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jinkoh · 1 year

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boy, you're heaven

kino/hyunggu x gn reader

summary: getting into a friends with benefits arrangement with the guy you'd been crushing on for ages doesn't seem like the best idea—but Hyunggu is just too good to resist.

word count: ~21k

Tags: fwb to lovers, very suggestive scenes, hurt/comfort, slow burn, hint of a love triangle but not really, jealous &possessive Hyunggu but all in healthy amounts Warnings: alcohol consumption i avoided descriptions of physical attributes but reader wears his clothes in between (it's not stated how the clothes fit and whether they are oversized or not)

a/n: this started as a small little songfic for my most favorite friend @ bananayanan and then it accidentally consumed my whole being. the song is heaven by shygirl btw i hope you enjoy~

Masterlist

You'd known Hyunggu for quite a while already. He'd been part of your circle of friends for years and your little crush on him had persisted just as long.

You knew it was nothing that would come to fruition—after all, Hyunggu wasn't someone who did relationships, not really, not seriously.

You on the other hand weren't someone who did casual. You didn't want anything that was just physical or out of convenience.

Consequently, falling for Hyunggu was the most pointless thing you'd ever done. But it wasn't like you could control your feelings and stop liking him just because you knew it was pointless.

So, you stayed by his side as a friend.

Maybe it was better that way. He treated his friends well, he was caring and empathetic—a side of him you doubted his one night stands and hookups saw a lot of when he dropped them like hot potatoes the moment they got too attached.

You were lucky, right? To be able to be close to your crush and keep a positive relationship

—or so you tried telling yourself. But honestly whenever he had someone new, even if it was just for a night, you couldn't stop yourself from getting jealous.

Except for your best friend no one really knew about your crush. It was clear that she pitied you or at least hoped for you to move on. She'd been watching this pathetic longing for years now and decided you finally deserved some happiness of your own.

She told you just that, when she convinced you to go to the party of the friend of a friend.

"You know, you have to mingle with people a bit, meet new faces and all that."

By new faces she mostly meant one new face in specific. She'd recently met some guy over a shared lecture and she swore the two of you would be a perfect match.

"He likes cooking like you do and he has the same taste in movies too!!"

You honestly doubted that anything would change but you wanted to move on as much as she wanted you to so you agreed to meet him either way.

You got all dressed up (not without your friend's meddling, who assured you you were looking really hot after she was done with you) and went to that party.

"So, who is it?" you asked, looking around the flat full of people ranging from almost sober to very drunk.

"I don't think he's here yet. Let's get drinks first?"

The two of you got yourselves some drinks, played some games and talked with random people your friend knew but you didn't. Honestly it wasn't too bad of an evening. Maybe it was the alcohol making you loosen up a little and feel less awkward around strangers, but you had a good time, pretty much forgetting about both Hyunggu and the guy your friend wanted to set you up with.

Eventually your friend's phone screen lit up with a call and she went outside to get it. In the meantime you went to get yourself a refill from the kitchen.

At this point the kitchen was plenty messy, open bottles everywhere, and it took you a while to figure out which were empty and which weren't.

"Y/n?" you suddenly heard a familiar voice behind you. When you turned around Hyunggu was leaning against the door frame.

"Hyunggu," you just deadpanned, a little caught off guard to meet him. "I didn't know you were here."

"Dito." He gave you a once over before he broke into a smug grin and stepped a little closer. "Dressed to impress, hm?"

You suddenly felt uncomfortable in your clothes. It wasn't what you usually wore but you'd thought the difference wasn't that obvious. But now you felt as if you were wearing an ill fitting costume.

"No," you stuttered out. "Just wanted to try something new." An awkward laugh escaped your lips. "Guess it doesn't suit me."

Hyunggu took another step closer, standing right in front of you now. You could smell the alcohol on him, but there was also the flowery scent of his perfume.

"Not at all." He smiled at you through hooded eyes. "You look good."

Your mouth felt dry. "Is that so?"

"Mhm," he nodded, his eyes wandering from your face down to your feet and back up again. "It is."

For a moment you just stared at him, right into his dark eyes. There was a hunger in them that you hadn't seen before. At least not like this, not directed at yourself.

You tore your gaze away, feeling the heat rise to your ears. "Are you drunk, Hyunggu?"

"Maybe a little tipsy?" He chuckled, but when he reached for your chin to make you look at him his expression was serious again. "But I know a pretty thing when I see one."

You shouldn't be attracted to this, you knew that well. But after years and years of feeling jealous of the people by his side that got to have him if only for a night, you couldn't help the way your heart was racing in your chest now that you'd taken their place. Of course, this wouldn't lead anywhere. He'd surely snap out of it any second, maybe chuckle and say it was a joke.

But just for this moment it felt good to have him look at you like that, like he wanted to have you.

"Ran out of things to say?" he whispered, when you stayed silent.

"I'm just thinking—" You swallowed. "Maybe we should get back to the party."

"Should we?" A thoughtful pout appeared on his face. "I feel like I've spent enough time there already. It's not that good of a party, honestly."

You huffed a laugh. "Really?"

"Mhm, trust me, I'm an expert on that."

"So what do you suggest?" Your voice sounded breathless.

"I think we should get out of here. Unless—," he gave you another once over. "you're here with someone?"

"No," you whispered, ignoring the annoying voice in the back of your head telling you that this was a bad idea. "No, we can go."

He looked smug when he grabbed your hand and pulled you out of the kitchen towards the entrance door with him.

Not even a minute later, you were already outside, the cold night air hitting you in the face like a bucket of ice water.

The voice in your head got louder then, no longer drowned out by the noise of the party.

But before it could convince you to abort this whole thing, Hyunggu waved over a cab and opened the door for you. Your limbs just moved on their own, sitting down on the backseat. And then the car door closed and Hyunggu was sitting next to you, leaning so close into your personal space you felt his breath against your ear.

He reached over your shoulder, practically caging you in against the seat

—and pulled at the seat belt to plug it in for you.

"Safety first," he whispered against your ear with a chuckle that made shivers run down your spine.

You felt embarrassed by the way your imagination had already started running wild with you—but was it really that off to think something would happen? You left the party together after all, why if not for something to happen?

Not long after, he closed the door to his apartment behind you and easily slipped out of his shoes and coat. Before you knew it his hands were on your shoulders, helping you out of your jacket and hanging it somewhere, but you didn't catch where exactly. Both, because of the darkness that engulfed the hallway, and the fact that you couldn't help looking around in fascination, trying to make out something, anything despite the lack of light.

It hadn't occurred to you before, but now that you were here you realized you hadn't been to his apartment until now.

Hyunggu didn't really give you time to marvel at the new surroundings though. He took you by the hand and pulled you with him through one of the doors.

His eyes were constantly on you as you stepped inside his bedroom. He reached behind you to close the door, making you walk backwards until your back was flush against the smooth wooden surface.

The lock clicked shut but Hyunggu didn't show any intent to move away. Instead he kept hovering in your personal space, his eyes wandering over your face.

Your heart was hammering in your chest so loudly you were convinced he must be hearing it too from how close you were.

You just stood there, unable to do anything but look at him. The tension between the two of you felt palpable, almost like something you could touch if you reached out your hand.

There were only a few inches left, such a small gap to close, but neither of you moved.

You, because you didn't dare to.

Him? You weren't sure. Maybe he enjoyed this, the way he had you on edge.

"You know," he whispered after a while, his lips so close to your ear that you felt them ghosting your skin. "I really didn't take you to be this kinda person."

You weren't sure how to take his words. You hadn't taken yourself to be this kinda person either. Because you weren't. But when it came to Hyunggu it was different. It was the way he looked at you—how were you supposed to say no to him?

"What, disappointed?" you asked, trying hard to sound more confident and casual about this than you were.

He chuckled. "Not at all. I’d say it’s a pleasant surprise."

You scoffed in an attempt to hide just how self-conscious you were feeling about all of this. You hadn't done anything like this before, not really. Going home with someone simply hadn't been anything you'd been interested in before, not with a stranger and even less with a friend.

"So, what do we do now?" Hyunggu's lips were still close to your ear when he said that, his sultry voice making you shiver.

Despite his flirty undertone, you felt like he was giving you options. Namely, the option to back out, if you wanted to.

And maybe you should have taken it. Laughed it all off, said yeah, honestly, what are we doing? We're friends!

But you didn't. You needed him to look at you like this just a little longer. Were you being headless? Probably. But you didn't care.

"Kiss me."

Hyunggu grinned self-satisfied as if he'd waited for you to say that.

"My pleasure," he whispered against your lips, and then he closed the gap.

You'd imagined how it'd feel to kiss him a zillion times in your head. You'd made up scenarios of how his lips would graze yours gently or how he'd passionately kiss you in a heated moment.

The real thing was nothing like what you'd imagined it to be. He wasn't gentle or careful with you, he didn't treat you like something fragile that needed to be protected. But he wasn't exactly rough either.

If anything, the kiss felt greedy, as if he'd been hungry for this, for you, and it was all you could do to let yourself be devoured whole.

You barely noticed the way his hands found the hem of your shirt or how he guided you to his bed, but before you knew it you found yourself falling onto his mattress, your clothes scattered on the floor and Hyunggu on top of you.

It wasn't romantic. You felt a little stiff, constantly worried about showing too much of yourself, of your feelings. You simply didn’t know how to behave. What was allowed and what wasn’t? How much affection were you allowed to show before you were crossing the line?

It felt like walking on a wire and heck, balance had never been one of your strong points.

He didn’t care to take it slow either. His hands on you were rushed and greedy. But despite the haste in his touch, his skin felt warm and soft against yours and you wondered if you'd get to feel it again once this night was over. It wasn't love on his part, you knew that. But at that moment it was the most you could get. Even if you’d regret it later, you were more than willing to give yourself to him if it meant getting to be this close.

When you woke up the next morning, you found yourself alone in an unfamiliar bed, wearing nothing but a t-shirt that didn’t belong to you. It took you a second to wrap your head around things and realize where you were and how you’d ended up here.

It wasn’t like you’d expected romantic cuddling or anything of that type. But somehow, waking up in his bed by yourself made you feel terribly lonely and maybe even a little used. Of course, that wasn’t fair to Hyunggu. You’d known what you were signing up for when you left the party with him. You’d decided to do this, despite the regrets you would surely have about it. It wasn’t his fault that you set yourself up to get your heart broken.

Still, it hurt.

Fighting back tears, you sat up and looked around the room to locate your clothes that were scattered on the floor. You quickly slipped into your underwear, before gathering the rest of your things.

Just when you wanted to take off Hyunggu’s shirt to put on your own clothes, the door opened and you quickly pulled it down again to cover yourself.

He chuckled at your hasty movement. “Not like there’s anything I haven’t already seen.”

“That—,” you tried to protest but you couldn’t really come up with anything.

Hyunggu looked at you with a cheeky smile that reached his eyes. It felt a little unfair that he could smile at you like this, like what happened wasn’t a big deal, while you were beating yourself up about it.

“Are you having breakfast? Don’t have much here, but I’m sure we could come up with something. You can take a shower too.”

You swallowed around the lump in your throat. You weren’t sure what you wanted from him exactly, but it wasn’t a casual invitation to breakfast.

“Ah, thanks, but I’m meeting someone later and I still need to clean up a bit so I should probably get going,” you lied.

He simply nodded, not particularly shaken up by your reply. “Okay, sure.”

You rushed past him into the bathroom to get dressed and wash your face. You’d hoped the cold water would help you calm down but it wasn’t really doing much. The only thing keeping you from crying was the fact that you’d have to get out of this bathroom and face Hyunggu again.

The moment you left his apartment though, throwing a hasty goodbye at Hyunggu who told you he’d see you on Monday, you couldn’t stop the tears anymore.

Maybe you were being overdramatic, but the whole situation was too much for you. There was a reason why you didn’t usually do these things, but it was a little too late to mourn this now.

Things didn’t change after that. Everything was just the way it had always been. At least on the surface.

If someone would have bothered to dig a little deeper, maybe they would have noticed the way you kept being overly conscious of every little move, afraid to give away what happened between Hyunggu and you to anyone else and even more afraid that he could notice that it’d shaken you up.

But no one did. Hyunggu too was just like always. In a way you were grateful that you were still allowed to be by his side now even if it was just as a friend. Not many one night stands of his got that privilege. But the problem was, you didn’t really know how to be his friend anymore. It was draining, as if you were constantly wearing a mask.

You weren’t sure if Hyunggu simply didn’t notice or if he was just trying to preserve your dignity. Either way, he didn’t say anything.

Just when you thought you’d slowly gotten used to this whole game of charade, your friends decided it was time for a little get away. Nothing big—most of you were both busy and broke. Changgu found a cottage that wasn’t too far away and not too expensive either. It didn’t have enough beds, but Shinwon reassured that he was fine taking the couch for a night.

So, on a weekend before exam season started, you all took the trip to the cottage. It was a little remote, part of a small holiday settlement by a lake. Yuto had been pretty happy about that, hoping to do some fishing (though, looking at the rainy weather, you weren’t sure if he’d go through with it).

Honestly, you were a little nervous about the trip, unsure if you’d be able to have Hyunggu around so much. But since there’d be other people too you weren’t too pessimistic. Of course, none of your friends knew what was going on. You hadn’t even told your best friend about the one night stand. But, since she knew about your crush and desperately wanted you to get over it, you were convinced she’d keep you two from being alone. Besides, since Shinwon, Wooseok and Yuto were coming along, all of them incredibly close to Hyunggu, you felt they’d probably keep him occupied. And in the meantime you could just have a nice stay with Changgu and your bestie. It was only two days and one night anyway.

Except, that could be a really long time if you were locked-up in a rather small cottage, the sheer endless downpour keeping you from exploring outside.

You’d really hoped the weather would get better, but the closer you got to your destination, the worse it got. Just the short distance from the cars to the cottage left you drenched and you were more than glad to finally get inside. Since most of you wanted to wash up and get changed, you quickly sorted the rooms and then took turns with the bathrooms. There were two single rooms that Changgu and Hyunggu were lucky enough to snatch by winning at rock, paper, scissors. The two double rooms were shared by Wooseok and Yuto and you and your best friend respectively. As promised, Shinwon got himself comfortable on the couch in the living room.

After everyone had warmed up, you played a few games and made food. You naturally split into smaller groups. Naturally, except for the fact that you purposely avoided being stuck with Hyunggu for too long. He didn’t deserve to be avoided, but being with him for too long just hurt. It made you remember and yearn and regret when all you wanted to do was forget.

You drank a little during dinner, and continued on afterwards, accompanied by stupid little games or odd stories. It was nice to be together with everyone like this, and somehow it felt really wholesome despite the bad weather.

As it got later and later, everyone excused themselves to go to sleep. Your body too was desperate for some rest, so you tagged along when your best friend went upstairs.

But once you were laying in bed, your friend next to you already passed out, you felt wide awake. It wasn’t like anything specific was keeping you awake, it was just an overall feeling of anxiousness. Unable to calm down, you sneaked out of your room and down to the veranda that branched from the living room. You made sure not to wake Shinwon, who was snoring on the couch, when you opened the glass door and stepped outside.

The sound of the rain pattering against the wooden floor boards was somewhat comforting. It had let up a little, the rain shower yielding to a gentle drizzle, but you stayed close to the house wall either way, taking shelter under the roofing.

For a while you just sat there in silence, watching the water hitting the ground and forming little puddles. You started to feel cold, but you didn’t want to interrupt Shinwon further by getting warmer clothes, nor did you want to go to bed just yet. So, you pulled your legs closer to your body, rubbing your arms in steady movements to keep warm.

Suddenly, you felt a blanket drape around your shoulder. When your head snapped up, you were faced with Hyunggu giving you a smile as he closed the door behind himself. You’d been so lost in thought, you hadn’t even heard him open it.

“I only brought one, so we’ll have to share.” He crouched down next to you, and tugged at the blanket to get under it too. “I didn’t know you’d be out here.”

You adjusted a bit to give him more space, hyper aware of all the places your bodies touched.

“Can’t sleep?” You asked eventually.

He just shrugged, wrapping the blanket more tightly around the two of you and coming even closer as he did so.

Desperate to distract yourself and fill the silence with words, you said the first thing that came to your mind. “You know, they say when you can’t sleep it’s because you’re awake in someone else’s dream.”

“Hmm,” he cocked his head. “Is that so?”

After thinking about it for a second, a thoughtful pout appeared on his face. “But who would that be? After all, you're awake too.”

You almost choked. “Why would I dream of you?”

He smiled cheekily before he leaned in close enough for his lips to graze your ear. “I have an idea or two.” He trailed lower then, his lips ghosting over your neck making you shudder. “I’m sure you can think of some, too.”

“I don't think we should do this,” you whispered, but your actions betrayed you, tilting your head to give him more access.

You felt him grin against your skin. “But I think we both really want to. So, why shouldn't we?”

“Just—,” you let out a small gasp when he left a kiss right below your jaw. “Someone could see. Shinwon is literally sleeping in the living room.”

“Hm, so that's what you're worried about?” Hyunggu pulled away and got back onto his feet, pulling the blanket from you in the act. “I have an easy solution for that.”

He held out his hand to you, a challenging smirk on his lips. “Unless you don't want to after all?”

You hated yourself for being so weak to him and giving in so easily. But you simply couldn’t let this go.

With a racing pulse, you took his hand and let him help you up. He intertwined your fingers and opened the door with his other hand. Before you went inside though, he turned around again, his index finger raised to his lips.

“We better be quiet,” he whispered with a wink, as if you really needed that reminder.

You tiptoed up to his bedroom, careful not to wake anyone up. But the moment the door closed behind you, he lost all reservations. With a swift movement, he had you up against the wall, his body flush against yours.

“I’ve been thinking about this,” Hyunggu mumbled into your neck, his hands finding their way to your hips. “A lot.”

You didn’t reply, couldn’t reply, your mind still trying to process his words while his eager hands already pushed up the fabric of your shirt.

His lips brushed against your shoulder. “Up,” he whispered and you felt the word tickling your skin. You obliged, raising your arms so he could take off your shirt with a satisfied grin, before he pulled you in again, his lips trailing from your neck down to your chest.

You trembled in his hold, your hands clinging to his shoulders. It was all kinds of wrong, but you felt impatient for more, desperate even. He noticed and his grin grew a little wider.

“Maybe we should move this to the bed?”

You expected him to just pull you along, but he didn’t. Instead he waited for a reply from you, his lips continuing to travel your skin. You swallowed around the lump in your throat, trying to come up with words but blanking. Hyunggu didn’t seem satisfied with the nod you gave him in place of a proper response though.

“Hm?” He looked up at you with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah,” you breathed out, your voice quivering. “We should.”

With a content hum, he pecked your temple before pulling you to the bed and pushing you down onto the mattress. He didn’t waste time to get his hands and mouth on you again, eagerly exploring your body and taking you apart.

His lips didn’t seem to ever leave your skin for more than a second. And yet, you were left yearning for him to kiss you, to really kiss you. He did last time, so why wasn’t he now? You didn’t dare to ask him for it though, even less initiate it yourself. No matter how much you wanted it, you were too afraid that he’d be able to look right behind your mask if you did.

“You know,” Hyunggu mumbled a while later, his arm loosely thrown over your body. It was still dark outside, the rain pattering against the window in a steady rhythm and you were laying next to him on the twin size bed.

“Mhm?” You still felt a little high, your breath only just evening out.

“I think we should do this more often.”

For a moment you stayed silent, unsure if you’d heard him right. When you turned your head to look at him questioningly, he looked right back. His features were open and relaxed as if his suggestion was the most normal thing ever. His tone too was so casual, you could have thought he was talking about table tennis or something and not, you know, sex.

“What?” You asked, just to be sure you heard him right.

He shrugged sheepishly. “I mean, we clearly have good chemistry. We should do this more often. Isn’t that better than looking for someone new all the time?”

You hesitated. See, it’s not that you weren’t aware just how bad of an idea this was. You undoubtedly would get hurt over and over again. But at least you could have him. If not all of him, if not his heart, you could at least have him like this. And if it meant he wouldn’t seek out anyone else either, that meant you also wouldn’t have to feel jealous anymore—wasn’t it a good deal in the end?

Before you could second guess yourself, you nodded. “Sure.”

“Good.” He grinned widely. “Just don’t fall in love with me.”

“Right back at you. The one who falls first loses.” You ignored the stinging in your chest (or the fact that you’d long lost this game before it had even started).

“Hm,” he nodded thoughtfully. “I think I’ll do fine. I really hate losing.”

“Let’s keep it a secret though.”

“What, scared to ruin your reputation, sweetheart?”

“I just don’t need anyone’s opinion on this.”

“Fine with me.” He shrugged. “But I guess you should go back to your room then. I’m sure they’d have a lot of questions if you came out of my room in the morning.”

When you were back in your bed, your best friend snoring beside you unbothered, you felt empty. You stared at the ceiling blankly, wondering if this was as big of a mistake as it seemed or if maybe, eventually, you’d learn to separate your body from your heart after all.

The trip ended just like that. No one noticed what had happened between the two of you and once again everything looked as always. You wondered how Hyunggu could be this good at keeping a poker face—then again, maybe it was easier if you didn’t have any feelings involved.

You knew you’d agreed to some kind of friends with benefits thing, but you weren’t sure if anything would come of it. Sure, he said he wanted to do it again, but that didn’t mean it would actually happen.

Hyunggu didn’t leave you wondering for too long though. Just a few days after the trip, he texted you, asking if you wanted to come over that night. He didn’t mask his intentions by inviting you for dinner or a movie, but you supposed that kind of courting wasn’t necessary if you were nothing but fuck buddies in the first place.

The first time, you still had some reservations. You drove over anyway, too spineless to actually decline. No matter how hard it was to put up with the loneliness that would rush over you as soon as the deed was done, being with him just felt so good, you’d convinced yourself it was worth it.

You never stayed the night. Hyunggu didn’t throw you out, he wasn’t the kind of person that would make you drive home at night after he’d slept with you. Not when there was no threat of someone finding out, anyway. In fact, when you slipped out of bed and put your clothes back on that first night after the trip, he looked at you in surprise.

“You know that you don’t have to go, right?” He had questioned, sitting up in his bed. “It was just because of the others last time, you know that, right?”

But you’d just waved him off, saying you simply preferred to sleep in your own bed.

The truth was, you couldn’t bear the thought of reliving the morning after that first night together. You’d been miserable and hurt, and if it could spare you even a sliver of that heartbreak, you were willing to drive home at the dead of night.

Another measure you’d taken to protect yourself was not to invite him to your place ever. You pretended it was about convenience. In reality you just doubted you’d ever get over this, if you knew how it was to have him in your home, in your bed, to have your sheets smelling like him.

No, you needed to distance yourself emotionally as much as possible, if you wanted to somehow make this work. So you did.

“By the way,” Changgu asked a few weeks later at lunch. “Are you all going to that Valentine’s party?” He looked into the round, hoping for a little bit of enthusiasm. But everyone just shrugged.

“Nah, I’ll stay home.” Wooseok barely looked up from his phone as he replied, the plate in front of him already empty.

“You always stay home,” Changgu complained. “And I bet if you don’t go, Yuto won’t either.”

At the comment, Yuto just shrugged, evading to meet Changgu’s gaze.

He sighed. “Y’all are no fun. Hyunggu?”

Your head snapped around to Hyunggu just a little too quickly, curious about his response. Of course you didn’t have any claim on him in any way and if he wanted to go he could. But it was no secret that he 1) loved parties and 2) didn’t fancy going home alone.

To your surprise Hyunggu tilted his head thoughtfully. “Don’t know. Maybe?”

“What do you mean maybe? You always go to that party. It’s Valentine’s!”

“Yeah, don’t know. Maybe,” he simply repeated, making the pout on Changgu’s face grow even further.

“Y/n?” He turned to you with pleading eyes.

“Uh, I also don’t really know, Changgu. I don’t really want to go to a Valentine’s party as a single.” You scrunched your nose.

“But that’s the whole point—,” Changgu started, but was promptly interrupted by Shinwon who showed up at the table right then, your best friend in tow.

“Just date Hyunggu then. He’s single.” You were sure it was meant to be a joke, but with Shinwon’s dry humor it wasn’t always easy to tell.

Your best friend snorted, as she sat her tray onto the table and plopped down on the chair next to you. “As if he’d ever do relationships.”

“I mean,” Hyunggu grinned, throwing you a playful wink. “It doesn’t have to be a relationship.”

You felt your face heat up and prayed that no one would notice. Thankfully their attention seemed to be focused more on Hyunggu, despite the conversation being about you, too.

“Come on, Hyunggu, y/n deserves better than that,” your friend argued.

Shinwon shrugged, sitting down at the table too. “They do say opposites attract.”

You caught Changgu nodding thoughtfully next to him.

Wooseok looked up from his phone too then, his gaze wandering to Hyunggu before it settled on you. For a second you wondered if he’d noticed something, but his eyes just examined you innocently.

“Y/n would never get into something casual anyway,” he concluded. “Would you?”

You forced a laugh and wondered if it sounded as strangled to everyone else as it did to you. “Never.”

From your peripheral vision you saw the way Hyunggu looked at you with a raised eyebrow, but you decided to ignore it. All of this already hit way too close to home.

“I don’t know,” Changgu commented, as he stuffed his cheeks with the last bite of his lunch. “I think it’d be kinda cute.”

“Yeah, right,” you scoffed.

“I think we should slowly get going,” Yuto disrupted the conversation with a glance at the clock on the wall.

Wooseok nodded, stuffing his phone into his pocket before picking up his tray to leave. Hyunggu and Changgu followed along as well, leaving you behind with Shinwon and your best friend.

“Since we were already on the topic though,” she mumbled between forks of food. “Remember Hongseok?”

You looked at her questioningly. “Hongseok?”

“You know, the guy I wanted to introduce you to.”

You’d completely forgotten all about him.

“Oooh,” Shinwon grinned. “You want to set y/n up with him?”

“I mean, if nothing comes of it that’s fine too, I just thought they should at least meet. Don’t they have a lot in common?”

“Hm, I guess so,” he agreed.

“So, what about him?”

“Right,” your friend focused on you again. “He was really bummed out that you couldn’t meet at that party.” She sighed dramatically. “Just why did you have to leave so early?”

“Told you, I wasn’t feeling well.”

“I know, I know, it’s just a pity. Was such a good opportunity. Anyway,” she gesticulated with her fork as she spoke. “You’re still up for meeting him, right?”

Your mind wandered to Hyunggu and all the evenings you’d spent at his apartment. “I’m not sure…”

“C’mon y/n, I’m not asking you to marry him. It’s just a meeting. He’s a nice guy, I promise.”

“I just—I’m not really good at blind dates?”

“Then meet him casually,” Shinwon chimed in. “We hang out with him sometimes, you could just tag along.”

“Perfect,” your best friend decided for you, a wide grin on her face.

Without a proper reason to decline you just nodded slowly. Your friend was right anyway, it was just a meeting.

Like so often over the past few weeks, you found yourself in Hyunggu’s apartment later that night. He seemed to be in a good mood, smiling as he pulled you into his lap.

“Never, hm?” He mumbled before his teeth nibbled at your neck teasingly.

It took you a second to pick up what he was referring to, but then it clicked. “Well, what else was I supposed to say?”

“Mh-mhm, it’s fine.” He tilted his head to look up at you with a self-satisfied smirk. “It’s kinda hot that I’m the only one who knows this side of you.”

Hyunggu went back to his task of exploring your skin with his lips. “They’d be so shocked to see you like this,” he mumbled in between kisses and bites. “They really think you’re so innocent, it would shatter their world.”

“You’re being overdramatic,” you breathed out, but you couldn’t deny that his words did something to you. Maybe it wasn’t his words per se, but the fact that he was so turned on by all of this, by sharing this secret. It was nonsensical, but it made you feel just a little closer to him.

“If you say so." He flipped you over, making you land with your back on the mattress, his frame hovering above you. “Maybe Shinwon was right though.”

He said this casually, his lips right back on your body. But you weren’t able to focus on that.

“What do you mean?”

“Maybe we should just date.” He left a kiss against your jaw.

You pushed at his shoulders, making him back off for a second. “What?”

“I mean, seems convenient, doesn’t it? We’re both single, we have good chemistry—”

“I don’t want to date out of convenience!” You frowned, not sure if you were angry with him for suggesting it, or yourself for getting your hopes up.

“Sorry, sweetheart, wasn’t aware you were such a romantic.”

“Got a problem with that?”

“Mh-mhm, not at all.” He smiled as he buried his face in the crook of your neck again. “Just hope you won’t find your perfect match too quickly. It’d be such a pity to end this so soon.”

Just as promised, your friend found a way for you to casually meet Hongseok, inviting you over for a dinner night at her flat. She’d offered to prepare the main dish, while everyone else was supposed to bring a little something. You’d opted for a bottle of wine, since you didn’t really have the time to prepare something yourself, and you just hoped that the others weren’t the same. You knew for a fact that Hyunggu would have brought wine if he was attending, but he couldn’t make it. Honestly, it worked in your favor. You didn’t really want to have your crush/friend with benefits present while your best friend tried setting you up with another guy. No, it was better not to have Hyunggu there, even if a part of you did want to see him.

When you arrived at your friend’s flat, (a little earlier since you knew she could probably use a hand with last minute preparations) she opened the door for you in a rush, her hair messy and napkins in her hand.

“Hey, y/n, hey,” she gave you a quick hug before she let you in, her eyes falling onto the bottle in your hand. “Oh, wine, perfect, can you bring it in the kitchen for now? And uh, maybe you can help setting the table, so I can get changed?”

She was already bustling off again as she said so, yelling a “I’m sorry, I just had terrible time management today,” over her shoulder.

“No worries,” you chuckled, slipping out of your shoes and making your way into the familiar flat. To your surprise, you heard clattering from the kitchen. Wondering if maybe Shinwon or Changgu had come early for some reason, you peeked your head through the door. The guy that stood in the kitchen though, wasn’t anyone you were familiar with.

“Uh, hi,” you awkwardly greeted, making him turn around.

He looked a little disheveled too, an apron around his neck, and some marinada on the light yellow rubber gloves he was wearing.

“Oh,” his eyes went wide when he saw you, before a smile spread on his face. “Hi, we haven’t met before, have we? I’m Hongseok.” He reached out his hand to you, but then seemingly remembered the marinada and quickly pulled it back again. With clumsy movements he wrestled out of the tight gloves, setting them onto the counter. Before he held out his hand a second time, he wiped it on his apron, as if to make sure it was really clean. The whole scene was so awkward, you couldn’t help but chuckle. He was somewhat endearing.

“Hi,” you smiled and took his hand. “Y/n.”

He nodded, his gaze flickering between you and the floor, visibly flustered. “I was just,” he gestured vaguely at the surroundings. “Helping with the cooking and all. She said she could use some help and I really like cooking so—,” Hongseok stopped himself from rambling further. “I helped with the cooking,” he repeated, a dorky smile on his face.

“You still need a hand with anything?”

“Ah, no, I’m basically done, I was just about to start cleaning up the mess a bit.”

“Okay, I’ll start setting the table then,” you briefly nodded at the table in the living room.

“Do you know where everything is? Like the dinnerware?”

You giggled. “Yeah, I’ve been here once or twice before.”

“Right,” he nodded, and then shook his head. “Actually, I don’t know why I asked. It’s my first time here, I don’t know where things are at all.”

“Don’t worry.” With a chuckle you made your way over to the cabinet.

“I’ve been thinking,” Hongseok mumbled while you took out the plates you knew your friend liked to use for dinner nights. “It’s a pity we missed each other at the party. I’ve been told a lot about you, so I was really looking forward to meeting you. I should have come a little earlier…” He scratched his neck.

You just stared at him, unsure how to respond. You couldn’t deny that his cute behavior made your heart flutter, if only a little bit.

“Anyway,” he chuckled awkwardly. “It’s good to meet you now, y/n.”

You nodded. “Yeah, it is.”

Soon after, your friend returned, fully dressed up and her hair in a neat ponytail. It was just on time before the others arrived, bringing some side dishes and desserts.

The dinner night was fun as always. Except for your friend and Shinwon, no one had known Hongseok prior, but he fit right in, joking around with everyone as if he’d long been part of the group.

You too got along with him well. Once he wasn’t feeling so nervous anymore, conversation flowed pretty naturally, from music to movies to cafés either of you liked to visit. You understood now, why your friend had wanted to introduce the two of you—somehow you just clicked. If not anything more, you could at least picture yourself becoming friends with him.

When you were heading to lunch a few days later, Hyunggu came jogging up to you, his class also just over.

“Hey,” he grinned and lightly nudged you in the side.

“Hey.”

There was a happy bounce in his step, almost as if he was dancing. It wasn’t anything unusual though. Hyunggu just was like that sometimes, full of appreciation for his surroundings and overjoyed by life itself. He’d said once that he falls in love with the world too easily. A part of you wished he could fall for you that easily too.

“Last class for today?” He asked, as you made your way down the hall.

“Yep.”

A grin spread on his face. “So let’s go home?”

You knew exactly what he was implying. “It’s noon.”

“And?”

“And I agreed to meet the others for lunch.”

“Hm,” he sighed, a small crease forming between his eyebrows before his expression lit up again. “Fine, let’s have lunch with everyone. I’ll take you home afterwards?”

You didn’t want to be so easy and get strung along in his pace every time. But saying ‘no’ just felt impossible, when he was smiling at you like that. Hyunggu was simply too charming to resist.

“Okay.”

His smile turned even wider. “Okay.”

When you reached the cafeteria the others were already sitting at one of the tables, waving you over once they spotted you. Hongseok was sitting with them too, joking around with Shinwon, and you really felt as if he was a part of your group already. You sat down next to him, while Hyunggu plopped into the seat across from you.

"Ah, you haven't met yet have you?" You glanced between the two of them.

"Hyunggu, right? I've seen you in the hallway before and we have a lecture together," Hongseok said bashfully.

Hyunggu had a polite smile on his face. "Literature class?"

"Yes. I'm Hongseok."

Hyunggu nodded before he got distracted by whatever nonsense Shinwon was talking about. Meanwhile, Hongseok turned to you.

"You know, that movie we talked about last time?" He took a giant bite of his food, his cheeks stuffed like a hamsters. "The sequel is supposed to air soon, have you heard?"

"Yes!" You nodded excitedly, happy to have someone who liked the franchise as much as you do. "I'll have to see it in the theater as soon as it comes out!"

"What are you talking about?" You hadn't noticed Hyunggu’s attention shifting back to you and turned to him in surprise.

"Ah, just a movie, do you know—," Hongseok started but you interrupted him with a chuckle, casually touching his upper arm.

"Don't even bother, Hongseok. He doesn't like it at all. I guess it's not artsy and pretentious enough."

You threw a teasing grin over at Hyunggu who frowned.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He tilted his head. "And anyway, aren't you two awfully close for people who only just met recently?"

"They just click," your best friend chimed in with a grin. "A perfect match."

You saw from your peripheral vision how Hongseok nervously fidgeted with his fingers, and you quickly removed your hand to put some distance between the two of you.

"We just have similar interests," you quickly waved it off. "That's all."

Hyunggu still seemed a little skeptical but he let it be. After that, the conversations at the table went from this to that, not stopping at any topic for too long. In between, your eyes kept wandering to Hyunggu. Somehow he seemed a little off ever since you'd sat down with everyone but maybe he was just impatient to get home? Or maybe you were just imagining things. After all, you felt way too aware of the plans you had after this to really feel capable of making an objective call. You tried your best to focus on the conversations and not the charming bastard across from you. It almost worked.

All in all, lunch was fun, really. Until Changgu brought up that stupid party again.

“By the way, Hongseok, did you hear about the Valentine’s party? Are you going?”

“I don’t really know,” he scratched the back of his neck. “I don’t drink so—”

“Oh, don’t worry, that's fine,” Changgu immediately reassured. “Shinwon also doesn’t drink.”

“But still, shouldn’t you have a date for a Valentine’s day party?”

“Nah, don’t wo—”

“Y/n also doesn’t have a date,” Shinwon interrupted.

“Huh?” You stared at him with wide eyes before your gaze wandered to Hongseok who was visibly flustered.

Before you could say anything else about it though, Hyunggu got up and took his tray off the table.

“Sorry, guys, it’s getting kinda late, I should get going. You coming, y/n?”

Everyone’s gaze wandered to you in confusion.

“Y/n?” Wooseok repeated, as if he tried to put the pieces together. “Why?”

“Uh—,” you stuttered, your mouth feeling dry. You hadn’t expected Hyunggu to just put that out there. The two of you had always been pretty secretive so you thought you’d just sneak out after lunch. Then again, you were friends—there was nothing weird about driving home together, right? Right? So, why did it suddenly look like a big deal now?

“Y/n forgot their bus pass,” Hyunggu said smoothly. “I came by car, so I said I’d drive them.”

“Ah,” Wooseok nodded. “Makes sense.”

Changgu chuckled. “Right. You don’t usually hang out together much. Will you even have anything to talk about in the car?”

The smile on Hyunggu’s face didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I think we’ll be just fine.”

“What had you in such a hurry?” You asked once it was just the two of you.

Hyunggu looked at you with a raised eyebrow and a smug smile. “What, you don’t look forward to our plans? Would you rather go back?”

You just rolled your eyes at him. It was probably your own fault for expecting a serious reply.

Maybe it was just your imagination, but when Hyunggu held you that day, he seemed to be just a little bit rougher with you than usual. His grip on your waist was strong as he pulled you close and his teeth grazed your skin in a way that was just on the right side of painful.

It wasn’t dark out yet and somehow that made the whole thing feel more intimate. You’d usually come to his place at night, when both of you were engulfed in darkness. But today he could see you, really see you, and he still wanted you anyway. He held onto you so tightly, as if he didn’t want to let you go again—or maybe that was just your wishful thinking.

“Stay a bit,” he whispered later, when you wanted to slip out from underneath his blanket.

“Why?”

He considered for a moment before a grin spread on his face. “It’s still early. Shouldn’t we make the most of the day?”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Hm,” he hummed, nuzzling closer. “But you like that.”

If only he knew.

“Fine.” You let your head fall back into the pillow.

Hyunggu’s arm snaked around your waist, his fingers drawing lazy patterns into your skin.

“This is nice,” he mumbled, pressing small kisses into your shoulder. “Really nice.”

He propped himself up a little, hovering over you so his lips could continue their journey; from your shoulders to your collarbones and then further down.

“You know what I think?”

“Hm?” you hummed in response, enjoying the feeling of his mouth against your skin.

“I think instead of going to that party,” he whispered as his lips ghosted over your stomach, giving you goosebumps. “You should just come here.”

Your mind felt hazy and you could barely follow his words. “Should I?”

“Hm-hm.” He scooted further down, his head disappearing between your legs.

“I think,” he paused to peck the skin of your inner thigh. “We could come up with something way more fun than a party, couldn’t we?”

You failed to give him a proper response, only a high pitched gasp leaving your throat, when you felt his mouth on you.

“Don’t you think?” He asked again, barely pulling away.

“Yeah, yes,” you nodded, your hands finding their way into his hair. “We could.”

You hadn't planned to spend the night at his place. But you'd been so tired and drowsy, you'd allowed yourself to rest your eyes for a moment before leaving. When you opened them again though, it was already the middle of the night, the sky outside his windows pitch black.

That was the moment you were supposed to slip out of his bed, you knew that well. After all, you'd made these rules for yourself.

But Hyunggu was sleeping so soundly next to you, his arm wrapped around your waist. You didn't want to leave. Just a little longer would be fine, right? It's not like he would know.

Your eyes fell shut again and you snuggled a little further into his embrace. A content sigh left his lips and he pulled you closer, making you wonder for a moment if he'd woken up after all. But his breathing was still deep and even; his eyes remained closed.

The next time you woke up, sunlight was streaming in through the windows, tickling your nose. You kept your eyes shut for a little longer, settling into the comfortable warmth of Hyunggu's embrace—

Hyunggu.

Your eyes flew open, heart beating way too fast in your chest.

You'd really done it now, you'd broken your own rules. This was bad. You had to get up and go home. You needed to change and get your things for class. What time was it even? Would you make it on time? You couldn't miss that lecture, your professor was really strict when it came to attendance. You felt your breathing grow fast and shallow and your fingers tingle with nerves. You had to go, you really had to go.

Just when you wanted to wrestle yourself out of Hyunggu's arms, he gave you a little squeeze.

"You stayed," he mumbled, sounding sleepy but content.

You didn't have the nerve to wreck your mind over that right now though.

Hyunggu seemed to notice that something was going on, because he propped himself up to look at you.

"What's wrong?"

You avoided his gaze.

"Are you worried about staying over? It's okay. I told you that I don't mind that, remember?"

You shook your head, feeling tears prick at your eyes that you tried to stop from spilling.

"No, it's just— I have to go, I have classes and I won't be on time and I need to wash up and get my things and—I wanted to go home, I should have just gone home."

"It's still early, y/n." Hyunggus's voice was calm and soft. He gently cupped your face to make you look at him. "We have enough time, hm?"

"No, I—"

"I promise we have enough time, y/n. You don't have to worry about this. Just get washed up and I'll make us breakfast and then I'll drive you home so you can change and get your things, alright?"

When you nodded hesitantly, he smiled encouragingly before leaving a peck on your nose.

"Now, let's get you washed up and well fed," he giggled and got up, holding out his hand to pull you up too.

Once the fresh water of the shower hit your skin and ran down your body, you felt a little more at ease. The situation was still overwhelming, but Hyunggu had assured you that it was going to be okay, for whatever that meant, and you wanted to believe him. You'd tackle all of this one step at a time.

For a while you just let the water wash over you before you turned it off to look for shampoo. He had a bunch of products lined up neatly in the little shower caddy. All of them looked fancy and expensive and you found yourself wondering if it was really okay to use any of them.

Just when you'd decided to take the risk and started massaging one of his shampoos into your scalp (it smelled like rose and vanilla) there was a faint knock against the bathroom door.

You felt strangely caught, as if you'd done something forbidden.

"Is it okay if I come in for a second?"

"Eh, sure."

The door clicked open. You couldn't see him from behind the shower curtain but heard him step inside.

"I got you some clothes you can wear for now until we got you home. Also I forgot to say but feel free to use whatever. Though, I suppose you at least found the shampoo already." He chuckled to himself and you self consciously stared at the foam on your hands.

"There should be face wash too," he added and his voice seemed to get a little further away. "Breakfast is done soon but take your time."

With that the door closed behind him and you were alone again.

After washing up, you slipped into the clothes Hyunggu had laid out for you. You tried not to think too much about how much they smelled like him and you certainly didn't bury your nose in the collar of the hoodie, breathing in the scent of his laundry detergent.

When you came into the kitchen Hyunggu had already set the table with coffee, orange juice and fresh toast. He stood at the counter, just then turning around to you, a small fruit plate in his hand.

"Cute," he exclaimed when he spotted you standing there in his clothes, his smile making creases form in the corners of his eyes.

Your face felt hot and you hoped he didn't notice as you sat down at his small kitchen table.

Just as promised he drove you home after breakfast and there was still enough time for you to get changed and pack your bag. You'd assured him that you could take the bus to college, but he'd insisted on waiting since he had the same destination anyway.

Not that long after, you found yourself at the parking lot, hesitating to get out. You knew you should—your class was starting soon and you didn't fancy running late. But something was stopping you.

"All good?" Hyunggu asked when you still showed no intention to move half a minute later.

"Uh, yes, yes, of course," you quickly stuttered, unbuckled your seat belt and opened the door a crack. "Was just lost in thought, is all."

He didn't look convinced but nodded. "Okay. Wanna ride with me after class too?"

"I don't—I don't really know, I think I should actually go home today."

Hyunggu chuckled. "Well, I can also actually drive you home?"

But why would you? asked a voice in your head, but you kept it to yourself. "You don't have to."

"I really don't mind, I'm driving anyway. I'll come get you after class?"

"...okay"

He hummed contentedly. "Okay."

You finally got out of the car, while Hyunggu fetched his phone and sunglasses from the case in the middle console. Just before you closed the door behind you to leave, you changed your mind, poking your head into the car once more.

"Hyunggu?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you for today and uhm—" You swallowed. "For still being my friend, despite, you know, everything."

He stayed quiet for a moment, his eyes searching your face for something you couldn't name. But then he smiled. "Right. Friends. Of course we're still friends, y/n."

To your surprise the person waiting for you after class wasn't Hyunggu. Instead, Hongseok was leaning against the wall across from the door, greeting you with a small wave when he spotted you.

"Hey," you smiled as you walked over to him. "Do you have your next class here?"

"Ah, no, I actually hoped to catch you. I just remembered you had this class and had a moment to spare—I hope this isn't weird, but I didn't have your number so…," he trailed off.

"No, don't worry, not weird. So, what's up?"

"Actually the airing times dropped today and I thought we could—" He interrupted himself with a frown. "I know we didn't actually make plans or agree to watch together but I just thought maybe…?"

You couldn't stop yourself from chuckling at the way he stumbled over his own words. "I'd love to go together. So, when's the first showing?"

He beamed at you, scrambling for his phone to show you the airing schedule on the screen.

You agreed on a time that worked for both of you, before you dived into theories about how the plotlines from the previous movie would continue and interweave. The whole time, Hongseok seemed so excited about this and his bright smile was infectious.

“Y/n.”

Hyunggu’s voice next to you made you startle. You hadn’t noticed him walking up to you at all, but he was standing right next to you, his bag casually slung over his shoulder. He chuckled at the way you flinched. “Ah, hey, Hongseok.” Hyunggu’s gaze briefly wandered over to him, before his attention was on you again. “Ready to go?”

His hand ghosted over your lower back and even though you could barely call it a touch, your skin started tingling under his fingers.

“Sure, sure,” you replied, just a little too slowly. “Uhm, I’ll text you because of the movie, Hongseok.”

Hongseok nodded, but when you turned to leave, he called out your name again.

“Y/n? Uhm, you don’t have my number.”

“Right,” you laughed at your own stupidity and quickly exchanged numbers, while Hyunggu stood by with something that only distantly resembled a smile.

“You’re going to see a movie with him?” Hyunggu asked on the way to the car.

“Yes!” you smiled, rambling about how glad you were that you didn’t have to go alone.

“You could have asked me.”

You eyed him questioningly. “We’re not exactly the kind of friends that go to the movies together, are we?”

“Why not? We could be.”

“Why? Just—because. And it’s not like you’d enjoy the movie anyway. I’d rather go with someone who is actually interested.”

“Yeah,” he nodded. “I guess so. Well, good for you. Just be careful not to break the poor guy's heart.”

You laughed, but it was more confusion than amusement. “What’s that mean?”

“I’m pretty sure he has a crush on you.”

“What, are you jealous?” You asked, regretting the question as soon as it was out. You didn’t want to hear the answer.

Hyunggu raised an eyebrow at you. “Right,” he said mockingly. “I’m jealous.”

You laughed it off, but all you could think was how much you wanted him to be. Not because jealousy was an attractive trait—it wasn’t. But it would have been nice to know he at least felt some kind of attachment.

Hyunggu was acting a little differently. You couldn’t exactly pinpoint it—on the surface everything seemed the same. He still teased you the same, making flirty remarks and all that. But somehow things just felt a little different. Like something was happening that you couldn’t quite understand.

It still bugged you when the day of your movie date with Hongseok rolled around, your thoughts constantly drifting back to Hyunggu. It didn’t help that he texted you that noon, asking if you wanted to come over later. When you told him you were going to the movies, he left you on read for quite a while, making you think he wouldn’t answer at all. And why would he? Since you’d declined his booty call, there wasn’t much else to say, was there? But then your phone buzzed with another message.

just come over afterwards ;)

For a moment, you really considered saying yes, and somehow you hated yourself for it. Wasn’t it rude to make such plans after meeting up with a friend? After all, weren’t you supposed to focus on the person you were meeting, instead of constantly waiting for the meeting to be over so you could meet someone else? That hardly seemed fair for Hongseok.

Despite the itch in your fingers to just type okay, you sent a different message instead.

—maybe another time :)

Hongseok greeted you with a wide smile when you walked up to him. His nose looked a little red from the cold.

“You didn’t wait too long, did you?”

He shook his head. “Not at all!”

You got yourself some drinks and snacks at the counter before heading inside. You’d reserved your seats beforehand, and luckily so, since the auditorium filled up quickly.

The movie was good, really. It was everything you’d anticipated and more. But you couldn’t enjoy it as much as you should have. Whenever Hongseok giggled at a funny scene, your mind unintentionally wandered to Hyunggu instead. You had to think of his laugh; the way it sounded and how it made his eyes crinkle and how he pushed his chin forward a little when he was really, genuinely laughing. Somehow, despite being in a movie you’d looked forward to with a guy you liked, you wanted to be somewhere else instead. The exact thing that you’d wanted to avoid by declining Hyunggu’s invitation happened anyway. You really were a lost cause.

Once the movie was over, Hongseok offered to take you home or walk you to your bus stop, but you’d assured him that you were fine. After saying goodbye, you walked to the bus stop by yourself, fidgeting with your phone. It was a stupid idea. You should just go home and sleep and maybe your head would be a little clearer in the morning. And yet—

—does the invitation still stand?

It admittedly wasn’t your proudest moment. You could imagine his cocky grin while reading your message all too well. But it was a little too late to worry about that now. It only took a few seconds for your phone screen to light up with a reply.

yeah

“Guess your date wasn’t that satisfying, hm?” Hyunggu asked in lieu of a greeting when he opened the door for you.

You rolled your eyes at him but your voice had no real bite to it. “Shut up, Hyunggu. Not like you had any better plans either; probably just waited for my text all day,” you teased, trying to mask how embarrassed you were about all of this.

For a second he looked at you strangely, then stepped aside to let you in. “Sure,” he replied but the comeback was a little too delayed to sound smooth.

That night Hyunggu took his time with you. It almost felt as if he dragged it out on purpose, unwilling to let you go just yet.

He had his arm wrapped around your waist afterwards, his forehead resting against the back of your neck. You didn’t know how to act; you weren’t used to this side of him. It’s not that you didn’t like it. You did. You so badly wanted to snuggle into his arms and bathe in his warmth. But it felt like you’d expose too much of yourself if you did just that. What if he’d realize your feelings? What if he’d be put off by that?

Your gaze fell on the alarm clock on his night stand. It had already been a little later when you’d arrived, and now it was way past midnight. If you wanted to catch the last bus, you needed to get going. But the silence felt so hard to disturb.

“Aren’t you clingy today?” You eventually asked, trying to make it sound light and teasing.

“I’m just tired,” he replied, his voice tickling the skin in your neck.

“Still, you’ll have to let me go. I need to leave.”

“Why?”

“Because I’ll miss the last bus?”

“No. Why are you leaving?”

You halted for a moment, feeling confused at the sudden question. “I’m always leaving.”

“Not always.” If you didn’t know better, you could have thought he sounded a little pouty.

“That was different, I fell asleep.”

“So, fall asleep again.”

“I—,” you interrupted yourself, unsure what to say. You knew you shouldn’t indulge this, no matter how much you wanted to. You’d broken your rule once, but you shouldn’t let it become a habit.

Then again, had breaking it really been so bad? Essentially the consequences had been a shared breakfast and silky smooth hair that smelled like roses and vanilla—you should be able to handle that, right? So maybe one more night wouldn’t matter all that much? (You purposely ignored the little voice reminding you of your anxiety attack in the morning.)

“Okay,” you whispered so quietly it was barely audible. But Hyunggu heard it anyway.

“Okay,” he repeated with a light hum, pulling you closer.

This time, waking up in Hyunggu's embrace didn't give you a panic attack. And since it was the weekend, you didn't have to worry about classes either.

You treasured the feeling of having Hyunggu close to you, unsure how much longer it would last. Careful not to disturb him, you turned around in his arms to face him. He looked peaceful, his breath coming in steady puffs. Looking at his sleeping form, you were once more reminded of just how pretty he was. Waking up with him like this almost let you trick yourself into thinking it was more than a friends with benefits arrangement after all.

You wanted to touch him, trace his features with your hands, count the little birthmarks on his face. But you didn't. Instead, you just watched him sleep, wondering if this moment of intimacy would end as soon as he woke up.

"Hey," he whispered when he blinked his eyes open, letting them fall shut again with a small smile.

"Hey."

His sleepy eyes opened once more, just for a moment before he buried his face in the crook of your neck.

"You're pretty."

It was ironic that he'd say that, especially now, when he looked like an angel despite having only just woken up himself, while you probably looked terrible.

Still, it gave you butterflies.

"Don't say that," you whispered back.

"Why not?"

"We're not—say that to someone you're actually dating next time."

"Hm," he didn't sound convinced. "I told you that first night too, though. It doesn't really have anything to do with anything, does it? I'm just saying it because it's true."

You were lost at what to say to that, so you stayed quiet. Maybe to him it was really nothing but a meaningless compliment. But to you? It made your heart ache.

For a long time you just laid in his bed together, drifting in and out of sleep and snuggling into each other's warmth. It was already noon when Hyunggu mumbled a small “Breakfast?” into your skin.

You wanted to say yes, you really wanted to. But if you didn’t leave now, then when would you? Staying over was one thing but spending the whole day at his flat was a completely different matter.

“I think I should go home. It’s so late already.”

“But it’s the weekend.”

“Still, I still have so much to do for classes next week.”

“I see.” Hyunggu’s voice sounded more reserved than before and you hated everything about it. He let go of you, sitting up in bed and fishing his hoodie from the floor to slip it on. “Want me to drive you home?”

You quickly shook your head. “No, it’s okay. I’ll take the bus.”

This time, he didn’t insist on driving you. Instead he said goodbye at his doorstep, a tired smile on his face, telling you he’d see you on monday.

You tried not to overthink the happenings of the weekend, but that was easier said than done. The way Hyunggu was so sweet with you in one second and then oddly distant the next drove you crazy. You kept feeling as if you’d done something wrong, but you didn’t know what. You’d tried so hard not to cross any lines. You’d kept your expectations of this arrangement low, because you didn’t want to pressure him or make him uncomfortable. But now it felt like that in itself might have been wrong as well?

It didn’t help that you didn’t really get a moment alone with Hyunggu in the following days. He acted like usual with everyone around, but you weren’t sure if that would still be the case if it was just the two of you?

You were still thinking about it at lunch on Wednesday. Your best friend was telling you some story about one of her classes and you tried your best to listen, but it wasn’t really working.

You zoned out a little, not really taking notice of anything around you, until Changgu’s voice at the other side of the table caught your attention.

“Hyunggu! Did you finally decide?”

The man in question sounded slightly confused. “On what?”

“The party on Friday. You said you didn’t know yet, but you’re coming, right?”

You stared at your food, but your whole focus was on that conversation. Hyunggu’s words from back then were ringing in your mind. I think instead of going to that party you should just come here.

“Hm, it does sound fun, but—”

Ouch.

“But?”

You lifted your gaze, just to find Hyunggu looking at you already before he turned back to Changgu.

“But I actually have other plans for that day already.”

Changgu sighed dramatically and shook his head, complaining about it all, but you barely paid it any mind. Hyunggu had said he had plans. Was he referring to you? Was he serious about spending Valentine’s Day with you? He hadn’t mentioned it again after that day, but you couldn’t help having your hopes up.

When you ran into Hongseok in the hallway later that day and he shyly asked you if you were going to the Valentine’s party, you declined.

Hongseok’s disappointed face made you feel a little sorry, but maybe it was for the best this way, even more so if Hyunggu was right and Hongseok was actually crushing on you. Your main reason to say no was a different one though. It was stupid, Hyunggu hadn’t contacted you again so you had no way to be sure that you actually had plans on Friday. But if there was just the slightest chance, you simply couldn’t let it slip past.

Your fingers were itching with the urge to text Hyunggu and just ask him about it. But you couldn’t, not without looking pushy or desperate. So you forced yourself to wait, hoping to catch him alone, hoping for him to give you some kind of sign. It didn’t happen on Wednesday and neither did it on Thursday. So by Friday morning, you felt you were slowly but surely going insane. Maybe you’d fantasized all of that up? Maybe he’d never invited you over or maybe it was just something he'd said mindlessly? Words said during sex shouldn’t be trusted anyway.

By noon you’d given up and accepted that you’d spend the evening by yourself, watching some sad sappy movies on your couch.

But then, while you were sitting in the cafeteria, having lunch with everyone, your phone lit up with a message.

so when r u coming over?

You glanced up from your phone to find Hyunggu cocking his head at you, one eyebrow raised.

You hated that he didn’t even question that you would come over at all. He wasn’t wrong, though. Of course you would. But after leaving you wondering for so long, maybe you could also leave him hanging just a little longer.

You shrugged at him, the movement so low-key it was barely visible, before you locked your phone and turned your attention back to the others.

Even from your peripheral vision you could see the small frown on his face, but it didn’t stay long.

playing hard to get?

You rolled your eyes.

hm?

You still felt his eyes on you. You wanted to play this game just a little longer, convince him or maybe just yourself that you had the upper hand for once. But you didn’t.

—i have one more class after lunch

A satisfied smirk appeared on Hyunggu’s face.

i’ll come get u afterwards

It wasn’t the first time that you drove home with Hyunggu this early during the day but it felt bigger now—it was Valentine’s after all. Going to his place late at night for a booty call? Sure. But spending the whole afternoon together? That kinda felt like a big deal. Still, you reminded yourself not to expect anything. It was just about sex.

At his place, Hyunggu helped you out of your jacket before slipping away into the kitchen. You took off your shoes before you followed behind to find Hyunggu getting out two wine glasses from the cabinet.

You looked at him questioningly. “Wine? Isn’t it a little early?”

He set a bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon on the counter and grinned at you playfully. “It’s a special occasion, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, absolutely,” you replied with a grin, trying to return his banter as effortlessly as possible. But you couldn’t deny his words got your hopes up, just a little.

You watched the way his slender fingers moved around the corkscrew, opening the bottle with ease before he poured the wine.

“There you go.”

He pushed one of the glasses over the counter towards you with a smooth movement—or so you thought. But the glass lost balance and tipped towards you. He hastily grabbed it to keep it from toppling over, but a bit of the red liquid had already spilled, staining the sleeve of your shirt.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to. We can wash it.” He quickly snatched some tissues and wiped the spilled wine off the table.

“Don’t worry, it’s not that bad.”

When Hyunggu noticed you weren’t angry, his expression turned to a cheeky smile. His eyes wandered from your face to your shirt and back up.

“Well, I wanted to take that off later anyway.” He poked out his tongue and you hated how unbelievably charming it was.

You wanted to be annoyed at the stupid remark but you felt your cheeks heat up. In order to distract yourself or maybe just have something to blame it on, you raised your glass to your lips. Before you could drink though, you felt Hyunggu’s hand on yours, stopping you from drinking.

“No toast?”

“Right,” you quickly resigned, holding out your glass to him without meeting his eyes, too afraid he’d notice your flustered state.

But Hyunggu wasn’t having that. “You know, you’re supposed to look at people when you toast.”

“I didn’t know you valued these things.”

“It’s just polite. Besides,” he leaned in further over the counter and moved his hand to your chin, making you meet his gaze. “In Europe they say you get seven years of bad luck if you don’t.”

“Do they now?”

He raised his glass and carefully clinked it against yours, not breaking eye contact even when he took the first sip of his wine. “Not quite.”

You took a sip too. The wine tasted bold and rich on your tongue. “So, what do they say?”

“That you’ll have to suffer through seven years of bad sex. But that’s basically the same, isn’t it?” He raised his glass to his lips again but then halted in his movement. “Then again, I guess bad sex isn’t really something you have to worry about. You’re in good hands after all.”

He winked at you, a smug smile on his lips. You hated it so much. You wanted to kiss it right off his face.

It didn’t take long for the two of you to land in his bedroom, your stained shirt discarded somewhere along the way, your bodies sinking onto his mattress. At this point everything about this felt so familiar; you’d been in this bed countless times already, had been embraced by these arms and touched by these hands.

Hyunggu went slow. His every move was full of intent and you suddenly realized that you weren’t the only one who’d gotten familiar with all of this. He’d explored every inch of your body a zillion times and had taken the time to remember your reactions. He’d gotten to know you.

He was right, your body was in good hands, even if your heart wasn’t.

Hyunggu had his eyes closed, but you knew he wasn’t asleep. You were laying on his chest, absentmindedly tracing the tattoo on his collar bone. Your fingers almost automatically followed the fragile branches spanning his skin and you didn’t even notice you were doing it until he chuckled softly.

He blinked one eye open to look at you. “Having fun?”

You quickly drew back your hand, feeling caught, but Hyunggu just hummed letting his eyes fall shut again.

“I don’t mind though,” he mumbled, his voice a little hoarse.

For a moment you did nothing, just watching his facial features. He looked at ease. Hesitantly, you reached out your hand again, your fingertips finding their way back to his warm skin.

“It’s pretty.”

He smiled. “Thank you.”

“Is there a meaning behind it?”

“Are you curious?”

“Maybe.”

Hyunggu opened his eyes again, looking at you with an unreadable expression. “That’s a first.”

“What do you mean?”

“That you’re curious about me. That you’re asking about me.”

Was it really? You couldn’t quite remember. Maybe you’d been too scared of showing your feelings to ever really ask him anything. You wondered what kind of impression it must have left on him. Of course, you didn’t want him to know you were in love with him. But you didn’t want him to think you didn’t like him at all either.

Before you could say anything in return though, your stomach started rumbling. Embarrassment washed over you and you tried to make it shut up by pure power of will but it wasn’t working.

Hyunggu laughed. It was the kind of laugh you adored so much, showing off his teeth and having his eyes almost closed.

“Maybe we should have dinner?” He asked, still a delightful glint in his expression.

He slipped into some clothes and then got out sweatpants and a shirt from his closet for you to wear. On his way out of the bedroom, he gathered your clothes from the floor to throw them into the washing machine.

After dressing yourself (and absolutely not breathing in the scent of his clothes like some maniac) you followed him out. You couldn’t spot him in the combined kitchen and living room, but the door to the bathroom was left ajar and the light was on.

You sat on the couch, your legs pulled up to your chest, waiting for him to come back.

“Wanna order something?” He yelled from the bathroom, some beeping noises in the background that you assumed belonged to the buttons of the washing machine.

“Sure.”

“Pizza?”

“Yeah, let’s do that.”

You heard the washing programme starting and seconds later Hyunggu came out of the bathroom, smiling when he spotted you on the couch. He sat down next to you, pulling out his phone to look up the options. Once he’d opened the menu, he inched even closer so you could take a look onto the small screen as well. It was stupid—you’d shared something way more intimate not even fifteen minutes ago. And yet, the way his shoulder was touching yours made you feel giddy.

Hyunggu turned on some music to run in the background while you waited for your food to arrive. He easily made conversation, talking about this and that, as if you were just two friends hanging out and not whatever else you actually were.

Once the food arrived, he got the rest of the wine and your glasses from the kitchen counter. It felt like a bit of an odd combination to drink his fancy wine with pizza slices that you ate directly from the box, but you kinda liked it. You couldn’t quite place it but there was just something about that moment, about sitting on his couch having cheap delivery and expensive wine and talking about everything and nothing at all—it made your chest feel warm and content.

“Here, try some of mine,” Hyunggu said after a while, putting a slice of his pizza into your box.

“You don’t have to.”

“But I want to.” He grinned. “Now, let me have some of yours too.”

“So that’s what you were after from the start?”

He looked at you with big eyes and a playful pout. “But sharing is caring?”

“Fine.” With a chuckle, you picked up one of your pizza slices to place it in his box. But when you looked up again, he was leaning in, his eyes closed and his mouth opened wide. You hated how cute he looked. You almost wanted to take a picture.

You pulled yourself together though, holding out the pizza for him to take a bite. He munched on it gleefully, looking utterly satisfied. It was really bad for your heart.

When you were done eating, the washing program had finished too, so Hyunggu went to put the clothes into the tumble dryer. Once he returned, he set aside the empty pizza boxes and poured each of you another glass of wine. You were starting to feel the buzz, but it was a pleasant feeling. You leaned your head against the back of the couch, watching him move. He was really gorgeous with his soft hair and slender hands and—

“You’re really that handsome, huh? But I guess you know that,” you mumbled, more to yourself than to him.

He turned his head to you, something between amusement and confusion on his face. “Are you drunk, y/n?”

“Maybe a little tipsy.” You giggled, suddenly recalling that first night at that party. “But I know a pretty thing when I see one.”

It seemed to take him a second to grasp what you were doing, but when he did he shook his head in feigned disbelief. “Are you making fun of me?”

“I would never.”

He set the wine bottle aside and moved closer to you, resting one hand against the back of the sofa to cage you in. A teasing grin was playing on his lips. “Careful, y/n, you’re skating on thin ice.”

Your heart was beating like crazy in your chest, and yet you couldn’t suppress another giggle. “Am I?”

“Very much.” His gaze flickered to your lips before it returned to your eyes. You were suddenly painfully aware again that he’d never kissed you, not after that first night together, not on your lips. But god, you wanted him to. You wanted it so badly.

Without thinking you rushed in, closing the gap, your hands instinctively finding their way around his neck. You didn’t waste another thought on hiding your feelings or whatever you’d been worried about all this time. You needed this. You kissed him as if you were starved, barely able to catch a breath in between. But he didn’t push you away. Instead he cupped your face with his free hand, pulling you even closer, as if he’d needed this just as much.

When you finally parted, you felt breathless. You looked into his dark eyes, searching for something but you weren’t quite sure what. He seemed just as disheveled as you, but he caught himself quickly, pushing back the messy strands of hair that were falling into his forehead and exchanging his surprised expression for a smirk.

“Didn’t see that coming.”

You felt unsure. Had you misinterpreted his gaze and overstepped after all? But he reciprocated, didn’t he?

“Really?” You asked, trying not to sound shaken up.

He shrugged. “I just thought you’d rather not kiss.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I suppose for the same reason you preferred to go home at night. Keeping things strictly business?”

He tried to make it sound like a casual joke and yet it somehow irked you. You knew well what kind of arrangement this was and that you were being overly sensitive, but calling it business just hurt.

Your discontent must have been visible on your face, because Hyunggu’s expression immediately softened. He cupped your cheeks with both hands and smiled comfortingly. “Hey, I didn’t mean it like that. I thought—I thought that’s how you see it.”

“Still,” you mumbled, avoiding his gaze. “Don’t say it like that.”

“Yeah,” he hugged you against his chest, caressing your hair. “I’m sorry.”

He let himself sink back into the couch pillows, pulling you with him to rest your head in the crook of his neck. For a while you laid there just like that, nestled up against each other. His embrace felt warm and comforting and bitter sweet, because you knew you’d eventually have to let go. Except for the sound of his breathing and the steady tumbling of the laundry dryer it was silent. Just a little longer, you kept telling yourself but you weren’t sure for how much longer you were allowed. You were lying in his arms, but you already missed him.

Eventually, the steady rhythm of the laundry dryer stopped and you heard the faint beeping noise telling you the programme had finished. Maybe this was the moment to go? It was already late anyway, wasn’t it?

You lifted your head to look at him. At the movement, he opened his eyes.

“The laundry’s done,” you whispered.

“Yeah.”

“Should I leave?”

He eyed you for a moment. “Do you want to?”

No. But was it okay to say that?

You swallowed. “I don’t know.”

“Then I guess you’ll have to stay until you make up your mind.”

“You make it sound so easy.”

He let his eyelids close again. “Because it is.”

You weren’t so sure about that, but you didn’t argue. Instead you tugged your face into the crook of his neck again, taking in his scent and listening to the sound of his breathing.

At some point you must have fallen asleep, because you woke up to the pattering of raindrops against the windows. It had gotten colder or maybe the warmth that had come with the slight buzz of the wine had just worn off. You snuggled closer to Hyunggu, trying to get some of his warmth.

You’d thought that he was asleep too, but when you moved he pulled you in more, his hands running over your arms to keep you warm.

“Are you cold?”

“Mhm.” You nodded.

“Let’s go to bed?”

He’d invited you to his bed before, but never like this. Not without expectations. There was no other meaning to that question, no hidden intention in his voice. It almost scared you a little.

Still, you nodded and reluctantly got up. You stood by the couch and waited awkwardly while Hyunggu turned off the lights in the living room. Of course you knew your way around his flat, but just going to his bedroom by yourself made you feel self conscious. Probably noticing your awkward behavior, Hyunggu took your hand and gently pulled you with him. He got into his bed and opened his arms for you, as if it was a given that you’d settle into his embrace. You did. Hyunggu pulled up the blanket around both of you and rested his chin on the crown of your hair.

“Sleep well, y/n.”

“You too.”

You’d woken up in Hyunggu’s arms so often by now, you'd almost gotten used to it. Almost. Somehow, despite the familiarity it still had the butterflies in your stomach acting up.

Hyunggu was still asleep beside you, his arm wrapped around your waist. You reached for your phone on the nightstand, careful not to wake him up in the process. There were some messages from Hongseok and then a bunch of notifications in the group chat, from messages about when and where to meet up, to the one or the other sent in the middle of the night, when the party had already been in full swing. The Valentine’s party. Somehow it sunk in now, that you’d basically spent the whole day with Hyunggu. Instead of going to that party he went to every year, he’d met up with you. On Valentine’s day. Sure, you supposed it had been convenient for him. Why go to a party and find someone to hook up with, when he already had someone at his every beck and call? But you didn’t just have sex. You had spent the day together, drinking wine, having dinner, talking, cuddling… Was this all still part of that whole friends with benefits arrangement? Or was it more? Or was Hyunggu just somehow trying to keep the friends part of it alive as well? You weren’t sure. You didn’t dare to hope for more and yet every time you met him, you were left more confused than before.

To distract yourself, you opened the messages from Hongseok. He’d sent them around midnight and you wondered if he’d been drunk.

The party is fun :) It’s sad that you couldn’t make it :)

And then, like an hour later:

it’D be more fun wit hyou here

You had to chuckle to yourself. He’d surely feel embarrassed about these when he’d wake up today.

Just when you were thinking about what to reply to Hongseok, Hyunggu stirred awake.

“Did we miss anything?” He asked, when he spotted the phone in your hand.

You shrugged. “Seems they had a good time yesterday. Wooseok and Yuto went too actually. And apparently Changgu got lost in between, but Shinwon found him later comforting some girl that got cheated on or something—I think we should ask them in person next time.”

Hyunggu chuckled at your brief summary of what you’ve picked up on from the messages in the groupchat. “Maybe we should.”

He nuzzled into your neck while you started typing out a message.

“Are you replying to them?”

“Hm? Ah, no, I’m texting Hongseok.”

You weren’t sure if it was your imagination, but you thought you felt him tense up a little.

“What’s he saying?”

“He just said it was fun and that it was a pity I didn’t go.”

“What about you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think it’s a pity?”

You would have expected him to have a smirk on his lips, but when you turned to face him you were met with an oddly serious gaze.

“No,” you answered genuinely, feeling that it wasn’t the right time to tease him.

A small smile tugged at his lips. “No?”

“No.” You paused for a moment. “And you?”

His smile grew wider now. “Not at all.”

He brushed his nose against the skin below your ear. “In fact, I enjoyed yesterday so much, I wouldn’t mind continuing.”

His breath felt ticklish, making you giggle. “Is that so?”

“Mhm.” He left kisses on your skin while his hands found the way to your hips, thumbs brushing over the bare skin under the hem of your (his) shirt. “Doesn’t that sound like a really good idea?”

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Yeah,” he hummed. “We’ve established that before. And that you like it, too.”

“I wish I didn’t,” you replied, maybe drawing just a little too close to the truth.

You felt his laugh against your skin. “Well, I’m glad you do.”

He pushed up the fabric of your shirt, exposing your skin just to cover it with bites and kisses a second later. Your fingers latched onto his hair, like they’d done so many times before, burying themselves in the dark strands. When one of his hands dipped under the waistband of the sweatpants you were wearing, you couldn’t suppress the gasp escaping your throat. Your fingers instinctively tightened their grip on his hair, earning you a satisfied hum.

“I like when you wear my clothes,” he whispered into your skin, a smug grin on his lips. “But let’s get these off, hm?”

You still hadn’t left his bed at noon, your head tucked into his neck while you were bathing in the afterglow.

“It’s getting late, isn’t it?” You mumbled after a while, no real intention behind the question.

“I guess so.”

“Maybe we should get up?”

“Maybe.”

“Can I borrow your shower?”

“Depends,” he grinned teasingly. “Can I join you?”

You shook your head with a chuckle. “Are you never satisfied?”

“Is that a no?”

“I’m tired. Maybe another time.”

“Hm,” he hummed in reply, no trace of disappointment in his voice. “We can also take a bath instead?”

You propped yourself up to look at him properly, searching his eyes for any kind of mischief. “No hidden intentions?”

“Nah.” He shook his head. “Unless having an excuse to use that lavender bath salt I got recently falls under hidden intentions.”

You examined him a second longer, not quite sure if you could trust his words but then you nodded. “Okay.”

He smiled. “Okay.”

He told you to wait while he slipped out of bed and ran the bath. You weren’t left to your own devices for long though; Hyunggu soon returned humming happily. He wrapped you into a fuzzy white bathrobe that you’d spotted in his bathroom before, and pushed you through the door.

The bathroom smelled like lavender and chamomile and steam was rising up from the tub. Hyunggu had turned on some soft jazz mix that was coming out of the little speaker he’d set onto his washing machine. You couldn’t help but chuckle at his choice of music.

“You’re such a snob, you know that, right?”

He didn’t seem offended at all. “It’s called creating ambience.”

You slipped out of the bathrobe and into the warm water. You didn’t give your body the time to adjust to the temperature before you sat down, in order to feel a little less exposed. The heat pricked at your skin, but it was bearable. Hyunggu took off his clothes too and you pulled your legs closer to your chest to make space for him. Instead of sitting across from you though, he got in behind you. His arms found your shoulders and pushed them back gently, making you rest against his chest.

You closed your eyes, letting the warm water relax your tired limbs. You’d made fun of his music earlier, but the calming melodies honestly weren’t so bad.

“This is nice,” you commented after a while.

Hyunggu chuckled and you felt the vibration against your back. “Taking a bath?”

“That too. But I meant the music.”

“And here you were calling me a snob not even ten minutes ago.” He didn’t actually sound annoyed with you.

“My apologies.”

“It’s one of my favorite artists. The song before was his too.”

“Mhm, I can see why you like him. His music is good.”

For a moment you just listened to the soft tunes before Hyunggu spoke up again.

“He’ll actually have a concert here soon.”

“Oh, are you going?”

“I was planning to.”

You could picture Hyunggu at that concert so well, getting lost in the music and probably rambling on and on about how inspiring it was afterwards. Just thinking about it made you feel a little jealous of whoever would get to see that side of him.

It got quiet again, but then Hyunggu broke the silence once more. His voice sounded just a little tense when he did. “You can come along?”

“Huh?”

“You said you liked the music. So I thought maybe you’d want to come along?”

“I—,” you swallowed, a little overwhelmed and surprised by the sudden invitation. “Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

He hummed in reply, and you thought you heard a smile in his voice. “Cool.”

During lunch on Monday, the other’s filled you in on the party shenanigans and it sounded like they really did have a lot of fun. For a brief moment you wondered if you should have gone after all, but then you remembered where you’d been instead and discarded the thought. No matter how fun it'd been, could it really have been better than waking up with Hyunggu? You had your doubts.

“Kinda interesting though,” Changgu said after a while, his gaze wandering between you and Hyunggu conspiratorially. “That neither of you showed at the party. If I didn’t know better, I could have almost thought the two of you had been on a Valentine’s date.”

You felt your breath get stuck in your throat, trying to cram out some believable excuse, but your mind was wiped blank. In your panic, your gaze shot over to Hyunggu, sending out a silent cry for help, but he didn’t seem as worried.

Just when you wanted to say something after all, Changgu broke out laughing. “Seriously, that’d be such a funny turn of events. Jokes aside though, it’s a pity you didn’t come.”

“Yeah,” you chuckled awkwardly. “Seems like we really missed out.”

You thought you felt someone’s gaze on you, but you ignored it, grateful when the topic was changed and you were out of the woods.

When you walked across the campus to get to your next lecture after lunch, Hongseok came jogging up next to you.

“Y/n.”

“Oh, you also go this way? Sorry I didn’t know, I would have waited up on you.”

“Don’t worry about it.” He smiled, but it quickly disappeared, replaced by a thoughtful frown. “I probably shouldn’t ask this but uhm—Changgu was right, wasn’t he?”

“What do you mean?”

“The reason you missed the party.”

You forced out a laugh, ready to wave him off but when you saw the way he looked at you with so much sincerity, you couldn’t bring yourself to lie.

“Please don’t tell anyone.”

It was clear he’d expected to be right, but he still seemed a little disappointed. “I wouldn’t. But—are you dating?”

You avoided his gaze. The question hurt. You’d been in a good mood all morning, almost like you were walking on clouds. The weekend had been pretty close to perfect after all, letting you dwell on delusions of love and romance. Now you were suddenly confronted with reality again. The reality where you could fall asleep and wake up and take a bath with Hyunggu all you wanted, but none of that meant anything. Because at the end of the day you weren’t dating. He wasn’t in love with you.

You felt something akin to shame bubble up inside of you when you replied. “It’s a little more complicated than that.”

Hongseok nodded slowly. “I see. Just—don’t get hurt.”

When you met his eyes then, there was something consoling in them and it made your heart feel heavy. You knew he meant it. “Thank you.”

“Yeah.” He awkwardly patted your upper arm, before nodding towards one of the buildings on campus. “My class is over there so I’ll get going. See you around?”

“See you around.”

Hongseok’s words kept circling in your mind like a constant warning. It was already too late for that though. You should have never agreed to any of this, but it wasn’t like you could just undo it. You were already in this mess, having left behind every border you’d ever created. And now that you knew what it felt like to have Hyunggu this close, you couldn’t bring yourself to create distance again.

Yet, the odd feeling in your stomach wouldn’t leave. It was one thing to know yourself, that you were setting yourself up to get your heart broken. It was different to have someone else tell you.

It was still there on the day of the concert. You pushed it aside as best as you could, focusing on getting ready instead. You kept yourself busy, changing your outfit about a zillion times, just to go back to your first choice in the end. You’d never been to a jazz concert before so you were just hoping that you weren’t over- nor underdressed. Before you had the time to worry your head about it more, you received a text from Hyunggu, telling you that he was waiting for you downstairs.

He was sitting in his car, scrolling through his phone. When you opened the passenger door he looked up at you with a dazzling smile, nudging the black framed glasses on his nose into place.

“Hey, y/n.”

“Hey.” You let yourself fall into the passenger’s seat.

“You look good.” He started the engine of his car, turning his head to look out the rear window while he backed out of the parking lot.

You swallowed, reminding yourself not to get into your head about this. “Right back at you.”

He huffed a laugh. “Thanks.”

The ride to the venue was relaxed, soft music coming from the speakers that Hyunggu couldn’t help but hum along to. Whenever he stopped at a redlight he started doing tiny little dance moves in his seat, glancing over to you to prompt you to follow along. It was impossible to resist him, when he was looking at you like that, so you let yourself be swept along with a giggle. Momentarily you forgot all about your worries, allowing yourself to just indulge in the moment and feel happy.

The concert was in a small brick-lined hall, maybe an old factory building. It was dimly illuminated by old-fashioned light bulbs and decked out with small round tables and mismatched wooden chairs.

Hyunggu pulled you along to a table close to the stage, before getting drinks for both of you. He’d asked if you wanted wine, but since he wasn’t going to drink himself you would have felt weird. So, instead he soon returned with two glasses of ice tea, prettily arranged with mint leaves and lemon slices.

The two of you talked a little, but as soon as the artist appeared, you got quiet, focusing on the stage. Or at least Hyunggu was focusing on the stage. You couldn’t help yourself, your gaze kept wandering over to him. He got so immersed in the music, watching the performance in awe and swaying along to the melodies. It was exactly what you’d pictured, but at the same time it was so much more. The music was good and you enjoyed the concert, but what you enjoyed most was being able to see Hyunggu like this.

On the way back to his car, Hyunggu was bubbling with energy, cheerfully rambling about how good the concert was. He kept gesturing as he talked, turning around to you excitedly in between. He seemed so happy and content and getting to witness that made your heart feel so full, you wouldn’t have been surprised if it’d just bursted.

He was still talking on the ride, but you didn’t mind. You liked to hear him point out small details that had completely gone past you. Time seemed to be rushing by and before you knew it you were suddenly in the parking lot in front of your apartment complex. Somehow you felt disappointed. You hadn’t really talked about anything beforehand, but a part of you had just assumed he’d take you back to his place. But of course, this hadn’t been a date nor were you here as his friend with benefits either. Just as a friend.

You sat in the passenger seat, not moving. Your eyes were fixed on the dark street outside the windshield. You knew it was time to get up and leave. Thank him for the nice evening and tell him you’d see him at lunch or something.

But you didn’t want to go.

“Everything okay?” Hyunggu asked eventually. You felt his gaze on you.

“Yeah, just—Do you maybe—,” You cleared your throat before you turned around to face him. “Do you want to come in for a bit?”

Hyunggu looked genuinely surprised at your proposition and you were so close to take it back, tell him to forget about it all and flee the scene.

“Are you sure?” He asked, interrupting your thoughts of escaping. His eyes were searching your face, as if to figure out if you really meant it.

“Yeah.”

“Okay.”

The way up to your apartment was oddly quiet. You’d always been nervous about being with Hyunggu, but somehow this was different. You didn’t just invite anyone into your home. And you’d made that rule for yourself not to invite Hyunggu specifically. Yet, you were leading him up the stairwells to your tiny, chaotic studio apartment.

Your hand was trembling when you typed in the code to unlock your door. You got it wrong twice, causing the lock to make a small buzzing noise and blink in red, which did nothing to ease your nerves.

“Sorry,” you mumbled, laughing awkwardly. “Don’t know what’s wrong with me today.”

“Don’t worry,” Hyunggu’s voice was gentle. If he’d noticed your shaking hands he didn’t say anything. “Take your time.”

The door finally unlocked on the third attempt and you stepped inside. You didn’t mind the way you lived all that much, but somehow showing your home to Hyunggu made you feel vulnerable. It wasn’t as big and neat as his apartment and you wondered what he’d think about it. You were overcome with the urge to apologize for it, the size, the mess, everything. But when you turned around to Hyunggu, he was looking around in wonder, a small smile on his lips.

“I like your flat.”

“Huh?”

He hummed. “It feels really you.”

“Thank you.”

“No,” he grinned, his eyes settling on you instead. “Thank you for inviting me.”

Heat rose to your cheeks and you quickly looked away. “Do you uhm—do you want to have some wine? I think I still have some…”

“Are you sure you’re okay with me drinking?”

You turned to him in confusion. He stepped a little closer, invading your personal space.

“You know—” He let his fingers ghost over your jaw. “I won’t be able to drive back tonight if I drink now. Are you okay with that?”

You swallowed. Your mouth felt impossibly dry. “Yeah,” you choked out. “That’s fine.”

Hyunggu smiled, leaning in even closer until his lips brushed against your temple. “I’d love some wine then.”

With hasty movements you stumbled to your small kitchenette, getting the bottle of wine and two glasses from the cupboard. Hyunggu watched you in silent amusement and you were overly aware of his eyes on you.

You fumbled with the corkscrew but somehow things wouldn’t go your way. It kept slipping and with every second you grew more nervous about all of this. How stupid, really. You’d been with Hyunggu so often already, so why couldn’t you calm down now?

You suddenly felt him step behind you, his fingers wrapping around yours to stop your clumsy movements.

“Let me?” He gently took the bottle and the corkscrew out of your hands. “How about you turn on some music in the meantime, hm?”

His voice was so close to your ear, it sent shivers down your spine. You nodded, letting him handle the wine while you got out your speaker and turned on a playlist you thought Hyunggu would enjoy.

Unlike you, Hyunggu didn’t struggle to uncork the bottle and smoothly poured both of you wine.

“There you go.” He handed you one of the glasses before holding out his own for a toast. His dark eyes on you made you want to look away, but you didn’t. Instead, you held his gaze as you clinked your glasses together and took a sip of the red liquid.

“Not avoiding eye contact this time, I see?”

You shrugged, trying not to sound too nervous. “Didn’t want to risk anything after what you said last time.”

“Very wise.” He cocked his head, stepping a little closer.

He raised his glass to take another sip of his wine and your eyes automatically followed the movement. You couldn’t tear your gaze away, even when he lowered his glass again, his tongue darting out to lick at the corner of his lips.

Hyunggu grinned when he noticed your stare. “You offered the wine, but why do I feel like you’d rather skip the drinks?”

Feeling caught, you quickly looked away and took a big sip from your glass. You might have been a little too hasty though, choking on the wine and coughing awkwardly.

“Hey, take it slow.” With a smooth movement, Hyunggu took your glass away and set both drinks onto the kitchen counter. He cupped your face, his eyes on your lips as his thumb brushed over them. “We have all night, don’t we?”

You felt like choking all over again.

“Yeah.” Your gaze wandered to his mouth. You leaned in a little, thinking Hyunggu would close the gap between the two of you. When he didn’t you pulled back again, looking up to his eyes with uncertainty. Hyunggu let out a small chuckle, clearly amused by your shakiness.

You frowned. “Don’t tease—”

Before you could finish your sentence, Hyunggu pulled you in, brushing his lips against yours softly before he deepened the kiss. It was all you could do to melt into him, your hands clinging onto the fabric of his shirt.

He grinned, briefly breaking the kiss. “Eager, aren’t we?”

“Shut up.”

Hyunggu laughed, slowly walking you backwards until you stumbled into the edge of your bed and fell onto the mattress.

“Make me.” He raised his eyebrows, a challenging gleam in his eyes.

You hesitated for a second, just looking at him. But then you reached out, grabbing the collar of his shirt to pull him down with you and crushing your lips together.

Having Hyunggu in your bed was weird. It didn’t feel real to have him there, his head resting on your pillows. You couldn’t stop staring at him, trying to ingrain this moment into your memories.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“No, nothing.”

“Hm,” he smiled. “Thank you for today.”

“Since when are we saying thank you?”

Hyunggu laughed, shaking his head. “Not for that. Though,” he threw you a cheeky wink, “I’m grateful for that too.”

He inched a little closer, his nose lightly brushing yours. “I meant the concert. Thank you for coming to the concert with me.”

“No. Thank you for taking me.” You halted for a moment, wondering if you were overstepping, but then you continued anyway. “We should do these kinds of things more often.”

“So, concerts are okay, but movies aren’t?” His voice sounded teasing, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that there was a little hurt in there too.

“Maybe I was wrong.”

“Mhm,” his lips ghosted over yours. “I think so too.”

You just cuddled for a while, your lips coming together in lazy kisses from time to time, your legs intertwined under the blankets.

“You think I could borrow your shower?” He eventually broke the silence.

“Uh—I mean sure—”

He examined you for a moment, clearly questioning your evasive reply. “Am I overstaying my welcome?”

“No, it’s not that,” you shook your head. “My shower is just a bit uh, quirky? So, it can be tricky to get it to work I guess.”

He chuckled. “You can just come along and show me?”

“I think you’re thinking my shower is bigger than it is.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m sure we can figure something out.”

Surprisingly enough, you did manage to squeeze into your tiny shower booth together. You fumbled with your showerhead the way you always did, accidentally drenching both of you in ice cold water along the way, but you eventually got it to work. You’d been so overly aware of how shabby your bathroom and your whole apartment was in comparison to the flat Hyunggu lived in, yet he didn’t seem to mind it at all. He simply laughed in amusement when the cold water hit his skin and it made you ease up too.

You’d never hated your apartment, but now that Hyunggu was there with you, you felt like you genuinely liked it for once, broken faucet and all.

Your elbows kept bumping into the walls with every move you made and you couldn’t stop yourselves from giggling everytime it happened.

“Here, let me,” Hyunggu said with a gleeful smile when you reached for the shampoo bottle.

He squeezed some into his hand and started massaging it into your scalp. When he was done, he moved to squeeze out some more for himself, but you took the bottle back before he could.

“Let me,” you echoed his words with a grin, reaching up to do the same for him.

He watched you with a fond expression, while your fingers buried themselves in his wet hair.

“Don’t make that face,” you complained, self-consciously averting your gaze.

“What face?”

Like you’re about to kiss me, you thought. “I don’t know,” you said.

“Is this better?”

“What?”

The second your eyes met his again, he leaned in, closing the gap to kiss you. His arms found your waist, holding you steady, while your own hands wandered from his hair to the back of his neck. You kissed him over and over again, until you started to feel cold, goosebumps forming on your skin, and even then you kept kissing him some more.

“Maybe,” you whispered breathlessly once you finally parted, “Maybe we should get washed up.”

An equally breathless chuckle slipped past his lips. “Yeah.”

“Why didn’t you tell me anything about the movie date?” Your best friend was looking at you with a pout, before taking a giant bite of her sandwich.

The two of you were sitting on the stairs outside the cafeteria. It was fairly warm today, and if you didn’t know better you would have thought it was already April or May and not the end of February.

“There simply wasn’t much to say?” You supplied with a shrug.

“How could that be? You were getting along so well at the dinner and then even went on a date and then you suddenly never talked about him again? Did something happen?”

“No, nothing happened.”

“So you don’t like him?”

“I don’t know,” you took a sip from your smoothie. “I mean, I like him, but not—”

“What are you talking about?” Changgu suddenly interrupted, before he sat down next to your friend. The others were coming over too, Shinwon and Hongseok trailing a little behind as they were immersed in a conversation.

Her gaze briefly wandered over to Hongseok, before she shook her head. “Nothing much.”

“Doesn’t sound very convincing,” Hyunggu suddenly chimed in, plopping onto the stairs next to you.

Without asking he leaned in to steal a sip from your smoothie, only grinning sheepishly when you pushed him away.

Changgu watched the scene with a raised eyebrow. “Have you always been this close?”

“We’re not!” you hastily declared, the same moment Hyunggu replied with a simple “Yeah.”

You threw him a warning glance but he just tilted his head. “Are we not?”

“I mean—,” you swallowed. “I guess?”

Instead of a reply, Hyunggu smiled and lightly nudged you in the side before stealing yet another sip from your smoothie.

When you said your goodbyes a little later to get to your lecture, Hyunggu naturally stood up as well, sauntering next to you, his bag casually slung over his shoulder.

“Wanna meet later?”

You turned to look at him but didn’t stop walking. “Today?”

He chuckled. “Yeah. Later today.”

“Uh, it’d be kinda late though?”

“I don’t mind. How late is late?”

“Not sure. I mean I have my last class in the evening and then I’d still have to eat too…”

“We could eat together?”

You looked at him in disbelief for a second. “Are you sure?”

“We could cook something. I can get groceries beforehand and then come pick you up. Why not?”

Because that sounds like a date.

“Uh, yeah, okay.”

“At your place?”

You raised an eyebrow. “My place? To cook? Really?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t even have a proper kitchen, Hyunggu. The stove is literally in my bedroom.”

Hyunggu shrugged. “It’s cozy.”

You nodded slowly, not really understanding why he’d willingly come to your place when his place was just objectively better. “Okay then.”

“Perfect.” He beamed at you, before he turned to leave. “I’ll be off then. See you tonight!”

As promised, Hyunggu picked you up later that night. It was already dark but you still spotted his car easily in the lot. You supposed after all these times you rode with him, it wasn’t really that surprising. On the way to your flat he asked you about how classes went and you rambled a bit about it. He hummed from time to time to indicate that he was listening, asking small questions in between. He told you about his day too, said he’d looked up a pasta recipe to cook tonight.

“I bought wine too.” He threw you a quick glance, before he focused back on the road. “But no worries if you’d rather not drink, it’s a weekday after all. Just thought it’d go well with the dish.”

“No, wine sounds good.”

His eyes scrunched up in a smile. “Great.”

Cooking by yourself already posed a challenge with your tiny kitchenette. But cooking with two people felt close to impossible. You were standing at the stove, heating up the water for the pasta while Hyunggu was standing right next to you, chopping vegetables on your tiny countertop. His arm kept lightly bumping into you as he moved and you almost wondered if he did it on purpose.

“Stop that,” you eventually giggled, nudging him.

“Don’t know what you mean.” He grinned, scooting a little closer.

“C’mon, you know exactly what I mean.”

“Nope. I’m not doing anything,” He inched closer again, his shoulder pressed up against yours “There’s just no space here.”

“Hyunggu, please, the stove is on.” you scolded, but there was no bite to it and you couldn’t keep yourself from smiling. “It’s dangerous.”

He glanced over to the pot, steam rising up from it already. “You’re right. We should get you out of the danger zone then.” He grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the stove and onto his other side, barely an inch separating the two of you. Your breath hitched in your throat, a feeling of anticipation spreading in your stomach.

“Better?” He pressed a brief kiss on your nose and turned back to his vegetables, leaving you in the lurch, waiting for nothing.

Once dinner was done, you sat down at your tiny kitchen table that barely had enough space to fit both your plates and glasses. Your knees bumped into his under the table, but neither of you really minded. The pasta was way better than you expected considering the chaotic cooking process and Hyunggu was right, the wine fitted well. Still, you couldn’t focus on the food that well, and for once it wasn’t Hyunggu’s doing.

“You can take a look, you know? I don’t mind,” he eventually suggested when your phone vibrated for the nth time with a text message.

You smiled apologetically before quickly checking your texts—just to be confronted with a zillion messages from your best friend, who seemingly wasn’t done with the conversation from this noon yet. You let out a sigh before muting your phone and setting it aside.

“Everything okay?” Hyunggu looked at you, worry visible in his eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s all good just—,” you sighed again. “She’s really hung up on the idea of me and Hongseok and keeps asking me about whether I’ll go on another date with him and stuff.”

Hyunggu suddenly looked a little tense. “Will you? Go on another date with him?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t.”

“What?”

Hyunggu wasn’t averting his eyes and you couldn’t quite read his gaze. “Don’t go on another date with him.”

“I—I won’t.”

“Really?” There was something like relief in his voice.

“No.”

“Why not?”

An awkward laugh slipped past your lips. “Does it matter?”

“It matters.” Hyunggu eyed you earnestly.

You couldn’t hold his gaze, staring onto your plate instead. “I just don’t see him that way...”

“Is there—Is there no other reason? At all?”

“What about you then? Why do you care about this so much?”

When you timidly met his gaze then, he almost looked hurt. “Do you really not know?”

“I don’t.”

“I just—I just can’t bear the thought of you with someone else.”

Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you knew what he was implying. But you couldn’t wrap your head around it. It simply couldn’t be true. You were …you. And he was everything.

“Why?” The question came out so breathlessly it was barely audible.

A bitter chuckle escaped Hyunggu’s throat. “You really need me to say it?”

You nodded.

He sighed, shaking his head lightly. “Remember what you said when we started all this? The one who falls in love first loses? I lost, y/n. I lost.”

“No,” you laughed, more out of disbelief than anything else. “How could you—how?”

“How couldn’t I?”

“You’re lying,” you croaked out.

“Do you want me to be lying?”

No. More than anything you wanted it to be true. But it just seemed impossible. Your chest felt so tight, you were barely able to breathe. Tears were welling up in your eyes and you weren’t even sure why. Somehow everything was just a little too much.

“But you—Are you sure?” your voice sounded choked up. “I’m just me.”

“Mhm,” a soft smile spread on his lips. “I’m well aware.”

“That doesn’t make sense.”

“It makes perfect sense to me, though.”

You shook your head, unable to really comprehend this whole situation. A few tears had slipped away, running down your cheeks and you wiped at them with the sleeve of your sweater.

“Hey,” Hyunggu left his chair to crouch down in front of you and take your hands in his. “Don’t cry, hm?”

He reached up, his thumb softly brushing away the tears. “It’s okay.”

For a moment it got quiet between the two of you, and he just sat there looking at you, holding on to you.

“You mean it, right?” You interrupted the silence after a while, followed by a small sniff.

Hyunggu smiled. “Yeah, I mean it.”

“Really?”

“Really.” He tilted his head. “So, what do you think?”

“Huh?”

“Do you want to date? Like, seriously date?”

You stared at him, caught off guard with the question. In your emotional tumult it had somehow not occurred to you, that you were supposed to have an opinion on all of this.

When you stayed silent, something like insecurity flashed through his eyes. “Is that a no?”

You shook your head, slowly at first before the movement got more hasty. “No.” You swallowed. “It’s not a no.”

“So it’s a yes?”

“Yes.”

Hyunggu smiled at you and there was so much glee in his eyes it made your heart feel like it could burst any moment.

His joy was infectious, making a big smile spread on your lips as well, as he got up and pulled you to your feet and right into his arms. He hugged you tightly, slowly swaying both of you from side to side.

“Somehow, I’m just really happy,” he mumbled into your hair.

You wrapped your arms around him and breathed in his scent. “Yeah. Me too.”

You laid in his arms later that night. His warm eyes were on you, like they’d been all evening. As if he simply couldn’t stop looking at you.

“You know, maybe losing isn’t so bad,” he whispered, his hand tracing over your temple. “If I get to have this.”

A smile spread on your lips. “Do you want me to let you in on a secret?”

“Hm?”

“I had already lost long before the game even started.”

“Eh?” Surprise flashed over his face. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah.”

He grinned before he leaned in, his lips brushing over yours. “I like these kinds of secrets.”

Masterlist

#it's done it's done it's done can you believe #not chaptered bc i felt it didn't fit the flow of the story so i apologize to everyone who has to deal with this long af post now #kino x reader #hyunggu x reader #pentagon x reader #pentagon scenarios #pentagon imagines #pentagon headcanons #pentagon reactions #kino fluff #hyunggu fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop reactions #kpop headcanons #pentagon #pentagon drabble #pentagon fic #kebbis.writing

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