#love that in the pic of Miles from the seats we can see that literally no one is paying him attention but everyone’s focused on the monkey | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rinbowaman · 10 months

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S E 7 E N : L U C I F E R

P A R T T H R 3 E

Warnings: One image of a demon in this one, nothing related to smut or anything like the last chapter, just forewarning in case you dont like to look at scary stuff, it's CG developed image that fit the scene i placed it in (AGAIN, NO DEMON RELATED SMUT LIKE LAST TIME) however, you are going to have Heelel with antlers, just saying. if that bothers you, just skip over it. (He is the devil after all) there is smut, not too descriptive but it's in there. There are some dark altered pics of Heelel when he's mad (not like his scary smiling pic of sadistic love) literally just images i adjusted the brightness and contrast to display what I imagined he would look like when angry. Abuse of power, abuse of authority, imbalance of power in a relationship, obsession, possessiveness, aggressive and unhealthy obsession, treating a person like they're a doll or putting them on display (literally), ....curse words...mention of people burning, mentions of children dying (from bad guys). I think that's it. and this is NOT AT ALL PROOFREAD. sorry, not the tiniest bit, as i'm still trying to recover from jetlag and it's been a busy couple of days from the family event. so ignore the mistakes.

Images i found on googled and altered. One image is from account ljungwon. Please support their work.

“Will he receive us?” The master elder asks as he faces Jake.

Looking up at towards the peak view of the mountainous throne from the base, with crossed arms, he sighs out as he issues his response.

“Not sure….he hasn’t really detached himself from up there ever since he took out Jol…and brought her back with him.”

“You mean…..the Mortal Daughter? She’s here?” The elder gasped out.

“I knew that she what the purpose of her existence was…yet I wasn’t at all prepared to find out that he finally got her….after all this time…he never lost interest…he waited.”

The elder remarks his mental note as he once again, shifts his gaze and looks at the younger brother, Leviathan.

“Will you take us to him? We wish to see him.”

Shrugging as he scratches the back of his head, Jake steps aside and extends his arm, gesturing towards the three muses.

“You can go on right ahead. I’ll let him know that you’re making your way up.”

Flaring his dark gray-shadowed wings, the former archangel takes flight and heads to the peak of the tall mountain, leaving the three muses of Heaven to face the stairway extending miles long.

“We best be on our way. Should we stop for breaks, ensure that we keep a look out for the demons that may roam.” The elder bids as he leads the two younger muses along.

The stairway roughly extended passed three miles ahead before they would reach the tip, where Heeseung’s throne was stationed, overlooking the vast fields of the red poppies he planted so long ago….all for you.

A flashback from the time of your arrival in Hell, his voice and the image of his face was permanently ingrained in your mind as you set your gaze upon the red poppy floral ground that surrounded you…you couldn’t escape from them.

“Do you like them?” You recalled as he spoke out chuckling, all with a lip bitten grin.

“ I planted grew them hoping that they would match the color of your lips, but they don’t even come close…as red as they are…..your red lips is the prettiest….you’re just so beyond remarkable….arent you?”

With a dark giggle, you nearly blacked out upon the last bit of his words as he cradled his fingers around your chin, staring into your eyes with a deathly and terrifying smile of joy….and love….a sinister love.

You sat atop and slightly sank into the tufted cushion of the large platform he had created right in front of his throne.

Despite having your own throne seat next to his, he expressed that he wanted you in front of him…in front of his eyes….where he could see you…stare at you…watch you…he didn’t want to miss a single sense of movement or expression.

The velvet red pillow top sat atop an enormous golden framed platform case, resembling a lavishly large box frame, where the pillow top was extremely soft, filled with angel feathers and adorned with a myriad of satin pillows.

A dainty, single, and delicate ankle chain was connected to the base of his chair. It had enough slack for you to move around freely, in great length, yet should the moment occur that you take flight or walk past the first three steps of the stairway, the slack ended, restricting you from leaving the tight perimeter of his reigning foyer.

Surrounding the platform, were four large golden pillars that extended high on each corner, hovering a sheer translucent red fabric to canvas over your frame as you remained atop the cushion.

Since your body was still developing to it’s immortal form, your strength hadn’t fully regained itself from the performance he displayed in turning you.

“It will take some time.”

His words echoed throughout your brain as he gently stroke your cheek.

Regardless of you changing, going from a mortality state to an immortal one, he had side tables on each corner of the platform, with platters of all the fruits you could imagine. There were also a wide display of nuts, cheeses, jams, and even assorted chocolate candies with pitchers of various wines.

Even noting that after you were fully changed, he expressed how much he knew you would miss the joys of tasting food, so he made a promise to have everything at your displeasure, and when the time is right, when you are trustworthy to not stray, he would take you on regular visits to the world you were born in.

But not now…not for a long time. He sensed that you were not yet fully acclimated to the adjustment, and that you missed home…you missed your family….you missed the setting of the place you initially belonged to.

From the platform, you sat kneeling and chained. Your body lacked any cover as he kept you naked with only subtle body jewelry and chains to adorn your figure.

“I want to see you….all of you.”

“Stop covering up, don’t be shy. Leave yourself open…..I love looking at you.”

“Look at me…..pretty……smile for me…..”

“Cry as much as you like, you’re still beautiful as ever.”

He’d have you adorn anywhere from pure gold beads with white diamonds, or black pearl strings, delicately decorating your waist, ankles, wrists, neck, and over your breasts, which he had pierced, delighting the look of the jeweled pieces that adorned each nipple.

Surprisingly, perhaps it was due to your body changing, you didn’t feel a thing when he had Sunoo come over to do the deed of puncturing a hole through each nip.

............................

“This shouldn’t hurt…but if you feel anything, let me know.”

Sunoo gently remarks as he takes hold of you and with a golden needle, one of ancient age, he pierces through, while feeding through the selected jewels that Heeseung picked out.

The Prince of Lust was quite crafty and quick, but it shouldn’t surprise you since that was right up his alley. In fact, just before you received your piercings, Sunoo had showed you his own.

“See? Aren’t they nice?”

Removing his shirt, he shows off the dainty piercings that lay on his chest, and it was subtle, but there were also….

“I got these while I was visiting Earth, it fascinated me. They speak of lust and desire, that’s also the same time I learned about the alterations of the body such as puncturing skin and adorning jewelry. It’s very enticing…isnt’ it?” he remarked as he took notice of you viewing the faint bit of tattoos that designed his pectoral muscles.

“Now, hold still, we’re going to make this quick and you’ll be right back with Heeseung.” He softly smiles as he cups your cheek.

Viewing the world from afar, it looked so large and graceful as it floats in the middle of the pitch black sky, all decorated by the galaxies and stars that gave it a subtle bit of illumination, yet the biggest source of light, was the massive moon over the horizon that appeared to be rising, yet was stationed in mid levitation as it gazes over the wide field of the red flowers.

It was massive, it looked as if you could walk right up to it. It shone brightly and paved the entire region with it’s light. You couldn’t deny it, the region of Hell that Heeseung had formatted, all for your arrival, was breathtaking.

It was hard though, and extremely mundane to not be able to tell how much time has passed. With the sun farther off on the opposite side of the earth, you couldn’t tell if each day had gone by, not until you noticed as the earth took movement and shifted around, the continents were the key in telling you that a full day had passed.

You constantly watched it, displaying a look of yearning as you wondered how everyone back at home were doing. Especially since the former archangel, Jol, being defeated and brutally slain by Heeseung, the world was now back to normal, no longer living in the dark ages of authoritative abuse and corruption. It was back to a time that you had longed for, yet you’re not able to enjoy even though you are the reason for it’s return.

Sitting across the platform, in close distance, he sat still and wouldn’t move….he couldn’t take his eyes off you.

He adorned a full black, princely attire with knee high boots and form fitting trousers, along with a satin black shirt with a kneel length coat. His legs crossed, elbow propped on the arm to extend the reach of his hand to his chin, which he stroked delicately as he admires the nude form of your body, the soft skin that glowed against the moonlight in the background, and the dainty pieces of jewelry, along with your wings…

“Leave your wings out, pretty. I fucking love your wings.”

Your wings on full display, he admired the white base of the coloration, protruding a silver Nacre hue that was exactly like the Mother of Pearl.

“So pretty…..”

On the left wing, a small group lying beneath the undercarriage of the structure, partially hidden underneath the white Nacre coloration, was the pungent black group of feathers that represented the darkened ingredients to your soul.

Though he was born with dark shadowed gray wings, the same as all angels in Heaven, his had slowly turned black, eluding a dark purple and red hue as he resided in his own kingdom of Hell, the moment he expelled himself from Heaven’s gates. How lovely of a feature was it, to see his darkness reflected in the lightness of your soul….of his soul.

“Heeseung!” Jakes voice comes from above as he swoops in and lands effortlessly to the side of Heeseung’s throne.

Without taking his gaze off you, Heeseung doesn’t move an inch, he merely issues a “Mmhmm..” towards his younger brother.

“The muses are on their way up.” Jake alerts.

Not at all responding, he takes notice of how Heeseung remains staring at you, with a slight smirk on his face.

Chuckling to himself, Jake shakes his head with a smile on his face.

“Do you want me to tell them to leave?” he asks.

Maintaining his gaze on the love of his life, Heeseung softly shakes his head and raises a brow as he watches you swoop your hair over your shoulder, keeping it at bay from having it draping all over your body as you continued to admire the Earth from where you knelt.

Jake chuckles once more. Stepping aside, he looks at you with a tilted head and a soft smile.

“Hi y/n. Feeling better?” he asks.

You merely look at him with a seldom expression and gave just a slight, gentle nod.

“That’s good. Get lots of rest, it’s going to be a while before your body full adjusts. Keep big brother happy, okay?” he chuckles teasingly.

Turning his head back to Heeseung, he speaks out before departing.

“Send for me if you change your mind about the muses.” With his last note, he propels himself off the peak and into the air as he takes flight.

You hardly got to see them, as they relished in their own regions, yet when you did, you at least appreciated and felt comforted by Heeseung’s siblings as they all issued a warm greeting and asked if you had needed anything. Though, regardless of your history with them before you were brought to Hell, they never dared take things any further than that, because now, you belong to Heeseung…..Heeseung only.

Watching Jake’s form disappearing as he flies off, you shift your gaze back to the rotating Earth. Heeseung continued to stare at you, as you both remained silent. It wasn’t anything new.

You couldn’t be sure exactly how long it had been since you arrived in Hell, yet you assumed it had been roughly about three weeks, and each day that passed, it was always the same. You were propped as if you were high valued art, and he sat on his throne, continuously appreciating you as he stared.

The muses arrived sometime after Jake issued his note of their arrival. Staring at you, the elder of the three muses gasped as he placed a hand over his chest at the sight of you.

The other two muses, the younger ones, followed suit as they looked at you with a wide eyed stare, as if you were some kind of miracle.

But that was because…you were….you were his miracle….

“…Heeseung…is she?....”

Heeseung doesn’t budge, he merely stays in his seat and continues to stare at you. A faint smile of satisfaction permanently stationed on his face the longer he looked at you.

��He sent us here….he wanted to express the meaning of his love for you….and for what you did….to save humanity.” The elder notes as Heeseung still remained unresponsive and maintained his gaze on you.

“The arch angel Jol, upon realizing that his only chance to erase humanity was to use the aid of humans, he made a deal, after narrowing down the weakest and most corrupt of souls.”

The elder muse studies Heeseung for a moment, looks back at you, and then shifts his gaze back at the Devil before him. Taking note of how the Prince of Darkness was entirely too enamored by you, the elder saw no point in furthering the conversation.

Turning back and dismissing himself as well as the younger two muses, he pauses his steps as he looks at you for the last time, knowing that his meeting with you would not happen for a second time.

Looking up to return the gaze, you looked slightly confused as you wondered why the elder man was just looking at you. It wasn’t until he spoke out softly, with the utmost pity you had ever received.

“My heart be still…..for I nor any muse, angel, or demon will ever witness something so miraculous….the flesh and blood of God. Be brave and strong….it is not your fault…nor was it his…..you are destined to teach and tame…..so please….do your best….o’ mortal child of my master.”

Your face trails behind them as they took their leave. Tilting your head as you watched them walk down the stairs, you were processing the man’s words, not even hearing Heeseung scoffing a smirk as he removes his hand from his chin, gets up from his throne, and walks over to you as you remained focus on the three muses, your head turned away in the opposite direction from where he stood aside from you.

Grabbing onto your wing, he gently pulls you to face him, delicately pushing you down on your back as he began to cover your entire body with ravishing kisses. He took aim at your womanhood like a spotlight and displayed sensual love as his tongue made love to your clit, punctured through your slit, and massaged the inside of your walls.

He fondled with your breasts, dragged his tongue from left to right and in circles over the regions of your stomach, your chest, and your thighs.

He displayed such brute strength, always taking you in various positions, to include suspending you in the air and supporting your entire weight as he cradled you with his arms. His hands remained firmly latched on your derriere as he gripped on each cheek and bounced you vigorously on his length. Succumbing to the highest essence of pleasure, your hands grips his shoulders, or his chest, yet you felt the need to grab on to something else…something that you could wrap your fingers around as you found yourself curling them from the intense pleasure. That and your toes.

Noting the gasping state of your orgasms, yet always wanting to keep going, he issued you ‘some’ relief as he would extend his antlers from his head, while still remaining in his mortal form.

“You can grab on to them….pretty.” he told you as he kept fucking you.

Reaching up as his hands tightened their grip around your waist, you found some of the pressure taken away from the intense pain and pleasure of his member thrusting inside you, rendering you to cum multiple times. Coiling your fingers around the magnificent display of the rack that sat atop his thatch of black hair, holding on for dear life, he’d find the basis of a new momentum as you latch on, furthering stabling yourself to him. Taking advantage, he’d increase the pace, the ferocity, and the rhythm as he would thrust harder, deeper, and faster.

He appeared as a hybrid of some sort, with his antlers out yet looking like the dashing mortal man that he appeared to be. His eyes lacked all luster as they became matte black.

As the muses finally reached the base of the mountain, your screams filled the air, coating the entire regions of Hell with lusts of pain, pleasure, and euphoria in your tone.

Noting that your tone, through all the pleasurable moans that were encased with each scream, there was a cry for help within your voice as you echoed out his name and your pleas.

The elder knew, though he felt nothing but sympathy for the one that was destined to live this life…with the Devil.

In the sporadic of the time that would pass, there were also times that he would approach you, and display his physical affection in various manners, not just through intercourse, though it happened nearly all the time, as he caved into engage in the heat of passion since he couldn’t take any more of the aching that punched inside him. Could anyone blame him? The Devil? You were too glorious for him not to touch you….the fact that you were all his…that you belonged to him…made it even harder for him to restrain himself.

“Come here….come to me.”

“Yeah? You fucking like that?”

“You feel so good….fuck I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’re mine.”

“Now repeat after me, ‘Daddy I want your seed.’ Just like that, okay pretty?”

“Scream out my name with that sweet voice of yours.”

“Open your mouth and moan for me. Just like that…..fucking say my name, pretty.”

You’re not sure of how many times he’s already lost control and submitted you to his raging passion and love, but it had to have been in the high numbers already, despite it being only a few weeks since you’ve been here with him.

………………..

At first, you found yourself afraid and disgusted with the way he had issued you those pet names, coated your body with his lips, devoured you, pelted you, and thrusted every inch of his love in you. Yet….

It was strange and frustrating, the feeling of pleasure overrides your better judgement and you mentally caught yourself wanting more, though you tried to remain strong in avoiding speaking it out. But you felt yourself breaking, inch by inch, as you not only craved it, but you stopped putting up a fight. You started to accept it begrudgingly, though it would transition to you embracing his touch….returning his kisses…..moaning out the pleasures as he licked you down from head to toe.

He was brutal, you knew of that, you’ve seen it.

For even though his region was nothing but blissful beauty, a sight to behold, the vast regions of Hell is so large, it was entirely a different world of its own. Frightening demons roamed the lands, aimlessly wandering. You had learned through Niki, that the demons were born out of the souls of the dead, of those who committed high, atrocious crimes against humanity. Rapists, murderers, criminals of all serious types that committed the harshest of offenses towards mankind, all fall into the abyss of the River Styx, where they are forever tormented. On occasion, however, when the soul yearns for more damage, craving for the pain and screams of others, they ravage the lands seeking out one another, only to fight to their deaths.

“It helps cleanse the lands if we let them roam and kill each other off.” Niki stated.

Yet, the moment you stepped foot in Heeseung’s region, you as well as the siblings, and the Prince of Darkness himself, all learned that due to the essence that you were made of, out of God himself, you drew the attention of these ravaging demons as they yearned to tear you apart, ravaging your body and splitting you open.

The first you witnessed it, was shortly, nearly a day after you were brought ‘home’. Everything had been just as it was now, with you on the platform, adjusting to the new sights as you lay naked on the bedding, where Heeseung had a full view as he sat on his throne just as he is doing right now.

It was distant, yet it grew nearer as you heard the clamping sound of something harshly approaching up the stairway. With a loud and beastly growl, he ran with a murderous eye as it extended its hand, reaching upwards in your direction. You shook at the sight of the massive demon, who looked as if it stood eight or nine feet in height, with a large and muscular form as it rushes up with the intent in tear you to pieces.

You froze as the thing was nine or ten steps away from making it’s way over to you, when suddenly Heeseung, in a flash, migrated from the seat of his throne and appeared before you, standing in the way of the flesh craved demon, never allowing the creature to get passed the last step of the stairway.

His transition was so quick, it was as if he teleported, just as his brothers had done. Snapping his hand out, harshly grabbing the demon by the neck, his fingers pinch in and digs into the skin, puncturing into dark flesh.

The demon growled and roared in pain as it attempts to reach for Heeseung, yet the Devil remained untouchable. Raising his arm, Heeseung’s eyes grew murderous, dark, and sadistically twisted with a rage like you had never seen as he aimed his sights directly to the demon’s face. Without saying a word, Heeseung reaches up with his other hand, and while maintain the hold he had, he tears off each limb, before tossing aside off the mountain top that you both were perched on.

Limb by limb, the dying cries of the monster before him, you shunned your sight away from the gruesome display as your ‘husband’ took out the demon and finished him off by slowly tearing his neck from its body. The ripping of flesh and the gurgitation of the demon choking on its blood before the finishing move sent waves of panic, fear, and anxiety throughout your body.

Tossing what was left, Heeseung turns to find you in a kneeling state, slight hunched as you cradled your breasts, trying to cover as much of your nudity as you possibly could.

You may have been fearful and going through some sort of psychological trauma at that very moment, but to him, you were mesmerizing. The way your hair draped over your shoulder, with the few slick pieces that remained on your cheek, your soft skin, your womanly frame, your wings, and the dainty jewelry pieces that complimented your complexion. All of it. Everything was putting him in a trance.

With his sinister glare all but disappeared, it remained faintly as he smirks at the sight of you. Walking up to the platform that you were perched on, he grabs a small brunch of grapes from one of the platters on the side tables from the nearby bed corner, swinging around the pillar and plopping himself on the bed, he lies on his back right next to your kneeling frame. With one hand resting behind his head, his ankles crossed, he was in a relaxed state as he starts to bite off from the cluster he had in his hand, munching on the dark purple grapes.

Extending his hand with the cluster of the sparkling purple fruit, he presents it next to your face, to which you shook your head and faced away.

But that didn’t sit well with him. You needed to eat, your body hasn’t fully transitioned, not to mention he prefers that you be obedient, since everything he outlined and had you do was all for your own sake and health.

He doesn’t say anything, instead, he shifts to lay on his side, reaching over with this other hand, he gently places it on the back of your head, and pulls you in towards his face where he had the clustered fruit next to his lips.

The moment he brought your face inches away, all he stated was, “eat.”

Opening your mouth, he brings the grapes closer, the moment your lips touched one, you bite it off ever so gently and chew on it. He smirks before moving his hand away from your head and leans back down in his relaxed position, munching on the fruit as he watches you.

…………………………

Days and weeks have gone by. The routines of Heeseung watching you, admiring you, and taking you was like clockwork, it happened every single waking second, which was nearly all the time for him since he didn’t require sleep. Since you were still adjusting, you found yourself dozing off here and there, yet initially the feeling of tiredness was a lot stronger. As time went on, you found yourself not feeling the need to sleep, hunger was beginning to be a thing of the past as you were starting to rarely find yourself hungry, at this point, eating food just became a thing to do all for the sake of taste, not so much for sustenance.

There were other things, such as your vision. You developed a magnified sense as you would gaze at the stars, with the speckles appearing as sprinkles against the matte black canvas of the sky, you surprised yourself the moment you were able to zoom in and gaze on the fine details of every star and planet in the sky.

Unless prescribed by him, you hardly felt any pain. You couldn’t confirm…not yet at least, but you felt your strength coming back, yet it felt as if you had the strength that of an entire army as you tested the waters and grabbed the nearby fruit bowl made of pure gold. It was large, and heavy as you remembered, yet you now can balance the bowl in full just with the tip of your pinky.

Your senses have become more acute and enhanced, you started to gain the powers of telekinesis. Everything about you was changing…

To include your feelings and emotions about being in Hell and being with him….

At first you were scared, you had regretted your decision, though you were convinced that you never had one to begin with, you were doomed for Hell. You found out, that it was what you were created and destined for.

Yet as time went by, despite his cruel and terrifying, sadistic nature, with you, he was always soft and gentle. Other than the manner of how he expressed his performance sexually, when he wasn’t engaged in intercourse, he was delicate in handling you.

Throughout the days, as he watches you from his relaxed seated position, he would get up and walk over, just to brush his fingertips along your arms, your hair, or against your cheek, normally startling you while you gazed at the Earth.

He would come up and sit you on his lap, gaze at the world of humans with you, interlocking your fingers together where he would tell you of the ancient worlds, and how humanity developed from the history of culture, mythology, religion, and evolution. You never would have realized how wrong historians and experts were as he corrected the details of timelines, events, and the truths of how humans gained independence and a means for survival.

He would raise your hand along with his own, cupping yours, he’d physically show you all the hidden celestial spheres of each planetary moon as he moved your hand to point in the correct direction of each notable star and planet.

He made stars, created new ones and formed them into new constellations, which he dedicated to you. One was of your favorite flower, another was of your favorite animal, while the other were the initials of your name.

He’d stroke his fingertips and graze them over your nude body as you slept, not yet fully transitioned. He would whisper the sweetest words in your ears as he cuddled you against his frame. He never left your side, never leaving you alone. Wherever he would go, you were taken with him.

Noticing that you were starting to feel a bit bored as you gained immortality, and that time had no meaning, you found yourself constantly laying on your stomach, with your knees bent as you swung your feet high and gazed at the earth in a mundane state. He had both Sunghoon and Jake watch over you as he disappeared for just a moment, returning with a pair of fortune spheres from the ancient world. Plopping them gently in front of you, he smiled each time he watched you play with them as he sat on his throne.

Eventually, as more time had passed, you felt more comfortable around him. You knew of the lines and boundaries that you could not cross, and never thought about doing so, all the ensure that you didn’t bring out the anger or dark side of his endearing nature that he displayed towards you. He would never do anything that would threaten your life, but you just knew that the punishment he would have in store for you in the case you broke any of the rules he set forth, would have been just as harsh.

But despite all that, he would still love you….he loves you to the ends of every planet, star, and galactic cluster in the sky.

So why not let him keep loving you? Why not accept him? Why not serve him, since he’s willing to serve you?

You felt entirely comfortable being in the nude in front of him, it didn’t bug you any longer, yet the moment you asked for something as you didn’t like it when others would see you on display bare naked, he not only honored your request, but he also got you the finest silk, jewels, and thread you could imagine. He had lascivious dresses made, yet no matter how much skin showed, the format of each attire was beautiful. He expressed how much you resembled the Greek goddesses, so he made you look the part by fashioning you with wreaths of gold, risqué togas, and dangling jewels. He even gathered jeweled chains that he had adorned your wings with.

“There…pretty….you’re so perfect….you could never know just how much I adore you.”

…………………………….

“Here they are.” Niki and the other brothers all brought forth the faces of those you thought you’d never see again.

Chained up and dragged like cattle, was the prior Senator, Forras, and his wide group of cult posse, some of which you had crossed paths before with each brother as they regulated the streets for the established curfew.

“Fucking kneel down.” Jungwon issued harshly as he lightly kicked the Senator and his group all into a kneeled state.

There they were….kneeling in a row before you as you sat atop your glorious platformed bedding. Your wings shined against the moonlight, and your jewels glistened like dew drops in the morning sun.

Standing from his throne, Heeseung walks over and sits next to you on the bedding, his feet lifted from the ground as the platformed stood at least four feet off the ground. Shifting over with his arms crossed, he leans in towards you as he grabs hold of your neck, gently, and pulls you in.

He lays you in a cradling manner in his arm, similar to that of a mother and a newborn. Licking the pad of his thumb, he reaches over and brushes it against your lips, coating it with his saliva to make the cherry stain color shine.

Rocking you as he cradled you in his arm, he takes his free hand and interlocks his fingers with your own.

“Tell me…..pretty….what do you want me to do with them? Hmm? I’ll end them in any way you want, just tell me. I can rip their heads off? Or I can torture them slowly until they beg for death. Just tell me. What do you wanna see?”

You look him in the eyes as he continues to rock your frame gently, moving the pieces of your hair from your face as he tucks them behind each ear.

Shifting your gaze momentarily towards the row of offenders who not only attempted to do harm to you, but had indeed taken the lives of others….women, children, and men who were all serving a purpose in life as mothers, fathers, daughters, and sons.

You’ll never forget, before you found out the truth on how the corrupt figures kneeling before you had coordinated and gained influence by making a deal with the archangel Jol, not even knowing that he had his own hidden agenda, by erasing mankind clean off the earth.

The image of the children that were torched alive, ripped open, cut into dozens of pieces as their time of execution arrived….the screams of each one, varied in age, yet desired the nurture and comfort of their mothers as they died brutally from the angels that were sent forth.

“…..this man….and his people…..they did that…they are responsible.”

For a moment, as you mentally remarked your voice in your head, a sprout of anger grew within you. You’ll never forget those screams…the bloodshed and the pain they had to endure….even though the angels were the ones committing the deed, it was this man who allowed corrupt heart to cause it all to happen. Not only that, but he had no sympathy in his eyes…just fear of losing his life. All of them did. There was not a single ounce of repentance for the lives lost, they were responsible for.

“What do you want me to do?” Heeseung whispers, taking notice of the inflamed spark in your eye as you glared over to the grown men and women that looked back at you, some were with pleading looks for you to spare them, others were with discontent as they burned with a hatred for you, like the one that Michael Forras was giving you right now.

“…..I’m not sure….I just….what I do know is that….” You stuttered out softly.

“What is it pretty? Do you want them to burn? I can do that….you them to burn?” He asks you, placing your hand over his heart as he cups it with his own.

Looking back up at him, you slightly nod as you issued your words.

“For the others…I don’t have a preference….but him….” You glared over to Forras, who returns it right back. “He……needs to get it the worst out of all of them…..whatever you can think of….just make him pay…..” you shift your eyes on the ground as you erase the image of the children that died, all the while Micahel Forras would sit atop his lavish building, located at the top floor, partaking in his fine dining and adorning himself with such expensive clothing.

Snarling a wide grin, Heeseung chuckles out aloud as he grabs your chin, and kisses you with such harsh passion.

“Oh my fucking girl! I’d do anything for you…you know that?”

Standing up from the bedding, he issues the command to his brothers for them to take the cult members and do away with them, to which they found their pleasures in doing so.

Leaving Forras behind, Heeseung walks up and using his own telekinetic powers, he levitates Forras’s body over towards his intolerable grip.

Grabbing the man by his hair, he drags him effortlessly over towards you.

“Stick out your feet, pretty.”

Throwing the man at your feet as you leave them dangling off the edge of the platform, Heeseung sits next to you once more. Shifting a thigh with a bent knee to lay flat on the bedding, he leaves one leg hanging off as he sits with crossed arms.

Glaring down at the man, he speaks firmly as he admires his fingertips, before taking your hand in his and admiring yours.

“Kiss her feet….it will be the last thing you’re going to taste before I kill you.”

Forras’s body shook from immense fear, all from the look in Heeseung’s eye. Doing as he bids, Forras begins to kiss each foot.

While admiring your fingertips, Heeseung speaks without even so much as glancing over to the grown man.

“….Now tell me….is it true?....from what I heard….you tried to force your filthy body on to my wife…..is that right?” Heeseung issues, all the while taking note of some fuzz underneat the very tip of your fingernail. Examining it closely, he reaches over and digs it out.

“I also heard that….when she fought you off….you had that piece of shit, Jol, assign those useless things to kill her off….riiiiiight?” Heeseung continued. You felt Forras gasping into sobs as he continued to kiss your feet.

“So?...” Heeseung re-crosses his arms, raising a brow as he glares down at the pitiful man. “Apologize.”

Forras looks up with wide eyes and a slightly confused look.

“I didn’t say stop either….kiss her feet and apologize to my fucking queen.”

Forras continues as Heeseung commanded, all the while he apologizes relentlessy, completely ridden with fear and panic.

“good….” Heeseung states calmly as he gets off the platform, and picks Forras back up by the hair once more.

“Now…..for all the things you did to her….and for pissing her off….BURN for it.” With his grasp held tightly on Forras’s grape, the man’s body slowly engulfed in flames as Heeseung continued to hold him in mid air, not at all bothered by the flames that coated his arm and hand, having absolutely no effect on him.

Despite feeling that he deserved it, you still couldn’t find it in your heart to watch as you shunned your face away and winced your eyes shut, covering your hears to filter out the screams.

Turning back around, Heeseung looks over at you with the most sadistically loving smile, it was so dark and twisted, it would have been more than enough to make a serial killer’s skin crawl off their own body.

Walking over to you, looping his hands underneath your kneecaps as they remained hanging off the platform, he spreads them open as he situates himself in between your thighs. Grabbing hold of your neck, he lowers his body as he lays you down, hovering over you.

Placing his lips on your forehead, he takes a deep inhale before he pulls slightly back and gazes into your eyes. Taking your hand in his own, he places it on the back of his head, and curls your fingers inward, gesturing for you to grab onto his hair.

“Its okay if you want to pull…its not going to hurt me…..with what I’m about to do to you, you’re going to need some leverage…..” he smirks as his eyes grew wide upon staring deep into your peepers.

Sighing out a long and deep exhale through an open mouth, he speaks out once more.

“Oh…..my wife…..tell me....what is the name I blessed you with? I want to hear you say it.....tell me.....recite it, just like I showed you......"

The name....the name and title that he gave to you......

..................................

“You watch as the birds soar through the open skies.

Only to fall in mid-flight, should they look into my my eyes.

Observe the koi, as they grace the water with their beauty, and their color.

Watch them drown to the depths below, when they witness the glory of my wonder.

Take pity on the moon, as it peers in the night with its glow, luster, and essence.

For it hides in shame once it notes my enchanting presence.

At long last after its winter slumber, the flower takes full bloom, gleaming in pride.

Shutting away, noting thy face and heart, it propels to hide.

Gaze upon my wings of black and white,

Reflecting the darkness in my eyes, yet my heart remains light.

I am as soft as the feather of an angels wing, yet sharp as the demon’s horn.

I am the cause and reason, that our two worlds are left un-torn.

You stand happy and free, saved from the Devils wrath, hold those tears of relief from your cries.

For it was I, who was left without a choice, devoured by his love, I paid the ultimate sacrifice.

For the moment he knew I would eventually wake,

My body and soul, was claimed and all for him to take.

I am his love, his reason, and his obsession,

All of which saved you, from the angels possession.

Call me what the scriptures entail, as Lucina, the Queen of Hell, or Y/N, the mortal bride of the first archangel.

No matter the title, I will forever be wrapped by the chains of his love, for which I am entangled.

His gaze allows my soul to remain pure, but his touch devours my beauty, and leaves me tainted.

He corrupts me with his kisses, a poison that I am eternally to receive as fated.

I am both, the pitch darkness and the fair light of bliss.

Beg of me, Helena, Wife of Helel, the Two-Toned Winged Goddess, will make you immortal with a kiss.”

Authors note: On to the next chapter! A F T E R M A T H It's in the works, stay tuned!

Taglist: @deobitifull; @solstramaii; @vampiregirl215; @nshmrarki; @enhypen14; @iamliacamila; @lisaaannna; @nikstrange; @jaehaki; @luv-enhy-skz33; @silcry @honeysjae; @crackedcameraa; @stinkmonkey ; @baekxo07 @raishaii @@yangjungwon33 @lhspeachie ; @differentchildwombat ; @prettykia ; @kimsseonu ; @stvrryhee ; @en-thralled ; @hoonzdzbl ; @yuppppp ; @jinniespuppy ; @browsehnnie @prettykia @lprww @they2luv1naia @ellixqz

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leslie-lyman · 2 years

Note

Les! I just saw your call for asks! (I literally am the worst at being a human these days). How was your trip? How was the flight?

It got me thinking about Pero and Tess. We know they travel together but what is like the first time Pero gets on an airplane? Is he fascinated or horrified? Does Tess explain the mile high club to him? Does he enjoy the terrible snacks?

I love you, you fabulous beautiful kind human 🖤

Caaaaaaaaaaaat ilysm ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

My trip was excellent!! Completely exhausting, but I’m so glad I went even though I was so anxious about it. AND I got to spend a day at Tokyo DisneySea, so that made everything worth it.

We also went out one night for drinks in Golden Gai, which is this TINY area of about three alleyways in the Shinjuku neighborhood of Tokyo that somehow survived the bombings in WWII and so is an amazing time capsule of pre-war Tokyo architecture. Today it houses over 200 bars, most of which seat only 3-8 people max! It was incredible. Some pics for u:

The flight wasn’t as bad as I’d feared; on the way over, there wasn’t anyone in the middle seat next to me, which gave me more space. And on the flight back I got upgraded to business, THANK GOD. So I slept pretty well! (Even if I’m now fighting a cold I picked up somewhere along the way.)

As for your other questions…I think about Tessa taking Pero on a plane for the first time basically every time I fly now and I love you to death for asking about it!!!!

Tessa would do a lot of prep with Pero. She’d be more nervous than he would be; not necessarily about him being on the plane, but about going through security. Moira, with her broad powers of manipulation, has magicked up a set of identification documents for Pero. But if he gets pulled aside by TSA, what if they ask him questions he can’t answer? What if something happens and Tessa can’t be by his side to help explain things and Pero doesn’t understand what’s going on?

So they practice. Tessa shows him every video on TSA’s website explaining how airport security works, then every video she can find on YouTube about it so he can see in advance what the procedure will look like. Then she has him explain the process back to her to make sure he’s absorbed each step. They run through all sorts of scenarios like they’re engaging in the world’s least-sexy role play: what if Pero gets pulled for secondary screening? What if they have to pat him down, or swipe his hands for residue? What if his bag gets extra screening? What does he do and where does he wait if any of those things happen to Tessa?

Then they move on to the actual flight itself. Again, thank god for YouTube and the many, many travel vloggers on there extensively documenting their flying experiences. Tessa can show Pero exactly what it looks like to be on a plane, from takeoff to landing, and can show him videos that explain how planes work and what different sounds and things mean better than she ever could. But of course, watching a video of being on a plane and actually being on a plane are two different things…

They do a test flight, the shortest Tessa can find: Chicago to Indianapolis. Henry drops them off, then drives down to Indy to pick them up. Tessa breathes a huge sigh of relief when they get through security without a hitch. Pero is quiet as they wait at their gate, which isn’t unusual for him, but he’s more nervous than he lets on. He won’t show it though, a combination of the ingrained effects of stoic toxic masculinity and Pero’s general desire not to contribute to Tessa’s worries.

Tessa springs for first class, which is a bit ridiculous for so short a flight, but it’s more comfortable, less claustrophobic, and, importantly, means it’s just the two of them in their row. Pero takes the window seat. Tessa feels more acutely than ever before the weight of Pero’s trust in her. It’s one thing to say the things you see on tv aren’t real, trust me, or this medicine is safe and will cure your headache, trust me, or you’ll like this food, Pero, trust me. Flying is terrifying even to people who grew up with it as part of their lives; how much faith does Pero have to have in her to believe her when she tells him that this is safe, this will work, this is normal? Tessa’s eyes trace the lines of Pero’s profile as he stares out the window as they taxi and she cannot believe how much love she has for this brave, brave man.

They take off, and Pero is surprised at how loud it is. He reaches for Tessa’s hand and the only sign of his nerves is how tightly he holds onto her. But he stays glued to the window the entire time, completely in awe and unconvinced that there’s no magical component to making this work.

What would William think of this, he can’t help but wonder.

Only the snack cart is enough to distract him from the view. Tessa had warned him that airplane food would disappoint him. And it does, but that doesn’t stop him from trying one of everything.

They land in Indianapolis and Pero decides landing is definitely his favorite part.

But he would do it again, he tells Tessa. It certainly beats spending weeks on horseback.

Thank god, Tessa thinks. This means now we can go to Spain.

As for the mile-high club…

Pero hears some vlogger make a passing joke about it on one of the videos they watch.

“What does that mean? Mile-high club?”

He does not expect Tessa’s ears to turn pink with embarrassment, but they do, and his question has her squirming where she’s curled up against his side on the couch. Before, he was curious. Now he’s intrigued.

“It’s, um, slang,” Tessa says, not meeting his eye. “If you’re a member of the mile-high club, it means you’ve had sex on a plane.”

Oh now there’s a possibility Pero had not considered.

“And are you, mi amor?” he asks, not wasting an opportunity to tease his flustered little witch. “A member of this club?”

“No!” is her emphatic reply. “I’d absolutely die of mortification if I got caught, and it’s not like it’s easy to get away with. Besides, the only place to do it is in those tiny airplane bathrooms that are barely big enough for one person, let alone two.”

Pero hums as he considers, trailing the hand not wrapped around her shoulders up the smooth skin of her thigh, pushing the hem of her dress higher. He watches her pupils dilate, and is sure that if he keeps going he’ll find her panties already damp for him.

“Even so,” he says, fully planning on tugging her down the hall and bending her over their bathroom sink, “we’ve prepared for every other kind of scenario on this journey. We should practice for this one too, don’t you think?”

#answered asks #sometimes leslie responds to things very late #Les loves Cat

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anarchistbitch · 8 months

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IIIIIIIIIIIII bloody hate tumblr, Ive been trying to get all the songs we've reced each other into a playlist but it is not showing me all our asks and the ones it does show me are not in order and i wanted it to be in order ugggghhh im stabbing the screen right now mentally,

anyway at work my team is making a playlist so we can listen to everyone's music taste and here's the link to it, add some in my name please and thankyou<333 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4KeIWHO0lqkpDjXFPxWB7v?si=MToywKdbQM2JdiQWq1se6Q&pt=5d863cd3287ba2fae6b8184d7edce597

xhjdsflsdkf it's so always so funny and embarrassing remembering how this all started, all because i was too shy to take off the anon, but hey, here we are <3

and god yes, monaco is perfect for a roadtrip, it is also perfect for this one fic that i read back around 2019 or 2018, just yesterday i was talking about it with a friend bc it was HUGE fic in the fandom, to the point that there was discourse about the fic which is just fucking ridiculous but anyway, you see, idk if you heard about vld but that shit was huge here on tumblr and i was motherfucking obsessed and then the fandom grew very very large and it just kind of imploded but that's not important, the fic was a current time au where the characters were fake dating for a family reunion and the post breakup-bc-we-caught-feelings-but-we-think-the-other-didnt scene would be SO good with Monaco on the background, tasty 👌🏻

re:the job, yeap, ive been working since february bc i needed a break from uni and this way i justified it to myself and actually work has been so good for me for real, ive met a bunch of people that have become close friends, work has allowed me so much rest compared to mfucking architecture, it's also allowing me to pay for a psychologist which is great and yeah, overall a positive experience, the only problem is that now i dont wanna quit working but i know that i cant both work and continue with architecture, and it is making me question how much of my life i am willing to give to this career, bc i feel so much better now mentally, even my friends have told me how different i seem and how much better i seem to be doing right now that im not at uni and just *slowly slips down from the chair into the floor dramatically*

and you're right in both accounts lmao, it's hot as hell outside, especially since i just went home for the weekend and jesus christ the heat and humidity there are no fucking joke i tell you, on the plus side i came back by plane and that was so nice, right before take off i was SO nervous but after we did i really enjoyed it, it helps that it turned 8 hours in a cramped seat into half an hour in a slightly less cramped seat lol, some of the pics i took bc i couldnt help myself will follow this paragraph that just ran away from me literally but anyways, it's horribly hot outside but at work they always have the bloody aircon either too high or too low, no in between with those people

the edit also had me on sliding dramatically to the floor holy shit, the song fits Miles so well and im just 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 it's so easy to have that part get stuck in your head btw, i halfway think about it and i have it stuck in my head for at least the next hour

song rec of the ask: heaven iowa by fall out boy, i fucking love fall out boy, they're my band for real

-M, aka Denisse, aka blue iconed mutual who wanted you to know bc they had a major crush on you but didnt want you to know bc she is shy as fuck aka just a silly goofy person who covers her eyes and groans when she thinks too much about the anon asking bc they get embarrassed easily jsfhjds byyye love you, take care, sending you tons of hugsssss

back to old traditions-> me answering every ask 3 weeks late😔

oooooh lemme search them up and make a playlist later :)) i mostly have them in my liked akshually

what if i added oli london huh. what if i added peppa pig🤨oink wsbdfjkerkjh idk if i had good song recs rn but ill try to add smth later :3

. . . . .

do i . a person whos been on tumblr for almost 8 ish years know about Voltron:Legendary Defenders - the ships from which top the tumblr ecosystem almost every year- the fandom from which i have trauma(not actually but i did cry at shiro's implied death and subsequent clonign lmaooo😭😭😭)

dm me the link bby🤙🏽🤙🏽[i stated on the side of. ahem . omegaverse/werewolves plus soulmate aus]

im glad that youre happy with ur job!!! im entirely unqualified to give any career advice [seriously though -my chosen career is like. its good but its also like 7 years of studying and idek know if i should pursue it rnnn] so honestly🫂🫂🫂🫂🫂

honestly im just real glad that ur doing good <3 being in college/uni is both good and bad but hey its not like you cant go back to it at anytime yk? you'd be doing incredible things anyway, it'll just have different terms

ahh the weather here is so shit it's always on the edge of raining and then its like nah😜

i actually like love airplane pics on insta , also the mountains!!!! my old flat used to be near a mountain and i miss it so much😭

i couldnt see atsv in theatres cause of so many things but i finally saw it and it was. like actually life changing . and also i have to fuck miguel o hara btw

OH MAN. i need to confess smth. me and my friends had , a file. like a plastic file with paper with lyrics to FOB songs that we used to write in our free periods and sing in the back of the class😭😭 i miss it so much [it being time. place, ppl. yk how it is]

so much for stardust ended up being one of my fav albums of their forever- after mania and save rock and roll

[but seriously the words 'scar-crossed lovers' brought back the 14yr old geek obsessed with fantasy books in me out again]

😳😳😳

omg well heres to my blue iconned mutual who i wouldve been dming a lot sooner had i been a lit bit more brave but am ultimately glad to have known even after a little longer

much love and many hugs 😚😚😚

#p.s. drink water and hope u meet little kitties who follow u around💜💜💜💜💜#ily #m for mwah! and mwah! and mwah!#m

0 notes

parkers-gal · 3 years

Note

Hey lovie, so Idk if you take requests but based on the other fic I read about Harrison having a baby sister and the boys talking behind her back can you write something about reader keeping her boyfriend a secret from the boys and she’s out with some friends and Harry sees the friends insta story and seeing reader in the corner on a boys lap and they Drive as fast a possible to the location to get haz babysister and being all protective around her like „what do you do on a random boys lap?“ and she’s like „uh, he’s my boyfriend.“

combing this with another request, hope u don’t mind :)

Hey! I've just read circles before selves and I loved it so much!! 😔 if you feel like it fits, could you write a part 2 where one of the boys has feelings for yn and really missed her during that time? Really angst? Thanks, bby! ❤❤

wc: 1.7 k

—

Through the week you’d ghosted the four of them, Tom had probably been affected the most. Being your brother’s best friend, he was very much intertwined with your life, which meant he was just as dependent on you as he was on Harrison.

The night after their apology in your apartment, Tom had come over with more take out and one of his hoodies on his arm.

“Hey… Tom?” You were surprised by his presence, standing in the doorway of the front entrance, Tom on your patio. “What’s up?”

“Can I- uh… Can I talk to you?” “Sure…” You’re still confused, but nevertheless, open the door wider for him.

Tom has always been your protector in a different way than Harrison’s ‘older-brother protective mode.’ He’s genuinely cared about your well-being, and tended to keep you out of the public’s eyes despite you not being a celebrity. He was there when you needed a ride home in the rain, and he was there when your ex-boyfriend had cheated on you with your best friend. He was there, angrily, supportively, encouragingly. Sure, he gave you butterflies, but you as another rule of the circle goes, siblings are off limits. Nobody had ever broken the rule, and you suspected Tom wasn’t here to break it either, so you dropped the thoughts from your mind, attention resorting back to the brunette in front of you.

“What’s happening?” You’re awkwardly sitting on the couch beside him until the tension fades away into nothingness. It’s never like this between the two of you, but you’re picking apart the context, pointing out in your head his demeanor — and why this time feels different.

“I, erhm,” He clears his throat. “I really missed you those past two weeks.”

“Aww,” You jutt a lip out, assuming that’s all he’s here for. Restoring those lost cuddles, huh? “I really missed you, too.” “That’s… not exactly what I mean.”

“Okay…” You lean back a bit in defeat. “What do you mean, then?”

“I mean… I’ve had feelings for you for a while.” He’s blushing profusely, scratching the back of his neck out of nervousness. Your eyes widen and he’s quick to continue, not wanting to shock you too much. “And- And I know it’s so fucking cliche — your brother’s best friend likes you — and I know that we have that stupid rule about not going out with your best friend’s siblings but I just… I don’t want to go away on- on… business or something and come back and you’re somebody else’s girl.”

You can’t help but let a grin take over your face. You can feel yourself heating up, hands coming to block your face from his view, trying to save your dignity and keep the embarrassment to a minimum despite him spilling his heart out right in front of you.

“Do… do you feel the same way?” You bite your lip before picking your head up. He’s so innocent — so sweet and so gentle and tender and pure with his words — and the glint of hope in his eyes could make your heart burst. It doesn’t, but instead flutters faster, wings flapping as it prepares to take flight. You’re afraid of where it’s going, but you decide to let it fly right in the hands of the boy standing in front of you.

“I didn’t think you’d ever feel the same way.” You confess it sheepishly. Tom’s quick to grow redder, ears turning a scarlet shade.

“The- the same way?”

“Yeah,” You breathe out a laugh. “I have feelings for you, too.” “That’s…” He trails off with a smile before remembering the hoodie he has in his hands. “Do you, uh- do you wanna be my girlfriend?” He holds the article of clothing out as an offer, widening your grin as you stand with a nod. “Yeah,” You take the hoodie from him, slipping it on smoothly. His smirk grows at the sight of you in his clothing. “You’ll be my boyfriend?”

He rolls his eyes jokingly, laughing with a happy smile. “Yeah.”

That is how you ended up here, at a bar with a few of your friends. Aisha and her girlfriend sit on your right — you’re on the inside of the crowded booth, sitting atop Tom’s lap to save space and to nuzzle closer to him. He’d told his brothers and yours that he was going up north to Manchester for the weekend.

In reality, he was secretly staying in your apartment, which was a few miles from the flat he shared with Harrison and the twins. The two of you were downtown right now, dressed for clubbing despite only downing a few shots. He’s dressed a bit differently than from his normal ‘clubbing’ outfits — you style him in dark grey slacks and a mesh shirt. His hair was slightly messy but hotter than ever, and your fingers constantly took a trip through the strands of curls, massaging his scalp while he groaned occasionally.

(Yeah fuck me, that esquire picture fucked me up for days.)

He’s holding a beer, now, one hand on your waist. Your legs are splayed across his lap, ass on his thigh comfortably while an arm wraps around the back of his neck. It’s comfortable — and intimate, but neither of you mind. It’s barely nine o’clock, and Aisha had insisted on paying for one of those stupid clubbing games. A waiter had brought the drinks over, and now each of you were going around to answer the questions as best they could with the amount of alcohol in their veins.

The two girls across from you were drinking the most, but Aisha’s girlfriend, Iridessa, was designated driver for the night, so the rest of your friend group was fine with getting wasted.

“Time for a cute pic,” Andrea announced, beckoning the cute waiter over for a favor. He took the picture on your Instagram, handing it back to you while you posted it to your story in seconds.

Your pose against Tom was cozy, and his face was hidden in the crook of your neck — you remember this fact very well, because he’d left a few open-mouthed kisses against your skin in the middle of the picture. His hair was different, and you hoped the only correlation between him and the boy your brother knew was that his lanky fingers were gripping a glass of beer.

Within a matter of minutes, each of Tom’s brothers — and your own — were replying to the post of you cuddled up with a ‘mysterious boy.’ They were currently discussing it in the Instagram groupchat, and Tom was trying to act as surprised, but he was being vague, too preoccupied with the girl in his lap.

You clicked the off button, setting your phone down on the wooden table, deciding to let them chatter away and deciphering who you were with and why. That was a mistake, because they had decided to talk about it in their kitchen, eventually deciding to drive down to the bar you were at. It was only a fifteen minute drive — what was the harm?

You were caught off guard by the door swinging open, emerging three boys searching for you. You gasped, alerting Tom and Aisha that if they did see you, your relationship would be outed. You tried to hide away in the booth, go as unnoticed as possible. You saw them go to the back of the bar, where more people were located, and breathed out in relief. They wouldn’t be leaving that room anytime soon — it was too crowded.

You remained in your seat, joining the game normally again. You missed the way Harrison had gasped, eyes widening as he pointed to you for the twins to see. They came practically marching over to your booth to get a better look at the brown-haired boy whose lap you were seated in.

“Y/N?” Harrison asked, another gasp escaping. “Tom?!” Your jaw dropped open, eyebrows raising against your forehead. You felt Tom’s hand squeeze your waist in acknowledgement — in protectiveness — and you tried to act as normal as possible.

“Hi.” You spoke meekly, something Harrison had rolled his eyes at.

“Tom?!” Harry was just as surprised. “You’re supposed to be in Manchester! For the weekend!” “Right…” He laughed sheepishly. “Surprise? I’m sorry, I lied.” He tried again, noticing Harrison’s jaw tense, clenching and unclenching.

“You’re…. You’re with my baby sister?!”

Tom nibbled his bottom lip and you placed a calming hand on his chest. “Guys, don’t freak out. You’re gonna cause a scene.” You eyed them. “Especially you, Haz.” He shifted on his feet, dominantly leaning on his right one.

“You’re breaking rule number two.”

You didn’t falter as you responded, without missing a beat. “You broke rule number one, first.”

He didn’t answer, and you could sense Aisha and Iridessa were awkwardly sitting between you and the boys. The tension was thicker than you thought it’d be, so you decided to speak again, filling the silence before Harrison had a breakdown in front of everyone.

“Look, can we just talk about this later? I’m with people right now, I can’t really have this conversation here.”

“Fine.” Harrison agreed, but he sneered closer to Tom, eyes crisp and jaw tight. “But you’re not off the hook, Tommy.”

Tom nodded nonchalantly, sipping his beer before replying. “Do you mind? My girl and I are a bit busy.”

You bit your lip at his words, knees weakening and stomach erupting in butterflies. This boy-

That seemed to tick Harrison off in a teasing way before they finally left the bar. You exhaled in relief, gasping at Tom. “That’s literally saying something to my dad like ‘you’re not the only daddy anymore!’” You compared the instances. “You’re a cheeky bastard.” You slapped his shoulder. Tom let out a loud laugh, chuckling while his hand rubbed up and down your side. “You know Harrison’s still gonna be pissed, though.” You sighed and Tom pouted, kissing your nose to grab your attention.

“It’s gonna be okay, alright?” You nodded, a bit unconvinced, and Tom clicked his tongue. “Trust me?”

You nodded again, faithfully, and he smirked, squeezing your hip again. You brought his hand to you, guiding the glass to your lips and sipping his beer. He watched you through hooded eyelids, tongue running across his bottom lip, across his teeth. You could see his pupils dilate, and you smirked from behind the cup, fingers slipping from his hand with a small smirk, turning back to the girls and continuing the game just as you had before.

#tom holland x osterfield!reader #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you #tom holland smutty #tom holland fic #tom holland fluff #tom holland fanfic #tom holland fluffy #tom holland imagine #tom holland oneshot #tom holland blurb #tom holland fanfiction #tom holland smut #tom holland angst #tom x reader

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athenadcvell · 4 years

Text

Okay fine here’s my character review for the Haunting of Bly Manor that literally no one wants

Obviously, spoiler ahead. I know no one cares but I like to post meaningless rants on this blog so here we are.

So. First off. Haunting of Hill House was SO MUCH BETTER, and you can fight me on that. I’m sorry, but Bly Manor was so predictable, like yes I got surprised sometimes, but Hill House had me on the edge of my seat the entire time. But Bly Manor was still fucking amazing, don’t get me wrong. I haven’t been this intrigued with a show since I finished The Originals.

Anywho, let’s start with Dani. Baby. I love her, and she’s so badass, but I will admit, she got on my nerves sometimes. Like sis, you’re seeing your dead ex, GO TO THERAPY. Also, I think she should’ve told Edmund’s fam about their break-up. Like I understand why she didn’t, but I just feel like she should’ve. But I love her.

Hannah was such a bad bitch, but it was kinda obvious she was dead. Like sis was skipping meals and popping outta nowhere, and she never left the manor. But I loved how she took no shit from anyone, and her confusion about everything SPOKE to me. Owen is by far one of my favs, with Jamie. He was so pure and funny, and I literally love him to death. HANNAH AND OWEN DESERVED BETTER. Also, when we saw his restaurant with Hannah’s pic, I sobbed, ngl.

Jamie, my badass, take no shit from no one, gay baby. I LOVE HER. She was so amazing, and she literally gave no shits. She was abt to go pow pow on a ten year olds ass and I LOVE HER FOR IT. LIKE YES. BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF MILES BEING POSSESSED BY PETER.

Miles and Flora. Flora creeped me out from the start, like she was so sweet and polite, but so so creepy. But I also felt so bad for her. Poor girl just wanted her parents. We didn’t get to see a lot of what Miles was actually like, but lemme tell you, he creeped me tf out in the beginning. Like he was acting so grown, but everything made sense when we found out Peter was possessing him. Hated Uncle Henry with a passion. He literally just abandoned his fam in a ghost house, like sure he was guilty, but he should’ve been there for them. Also, he was kinda unnecessary to the storyline ngl.

Rebecca. Sweet, naive, Rebecca. Like, I felt SO BAD for her, because of everything that happened, but c’mon. Sis. There were so many red signs. I just wish she wasn’t so forgiving. And Peter can go ahead and choke. I HATE HIM. Like, because he’s played by the same actor that played Luke, I so badly wanted to love him. I was secretly hoping Rebecca like killed him or something so I wouldn’t have to hate him. But he just turned out to be a dick. I thought maybe he would give Rebecca a choice, like tell her to leave the manor and then she ended up offing herself so she could be with him, BUT NO HE HAD TO GO AND KILL HER. And then leave her alone to face the pain by herself... God I want to punch him. And his plan in the end made no fucking sense, so I’m glad it didn’t work out. But his backstory made me cry, I ain’t even gonna lie. And I’m probably a little messed up in the head, but he was attractive to me k bye

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dolantwinsfavss · 5 years

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Beautiful In White {g.d}

A/N: pic goes to their rightful owners! Based on a request and I hope you like it!

@anotherdolanblog said: Can you write ab Grayson & his high school sweetheart getting married & at their wedding James Charles gets super emotional because it’s just so beautiful?

Masterlist

In a couple of minutes you would be walking down the aisle, marrying the love of your life.

You stood behind the large wooden double doors and looked through the window where you could see all of your’s and soon-to-be husband’s family and friends anxiously waiting for the ceremony to begin. The alter was beautifully decorated with your favorite flowers, some greenery, and some lights. It was everything you had always wanted it to be. But none of that was more important than the beautiful man waiting for you at the end of the aisle. Grayson Bailey Dolan.

From what you could see, you could tell how nervous he was by seeing him constantly turning to Ethan and asking if he looked okay. And Ethan starting to get annoyed at his younger brother for asking him so much. You laughed at his behavior, knowing he always got nervous when you weren’t by his side to calm him down. You loved having that effect on him, but you loved how he calmed you down even more.

Today is going to be the best day of your life. Today is going to be the day you were going to marry your best friend. Your high school sweetheart.

Before you knew it, the music started playing and that was your queue. The double doors opened as the guests rose from their seats, watching you start to walk down the aisle. You graciously walked down the aisle in your beautifully, long, white gown perfectly made for you while holding onto your bouquet. Friends and family were taking photos, smiling, and crying at how beautiful you looked to mark this special day in their lives, but your focus was on the man your heart was set on.

Even though Grayson’s heart was racing a mile a minute waiting for you to arrive, the moment he laid eyes on you, he fell in love all over again. Seeing you in that dress made his heart melt, he couldn’t help but smile and cry at how beautiful you looked. He swore he has never seen something more beautiful than the love of his life. To him, it wasn’t the dress that was beautiful, it was you that made it beautiful. Everything about you was perfect to him.

The moment you two made eye contact, it was as if it was just you two against the world. You could have sworn time had stopped. This feeling of love and happiness caused by this man was everything you needed.

You arrived at the end of the aisle, passing your bouquet to your maid of honor and finally taking Grayson’s hands as the guests sat back down, you could sense that his nerves went away the second you touched. When you looked up at him, he was already looking at you with that boyish grin you loved to see as he whispered, “I love you.”

You could never be tired of hearing those three words, especially from Grayson. Every time you heard him say that to you, it still had the effect from when he said it to you the very first time. “I love you too.” You whispered back, making him feel the same way he did when he first heard you say it back.

“Dear friends and family, today we are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the marriage of Grayson Dolan and Y/N L/N. In the years they have been together, their love and understanding of one another has grown and matured, and now they have chosen to live their lives as husband and wife.” Your officiant announced. “As humans, it is our instinct to seek what is best for us. But the one thing we cannot find is love, because love finds us. True marriage is more than joining the bonds of marriage of two persons; it is the unity of two hearts. It lives in the love you give each other and never grows old, but thrives in the joy of each new day. Marriage is love. Today Grayson and Y/N proclaim their love for each other through these words... Grayson?”

Grayson turned to Ethan who handed him the ring before turning back to you and placing the ring on your finger, saying, “Y/N... I have loved you since the first time I saw you. And this ring and these words are simply just ways to show the world what has been in my heart since freshman year of high school.” Grayson reached into his pocket a pulled out a piece of paper. “This is the letter I wrote myself freshman year of high school and said I wouldn’t open it until it was our wedding day. I’ve been carrying this letter for years and it says, ‘Today is the day I met one of the best people on his earth and her name is Y/N. She is the most beautiful person I’ve ever met...’” Grayson’s voice was beginning to break, he was starting to tear up and so were you. You wiped his tears away with your thumb, as he continued. “’I-It’s not just her beautiful looks, b-but her personality that is everything. She makes me happy and that is something I want forever. She may not know it yet but I’m going to marry this girl one day. And I can’t wait for that day because that is the day she will finally become Y/N Dolan.’ I love you. Y/N L/N. I am so in love with you. I always have and I always will.”

You smiled at each other with teary eyes, after hearing Grayson’s words, there was not a dry eye in the crowd. But now it was your turn.

You turned to your maid of honor who handed you his ring and placing it on his finger before taking in a deep breath and saying, “Grayson Dolan...” already your voice was beginning to break, “My love. My heart. My other half...There is so much I want to say, but nothing can describe the love and happiness you have given me and I thank you for that. Y-You have taught me how to be a better version of myself. You have taught me what it is like to love and be loved. Sometimes I wish everyone can have their own Grayson Dolan so they can experience the love and happiness I have felt. Who knew the quiet, yet caring boy who sat next to me in freshman English would be the boy I’d be marrying today.” You slightly chuckled, wiping a tear away as Grayson looked down at you as if you were still the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. “When I met you that day, I knew my life would be changed forever. Every single moment since that day has been filled with nothing but joy, love, and happiness. I can’t wait for the day we’ll be able to tell our children and grandchildren our love story because I’ll look back and say that it was absolutely perfect because I had you right by my side. You are everything to me. And I love that goofy smile of yours. I love the way you’ve made me feel these past couple of years. I love those dreamy eyes I could stare in forever. I love your hugs that make me feel at home. I love everything about you. I love you Grayson Dolan. Forever and always.”

All of your friends and family knew this day would come. On both sides, you two were the couple everyone saw would get married and today was that day. Everyone on your side loved Grayson and everyone on his side loved you. It was as if you two were meant to be from the very beginning. Everyone was tearing up at you two exchanging your vows, but all you could hear was James from the crowd. “Oh my gosh I am literally crying my eyes out. I love them so much, they’re literally perfect for each other. Why can’t I get a love story like this?” He said, carefully wiping his tears away so he wouldn’t ruin his makeup. “I knew I should’ve worn waterproof mascara! Emma! Do I look okay still?” Everyone laughed at his behavior as it lightened up the mood.

“James! Your makeup is fine! Now, be quiet! You’re ruining their wedding!” Emma said, hushing him and giving him a tissue.

“Alright... I’m sister sorry Grayson and Y/N!” James yelled, finally realizing what he was doing and feeling embarrassed.

“Haha it’s okay James.” You and Grayson laughed at one of your best friends, knowing he only meant well.

So you two carried onto the rest of the ceremony. “There is not a dry eye at this ceremony, your love for each other is incredibly moving. I even teared up.” Your officiant laughed, “There is something so amazing between you two that I’ve never seen before. Something tells me you guys are truly meant to be and that your love will conquer everything and all obstacles that will come your way. Your future will be amazing together. So, do you Grayson, take Y/N to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?”

“I do.” Grayson said with that smile you loved so dearly.

“Do you Y/N, take Grayson to be your husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?”

“I do.” You said smiling right back at him. You were so ready.

“I may now pronounce you husband and wife. Grayson, you may now kiss your bride.”

Grayson leaned in and placed his hands against your cheeks before saying, “Finally.” He flashed you a smile that reflected on your face and pulling you into a passionate kiss as your heard everyone cheer.

Finally, you were married to your high school sweetheart, the love of your life, your other half. You couldn’t ask for a better man to spend the rest of your life with. And now, like Grayson predicted, you were Y/N Dolan.

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unknown-art1 · 5 years

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The Ultimate Wingmen

Summary: Pearls and Maya find a sketchbook that reveals a defense attorney’s secret crush on a certain prosecutor. What happens when these girls decided to become his best wingman? What ridiculous acts will these girls get into to help their friend Phoenix confess his love?

Pearls ran towards Maya carrying a blue book with a label on top that said Wright’s Sketchbook “Mystic Maya! Mystic Maya! What is a sketchbook?”

Maya paused a Steel Samurai episode on the television and explained to Pearls “Well it’s kind of in the name, it’s just a book full of sketches or I guess mini drawings if you want to call them that.”

Pearls flipped through the pages of the blue book as she asked “Umm, are most of the drawings supposed to contain drawings of the same person?”

Maya tilted her head; and thought that’s strange, who is this person that’s worth filling most of a sketchbook with? Maya hopped up from her seat and strode over to Pearls so they could look inside the sketchbook together. It was full of pictures of the friends they encountered through their murder cases like Detective Gumshoe, Franziska Von Karma, Larry Butz, and Mr. Godot, but the person that reoccurred the most throughout the book was Miles Edgeworth.

They continued to flip through the pages; Pearls wasn’t lying when she said there were a lot of pictures of the same person here. Every couple pages they would find a new picture of Edgeworth sometimes it would be drawn as a headshot, other times it’d be drawn as a full body pic, but occasionally there was full blown illustrations dedicated to him. Each picture was drawn with great care and Phoenix seemed to pay attention to the even smallest details, but what was so special about Edgeworth of all people that caused Phoenix to draw him this much?

Maya mumbled out loud “What could cause someone to be passionate about drawing a specific person?”

Pearls thought about it for a minute and responded “I think he really likes Mr. Edgeworth, they are friends aren’t they?”

Maya pondered that statement for a moment, while yes it was true they were friends, a lot of people were friends with Phoenix, so why was Edgeworth different? She thought about it for a few more seconds and remembered about what Pearl said and how Phoenix seems to really like Edgeworth.

And then a realization hit her and she exclaimed, “Nick likes Edgeworth!”

Pearls gave a puzzled look at Maya’s outburst and replied “Of course he does, their friends after all!”

Maya shook her head “No, Nick likes Edgeworth romantically! That is the only possible way to explain why he’s so fascinated with drawing him.”

A little gasp escaped Pearls at this new development “But Mystic Maya I thought you liked Nick romantically! Aren’t you upset your feelings are unrequited?”

How did she learn the word unrequited? That’s a big word for someone her age. Has Pearls been reading romance novels or fanfiction I’m unaware of? Maya wondered.

Maya responded “Nah, I never liked Nick that way. I rather go out with a burger than go out with Nick.”

A giggle escaped Pearls at Maya’s response.

Maya stated “But now we have an important job to do.”

Pearls asked “What is it?”

Maya shouted “Obviously to help Nick and Edgeworth get together!”

……………

Later, Maya kicked down the door and ran inside the Wright & Co Law Offices with Pearls following swiftly behind her and yelled “NICK! WE KNOW ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS FOR A CERTAIN PROSECUTOR!”

Pearls shouted “Mr. Nick, where are you? We want to talk to you!”

They saw Phoenix nowhere in sight. So there was only one thing to do! It was time for Maya and Pearls to investigate to find the missing Nick!

Maya pointed to the other room “You look that way and I’ll go look in his main office okay?”

Pearls nodded her head up and down and then scurried off into the room. Maya began to search his office and immediately spotted a plant. If anyone knew who had been in this room it was definitely Charley.

Maya began to interrogate the witness, “Did you see him Charley? Did you see Nick in this room?”

Charley remained silent.

She let out an annoyed sigh, “The silent treatment? That’s so typical of you Charley,” Maya cracked her knuckles,” Fine, I didn’t want to have to do this Charley, but you leave me no choice!”

Maya grabbed the sides of the plant pot and shook it back and forth spilling dirt out onto the floor, and further interrogated the plant “Where is Nick hiding Charley? I know you know where he is!”

Charley suffered through the harsh interrogation and remained silent, since he was literally just a defenseless plant and couldn’t do anything else.

Phoenix asked “Did you honestly believe a plant was going to tell you were I was at? You’re acting stranger than usually today.”

Maya dropped the plant, spilling more dirt out in the process, then spun around and found Phoenix actually sitting at his desk for once. The loud thump of the plant plot hitting the floor alerted Pearls and she ran into the room to make sure Maya was okay.

Pearls spotted Phoenix and said “Mr. Nick! We have something important we want to talk to you about!”

A pit in Phoenix’s stomach began to form as he saw them both wearing a determined look on their face. When they teamed up like this there was no way for him to escape whatever conversation they wanted to have.

Phoenix asked “What do you want to talk about?”

Maya leaned against Phoenix’s desk and said “Well your crush of course!”

Phoenix felt his cheeks slightly warm up “C-Crush? I don’t have a crush.”

And at that moment several psyche-locks appeared around him clearly contradicting his statement.

Pearls brought out a Magmata “Good thing I brought this. I thought something like this might happen.”

Pearls chucked the Magmata at Phoenix and yelled “Take that!”

As the Magmata collided with Phoenix’s chest he let out a loud “OOOW!”

And it was time for them to break the psyche-locks! The first question was who was Phoenix’s supposed crush they were referring to? This was simple enough for them to answer; all they had to do was present Edgeworth’s profile to him. The girls caught a glimpse of Phoenix’s face tinted a light red color, before he asked for evidence to back up this claim. Then Maya pulled out Wright’s Sketchbook revealing all of his drawings of Edgeworth inside and she began to smack a page of a book similar to how Phoenix would smack a sheet a paper during a trial proving a contradiction in a witness’s testimony.

Maya and Pearls didn’t know it was possible for a human to turn as bright red as Phoenix was now. He looked like a bright big tomato, but there was still one lock on him and they had one final question they had to solve for him.

Who or what was preventing him from asking out Edgeworth?

It seemed like a simple answer why it is probably the fear of ruining the friendship of course, but they tried that and it failed. The lock still remained on him, so it had to be some deeper more personal reason for hiding his feelings for Edgeworth along with the fear of ruining a friendship.

Maybe it had to do with something with a past relationship, past relationships could negatively affect people in future ones, they had seen something similar like that happen on a TV show once. But had either Maya or Pearls seen him in his last relationship? In all the time they worked with Phoenix had they even seen him in a relationship in general?

Maya whispered to Pearl “I wish we could phone a friend like on those game shows, when we didn’t know the answer to a question.”

Pearls rubbed the bottom of her chin as she thought before she excitedly whispered to Maya “We can call someone!”

Before Maya could ask what she met by that the next moment she saw, her sister, Mia standing before her dressed like Pearls. Maya thought that’s what Pearls meant! She called Mia for help!

Mia stated “I think I can handle this question from here Maya.”

Mia faced Phoenix and whipped out Dahlia Hawthorne’s profile.

She stated “If I remember correctly the last girl you dated was Dahlia Hawthorne wasn’t it? That woman who hated you and planned to murder you, but you never saw her true nature until much later since you were naïve and blinded by young love. Isn’t that correct? Dahlia traumatized you after that incident didn’t she? That’s why you’ve haven’t dated since that incident because you’re so scared that you will be hurt more.”

The pit in Phoenix’s stomach grew; since Mia had been his mentor for so long she could read him like a book. He will admit he’s scared. He’s terrified He’s afraid of getting attached in the end and getting hurt even worse. That’s the real reason why he’s avoided dating for so long because he’s terrified about what would happen.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and another hand wiping away tears from his eyes.

Phoenix looked up into his mentor’s eyes and listened to her words “Don’t let this event prevent you from getting the things you want. Learn from it and don’t let your past hold you back it’s the only way you’ll move forward in the world. It’ll take time for you to get over that event, but you’re surrounded by friends who care for you Phoenix, don’t ever forget that.”

Through his tears Phoenix managed to say “T-Thank you Mia.”

A small smile spread across Mia’s face and she turned to her sister “I believe my job is done here. I think it is Pearl and your turn now to help take care of him Maya.”

Maya hugged Mia “We will, and Mia?”

“Yes?”

“I really miss you.”

Mia planted a kiss on top of Maya’s forehead “I miss you too.”

Once their hug had ended Mia left and Pearls was back in her place. Tears stained Phoenix’s face and the girls rushed over to comfort him. Maya and Pearls that day made a vow to Nick to always be his best friends and be by his side when he needed comfort. And when Phoenix was ready they would one day help him court a certain Prosecutor.

……………

Maya ran ahead and pointed to a small café “Here it is Nick! This is where you will be meeting Edgeworth today!”

The café was stuck in between a sparkling boutique that displayed expensive looking clothes in their windows and a flower shop decorated with an assortment of different colored flowers in the front of it. The café itself however had a chalkboard stand outside displaying their special offers and huge windows covered most of the front of the café to allow any passersby to glance inside the establishment. It was a relatively calm time to visit the café since there was only a couple customers in the restaurant. There were two friends chatting at a table, a lady quickly typing away something at her computer and a man sipping his drink and staring out the window at and observing the people walking along the streets.

Phoenix responded “Seems like a nice place. How’d you guys convince Edgeworth to meet me here anyway?”

Pearls appeared next to Phoenix and replied “Mr. Nick, we can’t reveal that information!”

A perplexed looked appeared on his face “Why?”

Maya posed dramatically next to Pearls and stated “It is part of are wingman duty to keep our techniques secret!”

Secret techniques? What exactly are these two girls planning for me? Phoenix pondered before he was broken from his thoughts at the sound of a new voice.

“How are you doing pal?”

Pal? Why did that word seem familiar?

Phoenix glanced at the owner of the voice “Detective Gumshoe? What are you doing here?”

Gumshoe replied “Maya and Pearls asked me to contact Edgeworth for your,” Gumshoe awkwardly rubbed the back of his head,” umm to confess your feelings correct?”

Phoenix’s face was on fire from how embarrassed he was “You told him?!”

Pearls responded “Of course so Mr. Nick! He needed to know why it was so urgent for you to meet with him.”

Phoenix covered his burning face with his hand; this situation seemed to get more embarrassing as it went on.

Gumshoe patted Phoenix’s back “Don’t worry Pal I didn’t tell Edgeworth about your crush on him. I told him you two have important business to discuss. It’s your responsibility to admit your feelings for him.”

Pearls stated “I believe if anyone can do it, Mr. Nick can do it!”

A small smile crept onto Phoenix’s face at Pearl’s faith in him “Thanks Pearls.”

Gumshoe looked in the other direction “Looks like Edgeworth has finally shown up.”

They all turned their attention to a silver haired man adorning his signature magenta jacket with the rest of his attire. He got out of his car and was now walking towards the café to meet up with Phoenix.

Maya said “Nick I think this is your cue to go chase after a certain prosecutor,” before she gave him a wink and pushed him in the direction of the one and only Miles Edgeworth.

…………………….

Edgeworth and Phoenix sat at a table near the entrance of the café sipping their drinks, when Edgeworth suddenly asked “So what important business did you want to discuss with me Wright?”

Phoenix’s heart began to beat a little faster, he could do this. He just has to confess his feelings for a man he likes, why would that be so hard?

He replied “Actually, it’s not about business at all,” a nervous smile appeared on Phoenix’s face as he rubbed the back of his head,” I wanted to talk to you about something personal.”

Edgeworth took a sip of his drink and raised an eyebrow in curiosity “What is it?”

Phoenix took a deep breath and responded “Well I wanted to confess to you that I really like-“

Then suddenly a loud “EDGEY-POO,” interrupted Phoenix’s confession.

Phoenix didn’t even need to look at the owner of the voice to know who it was all he could think right now was are you kidding me? This has to happen to me now?

Everyone in the café was alerted by the yell and turned to see Oldbag running towards Edgeworth at hyper speed.

Edgeworth’s eyes flew open and yelled “Not you again!”

Before Edgeworth could flee the scene Oldbag wrapped an arm around his shoulder which prevented him from leaving his chair.

Oldbag leaned in closer to Edgeworth’s face and asked “Did you miss me Edgey-poo?”

The sudden proximity of their faces made Edgeworth extremely uncomfortable and he turned to face out the window behind him trying to silently plead to any passerby outside to help him from this insane women.

Edgeworth stated very clearly “No, not at all”

Meanwhile this conversation was happening Phoenix pondered what the heck just happened in the last five seconds to cause things to be like this? Is this a sign the world doesn’t want me to confess my feelings?

Phoenix broke from his thoughts when he felt someone poke his shoulder from the table behind him. He turned around and saw Detective Gumshoe, Maya and Pearls trying to disguise themselves with comically large newspapers while they watch the event unfold from behind him.

Pearls whispered” Mr. Nick! I read in a book once you need to fight your romantic rival for Mr. Edgeworth’s love or otherwise she’s going steal him away from you!”

Phoenix whispered back “I’m not going fight an old lady!”

Maya rolled up her sleeves “Then I’ll do it! In order to be the ultimate wingman for you Nick I’ll defeat her and get her away from Edgeworth.”

Pearl stated “I’ll help you too Mystic Maya! I want to help be the ultimate wingman too!”

Detective Gumshoe said “Count me in too.”

Phoenix frantically whispered “Wait Detective Gumshoe you’re the law! You shouldn’t condone this type of behavior.”

Gumshoe stated “Protecting Edgeworth is more important to me than following the law now!”

The three of them hop up from their seats at their table and they begin their attack on OldBag. Maya and Pearls ran over to the other table and used their combined strength to pry Oldbag off of him. The old lady scowled at the two girls at their rudeness; however she didn’t punish them and attempted to go back Edgeworth when she was met with Phoenix Wright standing in her way.

Oldbag ordered “Move out of the way whippersnapper! I was talking to him.”

Phoenix corrected her “Actually I was talking to him first, so if anything you interrupted my conversation. And second of all, he clearly seems uncomfortable by your presence and he obviously doesn’t want to talk to you. So I think it’d be better for everyone right now if you just left.”

Oldbag raised her left fist in the air “I’ll show you a thing or two, punk if you keep acting like that!”

Suddenly a click sound was heard near Oldbag’s right wrist and a handcuff was placed on it.

Detective Gumshoe grabbed Oldbag’s left hand and placed the other hand cuff on it “I’m sorry ma’am but your causing a scene in the café so I’m going have to remove you from the area.”

Oldbag tried to break free “I’m not causing a scene! If anything, this spiky haired attorney is the one causing the scene!”

Gumshoe dragged Oldbag out of the café and replied “No, he was just sticking up for someone he cares about.”

Edgeworth got up from his seat and walked over to the three of them “Thank you for your help everyone. That lady was truly something.”

Maya responded “No problem Edgeworth we were happy to help, but I think Nick still has something important to confess to you.”

He can’t believe Maya still wants him to confess after they literally just saw Oldbag dragged out of this place in handcuffs, this wouldn’t be one of the most ordinary confession story, but none of them were normal people so if anything something like this should have been expected.

Phoenix finally confessed “I really like you Edgeworth.”

Edgeworth looked confused at this confession “You do know we’ve been friends for a long time Wright? I would hope you would like me as your friend by now.”

Pearls exclaimed “No Mr. Edgeworth! I made the same mistake as you too, but Mr. Nick means he likes you romantically!”

Edgeworth sits in silence for a moment and makes sure he heard it correctly and mumbles out “Romantically?”

Pearls replied “Yeah! Being romantic is like when two people trust each other a lot, go on dates together, and kiss each other a lot! I think that’s what Mr. Nick wants to do with you.”

Maya glanced over at the two blushing men not daring to meet the other in the eye “I think you broke them, Pearls.”

Pearls let out a little gasp and apologized “I’m so sorry I didn’t mean to!”

Maya replied “I think they’ll be fine Pearls, but our jobs as wingmen are done for today. I think Nick and Edgeworth can handle it themselves from here.”

The girls left the café and only an attorney and a prosecutor remained. It took them a while before either got the confidence the look each other in the eye. Phoenix seemed to cover his face with his hands in embarrassment and Edgeworth seemed to stare at everything besides Phoenix’s face.

It took a couple minutes before Edgeworth stated “I wouldn’t be opposed to going out with you.”

Phoenix quickly removed his hands from his face to see if Edgeworth was serious, but he was still avoiding Phoenix’s gaze.

Phoenix tried to confirm what he heard “Are you telling the truth?”

Edgeworth turned to face him and replied “Of course I’m telling the truth, I wouldn’t lie to you.”

A huge smile formed on Phoenix’s face and he instinctively wrapped Edgeworth in a hug. He could feel Edgeworth stiffen up at first at the sudden contact, but then after a moment he slowly relaxed in the hug.

Edgeworth explained “I haven’t ever really done this before, so forgive me if I’m slow at this relationship thing.”

Phoenix replied “I haven’t done this in a long time actually, so I guess we can try to go at our own pace together, but I want to ask you something important. Is it okay if I kiss you right now?”

Edgeworth’s face tinted a light pink and he mumbled out “Yes.”

He pressed a light kiss against Edgeworth’s lips; and both the defense attorney and the prosecutor wore a face full of blush for the rest of the day because they were really happy and excited to see where this new blossoming relationship would take them.

#wrightworth #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #My writing #my fanfiction #fanfic #maya fey #pearl fey #wendy oldbag #dectective gumshoe

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annakie · 5 years

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We're back for part two! Remember the last time how I said....

And after that game... I parted ways with my friends once again. Because I had tickets... to Critical Role.

Well... not only that, but I was finally meeting @thievinghippo IRL to see it!

CRITICAL ROLE (aka Friday Night)

I took off right after the previous game had ended and headed for the show. My one big frustration was that it took 30 minutes for my Lyft driver to arrive from AROUND THE BLOCK (ok, about a quarter of a mile, but still). In retrospect, I think he was hoping I'd cancel so he could get a bigger fare or something. I think he just fucked himself over because he could have done that route twice in the time it took him to come get me. So I got there with just a few minutes to spare and no time to get in the merch line. But hey, I found Hippo and met a few other people from Tumblr whose names I recognized!

It was so great to finally meet her, but we had almost no time to talk beforehand (but when we did, it was all about how mad we still are about Jaime / Brienne and also I tried to catch her up to what's happening in CR since she's pretty far behind.)

The show was AWESOME. It was so fun to see live! It was particularly awesome when the entire audience sang along with the theme song (See this video if you haven't yet for those of you not there: https://twitter.com/PhoenixHeart815/status/1157446225223962624 ). It reminded me a lot of singing along with the Sparks Nevada theme the last few TAH shows, I got a little misty-eyed.

The bad? It was really really hot in the theater. At intermission I bolted out to the bathroom and buy cold waters. I was about to get in the merch line but the lights already started flashing. SIGH. I gave Hippo a water and before we could settle in much, the show started again. I told her my plan for the end of the show, though.

I will admit, my lack of sleep from the previous two nights was starting to catch up with me, and I had no caffeine available to combat it with. I almost ducked out of the show early because I felt myself nodding off with the heat in the theater masked with the dark of the theater and that the second half of the show was less exciting (but still fun!) than the first. Seeing the show live was amazing!

Just as Matt said they were ending the show there, I hopped out of my chair (I was in an aisle) and went into the lobby. I was dying to get a set of the metal dice... and they were sold out of EVERYTHING except the big blue d20 and some pins. ARGHGHGHGHGH. So I got the d20, and watched the rest of the show including Liam's very surprising win, on the monitors. (I'd voted for Liam because I assumed Sam would win. I was pleasantly surprised at the outcome. :) Though I love Sam to bits.)

Hippo joined me outside in the lobby early, and we left the theater just ahead of everyone else and she waited and we chatted while I called a Lyft. She wanted to get out before traffic got too crazy, too, so she took off. I am VERY MAD I didn't get a pic with the two of us at all. Next year?!

Then of course my Lyft driver didn't come to where I was exactly (literally at the Lyft pickup/dropoff designated location) and I had to walk around and look for him and by the time I found him, he'd gotten boxed in so we had to wait in traffic anyway. Ah well.

At least the freeway was re-opened that night heading back to the airport, and thus, my hotel, for a shorter ride. I ended up not falling asleep til close to 2.

I loved my evening and would do it all again but that Jeremy and Marcus told me that the Starfinder game they played in that night was AH-FUCKING-MAZING and was literally one of their favorite games of their entire lives, both of them. It was a multi-table megagame that had a pass-fail condition and would shape the next season of the Society, and I'm sad I missed it while being really glad I did what I did. Sometimes it's feast or feast, and you gotta pick which awesome meal you want.

I didn’t take many pics, just one as they were settling in after Sam came out in his costume, and one during intermission. It’s all on Twitch, anyway!

SATURDAY

Oh man, for some really dumb reason we'd scheduled our Saturday morning for 8AM... but it was Starfinder!! Uh, I will say I consumed more caffeine on that Saturday than maybe any other day of my life. But it was needed.

What also helped keep me awake that it was FUCKING FREEZING IN THE ROOM. The game itself was an absolute blast, though. It was a brutal slog through a dead planet with hostile aliens everywhere and we had to stealth through, collect information and get out. This was the game I felt the closest to death in all weekend, I'll say that for sure. But we did it!

The very kind Felice(sp?) who was at the table decided she didn't want to carry her hoodie through the dealer hall, where she was going next, and her husband was working the main table at the Pathfinder room, so she told me to leave it there with him when I was done with it. Since our next game was also in the Paizo room, I took her up on this offer and was warm and comfy the next few hours.

Our DM, an Operative, and Felice, plus the Hoodie of Warmth +2.

A very rare picture of me, on the internet, along with the guys.

And our next game was our first Pathfinder 2 game! We were very excited to try out the system, and were put at a table with a father and son duo. Jeremy and Marcus were excited because the DM was the same guy who'd DM'd their Starfinder game while I was at Critical Role.

The only bad thing that happened here was that the El Paso Cielo Vista shooting news broke. I grew up in El Paso, from when I was 12 to 22... it's Middle School through college for me. Even though I've now lived in Dallas twice as long as I lived in El Paso and I haven't been there in like ten years, it's still... a little bit home. So I left the table for a little bit to get on Facebook and make sure my friends there were all okay (they are), and text with my mom to make sure a family member who still lives there is okay (she is, though she took awhile to answer mom so we were worried.) I have a lot of thoughts though, which belong in another post, and I'm still angry and upset about the shooting, even though it didn't affect me personally. But for now, that's the end of talk of that terribleness.

At our table were a father and ~10 y/o son, who I'm cutting out of the pics because posting pics of minors without getting permission is not OK. Also, the game was SHORT. It turns out it was designed as an intro to Pathfinder 2 or maybe even RPGs in general so we knocked it out pretty quick, like 2.5 hours.

One very cool thing that Pazio was doing was that when you played in a game, you got a wooden token that you took up to the prize table, and rolled a d20 + d10. No matter what you rolled, you got a prize, though most of them were cool little boons for your official characters. However, if you critted, you got to pick a physical prize from the table. Well, we played so much that Jeremy and Marcus both critted twice. They ended up getting ALL THREE Token boxes (like cardboard minis, very nice quality) for Starfinder, plus the Starfinder Beginner's Box. Pretty sure those four things together retailed for over $100. Score!

So after the short game, with time to spare before our next game, the gang decided it was Dealer Hall time, literally the first time Jeremy or Marcus had time to go AT ALL. I volunteered to be the stuff-holder. After dropping off Felice's hoodie, I found a comfy seat near an outlet that was near the dealer hall and let everyone dump the stuff they didn't want to carry with me. They came back and left stuff with me, and then after a couple of hours, also brought me dinner from the food trucks. It was a fair trade.

I also asked Jeremy to stop by one particular booth and pick me up a set of dice I'd decided on, Blue Turquiose stone dice from Metallic Dice Games. I took some pics of the dice below, though the next day I did have Jeremy swap out the d20 at the booth because I didn't like how some of the faces looked (by far the angle in the pic is the best side, there was too much solid color on the other sides of the die.) These are going to be my official dice for my 4e character, who is a storm sorcerer reskinned as a druid.

LOVE THESE DICE, can’t wait to roll ‘em.

DM, Dad and blurred-out son.

A blurred-out boy and my guys.

Our final game of the day was the Cypher system, which is made by Monte Cook (one of the original D&D designers). Cypher is a fairly simple system which mostly just uses a d20 and d6, and the DM never rolls dice. The original system was made for a game called Numenera, which we'd played the beginner's box adventure for a few years ago but didn't feel like we got a good feel for the system, so we wanted to give it a go with a DM who knew the system well.

Overall, we enjoyed the game, it definitely wasn't "bad"! But the problem was, we all agreed later, that the module that was being run was the kickoff module for a much longer campaign, there was a huge lore dump near the end and we also didn't really "get" everything that was going on.

It also had the most memorable ending, though. We ended the game by trying to escape from a base while being chased by some guys who greatly outmatched us. My character was a pilot, and we needed to leave via a shuttlecraft. One of the players who we didn't know was on the "get the door open and provide covering fire so everyone else can get to the shuttle" team. And then he needed to make a roll in order to also GTFO and get to the shuttle.

He rolled. Got a 5. There's a mechanic where you can spend a card that you've collected in order to re-roll. So he did that, got a 2. Someone else gave him a card to re-roll. He rolled a 3. Someone else did. He rolled a 5. I was the last one with a card on the table, so I slapped it down. He rolled a 4.

It was amazing. Amazingly terrible rolling.

My pilot already had the craft powered up and was waiting for only him to get on. I sighed, looked the player in the eye and said...

"I'm so sorry, but my character sheet says that I have a personality flaw. I'm impulsive and impatient and have a setback to anything that requires patience, concentration or willpower. I'm not waiting for you." I looked at the DM and said "I decide that he's sacrificing himself to save us, and take off."

So I left him behind.

The player was 100% cool with it, we had a laugh about it, and he agreed it was what my character would have done. So it was kind of a tragic and funny way to end the game. Also Brian needed to get some sleep that night so he hadn't come to that game, and Marcus left a little early to tend to the family, so just Jeremy and I closed out the night.

DM on the left, players I didn’t know in the center, and one on the right. The guy in the bright blue shirt in the center? I killed his character. Sorry not sorry.

SUNDAY

The next morning, sadly, was the last day of GenCon. We only had one game scheduled that morning, our second Pathfinder 2 game. And EVERYONE was gonna be at the game!

I hadn't even SEEN Gwen or Laura the entire con, and when they arrived at just about the same time Jeremy and I did, we joked that we hadn't believed the others were at the convention.

We'd hoped that they'd let us put all 7 people at the table (Kirstyn had left late Saturday night to fly home and be at a concert she was playing in.) They did not. So we split up "Kids" and "Adults".

Sadly, this didn't work out super well for either table. Gwen/Brian/Ally's table had a DM they did not enjoy and also a married couple who actually fought with each other uncomfortably at the table(!!).

We had a good DM, but also an old guy who... I did not like. At all. He talked over the DM, even when the DM was explicitly trying to answer a question we'd asked him, things like rules questions on how game mechanics in PF2 had changed from PF1, since, you know, it was a system that had released THREE DAYS AGO. Also, he was very... helpful... in telling me how skill checks worked and also questioning my decisions on how I was playing my character. (YES, thanks I did consider carefully before casting Sanctuary on myself, and yes, it WAS THE RIGHT CALL. I was the only healer in the party and had gargoyles flanking me, THANKS.)

I literally told the guy (as nicely as possible) "Sir, I've been playing RPGs for over twenty years, I'm well aware of how RPGs work, thank you" the second time he told me how skill checks worked as I was adding up my die roll with my skill modifier and took two seconds to do the math. And sure he'd probably been playing for thirty or more but um... I know how to roll a skill check.

After a short break, I told my friends I might need to leave the table. Instead, Marcus and I switched seats so I wasn't sitting next to him anymore and the DM tried to refocus the game a bit. It helped me at least. I just did my best to ignore the guy. I'm pretty sure he just didn't have the greatest social skills in the world but sometimes my tolerance for people like this can be... low. His brother was also at the table and seemed okay, at least.

The game itself was pretty good, ignoring everything having to do with that guy. After the game the DM thanked me for sticking around and basically empathized that he was getting pretty annoyed, too.

Not the greatest way to end gaming at the con, but hey, it also could have been worse. I took pics of that game but decided not to put pics of someone I didn’t like on the internet.

Gwen, Brian and Ally's game ended like 45 minutes before ours (sadly, much to their relief) and they'd left to do one more run through the vendor hall and then left the con to start their drive home. I had Gwen pick me up a set of dice that... I haven't even seen yet... and they were hella expensive. I'm kinda feeling buyer's remorse about them right now, I didn't need to spend that much on dice this con but... well, we'll see how I feel when I see them in person. If I hate 'em, I'll resell 'em.

All weekend long I'd been texting with my BFF from High School's husband, who is also my friend. He was at the Con as well but doing his own thing and we'd been trying to arrange a meetup. Well, we finally did it! He came and saw me, and we hung out for about 45 minutes, just talking about the con, and old times and what we're doing now and the family etc. etc. So that was great! I was really glad to see him and catch up.

It’s Richard!

After he left because he had to go help tear down the booth he'd been working at, like the day before, I set up "basecamp" in the same place as before. I had thought about going back to the vendor hall where Jeremy, Marcus and Laura were, but I'd already sent Jeremy off to ask him to pick me up the one last thing I wanted (the official GenCon dice tray. I have a Wyrmwood Lacewood dice tray for home use, but wanted a nice travel dice tray. I had a leather one for Kraken, but I'm real unhappy with Kraken Dice now and wanted something else. I don’t plan on buying from them ever again in the future. The official 2019 Gencon tray is very nice, and Jeremy had gotten one the day before, so he picked me up one as well.)

POST-CON

I only had to wait about an hour for the end of the con, and by that time the only ones from our group left were "the adults." So once we were all gathered back up, the four of us headed out and walked a couple of blocks to a restaurant, which we couldn't get into, so we went to the restaurant next door, the Yard House.

Wherein we had comically bad service, but they were very nice about it, and also WE were really nice about it, and ended up getting about half our meal comped. Like our waiter had put in all the drink orders for all his tables to our table, so we had the wrong drinks delivered about five times. We never got water refills. Marcus had half a beer spilled on his leg (not even his beer, just another wrongly brought to our table), Laura's Appetizer-as-entree came out as an appetizer. We asked for more chips for the chips and guac and queso we'd gotten as an app and never got it, etc. Also while the manager was there assuring us we wouldn't have any more drinks brought to our table we didn't ask for... drinks were brought to our table we didn't ask for. It was actually hilarious by that point.

The waiter was brand new (his second day) so we got it. It was just one of those things. But they took care of us, we tipped well, it was all OK.

So that was the end of Gencon. Back at my hotel, which Jeremy and I had long decided we wouldn't stay at again, I'd taken a shower very early Saturday morning after Critical Role. Sunday morning when I showered again, the water still hadn't drained from the tub(!!) but I was in a hurry and just showered in gross cold water at my feet. Then told the front desk.

They hadn't even been in my room all day to even clean up the room at all, much less do anything about the bathtub when I got back to my room Sunday night, so I switched rooms. And then the room next to me had left the alarm clock on, and it went off at 9pm. And my phone in that room didn't work, so I had to go downstairs a second time to get someone to go shut it off. Also the AC in that room never turned off, the controls seemed to do nothing, so it was like 60 degrees in there the entire night. It was actually a relief to leave the hotel the next day. Next year... we'll pay a little more for a bit nicer hotel.

Annnd.. the next morning Jeremy and I got to the airport early enough, flight was full but not delayed, and had no problems getting home. Spent most of the day from getting on the plane to going to sleep that night with a massive migraine so I spent the afternoon at home sleeping and drinking lots of water.. but yay... no con crud!

I miss the con, but being back in my own bed with my kitties is all worth it. Still, I can't wait for Gencon again next year. :D

#gencon #gencon 2019 #critical role #critical role live #starfinder #pathfinder 2 #gaming #tabletop games #annakie's misc stuff

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heesgf · 5 years

Note

zeen out of curiosity can u ship ur mutuals with sb?

hihi!!! omg i’ve always wanted to do this so im rlly happy someone finally asked🤧🤧💖 im gonna put this under ‘read more’ bc i have a lot to say!! pls enjoy :’)

((i want to apologize in advance bc i have the sweetest mutuals ever and im gonna be writing a lot for each of them bc i love all of you guys!! sm!!😚))

hyunsuk

firstly, im gonna ship hyunsuk with @forhyunsuk (courtney ilu💞)!!! when i think of the two of you, i think of really cute and spontaneous dates in the summer :’)) like getting ice cream and going to the beach!!! maybe burying him all the way in the sand and then running away jsdiojs. i also imagine you two doing this cute thing where you go to clothing stores and pick out the randomest, most CRINGEY items you can find LMAO, and then you make each other do little fashion shows???? long story short: u have him wearing a bright yellow romper and a trench coat…and he has u wearing weed socks with overalls and a sombrero??? WILD🤪🤪 but ya’ll are the cutest!!! and at the end u take rlly sweet selfies and cuddle at home :’)) sweet bbys!!!

i also wanna ship hyunsuk with my love, sim ( @hyunsukmyass ) !!! i feel like you guys would travel together uwu🤧💘??? i think of the sweetest domestic life, and there’s nothing more beautiful than exploring the world with the person you love?? i see you guys sitting together on planes and you always!! have your head on his shoulder, and he’s holding your hands, caressing it gently, and kissing it softly when you take off :’)) sometimes he’d just slump over into your seat and you’d wrap your arms around him!! he’s not asleep, he just wants a piece of you sim sdijsojf💖💖💖 he takes LOTS of photos of you while you’re sleeping omygod!!!! and they go all over instagram…. uwu u guys are the cutest couple ever!!! (w/ the best ig feeds ever DAMN)��

lastly i ship hyunsuk with lika, @moonxlika (world’s cutest person uwu😚)!! lika, you guys are so that adorable couple that joke around with each other like crazy, but when things are serious, u always have each other’s backs!!! if u come home after a long day, and ur upset or really tired, suk is ready to FIGHT SOMEONE FOR YOU😤😤💪 (bc he wants his baby to be happy always :’) but once u explain to him that it’s just a bad day, and there’s no one to fight, he immediately takes u into his arms and u guys eat every snack the convenience store has to offer, along with every cheesy movie u guys can find on netflix!! (maybe u guys are doing other things more than watching the movie but that’s none of my business🍵🍵🍵) also i mean kissing jiofsj nobody come for me pls im fragile

seunghun

@seunghunn my angel maddi !!!!💕💕💕 it’s no surprise that i ship you with seunghun!!! you guys are definitely the sweetest couple on this entire planet, and i think you guys would have the randomest, but MOST FUN, dates ever??? like seunghun would randomly pull up at ur house 2pm on a saturday (he didn’t even tell u tf??) he calls you, and when u look outside, he’s waving at you like crazy!!! and he’s smiling SO HARD!!! and ur just staring at him like ‘:ooo ????’ u kinda wanna go back home and change bc ur wearing sweats, but he looks so cYUTE and excited, you just jump into the car uwu❣️❣️❣️ and that’s when ur adventure begins :’))) he takes u to a finger painting place??? u guys promise ur going to draw each other omg; u decide to be a lil playful and paint him kinda funny looking, and long story short, he chases u around the place and threatens to rub his paint hands on ur face🤧 he gets somehow manages to get some on ur lips??? it’s ok bc he kisses it off uwu!!!! maybe call poison control???

next i ship seunghun with the lovely vale @seunghunies 💘💘💘 vale omg you and seunghun,,, literally the cutest concept ever :’)))) i feel like the two of you would love to venture out into town casually?? like he’d pick you up after school and you’d drive into the city!!! and believe me, the two of you look so in love, people would be staring in awe left and right🤧🤧 when hun sees the tip of your nose getting red, he takes his scarf off and wraps it tightly around u!!! and then he kisses ur nose for good measure uwu :’))) !!! when it gets darker, he’d drive a little bit toward the hills, and you would cuddle against each other and watch the stars… u guys would talk about everything!!! when u go off on lil rants abt ur day, he’s just staring at u like 😻😻😻 oh he’s so in love with u!!!!!!

and ofc i wanna ship seunghun with the beautiful @kimseunghoney 💛💛💛 christina when i think of you and seunghun, i think of adorable morning dates!!! i can see you and hun starting off ur days together at a cozy little breakfast place, and the whole time, he’s just giggling and staring at u with the fattest heart eyes!!! i think seunghun would buy u things spontaneously?? like ‘here’s a bouquet of flowers bby, i saw them and thought of you’ or ‘here’s a sweet treat for my sweet girl✨’!!!! uwu uwu uwu, you two are really just the cutest!!! sometimes, in the morning, if he has to leave before you, he’ll leave a sweet love note on the bathroom mirror. not that you’d ever forget how much he loves u, bc trust me, he says it everyday!!! but he just wants u to smile :’) he loves u sm💖

byounggon

@byoungggon ess, my angel, i obviously ship you with gon!!!💫💕 i see u guys as the adorable couple that literally everybody can’t help but fall in love with??? like you will wear gon’s oversized grey hoodies, and his camera roll will be filled to the brim with photos of you!!! anyone from miles away would be able to tell that u two are so in love with each other??? and if it isn’t obvious enough, this boy shows up to every single music performance u have, with a beautiful bouquet of red roses, the widest smile, and the LOUDEST WHISTLE IN THE WORLD!!!! hes always in the front, and he’s always cheering the loudest bc he’s so proud of his bby uwu🤧 u guys are the sweetest couple ever!!!

@speckofglitter tiyi i would ship you with byounggon too!!!!💞💞💞u can’t tell me y’all wouldn’t be the chillest couple that hangs out at parties, and y’all look so sweet talking to each other, everyone’s kinda just gawking at u!!!! also, driving in the car and listening to music??? THAT’S KARAOKE TIME!!!! ppl driving past might look at you guys like 👀 but y’all don’t even care!!! you’re too busy screaming lyrics at the tops of your lungs and laughing together omg :’))) why are you two so cute omygod…

@hynusuk taryn we don’t talk that much but I know you and gon would be the best couple ever❣️❣️❣️ i can totally see him sending you lyrics to his next song late at night, and his heart is beating so fast because he just loves you so much!!! and you’re melting bc the lyrics are about you, and they’re the most beautiful things you’ve ever read :’))) I feel like he’d make you mixtapes!!! and whenever ur feeling down, you guys would take spontaneous trips around the city and maybe makeout a lil hehe😚😚!! cuties

yedam

@yeetdam dara my angel!!! i ship you the human emobident of sunshine, yedam😚✨✨because he’s such a smart bby, and so are you, I can see you guys studying together before a big exam :’))) perhaps ur a liiiiiittle unmotivated so yedam makes a deal with you 👉🏼👈🏼!!! if u study with him for a couple hours without any distractions, he will sing you to sleep for every question you get right :’)))) and bby!!! u get all those questions right, so you are SET❣️❣️❣️ the night before your exam, yedam cuddles you in his arms, and sings you the sweetest lullaby you’ve ever heart uwu!! and the next day, when your exam is finished, he gives u the sweetest kiss😭😭 and then u guys race to the nearest icecream shop and eat icecream until u drop!!!!

@yedarnit how could i not ship you with yedam???? that would be blasphemous jskssk🤧 you guys are SO that dreamy smart high school couple that everyone loves, not only because they’re incredibly ADORABLE, but also bc you two are so mature and down to earth???💕💕💕 i can see you and yedam cramming for tests at the school library, and you guys do that so often, perhaps the librarian is ur #1 fan??? she is the biggest micro and yedam supporter omygod💘💘💘 sometimes the two of you fall asleep, and you’ll rest your head on yedam‘s shoulder while he has his arm around you!!! and she is MELTING at the sight of y’all!!! ofc, she snaps a couple pics, and when u guys wake up, she shows them to guys!! tbh, y’all are kinda melting too???? damn cute!!!

doyoung

@doyeongs j, you and doyoung are the most angelic couple ive ever seen???💗💗💗 i think you two are the resident sweethearts at your highschool, and literally everyone, including the teachers LOL, is in love with ur relationship!!! I can imagine doyoung making jokes under his breath in class to make you laugh, and you can’t help but burst out laughing every time!!! most of the time, ur teacher thinks u guys are so sweet, she doesn’t even get mad :’))) i also see doyoung walking you home❣️you guys basically just gush abt ur days, and talk abt how much u miss each other :’))) maybe when he notices you shivering, he hands you his jacket, and maybe when he sees the blush on ur cheeks, he leans in to kiss it uwu!!!!

@sonjuyeonnie lydia i ship you with doyoung too!!!💝💝💝 the purest couple ever :’))) i think you and doyoung would spend a lot of time together during school; and he’s always getting in trouble bc he does dumb things to make you laugh (all in good fun ofc!!! nothing bad). i can see doyoung teasing and playing with you!!! like sometimes he’ll just kneel down in front of you and be like “hop on😎”!!! and then he piggy backs you the whole way home and you’re just giggling the whole time :’))) cutest bbys!!!

junkyu

miss haejin @junkyuity …. u KNOW u and kyu are my one and only😞💝💝💝 me, you, kyu, and gon are richmond gang :’))) the strongest group out there uwu!!!! I could talk abt you and kyu for days BUT, one thing i rlly always think about is how u two go on the sweetest, most casual dates!!! like to a cute lil convenience store somewhere omg :’))) u two would share a strawberry milk with one straw, and maybe have some instant ramen if ur hungry, or other snacks!!! perhaps he’d steal a couple of ur snacks when u aren’t looking, but tbh, you aren’t that mad??? bc the second you raise an eyebrow at him, and ur like, ‘hmmm🤔🤔🤔… didn’t i have more pocky???”, he immediately bombards you with the sweetest kiss!!!!💕💕💕 and let’s just say,,, it’s so heart fluttering, u forget everything??? yeah… u guys are the cutest💘💘

#im so sorry this ended up so long i just wanted to personalize messages for everybody :'(((#anyways to wonderful anon!!😚✨ i hope this is kinda what u hoped for!!! and to my lovely mutuals #i love u guys so much!!!🤧💕💕💕#please have the best days ever!!! im sending you all strength and love #there were a couple ppl i wanted to include but their biases arent in sbs😞😞💗#m im talking abt you!! i wanted to gush about u and mashi #okay im gonna stop myself now sksks #love u guys❣️❣️#long ask #ask #im sorry if i forgot anyone :((( i wrote this at 2am and i was trying to think of the ppl i talk to most regularly

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traveling-couch-potato · 5 years

Text

Puerto Rico Day 9

It’s finally here! HAMILTON DAY!!!! We wanted to do a whole day dedicated to the show but couldn’t fit it all in. We started off with breakfast at La Bombonera in Old San Juan for some Mallorcas (recommendation of Lin-Manuel Miranda himself...via his Twitter). So good. It’s the love child of a donut and croissant if the donut took a more dominant role. It’s sprinkled with powdered sugar and filled with a fried egg, melty swiss, and thin slices of ham.

Puerto Rico is all about those sweet/savory combos and I am here for it!

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The festival wasn’t in full swing yet so we decided to do a bit of a morning walk to the Puerta de San Juan where we entered Paseo del Morro. It’s a gorgeous path along the base of the Castillo San Felipe del Morro right along the water. You get a great view of the giant waves crashing into the rocks on one side and the towering wall structures to the right.

Leaving through the Puerta de San Juan gate!

The path was full of cats. Literally anywhere you look there’s a cat. There’s feeding stations run by the Save-a-Gato organization which is why all the cats like to gather here.

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Once we finished up the walk we had a lovely chat with another visiting girl (and fellow Hamilton-fan) before we finally regained enough energy to officially enter the grounds of the San Sebastian Street Festival. We started off near the market centers around the Plaza del Quinto Centenario. Tio Danny had a booth set up so we picked up a Maduro (Beef/Plantain Empanadilla) and walked through some of the stalls which featured a ton of local Puerto Rican artists selling everything from painted gourds to pressed flowers to sweets. I’m not much for knick knacks and jewelry but food always calls to me especially if I have no clue what it is. This meant my 2nd purchase of the day was a tiny container of Majarete. It tasted like a blended rice pudding (though it’s apparently made with rice flour) with your typically cinnamon notes but a nice underlying coconut flavor as well. It was extremely viscous so the tiny cup was the perfect size.

The first of many street food snacks courtesy of the San Sebastian Street Festival.

We continued walking until we hit a street lined with Bounty sponsored booths. Angel still hasn’t had a chance to try one of my favorite Puerto Rican foods, Bacalaito, so we had to order one and it was GIGANTIC. This one was more crunchy and flat than my previous one, almost like a fried cracker/pancake crossbreed. But of course I also needed to try something new so a few booths down I pointed at the first item I didn’t know. I ended up with a cup of Sorulittos de Maiz. Basically corn fries. They basically taste like corn meal fries (because that’s what they are). Or corn puffs that were never fully dehydrated. Like every other item here, it was served w/ a side of Mayoketchup.

Fried foods galore! So good but so bad for you (not that that matters when I’m on vacation!)

Some of the sweets I bought from one of the stalls. They have a ton of lollipops and these coconut/fruit combo bite things (that I clearly don’t know the name of).

We spent a bit more time wandering the festival browsing booths and enjoying the music before we headed out. Of course we needed dessert though so we may a quick trip to Chocobar Cortes so I could get a proper chocolate tasting. I got their Spiced Chocolate (Anise/Cinammon) and one of their Hazelnut. It’s pricey at about $2.50 a pop but it��s worth the occasional indulgence

The day portion of the festival is very family friendly w/ parades (main one was at 5pm on Thursday though you can catch smaller privately organized ones at random unscheduled times), giant head displays, and tons of music.

Tons of live music all around the entire city.

Sad we were gonna miss the parade, but a nice marcher asked us if we want a pic and of course we couldn’t say no.

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After so much food we decided to make the 2 mile trek back to our hotel by foot. On the way we passed by the San Juan capital and decided to take a look around. No line or entrance fee, just a quick security check. The center of the building is gorgeous and although the displays in the building were all in Spanish, it was a nice pitstop.

The center of the building sports this beautifully intricate high ceiling. Pictures absolutely don’t do it justice.

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Once we got back to the hotel, we got ready for our night out to the greatest show in the world: HAMILTON!!! First we had to stop by another restaurant Ricky/Florin recommended to us (along w/ the rest of the internet): Santaella. They do take reservations through Opentable and I would highly recommend it. They place can get very busy depending on your luck. The restaurant itself is gorgeous w/ antique style filament lightbulbs lining the ceilings and a lit tropical plant display window on the back wall. Their food was a bit more American/French w/ a Puerto Rican influence but at this point I was craving a taste of home and welcomed the familiar menu. It is a classier place so no tap, but still water is available at $2.50/person which is more reasonable than other high end restaurants I’ve visited.

Gorgeous restaurant interior. Definitely a slightly dressy place, perfect for a pre-show meal (though service is a bit slow so make sure you have enough time).

We started our meal w/ the Foie Gras Terrine which was served over a fruit jam (I believe guava) and a fresh mini baguette that spouted steam as soon as we snapped it in half. The terrine had a uniform creaminess offset by some roasted pinenuts. The salty and fatty flavors of the foie gras were nicely balanced by the jam too. For our mains my friend got the Veal Cheeks w/ Creole Fricasse and Root Veggie Puree and I got the Marinated Skirt Steak w/ Malanga Shoestring fries. The veal was practically spoonable and the veggie puree had an almost cheesy flavor. Otherwise it was like a very well-made beef stew. The skirt steak was quite tender for such a cheap cut of meat and the marinade was nicely caramelized which brought out a delicious charred sweetness. It was topped w/ a pickled chimichurri that gave my mouth a much needed break cause the meat portion was HUGE. Seriously a delicious meal and I can see why Ricky/Florin would give it the thumbs up

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With our bellies full and our wallets empty, we made the 10 minute walk over to the Luis A. Ferre Theater. Picked up our tickets (which I was freaking out about because the email stated you needed the original purchase card which I forgot), got in line, and got to our seats. Not the best seats since the side overlook obstructed my view slightly but I am infinitely thankful to have been in the room where it happens.

This part is less travel-bloggy and more Hamilton-fanny but this is more or less my diary so who cares. I didn’t think I’d cry too hard. I’ve seen the show 3 times, met Lin, met his family, listened to the soundtrack a million times, I’ve been there done that, but absolutely not, as soon as he walks out I start sobbing. I felt my face scrunch up and tears well up in my eyes as my hero took the stage. The entire crowd cheered and rawred for a solid 2-3 minutes. My voice was still raspy from the cold but I tried anyway. The entire cast is wonderful and I am so ecstatic about seeing them again in San Francisco next month. After the show we booked it to the stagedoor. I’m tagging this post w/ Hamilton so hopefully someone will see this LIN DOES NOT STAGEDOOR. The three Schuyler sisters did though as well as a member of the ensemble. They were all such sweet people and while I hoped to save my $10 bill for Lin to sign, I felt it was appropriate to get it autographed at the last show he’ll ever perform as Hamilton.

We met some really cool fellow Hamilton fans at the stagedoor (shoutout to my new friend Alicia!) and ended the night with a very interesting conversation with an Usher about the political climate in Puerto Rico among other serious topics. We didn’t end up leaving until past midnight. I’m so fortunate to have been in the crowd to see one of Lin’s last performances.

Tips in case any Hamilton folks finds this post: 1) There are quite a few extra seats. Due to some political stuff, the venue changed and seats were reassigned. Since the new venue is larger, that means there’s a decent number of empty seats.

2) To get the seats just show up at the theater. On our 7:30pm performance night, I met 2 women who got in that started waiting at 4pm. Though they said there were people since 6am.

3) Ticket prices range and it’s easier to get a spot if you’re a single viewer. Also don’t forget the lotto!

4) GOOD LUCK! I hope someone gets to see this and takes a chance at those day of tickets. (Seriously you have a good chance, I met ~10 people this trip that got day of tickets)

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firstdegreefangirl · 6 years

Video

youtube

It took me way too long to actually get all of this finished, but I used my road trip with @flyawayrachel for a video assignment for my TV class. Here’s that video, which I LOVE ((and that hardly EVER happens when I make things)), and the world’s longest highlights post -- including all three days of the trip, and also show notes -- is under the cut

Monday

Me walking from Rachel’s apartment to her campus because I needed a bathroom. Then the first building I found ((which did have a bathroom, thank GOD, because //someone// forgot to go while I was stopped in LFK)) being the one she’s traumatized about and can’t go into, forcing me to wait for her in a building where she weren’t, just because I needed to pee.

“I placed ‘toilet’ very high on my priority list”

We hadn’t seen each other since like July, so there was SO MUCH to catch up on

Side note: no more of this three-months-separated thing. We missed too many stories and it’s not OK.

Me texting Madison like “this is crazy but come to Denver with us right now today”

When my dad found out we went to KFC for lunch, the first thing he said was “I’ve eaten at that KFC with your mom before!”

That gas station I made Rach stop at so I could take another bathroom break. Y’know, the one with two stalls in one room and NO DOOR, just a little half-wall between them? Yeah, that one.

“Do we like Frank? Cool, I’m on Team Frank then.” In the words of one of my kids, “VILE FRIENDSHIP!”

“There we go, that’s an appropriate Hitler joke.”

“Do … something cute with the maps.” “Out here? Where people can see?”

Me: “This is gonna sound crazy, but let me text my dad. I think we stopped at this rest stop when we went to the Grand Canyon. I remember the museum.” ((closure time: I was right, we did. That trip was four years ago.))

Checking into the hotel on my corporate rate and then dissecting the agent’s check-in skills in the elevator.

Wandering into the hotel next door because it’s the chain I work at and I wanted to scope out the competition.

Then the look on Rachel’s face when I straight up told their agent “I work at another *brand name* and wanted to see what y’all have going on.”

Snapchatting my GM about the hotel we stayed at and her saying “I bet their FD girl isn’t as amazing as ours.”

Especially when she found out that we had to do the lobby wander of shame because no one told us where the elevator was.

Our hotel room had a little curtain separating the bed and the fold out and Rachel was SO EXCITED ABOUT IT ((see the video)).

Watching all of Indoor Boys in one sitting because it only takes like an hour and a half and Rachel needed to see it

How excited I was about the bedspreads being cuter than the ones in my hotel ((theirs are polka dot AND match the towels in the bathroom; my property’s are houndstooth and the towels are just plain white))

Me briefly thinking the bathroom had no door before Rachel saved the day

Rachel wanting a Frosty at 11 p.m.

Which was easily solved, because there was a Wendy’s in the parking lot.

A much harder one was my sudden and intense craving for curly fries.

Arby’s closed at 10, but Jack in the Box is 24 hour and has curly fries.

So off we went.

ONLY THE ONE WE WENT TO HAD A HANDWRITTEN SIGN ON THE DRIVE THRU THAT THEY CLOSED AT 10.

I called another store and the dude was high key judgmental that I didn’t just //know// they’re 24-hours, as if I hadn’t just been betrayed by a store that should have been and wasn’t.

But they did have curly fries, so I got my curly fries.

Also we went to 7/11 so I could try the Captain Crunch Crunch Berry Slurpee. Which tastes EXACTLY like the cereal. You decide if that’s good or not. I thought it was, Rach decidedly did not.

Tuesday

I literally ate just a bowl of oatmeal toppings for breakfast. No oatmeal, just the toppings bar.

Rach stayed up in the room and slept in, so I brought her some yogurt. Only I wasn’t sure what flavor she’d want, so she got both peach and blueberry fruit on the bottom.

OUTLET SHOPPING. Do you have any idea how long it’s been since I’ve been able to just leisurely wander around a mall and shop? Like without having a place to be at a time and/or a list of exactly what I did and didn’t need to buy?

Sam’s Lunch! ((which was then a total bust when they only had like two samples out))

“So hindsight, the Ulta looks further from here than it did from the highway.” “Yeah, you think so?”

The decision to ramen for lunch, which was then overridden when Tokyo Bowl was only one dollar sign on google and the ramen place was two.

Which was totally OK because the food was both fantastic and inexpensive

The part of the car ride where I caught up with my best friend since I was literally a year old.

High Street being just a little bit too fitting in Denver

The candy factory tour!! I’m a sucker for both free tourism and demonstrations. Especially when there’s free samples involved.

Fun fact: the flavored part of the fancy candy canes is NOT the striped part. It’s the inside layer.

Also that little kid in the group with us. “Do they send candy to Idaho? I am from Idaho.” “Do they help the elves make the candy?”

“Should I buy a whole pound of marshmallow scraps?” “It’s only five dollars.” “Right, but then I’ll eat the whole pound of marshmallows and we both know that.”

BRO-dway!

Me forgetting the theatre sharpie in the hotel room and making you circle back to get it, even if it was only two blocks

Our high-quality karaoke sessions in the car. What we lack in training, we more than make up for in enthusiasm.

Just the amount of screaming when we drove by the tour bus

Circling the block twice before we could get into the parking garage

We stopped at a fun little art exhibition thing between the parking garage and the theatre, literally just because the sign said “Under Study.” Then I looked at Rach and said “well, we always say understudies need more appreciation.”

I panicked as we crossed the train tracks NOT in the crosswalk, then again when we crossed the next set in the lines but I could distantly hear a train coming

((side note: Katie is NOT cut out for mass transit))

Tour bus photos are hard, but we made it work and they’re awesome!

I’m now the proud owner of my very own DEH cast hoodie, which I “conveniently forgot” to take home this weekend so mom can commandeer it until Christmas

Backstory: Katie is both afraid of heights and suffering altitude sickness, which results in lightheadedness and shortness of breath in … oh, I dunno, mile-high elevation

We had an extra ticket and decided to RAK it to someone who was sitting in an upper balcony so they could join us closer to the stage.

Which was/is a great idea, except that it required going to the upper balcony. Via the stairs. So by the time we got up there, the altitude sickness meant I couldn’t breathe. Leading me to step out to the little patio thing for some fresh air – usually slightly easier for me to breathe – while Rach scouted around for people.

Lack of forethought: BALCONIES ARE HEIGHTS.

So the first time I meet our new friend, it’s me zipping up behind Rachel and saying something about how I sure really would like to go back down in the elevator and get back to ground level.

Which we did, because Rach knows I’m like this and she’s wonderful and amazing

That made things … a lot better, and I was able to enjoy having a new theatre friend.

Which was wonderful, and she’s wonderful and that was such a neat thing to be able to do.

The Show

So we’ll start this one from taking our seats TEN ROWS FROM THE STAGE.

We’re gushing about how close we are to the stage and how great the view is and everything when I see someone coming up the back aisle who looks kinda familiar.

“Hey … is that Pasek and/or Paul?” “Nah, I don’t think so. Wait … YES IT IS!”

Cue us freaking out and shoving Rachel to the front of the group because I’m incapable of approaching people.

Long story short, we got autographs from Pasek and Paul, pics with Paul and Alex Lacamoire, and at intermission we got signatures from Michael Grief.

People kept asking us like “who those guys were” and we just went “they created the show!!”

Now this is where things are gonna get incoherent, because I spent 15 minutes gushing out thoughts as soon as the show ended and I got home, and I’m just going to type them out here.

Ben Levi Ross’s Evan and I do the same lil hands on face/neck/ears thing when we’re anxious.

Merrick’s Connor did the same little finger gesture thing I do at work when I give people directions to the elevator in my hotel during Sincerely, Me and I basically just DIED.

BLR’s Evan seemed so much less worldly than OBC, but Zoe was grown up AF

Larry was STUNNING and AMAZING

Tbh I got hella Leslie Knope vibes from Cynthia

Larry’s arms around Cynthia and his hand on her shoulder when they talked to Heidi and literally just Larry

Marrick’s rubbing and then sudden/intense nipple twist in Sincerely, Me

Everyone was SO GRATEFUL we were there to see the show

BLR hit the stage door in this amazing vintage pinstriped blazer. I told him I loved his jacket and I don’t know which one of us was more excited about that moment.

Rachel and I crushing each other’s hands the entire show ((it’s been five days as of this writing and the bruises are just now mostly healed))

Marrick missed a cue and the poor bab looked terrified

One word BLR said gave me like alarmingly intense vibes from the cast album, and it’s something I noticed right away, but now I can’t remember what word it was. But it sounded JUST LIKE Platt, in a very shooketh way

BLR tied the tie perfectly onstage and I’m shook. When I wear my tie to work, I have to get up 15 minutes earlier to have time to get it tied the right length

Jared’s Jared was 20/10. Amazing delivery and fantastic comedic relief

There were all these little costume changes from Broadway, since so many things had been thrifted

IT TOOK ME WAY TOO LONG TO NOTICE but Connor is wearing Evan’s hoodie, not the other way around, and I can prove it.

It’s on Evan’s bed during Anybody Have a Map?

I heard a voice behind me during Act Two, and my first thought was my usual “what kind if imbecile …” But then I realized it was Michael Grief, and like it’s his show, so he can do what he wants.

Same thing when Justin Paul used his phone as a light source so he could take notes on the show.

We mentioned to Arron at the stage door that we skipped two days of school and drove nine hours to see the show and he goes “It’s your life. You gotta live it.”

BLR finished the stage door line before Christiane did, so he passed behind her on his way back into the theatre and 10000 percent patted her ass football-style.

In For Forever I totally thought the original lyric was “life will be alright for forever,” not “LIKE WE’LL be alright for forever” and that hit me harder than it should have tbh

Dude, Larry hit me so hard at the beginning, like he recites part of the letter and it took me until now to realize how many times he must have read it over before that moment

Zoe’s wardrobe was so classy

Evan straight up hugging into Connor’s chest at the end of Sincerely, Me

At the stage door, Phoebe almost fell off her heels and said “that’s what I get for wearing stilts. But I’m out here with all these dudes, like I’ve gotta assert my dominance.

It was a Moment, especially when I replied “I don’t even need stilts to fall down. It just happens sometimes.”

FREE OPENING NIGHT HATS. I’m not a hat-wearer, but this hat might just make me into one.

We made friends with an eighth grader at the stage door, and she was so wonderful honestly.

The three of us referred to ourselves as “trash” and her mother looked so concerned

Post-Show/Wednesday

Rachel and I parted ways as soon as she dropped me off back at the hotel, so you’ll have to hit her up for her Wednesday stories.

But we were at the stagedoor when @crazygoblinfreakoutnoise just texted me like KATHERINE *lastname* so I replied like “can I call you and scream?” because that felt safer than texting her in mass caps while we walked alone in the dark in an unfamiliar city.

Then I woke up Wednesday at 4:30 a.m. ((kinda, I had so much post-show rush that I didn’t actually sleep much at all)) and ate my leftovers from Tokyo Bowl before I called an Uber.

Chattiest Uber driver EVER. It was a 45-minute ride and by the end of it, I knew about his divorce, how long his family has had season sports tickets, why he doesn’t go to the games, all the major highways in Denver, everywhere he’s ever traveled … the list goes on. But he did get me there safe

I’d left hella early because the TSA said Denver was super busy and had lots of delays at security. So I’m to the airport a full 150 minutes before my scheduled flight, full of excitement about being enough of an adult to manage my own road trip travels.

Then security took maybe half an hour. Not even that, but I’ll be generous.

Point is, I had lots and lots of time to explore.

And then they delayed my flight 40 minutes.

So I dropped seven bucks on a cup of coffee, trying to combat the two non-consecutive hours of sleep I was running on.

I did get to see the sun rise over the mountains with airplanes in the background though, and that view was incredible.

By the time I got to board, I really needed to pee, but I didn’t have time, and then both of my row-mates fell asleep before we even took off.

Also we sat on the tarmac for almost an hour. So by the time we landed I REALLY had to pee.

Finally got to a bathroom, and made it out to meet my dad, for a ride back to Rachel’s place to pick up my car.

We went for lunch before we did that, and longtime followers might remember the fries that changed my life back in April. I had more of those, and they’re still amazing.

I had to use two of my last four percent cell battery ((look, it’d been a really long day)) to re-reschedule a test. The plan had been to take it when I got back to campus, but then delays happened.

Happy ending: took the test the next day, set the curve with a 94 percent.

#seriously? best trip EVER #katie and rach: destination denver #the adventures of katie and rach #originalcontentfirstdegreefangirl #flyawayrachel #crazygoblinfreakoutnoise #my franns #irl franns #dear evan hansen #deh #deh tour #dera evan hansen tour #road trip #my face #my video #here's your one chance fancy

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charliebattinson · 6 years

Text

ON THE ROAD | Road trip with Shawn (BP) | Shawn Mendes

Hey loves!!! So this is my first legit writing? I don’t write imagines and this is just bullet points but I’ve been thinking a lot about this and I felt like writing it. Most likely I won’t be writing again, I just had so much inspiration for this haha. I hope you guys enjoy, i hope it’s not too cringe and feedback is much appreciated! Also a huge thank you to @illumegeoff for helping me on how to insert an image lol & for being super supportive (p.s. the yolo phrases was something inspired by you based on what i saw on your blog lmao) and @justadashoffangirling for being super supportive!!!

super spontaneous

“Hey babe let’s go across the country”

“Sure. When?” “Now!” “WHAT NOW?”

Shawn would be “YOLO”

You just pack all the necessities. Super little clothes

“We won’t really be needing a lot of clothes” 😏

You bring your polaroid because memories

You guys legit have no idea where to go. No plans at all.

Just drive, drive and drive

You’re so turned on by shawn driving stick in a pick up truck with sunglasses on

You take a pic of him

And you’re like “mamma mia”

“Shawn pull over”

Red cheeks and messy hair

Playing old hits like no scrubs, leaving on a jet plane, bittersweet symphony, a thousand miles

“But I would walk 500 miles and i would walk 500 more”

“Da da da (da da da)”

Playing games in the car

You shuffle your music and play name that tune

License plate game - see how many different license plate you can find or try to find a phrase in that license plate

Shawn being a sour loser

“HEY I GOT THAT FIRST”

Shawn not talking to you because you won

“You’re such a big baby”

Kissing his face and neck to make him give in

“Baby I don’t wanna die”

Stopping by the gas station

Buying shit load of junk food

Trying to talk to each other with your mouths full of cheetos giggling at one another

See who can stuff more marshmallows in their mouths

You stop by an open area with a tiny cliff in the middle of the dessert because the stars are so pretty and night is beautiful

Lying down at the hood of the car talking about things while sharing a bottle of cheap wine

You decide to spend the night there

Cuddling with loads of fluffy blankets in the back of the truck

You take turns driving

Shawn puts his hand on your thigh just to soothe you; he finds comfort in touching you

You rent a motel room and take a nap before heading out for the night

There’s a country fair!!! Drinking on apple ciders and sharing on a turkey leg and funnel cake

Dancing to “sweet home alabama”

Playing fair games

Shawn gets so competitive with some of the kids in the fair games

“HE WAS 8 SHAWN”

“AGE IS JUST A NUMBER”

winning a huge ass stuffed toy

FERRIS WHEEL 🎡

You’re scared for the both of you because he’s a fucking tree and you feel like your seats are just gonna break

when you’re up there at the top you can’t help but just admire how shawn looks, how much you love him and he can’t help but do the same

Next thing you know Shawn’s trying to unlock the door to your motel room, struggling with the keys but its so hard to because he can’t stop kissing you

“Shawn open the fucking door”

Hands everywhere on each other, clothes scattered on the floor

It’s giggly and playful at first then it becomes rough and needy “from giggles to loud moans”

“Shawn we’re going to leave a dent in the wall. Tone it down”

“Fuck no”

Shawn takes a pic of the two of you after sex. You guys have a private scrapbook full of intimate and candid polaroids. Something to keep both of you sane when he’s on tour for months

Talking, eating in between the sheets

Shawn playing the guitar (of course he brought it) and serenading you with the police’s “every little thing she does is magic” and you can’t help but swoon so hard

Round 2 becomes round 3 and so on…

Late night swimming in the pool of the motel

Waking up in the late morning because of how spent you are

You straddle shawn and take a polaroid of him sleeping with his full lips and fluffy hair

Morning sex 😏

Getting ready to head for the next place

Showering together taking a pic of him in the shower because its a glorious sight to see with his wet hair

Arguing on which road to take

“I SAID RIGHT SHAWN WHY DID YOU TURN LEFT?!”

“I panicked!”

getting so confused with the directions of the map till you both realize its been upside down all this time

“Fuck”

Your tire runs flat

“Fuck”

Shawn goes and replaces it, his arms are in full flex mode and he’s so hot doing it

“Fuck”

Finally getting to the destination

HORSESHOE BEND, ARIZONA

You’re both so amazed on how beautiful it but also curse at how hot it is

SUNBURNT SHAWN™

“Babe lets take tourists shots”

You admire how cute shawn looks with a baseball cap, backpack and his arizona shirt as he gives you a big smile when you take a picture of him

You just sit there just staring at it admiring it and how happy you are with this spontaneous trip

Buying postcards and a souvenir to every place that you visit

You head out to a diner

Burgers and milkshakes; sharing a banana split, deciding where to go next

“Yolo bitch”.. “shawn” .. “sorry”

You decide to go to the beach in the middle of the night

Skinny dipping

“WHY DID I LET YOU DO THIS TO ME IM FUCKING FREEZING”

“What if my balls fall off or what if something bites them”

Falling asleep on the beach and waking up in time for the sunrise

You bump into your old college friends and they invite you to a beach party

ITS A LIT 🔥🔥🔥 BEACH PARTY

You and shawn do shotguns and beer pongs ; maybe eat little amount of “brownies”

You and shawn get seperated at the party

You find shawn with a crowd cheering on him

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

He’s doing a keg chug and he’s so drunk

He’s screaming “YOLOOOOOOO”

Drunkly making out

You drunkly watch the fireworks

“PEW PEW”

“I looove youuuu”

Pass out and wake up to your friends house

Spend the day in the beach just chilling, sunbathing

Burying shawn in the sand and ditching him

“AH FUCK YOU”

Pouring aloe vera all over shawn’s face

BUNGEE JUMPING

Watch this for visuals https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4e4e217pXrU

Camping out near the woods

You both have no clue on how to built a tent

Having a bonfire and melting marshmallows

He brings out his guitar and sings

“Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious”

“How do we have sex in a tent?”

“We can’t shawn you’re too goddamn big”

“Oh really… 😏”

Waking up to a beautiful breezy morning

Visiting a nice town, renting out a bed and breakfast

The old couple who owns the place admires the both of you because it reminds them of their younger selves

Sleepless night 😏

The old couple also has a sleepless night because they thought someone was getting murdered

“I hope that poor girl is alright”

Shawn’s smirking “oh she’s more than alright”

Kicking his leg under the table “OW”

Visiting an old vinyl shop

Going to the local bakery and trying out all their pies

Playing footsie under the table

“We need to wash our clothes. I’m running out of clothes to wear”

Fooling around in the laundry shop since you two are literally the only people there

You guys go to the weirdest museums

“What the fuck am i looking at”

Visiting a lake

Shawn paddling a boat and having that scene just like in the notebook

Also getting stuck in the middle of the lake because shawn has no sense of direction

HAVING A DRIVE IN MOVIE DATE

Throwing popcorn at each other

Visiting more tourist spots

SHAWN IN A BUCKET HAT HOW CUTE IS THAT

SO MANY POLAROID SHOTS

Last night before you go home you would just camp out in the middle of nowhere looking at the stars finding constellations and talking about your future together

“As long as you’re right beside me i’ll be fine wherever we are”

“Lots of kids. I don’t care how we’re gonna do it but i want a lot of kids”

trying out having sex in the back of the truck in the middle of nowhere

“I feel so exposed right now”

Falling asleep to shawn’s humming

Waking up and getting ready to go back home; long ass drive home

Passing out on your bed when you get home

Shawn takes a pic of you sleeping and keeps that polaroid whenever he’s away on tour; something to keep him by

“I love you so much”

“Thanks for the trip baby. We needed that”

“What can i say? YOLO bitch” “shawn” “sorry”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes smut #shawn mendes angst #magcon boys #magcon #illuminate #illuminate tour

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sarahcamerons · 6 years

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the ultimate harley talks about kid gorgeous post

this is very long and i am very sorry.

the fucking essay is under the cut.

January 26th, 2018

I woke up at like 8am because I couldn’t sleep for shit because I was so excited (I wasn’t supposed to leave for my friends house until 2pm). Somehow I waste the day until like 12:30 when I know I should start getting ready because it takes me like two hours to do acceptable makeup (this day was the best my makeup has ever looked wow insert pics here).

I get to my friends (stasi’s) house at like 1:45pm and of course she isn’t done getting ready. We were supposed to leave at like 2 so we could go pick up my last check from work (fuck that place) and of course we had to go get gas and drive 20 minutes to my work. When we got there obviously my fucking boss had to do the whole ‘can we have a talk?’ bullshit like you took me off the schedule for two weeks with no reason yeah no shit we’re “parting ways” sorry I didn’t wanna drive when half my road was covered in ice and snow? Anyway, we get my check and we leave and head to Durham to the movie theatre to catch the showing of The Greatest Showman that we’re supposed to see. We get there like two minutes after the time the showtime was which was actually perfect. The movie was just as good as the first three times, obviously.

Once we leave the theatre it’s like 7:30pm or so and we still have to go to the Apple store and fulfill our plans of getting Cheesecake Factory. We start to leave to go to Crabtree—the big mall in Raleigh—only to realize there’s an Apple store at the shopping center where we were. So we park again and walk the five million miles to the store so I can fulfill another dream—this one being to get a MacBook, thanks graphics scholarship! So after like 35 minutes of playing with an iPhone X—which I’m dying to own (I’m looking at you again next year scholarship)—someone finally comes to help us. After another like 20 minutes, we’re leaving the store with my new MacBook—which I’ve named John in honor of the day I got it—in hand and heading to Cheesecake Factory. By this point it’s like 8:20pm and the wait was 30+ minutes. We waste like ten minutes walking around looking for somewhere else to eat and then walking back to return the beeper to Cheesecake Factory after deciding to eat at California Pizza Kitchen. We split a tiny pizza (I only eat one slice because I honestly feel like if I ingested any more grease I’d be ill) and leave. By this point it’s like 9:20, mind you, doors open at like 9:00/9:30. We finally find our god forsaken car and start driving to DPAC.

We get to DPAC at literally 9:40–show starts at 10:00. We still had to park and shit, okay? So we fucking park and we don’t have the cash to pay for parking on us at the time that we get to the dude so he’s like ‘yeah just go park and come back and pay’ so we’re like cool. Finding a fucking parking space takes like 5 minutes, then we leave through the wrong fucking door and come out the back of the parking garage. So, we had to walk all the way around to pay (I guess we could’ve gotten out of it but thats shitty). So, we FINALLY fucking pay and get to DPAC. Luckily for us, we were pretty late to the party so we didn’t have to wait in a long line for bag checks so we went right on through the bag check and ticket scan shit and we were in. We climb the giant fucking staircase to the second level of the theatre (where orchestra seats are located). We buy merch (i spent $40 on shirts don’t ask me why...no comeback kid vinyl for me on this night rip) and hurry to our seats. We both realize a little too late that we have to pee, and have had to pee since pizza but we don’t wanna get up in case there wasn’t an opener for some reason idk. But Max comes out and we run to the bathroom (thankfully we could hear the part of his set we were missing from the bathroom speakers, he was hilarious, 10/10 recommend). We get back to our seats and listen to Max tell some jokes about masturbating and then it was showtime.

So, before the show even started, the first thing I noticed was that when John came over the speakers to introduce Max it didn’t even sound like John—like it sounded like someone trying to be John, it was weird.

When John walked on stage the whole fucking theatre shook with everyone screaming (I have video but my voice is annoying so I won’t post it) it was the best feeling in the world. He made it a point to wave at every fucking section even the really far back ones (shout-out to my seats from dan and phil tour).

No spoilers, but, the show was fucking hilarious. I distinctly remember feeling like I was gonna pass out from lack of air flow to my brain.

I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned this somewhere on my blog before but he told jokes about the city being haunted and he said that sometimes he’d be walking around and it would get really cold all of a sudden and he would be like “oh! i wonder who that used to be?”

I’ve also talked about this on my blog before but, he stopped about midway through the show to talk to a little girl in the front row. He transitioned into this by saying, and I quote: “I-I’m sorry but are you-are you a child?” He proceeded to talk to this little adorable child for like five or six minutes. (I think she was thirteen and she wants to be President someday—this obviously got a reaction from John, he looked around at everyone else, chuckled, said some kind of encouragement, and moved on with the show)

I honestly barely remember anything from the show due to my utter lack of sleep.

After the show we found the stage door (because I didn’t come to fucking play I was gonna meet myself a comedian okay) and we waited in the cold ass air for like fifteen-ish? minutes before John’s tour manager came out and informed the security guard that he had already left he building (guess I won’t be meeting myself a comedian after all). If there’s one thing I’ll never forget it’s the feelings I experienced when the security got our attention (I was sure he was gonna be like ‘okay little shits, John is coming outside, we’re gonna be nice and orderly etc, etc.) but he informed us that “the lovely young woman” that just went back inside was Johns tour manager and she informed him that John was no longer in the building and wouldn’t be meeting people. Honestly? Never felt more defeated in my whole ass life. (I know, I’ll meet him someday..right?...).

The ride home was literally so long. I think we got home at 2am so I had a full twelve hour day packed with activity, no wonder i don’t remember anything. I do distinctly remember changing into my what’s new pussycat shirt in the middle of the interstate fully flashing several people I’m sure. I also remember being in this weird state of like ecstatic (from seeing John), absolutely fucking wrecked (from lack of sleep), and also sad (from not meeting John—which thinking back on it now isn’t as big a deal as 12am me made it out to be) and I remember trying to force myself to stay awake and putting on Spotify and playing John’s comedy albums (I just walked into the door whilst typing this kill me) and just riding home in silence with my friend just laughing occasionally when we found the energy.

All in all, best fucking night of my life and I can’t wait to see John live again (hopefully) soon.

Sorry this is like a fucking essay and that literally all of it was just about the time spent before the show. I literally remember nothing.

#harley talks about kg #shut up harley #long post //

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6stronghands · 6 years

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please read. it’s long. but i need to say this:

Broken in the past year:

Dishwasher, refrigerator, microwave, furnace, water heater, toilet, gas fireplace, TV, 2 laptops, 2 cellphones, my eyeglasses, the locking system, door handle, driver window (stuck DOWN not up, of course) and catalytic converter on my 15 year old minivan and the other car, a 22 year old beloved 4 Runner had to be junked because it was so decrepit and unfixable (it’s a credit to those amazing early generation Runners though, because it made 260,000 miles and basically ran on Marvel Mystery Oil, Seafoam, and pep talks at the end), then I found out that my home has serious foundation issues, and now, NOW, the dryer.

My new (used) Mustang got hit ONE WEEK after I bought it, by a drunk guy in a big ol F150, as I was my way home to kansas after caring for three (3!!!) family members in the hospital in Utah for four months. The whole time I was in Utah, I was like, holy god these guys are shockingly bad drivers (and I’ve driven extensively around a ton of states). There’s this move I call The Utah Special, a lane changing move where they don’t signal, they don’t check their blind spots, they don’t move vertically….they just horizontally zoom into a space they want in the next lane. I saw so many near misses and actual accidents during my time there. And lo and behold, LITERALLY AS I’M ON MY WAY OUT OF THAT HELL STATE, at the motherfreakin base of the canyon, four hours from Colorado and freedom from the religious insanity and repression that manifests as the angriest, most aggressive, flat out incompetent drivers I’ve ever seen, a jackalope did the Utah Special on me and my new car.

It screwed up the alignment and tire pressure monitor and left a big dent on the drivers door. Luckily i didn’t run into the giant concrete wall that he spun me into, because I’m an experienced driver, esp in correcting a bad, fast turn, but it was close. The guy is now trying to avoid payment so I’ve been driving around with a beatup looking car.

One month after i got back to Lawrence, a guy backed into me at the store, and I ended up using the 100 bucks he gave me for groceries, and trying to buff out the back myself, which didn’t work. This is my childhood dream car btw, the only nice thing I’ve ever owned (and it looks a lot nicer than it is, it’s very bare bones inside and out, it just looks slick. It took almost two years and three states of looking to find a good Mustang for such a low price).

And now.

Now I’ve got a gutted dryer, parts spread out to hell and gone, because Samsung dryers have the worst design and the cheapest parts (seriously, don’t ever buy Samsung appliances. Three different parts stores and repair people told me they refuse to work on Samsungs or carry parts for them any more because the design is so bad and the parts are so cheap). I thought I fixed it by replacing the circuit board, but now I think it’s the thermal fuse switch which is located UNDER and BEHIND the drum, not in the more accessible places other brands put it. But that’s not irritating enough, no no, now it turns out I have to learn how to solder because they didn’t use screws or plugs for the fuse mount, no no, they soldered it on, so I had to drill the fucker out and and buy a solder iron and now I’m watching how-to-solder videos on youtube.

And (of course there’s an AND) the charging port on my 3rd used cell phone broke, and I don’t have time to order a replacement port and do it myself, so I took it into one of those overpriced walk in places (for $130 dollars!!! for fifteen minutes work). Picked it up five minutes before they closed last night, and now the screen is unresponsive. According to the good people of the internet, since I can’t get it to reboot, it’s probably a badly seated digitizer that got bumped when they did the replacement. I have to take a break from my how-to-solder videos and go in and convince a bunch of 20 year old guys to fix my phone and not charge me for it.

So. This is a lot.

And because we are in the aptly named bad timeline, my personal life has pretty much echoed all the broken down stuff. I have had some weird, hard to diagnose, health crap that cost me one job and has prevented me from finding another. So I just do a bunch of volunteer stuff now, and keep applying to worse and worse jobs, hoping someone, somewhere will take me. My new dog (who I adopted because I’ve been so overwhelmed and stressed, I was freaking out one day and my sister was like, I KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO, YOU NEED A DOG, and she was one hundred percent right, everything is better with a good dog) got attacked at the park, by a Husky owned by a RedditGuy, who then RAN when I was trying to revive my dog, and drove away in a Mercedes with a license obscurer. The only reason I know who he is, is because a quick thinking teenager ran after him and tried to get his name (which the guy wouldn’t give) and the teen took pics of him with his cellphone (don’t shit on Millenials around me, just don’t. All I see are good kids doing good stuff under bad circumstances). (Also, just fwiw, there are all kinds of Huskies being surrendered at shelters and involved in attacks because, and this is so dumb it just kills me, people are watching Game of Thrones and deciding they want their very own Direwolf, without having the experience or willingness to take on a breed that needs a lot of training and reinforcement and care. Huskies are great dogs if they have great owners, like a lot of other great but high-care breeds).

The medical bills were over $4000, which I had to take a loan out for. There was a court hearing, and the judge ruled in my favor, and ordered the guy to pay, by March 1st. You won’t be surprised at all, because FML, that the guy hasn’t paid, and is contesting it, which means more court stuff. This has all been stressful as hell, but this dog is genuinely the most amazing dog I’ve ever had; he is worth any trouble and expense. I would sell my Mustang, if I had to, to keep this tiny, adorable fuzzball (some kind of poodle-terrier mix, I think, I dunno. He was a rescue dog who was fostered with an inmate in a local prison, Safe Harbor Prison Dogs, check it out, they’re great) I’ve never had a companion dog before. I’ve had family dogs who have all been great, but I’ve never had one where they are bred to be a companion, that’s their work, like a work-dog needs work to be happy and sane. He is carrying my kid and me in his soft little paws; he does good work, this guy. He is always happy, very energetic when you want, calm and cuddly when you want, incredibly sensitive and attuned, unnervingly intelligent and a joy to train, and as soft as a bunny. I have to brush him every single day because of his crazy Fizzgig hair, but that’s fine. He rides on my shoulder in the car and fits inside a tote bag so I can sneak him lots of places. I’ve socialized him from the beginning (which is why I was at that damn park) so he’s totally silent in public places like stores. He loves people, especially kids, and if I ever get off the job-hunting, broken-thing-fixing treadmill, I’d like to volunteer him as a therapy dog in hospitals or wherever. He’s like my very own Daemon, my own Pantalaimon. A gift and a blessing at any time, but especially now, when things are Challenging.

Then. Then the worst thing. Something really bad happened to my one of my kids. Something so bad that I can’t talk about it in a public place like this. I can barely talk about it in my Al-Anon support group. I spend a lot of energy not thinking about it. I have learned a lot of things in the past few years, like A LOT. I know so much more now, about so many, many things. But this bad thing is something I wish I never knew, and it’s not fixable, only recoverable.

I have never, ever been so continually sad and angry. It’s been bad timing for my mental health, the Me Too movement. I had a friend visit and he was talking about it, and was telling me that it’s turned into a witch hunt, that things aren’t really this bad for women, that maybe women and men just speak different languages and have different needs and wants, that if things have been this bad, why didn’t women say something sooner, and I just….I couldn’t talk. He wanted me to give him specific examples of male violations in my life, and I literally didn’t know where to start. I can list so many, like every woman alive. I could list hundreds of small things, things where you just accept it because what else can you do, and other things, things that were not small, but you ignore, because you actually know the guy and you know he’s genuinely a mostly good guy, or trying to be, or will be some day, or has a family who loves and depends on him, or maybe I didn’t have the vocabulary or confidence or experience to safely call him out then, or maybe I didn’t know if calling him out would ruin his life, and for real, I could see that he would some day evolve into A Good Man, An Ally, and I didn’t want to jeopardize that. Because that’s real, that dynamic. It doesn’t fit into any black and white social media woke doctrine, but it’s real. I have hurt people through ignorance, and I have learned and evolved, and there have been a few specific times where I can look back in gratitude that someone educated me in a gracious, patient way, because it changed me for the better. Do men know this? That people like me aren’t calling them on stuff? That the problem is much, much worse than the revelations of the Me Too movement? That we let pretty much all the small and medium stuff go? Do they know? Are they so uneducated, so culturally indoctrinated, so blind, to other men’s bad behavior, to their own, that they really think that this is all an over-reaction or mixed signals or just women looking to be angry about something???

I know it’s a lot more complicated than that, because goddamn life usually is. There have been hundreds of not-terrible and semi-bad violations in my 40 years, that I’ve just lived with, and then there’s been a handful of genuinely, life-altering-ly bad ones. The ones that teach you to to beware, that there are predators who prey, and you are just meat. But I couldn’t articulate any of this to this friend, this guy who feels so defensive and attacked by the movement. No one has accused him of anything, he’s just feeling defensive. He thinks people are unfair to men, that men are trying their best, that women need to explain more nicely.

I have been so angry, about so much, for months now. I usually blow up fast and I’m done. I’m usually the poster girl for Onward And Upward, Life Is Beautiful, Everything’s Awesome. This constant anger is exhausting. And I wish I was only angry, but I’m also broken-hearted. Broken. Everything’s broken, everything keeps breaking. Bad people, careless people, indifferent people, they keep ruining things and getting away with things. The news isn’t good, not politically, not economically, not environmentally, not anything. All signs point to things getting much, much worse.

I will say this, I am smarter than I was a year ago.

I seem to only learn by doing, to learn the hard way. I know a lot more now. Like A LOT, in a pretty short span of time. I am not the same person I was a year ago. I am not as sweet, and not as optimistic, but I am seasoned. I’m better at problem solving. I know there's always going to be another damn thing, whatever it is. I know the importance of good tools and resources and support, whether it’s fixing broken cars or broken hearts. That came out trite, but it’s true. I’ve learned that sometimes the only good thing to come out of a bad thing is knowledge, if you use it to recover or evolve, or to help someone else. Sometimes the only silver lining is that you’ve got newfound empathy. We need more empathy in the world, so that’s not nothing. I am so, so worried about the future, about what my kids are going to have to learn in order to navigate their own personal and cultural despair. They’re gonna have to get tougher, faster, while protecting their gentle hearts and giving natures. That’s tricky. I hope they’ll remember that we’re in this together, that the only way to survive is by leaning on and helping each other. Another thing that sounds trite, but is the truest thing I know. I’ve learned to talk about things, to ask questions, to ask again if I don’t understand (and again, and again), and to say to people, I need you, I’m stuck, I’m headfucked, I’m heartfucked, help. Help me. Using your resources, whether they’re youtube how-to videos, therapy, doctors, friends, Al-Anon groups, dogs, whatever, is the only way I know how to get over and through.

It’s kind of strange to FEEL how much stronger I am right now, than a year ago. Because things are much worse; something that would have broken me for good, if Then-Me had known. But Now-Me has soldiered through some shit by leaning hard on my resources, and because of those resources, not through inner grit or stoicism, but the resources, I’m tougher, smarter, better equipped. I am not exactly happier, but I do have happy moments. That’s a big deal. I am afraid for the future, but I know that, at least as long as I’m able to fight, I CAN fight.

I have leaned on some of you here. Some of you are my safe places, are resources, tools, friends. Genuine, real ones. I am stronger because of you. I can write and write, but never truly articulate what that has meant, what it means to me. You know how vets are with other vets? The way they’ll meet up after they leave the military, and fall into each other’s arms, the way they trust each other for the rest of their lives? I feel that way about you guys. I’ve been in the motherfucking foxhole, and some of you guys climbed in and covered my head and held my shaking hands. I just have no words. The ‘no atheists in a foxhole’ thing isn’t true. I still don’t believe in God, but I believe in friends, in good people, in the righteous fighters who get no acclaim, no awards, but quietly, bravely, change the world around them a little at a time, to great cumulative effect. I can say I love you, I’m so grateful, you’re wonderful, but really, I have no words other than, thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU.

#personal #thank you

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exxar1 · 4 years

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Episode 2: The Unexamined Life (or Everything’s Fine Until It Isn’t) Part 1

10/11/2020

The last couple weeks since my first entry in this journey log have been fairly quiet for me. There’s all the usual shit going on in the outside world, and we’re now 23 days to the national election. But I’m not here to talk about that. This blog is about me and my journey, and this past week has contained a lot more self-reflection and ruminating. And since this is an election year, I decided to stage this log entry as a debate between me and myself and moderated by I. The main reason for that is because this is exactly what I’ve been doing for the past week, and I’ve come to realize two things:

1. Spending too much time alone with one’s thoughts can lead to a LOT of self-psychoanalysis.

2. That’s not necessarily a good thing.

Wednesday of this past week was particularly bad for me. I hadn’t had much sleep the night before (I usually average about 4 ½ hours per night, thanks to the two full time jobs), and I was feeling rather grouchy and annoyed as well as exhausted when I showed up for work at Walmart that morning. As I took up my usual post at the main entrance, steeling myself for another long, boring day of talking to myself, I started thinking about this blog and what my next entry would be. But then I also started asking myself why I was feeling so annoyed and grumpy. Here’s how the conversation went:

Picture this: a small, cozy study somewhere with lots of bookshelves filled with all kinds of paperbacks and tomes. A large picture window allows the afternoon sun to shine in and gives us a view of a downtown office park in Anywhere, USA. There’s a desk in one corner, near the window, and, in the middle of the room, is a large, high-backed armchair opposite a long, comfy sofa. I’m at one end of the sofa, and seated at the other end is also me. And I’m also seated in the armchair, pen in one hand, notepad in the other. Now, for the sake of visual and organizational clarity, let’s imagine that the “me” seated in the armchair is Patrick Stewart. (I’ve always admired Captain Picard from “Star Trek: The Next Generation. And yes, Patrick is in his Starfleet uniform from the “TNG” era.)

Seated at the far end of the sofa, opposite me, is Chris Evans. (Because, why not? And no, he’s not in his Captain America uniform. I’m picturing jeans and a plain t-shirt. He’s also a little scruffy since he hasn’t shaved in a couple days.)

And me, I’m in my Walmart shirt and jeans, feeling a little miffed and uncomfortable.

PATRICK: Good morning, everyone. Neal, Chris started this meeting by asking you why you’re feeling so grumpy. Let’s start with that.

ME: Well, for starters, I didn’t sleep very well last night, and I really don’t want to be at work.

PATRICK: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Well, of course, I can understand that. But we all know there’s more going on with you lately than just that. What else is causing your mood today?

I glance at Chris. He just gives me a look that says, This is your session, dude. I’m just along for the ride.

ME: Well, Patrick, yes I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. (Slight pause.) I just realized it’s been two weeks since I texted with Alfred.

“Alfred” is the name of a guy I met on Tinder back in early June, two days after my birthday, in fact. That’s not his real name, of course, but I’m a fan of Batman, and Alfred seems like a good pseudonym for this guy.

PATRICK: Ah, yes! You’re right, it has been awhile. Hasn’t he been back from his Florida trip for about ten days now?

ME: Yeah. At least, I’m pretty sure. He said it was only for that weekend. I kinda wanted to wait this time and see if he would be the one to text me first.

CHRIS: Dude, face facts. He’s just not that into you. You know it, you just don’t want to admit it.

I shoot him a scathing look, and he just shrugs.

PATRICK: Now, Chris, let’s not try to be so blunt, shall we? We need to be considerate of everyone’s feelings here. Neal, do you think that this is true? You told Alfred a couple months ago that you were really into him and that you wanted to go on a second date.

ME: Yeah, I did. And he said he wanted to do on one too. But he also said – in not so many direct words, of course – that he was just too busy with work right now. He literally works seven days a week. Said he’s trying to catch up on his finances from the economic shutdown earlier this year. I suggested we go get a late lunch or early dinner after he’s off one of his early morning shifts. He said he doesn’t like to go out after work. Once he’s home, he’s too tired to do anything else.

CHRIS: And all you’ve done ever since is just text “Good morning, how’s your day, and goodnight.” You haven’t had a real conversation about anything since that one two months ago.

ME: Yeah, pretty much.

CHRIS: And now it’s been two weeks since you heard from him at all.

ME: (looking out the window, scowling) Yeah.

CHRIS: He’s not that into you.

I continue looking out the window. He’s right, dammit. This makes me even more grouchy and irritated. I can feel the other two waiting patiently as I stew in silence. In the outside world, I greet a few more customers as they walk in the door.

ME: (giving a resigned sigh) It’s probably just as well. I doubt he and I had that much in common to begin with. And there’s been so much that’s happened with me in these last 3 months that he probably wouldn’t understand.

CHRIS: So why does that bother you so much? You’ve never cared about having a boyfriend or being in a long term relationship. You’ve always been perfectly happy on your own.

I have no answer. He’s right again, dammit! Patrick just looks at me, his expression calm and patient, and I look out the window again. Why does this bother me so much now? I couldn’t even tell you why I created that stupid account on Tinder in the first place. I suppose I was bored, as I had a lot of time on my hands with not much to do. And everyone keeps talking about that app, how it’s great for hookups and general dating. And, at first, I didn’t make any connections with guys that appeared to be worth talking to. All of them were either in a relationship and looking for a threesome, or they just wanted to hook up, or they didn’t have any hobbies or interests that were even remotely similar to mine, or they weren’t even in my geographical area. (I could never figure out why Tinder kept showing me guys from Spain or Europe or Mexico when I had specifically adjusted my location settings in my profile to show me only guys from a 20 mile radius around my zip code.)

But then, a mere two days after creating that profile, Alfred matched with me. He swiped right on my profile first. (He made the first move, in other words.) Once Tinder notified me I checked out his profile. Age: 49. His pics and his description of likes and interests seemed pretty decent, so I swiped right as well. After we matched, I sent him a greeting, and – unlike ALL the other guys with whom I had matched in those two days (which wasn’t many) – Alfred actually responded to my message. We hit it off right away. We spent an hour chatting. We exchanged phone numbers and began texting regularly the very next morning.

We met for a first date a couple weeks later. I was super nervous, and, because there were only a few restaurants back in early June that had just reopened their dining rooms, we chose Farmer Boys for brunch at ten. I, of course, arrived about fifteen minutes early (that type ‘A’ personality trait, remember?), and Alfred arrived on time. There was the usual initial awkwardness and stilted small talk. But after we ordered, and after we both overcame our nervousness, we hit it off pretty well. There was no awkward lags or uncomfortable silences. He seemed really nice and outgoing, and neither of us hogged the whole conversation. We filled each other in on our respective bios, he told me about his job and I told him all about mine. We talked about Black Lives Matter and some of the other political stuff going on in the news at the time. I was still a democrat at that time, so we both seemed to have similar political views. Alfred hated Trump – and still does, as far as I know – and I told him that I didn’t really follow politics. I wasn’t even planning to vote. (You all know, of course, how radically that all has changed for me since then.)

Put simply, that first date went super well! It lasted almost two and a half hours, and we both agreed to continue texting and that we should do a second date soon. I left the restaurant feeling damn near giddy. Maybe 2020 wasn’t going to be such a shit year after all.

And we did continue texting. We had some really good conversations in the ensuing weeks. One of them was a rather heated debate about Black Lives Matter and the call for de-funding the police. Alfred was all for it, and I tried to convince him of the error of his views. We stayed civil with one another, and the fact that we could agree to disagree and move on was another encouraging sign. We greeted each other via text every morning, and signed off the same way every night. Throughout the day we would chat here and there, mostly during our respective break times at work, and the more I chatted with him, the more I started to fall in love.

But, as this was my first attempt at actual dating, I couldn’t be sure if he felt the same way about me. He seemed genuinely interested, but we had never had a face to face conversation since our first date. And since Alfred preferred texting to actual phone calls – which I was also fine with – I couldn’t get a very good read on him. Just the fact that he was always responding to my texts was a good sign, but our conversations were getting shorter and shorter. By mid-August we were reduced to – as Chris just now so eloquently put it – saying little more to each other than “Good morning, how’s your day, goodnight.”

So I decided to just go for it and put myself out there. I texted Alfred one afternoon as he was leaving work. I told him that I was really into him, that I had been thoroughly enjoying our conversations, and that the more we talked, the more I was falling for him. I waited anxiously after sending the text, one finger tapping nervously on the side of my phone. The symbol with the three dots in a shaded oval appeared on my screen and seemed to stay there for an eternity. When his response finally came through, I grinned with immense relief. He felt the same way! We chatted for a bit longer, and then I had to go to work.

But the end of August arrived with still no ETA on a second date. Alfred and I continued texting, but, once again, neither of us said much more than “Good morning, how’s your day, goodnight.” We were both working super long hours. I had been with Walmart for almost 2 months by now and had barely enough time between jobs to eat and sleep. But, even with my crazy hectic schedule, I still had an occasional evening during the week free. I brought up the subject of a second date a couple times with Alfred, but his responses were vague and non-committal. I even asked him once point blank if he still wanted to get together sometime, and he assured me he did. His work schedule was just super hectic at the time. I backed off, not wanting to create a fight, but my frustration rose another notch. I decided to give him until the end of September. If he couldn’t commit to a second date by then, we would need to have a heart to heart.

Then, in the third week of September, Alfred informed me he was going to Florida for a few days to help an old friend after her surgery. He was leaving Wednesday the 23rd and he would be back either Saturday or Sunday. I wished him safe travels and told him to get some rest since he’d been working like crazy for the last couple months. He thanked me and then we said our usual goodnights.

That was 2 ½ weeks ago, and I haven’t heard from him since.

CHRIS: Just text him.

ME: I don’t want to. I want to see if he’s still interested. I want him to be the first to text this time.

CHRIS: Ok fine.

All three of us sit in silence. I purposely avoid their gazes.

ME: Ok fine, I’ll text him.

Out in the real world I pull my phone from my front pocket and shoot off a quick greeting to Alfred: a simple “Good morning. (Smiley face emoji) How’s it going?”

ME: There. Now we wait.

CHRIS: What are you going to do if he doesn’t respond?

ME: (exasperated sigh) I don’t know! I guess you’re right. He’s just not that into me.

PATRICK: And that understandably upsets you.

ME: Yes, it does. And Chris is right. I don’t know why this bothers me so much now.

CHRIS: I know why.

ME: Of course you do.

CHRIS: It’s simple. You’re lonely. And not just regular lonely. You’re tragically, desperately, sadly lonely. You have been for years. That’s why you finally created the Tinder profile, that’s why you fell so hard when you met Alfred, and that’s why you’re so upset and grouchy today. You’re lonely, and it hurts.

I glare at him, furious. But then I have to look away because, suddenly, I feel like crying. And, out in the real world, I have to blink a lot to force back the tears. I smile and greet some more customers.

CHRIS: Sorry to be so blunt, but it’s obvious.

ME: All right, fine. So I’m lonely. Since you have all the answers, tell me why that bothers me so much just now. It’s never been an issue before. So what’s changed? Why now?

CHRIS: (shrugs) Actually, I don’t know. That’s a good question.

We both look at Patrick. He glances at each of us in turn, also puzzled.

PATRICK: That is a good question. Maybe we should explore why you chose a long time ago to not be interested in romantic relationships.

ME: (shrugs) I don’t know. I just…. I was never interested in having one. I was perfectly happy on my own, and I never saw the point of having a boyfriend. I was happier with the occasional hookup or the friends with benefits I had in college.

PATRICK: Mm-hmmm. You made a conscious choice when you were young to be alone, but now, at 42, you’re having a hard time living with that choice.

ME: (frowning) Well, yes, I suppose that’s one way of putting it.

CHRIS: I think I know why you made that choice.

ME: (rolling my eyes) Oh really? You just said a second ago you didn’t know.

CHRIS: I had to think about it for a minute. You were bullied and picked on when you were a kid. You never really fit in with the other boys. You were always happier playing dress up with the girls, or sitting under a tree at recess reading a book. We’ve talked about this before, remember?

I do remember. And, as usual, he brings up a valid point. I’ve been thinking a lot lately about those years in elementary school. I wasn’t a normal boy. I had no interest in sports. I did enjoy the occasional game of cops and robbers or tag, but most of the time I could be found under a tree with a book in hand or playing dolls with the girls in one corner of the playground. There was a few times when I would go to another girl’s house for a play date and I loved putting on dresses and jewelry and pretending to be the wife. This, of course, drew lots of ridicule and shaming from my male classmates at recess. I didn’t care, though – or, at least, I pretended not to.

However, in retrospect, I’m starting to see how that ridicule and being made fun of has affected me in different ways over the course of my life. In elementary school, I wasn’t a model student. I would act out in class and get sent to the principal’s office quite a lot. I had to repeat the first grade because I didn’t do so hot the first time around. (My parents attributed this to starting kindergarten too early.) It also didn’t help that I was smarter than most of my classmates. I’m not saying that to brag. It’s a simple fact. I caught on to general concepts and lessons a bit quicker than everyone else, and I was also an excellent reader. The school library was my second home, and I was always complaining to my teachers and parents that I could check out only two books at a time. By the time I was in 3rd grade I was joining the 4th grade class a couple times a week for math or reading lessons. And it was also about this time that I started expressing more interest in the girly things like dress-up and playing with My Little Pony horses. I even had a pony of my own – white body with a glittery, purple mane. It came with a pink brush and a barrette. (Damn, I miss those wonderful toys of the 80s!)

In later years, I’ve come to realize that all the bullying and ridicule in elementary school caused me to lash out in other ways – usually in class, but mostly at home. I was always fighting with my three brothers and my parents, and this got worse as I got older. By the time puberty hit – which, of course, was about a year earlier than my male classmates – I was used to being made fun of by the other kids at my school. I was also used to coping with this by retreating to my room at home after school to read or play with my “Star Trek” toys. Or I would pick a fight with my brothers who also loved to tease and make fun of me.

And then, as I entered junior high, I started to realize that there was something fundamentally different about me. All my classmates had begun expressing interest in the opposite sex, but I felt nothing when I was around the girls. (By this point, obviously, I was no longer playing dress-up with my female friends or going to their houses for play dates. My parents and I had agreed this was not a good idea, though I wasn’t entirely sure why at the time.) Around my male classmates, however, I was feeling something different. A couple of them I found attractive, in fact, but instinct told me I should never say that aloud or even outwardly hint at that attraction in any way.

I was also socially awkward in the worst possible way. It was probably because of all the torment in elementary school, but I had also always been a natural introvert. I was never the life of the party. And, because I was attending a private school, the same classmates who had made fun of me in 3rd grade for playing with dolls with the girls at recess instead of soccer with the boys were now my friends in 7th grade who were starting to pass notes to one another during class. I’m sure there was one or two girls that I exchanged notes with at some point, but I only did it to fit in with the boys. I had no interest whatsoever in whether or not the girls actually responded.

And, as if the first glimmer of homosexuality combined with super awkward, underdeveloped social skills wasn’t enough, I was also turning into a bone fide nerd in 7th and 8th grades. I was 9 years old when “Star Trek: The Next Generation” premiered in 1987, and I would watch it with my mom every week. I fell in love with that show from the start, and I was a geek long before it was cool. Nowadays, everyone is proud to be a sci-fi nerd, as the box office success of the Marvel Cinematic Universe can readily prove. But back in the early 90s, as I suffered through junior high, being a “Star Trek” fan was just one more thing to be made fun of by my classmates.

So, as a result of all of this, I started to create a mask for myself. I would put on a good face every morning, go to school and pretend everything was fine while enduring constant teasing and “good natured” ribbing from my classmates about all sorts of things, and then go home at night and fight with my brothers or parents about any number of things. (My brothers loved to make fun of my nerdiness as well.) Sometimes I would wear the mask at home and pretend everything was fine with my family, but in the solitude of my room, with the door closed, I would take it off and pretend that I was a Starfleet officer on the bridge of the starship “Enterprise”. No one on that crew made of one another. Everyone worked together in harmony, and they all celebrated their differences. In fact, being different was a strength, not a weakness. I so desperately wanted to live in that world that that TV show became an almost unhealthy obsession throughout the rest of my teen years.

In 9th grade I finally realized what was fundamentally different with me. I was gay. It was now the early 90s, and we had cable TV in our house. My brothers and I would sneak behind our parents’ backs to watch some of the prime time comedies that we’d been told we weren’t supposed to watch. The gay social movement exploded in mainstream America in the 90s, though it had been building momentum for quite some time before then. As with all things relating to nerds or geeks, it was not cool to be gay in the early 90s, especially if you were a teenager. Adults who dared to be out and proud faced discrimination at work and alienation from family and friends. Soldiers and officers in the American military were courts-martialed and stripped of rank for coming out of the closet. The surest way to end the career of any Hollywood celebrity was to accuse them in the tabloids of being gay.

In today’s public schools, it’s considered weird or strange if you’re NOT gay, or at least bi. Back then, I longed for someone I could talk to about this, but because I was attending a private school run by a Baptist church in a red state in a town with a population of less than 40,000, I had no support group whatsoever. There was no school counselor with a pamphlet on the local PFLAG group. There was no student club with other gay students that I could hang out with after school. There was no internet chat room where I could talk to an understanding stranger about my feelings and struggles. Fuck, there wasn’t even the internet back then. My only resource for exploring my sexuality was the public library across town, but back then there was precious little literature on the subject of being gay. And, even if by some miracle I was able to find such a book, I would have to sneak it home and hide it from my parents.

All I knew about homosexuality was preached at me from the pulpit at church on Sundays and Wednesday night youth group meetings. Not that the subject came up that often, and when it did, it was always in the context of Sodom and Gomorrah. For example, “Look at what God did to the Sodomites who were practicing idol worship and homosexuality.” Or, “It’s unnatural for two people of the same sex to be together. God created Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve.” (To my knowledge, that last quote was never specifically said aloud by any of my pastors or teachers, but the gist of it was stated in some form or another in a sermon here and there.) I also have an odd memory from early childhood of my father bringing up this subject during one of his nightly devotions with me and my brothers. I couldn’t have been more than 10 or 11, and I distinctly remember sitting beside my brother Jeremy, who was probably 8 or 9, and dad was reading us a Bible story. (It was probably just us older two boys. The twins would have been about 5 at this time.) I don’t remember what the story was, but I do distinctly remember Jeremy asking my dad, “What’s homosexuality?” This was my dad’s response: “It’s when men have sex with other men. It’s disgusting! It makes me want to puke!”

It’s strange how specific words or pieces of a scene can stick in your memory for so many years. I carried that vehement statement with me in the back of my mind for many years afterwards, well into junior high or high school. It’s how I knew I could never, ever tell my parents about what I was struggling with, and I got to the point where I wore my mask very well. I bided my time until high school graduation, and I almost made it to the finish line without any hiccups.

Almost.

My senior year was 1996-97. One of the requirements for me and my 9 classmates – the same group of kids who had tormented me relentlessly in elementary school, but with whom I was now close friends – was a Bible class called “Understanding The Times”. It was designed to equip young Christians with the necessary religious reasoning and skills to guard and defend their faith as they entered a Godless and corrupt world. An example of the topics in this class: abortion, homosexuality, rock music, pop culture & politics. My friends and I loathed this class. We made fun of these topics and assignments – as well as the teacher – outside the classroom. (The teacher was Mr. Ward – a true nerd in every way, especially in appearance. He was tall, pencil thin, with large glasses, a thick moustache, and a long nose. I still cringe when I think about the crush I had on him in my junior high years.) Being typical teenagers, we had already done our share of rebellious activities, i.e. the occasional weekend party where alcohol had made an appearance. (Actually, I should say “they” had done those activities. I was never part of the “in” crowd in high school, despite the microscopic size of my class, so I was never cool enough to be part of anything rebellious.)

By this point in my life I had become quite comfortable with being gay. I believed quite firmly and without a doubt that I had been born this way. I couldn’t really tell you for sure why, but I knew that. I knew it in my bones. And I was fine with it. I was, however, not anywhere close to being fine with all the religious bullshit that had been shoved down my throat for the last 17 years of my life. My brothers and I were born and raised in the church. My father insisted on all of us being present ANY time those damn doors were open for service. And I do mean, ANYTIME. Sunday morning, Sunday evening, Wednesday evening youth group, and especially anytime there was a special week-long revival event. That was when a visiting pastor or an evangelist would be passing through town and a good, old fashioned church service would be held every weeknight. I grew to loathe these special services, as they would often happen in the summer, and I could think of a thousand things I would rather be doing on a warm, breezy July evening than forced to sit in church and listen to some guy rant and rave about the sins of the world.

So, in the spring of ’97, as our graduation date neared, and as my friends and I endured this terrible Bible class where our teacher lectured us on the evils of premarital sex and rock music, I had finally decided that I had had enough. One of our assignments towards the end of March, about six weeks from graduation, was to write a paper on a topic that I can’t even remember now. What I do remember very clearly, however, was that I stated in this paper, in no uncertain terms, was that I was an Atheist. I did not believe in God, in Heaven or Hell, or pretty much anything in the Bible. I proudly handed that paper to my teacher on the day it was due and walked out of class feeling a bit giddy and anxious. I really didn’t think anything other than a failing grade was going to come of this.

One thing about teenagers: we really don’t think through the consequences of our actions.

I was called into the principal’s office two days later. Mr. Grayson was seated behind his desk and my dad was seated in front of the desk. My mind immediately began racing through the past couple weeks, trying to remember if there was something my friends and I had done that violated church rules. I had already forgotten about that stupid Bible class assignment. But when I sat down, and when Mr. Grayson read aloud what I had written in that paper, I started to think that maybe – just maybe – I had crossed a line. This is another memory where I have a clear record of the actual dialogue:

MR. GRAYSON: Neal, I’m going to ask you think once, and you need to think carefully about your answer. (Pause) Do you really, truly believe what you wrote here? Or was this just another way to get back at Mr. Ward?

I did think…for about 2.5 seconds.

ME: Yes, I believe it. A hundred percent. There’s no God, no afterlife, and I’m an Atheist.

MR. GRAYSON: (giving me a serious, measured look) I’m sorry to hear that, Neal. I’m afraid we can’t accept you here as a student any longer. If this was just some kind of acting out, or if you were just being argumentative, that would be one thing. But if you actually believe this, then there’s no place for you here. We’re going to have to expel you immediately.

He turned to my dad and they started talking, but I don’t remember what that was. All I could think was,

HELL-FUCKING-YEAH!!!!!!

I was so excited I could hardly contain myself. I practically floated out of that office, and I was grinning ear to ear all the way home. I even almost ran a red light because I wasn’t paying attention. All I could think was that I was finally free! No more preaching, no more lecturing, no more stupid Bible class! I was free of all of it!!!

Only later that afternoon, as I reflected on what I had done, did the full weight finally come crashing down on me. I wasn’t going to walk the aisle at my own graduation. Oh shit. Goddammit!

Goddammit!!

But, what was done was done. Yes, there was major fallout in all corners of my life – and my family’s lives – from my little act of rebellion. I eventually came to terms with what I had done, and, in all honesty, I have accomplished so much more in my life since then that has meant far more to me than getting expelled six weeks before high school graduation. Graduating Boise State University with a Bachelor’s in English, for one. And, ever since that declaration, I have been a proud and determined Atheist. I walked away from the church, the religion, the Bible – all of it. I wanted nothing more to do with God or any of his followers, and, until 2020, I’d been very happy with that choice.

And now…back to my little session with Patrick Stewart and Chris Evans.

ME: (still looking out the window, talking mainly to myself) It wasn’t just because of the religion or being gay. It was all of it. I’ve been ridiculed, bullied, and made fun of ever since 2nd grade. I’ve always been different in many ways. I’ve never, ever felt as if I belonged somewhere, especially as a teenager. There was nowhere to be my complete, truest self. Not even at home. I’ve always been the outsider, the outcast, the one looking at the “in” crowd and longing desperately, with all of my being, to fit in somewhere. Longing to be normal. But I’ve never been normal.

I turn to Chris.

ME: You were right. I’ve been lonely my entire life. Desperately, sadly, tragically lonely. I learned early on to build a wall around myself to protect me from the bullying and the cruelty of the other kids. And then, in junior high and high school, I fortified that wall, made it thicker and stronger. It was the only way to survive. And then, somewhere along the way, I became so comfortable with it that I didn’t realize it was even there. But it’s always been there, and I’ve kept everyone in my life at arm’s length. I never let them get inside the wall. Not even my family is allowed inside.

It was at this point that I became truly choked up and damn near broke down in the lobby of Walmart. I don’t know why it took 23 years to arrive at such an obvious revelation, but there it was. Even as I write this I’m having to pause and blink back the tears. I hate feeling this way. I hate that I now have to live with a vow that my younger self blindly, stupidly made. Almost everyone I know – including my brothers – is happily married with kids or, at the very least, in a relationship with someone special. I am alone. I have spent my whole life marching to the beat of my own crazy, wacked out drummer that I never bothered to check just exactly where it was I was marching to; or, for that matter, if I was even staying on the damn football field. And, as I said already, I have accomplished so much in my life since walking away from those troubled, angst-filled teen years that being single was never a big deal. I used to be thoroughly, genuinely happy by myself. I’ve never needed that whole, clichéd, stupid rom-com story: boy meets boy in meet cute, lots of misunderstandings and contrived plot points ensue, boy and boy end up happily ever after. Romantic relationships are ridiculous and unnecessary in order to live a happy, fulfilled life. I believed that then, and I still believe it now.

CHRIS: Uh-huh. So why does the fact that Alfred still hasn’t responded to the text you sent an hour ago bother you so deeply?

I’ve returned my gaze to the window, but Chris’ statement causes me to turn. I glare at him with such rage that he actually recoils.

CHRIS: Uh, never mind. Forget I asked.

ME: Fuck you.

I get up and leave the room.

My shift at Walmart is over. I’m headed home for a much needed nap and then some play time with my Nintendo Switch. I’ve had enough self-induced psychoanalysis for one day.

TO BE CONTINUED…

#christian #life #gay #bullying #teens

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