it’s fine #see the thing is I’m so deeply lacking in like. the emotions edition of object permanence. I can have a massively heartbreaking reaction to #smth and then once I’m out of that moment and even slightly distracted it’s like nothing ever happened ?? #so like yk I was nearly [radio static noises] over talking to my therapist abt the young csa thing and I’m meant to be starting emdr tomorr #tomorrow* except like for the past two weeks I’ve overall been fine regarding that?? instead it’s the ed and other traumas flaring up so ?? #idk how Specific emdr is I honestly don’t know much about it yet but like yk now I’m wondering if I should delay starting that in favour of #talking about the other badtimes tm rearing their heads atm. todays in particular was unexpected it happened this morning and it’s only just #like. hit me and started biting and it’s ?? also dumb cuz like on one hand I’m pretty okay but on the other hand the other half of my brain #is spiralling hysterically to the point where I’m very glad I’m already in bed and like I know [redacted] won’t help but it’s like my brain #is just so lost about how to hold these things and what to do at all so it’s just pulling out the bad coping mechanism and insistently #thrusting it in my lap and waving its arms like it wasn’t even That Bad tm of a situation today but it Was some very specific factors which #are holding hands with Other specific factors and then The Location Of The Events is just #yea okay maybe I will talk to her abt this / these things instead if I can #ah the joys of heavy personal responsibility at a very young age and the severe guilt that gets bred from that and the fantastic experience #of things being so far out of your control and almost destined to fail and the absolute wonder of The Actual Person(s) To Blame Having No #Consequences For Their Actions and ending up feeling like you failed and you’re a complete fraud cuz no good you do will make up for that #one situation and yeah okay I’m gonna go sleep #ugh

[plumpatch]

starting to think that employers can smell my desperation through my indeed applications .please let me work for minimum wage i am just a dog scratching at your door give me money give me money

#maybe i’ve just lost my mind #yeah #graduating has made me lose it completely #2023歯

[twinkskeletons]

are there now lost fics you read you think about...

i have a couple and esp one that wasn't finish but it was still so so good and even if the author hadnt touched it in a two years i decided to still comment just complimenting it and then immediately soon enough i couldnt find it again...

not really.. there’s one that i’ve never been able to find again but it’s not like some incredible story it was just a pwp lol i don’t even remember if it was particularly good or not

#don’t even know why it stuck in my mind maybe just bc i find it weird i’ve never seen it again #there is that stalker pete fic that i’m pretty sure got deleted but was saved by someone on reddit #idk if i’d be into it now i was less picky with fic when i first got into fob #answered #guess there’s also the pete/patrick/frank fic. not lost just set up a sequel that was never written </3

[groupwest]

went on instagram for five minutes and i hate my life so much 👍 awesome

#i miss my friends i hate my life i need my license why did i waste so much time so many years on so much nothingness #it’s terrible and no one has time anymore and everyone’s half lost their minds and i feel honestly like everything could have been different #and i could have saved them all to some extent if i had just been more present. i miss them and it’s terrible how i’ve robbed both myself #and them of what could have been. things should be so different. and it’s my fault. like i’ve failed so much already #but this is just the way things are. i guess we can’t give up. i guess maybe one day surely things must change #urgh. as if no one or nothing can reach me. as if i just cannot let anything in. not all the way. never wholly. #i have an inaccessible soul. or something for some reason #u_u #i’m just so tired. but my world is too small. bouncing around the walls of my cage

[priestfrommidnightmass]

turns out when you don’t use social media you actually seize to exist to everyone you know which is kind of a blessing and definitely a curse

#i’m at the point where i have very little social media #and i’m super proud #i haven’t used twitter in five years now maybe #i haven’t used instagram in two months (my sober app says so!) #and i lost a lotttt of regular contact with people bc of that one #but now i’ve started using tumblr as an emotional and social crutch #so i’ve been like . ok this needs to stop #but now i’m like totally socially isolated #i guess it makes sense bc it’s like out of sight out of mind #and i guess i have ways to contact all the people i want to talk to elsewhere #but social media really Does make it so much easier for people to remember you #and to casually engage #by the way i’m so sorry all my posts rn are just me talking abt not using tumblr #i see it’s counterintuitive but i also don’t have a whole lot else to say